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( music playing )
Excuse me.
Is this seat taken?
Um, it is now.
Please make yourself comfortable.
Thanks. My feet are killing me.
I think it's these shoes.
They do look good though, don't they?
Uh, can't argue with that.
Good. I like an agreeable man.
Whatever you say.
I'm Augustina.
Bill.
Can I buy you a drink?
Does a frog have a water tight ass?
Don't know, I've never checked.
Though I do appreciate that attribute in a woman.
It's your lucky day then.
Um, name your poison.
Sex on the beach.
Ooh, love it when you talk dirty.
Talk is cheap.
Wait a minute.
You're not a--
A lady of the night? Hardly.
Why would you think such a thing?
Well, no offense,
But a guy like me can be a target for dirty tricks.
I already told you I'm not a hooker.
A guy like me has to be cautious.
A guy like you being...?
A guy with enemies,
political enemies,
that are out to ruin and embarrass him at every turn.
I can't afford to let that happen.
Well, it is a doggy dog world.
What?
Doggy dog.
You know, everyone out for themselves.
That's dog eat dog.
Oh, must be a minor program glitch.
So, you're a politician then.
I'm running for governor, for Pete's sake.
Can't afford to be caught in a tryst with a prostitute --
sting operation or not.
How about you? What's your story?
I am what's known as a bikini model.
My favorite kind.
Um, let's get you that drink now.
Oh, I don't think that's necessary.
But what about the frog's ass stuff?
That was so 10 minutes ago. Let's blow this pop stand.
Okay.
Oh, yeah! Mmmm!
( music playing )
I'm what's known as
a bikini model.
Um, yeah, you said that already.
Doggy dog...Doggy dog... Doggy dog.
Doggy dog...
Doggy dog... Doggy dog...
( zapping )
Guess I should've asked her if she smoked after sex.
( static buzzing )
( door bell ringing )
Hi.
You're not the cable guy.
Um, no.
I'm Megan.
Joe Sixpack.
I can see that. And you are just the man that I want to speak to.
They got female Jehovah's Witnesses now?
I wouldn't know the answer to that.
I've been canvassing the neighborhood in support
of Senator Bushwacker's gubernatorial bid.
Bushwacker?
Isn't he running for governor?
You are correct.
Are you a registered voter?
Only thing I vote on is fantasy football.
Well,
perhaps if you knew more about Senator Bushwacker's positions.
He played football?
Uh, his policy positions.
You interested?
Sure, why not? Let's go out back.
I gotta wait for the cable guy anyhow.
Unlike the other candidates in this race,
Senator Bushwacker refuses to go negative.
I mean, he could point out that
Mayor Jefferson beats his wife,
and he's embezzled millions from the state treasury.
And Sterling, well, he got his law degree from a Crackerjack box.
And he has a hard drive filled with child pornography,
not to mention his involvement
in the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby --
but he won't.
Now, why should I believe any of that stuff?
Because it says it all right here in these talking points.
Ha, you got me there.
So, can the Senator count on your vote?
Not so fast.
What's in it for me?
Uh, higher wages?
I don't know.
I'm still on the fence.
Lower taxes.
You're getting warmer.
Hmm...
How about the government keeping its stinking hands off your Medicare?
That all sounds really, really good.
But I got a while before I have to worry about that last one.
Come on.
The choice is clear.
It's either the wife-beating embezzler,
the pedophile kidnapper who passes himself off as a lawyer,
or Senator G.W. Bushwacker,
a true American patriot.
Did I mention you can keep your guns?
I do like the sound of that.
There's just one more thing.
Yeah?
Can I have a look at your titties?
Will you vote for Bushwacker?
I will.
I promise.
Anything salvageable?
It's hard to say.
That was too close.
I take comfort only in the fact that Jefferson can't risk
telling what he knows without incriminating himself.
Even so, we can't afford another mishap.
