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[cheering and applause]
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Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is The Fix.
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The show where we solve
the world's problems
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whilst you do nothing.
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[laughter]
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Today, we're tackling the opioid crisis,
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which, somewhat ironically,
desperately needs a fix.
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[laughter]
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Opioids take many forms,
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from the legal Oxycodone,
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which is responsible
for thousands of deaths every year,
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to the not-so-legal heroin,
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which is responsible
for something much worse.
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Jazz.
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[laughter]
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Opioids replicate the natural chemicals
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the human brain creates
when we experience orgasms.
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I've never tried them myself,
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or, for that matter, opioids.
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[laughter]
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Pharmaceutical companies
are clearly to blame.
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They've pushed more drugs
on unsuspecting people than Bill Cosby.
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[audience gasps]
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[laughter]
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So what's to be done?
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Well, we could just pop a pill
and not worry about it
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or we could fix the problem
in half an hour.
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Let's do that. Welcome to The Fix.
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[cheering, applause]
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[theme song playing]
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Okay, here's how the show works.
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I've challenged two teams of comedians
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to come up with a fix
for the opioid crisis.
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Our studio audience will be voting
at the end of the show.
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Whoever comes up
with the most addictive solution wins.
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So here to fix the opioid crisis
are Katherine Ryan and Amanda Seales...
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[cheering and applause]
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...and DL Hughley and Sara Schaefer.
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[cheering and applause]
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Later on, we'll be hearing
the team's fixes,
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but, before that,
let's take a closer look at the problem.
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The opioid crisis. What are your views?
What do you think?
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It's funny, because when black people were
addicted to crack, it was a crime. Now...
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-White people, it's a crisis. I just...
-[laughter]
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It does seem weird that this seems to be
more of a problem for those communities.
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[DL] Right, it seems like America...
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I remember Donald Trump,
he built a temporary memorial
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to the victims of the opiate crisis
outside the White House.
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For black people,
they built prisons, so...
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Yeah.
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[applause]
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I'm anti-opioid crisis,
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and I know that's like--
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-[Carr] Well, that's controversial.
-[Sara] Yeah.
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I don't like it. I want it to stop.
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[laughter]
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Are we getting this down?
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-[Sara] Yeah.
-[laughter]
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[Carr] Katherine, what do you think?
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Huge fan.
Absolutely wild for opiates, Jimmy.
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-[laughter]
-I...
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That explains
the glazed expression at least.
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-[laughter]
-I...
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I'm not taking them now,
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but I have big plans to become addicted
to opiates in my retirement,
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where the life-destroying consequences
won't matter
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and I'll just have a bunch of fun.
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I'm on the right team.
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[laughter]
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I mean, this is the right time
to get addicted to opiates.
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Especially in this country.
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Because if it's going to make you
glaze over and think everything is good...
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[laughter]
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That might be the route.
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[applause]
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Now, I've got an astounding fact for you.
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Americans make up
5% of the world's population,
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but they consume 80%
of the global supply of opioids.
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Has anyone here ever taken opioids?
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We ain't getting drug tested for this
on the show?
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You will not be tested on this,
but I require an honest answer.
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DL, have you ever taken opioids?
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Yes.
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But not on purpose.
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Yes, it was on purpose,
but fuck it, I'm...
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[laughter]
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What for? Because it's normally
sporting accidents or...
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I accidentally wanted to get high.
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[laughter]
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[applause]
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-Sara, have you ever taken opioids?
-Yes.
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It was prescribed to me
when I broke my ass.
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-[Carr] Sorry, you broke your...
-I broke my--
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I once had an Indian meal
that nearly did that to me. What...
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[laughter]
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[Carr] How did you broke your ass?
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I slipped on some ice
and just broke my tailbone
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and I convinced myself
that I was overreacting.
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So I hobbled back to my apartment,
up three flights of stairs,
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took my pants off
and my roommate was like,
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"There's a bump in your ass crack."
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[laughter]
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Like this. Like an apple.
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Sorry, did your roommate not say,
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"Put your trousers back on."
That would be...
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I was like, "I think I hurt myself,"
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and just started pulling them down.
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And she was like, "We're going to the ER."
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And they gave me medication
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that I took twice and then gave it away,
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because it scared me
how good it made me feel.
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I was like, "I will be addicted to this
in the next 24 hours if I take one more."
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How did it make you feel?
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It was like floating and a memory foam
mattress was just holding me up.
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[laughter]
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Like I was just riding it through...
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It was just nothing... Nothing hurt.
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That does sound good, doesn't it?
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It was so good.
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I've got nothing but sympathy
for people that are addicted to opioids,
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because it does sound good.
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When I did it, I got so high,
I felt like a white dude.
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I was like, "Why would I ever stop
this shit? This is so great."
