1
00:00:03,067 --> 00:00:05,417
MIKE: Mrs. Wilkes is having
trouble with her daughter.
2
00:00:05,417 --> 00:00:08,029
You have a real knack
with people who've
lost their way.
3
00:00:08,029 --> 00:00:09,247
You asked me
to help your daughter.
4
00:00:09,247 --> 00:00:10,857
There's a thing
called accountability,
5
00:00:10,857 --> 00:00:12,294
and you need
to open up an account.
6
00:00:12,294 --> 00:00:16,254
[MELLOW MUSIC]
7
00:00:16,254 --> 00:00:19,040
♪ ♪
8
00:00:23,348 --> 00:00:24,871
I know
I'm gonna regret this.
9
00:00:24,871 --> 00:00:26,525
Oh, quit being a baby.
10
00:00:26,525 --> 00:00:29,311
Come on, man.
I need your
honest opinion.
11
00:00:29,311 --> 00:00:32,792
It's time for me to take
Sounds and Grounds Coffee
to the next level.
12
00:00:32,792 --> 00:00:34,272
Oh, you mean
make it drinkable?
13
00:00:34,272 --> 00:00:35,534
[CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]
14
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,493
Come on,
this is Cold Brew, man.
15
00:00:37,493 --> 00:00:40,626
This is the
next generation
of coffee.
16
00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:42,715
Are you high?
It's coffee.
17
00:00:42,715 --> 00:00:45,196
It doesn't need a new gimmick.
It does two things.
18
00:00:45,196 --> 00:00:47,111
It keeps you awake,
and it makes you shit.
19
00:00:47,111 --> 00:00:48,460
That's it.
20
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:52,116
Man, it's sad
how simple-minded
you are.
21
00:00:53,422 --> 00:00:55,554
Ben, please try this.
22
00:00:55,554 --> 00:00:56,642
Okay.
23
00:00:58,427 --> 00:00:59,471
Mm.
24
00:00:59,471 --> 00:01:00,472
Right?
25
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:05,216
Tastes like coffee.
Really cold coffee.
26
00:01:06,435 --> 00:01:07,653
Okay, Loudermilk.
27
00:01:07,653 --> 00:01:10,439
All right,
all right, fine.
28
00:01:10,439 --> 00:01:13,050
Does it have to be
in a shot glass?
29
00:01:13,050 --> 00:01:15,661
It's like eating ice cream
out of a pita pocket.
30
00:01:15,661 --> 00:01:17,098
[LAUGHS]
31
00:01:17,098 --> 00:01:18,969
Pita pocket.
Come on, now.
32
00:01:19,970 --> 00:01:22,712
Well?Hm.
33
00:01:22,712 --> 00:01:27,108
Smoky, balanced acidity
with a subtle yet complex hint
of bitterness and sweetness.
34
00:01:27,108 --> 00:01:29,066
That...
That's perfect.
35
00:01:29,936 --> 00:01:32,722
Smoky, balanced...
36
00:01:32,722 --> 00:01:34,289
I gotta say,
it doesn't suck.
37
00:01:34,289 --> 00:01:36,769
Mm-hmm.
It's definitely
doing its job.
38
00:01:36,769 --> 00:01:38,467
Waking you up?Nope. The other thing.
39
00:01:40,295 --> 00:01:43,080
[FRANZ FERDINAND'S
STAND ON THE HORIZONPLAYS]
40
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,127
♪ ♪
41
00:01:48,694 --> 00:01:50,609
All right, then.
Next week will be
42
00:01:50,609 --> 00:01:53,177
the last class
before midterms,
43
00:01:53,177 --> 00:01:56,615
so have your
questions ready.
44
00:01:56,615 --> 00:01:58,139
All right, off you go, now.
45
00:02:07,365 --> 00:02:08,888
Was I snoring?
46
00:02:08,888 --> 00:02:10,760
No.
47
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,501
Shit. What did I miss?
48
00:02:12,501 --> 00:02:14,807
So, so much.
49
00:02:14,807 --> 00:02:16,026
Fuck. Really?
50
00:02:16,026 --> 00:02:17,462
Yeah.Oh, God.
51
00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:19,725
Don't worry.
You can copy my notes.
52
00:02:19,725 --> 00:02:21,162
I think I got most of it.
53
00:02:21,162 --> 00:02:23,816
[LAUGHS]
That's great.
54
00:02:23,816 --> 00:02:27,472
I particularly, um, love
the shading on the balls.
55
00:02:27,472 --> 00:02:29,387
Yeah?[BOTH CHUCKLE]
56
00:02:29,387 --> 00:02:32,347
Kiss-ass Andy
kiss-assed the entire time.
57
00:02:32,347 --> 00:02:34,523
Oh, and we got to hear
about the time that Obama
58
00:02:34,523 --> 00:02:35,959
came to his
seventh grade class
59
00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:37,526
and told him
that he had promise.
60
00:02:37,526 --> 00:02:38,918
What a dork.
61
00:02:38,918 --> 00:02:40,920
I'm sure Obama
says that to everybody.
62
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,488
Yeah, poli-sci majors
are such narcissists,
almost as bad as pre-med.
63
00:02:43,488 --> 00:02:44,533
What's your major?
64
00:02:44,533 --> 00:02:45,708
Uh, Pre-med.
65
00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,057
[LAUGHS]
66
00:02:47,057 --> 00:02:48,145
Uh, I'm going
this way, so...
67
00:02:48,145 --> 00:02:49,277
Oh, I'm Claire.
68
00:02:49,277 --> 00:02:50,800
Oh, yes, I know.
69
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,062
I've been sitting
next to you all semester.
70
00:02:52,062 --> 00:02:54,020
I'm Ryan.Yes, I know.
71
00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,500
Do you live
in the dorms?
72
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,415
God, no.
I was banned
freshman year.
73
00:02:57,415 --> 00:02:58,938
Really?Mm-hmm.
74
00:02:58,938 --> 00:03:00,505
It's a long story.
75
00:03:00,505 --> 00:03:03,029
I would love
to hear about it
some time.
76
00:03:03,029 --> 00:03:04,292
What are you doing
this weekend?
77
00:03:04,292 --> 00:03:05,597
Um, nothing, really.
78
00:03:05,597 --> 00:03:07,686
Uh, work.
Cramming for midterms.
79
00:03:07,686 --> 00:03:09,906
Well, if you wanna
hang out or something...
80
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:13,953
No fucking way.
81
00:03:13,953 --> 00:03:15,303
Uh, yeah, well...
82
00:03:15,303 --> 00:03:16,652
At least you didn't
pepper-spray me.
83
00:03:16,652 --> 00:03:17,957
Oh, no,
that wasn't about you...
84
00:03:17,957 --> 00:03:19,263
Hello, Claire.
85
00:03:19,263 --> 00:03:21,178
Mom, what are
you doing here?
86
00:03:21,178 --> 00:03:23,615
I signed up
for a creative writing class
87
00:03:23,615 --> 00:03:24,964
through the university
extension program.
