This programme contains strong language and adult humour
Tonight... Get in with your titty tassels! Shimmy, shimmy!
Lucinda pours her heart out... I know, I know. Let it out.
...before sticking her nose in...
Do you want to have... Do you want to have a smell?
It's so gorgeous.
...as our celebs... I want to fill my finger with a big fat ring.
Oh, yeah? ..go...
There's a couple of people that I think we've got in common.
They didn't bring you the best part. Did they not?
I could have just stayed at home and punched myself in the face.
...dating! Yeah!
Get in, you bastard! Come on!
Welcome to Celebs Go Dating. ♪ I could get used to this. ♪
It's a brand-new day at the agency, where, as always,
the relationship management and emotional wellbeing
of their celeb clients is the main focus of the agents.
Can I say, everyone looks really bloody fit today! Oh!
Anna, you know what? On that note... Yeah?
...I have something big that I want to announce.
We all know that, P-dog. Go on.
I had sex last night. THEY CHEER
Well, I watched Silent Witness in my pants, eating hash browns,
but you don't hear ME showing off!
I put the ketchup in an egg cup...
I think you're teasing us about the announcement.
Yes, you're right. I was being a bit coy.
What's the real announcement?
Yeah, I'm British, guys.
I'm a full-on resident of the UK. I did pass my test.
Oh, you passed your test! I did pass my test, yeah.
THEY CHEER Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, Paul. You know what this tells me? Do you know what this means?
What's that? This means you can never get rid of us! This is true.
♪ When I walk in the club all eyes on me... ♪
And here's someone else we can't get rid of - it's David.
And I've seen enough Potsie walk-ins to know when he's hung over...
DAVID EXHALES ...big time.
Let's hope he's functioning enough
to make the exact noise of the intercom bell.
Still got it, DP. Hello, Celebrity Dating Agency.
Hi, Tom, it's David. Come in, darling, do!
Oh, keep it down, Tom. He's feeling fragile.
♪ Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots
♪ Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots
♪ La-da-da-da-da-da Everybody, let's take shots. ♪
HE BURPS - Oh, no. - Sorry.
Oh, God! Don't go over there, Tom. Those sick burps linger.
Let's make life really nice for you because you're hanging.
Oh, thank you. Yeah. You're hanging out of your anus. Yeah.
Oh, don't pamper him, Tom. He's only hanging out of his anus
because he went full Ibiza weekender last night.
Actually, I think I've just got
a kind of coconutty residue on my hand.
Oh, nice. What a treat. Tiny little bit of alcohol. Yeah!
BELL RINGS Oh, my goodness!
Oh, darling, I'm so sorry.
Oh! Rude awakening, rude awakening.
Hello? Hi, Lovely T. We're ready for David. All right, darling.
TOM WHIMPERS Come on.
One, two, three. I need a Lucozade. Oh, well, you look ravishing!
Oh, thank you. Aesthetically, I wouldn't know you were hanging.
You would if you looked at his shorts.
Honestly, it's like a butcher's window!
Thank you, cos I feel like I'm going to die. Oh, darling...
Oh! Now, let's see what kind of mood David is... in.
He's always in a big mood, so... He is.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
HE SINGS
I mean, that is a powerful entrance, Da-veed. Yeah.
Thank you. Your legs are popping, your lips are popping. Thank you.
My insides aren't popping. I'm a bit ropey after last night.
Had a big night out...?
Basically...
...the date was BLEEP sick!
Yes!
David got a right eyeful from Anthony.
Oh, OK. That's my dog there.
Then he got a mouthful. You're so lovely.
Then they went off for a skinful.
Yeah. Let's go and get another tequila. Come on. Come on.
Tequila time!
And judging by the state of David today, it wasn't just a quickie.
He pulled his pants down. Oh! So I was looking at his tattoos,
and he was like, "I've just got a new tattoo."
And I was like, "Oh, what is it?" It was like, "It's my dog."
And I was like, "Oh, let's see your dog." He went, "It's on my leg."
And then just stood up and pulled his pants down.
Bulge was in my face. I didn't know if I was looking at the dog
dressed as a pirate on his thigh. Captain Cock next to it.
I was literally like, "I don't know where to look."
I was like, "Do you prefer somebody making the move
"or do you, like, like making the first move?"
He was like, "Oh, I prefer if somebody makes the move."
But failing that, I'll get my cock and balls out
and show you me pirate dog.
So we kissed over the table. Oh, OK... Then what happened next?
Then we left. We had a peck outside,
and then I was like, "I don't want this to end."
Oh! So I was like, "Should we go for another tequila?"
You went after hours. We went after hours!
And we know in the agency, when we go after hours... Yeah.
...things have got a bit of a "dot, dot, dot." Right. So, come on!
Yeah. Then all of a sudden, he just leant in and we were snogging
in the middle of the pub, which is kind of making me
cringe a little bit, but then I'm also loving it.
What the fuck? THEY SQUEAL
NARRATOR JOINS SQUEALING
Sorry. Just wanted to join in, too. Yes, David! What a result.
♪ I'll make you
♪ Reach, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. ♪
So with David getting all hot under the collar,
the incoming Gabby is getting all hot under her coat
she clearly bought from Age Concern.
Hello. Celebrity dating agency.
Hi, it's Gabby.
