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[cheering and applause]
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Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is The Fix.
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We're here to solve
the world's biggest problems
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and, if we don't solve them
in half an hour,
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well, we still get paid, it's all good.
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[laughter]
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In this episode, we're going to fix
the gender pay gap.
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And if you don't think
the gender pay gap is a problem,
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let me mansplain it to you.
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[laughter]
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In America, on average,
women earn just 82% of what men earn.
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It's clear
something stinks in the workplace,
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and for once,
it's not just the men's room.
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[laughter]
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Women all round the world are standing up
for their right to equal pay
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and demanding an end to discrimination,
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which I think is just so adorable.
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[laughter]
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In our society, institutional sexism
has led to a glass ceiling
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where it's almost impossible for a woman
to be promoted beyond a certain level.
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And to be fair,
if women did shatter the glass ceiling,
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men would probably make them
clean up the mess.
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[laughter]
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One of the main causes of the gender
pay gap is women having babies.
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Of course, having a child
can be very fulfilling for a woman,
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just not financially, physically, mentally
or career-wise.
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[laughter, applause]
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Shockingly, 37% of men surveyed
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said there's no such thing
as the gender pay gap,
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and I'm pretty sure those are
the same guys that can't find the G-Spot.
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-[laughter, women whooping]
-Now...
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[applause]
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Luckily, on this show, we don't just moan
about problems. We try and find solutions.
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And who better to come up with a solution
then a bunch of comedians?
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Welcome to The Fix.
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[cheering, applause]
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So here's how the show works.
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I've challenged two teams of comedians
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to come up with a fix
for the gender pay gap.
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Our studio audience will be voting
at the end of the show
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for what they think works best
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and that'll be that, problem solved.
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And because we're talking
about the gender pay gap,
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we booked two female guests.
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Yeah. It's also cheaper this way.
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[laughter]
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So here to fix the gender pay gap
are Katherine Ryan and Nicole Byer.
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[whooping, applause]
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And DL Hughley and Nikki Glaser.
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[applause, cheering]
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Okay, before we get to our fixes,
let's take a closer look at the problem.
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The gender pay gap. What do you think?
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I think it's bad.
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[laughter]
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Okay, that's our show.
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[laughter]
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I mean, it is. It's crazy, isn't it?
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It's insane that a woman does the same job
as a man and gets paid less.
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It's so dumb.
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I'll tell you, I know a lot of dumb men
and it's not that men are smarter.
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Most of y'all are dumb.
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[laughter]
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And it... It truly makes no sense.
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-That's my stance.
-[laughter]
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I have nothing to say
because I'm one of the dumb ones.
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-[laughter]
-Katherine, what do you think?
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I don't think it's a big problem,
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depending on your level
of commitment to justice.
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So I grew up with sisters
who were tanned with big boobs.
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-I learned early life's not fair.
-[laughter]
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I find it refreshing,
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because, making 20% less,
I'm now just going to try 20% less hard
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and I'm going to just start right now
by taking out 20% of my hair.
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[laughter]
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[audience whooping, applause]
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It's about...
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[applause continues]
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[laughs]
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I didn't know
that women made that much less.
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And I didn't know that white women
had weaves. This is all...
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[laughter]
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What the fuck?
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[laughter]
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DL, I expect you to be 20% funnier
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than anyone else
on the panel this evening.
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I'm not going to work
that much harder, man.
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You wanted somebody to work that hard,
you should have hired a Mexican comic.
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I ain't for that.
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[laughter]
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What do you think, DL?
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I pretty much think that, um, it's fair.
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I do. I think that when women
start giving us our change back,
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we'll make sure they get equal pay.
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That's pretty much, you know...
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Sorry, getting your change back?
You're not getting your change back?
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If you give a woman
money for a specific thing
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and then you ask for your change back...
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[laughter]
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You're so right.
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They make... "Are you just a little bitch
who wants your change back?"
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I'm like, "Hold on."
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I see his point completely.
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Like, as a kid, you're like,
"Dad, can I get some ice cream?"
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and they give you a twenty.
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You never bring the change back.
You just keep it.
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And that's where we make our money back.
I think it's brilliant.
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-I didn't even realize I was doing it.
-[applause]
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-We may have already fixed this.
-[laughter]
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-And I shoplift. Oh, don't forget that.
-I'm all for shoplifting.
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I think every woman has a right
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to shoplift
any sanitary products she wants.
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-Thank you.
-I don't think they should press charges.
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Well, I use mascara as tampons.
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-[laughter]
-So that's why I stole that.
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Wait. What?
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[laughter]
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What do you mean?
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Do you unscrew the cap,
put it up in and then have a day?
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-What are you doing?
-[laughter]
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[applause]
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If that's the rule,
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that anything you steal has to be used
as a sanitary product,
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I will put a mascara in my vagina.
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I cannot wait till I need mascara
and ask you for it
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and you're like shcudiboom.
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[laughter]
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[Carr] Here's a fact for you.
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In the US,
if a man stopped working on November 14th,
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he'd earn the same amount as a woman who'd
have to work until the end of the year.
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Is it the same for white dudes
and black dudes?
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Because I know we don't get to stop
working on the 14th. I'm pretty sure.
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[laughter]
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Ah, you are 100% right.
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[laughter]
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Because stuff got good for us
about eight years ago
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and now it's back to normal,
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-so...
-[laughter]
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What do you think of that fact?
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Well, there'd be much less sexual assault
than previous Christmas parties
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if they just took the time off.
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-Great point.
-[applause]
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I think if you're not getting paid
post November 14th,
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you should just take the rest of the year
off and let us get some work done.
