Tonight... What's under that coat? Nothing. Oh!
...it's a numbers game for Lucinda and Gabby...
Threesomes, threesomes, foursomes and moresomes.
I've got a penthouse.
No. No foursomes, Ken.
...James has a reality check...
I'd like to meet someone -
you have the intimacy, you have the vibe,
but you don't have any of the stress.
James, I think you're looking for a fairy tale.
...and Coleen has a shocker...
So are you paying tonight?
You're the one rolling in the money.
We'll go halves.
...as our celebs...
How bad were you?
I bit her, I hit her, I called her a bitch.
...go...
I feel like I'm going to make a move.
I actually need to be brave and speak directly to him.
...dating!
I think you've grown an inch. I have.
Well, always for you.
So naughty!
♪ I like that
♪ Yeah, I like that... ♪
Welcome to Celebs Go Dating.
It's a new morning and King of the Agency Tom is already hard at it...
♪ I like that... ♪
White wine vinegar to make cleaning... Ooh!
...if hard at it means wrecking the bloody place.
Oh, crumbs.
Get your shit together, Tom, cos P-Dog's on his way
for his first day back since Tenerife.
Ahhh!
Lou's never made that noise for me when I get home.
Or ever, in fact.
Don't stay away that long again!
And with Anna pulling a suspicious sickie today,
she's pushed all her work onto poor old Dr T -
absolute piss-take.
Get her on Zoom. Cameras on, people!
It's so wet. I don't even remember the last time I was this wet.
Probably when you looked at a cucumber in Lidl.
♪ I like that. ♪
It's going to be a good day because we've got lovely James,
lovely David, Lucinda and Gabby today.
Four consultations?!
Four consultations.
Smart move, Anna.
And is it a celebratory day for most of those people?
They did phenomenal in Tenerife. Oh, great.
Well, that's great. But shit's getting real.
Oh, I see. Because it's the halfway juncture...
Mm-hm. ...so people have to think hard.
Yes. Hard and soft.
Yes. That sounds like a heady melange to me.
Well, coming in hard now with his soft, silky...
Oh, hang on! The legs are covered up.
What's he come as? A flasher from outer space?
Inspector Gadget?
It's the return of the mack-jestic David Potts.
♪ Return of the Mack... ♪
Celebrity Dating Agency. Hi, Tom, it's David.
David, my love! Come in.
♪ Return of the Mack Once again
♪ Return of the Mack Top of the world
♪ Return of the Mack Watch my flow... ♪
Come in, come in.
Hello!
Look at that bronzed countenance! Oh, I say.
I've got the Tenerife glow, baby. Better than the rash.
Haven't you? Oh, my darling, we missed you!
I missed you!
Being smothered by David's hulking embrace
first thing in the morning is simply delicious.
Like a caramel canele - brown, silky
and just a little bit naughty.
What's your birthday?
5th of May.
Oh, my God, you're Tauran! Yeah.
That's the bull, right? Come on then, Tom.
What filth are you going to spin with this?
The most interesting sign because they're also very practical
and very pragmatic.
Wait for it.
But then at the other end of the spectrum,
they've got this wild sensuality and romance...
Wait for it.
...that just squirts out of them.
And there we have it. Wow.
It's intense.
I'm a squirter. I'm a Capricorn. PHONE RINGS
Wet my hooves.
Do you know, I'm actually quite relieved because
that was getting a bit sensual. Yeah.
Hello. Hi, Tom. We're ready for David.
He's brought all his Tauran energy today.
Taurus energy. Taurus.
That's what David's bringing?
Yep, a load of bull.
Oh!
Hello! LAUGHTER
Wow! You OK?
You stormed... Ooh! What's under that coat?
Nothing! Oh!
Nothing's under the coat.
Someone get a newspaper down, quick.
A skid mark on that sofa would be a nightmare.
Having frenchied Fan in Tenerife,
on their second date back in London, despite his flirting...
What's on your balls?
THEY LAUGH
...Fan got blown off.
I just want to say, though, lovely date,
but I just do feel like it is a bit more of a friends vibe. That's fair.
How was your date with Fan?
It was lovely.
Like, he's a really nice boy.
We got on so well,
but it just wasn't a full vibe.
What was missing?
There's just not the feeling.
You know what the feeling is.
The feeling of, like, "I like this person."
The feeling, like, "I want to see this person again.
"This could go somewhere."
That feeling that you have inside of you,
it's just not there. There's no spark.
I was honest to his face that I feel like we're more of a friends vibe.
What it could be - and I think this is something
that you really need to appreciate about yourself - is that
he does like you. Yeah. Thomas liked you.
Mark liked you. Yeah.
Serious question. Yeah.
Your dates do adore you.
Do you love and adore yourself, truly?
Most of the time.
Yeah. I just kind of want to get this entire experience right
because I genuinely want to find love.
Like, my mum and dad are still together.
My grandma and grandad were still together until he died.
It'd just be nice for that to be me.
What was it like growing up as David Potts?
Childhood was great.
Like, I come from a really, really amazing family background,
but I was really badly bullied in high school for being gay...
HE SNORTS
...which I know isn't funny,
but it's just because I was so obviously gay.
And because obviously with the bullying in school,
because it was such a negative impact, it was like,
"If you're gay, it's disgusting.
