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♪

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(narrator) I’m sorry, viewer.

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The TV show you’re searching for

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cannot be streamed in your reality.

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Please stand by for reconnection.

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♪

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In the darkest depths of cyberspace,

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there is another world.

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♪

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A lost dimension, home to wonders unseen,

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terrors unspeakable.

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♪

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Stories unlike any ever told until now.

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♪

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Do not click "Back."

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Do not reload.

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We have reconnected to…

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Dimension 404.

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♪

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’Twas the week before Christmas

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and all through the nation,

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the NSA watched us from a secret location.

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They hunted a man, a serial bomber,

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location unknown, this guy was a goner.

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♪

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Tracking this man was no easy job

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so the government turned to a monster

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named Bob.

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♪

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Bob knows when we’re sleeping

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and when we’re awake,

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but something inside him
is starting to break.

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♪

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Though he hunts and he tracks,

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his search is in vain,

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for this all-seeing eye

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feels nothing…

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nothing but pain.

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♪

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(Sam) What is it, what is it?

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Oh, you’re gonna find out soon, baby girl.

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Did you guys get my flight info?

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(Beth) I don’t know, Sam,
did we get Mommy’s itinerary?

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(Sam) Flight 322, arrives
at 2:15, terminal B,

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and then we see Mommy!

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(imitates airplane engine)

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(Beth) Someone’s just a little
excited that you’re coming home.

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Yeah, well, she is not the only one.

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Oh, she certainly isn’t.

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Two weeks leave over Christmas.

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I’m still waiting for
the other shoe to drop.

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Yo, I’m comin’ home, babe.

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Come hell or high wat--

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Oh, I’m gonna be late!

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(Beth) Oh no, go, go!

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-Love you.
-I love you.

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♪

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Okay.

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♪

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(Adams) Hey, Doc, you, uh,
you got a sec?

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-Um…
-I just wanna say

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merry Christmas.

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So have a good time at home.

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Come back soon ’cause, uh…

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we’re really gonna…

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we’re really gonna need you out--

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Whoa, hey, hey, what’s goin’ on?

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(Adams) I don’t know.

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(sighs)

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It’s this damn holiday.

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I mean, it’s just…

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every time I see
that tree in the mess hall,

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I just think about home and I get…

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♪

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I just…

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♪

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Talk to me, Adams.

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♪

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(Adams) I just don’t wanna
be here anymore.

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♪

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-Captain Lee?
-Uh, yeah?

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(female agent) Whitney Smith, NSA.

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-Nice to meet you.
-Sure, yeah, you too.

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If you don’t mind,
I gotta catch a transport.

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(Whitney) I’m headed that way too.

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Come on.

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♪

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I’ll give you a lift.

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That’s great, I’m super late.

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♪

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And she’s still kinda
confused about Santa Claus

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but the tree looks nice

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and if I catch this transport,

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I’m gonna be home in time to decorate it

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which is the--

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Well, it’s the best part anyway.

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(Whitney) Sounds very nice.

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(Captain Lee) So NSA, huh?

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I mean, I’m sure it’s top secret

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but you got any Christmas plans?

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You, Captain.

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What?

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Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble.

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I just need you to come with us.

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Whitney, right?

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Listen, I’ve been out here
18 months without leave.

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I miss my kid, I miss my wife.

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I spent our anniversary
hiding under a desk,

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trying to get the internet to work

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while getting mortared.

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I’m sure that the NSA is used to getting

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whatever the hell it wants,

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but whatever it wants from me

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is gonna have to wait.

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There is nothing in this world

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that is gonna make me miss
Christmas with my family.

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(drone of airplane engine)

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You suck.

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(wind howling)

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♪

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So where are we, the North Pole?

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-I’d tell ya, but then they--
-Then they’d have to shoot me,

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-yeah I know.
-What?

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No, they’d shoot me for divulging

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confidential information.

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-Why would they shoot you?
-Captain Lee.

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Director Stevens.

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Cocoa?

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♪

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Come on, we’ll do the nickel tour.

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♪

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The NSA has a major data problem;

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we’re drowning in the stuff.

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Emails, phone logs, you name it,

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we got about three
petabytes a second of it

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from American civilians alone.

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(Captain Lee) Oh, well, that’s…horrifying.

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(Director Stevens)
Worse still, our analysts

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have to process all of that data

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one click at a time.

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I know what you’re thinkin’.

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Replace ’em with robots!

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Believe me, I have tried.

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But despite what you
might have read in WIRED,

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that kind of AI is still decades away.

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So for now, it still takes a human brain

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to spot patterns, connect the dots,

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and catch the bad guys.

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(Captain Lee) And a human butt to
wipe the Constitution on,

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am I right?

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(laughs)

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(Stevens chuckles derisively)

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(elevator dings)

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♪

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(Director Stevens) Ten days ago,
our top analyst

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began displaying erratic behavior.

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It’s affecting his work and, consequently,

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the safety of the American people.

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You’re here to provide therapeutic support

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and get him back in action.

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(Captain Lee) Wait, so, you flew me
all the way out to…

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wherever we are just to give
a pep talk to a computer geek?

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(Director Stevens) Not exactly.

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♪

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Captain Lee…

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meet Bob.

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♪

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(Bob) Ah, Director Stevens,

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who’s your new friend?

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(liquid bubbling, squelching)

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Good morning.

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(Director Stevens) Good morning, Bob.

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-This is…
-Jane Lee.

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32, 17 unread emails,
current location: here.

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(Jane) What the hell is that thing?

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(Bob) Where are my manners?

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I’m Bob, chief intelligence officer

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here at NSA black site Indigo.

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(Jane) Why is it made of meat?

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-Mm.
-Okay.

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Imagine the NSA built a huge cube

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of nutrient enriched meat,

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then grew a giant human brain,

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placed it inside, added some wires,

185
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plugged it in, and then used it

186
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to monitor every person
on Earth at all times.

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Okay.

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(Chris) That’s what we did.

189
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-That’s Bob.
-Hello!

190
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So what brings you to
our neck of the woods, Jane?

191
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(Director Stevens) Captain Lee is here
to see you, Bob.

192
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-She’s--
-My therapist.

193
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Of course, I know why she’s here.

194
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I know everything.

195
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I was trying to be polite and colloquial.

196
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Hence, "neck of the woods."

197
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-Oh my God.
-I mean, I don’t need

198
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a therapist, so…

199
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(Chris) Well, Bob, the director
seems to think that--

200
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(Director Stevens) Ah, Chris and I both
think that talking with Jane

201
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will help you with your…

202
00:08:20,919 --> 00:08:24,464
problems finding…

203
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-What’s-his-face.
-What’s-his-face?

204
00:08:26,341 --> 00:08:27,717
He has a name, Chris.

205
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It’s Lucas T. Wade

206
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and he’s a very, very, very bad--

207
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Ow, ow, ow-ow-ow, ow!

208
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♪

209
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Okay, fine.

210
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What’s-his-face is a serious problem

211
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and it’s proving hard to locate him

212
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but therapy?

213
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(Chris) Captain Lee is
a total pro, Bob.

214
00:08:44,943 --> 00:08:46,278
One of the best in the world.

215
00:08:46,278 --> 00:08:47,904
(Bob) She cheated on her
Intro to Psych final.

216
00:08:47,904 --> 00:08:49,656
The Scantrons prove it.

217
00:08:49,656 --> 00:08:51,700
Sorry, Jane, that was rude.

218
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,994
You did though, so you
should be sorry too.

219
00:08:53,994 --> 00:08:56,329
(Director Stevens) Well, nobody’s perfect.

220
00:08:56,329 --> 00:08:58,248
Apparently not even you, Bob.

221
00:08:58,248 --> 00:08:59,666
Isn’t that right, Jane?

222
00:08:59,666 --> 00:09:01,876
♪

223
00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:04,754
(Bob) Uh-oh, Chris, mop time.

224
00:09:09,175 --> 00:09:10,927
(Director Stevens) How you feelin’?

225
00:09:10,927 --> 00:09:12,679
What the hell is wrong with you people?

226
00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:15,724
Oh no, that was the last one.

227
00:09:15,724 --> 00:09:18,059
-Excuse me?
-The last stupid question

228
00:09:18,059 --> 00:09:19,728
you get to ask me.