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[laughter]
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Amanda, have you ever tried opiates?
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I had my wisdom teeth out
and they gave me Codeine,
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but then my mom was like, "Don't take it.
You're going to be a drug addict!"
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and I was like, "Okay, relax."
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It sounds like she wanted it.
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[laughter]
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I also had my wisdom teeth out,
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and, by wisdom teeth out,
I mean a boob job, Jimmy.
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[laughter]
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And they prescribed me opiates
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and I loved them.
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I took them for a few days
and it gave me a really terrible rash
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and I just couldn't live like that.
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Maybe you just didn't get
the right opiates for you.
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[laughter]
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-I could try again.
-[Amanda] Yeah.
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I mean, I delivered my daughter
with no drugs at all.
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[women whooping]
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I don't know why there's so much pride
associated with a natural childbirth.
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If you did anything else that painful
without drugs,
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people would be like,
"You're a moron, take the drugs."
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I would have loved some drugs on that day.
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[laughter]
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So opioids are primarily used for pain.
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What's the most pain you've ever been in?
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I was a gymnast.
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So I've split the beam, like...
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[vocalizes]
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Oh, right in the...
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Just right in the humdinger.
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Like right in the magic middle.
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You call yours "the humdinger"?
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The magic middle, Shangri-La, whatever.
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[laughter]
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DL, what's the most pain
you've ever been in?
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I have to say when I met
my daughter's loser boyfriend, but...
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Actually, the most physical pain
I was ever in was I broke my clavicle.
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-Ooh.
-We were playing tackle football
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and I fell down
and I felt my clavicle hit me in the face
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-It hit you in the face?
-It was like, "Wow, what was that?"
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[Carr] That's...
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You're your own worst enemy there,
aren't you?
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And did they give you opioids for that?
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We didn't have insurance,
so they just said, "Get out."
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[laughter]
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One time, I...
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Recently actually, I sprained my foot
on a sidewalk in Canada.
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I was like, "I'm going to go down,
I'm going to faint. This is so painful."
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So I sat down on the sidewalk in the rain
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and I had a donut with me
and I was like...
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[laughter]
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"This will help me
get back to my hotel room.
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I'm just... I'm just low blood sugar."
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There must be security footage
of me somewhere
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-just, like, sitting on the sidewalk...
-[laughter]
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...like, in the rain eating a donut.
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I must have looked insane.
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That feels like the most American thing
I've ever heard.
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[laughter]
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"I think I've broken my foot.
I'll have a donut."
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[laughter]
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Sara, I would say
stay out of cold weather.
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[Sara] Yeah.
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It sounds like you have a worse
relationship with ICE than a Mexican.
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[laughter]
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The most pain I ever had
was a thing with my bladder.
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They had to do an exploratory search
of my bladder.
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Search. They were looking for stuff.
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So they put a camera in.
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And they... You know...
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And you think,
"Oh, they're putting it in through that!"
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Okay, and you think it's going to be
a camera the width of a human hair.
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-It's like a Biro.
-[laughter]
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You hurt in places
you didn't know you had.
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And the worst thing about this
is you think that's painful.
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That is as nothing compared to the moment
when they've done it and they go,
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"Cough." Voom.
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[audience gasps]
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My thighs are clenched right now.
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I have that effect on women.
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[laughter]
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[applause]
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It's a separate issue.
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[Carr] Okay, moving on.
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A lot of Americans take opioids
to get high,
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but sometimes
you don't actually want to get high,
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it just sort of happens.
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Take a look at this news report.
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Burning behind me is 8.5 tons of heroin,
opium, hashish and other narcotics.
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[chuckles hysterically]
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[audience laughs]
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Come on then, let's go.
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[laughing]
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[laughter]
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Burning behind me... [chuckles]
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Quick, quick. We just need one more.
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[laughter]
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[Carr] Come on.
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-That's...
-[applause]
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That guy wasn't chasing the dragon.
He caught it.
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[laughter]
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Eight and a half tons of heroin and hash
burning behind him.
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That's like Snoop's cremation.
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[laughter]
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Actually, the one time that I've, like,
caught contact,
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like, in that situation, was I took my mom
backstage to meet Snoop.
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[laughter]
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She was like, "I want to meet Snoop Dogg."
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So I took her backstage
and we crossed the threshold
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and it was like, "Yeah."
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[laughter]
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Immediate.
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How was your mom? Chilled?
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Just like... I wish she was like that
for my whole teenage years.
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[laughter]
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Okay. Opioids have been around
for a long time.
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Take a look at this ad
for Dr. Thomas's Eclectric Oil.
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It contains opium, alcohol and chloroform.
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[all] Oh!
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Yeah. You say that,
but here's what it does.
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It claims to cure earache in two minutes,
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00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:04,613
backache in two hours,
and deafness in two days.
