1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Development and improve the quality of the subtitles: .....:::::VIKINGS:::::..... 2 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:30,200 ...:::"NORSEMEN":::... SEATON...01 EPISODE...01 3 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,840 Listen up, folks! New guys, can I have your ... 4 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,760 Before you say anything, let me alert you to the fact 5 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:09,040 that we haven't been served water for over 12 hours. That's ridiculous. 6 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,640 You'll get water afterwards. First some practical information. 7 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:13,720 Thank you. 8 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:18,040 We'll be arriving home shortly. That will be a new experience for you. 9 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,720 None of you have ever been to Norway before. 10 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,600 You have? 11 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,840 No, I haven't been here. 12 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:28,240 But I have relatives up here, so I know the language. 13 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:32,280 That's lucky. So we understand each other, then. 14 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:36,200 Yes, I happen to have an extremely good ear for languages. 15 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:40,240 -Like top class. World class. -That's amazing. 16 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,400 Well, it's time for the ættestup . Anyone want to go first? 17 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,440 Bjørn, you're the oldest. Maybe you should take the first jump. 18 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,280 Well, if someone else wants to jump, it's OK for me. 19 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,160 Anyone else have the urge? 20 00:02:10,759 --> 00:02:13,600 -No, no. -No, it's fine. Go ahead. 21 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,280 OK, fine. 22 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,520 If no one wants to jump, I can go. 23 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,640 It's a matter of honor, isn't it? 24 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,640 The ættestup is the most honorable thing you can do. 25 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,120 Honor is really important, Bjørn. 26 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:31,120 Could you move a bit back there, give Bjørn some space? 27 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,080 See you on the other side. 28 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,960 See you. 29 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:39,000 To Valhalla! 30 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,120 Wow. 31 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,520 Well, anyway, you can expect to work hard up here. 32 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,920 But you'll have a chance to learn some new things and have some fun too. 33 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,280 And I can almost guarantee that you'll make some new friends. 34 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,360 Excuse me? 35 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,920 -Yes, question? -What's the pay like? Is it good? 36 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,800 -It's not paid. -We won't get paid? 37 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:12,440 Not to complain, but I think the flow of information here on this boat 38 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,240 is extremely arbitrary. 39 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,320 And that's totally uncalled for, when we're so crammed together 40 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,400 in such a small craft. 41 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:22,000 I didn't know until yesterday that we were even going to Norway. 42 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:27,440 So you think the information flow is under par? 43 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:28,720 Yes. 44 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,320 -So here's some information for you. -Finally! 45 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,160 Ow, ow! 46 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,040 Did you see that? Did everyone see that? 47 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:49,440 There's something seriously wrong with my nose! 48 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:54,880 -Was that a bit too much? -No, you're the chieftain. 49 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,880 Aren't you supposed to be a little like that when you're in charge? 50 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,960 But it's not really me, that fear-based leadership style stuff. 51 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,520 It doesn't feel right. 52 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,600 Can you be my witness? 53 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,560 Oddvar, maybe you want to go next? 54 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:18,440 I'm thinking, what's the worst thing that could happen - 55 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,959 - if I don't do the ættestup ? 56 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,480 I mean, what's worse than being crushed? 57 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:29,280 I don't know. I was just ordered to take you up here. I mean, 58 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,760 you're supposed to do the jump and spare your families 59 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,880 the burden that is supporting you in your old age. 60 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,120 Yeah, but I'm only 47. It's... 61 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,080 I mean, it's not that old. 62 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,760 I'm just going to skip the whole thing. 63 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,720 --OK? -Yeah. 64 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:51,080 I'm not going to jump either. This is not my kind of thing. 65 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,880 Anyone else want to jump? 66 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:59,560 -Come on, fellas. I mean ... -It's just not very tempting. 67 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,320 OK. I mean, I'm just a slave. 68 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,080 I can't make you do anything you don't want to do. But, uh... 69 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,160 Could you just please stay away from Norheim? 70 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,520 So people don't understand that you didn't do the ættestup ? 71 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,320 Of course, no problem. You'll never see us again. 72 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,160 Great. Thank you. Wonderful. 