Shut up.
You are such a silly man.
You think I don't know
what my job is.
All I do is create chaos.
That is what
you're going to get.
Trust me, I'm quite serious.
I already started
putting more money
into groups of little punks
in Grozny,
nationalistic skinheads...
Doesn't matter.
Listen. Two things matter:
They need to have a good name
so that they seem
like a movement.
But then also crucial
is we have to fund
the little
whatever-they're-called
young socialists
or whatever is the opposite.
Yes. Non-skinheads.
Hey... get some hippie kids
from the university
who listen to folk music
and love gays and Pussy Riot
and the "power to the people."
Yes. Exactly.
It definitely will confuse
some people.
We need to confuse some people.
We got this.
The takeaway here is,
I am on a trip.
I will be right back.
It is personal.
That is why they are called
personal days.
Just tell them,
"You either ride with us
or collide with us."
Yes, you might say,
"You have no choice."
Or "My way or the highway."
But someone who is a non-idiot
might say what I have suggested.
You are aware that sometimes
you come off like you've never
managed a democracy before.
Peace.
My God.
I do not even really
have time to take a shower.
She's supposed to get here
at 8:00.
You'll never be sad
if you take a shower
before you meet a woman.
- How's your room?
- It's a dump.
It's fine.
It's identical to this one.
"What a dump! What's that from?"
- Liz Taylor doing Bette Davis.
I know! That's what she says.
She asks that.
She says "What's this from?"
- It's in the play, it's not me.
- I know.
But seriously,
why did you choose this place?
Yeah, I did not want to come on
too strong, you know. Too fancy.
She seems very down-to-earth
in her emails.
Well, I won't be out
too late tonight.
If this one-horse town
has no piano bar,
I will search out
this famous "Walmart."
It's so nice to see
how different countries
do their packaging.
I love it.
There I will buy
a six-pack of beer
because for some reason
there is no hotel bar here.
Which was definitely
your mistake.
You know something, most girls
do not want to meet a man
for the first time
in a motel room.
I explained the situation
and I already said
there will be security here
and all that.
She understands.
It's normal.
It's normal perhaps for
some kind of important
political technologist
in our country,
but for her
it's non-standard.
Let me see you.
Bars, public spaces,
that's normal.
- Hmm.
- No, no, no.
I'm sure it's fine.
You trust each other.
I get it.
Well.
I am not going to try
to sleep with her.
I'm going to try
to really make a connection.
Hi, I'm Darla Andrews.
I'm...
Oh...
Okay, um... yeah.
Ms. Darla Andrews.
Uh, hi.
- Hello.
- Hi, I'm Darla.
Ochin'priyatna.
So nice to meet you, Darla.
I'm so sorry,
but I have to run.
Oh.
You must be Nathan.
Ciao. "Nathan."
Thank you for
coming to meet me.
I was looking forward to it.
Yes, please. This way.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yes.
It's fancy.
I have very much enjoyed
our correspondence.
Oh, I...
I just think you're
such a great writer.
It has been
such a pleasure. Really.
Eh. I am an amateur at best.
Oh, no.
You are very lovely in person.
- Thank you.
- Hmm.
I hope I look like my picture.
At least enough.
- Totally! Do not worry!
Oh, unbelievable!
Fuck my mother.
Eh...
I have to take this.
So sorry for the swearing.
I did not want to be called
when I am just meeting you.
Bastards.
You do very high-level
English language swearing.
Hello.
Yes. I told you I was doing it.
Hell yes,
I told everybody
I was doing it.
Oh. Thanks.
The question you need
to be asking is,
how can you afford
not to back your own enemies?
No rational person
would do that,
so then how can they
understand that we did it?
- Exactly! They can't.
- Oh, thank you.
Some biker gangs
are also supporting us.
And I have
a Black Panther type thing
in the works
I haven't even announced yet.
That's right, baby!
They won't even know
what hit them!
Bam! Be gone.
All right.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to eavesdrop,
but you seen like you've been
a little modest about
having such a fancy job.
I do not admire false modesty.
It's true that in my country
I have some influence.
The people we are discussing
will be like
your cartoon characters,
with the birds and the stars
spinning around the head area.
Bam!
But although I have been
a person of influence,
that is not why I am here.
Oh, I don't think you came
all this way just to like,
"influence" me.
A side effect
of having influence
is that it can be distorting
to you personally.
Like how, um...
rich people never know
if someone really likes them
or just wants their money?
Yes, I would expect it
would be similar.
Hmm.
It is a funhouse mirror,
in a way,
and then you forget
what you really look like.
I used to know more rich people,
and they had worries like that.
I used to make more money, too,
that's why--
I mean, I'm-I'm doing good.
I'm fine now.
I'm great, actually.
This looks delicious.
I'm glad that it appeals to you.