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[Amanda] Yes.
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Did you hear that? Well, you will.
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[laughter]
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Take a look at this ad from 1845.
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Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup.
It's for children teething.
252
00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:18,694
And it contains alcohol and morphine.
253
00:10:18,761 --> 00:10:20,029
[laughter]
254
00:10:20,095 --> 00:10:22,965
Its slogan was,
"Hush, little baby... forever."
255
00:10:23,265 --> 00:10:25,134
[laughter]
256
00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:28,137
Katherine, would you give a baby alcohol?
257
00:10:28,604 --> 00:10:31,306
I wouldn't give a baby top-shelf alcohol.
258
00:10:31,607 --> 00:10:32,608
[laughter]
259
00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:35,044
Their little palates
are not developed yet.
260
00:10:35,110 --> 00:10:37,179
They could just have any house Chardonnay.
261
00:10:37,246 --> 00:10:38,614
[laughter]
262
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:41,583
My mother used to rub whiskey
on our gums when we were teething.
263
00:10:41,650 --> 00:10:44,753
Like, "Can you feel your teeth?"
"I can't even feel my face!"
264
00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:45,721
[laughter]
265
00:10:45,788 --> 00:10:48,557
My mother used to make us take
a shot of Wild Turkey so we would sleep
266
00:10:48,624 --> 00:10:51,193
so she could go and play cards
with her friends instead.
267
00:10:51,260 --> 00:10:52,928
-[laughter]
-And you know what?
268
00:10:52,995 --> 00:10:56,765
I think we only think we had great parents
because we lived.
269
00:10:56,832 --> 00:10:57,966
[laughter]
270
00:10:58,067 --> 00:11:00,002
Like, "I don't need a babysitter... Ah."
271
00:11:01,136 --> 00:11:02,404
It's crazy.
272
00:11:02,471 --> 00:11:06,675
Here on The Fix, we have our very own
data expert. Please welcome Mona Chalabi!
273
00:11:06,742 --> 00:11:08,744
[cheering and applause]
274
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:14,550
Mona, I want some data.
I've had a little bit. I want more.
275
00:11:15,117 --> 00:11:17,686
Well, Jimmy,
I wanted to take a closer look at pain.
276
00:11:17,753 --> 00:11:20,923
After all, that's the reason
opioids are prescribed in the first place.
277
00:11:20,989 --> 00:11:22,691
International research has found
278
00:11:22,758 --> 00:11:25,994
that about 20% of people
say they often feel aches and pains.
279
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:29,631
But it turns out that those numbers
vary a lot from country to country.
280
00:11:29,698 --> 00:11:33,235
In the Czech Republic, only 9% of people
say they often feel pain--
281
00:11:33,302 --> 00:11:35,337
the lowest number anywhere in the world.
282
00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,973
In Japan, it's twice that, at 18%.
283
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,043
And the most pained country in the world
is the USA
284
00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:44,813
where a whopping 34% of people
say they feel pain often.
285
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:48,917
There are different theories about why the
numbers vary so much between countries.
286
00:11:48,984 --> 00:11:51,220
It's not just about access to medication.
287
00:11:51,286 --> 00:11:52,821
There are possible lifestyle reasons.
288
00:11:52,888 --> 00:11:56,125
Americans are more likely to be obese,
which can often result in aches and pains.
289
00:11:56,191 --> 00:11:58,260
But there could also be cultural reasons.
290
00:11:58,327 --> 00:12:01,029
Is it just more acceptable
to say the words, "I'm in pain,"
291
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,698
in some cultures and languages?
292
00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:06,335
If so, that could explain why countries
that are culturally similar to the US,
293
00:12:06,401 --> 00:12:08,203
like the UK and Australia,
294
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,506
are also very likely to say
they're in pain.
295
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,641
Interestingly, these three countries
296
00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:15,778
also have some of the highest rates
of opioid addiction in the world.
297
00:12:15,844 --> 00:12:16,979
[Carr] That's extraordinary.
298
00:12:17,045 --> 00:12:20,115
Are there any communities within America
that don't take as many opioids?
299
00:12:20,182 --> 00:12:21,450
[Mona] It's hard to say,
300
00:12:21,517 --> 00:12:23,418
but there are communities
that are higher at risk.
301
00:12:23,485 --> 00:12:26,088
We know that it's white communities,
we know it's rural communities,
302
00:12:26,155 --> 00:12:27,623
and lower socioeconomic groups.
303
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:31,026
So lower socioeconomic, white and rural.
Katherine Ryan?
304
00:12:31,093 --> 00:12:32,060
Yes.
305
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,030
[laughter]
306
00:12:35,531 --> 00:12:36,532
[Carr] No, because...