Do come in.
♪ I'll make you, I'll make you sweat
♪ 'Till the feeling goes on and on and on and on
♪ I'll make you, I'll make you sweat... ♪
Darling! Oh, look at you!
How are you?
Oh, I say. VOICE MUFFLED
Say what you want about that jacket,
but at least it muffles Tom's nonsense.
Thank you. Oh, it's very toss-on, toss-off-able, isn't it?
If anyone else said that, there'd be trouble.
Oh, it's like a stole! It's bloody cold, though, outside.
It is. You're very well dressed for this. Oh, thank you.
Little chinchilla.
Don't worry, it's fake, everyone.
As if Gabby would kill that many chinchillas.
It'd be a great fight, though.
Upstairs, the only bout David's having is
a bout of horniness after his knockout night.
How would you rate that date from 1 to 10?
Honestly, a solid 9.5.
9.5? Yeah. Wow.
So are you curious to hear what he thinks?
Too hungover for this.
"I was impressed by his personality and his energy.
"He had beautiful eyes.
"David handled the date so well."
Oh, my God!
This is mature. Yeah, I'm so mature!
What's the last one, Taz?
Er, that's Dr Taz to you.
"How would you rate your date with David from 1 to 10?"
Oh, God. I've just said 9.5.
He said...
"10 out of 10!" Fuck off! Yes!
Get in, you bastard!
Come on! Yes, baby.
Are they pleased with that? It's hard to tell.
We are very, very pleased.
Thank you. Clears that up.
We're so proud of you. Oh, thank you.
I'm excited to kind of see where it goes.
So the second date, that's the really important one. Yes. OK.
Have a think about the things that are really important to you... OK.
Tequila shots, snogging and dogs dressed as pirates?
...that you would like to share with Anthony.
Yeah. My challenge for you this time would be ask him,
"What are you like in bed?"
I lie face-down, head in the pillow,
arm under it, leg hanging out,
arse out of the duvet like a fucking warthog.
Sexual communication is hot.
Other than that, just get in there with your titty tassels
and get in there and enjoy, baby! Shimmy, shimmy.
Thank you!
Bye, bitches. Bye, bitches!
Mwah, mwah, mwah!
Bye, my loves.
Babes, I think what we need to do right now
is start getting our wedding outfits ready.
I thought you were going to say
we should pop a bottle of champagne. Maybe.
David might well be off for a hair of the dog.
DAVID COUGHS
As one happy Pottsy leaves, Gabby's next in
and she's getting Dr T and PCB in the agent roulette.
Come on in.
Hello. Hello. Hi, Gabby.
Wow. I'm always like, "Who have I got today?"
Gabby and Joel caused quite a splash in Tenerife.
I feel like it's only fair to give Joel a second go.
Their first date was so nice they had to do it twice.
And by twice, I mean twice as many people
because it was a double date with Lucinda and Ken.
That's all right. How many is that? 100.
What?! 100 for the best. Thank you so much.
And once they'd gone, Gabby got a gob full.
Not like that, you perverts.
How was your double date?
An experience. Really?
We were so excited for it. It was...
We were just bouncing off each other, me and Lucinda.
And then we got in there, and when the guys arrived,
it just kind of went wah-wah-wah.
Like a choir of ducks.
They left... Mm-hm.
...which means you and Joel could have alone time.
Yeah. He brought me 100 roses.
100 roses. Did he? I've never had that in my life.
How did you feel about that?
I just feel like he's sincere, and he's got really good potential,
but he's very young.
I keep coming back to this.
If he was older and in a maybe a different position in his life,
then I would be excited by it, but I just have this gut feeling
that it's, like, am I just wasting my time?
You talked about some of the challenges with Joel.
What's the upside? I like how I feel when I'm with him.
Really? Yeah. How would you describe it?
Just, like, hot.
Are you sure that's not just the chinchilla body warmer?
"Just, like, hot." THEY LAUGH
He's interested and wants to get to know me,
and I do believe that from him.
He's got a really good energy to be around.
I do like being around him. OK.
Everything that you've told me
says that you definitely need another date with this guy. Yeah.
The real question is, does he show up in this third date, consistent?
Mm-hm.
If you feel a drop-off,
as Ken precipitously dropped...
What's wrong with saying suddenly, Paul?
If you feel a drop-off, you walk.
If you don't feel seen, you walk, right?
This is why this third date is very, very important. Yeah. OK.
Wow. PCB is serious. Typical Brit.
On this date, you're going to be able
to collect more information about him
and make a decision for yourself on this next date.
So it's a very important date.
Oh, God. God! Yeah.
This is your biggest date so far of your time here at the agency.
Yeah. All right.
So you're ready? Yeah. You feel good? Yeah.
You know what the mission is? Yes.
OK. No pressure, Agent Gabs.
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where Gabby's gone to get ready for her most important date ever.
And it's Married At First Sight for sore eyes Lucinda's turn,
who's come dressed as an old lady's couch.
Hello. Celebrity dating agency.
Hello, gorgeous Tom Read Wilson.
Oh, Miss Light.
Come in, come in.
Hi! Oh, look at your paisley!
Double denim.
Oh, double denim and double paisley.
Hello, gorgeous. I'm mad about paisley.
How did you know?
