[rock music plays]
[heavy breathing]
[man 1] Come on, you coward.
Look at me in the eye when I'm talking to you.
♪ I don't like What's taking over ♪
[man 1] I said look at me.
[man 1] I'm going to blow your brains all over the floor.
♪ Take what you have ♪
♪ Left ♪
Hey now you give it a shot.
Come on, man. You can do it.
I can't.
Just feels wrong.
You got to do this.
Alright, we're going to be in situations
where you got to do this.
I know.
[Exclaims]
It's just hard for me.
Alright, Brennan.
You got to get mean like we are at the gym.
Reps.
Oh yeah.
[grunting]
What are you doing?
I got to psych myself up.
[rock music plays]
♪ Yeah, please Don't wait ♪
♪ Tell him to his face ♪
♪ You don't Love him no more ♪
♪ It's a good lie ♪
♪ Lord, do whatever You will like ♪
♪ It's a good lie ♪
♪ Lord, do whatever You like ♪
[Ike] OK. No more excuses.
[Ike] No more bumbling, fumbling crap.
[Ike] Today is the day.
[Ike] Today's the day I--
[instrumental music]
[Ike] Of course, she sees me.
[Ike] Oh no. She's coming over.
[in female voice] Hey, can I tell you something?
[in male voice] What's up?
[in female voice] You know, I only really used
your roommate, Frankie, to get closer to you.
[in male voice] Oh, temptation.
But I cannot.
You see, my heart belongs to another.
[in female voice] Oh, she's so lucky.
- What's up? - [screams]
What's up?
Well, that went well.
Um, I got your roommate wet.
Thank you.
[Frankie] Why are you on the couch?
Because you're in my bed with some chick.
Sorry, dude.
Frankie?
[Ike] How do you do it, man?
You don't want to know.
Can I use your car?
[groaning]
Ah, my back!
Oh, I'm so sore from sleeping on the couch!
- Keys are in the bowl. - [Ike] Thank you.
[upbeat music]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby.
♪ And I won't Be coming back ♪
Ah!
♪ Because this life Is too hard ♪
♪ Like a heart attack ♪
♪ And life's too short To live like that ♪
[car alarm beeps]
♪ Counting our cars ♪
♪ They fade into the sun ♪
♪ As she says, "Goodbye, I'm gone ♪
♪ And I won't be Coming back ♪
♪ Because this life... ♪
[Ike] What up, girls? How you doing?
♪ Life's too short to live like that ♪
Ah! I didn't know it was so big!
[all laughing]
No way.
Oh, Starky. We were just talking about you.
Hey, Ike. You hungry?
- Ooh, touchdown. - Come on!
[chuckles]
[Ike clearing throat]
Can I help you?
Uh, she order yet?
Are you stupid?
Sometimes she orders early.
It's Thursday. She orders on Fridays.
Just checking.
You won't be getting her anyway.
What do you mean?
I mean, you're not getting her.
- Merrick claimed her. - What?
Hey, don't pout in my personal space.
Take it up with Merrick.
- Yeah, if you say so. - No, no, no, no.
Yeah, what? So, what.
Bianca!
Hey, Fing, how are you?
I'm fantastic!
How are you?
- What? - Bianca said
you wanted her delivery. Did you take it?
Who delivery?
Magda's.
Yeah, I did. You got a problem with that?
Usually, I take her.
That's why I took her because I figured it's my turn.
She doesn't want--!
Oh, I see.
She wants you to deliver the pizza, huh?
You like this girl, do ya?
Yeah.
What would you give up for her?
- What do you want? - Four
Four of yours this week.
That's not really fair, Merrick.
No, it's not fair, but I'm the boss
and that's the way it works.
- Fine. - Right.
Alright, on top of that, new guy.
- Geez! - Don't do that.
All right.
He's going to shadow you tonight,
and he's going to shadow you tomorrow.
- Yeah? - Okay.
And you can deliver your pizza.
- Okay? - Okay.
- Okay.
Hey, man. Rudy. Nice to meet you.
Fuck.
He left me just hanging there.
Go shadow him!
[Rudy] You ever had a chick answer the door naked?
[Ike] No. Close, though.
I had this really good-looking girl answer the door
wearing the tiniest towel, not even big enough
to cover all the goods if you know what I mean.