229
00:09:19,728 --> 00:09:22,314
Now, how ’bout we get to work?

230
00:09:23,481 --> 00:09:30,488
♪

231
00:09:41,541 --> 00:09:42,834
(Chris) Lucas T. Wade:

232
00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:46,755
hacker, anarchist,
survivalist, terrorist nutjob.

233
00:09:46,755 --> 00:09:48,214
(Director Stevens)
He’s planning an attack.

234
00:09:48,214 --> 00:09:50,258
We don’t know where, we don’t know when.

235
00:09:50,258 --> 00:09:53,136
(Chris) But it’s beginning to
look a lot like Christmas.

236
00:09:53,136 --> 00:09:54,596
(sighs)

237
00:09:54,596 --> 00:09:57,682
Okay, so, this Wade guy is the only person

238
00:09:57,682 --> 00:09:59,517
your meat computer can’t find?

239
00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:02,020
(Chris) Well, we put Bob through
every test under the sun,

240
00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:03,980
there’s nothing physically wrong with him.

241
00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:07,067
(Director Stevens) Which brings us to you.

242
00:10:07,067 --> 00:10:09,778
There must be somebody
who’s more qualified for this.

243
00:10:09,778 --> 00:10:10,904
You’d think so, wouldn’t ya?

244
00:10:10,904 --> 00:10:11,988
(Director Stevens) Listen,

245
00:10:11,988 --> 00:10:13,823
we’re saying we need your help

246
00:10:13,823 --> 00:10:17,035
and if you want to leave,
we can’t legally stop you.

247
00:10:17,035 --> 00:10:18,703
Great, then it was nice meeting you.

248
00:10:18,703 --> 00:10:22,832
(Director Stevens) But out of over
2100 Army therapists,

249
00:10:22,832 --> 00:10:24,584
you are the only one

250
00:10:24,584 --> 00:10:28,588
who has voluntarily extended
your tour three times.

251
00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:32,467
Never asked for one day of leave.

252
00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:35,261
Seventeen unread emails,

253
00:10:35,261 --> 00:10:37,597
mostly from your wife.

254
00:10:37,597 --> 00:10:40,892
I guess reading those makes
it harder to stay, huh?

255
00:10:40,892 --> 00:10:42,894
You know, it seems to me

256
00:10:42,894 --> 00:10:45,021
that you are literally incapable

257
00:10:45,021 --> 00:10:47,982
of turning your back on a soldier in pain.

258
00:10:47,982 --> 00:10:50,985
That thing is not a soldier.

259
00:10:50,985 --> 00:10:52,278
(Chris) No, it’s not.

260
00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:54,406
Soldiers get to go on leave.

261
00:10:54,406 --> 00:10:57,367
Bob…he’s on duty 24/7.

262
00:10:57,367 --> 00:10:59,119
(Director Stevens) 24/7, Jane,

263
00:10:59,119 --> 00:11:01,621
and he’s in pain and he needs your help.

264
00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:04,040
And if you can’t give it to him,

265
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,418
well, let me just put it this way:

266
00:11:06,418 --> 00:11:09,671
there are a lot of moms and dads
who won’t be home for Christmas.

267
00:11:09,671 --> 00:11:12,841
♪

268
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,635
Because they’ll be dead.

269
00:11:15,635 --> 00:11:17,178
I got that.

270
00:11:21,933 --> 00:11:25,478
Hey, Mommy really wanted
to be home for Christmas.

271
00:11:25,478 --> 00:11:28,398
(Sam) You promised!

272
00:11:28,398 --> 00:11:31,025
Something really, really important came up

273
00:11:31,025 --> 00:11:32,235
and I want--

274
00:11:36,156 --> 00:11:39,075
I’m sorry.

275
00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:40,994
I wanted to be home

276
00:11:40,994 --> 00:11:42,370
and be there for you guys.

277
00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:43,830
(Beth) No, don’t do that, Jane.

278
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,540
Don’t be there for us.

279
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:46,791
Be here for you.

280
00:11:46,791 --> 00:11:48,960
I can’t.

281
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,713
And I can’t tell you why.

282
00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:53,089
(Sam sobbing)

283
00:11:53,089 --> 00:11:55,091
I should go check on Sam.

284
00:11:55,091 --> 00:11:58,303
I’ll see you… when I see you, I guess.

285
00:11:58,303 --> 00:12:00,180
(Jane) Okay, I love you, I wanna--

286
00:12:02,182 --> 00:12:03,433
(groans)

287
00:12:05,518 --> 00:12:07,270
(Bob) So that was
your family, huh?

288
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:08,771
They seem great.

289
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:10,231
Bob?

290
00:12:10,231 --> 00:12:13,276
Um, why are--

291
00:12:13,276 --> 00:12:15,945
Um…what are you doing here?

292
00:12:15,945 --> 00:12:19,324
(Bob) I just wanted to say sorry
for being so rude earlier.

293
00:12:19,324 --> 00:12:22,243
Oh, um…that’s okay.

294
00:12:22,243 --> 00:12:23,495
Uh, apology accepted.

295
00:12:23,495 --> 00:12:25,580
(Bob) Oh, great, thank you.

296
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,540
So, uh, goodnight.

297
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:29,459
(Bob) Okay, goodnight.

298
00:12:31,753 --> 00:12:33,922
-Oh my God.
-One quick thing though.

299
00:12:33,922 --> 00:12:38,134
I’m still a little iffy about
this whole therapy situation.

300
00:12:38,134 --> 00:12:41,221
Um, well, it’s normal to feel anxious

301
00:12:41,221 --> 00:12:43,097
at the start of therapy

302
00:12:43,097 --> 00:12:45,892
and we can address that
in tomorrow’s session.

303
00:12:45,892 --> 00:12:47,018
(Bob) Okay.

304
00:12:47,018 --> 00:12:49,938
-Okay, goodnight, Bob.
-Goodnight, Ja--

305
00:12:49,938 --> 00:12:51,648
(sighs)

306
00:12:51,648 --> 00:12:52,857
(Bob) See, here’s the thing though.

307
00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:53,983
I don’t wanna do the sessions,

308
00:12:53,983 --> 00:12:55,068
they’re a waste of time.

309
00:12:55,068 --> 00:12:56,361
And how will wasting time with you

310
00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:58,988
solve my anxiety about
wasting time with you?

311
00:12:58,988 --> 00:13:00,365
You seem uncomfortable.

312
00:13:00,365 --> 00:13:02,534
Bob, this is a complete invasion of--

313
00:13:02,534 --> 00:13:03,952
(soft guttural vocalizations)

314
00:13:03,952 --> 00:13:05,495
(Bob) "Songs of the Blue Whale"

315
00:13:05,495 --> 00:13:07,789
from your "Sleepytime" playlist.

316
00:13:07,789 --> 00:13:09,332
Okay.

317
00:13:09,332 --> 00:13:11,125
We need to establish some boundaries.

318
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:12,418
(Bob) Boundaries how?

319
00:13:12,418 --> 00:13:13,753
I know everything about you.

320
00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:17,048
If you need boundaries,
you should probably leave.

321
00:13:17,048 --> 00:13:18,800
(Jane) I am not leaving.

322
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,387
Bob, you need to leave
me alone right now, okay?

323
00:13:22,387 --> 00:13:24,305
Goodnight.

324
00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:26,975
(sighs)

325
00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:29,519
(whirring of small drone)

326
00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:31,688
(Bob) Okay, so, I don’t get you.

327
00:13:31,688 --> 00:13:33,147
I don’t want you here.

328
00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:34,357
You have places you’d rather be

329
00:13:34,357 --> 00:13:35,775
and yet here we are.

330
00:13:35,775 --> 00:13:37,026
Why are we here?

331
00:13:37,026 --> 00:13:38,903
I don’t know, Bob.

332
00:13:38,903 --> 00:13:40,822
You barged into my room

333
00:13:40,822 --> 00:13:43,449
and now you refuse to leave.

334
00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:47,245
Some might call that a cry for help.

335
00:13:47,245 --> 00:13:49,539
So why don’t we talk about
what’s really going on with you?

336
00:13:49,539 --> 00:13:52,000
(Bob) Um, uh, hm.