88
00:03:24,964 --> 00:03:26,575
I told you about this
weeks ago.
89
00:03:26,575 --> 00:03:28,794
Yeah, but I thought
those classes happened
90
00:03:28,794 --> 00:03:30,231
under the dark
cover of night.
91
00:03:30,231 --> 00:03:31,536
Nope.
92
00:03:31,536 --> 00:03:32,755
So...
93
00:03:34,626 --> 00:03:36,454
Aren't you going to
introduce me to your friend?
94
00:03:36,454 --> 00:03:38,456
Nope.
95
00:03:38,456 --> 00:03:41,111
I'm Ryan Caldwell.
Nice to meet you,
Claire's mom.
96
00:03:41,111 --> 00:03:43,418
Please, call me Judith.Okay.
97
00:03:43,418 --> 00:03:45,637
Um, I'm gonna jet.
Nice to see you, Claire.
98
00:03:45,637 --> 00:03:47,248
See you soon.
Nice to meet you, Judith.
99
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,818
Mom, I know
what you're thinking.
100
00:03:52,818 --> 00:03:54,777
Just stop.
It's nothing.
101
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:56,779
He's very polite,
102
00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,215
and that's all
I'll say for now.
103
00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:00,609
Mm. And handsome.
104
00:04:00,609 --> 00:04:02,132
Mom.
105
00:04:02,132 --> 00:04:04,265
Okay, I'm done.
I'm just happy
you're dating.
106
00:04:04,265 --> 00:04:05,918
Thank you.
107
00:04:05,918 --> 00:04:08,356
I'm glad
we ran into each other.
Do you have a minute?
108
00:04:08,356 --> 00:04:09,748
I'm actually...
I'm running late for work.
109
00:04:09,748 --> 00:04:11,837
My professor
assigned the class
110
00:04:11,837 --> 00:04:13,970
to write a short story
about something
personal to us.
111
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:15,667
I'm wondering
if I went too deep.
112
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:16,842
Would you mind
reading mine?
113
00:04:16,842 --> 00:04:18,453
I could really
use your opinion.
114
00:04:18,453 --> 00:04:20,977
Uh, I don't know.
I'm not a writer, Mom,
115
00:04:20,977 --> 00:04:22,413
and I'm really busy
with work and school.
116
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:23,893
Please, Claire.
117
00:04:23,893 --> 00:04:25,547
[SIGHS]
118
00:04:25,547 --> 00:04:27,679
Okay, fine.
But give me a few days.
119
00:04:27,679 --> 00:04:29,246
Thanks.
Let me find it.
120
00:04:29,246 --> 00:04:30,943
Can I grab this later?
I'm gonna miss my bus.
121
00:04:30,943 --> 00:04:33,206
Oh, I'm sorry.
We've been workshopping
stories in class.
122
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:36,122
There are
so many in here.
Found it.
123
00:04:36,122 --> 00:04:39,038
All right, anybody else
have a problem?
124
00:04:39,038 --> 00:04:40,431
I feel like I'm on a roll.
125
00:04:40,431 --> 00:04:43,086
I got a problem,
and it's a tough one.
126
00:04:43,086 --> 00:04:44,522
Go ahead, Mugsy.
127
00:04:44,522 --> 00:04:46,263
I had some of the kids
over last night,
128
00:04:46,263 --> 00:04:48,787
and little Gerald
needed help
with his homework,
129
00:04:48,787 --> 00:04:50,746
and I couldn't
even do it.
130
00:04:50,746 --> 00:04:52,878
That's not the kind
of problem that
I was talking about.
131
00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:55,446
I feel like an idiot.
I can't even do
third grade math.
132
00:04:55,446 --> 00:04:57,448
TONY: Don't feel bad.
There was a whole game show
133
00:04:57,448 --> 00:04:59,232
about being dumber
than a third grader.
134
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,322
Wasn't that Are You Smarter
than a 5th Grader?
135
00:05:01,322 --> 00:05:02,584
Never mind.
You're a fucking idiot.
136
00:05:02,584 --> 00:05:03,889
[GRUNTS]
137
00:05:03,889 --> 00:05:05,238
So I don't know what to do.
138
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,718
I'm supposed to go
to career day
139
00:05:06,718 --> 00:05:09,242
for Gerald's class
and talk about my job?
140
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,723
Does anybody
have a problem,
problem?
141
00:05:11,723 --> 00:05:14,247
Um,
what's the rule again
about dating?
142
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,467
How long into your sobriety
are you supposed to wait?
143
00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:18,600
Well, nine months,
at least.
144
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,950
NEW GUY: You know, personally,
I recommend two to three years
145
00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:24,432
of celibacy
to really be ready,
but I waited five.
146
00:05:24,432 --> 00:05:25,737
I bet ya that
wasn't on purpose.
147
00:05:25,737 --> 00:05:27,348
[LAUGHS] Fuck you.
148
00:05:27,348 --> 00:05:29,524
Who's the unlucky guy,
Claire?
149
00:05:31,090 --> 00:05:32,962
Someone from school.
150
00:05:32,962 --> 00:05:34,398
He's a really good guy,
151
00:05:34,398 --> 00:05:37,967
and he's totally
got his shit together.
152
00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:39,664
Shit together
as in he doesn't sleep
153
00:05:39,664 --> 00:05:42,319
in a cardboard box
under a freeway overpass?
154
00:05:42,319 --> 00:05:43,581
No.
155
00:05:43,581 --> 00:05:45,453
As in he's pre-med.
156
00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:47,846
Oh, boy.
157
00:05:47,846 --> 00:05:50,414
You know all pre-meds
are narcissists, right?
158
00:05:50,414 --> 00:05:51,589
So?
159
00:05:51,589 --> 00:05:53,417
I'd date a narcissist.
160
00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:55,419
Or an arsonist.
[LAUGHS]
161
00:05:55,419 --> 00:05:58,204
Or anyone, really.
God, I'm so...
162
00:05:58,204 --> 00:06:00,119
Fucking lonely, you know?
But...
163
00:06:00,119 --> 00:06:03,253
Okay, well,
he's not a narcissist,
164
00:06:03,253 --> 00:06:05,386
and I think
he really likes me.
165
00:06:05,386 --> 00:06:07,605
He wants to ask me out.
166
00:06:07,605 --> 00:06:10,608
But I'm kind of nervous.
I don't know how to do this.
167
00:06:10,608 --> 00:06:12,001
Do what?
168
00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:13,437
Well, how do I tell him
about my past
169
00:06:13,437 --> 00:06:15,091
without scaring him off?
170
00:06:15,091 --> 00:06:16,745
Oh, you mean
all that lesbo action?
171
00:06:16,745 --> 00:06:18,181
Hell, I'd lead with that.
172
00:06:18,181 --> 00:06:19,574
No, asshole.
173
00:06:19,574 --> 00:06:22,315
The...meth
and stripping stuff.
174
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,970
I'm with Ed. Don't be afraid
to be completely revealing.
175
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,798
It's sexy, but I'd tell him
about the stripping,
176
00:06:26,798 --> 00:06:28,104
you know,
before the meth.
