1 00:00:06,385 --> 00:00:08,491 [Manus] This story is about a wonderful night, 2 00:00:08,836 --> 00:00:11,735 with a baby, a manger, and bright shining light. 3 00:00:12,219 --> 00:00:14,462 When Mary and Joseph arrived in Nazareth, 4 00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:16,706 and Jesus our Lord took his first breath. 5 00:00:17,569 --> 00:00:18,397 Where's yours? 6 00:00:18,432 --> 00:00:20,606 King Herod, in front of the Viking. 7 00:00:20,641 --> 00:00:21,814 [children sing "Silent Night"] 8 00:00:21,849 --> 00:00:23,540 She looks like Hugh Hefner. 9 00:00:23,575 --> 00:00:25,266 Yes. That's who it is. 10 00:00:25,577 --> 00:00:26,647 Shh... 11 00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:28,373 You really smell of booze, Meg, 12 00:00:28,407 --> 00:00:30,306 you smell like the carpet at a Wetherspoons. 13 00:00:30,478 --> 00:00:32,308 I got taken out by some clients 14 00:00:32,342 --> 00:00:36,036 for a worky, boozy, brunchy, mainly boozy, booze-up brunch. 15 00:00:36,277 --> 00:00:38,314 I love Christmas corporates. 16 00:00:38,348 --> 00:00:40,316 [whispers] Guys, please pipe down, 17 00:00:40,592 --> 00:00:42,283 I'm trying to watch. 18 00:00:42,559 --> 00:00:43,560 Spoiler alert, 19 00:00:44,147 --> 00:00:45,597 Joseph's not the father. 20 00:00:47,909 --> 00:00:49,325 Sorry. Sorry. 21 00:00:49,877 --> 00:00:51,741 What's up with you? Early menopause? 22 00:00:52,397 --> 00:00:54,571 I promised my girls I'd wear my Christmas jumper. 23 00:00:55,434 --> 00:00:58,058 It's like a wet t-shirt competition underneath here. 24 00:00:59,576 --> 00:01:01,647 [electric guitar plays] 25 00:01:07,377 --> 00:01:09,345 Goodness, he's very good, isn't he? 26 00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:11,347 Well, yeah, that's Mr. Washbourn. 27 00:01:11,588 --> 00:01:12,348 Hey? 28 00:01:13,245 --> 00:01:14,522 He used to be in the band Toploader 29 00:01:14,936 --> 00:01:16,490 before he became a TA. 30 00:01:17,318 --> 00:01:20,356 He's got a tattoo of an eagle on his thigh. 31 00:01:21,771 --> 00:01:23,117 I follow him on Facebook. 32 00:01:36,510 --> 00:01:37,545 [thud] 33 00:01:47,935 --> 00:01:50,627 Wasn't that fab? 34 00:01:50,662 --> 00:01:52,733 Well done, Year Six. 35 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:54,769 Who's up for an encore? 36 00:01:54,804 --> 00:01:56,668 Hell yeah! Woo! 37 00:01:57,324 --> 00:02:02,674 ["Joy to the World" plays on guitar] 38 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,406 Manus was great, wasn't he? 39 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:11,545 As Harry Potter. 40 00:02:12,753 --> 00:02:14,893 He was an orphan time traveling schoolboy narrator, Anne. 41 00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,481 I don't remember that bit in the Bible. 42 00:02:16,515 --> 00:02:18,483 Mr. Barrett wrote the part especially for him. 43 00:02:18,517 --> 00:02:20,174 I think there could be a future for him in acting, 44 00:02:20,209 --> 00:02:22,797 he's just got that confidence, you know. Not the annoying kind. 45 00:02:23,522 --> 00:02:27,526 Guys, guys, guys, quick Q, um, has anyone heard of Mine Craft? 46 00:02:27,561 --> 00:02:29,494 My girls are asking for it for Christmas. 47 00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:31,496 -Yes. -It's MinecraftKevin. 48 00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:32,876 Yeah, that's what I said, Mine Craft. 49 00:02:33,291 --> 00:02:34,637 Minecraft,not Mine Craft, 50 00:02:34,671 --> 00:02:36,501 it's not German, Hitler didn't write it. 51 00:02:36,708 --> 00:02:37,916 My Charlie's obsessed with it. 52 00:02:38,399 --> 00:02:39,883 I dunno why, it's just building stuff, 53 00:02:39,918 --> 00:02:40,781 it's educational. 54 00:02:41,885 --> 00:02:42,990 Charlie wants to be an architect because of it. 55 00:02:43,024 --> 00:02:44,681 -Oh. -Or a potion maker. 56 00:02:44,716 --> 00:02:45,717 He hasn't decided yet. 57 00:02:46,994 --> 00:02:48,547 Oh, great. Well, obviously, I'm going to play it all first 58 00:02:48,582 --> 00:02:49,928 to make sure there's not misogyny 59 00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,550 or casual drug references. 60 00:02:51,585 --> 00:02:52,931 You know you can't play all of Minecraft? 61 00:02:53,449 --> 00:02:55,865 -Huh? -Never mind. 62 00:02:56,314 --> 00:02:58,592 What's the plan? Pub? I need a booze boost. 63 00:02:58,764 --> 00:03:00,249 Guys, I thought we were going 64 00:03:00,283 --> 00:03:02,734 to the living nativity as an end of term treat. 65 00:03:02,872 --> 00:03:03,838 [all mumbling] 66 00:03:04,287 --> 00:03:05,668 There's a mulled wine stall. 67 00:03:05,702 --> 00:03:07,566 Ooh, I love a mulled wine. 68 00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:10,880 Come on. 69 00:03:20,061 --> 00:03:22,616 I don't know about you, but anytime I see a big crowd 70 00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:23,996 it makes me think of a terrorist attack. 71 00:03:24,031 --> 00:03:25,757 And a Happy Christmas to you too, Anne. 72 00:03:25,929 --> 00:03:27,552 Was there this much of a queue 73 00:03:27,586 --> 00:03:28,794 at the original nativity do you think? 74 00:03:28,829 --> 00:03:31,694 I don't know, ask Amanda, I'm pretty sure she was there. 75 00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:32,729 Very funny, Liz. 76 00:03:33,903 --> 00:03:35,629 Hey, I heard there's going to be a rabbit you can pat. 77 00:03:35,801 --> 00:03:36,561 One rabbit? 78 00:03:37,631 --> 00:03:39,874 One rabbit for all these kids going in and out? 79 00:03:40,047 --> 00:03:43,050 Jesus Christ, how many pats can one rabbit take? 80 00:03:43,084 --> 00:03:44,569 About 200. 81 00:03:44,845 --> 00:03:45,604 Hey? 82 00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:48,814 Roughly speaking, 200 pats, or 15 minutes' worth 83 00:03:48,849 --> 00:03:50,747 of heavy patting is a rabbit's limit. 84 00:03:52,059 --> 00:03:54,544 Do you think Anne patted a rabbit to death? 