Hi, I'm Gene.
I'm Gene.
It's me. Gene.
Yes?
Uh, hello?
Hi. Is it, uh...
is it you?
Yes. It's me.
- Hey. Gene?
- Hi.
- Dan?
- Yeah.
OK.
Please. Come in.
This is nice.
- Is it OK?
- Yeah. Sure.
- OK.
- Wait. Why do you ask?
Oh, I don't know,
I didn't know, you know,
what you were expecting.
And-- or used to.
So, I--
No, it's really nice.
I-- I like the flower.
And the candles.
And the dining table.
It's just--
It's nice.
It's nothing.
Yeah, it's all lovely.
Thanks.
Thank you...
for setting all this up.
Hey, uh,
it's OK if we're
a little nervous, right?
Uh, yeah.
- Yes.
- OK, good.
- Yeah.
- You seemed really calm.
Oh, I am so not calm.
- No, I-- I'm...
utterly aflutter.
I don't know why
I said that. Sorry.
No, no. I liked it.
"Utterly aflutter."
It's poetic.
- Yeah.
- And it's true.
I feel that way too.
Yeah.
Maybe we just,
uh, dive in?
- I'd like that.
- OK.
- Let's see.
Oh. Here you go.
Uh...
18, 19, 20.
Get you some water.
What's this one?
- That is tranexamic acid.
- What's that?
Uh, it helps regulate
the female menstrual cycle.
And it slows down
bleeding.
- So, you know, just in case.
- That's smart.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Oh. Yes, please.
OK, good.
I didn't know
if you were a drinker,
and I didn't want you to think
I'm some kind of boozer
or-- or something.
- Hmm.
- Nice.
OK.
Too-too-too.
Hmm.
- Thank you.
- There you go.
Ah.
Uh, to, uh,
the perfect night.
Perfect night.
Where we can just--
Where we can just be
exactly who we want--
- Jinx.
Ah! Oh, my God!
- That's twice--
- In a row.
- This is crazy.
- I know.
Hmm.
Every-- Everything OK?
Yeah, yeah, um...
I think I might already
be starting to feel it.
Really. It said 20 minutes.
Up to 20 minutes.
Also maybe considering
the dosage...
Right. Right, OK.
Um, let's get
everything ready.
OK.
Shall we, uh,
get this out of the way?
Oh. Yeah.
- I, Gene--
- I, Dan--
Jinx.
It's like we're
the same person
or something.
I know. There's an air of kismet
about all of it. I--
Aw, I just said
there's an air of kismet.
Now who's the poet?
OK.
I, Dan Bender,
am of sound mind
and have previously agreed
to everything that I will do
and that will be
done to me tonight.
I, Gene Gerkin,
am also of sound mind,
and have previously agreed
to everything that I will do
and that will be
done to me tonight.
Great.
You OK?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I think
just a few more minutes,
just to make sure everything's
in the right place.
You got it. Yeah.
I can't believe this night
is finally here.
- I know, right?
- After all these months?
All this correspondence?
All this not knowing?
I'm just happy you came.
I'm happy you came.
I have to admit,
for a while I was
starting to worry
that this was just gonna
turn out to be a big... joke.
- Me too.
- Really?
Yeah. Sure. I mean,
you and I,
we understand this,
but I don't think
a lot of other people would.
Gene?
Yeah?
I think--
I think I'm ready now.
OK, Dan. OK.
- OK. Here, buddy.
- Thanks.
- OK.
- Watch your head.
- Ahh.
- There you go.
You ready, Dan?
I'm ready.
OK.
- Ahh.
- Did you get it?
- I got it.
You hold that.
There we go.
Nice. Nice.
- Mm.
Ooh.
It smells... good.
I know, right? I wa--
I wasn't expecting that.
Were you?
No.
It smells like...
nothing I've ever--
ever smelled before.
- Right?
- Yeah, agreed.
- It's weird.
- It smells incredible.
Yeah. It really,
really does.
Nice.
How you doin'?
How's the bleeding?
It's under control for now.
OK, great.
Let's just get you
over here.
Thanks.
There you go.
OK.
- Ahh.
- Thank you.
Well, you're welcome.
No, I mean, thank you...
for doing for me-- with me--
what nobody else
seems to understand.
Thank you for the same.
I mean, I'm excited for this.
And for my turn next.
It didn't hurt much at all,
by the way.
Shall we?
Before it gets cold?
This is the police! Open up!
- Jesus Christ.
- What?
Open up!
Coming! I'm just getting
out of the bathroom!
OK, come on,
come on, come on.
