1
00:00:08,512 --> 00:00:11,204
As difficult as this time is,

2
00:00:11,791 --> 00:00:14,690
it's only by complying
with the guidelines;

3
00:00:15,139 --> 00:00:16,071
combing,

4
00:00:16,485 --> 00:00:17,452
shampooing,

5
00:00:18,246 --> 00:00:20,696
combing again,
that we can reduce

6
00:00:21,214 --> 00:00:23,872
the chance of these
nits spreading.

7
00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:26,737
I'm now going to hand
you over to our expert

8
00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:29,222
from the Lice Po-Lice,

9
00:00:29,257 --> 00:00:31,086
-Laura Tumley.
-Thank you, Janet.

10
00:00:31,121 --> 00:00:34,296
And I'm pleased to say that
there is some indication that

11
00:00:34,331 --> 00:00:36,574
that nit curve
is starting to plateau.

12
00:00:36,609 --> 00:00:38,059
Can we go to the
next slide please?

13
00:00:39,129 --> 00:00:41,234
As you can see this
is our borough here...

14
00:00:41,269 --> 00:00:42,477
I've actually never had nits.

15
00:00:43,685 --> 00:00:44,789
Oh, my god, if I was a nit,
I'd be all over your head

16
00:00:44,824 --> 00:00:46,170
like an all you can eat buffet.

17
00:00:47,413 --> 00:00:49,380
...going to hand out some
leaflets in a second about that.

18
00:00:49,415 --> 00:00:52,349
Thank you, Laura. Uh,
we can take some questions...

19
00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:53,798
Uh, yes, Darius' mum?

20
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:56,249
What's the school doing
to protect against the spread?

21
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:58,838
If we find a live case,

22
00:00:58,872 --> 00:01:01,461
the child's table
will be isolated.

23
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:03,877
They're sent home until
they've all been treated.

24
00:01:04,361 --> 00:01:06,259
Next question please.

25
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,159
Don't be a dick.
We want to go home.

26
00:01:09,193 --> 00:01:11,368
Yep, here. It's about
the grannies really. Um,

27
00:01:11,402 --> 00:01:12,714
I have my mother
living with me,

28
00:01:12,921 --> 00:01:14,785
albeit temporarily,
I'd like to stress that.

29
00:01:14,819 --> 00:01:16,649
Do I have to do her as well?

30
00:01:16,683 --> 00:01:19,376
Yeah.
Grandparent hair is thinner

31
00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:21,895
and basically dead,
so they are less at risk,

32
00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:24,588
but we do still advise
keeping your distance.

33
00:01:24,622 --> 00:01:26,659
So, you're recommending,
according to the science,

34
00:01:26,693 --> 00:01:28,626
that I should ask my
mother to move out?

35
00:01:29,213 --> 00:01:29,938
[Laura] Uh...

36
00:01:31,871 --> 00:01:32,837
Mm.

37
00:01:33,355 --> 00:01:34,391
That's all we've got time for.

38
00:01:34,425 --> 00:01:36,876
Laura does offer a nit blitz
shampooing service

39
00:01:36,910 --> 00:01:38,153
if you're interested.

40
00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:40,397
[Laura] Yes,
I have some leaflets here.

41
00:01:40,431 --> 00:01:41,329
Cheers.

42
00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:42,675
Jeez!

43
00:01:42,709 --> 00:01:44,746
Three hundred pounds
for a shampoo party?

44
00:01:44,780 --> 00:01:46,886
Who's doing it? Vidal Sassoon?
Jesus Christ.

45
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,405
It's just a couple
of piddly nits.

46
00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:49,716
They're not even
life-threatening.

47
00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:51,408
You can't die of nits--

48
00:01:51,442 --> 00:01:52,823
You can die
from nits actually.

49
00:01:52,857 --> 00:01:53,996
There was an old
woman in Kildare

50
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:55,308
and she scratched her head
so hard

51
00:01:55,343 --> 00:01:56,447
she made a hole in her skull

52
00:01:56,482 --> 00:01:57,828
and some dirt
got in it and killed her.

53
00:01:57,862 --> 00:01:59,588
That is a harrowing
limerick, Anne.

54
00:01:59,623 --> 00:02:01,418
[theme music playing]

55
00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:09,771
I like telling Lee
he's got to get treated,

56
00:02:09,805 --> 00:02:11,635
even when
the kids haven't got lice.

57
00:02:11,945 --> 00:02:13,844
I tell him he's got to leave it
on for a week

58
00:02:13,878 --> 00:02:15,984
and sleep upright,
and he totally does.

59
00:02:16,018 --> 00:02:17,019
Dickhead!

60
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,676
Jill's always lice-free.

61
00:02:18,711 --> 00:02:20,230
I think it's her scent.

62
00:02:20,437 --> 00:02:21,817
She does eat
a lot of turmeric...

63
00:02:21,852 --> 00:02:23,198
Or maybe it's
because she's never

64
00:02:23,233 --> 00:02:24,613
in the same room
as you and the kids?

65
00:02:24,648 --> 00:02:25,856
Well, that's not entirely...

66
00:02:26,374 --> 00:02:27,582
no, actually you're right.

67
00:02:27,892 --> 00:02:29,653
She comes in from work
and she's straight up

68
00:02:29,687 --> 00:02:31,517
that loft ladder
like a chinchilla.

69
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:32,794
She loves that loft.

70
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,004
It's basically-- what's the
female equivalent of a man cave?

71
00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:37,971
Panic room?

72
00:02:38,869 --> 00:02:40,042
Hey, you know,
you could use this, Kev,

73
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,320
to get close to Jill, again.

74
00:02:41,630 --> 00:02:42,804
Tell her she's got nits.

75
00:02:44,046 --> 00:02:45,531
You know, wash her hair.
Could be intimate. Like Ghost.

76
00:02:45,772 --> 00:02:47,498
That's a lovely idea, Liz,

77
00:02:47,533 --> 00:02:49,707
but Jill can't abide
having her head touched.

78
00:02:49,742 --> 00:02:51,916
Anything above the Adam's apple
is a no-go zone.

79
00:02:51,951 --> 00:02:53,366
[Julia] Yo, yo.
All right, mateys?

80
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,472
Hey, nice hair, Gordon Gecko.

81
00:02:55,713 --> 00:02:57,370
I was thinking more
Sharon Stone, thanks.

82
00:02:57,405 --> 00:02:58,716
You're looking
very smart, Elizabeth.

83
00:02:58,751 --> 00:03:01,616
Yeah, I had a job interview
in town. Shoe shop.

84
00:03:01,857 --> 00:03:02,996
Oh, you're getting a job?

85
00:03:04,170 --> 00:03:05,896
Kids are at school now
and I'm just sat at home, so...

86
00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:06,966
You're having a "glow up".

87
00:03:07,311 --> 00:03:08,623
-You what?
-Oh, my god.

88
00:03:08,657 --> 00:03:11,039
Holly Willoughby was chatting
about it on This Morning.

89
00:03:11,073 --> 00:03:13,352
You basically you have
three "glow ups" in your life.

90
00:03:13,386 --> 00:03:14,939
It's like a life upgrade.

91
00:03:14,974 --> 00:03:16,838
Yeah, yeah, I suppose
I am having a glow job.

92
00:03:16,872 --> 00:03:18,529
[Julia] I'm going to have
a massive glowth spurt

93
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:19,944
when my mum moves out.

94
00:03:19,979 --> 00:03:21,739
I mean, I love her
and everything, she's my mum,

95
00:03:21,774 --> 00:03:24,466
but I can't wait for her to
eff off back to her own place.