85 00:03:54,579 --> 00:03:55,442 Yeah. 86 00:03:55,476 --> 00:03:56,615 That's why she had to leave Ireland. 87 00:03:56,650 --> 00:04:00,516 Oh, guys before I forget, Christmas Eve, 7:00 p.m., 88 00:04:00,550 --> 00:04:02,069 I'm having a little festive gathering chez moi. 89 00:04:02,103 --> 00:04:05,624 I've only got one stiffy invite left. 90 00:04:05,659 --> 00:04:08,282 Actually, it's officially for Meggy. 91 00:04:08,317 --> 00:04:09,904 -Ooh, thank you. -There you go, 92 00:04:09,939 --> 00:04:10,974 it's got your name on it there. 93 00:04:11,009 --> 00:04:13,045 Um. The rest of you just take down the deets. 94 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,599 [man] Next family please. 95 00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:15,738 Charming. 96 00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:16,980 [Amanda] Come on. 97 00:04:17,015 --> 00:04:18,637 Give us a look at your stiffy then? 98 00:04:18,672 --> 00:04:20,743 "Amanda's annual Christmas drinkies." 99 00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:22,710 "Dress code is tinsel and tiaras." 100 00:04:22,745 --> 00:04:24,264 "Bring a gift for evil Santa." 101 00:04:24,643 --> 00:04:26,990 "Real Champagne 6:00 to 7:00, Cava thereafter." 102 00:04:27,577 --> 00:04:29,821 I'm not going to her anal Christmas drinkies 103 00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:31,063 if she's not giving me a stiffy. 104 00:04:31,098 --> 00:04:32,893 Who has a party on Christmas Eve? 105 00:04:32,927 --> 00:04:34,964 The night before Christmas is for cooking and cleaning, 106 00:04:34,998 --> 00:04:36,931 making up the beds, folding towels, your big towels, 107 00:04:36,966 --> 00:04:38,657 your small towels, your hand towels. 108 00:04:39,589 --> 00:04:41,073 Are Paul's parent staying over? 109 00:04:41,108 --> 00:04:42,178 Yes, yes, yes they are, 110 00:04:42,212 --> 00:04:44,594 and the rest of his family arrive on Boxing Day, 111 00:04:44,629 --> 00:04:45,906 so both days are awful. I mean, basically, 112 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:47,701 I am a Christmas servant. 113 00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:49,012 Christmas isn't Christmas 114 00:04:49,047 --> 00:04:50,980 without a bit of family politics, is it? 115 00:04:51,152 --> 00:04:52,809 Who is gonna have the last sprout? 116 00:04:52,844 --> 00:04:54,328 Why did you pull my cracker? 117 00:04:54,363 --> 00:04:55,812 Who's gonna clean up 118 00:04:55,847 --> 00:04:57,297 after Jill's grandad's used the toilet? 119 00:04:57,849 --> 00:04:59,885 I'm taxi-ing over to Jill's mom's 120 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,095 very early on Christmas morning with the turkey, potatoes 121 00:05:03,130 --> 00:05:05,719 cauliflower cheese, spiced beef, 122 00:05:05,926 --> 00:05:09,688 pigs in blankets, the ham, cheese board, the full caboodle. 123 00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:12,001 Then basically, all I have to do is head over and serve it, 124 00:05:12,035 --> 00:05:13,865 -and wash up. -What does Jill do? 125 00:05:14,072 --> 00:05:15,867 She fills a bowl with Quality Street, 126 00:05:16,177 --> 00:05:17,558 best bit of the day. 127 00:05:17,869 --> 00:05:19,836 Lee's got the kids this year, so, that's that, 128 00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:21,355 Christmas can get fucked. 129 00:05:21,562 --> 00:05:23,012 [Julia] Is Sam the shepherd 130 00:05:23,046 --> 00:05:24,979 not coming down to worship at your manger? 131 00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:26,740 Guys, heads up, 132 00:05:27,672 --> 00:05:28,535 it's not a real reindeer, 133 00:05:29,639 --> 00:05:31,089 I've been to Lapland and it's at best a muntjac. 134 00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:34,610 At worst, an Alsatian with a strap on. 135 00:05:34,989 --> 00:05:37,337 [Julia laughs] 136 00:05:37,475 --> 00:05:39,718 [indistinct chatter] 137 00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:45,034 [phone rings] 138 00:05:59,842 --> 00:06:02,189 Jesus! Who puts a quarter of an onion 139 00:06:02,223 --> 00:06:03,190 in the fridge? 140 00:06:03,224 --> 00:06:05,088 We brought some bits and pieces 141 00:06:05,123 --> 00:06:07,125 from our fridge that would have gone off, 142 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:09,058 thought they might be of use. Um... 143 00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:15,167 [groans] 144 00:06:15,202 --> 00:06:16,721 [tin foil rustles] 145 00:06:20,932 --> 00:06:23,693 [phone rings] 146 00:06:24,867 --> 00:06:26,765 [sighs] What? 147 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,974 I've been in this queue for nearly 25 minutes. 148 00:06:29,009 --> 00:06:31,045 Ah, what absolutely shit 149 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,909 are you going to panic buy me this year? 150 00:06:33,082 --> 00:06:34,186 Another apron that says 151 00:06:34,221 --> 00:06:35,912 "Bitch, I'm the secret ingredient"? 152 00:06:35,947 --> 00:06:36,982 No. 153 00:06:40,814 --> 00:06:44,783 Hey, um, can you just ask Dad if Mom needs a new Epilady? 154 00:06:44,818 --> 00:06:46,820 My God, why can't you? 155 00:06:47,061 --> 00:06:48,787 You know he never answers his phone. 156 00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:54,448 Geoff! 157 00:06:55,138 --> 00:06:56,450 -Geoff. -Geoff! 158 00:06:57,002 --> 00:06:57,969 Geoff! 159 00:06:59,142 --> 00:07:01,869 Paul wants to know, does Elizabeth need a new Epilady? 160 00:07:01,904 --> 00:07:02,974 What? 161 00:07:03,008 --> 00:07:05,666 Does Elizabeth need a new Epilady? 162 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:08,117 Do you need a new Epilady, Elizabeth? 163 00:07:08,497 --> 00:07:09,705 -No. -No. 164 00:07:09,877 --> 00:07:10,913 -No. -Shit. 165 00:07:11,845 --> 00:07:14,779 Okay, okay, um, what about a Michael Kors clutch? 166 00:07:14,951 --> 00:07:16,988 Or a massive suitcase? 167 00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,681 Oh, Julia, do you have any Sellotape and scissors? 