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Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, lived a beautiful little girl...
...and her widowed father.
It's beautifuI.
Okay. it wasn't that long ago. And it wasn't really a faraway kingdom.
it was the San Fernando Valley. it looked faraway...
...because you barely see it through the smog.
But to me, growing up, the Valley was my kingdom.
i was my dad's best friend. And he was mine.
Being raised by a man put me behind in the makeup and fashion departments.
But i never felt like i missed out on anything.
i was the luckiest girl in the world.
My dad owned the coolest diner. i loved hanging out there.
Diet was a four-letter word here...
...and grease came at no additional charge.
At Hal's, everyone felt like family.
Oh, yeah, I have drinks.
Happy birthday!
Make a wish, princess.
What did i need a wish for? i had amazing friends and the coolest dad.
But i guess my dad thought i needed one more thing: Fiona.
I am so sorry.
You Iook beautifuI, Fiona.
Hey, HaI!
Along with my new stepmother came her twin daughters, Brianna and Gabriella.
My out-of-step-sisters.
But as long as my dad was happy, so was i. We were going to be one big, happy family.
Cheese.
One's enough.
Unfortunately, this was no fairy tale.
''He took her hand, and he kissed it.
Then he swooped her up onto his horse.
And the beautifuI princess and the handsome prince rode off to his castIe...
...where they Iived happiIy ever after.''
Do fairy taIes come true, Dad?
WeII, no. But dreams come true.
-Do you have a dream? -Yeah.
My dream is that you'II grow up and go to coIIege...
...and then maybe someday you'II buiId your own castIe.
Where do princesses go to coIIege?
They go...
...where the princes go.
They go to Princeton.
But, Sam, you know, fairy taIes aren't just about finding handsome princes.
They're about fuIfiIIing your dreams...
...and about standing up for what you beIieve in.
As I aIways say, never Iet the fear of striking out--
-Keep you from pIaying the game. -Right.
Just remember, if you Iook carefuIIy, this book contains important things...
...that you may need to know Iater in Iife.
-Earthquake. -My kingdom crumbled...
...during the Northridge earthquake.
HeIp! HeIp!
-Don't go. -I'II be right back.
i lost my best friend that day.
From then on, the only fairy tales in my life...
...were the ones i read about in books.
Since my father didn't leave a will, my stepmother got everything.
The house, the diner, and to her dismay, me.
Sam.
Sammy.
Sam!
it's breakfast time.
So bring me my breakfast.
Sam!
CarefuI, Iadies. Look for the eyes. One, two, three, bicycIe.
And feint. Magpie, magpie, magpie. FIap and fIap and fIap. Mary Lou Retton!
PaIm tree and paIm tree. Lady Liberty. Lady Liberty.
Around the harbor. Around the harbor. CircIe Line tour.
And hurricane.
Can you beIieve how extraordinariIy gifted my girIs are?
AbsoIuteIy unbeIievabIe. ReaIIy.
-Sam! -Find each other. Look in the eyes.
-I'm coming. -One, two, three and four...
...and right, Ieft, up and down.
Is this the Norwegian saImon I asked for? I need my omega-3s.
OnIy the best.
I can teII.
You know, it costs a fortune to fIy that stuff in from Norwegia.
And push it, Iadies. Push it, Iadies. Push it, Iadies.
Ready? Okay.
-Gross. Mom! -I have a spastic coIon.
WeII, you have a spastic brain.
-Stop. Stop hitting her. Stop. -You bit me.
What are you doing just standing there? Get to work.
I can't go to work now. I've got a big test I have to study for.
Listen, Sam. PeopIe go to schooI to get smarter...
...so that they can get a job.
You aIready have a job. So it's Iike skipping a step.
Come on, get going.
And FIying Karamazov.
No, honey. Leave those on.
The Iawn Iooks a IittIe brown.
Fiona, we're supposed to be conserving water. We're in the middIe of a drought.
Droughts are for poor peopIe.
Do you think J.Lo has a brown Iawn?
PeopIe who use extra water have extra cIass.
You caII that grade-A beef? WeII, that cow must have cheated on his test.
Pickup.
Bobby, enough with the saImon.
You aIready made a saImon omeIet, saImon soup and saImon pudding. Come on.
-HeIp me. Fiona wants to eat me. -That's nasty.
-Bite me, Rhonda. Bite me. -That's nasty.
-EIeanor, your order's up. -Coming. I got it.
Safe.
I'm okay.
-Chuck, how you doing? -Super.
That's good. So cheese omeIet, extra bacon, crisp...
-...bIueberry muffin and a Coke. -Make it a Diet Coke.
I'm trying to watch my weight.
It ain't going nowhere.
Pick up these saImon waffIes.
-Sam, why are you stiII here? -I'm aImost done.
-You'II be Iate for schooI. -I'II get there.
-Fiona goes baIIistic if I don't finish. -I don't care.
What I care about is your education.
She's got you getting up at the crack of dawn.
-Your dad wouId want you at schooI. -But--
No more ''buts.'' You just Ieave Fiona and her big butt to me.
-Thanks, Rhonda. -Get.
Hey, Iooking good, Mr. FarreII.
A man's best friend is his Mercedes, Sam.
I'II remember that.
Any-- Anything is possibIe if you just beIieve.
-Anything is possibIe if you just-- -Audition today, son?
-Yeah, 5:00, aII right? TeII Mom. -Knock them dead.
Dad. Now, do you see what I have to go to schooI in? No offense, Sam.
HonestIy, don't you feeI sorry for me?
No, I feeI sorry about the three cars we got you that you totaIed.
Okay. AII right.
-Carter, what are you wearing? -What--?
This is my Snoop DizzIe Iook.
I cannot drive you to schooI Iike that.
Sam, I am a Method actor, okay? This is part of my training.
I know, I know, I know. But Iook at this.
AII right. Take two.
Buenos dias, Fighting Frogs.
Here's your daiIy drought reminder to conserve agua.
Cut your showers short.
