Tonight... Oh!
Oh, welcome.
...it's the End Of Agency Party...
This programme contains strong language and adult humour
...with unexpected arrivals.
What are your intentions?
So, buckle up for a bumpy ride.
I'm just sat here now, like, "What is...? What's going on?"
No idea. Cos so far, the mission to lock in
a plus-one has proved a proper bun fight.
Stephen called it quits with Clara.
There's so much confusion in me. I don't know my head from my arse.
Loose lady Coleen met mischief maker Mike on a blind date...
Oh, there you are.
HE STRUMS GUITAR Coleen.
...but he's still not guaranteed a closing-night callback.
Queen of Aussie possie vibes Lucinda found snogs,
but no sparks, until Oli got her chakras aligning.
You do have quite a relaxed, Zen energy.
But has he manifested a plus one?
For celebs OG David,
dishy daddy Anthony changed everything,
but could their countryside curveball cost them?
Do you want kids? I'm not really sure about
the answer to that question. OK.
Ouch!
Oof! James picked up the ball and ran with it,
but only one match converted his interests, banter-babe Dotty.
Don't say, "Get down with."
Spending time with you is such a confidence boost.
PK, the player, couldn't shake old habits...
Like that? Yeah, I do like that.
...until Joan rocked his world.
If I kiss you, I don't know where life will take me.
Oh, please.
Gabby arrived looking for a man...
...but toy boy Joel lobbed a spanner in the works.
You've got a great body? I know.
So, who will rock up with who? As, for one last time, our celebs...
I just wanna kiss you. ...go...
I don't want to give false hope to anyone.
...dating!
Is that too much for you to be able to move into something serious?
♪ Goes like this Start with the track
♪ Eyes on me, arching my back Just like this, here for the night
♪ You ain't buying in? Just keep watching. ♪
Welcome to the Celebs Go Dating End Of Agency Party.
And, by the looks of this sophisticated
riverside venue, Tom's played an absolute blinder.
We just want to fill the space.
Come on, Tom, those mini Scotch eggs won't lay out themselves.
Oscar. It's wondrous here. You just expand, don't you?
How can you work here and not grow an inch?
Depends how aroused you get around houseplants, I guess.
Right, fix up, incoming arrival.
Threesomes don't come sexier than this.
Oh, yes, it's the agents. Nothing turns me on like the curves
on that spectacular shining dome.
Paul's bonce, of course. Not the O2.
Oh, I say. Oh! Welcome, darlings. Oh.
Tom! You've just outdone yourselves.
I mean, how do you do this every time?
Well, I always have something in my arsenal, darling.
I thought he was dancing funny.
Mainly for you.
I'm so excited about today. For some celebs,
we have a clue as to who they could be bringing.
For others, we have no idea.
And we've invited some special guests
to really test the strength of the relationship
some of our celebrities have made.
Cheers, guys. Love you, guys.
Much love. Always a pleasure, always a pleasure.
♪ Seeing the sun go down again... ♪
So, who's going to be leading
the charge on today's festivities and arriving first?
Flaunting in full throttle, like the freight train of flirtation he is,
is David. But after some recent
farmyard friction with Anthony, is he riding solo?
Oh, get in, David, son. Bravo, you two beautiful bastards!
Hello, baby. THEY SCREAM
Party people!
I can't even hear you. Party people!
I'm glad that I've made it here with Anthony.
But, to be honest,
I am putting on a brave face, because there have been
a few red flags over the past few days.
I really need to get myself together with the agents
to start my head out.
Oh, shit. He hasn't even had a canape yet.
The big revelation. You've turned up to the finale with Anthony.
Don't look too happy about it, lads.
How are you feeling? Cos it's quite a daunting prospect.
Yeah, I think as this is coming to, like, the close now,
I'm probably feeling a bit like, "Oh, my God," about it.
But, yeah, no, it's great. I'm having a great time.
What does he mean, "Coming to a close?"
He's making me feel like he doesn't even like me.
Grab yourselves a drink and enjoy. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
I felt we were having to heavy lift that.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
For sure. Yeah, yeah. And we never have to do that.
Well, after that positive start, who's rocking up next?
♪ I wanna sing, I wanna shout. ♪
Oh, it's Stephen.
Hello. Is that a date I see you smiling at on your right.
What? Lucinda? Where's Oli?
If those two are banging, then I'm writing to Ofcom.
Where was the trigger warning?
Oh, wow.
Yes. The dynamic duo.
They've not brought anyone.
Lucinda, you've arrived solo, without Oli.
Yeah. Look, you know, it's a big one.
I think in order for me to have an international relationship,
with all the logistics,
I would have needed to have felt that as a full blown yes.
I really adored Oli and I have invited him here today,
cos I didn't get the chance to say,
you know, "Really enjoyed you, but, you know,
"not quite for me, but come and have a drink."
So far, we've got one potential break-up and one definite break-up.
Great party, guys.
Stephen, can we talk about your journey a little bit?
