This programme contains strong language and adult humour
Tonight.... Oh, I say. It's big and it's smooth and it's all yours.
...Lucinda's confidence reaches rock bottom...
There is a part of me that goes, "How could you possibly like me?"
...Colleen gets an eyeful. My eyesight's terrible.
How do you see me?
...and Gabby reaches a crossroads...
He's great and I think he will make someone a really great boyfriend.
He's just not right for me right now.
...as our celebs...
HE SINGS OFF-KEY ♪ Coleeeeen! ♪
...go...
Aren't you the perfect man? ...Dating!
That was really good but we need to do that in private.
Oh, hello!
♪ We say whoa! Yeah! We love... ♪
Welcome to Celebs Go Dating,
and it's a new day at agency HQ,
which means a host of new dating delinquents
for the love legends to get their teeth stuck into.
We have a whole trio of celebrities coming in today.
Yeah. Oooh. We have lovely, lovely Gabby...
OK. ..lovely Lucinda and James.
And actually, we've got four celebrity. I'm going to pop over
a little bit later on, um, to see Coleen at Loose Women.
Oh, perfect. You're under contract to E4, Anna, so don't get any ideas.
And from a loose woman to a Lucinda now,
as first in this morning,
prowling the pavement like a panther ready to pounce,
is down-under's finest MAFS export, Lucinda Light.
DOORBELL RINGS
Hello. Celebrity Dating Agency?
Hello, Tom. It's Lou. Oh, Miss Light. Entre!
Juice by Lizzo ♪ Ain't my fault that I'm out here getting loose.
♪ Gotta blame it on the goose ♪ Gotta blame it on my juice. ♪
Tom Tom! Oh, this ensemble.
Lucinda always brings such amazing energy.
I think it's the creative in her. So I've been scanning her socials,
and it turns out she's something of an artist.
I was obsessed with your drawings. You like them?
They are amazing. Can you draw me like one of your French girls?
I'm gonna draw you a picture. Oh, my God.
Well, I have things. Well, hang on.
Well, I'll draw you properly and colour... or you'd like
me to just do a rough one? Oh, yes. Yes. I don't mind about all
the bells and whistles. I don't mind about polish.
Here we go! Can somebody get Sotheby's on hold, please?
I always start with under eye first because
your twinkle lingers at the base. It doesn't linger at the top.
Your twinkle actually twinkles right around your
aura, and beyond.
This is you as I see you.
That actually ain't so bad, Tom. This is mine.
Yeah, I'm gonna be honest, I was expecting better.
And so was Tom, by the looks of it.
Ooh!
Hello. Hi, T. We're ready for Lucinda.
All right, darling. Thank you.
Mwah.
Oh, I'm so pleased you're in this chat with Lucinda
because last time she purged, we put her back up,
and I'm excited to see how she is today.
Well, come in!
Ah! Hello. How are you, gorgeous lady?
The last time the agents saw Lucinda,
it was an emotional and revealing visit
as she opened up for the first time about her insecurities.
I've had a bit of body dysmorphia around science
and it's a continual journey.
She was then sent off on a confidence-boosting three way
with spiritual Anurag and Viking Damian.
So I would like to see you without the makeup on.
I'd like to see you without your clothes on.
That is a better answer. ...Which meant Anurag got pied
while Damian got to serve up seconds.
Yummo.
I actually had a bit of a buzz with both the guys,
Anurag from a more spiritual sense.
We had very similar interests in self-development,
but Damo's quite a vibe.
So we then had dessert together and I quite like him.
He's just a cool, adventurous, curious, excited.
All is possible, realm.
Oh, God, he sounds like you. Yeah.
He's... There's something there. OK. Yeah, but there is
a part of me that goes... ...and I hate to say it...
...how could you possibly like me?
Is it true? Could it be? Are you sure?
And I...I don't like admitting it.
Oh, Lucinda. I've got chills...
...and they're multiplying... ...and that's because
rocking up outside, channelling Sandy from Grease,
it's Gabby, looking to update
the agents on her most recent date with Joel,
who, fittingly, ain't long out of high school himself.
DOORBELL RINGS Ooh!
Hello? Celebrity Dating Agency? Hi, it's Gabby.
Come in. DOOR BUZZES OPEN
♪ You're the one that I want
♪ You are the one that I want Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
♪ The one that I want
♪ You are the one that I want Ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪
Hello, my darling. Oh, look at you.
Nice to see you. Oh!
Didn't bring sunshine.
I love this partially up do.
Glamorous Gabrielle.
Positively glowing.
And today, she's emitting the splendour of
one of Hollywood's most hypnotic sirens.
It's a little bit Monroe-esque.
Actually, you're very Monroe-esque,
because you've got the retrousse nose and the same eye colour.
Careful, Tom. Your one compliment away from her
straddling you while singing Happy Birthday.
You are just so good for the ego. I love you for it.
This is a good way to calm my central nervous system
before I go into the... The dragons.
The Dragons?! Wrong show, Gabs.
Mind you, if you happen to own a dildo company,
I'm sure Dr T would invest.
