1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Created and Encoded by -- Bokutox -- of www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. 2 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,642 O'Donnell, save something for the game. 3 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,811 I'm just warming up, coach. 4 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:05,481 Just talked to the scout again. He's coming tonight. 5 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,900 You play half the game I know you're capable of... 6 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,277 ...he's prepared to offer you a full scholarship. 7 00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:13,489 Free ride to college and the world's your oyster, kid. 8 00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:15,991 Thanks, coach. 9 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,787 All right, jockstraps, let's gather up. Picture time. 10 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,246 Try not to break the camera. 11 00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,917 We gotta hang on. Ned's not here yet. 12 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,668 Who cares? He's the water boy. 13 00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:29,171 That doesn't matter, because he's part of the team. 14 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,840 Sorry I'm late! Sorry I'm late! 15 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,677 But what kind of Dungeon Master would I be... 16 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:39,056 ...if I left my party in the middle of a battle with a hippogriff? 17 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,141 Check it out, it's Merlin the Girlin. 18 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:46,980 Um, Ned, Ned, look, I'm your best friend, all right, and I'll always have your back. 19 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:50,067 But there's only so much I can do when you show up in a dress. 20 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:53,487 O'Donnell. How about you and Boy George join us for this picture? 21 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,239 - Yep. Yep. - Just one sec. 22 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:59,201 Give the little guy the sign, please. Here we are. 23 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,036 Nice, guys. Scoot up in back. 24 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,081 Come on, you gotta look pretty for the ladies, right? Come on. 25 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:07,376 Yeah. Let's do it. Three, two, one. 26 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,282 Hey, Vanilla Ice. 27 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,285 We got a game here. Let's bring it in. 28 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,623 Man, I had to. I had to. 29 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,374 Oh, man, over there. 30 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,755 Who is that stone-cold fox? 31 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:38,300 Oh, it's my girlfriend. 32 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:40,886 Take no prisoners, bro. 33 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,473 Oh, hey, there's my girl. - Hey. 34 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:48,644 I'm glad you're here, Scar. This whole scout thing has me wicked nervous. 35 00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:51,647 I just feel like my whole future's riding on this game. 36 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:55,067 Yeah. Yeah, I know how you feel. 37 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,236 Yeah? Is everything...? Everything's cool, right? 38 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,655 Oh, yeah. Everything's totally copacetic. 39 00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,406 - Totally? - Totally. 40 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,158 O'Donnell. 41 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,744 I gotta go. See you. 42 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,170 You okay? 43 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,089 Uh, uh... 44 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,510 - We can talk about it later. - No. Just tell me. 45 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,428 It's your big night. Go enjoy it. 46 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:26,431 I can't enjoy it unless you tell me what's going on. 47 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,850 Okay. 48 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,894 Um... 49 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,000 O'Donnell! 50 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,397 Wake up! 51 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,732 O'Donnell! 52 00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:20,319 What are you doing? 53 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,899 Scar! Scar, hey. 54 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,108 Hey, Scarlet. 55 00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:03,820 - Hey, hey. Hey, what are you doing? - Mike, what are you doing? 56 00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:06,948 Look, you and me, we're in this together, okay? 57 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:10,619 - But the game. That's your future. - No, the baby's my future. 58 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,954 - That's crazy. - You're my future. 59 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:16,208 I can't let you throw this all away. I won't let you. 60 00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:06,591 Thank you for letting me stay here, Ned. 61 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,511 Oh, yeah. No problem. 62 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:14,516 - You good on the Cap'n? - I'm good on the Captain. 63 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:20,188 Hey, Mike? 64 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:24,693 Mike, I can tell you're down, but trust me on this. 65 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,529 You're looking at Scarlet kicking you out of the house... 66 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:31,992 ...and the kids wanting nothing to do with you as a negative, when in fact... 67 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,039 - I guess it's mostly negative, isn't it? - Well, yeah. 68 00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,375 I had no upside for that. 69 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,545 Hey! You're getting that big promotion today, right? 70 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,380 Yes. Yes, I am. 71 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,216 Today everything turns around for me. 72 00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,177 Knock them dead. 73 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,096 I love you! 74 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,403 So anyway... 75 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,572 ...the way corporate wants us to spin it... 76 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,742 ...is that maybe, in certain situations... 77 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:17,370 ...a four-hour erection isn't such a terrible thing. 78 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,582 Okay. Next up: 79 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:25,003 As most of you know, today I am proud to be naming our new regional sales manager. 80 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,755 - Here we go. - You know... 81 00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:32,761 ...I've been in the pharmaceutical game for almost two years now... 82 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:36,223 ...and people always ask me: "What's it take to be an RSM?" 83 00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,099 Leadership. 84 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:40,936 Courage. 85 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,438 Integrity. 86 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:48,401 But most importantly, dedication to this company. 87 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,947 So congratulations. Mike. 88 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:57,285 Mike, if you could slide to your left so I can congratulate our new RSM, Wendy! 89 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,579 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 90 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,292 Go out there and push some pills, my peeps. 91 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:05,919 Good job, baby! 92 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,964 Bye-bye, thanks. 93 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,591 See you at practice. Mmm. 94 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:17,180 Mike. What's crack-a-lacking, coz? 95 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,600 Well, I'll tell you what's crack-a-lacking. Are you kidding me? 96 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:24,479 Wendy's been here two months. I've been here 16 years. 97 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,314 I got the best numbers on the team. 98 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,817 You should think of it as a compliment. 99 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:34,072 Think of it as us saying, "You're just too valuable to promote. " 100 00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:36,825 - You little... - Shh, shh, shh, hello? 101 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,995 Hey, buddy. No, no, no, I got time. 102 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:44,332 Ha. I know, right? Look, listen, she was my doubles par... 103 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:52,924 So many girls and only one promotion, but you guys are so supportive. 104 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,343 - But, Wendy, you did it. - Thank you. 105 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:58,263 Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! 106 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,765 You guys! OMG. 107 00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:05,020 Oh, and it gets better, because we are going to T.G.I. Friday's! 108 00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:06,646 - Shut up! - Aah! 109 00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:15,048 Mike O'Donnell. 110 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,094 Do I know you? 111 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,596 No. But I know you. 112 00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:23,556 Oh, yeah? 113 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,894 High school star. Never quite lived up to your potential. 114 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:32,482 Sooner or later you all come back to the old school. 115 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:36,111 Stand there and look at the picture of the glory days... 116 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,613 ...wondering what might have been. 117 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,950 Seems to me you guys are living in the past. 118 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,328 Well, of course I want to live in the past. 119 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,080 It was better there. 120 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,960 I'll bet you wish you had it to do all over again. 121 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,004 Huh. You got that right. 122 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,134 You're sure about that? 123 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,011 Oh, yeah. 124 00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,390 Dad. - Hi, Mr. O'Donnell. 125 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,059 - Ladies. What are you doing here? 126 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,145 Oh, I was just talking to... 127 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:12,480 ...nobody. 128 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:17,485 Doesn't matter. I got off work early, and I thought we could get ice cream. 129 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,029 Together? 130 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,825 - Why? - Just go get your brother, okay? 131 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,162 Do you need anything else? 132 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,955 No, we're fine. 133 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,503 What's the matter? This used to be your favorite place. 134 00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:38,673 - We used to come here for your birthday. - When I was, like, 8. 