[chuckles] Yeah, man.
That's what I want. I want that.
[Ike] You know, and then she drops the money.
[Rudy] She knows she can't bend over to pick it up
without you catching something slip out at either end.
You know, but you're a gentleman.
You pick it up for her,
and you still get a flash of her hoo-ha.
[both laughing]
You're an ironic gentleman.
Oh, come on. That was just an example.
[Fing] Isaac!
- Fing! - Hey.
Who's your friend?
Oh, this is my--
- Rudy. - Rudy.
Yeah.
It's so good to see both of you guys.
Did you hear about the tragedy at the hospital this weekend?
- No. - Yeah. I heard about it.
That shit's totally preventable, guys.
Doesn't need to happen.
So what you got going on today, Fing?
You got to give it up, buddy, huh?
It's in you to give.
Blood!
There's an emergency blood clinic
just a couple blocks from here.
What time do you want us there?
How about lunchtime?
Okie dokie.
You're a good man, Ike.
Got to protect the community, huh?
Why didn't you give him a high five?
I don't know. He creeps me out a bit.
What? He's like the nicest guy in the world.
[Rudy] He's pretty weird.
[Ike] You're weird.
What? This is your ride?
Yep.
Aw, sick, man!
Uh-huh!
Oh, I just want to...
Hey, don't-- don't do that!
Don't. Stop.
Stop... Don't do that.
[rock music]
Guard the car.
You're supposed to be training me.
[Ike] I don't hear you guarding.
Sick.
- [baby crying] - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
One large Hawaiian?
Thank God! It's a war zone in here!
[Woman] Give me a second, I can't find my purse.
Tristan, have you seen my purse?
Don't you mess with me right now!
Oh, here. Sorry. Come on in.
Yeah. Take your time. Don't panic.
[Woman] Oh, little bastards!
Give me my purse! Get back here, Tristan!
[Woman] Come here!
[Woman] Oh, look what you made me do!
Hey, let me get my wallet!
Ugh! Tristan!
[baby crying]
God.
No! You're not getting any-- here.
Ah, will you hold him for a second?
- I got to find my money. - Uh-huh.
Okay, thanks.
Oh, wow.
- What's that? - Uh.
Come on, guy. What do I owe?
Nineteen titty-- fifty. Nineteen fifty.
Can I have my baby back?
- Oh, sure. - Oh, my God!
[baby crying]
You pressed your breast into me.
My husband's going to hear about this!
You did it.
[rock music]
[Rudy] What's going on?
[music continues]
[Man 1] We got to work on your tough guy.
[Man 1] Say, "Do it, you little gay chicken shit!"
Do it, gay chicken!
Really? With some conviction.
Or you're dead, homo!
Does it have to be a homosexual slur?
Yes. You're the sidekick. You're supposed to listen.
I have a lot of gay friends.
I had to listen when I was a sidekick.
They're really good people.
Say whatever you want! Just make sure he listens!
Ass face!
Okay. Put the jewelry in the bag right now!
Or else?
Or else I'm going to shoot you
with this gun right in the face!
That's good. Very scary.
Yes.
- Thank you. - In the bag.
[Man 1] In the bag.
[Man 1] Yeah. Quicker. Move it.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Ike. Oh, you came.
It's so good to see you, man.
Have you ever given blood before?
No, never.
Even better.
Virgin blood!
[swallows hard] I'm not giving blood.
Come on. Let's do this! Let's save a life!
- Come on, man. - No, man.
I-- I got AIDS.
Got it.
Right this way, Ike.
Hey, there's nothing to be nervous about when giving blood.
- [Ike] I'm fine. - [Fing] It's heroic.
[Fing] Got a hero here, Jack!
Oh, oh, right on.
A real-life hero. I like that.
You're in good hands pal.
Don't you worry about a thing, okay?
- Hook the hero up. - No problem.
You got it. Come on in, pal. Take a seat.
Make yourself comfortable, okay?
Okay.
So, you ever given blood before?
Uh, no. First time.
Okay, well how do you know Fing?
I live in the same city.
He's into everything, isn't he?
Sure is.
[Jack] A little over zealous if you ask me.
[Ike] Yeah, you can say that.
- So, okay. Nice and easy. - Okay.
