1
00:00:08,491 --> 00:00:11,181
As difficult as this time is,

2
00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:14,670
it's only by complying
with the guidelines;

3
00:00:15,118 --> 00:00:16,048
combing,

4
00:00:16,464 --> 00:00:17,434
shampooing,

5
00:00:18,225 --> 00:00:20,675
combing again,
that we can reduce

6
00:00:21,193 --> 00:00:23,853
the chance of these
nits spreading.

7
00:00:24,438 --> 00:00:26,718
I'm now going to hand
you over to our expert

8
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:29,200
from the Lice Po-Lice,

9
00:00:29,236 --> 00:00:31,066
-Laura Tumley.
-Thank you, Janet.

10
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:34,280
And I'm pleased to say that
there is some indication that

11
00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:36,550
that nit curve
is starting to plateau.

12
00:00:36,588 --> 00:00:38,038
Can we go to the
next slide please?

13
00:00:39,108 --> 00:00:41,208
As you can see this
is our borough here...

14
00:00:41,248 --> 00:00:42,458
I've actually never had nits.

15
00:00:43,664 --> 00:00:44,774
Oh, my god, if I was a nit,
I'd be all over your head

16
00:00:44,803 --> 00:00:46,153
like an all you can eat buffet.

17
00:00:47,392 --> 00:00:49,362
...going to hand out some
leaflets in a second about that.

18
00:00:49,394 --> 00:00:52,334
Thank you, Laura. Uh,
we can take some questions...

19
00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:53,779
Uh, yes, Darius' mum?

20
00:00:54,951 --> 00:00:56,231
What's the school doing
to protect against the spread?

21
00:00:56,435 --> 00:00:58,815
If we find a live case,

22
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:01,441
the child's table
will be isolated.

23
00:01:01,475 --> 00:01:03,855
They're sent home until
they've all been treated.

24
00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:06,240
Next question please.

25
00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:09,143
Don't be a dick.
We want to go home.

26
00:01:09,172 --> 00:01:11,352
Yep, here. It's about
the grannies really. Um,

27
00:01:11,381 --> 00:01:12,691
I have my mother
living with me,

28
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,760
albeit temporarily,
I'd like to stress that.

29
00:01:14,798 --> 00:01:16,628
Do I have to do her as well?

30
00:01:16,662 --> 00:01:19,362
Yeah.
Grandparent hair is thinner

31
00:01:19,389 --> 00:01:21,869
and basically dead,
so they are less at risk,

32
00:01:21,909 --> 00:01:24,569
but we do still advise
keeping your distance.

33
00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:26,641
So, you're recommending,
according to the science,

34
00:01:26,672 --> 00:01:28,612
that I should ask my
mother to move out?

35
00:01:29,192 --> 00:01:29,922
[Laura] Uh...

36
00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:32,820
Mm.

37
00:01:33,334 --> 00:01:34,374
That's all we've got time for.

38
00:01:34,404 --> 00:01:36,864
Laura does offer a nit blitz
shampooing service

39
00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,129
if you're interested.

40
00:01:38,408 --> 00:01:40,378
[Laura] Yes,
I have some leaflets here.

41
00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:41,310
Cheers.

42
00:01:41,515 --> 00:01:42,645
Jeez!

43
00:01:42,688 --> 00:01:44,728
Three hundred pounds
for a shampoo party?

44
00:01:44,759 --> 00:01:46,869
Who's doing it? Vidal Sassoon?
Jesus Christ.

45
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:48,379
It's just a couple
of piddly nits.

46
00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:49,698
They're not even
life-threatening.

47
00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:51,392
You can't die of nits--

48
00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:52,801
You can die
from nits actually.

49
00:01:52,836 --> 00:01:53,976
There was an old
woman in Kildare

50
00:01:54,010 --> 00:01:55,290
and she scratched her head
so hard

51
00:01:55,322 --> 00:01:56,432
she made a hole in her skull

52
00:01:56,461 --> 00:01:57,811
and some dirt
got in it and killed her.

53
00:01:57,841 --> 00:01:59,571
That is a harrowing
limerick, Anne.

54
00:01:59,602 --> 00:02:01,402
[theme music playing]

55
00:02:07,541 --> 00:02:09,751
I like telling Lee
he's got to get treated,

56
00:02:09,784 --> 00:02:11,614
even when
the kids haven't got lice.

57
00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,824
I tell him he's got to leave it
on for a week

58
00:02:13,857 --> 00:02:15,957
and sleep upright,
and he totally does.

59
00:02:15,997 --> 00:02:16,997
Dickhead!

60
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,663
Jill's always lice-free.

61
00:02:18,690 --> 00:02:20,210
I think it's her scent.

62
00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:21,796
She does eat
a lot of turmeric...

63
00:02:21,831 --> 00:02:23,181
Or maybe it's
because she's never

64
00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:24,592
in the same room
as you and the kids?

65
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:25,837
Well, that's not entirely...

66
00:02:26,353 --> 00:02:27,563
no, actually you're right.

67
00:02:27,871 --> 00:02:29,631
She comes in from work
and she's straight up

68
00:02:29,666 --> 00:02:31,496
that loft ladder
like a chinchilla.

69
00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:32,770
She loves that loft.

70
00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:35,980
It's basically-- what's the
female equivalent of a man cave?

71
00:02:37,018 --> 00:02:37,948
Panic room?

72
00:02:38,848 --> 00:02:40,018
Hey, you know,
you could use this, Kev,

73
00:02:40,056 --> 00:02:41,296
to get close to Jill, again.

74
00:02:41,609 --> 00:02:42,779
Tell her she's got nits.

75
00:02:44,025 --> 00:02:45,505
You know, wash her hair.
Could be intimate. Like Ghost.

76
00:02:45,751 --> 00:02:47,481
That's a lovely idea, Liz,

77
00:02:47,512 --> 00:02:49,692
but Jill can't abide
having her head touched.

78
00:02:49,721 --> 00:02:51,901
Anything above the Adam's apple
is a no-go zone.

79
00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:53,350
[Julia] Yo, yo.
All right, mateys?

80
00:02:53,552 --> 00:02:55,452
Hey, nice hair, Gordon Gecko.

81
00:02:55,692 --> 00:02:57,352
I was thinking more
Sharon Stone, thanks.

82
00:02:57,384 --> 00:02:58,704
You're looking
very smart, Elizabeth.

83
00:02:58,730 --> 00:03:01,600
Yeah, I had a job interview
in town. Shoe shop.

84
00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:02,976
Oh, you're getting a job?

85
00:03:04,149 --> 00:03:05,879
Kids are at school now
and I'm just sat at home, so...

86
00:03:05,909 --> 00:03:06,949
You're having a "glow up".

87
00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:08,600
-You what?
-Oh, my god.

88
00:03:08,636 --> 00:03:11,016
Holly Willoughby was chatting
about it on This Morning.

89
00:03:11,052 --> 00:03:13,332
You basically you have
three "glow ups" in your life.

90
00:03:13,365 --> 00:03:14,915
It's like a life upgrade.

91
00:03:14,953 --> 00:03:16,823
Yeah, yeah, I suppose
I am having a glow job.

92
00:03:16,851 --> 00:03:18,511
[Julia] I'm going to have
a massive glowth spurt

93
00:03:18,543 --> 00:03:19,923
when my mum moves out.

94
00:03:19,958 --> 00:03:21,718
I mean, I love her
and everything, she's my mum,

95
00:03:21,753 --> 00:03:24,453
but I can't wait for her to
eff off back to her own place.

96
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,030
-[chuckles]
-Aww, she's so brave, your mum.

