I've been fooled before.
Wouldn't like to get my love caught in the slammin' door.
How about some information, please?
- You're fuckin' killing it, girl! - Do you wanna love me forever...
Or am I caught in hit and run?
Straight up, now tell me, Is it gonna be you and me together?
- Or are you just havin' fun? - Yeah, we are now, Beatrice!
HIGH MAINTENANCE
- Oh, can't come to the phone ri... - Yo, shut the fuck up, and let me in!
When were y'all gonna tell me this was fucking going down?
I'm up there listening to Beatrice start a whole new genre and shit.
You could've came down at any point. No one was stopping you.
- Don't be mad at us, Kee Kee. - I just would've liked to known.
Well now you know, you can chill.
Do you think it's kinda weird that Gemma brought her husband?
- Yeah, yeah. - Hell, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, he does not look like what I thought he would.
Gemma is fucking hot...
No man, I just thought it was just like jurors only, you know what I mean?
- He didn't do voire dire. - That's fuckin weird, I don't get it.
- Dude, I'm gonna miss this shit. - What? You're gonna miss jury duty?
Dude, I don't know, I feel like a free man.
Whatever, man. I just liked hanging out with you guys.
- We liked hanging out with you, too. - Aw, thanks guys.
Yo where should we ash this joint? We don't want to get it in your car.
My bad... I mean when the fuck did you even get this car, bro?
- For my birthday. - It's your birthday! Happy birthday!
- Thank you, man. - I already told you happy birthday.
That's crazy that your parents gave you this fucking car.
- Oh shit, I don't wanna... - I wanna see pictures of your house.
You know it's nice. We know you got this car from your...
Oh, shit!
- Shit. Oh my god. Are you okay? - I'm fine.
- Maybe you should sit on the corner... - I'm good, man.
- Are you sure? - I'm fine.
- You might be in shock! - Fuck, man!
- She was wearing a green vest too. - Yeah. She seemed okay, though.
- Is your car okay? - Yeah, it's fine. It's fine, bro.
I'll be up in a moment. I just gotta take a walk, yeah.
- Okay, see ya. - Alright, let's go.
Damn, man, that shit was crazy.
- On a positive note, look what I got. - What's that? Sonia's phone?
No! You childish for that though.
"Do not offer Liza any big snacks like ice cream, or slices of pizza."
- This is the boring stuff. - "She will never say no to them."
"If she's starving, she can have a Lärabar,"
"a dairy-free yogurt, or a Bjornqorn at home."
What the fuck is a Bjornqorn?
"Her gym teacher is already commenting on her chubby stomach..."
- Do you want me to show... - Hold on!
"and I don't want to give her any food slash body issues,"
"but she doesn't do much exercise and is not exactly skinny,"
"so she definitely does not need all those in between-meal snacks."
- We get it. She's fucked up... - Her daughter is literally skinny.
This is the good shit. Ready? I'm gonna show you.
She talked mad trash about us... Yeah, about us. I need to find...
- The party's out here, I see. - It's uh, it's in there.
I'm glad you stayed. I was disappointed when I thought you left.
Okay.
It wasn't a rock, It was a rock lobster!
Rock lobster!
What the hell are you doing? You're gonna get us kicked out.
He moves. He moves that talking head. Yeah. Let's move.
You got it. Oh yeah. Ok this is weird. Ok let's do it.
All back and forth.
Aw, sorry. Sorry. My bad. I pressed the wrong button. Sorry.
Come on!
You remind of a girl That I once knew.
See her face whenever I, I look at you.
This kiss, this kiss!
Unsinkable.
This kiss, this kiss!
- I'm gonna sing "My Way." - Aw, Newman, you dog.
You know you can't sing "My Way" in the Philippines.
It's illegal. Cause people got killed.
Apparently, there are these gangs
that would go around killing people who sang it poorly,
and it got bad enough that they had to make it illegal.
So... Yeah. No "My Way" at karaoke.
You learn something everyday.
by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree.
I made wine from the lilac tree,
Put my heart in its recipe.
It makes me see what I want to see,
Be what I want to be.
