1
00:00:01,595 --> 00:00:02,762
(SWORD CLANKING)

2
00:00:04,095 --> 00:00:05,095
(GASPS)

3
00:00:06,995 --> 00:00:08,362
(GRUNTS)

4
00:00:08,395 --> 00:00:10,262
(SWORDS CLANKING)

5
00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:15,195
(GRUNTS)

6
00:00:16,928 --> 00:00:17,928
Argh!

7
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:21,428
Not bad...

8
00:00:21,462 --> 00:00:22,562
For a newb.

9
00:00:22,595 --> 00:00:24,028
(SHOUTS)

10
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:28,562
Shit!

11
00:00:32,895 --> 00:00:34,328
You're a stuck pig, lad.

12
00:00:34,828 --> 00:00:36,562
Rude.

13
00:00:36,595 --> 00:00:38,562
Come on, on your feet.

14
00:00:39,128 --> 00:00:40,195
(PANTING)

15
00:00:40,228 --> 00:00:43,395
Look, am I here
for a reason?

16
00:00:43,428 --> 00:00:47,562
As you know, I am
your spirit guide.

17
00:00:47,595 --> 00:00:49,928
And although the ancient laws
prohibit Sean Bean

18
00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:51,962
from interfering in
the affairs of men...

19
00:00:54,495 --> 00:00:55,828
I've laid
on a treat for you.

20
00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:56,828
Oh.

21
00:00:56,862 --> 00:00:59,128
Call it an early
birthday present.

22
00:00:59,162 --> 00:01:01,195
Are we're going to
Comic‐Con together?

23
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,935
I'm not going to Comic‐Con,
we'd get fuckin' mobbed.

24
00:01:03,968 --> 00:01:08,368
No, it's time you took
a wench to the barn.

25
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,835
Sorry... What?

26
00:01:09,868 --> 00:01:12,802
You know, pour your custard in
the pudding. Stew your mutton.

27
00:01:12,835 --> 00:01:16,102
(STAMMERS) Are
these metaphors?

28
00:01:16,635 --> 00:01:17,768
Pounce a peacock.

29
00:01:17,802 --> 00:01:19,335
Right, you're just
saying words now.

30
00:01:19,368 --> 00:01:21,035
Look,

31
00:01:21,068 --> 00:01:22,568
it's time you lost
your virginity, lad.

32
00:01:22,602 --> 00:01:26,568
I had sex with Angelique

33
00:01:26,602 --> 00:01:28,735
on my French exchange!

34
00:01:32,068 --> 00:01:34,435
Sheath your sword.

35
00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:35,802
Right,
there you go again.

36
00:01:35,835 --> 00:01:38,602
I mean, do you mean that
literally or is that
another dig?

37
00:01:39,235 --> 00:01:40,302
Dunno, both.

38
00:01:44,435 --> 00:01:46,635
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

39
00:01:57,220 --> 00:02:00,586
Oh, Skyscanner's got a
flight to South Korea.

40
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,826
Is that the dictator one?

41
00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:03,193
Gangnam Style one.

42
00:02:03,226 --> 00:02:04,960
Oh, I like that video.

43
00:02:04,993 --> 00:02:06,693
Maybe I'll go
to South Korea.

44
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:07,926
Do you think you'll
make it, though?

45
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,360
I mean, you didn't make
it to India. Or London.

46
00:02:11,060 --> 00:02:12,960
Or the Co‐op.

47
00:02:12,993 --> 00:02:16,260
So I was supposed to be
going to this sex party

48
00:02:16,293 --> 00:02:18,693
with the Holy Man and
this girl we met on Snapchat,

49
00:02:18,726 --> 00:02:20,960
but she can't make it
because she's pregnant

50
00:02:20,993 --> 00:02:23,193
and she doesn't want to run
into any of the "dads".

51
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,693
So there's a spare
ticket.

52
00:02:24,726 --> 00:02:27,326
And we thought...
Morph?

53
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,993
Early birthday present?