It definitely has been a learning curve,
and I feel like I've gained some insight,
which was the least I wanted
to gather from this, and I'm happy with that.
Both of you are perhaps feeling in a better position
to leave your time in the agency,
ready for what might happen when you meet someone.
100%. And all the more ready to have all the awkward conversations.
As long as I don't have to watch it, fill your boots, son.
I think this will be an incredible night. Yes.
But in particular, we're hoping that we get blessed
by one of the greatest MCs... Oi!
Yeah! ...out of the UK.
Is Stormzy coming?
We're hoping. I'm just grateful for having a real reason to be here.
THEY LAUGH Oh, God!
Wow. Thank you, Stephen.
Come on, party people.
Hiya! You OK?
Good to see you.
So, with three celebs added to the party mix, it's time
to introduce our next special ingredient, PK.
But is our roster Romeo riding solo?
♪ Maybe it's the loving in your... ♪
Of course he's not. He's with straight-talking State-sider Joan.
PK Humble!
You two!
Ah, don't they look lovely?
Well, she does. He looks like a flasher in waiting.
PK and Joan. What a vision. I like the trench.
I like everything. Inspector Gadget.
I dread to think what gadgets he's got under there.
Was it an easy yes, coming today with PK?
Yeah. It was a very easy yes.
You've been to a few good dates together now, have you guys
sealed the deal with a kiss?
No. No, not yet.
Got to be intentional. Yeah.
Paul's just got a boner.
Gotta make sure we were both on the same page.
Wow. These new garms have got him talking like an agent.
With Joan, I've done things differently.
I've been mature, taken my time, so I haven't...
I haven't kissed her yet.
And I want to get to know her more. I'm intrigued.
There's something in there that's making
me put on my binoculars and say, "You know what? I need to zoom in."
I'd be careful getting binoculars out in that coat.
Joan, have you been impressed with PK?
I have been impressed by him. I was shocked by him.
I was expecting more of a menace than I got.
And he was actually very much of, like, a gentleman.
Surprisingly so.
PK looks as surprised as the rest of us.
Joan, can we just say, thank God you joined this agency?
Absolutely putting him where he needs to be.
Great. We would love you to go grab a drink,
go and see the guys and get stuck in.
Thank you. Don't have to ask me twice.
Hi. You guys look so cute.
Oh, you look amazing! You do, too!
And next into the fun house is Liverpool's fittest export
since Stevie G's butcher's dog, Gabby. But is she running solo?
♪ I could be the love be the love, be the love
♪ Be the love of your life... ♪
Is she fuck.
She's brought walking six pack Joel.
Oh, my God. Joel and Gabby. Hi.
Hello. So, how are you feeling, Gabby, about this whole journey?
It's definitely been a roller coaster, I think,
of just stressing about things that weren't actually there.
I was just creating problems, because of one thing.
The main thing is, is every time that I asked him to show up
and prove that he was mature enough and basically deliver,
and he did it every time. I think also what's underrated
in this experience is how hard it is for the datees. Mm.
Yeah. Right. And, Joel, we really give you your kudos.
You really stepped up. Thank you.
Have fun at the party.
Go and grab a drink? Thank you.
This is a couple. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And next in, he's traded rucks for remixes,
but can he mix himself a match when it matters?
♪ Take my heart don't break it... ♪
Of course he can. Never in doubt when Dotty's about.
Oh! Oh, wow! Hot couple alert.
James and Dotty.
Steady on, Ant, you're already on thin ice with Dave.
Dotty, you're looking banging. Thank you, likewise.
James you're not scrubbing up too bad yourself.
Thank you and I appreciate you.
You guys have been on a few dates now.
How are you feeling? Good.
Yeah. Really good. Yeah, we've had a lot of fun.
I mean, we got on really well.
We've obviously had a really good connection.
We've laughed a lot. So much.
We had a kiss.
So, yeah, we're doing all right. Look at that.
Look at that smile. We want you to have a fabulous time.
So, get on in there and enjoy.
Thank you for all your help. Appreciate you guys. See you later.
And, finally, last into the shindig
it's the darling of daytime TV, Coleen Nolan.
But the big question is
has grey-haired grafter Mike done enough
to earn himself an invite to the top table?
Course he has.
♪ Just say I'm the one that you need. ♪
What a couple. Simply oozing grace and dignity.
Oh, shit. THEY LAUGH
Well, that didn't last.
That was so cute, though. It was so cute, though.
He's got you. He's got you.
Mike is such an amazing guy. We get on so well. Makes me laugh.
Am I getting butterflies in my stomach? No.
That hasn't happened for me yet,
but I'm not willing to throw the towel in like I normally would.
I think we just have to see how it goes.
Look at you both. A vision of beauty.
You know, Coleen, how does it feel to have Mike here by your side?
Oh, it's great. We've had the best time,
actually, since we met.
Every date we've been on has just been so relaxed and fun.
Mike, we'd love to know how you feel about Coleen.
I love Coleen. Steady on!