135 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,184 So, Al, basketball season's coming up. 136 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,393 - You ready? - Yeah. 137 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,353 - Been working on that outside shot? - Mm-hm. 138 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:53,646 - Passing? - Good. 139 00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:55,440 - Dribbling? - Really good. 140 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,525 Good's not going to get you a scholarship. 141 00:12:57,693 --> 00:13:00,361 I meant, it's great. It's great, Dad. It's great. 142 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,947 That's my boy. Remember, it's not how big you are. 143 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,157 It's how big you play. 144 00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,742 Right up here. 145 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:08,620 Uh, Maggie got into Georgetown. 146 00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,122 Maggie, that's awesome. 147 00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,708 Can you turn down the? 148 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,103 Okay, guys, see you soon. 149 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:40,068 Love you. Nice chatting with you. 150 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:56,584 What the hell are you doing? 151 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,171 Hey, that's my stuff. 152 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,885 Why are you destroying our yard? 153 00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,096 It's not our yard. It's my yard, remember? 154 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:12,183 You took the road not taken. And I get the yard. 155 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,023 I'm going to turn it into a showpiece for my clients. 156 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:22,402 - Clients of what? - Landscape design. 157 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,778 Landscape design? 158 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,281 I'm going to show people what I can do. 159 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:31,452 Yeah, well, the divorce isn't final for another two weeks, so you have no right. 160 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:35,790 Really? So I've spent the last 18 years of my life listening to you whine... 161 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:39,210 ...about the things you could've done without me, and I have no right? 162 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,589 - It's just I put a lot of work into this yard. - Did you? 163 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:45,133 Really? Like the barbeque pit? 164 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,551 Yeah. 165 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:50,805 Yeah. The way I remember that is that you spent about an hour working on it... 166 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:54,767 ...and then you spent the next two days complaining about... 167 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:57,979 ...if you had gone to college, you could've hired someone to do it. 168 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,399 - I don't think it was a whole two days. - Or the hammock over here. 169 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,650 Yeah. 170 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:06,905 I think you quit that one because you just decided not to try anymore. 171 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:09,699 Look, try to see things from my point of view. 172 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,577 I am extremely disappointed with my life. 173 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,495 I never asked you to marry me. 174 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:15,997 Yeah, but I did. 175 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,044 Well... 176 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,465 ...you don't have to do me any more favors, then. 177 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,092 We're not going to hold each other back anymore, okay? 178 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:31,804 - Scar... - I'll see you at court, okay? At the trial. 179 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,306 Scarlet. 180 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:34,515 Naomi! 181 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,684 - You came. Of course I came. 182 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:40,229 What bridesmaid would I be if I didn't hold your hand during the divorce? 183 00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:44,108 Now, just remember. The first one's always the hardest. 184 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,610 - Mike. - Naomi. 185 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,153 - Naomi. - I don't care. 186 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:50,448 Let's get going. We got to get you ready. Back on the market. 187 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:51,824 Yeah, I'm a real catch. 188 00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:56,037 Single mom with two teenage kids and manure caked under my fingernails. 189 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,665 You'll do great. You got the butt of a 12-year-old boy. 190 00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:01,125 That's terrific. I hope our daughter heard that. 191 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,836 Ugh. When was the last time you waxed? 192 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,676 Bye, Mike. 193 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,391 Bye. 194 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,382 MAN You're sure about that? 195 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,269 Jesus. 196 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,409 Hey! Get off of there! 197 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,634 Oh, no. Hello? 198 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,180 Hello?! Hello?! 199 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,314 What the? 200 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:53,029 Oh, no! 201 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,661 Oh, man. 202 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,166 Ned? 203 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:48,709 Thief! 204 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:52,296 No, no, no, Ned! Ned, no, no, no! It's me! 205 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,428 Stop! Stop! 206 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:06,435 Ned? 207 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,483 Oh, wow. I feel great. 208 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,069 Ha, ha. 209 00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,490 What are you doing? No, Ned. 210 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,743 - Aah! Aah! - No. 211 00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,582 No, no, no, Ned! 212 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,386 Ned! Come on! It's me, it's Mike! 213 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:48,769 Ned, Ned, Ned, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, stop it! Stop it! Now! 214 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,439 Oh. 215 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,274 An elegant weapon... 216 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,902 ...from a more civilized time. 217 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,368 Hey, it's me! It's Mike O'Donnell, your best friend! 218 00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:07,955 You have an undescended testicle. 219 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:10,458 Googleable! 220 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,834 Ned! 221 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,796 You helped me cheat on my math test, but I got caught. 222 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,049 Public record! 223 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,559 You asked Princess Leia to junior prom. 224 00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:31,145 Covered by the local news. 225 00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,905 I can't breathe! I can't breathe! 226 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,160 Please. 227 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,745 - Oh! - Ha, ha! 228 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,624 Oh, my God. 229 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,919 No, no, no. 230 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,629 Ned, Ned. 231 00:20:58,006 --> 00:20:59,590 Oh, my God. 232 00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:14,313 Would you stop staring at me? 233 00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,525 - It's freaking me out. - It's freaking me out! 234 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,652 I'm pubescent! 235 00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:26,534 Okay. So, uh... 236 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,536 ...it's a classic transformation story. 237 00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,747 It appears in the literature time and time again. 238 00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:34,250 Were you at any point shot by a gamma ray? 239 00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:38,087 - No. - Exposed to gamma radiation of any kind? 240 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,172 - No, Ned. - No? 241 00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,550 You wouldn't see it. Okay. 242 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:46,929 That eliminates these and those and most of that side. 243 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:52,184 Are you now or have you ever been... 244 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:56,314 ...a Norse god, vampire, or time-traveling cyborg? 245 00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:59,400 I've known you since, what, first grade? I would have told you. 246 00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:03,154 Vampire wouldn't tell. Cyborg wouldn't know. 247 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,822 Shut up. 248 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:10,077 Okay, if it's not any of those, I guess, um, we're looking at your basic... 249 00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:14,540 ...spirit guide transformation magic. That's kind of a biggie, actually. 250 00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:17,460 That is here. 251 00:22:17,627 --> 00:22:19,378 When the hero... 252 00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:22,006 - I guess that's... I guess, you. - Hm. 253 00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:25,926 Uh, is transformed by his spirit guide... 254 00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:27,762 ...to set him on a new path. 255 00:22:28,221 --> 00:22:30,598 - Which is what? - Do I look like your spirit guide? 256 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:37,855 The janitor. 257 00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:40,941 The janitor. 258 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,456 You guys seen the janitor? You seen the janitor? 259 00:22:55,624 --> 00:22:58,042 - Do you know where the janitor is? No. 260 00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:01,295 Hey, where's the janitor? Where does the janitor work? 261 00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:03,464 - Excuse me! - You all right, kid? 262 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,966 - There's another janitor who works here. - Just me. 263 00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:08,969 No, no. There's an older guy with white hair who works here. 264 00:23:09,137 --> 00:23:13,766 I was here yesterday talking to the janit... I showed him this picture of me. 265 00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:16,060 You? - Yeah. 266 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,979 That picture's from 1989. 267 00:23:21,441 --> 00:23:23,818 Right. Forget it. 268 00:23:28,490 --> 00:23:31,784 Alex! 269 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,327 Alex, buddy! 270 00:23:34,496 --> 00:23:35,746 Alex! 271 00:24:07,904 --> 00:24:11,991 Hello? 272 00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,162 Spirit guide? 273 00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:19,665 What am I supposed to do? 274 00:24:19,833 --> 00:24:22,376 Don't know what I'm supposed to do. 275 00:24:29,926 --> 00:24:32,178 Ouch. Oh, ow. 276 00:24:32,345 --> 00:24:35,264 I got shot. Did I get shot or did I get...? Someone got powned. 