Come on.
OK. Stay in here
and don't come out
no matter what.
- OK.
No, no, no, no, no.
Mmm!
- It's so good!
- Really?
- What's that?
- Nothing! Just a sec!
What the hell
is wrong with you?
- Oh. So good.
If you don't open this door,
I'm gonna be forced
to break it down.
Sorry. Coming!
How can I help you,
Officer?
Why did it take you so long
to open this door?
I told you.
I was in the bathroom.
What's your name?
- M-My name?
- Yes, your name.
- Gene.
- Gene what?
Gene Gerkin!
Is there a Dan Bender
here with you tonight?
Uh, I don't know anyone
by that name.
Well, who's all this for?
Um, for me. My friend.
Uh-huh.
Let's see here.
Jill Bender.
She found some unusual
and cryptic emails
on her husband Dan's
computer last week.
She did not
divulge the content,
but became concerned.
She followed him here
and watched him
walk into this room
ten minutes ago.
She called us
to check it out,
as she had reason to fear
his life,
based on his emails.
You want to tell me
where he's at?
You know, I have to ask,
isn't this something
you generally need
a warrant for?
I suggest you tell me
where the gentleman is.
I understand that,
it's just I paid
for this hotel room
and I'm not doing
anything wrong here.
Is he here?
Is he hiding?
Hmm?
Don't!
Why'd you scream?
I don't know.
I mean, you scared me.
Y-You know,
you just come in here
and disrupt my evening--
If you see Dan Bender,
tell him his wife
is looking for him
and to go home.
Uh, excuse me.
What?
I want your name
and badge number, please.
Excuse me?
I mean, your actions
here tonight
are in total violation
of my rights!
And I plan on filing
a report.
You gonna
file a report?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think
I just might.
- Is she gone?
- Ohh.
Both of you get down!
Down on the ground!
Please, just hold on.
I can ex--
Ow! Damn! Gah!
Fuck! Ahh!
- Please! Just let me--
- Shh!
What the fuck?
Don't move!
Don't you fuckin' move!
This is Pankin,
I'm at the motel
near the parkway.
- I need backup.
- Please!
- Let me just explain!
- Stay down.
Stay the fuck down.
I have two males,
two gay males--
No, we're not gay.
I have a wife.
Even if we were,
what does that
have to do with it?
Some crazy fucked-up shit
happening here
like some kind of
Silence of the Lambs shit.
We're not doing
anything wrong.
What?! You guys
are cuttin' off
each other's dicks
- and fuckin' eating 'em, man.
- So?
Stay down.
It's not illegal.
You're telling me
assault isn't illegal?
- We have a tape.
- That's right.
I have a recording.
Full consent, both sides.
It's not assault.
- Cannibalism, fucker.
- Not a crime. It's not a crime.
Fuck.
- Fuck.
- What happened here?
I think this one
agreed to have
his dick cut off
- so the other one could eat it.
- We split it.
But we agreed
on it beforehand.
It's all planned out.
If I may.
OK. I, Dan Bender,
am of sound mind
and have previously agreed
to everything that I will do
and that will be
done to me tonight.
- You OK, sir?
- Yeah, man.
You'll need
medical attention
at some point.
Yeah, I got bandages
for now,
so... we prepared.
So what else
happened here tonight?
Uh, she barged in
without a warrant.
'Cause they were doing
some crazy, illegal-ass shit!
It's not illegal!
Jeez, how many times
do we have to tell you?
We didn't have
probable cause.
He cut his dick off.
That's assault.
It's really not?
It's fucking weird,
but it's not illegal.
And technically,
it's not assault,
with consent.
Which is exactly what
we've been trying to tell her.
Sir, you also OK
with what's happening here?
Up until you guys barged in
and ruined
our lovely evening, sure.
Uh, you'll want to
get that looked at sooner
rather than later.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Jeez.
Shall we continue?
We shall.
Bottom drawer.
You OK?
Yeah. I got this.
Do you believe
those police officers?
Who the hell
do they think they are?
Ah, they just
don't understand.
These are our basic
human rights, you know?
I know.
What are we gonna do?
It's not fair.
Hey, I don't want them
to ruin our night.
- You're right.
- OK?
I say we forgive
and forget.
That's very sweet
of you, Dan.
I'm inspired.
Think I'm gonna forgive 'em.
Are you ready?
I'm so ready.
What do you think
mine's gonna taste like?
If I had to bet,
I would say... delicious.
Delicious.
I hope you're right.
I'm losing my mind.
You are not here!
I'm inside the wall.