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-[applause]
-[Carr] Okay.
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[Nikki] I don't...
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I personally would not want to work
after the 14th without men around
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because how am I supposed to know
if I'm doing a good job
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without the pat on the ass
that I'm used to?
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-You know.
-I'll do it for you.
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Thank you, Nicole.
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"Nikki, you're doing a good job!"
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[applause]
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That means so much to me.
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-I got you, girl.
-Thank you.
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[Carr] Okay.
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One reason for the pay gap
is plain, good, old-fashioned sexism.
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Take a look at this Polish politician
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putting across his point of view
at the European Parliament.
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Do you know how many women
are in the first hundred of chess players?
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I'll tell you. No-one.
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And, of course,
women must earn less than men.
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Because they are weaker,
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they are smaller,
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they are less intelligent.
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They must earn less. That's all.
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[audience booing]
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The good news is that guy's dead.
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[laughter, applause]
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This really supports my idea
that men are dumb.
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Like, what does chess have to do
with earning money?
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But also he said I was small,
so thank you.
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[laughter, applause]
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[Nicole] Oh, my God!
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-Oh!
-[DL laughs]
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So people genuinely think like that.
Do you know anyone that thinks like that?
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Oh, yes, and I felt very attracted to him.
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I...
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[laughter]
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And, of course, he doesn't realize
that women are very good at chess
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because there's a lot of strategy involved
in avoiding playing chess.
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That's what we do.
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Why would I want to play chess? Why?
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A queen does absolutely all the work,
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protecting a man
that everyone's trying to trap.
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It's like an episode of Love & Hip Hop.
I'm not interested.
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[laughter]
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DL, do you think there's an age
at which people get a pass?
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Like, "He's 85,
he doesn't know any better."
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-Well...
-Yeah.
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Not if you watch the Cosby trial,
it ain't.
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[laughter]
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[applause]
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Now, a major reason for the pay gap
is women having children.
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In fact a woman's future wages fall
by 4% with each child she has.
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Katherine, you've got a successful career
and you're a terrible mother.
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[laughter]
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Has having a child affected your income,
do you think?
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I think you've really
hit the nail on the head.
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I am a terrible mother.
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You can still be successful.
201
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But I think of myself
less as a terrible mother
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and more like a really great dad.
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[laughter, applause]
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[audience whooping]
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[Carr] It's different.
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There's different levels!
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You judge them differently.
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I think there's a certain amount
of selfishness a man is allowed to have
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that a woman isn't traditionally.
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Yeah, 'cause men in our society
are allowed to be selfish.
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Like even 50% of it
would affect your career.
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My wife used to make me
babysit my children. Um...
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00:09:00,382 --> 00:09:01,383
[laughter]
214
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Babysit your children?
What were you getting? 12 bucks an hour?
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00:09:04,053 --> 00:09:05,588
[laughter]
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00:09:05,654 --> 00:09:08,724
Nicole, knowing that fact, would it
make you think twice about having kids?
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00:09:08,791 --> 00:09:10,659
I don't want kids.
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I don't like them.
They're sticky and they're nasty.
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And now they're trying to take my money?
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Fuck you! Get back up there.
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I don't want you.
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[applause, laughter]
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[Carr] Oh.
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00:09:23,906 --> 00:09:24,773
[Nicole] No.
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00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:25,874
I hate children.
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You're telling me you don't like stuff
that's sticky and nasty?
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00:09:28,410 --> 00:09:31,180
Oh, I like sticky, nasty shit,
but not a child.
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[laughter]
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That's how we make 'em, baby.
230
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You'd really like an English kid.
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See, my daughter is British and that
truly is the key to enjoying your kids.
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It sounds like I have a fancy,
ineffective butler at home.
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She's just like...
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[laughter]
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It's like, "Oh, hello, Mummy,
I do love you ever so much.
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Are we going to stay in Los Angeles
to work at Netflix?
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It's going to be lovely, Mummy.
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I am sorry, I spilled Nutella
on the carpet."
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So I'm like,
"You are the shittiest butler ever."
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That's it.
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00:10:02,711 --> 00:10:04,813
That's the way. British kids, tolerable.
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00:10:05,581 --> 00:10:08,350
[laughter, applause]
243
00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:10,219
What a great review for your child.
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00:10:10,285 --> 00:10:11,820
[laughter]
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00:10:12,388 --> 00:10:15,190
Right, here on The Fix,
we have our very own data expert.
246
00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:16,992
Please welcome Mona Chalabi.
247
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[applause]
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00:10:21,964 --> 00:10:23,132
[Carr] Hi, Mona.
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00:10:23,732 --> 00:10:26,235
We're talking about the gender pay gap.
What have you got for us?
250
00:10:26,301 --> 00:10:28,904
The pay gap isn't just
about the difference
251
00:10:28,971 --> 00:10:31,106
between what men and women get paid.
252
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,441
Your race matters too.
253
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,910
Let me explain with some illustrations
that I've made.
254
00:10:34,977 --> 00:10:37,980
By the time an American white man retires
at age 64,
255
00:10:38,047 --> 00:10:39,882
over the course of his entire career,
256
00:10:39,948 --> 00:10:43,252
he would have earned, on average,
about $2 million.
257
00:10:43,318 --> 00:10:46,355
If a Hispanic man wants to make
that same amount of money,
258
00:10:46,422 --> 00:10:48,991
he needs to keep working till he's 83.
259
00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:53,996
The average black man needs to retire
at 85 to earn $2 million.
