(soft music)
(fan rattling)
(knocking on door)
- Mike, I need you.
- What's up?
- Some asshole on 42 wants to see the manager.
They say the food's all wrong, I'm all wrong,
just a bunch of fucking jerks.
(group chatter)
(soft music)
- Hi, can I be of help?
- Yeah, you the manager here?
- I am.
My name's Mike.
- Well Jesus, where do I even start.
Okay, first of all, we specifically did not order guacamole.
What do you call that?
- I'm so sorry, let me get this out of your way.
- The beans weren't even hot.
And my wife, she ordered Midori pineapple sour
and neither one of us can taste the alcohol.
- You know what, I can have the bartender make another,
or better yet, I can make one myself.
- No, you know what.
It's too late.
Just forget it.
Okay, we'll take the check. Thank you very much.
And I don't think that you'll be seeing us in here any time soon.
- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, damn right you are.
- Let me take care of the check for you.
- Well, alright.
You should.
But what you really should do
is you should give us some free coupons for next time.
- For next time?
- Yeah. Yeah, you want to keep your customers happy, don't you.
- I'm sorry, you weren't happy with your food
or your service,
so you'd like
credit for the next time?
- Yes I do.
- Let me take care of the check for you.
- Fine.
We're leaving.
And you, Mark.
- Mike.
- Whatever, you will not be seeing us
in your establishment again.
Thank you very much.
Awful.
- Safe home now.
- What'd he say?
- Nothing, you were right, total jackass.
- I told you so.
What'd you do?
- I comped him.
- Fuck man.
The fucking assholes.
- They were.
- So you just give them the--
- Order.
- You just give them a free meal.
- They're gone, right.
- Fuck them.
- Language.
Language.
- Now they're gonna yelp my ass. - It's okay.
- They're gonna yelp the whole fucking place.
- You'll be fine.
- Fuck that.
- You'll survive.
- Not to mention no tip.
No fucking tip,
and that fucker is running me.
- Junior, Junior, just calm down. Let it go.
Breathe deep.
- [Waitress] Coming out.
- Mike, I love you man,
but this is so lame.
- Junior, I love you man,
get back to work.
- Fuck this.
Fucking bullshit.
- Yo, Jake.
- [Jake] Mike.
- [Mike] Can I get a Midori pineapple sour,
extra strong please.
- You fucking kidding me?
- Yes, I'm kidding.
- Good, cause some piece of shit just sent one of those back a little while ago.
- I heard.
- You heard?
- Don't worry about it, you're fine.
- Everybody I got a birthday.
- Okay, birthday.
- Yeah, it's the gay couple with their granddaughter.
- I got to blow off some fucking steam in here.
- Okay, table 33 follow me.
(cheers and applause)
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ Ponchito ♪
♪ Birthday party is for you ♪
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ To our amigo ♪
♪ Happy birthday is to you, babaloo ♪
(cheers and applause)
- Dude. - Yeah?
- That was dope. I grabbed the liners,
I was throwing them all over the place.
- I know. I caught them all.
- You caught them all? - Every one.
- Nice.
- [Junior] Man, I need new shoes. These things are killing me.
- [Waitress] You need new shoes
because those stink to high heaven
and should be incinerated.
- You think?
- Uh huh.
- Shut up.
(phone ringing)
Hey.
Hey babe.
Oh shit, that's now?
Oh yeah, yeah, I'm on my way.
Uh huh.
Hey Mike, my drop all good?
- You're all set.
- I gotta jet.
- [Mike] Alright buddy. - [Waitress] Bye.
- Later dude.
- Later skaters.
- I'll clock you out.
- Hey Mike, can you clock me out?
- You got it.
- Thanks boss.
I still can't believe you comped those jag offs.
Adios.
- Adios.
- Come on, baby.
- You wish.
- I do wish, that's why I keep asking.
- Uh uh, take a walk Ponyboy,
you had your chance.
- Krissie, baby, please.
- [Kris] Sorry bud.
- It wasn't my fault.
Just a teensy little peak, please?
- You're such an animal.
- [Jake] You bring it out of me.
- [Mike] You're all good, did you clock out? - Uh huh, of course.
Okay.
I bid you goodnight gentlemen.
And I do use the term loosely.
- Don't forget your bag.
- Oh, what bag?
- This isn't your bag?
- Nope.
Ah.
Comic books.
- Comic books?
- Oh, it's probably Junior's. He's in to all that comic book shit.
- [Kris] I'm outie.
- [Jake] Bye.
- [Kris] Hey Ponyboy.
- [Jake] Yes my darling.
- Sweet dreams.
- Come on, please.
That was just mean.
Borderline sexual harassment.
Sexually frustrating at least.
(soft music)
- [Man] Grow the fuck up.
Mark my words.
- [Woman] No.
- [Man] What?
Really?
It ain't?
Why not?
- Hey amigo.
- Hi Mike.
(yelling in background)
- How goes it?
- Good.
- [Mike] What you doing?
- Nothing.
- Cool.
Nice night.