96
00:03:24,501 --> 00:03:26,054
-[chuckles]
-Aww, she's so brave, your mum.

97
00:03:26,088 --> 00:03:27,780
Oh, goodness,
she's not brave, Kevin.

98
00:03:27,814 --> 00:03:29,540
No, she's just got
a little heart thing

99
00:03:29,575 --> 00:03:30,955
which means she
falls over willy nilly.

100
00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:31,922
I mean,
that's not brave,

101
00:03:33,164 --> 00:03:33,855
that's just a health condition.
I mean, if anyone's brave,

102
00:03:33,889 --> 00:03:34,856
I'm brave. I'm the brave one.

103
00:03:34,890 --> 00:03:37,030
I've let her use my bedroom
and my en suite.

104
00:03:37,065 --> 00:03:39,101
I'm having to slum it
in the family bathroom

105
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,517
with my disgusting children.

106
00:03:40,931 --> 00:03:42,277
Uh-oh.

107
00:03:42,312 --> 00:03:44,245
Here comes evil Elsa
and her pet snowman.

108
00:03:44,486 --> 00:03:47,040
Hello! What's going on here?

109
00:03:47,593 --> 00:03:49,871
-Hm?
-With the, with the no...?

110
00:03:50,354 --> 00:03:52,943
Oh no, I, um, I treated us
last half term.

111
00:03:53,323 --> 00:03:55,808
Full monty, kids,
the toys, the pillows, Paul.

112
00:03:55,842 --> 00:03:58,086
Right, 'cause you can't
just do it six weeks ago

113
00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,501
and hope for the best, Julia.

114
00:03:59,536 --> 00:04:00,916
I hate to agree with Amanda,

115
00:04:00,951 --> 00:04:02,435
but that's like saying
"I took the pill once,

116
00:04:02,470 --> 00:04:03,781
how can I possibly
be pregnant?"

117
00:04:03,816 --> 00:04:05,404
Wow, goodness these nits,

118
00:04:05,438 --> 00:04:06,853
really not my priority,
um, you know.

119
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,786
I'm busy working,
caring for the children,

120
00:04:08,821 --> 00:04:10,098
tending to my
mother's sickly needs.

121
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:12,376
You should all thank your lucky
stars I've treated us at all.

122
00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:13,619
Oh, god.

123
00:04:14,551 --> 00:04:16,380
Bill doesn't
look his normal self.

124
00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:19,556
-What do you think it is?
-Do you reckon he's ill?

125
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:20,971
-What's that? Who's ill?
-Bill.

126
00:04:21,005 --> 00:04:22,352
Do you think Bill's ill, Kev?

127
00:04:22,386 --> 00:04:23,560
We should ask your Jill,

128
00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:25,078
see if she thinks Bill's ill.

129
00:04:25,113 --> 00:04:26,287
I don't think Jill's met Bill.

130
00:04:27,357 --> 00:04:28,323
[Julia] Hiya, mate.

131
00:04:28,358 --> 00:04:29,876
All right, creeps? And Kevin.

132
00:04:30,429 --> 00:04:32,810
I see you've all been
showering in Castrol GTX.

133
00:04:32,845 --> 00:04:33,777
Someone hasn't.

134
00:04:34,433 --> 00:04:36,538
Nit Stasi round here, isn't it?

135
00:04:36,849 --> 00:04:37,988
Is Bill all right, Meg?

136
00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:39,541
Yeah. Why?

137
00:04:40,439 --> 00:04:41,405
We were just thinking...
he looks a bit,

138
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:42,717
and please don't take
this the wrong way,

139
00:04:42,751 --> 00:04:44,132
absolutely awful.

140
00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:45,616
Yeah, he's fine.

141
00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:47,446
He's just got his period.

142
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:48,792
[chuckles]

143
00:04:48,826 --> 00:04:50,034
Oh, thank God.

144
00:04:50,069 --> 00:04:51,381
That is some good news.

145
00:04:53,831 --> 00:04:55,799
Oh, are you all right, Anne?

146
00:04:55,833 --> 00:04:57,835
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
-Anne.

147
00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:59,872
It's just the thought of Bill.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

148
00:04:59,906 --> 00:05:01,391
I'm just crying
all the time now.

149
00:05:01,425 --> 00:05:02,461
I cried at You've Been Framed

150
00:05:02,495 --> 00:05:03,807
when a man fell
over at a wedding.

151
00:05:03,841 --> 00:05:05,015
I don't know what's
wrong with me.

152
00:05:05,049 --> 00:05:06,913
Sounds like the baby blues.

153
00:05:07,466 --> 00:05:09,019
You need a bit of "me" time.

154
00:05:09,053 --> 00:05:10,192
Well, not... not me time,

155
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,815
you time, Anne time.

156
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,541
-Kevin, go away.
-Yep.

157
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:15,784
[Amanda gasps] Hello!

158
00:05:17,545 --> 00:05:18,408
Daddy's here.

159
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,720
I'll get you
a biscuit or something.

160
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,135
I'm going to get you
some biscuit and a...

161
00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:23,033
-A cake.
-A cake.

162
00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:24,586
A cake.
Cake and a couple of biscuits.

163
00:05:29,073 --> 00:05:31,041
All right, Lee.
Nitty Nora time again.

164
00:05:31,075 --> 00:05:32,007
Oh, what?

165
00:05:33,008 --> 00:05:33,871
You'll have to treat
any other poor fuckers

166
00:05:33,906 --> 00:05:35,045
-you're sleeping with and all.
-Uh-huh.

167
00:05:36,357 --> 00:05:37,427
Don't get it on your hands or
it'll burn through to the bone.

168
00:05:37,461 --> 00:05:38,945
Bloody hell, look,
I can't take another week off.

169
00:05:38,980 --> 00:05:40,050
Some people
do have work you know.

170
00:05:41,223 --> 00:05:42,190
Yeah, well, I'm sure the
Lego factory will understand.

171
00:05:42,224 --> 00:05:43,364
Hey,

172
00:05:44,434 --> 00:05:45,124
Charlie said you had
some sort of "interview".

173
00:05:45,158 --> 00:05:46,712
Go on, say what you have to say.

174
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:48,092
No, no, no, good for you.

175
00:05:48,127 --> 00:05:49,508
I hear the job
market's crying out

176
00:05:49,542 --> 00:05:50,819
for arsey, greasy northerners.

177
00:05:50,854 --> 00:05:51,889
Fuck off, Lee.

178
00:05:51,924 --> 00:05:53,477
What was the job anyway?
Chip shop?

179
00:05:53,512 --> 00:05:55,859
-Goodbye, prick.
-Brylcreem factory? Lard farm?

180
00:05:56,169 --> 00:05:57,757
Hey, listen,
tell me if you get it,

181
00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:59,069
so I can adjust
my child support.

182
00:05:59,103 --> 00:06:00,139
What, you mean start paying it?

183
00:06:04,902 --> 00:06:06,490
I've booked Jill and I lunch

184
00:06:06,525 --> 00:06:08,009
at that pop up raclette place.

185
00:06:08,458 --> 00:06:10,736
It's like fondue,
but you can dip meat into it.

186
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:11,668
Or eggs.

187
00:06:12,945 --> 00:06:14,429
Nothing says "romance" like
hot cheese dribbled on an egg.

188
00:06:14,464 --> 00:06:16,155
Jill still blue-balling you
then, mate?

189
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,639
Julia!

190
00:06:17,674 --> 00:06:19,607
No, gosh.
If it's any consolation,

191
00:06:19,641 --> 00:06:21,540
Paul and I have been
celibate since mother moved in.