Back upstairs, after opening up about never feeling good enough,
the agents are keen to unpick Lucinda's sense of self-doubt.
Why do you think that is?
I think it's maybe just being single for a couple of years.
I don't know. I'm not sure.
It might be a little bit of the MAFS journey.
Like, it was literally rejection every day, you know,
and sort of trying to relate in a way with a,
you know, brick wall sort of vibe.
I've maybe just put up a big wall of protection around my heart.
Lucinda gives off a lot of confidence and it's wonderful.
However, we are starting to really get
down to the nitty gritty now and unpack some of those layers.
She has clearly been hurt in her past.
So let's hope that this date with Damian will be one step
in the right direction
to helping her build some of that inner confidence.
You are hot. You are beautiful. You are very fancied.
Other people can help us build that self-esteem back, OK?
Yeah! But we are excited for you
because you're going on a second date with Damo. Yeah.
I want you to lean into the cues he gives you.
And if he is showing you affection, if he is being tactile,
if he is complimenting you,
really notice how that feels,
because something or someone has shaken this
at some point in your life.
Grab hold of that beard and get stuck on in, honey! Yeah!
Get in there! Get in there! Oh, my gosh!
I've got to go get some Viking lingo as well. Mwah!
Gorgeous. What is a Viking lingo?
I don't know, there doesn't seem
to be Ancient Norse on my Duolingo app.
Well, I've got to go and find out.
Bye, darling.
You're such a good cheerleader.
Oh, thanks. Yeah. Right back at you, sis.
You were giving her, like, a lot of these validations.
People that present
as having all their shit together, and that they don't need it,
are the ones that often never get it,
and actually do really appreciate being given it.
She's a great woman.
And from one great woman to another, now,
as Marilyn Monroe reincarnated
heads up to the dragons' lair to be roasted
about her latest date with toyboy Joel,
whilst Anna heads off to see Colleen on set at Loose Women.
Hello!
Gabby's now been on three steamy dates with toyboy Joel,
but despite the undeniable chemistry,
not to mention biology,
the nine-year age gap keeps biting away at our Gabs.
What's on your mind?
We've talked about the age thing before.
Let's think that fast. Let's live in the moment.
I just think it's a time-will-tell situation.
Wow.
The main thing that we have to, like,
say here is... he is so sound, so lovely.
Was very mature and I feel like he's got his head screwed on.
But maturity is, like, not only emotional intelligence,
but it's, you know, life experience for me.
Because what I did notice in our conversations this time is that...
...when we were comparing kind of stories about life experience,
you know, he still feels very young to me.
Like, he kept talking about uni. This isn't a him problem.
It's me just feeling like I can't relate to him.
Also, like, realistically, financially, maturity.
I just want to know, when I do have kids,
or when I do want to maybe have a bit of time off,
that I can be secure to have somebody that supports me.
Did you talk about going on another date?
Yeah. Like, I mean, he's messaging me.
Right. And when he messages you, do you message him back?
Like, three days later. OK, yeah.
Oh, I get the feeling Joel's going
to be very disappointed in about three days' time.
You know, he's asking to see me, and I'm kind of just,
like, avoiding the questions.
So, that right there is the biggest indicator.
Like he's... He's great.
And I think he will make someone a really great boyfriend.
It's just... he's just not right for me right now.
Yeah. You don't feel comfortable enough
to gamble the next few years of your life to see where it goes.
That is literally it.
This is an important admission from Gabby.
She's beginning to understand what she truly wants.
So we're gonna park Joel for now and let her explore other options.
This is exciting.
So, we have someone new for you. Yes.
Someone that we are very excited about.
Gavin. Gavin.
He's a multi-business owner from Ascot.
Trust Dr T to shove a random "ass" into a normal placename.
Gavin looks nice. Yeah, I'm exci...
I'm just excited to go out with somebody else, as well.
Yeah. What will you be taking from your dates
with Joel into this date with Gavin?
I would like to have a little bit more depth from the get-go.
I think it's great that you've made a definitive decision.
You want to park the Joel situation. Mm-hm.
You're excited about Gavin, right, which we like.
Yeah! And then, you know,
the next time we see you, you know where that will be.
Grease The Musical?
At the mixer. Another mixer?!
Yeah, I know, I can't believe they're letting you into another one either!
Look how excited... Because the first time...
You're like, "More boys?"
Yeah! I was thrown into the wolves,
but this time I'm like, "OK, I'm ready."
Yeah!
But are THEY - is the question.
With some of our celebrities doing better than others,
a mixer is the perfect way to test new and old connections.
Now, for Gabby, of course, Joel will be there,
so it'll be interesting to see how she shows up,
given the fact
that she just came off a date with Gavin.
Have fun. Thank you. Have so much fun tonight.
Thank you. I will do. See you. Bye! Have a great day.
You gotta love Gabby. Yeah, Gabby's in a good place.
I love how excited she was about Gavin.
Yeah. I love how excited she is about the mixer.
So this is good. We're doing our work. Yeah.
Look at us. Look at us. We're winning.
Yeah, all except the actually finding a partner part.
But baby steps, hey, agents? Baby steps.