I feel like it's the spiral of life
because all of nature's got the little...
Beautiful way of putting it.
God, how soft and poreless your skin is.
Likewise. Right back at you.
We could just do this forever!
For the love of God, please don't.
Can you just be my little pussycat and just curl up in my lap?
And I'll just stroke you.
You'd be a better pussycat than me.
Oh! You'd just purr. Well, I am very tactile.
I think it's my love language.
I reckon you're fluent in all of the love languages.
Me too. My love language is pussay... and dicks.
In terms of affirmations, I have a rule.
If it's dancing on my frontal lobe, it has to visit my tongue.
Which is why I refuse to dance on his frontal lobe.
Would you like to ring up T?
Got to clean this phone here.
Has it got make-up on it? Look at that. Ew.
Can I put it on speakerphone?
No, you have to lick my foundation off the phone.
Go on, P-Dog. Give it a lick.
PHONE RINGS
Hello. Hello, T.
If you could send her up.
Certainly. Thank you.
Lucinda. Bye, my darling.
Bye, darling.
Back out in Teners, Lucinda had her first date with Ken.
I'm not gonna lie to you, your lips is just doing it for me.
And after some serious graft,
they managed to clear the restaurant with their snog fest.
But on their second date, Ken got ahead of himself...
I mean, I've got a penthouse in Chelsea.
...as well as putting his foot right in it...
Listen, she lives, like... Not a foursome with these lot.
No, but it's got to be a foursome. No.
No foursomes, Ken.
...causing Lucinda to throw the towel in early.
Have fun, you two. Thank you. You, too.
Ken was looking for his Barbie,
and he was pretty sure he'd found it in you...
Aw. ..when we left Tenerife.
But come second date,
there was sort of not a presence that I'm looking for.
A quality of just soulful chat
that felt really true.
With Ken, when did you first feel he wasn't the right one for you?
Do you know what, I think it was the space between
the notes of leaving Tenerife
and the next stage.
What I would argue is that you knew immediately.
You're right. You extend this benefit of the doubt
and you override your conscious.
I haven't been dating for so long
that I almost lean into it because I'm like,
"Well, it's an experience."
Lucinda is the epitome of a people pleaser,
but always saying yes or agreeing with your date,
that is not a good strategy, because essentially
they're not getting to know the real you.
I do recognise within all of that as well,
I'm a very acquired taste.
Can we go into that a bit? Because...
Well, I'm a bit of an Amazon glamazon, so, you know...
Huh? And then I think, you know,
just being a bold woman, I just don't think it's...
It's not a lot of people's cup of tea.
Have you always sort of been this introspective?
No. So what changed?
I think it's just truly come from being a giant mess
and in so much pain and quite often a bit of heartbreak
where I'm like, "I don't know where to put this."
Yeah, like, a lot of pain, you know... Yeah.
...earlier and a lot of hatred toward my body as well.
Um...
Being bullied and called fat.
I've had a very, um...
A bit of body dysmorphia.
And it's a continual journey to accept...
...a bigger body and I mean... Yeah.
I really am quite body-positive.
I mean, you know, I do...
It requires radical acceptance, doesn't it? But it's a journey.
And often we can fake it till we make it as well. Yeah.
If we throw enough shit at a wall, it might stick
and we might just believe it ourselves.
And I think the challenge that you have is self-acceptance
in that area. It can be. And you know, I mean,
often when I have a lover, like, I fall in love with it again,
because, you know,
often what's reflected is just divine, you know?
But sometimes when you're going solo,
you forget without that love and touch, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I'm so emotional today.
We're such a...
Let it out. ..huge mass of women
in their middle age now that are not
being met or found or touched and felt.
And I think there's a bit of a loneliness epidemic that's upon.
It's so sad.
Oh!
I know. I know, I know.
It's OK. Let it out. Let it out.
It felt so easy in my 20s and 30s to fall in love and be in love.
Yeah. Sometimes I give up hope.
Like, you know, I've been out there and like,
"Here I am. Let's go." You know? But...
You know, this is great.
But, yeah, also no pressure. SHE LAUGHS
You are - and I'm not just saying this to say it -
one of the most exceptional people that I've ever witnessed.
This is really important because you are amazing,
but we also know that, you know, we can't keep carrying on up there,
when we need to sometimes just sit in the mud
and right now, we're sitting in the mud with you.
You are gorgeous. OK? Thank you, beautiful.
All it takes is one person, Lucinda.
Yeah. One person.
And you are putting yourself in the position to find that person. Yes.
Thank you, beautiful.
And you're right, it is a numbers game, isn't it?
Just keep going until I've found the poor bastard.
THEY LAUGH
Fantastic agenting from A-Dubs and PCB there.
You've got this, Lucinda.
Across town, Gabby's gearing up to work out
if she wants to be in a duo with Joel,
who's ten years her junior.
The fact that we're on a third date,
it's looking like it could get a bit serious,
and I'm not one to shy away from that.
Jesus! He thinks it could get serious enough to bring a wash bag?
It's obvious that we have some sort of chemistry there,
but I definitely need to dig a bit deeper
and see if we are aligned on the fundamentals of
what I would consider a strong relationship.
"Do you like Minecraft?"
Hey!
How are you? How are you? Sorry to keep you waiting.