192
00:06:22,023 --> 00:06:23,887
It turns out listening to a
pensioner cough through

193
00:06:23,921 --> 00:06:25,751
a stud wall is
a total turn off.

194
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:28,788
I think a relationship
can survive without intercourse,

195
00:06:29,064 --> 00:06:30,894
intimacy takes many forms.

196
00:06:30,928 --> 00:06:32,896
A kind word,
the brush of a fingertip,

197
00:06:33,241 --> 00:06:35,899
listening to Radio 4
together while I scrub the hob.

198
00:06:35,933 --> 00:06:37,694
My relationship with
Sam the shepherd

199
00:06:37,728 --> 00:06:39,212
is entirely based
on intercourse.

200
00:06:39,247 --> 00:06:40,559
If you take out
the intercourse,

201
00:06:40,593 --> 00:06:42,146
it's just alcohol in a caravan.

202
00:06:42,181 --> 00:06:43,596
-[Mrs. Lamb] Ivy's mum?
-[Liz] Oh, shit.

203
00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:47,117
A word?
Ivy's combed positive for nits

204
00:06:47,151 --> 00:06:49,740
so I'm going to need
you to keep her off school.

205
00:06:49,775 --> 00:06:51,224
Non possible,
I have to take mother

206
00:06:51,259 --> 00:06:52,225
to the hospital tomorrow.

207
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:54,745
Same for Rosie and Charlie

208
00:06:55,505 --> 00:06:57,127
and all of Topaz Table.

209
00:06:57,817 --> 00:06:59,474
Hold on, you can't do this.

210
00:06:59,509 --> 00:07:01,545
Sorry, what is this about
Manus being off school?

211
00:07:01,925 --> 00:07:03,892
In line with school nit policy,

212
00:07:03,927 --> 00:07:05,756
your children will
need to be kept off

213
00:07:05,791 --> 00:07:08,207
until they've had a full
course of hair treatment.

214
00:07:08,241 --> 00:07:10,209
I did mine last night!
Smell my scalp.

215
00:07:10,658 --> 00:07:12,556
My whole house stinks
like a petrol pump.

216
00:07:12,591 --> 00:07:13,626
Yes, well,

217
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:15,801
you're all going to have
to treat your children again.

218
00:07:16,595 --> 00:07:17,665
Thanks a lot, Julia.

219
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,599
Whoa, whoa. I was not
necessarily the super spreader.

220
00:07:20,633 --> 00:07:22,083
Patient zero could be your kid,

221
00:07:22,566 --> 00:07:24,257
-Anne's kid.
-No, no, no, it can't be Darius.

222
00:07:24,292 --> 00:07:26,605
We actually use nit shampoo as
everyday shampoo now.

223
00:07:26,950 --> 00:07:27,951
As a preventative measure.

224
00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:29,573
And as a body wash.

225
00:07:29,953 --> 00:07:31,092
And as a laundry liquid.

226
00:07:31,126 --> 00:07:32,196
And I know it's not Manus,

227
00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:34,233
'cause I actually wash my
children's hair, Julia.

228
00:07:34,267 --> 00:07:35,545
Actually, Amanda,
it's a well-known fact

229
00:07:35,579 --> 00:07:37,132
nits thrive in clean hair.

230
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:38,720
Yeah, well,
it's a well-known fact

231
00:07:38,755 --> 00:07:40,101
that's actually
a well-known myth, Julia.

232
00:07:40,135 --> 00:07:40,998
Yeah, well...

233
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:44,001
yeah.

234
00:07:45,071 --> 00:07:46,279
Hey, guys!

235
00:07:46,763 --> 00:07:48,696
Can anyone take Ivy tomorrow?

236
00:07:49,317 --> 00:07:51,630
It's only nits. Kev.

237
00:07:52,665 --> 00:07:54,080
Don't, that's a dead
giveaway, mate.

238
00:07:54,598 --> 00:07:55,806
[groans]

239
00:07:57,152 --> 00:07:58,222
Let's go!

240
00:08:04,643 --> 00:08:06,058
So, you know I'm
not one to pry, Anne,

241
00:08:06,092 --> 00:08:07,784
but I was out last night
doing my 5k

242
00:08:07,818 --> 00:08:10,131
when I saw Bill crying as
he was putting the bins out.

243
00:08:10,372 --> 00:08:11,960
[muffled]
Did you check if he was okay?

244
00:08:11,995 --> 00:08:13,548
You're spraying,
Anne. So, I think

245
00:08:13,583 --> 00:08:15,308
there might be some kind of
trouble in paradise.

246
00:08:15,343 --> 00:08:17,172
-Mm.
-I mean it figures,

247
00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:19,105
he's so much older than her.

248
00:08:19,140 --> 00:08:21,729
And Meg has some
strong sexual energy.

249
00:08:21,763 --> 00:08:22,523
Put it this way -

250
00:08:23,144 --> 00:08:24,766
I wouldn't blame
her for eating out

251
00:08:24,801 --> 00:08:27,148
if what she's got is
so close to its sell-by date.

252
00:08:27,182 --> 00:08:29,771
You're really putting a dent
in those digestives, Anne.

253
00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:32,912
Are you eating your feelings?

254
00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:35,259
Anne, if you're depressed,
there's no shame in it.

255
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:36,571
No, I'm not depressed.

256
00:08:37,607 --> 00:08:38,918
It's actually almost cool
to be mental now.

257
00:08:39,194 --> 00:08:41,783
Show me a celeb that
isn't on some kind of

258
00:08:41,818 --> 00:08:43,267
selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitors.

259
00:08:43,682 --> 00:08:44,855
No, I'm not depressed.

260
00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:47,202
I'm actually pregnant!

261
00:08:47,996 --> 00:08:48,928
-What?
-[Anne] Mm-hmm.

262
00:08:51,172 --> 00:08:52,587
-Anne, are you kidding?
-Mm-mm.

263
00:08:52,622 --> 00:08:53,864
-[Amanda] You're pregnant?
-Mm-hmm.

264
00:08:54,624 --> 00:08:55,797
-But you just had one.
-Mm-hmm.

265
00:08:58,144 --> 00:08:59,076
Oh, my God.

266
00:09:00,043 --> 00:09:02,321
-Who does that?
-I don't know. [chuckles]

267
00:09:02,804 --> 00:09:04,288
-But please don't tell a soul.
-No.

268
00:09:04,323 --> 00:09:06,014
Because I haven't even told
my mammy yet, so...

269
00:09:06,049 --> 00:09:08,603
No, no, no, no, no. You know me,
last word indiscresh.

270
00:09:08,638 --> 00:09:09,777
Who would I even tell?

271
00:09:11,882 --> 00:09:14,091
[Julia] No Gina,
that's not a problem,

272
00:09:14,126 --> 00:09:15,921
Um, I'm sure
I can get it to you.

273
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,129
[Ivy] Can we go to the park now?

274
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,407
Um, yeah.

275
00:09:20,304 --> 00:09:21,651
Uh, I'll do that now

276
00:09:21,685 --> 00:09:24,619
and send over in PDF
at lunch, okay?

277
00:09:24,654 --> 00:09:26,241
[Marion] But you're supposed
to be helping me pack.

278
00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:29,417
Okay, thank you, Gina. Bye.

279
00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:31,799
[Marion] I need a lie down.

280
00:09:31,833 --> 00:09:33,110
How can a quick trip

281
00:09:33,145 --> 00:09:35,112
to the hospital tire me out?

282
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,150
I should have asked your
consultant about my head lice.