277 00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:40,060 - It's a grenade. Ned. 278 00:24:40,604 --> 00:24:42,146 Aah! Oh, sorry. Teenage you. 279 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:45,191 I figured it out. I figured out what I'm supposed to do. 280 00:24:45,358 --> 00:24:47,568 I figured out what my spirit guide wants me to do. 281 00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:48,986 I'm going back. 282 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,407 I'm going back to high school, Ned! 283 00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:56,076 No! No, no. No way. 284 00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:59,079 Your spirit guide would not waste transformation magic... 285 00:24:59,247 --> 00:25:01,916 ...on you reliving your senior year and going to prom. No. 286 00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:07,004 Ned, this is my chance to have my life over, but to do it right. 287 00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,340 - Wouldn't you, if you had the chance? - No. 288 00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:12,092 I'm rich, and nobody stuck my head in a toilet today. 289 00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:14,011 Sure. Besides, it's not just about me. 290 00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:18,265 - It's about you. - No, it's much bigger than me. 291 00:25:18,433 --> 00:25:20,559 - It's about you. - Okay, maybe it's about me... 292 00:25:20,727 --> 00:25:22,269 ...but what's wrong with that? 293 00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:25,397 I have not done anything for me since 1989. 294 00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:30,361 You do what you have to do. But don't think about sucking me into this with you. 295 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,404 Hayden was the low point of my existence... 296 00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:36,867 ...and I vowed I would never go back to that godforsaken place! 297 00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:40,287 Never, ever, ever! 298 00:25:40,789 --> 00:25:43,707 Never! Never, ever, ever! 299 00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:48,587 I hate you. 300 00:25:49,798 --> 00:25:51,131 Hello. 301 00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:54,301 I'm here to enroll my son... 302 00:25:54,678 --> 00:25:56,428 ...in school. 303 00:25:56,596 --> 00:25:58,013 Mark. 304 00:25:58,473 --> 00:26:00,140 What's up? 305 00:26:02,352 --> 00:26:04,687 So... 306 00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:10,484 So we'll just have a seat till you're ready for us. 307 00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:12,486 We'll be right, uh... Okay. 308 00:26:21,496 --> 00:26:22,663 What's this you're wearing? 309 00:26:24,499 --> 00:26:29,253 This is cool. This is hip. I have a picture of Kevin Federline wearing the same thing. 310 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,672 - I don't know who that is. - What are you wearing? 311 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,257 - I told you, like a dad. - I am. 312 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,593 - You look like Clay Aiken. - Leave him out of this. 313 00:26:38,179 --> 00:26:42,224 Are you sure these look legit? - Oh, yeah. Look who you're talking to. 314 00:26:42,392 --> 00:26:47,187 I'm the guy who invented the software that prevents people from stealing music. 315 00:26:48,023 --> 00:26:50,482 I also invented the software that helps people steal music... 316 00:26:50,650 --> 00:26:52,026 ...but that's a happy coincidence. 317 00:26:53,069 --> 00:26:55,487 What is that? 318 00:26:56,990 --> 00:26:58,032 Oh, my G... 319 00:26:58,199 --> 00:26:59,950 - Wrong. These are for me. - You kidding? 320 00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:03,871 - What's-her-name and Chewie's for me. - Miss Masterson will see you now. 321 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,122 Let's go. 322 00:27:06,708 --> 00:27:08,542 Just don't try to be funny, all right? 323 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,794 Say as little as possible. 324 00:27:10,962 --> 00:27:13,464 Hey, watch where you're going, toolbag. 325 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:17,092 - So sorry, sir. Our fault. - Stan. 326 00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:25,684 Hello. I'm Jane Masterson, principal here at Hayden High. 327 00:27:25,852 --> 00:27:27,394 Hi. 328 00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:42,576 Hello. 329 00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:44,912 Hi. - Hi. 330 00:27:45,622 --> 00:27:46,914 Uh, okay. 331 00:27:48,083 --> 00:27:49,875 Yeah, I think we're good here. 332 00:27:50,251 --> 00:27:51,794 Sorry. 333 00:27:53,463 --> 00:27:55,839 I think our hands just made a baby. 334 00:27:56,007 --> 00:28:00,719 Excuse my dad. He's not used to talking to attractive women. 335 00:28:00,887 --> 00:28:02,513 Oh, thank you... 336 00:28:03,264 --> 00:28:04,556 - Mark. Mark... 337 00:28:04,724 --> 00:28:08,394 ...for that flattering yet totally inappropriate comment. 338 00:28:08,561 --> 00:28:09,770 Please sit. 339 00:28:11,856 --> 00:28:15,943 Before we get started, I think you should know that, uh, Mark's a bastard. 340 00:28:17,278 --> 00:28:18,404 Excuse me? 341 00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:20,572 I had him out of wedlock, so... 342 00:28:21,199 --> 00:28:22,950 ...I'm single. 343 00:28:23,284 --> 00:28:24,451 And I'm very rich. 344 00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:29,289 Okay. 345 00:28:29,457 --> 00:28:31,959 - Did you bring your transcripts? - Oh, yeah. 346 00:28:32,794 --> 00:28:34,211 Transcripts. 347 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:38,048 Last school you went to was Cutler High in Connecticut. 348 00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:40,217 Straight-A student. Very impressive. 349 00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,137 Math club... 350 00:28:43,304 --> 00:28:45,639 ...National Merit finalist... 351 00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:48,892 ...Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Champion. 352 00:28:53,982 --> 00:28:56,984 Well, I think Hayden would be lucky to have you. 353 00:28:57,819 --> 00:29:00,112 - Welcome. - Thank you. 354 00:29:06,369 --> 00:29:08,829 Uh, yes, Mr. Gold. Do you have a question? 355 00:29:10,039 --> 00:29:11,832 Your hair is pretty. 356 00:29:12,709 --> 00:29:16,086 Ah. Not a question, but thank you. 357 00:29:17,505 --> 00:29:19,757 Would the lady mind if I smelled it? 358 00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:23,510 Now is probably a good time to tell you that I don't date students' parents. 359 00:29:24,220 --> 00:29:29,016 Well, maybe I should tell you that I never don't not date the principal of my child. 360 00:29:29,184 --> 00:29:31,977 Okay, come on, Dad. Come on, Dad. 361 00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:34,229 Let's go. 362 00:29:35,190 --> 00:29:36,982 I was about to close! 363 00:29:37,817 --> 00:29:40,360 You have to do it right now? Just calm down. You're a dad. 364 00:29:40,528 --> 00:29:44,156 - Hi. Oh, my gosh. We're in. - You see her undress me with her eyes? 365 00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:46,158 I don't think that's what that was. 366 00:29:46,326 --> 00:29:49,453 Hey. Wow. I don't know how we did it. 367 00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:51,246 It's Maggie's friends. Watch this. 368 00:29:51,414 --> 00:29:53,957 - Hey, girls, how's it going? Do I know you? 369 00:29:54,125 --> 00:29:55,417 What'd you do, mug K-Fed? 370 00:29:59,714 --> 00:30:02,382 Welcome to the bottom of the food chain. 371 00:30:04,552 --> 00:30:07,971 Hey, look, you always had my back in high school, okay? 372 00:30:08,139 --> 00:30:10,891 So if your spirit guide wants you to be a fake teenager... 373 00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,018 ...and me to be your fake dad... 374 00:30:13,186 --> 00:30:16,355 ...the least I can do is make sure that my fake son doesn't look... 375 00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:19,024 ...like a total douche. 376 00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:22,236 - I don't look like a douche. What a douche. 377 00:30:22,612 --> 00:30:24,446 We're going shopping. 378 00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:27,241 - Really? - Yes, your shirt is bedazzled. 379 00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:29,743 Bedazzled with rhinestones. 380 00:30:50,098 --> 00:30:51,098 Ooh. 381 00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:53,100 Let's go to school. 382 00:30:53,268 --> 00:30:54,434 Hey, yo, check it out. 383 00:30:54,602 --> 00:30:56,103 That's just rude. 384 00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:40,188 What's up, dude? 385 00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:47,696 What are you looking at, punk? 386 00:31:49,157 --> 00:31:51,158 - Watch it. - Wake up, douche. 387 00:31:53,912 --> 00:31:55,746 Sorry. 388 00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:01,168 No phones, no texting. 389 00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:05,589 Settle, people. Settle down. 390 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:08,425 Take the roughhousing outside, class. 391 00:32:13,222 --> 00:32:14,640 Hello? 392 00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:17,935 - Hello? - Where the hell are you? 393 00:32:19,812 --> 00:32:21,521 Oh, cr... 394 00:32:21,689 --> 00:32:24,691 - The thing. You mean our divorce? 395 00:32:24,859 --> 00:32:26,610 Do you take any of this seriously? 396 00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:29,821 No, no! Yes, I take this seriously. 397 00:32:29,989 --> 00:32:33,617 I had to leave the country very suddenly, uh... 398 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,536 ...with the Mayan... Inca, I'm with the Incas in Peru. 399 00:32:36,704 --> 00:32:38,664 We think we might have found the next... 400 00:32:39,999 --> 00:32:41,041 ...Rogaine. 401 00:32:43,002 --> 00:32:44,378 Are you with a girl? 402 00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:47,381 No, no. It's, uh, a bunch of cheerleaders. 403 00:32:47,548 --> 00:32:51,009 So would you consider maybe dating a 10th-grader? 404 00:32:51,177 --> 00:32:53,053 I think we could go for full custody. 405 00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:55,305 No, you can't take my kids away from me. 406 00:32:55,473 --> 00:32:57,557 Since when do you care? 407 00:33:02,271 --> 00:33:03,313 Look... 408 00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:07,693 ...I'm a lot closer to them than you think. 409 00:33:07,860 --> 00:33:10,237 Let's reschedule, okay? 410 00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,282 Hey, Maggie. 411 00:33:17,537 --> 00:33:20,080 Um, why is the new kid waving at me? 412 00:33:20,248 --> 00:33:21,999 I don't know. 413 00:33:22,166 --> 00:33:24,167 But if that boy were an apple... 414 00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:25,794 ...he'd be a Delicious. 415 00:33:26,587 --> 00:33:28,088 Oh, God. 416 00:33:32,176 --> 00:33:35,512 Gosh, we are all in such great shape. 417 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,264 Oh, jeez. 418 00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:40,517 Man, you know, I will tell you something. 419 00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,603 In 10 years you're going to have this thing right here... 420 00:33:43,771 --> 00:33:48,400 ...that no amount of crunches will get rid of. And spot reduction, total lie. 421 00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:50,444 You know, I... 422 00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:53,572 Never mind. Give me the ball. 423 00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:55,782 Fakes right, goes left. 424 00:33:55,950 --> 00:33:57,909 And signature move. 425 00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:00,787 Kid. 426 00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:06,918 - I'm Coach Murphy. - Oh, wow. 427 00:34:07,086 --> 00:34:09,629 - You're still here? - What? 428 00:34:10,798 --> 00:34:12,090 You're a legend. 429 00:34:12,258 --> 00:34:15,510 Yeah. Well, yeah. Twenty years. 430 00:34:15,678 --> 00:34:18,180 It's actually my last one. 431 00:34:18,347 --> 00:34:21,099 Good hops, kid. Nice handle. 432 00:34:21,642 --> 00:34:23,226 We're looking for a point guard. 433 00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:24,811 Oh, yeah? 434 00:34:26,522 --> 00:34:30,150 - Why don't you come to tryouts? - Okay. 435 00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:33,570 - I'm done talking to you. - Yeah, yeah. 436 00:34:36,532 --> 00:34:37,616 Hey, how's it going? 437 00:34:37,784 --> 00:34:38,825 MIKE Things are looking up. 438 00:34:38,993 --> 00:34:41,828 Coach Murphy practically put me on the team. 439 00:34:41,996 --> 00:34:44,581 That's not a coincidence. We're on the path. 440 00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:48,001 That's great. That's super you're finding your destiny and, blah, blah, whatever. 