You look amazing, man. Thank you. Let me get that chair for you.
Oh, thanks.
That's very nice of you. Thank you.
I'm nervous. Why? I don't know.
Maybe because the agents told her
this is the most important date of her life.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I think it's a good thing. It should be a good thing. Yeah.
I feel like if you wasn't nervous, then it would be like,
what are you here for?
Let me take this off. It's quite warm in here.
Fair enough.
Joel seems to think you're pretty hot too. Look at him!
I'm enjoying this view.
Carry on. THEY LAUGH
I can't take any more off. We're in a restaurant.
Yeah. No, no. We'll save that for later, innit?
He's like a kid in a sweet shop,
and he's got his eye on a couple of gobstoppers.
How are you, anyway?
I'm just happy to kind of be in this situation with you.
Yeah, true. What's on your mind?
Loads of things.
Loads of things? Yeah.
OK. So I'm going to be straight-up honest with you.
We've talked about the age thing before.
What I've been thinking about is that realistically,
what does the age gap mean moving forwards?
What is in your kind of, like, two-year plan or things like that?
Oh, shit.
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where Gabby's in the middle of her journey
to decide whether Joel's more playgrounds and swings
or serious things.
What is in your, like,
kind of like two-year plan or, like, things like that?
I'm ready to just settle down.
I'm like, I'm not into all of this talking
to loads of people and bouncing back and forth.
Like, I don't really find it interesting,
like, getting something deep for like seven months,
then having to start again.
I don't like the starting again process.
And I've always said, like, my next person,
I want it to kind of be my last.
What does, like, a long-term, like, a successful
long-term relationship look like to you?
Family orientated.
Say, caring.
Supportive.
Jesus. Is he reciting an advert for an old people's home?
And just, like, teamwork.
Loyalty is everything to me. That's a good word.
I was looking for that one. Loyalty is everything.
Oh, it's just bullshit filler until they shag, isn't it?
But what else... I'll reverse that question back to you.
Well done.
Don't patronise him, Gabs. That's my job.
Back to HQ now, where the agents have been putting their
own specialist skills to good use on Lucinda.
There's a date for you tonight.
But it's not just one. What? We have two.
Wow. We have two. Right.
So you have a starter, and then you have a main.
Like a speed date. Like a speed date.
Almost. Right. OK.
But this is to really maximise your time here.
I like this. OK. So the beauty is that you can
decide which of these two that you'd like to continue on as dessert.
That's so cheeky. Yes.
Are we going in blind on this one?
We're going in blind. Yeah. I love surprises.
Exactly. This is why we know...
Because you lean into everything we give you.
Yeah. OK. How are you feeling about that?
Oh, my gosh, this is going to be a night.
I tell you. This will be. Thank you, guys.
Thank you. Thanks for holding all my tender bits today. Always.
I didn't know that was part of the service.
They never hold mine.
Bring it in, sister.
Thanks, guys. Oh, you honey. Here for you.
We'll see you on the other side. Cannot wait.
Oh...
All right. You take care. Yep, yep. Thanks, guys. So much love.
So much love.
This was a breakthrough moment.
And I wonder how much she's articulated of
the story to anyone and the fact
that she was willing and wanting to do it here now,
especially at this point in the journey,
shows that her next half could truly be life-changing.
I think the best is very much yet to come.
Yeah. Yep. And hopefully this life-changing journey
won't end in divorce.
Back across town,
let's see how Gabby is getting on sizing
up her future prospects with Loverboy Joel.
You asked me, where do I see things in the next two years?
But where do you see things? Oh, God.
I'm like, ready to be
in a proper relationship in a couple of years.
I don't know how long, but before I'm 40,
I would like to have kids. Yeah.
But, yeah, just like the real deal.
Like, I want to fill my finger with a big fat ring.
And I want to fill my ring with a big fat finger, Gabs.
But you can't have it all, right?
I'm on the same page.
Oh, is that what you're looking for? 100%.
How many kids do you want, though?
Um, two max.
I wouldn't call them both Max, but each to their own.
Two, three?
I'm happy with two, but three is, like, my maximum.
You can see where we end up. Better get cracking, then.
Yeah. No need to rush, Gabs.
He'll be an absolute sperm wagon at his age.
I do know that there's, like, a three-date rule normally.
Yeah. I'm not saying that this is right now,
even though we're on our third date, but normally it's a three-date rule.
And that's where you kind of like level up.
I'm starting to think level up means sexy, sexy, boom time.
I think I know what you're saying,
but I didn't even know there's that rule.
Oh, so you aren't a seasoned dater.
I'm very open to finding out that rule.
You know what I mean?
I feel like, yeah, it's about time.
Is it? Yeah.
If the time is right, the time is right.
I like where kind of things are going.
I want to know about you more.
But, yeah, I definitely want to carry things on.
You're confusing. In terms of how?
When I'm with you, I'm like, "Yeah, fancy him."
But then obviously on
my head on paper, I'm like, he's young.
He's this, he's that.
But then whenever I ask you things, you always deliver
in what I need you to say.
That comes down to like my trust in whether I want to see, like,
believe it or like whether it's just a time will tell situation or...
Let's not think that fast.
Like, let's live in the moment. And if it's meant to be
it's meant to be. It's not, it's not...
OK.