54
00:02:29,026 --> 00:02:30,326
(ANGELIC CHORUS)

55
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,426
Early birthday present.

56
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:32,493
Good way to lo
lose the V‐plates?

57
00:02:32,526 --> 00:02:34,993
Alison. Angelique.
French exchange.

58
00:02:35,026 --> 00:02:37,926
Right, so we're all
still... That's still a...

59
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,726
I will come
to this party,

60
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,893
to continue my adult
sexual adventure.

61
00:02:42,926 --> 00:02:43,793
Sorted.

62
00:02:43,826 --> 00:02:45,293
So what is
this sex party?

63
00:02:45,326 --> 00:02:48,193
Big mansion, guest list only,
anyone can have sex
with anyone.

64
00:02:48,226 --> 00:02:50,393
‐Anyone?
‐Anyone.

65
00:02:50,426 --> 00:02:51,926
(ANGELIC CHORUS)

66
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:55,660
Would've invited everyone
but obviously that would
be weird for...

67
00:02:55,693 --> 00:02:58,926
ALL: Pfft!
(CHUCKLES)

68
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,966
(CHUCKLES)

69
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,333
Why would that be weird?

70
00:03:03,366 --> 00:03:04,966
Well because you two...

71
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,633
Yeah, but it didn't mean
anything and Kent went
straight to Bristol after.

72
00:03:07,666 --> 00:03:10,766
Yeah, and Sarah didn't even
stop me or try and call me
for a year, so...

73
00:03:11,133 --> 00:03:12,133
(SCOFFS)

74
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:17,033
Okay. So not weird at all.

75
00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:18,400
‐Might be weird for him.
‐Might be weird for her.

76
00:03:18,433 --> 00:03:20,900
Okay, I'll get the Holy Man
to put you on the guest list.

77
00:03:20,933 --> 00:03:23,066
Here's a picture of
Angelique.

78
00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:27,166
That's just an
image search.

79
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,366
For sexy French girl.

80
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,533
Yeah. And she
came up first, so...

81
00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:32,700
Gorgeous.

82
00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:33,866
Yeah.

83
00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:38,866
So, what do we wear
to a sex party anyway?

84
00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:41,266
(MUSIC PLAYING)

85
00:04:04,873 --> 00:04:05,940
(CAR DOOR BANGS)

86
00:04:05,973 --> 00:04:07,206
Yeah. Okay.

87
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:08,406
Fucking hell.

88
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,006
(GRUNTS)

89
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:13,373
Okay. Next stop,
sex party.

90
00:04:13,406 --> 00:04:14,973
Before we set off,
ground rules.

91
00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:16,873
What? Like, no kissing on
the mouth?

92
00:04:16,906 --> 00:04:18,273
Mate it's not
<i>Pretty Woman.</i>

93
00:04:18,306 --> 00:04:20,640
‐Oh, so you have seen
Pretty Woman, Kent?
‐Fuck!

94
00:04:20,673 --> 00:04:23,140
How about, between us,
no direct contact?

95
00:04:23,173 --> 00:04:25,406
Let's say indirect
contact only.

96
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,240
Like contact through
another person?

97
00:04:27,273 --> 00:04:28,506
Shall we say two people?

98
00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:29,706
‐Yeah, that's good.
‐Seems fair.

99
00:04:29,740 --> 00:04:31,240
‐Logical.
‐ALL: Yeah.

100
00:04:31,273 --> 00:04:32,606
And whatever happens
in there,

101
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,273
we never talk
about again. Ever.

102
00:04:34,306 --> 00:04:37,073
Like, if someone walks in
and I'm wearing a strap‐on

103
00:04:37,106 --> 00:04:38,339
pegging some dude.

104
00:04:38,373 --> 00:04:40,540
You can't rag on
me about it forever.

105
00:04:41,373 --> 00:04:42,673
You're into pegging?

106
00:04:42,706 --> 00:04:44,806
No, I was just using
that as an example.

107
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,440
Just came to you pretty
quickly though, didn't it?