- [Kid] Yeah.
- Nice night to just
sit outside and hang, right.
- I guess.
- [Man] Then why you acting like such a psycho?
- Your mom home?
She with Andre?
That's her boyfriend's name, right?
- [Kid] Uh huh.
- Okay.
Well, I'll leave you be.
Goodnight buddy.
- [Kid] Goodnight.
(dog barking)
- Lighten up, Francis.
Good morning buddy.
(soft music)
- [Man] I think to myself,
if you had a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of my brain,
you wouldn't make half the moves. What are you doing?
Put that away. Those are the instructions.
Okay, I'd rather you figure out the hard way and die 10 times.
That's embarrassing. You can't put that out in the tournament.
Why you throwing down?
Does that make any sense?
Does it make any sense?
You tell him.
Don't tell me you don't know what you're doing.
That works.
Really?
You're gonna put this out now?
That's like making your first move.
It's better.
We're better people than chess players.
- Open your eyes and your brains,
keep your mouth shut.
You might learn something.
Pause.
Hi.
- Hi.
- What is this?
Oh, Capitan, nice.
- Yeah, yeah.
I'm just kind of discovering him now.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
- You know, he has a trade paperback.
You can get these issues plus a few more and it'd be way cheaper.
And it wouldn't have that lame ass
storyline of where he's training his cousin in Thailand.
That is a bullshit shoehorn of a storyline.
- Okay.
You said trade,
trade paperback?
- Trade paperback, yeah,
it's a collect, you know, okay.
Here, I'll show you.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- [Man] Clark.
- [Clark] No comments please.
- Comments?
- Yeah.
Clark the clerk,
Clark Kent,
last train to Clarksville,
Clark Clark, Dick Clark, all the Clarks,
all the every Clark, I've heard them all.
- [Mike] Okay, okay.
- So here, it's rather impressive actually.
I'm more of an individual issue guy myself,
but if you're looking to catch up,
it's a great one oh one crash course.
- Cool.
- Oh, and you neglected to pull the brothers issue.
That's the introduction of Kitt Vixxen.
- Oh god, she's--
- Ridiculously sexy, I know.
- Yeah, she is.
- No, no, she's--
- Yeah.
- Ah hah, here we go.
Like I said, less expensive,
none of that Thailand bull piss.
- Oh yeah.
Cool man, thanks.
- Yeah, and plenty of Kitt Vixxen,
if you know what I mean.
- Yeah.
- So what turned you on?
- I beg your pardon?
- To Captain Black,
what turned you on?
- Oh, oh, oh, you know,
I don't know.
It just kind of,
it just kind of fell on my lap, you know.
- Oh, I love that.
I love it when guys your age
slash demographic
get into the good stuff.
- Nice, yeah.
(soft music)
Junior, I hope you don't mind. I read some of those last night.
- [Junior] Yeah?
What'd you think? - I liked it, I liked it a lot.
But that Kitt Vixxen.
- She's banging, bro.
Smoking hot.
- Yeah, she's banging.
- Wait a minute, just whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just look at you.
You blushing?
- What?
- Yeah, you're blushing.
You fucking pervert. - What?
- You got a woodrow for a comic book chick?
- No, I don't.
- Yes you do, you frigging sicko.
- Please.
- I get it, I get it.
She's a smoke show.
But you understand,
she's not real, right?
I mean you're aware that she's a piece of fiction.
- Yes, I aware of that.
I just like the cartoon.
- Comic.
- What?
- Comic.
- You said cartoon.
- Comic. I like the comic, I like the comic.
Captain Black, he's,
he's
cool,
and righteous,
and tough.
He's,
he's dark,
but he's decent.
I like him.
I like him a lot.
- Cool.
- Yeah, it's cool, it's cool.
- Nice. - Yeah.
- You still want to bang a comic book chick character.
- Shut up.
Go to work.
Fix your tie.
- So, you're coming to my Halloween party, right?
- Um, you know I haven't really made up my mind yet.
- Come on.
It's classic. We had like a hundred people last year.
- It's a thought.
- We can go together.
We can go as a couple,
cause I'm gonna be
strong caveman, and you can be my Wilma.
- Your Wilma?
That's rich.
- Mikey, would you please
tell this young lady
that we would be a perfect couple?
- Kris, darling,
I think you'd be a wonderful Wilma,
whether or not you want to be his Wilma
is entirely up to you.
- You could be our Barney.
It's perfect.
The three of us,
let's do it.
Let's go together.
- You going Mike?
- It's a thought.
It's a thought. - Oh, is it?
- I'm considering the proposition. - Okay.
I'll tell you what.
Mike goes,
I could be persuaded.
- [Mike] Me?
- Yeah.
You bring class to this band of heathens.
- What night?
- Saturday night.
Night off, no excuses.
- I'm in.
- [Jake] You're in?
- Yeah, I'm in.
Why not.
But I'm not Barney.
- Awesome.
And,
and you?
- Well, if Mike is going,
I guess I can make an appearance.