"If you're gay, it's a bad thing,"
because that's all I'd ever heard about it.
That's awful.
Yeah, it is.
Um, sorry.
That's really awful.
Yeah. It's horrible to think about it, to be honest.
Um...
But then when I told my mum and dad, they were so fine.
But, like, I look back now and I just think,
God, I wish I'd said it earlier, you know?
I would argue that romantic love is not so different
than the love that you have for family, for example. OK.
And that when you are with your family,
you feel safe. Yeah.
I would argue that what you are looking for,
the feeling that you will have when you are with your partner,
your partner, is going to be safety.
Yeah. It's not necessarily fireworks shooting off constantly.
Safety.
Curiosity. Yeah. These are the feelings
that I want you to be checking for...
OK. ..when you're with someone.
Yeah, that's a good idea. Mm-hm. Yeah.
We're going to work on your next date.
Yes. OK. And we're going to use the knowledge
that we have now to put someone in front of you
that you can feel safe with.
OK. You ready for that? Oh, am I ready?
Baby, I'm born ready.
You heard the man! Get on it, agents.
♪ "DJs don't dance no more," they said... ♪
Back out on the street, and here comes James -
and it looks like he's had a proper spend-up in Matalan.
I need to pull my trousers up.
Don't tell me he's pissed in that phone box.
DOORBELL RINGS Celebrity dating agency.
It's James.
♪ "DJs don't dance no more," they said
♪ DJs don't dance no more... ♪
Darling! Oh!
At last! Oh, look! I have missed you.
We're matching! Complementary palettes.
Yep, matching shades on the Bristol Stool Chart.
♪ I've had the time of my life
♪ No, I never felt this way before... ♪
JAMES LAUGHS
How are you? I missed you. Oh, I've missed you.
Wow, that's the best chemistry James has had so far.
I think you've grown an inch. I have.
Well, always for you.
So naughty!
And that's the best flirt he's done.
Something you want to tell us, James?
Am I fingering my clasp?
Oh, here we go.
Oh, you are fingering a clasp.
It's meant to be at the back. Oh...
Oh, there we are. No, I just tossed it off.
Oh, I bet you do. And then I tossed it on.
Leave it out, Tom.
You're flanking won't impress this guy.
But upstairs, the Brun-Dog and T
are talking about some serious tossing -
the girls he tossed aside in Tenerife.
He ended the Tenerife journey with no lady.
No, no, which is a surprise, right?
I think what we really need to push him on today is
how serious he is about this process.
So many questions. Yes.
PHONE RINGS
Hello. Tom.
If you could send James up, please.
All right, darling. Bye.
They're ready!
Our time together is always so short and so brief.
Oh! But we shall do it again.
But... We shall do it again. ...it's not about quantity.
It's about quality. It's about quality.
And that was superlative.
That was. Darling, I'll see you soon.
James invited PT mum-of-two Scarlett to Teners
after meeting her at the mixer
and wasted no time showing her his favourite workout...
Can I kiss you? Yeah.
...the lip press.
Then he was thrown into a new date with pageant model Zara,
with very few complaints from the big man.
Have you been here before? I must have been about 20.
What, so last week?
Smooth.
At the pick, Zara stood up for him,
but despite their kiss, Scarlett didn't.
And in the end he decided not to date Zara again.
Come on in.
Hello!
Hello. There he is. Like a lumberjack.
Yeah! Just trying out a few different styles, guys, hey?
How was Tenerife for you?
I had a great time with everyone. They're all really nice girls.
My conclusion at the end, they probably weren't quite right for me.
OK. Fair enough. So you chose you?
Mm-hm. Again!
You strike me as someone who's always been in a relationship.
Like, you're... Or should I say you're a relationship guy?
The traditional relationship, I think, for me, would not
work at this point in time.
Where I'm at is I'd like to meet someone
that I could be consistent with, but without the constraint.
You have the intimacy, you have the vibe,
but you don't have any of the stress.
I want something light, but with someone who's smart,
sexy and could test me and challenge me.
With all due respect,
James, I think you're looking for a fairy tale.
Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, really.
Yeah. Because what you're describing is you're describing
a relationship without responsibility.
Mm-hm. Yeah.
Your previous relationship,
I mean, maybe the intensity... Yeah.
...slash the pain of the separation,
is that what's informing why you are
outlining this type of relationship to us?
I still have a very close relationship with Chloe.
We co-parent, we spend time together, we go on holidays.
You know, we still have that bond,
which is really important for our daughter.
So part of the emotional energy I have, I have a family.
Am I eager to start another family? Probably not.
What you just said, honestly,
that statement is going to stay with me.
"I already have a family." Mm-hm.
Almost every time I've talked to you,
part of the conversation has been about your ex. Mm-hm.
So are you truly over your ex?
Oof!
Good question.
Well, come on, James. Answer it!
Oh, shit!
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where former rugby player James Haskell
is being thoroughly tackled by the P-Dog.
Are you truly over your ex?
Ooh! Tough one.
Good question. Damn right it is.
This is the Brunson you're dealing with.
Do I still love Chloe? Yeah.
I still love her and I will always have that...
I'll always find her attractive. I still have all those things.
We just...
We are better now than we were when we were together.
So I am fine. It's just, it's not as simple as it was
ten years ago when it was just one person.