And being with Coleen. And, actually, each time,
more and more so, getting to know you more and more.
Is that what you told me to say? Yeah.
Yeah. It's well worth £20.
20 quid?! In this economy?
Go and grab yourself a drink. Go and enjoy, guys,
and we look forward to seeing you later.
Thanks so much. So good to see you. Thank you.
I really like Mike. Mike's sweet.
♪ I wanna feel like I'm alive
♪ So let's just keep on dancing like it's 2005... ♪
So, with all our famous faces suited, booted and fully accounted for...
This is hot property. Yeah.
I can tell you.
...it's time for the agents to drop their ceremonial curveball.
If I can get your attention,
can I give you a very big and final welcome
to all of our wonderful celebrities and datees.
Thank you for being here. APPLAUSE
CHEERING
Yes, yes. Now, listen, guys, look,
we know that love cannot survive in isolation, right?
OK, our partners, let's be honest, they must fit in with our lives
and, of course, the important people in them.
So, this is why...
Here it comes.
...we've invited your closest friends and family to join us today.
And there it is.
You might want to get to the bar sharpish before the queue forms.
Oh, for fuck's sake. I don't believe this.
I have no idea who they're going to bring into this mix.
Neither do I, but if it's Richard Madeley,
they might as well give us the BAFTA now.
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where the feel-good vibes at the End Of Agency bash
have just fizzled out like a cheap firework.
We've invited your closest friends and family to join us today.
I'll go and get another Prosecco, I think.
Until now, the celebrities have been dating in isolation,
so having their friends and family join them will be
the true test of the connection they think they've made.
So, get ready to have a mingle.
It's at times like this that I'm glad my family all hate me.
Are you kidding me?
This day was already stressful enough.
♪ Got the feel for power. ♪
Here they come. Dressed to kill with a licence to grill.
Mrs H. Legend!
So, James is gonna introduce Dotty to his mum for the first time.
Cannot wait for this.
So, Dotty, this is my mum, Susie. Lovely to meet you.
You look gorgeous. Pretty good yourself.
Is this making you nervous?
I mean, look, things are going really well with Dottie.
Erm, we're having fun.
But rule number one is your partner has to get on
with your mum, otherwise, the wheels come off.
That's only the half of it, big guy.
Cos you've got to impress Dottie's BFF, Kinvara, too.
How you doing? Good. How are you?
Very well, thank you.
Let the double-sided grill fest commence.
James has always, always brought home girlfriends.
Always.
Good luck, Dottie.
But I'm very interested to meet Dottie.
Brace yourself. Incoming!
Has he been good?
That's the thing. Cos he can be a bit...
Plot twist! Mrs H has turned her sights on Jimbo.
No, it's been good fun. I think I challenge him quite a bit.
Well, he does need challenging, cos he needs
a bit of squashing, actually. Taking down a peg or two.
Cos the ego is nearly as tall as him.
I love this woman.
I don't think I've rubbed your ego at all, have I?
I think I've been on best behaviour.
I think we've had a lot of fun. We've laughed a lot.
We laughed so much we cried. Yeah, we did.
Really? Yeah, yeah.
James's humour, which might take ten words,
your brother, Edward, will kill you in three words.
I think we know who Susie's favourite child is.
And I'm not saying you can't... Yeah.
...but your brother's a much better cook than you.
Yes, but has he played rugby for England and DJ'd in Ibiza, Mrs H.
Mum, thanks for turning up. THEY LAUGH
What's her negative faults, then?
She's a green flag all the way. OK.
She's the most loving, caring, funny.
You'll never meet anyone with more drive.
Also...
C'est voila.
You passed the mum test. I passed the mum test.
It sounds like you haven't even passed the mum test yet, Jimbo.
Edward, on the other hand...
♪ Every time we get sweeter All my feelings... ♪
Talking of motherly love, Coleen's son, Shane Richie Junior,
has yet to give his full approval for her silver fox, Mike,
despite him already having shovelled shit on the family farm.
Great to see you. Great to see you again, Mike.
How are you doing, mate? Yeah, good.
How are you, mum? I'm all right. I'm so glad you're here.
I know.
Right, let's dig into you two a bit more.
I want to know a bit more.
Oh, God. Here we go. Play nice, Shane.
Can he put up a fence?
Calm down, Checkatrade. He's looking to snog your mum,
not get work.
It'd just be nice that someone could do something,
so I'm not spending loads of money.
That's a diss to you, Shane.
Get your toolbox out, you lazy bastard.
Well, it's nice to meet you. We'll give you a call.
THEY LAUGH
Any odd jobs? Yeah, yeah, we'll call you.
Yeah, but not for any odd jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, just for someone odd. Yeah.
Oh, Jesus. Like that. Like that, eh?
He can take a joke. That's good to be in our family.
Oh, nice one, Mike. Slow and steady wins the race.
Shane and Mike get on so well.
I think they've got that same kind of cheeky sense of humour,
and that's a real big plus sign, because you always want
whoever you're with to get on well with your kids.