441 00:34:48,169 --> 00:34:50,587 Here's something. I need you to do something for me. 442 00:34:50,755 --> 00:34:52,339 I need you to get in trouble. 443 00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:53,965 Not, like, big trouble. 444 00:34:54,133 --> 00:34:57,803 Just enough trouble so that the principal needs to meet with your father. 445 00:34:57,970 --> 00:34:59,596 Yeah, okay, well, we'll see. 446 00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,807 - Oh! Boom. BOY Ned! 447 00:35:01,974 --> 00:35:03,100 Boom. Checkmate, Samir! 448 00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:05,102 - Damn it! Checkmate. 449 00:35:05,812 --> 00:35:08,605 Uh, can I get a little help in here? 450 00:35:11,484 --> 00:35:12,609 Alex? 451 00:35:19,492 --> 00:35:20,867 How does it...? 452 00:35:22,453 --> 00:35:25,163 - Who did this to you? - The basketball team. 453 00:35:26,332 --> 00:35:29,709 But why? Why? You're one of them. 454 00:35:30,086 --> 00:35:31,128 You're popular. 455 00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:35,966 Uh, look, this is kind of personal, and I don't know you. 456 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:37,342 - I'm taped to the toilet. - Yeah. 457 00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:42,055 I'm sorry, I'm Mark Gold, uh, your uncle Ned's kid. I just started here. 458 00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:44,307 Oh, cool. Cool, yeah. 459 00:35:44,475 --> 00:35:46,685 Well, I'd shake your hand... 460 00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,979 ...but it's taped to my ass. - Right. Right. 461 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:50,355 Would you mind? 462 00:35:50,523 --> 00:35:53,233 - Yeah, yeah, sure. - Yeah, um. 463 00:35:53,401 --> 00:35:55,569 - Just rip. - I'm going to get it. 464 00:35:56,571 --> 00:35:57,863 - Band-Aid. - Go for it. 465 00:36:02,201 --> 00:36:03,910 So how come we never met? 466 00:36:05,913 --> 00:36:08,915 My mom didn't want anyone to know she had a kid with Ned. 467 00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:11,168 - That makes sense. - Yeah. 468 00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:14,254 So since we're practically family and all... 469 00:36:14,422 --> 00:36:17,924 ...my dad says we should just keep an eye on each other, you know? 470 00:36:18,092 --> 00:36:19,551 Uh, yeah. Why not? 471 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,762 Next time you could get there before they tape me to the toilet. 472 00:36:22,930 --> 00:36:24,472 You got it. 473 00:36:26,559 --> 00:36:28,393 This looks good. 474 00:36:34,108 --> 00:36:35,483 Who's that? 475 00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:36,943 Oh, uh... 476 00:36:37,111 --> 00:36:38,778 - Nicole. - Are you two going out? 477 00:36:38,946 --> 00:36:41,489 No, no, she's the, uh, head cheerleader. 478 00:36:41,949 --> 00:36:43,450 She'd never go out with me. 479 00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:46,453 You know, when I first met your mother, I was so nervous... 480 00:36:46,621 --> 00:36:48,121 You met my mother? 481 00:36:48,289 --> 00:36:49,539 - What? - My mother. 482 00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:52,417 You said, "The first time I met your mother, I was nervous. " 483 00:36:52,793 --> 00:36:55,712 - Oh, that's weird. Is your mom hot? - Dude, what...? 484 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,799 - What do I say to that? - I was joking. Joking, dude. 485 00:37:03,638 --> 00:37:04,971 Stan. 486 00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:09,142 I hate that guy. 487 00:37:09,769 --> 00:37:11,978 - Oh. - Thanks. 488 00:37:12,146 --> 00:37:13,188 What? - Huh. 489 00:37:13,356 --> 00:37:15,523 - Freshman. Good sandwich. 490 00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:19,152 Is that the guy who taped you to the toilet? 491 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:20,528 Yeah. 492 00:37:20,696 --> 00:37:23,740 Yesterday he shoved me in a washing machine in my own house. 493 00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:27,327 - What was that jerk doing at your house? - It's Maggie's boyfriend. 494 00:37:28,829 --> 00:37:30,664 Maggie has a boyfriend? 495 00:37:33,042 --> 00:37:34,501 Well... 496 00:37:35,211 --> 00:37:37,504 ...I'm very disappointed in your sister. 497 00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:41,925 He's looking. Don't make eye contact. He's kind of temperamental. 498 00:37:42,593 --> 00:37:45,345 - You're looking. Stop it, stop it. - I'll look at him. 499 00:37:45,513 --> 00:37:47,389 Hey, twinkle douche. 500 00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:53,270 If I wanted you in the cafeteria, I would've taped you to a lunch lady. 501 00:37:54,021 --> 00:37:56,273 You little punk. 502 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,692 You don't talk to him that way. 503 00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:02,988 Yeah? 504 00:38:04,740 --> 00:38:05,865 What are you gonna do? 505 00:38:10,871 --> 00:38:11,997 What am I gonna do? 506 00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:15,667 First... 507 00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:18,670 ...I'm going to call your father. 508 00:38:22,258 --> 00:38:23,800 Heads up! 509 00:38:32,351 --> 00:38:35,228 Give me my ball back, bitch. 510 00:38:35,396 --> 00:38:37,731 You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you. 511 00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:40,900 - You don't know me. - Oh, but I do. 512 00:38:41,068 --> 00:38:42,736 All too well. 513 00:38:43,571 --> 00:38:44,779 You're the man. 514 00:38:44,947 --> 00:38:47,073 Captain of the basketball team. 515 00:38:47,241 --> 00:38:49,492 Dates the pretty girls. 516 00:38:50,536 --> 00:38:52,829 High school is your kingdom. 517 00:38:53,748 --> 00:38:55,707 But, people... 518 00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:57,959 ...Stan's a bully. 519 00:38:58,127 --> 00:38:59,586 Why? 520 00:38:59,754 --> 00:39:05,717 It'd be way too easy to say Stan preys on the weak simply because he's a dick. 521 00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:07,093 No. 522 00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:09,429 No, no. 523 00:39:09,597 --> 00:39:11,264 Stan here... 524 00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:14,267 ...is much more complex than that. 525 00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:17,437 See, according to leading psychiatrists... 526 00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:20,899 ...Stan's a bully for one of three reasons. 527 00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:23,026 One: 528 00:39:23,819 --> 00:39:25,737 Underneath all of that male bravado... 529 00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:29,783 ...there's an insecure little girl banging on the closet door trying to get out. 530 00:39:32,953 --> 00:39:34,454 Two: 531 00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:36,373 Like a caveman... 532 00:39:36,540 --> 00:39:38,708 ...Stan's brain is... 533 00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:41,252 ...underdeveloped. 534 00:39:41,420 --> 00:39:44,464 Therefore, Stan is unable to use self-control. 535 00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:46,800 And so he acts out aggressively. 536 00:39:48,010 --> 00:39:49,969 And the third reason: 537 00:39:50,846 --> 00:39:52,430 Stan has a small wiener. 538 00:40:12,034 --> 00:40:14,035 Don't hurt yourself, big boy. 539 00:40:24,004 --> 00:40:26,923 Whoa, whoa, hey. Drinking age is still 21, thank you very much. 540 00:40:27,091 --> 00:40:30,927 Unless your spirit guide gave you a fake ID, this is mine. 541 00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:36,474 What are you eating? 542 00:40:36,642 --> 00:40:39,394 I don't even know. I just know I'm hungry. 543 00:40:39,562 --> 00:40:41,020 All the time. 544 00:40:41,188 --> 00:40:42,897 Okay, that's not safe or sanitary. 545 00:40:43,065 --> 00:40:45,817 That's your can now. We'll label it like that. 546 00:40:49,029 --> 00:40:51,197 So, what did you learn at school today? 547 00:40:53,325 --> 00:40:56,202 - That I'm a bad dad. - I thought it was going great. 548 00:40:56,370 --> 00:40:59,205 It was going fantastic for me. 549 00:40:59,373 --> 00:41:00,790 And then what? 550 00:41:03,085 --> 00:41:07,172 And then I found out my son spent the last year being the school punching bag... 551 00:41:07,339 --> 00:41:11,092 ...and watched my daughter get a tongue bath from a psychopathic jackass. 552 00:41:11,510 --> 00:41:13,136 High school's delightful, isn't it? 553 00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,681 Yeah. But I think I was wrong about my spirit path. 554 00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:18,975 And who was right? See? I told you. 555 00:41:19,143 --> 00:41:21,144 I told you high school was the wrong thing. 556 00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:25,023 High school was right, but it's not about basketball. 557 00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:27,734 It's about helping Alex and Maggie. 558 00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:31,279 Mmm. 559 00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:34,491 All right. I'm getting out of here. 560 00:41:35,367 --> 00:41:37,744 - Disgusting. - My kids need their father. 561 00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:47,253 - What's going on? - Oh, hey, Mark. 562 00:41:50,424 --> 00:41:51,591 What was that? 563 00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:54,511 A three-pointer. 564 00:41:56,388 --> 00:41:58,389 Can you do that twice in a row? 565 00:42:02,269 --> 00:42:05,855 Okay. Let's see you do it with a little pressure. 566 00:42:12,863 --> 00:42:15,406 Wow, you're great. You should be on the team. 567 00:42:17,034 --> 00:42:20,745 You should be on the team. I'm going to get you on the team. 568 00:42:22,331 --> 00:42:24,749 That's it. That'll solve everything. 569 00:42:25,084 --> 00:42:27,126 Dude, what are you talking about? 570 00:42:27,294 --> 00:42:28,628 Nothing. 571 00:42:35,302 --> 00:42:39,722 Well, that was fun. I haven't been to happy hour in, like, a week and a half. 572 00:42:39,890 --> 00:42:43,059 Naomi, thank you so much. That is exactly what I needed. 573 00:42:43,227 --> 00:42:44,769 Oh, great. 574 00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,480 Mike who? - Mike who? I've never heard of the guy. 575 00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:48,940 Ow. 576 00:42:49,984 --> 00:42:52,902 Hey, Mom, this is Mark, Uncle Ned's bastard. 577 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:54,362 Wow. 578 00:42:54,530 --> 00:42:57,657 I know. Someone had a kid with Uncle Ned. Ew. 579 00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:01,327 You okay, Mrs. O'Donnell? 580 00:43:02,121 --> 00:43:03,162 Yeah, I'm fine. 581 00:43:03,330 --> 00:43:06,207 It's "Ms.," kid. It's "Ms.," Scarlet. Don't forget that. 582 00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:07,625 Oh, right. 583 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:13,256 Wow. 584 00:43:14,550 --> 00:43:18,261 You look just like my husband. Doesn't he? 585 00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:21,723 - My ex-husband. That is so weird. - Heh, heh. 586 00:43:21,890 --> 00:43:23,016 It is weird. 587 00:43:23,183 --> 00:43:24,851 What is that? 588 00:43:25,019 --> 00:43:26,477 Scarlet, I need you to come. 589 00:43:26,645 --> 00:43:27,854 Weird. 590 00:43:28,022 --> 00:43:29,522 - Do you see that? - I did see it. 591 00:43:30,566 --> 00:43:32,025 You see him? - She's nice. 592 00:43:32,401 --> 00:43:33,443 But look at him. 593 00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:36,779 You gotta let that guy go, just out of your brain and move on. 594 00:43:36,947 --> 00:43:39,949 I know you need to grieve a relationship. It's only natural. 595 00:43:40,117 --> 00:43:41,367 Okay. 596 00:43:41,535 --> 00:43:44,120 You wait here. I'm going to go smell him. 597 00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:47,624 No, no, no. Sweetie. You're not allowed to smell teenagers. 598 00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:51,044 Sweetie, you need to hear me on this. Here's the thing. 599 00:43:51,211 --> 00:43:53,087 The other thing, you need to acknowledge... 600 00:43:53,255 --> 00:43:56,549 ...that he looks exactly like Mike used to look in high school. 601 00:43:56,717 --> 00:44:00,470 We discussed that. I have looked at him. But, honey, this is the thing: 602 00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,722 You need to hook up with someone new. 603 00:44:02,890 --> 00:44:07,727 Yeah, I deserve to have somebody smile at me and tell me I'm pretty. 604 00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:09,562 - You do. - Even if it is... 605 00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:12,148 ...to just get me to go home with him. 606 00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:17,195 Or lunch. But, yes, we're gonna find you a new playmate. Ow! 607 00:44:17,363 --> 00:44:19,822 You little turd. You little snot. 608 00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:21,491 My bad. Gosh, I'm so sorry. 