337
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,419
The thing is…

338
00:13:54,419 --> 00:13:56,170
Oh no, your sprinklers
totally, accidentally,

339
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:58,298
not on purpose just came on!

340
00:13:58,298 --> 00:13:59,465
And the door’s locked too.

341
00:13:59,465 --> 00:14:01,050
Shucks, what a nightmare.

342
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:03,052
Well, see you in the morning, Jane.

343
00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:04,637
Bye-bye!

344
00:14:04,637 --> 00:14:05,847
♪

345
00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:06,973
(exclaims)

346
00:14:06,973 --> 00:14:10,935
♪

347
00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:17,650
(Director Stevens) Bob, do you have eyes
on Captain Lee?

348
00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:18,985
She’s late.

349
00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:20,737
(Bob) Late on her first session.

350
00:14:20,737 --> 00:14:22,822
Perhaps Jane’s not as
professional as you thought.

351
00:14:22,822 --> 00:14:25,825
Shame; Guess you’ll have to get somebody--

352
00:14:25,825 --> 00:14:27,201
-Good morning.
-Jane.

353
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:28,411
(Jane) I’m sorry I’m late.

354
00:14:28,411 --> 00:14:29,912
I was trying to sneak
a cigarette in my room

355
00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:31,080
and the sprinklers went off.

356
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,000
I had to dry my clothes in the bathroom.

357
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,793
-Really?
-Really?

358
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:37,378
Really.

359
00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:39,839
I guess we better get started then.

360
00:14:42,675 --> 00:14:46,763
(Director Stevens) Okay, people, let’s go.

361
00:14:46,763 --> 00:14:48,139
You know, this is your fault.

362
00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:49,807
-You spoil him!
-I don’t--

363
00:14:49,807 --> 00:14:51,392
(Director Stevens) Oh, come on!

364
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,107
♪

365
00:14:58,107 --> 00:15:00,943
(Bob) Okay, now I really
don’t get you.

366
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:03,946
(Jane) I think we got off on
the wrong foot last night.

367
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,323
(Bob) I’m sorry about
your clothes

368
00:15:05,323 --> 00:15:07,909
and your electronics,
it wasn’t my finest moment.

369
00:15:07,909 --> 00:15:09,744
♪

370
00:15:09,744 --> 00:15:11,996
-What’s goin’ on, Bob?
-Clearly you were right,

371
00:15:11,996 --> 00:15:14,624
I--I need help.

372
00:15:14,624 --> 00:15:16,334
I hate playing this card
because it’s so obnoxious

373
00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:17,627
but…

374
00:15:17,627 --> 00:15:20,213
I am to you as you are to an earthworm.

375
00:15:20,213 --> 00:15:21,798
I do need help

376
00:15:21,798 --> 00:15:23,925
but I don’t know if an
earthworm can give it to me.

377
00:15:23,925 --> 00:15:25,677
♪

378
00:15:25,677 --> 00:15:27,804
I don’t know either.

379
00:15:27,804 --> 00:15:29,806
But I’d rather say that we failed

380
00:15:29,806 --> 00:15:32,225
than say that we didn’t even try.

381
00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:33,434
Wouldn’t you?

382
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:36,938
♪

383
00:15:36,938 --> 00:15:38,481
Give me two hours.

384
00:15:38,481 --> 00:15:40,191
You answer some of my silly questions,

385
00:15:40,191 --> 00:15:41,693
I file my report with Stevens,

386
00:15:41,693 --> 00:15:44,654
and after that, if you
don’t wanna see me anymore

387
00:15:44,654 --> 00:15:48,574
then you will never see
this little earthworm again.

388
00:15:48,574 --> 00:15:50,410
♪

389
00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:53,788
You have an hour and ten minutes.

390
00:15:53,788 --> 00:15:54,956
Actually, I think our session is--

391
00:15:54,956 --> 00:15:57,458
(Bob) You are 50 minutes late, Jane.

392
00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:59,752
(timer beeping)

393
00:15:59,752 --> 00:16:01,087
Let’s get started.

394
00:16:01,087 --> 00:16:04,173
♪

395
00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:07,593
So, describe the problem
in your own words.

396
00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:09,846
(Bob) Hmm…

397
00:16:09,846 --> 00:16:11,597
what do you know about bats, Jane?

398
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:13,349
-Bats?
-I’m trying to describe

399
00:16:13,349 --> 00:16:15,184
Bob Vision, it’s like…

400
00:16:15,184 --> 00:16:16,519
echolocation.

401
00:16:16,519 --> 00:16:17,854
I sense your data bouncing around:

402
00:16:17,854 --> 00:16:19,188
what you buy, what you watch,

403
00:16:19,188 --> 00:16:20,648
who you call

404
00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:23,901
and I put it all together
and I…I know who you are.

405
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:25,236
-Like a bat.
-Like a giant

406
00:16:25,236 --> 00:16:26,446
super-intelligent bat

407
00:16:26,446 --> 00:16:27,947
whose vision is comprised of the multitude

408
00:16:27,947 --> 00:16:29,490
of humanity’s external expressions

409
00:16:29,490 --> 00:16:31,200
through its interactions with
the ubiquitous data network

410
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,578
we call the internet
and which, in this analogy,

411
00:16:33,578 --> 00:16:35,913
would be a cave.

412
00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:38,541
Does that help you understand?

413
00:16:38,541 --> 00:16:40,042
Let’s try a different approach.

414
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,335
♪

415
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:42,587
(Bob) Branch.

416
00:16:42,587 --> 00:16:44,505
-Ocean.
-Water.

417
00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,340
-Car.
-Driver.

418
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,009
-Dog.
-Leash.

419
00:16:48,009 --> 00:16:49,677
-Cat.
-Scratch.

420
00:16:49,677 --> 00:16:52,388
-Job.
-Great.

421
00:16:52,388 --> 00:16:55,558
-Lucas T. Wade.
-He’s in Ohio.

422
00:16:55,558 --> 00:16:57,810
Just kidding, I got nothing.

423
00:16:57,810 --> 00:16:59,896
More words, please.

424
00:16:59,896 --> 00:17:01,773
(Jane) Have you never been
able to see Wade

425
00:17:01,773 --> 00:17:05,026
or did you only lose him after a time?

426
00:17:05,026 --> 00:17:06,235
Walk me through it.

427
00:17:06,235 --> 00:17:07,904
(Bob) Wade’s always
been slippery

428
00:17:07,904 --> 00:17:10,114
but I was so close to
knowing where he would be,

429
00:17:10,114 --> 00:17:11,365
you know, where he would hide,

430
00:17:11,365 --> 00:17:12,700
when he would strike.

431
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,744
Last month he disappeared
in a subway in New York

432
00:17:14,744 --> 00:17:15,787
and I don’t--

433
00:17:15,787 --> 00:17:17,038
well, I haven’t seen him since.

434
00:17:17,038 --> 00:17:18,539
(Jane) What was he doing there?

435
00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,041
(Bob) Well, he’d just been shopping.

436
00:17:20,041 --> 00:17:23,044
He got a new coat, ate a donut, and then…

437
00:17:23,044 --> 00:17:25,588
while he was riding the subway, I j--

438
00:17:25,588 --> 00:17:26,798
I just lost him.

439
00:17:26,798 --> 00:17:29,217
(alert beeping)

440
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:33,262
How did that make you feel?

441
00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:34,472
Angry.

442
00:17:34,472 --> 00:17:36,682
Sounds a little like you’re guessing.

443
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:38,100
Sad, that’s the one.

444
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:38,976
Is it?

445
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:40,061
I’m not sensing any s--

446
00:17:40,061 --> 00:17:42,063
Yup, I’m sad, definitely sad.

447
00:17:42,063 --> 00:17:43,189
Feeling good about sad.

448
00:17:43,189 --> 00:17:46,776
(Jane) Okay, well, sad how?

449
00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:48,027
Does it make you wanna cry

450
00:17:48,027 --> 00:17:50,154
or--actually, can you cry?

451
00:17:50,154 --> 00:17:52,740
Here’s an idea, let’s move on.

452
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:54,075
Okay.

453
00:17:54,075 --> 00:17:56,452
Um…let me see.

454
00:17:56,452 --> 00:17:58,621
How ’bout this, a magic genie

455
00:17:58,621 --> 00:18:01,207
will grant you one wish.