97
00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:27,757
Oh, goodness,
she's not brave, Kevin.

98
00:03:27,793 --> 00:03:29,523
No, she's just got
a little heart thing

99
00:03:29,554 --> 00:03:30,934
which means she
falls over willy nilly.

100
00:03:30,969 --> 00:03:31,899
I mean,
that's not brave,

101
00:03:33,143 --> 00:03:33,833
that's just a health condition.
I mean, if anyone's brave,

102
00:03:33,868 --> 00:03:34,838
I'm brave. I'm the brave one.

103
00:03:34,869 --> 00:03:37,009
I've let her use my bedroom
and my en suite.

104
00:03:37,044 --> 00:03:39,084
I'm having to slum it
in the family bathroom

105
00:03:39,115 --> 00:03:40,495
with my disgusting children.

106
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:42,260
Uh-oh.

107
00:03:42,291 --> 00:03:44,221
Here comes evil Elsa
and her pet snowman.

108
00:03:44,465 --> 00:03:47,015
Hello! What's going on here?

109
00:03:47,572 --> 00:03:49,852
-Hm?
-With the, with the no...?

110
00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:52,923
Oh no, I, um, I treated us
last half term.

111
00:03:53,302 --> 00:03:55,792
Full monty, kids,
the toys, the pillows, Paul.

112
00:03:55,821 --> 00:03:58,071
Right, 'cause you can't
just do it six weeks ago

113
00:03:58,099 --> 00:03:59,479
and hope for the best, Julia.

114
00:03:59,515 --> 00:04:00,895
I hate to agree with Amanda,

115
00:04:00,930 --> 00:04:02,410
but that's like saying
"I took the pill once,

116
00:04:02,449 --> 00:04:03,759
how can I possibly
be pregnant?"

117
00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:05,375
Wow, goodness these nits,

118
00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:06,827
really not my priority,
um, you know.

119
00:04:07,143 --> 00:04:08,773
I'm busy working,
caring for the children,

120
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,080
tending to my
mother's sickly needs.

121
00:04:11,389 --> 00:04:12,359
You should all thank your lucky
stars I've treated us at all.

122
00:04:12,562 --> 00:04:13,602
Oh, god.

123
00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:16,360
Bill doesn't
look his normal self.

124
00:04:17,429 --> 00:04:19,539
-What do you think it is?
-Do you reckon he's ill?

125
00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:20,949
-What's that? Who's ill?
-Bill.

126
00:04:20,984 --> 00:04:22,334
Do you think Bill's ill, Kev?

127
00:04:22,365 --> 00:04:23,535
We should ask your Jill,

128
00:04:23,573 --> 00:04:25,063
see if she thinks Bill's ill.

129
00:04:25,092 --> 00:04:26,272
I don't think Jill's met Bill.

130
00:04:27,336 --> 00:04:28,296
[Julia] Hiya, mate.

131
00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:29,857
All right, creeps? And Kevin.

132
00:04:30,408 --> 00:04:32,788
I see you've all been
showering in Castrol GTX.

133
00:04:32,824 --> 00:04:33,764
Someone hasn't.

134
00:04:34,412 --> 00:04:36,522
Nit Stasi round here, isn't it?

135
00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:37,968
Is Bill all right, Meg?

136
00:04:38,623 --> 00:04:39,523
Yeah. Why?

137
00:04:40,418 --> 00:04:41,378
We were just thinking...
he looks a bit,

138
00:04:41,419 --> 00:04:42,699
and please don't take
this the wrong way,

139
00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:44,110
absolutely awful.

140
00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:45,595
Yeah, he's fine.

141
00:04:46,147 --> 00:04:47,427
He's just got his period.

142
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:48,771
[chuckles]

143
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:50,005
Oh, thank God.

144
00:04:50,048 --> 00:04:51,358
That is some good news.

145
00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:55,780
Oh, are you all right, Anne?

146
00:04:55,812 --> 00:04:57,812
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
-Anne.

147
00:04:57,849 --> 00:04:59,849
It's just the thought of Bill.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

148
00:04:59,885 --> 00:05:01,365
I'm just crying
all the time now.

149
00:05:01,404 --> 00:05:02,444
I cried at You've Been Framed

150
00:05:02,474 --> 00:05:03,794
when a man fell
over at a wedding.

151
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:04,990
I don't know what's
wrong with me.

152
00:05:05,028 --> 00:05:06,888
Sounds like the baby blues.

153
00:05:07,445 --> 00:05:08,995
You need a bit of "me" time.

154
00:05:09,032 --> 00:05:10,172
Well, not... not me time,

155
00:05:10,206 --> 00:05:11,786
you time, Anne time.

156
00:05:12,139 --> 00:05:13,519
-Kevin, go away.
-Yep.

157
00:05:13,899 --> 00:05:15,759
[Amanda gasps] Hello!

158
00:05:17,524 --> 00:05:18,394
Daddy's here.

159
00:05:19,215 --> 00:05:20,695
I'll get you
a biscuit or something.

160
00:05:20,734 --> 00:05:22,114
I'm going to get you
some biscuit and a...

161
00:05:22,149 --> 00:05:23,009
-A cake.
-A cake.

162
00:05:23,046 --> 00:05:24,566
A cake.
Cake and a couple of biscuits.

163
00:05:29,052 --> 00:05:31,022
All right, Lee.
Nitty Nora time again.

164
00:05:31,054 --> 00:05:31,994
Oh, what?

165
00:05:32,987 --> 00:05:33,847
You'll have to treat
any other poor fuckers

166
00:05:33,885 --> 00:05:35,015
-you're sleeping with and all.
-Uh-huh.

167
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,406
Don't get it on your hands or
it'll burn through to the bone.

168
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,920
Bloody hell, look,
I can't take another week off.

169
00:05:38,959 --> 00:05:40,029
Some people
do have work you know.

170
00:05:41,202 --> 00:05:42,172
Yeah, well, I'm sure the
Lego factory will understand.

171
00:05:42,203 --> 00:05:43,343
Hey,

172
00:05:44,413 --> 00:05:45,103
Charlie said you had
some sort of "interview".

173
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:46,687
Go on, say what you have to say.

174
00:05:46,725 --> 00:05:48,065
No, no, no, good for you.

175
00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:49,486
I hear the job
market's crying out

176
00:05:49,521 --> 00:05:50,801
for arsey, greasy northerners.

177
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:51,873
Fuck off, Lee.

178
00:05:51,903 --> 00:05:53,463
What was the job anyway?
Chip shop?

179
00:05:53,491 --> 00:05:55,841
-Goodbye, prick.
-Brylcreem factory? Lard farm?

180
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:57,738
Hey, listen,
tell me if you get it,

181
00:05:57,771 --> 00:05:59,051
so I can adjust
my child support.

182
00:05:59,082 --> 00:06:00,122
What, you mean start paying it?

183
00:06:04,881 --> 00:06:06,471
I've booked Jill and I lunch

184
00:06:06,504 --> 00:06:07,994
at that pop up raclette place.

185
00:06:08,437 --> 00:06:10,717
It's like fondue,
but you can dip meat into it.

186
00:06:10,749 --> 00:06:11,649
Or eggs.

187
00:06:12,924 --> 00:06:14,414
Nothing says "romance" like
hot cheese dribbled on an egg.

188
00:06:14,443 --> 00:06:16,133
Jill still blue-balling you
then, mate?

189
00:06:16,479 --> 00:06:17,619
Julia!

190
00:06:17,653 --> 00:06:19,593
No, gosh.
If it's any consolation,

191
00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:21,520
Paul and I have been
celibate since mother moved in.

