1
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www.TUSUBTITULO.com
-DIFUNDE LA CULTURA-

2
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Sorry about that. What do I owe you?

3
00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:38,034
22.42.

4
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For one pizza?!

5
00:00:39,337 --> 00:00:41,536
By God.

6
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Better be goddamn delicious.

7
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:45,941
One second.

8
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Come on, wallet.

9
00:00:54,985 --> 00:00:58,420
I'm sorry, you could come in and shut
the door. It's freezing out there.

10
00:01:12,643 --> 00:01:14,836
I'm sorry. Stupid wallet.
What's your name?

11
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- Jarod.
- Jarod.

12
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I am such a nincompoop.

13
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So, you probably got, like, a hundred pizzas
in the car that need delivering, right?

14
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No, it's fine. Just, you know,
need to get back when I can.

15
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Right. Come on, wallet. No!

16
00:01:33,424 --> 00:01:39,228
Wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet,
wallet, wallet, wallet, wallet!

17
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Ah, two seconds.

18
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Make yourself at home.

19
00:02:07,958 --> 00:02:09,558
Got it! All right.

20
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22-something... son of a...

21
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Perfect time to run out of cash, right?

22
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Look at me wasting your time.
The prime of your youth.

23
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Sending you on a wild goose chase
for dollars that don't exist.

24
00:02:23,173 --> 00:02:24,606
- It's fine.
- Honey.

25
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- Is everything okay?
- Yeah. Do you have any cash?

26
00:02:26,777 --> 00:02:28,810
- You know I don't carry cash.
- I know you don't carry cash.

27
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Why would you carry cash when you just take
it from my wallet whenever you need it?

28
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All right, Jarod, here's the deal.

29
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There's a cash machine down the street.

30
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I will be back in four
minutes, five tops.

31
00:02:38,756 --> 00:02:40,656
It's all right, you can trust me.

32
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I'll even leave my wife
as collateral, all right?

33
00:02:43,881 --> 00:02:45,760
You know, you can just
call a credit card in.

34
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No, no, no, that's silly
'cause then they tax your tip

35
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'cause you have to declare it.

36
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Believe me, I know... I know the drill.

37
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- I'll be right back.
- It's really not that...

38
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honestly, the card...

39
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Can I get your help with something?

40
00:03:03,747 --> 00:03:05,346
Sure.

41
00:03:06,324 --> 00:03:07,749
In here.

42
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Do you like this dress?

43
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Yes.

44
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That rhymes.

45
00:03:33,377 --> 00:03:35,910
- What... what rhymes?
- Yes, dress.

46
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Oh, yeah...

47
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Yeah, it does, huh?

48
00:03:42,386 --> 00:03:43,952
Did you prefer the other one?

49
00:03:46,189 --> 00:03:49,655
- What? - Did you like the
other dress I was wearing

50
00:03:49,656 --> 00:03:51,660
before better than this one?

51
00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:55,797
Which... which dress?

52
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You know, this one.

53
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I... I don't know.

54
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You don't know?

55
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Because you've never
seen it on me before?

56
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Or because you were looking at
my breasts when I took it off

57
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and you didn't focus on the dress?

58
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That rhymes, too.

59
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- Breasts, dress.
- Yes.

60
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Well, which is it?

61
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What?

62
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Okay, that's all I needed.

63
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You can go now.

64
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If you want.

65
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I'm gonna try on a third dress,

66
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but this time, no peeking.

67
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Okay.

68
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- I said no peeking.
- I'm not!

69
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Ho dare you look at me. Look away!

70
00:05:12,710 --> 00:05:15,010
- I am!
- Jarod!

71
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That's better.

72
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So long as you're not looking,

73
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it's okay.

74
00:05:43,039 --> 00:05:44,539
Do you want some of that pizza?

75
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No, thanks.

76
00:05:46,677 --> 00:05:48,644
We're not gonna eat it, so.

77
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If you're... if you're not gonna eat it,

78
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why did you order it?

79
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That's a good question.