And he's smashed it.
Would you like to know my two pence? Yeah.
Yes, please. You both get on really well.
I can see. You both have a laugh.
My mum always says, "You've got to be able to have a laugh."
And I'm a firm believer, actually, that you can laugh anyone into bed,
but don't even think about it.
Nothing would make me laugh that much.
It's being laughed out of bed that I hate.
No time for lols for these three pros, though,
cos they've still got work to do.
Tying up any loose ends with some on-site consultations.
And first up is Lucinda.
Hey! Hello, you guys!
The light of our lives, Lucinda Light.
Oh, is this the last time I'm going to see you guys?
I'm going to miss you all. I mean that.
MAFS-star Lucinda came to the agency looking to say, "I do," again,
and she wasn't shy of suitors wanting
to take her up the aisle.
Mm, hairy. A double rejection at the stixer...
I would respectfully decline.
I also chose to not go on another date.
...added to old insecurities.
It's a continual journey to accept... a bigger body.
Come on. It's OK. Let it out.
But the arrival of Oli lifted her spirits once more.
I mean, you couldn't script it, could you?
You are radiant. You have brought
so much light and relentless hope to the agency.
Still got it? Absolutely.
Even though I'm walking out
as single as I walked in, that doesn't matter.
I will never give up on love.
Lucinda, what has surprised you the most about this process?
I've been surprised that some of
these lovely men have been really up for it,
you know, locking lips and, like, talking about, "Oh, could we?"
You know, and that's given me a lot of confidence.
These have been really divine mirrors that have reminded me,
you know, that I'm worthy, I suppose.
You are.
Erm, it'll come when it comes.
You know, I really believe that. I'm so emotional.
It's OK.
You know, we all want to be seen and be seen by other, I suppose.
Yeah. We see you.
We see you for sure.
Thank you. Taking that in. Thank you.
I feel so tender talking to the agents.
These guys have been such a beautiful cheer squad,
you know, showing me
that I'm dateable and that I'm worthy.
And I walk away with a grateful and happy heart.
So, Oli. Mm-hmm.
Oh, what a dear heart.
You have invited Oli here today with you.
I wanted him to come and party. You know,
he's a beautiful man, but I'd be fooling him,
pretending if I was going back to Australia next week and going,
"Yeah, let's get logistic about that and have a relationship."
It's important to not lead somebody on,
or do something for the sake of it. To say,
"Actually, right now I'm not in the position to move forward."
Thanks. And I don't want to give false hope to anyone. Right, right.
This is classic, lovely Lucinda, inviting Oli to the finale,
even though she is not inviting him in a plus-one capacity.
She clearly knows where she's at, but does Oli?
So, it's really important that she has a clear conversation
with him today, so they both know the full picture.
Thank you for everything that you've brought to us in the agency.
Hey, guys, thank you so much. I mean that.
Aw.
Mwah, love you guys. Thank you so much. Thank you.
Oh, our Lulu, always the warrior.
♪ Keep on running, Take it high, high, high... ♪
Hello.
Oh, right on cue, Oli's rocked up. But, before that awkward chat,
Joel's got one to face himself
as he meets Gabby's friend, Tyler, for the first time.
Can I ask your name? Tyler.
Tyler. Nice to meet you, Tyler. Joel.
Nice to meet you. Joel.
Tyler's opinion is paramount right now, because I fancy Joel so much.
She knows me inside out and she will be brutally honest.
Well, she won't be the only one dropping truth bombs
as Joel's got his mate Josh with him, too.
Nice to meet you, Josh. Nice to meet you, Gabby.
I hope you've heard lots of things about me.
I have, I have, I have, I have, I have.
I think he has.
First of all, what's the tea? What's been going on.
I want to know the energy between you.
Tyler's not messing about.
So, I know a big factor for her was my age.
Because how old are you? 25.
Yeah.
Age doesn't really mean anything.
As long as I can bring what I need to bring to the table...
Which is? Just stability, laughter.
I know Gabby's looking for a bit of fun through her whole life.
What's your idea of fun? Oh, my God.
What are your intentions?
To get out of this conversation alive?
My intentions are just kind of be that supporting factor.
In what sense? Like...
Come on, Joel, you got this.
I don't think he has, actually.
I know that you're a great support network,
but I'm trying to be part of that, as well.
So, if you're not available, she always knows she can come to me.
I think Tyler will decide who Gabby goes to,
thank you very much.
What do you think? First impressions?
Yeah, you're doing quite well.
I did have my hesitations, if I'm honest. Yeah.
Only because...
He is there, you know.
Because of the age.
Yeah. We're all thinking it.
We're all older. Do you think he would fit in the group?
Yeah, I really... I actually think he would.
Do you think she's good for me?
Oh, the tables have turned. This is it, Josh, don't hold back.
I'm happy. I'm happy with what I can see, know what I'm saying?
You look happy. You look happy.
He could not give less of a shit.
Cheers to that. Cheers to that.