So there's actually a lot of complication,
which is the bit that makes me say casual,
because I'm not sure I've got the bandwidth to take on all the stuff.
I just don't want to have any stress.
It's not just you know out the gate and you have one date and you know.
It's going to require even more work on your part
to unveil even more about yourself,
so that you can see if the two of you actually...
If there is a place where you do meet. Yeah.
Yeah. And if you don't find anyone, you can always go over to Tom's
and help him out with a pearl necklace.
♪ I can buy myself flowers... ♪
Next to tip up at Love HQ,
looking like a sexy Dickensian chimney sweep -
she could shove a broom up my flue!
It's Aussie free spirit, Lucinda Light.
Yoo-hoo! Tom-Tom!
♪ I can buy myself flowers
♪ Write my name in the sand... ♪
Hello, gorgeous. Oh, look!
Love, light!
Hi, Tom. Luminescence.
♪ Who got the power? ♪
Hot on her heels is the last celeb to rock up to the agency -
having hunted, killed and skinned the Honey Monster,
it's sassy Scouser Gabby.
Oh, love! Oh, I'm gonna have a brace of flaxen goddesses. Come in.
♪ Who got the power? ♪
♪ I got the, I got the power
♪ I got the Who got the power? ♪
Oh! Yeah!
Look at you! Hello!
Look at all this glamour. Sartorial wizardry. She's exquisite.
Ohh. Mwah, you look wonderful. Thank you.
I've missed you. Do you know what?
The two people that I knew would love the coat.
Not as much as the Honey Monster did, though.
Upstairs, the Honey Monster's brother
from another mother has squirmed his way
through another deep and meaningful.
It was a great session. It was good. Yeah. It was good.
But just so I'm truly leaving understanding is that
you're just looking for the right person. Right.
Yes. I'm interested to see if there is someone out there,
so I'm open-minded, hardworking and focused on that.
All right, mate, you're looking for a soulmate,
not writing a new LinkedIn profile.
You will be going on a date very soon.
Yes. It's gonna be a blind date...
...so we're not showing you in advance.
Yep, that's usually how a blind date works, Dr T.
Shut up!
And her name is Megan. That's all you know.
Really?
This is scary,
because I've never been on a blind date before.
HIGHER-PITCHED: Why is this his scared voice?
Yeah, and remember, we're removing casual
out of your vocabulary... Yeah, fine.
...because that's not what you're looking for. Fine.
That session was a roller-coaster.
James came in hot saying he wants a casual relationship,
but I think we've worked it out now that he actually doesn't want that
and now he's on a better path of clarity.
Are you sure, Dr T? I'll need to see it to believe it.
See you guys later. Have fun.
Have faith. Bye! I won't let you down.
We will. Yes. See you later.
And off he goes with a spring in his step.
Look out, ladies, the Hask is back on the loose.
And speaking of loose,
time to check in with Loose Woman Coleen.
At her last visit to the agency, Anna and Dr T
raised her temperature
by revealing her next date, AI trainer Adam.
And just to clarify, he's not AI, he trains AI.
At least I think that's right.
I'm excited today about my date with Adam, because it can't be any worse
than the ones I've had so far. SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
ROB MIMICS NERVOUS LAUGHTER Yep, that nervous laugh
is because in Tenerife,
despite getting hungry for her date Steve...
We could do Lady And The Tramp.
...and getting a taste of him,
on her next date with Andy,
she'd lost her appetite.
If we're having three courses, it's quite intense.
We're not having three, are we?
But when it came down to it...
If you would like to continue to see Coleen,
please stand up right now.
...it was Steve and Andy who weren't up for seconds,
so let's hope things go better on her lunchtime date with Adam.
Oh, my God.
I'm not going to give up on this search.
Instead of going in all negative,
I'm actually going in there this time with confidence
and in the hope that this might be it.
Who knows? That's the spirit, Coleen.
And here he is. It's Adam from Catford.
Big up my South East London man.
Am I eating on my own?
She's already at the restaurant, mate.
Get your skates on!
I know very little about Coleen.
I just listened to two of her songs.
I Want To Go Dancing or something along those lines.
They made me want to roller-skate.
Right, three things - you ain't from Catford,
I was joking about the roller-skates, and you're late.
Get a wiggle on, son.
I feel sick. Well, don't throw up now, Coleen, your date's here.
Hi. Oh! Hello.
How are you doing? I'm good. How are you?
Very good, very good. I'm glad you're here.
Adam, I hope you know. Hi, Adam. I'm Coleen. Hi.
So, have you been waiting here long?
Long enough for my nerves to kick in.
Yeah? Well, trust me,
you're probably not as bad as mine. Oh, no.
Do you live in London now?
I live in London. Yeah, I live in Catford.
Oh, Catford? Yeah. How about you? Where do you live?
Oh, I live in Staffordshire. How is it?
Do you like it? Yeah, I love it.
I live right out in the countryside...
That's pretty nice. ...so it's just beautiful views
and got all my animals and stuff.
I grew up as a... on a little hobby farm
when I was a kid. Oh, really? Yeah.
We had horses and chickens and rabbits. That's what I've got. Yeah?
So far so good. He might not be my usual type,
but I love his accent and he grew up on a farm.
He could be a match made in heaven.
