1
00:00:12,526 --> 00:00:17,526
(theme music playing)

2
00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:35,984
Announcer (over TV):
It's  No Dice!  A game of wits,
a game of skill,

3
00:00:36,067 --> 00:00:38,025
but most of all,
a game of chance,

4
00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:42,693
where brains will
only get you so far,
because on  No Dice...

5
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,984
Audience:
The dice decide!

6
00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:50,359
Announcer:
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for the Hot Table.

7
00:00:50,442 --> 00:00:52,025
Does paradise await?

8
00:00:52,109 --> 00:00:55,901
Or will Floyd succumb
to the viscous snake eyes?

9
00:00:55,984 --> 00:00:57,442
Back to you, Chip.

10
00:00:57,526 --> 00:01:00,359
Chip: Floyd, your total
for the week is 12,500,

11
00:01:00,442 --> 00:01:02,150
plus you've won
the living room set.

12
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-It's a lot on the line,    Floyd.
-Floyd: Sure, it is.

13
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Chip:
It's all up to you, Floyd.

14
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:10,442
Are you going    to walk away
or let it ride?

15
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-  (audience cheering)
-Floyd: Um, I, um...

16
00:01:12,859 --> 00:01:15,526
-He should be here any minute.
-Floyd: I'm going
to let it ride.

17
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,859
Chip:
He's going to let it ride!

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Are you nervous?

19
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It's okay.
I'm nervous too.

20
00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:29,609
Chip: Are you
r-r-r-ready to roll?

21
00:01:29,693 --> 00:01:31,234
Floyd:
I'm ready to roll, Chip!

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(TV clicks off)

23
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Hey. You're about to have
the real thing, right?

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(groans, sighs)

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(exhales loudly)

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(flask sloshes)

27
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Sir, just a reminder,
we are filming this visit
for Dreams2realities.com.

28
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Steph, how long have you
been working on the show?

29
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How about a mint?

30
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Wallet.

31
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Phone.

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All right, we're doing
15 minutes tops
with this old bag.

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00:02:25,859 --> 00:02:29,734
So when I say,
"Boy, I sure have
the best fans!"

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you make a pained expression,
look at your watch and say,
"I'm so sorry--"

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"Sorry, we have to head
to the airport now."

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Now, watch how it's done.
I might even get us
out of here in 10.

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00:02:38,317 --> 00:02:41,401
(knocks "Shave and a Haircut")

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00:02:42,359 --> 00:02:44,984
Mr. Crawford.
Please, come in.

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00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:47,567
And where is
the lucky young lady?!

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00:02:48,818 --> 00:02:50,818
Well, hello there.
You must be Enid.

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Wow. You know, I was
just telling Steph here,

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we were just so moved, Enid,
when we'd heard your story.

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We couldn't wait
to come and meet
such a special lady.

44
00:03:02,693 --> 00:03:06,234
Oh boy. Tea time
with Chip and Enid.

45
00:03:06,693 --> 00:03:08,067
I love tea.

46
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:12,609
Enid, I hear that you are
the biggest No Dice  fan

47
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,567
in your retirement community.

48
00:03:14,651 --> 00:03:17,025
In fact, it says here that...

49
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:20,901
you wrestled a man for
the remote when he tried
to change the channel.

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00:03:21,442 --> 00:03:24,484
Steph, I think I found
my new bodyguard. (laughs)

51
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:27,609
Steph, let's show Enid some
of those amazing prizes.

52
00:03:27,693 --> 00:03:28,901
Okay? (claps)

53
00:03:31,275 --> 00:03:33,025
Thanks, hon.

54
00:03:33,109 --> 00:03:34,484
Oh, Enid.
Look at this.

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00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:37,526
It's a No Dice  T-shirt.

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(laughs): Yeah.

57
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Oh, that's gonna look
terrific on you.

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Uh... Oh. Oh wow!

59
00:03:44,943 --> 00:03:47,901
Enid, look at that!
It's a genuine No Dice  buzzer.