108
00:04:46,473 --> 00:04:47,640
Oh, I've got one.

109
00:04:47,673 --> 00:04:49,806
I don't want to see
anyone's "O" face.

110
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:50,873
That goes
without saying.

111
00:04:50,906 --> 00:04:53,773
What if it happens by
accident, Alison?

112
00:04:53,806 --> 00:04:54,906
Er...

113
00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:56,506
Right, another rule, you and
me never in the same room.

114
00:04:56,540 --> 00:05:02,013
If I were you,
I'd steer clear of Room 42.

115
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,013
Why?

116
00:05:05,046 --> 00:05:07,746
What happens in Room 42?

117
00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:10,846
You come face to face
with who you really are.

118
00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:28,546
Condoms.

119
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,013
Femidoms.

120
00:05:31,046 --> 00:05:32,580
Covering all the angles.

121
00:05:33,346 --> 00:05:34,446
Protein bars.

122
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,746
For recovery.

123
00:05:35,780 --> 00:05:36,680
Verruca sock?

124
00:05:36,713 --> 00:05:38,013
In case there's
a wet room.

125
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:41,180
Four cans of energy drink.

126
00:05:41,213 --> 00:05:42,946
Don't know how long
it's gonna be.

127
00:05:43,613 --> 00:05:44,613
Sudoku?

128
00:05:44,646 --> 00:05:46,613
There might be
a waiting area.

129
00:05:50,046 --> 00:05:51,513
Why do you
have a knife?

130
00:05:51,546 --> 00:05:54,780
For the, er,
(CLEARS THROAT) oysters.

131
00:05:58,480 --> 00:05:59,780
Behave yourself.

132
00:06:00,313 --> 00:06:01,453
Fine.

133
00:06:03,953 --> 00:06:06,286
This is just his ticket
printed out again.

134
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,386
Oh, what, does that not work?

135
00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:10,486
Course that doesn't
fucking work!

136
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:11,586
KENT: For fuck's sake.

137
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:13,920
I was really looking
forward to having sex

138
00:06:13,953 --> 00:06:15,186
with all them strangers.

139
00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:16,453
Not as much I was.

140
00:06:16,486 --> 00:06:18,386
Or with as many of them.

141
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,920
I'll handle this.
Hey, let them in!

142
00:06:20,953 --> 00:06:24,420
I am not going into a sex
party without my sister!

143
00:06:24,453 --> 00:06:26,653
Mate, just go in.
It's weird.

144
00:06:34,753 --> 00:06:36,653
Well, I bet you're
bloody relieved.

145
00:06:36,686 --> 00:06:38,286
What are you
talking about?

146
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,320
Well, works out well
for you, doesn't it?

147
00:06:40,353 --> 00:06:44,486
You get to say you're gonna do
something then don't
actually do it. Like...

148
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:45,986
India.

149
00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:49,320
Kent, India and group sex
are completely different.

150
00:06:49,353 --> 00:06:50,820
Not according
to my uncle.

151
00:06:50,853 --> 00:06:52,120
If I'd have got in there

152
00:06:52,153 --> 00:06:54,986
I would have had the biggest
fucking orgy of my life,

153
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,153
and you would've
bottled it.

154
00:06:56,186 --> 00:06:58,086
No, I would've marched right
into the middle of that orgy

155
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,753
‐and fucking nailed it.
‐Ha!

156
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:00,720
Bullshit.

157
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:01,760
Kent, what do you
want me to do?

158
00:07:01,793 --> 00:07:04,026
You want me to
break in and prove it?

159
00:07:10,753 --> 00:07:12,620
(CRASHING)

160
00:07:16,886 --> 00:07:17,853
What are you doing?

161
00:07:17,886 --> 00:07:19,386
I'm wiping for
fingerprints.

162
00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:21,886
What, in case the sex
police come?

163
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,086
MAN: Hello?

164
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,053
Hello?

165
00:07:27,086 --> 00:07:29,186
MAN: I need some help.
Can you let me out?

