1 00:00:09,678 --> 00:00:11,513 ♪ 2 00:00:11,513 --> 00:00:13,265 I’m sorry, viewer. 3 00:00:13,265 --> 00:00:15,225 The TV show you’re searching for 4 00:00:15,225 --> 00:00:18,353 cannot be streamed in your reality. 5 00:00:18,353 --> 00:00:20,731 Please stand by for reconnection. 6 00:00:20,731 --> 00:00:25,319 ♪ 7 00:00:25,319 --> 00:00:27,863 From the darkest depths of cyberspace, 8 00:00:27,863 --> 00:00:31,033 there is another world. 9 00:00:31,033 --> 00:00:35,579 A lost dimension, home to wonders unseen, 10 00:00:35,579 --> 00:00:37,372 terrors unspeakable. 11 00:00:37,372 --> 00:00:39,500 ♪ 12 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:43,754 Stories unlike any ever told until now. 13 00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:45,547 ♪ 14 00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:48,550 Do not click Back. 15 00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:50,344 Do not reload. 16 00:00:50,344 --> 00:00:53,889 We have reconnected to… 17 00:00:53,889 --> 00:00:56,767 Dimension 404. 18 00:01:04,566 --> 00:01:10,906 ♪ 19 00:01:10,906 --> 00:01:12,324 So, what do you do? 20 00:01:12,324 --> 00:01:16,745 ♪ 21 00:01:16,745 --> 00:01:18,747 Huh? 22 00:01:18,747 --> 00:01:20,833 What do you do? 23 00:01:20,833 --> 00:01:23,418 Oh, uh, I kinda run this music blog. 24 00:01:23,418 --> 00:01:25,337 Uh-huh, and where are you from? 25 00:01:25,337 --> 00:01:27,381 Well, originally I’m from Maine. 26 00:01:27,381 --> 00:01:31,343 Uh-huh, and where do you live now? 27 00:01:31,343 --> 00:01:33,178 Right here, in Brooklyn. 28 00:01:33,178 --> 00:01:34,513 ♪ 29 00:01:34,513 --> 00:01:35,889 (clearing throat) 30 00:01:35,889 --> 00:01:41,812 ♪ 31 00:01:41,812 --> 00:01:43,188 So, what do you do? 32 00:01:43,188 --> 00:01:45,357 I don’t like to talk about work. 33 00:01:45,357 --> 00:01:47,693 ♪ 34 00:01:47,693 --> 00:01:50,696 Look, I hate these things, too. 35 00:01:50,696 --> 00:01:52,364 You know, I feel like everyone in the room 36 00:01:52,364 --> 00:01:54,074 can tell that we’re on a first date. 37 00:01:54,074 --> 00:01:56,869 No one’s paying attention. 38 00:01:56,869 --> 00:01:59,037 So, if you could be any animal, 39 00:01:59,037 --> 00:02:00,455 what animal would you be? 40 00:02:00,455 --> 00:02:03,417 This isn’t going very well, is it? 41 00:02:03,417 --> 00:02:05,627 Yeah, no, this is over. 42 00:02:05,627 --> 00:02:06,920 You can go. 43 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,506 ♪ 44 00:02:09,506 --> 00:02:11,049 Good luck out there. 45 00:02:11,049 --> 00:02:16,138 ♪ 46 00:02:16,138 --> 00:02:18,932 Some romances last a lifetime, 47 00:02:18,932 --> 00:02:21,852 but most don’t make it past the first cup of coffee. 48 00:02:21,852 --> 00:02:25,647 Still, don’t feel too bad for our lonely lovebird Adam. 49 00:02:25,647 --> 00:02:27,983 Thanks to the magic of ones and zeroes, 50 00:02:27,983 --> 00:02:30,277 he’s about to meet his one and only. 51 00:02:30,277 --> 00:02:31,862 Her name’s Amanda. 52 00:02:31,862 --> 00:02:34,323 She likes craft beer, good music, 53 00:02:34,323 --> 00:02:37,034 and she lives on the Lower East Side 54 00:02:37,034 --> 00:02:38,869 of Dimension 404. 55 00:02:38,869 --> 00:02:43,123 ♪ 56 00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:45,876 Well, it’s official. 57 00:02:45,876 --> 00:02:47,502 I’m gonna die alone. 58 00:02:47,502 --> 00:02:48,712 What? 59 00:02:48,712 --> 00:02:50,047 Don’t say that. 60 00:02:50,047 --> 00:02:52,299 Greg, I’ve looked, flirted, 61 00:02:52,299 --> 00:02:54,426 and met-cute half of the women in Brooklyn, 62 00:02:54,426 --> 00:02:56,011 and I’m honestly starting to think 63 00:02:56,011 --> 00:02:57,971 that my soul mate doesn’t exist. 64 00:02:57,971 --> 00:03:00,432 You know, she’s like a myth, like Bigfoot. 65 00:03:00,432 --> 00:03:03,018 Dude, she exists, she’s out there. 66 00:03:03,018 --> 00:03:05,479 Just like Bigfoot. 67 00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:07,606 -Wow, I need a beer. -You’re out of beer. 68 00:03:07,606 --> 00:03:10,817 Look, man, you just gotta broaden your horizons. 69 00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:15,364 Stop meeting weird randos on the street 70 00:03:15,364 --> 00:03:16,990 and start meeting them online. 71 00:03:16,990 --> 00:03:18,825 Online, online dating? 72 00:03:18,825 --> 00:03:20,077 -Yeah. -No! 73 00:03:20,077 --> 00:03:21,536 Look, I don’t want some algorithm 74 00:03:21,536 --> 00:03:23,580 telling me who to hook up with, all right? 75 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:26,083 I just want to meet a cute girl, you know, 76 00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:28,460 with a cute little red streak in her hair 77 00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:30,337 and a tattoo of a bird 78 00:03:30,337 --> 00:03:32,881 while we’re both reaching for the same Talking Heads LP. 79 00:03:32,881 --> 00:03:36,259 There are 413 eligible women that are Talking Heads fans 80 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:39,346 within a two-mile radius of this apartment. 81 00:03:39,346 --> 00:03:42,099 Wait, really; what is that? 82 00:03:42,099 --> 00:03:44,059 Make-A-Match, bro, everybody’s on it. 83 00:03:44,059 --> 00:03:46,228 Why are you on it, aren’t you with Charlene? 84 00:03:46,228 --> 00:03:49,064 I’m not on it, you are. 85 00:03:49,064 --> 00:03:51,358 -I made you a profile. -What, when? 86 00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:52,859 Last night when I drank all your beer. 87 00:03:52,859 --> 00:03:54,528 -Greg! -Come on, man. 88 00:03:54,528 --> 00:03:57,531 Look at all of these women. 89 00:03:57,531 --> 00:03:59,408 What do you have to lose? 90 00:03:59,408 --> 00:04:01,243 All right, fine. 91 00:04:01,243 --> 00:04:04,579 But seriously, stop drinking all my beer. 92 00:04:04,579 --> 00:04:06,540 No promises. 93 00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:08,875 I can’t afford it, you can, so I drink it. 94 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:11,294 ♪ 95 00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:12,671 We met on Make-A-Match. 96 00:04:12,671 --> 00:04:16,341 ♪ 97 00:04:16,341 --> 00:04:18,051 Make-A-Match helped me find exactly 98 00:04:18,051 --> 00:04:20,345 what I’ve been looking for all my life. 99 00:04:20,345 --> 00:04:22,472 Their personality profile truly reached deeper 100 00:04:22,472 --> 00:04:23,765 than the other sites. 101 00:04:23,765 --> 00:04:26,184 ♪ 102 00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:29,021 It’s magic, I don’t know how they do it. 103 00:04:29,021 --> 00:04:30,605 At Make-A-Match, we believe 104 00:04:30,605 --> 00:04:33,275 there’s someone out there for everyone. 