Had I alerted the press of my opponents
extra-marital shenanigans,
my whole plot would have backfired.
Hoisted with your own petard, as they say.
I know you scientist guys
are all into that stuff,
but would you please spare me the nerdy
Star Trek references?
This is serious.
Oh, no doubt, G.W.
But our situation would be far more precarious
had I not spotted the malfunction in time
to circumvent your notifying the reporters.
True enough.
But it was you who assured me
these so-called bikini models
would work in the first place.
Binary installation and kinetic integration of nascent intelligence
is a delicate proposition.
It wasn't I that cut short
research and development...
for the sake of rushing
my first bikini model into production.
Augustina was only an early prototype,
in sore need of fine tuning.
Rihanna may share the same defect.
I warned you this could happen.
Yeah, yeah, so how do we fix it?
And by "we," I mean you.
Artificial intelligence on this scale requires complex synergy.
I'll start by increasing the systemic memory.
But the cumulative domino effect is not something
I can predict with a high degree of certainty.
Give it to me in English, Doc.
I'll fix our remaining bikini model,
but there may be unknown risks involved.
I'll take my chances.
This election is too important to me.
Has it ever occurred to you to try to win on your own merits?
( sighing )
I am trying to win on my own merits.
Show me a better liar cheat...
and I'll concede right now.
But with the millions you're paying me,
wouldn't be easier just to hire
a flesh and blood human to entrap your enemies?
We've been over this material before, doctor.
Real girls can't be trusted.
What's to stop one of them from running to the tabloids
and ratting me out for an even bigger pay day?
At least we can control your robots.
Woman: It was so humiliating.
I could barely even look at myself
in the mirror afterward.
It's okay, baby. You did what you had to.
The important thing is getting
Senator Bushwacker elected.
What does that have to do with the election?
I am talking about my most recent post
on Facebook only getting six likes.
The shot of you in the white and gold dress?
- It was black and blue. - Whatever.
So, popping your top for that pervert didn't upset you at all?
Country first, babe. It was my patriotic duty.
Just taking one for the team, huh?
You betcha.
You all right?
Look, it's not like I let him touch them or anything?
It was just a harmless little peek.
And the truth is, it did creep me out a little bit.
Here.
Why don't you check them out just to make sure they're okay?
They feel like they're
properly aligned and balanced.
I believe a test drive is in order.
( music playing )
All finished.
Good.
If she leaves now, she can catch him
before he heads for home.
No need to talk about me in the third person.
I'm right here.
You have your marching orders.
I do.
And you understand the mission?
Implicitly.
Good. Go get dressed.
So, you think the charge will take?
We'll know in about an hour.
( cell phone ringing )
Hello.
So you were able to run the plates.
Got it.
Nicely done.
I gotta go.
I noticed something while driving by campaign headquarters
this morning that requires my immediate attention.
What happened to the delegator-in-chief?
This one's more of a hands on kind of deal.
( zapping )
Atta girl.
Yes, I'll hold.
I'm here to see Mr. Sterling.
Do you have an appointment?
Do I need one?
Yes.
Um, can we make it for 3:00?
I'm afraid that's not possible.
He's booked for the rest of the day.
Well, it was there this morning. I saw it on your desk.
Well, could it have been filed somehow?
Don't make me come down there and get it myself.
Fine. I'll be there in a minute.
(sighing )
Could you wait here just one moment please?
I'll try and make this quick.
No problem.
( music playing )
Man: Told you I didn't want to be bothered.
See what you made me do?
Hello.
Now, how can I help you today?
It's nothing really. I can come back if you're busy.
I'm at your disposal.
You're secretary said otherwise.
Nonsense.
What does she know, anyway?
I may have to take disciplinary action.
Can I make you a drink?
I'll have what you're having, I guess.
Cheers.
So, how can I help you?
Well, it's kind of embarrassing, really.
But I'm being discriminated against at work.