307
00:12:36,598 --> 00:12:38,801
Because Mona's saying
this is a white trash problem,
308
00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:39,735
so I'm..
309
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,303
[laughter]
310
00:12:42,571 --> 00:12:45,574
I would call my dad and ask
if I knew where he was.
311
00:12:45,641 --> 00:12:46,875
[laughter]
312
00:12:48,343 --> 00:12:50,679
[applause]
313
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,384
It's funny, because in America
they believe, like women of color,
314
00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:58,086
statistically they're biased
to believe that they can take more pain,
315
00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,755
so they're prescribed less pain medicine.
316
00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:01,423
They believe they're bigger and stronger.
317
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,425
Even though black women
get breast cancer less,
318
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:06,862
they have a higher mortality rate,
because they're not aggressive with them.
319
00:13:06,929 --> 00:13:09,164
They're like, "Oh, they can fight it off."
You know...
320
00:13:09,231 --> 00:13:12,100
The really frightening thing is that,
in surveys of medical students,
321
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,902
even medical students in this country
322
00:13:13,969 --> 00:13:16,405
say they think that black people
have thicker skin
323
00:13:16,471 --> 00:13:18,340
and can tolerate more pain
than white people.
324
00:13:18,407 --> 00:13:19,508
That's petrifying.
325
00:13:19,575 --> 00:13:20,776
Sorry, were these doctors in...
326
00:13:21,443 --> 00:13:23,779
-What the fuck is going on? How...
-[laughter]
327
00:13:24,279 --> 00:13:26,515
Sorry, I wouldn't mind
if they did a survey on the streets
328
00:13:26,582 --> 00:13:30,018
and people turned out to be racists,
but medical students saying that?
329
00:13:30,085 --> 00:13:31,820
That's mental.
330
00:13:31,887 --> 00:13:33,155
-It's petrifying.
-Wow.
331
00:13:33,222 --> 00:13:34,623
Mona, what else have you got for us?
332
00:13:35,090 --> 00:13:37,993
We talk about opioids
in terms of a national crisis,
333
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,728
but, like so many statistics,
334
00:13:39,795 --> 00:13:42,564
national averages can hide
some really interesting local trends.
335
00:13:42,631 --> 00:13:44,700
To understand how the crisis got started,
336
00:13:44,766 --> 00:13:46,802
let's go back to the '80s and '90s.
337
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,203
In the Appalachian region,
338
00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:51,340
opioids were heavily marketed to injured
coal miners and blue-collar workers
339
00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,041
by pharmaceutical companies.
340
00:13:53,108 --> 00:13:54,910
But it wasn't just big pharma's fault.
341
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:58,914
The mining companies didn't want their
injured workers to take paid time off,
342
00:13:58,981 --> 00:14:01,149
so they had doctors
prescribe the drugs on the job.
343
00:14:01,683 --> 00:14:04,419
Next up, let's look at Utah,
which has a huge problem.
344
00:14:04,486 --> 00:14:06,388
Not surprising,
given that in one year alone,
345
00:14:06,455 --> 00:14:09,224
a third of all adults in the state
were prescribed opioids.
346
00:14:09,625 --> 00:14:12,694
Strangely, one reason for this
might be religion.
347
00:14:12,761 --> 00:14:16,365
Over half the population in Utah
are members of the Mormon Church.
348
00:14:16,431 --> 00:14:18,233
It's a faith that forbids
the use of drugs,
349
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,469
including alcohol, tobacco
and even coffee.
350
00:14:20,535 --> 00:14:23,772
But Mormons are allowed to take drugs
prescribed by a doctor,
351
00:14:23,839 --> 00:14:24,840
like opioids.
352
00:14:25,207 --> 00:14:28,076
-[Amanda] Uh.
-[Mona] One last case study: Colorado.
353
00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:29,611
Like lots of other states in America,
354
00:14:29,678 --> 00:14:32,247
opioid deaths have risen in Colorado
since 2000.
355
00:14:32,314 --> 00:14:35,617
But, in 2014,
they suddenly started to fall. Why?
356
00:14:35,684 --> 00:14:38,220
Well, that's the same year
that cannabis was legalized.
357
00:14:38,687 --> 00:14:41,523
Researchers believe people have been
turning to weed as a substitute.
358
00:14:41,990 --> 00:14:43,458
Jimmy, are you a fan of the Mary Jane?
359
00:14:44,126 --> 00:14:45,227
[laughter]
360
00:14:45,294 --> 00:14:47,696
What, this guy? Oh, yeah, you know me.
361
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,731
[laughter]
362
00:14:50,165 --> 00:14:52,100
I think that makes
an awful lot more sense.
363
00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:55,270
So legalized marijuana is having
a huge effect on the opioid crisis.
364
00:14:55,337 --> 00:14:56,204
Yeah.