73 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,960 OK, bye! 74 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,680 Can't exactly say I'm looking forward to coming home now. 75 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,280 No? 76 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:35,720 My focus has always been on pillaging and ravaging and things like that. 77 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:41,200 When all the other guys have settled down with wives, kids, farms and stuff. 78 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,040 I'm feeling kind of alone here. 79 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,160 Yeah, but isn't that OK, too? 80 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:50,280 Do as you please. Do whatever you want. 81 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,680 Without having to plan it three full moons ahead. 82 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:59,720 I live in a tent. The only clothes I have are the ones I'm wearing. 83 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,880 I'm starting to feel a little pathetic here 84 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,400 We have to do something about that. 85 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,160 A good man like you shouldn't be alone if you don't want to. 86 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,680 You have so much to offer! 87 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,680 No, not that much. 88 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,720 -I think I have a plan for that. -Really? 89 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,920 A plan so crazy it might just work. 90 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,040 Wow! 91 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,080 [chuckles] 92 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,920 Oh, it's you. 93 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,160 How did it go? 94 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,480 You'll never see those guys again, so I would say it went great. 95 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:29,760 Good, good. 96 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:30,880 Orm? 97 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,920 What is this? 98 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,600 -Hm? -So the rumors are true? 99 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,480 That you sent the old people in the village to their death? 100 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,760 Well, they took the ættestup . 101 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,720 You finally got the chance to run this village, Orm. 102 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,920 And the result is people are forced to throw themselves to their death 103 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,760 because we don't have any food? 104 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,720 What kind of leadership is that? Are you pleased with yourself? 105 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,560 I think things are starting to fall into place. 106 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:59,480 -Well I don't. -Well, then we have to agree to disagree. 107 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:03,160 Which is something I've decided to start saying. 108 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,600 Chieftain Olav and his men should have been home 109 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,280 from their raid over a month ago. 110 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:11,760 It's very strange that you haven't done anything to get them home. 111 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,640 No, but all that stuff is up to Odin and the gods to decide. 112 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,160 I mean, what am I supposed to do? 113 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,200 You could at least have sacrificed some slaves. 114 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,280 Tried to be a little resourceful. 115 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,560 Sacrifice? No, no, no, I don't think that's a good idea. 116 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,760 All that screaming 117 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,360 and commotion... 118 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,799 Your wife is also on that ship. You must be sick with worry. 119 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,559 No, yes, I am very sick with worry. For Frøya. 120 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,679 You know, it would be incredibly unfortunate if they didn't return home. 121 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:43,000 I'd be left with permanent responsibility here and everything. 122 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,760 -Then you'd become chieftain. -Yes. 123 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,760 -Isn't that your big dream? -No, no. 124 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,080 I'm heir to the throne, but it's not like 125 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,880 it's my dream. No, I wouldn't say that. 126 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,000 Okay, then we'll sacrifice some slaves. OK? 127 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,080 No, I don't think so. 128 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,200 That's pretty much what people are calling for right now. 129 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,560 Are they? 130 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,960 We're doing it, Orm. 131 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,720 Yes, well then I will make an executive decision, and say: 132 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:12,520 -That's what we'll do. -Great. Come on. 133 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,800 Odin, receive our second sacrifice! 134 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,560 [chop] 135 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,440 [groans] 136 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,600 Odin, receive our third sacrifice! 137 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,160 Bring our men home! 138 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,760 -Wait, wait just a second. -Yes? 139 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,960 Not to cock up your plans or anything but, 140 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,240 are you 100% certain that it's necessary to sacrifice me? 141 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:57,240 Yes. I mean, ritual sacrifice isn't a perfect science, but 142 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,480 I feel really confident about this one. 143 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,880 Okay, okay. 144 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:06,360 I just ... you've sacrificed two slaves already. 