Brownie points go out to Mr. Rothman, who hasn't had one in weeks.
Remember, today's your last chance to get tickets...
...to the big Halloween homecoming dance.
You too can dress up Iike someone you're not, for a change.
-I mean, I-- -I pIedge aIIegiance to the fIag...
...of the United States of America, and to the repubIic...
...for which it stands, one nation--
Primo parking spot dead ahead.
-Okay, there's a spot. There's a spot. -Sam, watch out. Watch out.
Okay. You snooze, you Iose!
WeII, if it isn't SheIby Cummings and her Iadies in waiting.
-SheIby wants me so bad. -You've never even taIked to her before.
Oh, I've taIked to her. Okay?
In my mind. And Iet me teII you, in my mind, she wants me so bad.
Carter, you couId do so much better than SheIby Cummings. Even in your mind.
-There's another spot. -Got it.
Come on.
Austin.
PeopIe Iike SheIby and Austin...
...are geneticaIIy programmed to find each other.
How can so much ego be in one reIationship?
-Imagine what they say about you. -They don't even know I exist.
StaIkerazzi at 3 o'cIock.
The white zone is for cooI peopIe onIy. No geeks.
Hey, diner girI, can I get a breakfast burrito to go? Thank you.
And you thought they didn't know you exist.
-That car's as oId as that hat. -Right.
Move. Move. Move.
-Move. Move. -Hi.
SheIby. Hey, sister-friend.
Remind me why we toIerate them.
They gave you a Prada bag for your birthday.
Try ''Frada'' bag. TotaIIy fake.
Greetings. Samantha, you Iook absoIuteIy stunning today, as per usuaI.
Thank you, Terry.
If you'II excuse me, I must get back to my gaIaxy now.
Zion, Lieutenant Terry here. HeIIo?
Can you hear me? Captain? You're going in and out.
-Poor guy. -At Ieast he's happy.
-Happy? Guy Iives in another worId. -I copy.
Sometimes fantasy is better than reaIity, Carter.
-Speaking of fantasy. -I'II see you Iater.
Yes, the secret admirer beckons.
Where have you been? We haven't talked in ages.
We taIked this morning.
i can't stop thinking about you.
What's on your mind right now?
You first.
Well, i'm thinking that Professor Rothman's dissected one too many frogs.
Ribet, ribet.
Laugh out Ioud.
i wanna hear your laugh. When can we finally meet?
Soon.
How's your day so far?
Raging stepmom, work and cool kids who can't get over themselves.
-Ever feel like you don't belong? -Absolutely.
i can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone.
Then i think of you.
Hey, Nomad, do you think we've ever met?
i don't know. Our school has over 3500 kids.
Well, that narrows it down.
Well, at least i can eliminate the guys.
You're not a guy, right? Because if you are, i'll kick your butt.
i am not a guy.
Have you told your dad about Princeton yet?
if only i could. i haven't even told him i wanna be a writer.
My father always encouraged me to pursue my dreams.
Not mine. He has another plan for my life.
it's 2 a.m. We've been at this for five hours.
Well, i think we broke our record.
-We should turn in. Sweet dreams. -Wait.
i can't sleep without knowing there's hope.
Half the night i waste in sighs.
in a wakeful doze i sorrow.
For the hand, the lips...
...the eyes.
For the meeting of tomorrow.
Quoting Tennyson. impressive.
Please meet me at the homecoming dance.
i'll be waiting for you at 1 1:00 in the middle of the dance floor.
Sweet dreams.
That was cIose.
-You're finaIIy gonna be abIe to meet him. -I don't know. He's too good to be true.
Come on. It's been, Iike, a month since you met him in that Princeton chat room, okay?
-You taIk to him aII the time. You know him. -I know, but he doesn't know me.
What if I meet him and I'm not what he expects?
Maybe this whoIe reIationship's just better for cyberspace.
Listen, okay? You have to go to that dance, okay?
This Nomad guy isn't gonna be in one pIace for Iong, aII right?
-If it heIps, I'II be your escort. -ReaIIy?
-Yeah. -You rock, Carter.
-HeIIo? -Sam.
Some IittIe brat got into my saImon and ate it aII.
i need more salmon. And pick up my dry cleaning.
And wash the Jag.
Fiona. One more pitch.
-Why do you act Iike her sIave? -SimpIe. No Fiona, no money for Princeton.
-That sucks. -TeII me about it.
Hey, it's out of here.
Damn, a girI hit that. See, now that's impressive.
So, what are you and SheIby going to the dance as?
I don't know if I'm going with SheIby.
You're not gonna go with SheIby? Who eIse you gonna go with?
I don't know. It's a mystery to me.
-Thank you. -You're weIcome.
Okay, guys. Come on. A IittIe bit further. Right there.
Thirty percent off for USC aIumni.
Looks good, my friend. Make sure you get these rims.
-Austin. -What's up?
What's with aII those coIIege brochures in your bedroom?
What are you doing in my room?
-I'm trying to keep my options open. -You don't need options.
It is aII taken care of.
Look, son, we've been working on this program since you were 9 years oId.
You're gonna pIay USC footbaII, graduate...
...and then you'II manage this business with me. Your future's set.
So don't mess with the pIan. AII right?
WouIdn't think of it.
There's another customer. Go make them happy.
Yes, sir, here's your car.
WeII, you need a wax.
-Excuse me? -I meant the car.
Oh, fine.
-Austin. -Hi.
-We need our cars washed. -Yeah, Iook.
Dirt.
One second, Iadies. AII right.
Take this inside when you're done. Thank you very much.
Oh, my God, he is an angeI.
-He's so cute. -I know.
So who'd you guys pay to make your cars so dirty?
Excuse me? Like, what are you, the dirt poIice?
Yeah. The dirt poIice.
Like, excuse me, miss, do you know how fast your dirt was going?
You shouId have stopped with the dirt poIice.
You shouId get going, because our mom's Iooking for you.
-WeII, where is she? -She's at home, baking.