- That's what I'm talking about.
That's,
that's people helping people.
Fucking-A.
- Oh, fucking-A.
- Shots, three.
- Oh, shots.
- Shots.
Wait a minute.
- I'll ring them up, Jesus.
- Okay.
- Oh buddy.
Alright.
Yabba dabba doobie.
- [Group] Yabba dabba doobie.
(soft music)
- Hey Trace.
- Hey.
- Nice night.
- Yeah.
- Hey,
what happened to your eye, I mean?
- Oh,
I fell off my bike.
(soft music)
- Sorry.
- [Tracey] Yeah.
(soft music)
- Didn't you,
didn't you fall off your bike a couple months ago?
- You calling me clumsy, Mike?
- No.
No, I'm sorry, I,
goodnight.
- [Tracey] Hey.
- Yeah.
- Your shoe's untied.
(slow suspenseful music)
- [Mike] Life is precious.
Life is fragile.
Be your own ally.
(dog barking)
(soft music)
Whoa.
(soft music)
(upbeat music)
This is awesome.
(upbeat music)
Life is precious.
Life is fragile.
Be your own ally.
Life
is precious.
Life is fragile.
Be your own ally.
(laughter)
Life--
(glass breaking)
- [Tracey] Son of a bitch.
(yelling)
- [Boyfriend] What the fuck is wrong with you?
Are you friggin nuts?
Have you completely lost your fucking mind?
(cat meowing)
- Oh shit.
(dramatic music)
Captain Black rescues cat on roof.
Film at 11.
Gatito was stuck on the roof.
- [Austin] Yeah.
- Yeah.
I got him down, no problem though.
- Cool.
- [Boyfriend] I'll tell you what,
it's going to be a real punk.
(yelling in background)
- So you're
just hanging out here then?
I'm gonna give the cat some tuna
if you want to help.
- I'm fine.
Thanks.
- Okay.
Okay.
- [Austin] Hey Mike.
- Yeah.
- Do you have any brothers or sisters?
- Yeah I do.
I have a sister.
We,
we don't really
talk to each other.
- How come?
- Yeah, it's a long story.
- [Austin] That's too bad.
- Yeah.
- So why are you dressed like that?
- Oh, this is just a thing.
I'm going to a party.
I was just trying it on for size.
- [Austin] Cool.
- So everything's okay then?
- [Austin] Yeah.
- Yeah?
- [Austin] Yeah.
- Okay.
Alright, amigo.
I'll leave you be.
- See ya.
- Hey, Austin,
be your own ally.
You ever hear that expression?
- [Austin] No.
- Pretty cool, though, huh.
- [Austin] I guess.
- I'll see you.
- Something low cut, you know what I mean,
but you should see what the chicks wear to this party.
It's like everything's hot.
The zombie's hot.
The nurse's hot.
The kitty cat's hot.
Astronaut's freaking nuts.
- It's cool man, cool.
- Yeah, yeah.
What are you wearing?
- I got something in mind.
- Well don't half ass it, buddy.
This is serious.
- Okay, I like my chances.
- Alright, I love that spirit.
- Hey.
I got a birthday.
(cheering)
- Time to shine.
(cheers and applause)
♪ Happy birthday ♪
It's a fucking Halloween party.
Everyone's gonna be dressed up.
No problem.
Whiskey.
(soft music)
Oh shit.
Oh fuck me.
Oh fart.
Come on.
Son of a bitch.
- It's a cool outfit, bro.
- Thanks, Andre.
(slow suspenseful music)
- [Andre] Faggot.
(slow suspenseful music)
(rock music)
♪ Turn it up ♪
♪ So everybody knows ♪
♪ That I got the good thing ♪
♪ I'll show you how it goes ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Til sweat drips down my shoes ♪
- This is Marshmallow, she's a rescue.
- Second, let me guess.
♪ Know where to find me ♪
It looks like I know him,
but I don't know him.
Are you,
no, no, god, I'm so close.
- You'll get it.
♪ Music's hot ♪
- I'm not happy about this.
But I'm telling you, unless I die early,
and I'm gonna be one of those people wearing adult diapers.
- Oh, is that a banana in your pocket?
- It's as if the green peppers
are the Paul,
and the red peppers are the John,
and the gold peppers
are the George.
- But what about Ringo?
- Ringo?
Ringo, Ringo.
Orange.
Orange peppers.
I don't know if Ringo even gets a pepper.
- [Woman] Poor Ringo.
Hey, it's the walrus.
- These guys here though,
in between the peppers,
that's Yoko.
- Okay.
- I'll take you back to my cave.
- I want to do something
bigger,
something better.
- What do you mean?
You're great at what you do.
- No, no, but I want to be more than just a waiter. - Okay.
Well what do you want to do?
♪ Go funk yourself ♪
- That's just it, I don't know.
- Jesus, did you hear about that?
Dude, he broke his fucking collar bone
in a goddamn massage parlor.
Yeah, like over a rub and tug place,
you know what I mean.
Cause his feet were all oily, right.