♪ But you gotta get back up As long as you believe in love... ♪
Someone happy to be on their own today is Stephen,
but just when he thought he was safe,
looks like he's about to get a probing from Tom.
How are you? I'm all right. I'm all right. Yeah.
Well, I've been very impressed by you,
because you've always been candid.
You've been candid with the agents. You've been candid with me.
I've been candid with a couple of the people
I've been on dates with, as well. Oh, no, you are. But it's...
But that's been that's been a lesson, as well. Yes.
To have to have conversations that you probably wouldn't. No.
Normally be avoided and would probably create more confusion.
So, that's been, you know... That's been a lesson learnt.
Long may this continue, I say. Not too long, not the single bit.
Are these two flirting?
But... But that's nice.
Do you leave, sort of, optimistically thinking,
"I might not be finishing the process with somebody,
"but I finished the process perhaps a bit more ready for somebody?"
Absolutely. I think... And in a place where whoever I end
up bumping into, I will be a better person for them.
That's my hope anyway. Yes, I think so.
Thank you so much. Oh, come. Oh, come.
You're proper. You're proper.
So, as Stephen and Tom hug it out...
...PK's hoping his best buddy, Tyreke,
will welcome new girl Joan with open arms.
Ai, you've changed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're wearing trench coats. All right then.
Loafers. Yeah.
See, look, this is phase three.
I was saying, he saying he dressed up for me on our last date,
I was shocked.
Tyreke knows me well and I'm scared
that he could either jeopardise me, or he can help me here.
If he likes Joan's vibe,
he's gonna tell her the good stuff about me.
Right, Tyreke, best behaviour.
Is he romantic, would you say?
Oh, very. Very?
Very. R&B, flowers, the whole shebang.
You know what's so crazy? He did say that he would have bought me flowers
and no flowers showed up.
Yeah, that keeps happening to my wife, too.
I think there must be some sort of florist strike.
Is he your type, though?
He is. He's, like, just my type.
And the thing is, Joan, I can tell by the look, you're already smitten.
But what are you gonna do, go for the boring guy?
You're gonna be bored. He's talking, you're just trying to snore.
You're thinking about bro, but you might as well just be here.
It might seem a little bit dangerous.
It is dangerous. Yeah, it might be. But you like danger, Joan,
I can see it in your eyes.
I don't know what you're worried about, PK,
this guy's the ultimate hype man.
But, wait, I got one question, yeah. See how you guys are so lovey dovey?
Yeah. Have you kissed?
Oh, shit. It was going so well.
Mm-mm. If it feels right, just go for it. Life is short.
Yeah. You know what it is? I'm a shy guy.
The Roster King's now too shy to snog.
Amazing what having some actual feelings can do to a guy.
Over to a man who's been feeling all the emotions today...
Hi guys.
...as David gets ready to unload onto the agents.
David returned to the agency looking to make a genuine connection...
I'm ready for someone to put a ring on it.
...but he soon slipped back into some bad dating habits.
What? You've got a spicy balls? Spicy balls.
I'm ready, baby. HE RETCHES
Then, after opening up to the agents...
I genuinely want to find love. Erm... Sorry.
...David met Anthony.
I'm having a really good time. Thank you.
Oh, no. Me, too. No, I am.
To us. Yes.
And all was rosy...
...until things got messy on a double date at Coleen's farm.
You're not sure, are you? No. I'm joking.
Not sure. Is he not sure?
He's not sure.
And he's been in a proper funk ever since.
I'm in a bit of a predicament, guys. Oh.
There's been a bit of a situation since the farm.
Oh. Go on. Erm, Ant, he sent me
a couple of texts this morning and it was just like,
"Oh, excited. Final day. We've had so much fun together
"and it's a shame it has to end."
OK. I'm just thrown, guys.
Did you respond to that text...
I didn't respond to the last one. ...and ask him to clarify?
I'm just sat here now like, "What is...? What's going on?"
And I'm getting a bit upset about it,
because I don't really know where I stand in this situation.
I don't want to go through this again,
where I'm getting hurt and I'm... And I'm, like...
Someone just switches on me last minute.
Like, I don't want that. Mm.
I'm sick of boys not knowing what they want, you know?
♪ Everybody feels it sometimes. ♪
♪ Something in the wind has made you see through
♪ I know that you prefer When I'm beneath you... ♪
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where David's been laying himself bare to
the agents as he shares his concerns about Anthony's true feelings.
You need to know where Anthony stands.
You need to find out the answers
to how he feels about you and, crucially,
what he wants moving forward and what he's able to give.
In this moment, truly, what are you most scared of?
I'm most scared of putting myself out there again
to just... It come crumbling down. It's just, like, a failure.
Another situation where I thought something
was going to happen and it just hasn't.
When you are left on a question mark,
that is the shit that eats us up, because we're then left wondering.
Yeah. One thing's for sure,
if you don't have that conversation today,
sounds like you and Anthony are done.
I think both of you deserve answers,
so I think that's what you should do.