I've got horses, chickens, pygmy goats.
And what? Oh, pygmy goats. Pygmy goats. Oh, those are fun.
And ducks.
Which is your favourite animal?
Oh, that's really hard. ADAM LAUGHS
Every time I'm with one of them, I go, "They're my favourite." Yeah.
Except the pygmy goat, obviously.
They're ugly little pricks.
Back to the agency now for a post-Teners debrief
with the fit and the fab.
Come on in.
Hello. What's up ladies? How are yous? Good.
How you guys doing? Look at this glamour puss. Good, how are you?
Can I just...? This is serious.
This is amazing. It's so lush in here. It is.
We're ready to get vulnerable, I tell you what.
Oh, God. Really? We're so excited that we're in here together. Yeah.
You two could learn a lot from each other.
Mm-hm. I agree.
Having swayed his way to a smooch on their first date...
...and with soup strainer Steve failing to rise to
the occasion at the pick, Ken claimed his right
for a second bite of the cherry, and Lucinda couldn't refuse.
Aw, thank you. You're gorgeous.
Meanwhile, Gabby took doodle dude Karl
all the way to Tenerife just to rub him out
with toyboy muscle man Joel.
Karl, I feel like there was
so much potential when I first met you.
I hope that I did make you feel comfortable,
but I just wanted a bit more back because it has to be both ways.
And then obviously yesterday, Joel, was, like, so fun
and I think there's potential there for us to find out more.
How was Tenerife for you?
What I found the most kind of eye-opening
for me is that I've never had to stand there, really,
and tell somebody face to face why something won't work out.
Quite honestly,
I was shocked you picked Joel,
because Joel didn't seem
as if he was emotionally mature enough for you. LUCINDA: Hmm.
But the dates with Karl were really difficult. Right.
No, no, I hear you. Yeah. You know, quite honestly,
there's a similarity in the choices
that you two made that were shocking to me.
So, Ken stood up... Mm.
...and he really made it clear that he wanted to see you again.
I like that he was really direct
and was like, you know, "I want this."
Like, there's something so sexy in desire,
but I'm a bit of an earth mama.
Probably don't need all the fast cars and watches
that are as expensive as my whole asset pool.
So, Lucinda, why did you select him?
You know, he's just a bit juicy. He's definitely one of my types.
Yeah. For sure.
Her list of types is 14 pages long, to be fair.
You're going on a double date tonight.
Oh, are we? Yay! That is so fun. Yes!
Yep, there was a two-for-one offer going
and as we're halfway through the series,
the budget is getting tight.
There is the potential of something there
so you two can help each other,
but more importantly, you can learn from each other. Yeah.
That's right. You ready? Yeah, ready. Yes!
Let's do it. All right, good. Thank you.
Oh, my God, a night out with Lucinda and Joel?
What could be better?
This is going to be so much fun.
Yeah. Let's go. I'm excited!
Eee-ee! Whoo!
On the other side of town,
Loose Woman Coleen is off to a good start
on her lunch date with the Canadian charmer Adam.
Should I ask, then, what brought you here?
What brought me here?
No, to be honest with you,
I've been married and divorced.
Kids have grown up.
So, how many kids? I have three grown-up kids... Yeah?
...who have all just had kids. So what about you?
What are you looking for? What am I looking for?
I don't know, really. I mean, I guess it's nice to...
Have you been married or anything? I've never been married. No?
I mean, who would marry me? I mean, it's ridiculous.
HE LAUGHS
Come on, mate, pick your game up.
And you've never wanted to marry or been close to getting married?
Not really. Not that I'm asking you to marry me, I'm just... Yeah.
Hey, what are you doing later?
If you've got time, yeah.
No, I've never... I mean, I don't know.
I mean, I have had occasions when,
you know, I thought I might marry somebody,
but, I mean, why would you...?
I mean, I don't get what's the point.
I mean, really, if you're close to somebody,
you're having a nice time with them... Have you got kids?
No kids, no. Did you ever want kids?
I mean, I like kids. I get along with kids.
Do I want kids, though?
It's always nice when you can hand them back, you know?
You know, it's like... I tried doing that with the midwife.
Apparently, that's not how it works.
I'm not a very family-oriented guy in the sense that,
you know, like, I love my family, but I'm not like...
You don't have to see them every minute,
talk to them every minute. Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Coming from someone who's very close to their family,
it's kind of a red flag for me that Adam is saying
that he's not family orientated really at all.
And I think I'm going to have
to spend time working out exactly who Adam is.
Do you find it difficult to be tactile and...?
Oh, my God, no. Not at all. ADAM LAUGHS
I've never seen
a man look more uncomfortable at that question.
You went, "No." Well, no, I mean, like,
I was like, "Do I seem like that?"
No, but the way you went no was like...
Oh, yeah? ..don't test that.
No, I just found it, frankly, surprising you would say that.
Oh, shit. You might want to fetch your roller-skates, Adam.
This ain't looking good.
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where Coleen is nearing the end
of her date with Catford-based Canadian Adam,
where despite what looked like a positive start to the date,
Adam started throwing out more red flags
than a Chinese military parade.
Big up Xi Jinping.
It has been lovely, so... Yes. Cheers.
Can we do this with coffee? To a lovely evening.
Can we toast with coffee? Is that allowed?