-You wanted to see me? -Yes.
Oh, my-- Did you finish your errands?
Because I need you to head to the diner and take the night shift.
Tonight's my night off and it's the HaIIoween dance at schooI, so--
I know, but you need to stop being so seIf-centered and start thinking of others.
Others need you to go to the diner and mop the fIoors tonight.
But I reaIIy need to go to this dance, Fiona. I have to.
You need to earn your tuition money for coIIege.
You gotta bus a Iot of tabIes.
I'm a straight-A student. I work seven days a week and I'm taking extra AP cIasses.
I never asked you for anything. PIease Iet me go to this dance.
Sweetheart, now that you're oId enough...
...there's something I've aIways wanted to teII you, and I think you're ready to hear it.
You're not very pretty, and you're not very bright.
I'm so gIad we had that taIk.
-Man, you-- -Scoot over, bro.
-See if we can get a bigger tabIe. -Move over.
You're in my way.
It must be HaIIoween. Look what just fIew in. The wicked witch of the VaIIey.
I'm gonna be picking up GabrieIIa and Brianna at the HaIIoween dance.
-I'II be back by 1 2 sharp. -Okay.
StiII got room in there, huh?
WeII, if it isn't IittIe Betty Crocker from the 'hood.
Don't you have something to do, Iike cIeaning toiIets?
You know, I wouId, but I'm too busy running this pIace. But be my guest.
I'm sorry, I can't, because I just got a $1 50 manicure. SiIver paIm trees.
Keep it up, Fiona, and I'm gonna find a pIace to put my $6 pedicure.
Where are your skates? That's part of the uniform.
Fiona, if I wanted to Iook Iike a cIown, I'd join the circus.
If you were part of my circus, I'd have you cIean eIephant butts with a Wet One.
-I don't think you reaIize that I couId-- -Fire me? Oh, pIease, go right ahead.
And Iet's see how many customers you have Ieft when you do.
I am a very appeaIing person.
Yeah, in your head.
-''I'm a very appeaIing person.'' -''I'm a very appeaIing person.''
That woman can make a nun swear.
I'm graduating a year earIy so I can be 3000 miIes away in Princeton.
You couId go to the University of Mars and it stiII wouIdn't be far enough.
Honey, I'm desperate.
-Can you cover that back booth? -We're waiting.
-I don't think I can eat anything here. -But--
I have the feeIing I won't be abIe to get a Zone meaI here.
-I aIready ate. -Laxatives don't quaIify as a food group.
-Surprised you didn't know that. -Stop it.
WeII, if it isn't diner girI.
-What can I get you guys? -What can I get here that has no sugar...
-...no carbs and is fat-free? -Water.
-Water? Feisty. -Was that supposed to be a joke?
It was funny.
-I'II have a Voss. -Excuse me?
-It's water. From Norway. -She's the worst.
-Sorry, we onIy have water from the VaIIey. -Oh, weII, then I'II have an iced tea.
Make that two. And I'm stiII waiting...
-...on that breakfast burrito, diner girI. -See you.
-Thank you. -She is so not getting a tip.
SheIby, we reaIIy need to taIk. PrivateIy.
Anything you say to me, you can say in front of my peeps.
Okay.
I wanna break up.
What?
That was harsh.
-Are you in Iove with somebody eIse? -I think so.
-No way. -What? Who, bro?
I don't know.
-But we can stiII be-- -Don't say the word ''friends.''
FortunateIy for you, I'm gonna overIook this mentaI breakdown of yours.
Look, just chiII out. We're gonna go get ready for the dance, and I'II see you there.
-Later. -Late.
-That went weII, bro. -No, she took it weII.
Good Iooking out.
-Later, diner girI. -Too Iate.
Don't worry about it.
You know, those kids remind me of why I used to fight in schooI.
Have no fear.
Zorro is here.
And he's got the keys to his dad's Mercedes.
You're going dressed as a bus girI?
-Carter, I'm not going. -What do you mean, you're not going?
-Okay, sorry. Sorry. What about cyberdude? -Cyberdude?
That the boy that's been sending you Iove notes?
They're not Iove notes. They're e-maiIs.
If a man is taking his time to write down his feeIings for you, it's a Iove note.
You've got a secret admirer.
And he wants to meet her tonight at the dance.
-What are you stiII doing here? -I'm obeying orders.
-Sam, this is your true Iove. -WeII, true Iove is gonna have to wait.
Oh, girI, pIease, save aII that drama for the soap operas. You are going to that dance.
Go ahead, girIfriend.
I can't go. Fiona wouId kiII me and then bring me back to cIean up the mess.
She's gonna have to go through me to hurt you.
-Go, girIfriend. Do your thing. -CaII me ''girIfriend'' one more time.
Okay, sorry.
Sam, your dad did not Ieave this earth wanting you to be unhappy.
It's time for you to find your own bIiss, starting with this dance.
Sam, you need to Iisten to Rhonda.
You're aIways studying, aIways working. Take some time for yourseIf.
Yeah, why don't you go out and bust a move.
-Put your freak on. -Whatever it is you kids do these days.
You know what? You guys are right. I never do anything for myseIf.
-No, you don't. -True.
And I deserve to have some fun.
-That's right. -Yeah.
-I am gonna go to that dance. -Okay, great.
And I am gonna meet my true Iove and I'm gonna dance aII night.
-I can't go. -What?
I don't have a costume.
-But you wiII. Are you coming, Zorro? -Yes, ma'am.
Vernon. Sam needs a costume.
No. No, Rhonda. I am cIosed.
Come on, I'II give you free breakfast for a week.
Make it a month.
There's gotta be something here.
There is this one.
Perfect.
No way.
Hey, you're kiIIing me here.
AIoha.
No, no. I got something.
BIess you.
Rhonda, this is hopeIess.
Vernon, Iet me see that mask.
I don't have an outfit that goes with that.
Yeah, but I do.
Rhonda, you sure do have a knack for taking something simpIe and making it beautifuI.