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(buzzes)

61
00:03:49,192 --> 00:03:51,192
You know, they don't give these
to just anyone.

62
00:03:51,818 --> 00:03:54,109
Yeah. You know what?
Can we do that one again?

63
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,359
Let's take that one again.
All right.

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What do we have here?
Oh, holy smokes,

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00:03:59,651 --> 00:04:01,943
a genuine No Dice  buzzer!

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00:04:02,025 --> 00:04:02,901
(buzzes)

67
00:04:02,984 --> 00:04:04,442
Even I don't have one of these.

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00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:05,734
(laughs)
Here.

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00:04:05,818 --> 00:04:08,859
-Okay, keep it comin', Steph.
-(snaps fingers)

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00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:13,067
Enid, I think we got one more
amazing prize for you.

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00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:17,150
Wow. Look at that.
Genuine No Dice  dice.

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Mmm. Lipton's?

73
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My favorite.

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Ah!

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Boy. I sure have the best fans.

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Could you excuse me
for just a minute?

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(quietly):
We got this, Steph.
We're outta here.

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00:04:47,192 --> 00:04:49,317
Sir, we haven't even
been here for five minutes.

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Tea time. Enid. Chip.
Bam. Done. We're out.

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Mr. Crawford,
with all due respect,

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if the goal here is to
demonstrate your humanity

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-and relatability--
-Zip it!

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Now, you listen to me, missy.

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You think you can
tell me what to do?

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00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:04,401
I'm the talent,
and I say when we're done,
and we're done here.

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00:05:05,025 --> 00:05:08,317
I could have your little
millennial ass fired
just like this.

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-So if you think for one sec--
-Enid: Thank you.

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-What's that?
-(sighs)

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For coming here.

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Thank...

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Thank you, Chip.

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(sighs)

93
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(sniffles, sighs)

94
00:05:31,526 --> 00:05:35,609
I'm so sorry
I was so shy before, I...

95
00:05:35,693 --> 00:05:37,067
(sighs)

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00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:40,567
I guess I was just nervous
to meet you, you know?

97
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:43,901
You see, I am your biggest fan.

98
00:05:44,609 --> 00:05:47,484
-Is that right?
-Oh yes.

99
00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:53,025
I... love... No Dice.  I...

100
00:05:53,776 --> 00:05:56,693
How even if you work
your way to the Hot Table,

101
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it's still up to chance.

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The dice decide.

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It's-it's wonderful.
It's like life.

104
00:06:05,609 --> 00:06:08,484
Uh-huh. Start filming again.

105
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Listen, I don't remember
too much these days.

106
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But I sure do remember
the first time I saw No Dice.

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Oh, when that lady won,
and you picked her up

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and you swung her around,
it was like you'd won too.

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What I really, really love
about No Dice  ...

110
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is you, Chip.

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And-and at
my retirement community

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when those ladies
at the other table,

113
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they wanna watch Wheel,

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I get so mad. I say,

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00:06:48,359 --> 00:06:50,401
"Why would you
settle for second best

116
00:06:50,484 --> 00:06:52,776
when you can have Chip?"
(sniffles)

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When they wanna
turn the channel,
I wanna smack 'em.

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-(Enid chuckles)
-(Chip sighs)

119
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Well. Um...

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I am so glad that we could
make your dream come true,
Enid.

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If you're happy,
I'm happy.

122
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So, um,
I think it's about time--

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Julius: To play.

124
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-Play what?
-No Dice.

125
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That was the dream.

126
00:07:30,776 --> 00:07:32,109
The dream?

127
00:07:32,192 --> 00:07:34,317
Dreams 2 Realities.

128
00:07:35,401 --> 00:07:38,109
Play No Dice  with Chip Crawford.

129
00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,734
(scoffs)

130
00:07:40,150 --> 00:07:41,693
I thought it was tea time?

131
00:07:41,776 --> 00:07:45,442
Oh, well, I always serve
refreshments to my guests.