And then after the happy ending,
he just like hops off the table
and breaks his fucking collarbone.
- Jesus.
- The best part
he had to lie to his wife about it
because he can't just tell her that he broke
his clavicle in some Chinatown rub and tug
after getting a hand-o.
- What did he tell her?
- He told her that he was playing hoops
at the YMCA.
(laughter)
- I didn't even know he played basketball.
(rock music)
- Mike, I'm so drunk.
- Listen, we're nouns.
(laughter)
Not pronouns.
I mean all nouns, man.
We're fucking homo sapiens.
(laughter)
And we're all gonna die.
♪ With you downtown ♪
We're all gonna die.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to bring it down, but we're all gonna die.
We're all gonna be in this together.
♪ Oh I get that feeling ♪
♪ Yeah you give it to me ♪
- I got it.
You're that guy.
You're the guy from TV. You dressed like the guy
from all those commercials.
- Nailed it.
- Brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant.
♪ My eyes on the road ♪
- Alright, one,
I'm not gonna,
I'm not gonna use my cellphone at a urinal.
- Yes.
- No freaking way, right.
- No.
- Alright, second thing.
I'm not gonna put ketchup on a hotdog.
I mean come on, that's childish.
(rock music)
He's leaving.
- LA proved too much for the man.
So maybe he wasn't around.
You know what I mean.
Like maybe he doesn't need the constant reminder
it didn't pan out.
Cause,
cause he's quitting.
Like he's turning tail.
And she's just going to jump on a
midnight train to Georgia to, what?
Right, right,
to rub it in?
Be a constant echo of his failure and regret?
I don't know.
I know I don't need that shit, right.
Stay your ass in LA.
♪ Doing to me ♪
♪ Take me to church ♪
- Do you know what word is dramatically underused?
- Dastardly?
- Close.
Rapscallion.
Do not come.
(rock music)
♪ You are sleeping ♪
♪ At half past three ♪
♪ But I know you know girl ♪
♪ A man's got his knees ♪
♪ So I get that feeling ♪
♪ Oh I get that feeling ♪
♪ And you know what it means ♪
♪ I get that feeling ♪
♪ You give it to me ♪
♪ I get that ♪
♪ The girl is bad ♪
♪ From her to choke ♪
♪ You know that she's the shit ♪
♪ The way she moves at night ♪
♪ The girl is bad ♪
♪ You ever need ♪
♪ Please tell me that you want me baby ♪
- Well hello.
- Hello to you.
- Hello.
- You already said that.
♪ I want a good thing ♪
- Good evening.
- I couldn't help but notice.
- Oh captain, my captain.
- Um.
- [Kitt] Captain Black?
- Oh yes, of course.
Yes I am, I am that.
- Well.
♪ She said she do ♪
- You look just fine.
♪ She says she love me ♪
♪ But I don't believe her ♪
- And you're Kitt.
- Damn skippy, I'm Kitt.
- Whoa,
you look
just great.
- Well thank you.
- Really, really.
- No way.
You guys look so cool.
The black Captain, right,
and Kitt Vickie?
- Well.
- You know it.
- So awesome.
Let's get a selfie.
What.
Oh my god, this looks so good.
Here, put in your numbers and I'll text it to you.
- I don't really text.
- Old school.
That's so sweet.
Comic book nerds are so sweet.
My girlfriend is so into comic books.
I got to show her you two.
She's gonna freak the fuck out.
Where is she?
Have you seen her?
She's dressed up as a cowgirl.
I wanted her to go as Wonder Woman
cause she looks way hot as Wonder Woman.
But she didn't want to
cause she says she's done it too many times
and she'd be pissed if there was another Wonder Woman here.
Blah, blah.
Cause you don't want to be the same person
as someone else, right.
Unless there's like a zillion people here
and the odds are just way too much.
Oh, where is she?
Oh well, I lost her.
It's okay.
Oops.
(laughter)
Look at you two.
You guys are the best couple.
Wait.
Wait right here.
I'm getting my cowgirl
and we're all doing shots.
Don't move.
- Okay.
♪ I want to ♪
- She said we make a good couple.
- Yeah, yeah, that's a--
- Do you like what you see?
- Yes I do.
- You know what though,
I bet I'd look even better over there
on the other side of these lights.
- Oh well then,
we should go investigate.
(soft music)
(rock music)
- So how are the kids?
(mumbles)
- Fuck.
Kids are lonely man.
(rock music)
♪ To the millionaires why ♪
♪ We rocking to the stage ♪
♪ I wouldn't know ♪
(rock music)
- Well,
this
seems cozy.
- Uh huh.
(drumming)
- This is crazy, this right here.
- Don't you like it?
- Yeah, I like it.
But I don't even know your name.
- Just shut up and kiss me.
- Okay.
Take off your mask.
- No.
- There it is.
Right here.
You sure you're okay with this?
- Yes, I'm okay with this. - Okay.
(rock music)
- [Mike] You sure?
- [Kitt] Yes.
Yes.
- Oh my god.