166
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,053
Fucking hell!

167
00:07:35,186 --> 00:07:36,886
I think I've been
forgotten about.

168
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,253
Can you let me out?

169
00:07:38,286 --> 00:07:39,720
(TREMBLING)

170
00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:40,886
Yeah, sure.

171
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,286
Don't fuckin' do it!

172
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,353
Huh?

173
00:07:43,386 --> 00:07:45,286
It's part of the
game, I'm pleading.

174
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,053
All right, then. Bye.

175
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,820
Can you leave the doors
open, please?

176
00:07:50,853 --> 00:07:52,753
What are you
fucking doing?

177
00:07:52,786 --> 00:07:54,220
Fuck's sake.

178
00:08:07,826 --> 00:08:08,926
Okay.

179
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,160
Last chance
to back out.

180
00:08:10,193 --> 00:08:11,293
I'm not
backing out.

181
00:08:11,326 --> 00:08:12,360
Unless you're
backing out.

182
00:08:12,393 --> 00:08:13,460
I'm not
backing out.

183
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,326
Then good, because
I'm not either.

184
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,926
‐Gonna have some sex.
‐Yeah. Me too.

185
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,060
Good.

186
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:31,893
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

187
00:08:49,526 --> 00:08:50,926
Oh, you made it in, then?

188
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,293
Is this it?

189
00:08:52,326 --> 00:08:54,593
Oh no, there's
also a buffet.

190
00:08:58,293 --> 00:09:00,093
Ah, come on, mate,
not in the dip.

191
00:09:00,766 --> 00:09:01,766
(MUFFLED) Hmm?

192
00:09:02,966 --> 00:09:04,933
‐Where's Holy Man?
‐Mingling.

193
00:09:06,266 --> 00:09:08,133
I barely see him
at these things.

194
00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:10,166
He gets massive phomo,

195
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,366
so he works out
his timetable beforehand.

196
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,533
I just meet him
after for a Calippo.

197
00:09:14,566 --> 00:09:17,633
So Morph, wanna hit
the mattresses?

198
00:09:17,666 --> 00:09:19,766
(GULPS) Oh, right.
(CLEARS THROAT)

199
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,133
Is that what we're
doing, then?

200
00:09:21,166 --> 00:09:22,800
Well, that's why
you're here, isn't it?

201
00:09:23,633 --> 00:09:26,500
Listen, before we
go into that

202
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:30,233
dimly lit area, I need to
tell you something.

203
00:09:30,266 --> 00:09:32,066
It concerns my virginity,

204
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:33,466
and it may come as a bit
of a shock.

205
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,066
What, you
have lost it?

206
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,166
No. I'm saying
I haven't.

207
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,333
‐No!
‐No. No.

208
00:09:38,366 --> 00:09:39,600
‐ALL: No!
‐Shut the front door!

209
00:09:39,633 --> 00:09:41,300
I did not
expect that.

210
00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,766
Because it was a very
well‐constructed lie.

211
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,633
And I'm sorry
for deceiving you so expertly.

212
00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:48,500
But what about
Angelique?

213
00:09:48,533 --> 00:09:50,966
I'm sorry to say
I made her up.

214
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,400
But what about
all those emails

215
00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:54,700
you've been showing us
for the past eight years?

216
00:09:54,733 --> 00:09:57,166
Fake.
I hoodwinked you all.

217
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,973
But that would mean
you'd have to set up
a fake email address,

218
00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:02,606
send yourself emails,

219
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,573
then reply to yourself
over and over again

220
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,273
for eight years!

221
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,406
Which is why you
were all so convinced.

222
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,906
And I feel bad about it.

223
00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:13,006
I don't
think you need to, mate.

224
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,873
But the truth is

225
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:17,473
I've never given
away my flower

226
00:10:17,506 --> 00:10:19,973
because I wanted my first time

227
00:10:20,006 --> 00:10:21,940
to be with someone special.