132
00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:50,693
Oh God, I can't believe
I'm gonna play No Dice
with Chip Crawford!

133
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:59,150
Oh... boy. Does that sound fun.

134
00:07:59,234 --> 00:08:01,609
-(gasps)
-Chip: And special.

135
00:08:01,693 --> 00:08:03,359
Wow.

136
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,818
You know,
I would absolutely love

137
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:08,984
to play No Dice  with you  ,
Enid, my biggest fan.

138
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:12,234
But the thing is, we really
need to get to the airport.

139
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:15,025
You wouldn't want me to miss
my flight, would you?

140
00:08:15,109 --> 00:08:16,943
No, of course not.

141
00:08:17,025 --> 00:08:18,651
Then they'd have to do
No Dice  without me,

142
00:08:18,734 --> 00:08:20,901
and I know
you don't want that.

143
00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:25,234
It's Steph's fault,
really.

144
00:08:25,317 --> 00:08:28,109
It's just a rookie mistake,
but she makes them all the time.

145
00:08:28,192 --> 00:08:30,818
Truth is, it's becoming
a bit of a pattern...

146
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,484
-(scoffs)
-...with her.

147
00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:34,609
-The job's not a good fit--
-No, Chip.

148
00:08:34,693 --> 00:08:37,442
Actually our flight
isn't for three hours.

149
00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:39,150
Steph, uh...

150
00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:41,234
In fact, if I head
to the airport now,

151
00:08:41,317 --> 00:08:43,609
I can pick up your
Preparation H on the way.

152
00:08:43,693 --> 00:08:45,234
Still extra strength, right?

153
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:46,693
(laughs)

154
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,359
Oh, that is funny, Steph!

155
00:08:49,442 --> 00:08:51,359
That's really funny.
The thing is,

156
00:08:51,442 --> 00:08:53,401
I need you to drive me
to the airport.

157
00:08:53,484 --> 00:08:58,317
That's fine Chip.
I'll call a car for you
in, say, one hour?

158
00:08:58,401 --> 00:09:01,651
That should give you and Enid
plenty of time to play No Dice.

159
00:09:02,693 --> 00:09:03,943
Have fun!

160
00:09:08,901 --> 00:09:10,818
(groans)

161
00:09:13,776 --> 00:09:15,776
More tea, dear?

162
00:09:16,109 --> 00:09:18,401
Oh no. I've had plenty.

163
00:09:25,484 --> 00:09:27,984
-Now where are you going?
-Smoke break.

164
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,859
Julius gets one every two hours.

165
00:09:33,984 --> 00:09:36,109
Can I ask
you something?

166
00:09:38,859 --> 00:09:40,150
Fine.

167
00:09:41,025 --> 00:09:44,317
Do you remember that
little move you used to make?

168
00:09:45,526 --> 00:09:47,275
-What?
-You know...

169
00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:51,025
"Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?"

170
00:09:51,109 --> 00:09:52,567
(giggles) Remember?

171
00:09:52,651 --> 00:09:57,484
You used to say it like that.
"Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?"

172
00:09:58,275 --> 00:10:00,150
Why did you change it?

173
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:05,192
Well, Enid, the same reason
I still have this mustache--

174
00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:07,025
you fans.

175
00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:08,484
What?

176
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:11,567
Clean-shaven Chip
didn't test well.

177
00:10:11,651 --> 00:10:13,609
You fans decided
you didn't want Chip

178
00:10:13,693 --> 00:10:15,484
to wink or point
at the camera anymore.

179
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:19,651
You fans decided that
would make you uncomfortable.

180
00:10:20,859 --> 00:10:22,901
You fans. (sighs)

181
00:10:25,526 --> 00:10:27,693
Are you all right, Chip?

182
00:10:29,192 --> 00:10:31,067
Do I seem not all right?

183
00:10:31,150 --> 00:10:34,275
You just-- you don't
seem like yourself.

184
00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:36,067
Not myself?

185
00:10:37,192 --> 00:10:39,776
Do I not seem like
myself to you?