145 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,560 You're not worried the gods are gonna think that you're trying too hard? 146 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,800 That it's too much? 147 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,840 Mm, I really like the way you're thinking. Don't get me wrong. 148 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,680 I think it's great that you as a slave bother getting involved. 149 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,880 But if you don't mind, I think we'll just move on. 150 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,040 -Oh, okay, of course. -Yes. 151 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,240 I just thought I'd mention it. No point in regretting it later. I mean... 152 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:29,200 Sacrifice isn't exactly reversible, but... Okay. 153 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,680 A ship! 154 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,040 They're coming! 155 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,280 Shhh.... 156 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,880 Thank you, Odin. Thank you! 157 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:42,960 There you go. 158 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:47,600 Two sacrifices was enough. Should make a note of that. 159 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,040 Hey, Frøya! 160 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,000 You can at least pretend to be happy to see your husband. 161 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,760 This is very embarrassing. Kind of awkward. 162 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:41,920 Holy Loki, it's good to see you, brother! 163 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,520 Look at you, all tan! 164 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:44,600 -Hi, Orm. -Hi. 165 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:48,400 So tell me! Where have you been? What have you done? 166 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,320 Any good stories? Any special moments? 167 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,200 Lots of special moments. 168 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:57,520 It wouldn't be fair to all the other moments if you should bring up just one. 169 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,040 Because they were all so awesome. 170 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,120 Oh, wow. 171 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,040 From we got there till we left, 172 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,800 it was just a series of one sweet moment after another. 173 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:10,200 Lots of, you know, internal jokes and... You wouldn't get it anyway. 174 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,680 Next time I just have to join you. 175 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,680 My back was a bit... But it's much better now. 176 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,120 -Mm-hmm. Yeah. -Much better. 177 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,720 You should be really proud of your wife. 178 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:23,720 Frøya dove into that pillaging 100%. 179 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,680 Even took part in quite a lot of the raping. 180 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:32,120 Frøya forced all kinds of monks to let her ride them. 181 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,080 I didn't really expect that. I was totally blown away 182 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:40,400 when I saw her on top of this monk, moaning and groaning. 183 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:41,880 Did you do that, Frøya? 184 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,520 Of course. I mean, that's what you do when you pillage. 185 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,200 That was kind of unnecessary, wasn't it? 186 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,080 If it's unnecessary? Well, yeah, maybe, but ... 187 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:56,720 If you joined a raid, you'd understand how the world works. Yeah. 188 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaking of which, are you going to the party tonight? 189 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,560 Yeah, sure, aren't we all? 190 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:09,480 How about pounding some down tepid horns of mead at our place first? 191 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:13,040 Well, actually, all of us from the boat 192 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,720 kind of agreed to get together before the party. 193 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:20,120 Pour out some mead for our dead comrades, reminisce and stuff. 194 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,240 Reminisce? You just got home a few moments ago. 195 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,280 We're not going to reminisce about the last moments on the boat, 196 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,560 we're gonna reminisce about when we first got there. 197 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,000 The first monastery we pillaged and stuff. 198 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,920 I understand, but it couldn't hurt if I was a fly on the wall, could it? 199 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,960 You know, I can even bring my own chair. 200 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,880 because you always say there aren't enough seats. 201 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,800 Yeah, yeah, mm. 202 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,600 -I think It would get very crowded -Yeah. 203 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,520 if people start bringing their own chairs, Orm. 204 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,000 Yes, yes, no, but I understand. But I can ... 205 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,680 I can, I can stand outside. 206 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,080 You know, and just talk to the guys who go to the toilet. 207 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,960 And stuff like that, that would be OK, wouldn't it? 208 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,040 I think maybe I heard someone say: 209 00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:02,000 -"3-2-1, no one else can come." -Yeah, that was Ragnar. 210 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,600 That's not runed in stone, is it? 211 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,680 Stone or not stone, you have to respect it. 212 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,440 Or else it doesn't mean anything. 213 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,960 You know, the whole rhyme would lose its magic. 214 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,320 It's going to be something people just say. 215 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,440 Oh? 216 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,920 But, Orm, you know what? 217 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,000 We meet up in the great hall afterwards. 