283
00:09:38,184 --> 00:09:39,358
She was a neurologist, Julia.

284
00:09:39,392 --> 00:09:40,946
I mean, it's
all heads, isn't it?

285
00:09:41,394 --> 00:09:42,361
Same, same.

286
00:09:42,395 --> 00:09:43,431
Could you watch Ivy for me?

287
00:09:44,881 --> 00:09:46,779
No, no.

288
00:09:48,229 --> 00:09:49,920
Okay, park it is then, love!

289
00:09:52,198 --> 00:09:53,096
Manus?

290
00:09:53,855 --> 00:09:55,063
Gina, hi.

291
00:09:56,755 --> 00:09:57,618
Didn't get it?

292
00:09:58,688 --> 00:09:59,412
Gosh, that's weird.
I absolutely did send it.

293
00:10:00,103 --> 00:10:01,000
Um...

294
00:10:01,691 --> 00:10:02,623
just, um...

295
00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:05,108
give me your email again.

296
00:10:05,487 --> 00:10:08,663
I'm just typing it in now.

297
00:10:09,388 --> 00:10:12,253
Okay, so that's going to be
with you end of playtime today.

298
00:10:13,910 --> 00:10:14,773
Yes, okay.

299
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:16,637
Bye Gina, bye now.

300
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:19,916
Oh, my god.

301
00:10:20,295 --> 00:10:21,952
Yes, so we're unclean.

302
00:10:21,987 --> 00:10:23,920
She's disgusting, deal with it.

303
00:10:24,368 --> 00:10:26,129
You look like
an angry purple sleeping bag.

304
00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:28,787
Yeah, well, honestly.
It is-- It's ridiculous.

305
00:10:29,201 --> 00:10:30,133
I'm a stay-at-home dad.

306
00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:32,791
I'm used to being treated like
a turd in a swimming pool.

307
00:10:32,825 --> 00:10:34,689
I mean, come on, grow up!

308
00:10:35,345 --> 00:10:37,140
Charlie and Max
have been uninvited

309
00:10:37,174 --> 00:10:39,107
from Manus' trampoline party.

310
00:10:39,142 --> 00:10:40,108
My girls, too.

311
00:10:40,143 --> 00:10:42,248
Ooh, soz about that, guys.

312
00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:44,250
Your kids have been
uninvited too.

313
00:10:45,458 --> 00:10:46,908
Hey? What?

314
00:10:47,115 --> 00:10:49,808
No! No, I really
need that Saturday.

315
00:10:49,842 --> 00:10:51,982
I'm moving mum
out of my house. Amanda?

316
00:10:52,258 --> 00:10:53,743
Distance, please.

317
00:10:53,777 --> 00:10:55,399
Hey, team Topaz Table.

318
00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:57,332
So, we're all in it together.

319
00:10:57,367 --> 00:10:59,990
I'm only in it because
you put me in it, thank you.

320
00:11:00,025 --> 00:11:01,060
You're welcome.

321
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:03,338
So, let's talk Manus' party.

322
00:11:03,545 --> 00:11:04,719
Cancelled.

323
00:11:05,996 --> 00:11:06,894
I couldn't live with myself
if I brought this infestation

324
00:11:06,928 --> 00:11:08,102
to Trampoline Land.

325
00:11:09,379 --> 00:11:10,518
Most of the class pulled out
when they heard about the nits.

326
00:11:10,552 --> 00:11:12,451
Julia, you've set off a chain
of catastrophic events,

327
00:11:12,485 --> 00:11:15,005
the repercussions of which will
echo down the years to come.

328
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:15,868
Hey? Like what?

329
00:11:15,903 --> 00:11:17,974
Well, like,
when someone asks Manus

330
00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:19,423
what did you do for
your 11th birthday?

331
00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:21,218
He will have to say, "Nothing,"

332
00:11:21,425 --> 00:11:23,082
because somebody's
mummy dropped the ball.

333
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:24,808
What human
remembers what they did

334
00:11:24,843 --> 00:11:26,396
for their 11th birthday?

335
00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,191
What did you do
on your 11th birthday?

336
00:11:28,881 --> 00:11:30,814
I was working down the mine
like every other year.

337
00:11:31,021 --> 00:11:32,436
I went go-karting in a tractor.

338
00:11:32,471 --> 00:11:34,162
Think of the kids, the kiddies,

339
00:11:34,197 --> 00:11:36,026
their sad faces.

340
00:11:36,302 --> 00:11:37,856
You should've thought
about them, Julia,

341
00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:39,892
before you allowed
this tragedy to unfurl.

342
00:11:39,927 --> 00:11:40,962
Anne, come on, let's go.

343
00:11:40,997 --> 00:11:42,205
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

344
00:11:42,239 --> 00:11:43,206
Whoa. Whoa.

345
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,414
[Amanda] Back up with your nits.

346
00:11:44,448 --> 00:11:45,380
Yes.

347
00:11:46,657 --> 00:11:49,005
Let's not let our emotions get
in the way of practicalities,

348
00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:51,973
because we should
all be sticking together.

349
00:11:52,456 --> 00:11:54,596
I know, I can book, um...

350
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,254
I can book a nit blitz party.

351
00:11:57,289 --> 00:11:59,015
Yeah? Today? Tomorrow.

352
00:12:00,016 --> 00:12:02,259
Tomorrow. You can get all
the infected children

353
00:12:02,294 --> 00:12:03,951
and infected parents,

354
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:06,436
we'll hire the Po-Lice lady
and we'll just, you know,

355
00:12:07,023 --> 00:12:09,197
smash the shit
out of these nits.

356
00:12:09,232 --> 00:12:10,992
It'll be lots of good fun.
At yours, Kevin?

357
00:12:11,199 --> 00:12:12,131
Jill would go nuts.

358
00:12:12,511 --> 00:12:14,064
Don't even think about it.

359
00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:17,412
Cool, yeah, I'm cool to host,
so that's good. You in?

360
00:12:17,447 --> 00:12:18,793
We'll think about it, Julia.

361
00:12:18,828 --> 00:12:19,829
All you can eat crisps, Anne?

362
00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:21,520
That does sound
like fun actually.

363
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,974
[Julia] Yeah, so it's your basic
one-way system.

364
00:12:27,008 --> 00:12:29,286
We come through the hall into
the kitchen for your de-lousing

365
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,357
and then we move on through

366
00:12:31,392 --> 00:12:33,083
into the sitting room

367
00:12:33,118 --> 00:12:35,223
for your drink
and nibble reward.

368
00:12:35,258 --> 00:12:37,536
It's like Ryanair,
but with booze and snacks,

369
00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:38,779
and somewhere to sit.

370
00:12:40,056 --> 00:12:42,541
Yeah, one or two hours tops,
and then we're back on track.

371
00:12:42,575 --> 00:12:44,336
Back to school, Manus party on.

372
00:12:44,854 --> 00:12:46,200
So, tell me Laura,

373
00:12:47,028 --> 00:12:48,996
how does one get
into the nit business?

374
00:12:49,030 --> 00:12:51,412
Well, I used to work in
an STD Clinic, actually.

375
00:12:51,446 --> 00:12:54,173
Oh, right, so you started with
crabs and worked your way up?

376
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,450
[Julia] Right teas and coffees.

377
00:12:55,485 --> 00:12:58,074
Let's get on.
Teabags, teabags...

378
00:12:58,108 --> 00:12:59,627
Mother, where are the tea bags?

379
00:12:59,661 --> 00:13:01,560
Well, in my house, I
keep them in the cupboard

380
00:13:01,594 --> 00:13:03,458
above the kettle,
where they should be.