186
00:10:39,859 --> 00:10:43,109
You seem different from
how you are on the show.

187
00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:45,109
Well, Enid.

188
00:10:45,192 --> 00:10:47,943
Let's see, I've got
the network up my ass,

189
00:10:48,025 --> 00:10:49,442
telling me that
my ratings are down,

190
00:10:49,526 --> 00:10:51,109
and my audience
is turning on me.

191
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:55,401
And now I've been abandoned
by my producer,

192
00:10:55,484 --> 00:10:58,734
and I am stuck in this
shitty motel room with you.

193
00:10:58,818 --> 00:11:03,025
So forgive me, if as I make
your dreams into reality,

194
00:11:03,109 --> 00:11:06,025
I'm not perfectly cheery!

195
00:11:06,109 --> 00:11:10,567
So does this mean we're
not gonna play No Dic  ?

196
00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:14,734
See! This is what you get!

197
00:11:14,818 --> 00:11:17,859
You can't please the network!
Can't please the fans!
Can't win!

198
00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:20,984
This is what you get
from being the nice guy!

199
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:22,526
You get bled out!

200
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,401
I gotta take a stand somewhere.

201
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,192
I don't care if I have
to walk to the airport.

202
00:11:27,275 --> 00:11:29,109
I'm outta here!

203
00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:31,943
Excuse me, Julius!

204
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,401
Hey!

205
00:11:34,776 --> 00:11:36,442
You just assaulted me!

206
00:11:36,526 --> 00:11:38,776
Your nurse just assaulted me.

207
00:11:40,484 --> 00:11:44,275
This... This is where
I call the cops.

208
00:11:46,776 --> 00:11:47,859
Fuck!

209
00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:51,317
Okay. This is where
I call the cops!

210
00:11:54,526 --> 00:11:57,734
-What the--
-Oh, Chip.

211
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:02,776
I can't believe
you don't remember me.

212
00:12:04,109 --> 00:12:08,526
"Up next we have Enid Brown
from Madison, Wisconsin.

213
00:12:08,609 --> 00:12:12,442
"Enid, it says here
you enjoy bridge club,

214
00:12:12,526 --> 00:12:16,859
"and make original needlepoints
of club members' dogs.

215
00:12:16,943 --> 00:12:19,734
"That sounds fantastic, Enid.

216
00:12:19,818 --> 00:12:22,317
Maybe I could
commission one of them."

217
00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:28,025
-You were on No Dice  ?
-Mm-hmm.

218
00:12:28,109 --> 00:12:33,401
June 6th, 1993.
Episode 1053.

219
00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:35,818
That was almost 30 years ago.

220
00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:38,484
You realize we've done
nearly 6,000 episodes, right?

221
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:42,192
Six thousand three hundred
and eighty-nine.

222
00:12:42,818 --> 00:12:47,442
Yes, I know Chip. See, I am
your biggest fan, remember?

223
00:12:48,484 --> 00:12:50,984
-Sure.
-Enid: That night...

224
00:12:51,401 --> 00:12:53,734
I made it all the way
to the Hot Table.

225
00:12:53,818 --> 00:12:57,359
-Chip: Uh-huh.
-Yeah. You wanna know
how I did it?

226
00:12:57,859 --> 00:13:00,651
-(sighs) No.
-I let it ride, Chip.

227
00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:02,526
It was all on the line.

228
00:13:02,943 --> 00:13:05,025
And then I rolled a seven.

229
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:06,984
I won.

230
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:10,943
But the judges
made me roll again,

231
00:13:11,025 --> 00:13:14,150
because of the hands
on the table.

232
00:13:14,943 --> 00:13:20,567
You see, when the dice hit
anything, anything at all,
they call interference,

233
00:13:20,651 --> 00:13:25,651
and the dice hit hands,
your hands, Chip.

234
00:13:26,693 --> 00:13:29,234
Why would I put my hands
on the Hot Table?