Fuck.
(rock music) (pleasureful moaning)
(laughter)
Oh my god.
My god.
Wow.
You,
you, you, you are,
you are incredible.
You're incredible.
- So you are you captain, my captain.
- I don't,
what's your name?
- Kitt Vixxen.
(laughter)
- Okay, funny.
Funny, funny, funny.
My name's Mike.
What's your real name?
- My what?
- What.
What's your alter ego?
- You know, I'm thirsty.
I'm gonna go get a drink.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Alright.
What the fuck just happened?
Yabba dabba dooie.
(man singing)
♪ She drove off to Chino ♪
♪ As she done me wrong ♪
♪ Gonna jump in the lake ♪
♪ As our cannon ball ♪
♪ With things get to fake ♪
♪ I pull back the skin ♪
♪ Poor me ♪
(soft music)
♪ Poor me ♪
(soft music)
Did I fucking dream that?
Nope.
I did not.
- I got a birthday.
- Yabba
dabba do.
- No guacamole.
- Captain Black.
Captain Black.
♪ If you're ever in danger ♪
♪ There's no need to hide ♪
♪ For there's dark stranger ♪
♪ Who will stand by your side ♪
♪ He's a leader of justice ♪
♪ Leader of the pack ♪
♪ They call him the captain ♪
♪ Captain Black ♪
♪ He will right every wrong here ♪
♪ He will take a stand ♪
♪ He will always be strong dear ♪
♪ For his fellow man ♪
♪ He'll run through a desert ♪
♪ Crawl through hell and back ♪
♪ Just call for the captain ♪
♪ Captain Black ♪
♪ Just call for the captain ♪
♪ Captain Black ♪
♪ Just call for the captain ♪
♪ Captain ♪
♪ Black ♪
(bell ringing)
♪ I'm feeling good ♪
♪ I'm feeling fine ♪
♪ Thinking of you ♪
♪ Fine ♪
I'm going for a fucking run.
I'm going.
(upbeat music)
Oh fuck.
Holy shit.
Oh my god.
Jesus.
Good luck with this shit.
Fuck me.
Holy hell.
Oh my God.
- [Jake] Yo.
Sarge.
- Yo.
- There he is.
What's up sergeant?
- Good evening. - [Jake] Was I right, or was I fucking right?
- You were, you were absolutely right.
Yes. - I tried to clean up for like three hours straight,
didn't even make a dent in the place. - That was, that was.
- Yeah, off the charts.
It's the best party ever.
- Off the charts,
off the chain,
off the rails,
off the hook.
Why were you calling me sergeant?
- That's who you were, right?
Sergeant Blackstar or something like that?
- No, no, no, no,
captain, Captain Black.
- Ah, right, right, right.
- Well thank you very much for inviting me
and talking me into that.
I had a blast man.
That was a blast.
- Dude, I'm just happy you came. That was awesome.
Did you get wasted?
- No, I had a couple beers. - Yeah.
Did you meet any felines?
- Felines?
I was gonna ask you.
There was a,
there was a Kitt Vixxen there.
- Yeah. There were a lot of vixens there, dude.
- No, no, no, no.
Kitt Vixxen is a character
from the same comic as me,
as Captain Black.
- No.
I don't know man. I was like three shades of shitfaced.
- So you don't know who she was? - [Jake] No, sorry.
- I figured.
- I mean did you get her info?
- No, no, no, she split before I even got her name.
- [Jake] She smoking?
- Grass?
- No, not smoking grass, whatever.
Everybody was smoking.
No, smoking hot.
- Oh yeah, oh god yes.
Oh, that smoking.
Yes very much so.
Very much so smoking.
- Okay.
So you hook up?
Did you hook up?
Did you?
You did, didn't you.
Good.
Dude, I need details.
- No, I don't do details.
- Ripoff.
- Yo, caveman.
That drink order up.
Oh, hi Mike.
- Oh hey, Kris.
- [Waitress] Hot plates coming through. - Recovering?
- Recovering from the party?
- Uh huh.
- No, I'm good, I'm good.
I went for a jog actually. - Oh.
Had to sweat off that girl
with the cat ears
and that tight body suit, huh.
- What?
- I saw you talking to that hottie.
Hey Flintstones, these drinks aren't gonna make themselves. - [Jake] I'm on it.
- Do you know her?
- No, I never saw her before.
She's pretty.
- Yeah.
- What's her name?
- Good question.
- No name?
Scandalous.
- Okay, I'll be in the office.
- Alright man, but I want the skinny on the shit dude.
I'm not pussyfooting around.
I want the real nitty gritty.
(soft music)
- Happy Thanksgiving.
(soft music)
I got you a cornucopia.
They're giving them away at the store.
There you go.
Here you go.
(soft music)
Here I go.
(soft music)
Happy Thanksgiving.
(soft music)
I would have invited Brie,
I'm sure they have plans.
(holiday music playing)
(group chatter)
- He said he was playing basketball.
Hoops he said.
But you know, I'm not buying that for a second.