80
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It's not that I don't like pizza.

81
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I love it.

82
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It's just...

83
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when all you ever have is pizza...

84
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you get tired of it.

85
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Makes you want something new.

86
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Something different.

87
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And your... your husband,

88
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how does he feel about pizza?

89
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I don't think Scott's been
hungry in a long, long time.

90
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In fact...

91
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I don't think Scott would notice

92
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if a nice piece of pizza
came right up and bit him.

93
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Must be weird delivering pizza
to all these strange people.

94
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Sometimes.

95
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Have you ever had any strange encounters?

96
00:07:11,428 --> 00:07:13,094
Not really.

97
00:07:13,196 --> 00:07:17,032
Well, I have a hard time believing that.

98
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A guy like you...

99
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Have you ever served pizza

100
00:07:23,206 --> 00:07:27,809
to, say, a woman like me before?

101
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I... I mean, I've served pizza before.

102
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You have?

103
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Yeah. Yeah, of course, yeah.

104
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How many times?

105
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Sure...

106
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A bunch. A bunch of times.

107
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Interesting.

108
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Experienced.

109
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Yeah, a bunch of times.

110
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You haven't answered my question.

111
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What question?

112
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Have you ever served pizza

113
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to a woman like me before?

114
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No, ma'am.

115
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So, here we are.

116
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So hungry.

117
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Are you gonna bring me
that pizza or what?

118
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I want that pizza, Jarod.

119
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I ordered that pizza,

120
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and now I'm ordering you
to bring me that pizza.

121
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Damn, it is cold out there.

122
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Colder than a witch's titty.

123
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Man! But I got it.

124
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22-something and a huge tip for Jarod!

125
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Could you have taken any longer, Scott?

126
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What?

127
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Wait, Jennifer, where are
you... where are you...

128
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Jen, come back.

129
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Don't!

130
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What did I say?

131
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Jeez, I went to the ATM. What...?

132
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I mean...

133
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Women, huh?

134
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You can't live with 'em...

135
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Pass the Beer Nuts.

136
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You got a girlfriend, Jarod?

137
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No, thanks.

138
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I... I really gotta get back to work.

139
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Yeah.

140
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You two sure know how to make a
guy feel good about himself.

141
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It's like I come in, two
seconds, you're both running out

142
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quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail.

143
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I'm... I'm sorry. It's not personal.

144
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I just really gotta get back to work.

145
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I'm kidding. It's fine.

146
00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:22,077
It's fine.

147
00:11:31,654 --> 00:11:34,522
I do kind of need the
money for the pizza.

148
00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:39,728
Yes, money.

149
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:41,896
22-something, plus a tip,

150
00:11:41,998 --> 00:11:44,065
which should be sizable

151
00:11:44,167 --> 00:11:47,235
considering we've been wasting
your time lollygagging.

152
00:11:47,337 --> 00:11:50,305
No, it's no problem. Don't sweat it.

153
00:11:51,875 --> 00:11:53,241
Ah, a text from Jennifer.

154
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Probably apologizing as we speak.

155
00:11:56,947 --> 00:11:58,146
Great.

156
00:12:06,757 --> 00:12:09,324
How big of a tip were
you expecting, Jarod?

157
00:12:11,627 --> 00:12:13,128
Excuse me?

158
00:12:14,497 --> 00:12:16,330
Just curious what you
think I should tip you.

159
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,603
Just whatever you think
is appropriate is fine.

160
00:12:21,705 --> 00:12:23,871
Well, I guess I don't... I
don't know what's customary...

161
00:12:23,974 --> 00:12:26,707
- 10%, 20%?
- Sure, yeah, either one.

162
00:12:26,809 --> 00:12:29,310
That'd... that'd be great. Thank you.

163
00:12:31,514 --> 00:12:35,483
I guess it would help if I understood
what services you performed

164
00:12:35,585 --> 00:12:37,351
so that I can get the amount right.

165
00:12:38,181 --> 00:12:41,089
I delivered the pizza.