365
00:14:56,271 --> 00:15:00,375
I love the idea of a bunch of super high
Mormons going door to door, just like,
366
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:03,545
"I would like to tell you
about a most amazing book. Hello."
367
00:15:04,179 --> 00:15:05,013
You know?
368
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,381
[laughter]
369
00:15:07,049 --> 00:15:08,483
Amanda, what do you make of this?
370
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,752
Have you used marijuana
to take the edge off some pain?
371
00:15:10,819 --> 00:15:12,020
No, I haven't.
372
00:15:12,087 --> 00:15:15,123
I was, like, afraid of weed.
373
00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:17,559
Not because I was afraid
I would be addicted to it,
374
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,963
but I was around a lot of people
who just weren't doing shit.
375
00:15:21,029 --> 00:15:25,400
Like I had a boyfriend in college
who smoked like 20 blunts a day.
376
00:15:25,867 --> 00:15:27,369
And then he broke up with me
377
00:15:27,436 --> 00:15:30,072
because I was like,
"You're smoking too much weed,"
378
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,873
and he was like, "Well, you know..."
379
00:15:33,275 --> 00:15:35,377
[laughter]
380
00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:39,581
"I feel like that's not fair
381
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:42,317
because I would never ask you
382
00:15:42,384 --> 00:15:44,419
to stop writing poems."
383
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,588
[laughter]
384
00:15:48,590 --> 00:15:49,624
So, for me, I'm just like,
385
00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:53,495
"If this is the type of shit
that's going down from smoking, I'm good."
386
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:56,598
Okay, DL, marijuana.
Have you ever come across this stuff?
387
00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:57,532
No.
388
00:15:57,599 --> 00:15:59,134
[laughter]
389
00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:03,071
I've been so fucked up I've been at
a stop sign waiting for it to turn green.
390
00:16:03,138 --> 00:16:04,039
I'm like...
391
00:16:04,106 --> 00:16:06,108
[laughter]
392
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:11,346
What's the most messed up
you've ever been?
393
00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:14,349
The last week of April this year. So I...
394
00:16:14,416 --> 00:16:15,984
[laughter]
395
00:16:17,452 --> 00:16:19,221
I'm on tour with these cats,
396
00:16:19,287 --> 00:16:21,590
me, George Lopez,
Cedric the Entertainer...
397
00:16:21,656 --> 00:16:23,759
We're in Denver
and I haven't slept in three days.
398
00:16:23,825 --> 00:16:25,861
So I asked one of those guys,
and I won't say who...
399
00:16:25,927 --> 00:16:28,797
I said, "Give me something
that's going to help me sleep," right?
400
00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:30,332
So I took it on Saturday night,
401
00:16:30,399 --> 00:16:32,467
I woke up in the hospital in Denver
on Monday morning
402
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:35,504
with my wife
in the hospital bed next to me.
403
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:37,372
I woke up and I went,
"What the fuck happened?"
404
00:16:37,439 --> 00:16:38,707
[laughter]
405
00:16:38,774 --> 00:16:41,276
I had a Fitbit on and it had zero on it.
406
00:16:41,343 --> 00:16:43,378
[laughter]
407
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,483
So I didn't move. I didn't do...
408
00:16:49,284 --> 00:16:50,419
I didn't do nothing at all.
409
00:16:50,485 --> 00:16:52,621
Maybe that's the cure
for the opioid crisis.
410
00:16:52,687 --> 00:16:55,457
We get everyone a Fitbit
and they go, "This has got to change."
411
00:16:55,524 --> 00:16:56,958
[laughter]
412
00:16:57,492 --> 00:17:00,228
Okay. Well, thank you very much indeed,
Mona. Brilliant.
413
00:17:00,629 --> 00:17:02,564
[cheering and applause]
414
00:17:03,865 --> 00:17:06,234
Let's get to the heart of the show:
the fixes.
415
00:17:06,301 --> 00:17:08,837
It's time to solve the opioid crisis
once and for all.
416
00:17:08,904 --> 00:17:12,307
Katherine and Amanda are jonesing
for a fix, so we'll let them go first.
417
00:17:12,374 --> 00:17:13,809
Please give it up for Katherine Ryan!
418
00:17:14,376 --> 00:17:17,079
-Thank you.
-[applause]
419
00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:21,216
People trust their doctors, Jimmy,
which is how my face got like this.
420
00:17:21,716 --> 00:17:26,588
The worst day of my life was when my
gynecologist told me he was also a DJ.
421
00:17:27,489 --> 00:17:31,293
So it's important to remember that,
just like mayors and '90s sitcom actors,
422
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:33,795
doctors can be very fallible people.