When I think more than I ought to think,
I do things I never should do,
I drink much more that I ought to drink,
Because it brings me back you.
Lilac wine
Is sweet and heady,
Like my love.
Lilac wine...
- Here's cash from the bearded guy. - Who's is this?
That was Anthony's. He had the vodka tonics.
He had to bounce, but this is his and this is mine.
Oh my god, your voice. You should be doing this professionally.
Thank you! I actually, I do sometimes.
- Really? I didn't know that. - Yeah.
- Oh my god, you're so good! - Thank you, I really appreciate that.
Thank you!
Here's mine. How much more do we need?
- Hey, you were really good. - Oh, thanks, man.
- We still need three-thirty. - Oh shit!
- No, I can cover it. - Are you sure?
- Sure, no worries. - Has anyone seen my phone?
I hope you guys have a great night!
A phone... Oh shit! Is this it?
- Is it this one? - Yes! Thank you.
- Yeah, no problem. - Oh my god, I gotta text my baby...
- You going over the bridge? - Yeah, I'm gonna come with you guys.
Bye, everybody!
Bye!
Group four! Yes!
- Hey, you want a ride? - Yeah, yeah.
I just need to go pee and then I'll meet you outside.
- Really? - She's been drinking wheat beer.
- Celiac my ass! - I know.
If she really had Celiac, she'd be in the bathroom every ten minutes...
Bro, we literally just gave you a stack of cash. Just go to the back and check.
- What's going on? - They're trying to say we didn't pay.
Oh, word? The Australian fuck put in all the rest of the money!
- I fucking know! Go ask them! - We all saw the money!
Dude, that guy was in the fucking room. Can you tell him that that we paid?
What's going on?
- They took money. - No!
- That's a fucking lie, just talk... - They were smoking marijuana.
- Yo! Oh my god! - Ok. Thank you.
- Y'all, I can barely afford my rent. - I don't understand.
- The cops are coming. - Run. Run!
Front door! Go, front door!
Come on! This place is like a maze.
Shit. Move, move! I swear to god I'm gonna fucking make you move.
Fuck! Shit!
- Shit, where are we? - Your car!
Go, go, go. Shit.
Aw fuck, the keys are in the jacket! Go, go just keep going. Fucking go!
Go, go, go!
Oh, motherfucker. What the fuck?
Let go! Motherfucker!
- Don't hurt him! Let's go. - Shit. Go, go!
There's a cab, let's get it!
Hi, how you doing? We're going to the Bronx actually.
238 and... Oh shit fuck.
- Don't take them; they took money! - He's lying. We didn't take anything.
- Get out of my car! - That guy's insane. Get us away!
- Get out of my car! - Are you fucking kidding me! Go!
Does no one love you, bro? Is that what's up?
Seriously, man, what the fuck's your problem?
What's my problem? What the fuck's your problem?
Bro, I don't have a fucking problem. You're the one with the problem,
you're chasing fucking innocent people all over the city.
Alright, dude, I know that shit's not getting service here.
You don't want to do this all night. Like is this a date?
Like a romantic night we're having, you want to hold hands?
Bro don't you have a wife and kids to go home to or something?
- We can do this all night, man. - Great.
Hey, what the fuck?! Hey!
- Hey, hey I'm here. - Finally!
- Sorry! - We gotta hurry, for real!
- Yeah, I'm going as fast as possible. - No, you're fine.
But we must be out of the door in ten minutes.
Ten minutes?! The G was so fucked.
And I had to buy these fucking shoes and my phone died on the train.
Yeah, so... You don't even care.
- Oh, wow great. You got a pedicure. - Not for this!
- We've gotta go! Fo'real. - Ok, fo'real, I'm hurrying.
- You cannot take a shower! - What? I fucking stoink. It's bad.
- Someone is going to love that. - Who's gonna love that?
- And what am I wearing tonight? - I laid this out for you, remember?
Hi, Tess! Sorry I didn't put the bed away. I know.
I'm gonna take care of it though.
What's her fucking problem? Goddamn!