166
00:12:41,191 --> 00:12:43,091
What kind of pizza?

167
00:12:46,096 --> 00:12:48,964
- The meat lovers.
- Right, meat lovers.

168
00:12:49,066 --> 00:12:50,731
Right.

169
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:53,667
Did you provide any services
for my wife while I was gone?

170
00:12:57,207 --> 00:12:59,507
- Not really.
- Really?

171
00:13:02,012 --> 00:13:02,910
Nothing?

172
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:06,781
No.

173
00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:09,818
'Cause it would seem
to me that the pizza,

174
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which was on the table when I left,

175
00:13:12,055 --> 00:13:14,822
is now...

176
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on the bed instead.

177
00:13:19,596 --> 00:13:20,928
I guess...

178
00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:24,065
- that is...
- Hey, that rhymes.

179
00:13:26,002 --> 00:13:28,636
Instead, bed.

180
00:13:33,343 --> 00:13:37,112
Did you deliver the meat
lovers to my wife on that bed?

181
00:13:39,883 --> 00:13:40,781
Sort of.

182
00:13:42,218 --> 00:13:43,651
Sort of?

183
00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:49,224
Jarod, I am no expert in what you do,

184
00:13:49,325 --> 00:13:51,092
but it would seem to me

185
00:13:51,194 --> 00:13:55,796
either you did or did not
serve my wife the meat lover

186
00:13:55,899 --> 00:13:57,832
on that bed.

187
00:14:03,561 --> 00:14:04,939
Gosh, I have gotta get back to work.

188
00:14:05,041 --> 00:14:08,809
- I got so many others to deliver.
- That would not be fair.

189
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,645
I wanna pay you for your services,

190
00:14:11,747 --> 00:14:13,614
I just need to know what they were

191
00:14:13,716 --> 00:14:15,750
so that I can give you the proper tip.

192
00:14:19,289 --> 00:14:22,057
- Can I just go home?
- Not until I tip you.

193
00:14:24,494 --> 00:14:26,961
All right.

194
00:14:27,063 --> 00:14:29,163
Let me put it this way...

195
00:14:29,783 --> 00:14:32,033
how many times did you fuck my wife?

196
00:14:35,594 --> 00:14:37,105
Oh, my gosh, sir. I... I did not.

197
00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:40,308
- I would never. - What... what are
you saying, my wife is ugly?

198
00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:42,176
- No, no.
- So, you're saying she's hot?

199
00:14:42,278 --> 00:14:44,012
No, I didn't say that. I didn't say that.

200
00:14:44,114 --> 00:14:46,014
So, you just fuck anything, then, right?
Is that your deal?

201
00:14:46,116 --> 00:14:49,350
You just go around delivering meat lovers
pizzas willy-nilly wherever you go?

202
00:14:49,452 --> 00:14:51,219
No, no, no, I did not say that.

203
00:14:51,321 --> 00:14:52,787
- Didn't do it a second time?
- I didn't do a first time.

204
00:14:52,889 --> 00:14:54,288
- Why not? She didn't ask you?
- No.

205
00:14:54,390 --> 00:14:55,523
So, she asked you to fuck her?

206
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:58,093
Just give me the number, Jarod!

207
00:14:58,195 --> 00:15:00,027
- Jarod!
- I didn't touch her!

208
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:01,862
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Help!

209
00:15:01,965 --> 00:15:04,265
Help! Help!

210
00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:06,501
Help!

211
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,379
Help! Help!

212
00:15:18,481 --> 00:15:21,549
Oh, my God. Oh, fuck.

213
00:15:27,257 --> 00:15:28,556
No, no, no!

214
00:15:47,777 --> 00:15:49,677
Relax, Jarod.

215
00:15:51,181 --> 00:15:52,480
Relax.

216
00:15:52,582 --> 00:15:55,350
I'm not gonna hurt you.

217
00:15:56,719 --> 00:15:58,853
In fact, I like you.

218
00:15:58,955 --> 00:16:02,390
I mean, that's the whole
"you know" of it all

219
00:16:02,492 --> 00:16:05,960
is I liked you from the
second I opened that door.