609 00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:25,745 I guess I was, uh, kind of distracted, as I imagine Alex was... 610 00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:29,207 ...at hearing about how his mother, who is still married, by the way... 611 00:44:29,375 --> 00:44:31,876 ...is planning to run around with every guy she can get. 612 00:44:32,044 --> 00:44:35,838 In Afghanistan, she'd be dragged through the streets by goats with her hands cut off. 613 00:44:36,006 --> 00:44:37,924 I'm just saying. I'm just saying, Naomi. 614 00:44:38,092 --> 00:44:40,385 - Naomi. - I don't care. 615 00:44:55,776 --> 00:44:57,652 - Hey, guys. Oh. 616 00:44:58,070 --> 00:44:59,779 Okay, settle down. Take your seats. 617 00:44:59,947 --> 00:45:03,616 Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Stan. Thank you. 618 00:45:04,034 --> 00:45:09,455 Okay, today we will be continuing our discussion on human sexuality. 619 00:45:09,623 --> 00:45:14,585 And as we discussed, the official school policy is abstinence. 620 00:45:14,753 --> 00:45:16,462 Now, that is very sensible. 621 00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:19,590 I'm glad that someone here has their head screwed on straight. 622 00:45:19,758 --> 00:45:23,386 I think all of us should make a pact to abstain from sex. 623 00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:25,805 Now, who's with me, you guys? Come on. 624 00:45:27,141 --> 00:45:28,224 Oh, my God. 625 00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:32,895 - Maggie? - Hm? 626 00:45:33,689 --> 00:45:35,273 However, let's get real. 627 00:45:35,441 --> 00:45:38,735 I know asking high school seniors to be abstinent... 628 00:45:38,902 --> 00:45:42,822 ...is like asking a porcupine to poop goat cheese. Yuck. 629 00:45:43,198 --> 00:45:47,493 So since the majority of you are or will become sexually active at some point... 630 00:45:47,661 --> 00:45:52,457 But that point should be way, way in the future, right? 631 00:45:52,624 --> 00:45:55,126 Well, the official school position... 632 00:45:55,294 --> 00:45:57,503 ...is that we prepare you for safe sex now. 633 00:45:58,881 --> 00:46:01,674 So please take one and pass it down. 634 00:46:07,514 --> 00:46:09,348 I have needs. 635 00:46:11,018 --> 00:46:14,771 - You don't need these. Stan, give one to Mark. 636 00:46:14,938 --> 00:46:19,108 No. No, you know what, he's right. He's right. I don't need one. 637 00:46:19,276 --> 00:46:23,029 You know why I don't need one? Because there's no one I'm in love with. 638 00:46:23,197 --> 00:46:25,239 It's called "making love," isn't it? 639 00:46:25,407 --> 00:46:30,787 Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think that means you do it with someone you love. 640 00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:33,372 And preferably when you're married. 641 00:46:33,540 --> 00:46:38,294 You know, when you're ready to take that love and turn it into a baby. 642 00:46:39,588 --> 00:46:41,756 Because that's what love is. 643 00:46:41,924 --> 00:46:45,051 It's that first moment when you hold your baby girl... 644 00:46:45,844 --> 00:46:50,890 ...and you didn't know that anything could be so small or so delicate. 645 00:46:51,058 --> 00:46:53,976 And you feel that tiny heart beat... 646 00:46:54,561 --> 00:46:58,689 ...and you know that you couldn't love anything more in the whole world. 647 00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:03,236 And you hope that you can do right by that little girl... 648 00:47:04,112 --> 00:47:08,157 ...and always be there to catch her when she falls, and that nothing ever hurts her. 649 00:47:08,325 --> 00:47:10,868 Not a broken arm... 650 00:47:11,787 --> 00:47:13,246 ...or a bad dream... 651 00:47:15,999 --> 00:47:17,750 ...or a broken heart. 652 00:47:24,091 --> 00:47:26,342 - I don't want these. Just take them. Me either. 653 00:47:26,510 --> 00:47:27,885 Are you serious? 654 00:47:28,345 --> 00:47:30,805 Great, fine, wonderful. 655 00:47:30,973 --> 00:47:32,682 More for me. 656 00:47:33,183 --> 00:47:35,768 Now I got enough for the whole weekend. 657 00:47:38,981 --> 00:47:40,022 Oh, my God! 658 00:47:41,775 --> 00:47:43,985 - Stan! - Boys, stop it! 659 00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:45,903 Break it up! Get off him, Stan! 660 00:47:48,073 --> 00:47:49,699 Put those phones away! Stop it! 661 00:47:50,617 --> 00:47:52,368 - Stop hitting him! No fighting! 662 00:47:53,787 --> 00:47:56,372 - You like that? - You're gonna go to jail again. 663 00:48:00,627 --> 00:48:02,628 Look at that. He slapped him like a mother. 664 00:48:02,796 --> 00:48:04,255 That thing sucks. 665 00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:08,301 - Oh! - Oh, that's wrong. 666 00:48:09,636 --> 00:48:12,013 Yo, check this out. My cousin in New York sent it to me. 667 00:48:22,858 --> 00:48:25,526 I hope I'm not late for our meeting. 668 00:48:25,694 --> 00:48:28,821 Busted for fighting, nice. Who won? 669 00:48:28,989 --> 00:48:31,991 You know, it was actually pretty even. 670 00:48:32,451 --> 00:48:33,659 Really? 671 00:48:33,827 --> 00:48:36,162 On YouTube it looked like you got your ass kicked. 672 00:48:36,330 --> 00:48:38,205 I saw it a couple times. 673 00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:41,042 - What are you wearing? - Hm? 674 00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:43,544 - Beckham. - No, what? 675 00:48:43,712 --> 00:48:45,254 Oh, the clothes. Oh, right. 676 00:48:45,422 --> 00:48:47,757 To the untrained eye, I look like a total idiot. 677 00:48:47,925 --> 00:48:49,258 You do, in fact. 678 00:48:49,426 --> 00:48:53,930 Ah. But it's actually a seduction technique known as "peacocking. " 679 00:48:54,097 --> 00:48:58,351 My outfit serves the dual function of icebreaker and attention-getter. 680 00:48:59,978 --> 00:49:01,270 You can go in now. 681 00:49:01,855 --> 00:49:03,356 Watch. 682 00:49:10,197 --> 00:49:11,530 Are you peacocking? 683 00:49:12,491 --> 00:49:14,367 Really? You think that's gonna work? 684 00:49:14,534 --> 00:49:15,993 I think it just might. 685 00:49:25,712 --> 00:49:29,757 Is that? Mrs. O'Donnell! How you doing? 686 00:49:29,925 --> 00:49:31,092 Hello, how are you? 687 00:49:31,259 --> 00:49:32,677 I'm good. How are you? 688 00:49:32,844 --> 00:49:34,428 Good. 689 00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:38,265 Wow. This is gonna take some getting used to. 690 00:49:39,059 --> 00:49:40,184 You're Ned's son? 691 00:49:40,352 --> 00:49:42,603 Yeah. Yeah. Ned gave birth to me. 692 00:49:42,771 --> 00:49:45,564 Well, he didn't give birth... You know what I meant. 693 00:49:47,109 --> 00:49:49,402 You're doing some gardening. 694 00:49:49,569 --> 00:49:52,029 - I'm redoing the backyard. - Oh. 695 00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:53,322 You want to see? 696 00:49:53,490 --> 00:49:56,325 Yeah, sure. I got some time. 697 00:49:58,954 --> 00:50:00,246 Oh, wow. 698 00:50:00,414 --> 00:50:04,750 Yeah. Obviously, I still have a lot to do. 699 00:50:04,918 --> 00:50:07,044 - You can put that... - Right here? 700 00:50:07,212 --> 00:50:08,504 All right. 701 00:50:09,256 --> 00:50:10,840 Thank you. 702 00:50:11,049 --> 00:50:13,009 - So this is it. - This is it. 703 00:50:13,176 --> 00:50:14,593 It used to look a lot worse. 704 00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:17,638 Mm-mm. 705 00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:23,352 Basically, uh, what I planned to do was to put a pond in over here... 706 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,063 - Okay. ... and have water... 707 00:50:26,231 --> 00:50:28,816 ...streaming in from both sides. 708 00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:33,070 And then put a big deck right here... 709 00:50:33,238 --> 00:50:38,951 ...and then a flagstone patio there with sod in between. 710 00:50:39,119 --> 00:50:40,536 That would be pretty. 711 00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:45,958 And then to have twinkling lights above the whole thing... 712 00:50:46,126 --> 00:50:48,627 ...so that every night is a starry one. 713 00:50:48,795 --> 00:50:50,129 Heh. 714 00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:52,631 It's gonna be amazing, Scar. 715 00:50:52,799 --> 00:50:54,050 What did you just call me? 716 00:50:54,801 --> 00:50:56,052 Uh... 717 00:50:56,219 --> 00:50:58,804 - I just said, "It'll be amazing. " - You called me "Scar. " 718 00:50:59,639 --> 00:51:01,682 My husband's the only one who calls me that. 719 00:51:01,850 --> 00:51:03,392 Could you use some help? 720 00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:07,396 Volunteer. I'm young, I'm strong. 721 00:51:07,564 --> 00:51:09,190 Oh. Oh. 722 00:51:09,357 --> 00:51:11,484 Right, got it. Okay. 723 00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:17,573 I realize that whole lady cougar hunting... 724 00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:22,161 ...the "mothers I'd like to," you know, whatever, thing... 725 00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:25,664 ...is big with you guys, right? With you high school boys? 726 00:51:25,832 --> 00:51:28,417 But that's not gonna happen between me and you. 727 00:51:28,585 --> 00:51:30,961 I didn't even mean it that way. 728 00:51:31,129 --> 00:51:36,175 I was thinking more along the lines of business experience, college application. 729 00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:38,803 But if you want to go there, that's... 730 00:51:38,970 --> 00:51:40,971 - So I'll just get you a shovel, then? - Yeah. 731 00:51:41,139 --> 00:51:42,348 Okay. 732 00:52:30,772 --> 00:52:31,814 What? 733 00:53:09,352 --> 00:53:13,439 I said we could do it! - Called it. 734 00:53:13,607 --> 00:53:15,733 Did you see the look on Stan's face? 735 00:53:15,901 --> 00:53:21,238 Alex? What happened at the tryouts? How'd it go? 736 00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:25,534 It was good. Mark had a great tryout. He played great. 737 00:53:25,702 --> 00:53:28,204 - Yeah. - And so did I. I made the team. 738 00:53:28,371 --> 00:53:31,207 Really? Oh, great! That's so good. I'm so proud of you. 739 00:53:31,374 --> 00:53:32,625 Me too. 740 00:53:32,792 --> 00:53:34,293 He did great out there. 741 00:53:34,461 --> 00:53:36,378 Oh, Mark. That's super inappropriate. 742 00:53:36,546 --> 00:53:38,464 L... Good job today. 743 00:53:38,632 --> 00:53:39,924 - Good job! - Thanks. 744 00:53:40,091 --> 00:53:43,260 I want to show you something. Come here. I wanna show you guys. 745 00:53:45,972 --> 00:53:48,307 Ta-da. 746 00:53:49,559 --> 00:53:51,727 - You hung the lights. Yes. 747 00:53:52,187 --> 00:53:53,812 - Wow. - Wow. 748 00:53:53,980 --> 00:53:56,232 I wanted you guys to be the first to see. 749 00:53:56,399 --> 00:53:58,067 - Mom, it's sick. Really? 750 00:53:58,235 --> 00:54:00,236 It's so good. 751 00:54:00,695 --> 00:54:02,696 Oh, my gosh. 752 00:54:04,699 --> 00:54:07,493 Mark. Mark, we should go practice, dude. 753 00:54:07,661 --> 00:54:10,246 The game's on Friday. Mom, such a good job. 754 00:54:15,418 --> 00:54:16,919 What do you think? 755 00:54:17,087 --> 00:54:18,462 It's amazing. 756 00:54:18,630 --> 00:54:23,342 When people see how talented you are, you'll be designing gardens all over the city. 757 00:54:23,510 --> 00:54:24,843 Really? 758 00:54:25,011 --> 00:54:26,679 Well, thank you, Mark. That's nice. 759 00:54:31,309 --> 00:54:32,351 Oh. 760 00:54:32,519 --> 00:54:37,022 - I have to go. I have a date tonight. - You have a...? You have a date? 761 00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:40,818 I'm going dancing, which is ridiculous because I'm a terrible dancer. 762 00:54:41,444 --> 00:54:44,321 - You're an amazing dancer. - What? 763 00:54:45,573 --> 00:54:47,366 - Hm? Ahem. - Wh...? 764 00:54:47,534 --> 00:54:49,285 You just look like you can move. 765 00:54:49,452 --> 00:54:51,203 Um, okay. 766 00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:54,873 I'm going to go, so have fun, Mark. 767 00:54:55,041 --> 00:54:56,542 Night. 768 00:55:13,351 --> 00:55:15,936 - What are you looking at? - That was great. 769 00:55:16,730 --> 00:55:18,731 That is The Snake. 770 00:55:19,399 --> 00:55:21,483 That was a very hot dance when you were 1. 771 00:55:22,902 --> 00:55:24,820 - Teach it to me. - I can't. 772 00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:27,114 It's a very advanced step... 773 00:55:27,282 --> 00:55:30,826 ...which I know is hard to believe because I make it look effortless. 774 00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:33,662 That's the secret to all great dancers. 775 00:55:34,622 --> 00:55:36,206 Try me. 776 00:55:39,210 --> 00:55:41,211 Why did you pick that song? 777 00:55:41,379 --> 00:55:44,840 Oh, I don't know. It just, uh, kind of spoke to me. 778 00:55:45,008 --> 00:55:47,009 Hm. That's funny. 779 00:55:47,177 --> 00:55:50,095 That's the song that my husband and I danced to at our wedding. 780 00:55:50,263 --> 00:55:52,389 Hm. A man of good taste. 781 00:55:52,557 --> 00:55:54,641 - Want me to show you some dance moves? - I'd love to. 782 00:55:54,809 --> 00:55:56,101 That I learned at my wedding. 783 00:55:56,269 --> 00:56:00,647 - Great. - Yeah. Okay, you stand here, like that. 784 00:56:00,815 --> 00:56:03,275 Okay, like that, and I'll stand here. 785 00:56:03,443 --> 00:56:06,445 - No, you stand right there. - Right there. 