♪ Don't let me go
♪ Stay with me forever... ♪
At least one of the agents is doing something useful today,
as Anna's about to arrive on a special errand,
proving that when a celeb is too busy to come to us, we'll go to them.
We're at the stage now with our celebrities
where there is no time to waste in finding love,
so I'm going to squeeze in a little consultation with Coleen
and find out what exactly went down on her last date.
Knock-knock! Surprise!
ANNA LAUGHS
Coleen's date with Canadian Adam started well.
And you've never wanted to marry, or been close to getting married? Um...
...not really. Not that I'm asking you to marry me. I'm just... Yeah.
Hey, what are you doing later?
But he soon gave her flags as red as the maple leaf.
Have you got kids? No kids, no. Did you ever want kids?
It's always nice when you can hand them back, you know?
You know, it's like...
But his jokes about who should pay the bill...
So, are you paying tonight?
I mean, you're the celebrity, after all. You're the... Of course.
You're the one rolling in the money.
...left Coleen wanting to split.
Thank you so much. See you soon.
So, your date with Adam -
so, how was that?
Because when we left your last agency session,
you seemed really quite excited about him. Yeah.
You were you were back on that horse.
You were like, "He looks nice." Yeah, I said, nice face...
Give me the tea. Um...
So, it started off really nicely.
It was very... You know, it was flowing.
And then, just as we started to go along,
there was a few things where I thought, "Oh!"
Like, he wouldn't talk about past relationships,
he's never been married,
he's not family-orientated.
Doesn't really know what he's doing, in a way.
And so, it was all adding up and I thought,
"Oh, this isn't quite working."
But we were still chatting.
And then they brought the bill and he said,
"So, what were we doing about this?"
But it's just the way he did that straight away... and threw me.
And I went, "Oh, well, we can go halves on it if you want."
And he went, "Well, you're the celebrity."
The balls on him! Although he does have a point.
Ooh! And then watched me pay it and then didn't even say thank you.
Fucking legend.
OK. So, that was the nail in the coffin for me.
I thought, "I don't like you."
Something tells me the next guy that tries that
might get a nail in the bell end.
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where, moseying in for an agency catch-up on his date with Dotty,
it's ex-England rugby international beefcake James Haskell.
Does he always walk around with a rugby ball?
That's like me carrying a microphone to the office.
Hello, Celebrity Dating Agency.
It's James. Jimmy!
♪ Witness the fitness
♪ The Cruffatin liveth
♪ One hope, one quest
♪ Witness the fitness... ♪
Come in!
Hello. Chic en marine bleu. A vision in blue. Oh, yeah.
I have a gift for you.
Here we go. Some classic ball innuendo incoming.
Oh, I see! It's big and it's smooth,
and it's all yours.
Isn't it beautiful!
Does Tom think it's a Faberge egg?
Gosh, what a privilege it is to nuzzle my nostrils into
one of James's leathery balls.
The smell of the scrum still lingers on it
like morning dew on an Etonian grubber.
I simply must get it signed.
Shall I toss it?
Yes, please do. What delicate tossing! Was that all right?
That was perfect tossing.
Oh, my! I can't believe you actually trained with that ball.
I did, yeah. In those days
when you used to wrestle with a hooker before 9:00. Yes, yes.
Or a quiet Tuesday night.
There was nothing quiet about that night, Haskell.
And you still owe £100, big man.
I put, "To sexy Tom. Always yours, James Haskell."
And a kiss.
Are you not gonna smell it again, Tom?
Back over at LWHQ,
Anna's got a surprise in store for Loose Lady Colleen.
Well, the dating does continue... I know.
...even though you are a busy bee.
I'm gonna leave it completely blind for you,
because we do have a gentleman ready and waiting.
Oh, I'm going now? You are going. I'm going dating today?
Yeah. Brilliant.
Give her a break, Anna.
She's just spent the morning hearing about Janet Street-Porter's sex life.
Coleen has this tendency to prejudge any of her suitors
against this checklist.
And the problem with this - it puts her in a negative mindset
before she's even gone in on the date.
So a blind date is perfect. It keeps the slate clean
and it gives everybody a fighting chance from the off.
How do you feel about that?
That makes me nervous, obviously, not knowing anything.
I mean, I could end up sitting at someone's table
that I think is my date and it's not.
How embarrassing.
Here's a tip. Sit at the table the cameras are pointing at.
I'm manifesting out there, Coleen's going to come in,
she's gonna be beaming,
she's gonna be literally titty-tassels, off we go!
Hand them out to the rest of the Loose Women. Why not?
Not Judi Love, though. She's got enough pairs of her own.
Back at the agency, and part man,
part subwoofer James is on his way to fill in the agents
about his much anticipated latest date.
James and Dotty. Yes, yes. What do you think?
Seeing their potential compatibility,
like, this could be it.
This could be it, yes. Come on in!
That was a soft knock! Yeah.
Hello. That was very gentle.
How you doing?
Gentle giant James had a peach of a date with Hotty Dotty,
despite a wobbly start.
There's a couple of people that I think we've got in common.
Oh, God. They didn't put you in the best light.
Did they not?