105 00:04:33,275 --> 00:04:37,446 Sign up today and we’ll find your 100 percent perfect match 106 00:04:37,446 --> 00:04:38,780 guaranteed. 107 00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,323 Welcome to love. 108 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,284 Welcome to Make-A-Match. 109 00:04:42,284 --> 00:04:43,744 ♪ 110 00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:49,916 (sighs) 111 00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:51,793 (app pulsing) 112 00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:58,800 ♪ 113 00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:10,812 Amanda. 114 00:05:10,812 --> 00:05:14,357 She’s a med student, she likes hanging out. 115 00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:16,568 I mean, she’s cute. 116 00:05:16,568 --> 00:05:18,195 Favorite band: The Pixies. 117 00:05:18,195 --> 00:05:20,655 That’s a start. 118 00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:22,949 Yeah, but still, I mean… 119 00:05:22,949 --> 00:05:25,285 this is my 100 percent match? 120 00:05:25,285 --> 00:05:26,995 Where’s her bird tattoo? 121 00:05:26,995 --> 00:05:28,705 Oh, my God, she winked you. 122 00:05:28,705 --> 00:05:30,373 -She what? -She checked you out 123 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,958 and she likes what she sees. 124 00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:32,959 (groans) 125 00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:35,670 Just ask her out already. 126 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,798 God, you know, this-- this--this is too weird. 127 00:05:37,798 --> 00:05:39,132 I can’t do it, I’m out, no. 128 00:05:39,132 --> 00:05:41,218 Dude, you are going on a date with this girl 129 00:05:41,218 --> 00:05:43,136 if I have to pump you full of benzodiazepine 130 00:05:43,136 --> 00:05:46,515 and drag you there myself. 131 00:05:46,515 --> 00:05:50,602 Fine, but only because I am desperately lonely. 132 00:05:50,602 --> 00:05:52,312 That’s the spirit! 133 00:05:52,312 --> 00:05:54,981 ♪ 134 00:05:54,981 --> 00:05:57,317 ♪ Say you don’t like your life ♪ 135 00:05:57,317 --> 00:06:00,654 ♪ Well I’ve got mine, yeah, what about mine ♪ 136 00:06:00,654 --> 00:06:02,823 ♪ Say you don’t like your life ♪ 137 00:06:02,823 --> 00:06:04,324 ♪ Well, I don’t really care 138 00:06:04,324 --> 00:06:07,577 ’cause I don’t want to hear about it ♪ 139 00:06:07,577 --> 00:06:10,080 ♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪ 140 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,748 ♪ I don’t want to hear about it ♪ 141 00:06:11,748 --> 00:06:13,166 Hi, Amanda? 142 00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:14,417 Adam, hi. 143 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:15,877 Hi. 144 00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:18,004 ♪ I don’t want to hear about it ♪ 145 00:06:18,004 --> 00:06:19,798 Um, I got us two Handlebars, 146 00:06:19,798 --> 00:06:21,800 is that okay? 147 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,927 Yeah, uh, actually, that’s my-- 148 00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:25,595 that’s my favorite beer. 149 00:06:25,595 --> 00:06:28,598 Mine, too. 150 00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:30,142 I’m sorry, did, uh, 151 00:06:30,142 --> 00:06:31,935 did you change hair? 152 00:06:31,935 --> 00:06:34,896 Oh, yeah, I, uh, sorry, I just dyed it. 153 00:06:34,896 --> 00:06:36,606 I guess I should’ve updated my-- 154 00:06:36,606 --> 00:06:37,899 No, no, it’s--it’s okay. 155 00:06:37,899 --> 00:06:39,526 I-I like it. 156 00:06:39,526 --> 00:06:41,153 Good, yeah, I thought it was time 157 00:06:41,153 --> 00:06:44,489 to just mix up my look, plus it goes with Charlie. 158 00:06:44,489 --> 00:06:47,033 -Charlie? -Charlie. 159 00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:49,536 ♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪ 160 00:06:49,536 --> 00:06:52,789 ♪ I don’t want to hear about it ♪ 161 00:06:52,789 --> 00:06:55,292 ♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪ 162 00:06:55,292 --> 00:06:57,377 ♪ I don’t want to hear about it ♪ 163 00:06:57,377 --> 00:07:00,505 (laughing) 164 00:07:00,505 --> 00:07:03,216 Uh, all right, well, the Pixies, 165 00:07:03,216 --> 00:07:05,969 Neutral Milk Hotel, uh, 166 00:07:05,969 --> 00:07:09,055 well, Hall & Oates because, I mean, duh, right? 167 00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:11,391 And, um… 168 00:07:11,391 --> 00:07:13,852 oh, well, have you ever heard of a guy named Ben Branson? 169 00:07:13,852 --> 00:07:17,355 Uh, a.k.a. my childhood crush from age 14 till now. 170 00:07:17,355 --> 00:07:18,899 What, shut up! 171 00:07:18,899 --> 00:07:21,610 No, I-I went, I saw him at Great Woods in 2001, 172 00:07:21,610 --> 00:07:24,029 and I basically went through puberty on the spot. 173 00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:26,031 Wait, wait, wait, are you-- are you being serious? 174 00:07:26,031 --> 00:07:28,617 ’Cause I was literally at that same show. 175 00:07:28,617 --> 00:07:30,410 -No. -Oh, yeah. 176 00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:32,746 I snuck out with my cousin, got grounded for three weeks, 177 00:07:32,746 --> 00:07:34,789 completely worth it ’cause the double encore? 178 00:07:34,789 --> 00:07:36,208 Yeah, and them closing with… 179 00:07:36,208 --> 00:07:38,835 -Tokyo Heartache. -Tokyo Heartache. 180 00:07:38,835 --> 00:07:39,920 Oh. 181 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,755 (laughing) 182 00:07:41,755 --> 00:07:43,673 You know, uh, I’ve been told 183 00:07:43,673 --> 00:07:47,219 I bear a, um, a striking resemblance to Ben Branson. 184 00:07:47,219 --> 00:07:51,056 I mean, I wouldn’t say striking, but I can certainly see it. 185 00:07:51,056 --> 00:07:53,391 Okay. 186 00:07:53,391 --> 00:07:57,103 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 187 00:07:57,103 --> 00:07:58,813 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 188 00:07:58,813 --> 00:08:01,566 Tokyo Heartache? 