192
00:06:22,002 --> 00:06:23,872
It turns out listening to a
pensioner cough through

193
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,730
a stud wall is
a total turn off.

194
00:06:25,764 --> 00:06:28,774
I think a relationship
can survive without intercourse,

195
00:06:29,043 --> 00:06:30,873
intimacy takes many forms.

196
00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:32,877
A kind word,
the brush of a fingertip,

197
00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:35,880
listening to Radio 4
together while I scrub the hob.

198
00:06:35,912 --> 00:06:37,672
My relationship with
Sam the shepherd

199
00:06:37,707 --> 00:06:39,187
is entirely based
on intercourse.

200
00:06:39,226 --> 00:06:40,536
If you take out
the intercourse,

201
00:06:40,572 --> 00:06:42,132
it's just alcohol in a caravan.

202
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,580
-[Mrs. Lamb] Ivy's mum?
-[Liz] Oh, shit.

203
00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:47,096
A word?
Ivy's combed positive for nits

204
00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:49,720
so I'm going to need
you to keep her off school.

205
00:06:49,754 --> 00:06:51,204
Non possible,
I have to take mother

206
00:06:51,238 --> 00:06:52,198
to the hospital tomorrow.

207
00:06:52,239 --> 00:06:54,719
Same for Rosie and Charlie

208
00:06:55,484 --> 00:06:57,114
and all of Topaz Table.

209
00:06:57,796 --> 00:06:59,446
Hold on, you can't do this.

210
00:06:59,488 --> 00:07:01,518
Sorry, what is this about
Manus being off school?

211
00:07:01,904 --> 00:07:03,874
In line with school nit policy,

212
00:07:03,906 --> 00:07:05,736
your children will
need to be kept off

213
00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:08,190
until they've had a full
course of hair treatment.

214
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,190
I did mine last night!
Smell my scalp.

215
00:07:10,637 --> 00:07:12,537
My whole house stinks
like a petrol pump.

216
00:07:12,570 --> 00:07:13,610
Yes, well,

217
00:07:14,779 --> 00:07:15,779
you're all going to have
to treat your children again.

218
00:07:16,574 --> 00:07:17,644
Thanks a lot, Julia.

219
00:07:18,817 --> 00:07:20,577
Whoa, whoa. I was not
necessarily the super spreader.

220
00:07:20,612 --> 00:07:22,062
Patient zero could be your kid,

221
00:07:22,545 --> 00:07:24,235
-Anne's kid.
-No, no, no, it can't be Darius.

222
00:07:24,271 --> 00:07:26,581
We actually use nit shampoo as
everyday shampoo now.

223
00:07:26,929 --> 00:07:27,929
As a preventative measure.

224
00:07:28,309 --> 00:07:29,549
And as a body wash.

225
00:07:29,932 --> 00:07:31,072
And as a laundry liquid.

226
00:07:31,105 --> 00:07:32,175
And I know it's not Manus,

227
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,210
'cause I actually wash my
children's hair, Julia.

228
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:35,516
Actually, Amanda,
it's a well-known fact

229
00:07:35,558 --> 00:07:37,108
nits thrive in clean hair.

230
00:07:37,146 --> 00:07:38,696
Yeah, well,
it's a well-known fact

231
00:07:38,734 --> 00:07:40,084
that's actually
a well-known myth, Julia.

232
00:07:40,114 --> 00:07:40,984
Yeah, well...

233
00:07:42,841 --> 00:07:43,981
yeah.

234
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:46,260
Hey, guys!

235
00:07:46,742 --> 00:07:48,682
Can anyone take Ivy tomorrow?

236
00:07:49,296 --> 00:07:51,606
It's only nits. Kev.

237
00:07:52,644 --> 00:07:54,064
Don't, that's a dead
giveaway, mate.

238
00:07:54,577 --> 00:07:55,787
[groans]

239
00:07:57,131 --> 00:07:58,201
Let's go!

240
00:08:04,622 --> 00:08:06,042
So, you know I'm
not one to pry, Anne,

241
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:07,761
but I was out last night
doing my 5k

242
00:08:07,797 --> 00:08:10,107
when I saw Bill crying as
he was putting the bins out.

243
00:08:10,351 --> 00:08:11,941
[muffled]
Did you check if he was okay?

244
00:08:11,974 --> 00:08:13,534
You're spraying,
Anne. So, I think

245
00:08:13,562 --> 00:08:15,292
there might be some kind of
trouble in paradise.

246
00:08:15,322 --> 00:08:17,152
-Mm.
-I mean it figures,

247
00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:19,076
he's so much older than her.

248
00:08:19,119 --> 00:08:21,709
And Meg has some
strong sexual energy.

249
00:08:21,742 --> 00:08:22,502
Put it this way -

250
00:08:23,123 --> 00:08:24,753
I wouldn't blame
her for eating out

251
00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:27,130
if what she's got is
so close to its sell-by date.

252
00:08:27,161 --> 00:08:29,751
You're really putting a dent
in those digestives, Anne.

253
00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:32,885
Are you eating your feelings?

254
00:08:32,926 --> 00:08:35,236
Anne, if you're depressed,
there's no shame in it.

255
00:08:35,584 --> 00:08:36,554
No, I'm not depressed.

256
00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:38,896
It's actually almost cool
to be mental now.

257
00:08:39,173 --> 00:08:41,763
Show me a celeb that
isn't on some kind of

258
00:08:41,797 --> 00:08:43,247
selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitors.

259
00:08:43,661 --> 00:08:44,831
No, I'm not depressed.

260
00:08:46,249 --> 00:08:47,179
I'm actually pregnant!

261
00:08:47,975 --> 00:08:48,905
-What?
-[Anne] Mm-hmm.

262
00:08:51,151 --> 00:08:52,571
-Anne, are you kidding?
-Mm-mm.

263
00:08:52,601 --> 00:08:53,841
-[Amanda] You're pregnant?
-Mm-hmm.

264
00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:55,783
-But you just had one.
-Mm-hmm.

265
00:08:58,123 --> 00:08:59,063
Oh, my God.

266
00:09:00,022 --> 00:09:02,302
-Who does that?
-I don't know. [chuckles]

267
00:09:02,783 --> 00:09:04,273
-But please don't tell a soul.
-No.

268
00:09:04,302 --> 00:09:05,992
Because I haven't even told
my mammy yet, so...

269
00:09:06,028 --> 00:09:08,578
No, no, no, no, no. You know me,
last word indiscresh.

270
00:09:08,617 --> 00:09:09,757
Who would I even tell?

271
00:09:11,861 --> 00:09:14,071
[Julia] No Gina,
that's not a problem,

272
00:09:14,105 --> 00:09:15,895
Um, I'm sure
I can get it to you.

273
00:09:15,934 --> 00:09:17,114
[Ivy] Can we go to the park now?

274
00:09:18,419 --> 00:09:19,389
Um, yeah.

275
00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:21,633
Uh, I'll do that now

276
00:09:21,664 --> 00:09:24,604
and send over in PDF
at lunch, okay?

277
00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:26,223
[Marion] But you're supposed
to be helping me pack.

278
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,400
Okay, thank you, Gina. Bye.

279
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,782
[Marion] I need a lie down.

280
00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:33,092
How can a quick trip

281
00:09:33,124 --> 00:09:35,094
to the hospital tire me out?

282
00:09:35,471 --> 00:09:38,131
I should have asked your
consultant about my head lice.

283
00:09:38,163 --> 00:09:39,343
She was a neurologist, Julia.

284
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:40,931
I mean, it's
all heads, isn't it?