And rather taken by Dotty's digs...
Just not down with the kids here. Yeah.
Also, don't say "get down with".
Spending time with you is such a confidence boost.
...he was potty about Dotty.
If you do want to do it again, I'd definitely do it again.
I would like to see you again, yes. Perfect.
How was the date with Dotty?
Great. Really, really good. Really nice girl.
Very different energy to everyone else that I dated.
How so? What does that mean? So, just, like, intelligence,
confidence. She didn't take any shit from me.
She... She mugged me off a couple of times.
Very funny. All the other dates I had were...
They were all so nice,
and they were all really interesting dates and fun,
but there probably wasn't that initial, like, after five minutes,
"OK, I want to do it again."
And I had that with Dottie.
Well, actually, before we go to the feedback,
how would you rate the date from 1 to 10?
8.5, 9. I don't think it could have got better, really.
Ten springs to mind.
All right, so, "Do you think you're a good match with James?"
And she said, "A good match for each other.
"There was a lot in common.
"Similar passions in fitness, music, life and ambition."
Oh, wow. Mm.
She said, "He was less brash than I was expecting him to be."
He showed a softer side
and he brought vulnerability to the conversation.
James, aren't you the perfect man?
You are a skilful dater.
Yeah, that tells it all.
The perfect man?! This under-promise and over-deliver thing really works.
♪ I wanna feel like I'm alive
♪ So let's just keep on dancing like it's 2005... ♪
Let's hope it also applies to low expectations too,
as Coleen's arriving for her blind date with Michael.
I'm quite nervous
because I've never done a completely blind date.
No one has told me anything about him.
Then, in another way, it's quite good
because I've no preconceived ideas.
I'm going in quite excited, actually.
Right, let's have a look at him, then.
♪ Just take me where the sun's gonna shine so bright... ♪
What I'm looking for in a partner would be somebody who is fun,
lively, kind, compassionate, energetic,
good fun to be with.
He seems like a nice chap. No red flags yet.
So, I've been playing guitar for some time.
Oh, bollocks. Here's one. He's got it on his back.
Should the occasion arise,
it would be a pleasure to sing to her some words.
He knows it's a date and not an audition, right?
Oh, thank you so much. My pleasure, madam.
Thank you.
Oh! That's very fresh.
Not as fresh as the bars Open Mike's about to spit.
Hello. Hello, Colleen. Nice to meet you. Genuinely pleased to meet you.
Oh, good to meet you. Here at last. Thank you.
Oh, hello! Yes, I never go anywhere without it.
Really?
Must be a nightmare having a shit on a plane.
Oh, how lovely! I don't even know your name.
Michael. Michael. Michael Patrick. Irish?
Dungannon. Oh, wow!
But were you born here?
I was actually born in Singapore. Oh, God!
My father was in the Air Force.
I've been living where I am now for about 20 years.
Where's that? Near Stonehenge. Yeah, yeah.
Closest landmark. Yeah. Can't understand why they chose
to build Stonehenge beside the main road...
It's a joke, Coleen. A bad joke.
...5,000 years ago.
COLEEN CHUCKLES There we go!
This could be a long afternoon.
So, Wiltshire, yeah. That's miles away for me.
OK, so, he's not tall, he's not dark.
He lives in Wiltshire, miles away, and he's turned up with a guitar.
So, I live in Staffordshire. OK. It's beautiful countryside.
Yeah. I'm just a homebody, really.
OK, then. Anyone up for a sing-song?
♪ Feels like we're in Vegas
♪ I wanna see your hands up... ♪
Back at the agency,
egg-chaser James is still revelling in the positive
feedback he just received from his first date with Dotty.
So, clearly she wants to go on another date.
I hope so. But, that being said,
we've got a mixer coming up. What, another one?
Yeah, another mixer coming up. We're full of surprises, James.
Yes. Oh, God!
Do I have to do the mixer?
Because I would like to go on another date
with her without having to do the mixer.
Because also, my homework, I'm top of the class, surely.
It's totally up to you. But yeah,
if you want to go on another date with Dottie...
I'd prefer to do that, if I'm honest with you.
Yes. This is really good to see.
Yeah. That was a great first date.
Yes. And it seems like the second
date could potentially be even more amazing.
Yeah, I hope so. It was great to see you.
Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it.
All right, see you later. Bye. Bye-bye.
He's so lovely. He is.
He's quite a golden retriever. Yeah, he is.
Look at the feedback. Yeah! Very glowing.
He did basically play fetch for a living.
But if he could lick his own balls too,
he'd have never left the house.
Over on her blind date,
Coleen's attempting to see past yet another self-imposed red flag
with Wilshire's very own Willie Nelson, Mike.
He may live hundreds of miles away, Coleen,
but the man's brought a guitar to a date.
Who would be your ideal partner or celebrity crush?
Who's my celebrity crush?
Apart from Coleen Nolan?
Well played, Mike.
Um... Shakira.
Great shout. But what are you doing with your finger?
Oh, really? She's gorgeous. I nearly met George Clooney, actually.
Nearly meeting him means you didn't.
Come on, Coleen, cut the poor fella some slack.