235
00:13:29,317 --> 00:13:33,734
Well, I'm pretty sure you
had your hands on the table
to steady yourself, Chip,

236
00:13:33,818 --> 00:13:38,275
because you were blackout drunk
and staring at my breasts!

237
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:42,442
And because of your hands,
I lost...

238
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,943
the Golden Grandfather Clock.

239
00:13:48,234 --> 00:13:49,734
(scoffs)

240
00:13:49,818 --> 00:13:52,984
The... Golden Grandfather Clock?

241
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,776
Yes, that's what I wanted, Chip.

242
00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:58,234
And that's what I lost
because of you.

243
00:14:00,693 --> 00:14:02,275
That's it?

244
00:14:02,359 --> 00:14:04,859
You brought me here
over a clock?

245
00:14:09,651 --> 00:14:11,359
Jesus Christ.

246
00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:16,234
Well... I've got great news
for you, Enid.

247
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:21,984
You can order Golden
Grandfather Clocks
over the Internet.

248
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:25,526
And get this:
It would be my pleasure,
my great pleasure,

249
00:14:25,609 --> 00:14:28,609
to buy you, Enid,
a Golden Grandfather Clock.

250
00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:31,984
-Just send me your address--
-Enid: I don't want your money.

251
00:14:33,275 --> 00:14:36,317
I'm your biggest fan.
You're trying to buy me off?

252
00:14:36,401 --> 00:14:39,401
I'm 80 years old!
I don't need money!

253
00:14:39,484 --> 00:14:42,984
-I don't follow.
-The dice decide.

254
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:45,401
That's the whole point
of the show, isn't it?

255
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:51,275
And the dice decided that I,
Enid Brown, was the winner.

256
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:56,401
I'd never won anything
in my life before.

257
00:14:57,359 --> 00:15:02,234
For once, I wanted to be
the one with confetti
raining down on me,

258
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:04,401
and everyone cheering for me.

259
00:15:04,484 --> 00:15:07,025
And I thought maybe you'd
pick me up and swing me around

260
00:15:07,109 --> 00:15:09,859
like you did on that
first episode I saw.

261
00:15:11,859 --> 00:15:15,859
And then, I'd look at that
grandfather clock and...

262
00:15:15,943 --> 00:15:18,859
and remember the greatest day
of my life.

263
00:15:18,943 --> 00:15:21,693
But instead,
it was the worst day.

264
00:15:23,609 --> 00:15:25,651
You don't make it easy, Chip.

265
00:15:27,401 --> 00:15:31,984
You ruined my roll because
you were drunk and ogling me.

266
00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:34,567
Now I forgave you,

267
00:15:34,651 --> 00:15:38,150
'cause I kept remembering
how you swung that lady around,

268
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:39,943
how happy you were for her
and I thought,

269
00:15:40,025 --> 00:15:42,442
how can I stay mad at him?

270
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,943
So I watched you for years,
and I stuck with you,

271
00:15:47,025 --> 00:15:49,150
through the drinking
and the hair plugs,

272
00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:51,984
and when my friends
gave up on you

273
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,442
and said, "Eh, he's an asshole.
He's a drunk.

274
00:15:54,526 --> 00:15:56,109
He's an empty shell of a man."

275
00:15:56,192 --> 00:16:00,025
I had faith in you.
I had faith, Chip!

276
00:16:03,651 --> 00:16:06,234
And if you knew how
important this was to me,

277
00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,359
if you...

278
00:16:09,984 --> 00:16:15,651
If I got you here,
if you remembered me,
you'd make it right.

279
00:16:18,359 --> 00:16:20,192
Make it right?

280
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:24,484
Make what right?
That you lost a game show?

281
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,192
(scoffs)

282
00:16:26,275 --> 00:16:27,859
What about me?

283
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:29,776
Who's gonna make it
right for me?

284
00:16:29,859 --> 00:16:32,943
You're-You're rich
and famous, Chip!

285
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:34,442
So what?

286
00:16:35,109 --> 00:16:38,359
My whole life is
a total misery.