220
00:16:06,062 --> 00:16:07,362
So...

221
00:16:09,566 --> 00:16:11,366
I'm gonna make it easy on you.

222
00:16:14,104 --> 00:16:16,337
Either you tell me

223
00:16:16,439 --> 00:16:20,274
the number of times you fucked my wife,

224
00:16:20,377 --> 00:16:21,475
or...

225
00:16:23,713 --> 00:16:26,714
I'm gonna beat the
living shit out of you.

226
00:16:26,816 --> 00:16:28,949
Oh, my God.

227
00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:35,156
- Need that number, Jarod.
- Oh, my God.

228
00:16:35,258 --> 00:16:37,525
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Why
are you... please stop.

229
00:16:37,627 --> 00:16:39,961
Just give me that number. I will
give you your 22-something,

230
00:16:40,063 --> 00:16:41,229
plus your fair tip.

231
00:16:41,331 --> 00:16:42,697
There's no number, there's no number.

232
00:16:42,799 --> 00:16:45,065
Help! Help, help!

233
00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:47,168
- I will untie you...
- Help!

234
00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:50,338
- ...and you can go back to work.
- Help! Help!

235
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,673
Help! Oh, my God.

236
00:16:53,976 --> 00:16:55,810
- Partner.
- No, no!

237
00:16:57,747 --> 00:17:00,481
- I didn't, I didn't, I didn't!
- I need that number, Jarod.

238
00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:02,650
There's no number! I
swear, I didn't touch her!

239
00:17:02,752 --> 00:17:03,918
I didn't touch her. I didn't touch her.

240
00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:05,386
I didn't touch her! None!

241
00:17:05,488 --> 00:17:07,288
I didn't do it! I didn't touch her!

242
00:17:07,390 --> 00:17:09,891
I didn't touch her. I didn't touch her.

243
00:17:14,397 --> 00:17:17,432
I'm not gonna get mad, okay?

244
00:17:17,534 --> 00:17:19,067
I'm not.

245
00:17:19,169 --> 00:17:20,768
I'm not gonna get mad.

246
00:17:24,674 --> 00:17:26,641
How many times?

247
00:17:29,245 --> 00:17:30,611
What are you doing?

248
00:17:30,713 --> 00:17:32,580
- Ah, there she is.
- Help!

249
00:17:32,682 --> 00:17:35,083
- Why is he tied up?
- He told me everything.

250
00:17:35,185 --> 00:17:37,518
- What are you talking about?
- Don't you play dumb with me, woman.

251
00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:40,221
I know about the sucking and the fucking

252
00:17:40,323 --> 00:17:42,323
and the long distance trucking.

253
00:17:42,425 --> 00:17:43,991
The whole shebang, Mama Joe!

254
00:17:44,094 --> 00:17:45,927
Help! Help! Untie me. He's gone crazy!

255
00:17:46,029 --> 00:17:47,395
- Oh, I'm crazy?
- Yeah!

256
00:17:47,497 --> 00:17:49,730
I leave the room for
seven fucking minutes

257
00:17:49,832 --> 00:17:51,866
- and this is what happens...
- Scott.

258
00:17:51,968 --> 00:17:54,368
- ...and I'm the crazy one.
- This is insane. Let him go.

259
00:17:55,029 --> 00:17:56,571
You gotta call the police!

260
00:17:57,193 --> 00:17:58,006
Help!

261
00:17:58,712 --> 00:18:00,074
All right.

262
00:18:06,849 --> 00:18:09,650
- I will let him go.
- Thank you.

263
00:18:12,555 --> 00:18:14,355
But first,

264
00:18:14,457 --> 00:18:16,357
- I will take down his pants...
- No!

265
00:18:16,459 --> 00:18:18,258
- No! Help!
- ...assuming his meat lover

266
00:18:18,361 --> 00:18:19,927
- doesn't smell like your meat lover...
- Help!