168 00:07:21,544 --> 00:07:22,821 Right, yes. Fine. 169 00:07:24,098 --> 00:07:26,169 [Elizabeth] You don't need to worry about wrapping paper, 170 00:07:26,204 --> 00:07:29,000 we recycled all ours from last year. 171 00:07:32,762 --> 00:07:35,489 Um... Are we eating today? 172 00:07:35,524 --> 00:07:36,456 Hey? 173 00:07:38,147 --> 00:07:40,149 It's Christmas Eve... Geoff. 174 00:07:41,012 --> 00:07:43,980 Nobody eats on-- There is food everywhere, 175 00:07:44,015 --> 00:07:45,913 just peel a satsuma, crack a nut. 176 00:07:46,155 --> 00:07:49,538 Tuck into a quarter of an onion you coffin-dodging old shit. 177 00:07:49,572 --> 00:07:52,782 [Geoff] Julia, could you pop the kettle on? 178 00:07:52,817 --> 00:07:54,508 I left the cups on the counter. 179 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,999 [phone rings] 180 00:08:03,793 --> 00:08:05,243 -What? -[Paul] Would you like 181 00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:10,006 an Antony Worrall Thompson salt pig signed by him? 182 00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:11,042 -No. -Okay, 183 00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:12,906 what about Jaeger sockettes, 184 00:08:13,078 --> 00:08:13,941 Ted Baker sunglasses... 185 00:08:13,976 --> 00:08:15,805 [Marion] Julia, where are all the towels? 186 00:08:16,047 --> 00:08:18,912 I can only find the crispy ones you use for the dogs, 187 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,052 like drying myself on a Weetabix. 188 00:08:21,086 --> 00:08:23,192 Okay, well give me a minute, and I'll just pop down 189 00:08:23,226 --> 00:08:25,228 to Harrods and purchase you a cashmere bath sheet. 190 00:08:25,643 --> 00:08:26,575 Oh, Julia. 191 00:08:27,852 --> 00:08:29,336 No, because I live to serve, and I just have all this to do, 192 00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:31,752 all... this. 193 00:08:31,787 --> 00:08:34,583 If you just give me nine hours to spirit up Christmas, 194 00:08:34,617 --> 00:08:37,102 and then I can dust off my towel loom 195 00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:39,588 and weave you one from the hair 196 00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:41,106 from a baby's arsehole. 197 00:08:41,141 --> 00:08:42,245 [Marion] All right, Julia, 198 00:08:42,591 --> 00:08:44,938 I'll use one of the crispy ones, hm? 199 00:08:51,634 --> 00:08:53,222 [groans] 200 00:09:13,104 --> 00:09:14,243 Okay, guys, 201 00:09:14,899 --> 00:09:17,211 I'm just popping out to kill myself, 202 00:09:17,384 --> 00:09:19,213 I would put my head in the oven, 203 00:09:19,248 --> 00:09:22,907 but there's a turkey the size of a chubby toddler in there. 204 00:09:23,666 --> 00:09:24,943 See ya! 205 00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:27,808 [door closes] 206 00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:30,224 [Geoff] Is my tea ready, Julia? 207 00:09:32,054 --> 00:09:34,297 Can't you just tether some reindeer to the front 208 00:09:34,332 --> 00:09:35,920 and drag your van to London? 209 00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:38,198 Yeah, it's hard to get reindeer roadside recovery 210 00:09:38,232 --> 00:09:40,131 at the best of times, let alone on Christmas Eve. 211 00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:42,582 [sighs] You got my bloody hopes up. 212 00:09:42,996 --> 00:09:44,894 Well, look, if it's any consolation, 213 00:09:45,101 --> 00:09:47,207 looks like I'll be spending my Christmas Day in a lay-by. 214 00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:48,622 -[knock on door] -Hold on. 215 00:09:50,969 --> 00:09:51,867 [Julia] Lizzie! 216 00:09:52,902 --> 00:09:53,869 Lizzie! 217 00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:54,973 Call you back. 218 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:56,319 Yo. 219 00:09:56,699 --> 00:09:58,632 So, I've run away from home 220 00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:00,151 so that we can go to Amanda's anal party. 221 00:10:00,358 --> 00:10:02,015 -No, no. -Yes. 222 00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:03,257 -Please! -No! 223 00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:05,121 -Please! -No, I'm not in the mood, 224 00:10:05,156 --> 00:10:06,882 Sam's not coming now, so, 225 00:10:07,158 --> 00:10:08,849 I'm just gonna start wallowing in my own 226 00:10:08,884 --> 00:10:10,264 shitty shitmas without the kids 227 00:10:10,299 --> 00:10:13,060 -and watch Hereditaryagain. -Please, Lizzie, 228 00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,890 I just really-- I want to go somewhere 229 00:10:14,924 --> 00:10:16,305 I don't have to tidy up or pay. 230 00:10:16,857 --> 00:10:18,272 Please, if you're a good girl 231 00:10:18,307 --> 00:10:20,067 I'll give you a big snog under the mistletoe. 232 00:10:20,102 --> 00:10:21,137 [phones chime] 233 00:10:25,107 --> 00:10:26,073 [Julia chuckles] 234 00:10:28,144 --> 00:10:29,214 [Julia chuckles] 235 00:10:29,249 --> 00:10:31,354 I hate you! All right. 236 00:10:33,149 --> 00:10:35,876 It took me hours to build up my Minecrafthomestead, 237 00:10:36,187 --> 00:10:40,018 I had a room for my horse, I had a couple of cows, 238 00:10:40,225 --> 00:10:41,641 I had a waterfall. 239 00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:43,401 Then your Charlie joined the party, 240 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,197 I showed him round, and he just went nuts, 241 00:10:46,231 --> 00:10:48,717 and set fire to the annex I'd made for the pigs. 242 00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:51,029 So, I went to his place and did the same. 243 00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:53,066 Oh, put it away, Kev, you're not eight! 244 00:10:54,343 --> 00:10:55,378 Oh, dear. 245 00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:58,278 Do you think it's a Banksy? 246 00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:00,418 How disappointing. 