381
00:13:05,495 --> 00:13:07,152
Okay, so,

382
00:13:07,566 --> 00:13:09,499
should we do you first, my love?
Get you out of the way?

383
00:13:10,258 --> 00:13:12,295
Oh, yeah. Get me out of the way.

384
00:13:14,159 --> 00:13:15,022
Can I just check,

385
00:13:15,056 --> 00:13:16,920
are you allergic
to kerosene, my love?

386
00:13:16,955 --> 00:13:17,887
No.

387
00:13:18,853 --> 00:13:20,061
And even if I was,
I couldn't care less.

388
00:13:20,924 --> 00:13:21,891
Kev,

389
00:13:22,443 --> 00:13:23,444
is it Jill?

390
00:13:24,928 --> 00:13:26,481
Can you just keep your head
still, my love?

391
00:13:26,516 --> 00:13:27,413
Oh, sorry.

392
00:13:28,483 --> 00:13:30,209
Yeah, I popped up to the loft

393
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,349
to suggest we
share a sensual bath

394
00:13:32,384 --> 00:13:33,903
and nit shampoo and she said

395
00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:35,249
she didn't want

396
00:13:36,284 --> 00:13:37,941
a bath or nit shampoo.
She wanted a divorce.

397
00:13:38,977 --> 00:13:40,323
What? Shit.

398
00:13:40,357 --> 00:13:42,325
Kevin! Why?

399
00:13:42,359 --> 00:13:44,845
You name it.
My night breathing, mainly.

400
00:13:45,121 --> 00:13:47,157
And the way I chew,
and the way I laugh,

401
00:13:47,502 --> 00:13:50,091
and the way I dry my legs
after I've had a bath.

402
00:13:50,126 --> 00:13:52,266
it turns out Jill
just doesn't like me, full stop.

403
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:53,198
She's a dick.

404
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:56,132
Kevin, you are one of
the best guys I know.

405
00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:58,030
'Til death do us part,
my arsehole.

406
00:13:58,444 --> 00:13:59,549
Divorce, seriously!

407
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:00,861
I don't want to be a divorcé.

408
00:14:01,447 --> 00:14:03,415
Jill was so cold about it.

409
00:14:03,449 --> 00:14:05,037
Listen, Kev, I mean... [scoffs]

410
00:14:05,658 --> 00:14:07,315
I tell Paul I want a divorce

411
00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:08,696
every birthday and
Christmas and he just

412
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:10,215
tells me to me
shut my cake hole.

413
00:14:10,491 --> 00:14:12,665
So, what you're saying is

414
00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:15,876
I should go back
there and fight for her?

415
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,222
Um...

416
00:14:18,085 --> 00:14:19,672
yes. Okay, yeah.

417
00:14:20,535 --> 00:14:22,054
Yes. Yes. Yes,

418
00:14:22,089 --> 00:14:23,884
I'm going to do that,
I'm gonna do that.

419
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,678
I'm going to go
back up that loft

420
00:14:26,127 --> 00:14:27,680
and tell her how
much I love her.

421
00:14:27,715 --> 00:14:30,235
Maybe wipe that liquid
shit off your head first.

422
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:31,926
It's got to stay on
for an hour and a half.

423
00:14:31,961 --> 00:14:33,341
I'll be back by five
to get the girls.

424
00:14:33,548 --> 00:14:35,067
[Laura] Oh,
I wouldn't wear that.

425
00:14:35,102 --> 00:14:36,482
That stuff eats
through polystyrene.

426
00:14:39,727 --> 00:14:41,971
Thanks, love. Next mum, please.

427
00:14:42,350 --> 00:14:43,765
[Julia] Coming through. Hey,

428
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,664
mate, who put the
fun in infestation?

429
00:14:45,698 --> 00:14:47,735
-I'll have that.
-Aw, you look like

430
00:14:47,769 --> 00:14:49,150
-a shiny little conker.
-Brilliant.

431
00:14:49,702 --> 00:14:51,083
Whoa, excuse me,

432
00:14:51,118 --> 00:14:52,636
you are not adhering
to the one-way system.

433
00:14:52,671 --> 00:14:54,569
Back. Go back,
back, back. back, back.

434
00:14:54,984 --> 00:14:55,743
Goodness.

435
00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:57,918
I didn't hear anything about
that stupid shoe shop job.

436
00:14:57,952 --> 00:14:59,505
That doesn't mean you
haven't got it, love.

437
00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:00,437
It was probably the hair.

438
00:15:00,472 --> 00:15:01,645
It did look
a bit Trainspotting.

439
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:02,784
Hey, mate,

440
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,234
if they can't handle
you at your worst,

441
00:15:04,269 --> 00:15:05,649
then they don't
deserve you at your best.

442
00:15:05,684 --> 00:15:07,272
Not sure that rule applies
to job interviews.

443
00:15:08,411 --> 00:15:09,308
Oh!

444
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:11,241
Mother...

445
00:15:15,797 --> 00:15:17,006
[sighs]

446
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,007
Coming!

447
00:15:18,524 --> 00:15:20,043
Anne, Amanda,

448
00:15:20,078 --> 00:15:21,286
hi!

449
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,253
Let me just...
sorry, one second.

450
00:15:23,529 --> 00:15:25,497
Right, okay, let's get you in.

451
00:15:26,256 --> 00:15:27,361
Guys, we're not here to partay,

452
00:15:28,569 --> 00:15:29,432
we're here to get treated
and get the hell out, okay?

453
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:32,262
Wham, bam, thank you
lady from that van.

454
00:15:32,297 --> 00:15:33,677
Anne, would you
like a drink, my lovely?

455
00:15:33,712 --> 00:15:34,989
Oh, no, thank you. No.

456
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,197
[Amanda] Anne's pregnant.

457
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,337
-Huh?
-Don't tell a soul.

458
00:15:39,580 --> 00:15:42,031
-Oh, look who it is.
-[Julia] Wow, that's committed.

459
00:15:42,065 --> 00:15:43,204
Hey, Meg,

460
00:15:43,584 --> 00:15:46,035
Bill. Hey.

461
00:15:46,311 --> 00:15:48,175
Wow, look at you.

462
00:15:48,209 --> 00:15:51,040
Loving the grade one.
Ooh, so cool.

463
00:15:51,074 --> 00:15:53,421
I would totally shave
my head but...

464
00:15:54,112 --> 00:15:55,699
loads of people
love my hair so,

465
00:15:56,252 --> 00:15:58,047
you know, wouldn't want
to do that to them.

466
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,533
Bill, how are you?

467
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,569
Haven't seen you for ages.

468
00:16:03,811 --> 00:16:06,089
[Julia]
Amanda, RE: Manus' party,

469
00:16:06,124 --> 00:16:08,229
should we focus it
on Saturday or...

470
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:10,542
Can I just get some
more towels, my love?

471
00:16:10,576 --> 00:16:11,543
Uh, just... in a minute.

472
00:16:12,578 --> 00:16:13,269
I'm just in the middle
of something right now.

473
00:16:13,303 --> 00:16:15,064
Ooh, look who it is!
Marion!

474
00:16:15,719 --> 00:16:17,687
-So brave.
-You're so brave, Marion.

475
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:19,344
So brave. So, so brave.

476
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:20,793
Not brave. Not brave.

477
00:16:20,828 --> 00:16:22,416
[Marion] No,
the real hero's Julia,

478
00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:25,212
you know, taking me in
and nursing me back to health.

479
00:16:25,246 --> 00:16:29,043
But I'm moving back home
this weekend.