You can toast with anything. All right. Well...
Oh, spoke too soon. Maybe Mr Canada is still in with a shot.
Should we get our lovely waiter over here?
Yeah. Can we get a bill from you, please?
Oh, what a gentleman.
So, are you paying tonight?
Whoa! OK, he's gone in.
I mean, you're the celebrity, after all. Of course.
Oh, God, he's doubled down.
You're the one rolling in the money.
Oh, my God, triple down!
I'm not a daytime celebrity TV personality. We'll go halves.
Ooh, she did not like that.
Thank you.
"Well, you can pay, you're a celebrity," and I thought,
"Oh, bye-bye, Adam. I ain't your Eve, that's for sure."
Not because I don't think I should pay a bill,
but I'm quite old fashioned that in the first date
I think the man should offer.
Lovely meeting you. Likewise.
And if you're ever in London
and you want to see, you know, meet up again sometime...
Great. ..let me know.
Never has "great" sounded so unconvincing.
He's got a very kind face,
but then gradually as it went on and things started to be said,
I thought, "No."
Thank you so much. See you soon.
Bye-bye. Bye, bye.
Wow. Proper Irish exit, that. Oh, God. Give me strength.
Fucked right off.
When it came to who was going to pay for the bill,
you know, I made a little joke about her being a celebrity.
Yeah, the punchline was her paying the fucking bill, though.
I had a really nice time
and I'd like to think that she did.
And I'd like to think I know the answer to this, but Coleen?
No, disaster.
Can't wait to speak to the agents.
Oh, shit.
Across town,
Lucinda and Gabby are charged up and ready
for another outing with their Tenerife talismen,
thirsty big boy Ken and smooth-talking baby-face Joel.
♪ Who run this mother? Girls
♪ Who run this mother? ♪
Oi, close the door! Bloody celebs.
I love a round table.
I'm so glad that we're here before them.
Sit next to me, though.
It's a bit of a slip-in, isn't it? Ooh.
I feel like I'm... Wha!
Ohh. OK. Jackets off.
I'm not taking my jacket off. Zone in.
LUCINDA INHALES AND EXHALES
OK. Deep breath.
That's it. Get in the zone, girls,
cos coming in strong are these two absolute players.
♪ Give me that hot sauce, hot sauce, hot sauce
♪ Tip of my tongue till it made me go off... ♪
Fuck me, how many flowers have they got?
♪ Is it sweet or is it spicy? ♪
Lucinda, during the date,
we're going to be talking
and doing a little bit more than talking after that.
What do you mean, Ken?
A coffee and a stroll down the Thames?
Nah, he talking about the bang, bang. Oh!
Look how handsome you both look. Ohh. Looking beautiful. Thank you.
Aw! How are you? I'm good, thanks very much.
Wow. These are for you. How many is this? 100.
100 red roses.
That is a first for me.
Joel has come on fire and he's looking pretty fire too.
How are you?
You smell so good.
Been waiting to see you all week. You look amazing. Look at that.
Wow. You look very dapper yourself. Thank you.
Aw, Ken, you sweetie with the flowers
and you look hot diggity damn.
What a fine specimen of a man. Very spunky.
It's so different seeing people
in London rather than Tenerife, right?
Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
I think Tenerife was just a lot of just wetness, shorts.
Wetness? Oh, sorry.
Sorry I'm too graphic with it. I mean,
there's nothing wrong about wetness.
And Ken's off. Hold tight, everyone.
I know that you guys wish you could have
gone on the water park, but... We do.
...there's always a second chance for everything.
I would have loved to have gone down a slide with you.
Well... I'm disappointed we didn't get...
It's never too late to go down a slide with me.
Guys, you've been here two minutes. Chill out.
Let me get the tropical kiss...
Tropical kiss for you. ...because I feel like
I'm gonna be lucky tonight.
Here we go, my man Ken's after some of that
sweet, tasty splish splash.
♪ I'm a whole damn package, would you look at that? ♪
Across town and sploshing his way
through London puddles in search of no-strings cuddles
is this posh flanker.
I sort of said I wanted something casual,
relaxed, a bit of fun.
That was a big no-no.
What I meant was,
you know, I just want to take things a little bit more chilled,
so hopefully tonight will be chilled.
And the lucky lady about to scrum down
with James's new chill vibes is Megan.
I do think that James would be what my friends class as my type.
I don't think I personally have a type,
but I think he is someone that I could fancy.
Oh, this is looking good. Come on, Haskell, don't screw it up.
How are you doing? Hello. I'm all right.
How are you? I'm James. Nice to meet you.
How you doing, you all right? Megan. Hi, Megan.
Let me pull your chair out for you. There we are. Oh, thank you.
No problem. My pleasure.
You good? Yeah. Better than I was earlier.
It was so cold.
I've never been on a blind date. Have you not?
I have never been on a blind date. Have you? I've been on one.
OK. And it's safe to say
that I didn't go on a second date with him.
He was like, "So..." Da-da-da-da, something about playing football
and I was like, "Yeah, I'm not going to lie,
"but I actually don't fancy footballers."
What about lump-heads who play with the egg-shaped ball?
Yeah, I might fancy rugby players a little bit more.
Here we go. Although apparently he's a DJ now.
What about them?
They're scrawny. Ah.