I really hope this one guy isn't there, but of course he totally will be.
Who?
This very tragic, very red, Guy Fieri-esque-like dude.
But only as a style reference, 'cause he's so shy.
Is he nice?
I don't know, I feel really bad for him, but his breath...
I can't... It's very like...
'Has Hillary Hopkins Had Her Honeymoon'?
Nasty. This is it?
- I'm gonna tell you something. - We should go in though.
Rachel Zimmerman had her bat mitzvah here, and she nailed the haftarah.
- You should put on your shoes. - Okay.
- Is it too early to order a drink? - Aw fuck!
I should have smelled these before, they smell like shit.
- Well, someone's gonna... - Don't say someone's gonna love it.
- Someone will! - Hi, Cherry!
- By the way, I go by "Cherry" here. - Are you serious?
Hey, Gemma! Hey, how are you?
I've been in jury duty for about ten years.
Don't wait for me, it's fine. I'll just...
Okay...
- Hey! - Hey, I recognize you!
You are so much taller in person. You're gorgeous!
Thank you so much. I never hear that, that I'm taller in person.
- Cherry pie! - Oscar...
- Oh you look bloody amazing. - Oh, doesn't she?
Now I'm just sad I didn't get the chance to interview you personally.
And you...
- Okay. We're gonna have a fun night! - Yes!
I'm so excited!
- Having a good time? - Yes!
You are smelling very very good today.
Thank you.
- Oh, my god, hey! - Hi!
I kinda wanna go.
- I'll see you around. - Yeah.
- Freddie Giordano-Roth? - Excuse me, what?!
- Oh my god... - Oh my god! Eddie!
Hey! How's your mom?
- I don't talk to her any more. - Well, you look the exact same.
I hope not!
I dated Freddie's mom from 1998 to 2003. Well, 2004.
January of 2004.
Memory on you... That's insane.
- I don't know that I'd call it insane. - I just saying crazy scenario.
- Yeah, I guess this is kinda crazy. - Wouldn't you say?!
Wow. I'm sorry. I'm just blown away.
- This is your roommate, Freddie. - Yes.
Holy shit!
- The world is really so small. - Yeah.
Is Eddie the one who used to cut the squares out of the carpet
when the dog used to shit in the house?
No, that was the guy who helped my mom set the house on fire.
Eddie proposed to my mom twice. He's that one.
Also! He used to drive with two feet!
That's entirely fooked, mate.
Almost as fooked as me friend getting her toes sucked by me "almost dad".
- Many times, mate. Hate to say it! - Many times? Really?
I told you that.
I don't know, I think I just liked him 'cause our names rhymed.
Oh shit, he texted me.
- He has your number? - Oh like, we've hung out before...
You've hung out before.
You've hung out?! With him before?
Don't look at me like that! I needed the money! I needed the money.
Ok, he's asking me if Freddie and I would be interested...
'I have a way for you to make some extra cash, '
'I'm leaving town and am in desperate need for a cat slash plant sitter.'
I'm thinking about you fucking him, I'm sorry.
Well, he'd obviously pay us!
To feed the cat, and he has a special orchids that needs misting...
He does have a lot of plants at his house.
You've been to his house.
I'm gonna say we'll do it because he's gone for like two weeks.
- Wait, we'll stay over his house? - Yes, stupid!
Yeah? Alright. Okay.
This is like a really crazy bathroom...
You can have all your friends in here.
Yeah, I know. It's like a locker room in there.
- I wanna try one of those urinals. - I have. It went all over the place.
Yeah, it's crazy you spent your childhood here, man.
Only a few years and most of it was spent in the corner
murdering Sims in the pool.
- Murder... Love those pajamas! - Thanks, they're Eddie's.
I figured. Thank you for the introduction to Halls again.
Take as many as you want, please.
Remember that commercial where he's like, ah...
- My throat... - Yeah.
- All right, see ya later! - Bye! Thank you!
Yeah, thank you!
I suck at rolling joints, just so you know.
80,000 pounds of potatoes,
23 times more than the average American.
Because of her aversion to other foods, Kelly even eats...