Oh, guys.
♪ There's something in the air I feel it when I breathe... ♪
So, while David delays a difficult conversation,
there's nowhere to hide for Lucinda
as she gears up for a decoupling with Oli.
Isn't this amazing?
Poor geezer.
Yes. Isn't it amazing? What a day.
It's like, literally, it was planned for this day.
Oh, God, I can't watch.
I feel really nervous speaking to Oli.
I've actually been sweating on this all week,
you know, just to sit down and share my heart and where I'm at.
And I really hope that he understands and takes it well.
I've had a big think about our connection
and you've definitely been my favourite of all the dates.
That old chestnut. Butter him up before your batter his dreams.
But I... I think...
...you know, coming here, I needed, like,
that blow-off-your-socks connection
to have an international relationship with all the logistics.
You know, I'm going back to Australia next week,
and it just wasn't quite that.
But it just didn't feel right not to say it to you.
I mean, how does that land? I just want to be really direct.
It lands perfectly, cos it's the truth.
It's my... Yeah, it's my truth. It's the truth.
And you've had a good chance to think about it.
I have. And if nothing happens, I hope we have a lovely friendship.
You're such a cool cat.
You like fine with that, which is bloody great.
I've just met a very grounded,
wonderful, giving, genuine, authentic human.
And I'm thrilled to have met you and got to know you.
You don't have to, but you're so welcome
to come and join the party. I would love to.
Yes. Let's go and celebrate life.
I love that you're a yes man on that.
He's also not stupid enough to turn down a free bar.
Now, go and get shitfaced, Oli.
'The Otherside' by Polly and Tima
Hopefully, it's not last orders
for Mike as Colin tries to figure out if he's Mr Right,
or just Mr Nice.
It's all been good, though, isn't it?
Yeah, we've had some good dates. Yes.
Every single time. Getting better. Yeah.
Really, really good. Like, we get on great.
You're just such a great guy. And we laugh.
And I feel so at ease with you and all of those things.
Oh, God. Is this going to be one of
those buts that hits him straight in the nuts?
But I'm not going to force it.
It just takes time, doesn't it? Just get to know each other better.
Yeah. I've immediately fallen for you, without a doubt.
And each time I've left any of these dates, I go home.
I'm buzzing and the head's spinning. Just thinking of you. Yeah.
Just can't stop thinking about you each time.
Oh, Mike.
I would definitely, definitely be interested in meeting again
and see where it goes.
Go on, Colster.
Mike is such a nice bloke and I am so,
so happy I've brought him.
And regardless of what happens now with Mike,
I've loved every single minute of it and I wouldn't change a thing.
It's an expression I've never liked,
but it's growing on me, is to go with the flow.
Let's go with the flow. Go with the flow.
Look at him. He's writing her a follow-up to
his Radiant Eyes song as we speak.
Heavenly Hair?
So, let's enjoy the rest of the night. Right.
Shall we? Let's do it.
Let's link.
So, while Coleen's found her missing link in Mike...
...massive mammal James still seems to be impressing Dottie,
despite taking some hefty sibling swipes from Mama Haskell.
How'd you find meeting my mum. She's a legend. She's great.
Yeah, I can see where Edward gets it from.
I never ask, cos once this is finished,
we got to work out what we're going to do next.
I mean, we obviously had three dinner dates.
Yeah. Is that the kind of date you like,
or is it something else you want to do?
No, I wouldn't... Like, I think we can do something different.
What would you like to do?
Something fun.
Not that... Not that... Something fun? Something fun!
Oh, God. Cos on the first three dates,
I was trying to make them not fun. Oh, you said fun, Dottie. Oh, now.
♪ When the son has found a way ashore... ♪
But, yeah, we got to a good place, so I'm...
I'm very excited about the whole process.
I think I've done well.
His mum had a point about that ego.
Cheers. Cheers.
♪ Seeing things get brighter They get brighter. ♪
I've had an amazing time with Dottie.
I'm really glad I'm ending this whole process with her.
I'm really excited to see what the future holds.
Here's to us. Cheers.
Cheers.
So, with kisses and chemistry for James,
back inside, it's mixed messages
and mystery for David as he still tries to figure out
whether Anthony is in it for the long haul.
Maybe their respective best friends, Ellie and Fiona,
can help them clear the air.
So, how's it been? Yeah.
Yeah, it's been good. No, it has, it's been good.
We've had we've had such an amazing time.
Like, just fun, laughing.
Yeah, we've had, like, really fun dates.
What's the feeling? What's the vibes? Romantic?
That's it, don't beat around the bush, Ellie.
Yeah, there's a vibe.
What does he mean, a vibe?
A vibe is me going to my mum's for a roast dinner.
Like, I'm really worried now
that this guy is just not telling me the truth.
I really need to speak to him.
Like, obviously, you've known him a long time,
so you've seen him with a lot of other people. Married twice.
Yeah, all right, Fiona, you're meant to be fighting his corner here.
Married twice. Have you seen him like this before?