He's travelled all the way from Stonehenge!
But, see, that's the truth, though. I shouldn't have even mentioned it.
Yeah, you were trying to make me go,
"Oh, my God, you met George Clooney!"
But actually... you didn't.
He's dressed very smart, but he's not my usual type.
And he lives so far away and I can't be arsed.
Bloody hell, Coleen.
Guy Ritchie? Yeah, he's not on my list. Who is?
If she says Roy Walker, you're in.
It's like George Clooney, Channing Tatum -
all them lot are pretty spectacular.
Yeah.
Come on, Mike, you're gonna need to up your game here.
You... See, you have got amazing eyes.
Two of them.
Say what you see, Mike. Say what you see.
That was Roy Walker - for anyone under 56.
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where Coleen's been dreaming of a Channing Tatum type,
but so far hasn't seen the magic in Mike.
Do you want to come to Lourdes in the summer?
I mean, we're in Lourdes. We have a trip from the...
I play guitar in various churches. Do you? My mum used to go to Lourdes every year. No!
Yeah, she used to go as a handmaiden, you know, as a helper.
So, are you religious? Yes.
All right. Are you?
REALLY religious?
Well, he's hardly going to go on
a pilgrimage to France if he's on the fence.
Totally committed... as a Christian.
You're quite laid back, really, aren't you?
Here's the thing. I also am shy.
Probably grew up introverted. Oh, really?
So I don't know if the humour and that is a disguise.
I do love being funny. I like to make people laugh.
I like people to enjoy themselves and have a laugh.
Well, feel free to make me laugh whenever you want.
Meow! Have that!
MICHAEL SIGHS Oh, no. I think you've broken him.
He's super religious and I'm really not.
So I might have just killed this on the spot.
Could things get any worse?
I would love to sing a song.
Yes. Yes, they could.
But it's a big deal for me.
Well, don't do it.
Really, Mike, please don't.
I will sing the words quietly over the table.
No, you don't have to be, like, really quiet.
But, like, don't stand up and be bloody Elvis
in the middle of the restaurant...
...because I will die.
SOFT GUITAR CHORDS
♪ Hey, girl from the Emerald Isle
♪ A precious gem amongst the stones
♪ Liquid eyes, radiant eyes... ♪
Liquid eyes?
♪ A treasured find to all who are wise
♪ Love
♪ Loves you
♪ Love
♪ Loves you
♪ Coleen! ♪
Well, fuck me, it's only gone and worked!
MICHAEL EXHALES That is so nice!
So beautiful!
♪ Coleen! ♪ COLEEN LAUGHS
I haven't seen a comeback like this since...
Christ!
...I don't know, he was a pretty big one, but this is no less miraculous.
Across town, finally fed up with the toy boys,
Gabby's on the lookout for a bit of life experience
and financial security
on a first date with entrepreneur Gavin...
From Ascot!
I'm excited for my date tonight with Gavin.
I know that Gavin
is substantially older than my previous date.
He's 36, he's nice and tall, 6'1",
and he seems to be a successful business owner, apparently.
So I'm interested to know about more of that.
I bet you do! Ker-ching!
I don't know much about Gabby,
so I'm keen to sit down and find out a bit more about her.
I've been single for five years now.
I think it's about time I met somebody worth my while.
♪ My pretty melody
♪ And save that dance for me... ♪
Thank you. Hi, how are you?
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. Gav. Nice to meet you, Gav.
Can I get your seat?
Oh, thank you so much.
Nicely done, Gavlar. This ain't his first rodeo.
How are you?
I'm good, thank you. How are you? I'm very well, darling.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks so much. You look fabulous, by the way.
Thank you. You look gorge. Are you excited to be here?
I am, yeah. You said that, on your...
I saw your little brief bio thing today.
Oh, did you see it today?
One of the main things for me is
where people are at in their lives and,
like, the life experience and what they do.
Yeah. I mean, I've got four businesses, so I'm like...
And what are they?
She ain't messing about.
We're gonna need the full LinkedIn bios, please.
So, I've got... One's a tree surgery company. OK.
So, I started up a landscaping company, doing landscaping.
Oh, my garden needs doing. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
I do now want to start up a fragrance company.
I want to do something, like,
with aftershaves and perfumes and things. That's cool.
Yeah, I was a bit of a naughty boy in school,
so I had to sort of work for myself and do my own things.
I've got no GCSEs or... Yeah, but you don't need them.
Look at you, you've got four businesses.
It doesn't matter.
He's self-made. He's got really great values.
He's clearly got his shit together and I do find that attractive.
What are you like in a relationship?
Jesus! She'll be asking him to do a swab test next.
Supportive, fun. I'm very much...
I love to be a provider. You know what I mean?
It's my job as a man, I look at it as...
...to provide, to make sure you're all right.
Do you know what I mean? Mm-hm.
Smoothly done. Keep this up and Gabby will be
having you sorting out her back garden in no time.
♪ Living in make-believe... ♪
Meanwhile, across town,
Lucinda's branching into new territory
on a second date at an axe-throwing bar
with real-life Viking Damian, who also owns an axe arena.