228
00:10:23,173 --> 00:10:25,340
Maybe I can
help with that.

229
00:10:26,473 --> 00:10:30,373
(I DON'T WANT TO WAIT PLAYING)

230
00:10:30,406 --> 00:10:31,840
Because everyone in
here's really up for it

231
00:10:31,873 --> 00:10:33,740
and they've already
had the menopause,

232
00:10:33,773 --> 00:10:34,806
so low risk.

233
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,406
Yeah, makes sense.

234
00:10:38,206 --> 00:10:39,940
Come on.

235
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,706
(WHIP CRACKS)

236
00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:42,740
MAN: Take it, slag!

237
00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,640
All right,
you filthy bastards!

238
00:10:49,206 --> 00:10:50,673
Wanna try some of that?

239
00:10:50,706 --> 00:10:52,573
Oh yes!

240
00:10:52,606 --> 00:10:55,573
I don't know, is there
anything a bit less... Spanky?

241
00:10:55,606 --> 00:10:56,606
Not really.

242
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,573
I don't really
understand the process.

243
00:10:59,606 --> 00:11:01,580
Do you have sex
after the spanking?

244
00:11:01,613 --> 00:11:04,113
Or is the spanking
like a test?

245
00:11:04,146 --> 00:11:05,480
You won't know
unless you try.

246
00:11:05,513 --> 00:11:08,613
This is my virginity we're
talking about, not Dr. Pepper.

247
00:11:08,646 --> 00:11:09,680
Get involved!

248
00:11:09,713 --> 00:11:10,746
All right.

249
00:11:12,646 --> 00:11:15,980
Er, excuse me,

250
00:11:16,013 --> 00:11:18,046
is there a queue
or is it a num...

251
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,946
You do exactly what
I say, maggot!

252
00:11:21,913 --> 00:11:23,013
Mr Rogerson?

253
00:11:23,046 --> 00:11:24,813
Man alive!

254
00:11:24,846 --> 00:11:28,580
Paul Durkin?
I haven't seen you since...

255
00:11:28,613 --> 00:11:29,913
GCSE Geography.

256
00:11:29,946 --> 00:11:31,080
How are you?

257
00:11:31,113 --> 00:11:32,246
‐(WHIP CRACKS)
‐MAN: Argh!

258
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,480
Yeah, good. I mean, feel
a bit weird right now.

259
00:11:35,513 --> 00:11:39,246
I remember you did the
best oxbow lake coursework

260
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,746
I've ever read.

261
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:41,913
Thank you, sir.

262
00:11:41,946 --> 00:11:43,513
I spent the whole
summer on that.

263
00:11:43,546 --> 00:11:44,780
I mean, I can't
believe you remember!

264
00:11:44,813 --> 00:11:47,446
Well you don't forget when a
boy hands in a CD‐ROM.

265
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,680
So, er, you
still teaching?

266
00:11:49,713 --> 00:11:51,046
No. No.

267
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,780
Got into a bit of
bother with that.

268
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,846
I'm a postman now.

269
00:11:55,513 --> 00:11:56,513
Right.

270
00:11:56,546 --> 00:11:57,980
You had a sister, didn't you.

271
00:11:58,013 --> 00:11:59,713
Very pretty.
Is she here?

272
00:11:59,746 --> 00:12:01,453
She... Died.

273
00:12:01,486 --> 00:12:03,253
‐(WHIP CRACKS)
‐MAN: Ooh!

274
00:12:03,286 --> 00:12:05,286
Don't look
for her.

275
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,253
Go, go, go,
go, go!

276
00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:10,353
Have it, you dirty cow!

277
00:12:11,453 --> 00:12:13,720
So, Mr Rogerson
is a perv.

278
00:12:13,753 --> 00:12:14,720
Yup.

279
00:12:14,753 --> 00:12:17,286
Turns out it's always the
ones you do suspect.

280
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,453
Well, we can always try
the sploshing chamber.

281
00:12:19,486 --> 00:12:22,120
Alison, I don't think
this is working out.