285
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,343
Same, same.

286
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,414
Could you watch Ivy for me?

287
00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:46,760
No, no.

288
00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:49,898
Okay, park it is then, love!

289
00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:53,077
Manus?

290
00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,044
Gina, hi.

291
00:09:56,734 --> 00:09:57,604
Didn't get it?

292
00:09:58,667 --> 00:09:59,387
Gosh, that's weird.
I absolutely did send it.

293
00:10:00,082 --> 00:10:00,982
Um...

294
00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:02,600
just, um...

295
00:10:03,913 --> 00:10:05,093
give me your email again.

296
00:10:05,466 --> 00:10:08,636
I'm just typing it in now.

297
00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:12,227
Okay, so that's going to be
with you end of playtime today.

298
00:10:13,889 --> 00:10:14,749
Yes, okay.

299
00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:16,622
Bye Gina, bye now.

300
00:10:18,514 --> 00:10:19,904
Oh, my god.

301
00:10:20,274 --> 00:10:21,934
Yes, so we're unclean.

302
00:10:21,966 --> 00:10:23,896
She's disgusting, deal with it.

303
00:10:24,347 --> 00:10:26,107
You look like
an angry purple sleeping bag.

304
00:10:26,349 --> 00:10:28,769
Yeah, well, honestly.
It is-- It's ridiculous.

305
00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:30,110
I'm a stay-at-home dad.

306
00:10:31,354 --> 00:10:32,774
I'm used to being treated like
a turd in a swimming pool.

307
00:10:32,804 --> 00:10:34,674
I mean, come on, grow up!

308
00:10:35,324 --> 00:10:37,124
Charlie and Max
have been uninvited

309
00:10:37,153 --> 00:10:39,093
from Manus' trampoline party.

310
00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:40,091
My girls, too.

311
00:10:40,122 --> 00:10:42,232
Ooh, soz about that, guys.

312
00:10:42,469 --> 00:10:44,229
Your kids have been
uninvited too.

313
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:46,887
Hey? What?

314
00:10:47,094 --> 00:10:49,794
No! No, I really
need that Saturday.

315
00:10:49,821 --> 00:10:51,961
I'm moving mum
out of my house. Amanda?

316
00:10:52,237 --> 00:10:53,717
Distance, please.

317
00:10:53,756 --> 00:10:55,376
Hey, team Topaz Table.

318
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:57,306
So, we're all in it together.

319
00:10:57,346 --> 00:10:59,966
I'm only in it because
you put me in it, thank you.

320
00:11:00,004 --> 00:11:01,044
You're welcome.

321
00:11:01,074 --> 00:11:03,324
So, let's talk Manus' party.

322
00:11:03,524 --> 00:11:04,704
Cancelled.

323
00:11:05,975 --> 00:11:06,865
I couldn't live with myself
if I brought this infestation

324
00:11:06,907 --> 00:11:08,077
to Trampoline Land.

325
00:11:09,358 --> 00:11:10,498
Most of the class pulled out
when they heard about the nits.

326
00:11:10,531 --> 00:11:12,431
Julia, you've set off a chain
of catastrophic events,

327
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,984
the repercussions of which will
echo down the years to come.

328
00:11:15,019 --> 00:11:15,849
Hey? Like what?

329
00:11:15,882 --> 00:11:17,952
Well, like,
when someone asks Manus

330
00:11:17,987 --> 00:11:19,397
what did you do for
your 11th birthday?

331
00:11:19,437 --> 00:11:21,197
He will have to say, "Nothing,"

332
00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:23,064
because somebody's
mummy dropped the ball.

333
00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:24,786
What human
remembers what they did

334
00:11:24,822 --> 00:11:26,382
for their 11th birthday?

335
00:11:26,409 --> 00:11:28,169
What did you do
on your 11th birthday?

336
00:11:28,860 --> 00:11:30,790
I was working down the mine
like every other year.

337
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,420
I went go-karting in a tractor.

338
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:34,140
Think of the kids, the kiddies,

339
00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:36,006
their sad faces.

340
00:11:36,281 --> 00:11:37,841
You should've thought
about them, Julia,

341
00:11:37,869 --> 00:11:39,869
before you allowed
this tragedy to unfurl.

342
00:11:39,906 --> 00:11:40,936
Anne, come on, let's go.

343
00:11:40,976 --> 00:11:42,176
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

344
00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:43,188
Whoa. Whoa.

345
00:11:43,219 --> 00:11:44,389
[Amanda] Back up with your nits.

346
00:11:44,427 --> 00:11:45,357
Yes.

347
00:11:46,636 --> 00:11:48,976
Let's not let our emotions get
in the way of practicalities,

348
00:11:49,018 --> 00:11:51,948
because we should
all be sticking together.

349
00:11:52,435 --> 00:11:54,575
I know, I can book, um...

350
00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:57,230
I can book a nit blitz party.

351
00:11:57,268 --> 00:11:58,988
Yeah? Today? Tomorrow.

352
00:11:59,995 --> 00:12:02,235
Tomorrow. You can get all
the infected children

353
00:12:02,273 --> 00:12:03,933
and infected parents,

354
00:12:04,137 --> 00:12:06,417
we'll hire the Po-Lice lady
and we'll just, you know,

355
00:12:07,002 --> 00:12:09,182
smash the shit
out of these nits.

356
00:12:09,211 --> 00:12:10,971
It'll be lots of good fun.
At yours, Kevin?

357
00:12:11,178 --> 00:12:12,108
Jill would go nuts.

358
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,040
Don't even think about it.

359
00:12:14,078 --> 00:12:17,388
Cool, yeah, I'm cool to host,
so that's good. You in?

360
00:12:17,426 --> 00:12:18,766
We'll think about it, Julia.

361
00:12:18,807 --> 00:12:19,807
All you can eat crisps, Anne?

362
00:12:20,153 --> 00:12:21,503
That does sound
like fun actually.

363
00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:26,953
[Julia] Yeah, so it's your basic
one-way system.

364
00:12:26,987 --> 00:12:29,267
We come through the hall into
the kitchen for your de-lousing

365
00:12:29,645 --> 00:12:31,335
and then we move on through

366
00:12:31,371 --> 00:12:33,061
into the sitting room

367
00:12:33,097 --> 00:12:35,197
for your drink
and nibble reward.

368
00:12:35,237 --> 00:12:37,517
It's like Ryanair,
but with booze and snacks,

369
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,759
and somewhere to sit.

370
00:12:40,035 --> 00:12:42,515
Yeah, one or two hours tops,
and then we're back on track.

371
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,324
Back to school, Manus party on.

372
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:46,183
So, tell me Laura,

373
00:12:47,007 --> 00:12:48,977
how does one get
into the nit business?

374
00:12:49,009 --> 00:12:51,389
Well, I used to work in
an STD Clinic, actually.

375
00:12:51,425 --> 00:12:54,145
Oh, right, so you started with
crabs and worked your way up?

376
00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:55,427
[Julia] Right teas and coffees.

377
00:12:55,464 --> 00:12:58,054
Let's get on.
Teabags, teabags...

378
00:12:58,087 --> 00:12:59,607
Mother, where are the tea bags?

379
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,540
Well, in my house, I
keep them in the cupboard

380
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,443
above the kettle,
where they should be.

381
00:13:05,474 --> 00:13:07,134
Okay, so,

382
00:13:07,545 --> 00:13:09,475
should we do you first, my love?
Get you out of the way?

383
00:13:10,237 --> 00:13:12,267
Oh, yeah. Get me out of the way.