786 00:56:06,613 --> 00:56:10,991 Okay, ready? So you go right foot back and then left foot back. 787 00:56:11,493 --> 00:56:15,120 And then quick right, left, right, left, right. 788 00:56:15,288 --> 00:56:17,956 And then right... Oh. 789 00:56:18,124 --> 00:56:21,043 That was good. And left, right, left, right. 790 00:56:21,878 --> 00:56:23,087 That's good. 791 00:56:23,254 --> 00:56:26,215 That was really good. You're picking that up pretty quickly. 792 00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,342 So you mentioned your husband. - Mm-hm. 793 00:56:28,510 --> 00:56:30,803 Do you think you guys are ever going to get back together? 794 00:56:30,970 --> 00:56:33,138 Um, no. 795 00:56:34,015 --> 00:56:35,641 Why are you so sure? 796 00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:39,019 Maybe there's something he could do to fix things. 797 00:56:39,187 --> 00:56:42,356 I love my husband and care about him... 798 00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,568 ...but sometimes that just is not enough. 799 00:56:48,696 --> 00:56:50,739 Well, he blew it. 800 00:56:50,907 --> 00:56:52,282 Jump. 801 00:57:08,133 --> 00:57:09,675 - Mom? - Yeah. 802 00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:13,595 Hey, Alex. 803 00:57:15,056 --> 00:57:17,641 - Mom? I'm your mom. 804 00:57:17,809 --> 00:57:19,810 I am Alex's mom, Mark. 805 00:57:19,978 --> 00:57:21,270 Yeah. 806 00:57:22,105 --> 00:57:24,690 - Your date is here. - Huh? 807 00:57:25,525 --> 00:57:27,359 - The front door. Your date. - Okay. 808 00:57:27,694 --> 00:57:29,862 She was nervous. It's creepy, right? 809 00:57:30,029 --> 00:57:31,613 Little bit. 810 00:57:31,781 --> 00:57:34,032 She's so old, it's like... 811 00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:36,869 Dance with all your friend's moms? 812 00:57:37,036 --> 00:57:38,370 Pretty much. 813 00:57:39,122 --> 00:57:40,622 Oh, hi, Scarlet. - Hello. 814 00:57:40,790 --> 00:57:43,292 - Wow, you look amazing. Here. Pour vous. Oh, thank you. 815 00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:46,044 Carnations. What a douche bag. 816 00:57:46,212 --> 00:57:47,463 Mark. 817 00:57:47,630 --> 00:57:49,548 No, that's okay. - I'm sorry. 818 00:57:49,716 --> 00:57:50,757 I'm a single dad. 819 00:57:50,925 --> 00:57:54,553 It's totally normal for sons to feel weird when their moms date. 820 00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:58,015 I mean, he's stepping into Dad's shoes, protecting the castle. 821 00:57:58,183 --> 00:58:00,225 - He's not my son, but... - Oh. 822 00:58:00,894 --> 00:58:02,269 Then that's weird. 823 00:58:02,437 --> 00:58:03,687 - It is. Yeah. 824 00:58:03,855 --> 00:58:05,814 - Uh, do you want to go? - Yeah. 825 00:58:06,274 --> 00:58:07,399 Let me get my coat. 826 00:58:07,567 --> 00:58:09,401 - Oh, come on. - Hold these, please. 827 00:58:09,569 --> 00:58:10,903 - This guy? - You're being rude. 828 00:58:11,070 --> 00:58:12,905 - You're going from Uncle Mike to this guy? - Shh. 829 00:58:13,072 --> 00:58:15,491 - Be quiet. - Okay. 830 00:58:15,658 --> 00:58:18,494 - Do me a favor. Shh. - He's a tool. 831 00:58:18,661 --> 00:58:22,331 Give this to Ned, okay, to give to Mike. It's our divorce papers. 832 00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:25,751 And remind him that he needs to be there on the 27th. 833 00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:28,253 Okay? Thank you. 834 00:58:53,488 --> 00:58:54,655 Where are you going? 835 00:58:54,822 --> 00:58:56,615 Jamie's party. 836 00:58:59,786 --> 00:59:01,411 Alex! 837 00:59:04,249 --> 00:59:07,125 Yeah, uh, seriously, I can't be here. I really can't be here. 838 00:59:07,293 --> 00:59:10,754 Do you know how many dangerous and hurtful things Stan could do to me here? 839 00:59:10,922 --> 00:59:13,799 You had your head shoved in a ball return? It's not a massage. 840 00:59:13,967 --> 00:59:16,718 You're on the basketball team now. Okay? This is your party. 841 00:59:17,428 --> 00:59:19,054 Okay, okay, there she is. 842 00:59:19,222 --> 00:59:20,597 There's Nicole. Oh, God. 843 00:59:20,765 --> 00:59:22,432 - Which one? She's right there. 844 00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,434 You're looking at... She's my 3, your 2. 845 00:59:24,602 --> 00:59:26,603 - Stop it. You're looking right at her. - Calm down. 846 00:59:28,147 --> 00:59:29,648 - Sorry. - What was that? 847 00:59:29,816 --> 00:59:31,984 - Nothing, it was a burp. - Why are you burping? 848 00:59:32,151 --> 00:59:34,653 - I have tummy issues. What? Get over it. - Tummy issues? 849 00:59:35,029 --> 00:59:36,905 She's not going to like me. I'm a loser. 850 00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:40,117 Why are you a loser? Because Stan says you're a loser? 851 00:59:40,285 --> 00:59:43,161 Do you think Stan's a winner? Stan's going nowhere. 852 00:59:43,538 --> 00:59:46,748 Any girl in here would be lucky to have your attention. 853 00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:50,335 - What do you know about girls? - What do I know about girls? 854 00:59:51,129 --> 00:59:53,463 I used to date the most beautiful girl in school... 855 00:59:53,631 --> 00:59:55,549 ...and I let her slip through my fingers. 856 00:59:56,009 --> 00:59:57,676 But I won't let that happen to you. 857 00:59:58,177 --> 00:59:59,428 You're absolutely right. 858 00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:02,264 I'm just going to walk up to her and introduce myself. 859 01:00:02,932 --> 01:00:05,684 Tomorrow at school. Maybe. Probably not. 860 01:00:05,852 --> 01:00:07,394 Just go. 861 01:00:12,025 --> 01:00:13,942 - Hey, girls. - Hey, you came. 862 01:00:14,110 --> 01:00:15,277 - How are you? - Good. 863 01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:18,030 Thank you, um. Have you seen Maggie? I've been looking everywhere. 864 01:00:18,197 --> 01:00:20,699 Oh, um, Maggie's not here. 865 01:00:20,867 --> 01:00:22,701 But, um, I am. 866 01:00:22,869 --> 01:00:25,495 And I'm really, really glad you came. 867 01:00:26,873 --> 01:00:29,833 It's her birthday. - I didn't get you a present, I'm sorry. 868 01:00:30,001 --> 01:00:32,836 - I'll just have to unwrap you. - Heh, heh. Okay. 869 01:00:34,047 --> 01:00:38,634 I was kicked off the cheerleading squad for being too flexible. 870 01:00:42,263 --> 01:00:46,183 Okay, okay. Sit down. Just sit down. 871 01:00:48,478 --> 01:00:51,396 If you girls don't respect yourselves... 872 01:00:51,564 --> 01:00:55,275 ...then how do you expect anyone else to respect you? 873 01:00:55,568 --> 01:00:56,693 Right? 874 01:00:56,861 --> 01:00:57,903 Don't respect me. 875 01:00:58,071 --> 01:00:59,363 No, don't respect me. 876 01:00:59,530 --> 01:01:01,657 You don't even have to remember my name. 877 01:01:01,824 --> 01:01:03,909 - Wow, that's slutty. - First of all, you slut. 878 01:01:04,118 --> 01:01:06,328 This is some other dad's problem. 879 01:01:07,914 --> 01:01:11,041 And, um, I just want to tell you that you look like my dog. 880 01:01:11,834 --> 01:01:15,712 - Excuse me? - Your hair looks like my dog's hair. 881 01:01:15,963 --> 01:01:18,256 - Oh, um... - No, it's shiny and soft. 882 01:01:18,424 --> 01:01:20,717 We give my dog special food. It's got flax in it. 883 01:01:20,885 --> 01:01:22,761 Oh, flax. 884 01:01:22,929 --> 01:01:24,596 - She's a sweetheart. - That's sweet. 885 01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:26,181 Well, she died. 886 01:01:26,766 --> 01:01:29,309 So I look like your dead dog? 887 01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:32,604 I'm just really nervous, and I've wanted to talk to you for so long. 888 01:01:32,772 --> 01:01:35,107 - What am I thinking? - Don't worry about it. Really. 889 01:01:35,274 --> 01:01:37,567 - Alex? - Oh, my God, you know my name. 890 01:01:37,735 --> 01:01:38,902 You're on fire. 891 01:01:39,112 --> 01:01:42,114 - Really? - Literally, you're on fire. 892 01:01:42,281 --> 01:01:43,365 What? 893 01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:45,033 Literally on fire. 894 01:01:45,201 --> 01:01:48,954 Whoa. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna get out of here. Later. 895 01:01:54,627 --> 01:01:56,253 Just hand me those keys right there. 896 01:01:56,421 --> 01:01:57,546 They're in for the night. 897 01:01:58,965 --> 01:02:03,760 If the keys are locked in there, I don't know how I'm going to get you guys out. 898 01:02:04,470 --> 01:02:07,264 Conserve some oxygen in there. 899 01:02:07,432 --> 01:02:10,475 Don't scream, you have a limited amount of oxygen. 900 01:02:11,436 --> 01:02:14,396 They're pretty, huh? We got some pretty ladies in here. 901 01:02:15,690 --> 01:02:17,607 Oh, there you are. 902 01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:35,125 - What do you want? - I just want to talk about Stan. 903 01:02:35,334 --> 01:02:36,710 Yeah? 904 01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:41,590 Why are you dating him? I mean, you know he is not a nice guy. 905 01:02:41,758 --> 01:02:43,133 He's crazy. 906 01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:46,011 Hey, don't say that about Stan. You don't even know him. 907 01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:49,681 Oh, but I do. I really do. I know him better than you. 908 01:02:49,849 --> 01:02:52,350 Look, we're moving in together after graduation. 909 01:02:52,518 --> 01:02:54,311 Stan got into Georgetown? 910 01:02:54,896 --> 01:02:56,730 - What? - What? 911 01:02:56,898 --> 01:03:01,151 No. No. Stan got on the management track at Home Depot. 912 01:03:01,319 --> 01:03:02,944 Oh, great. 913 01:03:03,112 --> 01:03:06,990 And I'm going to Westwood Community College to be closer to him. 914 01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:09,534 He's my forever. 915 01:03:12,288 --> 01:03:14,998 - There's no way in hell that's happening. - Excuse me? 916 01:03:15,166 --> 01:03:18,335 I said, "There's no way in hell that that is happening. " 917 01:03:19,170 --> 01:03:21,922 You think I'm gonna let you mortgage your future? 918 01:03:22,131 --> 01:03:24,466 You think I'll let you throw away your hard work... 919 01:03:24,675 --> 01:03:26,843 ...everything that you've accomplished... 920 01:03:27,011 --> 01:03:29,554 ...for some psychopathic guy who doesn't care about you? 921 01:03:29,722 --> 01:03:33,350 I forbid you. I forbid you to see him anymore. 922 01:03:33,518 --> 01:03:38,647 Oh, okay! Who the hell do you think you are, my father?! Dude! 923 01:03:38,856 --> 01:03:41,149 - Don't walk away from me. - You're a freak. 924 01:03:41,359 --> 01:03:42,818 Margaret Sarah O'Donnell! 925 01:03:44,612 --> 01:03:47,864 - Hey. How'd it go? - Fantastic. 926 01:03:48,866 --> 01:03:50,575 What's on your leg? 927 01:03:51,244 --> 01:03:53,453 CHEERLEADERS We're the Warriors! Yeah, yeah! 928 01:03:53,663 --> 01:03:55,789 Remember: Defense wins the game. 929 01:03:55,957 --> 01:03:58,834 What's wrong? You look uncomfortable. 930 01:03:59,001 --> 01:04:01,086 Oh. No. 931 01:04:03,047 --> 01:04:05,632 I was just thinking that the last time I was here... 932 01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:08,134 ...my husband asked me to marry him. 933 01:04:08,678 --> 01:04:10,011 Wow. 934 01:04:10,555 --> 01:04:12,347 Tough to compete with that. 935 01:04:14,058 --> 01:04:17,143 Down by 6, get the ball to Gold. 936 01:04:17,311 --> 01:04:19,938 Warriors on three. One, two, three. 937 01:04:20,106 --> 01:04:21,606 Warriors! 938 01:04:26,946 --> 01:04:29,364 Stan, what are you doing? Let's go. 939 01:04:29,740 --> 01:04:32,576 Go, Alex! Whoo! 940 01:04:32,743 --> 01:04:33,910 Woo-hoo. 941 01:04:40,251 --> 01:04:41,626 Left side. 942 01:04:56,058 --> 01:04:58,059 Pick off! Right there! 943 01:05:01,147 --> 01:05:02,814 He's got too much time. Come on! 944 01:05:08,696 --> 01:05:10,238 Yeah! 945 01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:15,660 Get it to McKinley! Get it in! Get it! 946 01:05:15,912 --> 01:05:17,329 Get him! 947 01:05:20,082 --> 01:05:24,336 Ball! 948 01:05:24,670 --> 01:05:26,171 Come on, outside! 949 01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:30,967 O'Donnell! Give the ball to Gold! Give the ball to Gold! 950 01:05:31,135 --> 01:05:33,345 No, no, no! 951 01:05:44,732 --> 01:05:49,110 We did it! You were great. Oh. Ooh. I, um... 952 01:05:49,946 --> 01:05:51,738 - I'm sweaty. Um... - Sorry about that. 953 01:05:51,906 --> 01:05:53,657 Congratula... That was awesome. 954 01:05:53,824 --> 01:05:56,660 You did a great... I saw the... I liked the dance. 955 01:05:57,203 --> 01:06:00,997 Yeah, so I think August... August will be good. 956 01:06:01,165 --> 01:06:03,875 All right, uh, have a good night. 957 01:06:04,043 --> 01:06:05,377 See you tomorrow. 958 01:06:14,178 --> 01:06:18,056 Oh. Hi. Wow, what are the odds? 959 01:06:18,224 --> 01:06:21,351 What's it going to be now? Did you buy me the Statue of Liberty? 960 01:06:22,061 --> 01:06:24,938 I'm just going to ask you out, okay? Like a grownup. 961 01:06:25,106 --> 01:06:26,606 Just two friends having dinner. 962 01:06:26,774 --> 01:06:32,028 Then if it turns into anything else, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 963 01:06:32,822 --> 01:06:34,906 No. Good night. 964 01:06:36,117 --> 01:06:37,701 I'll buy every student a laptop. 965 01:06:40,287 --> 01:06:43,039 You would deny the children of laptops? 