177
00:06:28,104 --> 00:06:30,280
I disagree.
Meth before stripping.
178
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,151
That's the natural
order of things.
179
00:06:32,151 --> 00:06:34,676
You know,
I did tons of meth,
and I never stripped.
180
00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:36,417
But I once did
give a guy a hand-job
181
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:38,897
in an alley
with my shirt off.
182
00:06:38,897 --> 00:06:41,030
His idea.
183
00:06:41,030 --> 00:06:42,640
There's a lot
of freaks out there.
184
00:06:45,034 --> 00:06:46,644
You know,
I never thought
I'd say this,
185
00:06:46,644 --> 00:06:48,037
but Tony's half-right.
186
00:06:49,691 --> 00:06:51,301
I think just be honest
with the guy, Claire,
187
00:06:51,301 --> 00:06:52,824
and if he's got
his shit together,
188
00:06:52,824 --> 00:06:55,174
then he can handle
your history.
189
00:07:01,311 --> 00:07:03,618
"Does not meet
our current publishing needs."
190
00:07:03,618 --> 00:07:05,620
You don't know
what fucking publishing needs.
191
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:07,230
It's why the industry's dying.
192
00:07:15,673 --> 00:07:17,675
Hey, Loudermilk.
193
00:07:17,675 --> 00:07:19,634
Can you do me a favor?
194
00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:22,419
If it's to pose nude
for one of your
sketch classes, ask Ben.
195
00:07:22,419 --> 00:07:23,681
Eww.
196
00:07:23,681 --> 00:07:25,117
You having a bad day?
197
00:07:25,117 --> 00:07:27,642
A typical day.
I got another rejection.
198
00:07:27,642 --> 00:07:29,165
That sucks.
199
00:07:29,165 --> 00:07:31,863
Maybe you should rewrite it
and resubmit it.
200
00:07:31,863 --> 00:07:35,258
How can I rewrite it
if I have somebody squatting
in my office all the time?
201
00:07:35,258 --> 00:07:37,086
Besides, it doesn't need
to be rewritten.
202
00:07:37,086 --> 00:07:38,870
It needs to be read
by someone
who's not an idiot.
203
00:07:38,870 --> 00:07:40,785
I see.
204
00:07:40,785 --> 00:07:43,179
Well, could you
please help me out?
205
00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:44,746
My mom's taking
a writing class,
206
00:07:44,746 --> 00:07:46,704
and she gave me short story
of hers to read.
207
00:07:46,704 --> 00:07:48,576
Wait, really?
208
00:07:48,576 --> 00:07:50,882
Your mother doesn't strike me
as the artistic type.
209
00:07:50,882 --> 00:07:53,406
I would think
more an attorney
or a truant officer.
210
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,453
Anyway, I'm swamped
with school and work.
I don't have time.
211
00:07:56,453 --> 00:07:57,846
Do you think
you could read it for me,
212
00:07:57,846 --> 00:07:59,717
maybe just give,
like, a couple notes?
213
00:07:59,717 --> 00:08:01,589
Well, it depends.
How nice do I have to be?
214
00:08:01,589 --> 00:08:03,634
Not at all.Oh, that I can do.
215
00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:05,418
[EXHALES]
Here.
216
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,035
Mm-hmm.
217
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,037
What are you doing?What's it look
like I'm doing?
218
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,995
I'm taking stock of all
the mugs that Claire stole.
219
00:08:16,995 --> 00:08:18,606
You're losing it, dude.
220
00:08:18,606 --> 00:08:20,259
She took my
"World's Greatest Dad" mug.
221
00:08:20,259 --> 00:08:22,044
That was a gift...
222
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,828
From my dad to himself.
223
00:08:23,828 --> 00:08:26,222
Oh, hey, don't forget.
I need you to pick me up
at 2:00 today.
224
00:08:26,222 --> 00:08:28,616
What? Where?My dentist. Remember?
225
00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:29,921
I'm having
my wisdom teeth yanked.
226
00:08:29,921 --> 00:08:31,575
Aren't you a little
old for that?
227
00:08:31,575 --> 00:08:32,837
Well, it's complicated.
228
00:08:32,837 --> 00:08:34,491
While I have
Ben Kingsley's hairline,
229
00:08:34,491 --> 00:08:36,145
I have the teeth
of a six-year-old.
230
00:08:36,145 --> 00:08:37,973
Anyway, they said I need
someone to bring me home.
231
00:08:37,973 --> 00:08:39,888
You know, like an escort.
232
00:08:39,888 --> 00:08:42,368
Escort. Okay, well,
I'm $150 an hour,
233
00:08:42,368 --> 00:08:44,196
and no kissing
on the lips.On the lips.
234
00:08:44,196 --> 00:08:45,981
[LAUGHS]
235
00:08:45,981 --> 00:08:48,679
Hey, I lobbed that one
up to you, didn't I?
236
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:51,595
Kind of low-hanging fruit.
237
00:08:51,595 --> 00:08:53,554
[APPLAUSE]
238
00:08:55,599 --> 00:08:57,296
Fascinating.
239
00:08:57,296 --> 00:08:59,821
Now, children, do you
have any questions
for Sadie's dad?
240
00:08:59,821 --> 00:09:02,519
How long did you
have to go to school
to become a scientist?
241
00:09:02,519 --> 00:09:04,434
Well, that's an
excellent question.
242
00:09:04,434 --> 00:09:06,784
Thank you.
Let me see.
243
00:09:06,784 --> 00:09:09,395
Four years at MIT,
then another four at Cal Tech,
244
00:09:09,395 --> 00:09:11,615
plus my internship
and residency,
245
00:09:11,615 --> 00:09:15,053
so all in all,
it was about
ten extra years
246
00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:17,534
of school for me
to earn my doctorate.
247
00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:19,231
Whoa. That's a lot of school.
248
00:09:19,231 --> 00:09:21,016
Thank you, Dr. Fairchild.
249
00:09:21,016 --> 00:09:23,235
We are so lucky
to have a recipient
250
00:09:23,235 --> 00:09:27,022
of the Kyoto Prize in advanced
technology with us here today.
251
00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:28,066
Thank you.
252
00:09:29,633 --> 00:09:32,941
Okay, so next up,
we have Gerald's dad.
253
00:09:32,941 --> 00:09:34,029
Mr. Bennigan?
254
00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:35,596
Uh, shouldn't we, like,
255
00:09:35,596 --> 00:09:37,423
stop for a snack
or something?
256
00:09:37,423 --> 00:09:39,904
It just feels like the kids
could really just, you know,
257
00:09:39,904 --> 00:09:42,080
get a break, you know,
especially after hearing that.
258
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,213
And I can come back
next week, and...
259
00:09:44,213 --> 00:09:45,431
No, no.
That's not necessary.
260
00:09:45,431 --> 00:09:46,824
Please, go ahead.
261
00:09:49,174 --> 00:09:50,915
Okay.
262
00:09:50,915 --> 00:09:53,701
Uh, hey, all right, ha.