Basketball?
- What makes you say that?
- Well he hasn't played basketball for ages.
And the YMCA?
Like I'm not even sure that he still has a YMCA membership.
- But why would he lie?
I mean like who lies about the YMCA?
- Exactly.
This is so--
- [Woman] It's so.
- [Woman In Stripes] I don't know.
I smell a rat.
- Hey, I got a birthday.
- Oh thank god.
- Alright, you guys ready or what motherfuckers? Fuck yes.
Fuck yes.
We'll light it there, we'll light it there.
(cheering and clapping)
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ Pochita ♪
♪ Birthday party is for you ♪
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ To our amiga ♪
♪ Happy birthday is to you ♪
♪ Babaloo ♪
(cheers and applause)
(soft music)
(applause)
- Thank you.
- Yes, of course.
Yes.
Thank you.
Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
Birthdays,
birthdays are great.
- [Father] Thank you.
- What's your name?
- Maria.
- Happy birthday, Maria.
- [Maria] Thank you.
- My name's Mike.
My name's Mike.
- [Dad] Okay, well, thanks Mike.
- Of course.
- [Dad] Great.
- Cheesecake's on the house.
- [Dad] Thank you.
- [Mom] That's very sweet.
- They don't make cheesecake the way they used to.
Well.
Happy birthday again.
- Thank you again.
- So how old are you anyway?
- [Mom] 17.
- [Dad] That's right.
No more sweet 16.
- [Brother] And never been kissed.
- [Mom] Quiet.
(dramatic music)
- You okay boss?
(knocking on door)
- Yes?
- [Kris] Mike?
- Yes.
- [Kris] Are you okay?
- [Mike] Yeah, I'm good, I'm good.
I got a little queasy.
I'm sorry.
- Can I come in?
- [Mike] Of course, yeah, I'm sorry.
- You okay Mike?
- [Mike] I'm good.
I just got a little queasy.
- [Kris] Do you know what times it is?
- Time?
No, why?
- [Kris] Mike.
- It's after 11.
That's fine.
- Mike, we haven't seen you
for two fucking hours.
I have been doing all of your shit.
Counting drops,
cutting people,
checking the side work,
what the fuck are you doing down here?
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
I'm fine.
Everything's fine.
But are you okay?
- I'm good.
I'm good.
- Are you sick?
- Yeah, you know I did.
I got sick.
I was.
But it's over now.
- Michael.
What the hell is going on?
- Can we talk?
- Of course.
- Okay.
- Well?
- The what?
- Do you want to talk?
- Oh Jesus yes.
Can we?
That would be great.
- So let's talk.
- Yeah, okay.
Only--
- Only what?
- Only,
not right now.
Can we talk later?
- You know we can Mike.
- Yeah, like maybe tomorrow.
- Tomorrow is fine.
- Okay.
(soft music)
- Fuck, holy shit.
Is everything okay out there?
- Everything is fine.
- Oh my god.
- I took care of everything.
- It's 11:11, is everyone gone?
- Everyone but Jake.
He's just closed up.
But you need to lock up.
You do know that, right?
- Yeah, of course.
Of course.
- Okay.
- So you're gonna,
you gonna be alright?
I can leave you alone?
Okay.
- Of course.
I'll go with you.
So Kris.
- Mike.
- Tomorrow.
- We'll talk.
- Of course, babe.
We can talk about anything you like, okay.
I'm here for you.
We can talk now if you'd like.
- Tomorrow.
I'll buy you a drink.
- After tonight, you owe me a bottle.
(soft music)
♪ Yabba dabba doobie ♪
- [Junior] Hey, I got a birthday.
(soft music)
- [Dad] That's right, no more sweet 16.
(soft music)
- [Mom] Scandalous.
(soft music)
- [Jake] That's a cool outfit bro.
- [Maria] Do you like what you see?
(cat meowing)
(soft music)
- Oh my god.
So good.
Here, put in your numbers
and I'll text it to you.
- Oh, I don't normally text.
- Old school.
That's so sweet.
(soft music)
(siren blaring)
(soft music)
♪ I ♪
♪ Know how to hit the road ♪
♪ Know how to go it alone ♪
♪ Down some dark ♪
♪ Highway ♪
♪ But I ♪
♪ I ain't been here before ♪
♪ Some southern bound platform ♪
♪ My love gone away ♪
- Good morning.
- Morning.
♪ It's like somebody else is at the wheel driving ♪
♪ 500 tons of steel ♪
♪ And that's as half as heavy as my heart ♪
♪ And I ♪
♪ Can hear the trains cry ♪
♪ Now I finally know why ♪
♪ It's the most lonesome ♪
♪ Sound ♪
♪ Yeah I ♪
♪ I know why the trains cry ♪
♪ They're leaving with goodbye ♪
♪ They can't just turn around ♪
♪ This ♪
♪ This is the life I picked ♪
♪ And this is the love I can give ♪
♪ But it's always heading out of town ♪
♪ Yeah, somebody else is at the wheel ♪
♪ Timed like a thief coming and stealing ♪
♪ Take me away from where you are ♪
(birds chirping)
- Hi.