480
00:16:29,078 --> 00:16:30,355
-Ooh.
-Yeah, Saturday.

481
00:16:31,183 --> 00:16:33,358
The removal van is booked.

482
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:34,324
-Huh.
-So...

483
00:16:34,807 --> 00:16:35,774
it's, um...

484
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,157
Assuming we're all clean
and clear on the old, um...

485
00:16:39,674 --> 00:16:40,779
Manus party on?

486
00:16:41,849 --> 00:16:45,301
Well, I guess if we're all
getting treated, then...

487
00:16:47,579 --> 00:16:48,683
Yeah, it can go ahead.

488
00:16:49,753 --> 00:16:51,169
That'll be nice.

489
00:16:51,203 --> 00:16:55,104
-Great, that's good news.
-Yes. [exhales] Towels.

490
00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:57,313
-[phone ringing]
-Hello?

491
00:16:58,590 --> 00:17:00,385
Yes, this is Mrs. Paterson's
daughter.

492
00:17:01,248 --> 00:17:03,043
Hello, Doctor.

493
00:17:03,629 --> 00:17:04,906
Yes, um,

494
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,219
she's absolutely...

495
00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:08,703
raring to go.

496
00:17:10,015 --> 00:17:10,809
All packed up and ready to go
home at the weekend, so that's

497
00:17:11,499 --> 00:17:13,743
fabby dabby doo. [chuckles]

498
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:17,885
Sorry, what, what?

499
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,717
Sorry, when you say...

500
00:17:22,752 --> 00:17:24,823
when you say she
can't live independently,

501
00:17:24,857 --> 00:17:26,652
do you mean we need
to find her a husband,

502
00:17:26,687 --> 00:17:28,827
or get her a pet,
or, um...

503
00:17:28,861 --> 00:17:30,484
I mean, I can definitely pop in
twice a week

504
00:17:30,518 --> 00:17:31,692
to make checks, or we can,

505
00:17:31,726 --> 00:17:33,280
we can install
a panic button, so that's...

506
00:17:33,521 --> 00:17:34,591
Whoa,

507
00:17:34,902 --> 00:17:36,214
shall we just, um...

508
00:17:36,628 --> 00:17:38,285
should we just mull
over for a moment.

509
00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:41,564
We don't want to make any
hasty decisions.

510
00:17:43,393 --> 00:17:44,774
Ahh, okay.

511
00:17:44,808 --> 00:17:47,087
So that's, um...
that's conclusive, is it?

512
00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:49,365
Yes, okay,

513
00:17:50,814 --> 00:17:52,161
thank you, doctor.

514
00:17:52,195 --> 00:17:53,438
Yes, bye now.

515
00:17:54,646 --> 00:17:57,787
[muffled scream]

516
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,417
[screams]

517
00:18:07,866 --> 00:18:09,764
Bill! [laughs]

518
00:18:10,558 --> 00:18:11,490
Sorry, Bill, I didn't...

519
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,423
I didn't know you were in here.

520
00:18:13,837 --> 00:18:16,288
I just found out that
I'm stuck with my mother

521
00:18:16,323 --> 00:18:18,704
and she's gonna have my bedroom
and en suite forever.

522
00:18:20,396 --> 00:18:24,365
[cries]

523
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,472
[door opens]

524
00:18:32,787 --> 00:18:33,719
Hi, Bill.

525
00:18:35,204 --> 00:18:36,274
[Bill] Kev.

526
00:18:37,585 --> 00:18:39,863
You've got a
Baileys moustache.

527
00:18:39,898 --> 00:18:41,417
At least I hope it's Baileys.

528
00:18:46,422 --> 00:18:48,389
Can you think of the worst thing
that could happen,

529
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:49,770
and then double it?

530
00:18:53,014 --> 00:18:55,258
Well, I can actually, Kevin.
I...

531
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:57,743
um... god, I have had-

532
00:18:57,778 --> 00:18:58,848
I've done something so bad.

533
00:19:01,609 --> 00:19:03,853
-What?
-You don't want to know.

534
00:19:04,888 --> 00:19:05,924
I'm so effed up.

535
00:19:06,959 --> 00:19:08,858
Oh Jill... Jill.

536
00:19:09,893 --> 00:19:11,412
Don't touch me, I'm a pig.

537
00:19:15,623 --> 00:19:16,969
I know it was only
a part time job,

538
00:19:17,004 --> 00:19:18,178
but I really wanted it.

539
00:19:19,179 --> 00:19:20,904
Maybe it's going out
to see Sam on the farm.

540
00:19:21,457 --> 00:19:23,700
It's made me realize
there's more to life, you know,

541
00:19:24,287 --> 00:19:25,771
than nits and phonics

542
00:19:25,978 --> 00:19:28,429
and worrying how much
Netflix my kids watch.

543
00:19:28,464 --> 00:19:30,224
Is it official that you
haven't gotten it, babe?

544
00:19:30,259 --> 00:19:31,674
Maybe no news is just no news.

545
00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:33,434
Nah, mate. No news is ghosting.

546
00:19:33,917 --> 00:19:34,849
I didn't get the job.

547
00:19:34,884 --> 00:19:37,024
Have you ever thought about
Greggs, Liz?

548
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:38,957
Anne worked there.

549
00:19:39,854 --> 00:19:41,408
How long did you
work at Greggs, Anne?

550
00:19:41,442 --> 00:19:42,650
[Anne] Oh, um...

551
00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:44,825
no, I never worked
at Greggs, no.

552
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:47,034
I was Head of
Product Development

553
00:19:47,068 --> 00:19:48,725
at GlaxoSmithKline Worldwide.

554
00:19:49,381 --> 00:19:50,417
Oh.

555
00:19:51,452 --> 00:19:52,660
Why did I always think
you worked for Greggs?

556
00:19:53,074 --> 00:19:54,524
-Are you sure?
-Um...

557
00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,285
I can't picture you working
in an office, Anne.

558
00:19:56,319 --> 00:19:58,287
I see you handling
cakes and puffs.

559
00:19:58,321 --> 00:19:59,253
Not that I've

560
00:19:59,288 --> 00:20:01,738
been in a Greggs before.
Really not Greggs?

561
00:20:01,945 --> 00:20:04,016
Yeah, I've been there
once or twice but, um,

562
00:20:04,465 --> 00:20:05,535
more as a customer.

563
00:20:05,915 --> 00:20:06,950
[Laura] Okay, my dear?

564
00:20:06,985 --> 00:20:08,297
Oh, that's me.
I'm up, excuse me.

565
00:20:08,573 --> 00:20:09,470
[Amanda] So weird.

566
00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:12,853
Hey girl,
how ya doing?

567
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:14,579
I'm fine, thanks.

568
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:16,374
Yeah, I'm doing well, you know,

569
00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:18,514
stronger, fitter, humbler.

570
00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:20,964
I mean, it's been
a tough ol' year

571
00:20:20,999 --> 00:20:23,104
for me with the D-I-V-O-R-C-E,

572
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:26,246
but I've grown
a lot and...

573
00:20:27,385 --> 00:20:28,455
word from the wise,

574
00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:31,423
you think you are not
going get through this,

575
00:20:31,458 --> 00:20:33,011
but you totally are.

576
00:20:33,045 --> 00:20:35,082
I'm sorry,
what are we talking about here?

577
00:20:35,116 --> 00:20:36,911
-You and Bill.
-Oh, right, yeah.

578
00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:38,706
Poor old Kevin's
going through it as well.

579
00:20:38,741 --> 00:20:40,018
The nit lady told me.

580
00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:41,882
I don't know,

581
00:20:42,883 --> 00:20:43,884
I guess it's the life
stage we're all at.