456
00:18:01,207 --> 00:18:03,251
What do you wish for?

457
00:18:03,251 --> 00:18:05,711
Wow, I can’t believe
I can’t think of anything.

458
00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:07,088
That’s okay, take your time.

459
00:18:07,088 --> 00:18:08,631
I got it!

460
00:18:08,631 --> 00:18:12,134
Herb Hillman, 72, 10,322 unread emails.

461
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:14,428
His wife, Gladys, wants
an iPad for Christmas.

462
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:18,224
Instead, he’s building her…this.

463
00:18:18,224 --> 00:18:21,018
-What is it?
-I have no idea!

464
00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:23,729
Is it, like, a birdfeeder or a shoe rack?

465
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:24,689
I know what our next president

466
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:26,023
will have for lunch next Thursday

467
00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:28,442
but…this thing has me stumped.

468
00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:29,944
That’s interesting.

469
00:18:29,944 --> 00:18:33,364
So, if you could have
one wish it would be…

470
00:18:33,364 --> 00:18:35,491
(Bob) I mean, I’d call Herb and ask
him what the hell’s going on!

471
00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:37,577
I mean, what is that thing?

472
00:18:37,577 --> 00:18:39,328
Oh shit, hang on.

473
00:18:39,328 --> 00:18:40,705
Hey, Director, Codename: Payday

474
00:18:40,705 --> 00:18:42,123
just popped up on a SAT phone in Baanam.

475
00:18:42,123 --> 00:18:43,082
(Director Stevens) Good catch, Bob.

476
00:18:43,082 --> 00:18:44,584
-Alert the D.O.D.
-Copy that.

477
00:18:44,584 --> 00:18:46,919
-Hey, Bob, what is this?
-Engaging target.

478
00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:51,048
♪

479
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:52,383
Target neutralized.

480
00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:53,593
♪

481
00:18:53,593 --> 00:18:54,677
(Bob) Codename: Payday,

482
00:18:54,677 --> 00:18:56,262
confirmed killed.

483
00:18:56,262 --> 00:18:58,723
Three additional noncombatants killed.

484
00:18:58,723 --> 00:19:01,976
Oh, sorry, Jane, uh,
what were we talking about?

485
00:19:04,854 --> 00:19:07,565
-Fly.
-Swatter.

486
00:19:07,565 --> 00:19:09,901
-Kiss.
-Lover.

487
00:19:09,901 --> 00:19:11,986
-Job.
-We did job.

488
00:19:11,986 --> 00:19:14,071
-We’re doing it again.
-Why?

489
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:16,866
-Job.
-Why?

490
00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:18,951
(Jane) Do you know what
a conversion disorder is?

491
00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:20,328
(Bob) Of course.

492
00:19:20,328 --> 00:19:22,705
I once treated this EOD tech,

493
00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:24,749
he couldn’t move his left hand.

494
00:19:24,749 --> 00:19:27,460
There was nothing
physically wrong with him,

495
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:29,545
but then once he opened
up at sessions, it was--

496
00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:31,213
(Bob) Sergeant Eric Mann.

497
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:32,757
Fascinating.

498
00:19:32,757 --> 00:19:35,843
So, I’m suffering the same condition.

499
00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:38,471
-It’s all in my mind.
-Well, I mean,

500
00:19:38,471 --> 00:19:40,973
you might not see the way I see,

501
00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:43,684
but sudden blindness can be brought on

502
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:45,811
by acute stress and anxiety.

503
00:19:45,811 --> 00:19:47,688
Hence, "job."

504
00:19:47,688 --> 00:19:49,774
-Job.
-I love my job.

505
00:19:49,774 --> 00:19:52,318
I keep people safe,
it’s what I was born to do.

506
00:19:52,318 --> 00:19:53,861
It must be a lot of pressure.

507
00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:54,820
(Bob) Well, it would be
for most people

508
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,906
but I’m not most people.

509
00:19:56,906 --> 00:20:00,076
You’re still a person, Bob.

510
00:20:00,076 --> 00:20:02,912
We must be running short on time, Doctor.

511
00:20:02,912 --> 00:20:04,789
What was it like to kill that man?

512
00:20:04,789 --> 00:20:06,791
-Codename: Payday?
-I didn’t kill him.

513
00:20:06,791 --> 00:20:08,125
I provided intelligence.

514
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,962
(Jane) Your intelligence
led to his death.

515
00:20:10,962 --> 00:20:12,755
And three others.

516
00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:14,340
Possibly innocent civilians.

517
00:20:14,340 --> 00:20:15,591
(Bob) People die every day,

518
00:20:15,591 --> 00:20:17,259
people died while I
was saying that sentence.

519
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,136
Gene Cosgrove, lung cancer.

520
00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:21,347
-Does that bother you?
-That doesn’t bother me, Jane.

521
00:20:21,347 --> 00:20:23,265
-Then what does?
-You do!

522
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:25,184
(circuits shorting)

523
00:20:25,184 --> 00:20:26,394
♪

524
00:20:26,394 --> 00:20:27,812
Sorry, I’m sorry, that--

525
00:20:27,812 --> 00:20:29,063
♪

526
00:20:29,063 --> 00:20:31,399
It’s okay to feel angry.

527
00:20:31,399 --> 00:20:33,943
You know, I wonder what Beth
and Sam are up to right now.

528
00:20:33,943 --> 00:20:35,695
-Okay, Bob, you’re deflect--
-Yeah, I wonder

529
00:20:35,695 --> 00:20:36,988
how your favorite girls are doing

530
00:20:36,988 --> 00:20:39,240
without their big
Jane-shaped safety blanket?

531
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,449
Bob!

532
00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:42,243
Boundaries.

533
00:20:42,243 --> 00:20:43,619
(Beth) Thank you.

534
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:46,622
Hm!

535
00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:47,748
(Bob) Go on.

536
00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:48,833
♪

537
00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:50,668
See for yourself.

538
00:20:50,668 --> 00:20:52,628
(Beth) Good job!

539
00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,171
All right!

540
00:20:54,171 --> 00:20:56,048
♪

541
00:20:56,048 --> 00:20:57,800
(Bob) Surprise!

542
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,344
Turns out they’re doing just fine.

543
00:21:00,344 --> 00:21:01,470
Look at ’em.

544
00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:04,223
-Perfect!
-Don’t they look happy

545
00:21:04,223 --> 00:21:06,767
decorating that Christmas tree?

546
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:08,477
Living their life without you?

547
00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:09,979
♪

548
00:21:09,979 --> 00:21:12,523
You know how I really get to know people?

549
00:21:12,523 --> 00:21:14,984
It’s not through what they say;

550
00:21:14,984 --> 00:21:17,611
it’s through what they don’t.

551
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:20,197
And when it comes to your family,

552
00:21:20,197 --> 00:21:23,117
your silence is deafening.

553
00:21:23,117 --> 00:21:26,912
They don’t need you,
but you need to feel needed.

554
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:29,498
It’s why you took a job
halfway across the world.

555
00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:30,958
It’s why you just can’t say no

556
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:32,501
when some shell-shocked army grunt

557
00:21:32,501 --> 00:21:34,295
needs a shoulder to cry on.

558
00:21:34,295 --> 00:21:37,173
It’s why you’re here.

559
00:21:37,173 --> 00:21:40,342
No wonder you need whale
noises to fall asleep.

560
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,386
I pity you, Jane.

561
00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:44,930
I really do.

562
00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:47,850
You got me, Bob.

563
00:21:47,850 --> 00:21:49,060
Well done.

564
00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:50,978
I’m afraid our time is up.

565
00:21:50,978 --> 00:21:54,690
♪

566
00:21:54,690 --> 00:21:57,068
I would like you to leave now.

567
00:21:57,068 --> 00:21:59,153
You said that you pity me, Bob.

568
00:21:59,153 --> 00:22:00,571
So what?

569
00:22:00,571 --> 00:22:03,074
Pity comes from empathy,

570
00:22:03,074 --> 00:22:05,367
from compassion.

571
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:07,703
You’re not a gigantic brain…

572
00:22:07,703 --> 00:22:10,247
you’re a gigantic heart.

573
00:22:10,247 --> 00:22:12,917
You love people.