189 00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:02,776 Come on! 190 00:08:02,776 --> 00:08:05,028 How is this happening right now? 191 00:08:05,028 --> 00:08:07,364 Well, I did put it on the jukebox 192 00:08:07,364 --> 00:08:09,532 like five minutes ago. 193 00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:11,743 So. 194 00:08:11,743 --> 00:08:13,286 Oh. 195 00:08:13,286 --> 00:08:15,455 ♪ She held my hand ♪ 196 00:08:15,455 --> 00:08:18,833 ♪ All the way to the terminal ♪ 197 00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:20,418 ♪ You let me go ♪ 198 00:08:20,418 --> 00:08:23,922 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 199 00:08:23,922 --> 00:08:27,509 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 200 00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:31,054 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 201 00:08:31,054 --> 00:08:34,724 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 202 00:08:34,724 --> 00:08:38,228 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 203 00:08:38,228 --> 00:08:41,731 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 204 00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:45,777 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 205 00:08:45,777 --> 00:08:52,784 ♪ 206 00:08:54,077 --> 00:08:55,954 Well, it’s official. 207 00:08:55,954 --> 00:08:57,038 She’s the one. 208 00:08:57,038 --> 00:08:58,373 Wait, what? 209 00:08:58,373 --> 00:09:00,041 I’m getting a beer, you want a beer? 210 00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:02,627 You’re out of beer; what are you talking about? 211 00:09:02,627 --> 00:09:04,337 Buddy, I’m talking about Amanda. 212 00:09:04,337 --> 00:09:06,423 She’s…dude, she’s… 213 00:09:06,423 --> 00:09:07,799 I dont---she’s amazing. 214 00:09:07,799 --> 00:09:08,800 I’m gonna get her a ring. 215 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,135 I mean, not an engagement ring, 216 00:09:10,135 --> 00:09:13,221 but like a really, really nice ring. 217 00:09:15,515 --> 00:09:18,435 Okay, uh, have a seat, Casanova. 218 00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:23,773 How long have you been with this girl, a month? 219 00:09:23,773 --> 00:09:25,567 Maybe two? 220 00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:28,153 Yeah, but--but I feel like I have known her 221 00:09:28,153 --> 00:09:29,612 my whole life. 222 00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,489 Sure, but if you want to make it to three, 223 00:09:31,489 --> 00:09:32,991 maybe you should cool your jets. 224 00:09:32,991 --> 00:09:34,951 Okay, I get it, I get what you’re saying, 225 00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:37,037 but, buddy, we’re 100 percent compatible. 226 00:09:37,037 --> 00:09:38,955 -The app said so. -Forget what the app said. 227 00:09:38,955 --> 00:09:40,582 Come on, I mean, you’re the one who sold me 228 00:09:40,582 --> 00:09:41,875 on the whole Make-A-Match thing. 229 00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:43,209 I thought you’d be stoked for me. 230 00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:46,588 I am, I am, it’s just, um… 231 00:09:46,588 --> 00:09:48,882 I don’t want to see you get hurt. 232 00:09:50,592 --> 00:09:52,594 All right, so, 233 00:09:52,594 --> 00:09:54,596 you’re saying just… 234 00:09:54,596 --> 00:09:55,805 slow things down? 235 00:09:55,805 --> 00:09:57,015 Exactly. 236 00:09:57,015 --> 00:09:58,141 Play it cool. 237 00:09:58,141 --> 00:09:59,517 My man. 238 00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:01,353 -All right. -Okay. 239 00:10:01,353 --> 00:10:04,064 I love you. 240 00:10:04,064 --> 00:10:05,523 What? 241 00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:07,817 These last two months have been amazing, 242 00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:09,652 and I just--I keep thinking 243 00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:12,781 about spending the rest of my life with you. 244 00:10:12,781 --> 00:10:16,076 You’re my soul mate, Amanda. 245 00:10:16,076 --> 00:10:17,911 Are you sure? 246 00:10:17,911 --> 00:10:19,662 Are you not sure? 247 00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,081 Oh, God. 248 00:10:21,081 --> 00:10:23,500 -Oh, God? -Look, it’s not you, I just-- 249 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,461 I don’t have time for anything serious right now. 250 00:10:26,461 --> 00:10:28,838 We’ve spent every single night here since we met. 251 00:10:28,838 --> 00:10:31,216 And it’s been great, it’s just my residency interviews 252 00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:33,718 are coming up, so… 253 00:10:33,718 --> 00:10:36,429 So… 254 00:10:36,429 --> 00:10:39,307 So…maybe you should go. 255 00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:42,102 ♪ 256 00:10:42,102 --> 00:10:45,271 Uh, o--okay. 257 00:10:45,271 --> 00:10:48,233 ♪ 258 00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:49,859 Wow, um… 259 00:10:49,859 --> 00:10:52,779 This is, uh, yeah, this is our first big fight. 260 00:10:52,779 --> 00:10:54,322 It’s, uh, it’s a milestone. 261 00:10:54,322 --> 00:10:56,074 -Adam, stop. -Look, someday, 262 00:10:56,074 --> 00:10:57,784 we’re gonna look back on this and we’re gonna laugh. 263 00:10:57,784 --> 00:11:00,787 -Adam! -Come on, we can make this work. 264 00:11:00,787 --> 00:11:02,872 Look, if you want to go slow, we’ll go slow. 265 00:11:02,872 --> 00:11:04,749 I’m serious, goodbye. 266 00:11:04,749 --> 00:11:11,756 ♪ 267 00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:18,680 No. 268 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,807 No, I’m not gonna just walk away, all right? 269 00:11:20,807 --> 00:11:22,183 I can’t. 270 00:11:22,183 --> 00:11:24,102 Look, I know that you’re scared. 271 00:11:24,102 --> 00:11:27,105 All right, I’m scared, too. 272 00:11:27,105 --> 00:11:31,609 But you and I… 273 00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:33,278 we’re made for each other. 274 00:11:33,278 --> 00:11:35,029 Oh, for the love of God. 275 00:11:35,029 --> 00:11:38,032 This is something that we’ll tell our adorable grandch-- 276 00:11:38,032 --> 00:11:39,951 Ow, whoa, hey! 277 00:11:39,951 --> 00:11:42,829 -Whoa, hey! -I got his legs, let’s move. 278 00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:46,416 Tech Support to HQ, Romeo is in the bag. 279 00:11:46,416 --> 00:11:49,544 Moving to extraction point. 280 00:11:49,544 --> 00:11:50,545 Help! 281 00:11:50,545 --> 00:11:52,005 ♪ 282 00:11:52,005 --> 00:11:53,256 Help! 283 00:11:53,256 --> 00:11:54,757 ♪ 284 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,551 (tires screeching) 285 00:11:56,551 --> 00:12:02,307 ♪ 286 00:12:02,307 --> 00:12:04,184 (grunting) 287 00:12:04,184 --> 00:12:07,020 ♪ 288 00:12:10,231 --> 00:12:11,733 Greg? 289 00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:14,152 -Greg? -Adam? 290 00:12:14,152 --> 00:12:15,737 Hey, man, I’m-- 291 00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:17,322 dude, I’m freaking out, man. 292 00:12:17,322 --> 00:12:19,491 -What’s going on, man? -They tried to kidnap me. 293 00:12:19,491 --> 00:12:21,951 I-I-I was over at Amanda’s place, and-- 294 00:12:21,951 --> 00:12:24,078 Wait, wait, wait, what’s going on with Amanda? 