She might as well be going bowling with The Big Lebowski.
Do you know what?
I'm really excited to see Damo the Viking.
There was a little bit of a vibe last time,
a bit of chemistry,
and I just want to sort of explore that a bit more.
I'm looking forward to more time,
some more chat and doing some axe-throwing,
which is my thing. So I'm hoping I can impress,
and I hope we're gonna have a great time.
This is my time now, and I'm really hoping we're going
to have an even better date this time around.
♪ Living in make-believe... ♪
Yay! Hello! Hi!
How are you? How are you?
I'm excited and nervous. Good to see you. How are you?
I'm a bit nervous too. Excited-nervous?
You're going to be really good at this and kick my butt.
Would you like that?
Or would you like me to give you a chance?
I want you to kick my butt.
Crikey!
No small talk. Straight into the role play.
Lucinda means business.
A little touchy-feely. I love it.
Hot diggity damn! Damo, you're looking hot tonight.
And there's something really sexy about
a guy taking charge
that really knows what they're doing.
You can teach me how to axe-throw.
So much pressure! But I got one in.
That is a bit sexy
that you got a bull's eye straight-up.
This is all you need - is a bit of practice.
Here we go.
Oh, no! I'm about to take down the building.
I don't think you'd have any complaints from Damo.
He owns the competition.
Keep going, keep going.
No one's keeping score.
Come on, Lu, you can do this.
All right, stand back. Let ZZ Chop show you how it's done.
Oh!
Straight in the sweet spot.
Right, I think this is the last throw. I believe in you. Come on.
Do exactly what you did last time.
Yeah, it was quite casual, wasn't it? A little bit further back.
That's it.
Absolute silence from the crowd.
Oh, she's gone two-handed.
If she misses this, we can say goodbye to the deposit.
Yes! Yes! Love it!
Feels good, right? It does! Doesn't it feel good?
Damo's just glad to still have his head attached to his shoulders.
Either way, Lucinda seems to be liking her Viking.
Back at the classier end of town,
with Coleen's blind date looking dead and buried,
her cut-price Clooney busted out the six string
and it's put him right back in the game.
So, what... What are you looking for?
I would love to find somebody to spend the rest of my life with.
A companion to be happy with.
Just that one. The one that, at the end of the day,
if you're having a bad day, or even a good day,
you go home and you just get a hug off them and think,
"Oh, it's all..."
And they go, "It's going to be fine. We're together."
My only red flag is just the distance.
Oh, as in, from Stoke to Wiltshire, yeah? Yeah.
It doesn't bother me. And for me, as well,
it's like that special person,
even if they're not physically there, they're there.
Do you understand? That bond. They're there, yeah.
They're at the end of a phone or whatever.
I really would love to see you again and get to know better,
honest to God.
But you don't know whether I'm being serious.
So try this one on for size.
God, not another song, Mike. Quit whilst you're ahead.
In a different sort of a way.
COLEEN CHUCKLES
Oh, there you are!
Oh, for fuck's sake.
I bet they love him at prayer group.
My eyesight's terrible.
Would you...
Oh, my God! Would you see me again?
How do you see me?
I'm not answering when you have those stupid things on!
Let me try them on.
Oh, I was so hoping you would say that.
I like the fact that they blink. Yes!
Never mind liquid eyes, they look radioactive!
Do they suit me? They suit you. Do they?
They actually do. They're genius. They're great, aren't they?
I've never seen any like that before.
I mean, how can I resist?
So, on paper, Mike isn't normally the type I would go for.
But he's really unique and so entertaining.
And, yes, he lives far away,
but it's really hard not to like him.
Yes, Coleen! She's changed her tune.
Oh, shit, moment of truth.
Here comes the bill. Sink or swim, Mikey!
Oh, yeah. Thank you. Pleasure. I think I'll get...
Was everything all right? It was perfect. Thank you.
It was gorgeous. Thank you. Yeah, if you let me...
No, no, I've got it. But let me...
Are you sure? Yes.
Go on, Mike! He's picking up the whole tab -
and he's up to date with his tech.
This guy's getting more of a catch by the second!
Trust me. We're going in. This might take a while.
Thank you. It's all good. Thank you.
Bless you. Thank you, guys. Enjoy your evening. Thanks very much.
Wonderful service.
It's a restaurant, Mike, not a Holy Communion.
Well, I've had a lovely, lovely afternoon. Thank you very much.
Same. Fantastic time. Really enjoyed it.
And hopefully will get to meet you again.
Yes, I would love to see you again, definitely.
- Yeah, definitely. - Definitely. COLEEN CHUCKLES
Yes, please.
Oh, OK.
No, you didn't! That's what you do!
♪ Would you let me stay?
♪ Can we get away?
♪ You were taking my heart... ♪
I've started off thinking,
"Oh, this is going to be a disaster again",
to thinking, "I've really enjoyed myself!"
And there's just something about him that I really like.
Bring the glasses next time. Next time. Yeah.
They're the thing that drew me in.
And then, to end the date, he paid the bloody bill!
Woo-hoo!
Bye!
It was fantastic. Wonderful lady.
Fantastic occasion.