384
00:13:14,138 --> 00:13:14,998
Can I just check,

385
00:13:15,035 --> 00:13:16,895
are you allergic
to kerosene, my love?

386
00:13:16,934 --> 00:13:17,874
No.

387
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,042
And even if I was,
I couldn't care less.

388
00:13:20,903 --> 00:13:21,873
Kev,

389
00:13:22,422 --> 00:13:23,422
is it Jill?

390
00:13:24,907 --> 00:13:26,457
Can you just keep your head
still, my love?

391
00:13:26,495 --> 00:13:27,385
Oh, sorry.

392
00:13:28,462 --> 00:13:30,192
Yeah, I popped up to the loft

393
00:13:30,223 --> 00:13:32,333
to suggest we
share a sensual bath

394
00:13:32,363 --> 00:13:33,883
and nit shampoo and she said

395
00:13:34,158 --> 00:13:35,228
she didn't want

396
00:13:36,263 --> 00:13:37,923
a bath or nit shampoo.
She wanted a divorce.

397
00:13:38,956 --> 00:13:40,296
What? Shit.

398
00:13:40,336 --> 00:13:42,296
Kevin! Why?

399
00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:44,818
You name it.
My night breathing, mainly.

400
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,140
And the way I chew,
and the way I laugh,

401
00:13:47,481 --> 00:13:50,071
and the way I dry my legs
after I've had a bath.

402
00:13:50,105 --> 00:13:52,245
it turns out Jill
just doesn't like me, full stop.

403
00:13:52,279 --> 00:13:53,179
She's a dick.

404
00:13:54,212 --> 00:13:56,112
Kevin, you are one of
the best guys I know.

405
00:13:56,145 --> 00:13:58,005
'Til death do us part,
my arsehole.

406
00:13:58,423 --> 00:13:59,533
Divorce, seriously!

407
00:13:59,562 --> 00:14:00,842
I don't want to be a divorcé.

408
00:14:01,426 --> 00:14:03,386
Jill was so cold about it.

409
00:14:03,428 --> 00:14:05,018
Listen, Kev, I mean... [scoffs]

410
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,287
I tell Paul I want a divorce

411
00:14:07,329 --> 00:14:08,679
every birthday and
Christmas and he just

412
00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:10,189
tells me to me
shut my cake hole.

413
00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:12,640
So, what you're saying is

414
00:14:13,714 --> 00:14:15,864
I should go back
there and fight for her?

415
00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:17,199
Um...

416
00:14:18,064 --> 00:14:19,654
yes. Okay, yeah.

417
00:14:20,514 --> 00:14:22,034
Yes. Yes. Yes,

418
00:14:22,068 --> 00:14:23,858
I'm going to do that,
I'm gonna do that.

419
00:14:24,242 --> 00:14:25,662
I'm going to go
back up that loft

420
00:14:26,106 --> 00:14:27,656
and tell her how
much I love her.

421
00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:30,214
Maybe wipe that liquid
shit off your head first.

422
00:14:30,248 --> 00:14:31,908
It's got to stay on
for an hour and a half.

423
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:33,320
I'll be back by five
to get the girls.

424
00:14:33,527 --> 00:14:35,047
[Laura] Oh,
I wouldn't wear that.

425
00:14:35,081 --> 00:14:36,461
That stuff eats
through polystyrene.

426
00:14:39,706 --> 00:14:41,946
Thanks, love. Next mum, please.

427
00:14:42,329 --> 00:14:43,739
[Julia] Coming through. Hey,

428
00:14:43,779 --> 00:14:45,639
mate, who put the
fun in infestation?

429
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,707
-I'll have that.
-Aw, you look like

430
00:14:47,748 --> 00:14:49,128
-a shiny little conker.
-Brilliant.

431
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,061
Whoa, excuse me,

432
00:14:51,097 --> 00:14:52,617
you are not adhering
to the one-way system.

433
00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:54,550
Back. Go back,
back, back. back, back.

434
00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:55,723
Goodness.

435
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:57,896
I didn't hear anything about
that stupid shoe shop job.

436
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,481
That doesn't mean you
haven't got it, love.

437
00:14:59,519 --> 00:15:00,419
It was probably the hair.

438
00:15:00,451 --> 00:15:01,621
It did look
a bit Trainspotting.

439
00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:02,759
Hey, mate,

440
00:15:02,798 --> 00:15:04,208
if they can't handle
you at your worst,

441
00:15:04,248 --> 00:15:05,628
then they don't
deserve you at your best.

442
00:15:05,663 --> 00:15:07,253
Not sure that rule applies
to job interviews.

443
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:09,290
Oh!

444
00:15:10,323 --> 00:15:11,223
Mother...

445
00:15:15,776 --> 00:15:16,986
[sighs]

446
00:15:17,019 --> 00:15:17,989
Coming!

447
00:15:18,503 --> 00:15:20,023
Anne, Amanda,

448
00:15:20,057 --> 00:15:21,267
hi!

449
00:15:21,299 --> 00:15:23,229
Let me just...
sorry, one second.

450
00:15:23,508 --> 00:15:25,478
Right, okay, let's get you in.

451
00:15:26,235 --> 00:15:27,335
Guys, we're not here to partay,

452
00:15:28,548 --> 00:15:29,408
we're here to get treated
and get the hell out, okay?

453
00:15:30,343 --> 00:15:32,243
Wham, bam, thank you
lady from that van.

454
00:15:32,276 --> 00:15:33,656
Anne, would you
like a drink, my lovely?

455
00:15:33,691 --> 00:15:34,971
Oh, no, thank you. No.

456
00:15:35,279 --> 00:15:36,179
[Amanda] Anne's pregnant.

457
00:15:36,832 --> 00:15:38,322
-Huh?
-Don't tell a soul.

458
00:15:39,559 --> 00:15:42,009
-Oh, look who it is.
-[Julia] Wow, that's committed.

459
00:15:42,044 --> 00:15:43,184
Hey, Meg,

460
00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:46,013
Bill. Hey.

461
00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:48,150
Wow, look at you.

462
00:15:48,188 --> 00:15:51,018
Loving the grade one.
Ooh, so cool.

463
00:15:51,053 --> 00:15:53,403
I would totally shave
my head but...

464
00:15:54,091 --> 00:15:55,681
loads of people
love my hair so,

465
00:15:56,231 --> 00:15:58,031
you know, wouldn't want
to do that to them.

466
00:16:00,373 --> 00:16:01,513
Bill, how are you?

467
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:03,550
Haven't seen you for ages.

468
00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:06,070
[Julia]
Amanda, RE: Manus' party,

469
00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:08,213
should we focus it
on Saturday or...

470
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:10,519
Can I just get some
more towels, my love?

471
00:16:10,555 --> 00:16:11,515
Uh, just... in a minute.

472
00:16:12,557 --> 00:16:13,247
I'm just in the middle
of something right now.

473
00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:15,042
Ooh, look who it is!
Marion!

474
00:16:15,698 --> 00:16:17,668
-So brave.
-You're so brave, Marion.

475
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,320
So brave. So, so brave.

476
00:16:19,357 --> 00:16:20,767
Not brave. Not brave.

477
00:16:20,807 --> 00:16:22,397
[Marion] No,
the real hero's Julia,

478
00:16:22,429 --> 00:16:25,189
you know, taking me in
and nursing me back to health.

479
00:16:25,225 --> 00:16:29,015
But I'm moving back home
this weekend.

480
00:16:29,057 --> 00:16:30,327
-Ooh.
-Yeah, Saturday.

481
00:16:31,162 --> 00:16:33,342
The removal van is booked.

