♪
I’m sorry, viewer,
the TV show you’re searching for
cannot be streamed in your reality.
Please stand by for reconnection.
♪
From the darkest depths of cyberspace,
there is another world.
A lost dimension, home to wonders unseen,
terrors unspeakable.
♪
Stories unlike any ever told until now.
♪
Do not click "Back."
Do not reload.
We have reconnected to…
Dimension 404.
♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪
Come on.
(groans)
♪
♪ I ain’t a saint, I’m just a man on a mission ♪
(females laughing)
Hey, you know what?
Hey, there’s no shame in expressing yourself
through movement, okay?
(laughing continues)
Could you delete that, please?
Hey!
Really?
All right, fine, I don’t--
♪ I’m not gonna wait for you ♪
♪
Youth.
Now playing in Dimension 404,
a tale of terror, tragedy, and…
this guy.
(car horn honks)
Dustin Harland had bent
to the beat of his own drum,
but tonight, this Gen X ronin
faces his greatest enemy:
millennials.
Hearts will be broken,
blood will be shed,
and it’s all coming soon to a theater near you.
(car horn honks)
Okay, gotta go, Uncle Dusty’s here.
Oh, uh, Dad wants to know if you found a new job yet.
My--hey, you know, tell your father to--
Not yet.
Gotta go, though, lots of drugs to smoke
before the show.
Yeah, we’re meetin’ my meth dealer at the theater!
All right, I love you too, bye.
(shrieks)
-Hey, hey. -Hi, he’s such a dork.
Oh, well, you know, like father, like daughter.
Oh, and as king of the dorks, you would know.
’Tis a heavy crown I wear, m’lady,
but take heed, for one day, you may inherit my kingdom.
We’re late, by the way, so can we stop riffing
and start driving?
Oh, whose fault is that?
And we cannot get going until we have the proper tunes.
I’m kinda feeling
"Wayne’s World" soundtrack again, no?
Hm, I’m thinking something more…retro.
♪ So happy now ♪
(scoffs)
♪ Forget the past ♪
-No, no, turn it off. -♪ And let those glory days-- ♪
What, you love this!
I hate this song!
-It’s your favorite! -Not since, like, the 7th grade!
Oh, wow, Chloe.
Oh, they grow up so fast.
All right, how ’bout we play a little Lordi?
It’s pronounced "Lord."
I know that, I meant Lordi, the Norwegian death metal band.
Lordi is Finnish, not Norwegian.
See, there she is, there’s my niece!
Yes, I was so afraid my yuppie brother
had turned you into a pod person.
All right, so, this is the first movie night
in many a moon, so because of that
I’m gonna let you, m’lady, choose tonight’s feature.
Now, "Re-Animator" is at The Rep.
Oh, and "Suspiria" is at The Independent.
♪
Actually, um, I was thinking something
a little bit less retro.
♪
Oh, God, are you joking?
Um, no.
"Chosen: The Final Saga"?
Yeah, it’s the finale franchise semi-reboot of the original.
But now--it says "Part I."
Well, yeah, but they always split it into two, maybe three,
I can’t remember.
Plus the lead’s kinda cute.
"Kinda cute--"
There is a treasure trove of cinematic treats
playing all over the city tonight
and you wanna go to some
teenybopper franchise churn-’em-out.
I don’t know, I think it looks kinda fun.
Who--who are you and what have you done with my niece?
Oh, come on, stop being a curmudgeon.
Let’s go!
(groans)
Tell me again why we’re not seeing a real movie.
Hey, this place is state-of-the-art.
They just got that cool new format.
Oh, what, Cinethrax?
What marketing wizard thought that one up?
Uh, Cineblog said that it’s crazy intense.
Some guy at the first test screening went totally insane.
They had to roll him out in a wheelchair.
Oh, oh--so some geriatric shits himself,
PR jumps all over it, they hype it up.
See, this is what they do, Chloe.
They get the cast of some cancelled CW show,
uh, they put a fresh coat of CGI on it,
get a fast food tie-in--
What--what are you-- what is that?
What are you doing, what are the little hieroglyphics?
Uh, they’re called emojis, your majesty.
I know that, I just--
God forbid people actually communicate
using real words.
Oh, they have one for you now.
Uh, it’s a dog poop with a smiley face.
Oh, that’s--if it was me, it wouldn’t be smiling.
Two for "Chosen: The Final Saga."