260
00:10:54,063 --> 00:10:57,433
Asian and white women
would need to keep working till they're 93
261
00:10:57,499 --> 00:10:59,635
to catch up
with those white male earnings.
262
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:02,404
And black women until they're 105.
263
00:11:02,805 --> 00:11:04,039
-[audience gasps]
-[Carr] Oh!
264
00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:07,576
Hispanic women, they are the worst off.
265
00:11:07,643 --> 00:11:12,848
They would need to retire
at the age of 118 to make $2 million.
266
00:11:12,915 --> 00:11:14,283
[laughter]
267
00:11:14,349 --> 00:11:17,453
But there is one group in America
who are better paid than white men.
268
00:11:17,519 --> 00:11:18,987
Can you guess who it is?
269
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:20,522
What did you just say?
270
00:11:20,989 --> 00:11:22,758
[laughter]
271
00:11:23,192 --> 00:11:25,094
Sorry, there's a group better paid
than white men?
272
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,463
-It's true.
-Okay, this is getting serious.
273
00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:29,631
[laughter, applause]
274
00:11:29,698 --> 00:11:32,601
Who's better paid than white men?
I don't know. I can't...
275
00:11:32,668 --> 00:11:35,070
Asian men in this country
can retire three years early
276
00:11:35,137 --> 00:11:36,672
and still make the same amount of money
277
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:37,606
as white men.
278
00:11:37,673 --> 00:11:38,640
-Asian men.
-Yeah.
279
00:11:38,707 --> 00:11:40,609
They snuck up on us like ninjas.
280
00:11:40,676 --> 00:11:42,077
[laughter]
281
00:11:42,144 --> 00:11:43,112
[applause]
282
00:11:43,178 --> 00:11:44,012
So...
283
00:11:45,981 --> 00:11:48,183
You... You did say ninjas, right?
284
00:11:48,851 --> 00:11:51,987
[laughter]
285
00:11:52,788 --> 00:11:54,423
DL Hughley! Um...
286
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:58,293
So why is that? Why do Asian men out-earn
white men in America?
287
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,662
It's because Asian-Americans
are better educated
288
00:12:00,729 --> 00:12:03,232
than any other racial or ethnic group
in this country.
289
00:12:03,499 --> 00:12:06,468
Okay. So are things getting better
at least?
290
00:12:06,535 --> 00:12:07,536
It depends on who you are.
291
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:10,706
For Asian-Americans,
the gap with white pay has got smaller.
292
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:14,076
But the black-white pay gap
has actually got bigger over time.
293
00:12:14,143 --> 00:12:14,977
It's getting worse?
294
00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:17,813
It's getting worse, and it's getting worse
since legislation was passed
295
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,415
to make it illegal
to discriminate based on race at work.
296
00:12:21,016 --> 00:12:23,118
-[Nikki blows raspberries]
-[Mona] Sorry!
297
00:12:23,185 --> 00:12:24,319
-Wow.
-Bummer.
298
00:12:24,386 --> 00:12:26,722
Welcome to the new, depressing
part of the show.
299
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,557
[laughter]
300
00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:30,893
DL, what do you make of these statistics?
301
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,261
I'm not shocked.
302
00:12:32,327 --> 00:12:34,830
[laughter, applause]
303
00:12:35,831 --> 00:12:37,733
Black people have figured it out.
304
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:42,271
We go to church, we play lotto
and we die early, so we ain't got to earn.
305
00:12:42,337 --> 00:12:43,272
[laughter]
306
00:12:43,338 --> 00:12:44,940
So that's your financial planning advice?
307
00:12:45,007 --> 00:12:46,809
-That's all I've got.
-[laughter]
308
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:48,811
Nikki, what do you make
of these statistics?
309
00:12:48,877 --> 00:12:51,346
I mean, I'm just sad about the...
310
00:12:51,413 --> 00:12:55,117
Now the woman fell over at the bottom.
She already has it hard enough.
311
00:12:55,184 --> 00:12:59,121
She's working till she's 118 and
the graphic doesn't do her any justice.
312
00:12:59,588 --> 00:13:01,790
This is entirely depressing
313
00:13:01,857 --> 00:13:04,092
and gratefully this show is called The Fix
314
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,761
and we're gonna come up with a solution.
315
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:08,297
Oh, yeah. If we just left it here,
that would be awful.
316
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:10,199
[laughter]
317
00:13:10,265 --> 00:13:12,634
What do you make of those statistics?
They're shocking, right?
318
00:13:12,701 --> 00:13:16,438
I mean,
I guess I work after I'm dead, but...
319
00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:17,339
[laughter]
320
00:13:17,806 --> 00:13:21,777
...while I'm living,
I guess I start fucking an Asian man.
321
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,745
[laughter]
322
00:13:23,812 --> 00:13:24,947
So...
323
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:27,349
[applause, whooping]
324
00:13:29,484 --> 00:13:30,319
I'll just...
325
00:13:30,986 --> 00:13:33,255
I'm gonna double check for you.
That's gonna work, right?
326
00:13:33,922 --> 00:13:34,756
Sure?
327
00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:36,225
[Mona] Sure.
328
00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:37,993
Okay. Mona, what else have you got for us?
329
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:40,963
Well, the gender pay gap
isn't the same across the board.
330
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:44,633
For all the women watching, I wanted to
look at the jobs with the biggest pay gap
331
00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,935
so that we all know what to avoid.
332
00:13:47,002 --> 00:13:50,239
At the top of the list is, ironically,
financial advisors.
333
00:13:50,806 --> 00:13:53,208
For every dollar
a male financial advisor makes,
334
00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:56,011
a woman in the same job makes just $0.59.