482
00:16:33,371 --> 00:16:34,301
-Huh.
-So...

483
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:35,746
it's, um...

484
00:16:36,892 --> 00:16:39,142
Assuming we're all clean
and clear on the old, um...

485
00:16:39,653 --> 00:16:40,763
Manus party on?

486
00:16:41,828 --> 00:16:45,278
Well, I guess if we're all
getting treated, then...

487
00:16:47,558 --> 00:16:48,658
Yeah, it can go ahead.

488
00:16:49,732 --> 00:16:51,152
That'll be nice.

489
00:16:51,182 --> 00:16:55,082
-Great, that's good news.
-Yes. [exhales] Towels.

490
00:16:55,393 --> 00:16:57,293
-[phone ringing]
-Hello?

491
00:16:58,569 --> 00:17:00,359
Yes, this is Mrs. Paterson's
daughter.

492
00:17:01,227 --> 00:17:03,017
Hello, Doctor.

493
00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:04,888
Yes, um,

494
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,200
she's absolutely...

495
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:08,682
raring to go.

496
00:17:09,994 --> 00:17:10,794
All packed up and ready to go
home at the weekend, so that's

497
00:17:11,478 --> 00:17:13,718
fabby dabby doo. [chuckles]

498
00:17:16,449 --> 00:17:17,859
Sorry, what, what?

499
00:17:21,419 --> 00:17:22,699
Sorry, when you say...

500
00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:24,801
when you say she
can't live independently,

501
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,626
do you mean we need
to find her a husband,

502
00:17:26,666 --> 00:17:28,806
or get her a pet,
or, um...

503
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,460
I mean, I can definitely pop in
twice a week

504
00:17:30,497 --> 00:17:31,667
to make checks, or we can,

505
00:17:31,705 --> 00:17:33,255
we can install
a panic button, so that's...

506
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:34,570
Whoa,

507
00:17:34,881 --> 00:17:36,191
shall we just, um...

508
00:17:36,607 --> 00:17:38,257
should we just mull
over for a moment.

509
00:17:38,471 --> 00:17:41,541
We don't want to make any
hasty decisions.

510
00:17:43,372 --> 00:17:44,752
Ahh, okay.

511
00:17:44,787 --> 00:17:47,067
So that's, um...
that's conclusive, is it?

512
00:17:48,412 --> 00:17:49,342
Yes, okay,

513
00:17:50,793 --> 00:17:52,143
thank you, doctor.

514
00:17:52,174 --> 00:17:53,424
Yes, bye now.

515
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:57,765
[muffled scream]

516
00:18:05,981 --> 00:18:07,401
[screams]

517
00:18:07,845 --> 00:18:09,735
Bill! [laughs]

518
00:18:10,537 --> 00:18:11,467
Sorry, Bill, I didn't...

519
00:18:11,987 --> 00:18:13,397
I didn't know you were in here.

520
00:18:13,816 --> 00:18:16,266
I just found out that
I'm stuck with my mother

521
00:18:16,302 --> 00:18:18,682
and she's gonna have my bedroom
and en suite forever.

522
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:24,335
[cries]

523
00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:27,451
[door opens]

524
00:18:32,766 --> 00:18:33,696
Hi, Bill.

525
00:18:35,183 --> 00:18:36,253
[Bill] Kev.

526
00:18:37,564 --> 00:18:39,844
You've got a
Baileys moustache.

527
00:18:39,877 --> 00:18:41,397
At least I hope it's Baileys.

528
00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:48,371
Can you think of the worst thing
that could happen,

529
00:18:48,679 --> 00:18:49,749
and then double it?

530
00:18:52,993 --> 00:18:55,243
Well, I can actually, Kevin.
I...

531
00:18:56,514 --> 00:18:57,724
um... god, I have had-

532
00:18:57,757 --> 00:18:58,827
I've done something so bad.

533
00:19:01,588 --> 00:19:03,828
-What?
-You don't want to know.

534
00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:05,897
I'm so effed up.

535
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:08,838
Oh Jill... Jill.

536
00:19:09,872 --> 00:19:11,392
Don't touch me, I'm a pig.

537
00:19:15,602 --> 00:19:16,952
I know it was only
a part time job,

538
00:19:16,983 --> 00:19:18,163
but I really wanted it.

539
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,878
Maybe it's going out
to see Sam on the farm.

540
00:19:21,436 --> 00:19:23,676
It's made me realize
there's more to life, you know,

541
00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:25,746
than nits and phonics

542
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,407
and worrying how much
Netflix my kids watch.

543
00:19:28,443 --> 00:19:30,203
Is it official that you
haven't gotten it, babe?

544
00:19:30,238 --> 00:19:31,648
Maybe no news is just no news.

545
00:19:31,687 --> 00:19:33,407
Nah, mate. No news is ghosting.

546
00:19:33,896 --> 00:19:34,826
I didn't get the job.

547
00:19:34,863 --> 00:19:37,003
Have you ever thought about
Greggs, Liz?

548
00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:38,943
Anne worked there.

549
00:19:39,833 --> 00:19:41,393
How long did you
work at Greggs, Anne?

550
00:19:41,421 --> 00:19:42,631
[Anne] Oh, um...

551
00:19:43,009 --> 00:19:44,799
no, I never worked
at Greggs, no.

552
00:19:45,494 --> 00:19:47,014
I was Head of
Product Development

553
00:19:47,047 --> 00:19:48,697
at GlaxoSmithKline Worldwide.

554
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:50,400
Oh.

555
00:19:51,431 --> 00:19:52,641
Why did I always think
you worked for Greggs?

556
00:19:53,053 --> 00:19:54,503
-Are you sure?
-Um...

557
00:19:54,538 --> 00:19:56,258
I can't picture you working
in an office, Anne.

558
00:19:56,298 --> 00:19:58,268
I see you handling
cakes and puffs.

559
00:19:58,300 --> 00:19:59,230
Not that I've

560
00:19:59,267 --> 00:20:01,717
been in a Greggs before.
Really not Greggs?

561
00:20:01,924 --> 00:20:04,004
Yeah, I've been there
once or twice but, um,

562
00:20:04,444 --> 00:20:05,514
more as a customer.

563
00:20:05,894 --> 00:20:06,934
[Laura] Okay, my dear?

564
00:20:06,964 --> 00:20:08,284
Oh, that's me.
I'm up, excuse me.

565
00:20:08,552 --> 00:20:09,452
[Amanda] So weird.

566
00:20:10,278 --> 00:20:12,828
Hey girl,
how ya doing?

567
00:20:13,626 --> 00:20:14,556
I'm fine, thanks.

568
00:20:14,592 --> 00:20:16,352
Yeah, I'm doing well, you know,

569
00:20:17,354 --> 00:20:18,494
stronger, fitter, humbler.

570
00:20:19,528 --> 00:20:20,938
I mean, it's been
a tough ol' year

571
00:20:20,978 --> 00:20:23,078
for me with the D-I-V-O-R-C-E,

572
00:20:23,118 --> 00:20:26,228
but I've grown
a lot and...

573
00:20:27,364 --> 00:20:28,434
word from the wise,

574
00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:31,399
you think you are not
going get through this,

575
00:20:31,437 --> 00:20:32,987
but you totally are.

576
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,064
I'm sorry,
what are we talking about here?

577
00:20:35,095 --> 00:20:36,885
-You and Bill.
-Oh, right, yeah.

578
00:20:36,925 --> 00:20:38,685
Poor old Kevin's
going through it as well.

579
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,000
The nit lady told me.

580
00:20:40,998 --> 00:20:41,858
I don't know,

581
00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:43,862
I guess it's the life
stage we're all at.