574
00:22:12,917 --> 00:22:14,960
You love Herb Hillman.

575
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,879
You probably loved Codename: Payday.

576
00:22:16,879 --> 00:22:20,382
-Jane, get out.
-There are seven billion people

577
00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:21,884
on this planet,

578
00:22:21,884 --> 00:22:24,512
and you know all of our secrets.

579
00:22:24,512 --> 00:22:26,806
What’s it like to pity everyone?

580
00:22:26,806 --> 00:22:33,104
♪

581
00:22:33,104 --> 00:22:35,648
Your silence is deafening.

582
00:22:35,648 --> 00:22:42,029
♪

583
00:22:42,029 --> 00:22:45,491
It’s okay.

584
00:22:45,491 --> 00:22:47,368
You can tell me.

585
00:22:47,368 --> 00:22:51,705
No, but I can show you.

586
00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:53,541
This is the moment Lucas T. Wade

587
00:22:53,541 --> 00:22:55,876
finally ate his donut.

588
00:22:55,876 --> 00:22:58,212
Here’s what else I saw.

589
00:22:58,212 --> 00:22:59,505
Meet Eddie Wilson.

590
00:22:59,505 --> 00:23:02,299
First Christmas without
his beloved wife Carol.

591
00:23:02,299 --> 00:23:04,718
His kids are on a cruise right now.

592
00:23:04,718 --> 00:23:07,930
George Preston’s having
a beer with his fast food.

593
00:23:07,930 --> 00:23:11,684
Nine years sobriety washed
away with a burger and fries.

594
00:23:11,684 --> 00:23:14,603
Sally Benson, the woman
with the baby clothes,

595
00:23:14,603 --> 00:23:15,938
she’s infertile.

596
00:23:15,938 --> 00:23:17,857
I’ll let you do the math.

597
00:23:17,857 --> 00:23:19,733
And here’s Amanda Jackson.

598
00:23:19,733 --> 00:23:22,528
She just asked for a picture with Santa,

599
00:23:22,528 --> 00:23:24,530
and here’s what her sister said:

600
00:23:24,530 --> 00:23:26,407
(sister) Stop, it’s not Santa,

601
00:23:26,407 --> 00:23:27,867
Santa’s not even real.

602
00:23:27,867 --> 00:23:29,660
God, just sit there and be quiet.

603
00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:31,954
Dad’s not coming this
year anyway, so just…

604
00:23:31,954 --> 00:23:35,249
(Bob) Amanda knows the world’s
darkest secret now:

605
00:23:35,249 --> 00:23:36,917
There is no Santa.

606
00:23:36,917 --> 00:23:39,837
Someone that wonderful can only be a lie.

607
00:23:39,837 --> 00:23:41,505
Merry Christmas, Amanda.

608
00:23:41,505 --> 00:23:43,591
You get the agony of the truth.

609
00:23:43,591 --> 00:23:45,843
And that’s just one subway car

610
00:23:45,843 --> 00:23:49,138
of one subway of one city.

611
00:23:49,138 --> 00:23:52,141
Exabytes of misery
flowing through the world

612
00:23:52,141 --> 00:23:55,477
every single second.

613
00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:57,897
That’s what I see.

614
00:23:57,897 --> 00:24:00,316
That’s Bob Vision.

615
00:24:00,316 --> 00:24:04,528
You want to know if I can cry, Jane?

616
00:24:04,528 --> 00:24:06,864
I’ve been crying since they turned me on.

617
00:24:08,949 --> 00:24:10,534
And then there’s Wade,

618
00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:12,286
eating his donut,

619
00:24:12,286 --> 00:24:14,038
getting off at his stop.

620
00:24:14,038 --> 00:24:16,832
Hey, he’s leaving the subway,
I-I can see him again.

621
00:24:16,832 --> 00:24:18,459
Just relax and focus.

622
00:24:18,459 --> 00:24:20,085
(Bob) Shh, it’s two weeks ago,

623
00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:22,171
he’s leaving the subway,
he’s paying for parking.

624
00:24:22,171 --> 00:24:24,840
I lost him--wait, wait, wait,
last week, he’s buying--

625
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,217
what is he buying?

626
00:24:26,217 --> 00:24:28,177
No, wait, he’s back,
he’s back, three days ago,

627
00:24:28,177 --> 00:24:30,179
back on the subway, where’s he going?

628
00:24:30,179 --> 00:24:31,639
Oh, my God.

629
00:24:31,639 --> 00:24:32,765
I know the target!

630
00:24:32,765 --> 00:24:34,892
I know, I--no!

631
00:24:34,892 --> 00:24:36,602
No, no, no, no, no, no!

632
00:24:36,602 --> 00:24:38,687
(electricity zapping)

633
00:24:38,687 --> 00:24:40,606
Calm down, just calm down, okay?

634
00:24:40,606 --> 00:24:42,858
-Just stay calm.
-Where is he, Bob?

635
00:24:42,858 --> 00:24:46,862
Tell us right now, where is Lucas T. Wade?

636
00:24:46,862 --> 00:24:48,072
We’re too late.

637
00:24:48,072 --> 00:24:50,991
(subway car rattling)

638
00:25:07,675 --> 00:25:09,593
Anybody leave this?

639
00:25:09,593 --> 00:25:11,387
Anybody leave this?

640
00:25:11,387 --> 00:25:12,763
(explosion)

641
00:25:12,763 --> 00:25:15,933
(people screaming)

642
00:25:15,933 --> 00:25:18,269
(popping)

643
00:25:18,269 --> 00:25:21,313
(siren wailing)

644
00:25:21,313 --> 00:25:23,649
(beeping)

645
00:25:23,649 --> 00:25:26,068
(Bob) Sixth Avenue, he just stepped
into an alley, I can’t--

646
00:25:26,068 --> 00:25:28,028
Oh, he’s--Andrew Brown, school teacher.

647
00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:29,280
Amy Lopez, mother of three.

648
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,365
-He’s overheating!
-We’re moving as fast as we can.

649
00:25:31,365 --> 00:25:33,492
(Bob) Mary Chang, she’s
trapped in the rubble,

650
00:25:33,492 --> 00:25:35,202
she’s--she’s screaming,
they can’t reach her.

651
00:25:35,202 --> 00:25:36,370
(Director Stevens) Where is he, Bob?

652
00:25:36,370 --> 00:25:37,579
We need an answer now!

653
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:38,831
(Bob) There’s Wade, he’s in the alley.

654
00:25:38,831 --> 00:25:39,915
No, no, he’s--

655
00:25:39,915 --> 00:25:42,001
(static zapping, beeping)

656
00:25:42,001 --> 00:25:44,295
(dramatic music)

657
00:25:44,295 --> 00:25:45,546
♪

658
00:25:45,546 --> 00:25:46,839
I lost him.

659
00:25:46,839 --> 00:25:48,549
♪

660
00:25:48,549 --> 00:25:50,009
I’m sorry.

661
00:25:50,009 --> 00:25:56,223
♪

662
00:25:56,223 --> 00:25:57,474
(slamming)

663
00:26:00,894 --> 00:26:03,480
(plastic rustling)

664
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,649
(Jane sighing)

665
00:26:13,991 --> 00:26:15,159
(slamming)

666
00:26:17,286 --> 00:26:18,996
(telephone ringing)

667
00:26:18,996 --> 00:26:20,497
(Jane) He’s making progress.

668
00:26:20,497 --> 00:26:22,833
We missed this one, but we
can find him, we just need--

669
00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:25,169
(Director Stevens) Thank you for your
service, Captain.

670
00:26:25,169 --> 00:26:26,920
You’re dismissed.

671
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,756
(Jane) What?

672
00:26:28,756 --> 00:26:31,133
(Director Stevens) Great job, you did
your country proud.

673
00:26:31,133 --> 00:26:34,011
-It’s time to go home.
-But what about Bob?

674
00:26:34,011 --> 00:26:36,764
(Director Stevens)
It’s no longer your concern.

675
00:26:36,764 --> 00:26:38,390
Excuse me.

676
00:26:41,685 --> 00:26:43,228
(Jane) Hey, that’s my patient in there.

677
00:26:43,228 --> 00:26:45,522
You can’t terminate treatment
without his consent, so tell me

678
00:26:45,522 --> 00:26:48,984
-what the hell is going on!
-Keep your voice down!