247 00:11:01,488 --> 00:11:03,352 Who would do something so nasty? 248 00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:06,113 Was it you? 249 00:11:06,389 --> 00:11:07,943 I wouldn't use that font. 250 00:11:11,015 --> 00:11:13,327 Right, come on, we're gonna miss all the real Champagne. 251 00:11:22,751 --> 00:11:23,959 [Julia] Mm. 252 00:11:27,376 --> 00:11:29,930 Ah, welcome, welcome! 253 00:11:29,965 --> 00:11:31,069 Shoes off, please. 254 00:11:31,242 --> 00:11:32,381 I have a fungal infection. 255 00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:33,762 Merry Christmas. 256 00:11:34,452 --> 00:11:37,041 Gosh, Amanda, this is absolutely stunning. 257 00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:39,388 Yeah, it's actually for my HyggeTygge website shoot, 258 00:11:39,422 --> 00:11:41,977 everything with a price tag is from my shop, and for sale. 259 00:11:42,563 --> 00:11:45,290 Oh, my God! That is absolutely mahoosive! 260 00:11:45,325 --> 00:11:48,190 Was that gifted by the people of Norway? 261 00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:50,019 No, actually. No. 262 00:11:50,399 --> 00:11:52,539 Now, if you have been to my dos before, 263 00:11:52,573 --> 00:11:55,162 you'll know I have a strict schedule. 264 00:11:55,197 --> 00:11:56,405 Evil Santa is at 7:00, 265 00:11:56,439 --> 00:11:58,407 followed by carols by scented candlelight. 266 00:11:58,441 --> 00:11:59,477 Anne is manning the bar, 267 00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,031 there is a patio area outside for mulled wine, 268 00:12:02,066 --> 00:12:03,343 please no dark drinks inside the house, 269 00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:05,000 otherwise, kick back. Have fun, guys. 270 00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:06,173 [phone chimes] 271 00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:10,730 Oh, my goodness, those little sods, 272 00:12:10,902 --> 00:12:12,421 they've kidnapped my llamas. 273 00:12:12,835 --> 00:12:16,011 It's the Pussy Posse, and Kevin. 274 00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:18,530 And Kevin. 275 00:12:18,565 --> 00:12:19,497 -Minecraft. -Oh. 276 00:12:19,877 --> 00:12:21,430 Can you believe all this shit? 277 00:12:21,464 --> 00:12:23,225 I mean, who has a Christmas hippo? 278 00:12:23,501 --> 00:12:27,125 That hippo completely sums up why I fucking hate Christmas. 279 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,576 Porn star martini? Porn star martini? 280 00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:31,405 Why is it called a porn star martini? 281 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,062 Because it relaxes your anus. 282 00:12:33,304 --> 00:12:34,443 -Oh, God. -[bell rings] 283 00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:37,204 Evil Santa time. 284 00:12:40,035 --> 00:12:42,762 -Okay. [shushes] -[rings bell] 285 00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,177 Everyone, okay. 286 00:12:45,419 --> 00:12:47,352 So, FYI, this is like a really fun take on secret Santa, 287 00:12:47,836 --> 00:12:50,770 you get to swap your prezzies if you don't like them, 288 00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:53,082 whether the other person wants to or not. 289 00:12:53,324 --> 00:12:54,290 Ouch! [chuckles] 290 00:12:54,843 --> 00:12:57,293 Okay, so has everyone put their prezzies in? 291 00:12:57,328 --> 00:12:58,294 No. 292 00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,434 No one told me about Evil Santa. 293 00:13:00,918 --> 00:13:02,333 Well, it was on the invite, Liz. 294 00:13:02,505 --> 00:13:03,575 I didn't get an invite. 295 00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:05,370 Okay, I guess, 296 00:13:05,405 --> 00:13:07,510 just watch but please don't try and join in. 297 00:13:07,545 --> 00:13:10,341 -[Meg chuckles] -[sighs] Okay. 298 00:13:12,343 --> 00:13:14,069 Bad luck if you get picked first. 299 00:13:16,416 --> 00:13:19,350 Oh, that's me. Oh. Oh, well. [chuckles] 300 00:13:20,627 --> 00:13:22,215 What's it gonna be? 301 00:13:27,254 --> 00:13:28,186 Oh. 302 00:13:28,531 --> 00:13:29,809 Oh, what's that? 303 00:13:31,327 --> 00:13:35,228 Oh, a candle from HyggeTygge. [sniffs] 304 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,644 Love it. Great, that worked out, 305 00:13:37,678 --> 00:13:38,818 I'm thrilled. 306 00:13:39,715 --> 00:13:42,097 Okay, who is next? Who's it gonna be? 307 00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:43,615 -Anne. -[gasps] 308 00:13:44,099 --> 00:13:45,238 [Amanda] Come on, Anne. 309 00:13:46,342 --> 00:13:48,413 -Have a look, come on! -[Anne chuckles] 310 00:13:49,104 --> 00:13:50,346 [Amanda] Move it, move it. 311 00:13:50,381 --> 00:13:53,211 What is it? What is it? [chuckles] 312 00:13:54,419 --> 00:13:56,214 -What is that? -Oh, that's me, 313 00:13:56,249 --> 00:13:59,493 it's quarter of an onion, um, my in-laws brought it. 314 00:14:01,564 --> 00:14:04,188 [scoffs] Don't you dare swap that with my lovely candle. 315 00:14:05,327 --> 00:14:07,674 -No. -Okay. Yeah, um... 316 00:14:07,708 --> 00:14:10,470 Well, I need a bit of onion for my bread sauce anyway, so... 317 00:14:10,504 --> 00:14:12,334 That's the spirit, Anne. Off you go. 318 00:14:12,368 --> 00:14:13,576 Okay, who is next? 319 00:14:14,232 --> 00:14:15,371 Let's have a look. Ooh! 320 00:14:15,924 --> 00:14:17,304 Julia, come along. 321 00:14:17,718 --> 00:14:20,100 Here we go. Come on. 322 00:14:21,619 --> 00:14:24,311 -[paper rustles] -[chuckles] 323 00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:28,281 -A lemon squeezer. -It's Lakeland. 324 00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:29,385 Hey? 325 00:14:30,559 --> 00:14:31,698 Don't you dare try and swap that with my lovely candle. 326 00:14:31,732 --> 00:14:34,252 -Well, obviously I will. -I don't want a lemon squeezer. 327 00:14:34,287 --> 00:14:35,426 -It's Lakeland. -No. 328 00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,393 -Yes. -Julia, it's my party. 