582
00:20:43,897 --> 00:20:45,897
Also, Anne's pregnant. Yeah,

583
00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:47,664
Anne told me in
strictest confidence.

584
00:20:47,694 --> 00:20:49,354
And I'm only mentioning
it because it's relevant

585
00:20:49,386 --> 00:20:51,076
and I know she loves
you as much as we all do,

586
00:20:51,422 --> 00:20:52,392
-so...
-Wow.

587
00:20:52,423 --> 00:20:53,603
[Amanda] We are here for you.

588
00:20:54,460 --> 00:20:56,290
And obviously not a single peep

589
00:20:56,324 --> 00:20:57,984
from these lips about
your marriage woes, yeah.

590
00:20:59,361 --> 00:21:00,541
Mum's the word. Hey,

591
00:21:01,087 --> 00:21:02,947
mum by nature, mum by mouth.

592
00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:12,746
Amanda's just told me
that Anne's pregnant

593
00:21:12,788 --> 00:21:13,958
and I shouldn't tell anyone.

594
00:21:13,996 --> 00:21:15,026
[Julia] Yeah,
she told me that too.

595
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:15,856
Why didn't you tell me?

596
00:21:15,895 --> 00:21:17,345
I've just spoken
to the consultant

597
00:21:18,622 --> 00:21:19,112
and he said that Mother might
not ever be able to go home.

598
00:21:19,139 --> 00:21:20,999
Ever. Ever. Ever.

599
00:21:21,038 --> 00:21:22,558
Oh, where's she going to go?

600
00:21:22,936 --> 00:21:24,796
I don't know.
Best Exotic Marigold Hotel?

601
00:21:24,835 --> 00:21:25,795
Kevin's loft?

602
00:21:29,149 --> 00:21:30,569
I think I'm having
a panic attack!

603
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:32,950
[grunts] You. You, you, you.

604
00:21:32,981 --> 00:21:34,851
Can you adhere to
the zonal areas please?

605
00:21:34,879 --> 00:21:36,539
In fact, if you've been treated,
can you remain

606
00:21:36,571 --> 00:21:37,921
in the living room,
or better still,

607
00:21:37,951 --> 00:21:39,021
could you just leave?

608
00:21:40,402 --> 00:21:41,402
Can you see those?

609
00:21:42,162 --> 00:21:43,472
[Julia] Unbelievable!

610
00:21:44,786 --> 00:21:46,096
You've basically invited a load
of nits into your house, babe.

611
00:21:46,132 --> 00:21:47,482
Thank you,
that's very helpful, Meg.

612
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,450
People are not adhering
to my zonal areas!

613
00:21:51,620 --> 00:21:53,310
Thanks Julia, I'm all done.

614
00:21:53,553 --> 00:21:56,323
Lovely party,
the crisps were delicious.

615
00:21:56,660 --> 00:21:58,940
I did get some nit stuff
in my mouth though,

616
00:21:58,972 --> 00:22:00,942
but I managed to sluice
most of it out, I think.

617
00:22:01,803 --> 00:22:02,803
Okay, cool, Anne.

618
00:22:02,838 --> 00:22:03,938
Congratulations,
by the way, Anne.

619
00:22:05,047 --> 00:22:05,877
[Liz, Julia, and Bill]
Oh yeah, congratulations.

620
00:22:07,015 --> 00:22:09,395
-How do you all know?
-Anne,

621
00:22:09,431 --> 00:22:10,951
if you want a lift home,
the window is closing.

622
00:22:12,469 --> 00:22:14,159
-What?
-Did you tell everyone?

623
00:22:14,885 --> 00:22:16,745
No! Tell what?

624
00:22:17,059 --> 00:22:17,819
My secret news.

625
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,650
Oh, my God,
Anne, of course not.

626
00:22:22,202 --> 00:22:24,582
I mean
if it did come out,

627
00:22:24,619 --> 00:22:26,659
it was like in a good way,
like...

628
00:22:27,069 --> 00:22:28,419
this is a party,

629
00:22:28,450 --> 00:22:30,590
and I just want to
spread a good vibe.

630
00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:33,385
It's just I did actually ask you
not to say anything.

631
00:22:33,421 --> 00:22:35,011
Oh, come on, Anne.

632
00:22:35,423 --> 00:22:36,533
It's hardly Royal baby

633
00:22:36,562 --> 00:22:37,602
-level news.
-[Laura] Bye.

634
00:22:37,632 --> 00:22:38,772
[Julia] Oh, my god.

635
00:22:39,081 --> 00:22:40,121
Is that Laura leaving?

636
00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:41,741
Why is the nit lady leaving?

637
00:22:41,981 --> 00:22:43,091
Why didn't you all stop her?

638
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:44,600
She's effed off
without even doing me.

639
00:22:44,639 --> 00:22:48,019
I've gone to all this effort
for nothing. Oh, my god!

640
00:22:49,713 --> 00:22:51,023
Well, this says it all
doesn't it?

641
00:22:51,059 --> 00:22:52,159
[Marion] Julia,

642
00:22:52,198 --> 00:22:54,858
have you seen my walking frame?

643
00:22:54,890 --> 00:22:55,820
Not now, Mother.

644
00:22:56,444 --> 00:22:57,724
Says all Amanda, what?

645
00:22:57,755 --> 00:22:59,235
It says, Julia,
this is how your kids

646
00:22:59,274 --> 00:23:00,594
end up spreading things around.

647
00:23:00,896 --> 00:23:02,546
I tell you who's a
fucking super spreader,

648
00:23:02,588 --> 00:23:03,728
Amanda. Your mouth.

649
00:23:04,210 --> 00:23:06,490
You watch your mouth, Liz.

650
00:23:06,730 --> 00:23:07,660
Come on, Anne.

651
00:23:08,628 --> 00:23:10,528
Let's get out of this
absolute nit show.

652
00:23:10,561 --> 00:23:12,811
Go, go, go, go on. Go on, go,

653
00:23:12,839 --> 00:23:14,119
without even
helping me tidy up.

654
00:23:14,151 --> 00:23:16,431
I've been tying myself
in knots over this.

655
00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:18,540
And what happened to all for one
and one for all?

656
00:23:18,569 --> 00:23:20,809
Okay, I made a teeny, weeny,
weeny, tiny error of judgement,

657
00:23:20,847 --> 00:23:22,707
which I have been
bending over backwards

658
00:23:22,746 --> 00:23:24,846
to try and fix, but no,

659
00:23:24,886 --> 00:23:26,536
I just get a shit load of shit.

660
00:23:27,129 --> 00:23:29,439
One tiny error
of judgement, Julia.

661
00:23:29,477 --> 00:23:30,997
Yeah, it could have been
any of us.

662
00:23:31,271 --> 00:23:32,791
But really, could it?

663
00:23:32,825 --> 00:23:34,025
I think the problem
here is that it's

664
00:23:34,067 --> 00:23:35,997
-one rule for you and...
-Fuck's sake, Amanda!

665
00:23:36,276 --> 00:23:37,546
Beg your pardon, Bill?

666
00:23:37,588 --> 00:23:39,208
All of you, shut up.

667
00:23:39,245 --> 00:23:40,415
Shut up.

668
00:23:41,489 --> 00:23:42,659
Not you, Anne.

669
00:23:42,973 --> 00:23:44,703
I wish I only had to worry about

670
00:23:44,733 --> 00:23:46,083
sharing my en suite
with my mother,

671
00:23:46,873 --> 00:23:48,223
or having nits,

672
00:23:48,254 --> 00:23:50,534
or whether people are adhering

673
00:23:50,567 --> 00:23:52,707
to a fucking one-way system

674
00:23:52,741 --> 00:23:55,301
that seriously does not matter.