- [Maria] Hey.
- Nice day.
- [Maria] Yeah.
- So.
- [Maria] Yeah?
- So I don't really know what to, to say here.
- [Maria] I don't either.
- That was nuts.
- Yep.
- That was just crazy.
That whole night.
Really.
Everything that night, that kind of thing doesn't
happen to me or with me.
I just, I don't do that
kind of thing.
Do you?
- No.
- [Mike] That's great.
I mean that's cool.
You just seem so-
- So what?
- I don't know, so
smooth,
experienced,
self-assured.
And I just wondered if maybe
you know,
this wasn't something new for you.
- Well it was.
- You and me both.
- So.
- So do you have any questions for me?
- Questions?
No.
No, I just,
I just hope we're cool.
Are we?
- Are we cool?
- Yeah, are we?
- Look,
I'm late.
- Okay.
I'm sorry, I don't want to keep you.
I just wanted to talk.
- No.
No, I'm late.
- Okay, that's fine.
I'll just, take care of yourself I guess.
- Mike.
I'm late.
(soft music)
- Oh Jesus Christ.
- Yeah.
(soft music)
- Okay, so how do we,
how do you want to proceed?
- I don't know.
- How can I help?
- I don't know, I don't know.
Okay, this is new to me.
Kind of new waters, you know.
- Of course, of course.
- Well have you,
have you
considered
what are you considering?
- I have no clue.
This is not what I had in mind,
not what I had in mind that night,
not what I had in mind for my life for right now.
Okay, this was not a part of the plan, you know.
- I understand.
(soft music)
- I mean I can't have a kid.
Right now?
Are you fucking kidding me?
No way.
But I can't tell my parents either.
They'd pitch a fit.
This is just so fucked up.
This was not supposed to happen to me,
not like this.
- Have you looked into a,
a procedure?
- I need to get my parent's permission
in order to get an abortion.
Unless I want to go see a judge.
And that's not gonna happen.
- Well what about me?
Can I help?
- You?
Help, seriously?
You're my fucking statutory rapist,
what the hell can you do?
You've done quite enough already,
don't you think.
- Right.
Right.
- I'm sorry.
Okay, I'm just,
I'm just kind of freaking out over here, you know.
- Oh I know.
Trust me, I know.
- Look, I got to go.
- So Maria--
- Yes, Mike?
- This is all pretty delicate, you know.
I mean--
- I get it.
- I mean I want to be there for you, but--
- I know.
- [Mike] This.
- It's okay.
You just can't right now.
I get it.
(soft music)
- [Mike] Do you have someone,
do you have someone to help you?
- I'm a big girl.
I'll be fine on my own.
And Mike,
you,
you were
good
as Captain Black.
See ya.
(soft music)
(kids playing)
- Oh my god.
Lord help me.
- [Woman] Hello?
- Hi.
(doorbell rings)
Hi.
- [Woman] Hi.
Well come in.
- Thanks.
- Can I get you some water or something?
- No, thanks.
I'm fine
- Oh, sit down I guess.
- [Kid] Give it to me.
- [Kid] No mine.
(screams)
- Just give me a minute.
- [Kid] Mine, give it to me.
- [Kid] Mine.
Mine, give it to me.
- [Woman] Hey, no, no, don't.
Uncle Mike is here
and I need to talk to him
in private for a minute.
So just give me a second, okay. I'll be back.
- The place looks great.
- Thanks.
- How are the kids?
- [Brie] Mike.
- You know, this year would have been their
50th wedding anniversary.
- I'm aware of that.
- Do you remember,
remember a long time ago,
I told you that,
that we should see each other more often.
I was afraid that
when we did
that it would be bad.
It would be because of something bad.
Do you remember that?
- I remember that.
- This might be bad.
- Okay.
- I might be in trouble.
- Okay.
- I met a girl, and
I think she might be pregnant.
- Okay.
- The thing is,
when we met,
she didn't,
I never asked her
how old she was.
- What?
- And I--
- Oh my god, what the fuck, Mike?
- [Mike] I thought about what happened to you. - What the fuck are you saying?
- That I felt awful.
- [Brie] You felt awful?
- I did.
I felt awful. Of course I felt awful.
- How can you come in my house with this and you tell me to feel bad?
- I'm sorry.
- [Brie] You tell me this.
- I didn't know what to do. - You abandoned me, Mike.
You just left me.
I was horrified and I felt alone,
and you just left me.
- I didn't know.
I didn't know what to do.
- Fuck you.
Get out of my house.
- No, I'm not gonna get out of your house.
I want to talk to you.
- No, I'm not talking to you. Get out of my house.
You cannot talk to me.
I am not here for you.
Get out of my house right now.
- No.
I'm not, I'm not leaving.
I'm standing right here.
- No, go.
- I'm right here. - Go.
- I'm right here. - Get out.
Get out.
- Fine.
- Out.
- Fine.