- [Jack] There you go. - [yelps]
[Jack mutters]
Very well done, Ike. You are my hero, indeed.
[Jack] That's it, pal. You're good.
[Jack] Kick back, relax, and I'll be back
in just a little bit.
- AIDS? - I hate needles?
Why'd you make us come here again?
You don't understand.
If Fing wants you to do something, you just do it
or you'll hear about it for the rest of your life.
Screw that. I'm going to steal a cookie.
What? Get me one.
Come on. Right this way.
Good luck.
- Ready to give some blood? - Yeah.
Okay. Right this way.
Holy shit! Is he okay?
He's just fine. This happens all the time.
No problem at all. Just relax.
- What's going on? - You're okay, Ike.
Just a little hole in the bag.
Hold still, please.
There you go, buddy.
Put a little pressure on that.
You got it.
Okay, you should be good.
Sorry about the mess,
and sorry about the bag breaking,
but make sure you grab a cookie on the way out.
- Okay, pal? - If there's any left.
[ominous music]
Okay.
[phone ringing]
[coughing]
[chatter on television]
Thank you.
[Frankie] What is it?
I won a free trip to China.
What? Hey, what contest was this?
[Ike] I don't know.
- You ask Magda out yet? - Yep.
- You're lying. - What am I going to do in China?
What are you not going to do in China?
Communicate?
Everybody speaks English, Ike.
I know a bunch here that don't even speak English good.
Besides, I might have plans with Magda.
Yeah? What kind of plans?
Serious ones.
You haven't talked about shit with Magda!
Of course not! That's disgusting!
Quit being stupid. Take the damn trip!
Expand your horizons.
I'll sell it to you.
I can afford a trip to China.
You deliver pizzas!
And I'm not saying that's a bad thing.
It's a bad thing.
I'm just saying some cultural enhancement
might be appealing to someone like Magda.
Magda thinks I'm plenty appealing.
You're a nice guy, Ike.
That doesn't get chicks going.
Chicks like confident guys.
They like worldly, well-traveled guys.
You don't know anything about Magda.
I know women.
She's not like the women you get.
Okay, Ike.
Are you going to tell me your secret?
No.
You're going to buy my trip?
- No. - Can I have my breakfast back?
Thank you.
You don't got lots going on right now.
Nothing.
You should change that.
Just so you know, I'm not cool with this.
I'm aware of that.
Also, I don't like you anymore.
I had no idea you liked me before.
Anything else?
Yes, actually.
I'm just torn about telling you this, though.
Why? What is it?
Because on the one hand, it could be funny
if someone beat you down,
and you had no idea it was coming.
Why would someone want to beat me?
I don't know, Ike. You tell me.
Maybe it's because you're out there grabbing titties
on your deliveries!
What? Someone said that?
Why would someone say that, Ike?
I don't know. What did she say?
He! Douchebag. He.
And he also said he plans on bumping into you real soon.
Bullshit.
What-- what did he sound like?
Big.
Mean.
Thanks, Bianca. You're real swell.
You're welcome. Pervert.
Whose titties did you grab?
[Man] It doesn't usually work like that.
[Man] When will you know?
[Man] Okay... Yeah.
[Man] I'll expect your call.
[Man] Geez.
So?
You got to give me space when I'm on the phone.
Is it a job?
Oh, I got you.
Okay.
It's for you.
Thank you very much.
Can I get a glass of water for the road, please?
I thought you said this would mostly be stealing.
Well, it's mostly stealing plus a few other things.
I don't think we should do other things.
Just steal?
- Well, yeah. - Just steal.
[Brennan] Couldn't we just shake him around?
You've got battery, intent for bodily harm
and aggravated assault.
I don't think I could do this job.
Hey, Brennan, when I started out,
I was nervous too.
Yeah.
Don't worry. You had a good teacher.
You can't leave this lying around.
- Put that shit away. - Okay.
So, are you going to tell me?
[Man] What?
[Brennan] Why this guy wants to kidnap someone?
I don't know.
[Brennan] What-- what do you mean you don't know?
What's up with this guy?
Yakkity yack yack. You guys sound like two Marys.
I don't mean to be rude,
but you I think may have picked up my hundy,
okay buddy?
Why don't you get out of here?
Get out of here? No.
I'm telling you I think you may have picked up
my hundred-dollar bill.