That’ll be $57.
What a bargain!
Hey, um, my brother fronted you a little bit of--
Hey, if you insist.
Two, please.
Theater 12.
Enjoy the show.
We’ll try.
Jesus, what is this, is this a movie theater
or a cyborg art installation?
It’s kinda rad.
This place used to show 35mm.
I saw the "Silent Running" here when I was your age.
God, what a shame.
What are you doing, you need those.
No, because I came with an ace up my sleeve.
(imitates gunshot)
Old Florida people glasses.
What, no, no.
The--these are called shifters.
They take 3D and they flatten in out
into regular 2D.
And you just happen to have these on you at all times?
Well, Chloe, I always feared for the day
that you took me to a 3D movie.
I just didn’t know it would happen so soon.
Here, I got you a pair.
It was two for one on Cyber Monday.
I’m not gonna wear these, I’m gonna look like a weirdo.
You--but you’re in a theater.
Uh, yeah, surrounded by people.
Surr--
You’re worried about what those people are gonna think?
I might.
Okay, let me level with you.
Are these gonna make you look weird?
Yes.
Are people gonna point, stare, laugh?
Maybe, maybe.
Should you care?
No, absolutely not.
Listen, Chloe, people are always gonna try to shame you
into some brainwashed version of normalcy, all right?
You can’t.
All right, keep Chloe weird.
-Fine. -Yeah!
Just don’t post any pictures on Instagram.
Yeah, I don’t think you have to worry about that.
-Okay. -All right.
Well, I’ll get the seats, you get the snacks.
-That cool? -Yes, that is cool.
All right.
Let’s rock and roll.
♪
Rosemary scrambled quail eggs,
the tofu dog with mango aioli.
We also have a vegan sausage biscuit
with jalapeño chutney.
(crowd chatter)
Popcorn.
Yeah, we got that.
Regular or jumbo?
Dude, jumbo.
(camera shutter snapping)
His clothes are totally cash.
Can I help you young ones with something?
Are you sure you’re in the right place?
Yeah, sure.
Well, the silent film theater’s across the street.
♪
(Chloe giggling)
♪
Do you wanna go get a burger?
(Dustin clears his throat)
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I should get back.
Big night.
-Catch you later, Chloe. -Later, Zach.
♪
Popcorn?
Oh, sorry, maybe later.
Oh, well, you know, there’s two amazing seats
up in the phantom center.
Yeah, yeah, I know, um,
but there’s more space down here and I just--
Space for what?
Hey, bitch, what’s up?!
Oh my God, girl, what’s up?
Oh my gosh, I totally saw you macking on Zach.
Just do him already.
Um, Uncle Dusty, these are my friends,
Brie and Alexis.
That’s my Uncle Dusty.
Hey.
Yeah, we go way back.
Uh, just give me a second.
What is going on?
I thought movie night was our thing.
I haven’t seen you in forever.
I know, I know,
but, look, these girls are really cool
and we never get to hang out and…
they know Zach, I’m sorry.
Okay, well, where am I supposed to sit?
Well, there’s still that one seat up
in the phantom center.
You mean, like, alone?
Okay, you know what, no, I’m fine,
I will tough it out down here
in the front row with you guys.
Ew.
Really, um, are you sure, ’cause--
No, no, there’s a seat right behind you,
next to…
that…guy.
I’ll be fine.
You’re not being sarcastic, Uncle Dusty,
right now, are you?
Maverick, I have got your six.
-Boom. -Oh, yeah, there you go.
Uh, hey, uh, Boromir, do you mind?
I am genderbent Coltantha.
That’s great.
Mom did a great job on the sword.
She only bought the materials.
Oh my God.
Look, look, here he comes.
Hello, everyone.
Who’s excited to see "Chosen: The Final Saga Part I"
in Cinethrax?
(cheering, applause)
He gave me some gum earlier.
Cool.
Are you gonna spit it out or swallow?
Oh my God!
Well, we want to make this film as immersive as possible,
so please turn off your phones
and remain silent during the movie.
Just sit back, open your minds,
put your Cinethrax glasses on,
and enjoy the show.
(applause, cheering)
Nice shades.
Do you have diabetes or something?
Oh…I know, right?
Someone just must have left these under my seat.
(sighs)
It’s showtime.
♪
Your world is about to change.
Brace yourself for the next dimension of cinema.