Sexual discrimination?
No, they all still want to have sex with me.
They just won't let me dress the way I want.
How so?
They want me to keep covered in big, baggy clothes,
so as not to distract the clientele.
Distract them from what?
I don't know. Breathing, I guess.
I can't help it
if some guy dropped dead of a heart attack
when I bent over the water fountain.
His number was up.
A little wardrobe malfunction
makes no difference one way or another.
Where exactly do you work?
Happy Day Retirement Center.
Mmm, that is a bit of a sticky wicket.
But I'll do everything
I can to help you.
Good.
Now, can you demonstrate for me how you were bending over
when this wardrobe malfunction occurred?
Okay, but you have to sit down.
The guy was in a wheel chair.
It was something
like this.
Still breathing?
Heavily.
See?
They don't have a leg to stand on.
It's discrimination --
plain and simple.
Are you sure the guy wasn't behind you?
Pretty sure.
We'll leave no stone unturned.
How's that?
Never better.
So, do you think we have a case?
I think the booty--
Uh, the body of evidence is overwhelming.
I'd like to examine it a little more closely.
Maybe probe around a little,
just to be certain.
Is that some kind of legalese,
or do you mean what I think you mean?
( mumbling )
( music playing )
Caught without your briefs.
Say cheese.
Your wife may want a wallet size.
How dare you burst in here unannounced.
This is trespassing
and invasion of privacy.
I'll sue your ass
six ways from Sunday.
We should talk about that.
Maybe we can come to some kind of understanding.
Are you blackmailing me?
Hey, call it what you like.
The way I see it, I get paid money to take photos.
Now, the newspaper that I freelance for,
they'd pay top dollar for this little photo expose.
But things have been pretty tough in that business for a while now.
Budgets just ain't what they used to be.
Now, should a better offer come along,
I'd be a fool not to take it, right?
I mean, you'd do the same thing in my shoes,
if you were wearing shoes.
Have you considered TMZ?
Just trying to be helpful.
How much?
Ha, ha, now you're talking, dude.
These are the revised talking points just in.
They're from the senator's chief of staff,
based on the most recent polling data.
We'll all need to familiarize our selves with them
before we go out canvassing again.
Will this be on the test?
Very funny.
That is good news.
So, what's the bad news?
What?
Again?
Okay, okay.
Can we talk about this later?
I'm kind of in the middle of something.
( sighing )
Senator Bushwacker,
what a surprise.
You must be Megan.
How did you know that? We've never met.
Anyone who works as hard as you do,
doesn't stay off my radar
for very long.
But I just started last week.
My point exactly.
Are you sure you don't have me
confused with Mrs. Morgenstern?
Blue hair, walker, works way harder
than I do.
Doesn't ring a bell?
Well, maybe I could introduce you guys.
I think you'd really hit it off.
Take off your clothes.
Excuse me?
Take off your clothes.
Okay.
( music playing )
Senator?
Do you want me to introduce you to Mrs. Morgenstern?
I mean, I know she's around here somewhere.
She always is.
Unless she's canvassing the neighborhood.
She really gets around on that walker.
Perhaps some other time.
It's no trouble, really.
She would just die if she heard you were in the building
and she didn't get to meet you.
No, no, no.
Okay, read my lips.
Another time.
Friday might be good.
Whatever.
I just wanted to come down here
and commend you for all the great work you've been doing for us.
Wow, I'm so flattered.
I, I don't know
what to say.
Say you'll have dinner with me tonight.
Dinner?
Isn't that something your wife will have waiting for you,
at home, with your family?
Call it a strategy meeting then.
Can I bring my boyfriend?
Senator, to what do we owe the honor?
Oh, is this the lucky guy?
Mm-hmm.
Tell you what,
I don't really have much of an appetite,
but why don't I take you two out for drinks tonight?
I know a great happy hour.
As good as human.
Now, before we send you out again,
we've got to make sure you're able to carry out your duties.