263
00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:55,833
Um, hi. Ha.
264
00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:59,663
As you can see,
I am not a biogenetic-y
265
00:09:59,663 --> 00:10:02,840
Bob Nye the Science Guy
like Mr. Fairchild.
266
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,102
Doctor.
267
00:10:04,102 --> 00:10:06,670
I'm sorry,
Mr. Fairchild the doctor.
268
00:10:06,670 --> 00:10:09,499
Did you also have to go
to school for ten years?
269
00:10:09,499 --> 00:10:13,503
Yes. In fact, I went to
school for exactly ten years.
270
00:10:13,503 --> 00:10:15,331
Tell them what you do, Dad.
271
00:10:15,331 --> 00:10:17,202
Okay. Well,
you're all familiar
272
00:10:17,202 --> 00:10:20,423
with raccoons
and squirrels and skunks...
273
00:10:20,423 --> 00:10:22,120
I was a skunk for
Halloween!
274
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,297
Really? Okay.
Well, that's cute.
275
00:10:25,297 --> 00:10:28,344
Well, sometimes,
parents don't want skunks
276
00:10:28,344 --> 00:10:31,260
knocking on their door,
so they call me,
277
00:10:31,260 --> 00:10:33,392
and I come over,
and I kill it.
278
00:10:36,265 --> 00:10:37,614
You kill skunks?
279
00:10:37,614 --> 00:10:39,660
Yeah, yeah.
I kill skunks.
280
00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:42,706
I kill possums.
I kill rats.
281
00:10:42,706 --> 00:10:44,752
Anything
with four legs or more,
282
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:48,669
I will come over
to your house,
and I will kill it.
283
00:10:48,669 --> 00:10:51,584
Well, actually,
the scientificky term
284
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,195
is exterminate.
Isn't that right, Doc?
285
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,413
[STAMMERS] I-I-I...It is.
286
00:10:54,413 --> 00:10:55,632
It's exterminate.
In fact,
287
00:10:55,632 --> 00:10:57,112
I'm gonna spell it for you.
288
00:10:57,112 --> 00:10:59,723
Um, exterminate.
289
00:10:59,723 --> 00:11:01,725
Um...
290
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,864
Okay, well, anyway,
you get the idea.
291
00:11:09,864 --> 00:11:12,649
And it's really a nice job.
292
00:11:12,649 --> 00:11:14,520
I like it.
The money's good.
293
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,958
When I'm out on my own,
I'm kind of my own boss.
294
00:11:16,958 --> 00:11:18,481
And, um...
295
00:11:18,481 --> 00:11:20,091
Hey, you mentioned Halloween.
296
00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:22,920
It is sort of like
Halloween
for the animals.
297
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,358
I give the animals
a very special candy,
298
00:11:26,358 --> 00:11:28,099
and they go back
to their nest
299
00:11:28,099 --> 00:11:30,058
and they give it
to their whole family.
300
00:11:30,058 --> 00:11:32,190
You give
the whole family candy?
301
00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:33,539
Yeah. Even the babies.
302
00:11:34,192 --> 00:11:35,628
Yeah.
303
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,630
Oh, and you know how,
like, sometimes,
304
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,067
like, if you eat
too much candy,
305
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:40,459
like after Halloween,
306
00:11:40,459 --> 00:11:42,026
you get, like, a tummy ache.
307
00:11:42,026 --> 00:11:45,682
Well, they feel much,
much worse.
308
00:11:45,682 --> 00:11:50,252
And they're not gonna be
knocking on your door anymore.
309
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:53,342
Ha. So are there
any questions?
310
00:11:53,342 --> 00:11:56,171
What kind of person
kills animals for a living?
311
00:11:56,171 --> 00:11:57,694
That is
an excellent question.
312
00:11:57,694 --> 00:12:00,305
A licensed exterminator.
313
00:12:00,305 --> 00:12:01,829
You're a psychopath!
314
00:12:01,829 --> 00:12:03,569
How do you sleep at night?
315
00:12:03,569 --> 00:12:06,572
[CLASS BOOING]
316
00:12:06,572 --> 00:12:07,748
Shut the fuck up!
317
00:12:09,184 --> 00:12:10,838
That's my dad.
318
00:12:10,838 --> 00:12:12,274
Show him some respect.
319
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:14,798
[HEARTFELT MUSIC]
320
00:12:19,629 --> 00:12:23,198
Hi, um, I'm Sam Loudermilk.
I'm here to pick up Ben Burns.
321
00:12:23,198 --> 00:12:24,677
Is he ready?
My meter's running.
322
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,549
We've been trying
to call you.
323
00:12:26,549 --> 00:12:29,291
Oh, well, I probably
wasn't checking my phone.
324
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,641
Why not?
325
00:12:31,641 --> 00:12:34,687
Is it some kind of rule
of being on the planet
326
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,689
that I have to constantly
check my phone?
327
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:39,867
When you're his
"in case of emergency"
person, there is.
328
00:12:39,867 --> 00:12:41,085
So what's the emergency?
329
00:12:41,956 --> 00:12:43,218
Mr. Loudermilk,
330
00:12:43,218 --> 00:12:44,915
I'm afraid
I have some bad news.
331
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,570
Is he dead?
332
00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:49,050
No, no.
God no.
333
00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:52,096
But his wisdom teeth
were deeply impacted,
334
00:12:52,096 --> 00:12:55,447
and he had to be given
additional medication.
335
00:12:55,447 --> 00:12:57,798
We gave him a tank and a half,
and since he came to,
336
00:12:57,798 --> 00:13:00,148
he's been very talkative
and erratic.
337
00:13:00,148 --> 00:13:02,498
Okay, well, yeah,
that lines up.
338
00:13:05,588 --> 00:13:07,285
[AS THE GODFATHER]
Loudermilk.
339
00:13:07,285 --> 00:13:09,244
Look at the massacre
of my teeth.
340
00:13:09,244 --> 00:13:10,723
He's been doing
Godfather impersonations
341
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,596
for the past hour...
Parts I and II.
342
00:13:13,596 --> 00:13:15,816
Please get him out of here
before he starts doing III.
343
00:13:15,816 --> 00:13:17,905
All right,
I got it from here.
344
00:13:17,905 --> 00:13:20,733
Whoever comes to you
with this Barzini meeting...
345
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,518
He's the traitor.
346
00:13:22,518 --> 00:13:25,129
Don't forget that.
347
00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:27,740
LOUDERMILK:
I got you home safe.
My job is done.
348
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,612
BEN: [IN NORMAL VOICE]
Need you to tuck me in.
349
00:13:29,612 --> 00:13:31,179
No.
350
00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:36,140
Can you read me
a story?
351
00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:37,272
Fuck off.
352
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,972
[BEN CRYING]
353
00:13:46,890 --> 00:13:48,631
Fuck me.
354
00:13:48,631 --> 00:13:49,850
[SIGHS]
355
00:13:53,462 --> 00:13:55,377
All right,
this ought to put
you right to sleep.