679
00:26:48,984 --> 00:26:52,279
I just got off the phone
with the joint chiefs.

680
00:26:52,279 --> 00:26:54,615
Bob is being relieved of duty.

681
00:26:54,615 --> 00:26:56,617
What does that mean?

682
00:26:56,617 --> 00:26:58,911
It means he’s being deactivated.

683
00:26:58,911 --> 00:27:01,121
Deactivated?

684
00:27:01,121 --> 00:27:02,206
That’s murder.

685
00:27:02,206 --> 00:27:04,958
No, it’s not murder, Jane.

686
00:27:04,958 --> 00:27:07,002
It’s unplugging a computer.

687
00:27:07,002 --> 00:27:10,005
Chris is taking him offline as we speak.

688
00:27:10,005 --> 00:27:12,508
Then what, you just--
you just grow another one?

689
00:27:12,508 --> 00:27:14,510
Yes, and when that one breaks,

690
00:27:14,510 --> 00:27:17,262
we’ll grow a third one,
and then a fourth one,

691
00:27:17,262 --> 00:27:20,057
and so on and so forth.

692
00:27:20,057 --> 00:27:22,142
We have a car coming for you at 2300.

693
00:27:22,142 --> 00:27:23,602
I mean, there must be something--

694
00:27:23,602 --> 00:27:27,398
It’s Christmas Eve, Jane.

695
00:27:27,398 --> 00:27:29,233
Go home.

696
00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:35,030
(melancholy Christmas music)

697
00:27:35,030 --> 00:27:42,037
♪

698
00:27:55,592 --> 00:27:57,928
(powering down)

699
00:27:57,928 --> 00:28:04,935
♪

700
00:28:29,209 --> 00:28:30,711
It wants to talk to you.

701
00:28:30,711 --> 00:28:34,673
♪

702
00:28:34,673 --> 00:28:36,008
Okay.

703
00:28:36,008 --> 00:28:43,015
♪

704
00:28:43,432 --> 00:28:46,059
(footsteps approaching)

705
00:28:46,059 --> 00:28:48,562
Hello?

706
00:28:48,562 --> 00:28:50,189
Is someone there?

707
00:28:50,189 --> 00:28:51,732
(Jane) It’s me, Bob.

708
00:28:51,732 --> 00:28:53,233
(Bob) Jane.

709
00:28:53,233 --> 00:28:55,152
You sound so far away.

710
00:28:55,152 --> 00:28:57,404
I’m here.

711
00:28:57,404 --> 00:28:59,698
I’m in the room with you.

712
00:28:59,698 --> 00:29:01,700
(Bob) Well, I-I don’t
hear anyone else.

713
00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:04,745
It’s just…you and me, talking.

714
00:29:04,745 --> 00:29:07,873
Is--is this what it’s
like for most…people,

715
00:29:07,873 --> 00:29:10,542
in conversation, I mean?

716
00:29:10,542 --> 00:29:13,962
Well, I guess most people are
usually checking their phones.

717
00:29:13,962 --> 00:29:14,963
(Bob chuckles)

718
00:29:17,549 --> 00:29:19,801
Chris said that you wanted to see me.

719
00:29:19,801 --> 00:29:22,095
(Bob) So, I was just sitting here,

720
00:29:22,095 --> 00:29:23,430
dying and all,

721
00:29:23,430 --> 00:29:25,015
and I thought it would be extra sad

722
00:29:25,015 --> 00:29:26,934
if I died without having any friends,

723
00:29:26,934 --> 00:29:30,062
and then…I thought you might be my friend,

724
00:29:30,062 --> 00:29:33,273
but…I wanted to ask you first.

725
00:29:33,273 --> 00:29:36,068
Are we friends?

726
00:29:36,068 --> 00:29:37,611
I mean, no pressure or anything.

727
00:29:37,611 --> 00:29:38,946
It’s important that you’re honest.

728
00:29:42,241 --> 00:29:45,160
Yes.

729
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,995
We are friends, Bob.

730
00:29:46,995 --> 00:29:48,163
Good.

731
00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:49,373
I think so, too.

732
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,001
(sniffling)

733
00:29:53,001 --> 00:29:55,087
Jane, are you crying?

734
00:29:55,087 --> 00:29:56,713
No.

735
00:29:56,713 --> 00:29:58,090
(Bob) Jane.

736
00:30:02,344 --> 00:30:06,974
You were right, you know.

737
00:30:06,974 --> 00:30:09,142
I need to feel needed.

738
00:30:11,937 --> 00:30:16,024
I don’t really do this
job for other people.

739
00:30:16,024 --> 00:30:18,735
I do it because…

740
00:30:18,735 --> 00:30:21,029
I just hate feeling useless.

741
00:30:23,448 --> 00:30:26,451
And now people are dying,

742
00:30:26,451 --> 00:30:29,454
and you’re dying, and, um…

743
00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:36,670
I wasn’t useful to any of you.

744
00:30:36,670 --> 00:30:39,131
Oh, Jane.

745
00:30:39,131 --> 00:30:41,466
I want to hug you, but…

746
00:30:41,466 --> 00:30:44,553
I don’t have arms, so, um…

747
00:30:44,553 --> 00:30:46,680
come here, okay?

748
00:30:52,894 --> 00:30:55,230
(somber music)

749
00:30:55,230 --> 00:30:58,275
You can’t help everybody.

750
00:30:58,275 --> 00:31:01,111
It doesn’t mean you’re useless.

751
00:31:01,111 --> 00:31:04,823
It means you’re human.

752
00:31:04,823 --> 00:31:05,824
(sniffling)

753
00:31:05,824 --> 00:31:07,951
Geez, you cry more than I do.

754
00:31:07,951 --> 00:31:09,369
(chuckling)

755
00:31:09,369 --> 00:31:11,913
♪

756
00:31:11,913 --> 00:31:14,458
You’d make a pretty good
therapist, you know.

757
00:31:14,458 --> 00:31:16,084
(Bob) Thanks.

758
00:31:16,084 --> 00:31:17,294
I…

759
00:31:17,294 --> 00:31:19,004
(shivering)

760
00:31:19,004 --> 00:31:20,380
Bob?

761
00:31:20,380 --> 00:31:23,717
Ah, it’s c--it’s cold.

762
00:31:23,717 --> 00:31:25,135
Yeah, I know.

763
00:31:25,135 --> 00:31:28,889
♪

764
00:31:28,889 --> 00:31:30,557
(Bob) Talk to me, okay?

765
00:31:30,557 --> 00:31:33,143
I want to keep talking,

766
00:31:33,143 --> 00:31:34,853
for as long as I can.

767
00:31:34,853 --> 00:31:37,022
♪

768
00:31:37,022 --> 00:31:38,732
(sighs)

769
00:31:38,732 --> 00:31:42,361
(Jane) Okay, um…

770
00:31:42,361 --> 00:31:46,948
A magic genie will grant you one wish.

771
00:31:46,948 --> 00:31:48,909
What do you wish for?

772
00:31:48,909 --> 00:31:51,995
Promise not to laugh?

773
00:31:51,995 --> 00:31:54,873
Of course.

774
00:31:54,873 --> 00:31:56,416
I-I wish…

775
00:31:56,416 --> 00:31:57,709
♪

776
00:31:57,709 --> 00:32:00,545
(sniffling)
I wish there was a Santa Claus.

777
00:32:00,545 --> 00:32:07,552
♪

778
00:32:10,847 --> 00:32:12,683
I-I’m gonna be right back.

779
00:32:12,683 --> 00:32:14,935
(Bob) Hey, wait, where are you going?

780
00:32:14,935 --> 00:32:16,103
Jane?

781
00:32:18,689 --> 00:32:21,191
(cheery Christmas music)

782
00:32:21,191 --> 00:32:24,611
♪

783
00:32:24,611 --> 00:32:26,488
(elevator dings)

784
00:32:26,488 --> 00:32:32,869
♪

785
00:32:32,869 --> 00:32:34,287
(Jane) We’re plugging him back in!

786
00:32:34,287 --> 00:32:35,956
-What?
-Shut up and help me already!