I would absolutely love to see Coleen again any time.
And I got a kiss at the end!
A cheeky little kiss.
I'm walking away with a little spark in my stomach.
Well, as long as it's not a dodgy chicken al forno,
we have got a result for Coleen.
Meanwhile, back over with Gab,
so far things seem to be heading in a positive direction
with tree-trimming tycoon Gavin.
Thank you.
I might have to bang my glasses on in a minute.
Shit, he's not got a pair of googly eyes and all, has he?
Yeah. Oh, my God. Old man.
What, so, are you long-sighted, short-sighted? Well, I can see you.
Oh, that's good. Yeah!
Are you ready?
Eugh.
No, I'm joking!
That bad? No!
They look good. Let's see. No, no, now you're making me feel silly.
Yeah, they don't even have strings that make them blink.
You must feel like a right plonker, mate.
Gavin ticks a lot of boxes.
I just don't have the same initial attraction
like I had with Joel. However, the maturity levels are there.
It's the first proper adult date that I've had, and I'm enjoying it.
What's your favourite cuisine? I would say Italian. Pasta?
Yeah, Italian or, like, steak. I love pasta as well.
I just can't eat a lot of it cos I just balloon. It sticks to me!
Chicken... is not good for me. Really?
Yeah.
Really? I try not to eat it.
Blimey, this IS a grown-up date.
Next they'll be sharing tips on heartburn and acid reflux.
Back at the all action-date,
and with Damo proving to Lucinda he can handle his tool,
they've decided to axe the axe-throwing
in favour of a more casual drink at the nearest boozer.
You've got so many strings to your bow, if you like.
You know, all the different things that you do.
Celebrant, speaker, reality star show,
you know, dating guru, dating host. All these things.
Yeah, all right, mate, we all know how to use Wikipedia.
But if you just had to do one thing, or the one thing,
what is that?
Just to love. Just to love? Yeah.
I think I'm just...
I'm just a big lover. I just want to love.
I think life is so much more fun with two.
I mean, I think I say yes to all the adventures
because obviously I'm a bit single and, you know...
A bit of single or a lot single? A little bit...
A little bit single. No, that is fair.
This is feeling good.
The chat's easy. I like his vibe. There's something there.
I just need to figure out if Damo's into me.
What are you looking for in a woman? What's your vibe?
What am I looking for in a woman? Yeah.
What's your ideal chicky babe?
Me.
Mm! Everything that you are?
Me... in a woman.
"Me in a woman"?
Come on, Luce, he's talking about his willy.
DAMIEN CHUCKLES - What do you mean? - Me!
What do I see in you? Me.
Nothing like having to explain
a joke three times to kill your boner, eh, Damo?
It's over your head. Don't panic.
He must have a big one if he's gone over her head.
♪ I wanna see if you can dance, yeah
♪ Cos just love the feeling... ♪
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where Gabs is out exploring unchartered waters.
She's on a date with a man who is older than she is!
Have you been in any other long-term relationships before?
Yeah. So, I was in a 11-year relationship.
11 years?! Yeah. Oh, my God. Got her.
So, I've got three kids. You have?! Yeah.
Whatever you do, don't split your food out.
Yeah, I've got three kids. I was with her 11 years.
OK. This is very forward.
Would you want more kids?
Bloody hell. Don't hold back, Gabs.
Yeah. I've always said I'd be open to more.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Gavin's got three kids,
and that's kind of thrown me a little bit,
but he is open to having more.
On paper, he's everything that I think that I want,
but I just don't know.
I think, like, the fact that you've been in,
like, a very long-term relationship is, like,
a good green flag because it means that, like,
I mean, you've got three kids with someone
you was with for 11 years, and that's a huge commitment anyway.
Yeah. Like, now, when I've been dating,
I've been very much led by sexual chemistry, because...
...people are hot.
So, having these kind of conversations,
it gives you that, I already thought you were attractive,
but then having the opportunity to get to know you,
I'm like, "OK, yeah, this is good." Yeah. You know?
And then, with, like, the maturity level. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? And, yeah, you've got...
I feel like you're very interesting and you've got a lot...
I feel like you've just got a lot of experience... with life.
Yeah. Yeah.
♪ I need your love... ♪
Meanwhile, back at the boozer,
Lucinda needs to tap into something special
if she's to avoid the chat with axeman Damo drying up.
♪ I need your love
♪ I need your... ♪
Are you enjoying your English beer?
You know, it's all right. I haven't had a beer for a long time,
but I just thought, you know, when in Rome.
What's she looking around for? The Trevi Fountain?
I do plan to go to Rome this year, actually.
Do you? Yeah.
Do you know, my parents were married in Rome.
Really? They were married at the Vatican.
If I did know that, would that be weird?
Yeah, just a little bit.
Um...
Shot of limoncello, anyone?
Oh! It feels like it's flatlined a bit.
And, you know, when we get to these moments,
I do wonder if it's me.
I know I am a bit of an acquired taste.
I'm going to really have to pull one out of the hat here.
Shall we play a game? Yes. What do you want to play?
LUCINDA SIGHS
What would be a fun game?