You like a bit more of a... A manly man.
Do I look like a manly man?
You look like a man who's way too thirsty
for compliments, to be honest.
Yeah, you do look like a manly man. Thank you!
You look beautiful, by the way. Thank you.
So, what do you do? I'm in childcare.
OK. What kind of thing?
The deputy manager of a pre-school, so it's early years.
Like it? Yeah, I love it. I've done it for ten years.
OK. It's exhausting. Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah.
And also, like, going home to my son...
OK. ..I am then like children, children, children, children.
And then it gets to a point where you have to socialise with adults,
I'm like, I don't know how to. Yeah. I can sing The Wheels On The Bus
and that's about it. Well, I mean, I still sing The Wheels On The Bus.
Sing it? It is the best track on your DJ mix.
Thank you.
Cheers, Megan. To blind dates. To blind dates.
Back to the double date now,
where Lucinda and Gabby are going two's up with Ken and Joel,
and it seems Lu-Lu is on a mission.
We really like the sound of getting some oysters for the...
What is it? There's no aphrodisiacs.
Jesus, that's the last thing Ken needs.
It's going down tonight. Yes, indeed.
Yeah, Ken is not a man who needs help with his libido.
Thanks. So, guys,
I feel like we need to make a toast. Yes!
To new beginnings. Yeah?
New beginnings. Nice to see you.
And to no expectations.
Yeah, probably a little bit late for that with this geezer.
Me and you, what I'm looking for,
you already know what I'm looking for you,
but I feel like ours is like
we're looking for something more natural.
We don't want to force anything.
If it happens, it happens, right? Yeah.
Even just the eye contact and I'm like... Ohh.
Don't make me jump over the table, Gabby.
Just stop that right now.
So, Gabby, answer the question.
What are you looking for?
You want to be able to have fun with someone as your best friend.
100%. Yeah. But you also want to have the spicy fun.
Would you say you're a relationship person, then?
Yeah. OK. I've been in a few long-term relationships.
Yeah. So 2018, about five years.
Wow. But I was with a woman. You was with a woman?
I was. Twosomes, threesomes, foursomes and moresomes.
That's amazing.
♪ Cos tonight, baby, I wanna get freaky with you... ♪
Ken thinks it's fucking Christmas.
Guys, listen, I mean, I've got a penthouse in Chelsea.
Can we go there tonight? Not tonight. No. No. 100%.
No, listen. No, we're not having a foursome tonight,
but I just want to go and see it. No, but we can have an after-party.
Listen, she lives, like... Lots of foursomes with these lot.
No, but it's got to be a foursome
because there's four of us going. I want one-on-one first.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't let everyone just have a taste of my woman
when I ain't even had a taste myself.
That's wild. Listen, I understand that, but have more drinks
and then you'll change your mind.
You'll change your mind. No. No foursomes, Ken.
I feel like Ken needs to be put
in a field on his own like a horny bull.
It could be a bit too much. It could be.
You think it'd be too much? Anyway... Yeah.
Oh, my God, Ken is so full-on.
I haven't even had a chance to speak to Joel yet.
Do you live at home? So I was living up in Coventry.
Just moved back down to Kent. Well, that's a massive yes.
Maybe you can move into Ken's penthouse.
Erm... No, no, no, no. I'm waiting for that...
I've got a spare room for Luciana. Luciana? My name's Lucinda.
Oh, my God. It's Lucinda, not Luciana. I apologise.
Ken, whatever we had has gone right out the door.
What have you just called me? Lucian... Lucifer.
Lu... That is outrageous.
Oh, wow. Thank you very much.
I think we'll maybe take the oysters away.
It's too late. He's already erect.
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating.
Over on the double date,
forgetful Ken is trying to get more intel on Lucinda,
or whatever her name is.
Gab, what do you know about Lucinda?
I know that Lucinda is not about anything materialistic.
It's not all about businesses and properties you own.
100%. It's not all about labels.
She's letting you know.
I know. Well, I'm just not really interested in that.
100%. It's not my thing.
100%.
I just want heart and soul and integrity and... Passionate.
100%. Just not with you.
Yeah, but even maybe a bit more than passionate.
Hello. Ooh, that's nice.
You're welcome. That's me all day.
That looks good.
Being passionate is good, but you can also be over-passionate.
Oh, yeah? How's that?
You can also always be right but also be wrong.
Come again?
And you can also be wrong, but also be right.
Yeah, fascinating stuff, Joel,
but I'd let the bouquet of flowers do the talking for you next time.
I really believe every word you say.
Translation, "I don't really understand it,
"but I definitely believe you said it."
Well, thank you, I appreciate it.
Yeah, you really speak truth.
Just in a really abstract way.
What's your red flag?
Arrogance. Mm-hm.
Flashiness. OK.
Like, "I've got this, I do that." OK.
Yeah, they are a red flag for me.
And you, Ken?
OK. My biggest ick is smell.
Hygiene is important.
I mean, I don't want to smell nothing.
Like, apart from perfumes, and yeah, hygiene.
Um, my biggest passion is I'm very ambitious.
Eh? That's not a red flag.
Oh, right. He's talking himself up again.
I mean... I cannot. ...it's pretty obvious.
Right, listen, that is it.
Ken is just spouting a load of bollocks.
I've had enough.