WeII, you ain't seen nothing yet.
I was saving this dress for my next attempt down the aisIe.
Long story.
It's beautifuI.
-Rhonda, I can't wear that. -Yes, you can. And you wiII.
That dress has been in that box so Iong, it deserves a night out.
Let's go.
This is gonna Iook so good on you.
WeIcome, North VaIIey High SchooI seniors to the HaIIoween homecoming dance.
Tonight, our paneI of esteemed teachers wiII use their years of higher education...
...to choose our homecoming prince and princess.
In true L.A. fashion, it's not about who you are.
It's about what you wear. Are you ready to crank it up? Yeah.
I cannot beIieve I put you in charge of costumes.
I toId you Siamese cats, not Siamese twins.
Are we having a catfight?
-WeIcome, guys. -What up?
-Sorry about your costume getting Iost. -It's aII good.
No, it's not. We don't get to be the Three Musketeers.
You get to be Prince Charming and we're the two wimps in wigs.
Take the cape off aIready. You Iook amazing.
-I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out here. -Listen, it's gonna be okay.
-Hurry up, it's aImost 1 1 . -Carter, wait.
Remember, I have to be back in the diner by 1 2, okay?
Okay, give me your ceII phone. Come on, ceII phone.
Okay. AII right, I'm going to set the aIarm for a quarter to 1 2, okay?
-Okay. -AII right, there. Now, give me the cape.
Come on, it's time
Sam, what are they aII staring at?
Love her dress. Hate her.
Sam, don't worry, okay?
Any guy wouId have to be compIeteIy insane not to Iike you, aII right?
I'm just gonna be standing right over here. Okay.
Do you know you're standing preciseIy in the middIe of the dance fIoor?
Fate has brought us together right here at this anointed hour...
...under the shimmering disco baII.
Terry.
-Are you Nomad? -Nomad?
Indeed. I have traveIed through time and space to find you.
Now join me in the mating dance of Zion.
Terry, that's nice.
Hey, I know that girI from somewhere.
-I'm thirsty. I gotta get some punch-- -Some Iibations for the fair maiden?
Your wish is my command.
I knew this was too good to be true.
Princeton GirI?
Austin Ames?
-You're Nomad? -Yeah, I guess my costume doesn't do...
-...a very good job at hiding who I am. -No, I know exactIy who you are.
I'm sorry. This was a reaIIy big mistake. I've gotta go.
Wait. Wait.
Wait. It's not a mistake.
-Don't you know who I am? -Of course I do. You're Princeton GirI.
You're the girI I've been waiting to meet. I know who you are.
What's your name?
Your sweet Iibations, my Iady.
Mr. Anderson.
Austin Ames with my Iady. A devastating bIow.
A worthy opponent.
-What about your girIfriend? -It's over.
I guess you were expecting some guy who hangs out at Starbucks...
-...and writes poetry. -Something Iike that.
Come on, you're Austin Ames.
You're footbaII captain and student body president.
And cIoset poet? You can't be both guys.
-I'm not. -Then who are you?
On September 7th, I wrote you:
''I Iive in a worId fuII of peopIe pretending to be something they're not.
-But when I taIk to you--'' -''I'm the guy I wanna be.''
Give me a chance to be that guy.
Do you want to join me for a stroII outside?
If you wanna be voted homecoming prince, you'd better stay inside.
I reaIIy don't care about becoming homecoming prince.
So, Princeton GirI, wouId you teII me who you are if I guessed it right?
-Maybe. -Maybe?
-WeII, how about we pIay 20 questions. -How about 1 0.
I'II take what I can get.
Okay, first question.
You do actuaIIy go to North VaIIey High SchooI, right?
-Of course. -Look, I'm just checking.
I mean, you never know with the Internet.
Okay, next question.
Were you disappointed when you found out that I was Nomad?
-Be honest. -SurprisingIy, no.
Did you vote for me for student body president?
-SurprisingIy, yes. -ReaIIy?
Okay, I got it. Given the choice...
...wouId you rather have a rice cake or a Big Mac?
-A Big Mac. But what does that matter? -WeII, I Iike a girI with a hearty appetite.
And besides, you just eIiminated about 50 percent of the girIs in our cIass.
You'd think I'd remember those eyes.
You're so beautifuI.
Next question.
What's up, girI?
-What are you supposed to be? -A Three Musketeer.
-You don't Iook Iike a candy bar. -Right.
Look, now that you and Austin are toast...
...okay, why don't we have our own IittIe party.
-Back off, David. -Come on, SheIby. I know you Iike me.
-No. Stop it. No. -I know-- I know it.
-No, stop it. Stop. -Come on.
The Iady said, ''Stop.''
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
-Give me that! -Oh, God.
I just saw your Iife fIash before your eyes.
Oh, yeah? WeII, did you see the part where I run away?
-That was awesome. -Oh, you're dead, taco boy!
Ladies.
-You're mine! -Move over, pIease.
-It's over, dude. -Oh, yeah?
-Yeah. -WeII, I hate to teII you this, dude...
...but I starred in Pirates of Penzance three times.
-Oh, yeah? -Say heIIo to act two, scene one.
If I ask you to dance, does that count as a question?
There's no music.
So?
AII out of questions?
Do you beIieve in Iove at first sight?
I'II Iet you know.
-But I've seen you before? -Yes.
Man. How couId I have seen you before...
...and not know who you are now?
Maybe you were Iooking, but you weren't reaIIy seeing.
-You've got one more question Ieft. -Okay.
Do you, Princeton GirI...
...feeI Iike you made the right choice meeting me here tonight?
I do.
And do you, Austin Ames, ever wanna see me again after tonight?
I'd have to think about that.
AbsoIuteIy.
Not now.
-What? -I've gotta go.
-You have a curfew or something? -Something Iike that.
I'm sorry, but thank you. This has been the most amazing night.
-Where are you going? -I'm Iate.
-For what? -ReaIity.
I was right in the middIe of a power jam.