329 00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:39,395 But you said. You said that's the point, 330 00:14:39,568 --> 00:14:41,294 -which you outlined... -It's from my shop. 331 00:14:41,328 --> 00:14:43,399 Stop it. Sweetheart, you're embarrassing yourself. 332 00:14:43,434 --> 00:14:44,676 The clue is in the name, isn't it? 333 00:14:44,711 --> 00:14:46,402 -Julia. Yeah, okay. -The candle. 334 00:14:46,713 --> 00:14:49,336 Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. 335 00:14:49,958 --> 00:14:51,166 [Julia] Thank you. 336 00:14:52,408 --> 00:14:53,340 [Amanda] Thanks, Anne. 337 00:14:53,513 --> 00:14:55,239 Okay, ah... 338 00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,206 Kevin? Where is Kevin? 339 00:14:57,448 --> 00:14:59,139 -Kevin? -I'll go and get him. 340 00:14:59,381 --> 00:15:00,313 Kevin! 341 00:15:01,279 --> 00:15:02,660 [Amanda] Okay, I'll put his name back in. 342 00:15:04,213 --> 00:15:05,490 -Clare? -[Clare] Yep. 343 00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:07,251 [Amanda] Come on, Clare. 344 00:15:14,603 --> 00:15:16,156 Fuckin' hell. 345 00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:22,714 Oh, hey, don't let me drink too much. 346 00:15:22,749 --> 00:15:23,612 How much is too much? 347 00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,304 Well, I need to stay on the right side of hungover 348 00:15:26,339 --> 00:15:27,064 to deal with tomorrow. 349 00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:29,411 Really? God, I thought your Christmas would be perfect. 350 00:15:29,445 --> 00:15:34,588 No, because we always have Bill's ex-wife Vivian over, 351 00:15:34,623 --> 00:15:36,452 she's driving up from Salisbury, 352 00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:38,454 -tonight. -Gosh! That sounds 353 00:15:38,489 --> 00:15:39,731 very grown up and functional. 354 00:15:39,766 --> 00:15:43,701 No. Its shit, because I stole her husband, 355 00:15:44,184 --> 00:15:46,324 Bill left her for me. 356 00:15:47,084 --> 00:15:49,189 And she's so fucking gracious about it. 357 00:15:49,672 --> 00:15:51,467 I'd rather deal with a hangover 358 00:15:51,502 --> 00:15:53,469 than Vivian's kind, forgiving face. 359 00:15:53,504 --> 00:15:55,402 Okay. Well, here's to your 360 00:15:55,437 --> 00:15:57,473 shitty, functional Christmas then. 361 00:15:57,646 --> 00:15:59,441 Get that down you. Cin cin,dear. 362 00:15:59,648 --> 00:16:01,408 -[glass clinking] -Kevin? 363 00:16:05,516 --> 00:16:09,209 This house is sapping any joy I had left in my soul. 364 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,247 You know the toilet plays "Ding Dong Merrily on High"? 365 00:16:12,281 --> 00:16:13,455 Did you leave a yule log in it? 366 00:16:13,489 --> 00:16:14,421 I mean who's it all for? 367 00:16:15,595 --> 00:16:16,492 It's for us, so that we all know that Amanda's winning. 368 00:16:16,527 --> 00:16:17,597 [Julia] It makes you want to volunteer 369 00:16:17,631 --> 00:16:19,599 at a homeless shelter or something, doesn't it? 370 00:16:19,633 --> 00:16:21,463 I definitely would if I didn't have the kids... 371 00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:23,983 and I was a nicer person, 372 00:16:24,155 --> 00:16:26,054 -and I could be arsed. -[Meg] Right, 373 00:16:26,088 --> 00:16:27,331 who wants to have a snoop 374 00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:28,504 through Amanda's Christmas drawers? 375 00:16:28,539 --> 00:16:29,574 Ooh, yeah. 376 00:16:32,612 --> 00:16:34,234 Ooh! 377 00:16:34,407 --> 00:16:35,235 Wow. 378 00:16:36,374 --> 00:16:38,376 I didn't know Amanda was related to Barbara Cartland. 379 00:16:38,411 --> 00:16:40,482 Oh, this is just the kind of bedroom I imagined 380 00:16:40,516 --> 00:16:41,655 losing my virginity in. 381 00:16:42,725 --> 00:16:44,762 Rather than the fourth story of an NCP carpark? 382 00:16:45,142 --> 00:16:47,627 Actually, it was a tent at the Reading Festival. 383 00:16:48,559 --> 00:16:51,044 I don't want to slut shame, but nothing says "slag" 384 00:16:51,079 --> 00:16:52,459 like mistletoe in a bedroom. 385 00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:53,529 Oh, my God! 386 00:16:54,289 --> 00:16:56,670 Kevin, what are you doing down there? 387 00:16:56,705 --> 00:16:57,740 Mine Craft. 388 00:16:57,775 --> 00:16:59,466 I'm mid-raid, I'm mid-raid. 389 00:16:59,501 --> 00:17:00,640 Filthy little boy. 390 00:17:00,674 --> 00:17:01,606 Ho, ho, ho! 391 00:17:01,641 --> 00:17:04,333 Who wants a festive goblet of mulled wine? 392 00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:07,267 Meg, are you mad, did you miss the memo? 393 00:17:07,302 --> 00:17:08,648 -What? -No dark drinks 394 00:17:08,682 --> 00:17:10,270 -in the house. -Really? Why? 395 00:17:10,305 --> 00:17:11,513 The carpet, woman. 396 00:17:11,547 --> 00:17:13,066 Oh, my God! Who does that? 397 00:17:13,515 --> 00:17:15,034 Why has she got a white carpet? 398 00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:17,726 I hate milimilism. Misimilism. 399 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,039 Give it to me, I'll put it in the ensuite. 400 00:17:20,211 --> 00:17:21,799 Okay, okay, okay. 401 00:17:24,526 --> 00:17:25,630 Careful Kevin. 402 00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:27,598 Oh, God! 403 00:17:27,874 --> 00:17:30,670 [all] Ooh. 404 00:17:30,877 --> 00:17:32,603 [Meg laughs] 405 00:17:32,637 --> 00:17:33,707 [Liz] Oh, my God! 406 00:17:33,742 --> 00:17:36,469 [Meg laughs] 407 00:17:38,609 --> 00:17:40,473 -[mulled wine splashes] -[Meg] Oh, my goodness. 408 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,544 Oh, wow! 409 00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:44,097 -Did you see that? -Yes! 410 00:17:44,132 --> 00:17:45,478 You were like a cat, Kevin. 411 00:17:45,719 --> 00:17:48,757 -[Meg] High five! -[all] Ooh. 412 00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:51,794 [laughs] 413 00:17:53,762 --> 00:17:55,591 Oh, my God, the carpet! 