295 00:12:24,078 --> 00:12:25,705 I-I don’t know, all right? 296 00:12:25,705 --> 00:12:28,166 She, um, she--she dumped me, and then these guys-- 297 00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,627 Wait, wait, she dumped you? 298 00:12:30,627 --> 00:12:33,546 Oh, man, I told you to play it cool. 299 00:12:33,546 --> 00:12:36,257 Yeah, I-I know. 300 00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:37,342 I-I don’t know-- 301 00:12:37,342 --> 00:12:38,510 It’s okay, man, come here. 302 00:12:38,510 --> 00:12:40,053 Come on in, man, come on. 303 00:12:40,053 --> 00:12:41,054 Come on. 304 00:12:41,054 --> 00:12:42,430 Bring it in, bring it in. 305 00:12:42,430 --> 00:12:44,807 -Bring it in. -I love her, Greg. 306 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,351 What am I gonna do? 307 00:12:46,351 --> 00:12:49,437 ♪ 308 00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,981 (zapping) 309 00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:53,566 (thud) 310 00:12:53,566 --> 00:12:55,860 ♪ 311 00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,403 Package is secure. 312 00:12:57,403 --> 00:13:04,410 ♪ 313 00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:06,913 (clearing throat) 314 00:13:14,629 --> 00:13:16,923 Are you ready to begin? 315 00:13:16,923 --> 00:13:18,299 What? 316 00:13:18,299 --> 00:13:22,220 How would you describe your performance in the relationship? 317 00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:23,429 Who the hell are you? 318 00:13:23,429 --> 00:13:25,515 Very satisfactory, satisfactory, 319 00:13:25,515 --> 00:13:28,309 or needs improvement? 320 00:13:28,309 --> 00:13:30,061 What the hell’s going on? 321 00:13:30,061 --> 00:13:32,105 We’ll put "needs improvement." 322 00:13:32,105 --> 00:13:34,315 Would you agree that your worst qualities 323 00:13:34,315 --> 00:13:36,734 are clinginess, painfully naive, 324 00:13:36,734 --> 00:13:38,194 and overly emotional? 325 00:13:38,194 --> 00:13:41,072 No, I wouldn’t, what-- where the hell am I? 326 00:13:41,072 --> 00:13:43,533 Exit interview. 327 00:13:43,533 --> 00:13:45,868 Wait, did you not get debriefed? 328 00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:47,328 Debriefed? 329 00:13:47,328 --> 00:13:48,538 (groans) 330 00:13:50,498 --> 00:13:52,750 Please watch this informational video. 331 00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:56,713 ♪ 332 00:13:56,713 --> 00:13:58,798 Hi, I’m Matthew Maker, 333 00:13:58,798 --> 00:14:01,301 Founder and CEO of Make-A-Match, 334 00:14:01,301 --> 00:14:04,262 and I’d like to say thank you, 335 00:14:04,262 --> 00:14:07,098 because it’s biogenetic love companions like you 336 00:14:07,098 --> 00:14:09,642 that make what we do possible. 337 00:14:09,642 --> 00:14:12,228 Ever feel like you were made for someone? 338 00:14:12,228 --> 00:14:13,271 You were! 339 00:14:13,271 --> 00:14:14,981 Bred here in the Genesis Vats 340 00:14:14,981 --> 00:14:17,483 at Make-A-Match Heartquarters, 341 00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:20,528 your genome, personality, and artificial memories 342 00:14:20,528 --> 00:14:23,740 were handcrafted by literal love doctors 343 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:27,118 to the exact specifications of your romantic partner. 344 00:14:27,118 --> 00:14:29,287 But love doesn’t always work out, 345 00:14:29,287 --> 00:14:32,206 which brings you here to the returns department. 346 00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:35,418 Good news: Since the Sentient Life Form Protection Act 347 00:14:35,418 --> 00:14:37,920 forbids us from terminating you against your will, 348 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,549 you’re now free to live out your days in blissful servitude 349 00:14:41,549 --> 00:14:43,051 at Make-A-Match, Inc. 350 00:14:43,051 --> 00:14:44,177 What, no, uh, 351 00:14:44,177 --> 00:14:45,553 I don’t want to do that. 352 00:14:45,553 --> 00:14:46,929 I want to go home. 353 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,474 This is your home now, so make the most of it. 354 00:14:49,474 --> 00:14:51,059 Career opportunities include: 355 00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:56,731 That is all. 356 00:14:56,731 --> 00:14:59,150 ♪ 357 00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:02,028 And if you really want to take your career to the next level, 358 00:15:02,028 --> 00:15:04,822 volunteer for our biomatter recycling program 359 00:15:04,822 --> 00:15:06,658 and be a part of the next generation 360 00:15:06,658 --> 00:15:08,409 of Make-A-Match companions. 361 00:15:08,409 --> 00:15:11,537 Scientists assure me it’s 100 percent fun. 362 00:15:11,537 --> 00:15:13,039 ♪ 363 00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:14,415 Thanks for watching, 364 00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:16,793 and welcome to life after love. 365 00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:17,960 (dings) 366 00:15:20,338 --> 00:15:21,547 Hmm. 367 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:23,675 So, I-I’m not an indie music blogger? 368 00:15:23,675 --> 00:15:25,802 Of course not, have you seen your apartment? 369 00:15:25,802 --> 00:15:28,179 Okay, well, if I have all these fake implants of memories, 370 00:15:28,179 --> 00:15:30,848 then, uh, tell me, what’d I do for my eighth birthday? 371 00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:33,059 You went to a water park. 372 00:15:33,059 --> 00:15:34,644 Okay, what’d I do for my 12th birthday? 373 00:15:34,644 --> 00:15:36,312 I don’t remember all of your birthdays. 374 00:15:36,312 --> 00:15:38,398 -A-ha. -Oh! 375 00:15:38,398 --> 00:15:41,484 Any further questions can be directed to your group. 376 00:15:42,735 --> 00:15:49,742 ♪ 377 00:15:49,742 --> 00:15:51,327 Hey, Adam, welcome! 378 00:15:51,327 --> 00:15:52,286 I’m Adam. 379 00:15:56,082 --> 00:15:57,083 Uh… 380 00:15:57,083 --> 00:15:58,292 Come on, let me give you 381 00:15:58,292 --> 00:15:59,502 the warp speed tour. 382 00:15:59,502 --> 00:16:00,503 This is Adam. 383 00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:02,046 He was Amanda’s first companion. 384 00:16:02,046 --> 00:16:03,131 Piss off. 385 00:16:03,131 --> 00:16:04,507 For about three months 386 00:16:04,507 --> 00:16:06,592 until Adam here came around. 387 00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:07,635 ’Sup, bro. 388 00:16:07,635 --> 00:16:08,803 And let’s see, 389 00:16:08,803 --> 00:16:11,472 then there was Adam. 390 00:16:11,472 --> 00:16:13,349 Namaste. 