- Out of my house.
- I'm going.
(soft music)
(knocking on door)
- Yeah, come in.
- We're not gonna do this again.
Holy shit.
- You're telling me.
- She did not that young.
- Nope.
She did not.
- And now it's like,
what can you do?
I mean this is--
- Don't I know it.
- And she says she has to talk to her parents?
Or a judge?
- I don't want to think about a judge.
- You tell anyone else?
- My sister.
- You're kidding?
- Nope.
- Jesus.
How'd that go?
Wow.
(soft music)
- The girl,
she called me a rapist.
- What?
- She--
- That's bullshit.
Mike, I saw it.
- I know.
- That fucking little bitch.
I mean I saw it.
I saw it Mike.
I didn't see it, but--
- That's not what I mean.
- She was coming on to you all night long. - That's not what I mean.
- Well what the fuck do you mean?
- I mean
that's not what she meant.
I mean she
understands
the sensitivity of
the situation.
She gets it.
- Oh, she gets it?
- Right.
- Great.
She gets it.
Fat fucking lot of good that does for us.
Mike, I am here for you.
- I know.
- I just don't know what I can do.
- I know.
- I don't know if there's anything I can do, you know.
- I know.
I know.
- It's like we're fucked.
- It's like I'm fucked.
- Yeah. You're right, I didn't want to say anything.
It's like you're fucked.
Yeah.
It's your own fault.
You looked pretty hot in that outfit.
(laughter)
You're a good man.
Don't forget that.
- Thanks.
- Don't do that, I am telling you something.
You
are a good man.
(dramatic music)
♪ Don't sing ♪
♪ Waiting ♪
♪ Wishing for a sleep that won't come ♪
♪ I need a peaceful wind to blow ♪
♪ And push me along ♪
♪ Searching ♪
♪ Wondering ♪
♪ I'm lost in this maze ♪
♪ I've got to disappear these days ♪
♪ To find my place ♪
♪ The noise of the world gets louder ♪
♪ The walls in my heart climb higher ♪
♪ Maybe someday ♪
♪ I'll touch the sky ♪
(clock ticking)
(soft music)
- Well,
I'm not sure how to
tell you guys this.
The thing is,
well I haven't really wrapped my brain around it yet.
The thing is,
oh I wish you guys were here right now.
Or maybe I don't.
Maybe,
maybe it's better that you're not here because I don't,
I don't know,
(soft music)
I don't,
I miss you guys so much.
I wish you were here right now.
It really is so beautiful here.
(soft music)
See you soon.
(soft music)
Holy shit.
(car alarm honking)
(dog barking)
- [Kris] Hey there, it's Kris.
I can't take your call.
Let me know what's what.
Chow.
- Hey, Kris.
It's me.
It's Mike.
So that thing, the thing
that we talked about.
I think it's bad.
I don't know,
I don't know what's gonna go down.
But I think I might be in trouble.
Listen,
you're the only one with a key to my place.
So if
anything happens to me,
or anything goes down,
hopefully everything's fine
and I'm just making a big
fucking fool out of myself.
Could you just make sure nothing happens
to Gatito cause
you're great.
And I love you, thank you.
(soft music)
Fucking no idea.
I had no idea.
(soft music)
(fighting next door)
- [Andre] Oh go.
You want me to go?
Where do you want me to go, huh?
And what are you gonna do without me, huh?
What are you gonna do without me?
What are you gonna do then?
- [Tracey] Please just go.
(dramatic music)
- Who the hell's that?
(dramatic music)
What the fuck?
No.
- Mike.
- [Mike] Son of a bitch.
- Jesus Mike, stop.
- Son of a bitch.
How dare you.
How dare you hit a woman.
Never again.
(dramatic music)
Get the fuck out of here
and never come back.
You understand me,
never the fuck come back.
- Baby.
- You heard him, get out.
Get the fuck out of my life. - [Andre] Baby, I'm sorry.
- Get out. - Leave him alone. Baby.
- You heard her. Go.
- Go.
It's okay, Austin, we'll be okay.
- And you.
Life is too precious.
Life is too fragile.
Be your own goddamn ally.
- Okay.
- Be your own ally.
(soft music)
(sirens blaring) (dogs barking)
(soft music)
(pounding on door)
(soft music)
♪ If you're ever in danger ♪
♪ There's no need to hide ♪
♪ For there's a dark stranger ♪
♪ Who will stand by your side ♪
♪ He's the leader of justice ♪
♪ Leader of the pack ♪
♪ They call him the captain ♪
♪ Captain Black ♪
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
♪ He will right every wrong here ♪
♪ He will take a stand ♪
♪ He will always be strong dear ♪
♪ For his fellow man ♪
♪ He will run through a desert ♪
♪ Crawl through hell and back ♪
♪ Just call for the captain ♪
♪ Captain Black ♪
♪ Just call for the captain ♪
♪ Captain Black ♪
♪ Just call for the captain ♪
♪ Captain ♪
♪ Black ♪
(soft rock music)
(singing in foreign language)