335
00:13:56,411 --> 00:14:00,682
Just as ironically, female lawyers
also have one of the biggest pay gaps,
336
00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:04,186
earning just $0.63 for every dollar
male lawyers make.
337
00:14:04,253 --> 00:14:06,221
At the other extreme,
there are a couple of jobs
338
00:14:06,288 --> 00:14:07,789
where women actually out-earn men.
339
00:14:08,257 --> 00:14:10,626
Cafeteria workers and bartenders.
340
00:14:10,692 --> 00:14:13,161
Now that's partly because women
get better tips than men.
341
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:16,932
But that same logic doesn't explain
why women working in construction
342
00:14:16,999 --> 00:14:18,700
make slightly more than men too.
343
00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:21,169
Lastly, I managed to find one profession
344
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:24,206
where women earn
two to three times more than men.
345
00:14:24,273 --> 00:14:25,941
Any guesses what it is?
346
00:14:26,008 --> 00:14:27,042
[laughter]
347
00:14:27,109 --> 00:14:29,611
The whole audience is guessing stripping
right now.
348
00:14:29,678 --> 00:14:30,979
[laughter]
349
00:14:31,046 --> 00:14:33,181
And you know what?
They're not that far off.
350
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,383
It's actually pornography.
351
00:14:34,650 --> 00:14:35,751
[Nikki] Oh!
352
00:14:35,817 --> 00:14:38,720
Really? So I made the right decision
not becoming a porn actor.
353
00:14:38,787 --> 00:14:40,555
[laughs] I think so.
354
00:14:40,622 --> 00:14:45,093
I think, in pornography, we make
two to three times as much as men do
355
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,329
because we're taking on that many men.
356
00:14:48,196 --> 00:14:51,700
So it makes sense
that you would make what you take.
357
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,769
-[applause]
-You make what you take?
358
00:14:53,835 --> 00:14:55,470
[Nikki] You make what you take.
359
00:14:55,537 --> 00:14:57,839
You've even got a slogan for it.
"You make what you take."
360
00:14:57,906 --> 00:14:59,274
"Pornography."
361
00:14:59,341 --> 00:15:01,610
-[laughter]
-Katherine, you used to work at Hooters.
362
00:15:01,677 --> 00:15:03,912
Obviously, they've done nothing
for the gender pay gap,
363
00:15:03,979 --> 00:15:05,080
but lots for the thigh gap.
364
00:15:05,147 --> 00:15:06,315
[laughter]
365
00:15:06,381 --> 00:15:08,150
Were you paid handsomely there?
366
00:15:08,216 --> 00:15:12,120
Hooters waitresses, I think,
earn more than the men in the kitchen
367
00:15:12,187 --> 00:15:14,690
and you can have a side hustle
at Hooters as well.
368
00:15:14,756 --> 00:15:17,592
I was selling my socks
to anyone who asked for them.
369
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,928
[laughter]
370
00:15:19,995 --> 00:15:22,064
That's... Is that genuinely a true story?
371
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,933
It's genuinely a true story.
It's called a side hustle.
372
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,569
-"$60, please."
-[laughter]
373
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:28,704
For your socks?
374
00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:30,639
They wanted them really dirty as well.
375
00:15:30,706 --> 00:15:32,975
There are some troubled young men
out there.
376
00:15:33,041 --> 00:15:34,076
[laughter]
377
00:15:35,677 --> 00:15:37,379
Me and Katherine Ryan go back a long way
378
00:15:37,446 --> 00:15:40,148
and I happen to know,
when she was working in Hooters,
379
00:15:40,215 --> 00:15:43,418
she was kind of fooled by a man
into doing something ridiculous.
380
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:47,456
Okay, a man rang Hooters and he pretended
to be from a radio station,
381
00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:49,691
and he said, "I'll give you $300
382
00:15:49,758 --> 00:15:52,527
if you can figure out a way
to inflate your pantyhose."
383
00:15:52,594 --> 00:15:54,496
This, to me, did not feel like a trap.
384
00:15:54,563 --> 00:15:56,164
And I said...
385
00:15:56,231 --> 00:15:58,400
[laughter]
386
00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:01,737
And so I got some clear garbage bags
387
00:16:01,803 --> 00:16:04,272
and I pushed them
all the way down to my toes
388
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,908
and then I got a bicycle pump
and really pumped them up.
389
00:16:06,975 --> 00:16:11,380
And then he said you have to take pictures
and email them to this random Hotmail,
390
00:16:11,446 --> 00:16:12,481
which I did.
391
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,383
-And then...
-[laughter]
392
00:16:14,449 --> 00:16:15,283
...he...
393
00:16:16,084 --> 00:16:20,789
He promised me this money that never came
even though I'd given him my address.
394
00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:21,757
[laughter]
395
00:16:21,823 --> 00:16:24,026
And then he got my phone number.
396
00:16:24,092 --> 00:16:27,863
He started calling me, asking for me
to do real stunts out in the world.
397
00:16:27,929 --> 00:16:31,500
"Go to a gas station and use those pumps
to inflate them even more."
398
00:16:31,566 --> 00:16:33,368
-[laughter]
-I did that.
399
00:16:33,435 --> 00:16:35,637
Sorry, Nicole, what were you saying
about men being dumb?
400
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:37,506
[laughter]
401
00:16:37,572 --> 00:16:40,142
I guess that one was the smart one.
402
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,443
[laughter]
403
00:16:41,510 --> 00:16:44,446
I eventually had to go to
the radio station to collect my winnings,
404
00:16:44,513 --> 00:16:46,048
because it never came to the house.