Mouse Trap? Boggle? Buckaroo?
Eye-gazing.
Am I being therapised? No! Maybe.
It's just an eye-gazing. It's called transfiguration.
Tantra.
Hello! Straight out of the Kama Sutra.
And no talking? Mm.
Might have ruined that. I just talked.
What?! Is that it?! They've just got to stare at each other?
Sod this. I'm going for a piss, then.
Jesus! Are they still going?
If they've gone full Tantra, we could be here for hours.
Best leave them to it and see how our Gabs
is getting on with garden-mower mogul Gavin,
seemingly the mature man she's after,
but so far, he's yet to cultivate any chemistry.
Am I YOUR type?
Very much. I love your eyes.
I'm big on eyes and a smile.
And again, it's your personality that attracts me more.
This is good, mate.
Keep laying down that groundwork.
Visual, you're like, "Yes!" You're into the gym.
You've got lovely teeth, lovely smile.
Keep 'em coming, you green-fingered Romeo.
You're career-driven. The initial attraction is eyes.
I'm very attracted to you.
Mentally, visually...
Mentally?
Thank you.
What's the matter, Gabs? Don't fancy returning the compliment?
I've tried to find a spot with Gavin,
but when he says how much he likes me,
I've realised that I just don't feel the same.
So I'm gonna have to find an excuse and call it a night.
I'm so tired.
Brutal!
But at his age, I'm sure he'll understand.
The Great Pottery Throwdown is about to start, anyway.
Thank you so much for dinner. You're welcome, babes.
Hopefully we get a date two.
How's she going to get out of this one?
I, um... I can't even believe where the time's gone, to be honest.
Answer an entirely different question. Crafty.
Well, let's go. Yeah.
I loved the conversation with Gavin tonight,
but I don't know if there's a spark there.
Yeah, the yawn in the face would indicate there wasn't.
And I don't know if I have time to lose here to go on a second date.
YOU don't have time?
This bloke's got four businesses to run and three kids.
Did you have a nice time?
I had a lovely time. Did you? Yeah, I did.
It was so nice to meet you.
I feel like you're such a nice person.
And I feel the same. I feel like we're very compatible.
Yeah, it was lovely to meet you.
You, too. And I look forward... I... Go on.
...to seeing you again on date two.
See you soon, babe.
Somehow, she's managed to dodge it again.
See you soon. Speak to you soon. Bye now. Bye. Bye-bye.
Yeah, had a really good time. Really enjoyed it.
Was walking out with a massive smile on my face, so...
HE CHUCKLES
I feel like he would be a good partner.
However, it's lacking the chemistry that I had with Joel.
I wish I could just blend them both together.
Hang on, let me just chuck that into ChatGPT.
We want a sexy beefcake gardener.
Uh, it's giving me Charlie Dimmock.
♪ I just wanna vibe, be fly, dress real nice
♪ Do what I want to... ♪
Time to head back to the pub to see
if Lucinda and Damo's tantric stare-off has conjured up
any chemistry for our confidence boost-needing Aussie.
Bloody hell! They're still going!
Hmm.
Could have gone for a dump, as well.
Their eyes will look like Coleen's date's glasses in a minute!
I'm gonna have to stop that now.
Oh, God! I think you've blown it, Lucinda.
That was really good, but we need to do that in private.
Mm.
Or HAS she?
There's too many distractions. I know.
Hello! The Viking's going in for a pillage.
♪ Just kiss me
♪ There's nothing left to lose
♪ This could be the start of something new
♪ I...
♪ I'm falling for you
♪ Falling for you... ♪
Come on, let's go. All right. Let's go.
He's quite a divine kisser.
He's quite delicious.
I think he's delightful.
I love his smiling eyes.
And he's just quite... multidimensional.
There's some little embers flicking again.
Aw!
What a lovely night!
Yes. I think we say goodbye now, right?
It has gone really well, cos I've... DAMIAN CHUCKLES
I've shown her I can chuck an axe
and I can move my mouth, as it were.
Viking checklist complete.
Just got to set fire to the pub now.
Yeah, I'm hoping there'll be another day.
And, yeah, we'll see where it goes from there.
Mm!
Aw!
Until next time.
As I'm going on this dating journey,
I am giving myself permission to feel again
and be close to the dating game again.
And I enjoyed it.
Aw, good on you, Luce!
The agents will be proud.
I feel like this is a phone conversation. "You hang up."
No, you hang up! No, you... No, you hang up!
- You hang up. - No, you... LUCINDA CHUCKLES
Oh, God, if this is a tantric goodbye,
then we better check the Uber driver's brought his PJs.
It's the return of the mixer - or as Anna likes to call it...
Stickser! Oh, a stickser!
But not before she gives ladies' man PK a right royal bollocking.
Don't be a fuckboy.
And a big decision proves too much for Gabby...
Can I go to the bathroom?
Yeah, yeah, go, go.
...as our celebs...
Abracadabra. Watch this.
He just said "abracadabra". I'm obssessed with him!
...go...
Is there anybody gay here?
...dating.
I'm in love! LAUGHTER
Subtitles by Red Bee Media