I'm gonna call it.
Yes, Gabby.
On that note. All right.
We'll give you a minute. Back in a minute. We're gonna be back.
Oh, wait, where you ladies going?
I think we're gonna powder our nose.
OK, cool. OK, we'll be back. We'll be back. Enjoy it.
What are you thinking about the date, man?
I feel like the date is going good.
I feel like I'm gonna make a move.
I don't think Ken has read the room properly.
Maybe we could get Joel to explain it to him.
In terms of...
Uh, on second thoughts.
Babe.
Ken.
Everything that he's saying is coming from
a place of, like, performance.
Like, I'm sorry if I'm being, like, too hard saying this.
That's what I love about you, your directness.
And I feel like you've got such a good attunement of person.
And I see it too.
The other night, when we had the one-on-one date together,
we were sort of in each other's chemistry spell.
Um, but in this dynamic, I'm just...
I can really see him for where he's at,
but it's not what I want. Yeah.
I need depth and presence. Mm.
I actually need to be brave
and maybe speak some words directly to him.
Yeah, but I get the feeling that whatever words you use,
he'll still just hear,
"Do you want a foursome?"
Over to Hasky Boy's date,
where he's putting the agent's advice into practice.
He stopped talking for a whole five minutes,
and so now Megan's spilling the beans.
How many brothers and sisters you got?
I've got two younger sisters.
Oh, OK.
OK. Yeah. And, like, do you get on with them?
I get on with them, yeah. Oh, fine.
They're closer with each other than I am with them.
Why is that?
We, um, did have a bit of a rocky, um, childhood.
Oh, really? Mm. How?
We were on Supernanny.
Blimey. She's not just spilled the beans,
she's spilled the full English.
Supernanny? Mm-hm.
What, that TV programme thing? Yeah.
How bad were you?
Um...
Cos it... it's quite...
It's quite a, um, well-known episode.
How bad were you?
I bit her, I hit her, I called her a bitch.
She was annoying, to be fair.
Yeah. Really? Mm.
So you were an ill-disciplined little nightmare?
No, I think I was just... challenging.
Yeah, that look says what you said, James.
Challenging?
I mean, I'm a bit surprised about Megan's,
uh, Supernanny revelation.
But let's be honest with you.
You can't judge people on what happened
in the past cos if you did,
I wouldn't be allowed to leave the house.
So are you a good girl now, then?
Yeah.
You didn't sound very... I've mellowed out.
Have you? Yeah.
Yeah, I don't believe her either, James.
Back over to the double date now,
where Ken's desperately trying to keep his orgy dreams alive with
a game of spin the bottle.
I mean a fork.
OK. Let's go. Classy.
OK, this dare's for you.
Give Joel a passionate kiss.
That's the dare.
I'll be a gentleman. I won't let...
You don't have to get up. I'm gonna come to you.
Oooh!
Wait... I love the way he takes control.
Have to wait to let her finish her steak.
This is good. This is what I like.
It's working, Ken! It's working!
OK. That's, uh...
That's... that's good.
That's hot.
OK, so who wants to spin?
Do you know what? I'm struggling.
I think we had really good energy the other night,
but if I'm really true to me,
I think I am looking for something different.
Like what? What different?
Oh, you know, someone less foursomey.
I think it's an energy thing that I'm just like.
I think you're quite flashy.
Not really. You know, your cars and watches. OK.
It's an energy that is a bit unexplainable.
I can explain it for you,
awkward.
I feel like you judge me without getting to know who I actually am.
You will see me, which a lot of people do,
they see me "Oh, he's flashy," and those things, but I'm not.
I feel like there's another side of me that you totally bypassed,
and you didn't really acknowledge.
Maybe you should have led with that rather than
the penthouse orgy stuff, just saying.
It's my fault because I thought you and I had an understanding.
I just wanted everybody to be comfortable,
but I didn't know making everybody comfortable
is going to cost me this.
I'd hate to see you make people feel uncomfortable.
You didn't give me that opportunity to show you who I am.
Oh, God, this is awkward.
Oh, dear. What now?
"Um, Gabby, Joel, I suppose we'll leave you to it."
I reckon we should let these lovebirds have their own moment.
100%. Should we do that?
Yeah. I'm going to take my flowers.
OK. See you guys.
Bye. Love you.
Mwah! I love you. All right, bro. Enjoy. I leave it to you.
See you, legend. See you later. See ya.
Yeah. Have fun, you two.
Thank you. You too.
Wow.
Um. So awkward.
Where do we start?
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Look, I am feeling a little bit tender.
I feel like I've never rejected a hotter man in my life.
100%. Awesome.
Bless you.
I'm feeling kind of shocked, actually.
Um, I wasn't expecting the little twist towards the end.
See, you Ken. Take care. Go well. Bye.
Feel like I want to get my flowers back.
Don't worry, you'll be able to fish them out the Thames later.
Really worked hard to be who I am in this life.
I'm just looking for something different.
I'm still regretting I didn't have sex with him.
Ken, get back here, son!
She's ready!
100%.
Across town, James has been told to dial it up by
the agents on his date with legendary former nanny-biter, Megan.
She's grown up now, thankfully.
How come you're single? What? Is that a choice or vibe?
Are you dating or what?
I don't really do dates.
You don't do dates? No.