218 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,680 -Yeah. -That's good. That's really good. 219 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,680 -Afterwards? -Yes. 220 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,560 After...? 221 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,720 OK... 222 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,040 OK. 223 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,840 Hello? Just one thing. 224 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:51,920 Yes? 225 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,240 I had a cape with me on the ship. 226 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,800 Er, er, it's more like a cloak, actually. 227 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,440 Just without the buttons all the way down. But anyway... 228 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,120 I gave it to one of your colleagues who promised to return it. 229 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,880 When we reached our destination. 230 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:09,920 So, I don't know... maybe you can ask around for me? Or? 231 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,240 -Nope. Come here. -No? 232 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,720 Oh, there he is, there he is! Hi. 233 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:17,600 He's the one. 234 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,640 I'm the one who lent you my cape. 235 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,200 That's my cape. 236 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,240 This is mine. 237 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,360 -It's yours? -Yeah. 238 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,240 Well isn't that quite a coincidence, 239 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,080 if you and I happen use the same tailor in Rome? 240 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,240 And have the same family crest? 241 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,800 I doubt that quite strongly. 242 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,440 Well, that is the case. 243 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,160 Come on, not even you can believe that. 244 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,680 And you're wearing it all wrong. It's getting dirty. 245 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,080 You're wearing it like an amateur. 246 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,440 -You don't like dirt? -No. Who does? 247 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,800 -Open your mouth. -Excuse me? 248 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,920 Open your mouth. Don't bite. 249 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,120 -Whose cape is it? -Yours. 250 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,800 -It's my cape. -Yes. 251 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,720 Fast learner. 252 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,280 You're not gonna get away with... 253 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,080 Hey, you! Hi. 254 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,360 You're new, right? 255 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,880 We're gonna be strawmates. Kark is my name. 256 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,080 I was supposed to be sac... 257 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,760 [screaming] 258 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,840 I was supposed to be sacrificed today. 259 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,400 But I got away, so they gave me a branding instead, 260 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,200 just so I wouldn't feel too lucky. 261 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,000 OK? 262 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,800 -Isn't it amazing? -No. 263 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,680 I'm gonna show you where we're gonna sleep. We're done, right? 264 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,520 Yeah, thanks, thanks. 265 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,920 Yeah, this is our spot. 266 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,520 Nice and warm among the animals. 267 00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:10,880 -You're kidding, right? -No. 268 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:15,760 -I'm not sleeping in this pigsty! -What do you mean? This is sweet. 269 00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:17,760 Sweet? 270 00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:19,480 What... 271 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:23,240 What kind of place are those goddamn inbreds running here? 272 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,640 Seriously, you're not going to that pillage reunion, are you? 273 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,440 Well of course I am. 274 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:33,520 Couldn't we take a mead here instead, 275 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,160 you know, just the two of us, here, at home? 276 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,560 Uh, no. 277 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,480 In Loki's name, what's that around your neck? 278 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:44,240 Oh, this is a monk's necklace. It's like a trophy I made. 279 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:47,560 Is that ... a cock necklace? 280 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,640 Mm-hm. From the monks. 281 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,240 Are those monks giants? 282 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,160 These sizes are completely out of proportion. 283 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,760 Can you imagine, you know, getting hard 284 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,920 with a tool like that? You'd be in trouble. 285 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,520 Why? 286 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,280 Because you'd just drop to the floor. 287 00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,600 Your blood would go straight from your head to your tool. 288 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,960 You know, you would pass out completely. 289 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,880 No, usually they don't. 290 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,600 Actually this is quite a standard size, I think. 291 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,160 I have exactly the same tool. 292 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,960 I think I know what a huge penis is. Those are abnormal. 293 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,280 Yes. I'm going to go now. 294 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,280 I just feel sorry for those people who have to walk around with dicks like that. 295 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,360 Yes, I'm going. 