So, where you're from,
um, what does it signify
when a man wears, um--
So, you are a veterinarian?
Um... almost.
I am a veterinary nurse.
You care for baby animals.
Yup, and they love it.
You, uh, put the medicines
in their eyes and their ears.
- Yeah, all that.
- That is nice, isn't it?
Yeah. It's so pure,
how people love their pets.
Sometimes it is hard, though,
when I...
when I can't help them,
but it's always really real.
And that can be hard to come by.
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing. I...
I'm so sorry.
Sometimes I stress myself out.
Of course, you are just
talking about,
uh, "keeping it real," right?
Exactly. Yeah.
It's just, you know...
talking about my job.
Do you like vodka?
Yeah.
I know gay guys who make it
a point not to lisp,
and French guys who make it
a point not to womanize.
But no.
I had to be a Russian
who likes vodka.
But at least
I am not provincial--
this vodka... is Canadian.
Spasibo.
To my first
international internet date.
Mine, too, actually.
International.
Yes.
But, uh, domestic?
I mean, I've tried.
Uh, You know.
What were they like, the others?
Oh, jeez.
Um, well, one guy,
uh, started telling me
on the second drink
how badly he wanted
to have kids.
Oof.
So... yeah.
Do you really want
to hear about this?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, well,
I really don't care
what a guy's job is,
but I did notice when
I started going on these dates,
that all of them,
the rich ones and the poor ones,
they all seem to think that they
should be doing better by now.
You know?
Like making more money,
or just being happier.
It's really tender
when a stranger shares
something intimate with you.
You know?
They didn't even know
they're transmitting it,
but they were blaring it
like neon signs of sadness.
Every single one of them.
Hmm.
Was it a lot?
Sometimes.
Some of them
just more of like a...
like a slight melancholy vibe.
Guys...
Was it a lot of guys?
Oh.
Um...
Well, I didn't sleep
with them...
all.
- Good. All good.
'Scusey! I-- so sorry.
You see, I'd like to get
to know more about you,
as a person.
One of my best qualities
is my attentive listening
and my interest in others.
Idiots.
Do you prefer fish
or chicken?
Fish.
Hmm.
It was the same when
I worked in reality TV.
Listening, observation.
You guys have reality TV?
Of course we do.
Do you know that sometimes
it isn't totally real?
You know, I think that
it used to more real,
- The way you hold attention,
- but then it became obvious
- tease people, make them wait,
- that they're just
casting people
- dazzle them with spectacle,
- that we know are gonna
flame out
- is very structured.
- or be like, "I didn't
come here to make friends."
It's not all literally true.
We are saying the same thing,
in fact.
Yeah.
Um... well, I, uh,
have to say I think
it's really great
that you've been able
to stay so creative while
having a government job.
You know, those two things
seem really different in
my mind, but what do I know?
Um, I was really sad
I couldn't read your book.
I looked for it,
but I couldn't find it
in English.
It is a wonderful book,
but I didn't write it.
You didn't write it?
No.
Oh.
I wish.
It has somebody else's
name on it.
Someone else named
Nathan Ivanovich?
That is not my name.
A pen name...
I guess so.
Do you like the fish?
So what's
your real name?
You know,
I also designed a city.
Did I tell you about that?
It's not finished yet,
but maybe you could come see it.
What do you like to be called?
I am like the guy who wanted
to have a baby with you
on the second drink.
I did not mean to invite you
to Russia so soon.
I apologize.
Why did you want me
to call you by your pen name?
I didn't say it
was my pen name.
I mean, the book
is a piece of shit.
Ivanovich is a
Hamlet-obsessed hack.
I would've been
totally embarrassed
to have written it.
Let me sign you a copy.
Well, whomever he is,
why do you think
he's obsessed with Hamlet?
Are you kidding? All Russians
should be obsessed with Hamlet.
It is the story of
power-obsessed men
with small areas
of total dominion,
the occasional murder
by poisoning
and a basic inability
to tell what is real,
what is a ghost,
what's happening, who's crazy,
and who's sane.
It's brilliant.
What do your friends call you?
That again?
Seriously.
Pardon?
I still didn't catch it.
Hey, what is your favorite
kind of Russian music?
Oh, I don't really know
any Russian music.
I did hear those guys
out there, but, uh,
that's about it.
Okay, so in this country,
when a man wears a piece
of jewelry on this finger,
it typically signifies--
Nom de plume.
No, that he's married.
So...
Okay, I know that sometimes
people lie on their profiles,
like tell little white lies
like about their height
or their age--
Nom de guerre like "The Fox,"
or "The Jackal."
No. That's...
No, I think that there's
a language barrier,
'cause what I--
- Pen name. Real name.
- Right.
That's a pen name,
and then what's your real name?
- Pen name.
- Right, that's a pen name.
Real name, pen name,
real name.
Don't matter what you call me.
Realest in the game.