414 00:17:55,626 --> 00:17:57,421 Get some towels. Get some wet towels. 415 00:17:57,455 --> 00:17:58,732 Wet towels? That will just spread it. 416 00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,907 What do you put on blood? Vinegar? 417 00:18:00,941 --> 00:18:02,598 Flour. Flour. No, white wine. 418 00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:03,806 We're not making a gravy, Kevin. 419 00:18:03,841 --> 00:18:05,567 Go get some bicarbonate of soda. 420 00:18:05,601 --> 00:18:06,637 I'll check the kitchen. 421 00:18:06,844 --> 00:18:08,328 Get some toilet tissue. 422 00:18:08,363 --> 00:18:09,778 -Tissue! -So, sorry. So sorry. 423 00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:11,642 Don't you be sorry, it's Meg's fault. 424 00:18:11,918 --> 00:18:14,886 I'm sorry. [laughs] 425 00:18:14,921 --> 00:18:16,474 Looks like a crime scene. 426 00:18:16,509 --> 00:18:17,889 I think you've broken my nose. 427 00:18:18,235 --> 00:18:21,100 I think I'm gonna be sick, I've definitely pissed myself. 428 00:18:21,272 --> 00:18:23,102 Got it, got it. Right. 429 00:18:24,482 --> 00:18:25,552 Give it to me. 430 00:18:25,794 --> 00:18:28,348 -[all] Ooh. -[Kevin] Oh, sh... 431 00:18:28,728 --> 00:18:30,764 Dust yourself off, get it on the carpet. 432 00:18:30,937 --> 00:18:32,525 Get it on the carpet! 433 00:18:32,663 --> 00:18:33,698 [laughs] 434 00:18:34,285 --> 00:18:36,494 Pat, pat, pat. Don't rub. Don't rub! 435 00:18:36,701 --> 00:18:38,703 Guys, come on, it's carol o'clock. 436 00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:40,602 Nothing. 437 00:18:41,189 --> 00:18:42,569 [whispers] Oh, my God! 438 00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:45,676 Are you taking drugs? 439 00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:48,610 Yes. 440 00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:53,373 Yes, we've been sniffing cocaine. 441 00:18:53,546 --> 00:18:54,547 [exhales] 442 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,550 Would you-- Would you like some? 443 00:18:58,482 --> 00:18:59,931 I know I seem pretty chill, 444 00:18:59,966 --> 00:19:02,175 and that's because I am, but there is a time 445 00:19:02,210 --> 00:19:04,143 and a place, guys, okay? 446 00:19:04,695 --> 00:19:05,696 Not cool. 447 00:19:07,249 --> 00:19:08,768 Not cool at all. 448 00:19:15,499 --> 00:19:16,845 And get out of my daughters' bedroom! 449 00:19:16,879 --> 00:19:18,847 -Okay. -Yeah, okay. Sorry. 450 00:19:20,573 --> 00:19:21,746 [Julia blows raspberry] 451 00:19:27,890 --> 00:19:29,616 -That'll do. -Yeah. 452 00:19:31,584 --> 00:19:33,448 [all singing] ♪ Four calling birds 453 00:19:33,482 --> 00:19:34,794 ♪ Three French hens 454 00:19:34,828 --> 00:19:36,589 ♪ Two turtle doves 455 00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:37,935 ♪ And a partridge 456 00:19:38,315 --> 00:19:40,765 ♪ In a pear tree 457 00:19:41,456 --> 00:19:42,871 [rapping] ♪ You take the partridge 458 00:19:42,905 --> 00:19:45,839 ♪ You take it out the fridge You put it in the oven ♪ 459 00:19:45,874 --> 00:19:47,703 ♪ And you cook it a smidge Here we go! ♪ 460 00:19:47,738 --> 00:19:51,466 [grunts rhythmically] 461 00:19:51,604 --> 00:19:53,985 ♪ Christmas Day Is baby Jesus birthday ♪ 462 00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,953 ♪ He live at the top Of the tree ♪ 463 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,472 ♪ The Christmas tree 464 00:19:57,679 --> 00:19:59,612 Okay, and on that note, 465 00:20:00,026 --> 00:20:01,786 thanks for coming everyone, 466 00:20:01,821 --> 00:20:02,960 -home time. -No, no, no, 467 00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,582 I don't wanna go home sober. 468 00:20:04,617 --> 00:20:05,721 You're not sober. 469 00:20:05,756 --> 00:20:07,516 Okay do grab a panettone 470 00:20:07,551 --> 00:20:09,242 from the panettone pyramid. Anne, one! 471 00:20:09,415 --> 00:20:11,589 Anne, are you walking home with us, love? 472 00:20:11,624 --> 00:20:12,452 No, she's helping me clean up. 473 00:20:13,591 --> 00:20:15,524 [Anne] No, I have things to do, I'm doing the bins. 474 00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:16,732 One, watch her. 475 00:20:17,043 --> 00:20:19,010 -Okay. -Whoopsie! 476 00:20:19,597 --> 00:20:20,874 [Amanda] Anne, get the glass! 477 00:20:21,358 --> 00:20:22,635 That's lovely. 478 00:20:22,669 --> 00:20:24,257 -[Anne] Okay. -[Amanda] Okay, wonderful. 479 00:20:24,292 --> 00:20:25,569 -[Anne] Good evening. -I love you. 480 00:20:25,603 --> 00:20:26,984 [Amanda] Oh, that's so sweet. 481 00:20:27,433 --> 00:20:29,504 -Thank you. -[all] Bye. 482 00:20:30,056 --> 00:20:31,747 Well, that was brilliant. 483 00:20:32,058 --> 00:20:34,025 I feel terrible about the stain. 484 00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:35,717 Everyone back to mine. 485 00:20:36,096 --> 00:20:37,788 It's Christmas Eve, Meg. 486 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,893 Oh, come on you flaky lightweights, 487 00:20:39,928 --> 00:20:40,998 just one more eggnog, 488 00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,827 so I don't have to face Bill's ex. 489 00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:45,554 It's only... [gasps] 490 00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:47,522 Why am I wearing two watches? 491 00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:48,626 What? 492 00:20:49,627 --> 00:20:52,630 No! No, no, no. Liz, can you call your child 493 00:20:52,665 --> 00:20:54,494 and tell him to stop raiding my homestead, 494 00:20:54,529 --> 00:20:56,565 he's gonna burn it down and take all my gold. 495 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,912 What's Charlie doing on Minecraftat this time of night? 496 00:20:58,947 --> 00:21:00,880 [Kevin] Whoa. Whoa. What the bloody hell? 497 00:21:00,914 --> 00:21:02,675 Ooh, that's not cool. 498 00:21:02,709 --> 00:21:03,814 [Kevin] Oh, my God! 499 00:21:04,401 --> 00:21:05,885 Who would do such a thing? 