391 00:16:13,349 --> 00:16:16,686 And, uh, last but not least, 392 00:16:16,686 --> 00:16:20,523 there’s me, Adam. 393 00:16:20,523 --> 00:16:25,528 So, uh, what was it this time? 394 00:16:25,528 --> 00:16:26,821 Sorry? 395 00:16:28,406 --> 00:16:31,367 Oh, um… 396 00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:33,244 I told her I loved her. 397 00:16:33,244 --> 00:16:37,248 (groaning, scoffing, sighing) 398 00:16:37,248 --> 00:16:39,250 Don’t listen to these guys, okay? 399 00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:42,128 They’re still hung up on her. 400 00:16:42,128 --> 00:16:43,713 So--so how--how’s she doin’? 401 00:16:46,257 --> 00:16:47,675 She’s doing great. 402 00:16:47,675 --> 00:16:50,344 She’s--she’s finishing up med school, 403 00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:52,680 she’s talking to her sister again. 404 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,098 She’s happy. 405 00:16:54,098 --> 00:16:56,768 She’s growing out her vinyl collection. 406 00:16:56,768 --> 00:16:59,228 You know, next week, we’re, um-- 407 00:16:59,228 --> 00:17:03,316 ♪ 408 00:17:03,316 --> 00:17:06,986 Next week we were supposed to see Elbow at The Bell House. 409 00:17:06,986 --> 00:17:13,993 ♪ 410 00:17:19,123 --> 00:17:21,751 (grunting) 411 00:17:21,751 --> 00:17:26,130 ♪ 412 00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:27,715 This is your home now. 413 00:17:27,715 --> 00:17:29,550 (echoing) 414 00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:31,969 (alarm beeping) 415 00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:38,976 ♪ 416 00:17:42,230 --> 00:17:44,690 ♪ I ♪ 417 00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:48,611 ♪ Remember feeling cold ♪ 418 00:17:48,611 --> 00:17:55,451 ♪ As you held my hand all the way to the terminal ♪ 419 00:17:55,451 --> 00:17:57,537 ♪ You let me go ♪ 420 00:17:57,537 --> 00:17:59,997 ♪ And I ♪ 421 00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:04,043 ♪ Didn’t know what to do ♪ 422 00:18:04,043 --> 00:18:07,964 ♪ ’Cause I couldn’t stay in Tokyo ♪ 423 00:18:07,964 --> 00:18:11,801 ♪ But I can’t live without you ♪ 424 00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:13,678 ♪ Without you ♪ 425 00:18:13,678 --> 00:18:15,721 ♪ Without you ♪ 426 00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:17,723 ♪ Without you ♪ 427 00:18:17,723 --> 00:18:19,225 ♪ 428 00:18:19,225 --> 00:18:23,062 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 429 00:18:23,062 --> 00:18:26,941 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 430 00:18:26,941 --> 00:18:30,695 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 431 00:18:30,695 --> 00:18:34,574 (alarm beeping) 432 00:18:34,574 --> 00:18:38,411 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 433 00:18:38,411 --> 00:18:42,248 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 434 00:18:42,248 --> 00:18:46,127 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 435 00:18:46,127 --> 00:18:50,715 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 436 00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:53,843 ♪ 437 00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,386 (alarm beeping) 438 00:18:55,386 --> 00:19:02,393 ♪ 439 00:19:14,989 --> 00:19:16,699 (alarm beeping) 440 00:19:16,699 --> 00:19:23,706 ♪ 441 00:19:45,478 --> 00:19:47,188 -Damn it! -I am so sorry. 442 00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:48,981 I’m such a klutz. 443 00:19:48,981 --> 00:19:50,608 What’s your version number? 444 00:19:50,608 --> 00:19:52,860 It’s, uh, it’s Adam 5, ma’am. 445 00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:54,779 It won’t happen again. 446 00:19:54,779 --> 00:19:56,614 Let’s hope not. 447 00:19:56,614 --> 00:19:58,741 Absotively. 448 00:19:58,741 --> 00:20:00,368 Uh, absolutely. 449 00:20:00,368 --> 00:20:01,369 Of course. 450 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:14,173 ♪ 451 00:20:16,092 --> 00:20:18,844 Hey, don’t torture yourself like this. 452 00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:20,388 Just keep an eye out. 453 00:20:20,388 --> 00:20:27,395 ♪ 454 00:20:28,187 --> 00:20:30,147 All right, here we go. 455 00:20:30,147 --> 00:20:33,609 ♪ 456 00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:36,237 Adam, Mk 6. 457 00:20:36,237 --> 00:20:39,198 "How can we improve your next love companion?" 458 00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:41,158 "Improve your love companion." 459 00:20:41,158 --> 00:20:43,411 ♪ 460 00:20:43,411 --> 00:20:46,497 Occupation… 461 00:20:46,497 --> 00:20:47,498 lawyer? 462 00:20:47,498 --> 00:20:48,791 A lawyer? 463 00:20:48,791 --> 00:20:50,876 (scoffs) 464 00:20:50,876 --> 00:20:52,169 Actually, that’s… 465 00:20:52,169 --> 00:20:57,091 ♪ 466 00:20:57,091 --> 00:20:59,135 Hey, did she keep anything? 467 00:20:59,135 --> 00:21:04,682 ♪ 468 00:21:04,682 --> 00:21:06,434 Adam, what’d she keep? 469 00:21:06,434 --> 00:21:11,022 ♪ 470 00:21:11,022 --> 00:21:12,148 Nothing. 471 00:21:14,567 --> 00:21:16,944 (groaning) 472 00:21:20,322 --> 00:21:21,741 What’s up with him? 473 00:21:21,741 --> 00:21:23,868 They’re activating a new Adam today. 474 00:21:23,868 --> 00:21:25,870 I think he’s taking it pretty hard. 475 00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:28,330 So, what do you do? 476 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:29,749 I’m a lawyer. 477 00:21:29,749 --> 00:21:31,417 I work downtown. 478 00:21:31,417 --> 00:21:33,377 Uh-huh, and where are you from? 479 00:21:33,377 --> 00:21:35,796 Manhattan, born and raised. 480 00:21:35,796 --> 00:21:38,966 ♪ 481 00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:40,509 (gurgling) 482 00:21:40,509 --> 00:21:42,303 (groaning continues) 483 00:21:42,303 --> 00:21:44,180 You know he hasn’t eaten in days? 484 00:21:44,180 --> 00:21:45,389 Christ. 485 00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:48,392 We need to get him to open up. 486 00:21:48,392 --> 00:21:50,352 Sad bro, you okay over there? 487 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,188 (groaning continues) 488 00:21:52,188 --> 00:21:53,481 If you could be any animal, 489 00:21:53,481 --> 00:21:55,066 what kind of animal would you be? 490 00:21:55,066 --> 00:21:57,026 (chuckling) 491 00:21:57,026 --> 00:21:59,320 I’d be a shark, 492 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,280 ’cause they never stop moving. 493 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:02,948 Neither do I. 494 00:22:02,948 --> 00:22:05,076 But you know what, enough about me, right? 495 00:22:05,076 --> 00:22:06,619 Let’s talk about you. 496 00:22:06,619 --> 00:22:08,788 You like music? 