282
00:12:22,153 --> 00:12:24,786
Excuse me?
Can one of you untie me?

283
00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:26,420
Mate, we've heard
about you.

284
00:12:26,453 --> 00:12:28,186
We know you don't
want us to untie you.

285
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:30,253
I know I said that, but
that was an hour ago.

286
00:12:30,286 --> 00:12:32,353
And it's really cutting
off my circulation.

287
00:12:32,386 --> 00:12:34,053
He's quite
convincing, isn't he?

288
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,420
You've over‐thinking this.

289
00:12:35,453 --> 00:12:37,186
We just need to
get you shagged.

290
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:39,253
No. This whole party
isn't working for me.

291
00:12:39,286 --> 00:12:42,420
I want romance,
some ceremony.

292
00:12:42,453 --> 00:12:44,053
MAN: I can't feel my balls!

293
00:12:44,086 --> 00:12:47,253
I don't think you're
gonna find that here.

294
00:12:47,286 --> 00:12:50,420
‐I might do if I was
with you...
‐Fuckin' hell.

295
00:12:50,453 --> 00:12:51,686
No, wait I didn't mean...

296
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:52,720
Check out that lot.

297
00:12:53,986 --> 00:12:55,886
(MEN CHANTING)

298
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,426
You're not gonna get much
more ceremonious than that.

299
00:13:06,993 --> 00:13:08,826
Hmm.

300
00:13:08,860 --> 00:13:10,826
It does look a bit
less spanky.

301
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,560
Go on. Enjoy yourself.

302
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:17,993
(INHALES DEEPLY)

303
00:13:18,026 --> 00:13:19,760
See what
they're up to.

304
00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:26,893
MAN: Please. Help me.

305
00:13:26,926 --> 00:13:28,260
You need a
safe word, mate.

306
00:13:28,293 --> 00:13:30,793
I have got a safe word,
it's "tomato". It's "tomato".

307
00:13:30,826 --> 00:13:34,293
All right!
All right! I'm coming.

308
00:13:34,326 --> 00:13:35,593
What the fuck you doing?

309
00:13:35,626 --> 00:13:36,660
You said tomato!

310
00:13:36,693 --> 00:13:37,926
It's not the real safe word!

311
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,260
Well, what's
the real one?

312
00:13:39,293 --> 00:13:41,093
You'll never hear me say it.

313
00:13:41,126 --> 00:13:42,293
(BANGS DOOR)

314
00:13:52,326 --> 00:13:54,326
(WOMAN MOANS LOUDLY)

315
00:13:55,726 --> 00:13:59,060
Eh, so the drink tokens only
cover house white and Lilt,

316
00:13:59,093 --> 00:14:00,160
so I got two
of each.

317
00:14:00,193 --> 00:14:02,100
Ah! The old Yeovil martini.

318
00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:07,666
So, er, are we just gonna
neck these and then...

319
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:09,500
‐... get on it?
‐Yes.

320
00:14:11,733 --> 00:14:14,100
Do you think any younger
people are gonna turn up?

321
00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:15,333
I really hope so.

322
00:14:15,933 --> 00:14:17,233
Hey.

323
00:14:17,266 --> 00:14:18,566
Where have
you been?

324
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,766
Room 39.

325
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,600
(IRONIC PLAYING)

326
00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:25,566
(SHIVERS)

327
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,433
All right, fucknots.

328
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:30,266
Where's Morph? Did he find a
room full of imaginary
French girls?

329
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:34,000
No, he went into this weird
room upstairs with all these
Eyes Wide Shut peeps.

330
00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,700
Oh no.

331
00:14:35,733 --> 00:14:37,633
Room 42.

332
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,533
(MEN CHANTING)

333
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,266
(GONG STRIKES)

334
00:15:01,606 --> 00:15:03,440
Hello.

335
00:15:13,706 --> 00:15:15,373
Fucking hell.

336
00:15:18,606 --> 00:15:19,673
Who are you?