423
00:17:33,862 --> 00:17:36,131
They've contributed to the opioid crisis,
424
00:17:36,198 --> 00:17:39,568
but I'm going to fix it
with pharma drug dealers.
425
00:17:39,668 --> 00:17:42,571
Yeah, every day in America,
doctors are being seduced
426
00:17:42,637 --> 00:17:46,108
by an army of hot, sexy, charming
pharmaceutical reps.
427
00:17:46,174 --> 00:17:48,944
Big pharma makes billions
off the sale of opioids
428
00:17:49,010 --> 00:17:51,546
and they're not using El Chapo
to run their drugs.
429
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,415
They're using El Tricia.
430
00:17:53,482 --> 00:17:54,316
[laughter]
431
00:17:54,382 --> 00:17:57,352
So how do we get doctors
to stop prescribing these drugs?
432
00:17:57,419 --> 00:18:00,622
Make the pharma reps
look like what they really are.
433
00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:01,823
Drug dealers.
434
00:18:01,890 --> 00:18:04,226
Swap out the big boobs for face tats,
435
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,294
the skimpy dresses for wife beaters,
436
00:18:06,361 --> 00:18:08,163
and I'm not talking about a shirt.
437
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:12,634
Doctors might think twice
before handing out pills willy-nilly
438
00:18:12,701 --> 00:18:15,303
if the drugs were being lobbied
by this guy.
439
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:19,574
Do you think doctors want this human
trash fire coming into his or her office?
440
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:20,842
I don't think so.
441
00:18:20,909 --> 00:18:25,080
Can you even imagine a doctor
taking a weekend trip to Boca with him?
442
00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:28,116
I can, and it ends in a lot of blood
and a dead farm animal.
443
00:18:28,183 --> 00:18:29,184
[laughter]
444
00:18:30,285 --> 00:18:31,553
So that's my fix.
445
00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:33,755
Big pharma drug dealers.
446
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:35,991
[applause]
447
00:18:38,593 --> 00:18:40,896
So you're proposing we change
the relationship
448
00:18:40,962 --> 00:18:42,531
between big pharma and doctors?
449
00:18:42,597 --> 00:18:43,431
Yes.
450
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:46,334
And we make pharmaceutical reps
actual drug dealers?
451
00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:49,538
They just can't be
these really seductive people,
452
00:18:49,604 --> 00:18:51,606
taking doctors on golfing holidays.
453
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,875
I don't think anybody
suffers through medical school
454
00:18:53,942 --> 00:18:56,678
to conspire purposely
with the pharmaceutical CEO...
455
00:18:56,745 --> 00:18:59,114
-Ah...
-...but they do enjoy a golf holiday.
456
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:01,883
I love the fact that you're giving
drug dealers another chance in life.
457
00:19:01,950 --> 00:19:05,854
I love the idea of a drug dealer
driving a 7 Series BMW
458
00:19:05,921 --> 00:19:07,522
and getting a house in the suburbs.
459
00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:08,423
[laughter]
460
00:19:08,490 --> 00:19:10,859
And I think maybe, to go one step further,
461
00:19:10,926 --> 00:19:13,528
you make the pharmaceutical reps...
462
00:19:14,462 --> 00:19:16,097
be the drug dealers.
463
00:19:16,164 --> 00:19:16,998
Yeah.
464
00:19:17,065 --> 00:19:19,334
Chad in a blazer
has to go down and sell crack
465
00:19:19,401 --> 00:19:22,604
and he has to play the game
before the game plays him.
466
00:19:22,671 --> 00:19:23,772
That's how he...
467
00:19:23,838 --> 00:19:26,107
[laughter]
468
00:19:26,174 --> 00:19:27,509
That's what he's got to do.
469
00:19:28,677 --> 00:19:31,346
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for drug dealer reps!
470
00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:33,415
[cheering and applause]
471
00:19:36,117 --> 00:19:39,721
We've had one fix from Katherine's team,
but I want another fix right away,
472
00:19:39,788 --> 00:19:41,256
so please give it up for DL Hughley!
473
00:19:41,323 --> 00:19:43,325
[cheering and applause]
474
00:19:44,125 --> 00:19:47,295
Jimmy, the US Is one of only two countries
in the entire world
475
00:19:47,362 --> 00:19:50,198
that allows prescription drugs
to be marketed on TV.
476
00:19:50,265 --> 00:19:52,801
The other one is New Zealand,
which barely counts.
477
00:19:52,867 --> 00:19:54,736
It's like half sheep and half Hobbit.
Who cares?
478
00:19:55,470 --> 00:19:58,340
So let me tell you
what the fix is for the opioid crisis.
479
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:01,476
It's mandatory opioid ads on television.
480
00:20:01,710 --> 00:20:03,778
I know it sounds bad, but hear me out.
481
00:20:03,845 --> 00:20:06,014
Drug companies advertise because it works.