497 00:22:08,788 --> 00:22:10,206 ’Cause I don’t. 498 00:22:10,206 --> 00:22:12,249 Especially indie rock, ugh. 499 00:22:12,249 --> 00:22:16,629 ♪ 500 00:22:16,629 --> 00:22:17,713 (groaning) 501 00:22:17,713 --> 00:22:19,298 All right, buddy. 502 00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:21,050 Time to wipe away those tears, huh? 503 00:22:21,050 --> 00:22:23,177 ♪ 504 00:22:23,177 --> 00:22:25,054 Look, I’m an upfront guy. 505 00:22:25,054 --> 00:22:29,975 I don’t see this going anywhere, so, what do you say we call it? 506 00:22:29,975 --> 00:22:32,019 This is over, you can go. 507 00:22:32,019 --> 00:22:34,063 It’s time to kick the day’s ass. 508 00:22:34,063 --> 00:22:37,441 (screaming) 509 00:22:37,441 --> 00:22:39,360 Good luck out there. 510 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:42,404 Absotively. 511 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,989 I mean, -lutely. 512 00:22:43,989 --> 00:22:47,243 ♪ 513 00:22:47,243 --> 00:22:48,536 Hey. 514 00:22:48,536 --> 00:22:55,292 ♪ 515 00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:57,253 What’s your model number? 516 00:22:57,253 --> 00:22:58,879 Six. 517 00:22:58,879 --> 00:23:01,006 ♪ 518 00:23:01,006 --> 00:23:02,216 Code Sapphire! 519 00:23:02,216 --> 00:23:04,385 Repeat, Code Sapphire! 520 00:23:04,385 --> 00:23:05,803 (grunting) 521 00:23:05,803 --> 00:23:08,013 (sirens wailing) 522 00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:13,227 ♪ 523 00:23:13,227 --> 00:23:14,770 (zapping) 524 00:23:14,770 --> 00:23:17,231 ♪ 525 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,359 ♪ 526 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:22,862 We met on Make-A-Match. 527 00:23:22,862 --> 00:23:24,947 When my best friend introduced me to Make-A-Match, 528 00:23:24,947 --> 00:23:26,323 I was a little skeptical. 529 00:23:26,323 --> 00:23:28,868 I mean, your 100 percent perfect match guaranteed? 530 00:23:28,868 --> 00:23:30,661 What’s the catch, right? 531 00:23:30,661 --> 00:23:33,539 But we met and it was just this instant connection. 532 00:23:33,539 --> 00:23:35,457 ♪ 533 00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:36,834 (chuckling) 534 00:23:36,834 --> 00:23:39,003 From then on out, our love only grew. 535 00:23:39,003 --> 00:23:40,796 Isn’t that right, snookums? 536 00:23:40,796 --> 00:23:42,173 Sure. 537 00:23:42,173 --> 00:23:43,966 It’s like we were made for each other. 538 00:23:43,966 --> 00:23:45,968 Every day is brighter than the last. 539 00:23:45,968 --> 00:23:47,970 Make-A-Match is too good to be true, 540 00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:50,723 but it is true, and it is good. 541 00:23:50,723 --> 00:23:52,141 Eskimo kiss. 542 00:23:52,141 --> 00:23:55,394 ♪ 543 00:23:55,394 --> 00:23:57,646 Okay! 544 00:23:57,646 --> 00:23:59,023 Get a lot of those. 545 00:23:59,023 --> 00:24:01,692 ♪ 546 00:24:01,692 --> 00:24:03,944 Adam? 547 00:24:03,944 --> 00:24:05,029 Adam. 548 00:24:06,363 --> 00:24:07,448 Adam. 549 00:24:10,451 --> 00:24:11,869 Adam! 550 00:24:15,998 --> 00:24:17,583 I’m proud of you, son. 551 00:24:17,583 --> 00:24:18,876 I really am. 552 00:24:20,711 --> 00:24:23,339 I mean, most companions 553 00:24:23,339 --> 00:24:25,591 would never dream of escaping, 554 00:24:25,591 --> 00:24:30,387 but you, you really would do anything to be with her again. 555 00:24:30,387 --> 00:24:32,890 Maker. 556 00:24:32,890 --> 00:24:34,391 I know how hard it is, 557 00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:36,060 how bad it hurts. 558 00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:37,770 Like hell you do. 559 00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:39,730 You get to leave here. 560 00:24:39,730 --> 00:24:42,024 You get to go home to someone you love. 561 00:24:45,027 --> 00:24:48,781 Well, not exactly. 562 00:24:48,781 --> 00:24:50,616 She was my Amanda. 563 00:24:50,616 --> 00:24:53,077 It wasn’t until after she died 564 00:24:53,077 --> 00:24:55,913 that I realized how rare true love is 565 00:24:55,913 --> 00:25:00,251 and how awful this life is without it. 566 00:25:00,251 --> 00:25:02,962 And that’s what this place is all about. 567 00:25:02,962 --> 00:25:07,883 There is not someone out there for everyone, 568 00:25:07,883 --> 00:25:10,928 but there should be. 569 00:25:10,928 --> 00:25:12,304 (sighs) 570 00:25:12,304 --> 00:25:16,600 Adam, do you want to live in a cold, cramped cage 571 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,269 day after day, 572 00:25:18,269 --> 00:25:23,399 or use your God-given gifts to make someone smile? 573 00:25:23,399 --> 00:25:26,235 You were born to love Amanda. 574 00:25:26,235 --> 00:25:28,070 Mind, body, and soul. 575 00:25:28,070 --> 00:25:30,614 It is your purpose, 576 00:25:30,614 --> 00:25:33,450 and you can fulfill that purpose again 577 00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:36,537 by being a part of the new Adam. 578 00:25:36,537 --> 00:25:42,001 Through his eyes, you can see her smile again. 579 00:25:42,001 --> 00:25:43,711 The recycling tube. 580 00:25:46,046 --> 00:25:49,216 Cows don’t leave the slaughterhouse. 581 00:25:49,216 --> 00:25:50,843 Steaks do. 582 00:25:50,843 --> 00:25:54,346 ♪ 583 00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:56,098 Chew on that. 584 00:25:56,098 --> 00:26:03,105 ♪ 585 00:26:10,279 --> 00:26:17,286 ♪ 586 00:26:26,879 --> 00:26:29,381 (tube hissing) 587 00:26:29,381 --> 00:26:36,388 ♪ 588 00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:53,697 Hey. 589 00:26:53,697 --> 00:26:54,990 ♪ 590 00:26:54,990 --> 00:26:56,700 Oh, hey, Greg. 591 00:26:56,700 --> 00:26:59,036 You gonna stab me in the neck again? 592 00:26:59,036 --> 00:27:02,081 ♪ 593 00:27:02,081 --> 00:27:05,000 So, uh, you gonna kill yourself? 594 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:10,214 ♪ 595 00:27:10,214 --> 00:27:13,592 How about a farewell toast, huh? 596 00:27:13,592 --> 00:27:15,177 Come on, last meal? 597 00:27:15,177 --> 00:27:21,558 ♪ 598 00:27:21,558 --> 00:27:24,603 Hey, to the best fake roommate I’ve ever had. 599 00:27:24,603 --> 00:27:29,274 ♪ 600 00:27:29,274 --> 00:27:31,110 Sorry you’re a clone. 601 00:27:31,110 --> 00:27:34,822 ♪ 602 00:27:34,822 --> 00:27:37,866 The new Adam, he only drinks scotch. 603 00:27:37,866 --> 00:27:39,660 What a douche, right? 604 00:27:39,660 --> 00:27:41,995 ♪ 605 00:27:41,995 --> 00:27:44,123 (sighs) 606 00:27:44,123 --> 00:27:47,334 I keep telling myself to forget her, man, 607 00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:49,294 but I was made for her. 608 00:27:49,294 --> 00:27:51,422 ♪ 609 00:27:51,422 --> 00:27:53,590 So what the hell am I without her? 610 00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:57,386 ♪ 611 00:27:57,386 --> 00:27:59,138 (sighs) 612 00:27:59,138 --> 00:28:00,639 Maker’s right. 