337
00:15:20,406 --> 00:15:21,940
My name is Angelica.

338
00:15:22,806 --> 00:15:26,073
Kind of like a
English Angelique.

339
00:15:26,106 --> 00:15:28,673
(CHUCKLES) If it pleases.

340
00:15:29,473 --> 00:15:31,473
(CHUCKLES)

341
00:15:31,506 --> 00:15:35,040
Sorry, we are in process. I
can't let you in at this time.

342
00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:37,373
Or you ever, after...

343
00:15:37,406 --> 00:15:38,373
Fair enough.

344
00:15:38,406 --> 00:15:40,973
Room 42 adheres to a strict
set of rules

345
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:42,640
that we take
very seriously.

346
00:15:42,673 --> 00:15:46,473
(BOTH SNICKER)

347
00:15:47,306 --> 00:15:50,640
Are you laughing
at my... Penis?

348
00:15:51,206 --> 00:15:52,440
Mmm‐mmm.

349
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:54,240
No.

350
00:15:54,273 --> 00:15:58,573
What about my penis
do you find funny?

351
00:15:58,606 --> 00:16:01,680
I mean, it's
disproportionately large
for your frame.

352
00:16:01,713 --> 00:16:03,580
(STRANGLED SNICKER)

353
00:16:03,613 --> 00:16:06,680
And it kind of waggles up
and down when you tell us off.

354
00:16:06,713 --> 00:16:08,146
It is a bit of
a horse cock, mate.

355
00:16:08,180 --> 00:16:10,480
Right, so we're playing
silly‐buggers, are we?

356
00:16:10,513 --> 00:16:13,813
Please leave or I'll be forced
to call the Dungeon Master.

357
00:16:13,846 --> 00:16:16,913
All right, listen, Voldemort,
we're not in fucking
Hogwarts, right.

358
00:16:16,946 --> 00:16:18,513
We're 10 minutes
outside of Yeovil.

359
00:16:18,546 --> 00:16:21,646
So can you please open
the fucking door!

360
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:25,113
Where's your wristband?

361
00:16:28,646 --> 00:16:29,680
Spliff?

362
00:16:29,713 --> 00:16:30,880
Spliff.

363
00:16:41,313 --> 00:16:42,880
Feels nice.

364
00:16:43,513 --> 00:16:44,913
Good.

365
00:16:44,946 --> 00:16:46,613
I should probably
tell you,

366
00:16:46,646 --> 00:16:48,046
it's my first time.

367
00:16:48,546 --> 00:16:50,113
Mine too.

368
00:16:50,146 --> 00:16:51,146
(GONG)

369
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,546
They're pretty synchronised.

370
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:55,646
Shh.

371
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:56,680
Sorry.

372
00:16:58,046 --> 00:17:00,253
So, er, what happens next?

373
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:01,820
Kneel down with me.

374
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,886
Close your eyes.

375
00:17:10,186 --> 00:17:11,186
Okay.

376
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,086
And also your mouth.

377
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,253
What?

378
00:17:19,353 --> 00:17:20,886
Argh!

379
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,920
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!

380
00:17:23,953 --> 00:17:25,520
Argh!
(GAGS)

381
00:17:27,386 --> 00:17:32,453
Hey, be honest, do you think
if you'd stayed in there you'd
actually have sex?

382
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:34,053
I want to say no, but

383
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:36,720
I haven't had a shag in
fucking ages.

384
00:17:36,753 --> 00:17:38,286
Maybe if there were more
drink tokens.

385
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,686
All right, so you didn't
have sex with Dreadhead?

386
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,686
Heavy petting.

387
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,886
What about the Batman?

388
00:17:45,353 --> 00:17:46,820
Nah.

389
00:17:46,853 --> 00:17:48,820
But that might be
because I stabbed him.

390
00:17:48,853 --> 00:17:52,220
It's been pretty dry too,
for me, to be fair,
since I got back.

391
00:17:54,153 --> 00:17:56,020
But there were loads of
girls in Brizzle, right?