I have got dating apps.
But? But I get scared, and I get bored.
I've never been on a dating app.
Have you not?
This is why tonight, like, blind date was really...
Daunting. Well... Do you know what?
I'm not ever daunted cos I'm, like, I'll talk to myself.
I can talk a glass eye to sleep.
Sorry, what was that? I nodded off.
I just think, for me, I like meeting people and talking.
So if you're at a bar and I saw you, I'll come and talk to you.
I'd ask your number.
If we had a vibe, I'd know, so I'd go on a date. Yeah, yeah.
Dating apps, you don't have any of that. No, exactly.
So if someone can fit into your life or you just, or would it be hard?
I don't know, it depends what their life's like, I think.
How about a chaotic shambles wrapped in a nightmare in a box of chaos?
Sounds like someone needs Supernanny.
That sounds great. All right, perfect.
Sounds really appealing.
Yeah.
So what would you usually go for in a partner?
I don't mind race, gender...
I... Not gender, sorry.
That would be an interesting one.
That would be a massive confession.
"By the way..."
PHONE RINGS
"Uh, Dr T? Yep, clear your schedule tomorrow.
"I think you've got some serious unpacking to do with James.
"He's into dick."
What about you?
Dad bod and receding hairline.
That's the title of my next book.
You'll be all right. Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Cheers, pal. Thank you.
We're going halve? No, I'll get this.
Are you sure?
Do you know what? I'm very sure. OK.
Oh, I'd quite like to date James.
Oh, hold on! Ooh.
Oh... Card's declined. ...so I'm gonna have to pay. Yeah.
Embarrassing.
Cheers, pal. Thank you. My pleasure.
That was a vibe. Thank you.
I really enjoyed that.
Good. It was nice.
So, yeah, and hopefully we'll... catch up again.
Yeah?
Yeah. I'd be happy to. Oh, fine. Well, let's...
Yeah. I'm keen. Good.
I had a really nice time.
I wasn't sure what to expect as I had no sort of frame of reference.
I had nothing to go on.
But she was really nice, she looked really beautiful,
and she was a vibe, so I'm very happy.
Nice one, James.
But how did Megan feel?
Should we go? Yeah.
He is really genuinely lovely,
and it was really easy to have conversation.
What stood out about James the most was how honest he was.
I think that's a massive turn-on.
Well, this has gone well.
You're gonna try for a conversion, Hasky?
Well, I had a great night.
So did I. It was great.
I will hopefully see you again. Yeah. Would like that.
Oh, his hands are on her!
♪ The smile on your face... ♪
And he's scored!
Did not see that coming, to be fair,
but then I'm no rugby player slash superstar DJ slash podcaster.
Ended in a kiss, so it's definitely gone well on both parts, I think.
I'll catch up with you soon, all right?
Have a nice night. Get home safe. You too. See ya.
I will definitely go on another date with her.
I think it's important. I think we've got nice chemistry.
And as we kissed at the end, you know,
like, you know, probably could have done a bit more, really.
But... You know what I mean? What?
When I say more, I mean, slightly more kissing.
No, I'm a gentleman, obviously.
Having lost Lucinda, Ken, and the rest of the restaurant,
Gabby and Joel finally get a moment to themselves
before they are politely asked to leave.
Tonight was a lot, wasn't it? Yeah, definitely.
And I feel like we didn't get to do what we needed on our own.
Yeah, I feel like we need a longer, longer time just one-on-one, so...
...you're saying round three?
Yeah, but elsewhere, they want to close it.
Yeah, I think it's definitely necessary.
No? Yeah. Let's do it then.
Cheers to round three.
Yay!
Go on then. Quick kiss, then fuck off!
We're into overtime now.
WAITER WHISTLES, GLASSES CLINK
Gabby is an amazing kisser.
I feel like nothing changed
from when we kissed in Tenerife to how we kiss now.
I think it's just only getting better.
The waiter will be delighted.
Lovely, lovely day. Yeah. I'll see you soon.
I look forward to seeing you soon. See you soon.
Take care, yeah? You too.
I've got 100 red roses.
Now you're really rubbing Ken's nose in it.
That's impressive, no?
I've never had that before from anyone.
Any of you bastards I've been with before.
Well, as long as you're happy.
I think having some one-on-one time with Joel now
is definitely needed to see if it is something that we think it is.
Why don't you get yourself down to Leicester Square,
sell each of those roses for £2 a pop, and you'll be quids in.
Do you love nuts? Love nuts.
Why am I such a child?
The celebs do some grooming. Not like that.
Where am I shaving this shit? Where am I shaving?
You're shaving the back part. Right here?
CRYING I know, I know.
For some, love is tough.
You OK? It just feels all of a sudden more pressured and scary.
But for others, it's tough love.
Most of the chat is really top-line. Thank you.
That's not a compliment. Oh!
HE LAUGHS What?
And a blast from the past.
EXCITED YELLS
I feel like we've lived a whole life since we've been here.
Well, it's a whole year.
Normally, I'm married and divorced by now.
THEY LAUGH
As our celebs...
Got a bit of a salty rim.
Mine's got a spicy. Has it?
...go...
Have I got like a skin disease?
It looks nice.
...dating.
♪ Love loves you... ♪
Eh?
Subtitles by Red Bee Media