267
00:18:20,029 --> 00:18:22,596
- ...I will let him go.
- Stop it! Enough!

268
00:18:25,883 --> 00:18:28,102
- Thank you.
- You told him about us?

269
00:18:28,736 --> 00:18:29,469
What?

270
00:18:29,715 --> 00:18:30,738
How could you?

271
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,773
I didn't... I didn't say anything.

272
00:18:32,875 --> 00:18:35,576
That was special. That was just for us.

273
00:18:35,678 --> 00:18:37,845
I didn't... I didn't say a word.
I didn't tell him anything.

274
00:18:37,947 --> 00:18:40,114
- He's right, he didn't.
- There's nothing to tell!

275
00:18:40,216 --> 00:18:41,682
- I figured it out.
- Oh, my God.

276
00:18:41,784 --> 00:18:44,485
- I knew it.
- What do you expect, Scott?

277
00:18:44,587 --> 00:18:47,955
I expected you to honor our marriage vows

278
00:18:48,057 --> 00:18:50,591
and not fuck the first pizza
boy who came through the door!

279
00:18:50,693 --> 00:18:52,493
- You drove me to him!
- What?!

280
00:18:52,595 --> 00:18:55,296
- But nothing happened!
- I go to Pilates, I do yoga!

281
00:18:55,398 --> 00:18:58,799
- What? - I even went to that
goddamn facialist you recommended.

282
00:18:58,901 --> 00:19:01,635
- Again with the facialist!
- And you give me nothing!

283
00:19:01,737 --> 00:19:05,740
You look at me like a used veneer

284
00:19:05,841 --> 00:19:08,976
pine IKEA desk from craigslist!

285
00:19:09,078 --> 00:19:11,712
Okay, Scott, Scott, nothing
happened, I swear.

286
00:19:11,814 --> 00:19:14,348
- You goddamn slut.
- You selfish son of a bitch.

287
00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:16,417
My mother told me I was marrying a whore!

288
00:19:16,519 --> 00:19:19,053
- You treat me like dirt!
- Showing your titties all over town!

289
00:19:19,155 --> 00:19:21,689
Now I'm gonna make you pay for it!

290
00:19:21,791 --> 00:19:24,658
Okay, everybody just needs to calm down.

291
00:19:27,329 --> 00:19:29,096
Guys. Guys!

292
00:19:29,199 --> 00:19:31,132
Help! Somebody help!

293
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,068
There's one of those slutty titties.

294
00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:35,469
See that, Jarod? Huh?

295
00:19:35,572 --> 00:19:37,071
- Wanna see the other one?
- No. No.

296
00:19:37,173 --> 00:19:39,039
No!

297
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,708
Oh, my God.

298
00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:42,176
- Oh, God.
- There they are.

299
00:19:42,278 --> 00:19:43,344
Look at 'em.

300
00:19:43,446 --> 00:19:44,545
- Remember these, huh?
- No!

301
00:19:44,647 --> 00:19:45,946
Remember when you fondled these titties

302
00:19:46,049 --> 00:19:47,215
and broke my fragile heart?

303
00:19:47,317 --> 00:19:49,017
I never fondled any titties. Help!

304
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,084
It's 'cause you wanted Scott
all along, isn't it, Jarod?

305
00:19:51,187 --> 00:19:52,553
- Help! Wait.
- That's right.

306
00:19:52,655 --> 00:19:54,588
You used me to get to Scott, didn't you?

307
00:19:54,690 --> 00:19:56,390
- No!
- Yeah!

308
00:19:56,492 --> 00:19:59,627
- Yeah, that's right.
- He used you to get to me.

309
00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:00,661
That's what happened.

310
00:20:01,931 --> 00:20:04,365
- Yeah.
- Help! Help!

311
00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:05,966
No!

312
00:20:06,825 --> 00:20:07,701
Over here, Jarod.

313
00:20:07,803 --> 00:20:09,570
- It's what you wanted.
- Look over here.

314
00:20:09,672 --> 00:20:11,305
- Here's your tip, meat lover.
- No, thanks.