Like, does he seem excited? Yeah. Very excited.
Really? I've seen more excited funeral directors.
I think Anthony is always very cautious now,
cos I think having been married twice... Yes.
Jesus. Who invited the divorce police?
...definitely makes you think more carefully... Yeah.
...before you jump straight in.
You're gonna see each other more then.
Here we go. Moment of truth.
David?
Anthony? Anthony?
David?!
Welcome back to the Celebs Go Dating End Of Agency bash
and away from the fun and frolics...
Hello. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
PK. How you doing?
...PK's catching up with the agents.
Look at that cheeky little chappie. There he is.
PK arrived at the agency brimming with bravado...
Yeah, so I've got a roster of over 20 girls.
...which did not impress P-Dogg.
All the stuff about the women, like, at best, is immaturity.
At worst, it's misogyny.
And after a string of first dates...
You should just kiss me. Oh, OK.
...A-Dubs called him out again on his immaturity.
You're terrible dater. Don't be a fuckboy.
The arrival of Joan on the scene saw the joker finally get serious...
I know what I want. I need a real love.
...prompting hopes that PK the player
might finally be hanging up his boots.
You're good looking. You're the best.
Quite honestly, from the first session
that you had with Doctor Tara and myself, I thought, "Oh, here we go.
"We have a player."
But very quickly you implemented change.
I've been getting a lot out of this,
because I think I hide everything with vibe.
I'm still finding out some of my core values.
Like I ain't... I ain't got it all figured out.
And it's one of them things where, like, slowly working on myself,
I know I'm going to figure it out and it's no rush.
I think that's beautifully honest.
Well done, PK. He finally does seem humble.
You're here with Joan. So, what are your intentions with her?
All right, Paul, you're not her dad.
I feel like my intentions are just to continue to see where things go.
And I feel like that's probably one of the reasons
why I probably haven't kissed her.
Because I know there's sexual chemistry there,
but I feel like once you put a kiss
into the equation, you're taking it to that next level.
I don't want to do things the way I've done things before.
Mm. Like, because it hasn't worked for me, clearly.
Joan's just such a nice person.
The romance is on.
Cupid... Cupid is just there like this, pa-chow, pa-chow, pa-chow.
I feel like the agents have liquidated the roster.
They've done what no-one else has been able to do.
I'm actually roster free.
Look, PK, we're just delighted to see that there's
a lot more to you than you first gave us
when you when you came into the agency.
Time to party.
So, as PK heads back out,
still biding his time for that first kiss...
Bye, PK.
...over to a couple who've been tickling each other's tonsils
since the Tenerife trip, it's Gabs and Joel.
Are you excited? I am excited. Are you excited?
I'm nervous, cos I feel like we're being released into the wildlife.
Calm down, Michaela Strachan, you're in Greenwich.
We've kind of been protected by the agency and by Tom.
And just, like, by them planning things
and knowing who we are and what we want. Yeah.
But, now, it's like we're in it on our own. Yeah.
So, this is where the real... The real work happens.
But as long as communication stays key
and you don't go back into that... That mindset. Like we said,
we've banned all that speaking about age and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah.
That's banned. Yeah, yeah.
I feel like I've had a proper journey in the agency,
but being here right now
with Joel feels like the best possible outcome.
You've literally done everything right.
You are just a walking green flag.
This is what we want. So, just follow suit...
OK. ...and we're all good.
'Essence' by Wizkid
OK. Let's go.
Bloody hell. She'll have him in reins next.
Right, then. I don't know about you, but I've had enough of PK
and Joan holding back. Surely a romantic
trench-coat convention and that backdrop will do the trick.
So, talk to me. What are your intentions?
My intentions are go with the wind. Mm.
Oh, come on, you ain't getting a snog with lines like that.
With Joan, I do want to kiss her, naturally. Like, that's within me.
Like usually it's... HE MAKES LICKING SOUNDS
Jesus.
So, when that time is right
and I feel like it's right, and I feel it in my intestines.
That's when, yeah, trust me, she's gonna get that saliva.
I hope she's packed her PPE.
You said you were a romantic.
I just wanna kiss you right now.
Go, go, gadget lips.
You gotta get up and come get me. Come get you.
Mm. I might just lift you up.
Yeah. Can you lift me? Can I lift you?
Yeah. Let me show you.
Let me show you. I can lift you up. Let me see.
SHE SCREAMS
'Kising Strangers' by Usher
Yes, PK. Saliva successfully delivered.
♪ Go ahead and save yourself Leave me here alone
♪ I'm losing control. ♪
Not everyone's loving life as much as PK,
cos David still needs to confront Anthony about
the mixed messages of the last few days.
Should we have a little sit down? Oh! How nice this is?
Are you OK? Yes, I'm really good.
I know I have to talk this out,
but I am so nervous to find out where Anthony's head's at.
I just don't want to get hurt.
I'm gonna be honest. Yes.
Erm, for, like... Since we were at the farm,
I felt kind of like you was
either backing off, or your energy had changed.