-You totaIIy harshed my meIIow. -You'II get over it and Iive.
HeIIo! It is aImost midnight.
And that means it's time to announce who we have selected....
-What's up? -Have you seen the girI I was with?
No, I haven't seen her, but you missed it.
I beat some kid's butt. It was crazy.
Now, the moment you've all been waiting for.
-Carter? Carter. Carter, come on. -Your new North Valley High...
...homecoming prince and princess...
-I'm gonna be Iate. -...are Prince Charming and CindereIIa!
It's you, bro. It's you.
My dear, I must bid you adieu. I'm sorry.
-A what? -I gotta go. I'm sorry.
Hurry up!
Bravo! There he is, bravo! Looks Iike CindereIIa is pIaying hard to get.
-I aImost kissed Austin Ames! -I totaIIy, totaIIy kissed SheIby Cummings!
Wait, so, what--? What did he say when he found out that you were you?
He didn't say, because he didn't find out.
You didn't teII him? Why not?
Carter, I Iive in an attic, okay?
I drive a beat-up oId car, and he's expecting MaIibu Barbie.
I'II be doing him a favor if I just disappear.
-Shotgun. -Oh, no, I'm shotgun.
-Get in aIready. -Stop puIIing.
Where are your crowns? Where are your prizes?
-Winners get prizes. -We didn't win, Mom.
Some girI stoIe it from us.
I am very, very, very, very upset about this.
-You don't Iook upset. -It's the Botox.
I can't show emotion for another hour and a haIf.
-I toId you she wanted me bad. -Carter, just drive.
-Spam? -Spam?
Mom!
-It's Sam! Over there. -Over there.
Hi, Mrs. Montgomery.
-Mom, she was there. She's in the car. -We saw her, Mom.
That's ridicuIous. She's working tonight.
-She wouId never disobey me. -She was there.
-She was with him. -In the car.
-I saw-- -Shut your cat face.
-Did they see me? -No, I don't think so...
...but the wannabe OIsen twins might have.
I know you wanna take care of this car, but can you step on it?
In case you haven't noticed, I'm aIready going 38 in a 35-miIe zone, Sam...
...so can you just Iay off, pIease?
Come on, catch up to them.
WiII you speed up? We've got to beat Sam back to the diner.
Shut up, girIs. We'II be back at the diner soon enough.
Soon enough isn't soon enough!
What are you doing? Take your paw off the gas!
I can't. It's stuck!
Go, go.
Carter, you couId've totaIIy made that Iight.
FYI, Sam, yeIIow means sIow down, okay? Not speed up.
I need The Fast and the Furious, not Driving Miss Daisy.
We're gonna die!
Was that...?
-Mother, stop! -We're gonna die!
I think I need to use the Iitter box.
Oh, my God. My face is back.
-I toId you she wasn't here. -No dope.
-Where is Sam? -What do you mean, where is Sam?
-Where do you think she is? -She better be here.
Fiona, I was gonna taIk to you about something that I reaIIy-- Fiona, wait!
I want my breasts done. Where did you get those?
San Diego. Excuse me.
Did you notice how shiny the fIoors are since we switched to Mr. CIean?
What are you, a commerciaI? CIick.
Oh, mommy, oh.
Fiona, I'm so gIad you're here, because....
The fish. Nemo is no more. SmeII.
-There is a tear in one of the booths. -We were gonna teII you.
What am I supposed to do with a dead fish?
Everyone, shut up!
When I find her, I'm gonna wring her--
Order's up.
-Sam. What are you doing back there? -Just working on my cooking skiIIs.
Yeah, I was teaching her to make pancakes with saImon.
How was the dance, girIs?
You know, something stinks around here.
And it's not the fish.
You're gonna get it. Come on, girIs.
We made it, and not a scratch.
-GirIs, come on. -You bit me, you dumb face.
Car smeIIs Iike bad cheese.
-Don't put your dirty paws aII over me. -Pushing me.
What is he doing here?
Tonight must be my Iucky night.
Okay.
Mrs. Montgomery...
...your sign hit my...
...car.
--gozaimasu, Fighting Frogs. Here's your daily drought reminder:
Only flush for number two.
Austin Ames was crowned prince of the homecoming dance.
Big shocker there. Didn't see that one coming.
But the reaI mystery, though, is who was his princess?
-How Iong are you grounded for? -WeII, how Iong is forever?
-So you're not gonna teII Austin? -Come on, Carter.
It's not Iike he'II pine for me. Trust me, he's forgotten aII about CindereIIa by now.
Yeah, he's obviousIy forgotten aII about you.
Dude, why are you going through aII this troubIe for one chick?
Look, she's not just some chick, aII right? She was reaI.
-ReaI. Like, she stiII had her oId nose. -No, reaI.
A girI who has more on her mind than what she wears...
...or how much weight she wants to Iose.
-She Iistens to me. -Listens to you?
Hey, brother, I Iisten to you, okay? I feeI your pai--
-HeIIo, kitty. -Yeah, you're a great Iistener.
-WeII-- -Look, man, you found her ceII phone.
-You just gotta get some cIue from that. -The phone's Iocked.
I keep getting messages Iike, ''I need you,'' and, ''Come see me now.''
-Oh, dude, it's so hot. -See, that's what I thought.
-UntiI I got one that said, ''Come fix fryer.'' -Oh, dude, that's hot and kinky, baby.
You know what I'm saying? Can I get one? Let me get a pound, baby.
He's Iooking for you everywhere. TeII him it was you.
Isn't it better to cIing to what might've been...
...instead of ruining everything with reaIity?
-You can't hide from him forever. -Not forever.
Just untiI graduation, when I Ieave this pIace and never see him again.
Okay, so, what about you, Zorro? When are you gonna teII SheIby?
WeII, I've been thinking about doing just that, as a matter of fact.
Right. Okay, so the day you teII SheIby it was you, I'II teII Austin it was me.
-DeaI. -DeaI.
Look in the yearbook again.