356
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:56,552
Oh, what is it?
357
00:13:56,552 --> 00:13:59,033
Uh, Being a Woman.
358
00:13:59,033 --> 00:14:01,905
It's some short story
Claire's mom wrote.
359
00:14:01,905 --> 00:14:04,212
Oh."Joanne stood naked
360
00:14:04,212 --> 00:14:05,735
"in front of the mirror.
361
00:14:05,735 --> 00:14:07,868
"She examined
every inch of her body,
362
00:14:07,868 --> 00:14:11,959
"the memory of his firm
touch still lingering.
363
00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:15,310
"Did she look different
since the tryst?
364
00:14:15,310 --> 00:14:17,225
"Smell different?
365
00:14:17,225 --> 00:14:21,533
"Henry would be home soon,
and she needed to shower.
366
00:14:21,533 --> 00:14:25,450
"As she let the hot water
run down her breasts,
367
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:28,584
"she closed her eyes
and tried to wash away
the sins
368
00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:31,717
"of what had just happened
in the pizza parlor restroom."
369
00:14:31,717 --> 00:14:33,545
[SNORING]
370
00:14:33,545 --> 00:14:35,243
"But it was impossible.
371
00:14:35,243 --> 00:14:38,202
"Her mind kept returning
to his throbbing muscle
372
00:14:38,202 --> 00:14:39,856
"thrusting into her
as she clutched
373
00:14:39,856 --> 00:14:42,337
"the stall door for support,
374
00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:44,513
"his broken English
and the distant jukebox
375
00:14:44,513 --> 00:14:47,777
"muffling her groans
of pain and delight."
376
00:14:50,301 --> 00:14:52,564
What the fuck?
377
00:14:52,564 --> 00:14:54,262
So med school.
378
00:14:54,262 --> 00:14:56,394
That's exciting.
Are you ready for that?
379
00:14:56,394 --> 00:14:58,135
Not quite.
380
00:14:58,135 --> 00:14:59,920
I think I still have
some partying
to get out of my system.
381
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:01,834
And then, actually,
I plan on taking
382
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,445
a year off
after graduation.
383
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,490
Kind of traveling
the world
384
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:08,189
before I stuck in a lab
for six years, you know?
385
00:15:08,189 --> 00:15:10,104
I spent my junior year
of high school in Europe,
386
00:15:10,104 --> 00:15:12,236
and pretty much lived
in the museums.
387
00:15:12,236 --> 00:15:13,759
It was awesome...
388
00:15:13,759 --> 00:15:15,413
From what I can remember.
389
00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:17,067
I think I was wasted
the entire time.
390
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:18,503
[LAUGHS]
That's awesome.
391
00:15:18,503 --> 00:15:20,070
I can totally picture you
sitting in Paris
392
00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:22,333
in a little cafe
with a beret on,
393
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:24,074
eating croissants,
sipping wine.
394
00:15:24,074 --> 00:15:26,120
Yeah, not exactly sipping.
395
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,643
Ooh, speaking of which,
let's split a bottle.
396
00:15:27,643 --> 00:15:28,818
Yeah?
397
00:15:28,818 --> 00:15:30,254
Yeah.
398
00:15:30,254 --> 00:15:32,865
Hi, can we have a bottle
of the Brunello?
399
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:33,997
Uh...Don't worry.
400
00:15:33,997 --> 00:15:35,738
It's really good.Great choice.
401
00:15:35,738 --> 00:15:37,479
I'll be right back.
402
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:38,959
Um, about that...
403
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:40,221
What are you
gonna have?
404
00:15:40,221 --> 00:15:41,962
Hmm. Yeah...
405
00:15:41,962 --> 00:15:43,964
I mean, you're gonna have
the spaghetti and meatballs.
406
00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:46,140
Oh, yeah.[BOTH CHUCKLE]
407
00:15:46,140 --> 00:15:49,404
I'll probably have
something with lots
of carbs and cheese,
408
00:15:49,404 --> 00:15:51,362
which is just about
everything on the menu.
409
00:15:51,362 --> 00:15:53,451
Yeah, that is awesome.
I love that.
410
00:15:53,451 --> 00:15:55,976
A girl who eats real food,
not just avocado toast
411
00:15:55,976 --> 00:15:58,065
with Brussels sprouts
and a bone broth chaser.
412
00:15:58,065 --> 00:15:59,370
[LAUGHS]
413
00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:00,632
Yeah.
414
00:16:00,632 --> 00:16:03,592
[FOLKSY MUSIC IN BACKGROUND]
415
00:16:03,592 --> 00:16:06,508
♪ ♪
416
00:16:09,424 --> 00:16:11,382
Mm. It's great.
417
00:16:11,382 --> 00:16:12,601
Thank you.
418
00:16:15,038 --> 00:16:16,387
Um...
419
00:16:16,387 --> 00:16:18,389
Oh, do you not like reds?
420
00:16:18,389 --> 00:16:21,262
No, no, actually,
the opposite.
421
00:16:21,262 --> 00:16:22,959
I like them a little
too much.
422
00:16:25,831 --> 00:16:27,485
WAITER: Enjoy.
423
00:16:27,485 --> 00:16:29,879
Um...
424
00:16:29,879 --> 00:16:31,707
I don't drink.Oh.
425
00:16:31,707 --> 00:16:33,622
I probably should've
told you sooner.
426
00:16:33,622 --> 00:16:35,711
I just... I didn't know
how or when
to say something.
427
00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:38,757
It's totally cool.
428
00:16:38,757 --> 00:16:40,020
Totally fine.
429
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:41,021
All good.
430
00:16:42,979 --> 00:16:46,504
Um, just so
we're on the same page,
you are sober.
431
00:16:46,504 --> 00:16:49,420
For two years, ten months,
and a week, to be exact.
432
00:16:49,420 --> 00:16:51,205
Well, I mean,
I don't have to drink this.
433
00:16:51,205 --> 00:16:53,033
Oh, no, no, no, no,
you go ahead.
434
00:16:53,033 --> 00:16:54,599
I actually like
watching people drink.
435
00:16:56,036 --> 00:16:57,776
Meth was more my jam,
anyway.
436
00:16:57,776 --> 00:16:59,126
Meth?Yeah.
437
00:17:00,692 --> 00:17:02,694
Yeah. Just, um,
438
00:17:02,694 --> 00:17:04,218
trying to be open
and honest here.
439
00:17:05,132 --> 00:17:07,830
Um, wow, crazy.
440
00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:09,571
A-any other drugs?
441
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,051
Um...
442
00:17:11,051 --> 00:17:12,400
I mean, there was...
443
00:17:14,402 --> 00:17:15,533
Should we get some
appetizers?
444
00:17:15,533 --> 00:17:16,882
Yeah, yeah.
445
00:17:16,882 --> 00:17:18,493
Okay, cool.Let's get an appetizer.
446
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,113
Hey.
447
00:17:31,854 --> 00:17:33,899
Oh, hey.
448
00:17:33,899 --> 00:17:36,815
Uh, I'm just reclaiming
what's mine.