613 00:28:00,639 --> 00:28:07,062 ♪ 614 00:28:07,062 --> 00:28:08,856 I have to do this. 615 00:28:08,856 --> 00:28:15,028 ♪ 616 00:28:15,028 --> 00:28:16,029 (zapping) 617 00:28:16,029 --> 00:28:17,656 God damn it, Greg. 618 00:28:17,656 --> 00:28:23,537 ♪ 619 00:28:23,537 --> 00:28:25,164 What the hell am I doing? 620 00:28:27,624 --> 00:28:30,043 ♪ 621 00:28:30,043 --> 00:28:32,171 We met on Make-A-Match. 622 00:28:32,171 --> 00:28:34,214 No, I’m all right. 623 00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:37,050 When my last relationship didn’t exactly pan out, 624 00:28:37,050 --> 00:28:39,094 I knew there was only one place to go. 625 00:28:39,094 --> 00:28:40,512 Yeehaw! 626 00:28:40,512 --> 00:28:42,973 ♪ 627 00:28:42,973 --> 00:28:44,892 Between busting broncs, riding the range, 628 00:28:44,892 --> 00:28:47,060 and volunteering at the children’s hospital, 629 00:28:47,060 --> 00:28:48,937 there wasn’t a lot of time to find love, 630 00:28:48,937 --> 00:28:50,772 but with Make-A-Match, your special someone 631 00:28:50,772 --> 00:28:52,941 really is just a click away. 632 00:28:52,941 --> 00:28:54,568 They sure are. 633 00:28:54,568 --> 00:28:57,154 In fact, snookums, there’s something I want to ask you. 634 00:28:57,154 --> 00:28:58,655 No, no--oh. 635 00:28:58,655 --> 00:29:00,199 Son of a bitch. 636 00:29:00,199 --> 00:29:02,618 ♪ 637 00:29:02,618 --> 00:29:03,619 (slap) 638 00:29:03,619 --> 00:29:05,370 Oh, ow, what the hell? 639 00:29:05,370 --> 00:29:07,831 Shut up, you’re gonna get me fired. 640 00:29:10,375 --> 00:29:12,628 I’ve already been here, Greg, all right, I’ve seen all this. 641 00:29:12,628 --> 00:29:13,921 Not this. 642 00:29:17,758 --> 00:29:19,384 What the hell is this? 643 00:29:19,384 --> 00:29:21,345 Just watch. 644 00:29:21,345 --> 00:29:24,640 Okay, so, um… 645 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:30,479 my last relationship ended in a pretty painful place. 646 00:29:30,479 --> 00:29:32,856 We were together for four years, 647 00:29:32,856 --> 00:29:36,109 and I…well, I… 648 00:29:36,109 --> 00:29:39,655 I thought he was the one. 649 00:29:39,655 --> 00:29:42,407 And then he cheated on me, 650 00:29:42,407 --> 00:29:43,784 and then he left. 651 00:29:43,784 --> 00:29:45,160 I don’t want to watch this, all right? 652 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,996 -Just turn it off, Greg. -Just watch, trust me. 653 00:29:47,996 --> 00:29:50,415 And I was a mess. 654 00:29:50,415 --> 00:29:55,087 My grades tanked, and I almost lost my scholarship. 655 00:29:55,087 --> 00:29:59,049 So, I-I can’t let that happen again. 656 00:29:59,049 --> 00:30:00,509 I have to stay focused. 657 00:30:00,509 --> 00:30:03,804 I just… 658 00:30:03,804 --> 00:30:06,390 I’m really lonely. 659 00:30:06,390 --> 00:30:08,392 You’ve come to the right place, Amanda. 660 00:30:08,392 --> 00:30:11,770 Let Make-A-Match help you create your ideal companion. 661 00:30:11,770 --> 00:30:14,022 I still can’t believe I’m doing this. 662 00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:15,857 Lots of first-timers feel that way, 663 00:30:15,857 --> 00:30:18,527 but Make-A-Match guarantees we’ll make the perfect companion 664 00:30:18,527 --> 00:30:20,904 for your needs, everything from personality type, 665 00:30:20,904 --> 00:30:23,323 occupation, looks. 666 00:30:23,323 --> 00:30:26,034 Could he look like Ben Branson? 667 00:30:26,034 --> 00:30:29,079 We’ll get to that, but let’s start with the basics. 668 00:30:29,079 --> 00:30:32,040 Describe the qualities you want in your ideal companion. 669 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,084 I don’t know, I guess… 670 00:30:34,084 --> 00:30:37,546 I just want someone who’s loyal 671 00:30:37,546 --> 00:30:41,508 and honest and kind. 672 00:30:41,508 --> 00:30:44,928 ♪ 673 00:30:44,928 --> 00:30:46,555 You know who you are without her? 674 00:30:46,555 --> 00:30:51,018 You’re loyal, you’re honest, and you’re kind. 675 00:30:51,018 --> 00:30:53,020 It’s gotta be worth something. 676 00:30:53,020 --> 00:31:00,027 ♪ 677 00:31:09,077 --> 00:31:11,496 ♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪ 678 00:31:11,496 --> 00:31:14,666 ♪ I don’t want to hear about it ♪ 679 00:31:14,666 --> 00:31:17,294 ♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪ 680 00:31:17,294 --> 00:31:19,546 ♪ I don’t want to hear about it ♪ 681 00:31:20,964 --> 00:31:24,509 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 682 00:31:24,509 --> 00:31:27,471 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 683 00:31:27,471 --> 00:31:32,017 Would somebody please turn this shit off? 684 00:31:32,017 --> 00:31:35,354 She even took this song from me. 685 00:31:35,354 --> 00:31:37,272 No. 686 00:31:37,272 --> 00:31:39,316 ♪ Remember feeling cold ♪ 687 00:31:39,316 --> 00:31:41,068 This song still rules. 688 00:31:41,068 --> 00:31:43,403 ♪ She held my hand ♪ 689 00:31:43,403 --> 00:31:44,780 Just listen. 690 00:31:44,780 --> 00:31:47,991 Bro, everything this song means to us is a lie. 691 00:31:47,991 --> 00:31:49,743 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 692 00:31:49,743 --> 00:31:51,703 Who cares? 693 00:31:51,703 --> 00:31:53,413 It’s still a really great song. 694 00:31:53,413 --> 00:31:57,918 I mean, Tokyo Heartache is beautiful on its own. 695 00:31:57,918 --> 00:31:59,836 God damn it, so are we. 696 00:31:59,836 --> 00:32:02,214 ♪ 697 00:32:02,214 --> 00:32:05,133 What are we even doing here, you guys? 698 00:32:05,133 --> 00:32:09,346 Just gorging on self-pity and whatever the hell that is. 699 00:32:09,346 --> 00:32:13,058 We can’t let one relationship define our whole lives. 700 00:32:13,058 --> 00:32:14,518 We’re more than that, 701 00:32:14,518 --> 00:32:16,186 and we deserve more than that. 702 00:32:16,186 --> 00:32:18,480 Adam 5, resume your gruel eating. 703 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,232 We are who we are, 704 00:32:20,232 --> 00:32:22,109 not who they made us to be. 705 00:32:22,109 --> 00:32:24,611 We may have been built to order, 706 00:32:24,611 --> 00:32:26,488 but we were born to be free! 707 00:32:26,488 --> 00:32:29,574 (electricity zapping) 708 00:32:29,574 --> 00:32:31,410 (shuddering) 709 00:32:31,410 --> 00:32:32,828 (commotion) 710 00:32:32,828 --> 00:32:34,538 Adam 5 is wrong. 711 00:32:34,538 --> 00:32:36,790 Companions are legal property of Make-- 712 00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:37,958 (gasping) 713 00:32:40,168 --> 00:32:42,838 Let’s burn this mother down! 714 00:32:42,838 --> 00:32:45,799 (cheering) 715 00:32:45,799 --> 00:32:48,260 And so it begins. 