Brace yourself for Cinethrax.
(cheering, applause)
♪
Embrace the experience.
(cheering, applause)
This is gonna suck.
♪
All my life they told me I had to choose.
You must choose, Chosen.
Well, today I choose…
to fight!
(cheering, applause)
♪
Whoa!
♪
All my life I was told I had to choose.
But, you know, from the moment I was born,
the day they named me the Chosen One,
I never felt like I had a choice…
(clears throat)
…until now.
Even if it is my destiny,
I choose to follow it.
Hey!
Hey, uh, Chloe’s friend,
there’s no texting.
Can I help you?
Can you--you know, I don’t know, maybe.
Your friend, her phone is distracting
the other people in the theater.
-Shh! -It’s on vibrate!
It shouldn’t be on anything.
All right, didn’t you see the little cartoon at the beginning?
There’s no texting.
What are you, like a cop?
What--what are you, like her lawyer?
Oh God.
Sprechen sie English?
God, Chloe, can you believe this?
Shh!
Um, maybe just put it on silent ’til the movie’s over?
Thank you.
(sighs)
I am Coltantha, the Chosen One.
Let me see.
Don’t be shy.
Your digitask could hold the key
to Chancellor Huxley’s weakness.
♪
(sighs)
Okay.
♪
Well, what do they say, Steve?
♪
Perhaps the enemy is not who they seem.
The true menace has yet to be revealed.
What does that mean?
We just need to be careful is all.
What does that mean?
We can’t be sure who’s foe…or friend.
What does that mean?
(sighs)
Do you remember how we met?
How quickly you stole my sword from me?
♪
Yeah.
♪
Yeah, yeah, you scared me, Coltantha.
♪
You still do.
Hey, could I borrow your glasses really quick?
-What, no! -Just for a second, come on.
Dude, get your own.
No, I…threw mine away.
Well, that was stupid.
Well--I just--
Sometimes you can be so thick.
When are you gonna realize that you are home,
that you do belong…
with us?
♪
With me.
♪
Chloe, hey, really quick, put your shifters back on,
tell me what you see.
Not now, Dusty.
No, I just wanna check something, okay?
We can talk about the format when the movie’s over!
No, it’s not that, it’s not that--
-Shh, oh my God! -Excuse me?
So you can talk all you want but we can’t text?
I have a legitimate question about the film.
The film, it’s the big video that’s showing
behind your little phone screens.
Please don’t ruin this for me, okay?
Fine!
(sighs)
♪
Oh, Coltantha.
♪
(soft moaning onscreen)
♪
(dialogue continues onscreen)
♪
The hell?
♪
Oh!
(hisses)
♪
(glasses tap softly on floor)
♪
Okay, okay.
♪
(groaning)
♪
When are you gonna realize that you are home,
that you do belong…
with us?
It’s not that simple.
Yes, it is.
(screams)
♪
Holy balls!
-Oh, Jesus Christ! -Dusty, calm down, what’s wrong?
God, there’s something loose in this theater!
Yeah, a big dumb loud guy.
-Shut up. -No, no, not me.
There’s--there’s something coming off of the screen!
It’s just the 3D, idiot.
Yeah, I know, idiot.
Chloe, keep your feet up, it could be anywhere.
Is there a problem, sir?
-Oh my God. -Yes, there’s a big problem,
there’s a big tentacle snaky thing loose on the floor.
Okay, sir, how ’bout we discuss this in the lobby?
What, no, no!
Chloe, come with me.
Chloe, it’s not safe.
Chloe!
(audience booing)
(scoffs)
I’ll be right back, okay?
A monster reaching out of the screen
and attacking people?
I know it sounds crazy, okay?
That’s not crazy, that’s Cinethrax.
It’s the next dimension in cinema.
It’s--no, it’s not part of the film, okay?
There was an actual thing coming out of the screen.
It--it was this close to my face.
Yeah, man, that’s Cinethrax.
You know, it’s so believable you think you’re there.
Can I talk to an adult?
I am an adult.
Oh, that’s adorable.
Uh, can I talk to a manager?
I am the manager.
You’re the m-- what are you, 12?
What are we in, Narnia?
-Dusty! -Dustin, at this cinema,
we believe that the customer’s always right.
However, I do have to point out
that no one else in there had a problem with the projection.
Okay, so I’m-- so I’m making this up?
I’m crazy, is that what you’re saying?