Hey, would you wanna watch 'Leaving Neverland' with me?
I've always wanted to watch it and haven't been in the right head space.
Yes.
Why did we do that?
I'd be down to do the Oprah special, though.
There's no fucking way in hell I'm doing that Oprah special.
Like I need like a 'Queer Eye' or something.
You don't want to delve right in? I feel like it's fresh still.
No.
I can't believe you already slept here.
Yeah... some day you'll get over it.
I'm done.
I feel sick. Jeez!
- I wanna try. - Go for it.
Look at me! Is this cool?
Oh, fuck!
- Black box. Under the bed. - Okay, I'm listening...
- Oh photos, shit... - There's 'Portugal 2016'.
Writing on a napkin, he's artsy.
All alone...
- Okay, snoozing... - Yeah, there's nothing of interest.
Shit! 'Luca 2010.'
- This is not looking so good... - I don't like this.
- Do you think we're dealing with... - A pedo?
A pedo. Do you think?
I mean honestly, I truly can't tell you,
I'm so warped from this day.
Look at this kid's...
I'll never look at a kid's photo the same ever again.
Look at this one where the kid's legs are spread wide open
and he's sitting with the man's whose house we're in.
I mean maybe that's normal, I have no idea,
I've never been close to a kid as an adult.
There's more from his baptism.
Eddie has sisters. I forgot.
- So Luca is his nephew... - Yeah, definitely.
Here's a woman with Luca.
You know what they say, people love to fuck their nephews!
It's true.
Maybe we're the perverts for thinking this is perverted.
- You're missing company retreat! - No, that's all you.
Fuck, that movie's got me twisted...
I'm actually so good at this...
Maybe not.
- Hey, so... - Wait, what is that?
Come here...
I thought that all of these were gone, in the fire.
No...
I've never seen these before.
Awww, baby picture of you. You're so sweet.
You and that dog...
You still make that face.
I'm really, really sorry but I have really bad dry mouth
and I really need a glass of water...
- Do you want one? - No.
I can't believe I've been fucking on top of your baby pictures.
Oh, my god! Freddie! You have to come here.
- What? - No, just come here now.
I'm coming...
What? What's going on? What is it?
What?
I'm coming.
What the fuck?!
Do you remember when I had to take an Uber home cause someone took my shoes?
My Margielas!
- Oh my god, he loves feet... - I know.
He loves them!
- Holy shit, I like these. - Those are cute.
And they're my size and now they're mine!
Ooh my god, did you not see these here?
The clown boot...
My dude, it's a tap!
It's a tappin tap... Aw, fuck!
Oh my god!
Hello. Thank you for being here today
to participate in the work of the New York state courts.
Your jury duty may be the most important civic role you perform,
outside of the voting booths,
as a participant in this great democracy.
And by the way, I think you'll find it a fascinating experience.
Here in New York, with our system of checks and balances,
it's the responsibility of the state as represented by the prosecution
to present the evidence against any person accused of a criminal act.
It's the work of the grand jury - you people sitting right here today -
to review that evidence and determine
whether that accusation is legally justified.
The presentations you'll hear from an assistant district attorney
may include homicide, robbery, grand larceny, narcotics crimes,
possession of stolen property, rape, sodomy, assault,
arson, kidnapping, burglary, possession of weapons;
practically the whole spectrum of the criminal law.
If any of us found ourselves accused of a felony, we would hope
to have an engaged, fair, and impartial grand jury of New Yorkers, like you,
reviewing the prosecutor's evidence against us.
As grand jurors, you are now part of the criminal justice system.
Your mission is twofold: On one hand,
to use your power as grand jurors to investigate crimes,
to hand up an indictment when sufficient evidence exists to do so.
On the other, when the evidence is insufficient,
to protect people from an unfounded criminal accusation
by not handing up an indictment.
We could not preserve the rights of both defendants and victims,
protect public safety,
and ensure that police and prosecutors meet their obligations
without the participation of jurors like you.
Thank you for your participation in the pursuit of justice.
HIGH MAINTENANCE