Well, that's very mature, actually.
So I think we're done here.
Let me pick you up. Let's go.
I had many doubts going into this,
mainly just because of the age thing.
And honestly, everything that I asked Joel,
he had a very solid response,
and I wasn't expecting that.
But I think right now,
not keeping my options open when I'm not 100% sure
is a little unsettling for me.
So I just want to make sure that the agents know that.
Well, Gabby's still not 100% sold on Joel,
so we'll have to see if he gets to level up
or if it's time for a new player to enter.
In a rainy south London,
ex-rugby player turned superstar DJ James Haskell
is in the back of a black cab and he is 100% pumped for his next date.
I'm very excited about this date.
So what I know about Dottie is, she's into health and fitness.
She looked very pretty in her photo.
She talked about wanting a bit of wit and confidence.
I mean, I've definitely got one of those.
I'll let the audience decide which one that is.
Here's a clue. It's not the wit.
I would love to feel that connection and that vibe
and find that energy straight away.
And hopefully tonight I'll have that.
Well, you better get a move on. You're late, Jimbo.
Across town, Lucinda is on her way to the blind double date
the agents have lined up
to help solve her problem
of giving people the benefit of the doubt.
What a fabulous opportunity to have
a date for entree, a date for main, and then to choose one for dessert.
It's a bit of a Choose Your Own Adventure night
and I'm here for it.
If you were going on an adventure,
it'd be handy if you were backed up by a Viking.
That beard is so beardy.
I was already super excited.
And then it's like me going
to play against another guy and I'm like, "OK, here we go."
So you've just ramped up my enthusiasm
for the date a little bit more
because I absolutely need to make sure I win.
Mate, it's a date, not The Hunger Games.
You know, I think competition is healthy.
So I'm coming in open minded, being my authentic self.
See if some things click between the two of us.
I believe, I hope, the best man wins. We'll find out soon.
Right, sit tight, Damo, and make yourself comfy.
Lucinda might be a while.
Yeah!
Hello. Hello. How are you? Nice to meet you.
Anurag. Anurag, yes. Lucinda. Please. Good to meet you.
How's it going? Pretty good. How are you going?
Yes, I'm good, I'm good.
So originally from Australia, right? Um, yeah.
Very much Australian.
And then how long have you been in the UK, if you don't mind?
Well, I sort of spend time between the two countries.
Oh, OK. So you go...
I do a bit of both.
Well, you can't do both tonight.
You've got to pick one.
Anurag's a cool guy.
He's definitely putting me at ease.
I'm enjoying this.
How about you, Lucinda? So, siblings?
I've got an older brother and then a middle sister. OK.
And so everybody's Australia-based.
I've never been to Australia. I want to definitely go.
You have to come Down Under.
I think he just did.
Hobbies - what do you do outside of work to relax?
Hobbies, hobbies...
I actually just did the Hoffman course.
Do you know about that? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How was that? I loved it. You know, I'm just trying
to make better decisions for my life.
Like not choosing the sugary things.
Yeah. Sugar's the devil.
Is sugar the devil?
I feel like the actual devil might be a bit put out by that comparison.
So start small.
Have you heard of Kaizen? The concept of Kaizen?
Tell me. It's Japanese, it's about incremental improvements
when you want to make a change. Bit by bit. Yeah.
They always come up with good ones.
Like, there's the inanake, which is like...
Oh! Ikigai, ikigai. Ikigai! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ikigai, ikigai.
Yeah. Bukkake changed my life too.
I mean, I follow lots of different systems.
Yes. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah. Universal, laws of the universe.
The law of attraction.
Go on.
Law of vibration.
Oh, she knows all about that. Don't you worry.
I love all that stuff.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, totally.
Well, they're both chatting absolute fucking bollocks,
but they seem to be getting on.
That's a bonus.
Right, over to rugby star turned podcaster and DJ James Haskell,
who's running late
for his first date with personal trainer Dottie.
Is it me, or does she look just like his ex wife, Chloe Madeley?
How am I feeling? Excited, I think.
I'm apprehensive.
My hopes for the date is to just get to know him,
find out what he's really like behind
the celebrity side that we see.
I love banter, I like to be sarcastic,
I like to challenge and see if I can bring that out in him.
Well, you're in luck because here comes Bantony Hopkins now.
Here's Jimbo.
I'm very excited for my date with Dottie.
Hopefully it's better than the weather.
Yeah. Classic bants.
Kill me.
How you doing? I'm good, thank you. How are you? Good.
I'm James. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? You all right?
Yeah, I'm good. Oh, my God, this weather is awful.
It's disgusting. Literally disgusting.
Turn up shaking. It looks like I'm shaking with nerves,
but I'm literally shaking because I'm freezing.
No, it was nerves. Yeah, yeah. No. Of course.
Of course it was nerves.
You look great. Thank you. Likewise. Thank you.
Thank you, I try. I mean, I've not much to work with,
but I try.
Dottie looks beautiful.
She's got a great smile. There's incredible energy.
I think this is going to be a really, really good date.
Can I get a glass of Pitbull, please?
Pitbull?
What? Fireball!
♪ Do, do, do do-do-do. ♪
Do you want regular or large one?
Large, please.
Oh, someone's gambling on James footing the bill.
Can I get a tequila soda, please?