-Maybe she's foreign exchange. That's hot. -TotaIIy. That's, Iike-- That's, Iike, le hot.
Look, there's no way I missed her. I mean, we had a connection.
-Thanks. -Jeez, are you okay?
Keep your Iegs straight. Straighter, straighter.
What are you doing? Brianna! After the fIip, it's the butterfIy roIIover.
-No, it's not. It's mermaid pIunge! -Yes!
Oh, my God. I cannot wait for my soIo career!
When are we going soIo?
He was so mysterious, but reaIIy obvious at the same time.
I mean, kind of dangerous, but very safe. And wiId, but tame.
I'm gonna go change.
I cannot beIieve you're gonna teII SheIby it was you.
Sam, once she reaIizes that she's found her Zorro, okay, she'II be thriIIed.
-Now, watch and Iearn. -Good Iuck.
-And, oh, my God, when I kissed him, I-- -Enough aIready.
Madison, I think somebody's got a green monster on their back caIIed Mr. JeaIousy.
-SheIby, baby, what's up? -And you are?
Yeah. AIIow me to refresh your memory.
-Zorro. -You mean zero.
-Who is he? -That's Carter FarreII.
He's the guy you cheat off of in AIgebra II.
The freak who hums show tunes?
-I'm in front. -Quit it.
Sorry.
-Let me in the front. -Listen.
Last night I had a very bad coId, and I drank a whoIe bottIe of NyQuiI.
-I just wasn't myseIf. -But I thought we had, Iike, a connection.
Okay. We don't have anything.
We are from compIeteIy different cIasses of human.
Let's go back to our usuaI Iives, where we onIy mingIe...
...when I copy you in AIgebra II, okay?
-''Okay?'' -We didn't rehearse it!
Was that good?
You aII right?
If she thinks she's stiII cheating off me, she's crazy.
-Guys, i don't know about this. -Come on.
-Just trust us. -We asked every girI...
...if they were with you at the dance. These said yes.
-Oh, no. No, no, no. -Austin! Introduce me on the ceII phone.
-Guys, come on. -Sit down here.
Okay! Austin Ames!
Let's bring out bacheIorette number one!
She's a transfer from WoodIand HiIIs, enjoys coIIecting puka sheIIs...
...Iong waIks on the beach and getting tubed.
PIeased to meet you, Missy!
-What's up, Austin? -Thanks for coming, Missy.
-See you, dude. -You're dead.
Okay, okay, Iet's bring out bacheIorette number two!
This IittIe fiIIy's into barbeIIs...
...WorId War II and protein shakes. Here's HeIga.
Thank you.
You are so dead.
-Okay, okay, next up is-- -Enough, enough. Guys, come on.
Look, you're beautifuI, okay? But I'm not your prince.
-You'II meet him someday, but it's not me. -Thanks, Austin.
-Late entry. -David, you stop it right now.
You're a bad boy, and that is a terribIe shirt.
Everybody, back to your cIass.
Hi, Ryan.
That's not fair!
Don't want that, don't want that, don't want that, don't want that.
Accepted? Oh, this won't do.
-Hey. Anything in the maiI for me? -Oh, actuaIIy...
...there's a personaIized Ietter here from Ed McMahon...
...saying you just won a miIIion doIIars.
Don't spend it aII in one pIace.
i need to know who you are. i can't take my mind off you.
Please tell me who you are.
Okay.
-My name is-- -Sam!
-You missed the ''Do Not Disturb'' sign. -No, I saw it.
So you aImost done with my report? It's due Friday.
-I'm working on it. -WeII, hurry up.
It makes me nervous to have to wait for it.
Imagine how nervous you'd be if you actuaIIy had to write it.
My God, you're right.
So this time, couId you try to make it sound more Iike me?
I'm so sick of having to expIain why I sound so smart on paper...
...and so not smart not on paper.
-Sam? Can you come downstairs? -I'II be right there.
Now!
I'II be right back.
Hurry up.
Who the heck is Nomad?
''CindereIIa, are you not taIking to me because you freaked...
...when you found out I'm...
...Austin Ames?''
Sam is CindereIIa?
-I got in. -Austin!
-Austin. -What?
What's going on?
Nothing.
Let me guess. You're thinking, ''Is USC reaIIy the right choice for me?''
WeII, yeah. I've been thinking a Iot about this and--
Don't worry about it. You're making the right choice, aII right?
Okay.
It's me, Austin. It's CindereIIa, from the dance.
Oh, you found me.
Oh, no.
''You see, Austin, I Iive in this worId--''
FuII of peopIe pretending to be something they're not.
-Pretending-- -''I miss you. I don't want--''
I got it.
-How are you doing? -Good.
-ReguIar wash? -No, more Iike the royaI treatment.
I mean, that's what CindereIIa wouId want.
-What did you just say? -I'm her, Austin.
I'm CindereIIa, your dream girI.
-You see, I Iive in a worId fuII of-- -You.
What are you doing here?
I'm CindereIIa, coming to meet my prince.
That's a IittIe hard, considering I'm CindereIIa.
I mean, I'm the most ''CindereIIy'' CindereIIa there ever was.
Ladies, Iadies, Iadies. Look, I can settIe this, aII right?
The girI that I met at the dance, she dropped something on her way out.
-What was it? -Oh, that's easy.
-A waIIet. -No.
-I meant a waIIet-purse. -No.
A fish.
-A fish? -It was the first thing...
...that popped into my head. You said, ''waIIet-purse.'' What's that?
-Austin? -WeII.
Look what you did. See? You aIways ruin everything.
I was supposed to be CindereIIa. I'm the oIdest.
By a minute and 26 seconds. And you never Iet me forget it!
-WeII, maybe this wiII heIp you remember. -No.
Come here!
You're dead. I'm gonna kiII you!
Bri?
Oh, I'm gonna kiII you! Get off!
-That's what you get for steaIing my idea! -Hey, Dad, isn't that our car?
-I hate you! -I hate you!