Oh, yeah!
You know what time it is!
I have my whole squad
up in here!
Oh!
What?
No? Oh. Well, okay.
Okay, then.
Eh, gentlemen, give us a minute.
I thought you were going
to this famous "Walmart."
Overrated.
Are you okay?
We have a salad course.
Would you like a salad course?
I--I don't need
a salad course. Um...
I'm very flattered.
You're an incredible singer,
and dancer...
and rapper.
There's still an elephant
in the room, though.
Excuse me just a moment.
What's his real name?
You're still on that?
I don't understand,
our emails were so promising.
I know what it's like.
- You do?
- Sure.
Being pampered by
a charismatic leader
in a hotel room...
where maybe even he thinks
he's in love with you.
Plus, power is intoxicating.
- So is vodka.
- Isn't that what dates are for?
You squint at things
and try to see the best
in a guy.
I like giving people
the benefit of the doubt. I do.
Wait, are you in character
right now?
Often. I lose track.
You didn't even Google him?
I didn't think I needed to.
We'd been emailing for months.
I thought--
Girl, it's not that hard.
Especially after Crimea.
When I walked in here,
he was wearing a wedding ring.
But when I checked again,
he wasn't.
And then
I swear he just was.
He can be a little bit
indecisive about
his self-presentation.
Girl. Seriously,
what are you doing?
I don't know.
You know what,
you're a grown woman.
Figure it out.
Alas, Nathan Ivanovich.
I never knew you.
I don't know what is,
only what seems to be.
Or not to be.
How do we even hold up
this heavy life,
which I myself have had
a hand in reducing
down to bare survival?
Survival.
Survival sucks,
but it is possible
death is worse.
Of all the things
I have been party to,
I, who have the power
to bend the course of history,
have come up
against a problem--
one small woman...
and who to be to her.
I should be real to her.
Unless I am corroded
to my depth.
I am out of scale.
I feel myself so.
I should give it a whirl.
Are you married?
Well, yes and no.
I just Googled you.
And if I'm not mistaken,
you have a wife.
You can Google me?
Yeah. I can.
It was pretty easy, too.
It would've been easier if you
didn't have so many pseudonyms.
Hmm.
So, do you and your wife
have some sort of arrangement?
Eh, yes and no.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Well, I mean, sort of.
There's no sort of.
Either you're married
or you aren't,
or your wife and you have
an arrangement or you don't.
Don't get upset.
I'm not upset.
I just need to know.
I mean,
I'm not above casual sex,
but I think we both know
that's not why we're here.
I really liked writing to you
and I like talking to you
and now we're in a hotel room
and I need to know.
Why didn't you ask me before
about being married.
Because you checked
the box.
What box?
The one about
being single.
Oops.
Did you lie about
the sex questions, too?
No. No, no, no, no.
Of course not. Never.
It would mess up the algorithm.
What's the point of having
a girlfriend or a mistress
or whatever it is
you want me to be
if you're just gonna act
the same way you do
at home, or at work,
or whatever?
I know.
This is the tragedy of my life.
Do you know
the tragedy of my life?
No.
I know.
Because you never asked me.
You're really charming
on the internet,
but then in person,
you don't even ask me
shit like what's
the tragedy of my life
or even if
my parents are alive.
I know your parents are alive
because it came up
in the email when you
went back to Wisconsin.
For my dad's funeral.
This is not my first language.
Don't you even wanna try being
honest just for like one day,
like for an experiment?
Look, I need to be
around someone real,
and, Darla,
I can feel that about you.
You are so freaking real.
And... all I do
is create chaos--
which is remarkably
effective--
but you are actually,
truly real.
And that-that
is what I need.
That is why I am here.
I'm sorry.
I... I'm gonna go.
No, no, no, no, no!
Please, please.
Please stay
just for a little longer.
Hey, stay for dessert.
A wonderful
white chocolate mousse.
I need to go. Oh, my God.
No, no, no, they are saying
that it is not safe for you
to leave because
there is a... wildfire.
I don't see any wildfire.
Oh, yes. They are saying
there is a shooting.
It's not safe for you to go.
I didn't hear any shooting,
did you?
Some threat of shooting
or a bomb threat
or something like that.
I don't believe you.
- All right.
Oh, my God!
They lock it from the outside?
No, no, please,
please relax.
You'll break the knob.
Thank you for staying.
It means a lot to me.
There is so much to say
about the tragedy of my life.
And from your writing,
I believe you will really
be able to understand the pains
that come from being
such an important
political technologist.
You see, it started
when I was a child.
At the academy
in the mountains,
the Ural Mountains.
- They can be beautiful...
but they can be deadly.
Thank you for doing what
nobody else seems to understand.
I'm excited for this,
and for my turn next.
It didn't hurt much at all,
by the way.
Oh. Shall we,
before it gets cold?