Tequila? Thank you.
I wonder what you'd ordered then, when you said a Pitbull.
I was like, "Fucking hell."
Yeah. What kind of idiot would make that mistake?
Mr Worldwide.
It's very nice. You can try it.
That's very sweet of you. Thank you.
You're good at sharing? Yeah. Perfect, yeah.
I'm not sure I'll be spooning, like, dessert into your mouth.
Yeah, that's probably... Too soon. Too soon.
OK. I always get too overeager.
Play it cool, James, play it cool.
So what has happened to our baron of banter?
He's acting like a giddy schoolboy.
I think someone's potty for Dottie.
Back to Lucinda, who's still tucking into her first course date, Anurag.
This has been magical, and I... I've enjoyed it.
I want to end our engagement here with a bit of magic.
Oh, hello. What's he got here, then?
You're going to do a magic trick. A magic trick.
Oh, right. He's actually going to do a magic trick.
So we have two coins. Yes.
Thank God he didn't get his wand out.
Dick joke. Bit of fun.
Yeah? Yeah.
It's gone from here. Wow.
And you have two coins here.
That's the tip sorted.
Wow!
I loved that. That's cool.
So that's...
I leave you with a bit of magic.
You can think about it while you're on your second date.
OK, well, I better get out of here. Yeah.
Lovely meeting you. Likewise. Hope to see you... Yes.
Take care. Yeah.
What's your thoughts, fella? Reckon the trick sealed the deal?
I had a really good time. Lucinda is a lovely woman.
I hope it converts to a dessert, but that's up to Lucinda
who she picks out of the two of us.
But, yeah, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Don't worry, mate, you never know. Damo might pull out some mime.
Then your chances will definitely improve.
Time to see if James has improved his chances with Dottie
after a nervy start from our superstar DJ.
Thank you so much.
One Pitbull in large size and the tequila soda.
Thank you.
What have they said to you about me? What did they say?
I kind of knew who you were.
"Kind of knew?"
That is the level of celeb we're aiming for on this show.
There's a couple of people that I think we've got in common.
Ooh, mutual friends! That's nice.
OK, like how in common? Look how scared you are.
I'm not scared. Oh, God.
They've told you...
They didn't put you in the best light. Did they not?
Oh, hang on.
Has Jimbo been playing away from home?
That's a rugby and sex joke.
Oh, God. It all depends who these people are.
You probably don't even remember them.
No, I'm not like that. No, no. Don't label me as a player.
I'm not that guy. I mean, listen, I'm enjoying being single.
I'm sure you...
I'm sure you have.
Oh, no. He's rucked this up.
Back to Lucinda, who,
fresh from her agent selected starter date,
is making the short trip upstairs for a main course with
beardy man Damien.
I'm not going to do loads of Viking jokes,
but he does put the phwoar in Thor.
Hi. Hello. How are you? Are you a hugger?
Damien, is it? Yes. Hi. Lucinda, hi. How are you doing?
I'm loving this. Thank you.
I grew it all myself. Fabulous.
Oh, thank you. No worries.
Have you been here long?
Since about 865 AD if I remember correctly.
It's all good anticipation.
Waiting. The waiting game. Yeah. How have you been?
Really good. Yeah. Excited to hang out with you.
Yeah? I don't come to London very often,
so it's all a little bit exciting for me.
I set up my own business two years ago... What's that?
And I've got to the... It's axe throwing.
Oh, what? Axe throwing.
Course it is.
Hello. We have chimichurri. Thank you. Some steak sauce.
Medium. Beautiful. Medium rare. That's amazing.
Cheers. Look at that. Wow. Thank you.
Do you like a beard? Is that...? Would that be...?
Yeah, I'm into the beard. What happens when you...
What's your face doing when the beard comes back?
I have no idea. It's been ten years.
I have no idea what's underneath there. You've lost...
Can I feel your face?
You can absolutely do whatever you want.
I'll warm up my hands.
Oh, what on earth is happening?
Just having a look and a feel.
It's cool. Want to have a smell?
Oh, God. Don't smell it.
Does it smell divine?
You want me to come around there or are you coming round here?
No, no. I'm good.
Oh, you filthy beard sniffer.
You all right, Anurag?
You, my friend, have got about three minutes to grow a beard.
Lucky for you, there's an ad break.
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where the earlier bout of beard groping
has clearly left Lucinda feeling frisky.
Have you ever got a bit messy with food in the bedroom?
Is that one of your things?
No... That's not mine.
But I like that that's just come out of nowhere.
Nowhere! Was that... Did you just look at that and go,
"Do you know what we should do?" No, you go... Maybe we should.
BOTH LAUGH We could do that another time.
Do you want me to help you here? Let's start with this.
Oh, my God.
If she pops that on his beard, I'm going to throw up.
So I suppose I better excuse myself.
It is a tough choice, this.
Cos they are both fabulous guys. There's no doubt about it.
I've had such a great date with both of them.
I need to go and have a good think about dessert.
So, I...
It's a bit of an impossible choice, I've got to say.
Thank you very much. I really appreciate that.
You smell divine as well. Thank you.
Will I be seeing you again? I don't know at this point.
Because if I'm never going to see you ever again,
I should give you a goodbye kiss.
He's not playing about.