405
00:16:46,114 --> 00:16:50,285
And I said, "I'm here to collect
my winnings for the pantyhose contest."
406
00:16:50,485 --> 00:16:53,822
And she just went,
"Deborah, we've got another one."
407
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:55,991
[laughter]
408
00:16:56,792 --> 00:16:59,494
[applause, whooping]
409
00:17:00,462 --> 00:17:03,832
Wow, I mean, literally
the most gullible woman in the world.
410
00:17:04,299 --> 00:17:05,834
[laughter]
411
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,803
Fantastic stuff.
Thank you very much indeed, Mona.
412
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:10,705
[cheering, applause]
413
00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:14,876
Right, let's get to the heart of the show.
Let's get to the fixes.
414
00:17:14,943 --> 00:17:17,913
It's time to solve the gender pay gap
once and for all.
415
00:17:17,979 --> 00:17:21,516
And, as we're talking about gender issues,
it would be rude not to put ladies first,
416
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:23,185
so, ladies and gentlemen, Katherine Ryan!
417
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,319
Yeah.
418
00:17:24,386 --> 00:17:27,189
[whooping, applause]
419
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,524
I'm afraid it's bad news
for your yacht club, Jimmy,
420
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:33,962
because I've come up with a genius way to
close the gender pay gap once and for all.
421
00:17:34,029 --> 00:17:36,298
My fix, feminism-ism.
422
00:17:36,364 --> 00:17:38,400
Relax, girls named Kayla,
423
00:17:38,467 --> 00:17:40,102
you don't have to be a feminist...
424
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,571
to be a feminism-ist.
425
00:17:42,637 --> 00:17:46,942
Feminism-ism is a new religion
that exploits tax loopholes.
426
00:17:47,008 --> 00:17:47,943
That's all.
427
00:17:48,009 --> 00:17:51,413
No rules, no guilt, straight cash.
428
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,181
-[laughter]
-Did you know...
429
00:17:53,248 --> 00:17:57,018
that the wealthiest organization in
the world is the Roman Catholic Church,
430
00:17:57,085 --> 00:18:01,389
whose budget in the US is $170 billion
431
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:02,858
and they don't pay any tax?
432
00:18:02,924 --> 00:18:03,925
Neither will we.
433
00:18:03,992 --> 00:18:07,963
That's how we'll get back the additional
money that men are being unjustly paid.
434
00:18:08,029 --> 00:18:12,000
Those tampons, boob jobs and abortions
aren't paying for themselves, right?
435
00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:13,001
[laughter]
436
00:18:13,068 --> 00:18:15,937
It's not like the gender pay gap
is imaginary,
437
00:18:16,004 --> 00:18:17,539
like white privilege.
438
00:18:18,073 --> 00:18:21,510
Right now, women earn 80%
of what men make,
439
00:18:21,576 --> 00:18:26,014
which means, on average, men are walking
around with over 10 grand a year more
440
00:18:26,081 --> 00:18:28,216
and they still can't dress for shit.
441
00:18:28,416 --> 00:18:29,417
[laughter]
442
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:32,754
Ladies, the best solution
to your financial problems
443
00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:37,025
is no longer tolerating a mouthful
of an old man's rice paper scrotum.
444
00:18:37,259 --> 00:18:38,326
[laughter]
445
00:18:38,393 --> 00:18:42,664
Join feminism-ism
and become a feminism-ist today.
446
00:18:42,731 --> 00:18:46,201
Give us your paychecks and we'll
funnel it back to you totally tax-free.
447
00:18:46,268 --> 00:18:48,503
It's that easy
and it would genuinely work.
448
00:18:48,570 --> 00:18:51,373
And what are our intimate partners
going to do about it?
449
00:18:51,806 --> 00:18:53,742
Kill three of us a day?
450
00:18:53,808 --> 00:18:58,079
Ha, the joke's on men
because they're already doing that.
451
00:18:58,146 --> 00:18:58,980
[laughter]
452
00:18:59,047 --> 00:19:01,216
Which is why
we desperately need the money.
453
00:19:01,283 --> 00:19:02,951
Please take a look at our first ad.
454
00:19:03,318 --> 00:19:05,220
[male voice whispering] Feminism-ism.
455
00:19:05,287 --> 00:19:08,623
[woman] Feminism-ism
is a new religion for women only.
456
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:10,058
[male voice] No men.
457
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:13,061
[woman] Here's how it works.
Give us all your money.
458
00:19:13,128 --> 00:19:15,830
Don't worry, you can trust us.
We're women.
459
00:19:16,431 --> 00:19:19,067
Then we give you your money back,
tax free.
460
00:19:19,134 --> 00:19:20,602
[male voice] More money.
461
00:19:20,669 --> 00:19:22,704
[woman] Hey, it worked for L Ron Hubbard.
462
00:19:22,771 --> 00:19:25,340
-Are you a feminist?
-[male voice] Yes, queen.
463
00:19:25,407 --> 00:19:26,741
[woman] Then join today.
464
00:19:26,808 --> 00:19:27,709
[male voice] Okay.
465
00:19:27,776 --> 00:19:30,745
[woman] Are you anti-feminist,
but want to make as much money as a man?
466
00:19:30,812 --> 00:19:32,080
[male voice] Of course.
467
00:19:32,147 --> 00:19:34,249
[woman] Then feminism-ism is for you too.
468
00:19:34,316 --> 00:19:35,717
[male voice] Amazeballs.
469
00:19:35,784 --> 00:19:38,253
[woman] We don't discriminate.
Except against men.