449
00:17:36,815 --> 00:17:39,427
I get it.
She does the same thing
with my ottomans.
450
00:17:39,427 --> 00:17:40,819
[LAUGHTER]
451
00:17:40,819 --> 00:17:42,343
Is Claire home?
452
00:17:42,343 --> 00:17:43,692
I need to pick up
something from her.
453
00:17:43,692 --> 00:17:45,346
No, she's out somewhere.
454
00:17:45,346 --> 00:17:47,130
I think she's on a date.
455
00:17:47,130 --> 00:17:49,611
Oh. Okay.
456
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,526
You want me
to pass on a message?
457
00:17:51,526 --> 00:17:53,745
Uh, no, thanks.
Nothing important.
458
00:17:55,182 --> 00:17:57,445
I gave her a short story
I wrote recently.
459
00:17:57,445 --> 00:17:59,142
She said she had
some notes for me.
460
00:17:59,142 --> 00:18:00,752
I have to turn
it in soon, so...
461
00:18:00,752 --> 00:18:03,103
Yeah, your story,
I read it.
462
00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:05,279
You did?
463
00:18:05,279 --> 00:18:07,194
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
Um...
464
00:18:07,194 --> 00:18:08,586
Oh, don't be.
465
00:18:08,586 --> 00:18:11,111
I gotta say,
it was pretty good.
466
00:18:13,591 --> 00:18:15,245
Best decaf in town.
467
00:18:15,245 --> 00:18:18,814
You have quite
the eclectic place.
468
00:18:18,814 --> 00:18:21,208
Oh, thank you.
I might go into
interior design
469
00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:23,993
if the janitorial gig
doesn't work out.
470
00:18:23,993 --> 00:18:25,342
You know,
it just occurred to me.
471
00:18:25,342 --> 00:18:28,737
This is my
first time here.Mm.
472
00:18:28,737 --> 00:18:30,782
Claire and I weren't exactly
on the best of terms
473
00:18:30,782 --> 00:18:31,957
when you were roommates.
474
00:18:31,957 --> 00:18:33,394
Well, for most of the time,
475
00:18:33,394 --> 00:18:34,830
she and I weren't
on the best of terms, either.
476
00:18:37,398 --> 00:18:39,443
I don't think
I've ever thanked you
477
00:18:39,443 --> 00:18:41,141
for what you did for her.
478
00:18:41,141 --> 00:18:43,317
For our family, really.
479
00:18:43,317 --> 00:18:46,189
You were a godsend.
Literally.
480
00:18:46,189 --> 00:18:48,496
Father Michael
brought us together,
remember?
481
00:18:48,496 --> 00:18:50,585
Yeah, I don't know
if I'd call that a godsend.
482
00:18:53,109 --> 00:18:55,242
Wow.
483
00:18:55,242 --> 00:18:57,809
You sure do have
a lot of vinyl.
484
00:18:57,809 --> 00:18:59,811
I used to have more.
485
00:18:59,811 --> 00:19:01,509
I'd get about five
or six a week
486
00:19:01,509 --> 00:19:03,380
from the record companies
back when I reviewed them.
487
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,948
I used to have
so many albums
when I was a kid.
488
00:19:05,948 --> 00:19:08,168
Huh.I would just
lay on my bed
489
00:19:08,168 --> 00:19:10,344
for hours playing music.
490
00:19:10,344 --> 00:19:12,172
That was me, too.
I'd wake up on a Saturday,
491
00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:14,522
throw a record on,
spend the whole second side
492
00:19:14,522 --> 00:19:16,001
trying to figure out
what I'd play next,
493
00:19:16,001 --> 00:19:18,003
and just keep going
till my mom came down,
494
00:19:18,003 --> 00:19:19,527
kicked me outside
to go play.
495
00:19:19,527 --> 00:19:22,007
[LAUGHS]
496
00:19:22,007 --> 00:19:24,140
Pool.
Never heard of them.
497
00:19:25,141 --> 00:19:26,621
Pool?
498
00:19:26,621 --> 00:19:28,144
Huh.
499
00:19:28,144 --> 00:19:29,493
Throw it on.
500
00:19:29,493 --> 00:19:30,712
Let's hear some music.
501
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:42,158
[BALLADIC ROCK MUSIC]
502
00:19:42,158 --> 00:19:45,379
♪ ♪
503
00:19:52,995 --> 00:19:54,736
This is nice.
504
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:55,911
Yeah, this is really nice.
505
00:19:55,911 --> 00:19:58,130
I'm shocked
I don't remember it.
506
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,002
No, I meant this.
507
00:20:00,002 --> 00:20:01,960
You and me talking
like civilized people.
508
00:20:03,919 --> 00:20:07,227
Every time I saw
you before, it was...
509
00:20:07,227 --> 00:20:09,054
Well, we were
dealing with issues.
510
00:20:09,054 --> 00:20:11,361
Yeah.
We were, weren't we?
511
00:20:11,361 --> 00:20:13,058
This is way better,
and, you know,
512
00:20:13,058 --> 00:20:15,539
we don't have
Father Mike in between us.
513
00:20:15,539 --> 00:20:19,021
♪ ♪
514
00:20:19,021 --> 00:20:20,370
So...
515
00:20:23,243 --> 00:20:25,027
Did you think it was
too dark?
516
00:20:25,027 --> 00:20:26,071
What?
517
00:20:26,071 --> 00:20:28,900
Oh. My short story.
518
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,859
Oh, no.
Uh-uh, no.
519
00:20:30,859 --> 00:20:32,382
Not at all.
520
00:20:32,382 --> 00:20:34,254
No, I thought it
was just dark enough.
521
00:20:34,254 --> 00:20:36,560
It made it really...
Really sexy.
522
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,519
Oh.
523
00:20:38,519 --> 00:20:41,565
Well, I suppose I can see
where you might find
524
00:20:41,565 --> 00:20:43,132
the sexual symbolism in it.
525
00:20:44,916 --> 00:20:47,005
I'd call that
a little more
than symbolism.
526
00:20:48,616 --> 00:20:52,359
Well, thanks.
I'm so happy you liked it.
527
00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:54,883
I've never shared
my writing with anyone,
until now.
528
00:20:54,883 --> 00:20:56,363
You're kidding me.No.
529
00:20:56,363 --> 00:20:59,844
So...you think
I've got potential?
530
00:20:59,844 --> 00:21:02,107
You know what you have
is that you're brave.
531
00:21:02,107 --> 00:21:04,066
That's half the battle
right there.
532
00:21:04,066 --> 00:21:05,807
You're not afraid
to put yourself out there.
533
00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:08,418
[LAUGHS]
534
00:21:08,418 --> 00:21:09,767
Thank you.
535
00:21:09,767 --> 00:21:12,727
You have no idea
536
00:21:12,727 --> 00:21:14,206
how nice that is to hear.
537
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,298
Claire's father
wasn't exactly supportive
538
00:21:18,298 --> 00:21:20,387
of my creative endeavors,
539
00:21:20,387 --> 00:21:22,780
so I was always reluctant
540
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:24,565
to expose myself like that.