Do you want to do the nose? Yeah!
Let's do the nose. Eskimos, I think. Mm-hm.
Right. Well, that's really fucking weird.
Um, let's leave them to it and crack on, shall we?
Fucking hell.
Over to James,
who's struggling to get his date with Dottie back on track
after the revelation they had friends in common
that he's been rucking.
Rugby joke.
Can I get the miso cod, please?
Um, can I get the chicken satay, please?
Any allergies?
Not me. No. Thank you!
I always think you'd volunteer if you were deathly allergic to nuts.
You'd go... Yeah. "By the way, I'm allergic to nuts." Yeah.
Gutted if I was allergic to nuts.
Do you love nuts?
- I love nuts. - Why am I such a child? HE LAUGHS
Such a... such a child! Um... Out of the gutter. Yeah.
Bloody hell, Jimbo, leave the bollock jokes to me.
You're trying to show Dotty that you've moved on from being a ruckboy.
How many dates have you been on?
Four or five.
Wow. On the dates, I just didn't necessarily feel
that, like... energy.
Yeah, he was too busy feeling Dotty's mate's energies.
Look, they're all attractive. It was nice.
We always had really good conversation.
Mm-hm. But I'm trying to be more,
like... Intentional. Intentional is a great word.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I think you kind of know when you go on a date with someone...
Within, like, five minutes. 100%.
Are we approaching five minutes now? BOTH LAUGH
I would, I would... Cheque! I mean, I'd hate you for a second,
but I'd never forgive you if you went, "Listen."
BOTH LAUGH Yeah, my time's up.
Yeah, you're like, "Can I just let you know, I just wanted to make sure
"you were as big a dick as I thought you were."
Can I get this to go, please? Thank you. Yeah.
I'm not 100% sure she's joking.
Right. Let's get back to Lucinda's double date
for the big reveal
of who she's picked for her dessert course.
Is it nose-twitchy Viking,
or Magic Boy?
I think it's only fair
that I bring them both to dessert.
And you shipped off Ken cos he wanted an orgy.
Ah, hi! DAMIEN: Here she is. Hello, hello.
I'm feeling cheeky.
I'm feeling mischievous,
and I'm ready to create some sparks.
Now, this is what's going to happen.
This is a quickfire game. Mm-hm. Question and an answer.
Right. Wait, are we doing a quiz now?
A bit weird, but I'm up for it.
But who is going to win tonight's special prize, Lucinda?
Will it be Damien, the Viking whose beard she tugged off
and rubbed noses with,
or Magic Man Anurag, who put extra pennies in her purse?
OK. Let's quiz.
What colour are my eyes?
Blue. One to you.
Where am I from in Australia?
Melbourne. Two.
How many siblings do I have?
Two. One.
He's absolutely right. I've got two siblings.
We are three siblings. And you're the youngest. Thank you.
I don't believe it!
The magic man has smashed this 3-0.
But it's all to play for as, unbelievably enough,
there's a round two.
What's something that you'd like to say to me
that you probably shouldn't?
I would say I would like to see you without the make-up on.
Ah, in a natural... In a natural way. ..habitat. Yes.
I'd like to see you without your clothes on.
SIRENS BLARE, SHE LAUGHS
You get more scores for that.
DAMIEN LAUGHS That is a better answer.
Damo's answer has definitely won this quiz.
And, look, cheeky answers...
...far over. I don't make the rules. I don't make the rules.
I am so sorry.
It's all right. But, Damo,
can I sit on your knee for this? Hell, yeah.
Is it all right? I have something to tell you.
Oh, bless him. Pied off at first sight,
but to be fair, he's taking it well.
OK, this is getting a bit weird now.
Two's company, three's eye-gougingly awkward.
OK. Why bring him back just to sit on the other geezer's lap?
That could be fun.
But... thank you. Thank you so much.
You're so delightful. Pleasure.
All the best with everything. Thank you.
Goodbye, Magic Man. Now you see him, now you don't.
Oh, look at that. Straight back on Tinder. What a ledge.
It's absolutely fine. No hard feelings.
You know, at the end of the day, it's Lucinda's decision,
so I respect that.
Good on you, mate.
I hope he got that £2 back for his bus home.
Right. Time to see whether James has managed to convince Dotty
to stay put on their date.
You've got nail varnish. Oh, yeah. Have you just noticed that?
Can we talk about this? No, I noticed it a while ago.
I've always painted my toenails since I was, like, 24.
SHE LAUGHS
OK. Is that a major issue? It's a little bit of an ick.
More or less of an ick than him having sex with all your friends?
Allegedly.
It's a bit odd. I'll give you that. It's a bit weird.
Although guys are now starting to wear make-up and I'm here for it.
Unbelievably, she's actually into it.
All James needs to do now is avoid saying anything weird,
and this date is officially back on track.
What's really interesting, I think, with men,
is that, without being vulgar,
if your hair falls out and you've got a small penis, you, you...
SHE LAUGHS One of them, you can fix.
But a small penis, there is nothing you can do about on earth... No.
...yet. Luckily,
I've got a lovely head of hair sat on this tiny-dicked bod.
How are you feeling? I've had a really nice time.
Well, I am having a nice time. Yeah.
I am, same. That's not one of those where you go like, "Fine."
SHE LAUGHS That's my mask.