470
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:39,821
[male voice] Sorry, not sorry.
471
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,657
[woman] So, ladies, join feminism-ism.
472
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,025
No penises allowed.
473
00:19:44,092 --> 00:19:46,294
[male voice] Trans-inclusive.
474
00:19:46,361 --> 00:19:47,896
[applause]
475
00:19:47,963 --> 00:19:50,198
[Carr] So, Katherine,
you're proposing feminism-ism.
476
00:19:50,265 --> 00:19:51,866
Nicole, what do you like about this idea?
477
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:54,135
Ooh, baby, I love it!
478
00:19:54,202 --> 00:19:56,338
I love it. L Ron Hubbard, it's true.
479
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,074
He created a religion
and there's tons of money in it.
480
00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:02,210
So we're taking that shit back
and we're going to get our money
481
00:20:02,277 --> 00:20:05,113
and we're going to give it back to our
friends and we're going to spend it
482
00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:06,881
and it's going to be glorious and nice
483
00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:09,150
and I can't wait. I love it. Feminism-ism.
484
00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:12,087
[laughter, applause]
485
00:20:12,153 --> 00:20:14,122
-I think Nicole's in. That's a yes.
-I'm in.
486
00:20:14,189 --> 00:20:16,057
We'll pray to our Lord Jesus Beyoncé!
487
00:20:16,124 --> 00:20:16,992
Yes.
488
00:20:17,058 --> 00:20:18,627
[laughter]
489
00:20:18,693 --> 00:20:19,728
I like the idea of that.
490
00:20:19,794 --> 00:20:22,397
I like the idea of there being
little sects within feminism-ism.
491
00:20:22,464 --> 00:20:24,366
You could have Judge Judy-ism.
492
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:26,134
[laughter]
493
00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:28,870
So, Katherine,
you're essentially suggesting a cult.
494
00:20:29,137 --> 00:20:31,873
It's a cult, it's a tribe, it's a harem.
I just really miss Hooters.
495
00:20:32,173 --> 00:20:33,341
[laughter]
496
00:20:33,408 --> 00:20:34,242
Okay.
497
00:20:34,309 --> 00:20:37,245
What would happen at the services
in feminism-ism?
498
00:20:37,679 --> 00:20:38,747
Amazing things.
499
00:20:38,813 --> 00:20:42,050
We'd get Antoni from Queer Eye
to turn water into rosé.
500
00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:43,084
[audience whoops]
501
00:20:43,151 --> 00:20:46,288
There'd be a confession booth, obviously,
but with hidden cameras,
502
00:20:46,354 --> 00:20:48,456
so we don't miss out
on any of the juicy goss.
503
00:20:48,523 --> 00:20:49,357
[laughter]
504
00:20:49,424 --> 00:20:52,627
And then we'll take turns reenacting
the Madonna Like A Prayer video.
505
00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:53,628
[laughter]
506
00:20:53,695 --> 00:20:54,529
It'll be fun.
507
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:58,566
Apparently 86% of women in the US
are already affiliated to a religion.
508
00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:01,002
So you're preaching to the choir,
quite literally.
509
00:21:01,069 --> 00:21:02,837
I think genuinely this would work.
510
00:21:02,904 --> 00:21:04,172
And talking about Scientology,
511
00:21:04,239 --> 00:21:06,074
they only started in 1954.
512
00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:07,942
They're worth $1.2 billion.
513
00:21:08,009 --> 00:21:09,477
They don't pay a penny in tax.
514
00:21:09,878 --> 00:21:11,179
It's a genius idea.
515
00:21:11,246 --> 00:21:12,080
Thank you.
516
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,982
DL, Nikki, what do you make of this?
517
00:21:14,049 --> 00:21:15,183
It's tax evasion, right?
518
00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:16,117
Yes.
519
00:21:16,184 --> 00:21:17,519
[laughter]
520
00:21:18,787 --> 00:21:22,223
That shit didn't work out good
for Wesley Snipes. That's all I'm saying.
521
00:21:23,024 --> 00:21:24,959
It's kind of all a hustle. I want...
522
00:21:25,026 --> 00:21:27,662
I don't go to church right now,
because the cover charge is too high.
523
00:21:27,729 --> 00:21:29,864
But I think... I think it's a great idea.
524
00:21:29,931 --> 00:21:30,765
[Carr] Yeah.
525
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:32,534
Nikki, would you join feminism-ism?
526
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,636
Yeah. I mean, in a heartbeat.
527
00:21:34,703 --> 00:21:37,972
And I want to go door-to-door
like Jehovah's Witnesses too.
528
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,509
What would you say door-to-door?
[knocks] If I answered the door...
529
00:21:41,576 --> 00:21:43,211
I just want to steal stuff.
530
00:21:43,478 --> 00:21:44,779
[laughter]
531
00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:46,081
I'm back to that again.
532
00:21:46,147 --> 00:21:48,216
[laughter]
533
00:21:48,283 --> 00:21:50,819
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it for feminism-ism.
534
00:21:50,885 --> 00:21:54,389
[applause, whooping]
535
00:21:55,256 --> 00:21:57,625
Okay, we've heard Katherine's fix
for the gender pay gap.
536
00:21:57,692 --> 00:21:59,728
It's now time to hear
what DL's got in store for us.
537
00:21:59,794 --> 00:22:02,564
DL, the balls are in your pants,
take it away.
538
00:22:02,630 --> 00:22:04,566
[applause]
539
00:22:04,632 --> 00:22:06,534
A recent study in Sweden
540
00:22:06,601 --> 00:22:09,437
found that for every month a dad took off
for parental leave,
541
00:22:09,504 --> 00:22:12,374
a mom's future earnings increased 7%.