582
00:20:43,918 --> 00:20:45,920
Also, Anne's pregnant. Yeah,

583
00:20:45,955 --> 00:20:47,681
Anne told me in
strictest confidence.

584
00:20:47,715 --> 00:20:49,372
And I'm only mentioning
it because it's relevant

585
00:20:49,407 --> 00:20:51,098
and I know she loves
you as much as we all do,

586
00:20:51,443 --> 00:20:52,410
-so...
-Wow.

587
00:20:52,444 --> 00:20:53,618
[Amanda] We are here for you.

588
00:20:54,481 --> 00:20:56,310
And obviously not a single peep

589
00:20:56,345 --> 00:20:58,001
from these lips about
your marriage woes, yeah.

590
00:20:59,382 --> 00:21:00,556
Mum's the word. Hey,

591
00:21:01,108 --> 00:21:02,972
mum by nature, mum by mouth.

592
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,775
Amanda's just told me
that Anne's pregnant

593
00:21:12,809 --> 00:21:13,983
and I shouldn't tell anyone.

594
00:21:14,017 --> 00:21:15,053
[Julia] Yeah,
she told me that too.

595
00:21:15,087 --> 00:21:15,881
Why didn't you tell me?

596
00:21:15,916 --> 00:21:17,366
I've just spoken
to the consultant

597
00:21:18,643 --> 00:21:19,126
and he said that Mother might
not ever be able to go home.

598
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,024
Ever. Ever. Ever.

599
00:21:21,059 --> 00:21:22,578
Oh, where's she going to go?

600
00:21:22,957 --> 00:21:24,821
I don't know.
Best Exotic Marigold Hotel?

601
00:21:24,856 --> 00:21:25,822
Kevin's loft?

602
00:21:29,170 --> 00:21:30,586
I think I'm having
a panic attack!

603
00:21:31,621 --> 00:21:32,967
[grunts] You. You, you, you.

604
00:21:33,002 --> 00:21:34,866
Can you adhere to
the zonal areas please?

605
00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,557
In fact, if you've been treated,
can you remain

606
00:21:36,592 --> 00:21:37,938
in the living room,
or better still,

607
00:21:37,972 --> 00:21:39,042
could you just leave?

608
00:21:40,423 --> 00:21:41,424
Can you see those?

609
00:21:42,183 --> 00:21:43,495
[Julia] Unbelievable!

610
00:21:44,807 --> 00:21:46,118
You've basically invited a load
of nits into your house, babe.

611
00:21:46,153 --> 00:21:47,499
Thank you,
that's very helpful, Meg.

612
00:21:47,741 --> 00:21:50,468
People are not adhering
to my zonal areas!

613
00:21:51,641 --> 00:21:53,333
Thanks Julia, I'm all done.

614
00:21:53,574 --> 00:21:56,336
Lovely party,
the crisps were delicious.

615
00:21:56,681 --> 00:21:58,959
I did get some nit stuff
in my mouth though,

616
00:21:58,993 --> 00:22:00,961
but I managed to sluice
most of it out, I think.

617
00:22:01,824 --> 00:22:02,825
Okay, cool, Anne.

618
00:22:02,859 --> 00:22:03,964
Congratulations,
by the way, Anne.

619
00:22:05,068 --> 00:22:05,897
[Liz, Julia, and Bill]
Oh yeah, congratulations.

620
00:22:07,036 --> 00:22:09,418
-How do you all know?
-Anne,

621
00:22:09,452 --> 00:22:10,971
if you want a lift home,
the window is closing.

622
00:22:12,490 --> 00:22:14,181
-What?
-Did you tell everyone?

623
00:22:14,906 --> 00:22:16,770
No! Tell what?

624
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:17,840
My secret news.

625
00:22:18,461 --> 00:22:21,671
Oh, my God,
Anne, of course not.

626
00:22:22,223 --> 00:22:24,605
I mean
if it did come out,

627
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,676
it was like in a good way,
like...

628
00:22:27,090 --> 00:22:28,437
this is a party,

629
00:22:28,471 --> 00:22:30,611
and I just want to
spread a good vibe.

630
00:22:30,646 --> 00:22:33,407
It's just I did actually ask you
not to say anything.

631
00:22:33,442 --> 00:22:35,029
Oh, come on, Anne.

632
00:22:35,444 --> 00:22:36,548
It's hardly Royal baby

633
00:22:36,583 --> 00:22:37,618
-level news.
-[Laura] Bye.

634
00:22:37,653 --> 00:22:38,792
[Julia] Oh, my god.

635
00:22:39,102 --> 00:22:40,138
Is that Laura leaving?

636
00:22:40,172 --> 00:22:41,760
Why is the nit lady leaving?

637
00:22:42,002 --> 00:22:43,106
Why didn't you all stop her?

638
00:22:43,141 --> 00:22:44,625
She's effed off
without even doing me.

639
00:22:44,660 --> 00:22:48,042
I've gone to all this effort
for nothing. Oh, my god!

640
00:22:49,734 --> 00:22:51,045
Well, this says it all
doesn't it?

641
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,184
[Marion] Julia,

642
00:22:52,219 --> 00:22:54,877
have you seen my walking frame?

643
00:22:54,911 --> 00:22:55,843
Not now, Mother.

644
00:22:56,465 --> 00:22:57,742
Says all Amanda, what?

645
00:22:57,776 --> 00:22:59,260
It says, Julia,
this is how your kids

646
00:22:59,295 --> 00:23:00,607
end up spreading things around.

647
00:23:00,917 --> 00:23:02,574
I tell you who's a
fucking super spreader,

648
00:23:02,609 --> 00:23:03,748
Amanda. Your mouth.

649
00:23:04,231 --> 00:23:06,509
You watch your mouth, Liz.

650
00:23:06,751 --> 00:23:07,683
Come on, Anne.

651
00:23:08,649 --> 00:23:10,548
Let's get out of this
absolute nit show.

652
00:23:10,582 --> 00:23:12,826
Go, go, go, go on. Go on, go,

653
00:23:12,860 --> 00:23:14,137
without even
helping me tidy up.

654
00:23:14,172 --> 00:23:16,450
I've been tying myself
in knots over this.

655
00:23:16,761 --> 00:23:18,556
And what happened to all for one
and one for all?

656
00:23:18,590 --> 00:23:20,834
Okay, I made a teeny, weeny,
weeny, tiny error of judgement,

657
00:23:20,868 --> 00:23:22,732
which I have been
bending over backwards

658
00:23:22,767 --> 00:23:24,872
to try and fix, but no,

659
00:23:24,907 --> 00:23:26,564
I just get a shit load of shit.

660
00:23:27,150 --> 00:23:29,463
One tiny error
of judgement, Julia.

661
00:23:29,498 --> 00:23:31,016
Yeah, it could have been
any of us.

662
00:23:31,292 --> 00:23:32,811
But really, could it?

663
00:23:32,846 --> 00:23:34,054
I think the problem
here is that it's

664
00:23:34,088 --> 00:23:36,021
-one rule for you and...
-Fuck's sake, Amanda!

665
00:23:36,297 --> 00:23:37,575
Beg your pardon, Bill?

666
00:23:37,609 --> 00:23:39,231
All of you, shut up.

667
00:23:39,266 --> 00:23:40,440
Shut up.

668
00:23:41,510 --> 00:23:42,683
Not you, Anne.