500 00:21:05,919 --> 00:21:07,542 Kevin, we saw it earlier. 501 00:21:07,576 --> 00:21:08,922 What? We didn't do anything? 502 00:21:08,957 --> 00:21:10,786 You were dicking about on Mein Kampf. 503 00:21:10,993 --> 00:21:13,789 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! We can't leave it up there. 504 00:21:14,687 --> 00:21:18,069 What if a kid sees it on Christmas morning? 505 00:21:18,104 --> 00:21:20,900 I don't care, Kevin, I've got a giblet gravy to make. 506 00:21:20,934 --> 00:21:21,832 -No, no. -[groans] 507 00:21:22,729 --> 00:21:24,662 I'm all for free speech, but this is BS. 508 00:21:25,007 --> 00:21:26,664 And blasphemy. 509 00:21:26,699 --> 00:21:27,941 What do you want us to do, Kevin? 510 00:21:27,976 --> 00:21:29,288 Find some paint and paint over it? 511 00:21:29,460 --> 00:21:30,668 Exactly. 512 00:21:30,841 --> 00:21:32,083 -Oh, my god. -It's ten past nine, 513 00:21:32,118 --> 00:21:33,292 Homebase is shut. 514 00:21:33,533 --> 00:21:34,983 That's just details, Liz. 515 00:21:35,432 --> 00:21:37,675 This is what Christmas is all about. 516 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,954 It's parents all over the world 517 00:21:41,127 --> 00:21:43,681 preserving the magical lies we tell our kids 518 00:21:43,716 --> 00:21:45,959 to keep the spirit of Christmas alive. 519 00:21:46,615 --> 00:21:47,444 And I... 520 00:21:48,583 --> 00:21:51,862 I will not stand here and let this truth be told. 521 00:21:54,071 --> 00:21:56,729 Fine. [grunts] 522 00:21:56,763 --> 00:21:58,972 Okay. Okay, fine, Kevin. 523 00:22:00,629 --> 00:22:02,666 Where are we gonna find some paint on Christmas Eve? 524 00:22:04,978 --> 00:22:07,671 [muffled music plays] 525 00:22:09,051 --> 00:22:10,950 Hold on, why are there still people here? 526 00:22:10,984 --> 00:22:12,054 I thought they were all leaving. 527 00:22:13,090 --> 00:22:14,781 Maybe there's been an accident or something. 528 00:22:15,161 --> 00:22:16,852 [Julia] Oh, for God's sake, Kevin! 529 00:22:16,887 --> 00:22:17,991 [Liz] We've been had. 530 00:22:18,026 --> 00:22:19,717 We've been chucked out of a party 531 00:22:19,752 --> 00:22:21,029 -I didn't even wanna be at. -Right. 532 00:22:22,927 --> 00:22:24,860 [knocks on door] 533 00:22:24,895 --> 00:22:26,897 [Julia] We know you're in there, so open the door. 534 00:22:28,657 --> 00:22:29,693 Yoo-hoo! 535 00:22:31,936 --> 00:22:33,386 Jesus Christ. Um... 536 00:22:33,628 --> 00:22:36,355 Nothing. I'm doing the bins. So... 537 00:22:39,806 --> 00:22:41,670 Hey. Uh... 538 00:22:42,222 --> 00:22:44,604 -Their taxis didn't turn up. -[Liz] Bollocks! 539 00:22:44,846 --> 00:22:46,192 You wanted to thin your party out, 540 00:22:46,226 --> 00:22:47,883 but didn't have the balls to tell us. 541 00:22:48,436 --> 00:22:49,298 This is my party, 542 00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:51,093 if I wanna vibe on with my gal pals, 543 00:22:51,128 --> 00:22:51,956 that's my prerogative. 544 00:22:53,095 --> 00:22:54,925 So, you lied. You just kicked us out into the snow. 545 00:22:54,959 --> 00:22:55,995 It's not snowing, Julia. 546 00:22:57,306 --> 00:22:58,446 I think you know what I mean. Is this really Christmas spirit, 547 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,138 good will to all men, peace on Earth, parumpapumpum? 548 00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:02,001 Shame on you. 549 00:23:03,036 --> 00:23:06,833 Shame on you and your one invite between three. 550 00:23:07,455 --> 00:23:08,663 -Four. -Four. 551 00:23:09,836 --> 00:23:12,874 You can have your big, showy-offy Christmassy house, 552 00:23:13,046 --> 00:23:15,048 Christmas is not about your bibbles and bobbles, 553 00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:16,118 and your edible wreaths. 554 00:23:16,567 --> 00:23:17,706 It's not edible. 555 00:23:20,951 --> 00:23:23,194 It's about what is in there, 556 00:23:23,229 --> 00:23:24,713 and there's nothing in your there. 557 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,128 You're like an empty husk. 558 00:23:26,163 --> 00:23:28,683 You're like a mince pie with no mince. 559 00:23:28,890 --> 00:23:31,962 You're a dead Christmas with no heart. What? 560 00:23:32,203 --> 00:23:33,688 [Amanda] Goodnight, Julia. 561 00:23:34,033 --> 00:23:36,691 Whoa! Let's just roll back. Roll back. 562 00:23:37,899 --> 00:23:42,041 Somebody has scrawled, um, "Santa's not real" 563 00:23:42,075 --> 00:23:43,801 on the living nativity. 564 00:23:43,836 --> 00:23:46,079 [gasps] What if a small child saw that? 565 00:23:46,114 --> 00:23:48,703 Yes! So, what we need is a ladder, 566 00:23:48,737 --> 00:23:50,187 -some paint-- -What was it you said Julia? 567 00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:51,982 "A dead Christmas with no heart"? 568 00:23:52,914 --> 00:23:55,123 Mm. Did I? Um... 569 00:23:56,262 --> 00:23:57,194 [Amanda] And now... 570 00:23:58,229 --> 00:23:59,023 you want my help? 571 00:23:59,541 --> 00:24:01,163 No, not me, not me. The children. 572 00:24:01,647 --> 00:24:04,132 They'll be wandering past that atrocity that says 573 00:24:04,581 --> 00:24:05,961 "Santa's not bloody real." 574 00:24:06,859 --> 00:24:07,825 Is that an apology? 575 00:24:10,725 --> 00:24:13,797 If that's what you need. If that's what you need, 576 00:24:13,831 --> 00:24:15,488 then I'm sorry. 577 00:24:17,801 --> 00:24:18,802 How dare you? 578 00:24:20,044 --> 00:24:22,253 My Christmas does have heart, and for your information, 579 00:24:22,288 --> 00:24:24,255 this year I wanted it to be especially special. 580 00:24:24,290 --> 00:24:26,016 It is my first time hosting without Johnny, 581 00:24:26,050 --> 00:24:27,949 and probably the last time in my lovely house. 582 00:24:27,983 --> 00:24:30,848 So, I am so sorry I went to such a lot of effort for you all 583 00:24:30,883 --> 00:24:32,988 and I hope you're happy, because you have ruined it. 584 00:24:33,161 --> 00:24:34,300 How did we ruin it? 585 00:24:34,334 --> 00:24:37,890 Timber! 