287
00:16:38,442 --> 00:16:40,734
All I do is host this show.

288
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,776
And the few off days I have,

289
00:16:42,859 --> 00:16:45,401
I now have to spend
traveling around the country,

290
00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:49,651
groveling before my fans,
begging them to take me back.

291
00:16:49,734 --> 00:16:51,275
Geh-- I'm all yours!

292
00:16:51,359 --> 00:16:54,150
I... regrew and maintained
this mustache because of you.

293
00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:56,943
-I got these hair plugs
because of you!
-I love your mustache,

294
00:16:57,025 --> 00:16:58,651
and I don't care
about your hair.

295
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:01,317
Chip:
I gave everything to this show.

296
00:17:01,401 --> 00:17:04,526
Before No Dice,
I was on Broadway.

297
00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:06,067
I was incredible in Hamlet  .

298
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,067
They said I was
the next Olivier.

299
00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:09,734
I had real chops.

300
00:17:09,818 --> 00:17:14,859
But no one wants to see
Chip Crawford do anything
except No Dice.

301
00:17:14,943 --> 00:17:17,651
I built myself a prison.

302
00:17:17,734 --> 00:17:19,109
And now I want out.

303
00:17:19,192 --> 00:17:22,067
So no, Enid.
I'm not gonna make it right.

304
00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,317
And fuck you for asking me!

305
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:27,818
You think I care?
Here's the truth.

306
00:17:27,901 --> 00:17:31,109
I never cared!

307
00:17:35,275 --> 00:17:37,609
I'm disappointed in you.

308
00:17:40,484 --> 00:17:47,275
You, Chip Crawford,
are a massive, colossal
disappointment.

309
00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:51,401
(sighs)

310
00:17:51,484 --> 00:17:54,984
Don't think that mommy shit
is gonna work on me.

311
00:17:57,484 --> 00:17:59,651
It's not gonna work on me.

312
00:18:00,693 --> 00:18:01,693
(sighs)

313
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,317
(laughs) It's never enough.

314
00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:07,776
You just want more, and more!

315
00:18:07,859 --> 00:18:09,317
(scoffs)

316
00:18:09,401 --> 00:18:12,567
You want more? Huh?

317
00:18:12,651 --> 00:18:16,275
You want more Chip?!
I'll give you more Chip!

318
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:19,651
You heard me!
You wanna play No Dice  ?

319
00:18:20,317 --> 00:18:22,651
Let's play No Dice.

320
00:18:27,275 --> 00:18:30,317
We got Enid Brown
from Wisconsin.

321
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,025
Enid, step up to the Hot Table!

322
00:18:36,234 --> 00:18:38,818
Enid:
Oh... okay.

323
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:42,067
Here, take
your goddamn dice.

324
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,526
What about the trivia round?

325
00:18:45,484 --> 00:18:47,651
Trivia round?
You want a trivia round? Okay.

326
00:18:47,734 --> 00:18:50,150
I'll give you
a goddamn trivia round.

327
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:51,734
Now, here's your buzzer.

328
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:55,275
How many years of my life
have I relinquished

329
00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:57,567
to the ungrateful,
needy No Dice  fans?

330
00:18:57,651 --> 00:18:59,192
-(buzzes)
-Thirty!

331
00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:01,734
Correct, 30 long years.
Now, next question.

332
00:19:01,818 --> 00:19:05,609
What is my real name?
The one they might have
taken seriously

333
00:19:05,693 --> 00:19:09,317
instead of the childish nickname
I am now forever saddled with.

334
00:19:09,401 --> 00:19:10,275
(buzzes)

335
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:12,317
-Walter! (giggles)
-Correct.

336
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,859
And finally, what is
the name of the 1991 film

337
00:19:14,943 --> 00:19:17,609
that I wrote, directed,
starred and funded

338
00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:20,234
in a futile attempt to get
my acting career back.

339
00:19:20,317 --> 00:19:22,859
-(buzzes)
- Pangs of the Morning  !