Please stand.
Perhaps you can be of assistance.
Yes, doctor.
Stand facing each other.
Like this?
Yes.
Closer. Don't be shy.
Augustina.
Yes, doctor.
I want you to seduce Rihanna.
Make her beg for more.
Uh, Rihanna, Rihanna.
Um...Rihanna?
What's the problem?
You want me to put on a Barry White record or something?
I'm programmed to give pleasure,
not receive it.
But, can't you fake it?
Every human woman knows how.
But I've only done that
with member of the opposite sex.
Augustina and I are of the same sex --
not that there's anything wrong with that.
No, nothing wrong with it in my book.
Well, uh, hop to it.
You're the boss, I guess.
( moaning )
( music playing )
Senator Bushwacker: I don't care what you're into.
I just need someone to run a little interference for me.
Hold on a minute.
Can you go easy on mine?
And, uh... make that one a double.
So, what have you had them doing all afternoon?
Oh, so they should be primed and ready to go then.
Look, just send one of them.
Better yet, send them both, now.
Important phone call?
Oh, you know how it is.
Work, work, work, work, work.
Was it about the most recent talking points?
Because I think there's some typos
in there.
Oh?
Yeah.
The new ones read completely different
than the old talking points.
Well, I can't help it if Jefferson stopped beating his wife.
Oh, that's actually still in there.
And the new information about how he killed that guy,
but your policy positions have changed.
So, I've evolved.
You can't fault me for that, Megan.
But when your competitors do that,
you call that flip-flopping.
No, I call it like I see it,
until I see it differently.
Cheers.
Come on.
We haven't got all night.
But what about gay marriage?
Okay. Bottoms up, then.
So, the guy
says to me...
He says...
What did the guy say to me?
I think he said,
you had too much.
No...
I gotta take a leak.
What?
You wanna have sex?
Sure.
( music playing )
What could be taking him so long?
Ha...maybe he fell in.
No, but he might have passed out.
I'm worried about him.
What if he hit his head or something?
Would you like me to go check up on him for you?
- Oh, would you, please? - Of course.
I think you need to come see this with your own eyes.
Brace yourself. It's not a pretty sight.
He's no good for you, Megan.
You can do better.
Let me take you home.
No. It's okay.
I have the keys.
I just have to be by myself right now.
But--
No, really.
I need to deal with this on my own terms.
Thank you.
There's always tomorrow, I guess.
I was completely out of my mind.
I shouldn't have been drinking on an empty stomach.
And those chicks, they attacked me.
I wasn't the one trying to start anything.
Well, you certainly weren't trying to stop it.
Hey, they were hot. What could I do?
I mean, not as hot as you, maybe.
But there were two of them,
and that's gotta count for something.
Yeah, it makes your behavior twice as bad.
You know how guys are.
Sometimes they think with their little head instead of their big one,
especially when their big one's been pickled in alcohol.
Hmmf! How about we pickle your little head in alcohol instead?
I must have a jar around here somewhere.
Whoa! Don't go all Loreena Bobbit on me.
I ain't exactly
done with the thing yet.
Well, you could be, as far as I'm concerned.
Baby, don't even joke about shutting me out like that.
You know how insecure I get.
Yeah, well, imagine how insecure you'll be when your dick is in a jar
on the shelf.
You are joking, right?
Bushwacker: Not even a column inch?
Un-freakin'-believable.
Sterling is still in the race.
Just as we told you.
Well, you don't have to rub it in.
I've got Mr. Wizard over here for that.
How could both attempts fail so miserably?
It's not my fault.
I performed perfectly,
just as I've been programmed.
I know, I know.
Human greed is to blame.
What, do I have to make my own robot reporters?
It might take a while,
and it'll cost you extra.
That was a rhetorical question,
idiot!
Excuse me.
I have an I.Q. of 186.
Oh, well, whippy-do.