669
00:23:42,994 --> 00:23:44,720
I wish I only had to worry about

670
00:23:44,754 --> 00:23:46,100
sharing my en suite
with my mother,

671
00:23:46,894 --> 00:23:48,240
or having nits,

672
00:23:48,275 --> 00:23:50,553
or whether people are adhering

673
00:23:50,588 --> 00:23:52,728
to a fucking one-way system

674
00:23:52,762 --> 00:23:55,316
that seriously does not matter.

675
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:57,215
-Okay, baby, let's go home now.
-No, I got...

676
00:23:57,249 --> 00:23:58,803
-[Meg] Yes.
-[Bill] I just...

677
00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:02,323
I can't hack it, I just can't.
I can't. I'm sorry.

678
00:24:02,358 --> 00:24:03,911
I know, I know.

679
00:24:04,774 --> 00:24:07,052
Do you think that
it was something that I said?

680
00:24:07,087 --> 00:24:08,191
I'll tell you later.

681
00:24:08,537 --> 00:24:09,745
Meg's having an affair.

682
00:24:09,779 --> 00:24:11,229
Oh, for the love of God.

683
00:24:11,263 --> 00:24:12,713
Oh, sorry, mate. Sorry.

684
00:24:12,748 --> 00:24:14,197
No, you were going to
find out sooner or later

685
00:24:14,232 --> 00:24:15,716
so you might as
well hear it from me.

686
00:24:15,751 --> 00:24:16,752
I've got cancer.

687
00:24:17,546 --> 00:24:18,581
What?

688
00:24:18,616 --> 00:24:19,513
Oh.

689
00:24:21,135 --> 00:24:22,136
Just a touch.

690
00:24:22,999 --> 00:24:23,966
In the boob.

691
00:24:28,764 --> 00:24:29,972
I locked Jill in the loft!

692
00:24:31,283 --> 00:24:32,284
Okay, not locked.

693
00:24:32,699 --> 00:24:33,838
She wouldn't see sense.

694
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:35,805
Insisted our marriage was over,

695
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,082
so I took the loft ladder away.

696
00:24:37,117 --> 00:24:38,187
I just saw red.

697
00:24:38,394 --> 00:24:40,051
She's been up
there all afternoon,

698
00:24:40,638 --> 00:24:42,260
a prisoner in her
own home office.

699
00:24:42,294 --> 00:24:44,158
She's only got
two San Pellegrino

700
00:24:44,193 --> 00:24:45,297
and a Babybel
in the mini fridge.

701
00:24:45,332 --> 00:24:47,196
Kev, mate, not now.

702
00:24:47,230 --> 00:24:48,577
I've called
the police on myself.

703
00:24:48,611 --> 00:24:49,785
-Kevin...
-[Kevin] They're sending

704
00:24:49,819 --> 00:24:50,751
an arresting officer.

705
00:24:50,786 --> 00:24:51,994
-[Julia] Kevin...
-Or not.

706
00:24:52,684 --> 00:24:54,341
The line wasn't clear,
it sounded a bit like

707
00:24:54,375 --> 00:24:55,756
-they were laughing.
-[Liz] Kev...

708
00:24:57,758 --> 00:24:58,932
Meg's got cancer.

709
00:25:03,971 --> 00:25:04,869
Oh, my gosh.

710
00:25:06,077 --> 00:25:07,147
I'm so sorry.

711
00:25:07,768 --> 00:25:09,770
They caught it early,
and you know I--

712
00:25:10,184 --> 00:25:11,910
I wanted to pre-empt the, um...

713
00:25:11,945 --> 00:25:14,085
you know, I was going to
lose it all in chemo anyway so,

714
00:25:14,775 --> 00:25:15,914
you know,
I didn't want to have

715
00:25:15,949 --> 00:25:18,572
nits and cancer, so...
[chuckles]

716
00:25:18,607 --> 00:25:20,540
[tuts] Meg,

717
00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:22,645
I knew something was wrong.

718
00:25:22,852 --> 00:25:23,819
I don't want any fuss...

719
00:25:24,129 --> 00:25:25,061
or pity.

720
00:25:26,269 --> 00:25:27,719
That's bloody put everything
in perspective, hasn't it?

721
00:25:27,754 --> 00:25:28,927
Yeah, it really does, Meg.

722
00:25:29,272 --> 00:25:31,067
Who cares if I can't
ever take a piss

723
00:25:31,102 --> 00:25:32,137
in my en suite ever again?

724
00:25:32,172 --> 00:25:33,276
I mean, who gives a shit

725
00:25:33,311 --> 00:25:34,933
if we're all riddled with lice?

726
00:25:35,313 --> 00:25:36,348
I do.

727
00:25:36,383 --> 00:25:37,280
Hello?

728
00:25:38,109 --> 00:25:39,041
Oh, really?

729
00:25:41,146 --> 00:25:42,354
Yeah, okay. Right.

730
00:25:43,079 --> 00:25:44,184
Thanks for letting me know.

731
00:25:45,875 --> 00:25:46,773
All right, bye.

732
00:25:49,776 --> 00:25:51,294
Got that job in that shoe shop.

733
00:25:51,847 --> 00:25:53,296
Oh, that's good, babe.

734
00:25:53,642 --> 00:25:55,851
Yeah, the 17-year-old
they hired didn't turn up.

735
00:25:56,161 --> 00:25:57,231
Oh, no.

736
00:25:57,266 --> 00:25:58,267
Well done, honey.

737
00:25:58,888 --> 00:26:00,165
No, I'm not taking it.

738
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,201
No.

739
00:26:01,235 --> 00:26:02,720
I'm not being their
sloppy seconds.

740
00:26:03,652 --> 00:26:04,653
[Kevin] Good for you Liz.

741
00:26:09,450 --> 00:26:10,900
You know, I think
this is the longest

742
00:26:10,935 --> 00:26:13,006
you've let me touch
you since you were nine.

743
00:26:16,492 --> 00:26:18,839
So, I spoke to the consultant
about you moving home.

744
00:26:18,874 --> 00:26:19,806
Yeah.

745
00:26:20,013 --> 00:26:21,221
Amanda told me.

746
00:26:21,255 --> 00:26:23,154
She heard you
screaming in the bathroom.

747
00:26:25,812 --> 00:26:27,089
It's all right. I understand

748
00:26:27,123 --> 00:26:29,056
if you want to look into
putting me into a home.

749
00:26:29,091 --> 00:26:30,748
You're a massive,
massive pain in the hole,

750
00:26:30,782 --> 00:26:31,887
Mother,
but I could never do that.

751
00:26:32,197 --> 00:26:33,198
Not yet anyway.

752
00:26:34,061 --> 00:26:35,442
It's the smell
that puts me off.

753
00:26:36,201 --> 00:26:37,962
-What smell?
-Oh, those care homes.

754
00:26:37,996 --> 00:26:39,377
They-- they smell like
cabbage and death.

755
00:26:39,411 --> 00:26:40,412
Every time you cook,

756
00:26:40,447 --> 00:26:42,000
it smells of cabbage
and death. Oh!

757
00:26:43,105 --> 00:26:44,175
There's another one.

758
00:26:45,072 --> 00:26:46,453
Did you get nits
when we were kids then?

759
00:26:46,487 --> 00:26:47,419
No,

760
00:26:48,317 --> 00:26:50,284
it was the 1980s.
We all had perms.

761
00:26:50,871 --> 00:26:52,977
It was basically
chemical warfare.

762
00:26:54,392 --> 00:26:56,290
Hmm, I might look into
getting myself a perm.

763
00:26:59,431 --> 00:27:00,985
This is nice, isn't it?

764
00:27:02,987 --> 00:27:03,884
No.

765
00:27:03,919 --> 00:27:06,197
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