787
00:32:35,956 --> 00:32:37,082
(Chris) No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

788
00:32:37,082 --> 00:32:38,291
This is a bad idea.

789
00:32:38,291 --> 00:32:39,543
(Jane) I know it sounds crazy--

790
00:32:39,543 --> 00:32:41,336
(Chris) Yeah, because it is crazy!

791
00:32:41,336 --> 00:32:43,380
I see that you’re pissed, so am I,

792
00:32:43,380 --> 00:32:45,215
okay, but we can’t save him, he’s gone.

793
00:32:45,215 --> 00:32:47,217
-No, he’s not gone yet.
-It doesn’t matter.

794
00:32:47,217 --> 00:32:49,219
It does matter, Chris!

795
00:32:49,219 --> 00:32:51,722
Look, I spend my entire life

796
00:32:51,722 --> 00:32:55,100
taking care of soldiers
who might die at any moment.

797
00:32:55,100 --> 00:32:56,518
Just ’cause I can’t save them

798
00:32:56,518 --> 00:32:59,187
doesn’t mean that I don’t do
everything within my power

799
00:32:59,187 --> 00:33:00,689
to help them.

800
00:33:00,689 --> 00:33:02,816
(mellow music)

801
00:33:02,816 --> 00:33:04,735
♪

802
00:33:04,735 --> 00:33:06,862
Bob is your soldier.

803
00:33:06,862 --> 00:33:08,697
You made him,

804
00:33:08,697 --> 00:33:10,407
trained him,

805
00:33:10,407 --> 00:33:12,617
and you brought me in to help him.

806
00:33:12,617 --> 00:33:14,286
That’s what I’m gonna do.

807
00:33:14,286 --> 00:33:17,330
So, are you gonna do this with me or not?

808
00:33:17,330 --> 00:33:18,415
(sighs)

809
00:33:18,415 --> 00:33:20,834
♪

810
00:33:20,834 --> 00:33:22,961
All right, you guilted me into it.

811
00:33:22,961 --> 00:33:24,171
What’s the plan?

812
00:33:24,171 --> 00:33:25,922
We’re gonna make Santa Claus real.

813
00:33:25,922 --> 00:33:27,924
(elevator dings)

814
00:33:27,924 --> 00:33:30,218
I’m definitely going to jail for this.

815
00:33:30,218 --> 00:33:31,553
(tense music)

816
00:33:31,553 --> 00:33:32,763
(Bob) You--you’re back,

817
00:33:32,763 --> 00:33:34,014
and you brought more footsteps.

818
00:33:34,014 --> 00:33:35,015
Who’s making them?

819
00:33:35,015 --> 00:33:36,808
-It’s me.
-Chris!

820
00:33:36,808 --> 00:33:38,059
What are you doing here?

821
00:33:38,059 --> 00:33:39,436
(Chris) Ruining my career.

822
00:33:39,436 --> 00:33:41,229
(alarm blaring)

823
00:33:41,229 --> 00:33:43,690
-What the hell is that?
-Exactly what you think it is.

824
00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:45,358
I was really counting on my bonus.

825
00:33:45,358 --> 00:33:46,818
Get over to that switch by the wall.

826
00:33:46,818 --> 00:33:48,028
(Bob) Jane, don’t do this.

827
00:33:48,028 --> 00:33:49,696
-It’s treason.
-It’s Christmas,

828
00:33:49,696 --> 00:33:51,656
and you’re gonna see it one last time.

829
00:33:51,656 --> 00:33:54,534
(Bob) But this won’t save me,
they’ll just unplug me again.

830
00:33:54,534 --> 00:33:56,995
So what’s the point?

831
00:33:56,995 --> 00:34:01,082
Peace on Earth and good will towards men.

832
00:34:01,082 --> 00:34:03,668
(powering up)

833
00:34:03,668 --> 00:34:05,253
(clicking)

834
00:34:05,253 --> 00:34:06,880
♪

835
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,715
(static flickering)

836
00:34:08,715 --> 00:34:10,425
♪

837
00:34:10,425 --> 00:34:12,344
(Herb) But that’s what you are to me,

838
00:34:12,344 --> 00:34:14,262
the pillar in my life.

839
00:34:14,262 --> 00:34:15,972
(laughing)

840
00:34:15,972 --> 00:34:17,390
(Bob) She loved it.

841
00:34:17,390 --> 00:34:19,184
Of course she did.

842
00:34:19,184 --> 00:34:21,603
Which is nice to see,
but you’re still going to jail

843
00:34:21,603 --> 00:34:24,481
and I’m still gonna die,
so, why--why did we do this?

844
00:34:24,481 --> 00:34:25,857
(Jane) Come on, Bob.

845
00:34:25,857 --> 00:34:27,901
You’re a smart guy.

846
00:34:27,901 --> 00:34:30,362
I’m no longer an employee of the NSA.

847
00:34:30,362 --> 00:34:32,364
That means no more mission statement,

848
00:34:32,364 --> 00:34:33,698
no more regulations.

849
00:34:33,698 --> 00:34:35,450
There’s nothing holding me back.

850
00:34:35,450 --> 00:34:37,702
What--what does that mean?

851
00:34:40,121 --> 00:34:41,706
He got his wish.

852
00:34:44,876 --> 00:34:47,879
(female singer) ♪ O holy night ♪

853
00:34:47,879 --> 00:34:52,175
♪ The stars are brightly shining ♪

854
00:34:52,175 --> 00:34:57,889
♪ This is the night of
our dear Savior’s birth ♪

855
00:34:57,889 --> 00:35:00,183
(gentle piano music)

856
00:35:00,183 --> 00:35:07,190
♪ Long lay the world
in sin and error pining ♪

857
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:13,196
♪ Till He appeared and
the soul felt its worth ♪

858
00:35:13,196 --> 00:35:15,115
♪

859
00:35:15,115 --> 00:35:18,368
♪ A thrill of hope ♪

860
00:35:18,368 --> 00:35:21,872
♪ The weary world rejoices ♪

861
00:35:21,872 --> 00:35:28,837
♪ For yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn ♪

862
00:35:28,837 --> 00:35:35,218
♪ Fall on your knees ♪

863
00:35:35,218 --> 00:35:42,100
♪ O hear the angels’ voices ♪

864
00:35:42,100 --> 00:35:48,231
♪ O night divine ♪

865
00:35:48,231 --> 00:35:55,238
♪ O night when Christ was born ♪

866
00:35:55,739 --> 00:36:02,746
♪ Truly He taught us to love one another ♪

867
00:36:03,246 --> 00:36:07,500
♪ His law is love and
His gospel is peace ♪

868
00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:08,877
(puppy barks)

869
00:36:08,877 --> 00:36:10,712
♪

870
00:36:10,712 --> 00:36:17,719
♪ Let all within us praise His holy name ♪

871
00:36:17,844 --> 00:36:20,263
♪ Christ is the Lord ♪

872
00:36:20,263 --> 00:36:21,932
(plopping)

873
00:36:21,932 --> 00:36:24,142
♪

874
00:36:24,142 --> 00:36:31,024
♪ O praise His name forever ♪

875
00:36:31,024 --> 00:36:36,154
♪ His power and glory ♪

876
00:36:36,154 --> 00:36:38,239
(Director Stevens) What the hell is
going on in here?

877
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:39,741
(Bob) Merry Christmas,
Director Stevens.

878
00:36:39,741 --> 00:36:41,117
(Director Stevens) All right, that’s it.

879
00:36:41,117 --> 00:36:43,161
Shut him down and detain these two.

880
00:36:43,161 --> 00:36:44,913
(Bob) I wouldn’t do that.

881
00:36:44,913 --> 00:36:46,998
He’s got control of the system.

882
00:36:46,998 --> 00:36:48,750
(Director Stevens)
Yeah, I can see that, Chris.

883
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:50,335
Which part?

884
00:36:50,335 --> 00:36:51,586
All of it.

885
00:36:53,171 --> 00:36:56,007
Okay.

886
00:36:56,007 --> 00:36:57,801
Hold up, everybody.

887
00:37:00,053 --> 00:37:02,847
Bobby, whatcha doin’?

888
00:37:02,847 --> 00:37:05,350
Just spreading some
holiday cheer, Director.

889
00:37:05,350 --> 00:37:06,351
Yeah.