And like, obviously, like this morning
when you messaged me and stuff and was like, "Oh, it's our final day."
And then, "It's a shame it's over." And because I didn't know
how you was feeling over the past couple of days,
I thought you meant... Does he want this done? Right.
Like, this is going to be a process for us to work through
for me, cos, yeah, unfortunately,
I probably am a bit damaged and probably need to fix that.
In the past, I've been hurt. Erm, I've been cheated on
and that's not your fault.
I need to learn a way to put that in a box
and put that in the past and move forward.
But it's not... You don't even have to do that,
because I am a very supportive person.
What I need to know from you is
the things that you need to work through,
is that too much for you to be able to move into something serious?
For me, personally, I think I want to carry on.
In a way, it's... It blows my head
that I've come onto this experience
and already you mean the world to me. You do.
Aw. I think the world of you and I will try
and look after you as best I can and do my best.
Like, I will be there for you. Like, I will, like.
And if you're feeling, like, shit about something,
just tell me. Yeah.
Like, I'd rather know than not know and think, "Why is he being quiet?"
Or like, "Why is he not saying, like...?" No.
Do you know what I mean? And I need to learn not to be like that
and talk and communicate more.
I feel like we get on so well. Yes. Do you know what though?
I will say I have this massive love for you.
Holy shit. He just dropped the L-bomb.
You are amazing. So, yes. You're my sexy daddy.
THEY LAUGH
Can I give you a kiss? Absolutely.
Come here.
Cheers. Cheers.
Oh, we're back in love. Right, I just wanted to check.
THEY LAUGH
Shall we go and party? Yeah, yeah.
Come on. Let's go back in.
Let's go and party, baby.
Ah! Nice one, you two.
It's bloody freezing.
Yeah. They really ought to invent some sort of clothing for legs.
So, with love in the air and the bar tab fully spunked...
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen.
...the agents have gathered the gang for a few important words.
Congratulations from graduating from the dating agency.
Legal disclaimer, not a formal qualification of any kind.
You've all come on in leaps and bounds over the last few weeks
and we hope that you take our advice on board
as you move through the world of dating.
And to our datees, thank you for putting up with them.
Nah, bollocks to them, they got free champers out of it.
Everyone has brought their own unique outlook to this process,
and although you're all very different,
we are incredibly proud of everyone here.
What a way to go out, guys, with a huge bang.
Someone better tell Dr T she doesn't mean a group shag.
Many of us know him by the name Stephen. Oh!
But many others know him by
the multi-platinum artist Professor Green.
Yes. Finally, time for the big man to shine.
Good evening. My name is Professor fucking Green.
♪ Just be good to me
♪ Ha, Just be good to Green
♪ All I need is a woman to be good to me
♪ I'm an easy man I'm easily pleased
♪ You provide me with everything that I need... ♪
Fantastic. Wasn't it?
Wonderful evening, wasn't it?
Every single part of it.
♪ I never let you buy... ♪
Thank you for choosing me. You made the right choice.
Oh, that's so nice.
I mean, there wasn't a lot of competition, to be fair.
SHE LAUGHS
I blame the agents, lazy bastards.
♪ I walk street with you Talk deep with you
♪ Even slip and spend all week with you... ♪
Green flags. You are literally just a green flag.
Head over heels over here. Oh, wow. Happy wife, happy life.
I wish I could keep my wife happy like that.
♪ Stop, but one thing It's not ever is boring, what? ♪
I've enjoyed my experience. I feel like
I've learnt a lot about myself.
Love is crazy. Do you like me?
Do you feel it in your intestines? I do. Actually, I do.
I'm gonna make you feel something in your belly.
That'll probably be Tom's undercooked chicken bites.
♪ Always talk about
♪ Look, people are always gonna talk, babes... ♪
We've had ups, we've had downs. We've had lefts, we've had rights.
It is a roller coaster. But we love a good ride.
♪ Just be good to me ♪ I'll try, I'll try, I'll try... ♪
You surprise me. Thank you.
Perfect. Well, not my words, your words, but I'll take them.
Don't encourage him.
♪ Ain't no other man gonna treat you better
♪ I don't care what you do to them... ♪
I have had the most awesome time at this agency.
Look, I may not have found love,
but I think I'm edging closer to it.
You know, I've dusted off the cobwebs
and I'm ready to take it Down Under.
Hello, Toadfish Rebecchi's ears have just pricked up.
♪ Be together... ♪
I think there's been a lot that I can take from this process,
but I don't feel hurried to rush into seeking more people to date.
Performing Just Be Good To Green about being a bad boy
and thinking, hm, I was actually behaving like that
at that point in my life. And not anymore, eh?
Well, that's it for the class of '26.
In a world run by liars and lunatics,
this lot followed their hearts and only dropped truth bombs.
♪ Just be good to me. ♪
And I'd suck a fart out of all of their arseholes.
Line 'em up.
CHEERING
Subtitles by Red Bee Media