296 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,760 I feel sorry for them. What a handicap! 297 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,920 Friends. Brothers. 298 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,280 Warriors. 299 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:04,320 We're here to celebrate that Odin guided us safely home! 300 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,680 -Skål! -Skål! 301 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,440 We're also here to celebrate 302 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,920 that we found a way West. 303 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:19,640 To a land that will see to it that we will never again have a lean year. 304 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:23,120 No matter how poorly the substitute chieftain 305 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,200 manages the village while I'm away. 306 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,040 It's time to celebrate! 307 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:40,000 Shame on those who don't get drunk! 308 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,520 Yes? 309 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,480 -Great party. -Yeah. 310 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,880 I think my assicle has fallen asleep. 311 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,720 Those benches in there are so, so hard. 312 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,120 They could at least throw on a few animal skins. 313 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,640 What do you mean? 314 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:13,080 The assicle falls asleep. The assicle goes numb. Straight away. 315 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,760 -Assicle? -Assicle. 316 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,440 You don't know what the assicle is? 317 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,920 -Nope. -Assicle. 318 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,720 That little thing that sticks out between the penis and the hole? 319 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,840 On the... perineum? 320 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,720 That little thing that wags when you're excited? 321 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,640 What do you call it? 322 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,440 -I don't know. -Well, I call it the assicle. 323 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,680 I don't know if that's the right word, or you know, 324 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,360 but I call it that, I've always called it that. 325 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,000 So that's how it's gonna stay. OK, see you in there. 326 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,760 Of course the horses didn't see the difference 327 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:57,000 between coltsfoot and dandelion. 328 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,920 [chuckles] 329 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,560 That was quite... peculiar. 330 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,080 Olvar. Liv. 331 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,560 "Milady." That's how they greet 332 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,320 beautiful women in the West. 333 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,120 Wow. Impressive. 334 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,800 Welcome back from the raid. I heard you pillaged well. 335 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,360 Yeah, it was ... It was really good. 336 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:40,520 Was there something in particular I could help you with? 337 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,680 Yes! Yes, there is one tiny... 338 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,160 question. 339 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,000 -You still have that farm, don't you? -I do. Biggest one in Norheim. 340 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,240 And... it's still going very well? 341 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,280 Oh, it's going good! 342 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,720 Yes, so that's what I wanted to talk to you about. 343 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:04,080 Because you know I dig you. I always have and always will. 344 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,520 And I really admire you for what you have accomplished. 345 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,320 Thank you, Arvid. That's great. 346 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,080 - Skål to Arvid! - Skål ! 347 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,400 So I thought I'd challenge you to a holmgang . 348 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:27,400 What? 349 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,440 Holmgang?! 350 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:40,840 Yes. And then the winner can take over the loser's 351 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,160 property and wife and stuff. 352 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,760 Because that's how the rules are, 353 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,040 isn't it, Olav, Chieftain Olav? 354 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,680 That's right. What you say there is right. 355 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,880 But you don't own anything, Arvid! 356 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,840 But that's how the rules are. 357 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,440 And it would be stupid of me not to take advantage of it. 358 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,760 But I built up everything 359 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,680 with my own hands, from nothing! 360 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,000 Yeah. And I really respect you for that. 361 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,320 But still... 362 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,920 I, Arvid, hereby 363 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,760 challenge Olvar to a holmgang ! 364 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:31,080 [rooster crows] 365 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,040 [snoring] 366 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,360 Olvar? 367 00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,560 Olvar? 368 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,000 Olvar? 369 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,360 Olvar, are you sitting here hiding? 370 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:11,120 I'm not hiding, I'm just thinking. 371 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,120 You can just forget about hiding. 372 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,080 If you don't show up for the holmgang you'll be deemed a niding . An outcast. 