542
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,176
Which is shocking, that in Sweden
the father sticks around.
543
00:22:15,243 --> 00:22:16,177
[laughter]
544
00:22:16,244 --> 00:22:18,713
I wish my dad was Swedish
instead of gone-ish.
545
00:22:18,980 --> 00:22:20,348
[laughter]
546
00:22:20,415 --> 00:22:23,284
So the dad staying at home
helps mom make more money.
547
00:22:23,351 --> 00:22:26,354
That's why my solution is DADI-CARE.
548
00:22:26,921 --> 00:22:29,557
Let me explain.
DADI-CARE is a nationwide program
549
00:22:29,624 --> 00:22:33,395
that will require men to take six weeks
of forced paternity leave,
550
00:22:33,461 --> 00:22:37,065
working as a male nanny, a "manny,"
for a mother in need.
551
00:22:37,132 --> 00:22:39,768
DADI-CARE is the perfect win-win.
552
00:22:39,834 --> 00:22:44,205
Mom makes more money and you get
to bottle feed a baby anywhere in the USA,
553
00:22:44,272 --> 00:22:46,274
from New York to California to Kansas.
554
00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,842
[laughter]
555
00:22:47,909 --> 00:22:50,512
Hey, y'all, I'm sorry.
Somebody's got to go to Kansas.
556
00:22:50,578 --> 00:22:52,247
-[laughter]
-You think this is easy?
557
00:22:52,313 --> 00:22:54,282
Remember there was a powerful documentary
558
00:22:54,349 --> 00:22:57,185
about how it took three men
to raise one baby.
559
00:22:57,519 --> 00:22:58,520
[laughter]
560
00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:02,190
Make this with black men and it looks
like a paternity episode of Maury.
561
00:23:02,257 --> 00:23:03,124
[laughter]
562
00:23:03,191 --> 00:23:05,193
Two Men and That Ain't My Goddamn Baby.
563
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:07,362
[laughter]
564
00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:11,032
So let's put men to work
for the economic future of women
565
00:23:11,099 --> 00:23:12,434
with DADI-CARE.
566
00:23:13,334 --> 00:23:14,702
I love it. DADI-CARE, everyone.
567
00:23:14,769 --> 00:23:15,837
It's a great idea.
568
00:23:15,904 --> 00:23:19,007
[applause]
569
00:23:19,307 --> 00:23:22,076
Uh, Nikki, what do you like most
about DADI-CARE?
570
00:23:22,143 --> 00:23:23,545
What I like most about DADI-CARE
571
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:25,914
is that these guys
that are going out and doing this,
572
00:23:25,980 --> 00:23:27,248
these young guys,
573
00:23:27,315 --> 00:23:28,950
they know more about parenting
than anyone.
574
00:23:29,017 --> 00:23:31,352
They live with their parents still, so...
575
00:23:31,419 --> 00:23:33,121
-[laughter]
-This will be perfect.
576
00:23:33,188 --> 00:23:36,991
But I just want to say, we just got done
talking about feminism-ism
577
00:23:37,058 --> 00:23:39,627
and it's just like all we do
is, "Instagram, selfies."
578
00:23:39,694 --> 00:23:43,131
Why are we, as young idiot girls,
allowed to watch kids
579
00:23:43,198 --> 00:23:44,599
and it's totally acceptable?
580
00:23:44,666 --> 00:23:46,100
Whereas young men aren't.
581
00:23:46,167 --> 00:23:47,802
I think this is a great solution.
582
00:23:47,869 --> 00:23:50,038
And I think everyone at a young age
should have to do it,
583
00:23:50,104 --> 00:23:51,005
just so you, yeah...
584
00:23:51,072 --> 00:23:52,540
-Yeah.
-I know this is a comedy show
585
00:23:52,607 --> 00:23:54,275
but this is a legit, good solution.
586
00:23:54,342 --> 00:23:56,478
-It's a good idea.
-Yeah.
587
00:23:56,544 --> 00:23:58,513
DL, are men going to get
parenting classes?
588
00:23:58,580 --> 00:24:01,082
We're talking about young men
sent out to parent.
589
00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:03,651
I think you just spring it on them.
You know what I mean?
590
00:24:03,718 --> 00:24:04,552
[laughter]
591
00:24:04,619 --> 00:24:08,590
I think that men having access to children
early is good for them.
592
00:24:09,157 --> 00:24:11,993
You know, to learn why to wear condoms.
593
00:24:12,060 --> 00:24:13,428
[laughter]
594
00:24:13,495 --> 00:24:15,296
How old were you when you had your kids?
595
00:24:15,363 --> 00:24:17,699
I was 20, 21, 22.
596
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:19,267
Wow.
597
00:24:19,334 --> 00:24:22,704
With the same woman. Don't look at me
like that, you judgmental fuckers.
598
00:24:22,770 --> 00:24:23,671
[laughter]
599
00:24:23,771 --> 00:24:26,140
It's not like I'm a basketball player.
Hang on a minute.
600
00:24:26,207 --> 00:24:27,108
[laughter]
601
00:24:27,175 --> 00:24:28,443
Here's some statistics.
602
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:31,045
The US is the only developed nation
in the world
603
00:24:31,112 --> 00:24:32,914
that doesn't have paid paternity.
604
00:24:32,981 --> 00:24:33,882
That's silly.
605
00:24:33,948 --> 00:24:38,286
In Sweden, new fathers can take up to
60 days off-work, paid paternity leave
606
00:24:38,353 --> 00:24:42,423
as well as 420 additional days
that they share with the other parent.