I'm trying to be... I've been told to be more vulnerable.
That's the last time I ever ask a question.
I'm having a good time.
Do you know what? I've never seen Jimbo so flustered.
He must be well into Dotty.
Do you want to get married? Yeah. That was...
That wasn't me... that wasn't me asking... Cheque, please.
Yeah! "He's so keen, this guy." Come on, relax.
You can do this, James. Uh, yes, I do.
Do you want kids?
Oh, no. Maybe he can't actually do this.
I would love kids, yeah. I've got five... I call them niblings.
I've got five niblings, and I love them to pieces.
What's a nibling? Yeah. It's like, well,
it's not a sibling, it's a nibling. So it's nieces and nephews.
BOTH LAUGH - Oh, my God! - Makes sense, though.
I love this so much.
Fucking hell. I'm, like... just not down with the kids.
SHE LAUGHS Don't say, "Down with."
BOTH LAUGH Oh, God.
I'm just trying to help you out. Thank you.
Spending time with you is such a confidence boost,
I don't... OK, that is one of the... I could have just stayed...
I could have just stayed at home and punched myself in the face.
But instead, you came out and did it on TV.
After making Magic Man Anurag disappear before our very eyes,
Lucinda's wasted no time getting a mouthful from Damo.
Are you ready? Yes.
Hm. Mmm.
- Good? How was the delivery? - Mm-hm. HE CHUCKLES
Delicious. Ready for some more? Mm-hm.
Dessert, or...? Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you.
Anyone else feeling uncomfortable watching this?
I say uncomfortable, I just mean horny.
We're good, we're good. There's a lot.
Hello, someone's pissed off with his £2 tip.
I can see you're having a good time.
I'm afraid we closed 30 minutes ago.
BOTH LAUGH
Absolutely. Yes. Yes. I'll get that.
Aw! No worries.
Damien's awesome.
Something there. A little spark,
the ember has grown into a little spark.
Lucinda is absolutely a beautiful woman.
And I will remember she's got blue eyes.
Cos I'm not missing out on that again.
Thank you.
I kind of would like to kiss Damien.
Maybe we'll go for a drink and see what happens.
Right. Shall we go and get a beverage?
Yeah! Let's do it. Why not? Let's do it. Come on, come on.
Oh, I like holding your hand. Thank you.
Makes a change from swinging on his beard.
Well, after a conversational roller-coaster of an evening,
James and Dotty's day is coming to a close.
I tell you honestly, of all the dates I've had,
it's definitely the best vibe I've had.
I'll take that, I appreciate that, thank you.
No, I...I mean, if you... We don't have to put a thing on it.
But if you do want to do it again, I'd definitely do it again.
I...I would like to see you again.
Yes. Perfect. I've had fun. Oh, perfect. Yeah.
SHE LAUGHS I've had a great time.
Cheers. I've had a good time. Thank you very much.
All right. Should we roll?
I believe the kids say bounce these days, Granddad.
This is you being gentlemanly?
I think I might just be a gentleman by default, I think. Ooh.
Oh, don't do me in.
SHE LAUGHS
Thank you very much for dinner. That's all right.
It's all right. I'll walk you out. Don't nick any of the silverware.
That date with Dotty was 'sen-sash-onal.'
Sen-sash-onal... HE GAGS
Fucking hell.
We covered a load of ground. It was deep. It was fun.
It was light. She took the piss out of me mercilessly.
And that was exactly what I like, so, yeah, I'm a very happy man.
Ah, yes, James! I'm so pleased for him.
Thank you. That's fine. I had a great time.
Mm-hm. Likewise.
Thank you so much.
My pleasure. I hope to see you again.
Yeah. Hope so. See you later, look after yourself. Bye-bye.
Oh, love is in the air!
I was slightly nervous about asking the question
of whether she wanted to see me again,
but it felt like it was right, so I asked.
Oh, bless him, he's made up.
I just hope Dotty's feeling it too.
I'm intrigued to get to know him a little bit more.
I think there's more layers to chip away at.
I don't think there is.
I think James's personality is extremely attractive.
Great, sounds like Jimbo has met his match.
Aesthetically... Yes?
SHE LAUGHS ...there's room for improvement.
Oh, brutal. But that might grow.
OK. So good, but not quite sen-sash-onal.
Jimbo, you've got work to do.
I would give my left tit to go on this date.
OK... David's questions get confusing...
Are we trying to figure out who's the tunnel and who's the train?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! BOTH LAUGH
Too much! ...PK has some shocking news...
Have you ever kissed on a first date?
I don't usually kiss on the first date.
Oh, shit!
...and the agents celebrate success...
ALL SQUEAL HAPPILY ...with Kerry Katona's return...
I don't feel like I've had sex with Paolo.
I feel like I've been made love to.
ALL CLAP SLOWLY Slow clap.
SHE LAUGHS It's quite a lot quicker than that,
actually, Paul. ALL LAUGH
...as our Celebs...
Do you ever get spots? I never really get them.
But I've got one under the skin.
Is this the flirting that they were training you to do?
...Go...
Have I got, like, a skin disease? It looks nice.
...Dating!
Are you going to find love? Um, well, that's the plan.
To find the next person, really, so...
The next person. The next person?
Subtitles by Red Bee Media