373 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,000 You'll bring shame on me, indirectly. 374 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,360 It's just that Arvid is so big. I mean... 375 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:27,200 He has been trained to be a warrior ever since he was a baby. 376 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,960 And he has probably killed a thousand men. 377 00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:34,520 I never touched a sword before today. 378 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:38,240 Blah, blah. Don't be so insanely defensive. 379 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:42,240 You can beat him. It's all in the mind. It's 99% attitude. 380 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,560 -Is it? -Sure. 381 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,000 If you raise your game 5%, 382 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,600 and he lowers his 5%, most of the job is done. 383 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,600 Are the margins that 384 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,160 -small? -Sure. 385 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:03,840 If you also look at the possibility of thinking a little outside the box, 386 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,520 anything could happen, right? 387 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,360 OK. Good luck. See you there. 388 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,880 Yeah. But, Liv, we... 389 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,040 -We go together. 390 00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:17,160 No, I'm just going with some old friends. 391 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,080 What? What friends? 392 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,160 "What? Who?" Some old friends. 393 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,880 OK. Should I leave the door open? 394 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,920 Close it. 395 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,440 Good luck! 396 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:57,920 Olvar. 397 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,760 There you are. That was in the nick of time. 398 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:05,160 You wish to exchange coins for poison? 399 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:10,680 Exactly. I got myself messed up in a holmgang over here. 400 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,960 Give me your sword. 401 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,720 Yeah. 402 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,480 Don't send a sword over tip first. 403 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,840 -Easy child's learning. -Sorry. 404 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,120 This is the deadliest poison you can find. 405 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:36,360 One scratch of his skin and he'll be dead in seconds. 406 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,360 OK. 407 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,120 Thank you. 408 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,160 I will be forever in debt to you. 409 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,400 But you gave me money, so... 410 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,080 Yeah. 411 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,480 It's a figure of speech, isn't it? 412 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,040 -Yeah, I guess. -Yeah. 413 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,560 Bye. 414 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:07,560 Odin! 415 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,120 God of all warriors! 416 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,200 Today you will receive a new guest 417 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,240 in Valhalla! 418 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:21,080 Can I say something before we begin? 419 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,920 Yeah, that's fine. 420 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,520 Olvar will say a few words! 421 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,760 Many of you, 422 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,080 perhaps most of you, 423 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,760 don't believe I stand a chance here today. 424 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,920 And to you I will say 425 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,480 this: 426 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,080 Little strokes 427 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,880 fell great oaks. 428 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,600 That's it? Yeah? 429 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,880 Actually, I didn't get it, really. 430 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,680 What I mean to say, Arvid, 431 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,720 is that you will regret 432 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,560 challenging me to this holmgang . 433 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,800 This is the dumbest thing you've ever done. 434 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,480 Why do you say that? You have a secret weapon or something? 435 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,160 This is the last thing I will say to you: 436 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:16,280 The harder you come, the harder you... fall. 437 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,720 -Harder you...? -Fall! 438 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,120 OK, lots of fine words. 439 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,960 Now, let's get ready! 440 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,120 May the best man win. 441 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,280 Three. 442 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,800 Two. One. 443 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,520 Holmgang! 444 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:48,720 Yes! 445 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,920 Bull's-eye! 446 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,480 Estate owner! Yeah! 447 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,240 Awesome! 448 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,360 It's you and me then. 449 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:05,920 All right. 450 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,560 Wow, you're so strong! 451 00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:10,280 You think? 452 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:13,800 OK? Yes. 453 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:17,960 Kiss me. 454 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:33,160 .....:::::I hope you enjoyed watching this movie:::::..... 455 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:43,360 .....:::::VIKINGS:::::.....