966 01:06:43,207 --> 01:06:46,084 - Miss Masterson, the children. - Okay. Okay, fine, fine. 967 01:06:46,711 --> 01:06:49,421 Fine. But this is not a date. 968 01:06:49,588 --> 01:06:50,755 No, in no way a date. 969 01:06:50,923 --> 01:06:54,592 And if I do this, you will stop the inappropriate behavior and gifts. 970 01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,846 - Yes. - And we'll just drive to this restaurant. 971 01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,181 We won't fly there in the space shuttle... 972 01:07:00,349 --> 01:07:03,935 ...or drive in some gaudy, tacky limo. 973 01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:06,271 No, let's take your car. How about? 974 01:07:10,276 --> 01:07:11,568 This way. 975 01:07:12,111 --> 01:07:15,864 Ned to driver, abort. Abort, abort. Move it out right now. 976 01:07:18,075 --> 01:07:22,412 I totally missed it. She came right up to me, I should've kissed her. And I froze. 977 01:07:22,580 --> 01:07:25,123 Hey, don't worry. I'll get you another chance. 978 01:07:25,291 --> 01:07:26,875 How? How are you going to do that? 979 01:07:32,339 --> 01:07:34,466 Victory party at my house! 980 01:07:48,397 --> 01:07:49,898 Maggie. 981 01:08:00,284 --> 01:08:02,827 Maggie? Hey, Maggie. 982 01:08:02,995 --> 01:08:04,454 Go away. 983 01:08:05,247 --> 01:08:07,040 Hey, what happened? 984 01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:09,375 What do you want? 985 01:08:09,543 --> 01:08:12,170 Rub it in my face? Say, "I told you so"? 986 01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:14,923 No. No, I really don't. 987 01:08:16,175 --> 01:08:18,134 Just tell me what happened. 988 01:08:21,931 --> 01:08:23,681 Stan dumped me. 989 01:08:27,895 --> 01:08:30,105 Stan dumped you? 990 01:08:30,272 --> 01:08:32,065 Stan dumped you? What? 991 01:08:32,233 --> 01:08:35,860 What happened? How did this...? What did he do? 992 01:08:36,028 --> 01:08:37,612 What did he do? 993 01:08:38,239 --> 01:08:40,031 After the game... 994 01:08:40,658 --> 01:08:41,991 We... 995 01:08:42,868 --> 01:08:45,203 He took me behind the quad, and we... 996 01:08:45,371 --> 01:08:48,706 I can't hear this. You didn't. 997 01:08:48,874 --> 01:08:51,876 - No, Mags. - No. 998 01:08:53,212 --> 01:08:55,004 No. 999 01:08:55,631 --> 01:08:58,299 That's why he dumped me. 1000 01:09:02,638 --> 01:09:04,347 Mags, hey. 1001 01:09:04,515 --> 01:09:07,058 Hey, hey, it's okay. 1002 01:09:09,395 --> 01:09:10,895 You know... 1003 01:09:12,148 --> 01:09:15,984 ...when you're young, everything feels like the end of the world. 1004 01:09:18,195 --> 01:09:19,946 It's not. 1005 01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:21,906 Right. 1006 01:09:22,408 --> 01:09:24,576 It's just the beginning. 1007 01:09:25,911 --> 01:09:28,663 You might have to meet a few more jerks... 1008 01:09:28,831 --> 01:09:30,832 ...but one day you're going to meet a boy... 1009 01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:34,002 ...who treats you the way that you deserve to be treated: 1010 01:09:36,463 --> 01:09:39,340 Like the sun rises and sets with you. 1011 01:09:44,930 --> 01:09:47,015 You really think so? 1012 01:09:49,101 --> 01:09:51,102 I know so. 1013 01:09:53,355 --> 01:09:54,939 That's so sweet. 1014 01:09:55,774 --> 01:09:57,734 You're the sweetest. 1015 01:09:58,277 --> 01:10:00,320 - Thank you. - It's okay. 1016 01:10:00,487 --> 01:10:01,696 - Ow. Oh. - Thank you. 1017 01:10:03,449 --> 01:10:07,702 Anyways, I, uh, came over here... I was looking for you. 1018 01:10:07,870 --> 01:10:11,372 I wanted to invite you to my party. I don't know if you want to come. 1019 01:10:11,540 --> 01:10:13,458 - Yes. I would love to. - Yeah. 1020 01:10:13,626 --> 01:10:15,793 - Great. That's exciting. - Thank you! 1021 01:10:15,961 --> 01:10:17,754 - Aah! Yay! - Yes. Yay. 1022 01:10:17,922 --> 01:10:19,505 - Thank you. - That's very exciting. 1023 01:10:19,673 --> 01:10:22,300 I know, it's great. Ha, ha. 1024 01:10:22,468 --> 01:10:24,093 See you tonight. 1025 01:10:32,603 --> 01:10:33,978 "At Mark's house. " 1026 01:10:53,332 --> 01:10:57,001 Hey, that's cool. Let me see that. That is nice, man. 1027 01:10:57,169 --> 01:10:59,254 Don't touch the toys, okay? 1028 01:11:00,339 --> 01:11:03,091 Yeah, I'll, uh, try not to light myself on fire tonight. 1029 01:11:03,259 --> 01:11:06,886 - I'll keep a fire extinguisher handy. Oh, good. 1030 01:11:07,096 --> 01:11:11,182 - Do you want to sit outside? - Sure. 1031 01:11:45,426 --> 01:11:46,968 That's delightful. 1032 01:11:51,223 --> 01:11:53,516 What? What? 1033 01:11:56,186 --> 01:11:59,731 - Okay, I don't know how to act normal. - Clearly. 1034 01:11:59,898 --> 01:12:04,569 It's the story of my life. I'm not smooth. I'm just trying to impress you, okay? 1035 01:12:04,737 --> 01:12:08,156 I'm not the kind of guy who comes to places like this. I'm a dork. 1036 01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:09,991 The kind of guy who spends 10 grand... 1037 01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:12,744 ...on Gandalf the Grey's quarterstaff from The Two Towers. 1038 01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:16,414 Yes, that does make you a dork. 1039 01:12:20,002 --> 01:12:22,670 Especially since Gandalf the Grey was only in Fellowship. 1040 01:12:24,381 --> 01:12:27,925 He returns in Two Towers as Gandalf the White. 1041 01:12:51,450 --> 01:12:54,535 I was upset. I'm sorry, okay? 1042 01:12:54,703 --> 01:12:58,039 I need you to show me that you love me. 1043 01:12:58,207 --> 01:13:00,166 And that way we can get a place together. 1044 01:13:00,334 --> 01:13:03,461 Stop it. Look, whatever. I'm with somebody else now. 1045 01:13:04,129 --> 01:13:07,340 - What? - Party's over, Stan. 1046 01:13:08,467 --> 01:13:09,634 Just get out of here. 1047 01:13:12,971 --> 01:13:14,514 Oh, yeah? 1048 01:13:15,140 --> 01:13:17,308 Who's gonna make me leave? 1049 01:13:18,852 --> 01:13:19,936 You? 1050 01:13:20,104 --> 01:13:23,981 You know I would, but it smells like you've been drinking... 1051 01:13:24,149 --> 01:13:27,068 ...so I'm just gonna let the cops do it. 1052 01:13:32,116 --> 01:13:33,741 You can have the nun. 1053 01:13:34,368 --> 01:13:36,160 She doesn't put out, anyway. 1054 01:13:36,495 --> 01:13:37,662 On second thought... 1055 01:13:42,668 --> 01:13:45,753 Oh, I just had the craziest dream. 1056 01:13:47,714 --> 01:13:49,674 I was 17. 1057 01:13:51,260 --> 01:13:54,637 I was back in high school, and it was terrible. 1058 01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:00,184 Scar. 1059 01:14:01,228 --> 01:14:04,772 Scar? I don't see a scar. 1060 01:14:05,190 --> 01:14:08,192 Look, I know why you didn't want me to be with Stan. 1061 01:14:08,360 --> 01:14:10,987 It's because you wanted me. 1062 01:14:14,074 --> 01:14:16,826 You want to play games? I can play games. 1063 01:14:16,994 --> 01:14:19,412 - No, no, no. - I'm a hungry lioness... 1064 01:14:19,580 --> 01:14:21,372 ...and you're a baby gazelle. 1065 01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:25,209 Maggie! No, no, no, Maggie, stop this now. 1066 01:14:25,377 --> 01:14:28,838 If you only knew how highly inappropriate and dysfunctional this is. 1067 01:14:29,381 --> 01:14:30,548 Stop it. Please stop. 1068 01:14:30,716 --> 01:14:33,384 Maggie, I'm not the person that you think I am. 1069 01:14:33,552 --> 01:14:35,136 - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. 1070 01:14:35,304 --> 01:14:37,930 You're right, you're good. You're not like the others. 1071 01:14:38,098 --> 01:14:40,766 I'm not like others. I'm very different than the others. 1072 01:14:40,934 --> 01:14:44,937 So different, in fact, that you and I can never, ever, ever, ever be together. 1073 01:14:45,105 --> 01:14:46,939 - Stop biting. - Why? 1074 01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:51,652 Oh. 1075 01:14:51,987 --> 01:14:55,781 Oh, my God. What are you saying? 1076 01:14:55,949 --> 01:14:57,408 Are you confused? 1077 01:14:58,035 --> 01:15:00,495 I'm very confused, yes. Extremely confused. 1078 01:15:00,662 --> 01:15:04,999 Oh, my God. I... I... I get it now. 1079 01:15:05,417 --> 01:15:10,087 And your hair is always perfectly coiffed, and you have highlights. 1080 01:15:11,673 --> 01:15:14,383 - What are you talking about? - I mean... 1081 01:15:14,968 --> 01:15:17,929 Dude, your jeans are really tight. 1082 01:15:20,265 --> 01:15:21,682 I'm not gay. 1083 01:15:22,434 --> 01:15:24,810 I'm in love, Maggie. I'm in love. 1084 01:15:25,229 --> 01:15:26,646 I've been in love. 1085 01:15:26,813 --> 01:15:30,858 I've been in love with the same girl since I was 17, Maggie. 1086 01:15:32,736 --> 01:15:37,782 Does she go to our school? Do I know her? Tell me her name. I want to know her name. 1087 01:15:37,950 --> 01:15:40,076 - No, Maggie. No. - Okay. 1088 01:15:41,286 --> 01:15:46,207 You tell your girlfriend she better keep a close eye on you. 1089 01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:53,464 Sweet baby Jesus. 1090 01:15:55,300 --> 01:15:56,842 Thanks. 1091 01:16:14,695 --> 01:16:16,529 We'll take the check. 1092 01:16:28,125 --> 01:16:29,709 I'm so dead. 1093 01:16:33,589 --> 01:16:35,381 Excuse me. 1094 01:16:36,717 --> 01:16:39,343 - Scarlet? Scarlet? Scarlet. - Hi. 1095 01:16:39,511 --> 01:16:41,345 - What are you doing here? - You seen Alex? 1096 01:16:41,513 --> 01:16:43,472 He's not picking up his phone. 1097 01:16:43,640 --> 01:16:45,474 Alex is fine. Alex is fine, believe me. 1098 01:16:45,642 --> 01:16:47,685 In fact, with the way things are going... 1099 01:16:47,853 --> 01:16:51,188 ...by the end of the night Alex could have a girlfriend. 1100 01:16:51,356 --> 01:16:54,650 - Alex has a girlfriend? - Yeah, and she's great. She's cute. 1101 01:16:54,818 --> 01:16:56,402 - Come on, I'll show you. - Where? 1102 01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:59,488 Walk up the stairs. Walk with me for one sec, I'll show you. 1103 01:16:59,656 --> 01:17:02,325 So how ever did you get the newest version of Halo? 1104 01:17:02,492 --> 01:17:04,744 It's not due out for another six months. 1105 01:17:04,911 --> 01:17:10,124 Well, let's just say I said some things to the Make-A-Wish people... 1106 01:17:10,292 --> 01:17:12,418 ...that I'm not totally proud of. 1107 01:17:23,180 --> 01:17:24,805 I'm going to kill him. 1108 01:17:41,073 --> 01:17:43,324 Everybody, out! 1109 01:17:46,453 --> 01:17:51,040 Oh, no, no. No! No! No! Not Dr. Philsopholis. 1110 01:17:54,044 --> 01:17:55,878 This party is over! 1111 01:17:56,046 --> 01:18:01,550 Unless you want to spend the next three months in detention, leave! Now! 1112 01:18:03,595 --> 01:18:06,180 Okay. We better go warn Mark. 1113 01:18:09,935 --> 01:18:11,936 You really care about him, don't you? 1114 01:18:12,521 --> 01:18:16,190 - Yeah. - That's nice. That's really nice. 1115 01:18:16,358 --> 01:18:19,110 He really needs a male role model. 1116 01:18:19,277 --> 01:18:20,945 - He's a great kid. - Mm-hm. 1117 01:18:21,947 --> 01:18:24,073 You know, they both are. 1118 01:18:26,660 --> 01:18:28,619 I think you're a great mother. 1119 01:18:28,787 --> 01:18:30,329 Thank you. 1120 01:18:31,456 --> 01:18:33,332 He's on the balcony. He's right there. 1121 01:18:35,836 --> 01:18:39,296 - Mom? - This has been a really tough time... 1122 01:18:39,464 --> 01:18:42,800 ...and you really feel like part of the family. 1123 01:18:43,093 --> 01:18:47,471 You have no idea how amazing it is to hear you say that. 1124 01:18:57,691 --> 01:18:58,816 Scarlet. 1125 01:18:58,984 --> 01:19:02,111 Scarlet! Scarlet, I'm not Mark, okay? 1126 01:19:02,279 --> 01:19:06,031 - I'm him, I'm me. Scarlet, I'm your husband. - Will you stop it already? 1127 01:19:06,199 --> 01:19:09,493 If you'd listen to me, I am the father of your children! Scar, let me... 1128 01:19:09,661 --> 01:19:12,663 Don't call me that. Don't call me that! 1129 01:19:12,831 --> 01:19:15,583 You are a weirdo little man-child! 1130 01:19:15,751 --> 01:19:17,835 Give me two seconds, and I can explain this! 1131 01:19:18,003 --> 01:19:19,503 You are a pervert! 1132 01:19:30,348 --> 01:19:33,601 Get out, and get out, and get out. 1133 01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,311 You can leave. 1134 01:19:37,564 --> 01:19:42,193 Well, this isn't exactly the inconspicuous relationship I wanted. 1135 01:19:43,862 --> 01:19:46,864 I'm sure now you can see why I don't date my students' parents. 1136 01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:50,201 I'm sorry. 1137 01:19:56,208 --> 01:20:00,878 I'm sorry. I had no idea that it was going to get so out of control. 1138 01:20:01,463 --> 01:20:03,464 - Hm. Really? 1139 01:20:08,595 --> 01:20:11,555 - Now I'm sorry. - I guess I deserved that. 1140 01:20:11,973 --> 01:20:14,809 The second one was out of line. It was uncalled for. Sorry. 1141 01:20:14,976 --> 01:20:17,228 Are you okay? I'm really sorry. 1142 01:20:19,105 --> 01:20:21,899 Three makes it even. Now we're even. 1143 01:20:24,444 --> 01:20:25,694 How are you? You okay? 1144 01:20:25,862 --> 01:20:27,196 Yeah. 1145 01:20:36,706 --> 01:20:39,458 And finished. 1146 01:20:40,919 --> 01:20:43,254 With the rug area. 1147 01:20:43,421 --> 01:20:45,756 But we've made very good progress. 1148 01:20:46,716 --> 01:20:47,758 We deserve a break. 1149 01:20:48,593 --> 01:20:50,469 I lost my family. 