392
00:17:56,053 --> 00:17:57,220
<i>Nada.</i>

393
00:17:58,186 --> 00:18:00,126
I don't think I've had
sex since...

394
00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:09,826
Me too.

395
00:18:16,326 --> 00:18:17,326
Kent?

396
00:18:18,626 --> 00:18:19,793
Yeah?

397
00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:27,326
Is that man wanking?

398
00:18:31,793 --> 00:18:33,493
Mr Rogerson!

399
00:18:33,526 --> 00:18:35,193
Kent Blackwell.

400
00:18:35,226 --> 00:18:36,560
How you keeping?

401
00:18:37,893 --> 00:18:39,360
Oi!
Shoo!

402
00:18:39,393 --> 00:18:40,493
Shoo!
Get out of it!

403
00:18:44,493 --> 00:18:45,893
What the fuck happened to you?

404
00:18:45,926 --> 00:18:47,493
I don't want to talk about it.

405
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:48,660
Morpheus got pissed on!

406
00:18:48,693 --> 00:18:49,893
Oh, so we're just talking
about it, are we?

407
00:18:49,926 --> 00:18:51,526
You got off lightly,
mate.

408
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,093
When I was in Room 42...

409
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:56,893
I'm gonna go back in.

410
00:18:59,393 --> 00:19:00,933
Open the gates!

411
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,500
At least you can save
it for someone special.

412
00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:08,366
Mate, put a towel down.

413
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,866
I didn't bring a towel.

414
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,433
SARAH: You brought fucking
oysters.

415
00:19:11,466 --> 00:19:12,866
There's one in the boot.

416
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,100
Me again.

417
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:19,166
(GRUNTS)

418
00:19:22,666 --> 00:19:23,833
Well,

419
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,600
you win some,
you lose some.

420
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,933
Is that all you've got to
say about it?

421
00:19:28,966 --> 00:19:31,700
You do know six men
pissed on me, right?

422
00:19:32,566 --> 00:19:34,366
Maybe there's
a lesson in it.

423
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,133
‐What?
‐I don't know, I...

424
00:19:38,733 --> 00:19:40,833
Be... Be yourself?

425
00:19:40,866 --> 00:19:42,200
Is that the best
you've got?

426
00:19:42,233 --> 00:19:44,900
You laid this on for me. I
thought you had a plan, Sean?

427
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,466
I'm managing it
from a distance.

428
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,066
I don't have boots
on the ground.

429
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:50,000
Remember,

430
00:19:50,033 --> 00:19:52,500
I'm just your subconscious.

431
00:19:52,533 --> 00:19:54,200
You've got to take some
responsibility.

432
00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:58,400
No, actually, I think you've
got to take some
responsibility.

433
00:19:58,433 --> 00:20:01,206
‐You what?
‐You've been a shit
spirit guide.

434
00:20:02,873 --> 00:20:05,173
Now it's time
I killed you.

435
00:20:05,206 --> 00:20:06,340
Killed me?

436
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,373
Come on, Sean Bean.

437
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,906
You die in everything.

438
00:20:13,173 --> 00:20:15,306
Yeah, fair enough.

439
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:25,040
Morpheus?

440
00:20:25,073 --> 00:20:26,540
Yes?

441
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,206
Make it a clean strike.

442
00:20:30,106 --> 00:20:31,906
I'll try my best,

443
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,973
but it's my
first time, so...

444
00:20:34,606 --> 00:20:35,773
You'll do fine.

445
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,073
(SWORD CLANKING)

446
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,013
Aah!

447
00:21:12,513 --> 00:21:13,946
Sean Bean.

448
00:21:14,846 --> 00:21:16,813
But I just killed you.

449
00:21:16,846 --> 00:21:20,213
One does not simply
kill Sean Bean.

450
00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:24,013
Oh, my God.

451
00:21:24,046 --> 00:21:25,846
Best day ever!

452
00:21:48,380 --> 00:21:49,380
MAN: <i>Bosh!</i>