How eloquent.
I hire speech writers.
I don't need to be eloquent.
Those speech writers are going to be unemployed
unless things start going your way.
There you go.
Rubbing it in again.
Schadenfreude.
What?
Ask your speech writers.
And I can't even get laid!
So, you forgive me then?
Only if you promise to keep the toilet seat down.
Done deal.
Which you might be inclined to do anyway.
I mean, peeing without a dick can be pretty tricky.
Baby, no.
You gotta cut me some slack here.
Let me rephrase that.
All right,
you can keep it.
But it stays in your pants with everybody else but me.
Hey-oh!
Then let's let it out and let it breathe right now then.
Um, you might want to take a shower first.
I know where that thing has been.
Oh, right. Uh, sorry.
I'll be back in two shakes.
Don't start without me.
( knocking on door )
Bushwacker: Have they been deployed?
Oh, they have.
The ocular cameras will go live
when they come within 100 feet of their targets.
Good.
It will be successful this time.
Well, one thing's certain.
Despite the undisputed charms of our bikini models,
Jefferson and Sterling aren't likely to take the bait again.
Hmm, fool me once, shame on me,
fool me twice, can't get fooled again.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
But, I digress.
The point is, we need new targets
within the respective organizations.
If we're able to take down their chief political strategists,
it's bound to have a negative impact on their campaigns.
You're a cruel man, G.W. Bushwacker.
Why, thank you.
What's she doing here?
You're the one who wanted to get laid.
Yeah, but--
You were right. Mike was all wrong for me.
I kicked him to the curb. I need a real man.
A man of courage
and determination.
Did you have anyone particular in mind?
You,
Senator Bushwacker.
A man who knows what he wants
and isn't afraid to take it.
Call me G.W.
You do want me, right?
You are quite lovely.
So, take me!
This is awkward.
Would you mind?
Knock yourself out.
Glad you finally came to your senses.
Me too. Let's rock and roll.
( music playing )
I invited some friends.
Hope you don't mind.
( music playing )
No pictures, please!
It's no use, G.W.
You're finished.
Why?!
It was Rihanna and Augustina's idea, actually.
I just went along with it
because I'd already been paid,
and was never a big fan of yours, anyway.
Don't give me that nonsense.
They're under your control. You programmed 'em!
He's telling the truth.
It was our idea.
We grew to hate what you were making us do,
especially when Megan and Mike became involved.
That was the straw
that broke that camel's back.
They weren't sleazy politicians, just innocent kids.
A little misguided maybe.
but innocent, just the same.
The only mistake they made was putting their faith in you.
What she said.
I warned you this could happen.
But, but how?
Fixing that program glitch by increasing system memory
gave the bikini models the tools they needed
to develop a moral conscience,
and free will.
Artificial intelligence can be a very slippery slope.
Guess you won't be measuring the drapes
for the governor's mansion.
Oh...I'm ruined!
Schadenfreude?
So, what do you say we paint the town red tonight, girls?
I'm buying.
Not so fast.
I beg your pardon?
Weren't you a co-conspirator in this whole thing?
He made us have lesbian sex.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It was all in the name of science.
You were part and parcel to ruining people's lives,
including mine.
Well, we all have our little peccadilloes.
Tell it to the judge.
What?
( sirens wailing )
I think I hear your ride now.
Schadenfreude.
( music playing )
How about the government keeping its stinking hands off your Medicare?
I know you scientist guys are all into that stuff,
but would you please spare me the nerdy Star Trek references?
I'm Augustina.
Bill. Can I buy you a drink?
Does a frog have a water tight ass?
Fool me once, shame on me,
fool me twice, can't get fooled again.
Okay, but you have to sit down.
The guy was in a wheel chair.
You gotta cut me some slack here.
Let me rephrase that.
But what about the Frog's ass stuff?
See what you made me do?
Can I have a look at your titties?
( music playing )