1150 01:20:51,930 --> 01:20:52,930 Hey, Mike? 1151 01:20:53,139 --> 01:20:56,767 If it's any consolation, I think you really did help your kids. 1152 01:20:57,143 --> 01:21:00,396 You did your job, and now the hero can move on. 1153 01:21:00,814 --> 01:21:02,606 I don't want to. 1154 01:21:03,400 --> 01:21:06,277 Maybe they don't need me anymore, but I need them. 1155 01:21:08,154 --> 01:21:10,114 Hey, not to be a buzzkill... 1156 01:21:10,282 --> 01:21:11,866 ...but you're due in court... 1157 01:21:12,617 --> 01:21:14,285 ...in 22 minutes. 1158 01:21:15,287 --> 01:21:17,246 Ned, I need more time. 1159 01:21:17,747 --> 01:21:20,249 - I have to stop this. - To the Nedmobile. 1160 01:21:20,584 --> 01:21:22,251 - Wait, Ned, Ned, Ned. - Yes. 1161 01:21:22,419 --> 01:21:26,255 - Pants. - I should have pants on. Yes. 1162 01:21:36,725 --> 01:21:38,225 Come on, Glenn! 1163 01:21:38,935 --> 01:21:41,186 He's nothing but a glorified midget wrangler. 1164 01:21:41,479 --> 01:21:43,647 You wouldn't be so big without that vest! 1165 01:21:43,815 --> 01:21:47,359 Grab that thing that's down there. Grab it. Just hold that up. 1166 01:21:47,527 --> 01:21:49,445 - Where you get this? - Best 20 ever spent. 1167 01:21:49,613 --> 01:21:51,488 Saves me a half hour on my commute. 1168 01:21:51,656 --> 01:21:53,991 Dude, just hold it. Hold it way up. 1169 01:22:12,218 --> 01:22:14,887 - The whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help you God? 1170 01:22:15,055 --> 01:22:16,347 I do. 1171 01:22:16,514 --> 01:22:18,849 You request a divorce by the state of California... 1172 01:22:19,017 --> 01:22:21,352 ...citing irreconcilable differences. This correct? 1173 01:22:21,519 --> 01:22:25,439 - Yes, Your Honor. - Is Michael O'Donnell present? 1174 01:22:25,774 --> 01:22:26,815 No, Your Honor. 1175 01:22:26,983 --> 01:22:30,027 I take his absence as agreement to the orders of the divorce. 1176 01:22:34,532 --> 01:22:37,701 - You are not requesting sole custody? - No, Your Honor. 1177 01:22:38,370 --> 01:22:40,287 "You can't handle the truth!" 1178 01:22:41,539 --> 01:22:42,623 What? 1179 01:22:42,791 --> 01:22:46,001 I'm sorry, I panicked. It was the first thing that came into my mind. 1180 01:22:46,169 --> 01:22:48,796 Your Majesty. 1181 01:22:49,172 --> 01:22:51,298 - Who are you? - That's my husband's best friend. 1182 01:22:52,634 --> 01:22:54,176 You a lawyer, best friend? 1183 01:22:55,053 --> 01:22:56,553 - Yes. - No. 1184 01:22:56,721 --> 01:23:00,057 I believe the law degree in my pocket says so. 1185 01:23:00,225 --> 01:23:04,728 Yes, and it's a little bit smeared because I sat on it in the car... 1186 01:23:04,896 --> 01:23:08,190 ...not because I printed it out recently. 1187 01:23:11,486 --> 01:23:14,154 Let's pretend that's real. Want to explain what you're doing? 1188 01:23:15,031 --> 01:23:16,532 We... 1189 01:23:17,492 --> 01:23:19,827 ...are stopping a gross... 1190 01:23:21,579 --> 01:23:23,080 ...miscarriage ofjustice! 1191 01:23:23,957 --> 01:23:25,290 That... 1192 01:23:26,167 --> 01:23:29,044 Okay, if you'd just let me explain. I can explain this. 1193 01:23:29,212 --> 01:23:30,587 If you would just listen... 1194 01:23:30,755 --> 01:23:34,633 I've got a letter from Mike O'Donnell, he's the husband in this case! 1195 01:23:34,801 --> 01:23:36,301 I'm sorry. We're in the middle... 1196 01:23:36,469 --> 01:23:39,888 Your Honor, if it's okay, I'd like to hear the letter, please. 1197 01:23:47,564 --> 01:23:49,231 Thank you, Your Honor. 1198 01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:54,153 This is a letter from Mike O'Donnell. 1199 01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:56,280 He wanted me to read it. 1200 01:23:59,659 --> 01:24:01,201 "Scarlet... 1201 01:24:03,079 --> 01:24:05,247 ...before you go through with this... 1202 01:24:05,415 --> 01:24:09,710 ...I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. 1203 01:24:12,088 --> 01:24:13,922 It was the first time that I saw you. 1204 01:24:16,426 --> 01:24:18,552 You were reading Less Than Zero. 1205 01:24:19,262 --> 01:24:22,931 You were wearing a Guns N' Roses T-shirt. 1206 01:24:25,310 --> 01:24:27,978 I'd never seen anything so perfect. 1207 01:24:31,775 --> 01:24:34,943 I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die. 1208 01:24:38,281 --> 01:24:39,990 Then you whispered that you loved me... 1209 01:24:43,036 --> 01:24:44,995 ...at the homecoming dance. 1210 01:24:48,666 --> 01:24:50,167 And I felt... 1211 01:24:51,002 --> 01:24:52,753 ...so peaceful... 1212 01:24:54,923 --> 01:24:56,465 ...and safe. 1213 01:24:58,635 --> 01:25:01,720 Because I knew that no matter what happened from that day on... 1214 01:25:01,888 --> 01:25:04,389 ...nothing could ever be that bad. 1215 01:25:05,183 --> 01:25:06,975 Because I had you. 1216 01:25:08,937 --> 01:25:10,270 Uh... 1217 01:25:11,022 --> 01:25:12,564 And then I grew up... 1218 01:25:14,192 --> 01:25:16,026 ...and I lost my way. 1219 01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:21,615 And I blamed you for my failures. 1220 01:25:25,954 --> 01:25:29,039 And I know that you think you have to do this today. 1221 01:25:31,042 --> 01:25:32,876 I don't want you to. 1222 01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:39,383 But I guess... 1223 01:25:43,054 --> 01:25:44,721 ...if I love you... 1224 01:25:48,351 --> 01:25:50,519 ...I should let you move on. " 1225 01:25:54,732 --> 01:25:56,358 All right, son, you need to go now. 1226 01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:20,382 Let's proceed. 1227 01:26:23,094 --> 01:26:25,262 I'm sorry, Your Honor. Would it be okay... 1228 01:26:25,430 --> 01:26:28,390 ...if we postpone this for now for just a little while? 1229 01:26:28,558 --> 01:26:30,225 Would that be okay? 1230 01:26:31,144 --> 01:26:32,895 Postponed 30 days. Next case. 1231 01:26:59,672 --> 01:27:01,965 Haven't seen you practice this hard since school. 1232 01:27:02,133 --> 01:27:05,177 Yeah, you know, if I want to impress these college scouts... 1233 01:27:05,345 --> 01:27:07,763 ...then I need to stay focused. 1234 01:27:07,931 --> 01:27:11,433 Wait, wait. You're not still trying to get a scholarship, are you? 1235 01:27:12,018 --> 01:27:15,979 Be careful, man. You do not want to get off of the spirit path. 1236 01:27:16,147 --> 01:27:20,609 There's no path, Ned! There's no path! I can't do it! 1237 01:27:20,860 --> 01:27:22,527 I just made it worse for them. 1238 01:27:22,695 --> 01:27:27,491 My wife is happier, everyone's happier with me out of the picture, Ned. 1239 01:27:28,201 --> 01:27:29,952 It's time to move on. 1240 01:28:02,360 --> 01:28:04,111 It's time to go, Mom. 1241 01:28:18,209 --> 01:28:21,044 Hey, Gold, save something for the game, huh? 1242 01:28:21,212 --> 01:28:23,130 Just warming up, coach. 1243 01:28:23,298 --> 01:28:25,549 Got a little inside info for you. 1244 01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:29,261 The scout from Ohio State is back, and the coach is with him. 1245 01:28:29,721 --> 01:28:32,139 You play half the game I know you're capable of... 1246 01:28:32,307 --> 01:28:34,975 ...you're going to be playing college ball next year, huh? 1247 01:28:35,143 --> 01:28:37,144 - That's the plan, coach. - Give me the ball. 1248 01:28:39,731 --> 01:28:43,025 All right, gather up, jockstraps. Picture time. 1249 01:28:43,192 --> 01:28:45,068 Try not to break the camera. 1250 01:29:30,448 --> 01:29:33,950 I can't wait to go to Georgetown and start dating college boys. 1251 01:29:38,790 --> 01:29:42,417 I thought Mark was hanging out with Alex to get to me, not you. 1252 01:29:43,461 --> 01:29:46,004 All right, ladies, let's bring it in. 1253 01:29:48,257 --> 01:29:50,801 Jane! Jane! 1254 01:29:51,636 --> 01:29:54,471 Jane! I'm sorry, sorry. 1255 01:29:54,722 --> 01:29:56,640 Ned, Ned, Ned. - Oh, sorry. 1256 01:29:56,808 --> 01:29:59,559 Ned. Yeah. Hi. - Hi. 1257 01:30:00,812 --> 01:30:02,938 - I need to talk to you. - What are you doing? 1258 01:30:03,106 --> 01:30:05,107 I practiced this, uh. 1259 01:30:05,274 --> 01:30:06,775 Okay. 1260 01:30:06,943 --> 01:30:13,448 I have just seen my best friend lose everything than means anything to him. 1261 01:30:13,616 --> 01:30:15,367 And maybe we'll never be there, but... 1262 01:30:15,535 --> 01:30:20,330 Yes, I understand, but I have told you before that I am the principal... 1263 01:30:20,498 --> 01:30:22,958 - Yes. ... and I cannot be seen... 1264 01:30:23,126 --> 01:30:24,626 ...with my students' parents. 1265 01:30:24,794 --> 01:30:28,004 But, Jane, how can you be seen with me... 1266 01:30:28,172 --> 01:30:30,799 ...when I'm wearing the cloak of invisibility? 1267 01:30:33,302 --> 01:30:37,431 Jane, all I'm asking is a chance for us to be friends. 1268 01:30:38,516 --> 01:30:41,435 Because you're the one I want by my side... 1269 01:30:41,602 --> 01:30:44,938 ...when I'm storming the Elvish Castle of Ganakinesh. 1270 01:30:50,820 --> 01:30:52,946 You can plunder my dungeon anytime. 1271 01:30:53,239 --> 01:30:55,031 I'll bring my long bow. 1272 01:30:55,950 --> 01:30:58,660 Warriors! Yeah! 1273 01:31:01,456 --> 01:31:03,206 Come on. 1274 01:31:16,888 --> 01:31:18,722 Oh, my God. 1275 01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:20,891 Mom? Are you okay? 1276 01:31:22,310 --> 01:31:25,520 I can't be here again. I have to go. 1277 01:31:46,209 --> 01:31:48,543 The game. That's your future. The baby's my future. 1278 01:31:49,504 --> 01:31:52,714 That's crazy, Mike. No, I can't let you throw this all away. 1279 01:31:52,882 --> 01:31:54,216 Bye, Mike. 1280 01:31:54,383 --> 01:31:55,842 High school star. Never lived up to potential. 1281 01:31:56,010 --> 01:31:58,512 - What are you doing? I want to live in the past. 1282 01:31:58,679 --> 01:32:01,723 I'll bet you wish you had it to do all over again. 1283 01:32:01,891 --> 01:32:03,183 Hello?! 1284 01:32:03,351 --> 01:32:05,101 It's a classic transformation story. 1285 01:32:05,978 --> 01:32:08,104 Spirit guide? 1286 01:32:08,439 --> 01:32:10,524 You and me, we're in this together. 1287 01:32:13,444 --> 01:32:14,528 It's your turn now. 1288 01:32:22,286 --> 01:32:23,286 Traveling. 1289 01:32:23,454 --> 01:32:24,955 Green ball! 1290 01:32:25,289 --> 01:32:27,290 O'Donnell, get in there! 1291 01:32:27,458 --> 01:32:28,875 Scarlet! 1292 01:32:30,253 --> 01:32:31,628 Scar? 1293 01:32:33,256 --> 01:32:34,798 Scarlet? 1294 01:32:53,109 --> 01:32:54,693 It is you. 1295 01:33:01,576 --> 01:33:02,701 Hi. 1296 01:33:04,328 --> 01:33:05,620 "Hi"? 1297 01:33:07,331 --> 01:33:08,456 I can explain. 1298 01:33:10,459 --> 01:33:11,835 You can? 1299 01:33:12,003 --> 01:33:13,920 No, not at all. 1300 01:33:15,506 --> 01:33:19,384 - You didn't have to come after me again. - Yes, I did, because I love you. 1301 01:33:20,177 --> 01:33:23,305 You're the best decision I ever made, I just forgot. 1302 01:33:24,765 --> 01:33:29,311 And then I fell off a bridge and things got pretty weird after that. 1303 01:33:29,478 --> 01:33:31,730 But I'm never going to forget again. 1304 01:33:33,316 --> 01:33:37,027 Look, I know that I've been in a bad mood for the last... 1305 01:33:37,653 --> 01:33:39,154 ...20 years. 1306 01:33:40,197 --> 01:33:44,659 But if you let me, I swear, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. 1307 01:33:46,037 --> 01:33:48,705 I thought I wanted a second chance at life... 1308 01:33:48,873 --> 01:33:52,417 ...but now I know I just want a second chance with y... 1309 01:33:56,130 --> 01:33:57,505 Weird. 1310 01:33:57,882 --> 01:33:59,215 Yeah. 1311 01:34:01,052 --> 01:34:02,677 I missed you. 1312 01:34:09,727 --> 01:34:14,689 Yeah, I'm gonna put you down because this was a lot easier before. 1313 01:34:15,358 --> 01:34:18,818 Yeah, you did have that six-pack thing going. 1314 01:34:18,986 --> 01:34:20,862 Is there any chance I'll see that again? 1315 01:34:21,030 --> 01:34:23,698 I knew you were checking me out. 1316 01:34:26,243 --> 01:34:29,537 Go! Go! Go! 1317 01:34:32,375 --> 01:34:34,542 Adults can have that, though. 1318 01:34:34,710 --> 01:34:37,545 Well, I'll work on it. Maybe I'll jog home. 1319 01:34:45,012 --> 01:34:46,054 Ned, hey. 1320 01:34:46,222 --> 01:34:49,683 I packed up all my stuff and I wanted to give your key back and say thanks. 1321 01:34:49,850 --> 01:34:51,309 Hey, whoa. No. No. 1322 01:34:51,477 --> 01:34:54,854 Wasn't expecting to see you there, Principal Masterson. 1323 01:34:55,064 --> 01:34:57,148 You look very pretty. 1324 01:34:57,316 --> 01:34:58,358 Thank you. 1325 01:34:58,526 --> 01:35:00,110 The Force is strong in this one. 1326 01:35:00,277 --> 01:35:02,821 So I guess I'll be seeing you at work, boss. 1327 01:35:02,988 --> 01:35:05,532 Oh, yes, uh, Coach O'Donnell. 1328 01:35:05,700 --> 01:35:08,910 And, um, we are very happy to have you aboard. 1329 01:35:09,620 --> 01:35:12,872 Buddy, I got you a little something for your first day at your new job. 1330 01:35:13,040 --> 01:35:15,917 Don't think about how much it cost, it's not much. 1331 01:35:17,962 --> 01:35:20,046 Hey, you got me a whistle. 1332 01:35:21,465 --> 01:35:22,632 Don't blow it. 1333 01:35:25,344 --> 01:35:26,386 Play big. 1334 01:35:27,179 --> 01:35:28,263 You too. 1335 01:35:29,932 --> 01:35:31,641 Good luck. Love you! 1336 01:35:31,809 --> 01:35:33,309 Love you! 1337 01:35:34,000 --> 01:35:37,050 Download Movie Subtitles Searcher from www.OpenSubtitles.org