482
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:09,951
Drugs with commercials sell nine times
more than drugs without commercials.
483
00:20:10,018 --> 00:20:11,286
Let me put it to you this way.
484
00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:14,155
Your dad takes dick pills
because the NFL told him to.
485
00:20:14,222 --> 00:20:15,523
[laughter]
486
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:19,794
But opioids aren't advertised on TV
because the side effects are so terrible.
487
00:20:19,861 --> 00:20:22,063
You can't show a video of people kayaking
488
00:20:22,130 --> 00:20:24,399
and then casually mention
that their teeth might fall out.
489
00:20:24,466 --> 00:20:25,700
[laughter]
490
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,036
But, for our fix, maybe we should.
491
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:30,105
If we force the drug companies to make ads
492
00:20:30,171 --> 00:20:32,574
for opioids,
people might start to understand
493
00:20:32,641 --> 00:20:36,111
how much more dangerous a drug
like Fentanyl is compared to Valtrex...
494
00:20:36,578 --> 00:20:39,648
which I do not take, no matter
what my wife tells women after my shows.
495
00:20:39,714 --> 00:20:41,082
[laughter]
496
00:20:41,149 --> 00:20:43,918
We went ahead and made one of these ads
just to prove our point.
497
00:20:43,985 --> 00:20:45,120
Take a look.
498
00:20:45,186 --> 00:20:46,154
Hi there.
499
00:20:46,554 --> 00:20:47,756
I have chronic pain.
500
00:20:48,156 --> 00:20:51,860
So my doctor prescribed something
to take away that pain...
501
00:20:52,394 --> 00:20:54,763
and all sense of reality.
502
00:20:55,363 --> 00:20:56,665
[laughter]
503
00:20:56,731 --> 00:20:59,000
I have no idea where I am right now...
504
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:00,769
thanks to Oxycodone.
505
00:21:00,835 --> 00:21:04,773
[woman] Oxycodone's a narcotic
that impacts the central nervous system
506
00:21:04,839 --> 00:21:08,710
and releases dopamine, causing
a false sense of emotional well-being
507
00:21:08,777 --> 00:21:12,881
and replaces pain
with a crippling addiction to Oxycodone.
508
00:21:12,947 --> 00:21:14,616
And that's the good news.
509
00:21:14,683 --> 00:21:17,552
Side effects of Oxycodone include nausea,
510
00:21:17,619 --> 00:21:19,454
vomiting, constipation...
511
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:20,889
and death.
512
00:21:23,024 --> 00:21:24,326
[wind blowing]
513
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,329
Huh. Will you look at that?
514
00:21:28,263 --> 00:21:31,533
Anyhoo, more serious side effects
of Oxycodone
515
00:21:31,599 --> 00:21:34,836
include loss of job, loss of income,
loss of family,
516
00:21:34,903 --> 00:21:38,373
having something in common
with Rush Limbaugh, loss of dignity.
517
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,274
Sir, hello?
518
00:21:39,874 --> 00:21:41,409
Did I mention that one already?
519
00:21:42,043 --> 00:21:44,546
I don't know.
I'm bombed out of my mind right now.
520
00:21:44,612 --> 00:21:46,414
Also thoughts of suicide,
521
00:21:46,481 --> 00:21:48,149
thoughts of starting a band
522
00:21:48,216 --> 00:21:49,050
and, finally...
523
00:21:49,718 --> 00:21:52,887
dying in a public park
in the middle of a pharmaceutical ad.
524
00:21:52,954 --> 00:21:54,055
Hey, we've got another one.
525
00:21:54,556 --> 00:21:56,658
Clean up on Aisle Me.
526
00:21:56,725 --> 00:21:57,559
[laughter]
527
00:21:57,625 --> 00:22:00,195
Ask your doctor if Oxycodone
is right for you.
528
00:22:00,261 --> 00:22:01,363
If he says yes...
529
00:22:01,896 --> 00:22:03,198
get a different doctor.
530
00:22:03,264 --> 00:22:06,901
[woman] Oxycodone,
the last drug you'll ever take.
531
00:22:06,968 --> 00:22:09,104
Hey, does anybody have any Oxycodone?
532
00:22:09,170 --> 00:22:10,505
[applause]
533
00:22:10,572 --> 00:22:11,506
I'm good.
534
00:22:11,573 --> 00:22:12,907
[laughter]
535
00:22:12,974 --> 00:22:14,542
[DL] Well, that's my fix.
536
00:22:14,609 --> 00:22:15,844
You guys are welcome.
537
00:22:16,277 --> 00:22:20,014
This is a great idea. You're going
to force pharmaceutical companies
538
00:22:20,081 --> 00:22:22,550
-to be honest about opioids.
-Tell them what you're working with.