I'm telling you that maybe you saw me pick up something else.
Yeah.
Okay. Hey, no problem, pal.
Okay.
So, why are we kidnapping someone?
I thought you needed the money.
[Brennan] I need the money. I need the money!
But I still have my ethics.
[chuckles] Okay, all right.
I'll tell you what.
If he calls back, I'll ask him.
Thank you.
Okay, listen to me very carefully,
okay, dude? I want my money.
Do you understand what I’m trying to--
[Man] You can ask me one more time.
[Man] How's that? Huh?
Okay. Take the money, man.
Yeah. Just keep the money.
Ugh!
You don't wanna be doing this, okay?
Yeah.
Ugh!
[shouts]
Come here.
Sure about that?
Thanks, dickhead.
- [Man] Brennan! - Sorry.
[rock music]
[whistles]
I still don't get it, man.
How do you drive a car like that?
It's none of your business.
You know, I'd sleep with you to drive that.
Just give me the bag.
- [Ike] Oh! - Snap, man.
Why would you do that? Pick it up.
You killed the pizza, man. It's dead.
[Ike] It's not my problem.
You're late, pig face!
That's not my name.
Two rodeo classics, four ranch, four cheese.
- [Man] Is that the pizza? - My God, you are ugly.
That's great. That will be $42.69.
[Man] Hey, bring that pizza in here.
Hey, pig face.
Who's your boyfriend?
Please don't flick garbage in my face.
Please don't flick garbage in my boyfriend's face.
Hey, I'm hungry.
That's super.
Aren't you the guy who smashed our last pie?
Uh, hmm... That's not accurate.
It was you. It was you, pig face.
You're the guy. Open the bag.
Payment first or I drop it.
Give me that!
Let it go, moron!
[laughing]
Well, cash, credit or debit?
You're not getting a tip.
Huge surprise. You guys usually tip so well.
All right. All right.
I got a little something for ya.
[Rudy] What the fuck? It burns!
[spitting]
Oh!
[Ike laughs]
[rock music]
Dude, I can actually smell his balls on your face right now.
I don't want to talk about it!
- All right. - Oh, God! So pungent.
[piano music]
- You look nervous. - What?
It's how I always look.
You're really going to ask her out?
Of course I'm going to ask her out.
Just uh--
One...
All right. I have to knock...
Don't. Don't touch me.
Okay?
[nervous exhale]
That's it. Get that angle right.
I'm going to do it. All right?
I'm going to do it. Don't.
I was going to do it!
Hi, boys.
[nervous laugh]
Oh yeah.
One medium Mediterranean subbed goat cheese with--
- Extra sauce. - What's the damage?
Uh, 16.50.
[clears throat]
Here you go and keep the change.
- Thank you. - I'm Magda.
It's nice to meet you.
And there's-- there's your pizza.
Oh, lovely. Well, thanks.
It was great seeing you.
Yeah.
- See you. - Oh, bye.
Bye.
[instrumental music]
So that's how you ask out a girl?
You keep saying that. "I was going to ask her out."
You gotta plant the seed.
Hey, dickheads!
[Rudy] You talking to us?
Oh, yeah. I'm talking to both of you dickheads!
Yeah, you hit me in the head with your banana peel, pal.
Oh, I did?
I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.
Hey, you're that guy from the blood bank, right?
Yeah.
What the hell?
[Ike] Okay, calm down.
This guy just needs a lesson in manners
and Sketcher's is just the one to teach it to him.
He said he was sorry.
[in Australian accent] Oh, okay!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did that hurt?
[screaming]
I'm the guy from the clinic, man!
He said he was sorry.
Okay.
Ugh!
This one is going to hurt.
- What are you doing? - Get off me!
Get off!
You're drunk, Jack!
Piss off, Fing!
I said go home! Understand?
Yeah, I understand, man.
Hey! This isn't over!
Get some sleep.
Why don't you get some sleep, man?
What's the matter with him?
Jack's not a bad guy.
He just has a problem with the sauce.
Yeah. No kidding.
Rudy, are you all right?
You all right?
It's okay. Deep breaths.
Deep breaths. You all right?
All right? Better?
Yeah.
Thanks, Ike. I appreciate it.
Don't thank me.
We're both lucky Fing showed up.