586 00:24:39,305 --> 00:24:40,720 [Meg laughs] 587 00:24:40,755 --> 00:24:41,928 [gasps] 588 00:24:41,963 --> 00:24:44,759 [laughs] Didn't anybody film that? 589 00:24:45,967 --> 00:24:47,486 Well, that's that then. 590 00:24:47,796 --> 00:24:51,869 No, we can't lecture Amanda on Christmas spirit 591 00:24:51,904 --> 00:24:53,492 and not do something about this. 592 00:24:53,906 --> 00:24:55,873 Yeah, you did go a bit over the top 593 00:24:55,908 --> 00:24:57,116 with the whole "parumpapumpum." 594 00:24:57,944 --> 00:25:00,291 [metal clanging] 595 00:25:00,326 --> 00:25:03,743 Oh, my God, Anne, you little beauty! 596 00:25:03,916 --> 00:25:05,987 -[Amanda] Don't you dare, Anne! -[knocking on window] 597 00:25:06,021 --> 00:25:07,782 Don't you dare, Anne! 598 00:25:08,127 --> 00:25:09,266 [Anne] Go, go, go! 599 00:25:11,924 --> 00:25:13,960 I am calling your husband. 600 00:25:13,995 --> 00:25:14,996 [Anne] Right, 601 00:25:15,030 --> 00:25:17,274 let's get this Christmas back on feckin' track. 602 00:25:17,688 --> 00:25:19,794 Where's Meg the lazy bugger? 603 00:25:19,828 --> 00:25:20,795 Oh, God. 604 00:25:20,829 --> 00:25:22,900 I hope she's not gone in with the donkey. 605 00:25:22,935 --> 00:25:24,108 Can't abide donkeys. 606 00:25:24,143 --> 00:25:25,972 Got bit on a school trip to Skerries. 607 00:25:26,594 --> 00:25:28,112 I was feeding one a Fruit Pastille 608 00:25:28,147 --> 00:25:29,942 -and it bit me under the nipple. -Ooh, Anne. 609 00:25:30,149 --> 00:25:32,151 The priest lifted up my t-shirt to check the bruise. 610 00:25:34,878 --> 00:25:38,537 It's ironic, because, actually, "Anne" is French for "donkey." 611 00:25:38,813 --> 00:25:40,366 Why is that ironic, Kevin? 612 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:44,232 Well, it's interesting then. Just an interesting detail. 613 00:25:44,404 --> 00:25:46,234 I think the interesting detail 614 00:25:46,268 --> 00:25:48,616 is that after a donkey bit Anne on the nipple, 615 00:25:48,650 --> 00:25:50,100 she got molested by a priest. 616 00:25:51,377 --> 00:25:53,103 Hey, guys. Come here, look at this! 617 00:25:54,138 --> 00:25:55,105 [Julia grunts] 618 00:25:56,071 --> 00:25:58,073 Oh, that's nice and cozy. 619 00:25:58,315 --> 00:25:59,834 [Anne] God love her. 620 00:26:00,110 --> 00:26:01,076 [Liz] Aw! 621 00:26:02,181 --> 00:26:03,803 Wake the fuck up! 622 00:26:05,356 --> 00:26:08,256 ["O Come Let Us Adore Him" plays] 623 00:26:14,193 --> 00:26:16,229 Nothing like the smell of fresh emulsion 624 00:26:16,264 --> 00:26:17,921 to see in Christmas Day. 625 00:26:18,197 --> 00:26:19,957 I've still got a toilet to unblock, 626 00:26:19,992 --> 00:26:22,132 and three massive bags of potatoes to peel. 627 00:26:22,373 --> 00:26:24,134 ["O Come Let Us Adore Him" plays] 628 00:26:24,168 --> 00:26:28,587 ♪ Sing in exultation 629 00:26:28,897 --> 00:26:36,008 ♪ Sing all ye citizens Of Heaven above ♪ 630 00:26:37,423 --> 00:26:41,600 ♪ Glory to God 631 00:26:41,807 --> 00:26:45,638 ♪ In the highest 632 00:26:45,673 --> 00:26:50,022 ♪ O come let us adore him 633 00:26:50,056 --> 00:26:54,371 [all] ♪ O come let us adore him 634 00:26:54,405 --> 00:27:00,032 -♪ Oh come let us-- -♪ ...let us adore him 635 00:27:00,066 --> 00:27:05,140 [high-pitched] ♪ Christ the Lord! 636 00:27:05,175 --> 00:27:07,211 Nice of her to turn up when we've nearly finished. 637 00:27:07,246 --> 00:27:08,350 At the end of the day, 638 00:27:08,903 --> 00:27:10,974 I can forgive you for the negging, 639 00:27:11,491 --> 00:27:12,458 for the petty theft, 640 00:27:12,492 --> 00:27:14,322 and the desecration of the penguin tableau, 641 00:27:14,356 --> 00:27:15,461 I know that was you, Liz. 642 00:27:15,495 --> 00:27:18,637 -But what I can't forgive-- -She's seen the carpet. 643 00:27:18,809 --> 00:27:22,019 ...is myself for not rolling up my sleeves 644 00:27:22,054 --> 00:27:25,195 and saving God damn Christmas, because this isn't about us... 645 00:27:27,093 --> 00:27:28,198 it's about the kids. 646 00:27:34,342 --> 00:27:35,412 Budge up, Anne. 647 00:27:38,035 --> 00:27:40,279 Kev, would you get a photo of this for my Insta? 648 00:27:40,831 --> 00:27:47,389 ♪ Once in royal David's city 649 00:27:48,528 --> 00:27:55,674 ♪ Stood a lowly cattle shed 650 00:27:57,227 --> 00:28:01,472 ♪ Where a mother 651 00:28:01,507 --> 00:28:05,166 ♪ Laid her baby 652 00:28:05,753 --> 00:28:10,033 ♪ In a manger 653 00:28:10,067 --> 00:28:13,381 ♪ For his bed 654 00:28:14,347 --> 00:28:18,110 ♪ Mary was 655 00:28:18,144 --> 00:28:22,701 ♪ That mother mild 656 00:28:22,977 --> 00:28:26,981 ♪ Jesus Christ 657 00:28:27,015 --> 00:28:32,158 ♪ Her little child 658 00:28:34,022 --> 00:28:37,992 ♪ He came down 659 00:28:38,026 --> 00:28:42,272 ♪ To Earth from Heaven 660 00:28:43,204 --> 00:28:47,070 ♪ Who is God 661 00:28:47,242 --> 00:28:51,419 -♪ And Lord of all -[horn honking] 662 00:28:52,558 --> 00:28:57,218 ♪ And his shelter 663 00:28:57,252 --> 00:29:01,532 ♪ Was a stable 664 00:29:02,016 --> 00:29:07,124 ♪ And his cradle 665 00:29:07,159 --> 00:29:10,541 ♪ Was a stall 666 00:29:12,026 --> 00:29:16,306 ♪ With the poor 667 00:29:16,340 --> 00:29:21,311 ♪ And meek and lowly 668 00:29:21,621 --> 00:29:26,281 ♪ Lived on Earth 669 00:29:26,316 --> 00:29:33,185 ♪ Our Savior holy 670 00:29:33,599 --> 00:29:36,153 I'm sorry I stole your husband, Vivian. 671 00:29:36,878 --> 00:29:41,538 ♪ We shall see him 672 00:29:41,572 --> 00:29:45,818 ♪ But in Heaven 673 00:29:46,060 --> 00:29:50,340 ♪ Set at God's 674 00:29:50,374 --> 00:29:55,379 ♪ Right hand on high 675 00:29:55,414 --> 00:30:00,108 ♪ When like stars 676 00:30:00,143 --> 00:30:05,182 ♪ His children crowned 677 00:30:05,355 --> 00:30:09,290 ♪ All in white 678 00:30:09,635 --> 00:30:16,815 ♪ Shall be around 679 00:30:22,096 --> 00:30:23,822 [child] Mommy, Santa's been! 680 00:30:25,685 --> 00:30:28,136 He's been! He's been! 681 00:30:28,378 --> 00:30:29,379 [sighs] 682 00:30:31,484 --> 00:30:34,349 [theme music plays]