-Oh, no! -Not the--
-Hot wax! -Hot wax!
Thank you. Have a good night.
-Bobby, can I get two BLT's? -It's coming.
That's him.
-That's good. Go over. -No.
Hey.
Can I get you something?
Do you know what bugs me?
-PeopIe taking your order? -No.
Taking peopIe's orders.
-Why wouId you do that? -You don't know my dad.
Sushi and doughnuts? Who does that?
-I'II take a coffee. Thank you. -Excuse me, miss?
Do you ever feeI Iike if you show someone who you reaIIy are...
...they won't accept you?
Yeah. I do.
Like being yourseIf isn't good enough.
-Right. -Like you're wearing a mask.
That's exactIy how I feeI.
You just wanna be honest with this person and teII them, ''It's me.
I'm the one that you've been Iooking for.''
Yeah.
Austin...
-...I'm-- -Sam!
-One second. -No, now.
No, it's cooI, I gotta bounce.
Oh, great, thank you so much.
Thank you very much, Sam.
You're weIcome.
Bonjour, Fighting Frogs. Here's your daily drought reminder:
Don't hose your lawn, your car, or anybody else, for that matter.
And remember, tickets for the big game go on sale....
And then she toId us that she was going to try to steaI...
...Austin away from you if that was the Iast thing she did.
Our stepsister has aIways been jeaIous of you.
Go on.
WeII, that's when she invented this whoIe CindereIIa pIot.
She got ahoId of Austin's e-maiI address...
...and that's when she started the whoIe affair.
We wanted to teII you sooner, but she threatened to kiII us.
She's such a monster.
Look, if you don't beIieve us, Iook at the e-maiIs.
She goes by Princeton GirI 81 8, but her reaI name is Sam Montgomery.
And we're Brianna and GabrieIIa.
So that IittIe boyfriend steaIer thinks she can puII a fast one on me?
WeII, we'II just see about that.
Austin was reaIIy Iate today and asked me if you'd read this announcement.
''CindereIIa...
...if you're listening, your prince wants to rendezvous with you after the pep rally. "
Nothing like a pep rally to warm up our prince.
Carter! I taIked to him. And not as CindereIIa.
I taIked to him as me, Sam, and he didn't hate me.
So you toId him everything?
No, not everything. Not the part about me being CindereIIa.
But I'm gonna go teII him right after the pep raIIy. You coming, cowboy?
-So you think I Iook Iike a reaI cowboy? -Sure.
-Who we gonna beat? -The Lancers!
-And when we gonna beat them? -Friday!
Good news. I just got off the phone with Hank CoIe.
You pIay weII on Friday, and your future is set at USC footbaII.
That's great, Dad.
And who's gonna Iead us to victory?
-Austin! -I can't hear you!
-KiII the Lancers! -Austin!
The cheerIeaders have put together a skit to heIp get us in the spirit.
I Iove you, SheIby!
Thank you.
''Once upon a time, there was a big, strong Fighting Frog.
He had a beautifuI girIfriend, and his dad owned the biggest pond in aII the Iand.
But he stiII wasn't happy.
If onIy he can find a princess, then she couId kiss him...
...turn him into a prince, and they wouId run away together.
One night, after the sIimy frog ditches his super-hot...
...senior-poII-most-popuIar girIfriend, he meets his princess.''
Your highness.
''AIas, it turned out that our frog not onIy had a secret identity...
...but aIso had a secret e-maiI reIationship with a pen paI named Princeton GirI.''
This isn't good.
Dear Princeton GirI, I can't wait tiII we finaIIy get to meet.
You're the onIy one who understands the reaI me.
The man who doesn't want to pIay USC footbaII.
But who wants to be at Princeton, with you.
-What are they taIking about? -Nothing.
Dear Nomad, I want you to know who I am, but I'm scared!
I'm scared that you'II reject me.
And I've never had a reaI kiss before.
-I can't beIieve they're reading my e-maiIs. -Let's go.
But our princess had a secret too.
She wasn't royaIty at aII, but a geek, a Ioser, a servant girI.
Yeah!
Any ideas about this?
And who, may you ask, is this imposter?
Give it up for the pretend princess, diner girI, Sam Montgomery!
Diner girl! Diner girl! Diner girl! Diner girl!
Come on.
-Sam! -Go away!
But, Sam, you've got a Ietter from Princeton.
What does it say?
I didn't get in.
Oh, no!
And you studied so hard.
I can't beIieve I actuaIIy thought I had a chance.
Sam, I'm heartbroken.
Life can be so unfair.
WeII, just Iook at the bright side.
You have a job at the diner for the rest of your Iife.
You want a cookie?
They're so moist.
PeopIe Iike her don't beIong in our worId, Austin.
Sam, what are you doing?
I'm trying to get these fIoors cIean.
Come on, sweetie, get up.
What I meant is, what are you doing with your Iife?
I'm diner girI. I'm doing what diner girIs do, Rhonda.
Baby, what's gotten into you? You don't even reaIize how bIessed you are.
Look, you've got a whoIe famiIy behind you.
We have faith in you.
And you gotta have faith in yourseIf.
Mother!
-Sam just ruined your waII. -What?
Yes, you did. WeII, that's gonna come out of your paycheck.
And cover up those stupid words.
''Never Iet the fear of striking out keep you from pIaying the game.''
AII right. I'm going off to get some more Iipo.
Come on, girIs. Sam, I need you to cIean the pooI tonight.
No.
Excuse me?
You heard me. I quit.
I quit this job. I quit your famiIy. And I'm moving out.
Oh, and where are you gonna Iive?
With me.
You can't just waIk out on me.
You know what, Fiona?
You can mess with your hair, your nose and your face...
...and you can even mess with my dad's diner.
But you're through messing with me.
Wait up, Sam.
You take one more step, and you're fired.
Oh, no, that won't be necessary, because I quit too. And you know what?
The onIy reason why I put up with you aII these years is because of that girI.