No, but…
Look, maybe it was just your weird glasses
messing with the 3D.
Wait, hold on a second.
You were wearing unauthorized third-party eyewear?
They’re--they’re called shifters.
Ah, and these shifters, you were wearing them
when the tentacle monster appeared?
Yes.
And what happened when you took the shifters off?
The--
It disappeared but--the--
-Right. -Okay, whatever.
I’m just telling you what I saw, all right?
Or what I thought I saw.
You know what, we will just get a refund
and we will be on our way, all right?
Um, actually, I’d like to stay and finish the movie.
Oh, well, okay, you know what?
That’s too bad because the train is leaving, all right?
-Come on, Chloe. -No.
♪
N--
Okay, I’m sorry, did I embarrass you
in front of your little friends?
Yes.
Yes, you did.
You’ve been embarrassing me all night
and the worst part is you don’t even care.
That--like hell I don’t.
Well, this cute monster stunt is one hell of a way of showing it.
♪
Chloe.
Look, you--you say you want me to stay weird,
but you just want me to be like you.
Well, I don’t want to be like you,
not if you’re going to act like this.
I want my own friends my own age.
I want to fit in, okay, I want to
and…if you have such a problem with that
then you can just…
you can just go to hell.
♪
-Chloe-- -I’ll find a ride home.
Wait, Chloe, Chloe.
No, Chloe, wait.
-Chloe-- -Sorry, sir.
We can’t let you back in there.
What are you--are you serious, this is bullshit!
Look, man, do you really wanna cause a bigger scene right now?
I--I don’t--I--
-Shit! -Hey, tell you what,
we’ve got a place where you can hang,
wait the movie out, and if you seem chill,
then maybe I can get you back in.
Cool?
♪
Fi--fine, let’s go, let’s go.
♪
(hum of lights and projector)
Come on in.
♪
Excuse me.
♪
-What’s going on? -It’s fine.
I’ll take care of it.
♪
Have a look.
♪
Chloe’s right down there, safe and sound.
♪
So you’re cool Uncle Dusty, huh?
(chuckles)
Chloe talks about you all the time.
-Oh. -Yeah, you’ve seen, like,
every movie ever, right?
-I’ve seen a few. -Yeah, that’s what Chlo said.
Have you seen "L’arrivée d’un Train en Gare de La Ciotat"?
Uh, what?
"Train Pulling Into a Station"?
Lumière Brothers, 1895, it’s, like, the first short film.
Oh, I--yes, I’ve seen that one.
You know, when they showed it at Le Grand Café,
the audience actually thought a train
was gonna come out of the screen.
They ran screaming from their seats.
(chuckling)
Does that sound familiar?
♪
Good thing they didn’t play that on Cinethrax, right?
(laughing)
♪
Aw, look, I’m sorry.
No offense, all right, but…I gotta say,
from one film buff to another,
your apprehension surprises me.
Cinethrax is just like color or sound or cinema itself.
You know, but, you know, change, it can be scary
but there’s no stopping progress,
so why resist?
♪
It’s like watching "Star Wars" for the first time.
♪
It’s really that good?
Try it, don’t try it, it’s all the same to me.
But let me put it to you this way:
do you wanna keep being cool Uncle Dusty
or do you want to be the guy who ran away from the train?
♪
You know what?
♪
Fuck you.
♪
Should we do it now?
♪
(beastly screeching)
♪
Your wickedness and foolishness
tempt me to hate you.
I’m afraid, Chosen.
This is worse than the--
♪
(yelling)
♪
(choking, gagging)
♪
Oh my God.
Oh, Chloe, Chloe.
♪
(sighs)
♪
Come on, check in here.
♪
(door creaking)
(panting)
♪
Fuck.
♪
Shit.
(cell phone ringing)
♪
(cell phone beeps)
Here they come.
Look out, get down!
Quick, take this…
to the citadel.
Hi, this is Chloe.
I literally never check these messages.
Text me or something, okay?
♪
Uncle Dusty.
(beeping)
♪
Are you in there, little Uncle Dusty, huh?
♪
(ethereal singing)
♪
I missed you, you know?
I thought that you had left forever.
I couldn’t leave you.
But you did, you left me!
I did that one time but I couldn’t do it again.
(cell phone vibrating)
So much has changed, W, I’ve changed!
I’m not that little girl that you hung out with
at the citadel.