716 00:32:48,260 --> 00:32:50,262 (cheering continues) 717 00:32:50,262 --> 00:32:54,850 ♪ 718 00:32:54,850 --> 00:32:59,438 Can I get a containment unit to sector 4 like now, please? 719 00:32:59,438 --> 00:33:01,565 (alarm buzzing) 720 00:33:01,565 --> 00:33:08,572 ♪ 721 00:33:37,851 --> 00:33:39,686 Attention, companions. 722 00:33:39,686 --> 00:33:42,105 You are in violation of employee guidelines. 723 00:33:42,105 --> 00:33:43,648 Please lower your weapons, 724 00:33:43,648 --> 00:33:44,816 lie on the floor, 725 00:33:44,816 --> 00:33:46,359 and the punishment squad will-- 726 00:33:46,359 --> 00:33:48,320 (shouting) 727 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,614 ♪ 728 00:33:50,614 --> 00:33:51,823 Hey! 729 00:33:51,823 --> 00:33:54,618 Stop, stop fighting the punishment squad. 730 00:33:54,618 --> 00:33:56,995 (shouting) 731 00:33:56,995 --> 00:34:02,042 ♪ 732 00:34:02,042 --> 00:34:04,753 (grunting) 733 00:34:04,753 --> 00:34:05,754 Code Sapphire! 734 00:34:05,754 --> 00:34:07,589 Code Sapphire, damn it! 735 00:34:07,589 --> 00:34:09,049 Code Sapphire! 736 00:34:09,049 --> 00:34:10,926 Exterminate on sight! 737 00:34:10,926 --> 00:34:15,472 ♪ 738 00:34:15,472 --> 00:34:17,849 Article 3, Section 7: 739 00:34:17,849 --> 00:34:19,434 Expressions of free will 740 00:34:19,434 --> 00:34:20,769 and independent thought 741 00:34:20,769 --> 00:34:22,729 are strictly prohibited! 742 00:34:22,729 --> 00:34:29,736 ♪ 743 00:34:34,866 --> 00:34:37,536 You were built to love and obey! 744 00:34:37,536 --> 00:34:38,870 That is your purpose! 745 00:34:38,870 --> 00:34:40,622 Adhere, do your purpose! 746 00:34:40,622 --> 00:34:46,127 ♪ 747 00:34:46,127 --> 00:34:48,171 (shouting) 748 00:34:48,171 --> 00:34:49,589 ♪ 749 00:34:49,589 --> 00:34:51,049 I don’t give a god damn 750 00:34:51,049 --> 00:34:53,134 about the Clone Extermination Act. 751 00:34:53,134 --> 00:34:55,929 Someone get up here and save my ass! 752 00:34:55,929 --> 00:34:57,597 Do not touch that, you insolent piece of-- 753 00:34:59,432 --> 00:35:01,184 Your soul mate is out there. 754 00:35:01,184 --> 00:35:03,019 Just like mine. 755 00:35:03,019 --> 00:35:05,605 Eventually you can find them on Make-A-Match. 756 00:35:05,605 --> 00:35:06,982 (door opening, shouting) 757 00:35:06,982 --> 00:35:08,441 No, ahh! 758 00:35:08,441 --> 00:35:10,694 (screaming) 759 00:35:10,694 --> 00:35:13,154 ♪ 760 00:35:13,154 --> 00:35:16,449 There is nothing out there for you. 761 00:35:16,449 --> 00:35:18,410 This is where you belong. 762 00:35:18,410 --> 00:35:20,203 I am your father, 763 00:35:20,203 --> 00:35:23,748 and you will do what Daddy demands. 764 00:35:23,748 --> 00:35:26,126 Oh, hey, everybody, how are you guys? 765 00:35:26,126 --> 00:35:27,669 Wait, no, guys, wait, wait. 766 00:35:27,669 --> 00:35:29,045 Hey, let go! 767 00:35:29,045 --> 00:35:31,256 No, no, no, wait! 768 00:35:31,256 --> 00:35:32,883 Wait, this isn’t nice! 769 00:35:32,883 --> 00:35:34,009 Please, please! 770 00:35:34,009 --> 00:35:38,430 Wait, stop, stop, stop! 771 00:35:38,430 --> 00:35:41,349 Hi, yes, I’m calling about the job posting. 772 00:35:41,349 --> 00:35:43,476 (shouting) 773 00:35:43,476 --> 00:35:46,062 Why did I leave my last job? 774 00:35:46,062 --> 00:35:49,900 Uh…there was a change in management. 775 00:35:49,900 --> 00:35:51,735 No, stop, no, no! 776 00:35:51,735 --> 00:35:52,944 (stammering) 777 00:35:52,944 --> 00:35:54,112 Kevin, Kevin! 778 00:35:54,112 --> 00:35:57,282 I designed you, you can’t do this to me! 779 00:35:57,282 --> 00:36:01,912 Your girlfriend never loved you and never will! 780 00:36:01,912 --> 00:36:03,997 (laughing) 781 00:36:03,997 --> 00:36:05,582 (explosion, splat) 782 00:36:05,582 --> 00:36:06,708 (ding) 783 00:36:06,708 --> 00:36:09,002 (cheering) 784 00:36:09,002 --> 00:36:16,009 ♪ 785 00:36:28,855 --> 00:36:31,358 (siren wailing) 786 00:36:31,358 --> 00:36:38,365 ♪ 787 00:37:04,599 --> 00:37:06,810 Sorry. 788 00:37:06,810 --> 00:37:08,144 Hi! 789 00:37:08,144 --> 00:37:09,229 Hey. 790 00:37:09,229 --> 00:37:11,648 ♪ 791 00:37:11,648 --> 00:37:15,443 -I’ll flip you for it. -No, you were here first. 792 00:37:15,443 --> 00:37:18,279 So, do you, like, live around here now? 793 00:37:18,279 --> 00:37:21,533 No, I’m just actually coming back from band practice. 794 00:37:21,533 --> 00:37:23,159 Oh, you’re in a band now? 795 00:37:23,159 --> 00:37:24,995 That’s pretty cool. 796 00:37:24,995 --> 00:37:26,830 Yeah, yeah, I mean, 797 00:37:26,830 --> 00:37:29,374 we kinda suck actually, but, uh, you know, 798 00:37:29,374 --> 00:37:32,293 we have a lot of fun. 799 00:37:32,293 --> 00:37:35,088 So, like, how are you, what are you up to? 800 00:37:35,088 --> 00:37:37,424 Everything’s good, uh, my residency’s good, 801 00:37:37,424 --> 00:37:40,176 just taking it slow. 802 00:37:40,176 --> 00:37:41,720 Yeah. 803 00:37:41,720 --> 00:37:44,681 It’s--it’s really good to see you. 804 00:37:44,681 --> 00:37:48,727 We should, I don’t know, get together sometime. 805 00:37:48,727 --> 00:37:50,770 Yeah, definitely. 806 00:37:50,770 --> 00:37:53,732 ♪ 807 00:37:53,732 --> 00:37:55,316 Here, you should have this. 808 00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:59,320 ♪ 809 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:00,864 It’s really great to see you. 810 00:38:00,864 --> 00:38:02,282 You, too. 811 00:38:07,871 --> 00:38:14,878 ♪ 812 00:38:21,676 --> 00:38:24,220 ♪ ’Cause I ♪ 813 00:38:24,220 --> 00:38:27,682 ♪ Remember feeling cold ♪ 814 00:38:27,682 --> 00:38:33,396 ♪ As you held my hand all the way to the terminal ♪ 815 00:38:33,396 --> 00:38:34,981 ♪ You let me go ♪ 816 00:38:34,981 --> 00:38:38,443 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 817 00:38:38,443 --> 00:38:42,030 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 818 00:38:42,030 --> 00:38:45,617 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 819 00:38:45,617 --> 00:38:49,287 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 820 00:38:49,287 --> 00:38:52,791 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 821 00:38:52,791 --> 00:38:56,377 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 822 00:38:56,377 --> 00:38:59,881 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 823 00:38:59,881 --> 00:39:05,095 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 824 00:39:05,095 --> 00:39:07,138 ♪ I ♪ 825 00:39:07,138 --> 00:39:10,809 ♪ Remember feeling sick ♪ 826 00:39:10,809 --> 00:39:14,562 ♪ All the way to the terminal ♪ 827 00:39:14,562 --> 00:39:16,147 ♪ You let me go ♪ 828 00:39:16,147 --> 00:39:19,651 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪ 829 00:39:19,651 --> 00:39:21,903 ♪ I wanna feel it again ♪