539
00:22:22,617 --> 00:22:24,919
Then if they're honest
about the side effects,
540
00:22:24,986 --> 00:22:27,155
then people aren't going to
take the drugs presumably.
541
00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:29,424
-Right.
-I don't think people would take opioids
542
00:22:29,491 --> 00:22:32,761
from a doctor if they called them
opioids or heroin.
543
00:22:32,827 --> 00:22:35,463
When they give them these brand names,
it kind of makes it okay.
544
00:22:35,530 --> 00:22:36,464
But if you said to them,
545
00:22:36,531 --> 00:22:38,967
"Oh, you've got back pain.
What about a little bit of heroin?"
546
00:22:39,033 --> 00:22:40,535
[laughter]
547
00:22:40,602 --> 00:22:43,505
I think people would go, "Steady on,
Doctor, it just hurts a little bit."
548
00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:44,906
[laughter]
549
00:22:44,973 --> 00:22:46,474
What do you like about this idea, Sara?
550
00:22:46,541 --> 00:22:50,745
I like it because there are too many ads
for these random drugs
551
00:22:50,812 --> 00:22:54,149
for conditions that I assume
only, like, four people have.
552
00:22:54,215 --> 00:22:57,085
I'll be watching, you know,
Cheaters or something..
553
00:22:57,152 --> 00:22:58,420
[laughter]
554
00:22:58,486 --> 00:23:03,391
A commercial for a drug for Non-Hodgkin's
female feline fibromyalgia comes on...
555
00:23:03,458 --> 00:23:05,126
[laughter]
556
00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:07,395
"I have that."
557
00:23:07,462 --> 00:23:08,696
[laughter]
558
00:23:08,763 --> 00:23:09,631
It's strange.
559
00:23:09,697 --> 00:23:11,132
I think it's a really good idea,
560
00:23:11,199 --> 00:23:14,068
because doctors maybe don't give
all those side effects in the room.
561
00:23:14,135 --> 00:23:16,337
They just say, "You'll feel better,"
and leave it at that.
562
00:23:16,404 --> 00:23:19,240
But people need to know
that if you take synthetic heroin,
563
00:23:19,307 --> 00:23:21,309
-then you are going to die.
-[laughter]
564
00:23:21,743 --> 00:23:23,912
And they probably just think
the drugs are really working
565
00:23:23,978 --> 00:23:25,814
because the patients never come back.
566
00:23:26,481 --> 00:23:29,918
They're like, "Charles's back pain
is definitely out of here."
567
00:23:29,984 --> 00:23:32,353
He's sucking thumbs under a bridge
for heroin.
568
00:23:32,420 --> 00:23:33,555
[laughter]
569
00:23:35,590 --> 00:23:38,259
Okay, give it up for mandatory opioid ads.
570
00:23:39,093 --> 00:23:39,928
Great.
571
00:23:39,994 --> 00:23:42,130
[applause, whooping]
572
00:23:42,730 --> 00:23:46,701
So Katherine and Amanda are proposing
turning felons into pharmaceutical reps
573
00:23:46,768 --> 00:23:50,004
and DL and Sara are suggesting
we trust the advertising industry
574
00:23:50,071 --> 00:23:51,873
to tell us the truth about opioids.
575
00:23:51,940 --> 00:23:53,107
[laughter]
576
00:23:53,174 --> 00:23:54,876
Audience, please vote
for your favorite now
577
00:23:54,943 --> 00:23:56,911
and remember your first vote is free,
578
00:23:56,978 --> 00:23:59,347
but if you like it there's plenty more
where that came from.
579
00:23:59,414 --> 00:24:00,782
[laughter]
580
00:24:01,883 --> 00:24:03,618
Well, I can tell you the votes are in
581
00:24:03,685 --> 00:24:06,221
and, with 67% of the vote, DL has won.
582
00:24:06,287 --> 00:24:08,456
We're having honest ads about opioids!
583
00:24:08,523 --> 00:24:10,291
[cheering, applause]
584
00:24:10,358 --> 00:24:12,494
So that's that,
the opioid crisis is solved.
585
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,529
-Let's just hope we don't relapse.
-[laughter]
586
00:24:14,596 --> 00:24:18,233
Thanks to Katherine Ryan,
Amanda Seales, DL Hughley,
587
00:24:18,299 --> 00:24:21,236
Sara Schaefer, our brilliant data expert
Mona Chalabi,
588
00:24:21,302 --> 00:24:24,038
everyone here in the studio,
and to all of you watching at home.
589
00:24:24,105 --> 00:24:26,274
We're going to be solving
more of the world's problems
590
00:24:26,341 --> 00:24:29,844
in five, four, three, two, one...
591
00:24:30,411 --> 00:24:33,414
[audience cheering, theme song plays]