541
00:21:24,565 --> 00:21:26,349
You shouldn't be.
542
00:21:26,349 --> 00:21:28,699
You should just
keep on exposing yourself.
543
00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:33,269
♪ ♪
544
00:21:36,011 --> 00:21:40,842
♪ You make me feel
545
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,670
♪ When I'm alone ♪
546
00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:43,975
This is fucking weird.
547
00:21:43,975 --> 00:21:45,325
So fucking weird.
548
00:21:46,978 --> 00:21:49,503
♪ So I blame
it on my heart
549
00:21:49,503 --> 00:21:52,332
[SENSUAL MOANING]
550
00:21:54,464 --> 00:21:58,207
♪ And why I always
fall apart
551
00:21:58,207 --> 00:22:00,862
♪ 'Cause I get too excited
552
00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,733
♪ Too excited
553
00:22:02,733 --> 00:22:08,348
♪ What am I gonna do? ♪
554
00:22:08,348 --> 00:22:09,349
Sam?
555
00:22:10,741 --> 00:22:11,873
Hey. Hey, buddy.
556
00:22:18,009 --> 00:22:19,924
Sorry about that.
557
00:22:19,924 --> 00:22:21,839
[BOTH MOANING]
558
00:22:24,364 --> 00:22:26,844
Hey, what's up?
559
00:22:26,844 --> 00:22:28,193
Not much.
560
00:22:29,151 --> 00:22:31,371
Yeah, so listen, um...
561
00:22:31,371 --> 00:22:33,851
I'm really sorry
for not telling you
sooner.
562
00:22:33,851 --> 00:22:35,200
You know, about my past.
563
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,680
How could you
tell me sooner?
564
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,508
We're just getting
to know each other.
565
00:22:38,508 --> 00:22:40,423
Fair enough.
566
00:22:40,423 --> 00:22:43,383
Um, anyway, I just hope
it didn't freak you out.
567
00:22:43,383 --> 00:22:45,080
No. Not really.
568
00:22:46,734 --> 00:22:48,344
I mean,
maybe a little.
569
00:22:48,344 --> 00:22:49,998
Yeah, it usually does,
570
00:22:49,998 --> 00:22:53,305
which is why I don't typically
broadcast it to the world.
571
00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:55,830
No one in college
wants to date
a boring sober chick.
572
00:22:55,830 --> 00:22:58,789
Claire, you're not...
You're not boring.
573
00:22:58,789 --> 00:23:01,879
I think
you're a really great girl.
I just... I don't know.
574
00:23:01,879 --> 00:23:04,055
I have a lot
going on right now, and...
575
00:23:04,055 --> 00:23:05,535
So it did freak you out.
576
00:23:06,971 --> 00:23:08,799
I don't know.
I really like you.
577
00:23:08,799 --> 00:23:10,758
I just... your past
is kind of a lot
to deal with.
578
00:23:10,758 --> 00:23:13,413
You're not dealing with it.
I'm dealing with it.
579
00:23:13,413 --> 00:23:15,719
Right, yeah.
No, I know. I just...
580
00:23:15,719 --> 00:23:17,547
It's not really
a world that I know,
581
00:23:17,547 --> 00:23:21,333
or ever really
expected to be in.
582
00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:24,641
It's like, you're,
like, kind of like
this Courtney Love
583
00:23:24,641 --> 00:23:28,602
type girl,
and I guess I'm looking more
for like a Courtney Cox.
584
00:23:28,602 --> 00:23:30,081
Who's that?
585
00:23:30,081 --> 00:23:31,779
You don't watch Friends? Uh-uh.
586
00:23:31,779 --> 00:23:32,693
See, we're just so different.
587
00:23:35,652 --> 00:23:37,698
Why don't you just say it?
588
00:23:37,698 --> 00:23:39,308
You don't want to date
a recovering addict.
589
00:23:41,745 --> 00:23:44,269
Well, if I'm being
completely honest,
590
00:23:44,269 --> 00:23:46,663
if I were making
a list of things
I look for in a girl,
591
00:23:46,663 --> 00:23:48,448
former meth-head
wouldn't be on it.
592
00:23:51,146 --> 00:23:52,582
I'm really sorry.
593
00:23:52,582 --> 00:23:53,801
I'm just not really
ready for this.
594
00:23:53,801 --> 00:23:55,672
I'm sorry.
595
00:23:55,672 --> 00:23:58,806
[SOMBER MUSIC]
596
00:23:58,806 --> 00:24:01,461
♪ ♪
597
00:24:04,551 --> 00:24:07,467
Hey.
598
00:24:07,467 --> 00:24:09,425
How you feeling?
599
00:24:09,425 --> 00:24:12,384
[MUFFLED] Like somebody pried
my jaw open with a crowbar
600
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:14,430
and drilled the fuck
out of my face.
601
00:24:15,692 --> 00:24:17,085
Hey, how did I
even get home?
602
00:24:18,216 --> 00:24:19,566
I-I came and got you.
603
00:24:20,610 --> 00:24:22,569
So, wait, does that...
604
00:24:22,569 --> 00:24:25,615
Y-you don't remember
much about yesterday?
605
00:24:25,615 --> 00:24:27,704
Just climbing
into the dentist chair,
606
00:24:27,704 --> 00:24:29,532
and getting a mask.
607
00:24:29,532 --> 00:24:32,709
After that,
nothing but an overall
bad taste in my mouth,
608
00:24:32,709 --> 00:24:34,406
although that could
just be the stinky,
609
00:24:34,406 --> 00:24:38,236
bloody bandages
still packed into my gums.
610
00:24:38,236 --> 00:24:42,066
Oh, and I remember you boning
Claire's mom on the couch.
611
00:24:42,066 --> 00:24:43,328
[LIGHT MUSIC]
612
00:24:47,332 --> 00:24:49,857
Fucker ran for the hills
when he found out
I was an addict.
613
00:24:49,857 --> 00:24:51,772
I knew I should've lied.
614
00:24:51,772 --> 00:24:53,643
Great plan.
Yeah.
615
00:24:53,643 --> 00:24:56,516
Every decent relationship
should be based on deception.
616
00:24:56,516 --> 00:24:59,910
No offense, but relationship
advice from a burnout stoner
617
00:24:59,910 --> 00:25:01,782
isn't exactly what
I'm looking for this morning.
618
00:25:01,782 --> 00:25:04,175
Oh. Stoner?
619
00:25:04,175 --> 00:25:05,655
You know what?
620
00:25:05,655 --> 00:25:08,136
I've never touched
a drug in my life.
621
00:25:08,136 --> 00:25:09,659
Yeah, right.
622
00:25:09,659 --> 00:25:11,182
No, dead serious.
623
00:25:11,182 --> 00:25:13,358
No drugs or alcohol,
like, ever.
624
00:25:14,664 --> 00:25:16,405
Addiction runs
in my family,
625
00:25:16,405 --> 00:25:19,364
and I didn't really
feel like joining the crowd.