607
00:24:42,490 --> 00:24:44,993
I mean, you could knock a lady up,
you could take a year off.
608
00:24:45,059 --> 00:24:46,327
[laughter]
609
00:24:46,394 --> 00:24:48,463
Katherine, what do you think
of the idea? DADI-CARE.
610
00:24:48,530 --> 00:24:49,998
You're sending these young guys out
611
00:24:50,064 --> 00:24:51,933
and you say,
"You've got to learn responsibility,
612
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,968
take care of a kid,
you've got to help a woman out"?
613
00:24:54,035 --> 00:24:55,537
I already have different father figures
614
00:24:55,603 --> 00:24:57,238
coming around
for about six weeks at a time
615
00:24:57,305 --> 00:24:59,474
and people call me a slut, so how come...
616
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:00,942
[laughter]
617
00:25:01,109 --> 00:25:02,911
it's celebrated here today?
618
00:25:04,012 --> 00:25:06,481
Would you ever trust a male nanny,
Katherine?
619
00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,816
-[laughs] No.
-[laughter]
620
00:25:08,883 --> 00:25:10,752
[Nikki] That answers why there's not...
621
00:25:10,818 --> 00:25:12,487
I don't want a young man in my house.
622
00:25:12,554 --> 00:25:15,456
The last thing I need is to make
an extra packed lunch every morning.
623
00:25:15,523 --> 00:25:16,658
[laughter]
624
00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:20,295
If you show me a young man
with impeccable personal hygiene
625
00:25:20,361 --> 00:25:21,729
and an intact phone screen,
626
00:25:21,796 --> 00:25:23,965
I will let him have an hour with my child.
627
00:25:24,032 --> 00:25:25,333
[laughter]
628
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:26,501
You're so right.
629
00:25:26,568 --> 00:25:28,469
Nicole, what do you think of this idea?
DADI-CARE.
630
00:25:28,536 --> 00:25:30,738
Theoretically, I love it,
631
00:25:30,805 --> 00:25:33,174
but personally I don't like it,
632
00:25:33,241 --> 00:25:34,742
because...
633
00:25:34,809 --> 00:25:35,910
[laughter]
634
00:25:35,977 --> 00:25:38,179
...if I see a man with a baby,
635
00:25:38,246 --> 00:25:41,015
then I'll be like,
"Oh, he's already taken." You know?
636
00:25:41,082 --> 00:25:43,618
So Nicole's worried
you might be cockblocking her.
637
00:25:43,685 --> 00:25:44,519
Yes.
638
00:25:44,586 --> 00:25:45,987
They have to wear a sash.
639
00:25:46,421 --> 00:25:47,822
-Ah, perfect.
-[Nikki] So you know.
640
00:25:47,889 --> 00:25:49,457
Great. Then I'm all in!
641
00:25:49,524 --> 00:25:50,625
[Nikki] Yes, "Manny."
642
00:25:50,692 --> 00:25:51,593
[Nicole] Great.
643
00:25:51,993 --> 00:25:54,362
Let's hear it for DADI-CARE. A great idea.
644
00:25:54,562 --> 00:25:56,798
[applause]
645
00:25:57,966 --> 00:26:00,535
Okay, so Katherine is proposing
Feminism-ism,
646
00:26:00,602 --> 00:26:02,804
which is tax evasion
by half the population.
647
00:26:02,870 --> 00:26:04,639
-[laughter]
-And DL is suggesting DADI-CARE,
648
00:26:04,706 --> 00:26:07,075
which involves giving small children
to strangers.
649
00:26:07,742 --> 00:26:09,277
[laughter]
650
00:26:09,344 --> 00:26:12,480
On The Fix, we are a democracy,
so our studio audience will be deciding
651
00:26:12,547 --> 00:26:14,349
which one of these fixes
to put into practice.
652
00:26:14,415 --> 00:26:16,584
Audience, please vote now
for your favorite.
653
00:26:17,085 --> 00:26:18,920
And remember, because this is Netflix
654
00:26:18,987 --> 00:26:21,389
and because we go out in 190 territories,
655
00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:24,192
whatever you pick will become
international law almost immediately.
656
00:26:24,258 --> 00:26:26,160
-[Nikki] Wow!
-[laughter]
657
00:26:26,761 --> 00:26:30,398
I can tell you the votes are in,
and I can reveal it couldn't be closer.
658
00:26:30,465 --> 00:26:32,433
With 54% of the vote,
659
00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:34,569
Katherine Ryan! Feminism-ism.
660
00:26:34,636 --> 00:26:37,271
-[cheering, applause]
-[Carr] Very close this evening.
661
00:26:37,739 --> 00:26:40,441
So that's that,
the gender pay gap is fixed.
662
00:26:40,875 --> 00:26:44,112
Maybe you'll want to spend a little bit of
the extra money buying me a drink, ladies.
663
00:26:44,178 --> 00:26:45,747
[laughter]
664
00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:47,215
So thanks to DL Hughley,
665
00:26:47,281 --> 00:26:50,084
Nikki Glaser, Katherine Ryan
and Nicole Byer,
666
00:26:50,151 --> 00:26:51,753
to our data expert, Mona Chalabi,
667
00:26:51,819 --> 00:26:54,255
everyone here in the studio
and all of you for watching.
668
00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:57,525
We'll see you next time to solve
more of the world's problems. Goodbye.
669
00:26:57,592 --> 00:26:59,961
[applause, outro music playing]
670
00:27:00,028 --> 00:27:02,130
[audience cheering]