675
00:23:55,330 --> 00:23:57,190
-Okay, baby, let's go home now.
-No, I got...

676
00:23:57,228 --> 00:23:58,778
-[Meg] Yes.
-[Bill] I just...

677
00:23:58,816 --> 00:24:02,296
I can't hack it, I just can't.
I can't. I'm sorry.

678
00:24:02,337 --> 00:24:03,887
I know, I know.

679
00:24:04,753 --> 00:24:07,033
Do you think that
it was something that I said?

680
00:24:07,066 --> 00:24:08,166
I'll tell you later.

681
00:24:08,516 --> 00:24:09,716
Meg's having an affair.

682
00:24:09,758 --> 00:24:11,208
Oh, for the love of God.

683
00:24:11,242 --> 00:24:12,692
Oh, sorry, mate. Sorry.

684
00:24:12,727 --> 00:24:14,177
No, you were going to
find out sooner or later

685
00:24:14,211 --> 00:24:15,701
so you might as
well hear it from me.

686
00:24:15,730 --> 00:24:16,730
I've got cancer.

687
00:24:17,525 --> 00:24:18,555
What?

688
00:24:18,595 --> 00:24:19,485
Oh.

689
00:24:21,114 --> 00:24:22,124
Just a touch.

690
00:24:22,978 --> 00:24:23,948
In the boob.

691
00:24:28,743 --> 00:24:29,953
I locked Jill in the loft!

692
00:24:31,262 --> 00:24:32,262
Okay, not locked.

693
00:24:32,678 --> 00:24:33,818
She wouldn't see sense.

694
00:24:34,369 --> 00:24:35,779
Insisted our marriage was over,

695
00:24:35,819 --> 00:24:37,059
so I took the loft ladder away.

696
00:24:37,096 --> 00:24:38,166
I just saw red.

697
00:24:38,373 --> 00:24:40,033
She's been up
there all afternoon,

698
00:24:40,617 --> 00:24:42,237
a prisoner in her
own home office.

699
00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:44,143
She's only got
two San Pellegrino

700
00:24:44,172 --> 00:24:45,282
and a Babybel
in the mini fridge.

701
00:24:45,311 --> 00:24:47,181
Kev, mate, not now.

702
00:24:47,209 --> 00:24:48,559
I've called
the police on myself.

703
00:24:48,590 --> 00:24:49,760
-Kevin...
-[Kevin] They're sending

704
00:24:49,798 --> 00:24:50,728
an arresting officer.

705
00:24:50,765 --> 00:24:51,965
-[Julia] Kevin...
-Or not.

706
00:24:52,663 --> 00:24:54,323
The line wasn't clear,
it sounded a bit like

707
00:24:54,354 --> 00:24:55,744
-they were laughing.
-[Liz] Kev...

708
00:24:57,737 --> 00:24:58,907
Meg's got cancer.

709
00:25:03,950 --> 00:25:04,850
Oh, my gosh.

710
00:25:06,056 --> 00:25:07,126
I'm so sorry.

711
00:25:07,747 --> 00:25:09,747
They caught it early,
and you know I--

712
00:25:10,163 --> 00:25:11,893
I wanted to pre-empt the, um...

713
00:25:11,924 --> 00:25:14,064
you know, I was going to
lose it all in chemo anyway so,

714
00:25:14,754 --> 00:25:15,894
you know,
I didn't want to have

715
00:25:15,928 --> 00:25:18,548
nits and cancer, so...
[chuckles]

716
00:25:18,586 --> 00:25:20,516
[tuts] Meg,

717
00:25:20,898 --> 00:25:22,618
I knew something was wrong.

718
00:25:22,831 --> 00:25:23,801
I don't want any fuss...

719
00:25:24,108 --> 00:25:25,038
or pity.

720
00:25:26,248 --> 00:25:27,698
That's bloody put everything
in perspective, hasn't it?

721
00:25:27,733 --> 00:25:28,913
Yeah, it really does, Meg.

722
00:25:29,251 --> 00:25:31,051
Who cares if I can't
ever take a piss

723
00:25:31,081 --> 00:25:32,121
in my en suite ever again?

724
00:25:32,151 --> 00:25:33,261
I mean, who gives a shit

725
00:25:33,290 --> 00:25:34,910
if we're all riddled with lice?

726
00:25:35,292 --> 00:25:36,332
I do.

727
00:25:36,362 --> 00:25:37,262
Hello?

728
00:25:38,088 --> 00:25:39,018
Oh, really?

729
00:25:41,125 --> 00:25:42,325
Yeah, okay. Right.

730
00:25:43,058 --> 00:25:44,158
Thanks for letting me know.

731
00:25:45,854 --> 00:25:46,754
All right, bye.

732
00:25:49,755 --> 00:25:51,265
Got that job in that shoe shop.

733
00:25:51,826 --> 00:25:53,276
Oh, that's good, babe.

734
00:25:53,621 --> 00:25:55,831
Yeah, the 17-year-old
they hired didn't turn up.

735
00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:57,210
Oh, no.

736
00:25:57,245 --> 00:25:58,245
Well done, honey.

737
00:25:58,867 --> 00:26:00,137
No, I'm not taking it.

738
00:26:00,179 --> 00:26:01,179
No.

739
00:26:01,214 --> 00:26:02,704
I'm not being their
sloppy seconds.

740
00:26:03,631 --> 00:26:04,631
[Kevin] Good for you Liz.

741
00:26:09,429 --> 00:26:10,879
You know, I think
this is the longest

742
00:26:10,914 --> 00:26:12,994
you've let me touch
you since you were nine.

743
00:26:16,471 --> 00:26:18,821
So, I spoke to the consultant
about you moving home.

744
00:26:18,853 --> 00:26:19,793
Yeah.

745
00:26:19,992 --> 00:26:21,202
Amanda told me.

746
00:26:21,234 --> 00:26:23,134
She heard you
screaming in the bathroom.

747
00:26:25,791 --> 00:26:27,071
It's all right. I understand

748
00:26:27,102 --> 00:26:29,042
if you want to look into
putting me into a home.

749
00:26:29,070 --> 00:26:30,730
You're a massive,
massive pain in the hole,

750
00:26:30,761 --> 00:26:31,871
Mother,
but I could never do that.

751
00:26:32,176 --> 00:26:33,176
Not yet anyway.

752
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,420
It's the smell
that puts me off.

753
00:26:36,180 --> 00:26:37,940
-What smell?
-Oh, those care homes.

754
00:26:37,975 --> 00:26:39,355
They-- they smell like
cabbage and death.

755
00:26:39,390 --> 00:26:40,390
Every time you cook,

756
00:26:40,426 --> 00:26:41,976
it smells of cabbage
and death. Oh!

757
00:26:43,084 --> 00:26:44,154
There's another one.

758
00:26:45,051 --> 00:26:46,431
Did you get nits
when we were kids then?

759
00:26:46,466 --> 00:26:47,396
No,

760
00:26:48,296 --> 00:26:50,256
it was the 1980s.
We all had perms.

761
00:26:50,850 --> 00:26:52,960
It was basically
chemical warfare.

762
00:26:54,371 --> 00:26:56,271
Hmm, I might look into
getting myself a perm.

763
00:26:59,410 --> 00:27:00,960
This is nice, isn't it?

764
00:27:02,966 --> 00:27:03,856
No.

765
00:27:03,898 --> 00:27:06,178
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