Shit, stupid--
♪
Uncle Dusty, are you in there?
♪
Somethings never change, Chosen.
Don’t call me that!
See what I mean?
Fuck!
♪
(banging on door)
Come on, buddy, open up!
♪
Giving in isn’t the same as giving up.
(phone pad vibrating)
♪
(door handle jangling)
♪
(phone pad vibrating)
♪
(panting)
♪
Uncle Dusty!
♪
(thunderous roaring)
(screaming)
♪
-Join us, Chlo. -Totally, do it.
(all chanting) Embrace the experience.
-Join us, Chlo. -Join us, Chlo.
♪
Embrace the experience.
(shrieking)
♪
(gnashing)
♪
(screams)
(hissing)
♪
Embrace the experience.
-No! -Embrace the experience.
Embrace the experience.
♪
Embrace the experience.
♪
(shrieking, hissing)
♪
(glass shatters)
♪
(panting, whimpering)
(muffled grunting)
♪
Dusty!
♪
(whimpering)
♪
’Sup, Chlo?
♪
Let us go, you assholes.
Hey.
Shh.
Relax.
Everything’s gonna be all right.
♪
You know,
in a way,
we envy the both of you…
♪
…seein’ it again…
♪
…for the first time.
To feel its touch inside us.
To sense ourselves connecting to something…
-Wonderful. -…wonderful.
Zach, please don’t hurt him.
Hurt him?
Is that what you think this is?
Dude, you got it all wrong.
Do you think it came all this way just to hurt us?
It came to unite us.
It came to make us one.
♪
Do you know how unhappy I was before Cinethrax came?
♪
I was angry.
I was confused.
I was just like you.
I was alone.
♪
Well…
I’m not alone anymore.
And you don’t have to be either.
♪
(grunting)
♪
(Chloe whimpering)
♪
No!
(grunting)
Come on, Dusty.
Your body is host to trillions of organisms.
♪
What’s one more?
No, no!
♪
Embrace the experience.
♪
(ear-splitting screeching)
♪
-Are you…? -No.
-Are you? -No.
-Okay. -Okay.
(beastly shrieking)
(panting)
♪
You guys still don’t get it.
The world is about to change
and if you don’t adapt you’ll die!
♪
No, Chloe, Chloe!
No, no!
Don’t look, Chloe, no!
(Chloe screaming)
♪
Hey, asshole.
Huh?
Embrace this.
♪
Come on, Chloe.
♪
Come on, Chloe, let’s go.
♪
Chloe, let’s go.
♪
Go?
♪
There’s nowhere to go.
♪
They were right, it doesn’t hurt.
No, go, Chlo--Chloe, no.
Chloe, snap out of it, snap out of it, okay?
-We’re almost free. -We are free.
All of us, our world has changed.
You don’t have to be afraid anymore.
No, no, okay, you’re still in there,
I know you’re still in there.
Of course I’m still in here.
We all are.
No, listen, we can-- I’ll get you outta here,
I’ll get you outta here, okay, everything’s gonna be okay!
Everything already is.
♪
Oh God.
♪
(din of screaming crowds)
♪
(sirens wailing)
♪
Please don’t go.
You know how lonely it is out there.
Stay with me and you’ll never be alone again.
Stay and watch the movie.
♪
What, just bend over for some galactic hive mind?
♪
(loud alarm blares)
(screaming crowds)
I can’t lose you, Chloe.
♪
♪ So happy now ♪
♪
♪ Forget the past ♪
♪ Let those glory days just fade into black ♪
♪
♪ Live in the moment ♪
♪ Just feel at ease ♪
♪ Put a smile on your face
’cause that’s all that you’ll need ♪
♪ No care in the world,
so fancy and free ♪
♪ The present is perfect,
you love what you see ♪
♪ Yesterday’s over and out ♪
♪ The happiest moment… ♪
♪
Is--is--is…now?
♪
♪ Whistling a tune wherever you go ♪
♪ Take that old nostalgia and throw it over the moon ♪
-♪ Over the moon ♪ -♪ Sunshine in June ♪
♪ Sunshine in June ♪
♪ Flowers that bloom the whole year round ♪
-♪ Yesterday’s over and out ♪ -♪ Over and out ♪
♪ The happiest moment is now ♪
♪
♪ The happiest moment is now ♪
♪
♪ The happiest moment is-- ♪
♪ Now ♪
♪