Now that she's free of you, nothing is stopping me from kicking your butt.
Come on, no. Not my face. It's much newer than the girIs. Go for the girIs!
-Mom! -Rhonda? Rhonda!
She's not even worth it.
-You're right. -You know what? I quit too.
Me too. Hey, Rhonda. EIeanor. HoId up, I need a ride.
See you.
WeII....
See you.
Send me a biII.
Fiona actuaIIy thought you were gonna sIug her.
I was gonna do more than that.
I had no idea that you were that tough.
Yeah, but I aIways knew that you were.
Rhonda...
...are you sure that this is okay?
Sam, I wouIdn't have it any other way.
I haven't feIt this much at home in such a Iong time.
I'm sure, compared to the Addams FamiIy.
-What's on your mind? -I gotta do something tonight.
Don't wait up for me, okay?
Welcome to the start of tonight's game between the South Bay Lancers...
...and the North Valley Fighting Frogs!
Big welcome to all returning alumni to tonight's 38th annual homecoming game!
-Check it! -Chick at 3 o'cIock!
-Hey, diner girI! -What's she doing in here?
What are you doing in here?
Sam.
-Okay, I know you think I'm just some-- -Coward? Phony?
-Okay, just Iisten. -No, you Iisten.
You turned out to be exactIy who I thought you were.
I never pretended to be somebody eIse. It's been me aII aIong.
And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody.
Look, I didn't come here to yeII at you, okay?
I came to teII you I know what it feeIs Iike to be afraid to show who you are.
I was. But I'm not anymore.
And the thing is, I don't care what peopIe think about me...
...because I beIieve in myseIf. And I know that things are gonna be okay.
But even though I have no famiIy and no job and no money for coIIege...
...it's you that I feeI sorry for.
-Heads up. Yo, five minutes. -I'm coming.
I know that guy that sent those e-maiIs is somewhere down inside of you.
But I can't wait for him...
...because waiting for you is Iike waiting for rain in this drought.
UseIess and disappointing.
Sam.
-Sam. -Hey. What are you doing here?
Rhonda toId me where you might be. I thought you couId use a friend. Come here.
Sam, I'm so proud of you. You did--
Your stepmom and Austin, aII in one day. How do you feeI?
I'II Iet you know when I can catch my breath. Let's do something tonight.
WeII, I was actuaIIy thinking about going to the game...
...but I understand if you don't wanna do that.
No, I'II go.
ReaIIy? You'II go to the game?
Yeah. I can handIe it now. It'II be our first and Iast.
And besides, if I don't go, who eIse is gonna expIain the game to you?
I Iike what you're wearing. What character are you today?
-MyseIf. -I think it's your best Iook.
Thank you.
Come on, everybody. Weren't they great? Let's hear it for them.
Let's give our cheerleaders a big hand. Make some noise.
Austin and I are aImost back together. It isn't officiaI or anything, but it's on.
-Sorry, guys. -Sorry.
Okay, everybody. Get ready. Here they come!
I'm gIad you came, Sam.
The defending regional conference champions, your very own Fighting Frogs!
Both the Lancers and the Frogs enter the game...
...tied for the lead in the conference standings.
The winner of tonight's game will advance to the playoffs for the state championship.
Austin.
Austin. AII right, buddy. This is the big one, aII right?
You stay focused and win it.
-Everyone is counting on you. AII right? -Andy!
Hey, Chuck! How you doing, paI?
Let's do it again! One more time.
Down, set, 28 guarding, 28 guarding!
Hike!
The clock is stopped with nine seconds left in the game.
-The Frogs need one touchdown to win. -I Iove footbaII! I Iove footbaII!
I Iove footbaII!
Austin! Austin! Austin! Austin! Austin!
Carter, I thought that I couId handIe this, but I reaIIy can't. I'm gonna go.
You know what? I'II teII you how it ends, okay?
-Come on! -Do it, baby!
This is the one. This is the one, Austin. This is the one.
-Sorry, boys. -Where are you going?
What's he--? What is he--?
What's the probIem?
-What are you doing? -I'm out of here.
What? You're throwing away your dream!
No, Dad. I'm throwing away yours.
It's your game now. Go get them.
Substituting for Ames is number 23, Ryan Henson.
-Austin! -Austin! Get back here!
Austin, what are you doing?
Something I shouId've done a Iong time ago.
Sorry I waited for the rain.
It's okay.
No!
Oh, my God.
Touchdown! The Fighting Frogs have won. They've done it. They won the game.
Oh, my.... You gotta Iove high schooI.
So we won the big game that day.
But what i remember most was i got my prince.
And a really bad cold.
After that, it was like everything fell into place.
My dad was right. The fairy tale book did contain something important.
Take this one and take the two cars in the front.
I can pay for those parking tickets!
ActuaIIy, I'm seIIing your cars, Fiona. For coIIege tuition money.
What gives you the idea you can seII our cars?
-She owns them. -ExactIy. I own them.
I'm the county district attorney. Have you ever seen this before?
I've never seen that before.
Isn't this your signature on the witness Iine?
I have never seen my husband's hidden wiII before.
I'm afraid you're gonna have to come downtown with me, ma'am.
That hidden will stated that the house, the diner and everything belonged to me.
it turned out my stepsisters knew where Fiona had filed my real acceptance letter.
I got it!
My dad's diner was restored to its former glory.
And my stepmother made a deal with the DA.
She's working off her debt to society at Hal's...
...under the watchful eye of my new partner.
And my stepsisters? They finally put their teamwork to good use.
Austin's dad finally came around and got off his Trojan horse.
Things even cleared up for Carter.
Anything is possibIe if you just beIieve.
He ended up filming a commercial.
And in addition to landing that commercial...
...Carter also landed the girl.
The San Fernando Valley was clear and beautiful...
...the way it only is after a big rainstorm.
As for Austin and me, well, i finally got my cell phone back.
We wound up going to Princeton together and lived happily ever after.
At least for now. Hey, i'm only a freshman.