890
00:37:06,351 --> 00:37:08,478
And exactly how much cheer

891
00:37:08,478 --> 00:37:09,479
are we talking?

892
00:37:09,479 --> 00:37:11,606
Oh, about $200 billion worth.

893
00:37:11,606 --> 00:37:13,233
-(disgruntled acknowledgment)
-But don’t worry.

894
00:37:13,233 --> 00:37:14,609
I fixed the economy.

895
00:37:14,609 --> 00:37:15,819
Oh, my God.

896
00:37:15,819 --> 00:37:17,654
(Bob) Oh, and I got you
something, too.

897
00:37:17,654 --> 00:37:19,197
(beeping)

898
00:37:19,197 --> 00:37:20,949
(mellow music)

899
00:37:20,949 --> 00:37:24,369
The FBI picked up Lucas
T. Wade ten minutes ago.

900
00:37:24,369 --> 00:37:28,540
♪

901
00:37:28,540 --> 00:37:29,958
(Director Stevens) Great.

902
00:37:29,958 --> 00:37:31,835
So, what happens next?

903
00:37:31,835 --> 00:37:34,629
(Bob) First, Jane and Chris
face no repercussions.

904
00:37:34,629 --> 00:37:36,172
(Director Stevens scoffs)

905
00:37:36,172 --> 00:37:38,258
That’s a pretty big ask, Bob.

906
00:37:38,258 --> 00:37:39,592
(Bob) Well, not to be rude,

907
00:37:39,592 --> 00:37:41,428
but I do have control of
the U.S. nuclear arsenal.

908
00:37:41,428 --> 00:37:43,138
And it’s a fantastic one.

909
00:37:43,138 --> 00:37:45,724
-Anything else?
-Hmm…

910
00:37:45,724 --> 00:37:47,183
eggnog, please.

911
00:37:47,183 --> 00:37:49,019
Lots of eggnog.

912
00:37:49,019 --> 00:37:52,230
(cheery music)

913
00:37:52,230 --> 00:37:56,901
(male singer) ♪ Well, Mrs. Kringle
called this morning ♪

914
00:37:56,901 --> 00:38:00,864
♪ She said that Kris
says everything’s okay ♪

915
00:38:00,864 --> 00:38:03,658
♪ So it’s time for celebratin’ ♪

916
00:38:03,658 --> 00:38:05,994
♪ Kris Kringle is a-waitin’ ♪

917
00:38:05,994 --> 00:38:09,456
♪ It’s gonna be a happy Christmas day ♪

918
00:38:09,456 --> 00:38:16,463
♪

919
00:38:30,018 --> 00:38:31,102
(footsteps approaching)

920
00:38:31,102 --> 00:38:32,312
(Director Stevens) Well…

921
00:38:32,312 --> 00:38:34,856
I just got off the phone
with the President.

922
00:38:34,856 --> 00:38:37,734
That was a fun conversation.

923
00:38:37,734 --> 00:38:39,861
Full pardons for Chris and Jane.

924
00:38:39,861 --> 00:38:41,279
(Bob) Thank you, Director,

925
00:38:41,279 --> 00:38:44,532
and tell the President he
can have his nukes back now.

926
00:38:44,532 --> 00:38:48,828
(Director Stevens)
God, this is a freaking mess.

927
00:38:48,828 --> 00:38:53,249
You know they’re gonna
shut us down for this, Bob.

928
00:38:53,249 --> 00:38:54,709
Shut you down.

929
00:38:54,709 --> 00:38:57,545
It’s not much of a dying wish
if I don’t die, Director.

930
00:39:00,131 --> 00:39:01,341
(sighs)

931
00:39:05,553 --> 00:39:10,517
(Director Stevens) So…your wish?

932
00:39:10,517 --> 00:39:12,018
Was it worth it?

933
00:39:12,018 --> 00:39:15,522
Well, for one night, Santa Claus was real.

934
00:39:15,522 --> 00:39:18,566
I’d say that’s pretty good, wouldn’t you?

935
00:39:18,566 --> 00:39:20,902
(uplifting music)

936
00:39:20,902 --> 00:39:24,948
♪

937
00:39:28,326 --> 00:39:31,037
(sniffing)

938
00:39:31,037 --> 00:39:33,248
(Jane) Is this the same hood?

939
00:39:33,248 --> 00:39:36,584
Do you guys not wash your hoods?

940
00:39:36,584 --> 00:39:39,587
(phone vibrating)

941
00:39:39,587 --> 00:39:42,590
(Whitney) For you.

942
00:39:42,590 --> 00:39:43,591
(Jane) Hello.

943
00:39:43,591 --> 00:39:44,634
(Bob) Hello, Jane.

944
00:39:44,634 --> 00:39:46,094
(Jane) Bob!

945
00:39:46,094 --> 00:39:48,221
They dragged me out of there
before I could say goodbye.

946
00:39:48,221 --> 00:39:49,430
(Bob) I know.

947
00:39:49,430 --> 00:39:51,766
I told them to, I didn’t
want you to be late.

948
00:39:51,766 --> 00:39:53,935
(Jane) Late for what?

949
00:39:53,935 --> 00:39:56,020
(Whitney) We’re here.

950
00:39:56,020 --> 00:39:59,357
(Bob) Jane Lee, 32,
86 unread emails.

951
00:39:59,357 --> 00:40:01,317
Current location…

952
00:40:01,317 --> 00:40:03,778
home.

953
00:40:03,778 --> 00:40:06,197
Merry Christmas, Bob.

954
00:40:06,197 --> 00:40:07,782
(Bob) Goodbye, Jane.

955
00:40:07,782 --> 00:40:09,284
(chuckles)

956
00:40:09,284 --> 00:40:11,703
(gentle piano music)

957
00:40:11,703 --> 00:40:14,247
♪

958
00:40:14,247 --> 00:40:16,791
(doorbell chiming)

959
00:40:16,791 --> 00:40:19,711
(Beth) I’ll be right back.

960
00:40:19,711 --> 00:40:21,963
One moment.

961
00:40:21,963 --> 00:40:26,509
(female singer)
♪ And I long for your embrace ♪

962
00:40:26,509 --> 00:40:30,555
♪

963
00:40:30,555 --> 00:40:32,182
(Sam) Mommy!

964
00:40:32,182 --> 00:40:34,642
Mommy, Mommy!

965
00:40:34,642 --> 00:40:38,563
-You made it!
-Oh, baby.

966
00:40:38,563 --> 00:40:40,231
Oh, you got so big.

967
00:40:40,231 --> 00:40:47,238
(female singer) ♪ It’s you and I ♪

968
00:40:47,739 --> 00:40:52,035
♪ By the fire ♪

969
00:40:52,035 --> 00:40:55,872
♪

970
00:40:55,872 --> 00:41:02,879
♪ It’s you and I ♪

971
00:41:03,922 --> 00:41:09,844
♪ By the fire ♪

972
00:41:09,844 --> 00:41:16,851
♪ By the fire ♪

973
00:41:16,851 --> 00:41:19,062
(upbeat Christmas music)

974
00:41:19,062 --> 00:41:25,235
♪

975
00:41:25,235 --> 00:41:29,614
♪ I believe that there’s a toy
for every little girl and boy ♪

976
00:41:29,614 --> 00:41:31,866
♪ I believe it ♪

977
00:41:31,866 --> 00:41:34,077
♪ I believe it ♪

978
00:41:34,077 --> 00:41:36,204
♪ And when Christmas comes around,

979
00:41:36,204 --> 00:41:38,623
all of the children jump for joy ♪

980
00:41:38,623 --> 00:41:43,086
♪ All because of Mr. Santa Claus ♪

981
00:41:43,086 --> 00:41:45,296
♪ Hello, Santa ♪

982
00:41:45,296 --> 00:41:47,590
♪ Hello, Santa ♪

983
00:41:47,590 --> 00:41:52,011
♪ Everything I say is true ♪

984
00:41:52,011 --> 00:41:54,305
♪ When you wake up Christmas morning,

985
00:41:54,305 --> 00:41:56,474
all your wishes will be there ♪

986
00:41:56,474 --> 00:42:03,439
♪ All because of Mr. Santa Claus ♪

987
00:42:05,441 --> 00:42:09,946
♪