315
00:20:11,407 --> 00:20:12,773
- Look at me.
- Look at us, Jarod.

316
00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:14,508
- Look at Daddy.
- Help! Somebody help!

317
00:20:14,611 --> 00:20:17,111
- Look at Mommy! Oh, my God!
- Please help!

318
00:20:17,213 --> 00:20:18,546
- Oh, God!
- Oh, God.

319
00:20:18,648 --> 00:20:19,980
Oh, God!

320
00:20:20,082 --> 00:20:21,649
Oh, God, oh, God!

321
00:20:21,751 --> 00:20:24,351
Oh, God! Oh, God!

322
00:20:59,856 --> 00:21:03,323
That was not half bad
for your first time.

323
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,827
- Bill.
- Sir?

324
00:21:06,929 --> 00:21:09,597
You did a good job of
making me feel uneasy.

325
00:21:11,267 --> 00:21:13,534
Where you lost me was in
the characterization.

326
00:21:13,636 --> 00:21:16,003
I mean, you started off as this
somewhat cosmopolitan weirdo

327
00:21:16,106 --> 00:21:20,207
and then digressed into this... I mean,
you tell me, buddy... a Southern dad?

328
00:21:20,310 --> 00:21:22,009
It was all over the place.

329
00:21:22,112 --> 00:21:24,512
Yeah, I had trouble
finding the character.

330
00:21:24,614 --> 00:21:27,748
Make bold choices and stick with them.

331
00:21:27,850 --> 00:21:30,183
- Yes, sir.
- Now, Lisa.

332
00:21:32,588 --> 00:21:34,722
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.

333
00:21:39,629 --> 00:21:41,729
We do have to talk about those breasts.

334
00:21:43,399 --> 00:21:44,565
Sweetheart, I've been to the Louvre,

335
00:21:44,667 --> 00:21:47,201
and those things are
the fucking Mona Lisa.

336
00:21:47,303 --> 00:21:48,936
Thank you.

337
00:21:49,038 --> 00:21:50,705
But I gotta say

338
00:21:50,807 --> 00:21:55,066
I think your choice to show them to
me so soon after I came in the room,

339
00:21:55,067 --> 00:21:56,360
that was a mistake.

340
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:58,045
'Cause here's what you
gotta understand...

341
00:21:58,148 --> 00:22:00,047
most of our clients...

342
00:22:00,149 --> 00:22:01,682
I mean, hell, all our clients...

343
00:22:01,784 --> 00:22:02,983
are major voyeurs.

344
00:22:03,738 --> 00:22:04,519
Okay?

345
00:22:04,621 --> 00:22:06,253
So, I mean, you're gonna
wanna hold that off

346
00:22:06,355 --> 00:22:10,491
for as long as you can.

347
00:22:10,593 --> 00:22:13,194
- That's your trump card.
- Yes, sir.

348
00:22:13,296 --> 00:22:14,261
Understood.

349
00:22:18,367 --> 00:22:19,800
Almost forgot.

350
00:22:22,138 --> 00:22:25,540
- What's this? - I... I thought
this was just an audition.

351
00:22:25,642 --> 00:22:27,608
Well, you worked hard. You earned it.

352
00:22:29,712 --> 00:22:31,312
- All righty.
- Great.

353
00:22:31,414 --> 00:22:32,947
Get yourselves and this place cleaned up.

354
00:22:33,048 --> 00:22:37,117
Your first client will be here...
holy shit... any minute now.

355
00:22:37,220 --> 00:22:38,986
We'll run the pizza boy sketch again.

356
00:22:39,088 --> 00:22:42,022
Take my notes, implement them.

357
00:22:42,124 --> 00:22:43,924
You're gonna do great.

358
00:22:56,172 --> 00:22:57,838
Just a second!

359
00:23:14,657 --> 00:23:16,056
Be right there.

360
00:23:31,307 --> 00:23:34,375
Sorry about that. What do I owe you?

361
00:23:34,376 --> 00:24:34,514
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