626
00:25:19,364 --> 00:25:21,410
So you're just
like this normally?
627
00:25:22,367 --> 00:25:23,499
Like what?
628
00:25:23,499 --> 00:25:25,675
You know... Weird.
629
00:25:25,675 --> 00:25:28,504
Yeah. This weirdness
is 100% me.
630
00:25:30,550 --> 00:25:32,682
You know, for what
it's worth, Claire,
631
00:25:32,682 --> 00:25:34,902
this guy's
a fucking idiot
632
00:25:34,902 --> 00:25:37,165
for judging you
on your addiction.
633
00:25:37,165 --> 00:25:41,299
You're who you are today
because of your addiction.
634
00:25:41,299 --> 00:25:45,390
It's taught you compassion
and forgiveness and humility
635
00:25:45,390 --> 00:25:49,656
and to cherish
the things that you have.
636
00:25:49,656 --> 00:25:51,919
And you know what?
637
00:25:51,919 --> 00:25:53,834
Those are the things
that I like about you.
638
00:25:59,970 --> 00:26:03,104
But you're the worst
fucking tambourine
player ever.
639
00:26:04,540 --> 00:26:05,759
Ever.
640
00:26:07,064 --> 00:26:08,762
[CHUCKLES]
641
00:26:11,155 --> 00:26:13,244
So, Mugsy, how'd it go
at your kid's school?
642
00:26:13,244 --> 00:26:14,506
Homerun.Hmm.
643
00:26:14,506 --> 00:26:15,812
CLOUD: Nice.
644
00:26:15,812 --> 00:26:17,597
There you go.MUGSY: Yeah.
645
00:26:17,597 --> 00:26:22,210
His classmates were
judgy little fuck-turds,
but...
646
00:26:22,210 --> 00:26:23,559
Gerald had my back.
647
00:26:24,821 --> 00:26:26,431
That was pretty cool.
648
00:26:26,431 --> 00:26:28,695
Hey, Claire,
how did your date go?
649
00:26:28,695 --> 00:26:30,174
Did you tell him
how much you like
650
00:26:30,174 --> 00:26:32,437
driving bumper to bumper?
[LAUGHS]
651
00:26:32,437 --> 00:26:34,570
Um, no, Ed.
652
00:26:34,570 --> 00:26:36,528
But thank you
for the follow-up.
653
00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:39,401
[SIGHS] Actually,
the date sucked.
654
00:26:39,401 --> 00:26:41,142
Turns out,
a recovering addict
655
00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:43,274
isn't exactly
everyone's dream girl.
656
00:26:45,450 --> 00:26:48,018
Well, you get back
on the horse.
657
00:26:48,018 --> 00:26:50,804
Not the horse,
but the... [NEIGHS]
658
00:26:53,110 --> 00:26:54,329
Okay.
659
00:26:55,852 --> 00:26:58,681
All right, anybody else
before we wrap it up?
660
00:26:58,681 --> 00:27:00,683
Yeah, I got
something, too.
661
00:27:00,683 --> 00:27:04,687
Um, yesterday,
I had my wisdom teeth
pulled,
662
00:27:04,687 --> 00:27:09,344
which, of course,
requires some medication.
663
00:27:09,344 --> 00:27:14,044
But today,
I can honestly say
that the feeling
664
00:27:14,044 --> 00:27:17,004
of being out of control
and a bunch of stuff,
I just...
665
00:27:18,788 --> 00:27:20,181
I didn't like it.
666
00:27:20,181 --> 00:27:22,487
NEW GUY: I used to love
medical procedures.
667
00:27:22,487 --> 00:27:25,360
I once had
a vasectomy reversed
just to get a little oxy.
668
00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,492
Why would you get a vasectomy
in the first place?
669
00:27:28,798 --> 00:27:29,799
For the Vicodin.
670
00:27:31,932 --> 00:27:34,369
CLAIRE: Hey, did you
read that story
I gave you the other day?
671
00:27:35,631 --> 00:27:37,198
Story.
672
00:27:37,198 --> 00:27:39,374
Yeah, yeah, sure.
673
00:27:39,374 --> 00:27:41,811
Uh, yeah, I got it
right here.
674
00:27:41,811 --> 00:27:43,030
Um...
675
00:27:44,988 --> 00:27:46,598
Yeah.
676
00:27:46,598 --> 00:27:49,123
I gotta say, I never...
677
00:27:49,123 --> 00:27:50,820
Never thought
I'd be admitting this,
678
00:27:50,820 --> 00:27:54,694
but your mom's actually
a really interesting writer.
679
00:27:54,694 --> 00:27:56,696
Yeah, sorry
to disappoint you,
680
00:27:56,696 --> 00:27:57,827
but my mom
didn't write that.
681
00:27:57,827 --> 00:27:59,176
Hm?
682
00:27:59,176 --> 00:28:00,656
It's a whole thing.
683
00:28:00,656 --> 00:28:02,179
She gave me a story,
and then she realized
684
00:28:02,179 --> 00:28:03,790
she gave me the wrong story,
so she came back
685
00:28:03,790 --> 00:28:05,226
and gave me
the right story,
686
00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:08,011
but then by accident,
I gave you the wrong story.
687
00:28:08,011 --> 00:28:09,839
Anyway, I'm sorry.
688
00:28:09,839 --> 00:28:12,015
This is my mom's actual story.
689
00:28:14,496 --> 00:28:16,150
"A Nun's Tale"?Yeah.
690
00:28:16,150 --> 00:28:18,282
It's about a deeply
religious woman
691
00:28:18,282 --> 00:28:20,371
who questions whether
or not to join a convent
and become a nun.
692
00:28:20,371 --> 00:28:21,851
Jesus, Claire.
693
00:28:21,851 --> 00:28:23,723
You're messing
with people's lives here.
694
00:28:23,723 --> 00:28:26,073
You gotta be careful
with this shit.
695
00:28:26,073 --> 00:28:27,509
You're a weirdo.
696
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,472
[DRUGDEALER'S FOOLSPLAYS]
697
00:28:34,472 --> 00:28:37,084
♪ ♪
698
00:28:40,391 --> 00:28:43,830
♪ You've been livin' life
on a thin line
699
00:28:43,830 --> 00:28:47,398
♪ ♪
700
00:28:47,398 --> 00:28:51,620
♪ But it really gets you down
701
00:28:51,620 --> 00:28:54,797
♪ Ah ah ah
702
00:28:54,797 --> 00:28:58,279
♪ You can try,
but it don't feel right
703
00:28:58,279 --> 00:29:01,282
♪ ♪
704
00:29:01,282 --> 00:29:04,459
♪ Oh, to light a candle
for the underground
705
00:29:04,459 --> 00:29:07,418
♪ Ah ah
706
00:29:07,418 --> 00:29:10,857
♪ Not the same song
you remember
707
00:29:10,857 --> 00:29:14,991
♪ You can try,
but it's just plain wrong ♪
708
00:29:14,991 --> 00:29:17,951
♪ ♪