340
00:19:22,943 --> 00:19:25,651
(sighs)
I've seen it four times.

341
00:19:25,734 --> 00:19:27,234
-Really?
-Really.

342
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,234
All right, it's time
for the fucking Hot Table.

343
00:19:30,943 --> 00:19:34,275
-Everything okay?
-Everything's fine!
Go away. We're playing.

344
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:36,150
Now, Enid,
I don't envy you.

345
00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:37,901
You can walk away
with just the money,

346
00:19:37,984 --> 00:19:40,359
but I have a feeling
you want more.

347
00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:42,484
Oh, yes, Chip. I do.

348
00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:45,401
You want that goddamn
grandfather clock.

349
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:46,609
I do!

350
00:19:46,693 --> 00:19:48,526
But you could
lose it all though.

351
00:19:48,609 --> 00:19:49,901
Oh, what a choice.

352
00:19:49,984 --> 00:19:52,693
Let's ask our annoyingly
enthusiastic studio audience

353
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,859
-what Enid should do!
-(audience cheering)

354
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:59,234
Chip (as audience):
Let it ride!
Let it ride! Let it ride!

355
00:19:59,317 --> 00:20:02,859
(as Chip):
Oh, ho, ho, the tension
is palpable, folks.

356
00:20:02,943 --> 00:20:06,025
On the line,
is the one-of-a-kind
Golden Grandfather Clock,

357
00:20:06,109 --> 00:20:08,943
plus some other fabulous prizes.
Herb, tell her what we got!

358
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:12,693
(as Herb):
That's right, Chip, we've
got some fantastic prizes

359
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,609
furnished by
Valhalla Appliance.

360
00:20:14,693 --> 00:20:16,275
Are you tired of working
your kitchen?

361
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,109
Have your kitchen
work for you!

362
00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:20,693
Valhalla Appliance--
it's what's cookin'!

363
00:20:20,776 --> 00:20:23,067
(as Chip): All right,
it's all up to Enid.

364
00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:27,317
Enid, are you going to walk away
or let it fuckin' ride?

365
00:20:27,943 --> 00:20:32,025
I'm going to let it ride, Chip!

366
00:20:32,109 --> 00:20:34,150
-Wow, folks!
She's gonna let it ride!
-(audience cheering)

367
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,818
She made her choice! But now...

368
00:20:37,234 --> 00:20:39,275
The dice decide!

369
00:20:39,943 --> 00:20:42,567
Remember, Enid,
you need a seven to win.

370
00:20:42,651 --> 00:20:44,901
But if you roll snake eyes...

371
00:20:44,984 --> 00:20:47,526
Well, put it this way,
we'll cover your
bus ticket home.

372
00:20:47,609 --> 00:20:50,275
Now, you've
come this far.

373
00:20:51,275 --> 00:20:53,776
Now the dice decide.

374
00:20:55,025 --> 00:20:57,192
Yes, Chip.
The dice decide.

375
00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:59,734
-Enid, are you...
-(snaps fingers)

376
00:20:59,818 --> 00:21:03,359
...r-r-r-ready to roll?

377
00:21:03,442 --> 00:21:08,192
Yes, Chip. I'm r-r-r-ready!

378
00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:10,984
(blows)

379
00:21:30,025 --> 00:21:31,693
(whimpers)

380
00:21:59,275 --> 00:22:01,693
Well, folks... (sighs)

381
00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:07,484
Look at that.
Lucky number seven.

382
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,943
Enid won the trip, the money,
the kitchen set,

383
00:22:10,025 --> 00:22:12,484
-and the Golden
Grandfather Clock!
-I won!

384
00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:14,818
(laughs): I won!

385
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:17,943
(audience cheering)

386
00:22:26,317 --> 00:22:28,901
(gasps) Oh, Chip.

387
00:22:30,651 --> 00:22:34,234
Oh. Thank you so much.

388
00:22:36,109 --> 00:22:37,901
You're welcome.

389
00:22:47,109 --> 00:22:50,317
(jazzy game show
music playing)