Thanks to both of you.
I just don't do too well with getting smacked, right?
Of course! That's understandable.
With AIDS, you can't risk bleeding.
You sure you're okay?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine, mostly.
Still the problem with the heart?
Yeah.
Dude. You got to ask her out.
She's out of my league, man.
Are you kidding me?
You're a big league hitter.
Girl'd be crazy not to get her hands on some Ike.
All right.
Are you sure everything's still okay?
I'm fine. Why do you keep asking?
You just don't seem like yourself lately
or you don't like me anymore.
I like you, Fing.
You get a little intense sometimes.
But I like you.
Intense? How?
You know, like you're always asking people to do stuff,
bake sales, bottle drives, donor stuff.
It's always something, right?
What if it was me in the hospital
that needed blood or you?
I would hope there's lots of blood in the blood bank.
And how does that blood get there?
- The donors? - Yeah, donors.
And how do the orphans get warm blankets at Christmas time?
- You gave it to them. - I gave it to them.
[voice cracks] Hey, [clears throat]
would you like a free trip to China?
- You won this? - Yeah?
No, no, no. I can't take this.
No. I want you to have it.
Are you seriously going to make me take this?
It's for you.
For all the hard work you do in the community.
No one's ever done anything like this for me before.
Well, you-- you deserve it.
I know I get really intense sometimes.
I just care so much about the community, you know.
It's how you roll.
And we're better because of it. Okay?
Take care, buddy.
Hello.
Hello, sir. Your pizza has arrived.
Pizza?
Yeah, your pizza.
One large Chicken Tuscany with olives.
Chicken?
Yeah. Your chicken pizza.
You ordered a pizza, didn't you?
Oh, now I remember.
I'm sorry. Oh, come on, Tom.
Get your head screwed on straight.
[all laughing]
All right, guys.
Here's some coins.
I don't suppose that's going to cover it, is it?
You know what?
There's actually a special promo going on today,
sir, for people living in this exact address.
- A promo? - Yep.
Your pizza is absolutely free.
- Absolutely free! - That's right.
That is wonderful!
- Thank you, young man. - Hey.
And you too, young fellow.
Thank you so much.
You come back now, okay?
Anytime, and have some pizza.
Yeah, sure.
Have a good one.
Bye!
- Okay. - That's how it's done.
Why would you give that old coot a free pizza?
- He's tricking you. - Shut up.
[Ike] He's not tricking anyone.
[normal voice] Free pizza.
[Rudy] Look at that house.
[electronic music playing]
That's the guy.
That guy did all that stuff to a woman?
Yeah. That's what the guy said.
Didn't look the type.
Why would he lie?
Let's kidnap this little prick.
Let's do it.
[phone ringing]
Is this done?
Excellent. Excellent.
Good.
Come on, man. Just let me do--
- Wha, wha, wha... - Careful with the goods.
You really want to do this?
Yes, man. I won't be giving it away.
That's for sure. Come on.
Do you think you're ready?
Yes.
- You sure? - I'm sure.
Give me the bag.
All right.
You asked for it.
[speaking foreign language]
- Uh-- - Hello.
Uh, one medium meat lover's pizza.
Yes. Thank you.
That was very fast delivery.
Yeah.
Oh, my friend. I have money for you.
Good.
You know, this reminds me of movie I saw last week.
- Oh yeah? - Oh.
Please be gentleman and pick that up for me?
[Ike laughing]
[chuckling]
Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. Very funny. Very funny.
[chuckling]
Oh my God, dude. That was so awesome.
Yeah. Almost as funny as it's going to be
when Bianca finds out you chickened out on Magda again.
All right. I'll see you in a bit.
- What? Why? - Pizza joint is just up there.
I'll see you in a few minutes.
What are you-- Are you serious?
- Where are you going? - You're the best. Thank you.
[tires screeching]
Love you too, Ike. I'm telling Merrick.
- Wait for my word. - Okay.
[Brennan] Hey, sicko.
[Ike] What?
[Brennan] Time to pay the piper.
I don't think I know you.
Oh, he's-- he's just kidding.
Relax, relax!
- We just want to talk to you. - About what?
About keeping your hands to yourself!
What are you doing? Kidnap him!
[rock music playing]
[grunting]
[Ike grunting in fear]
Oh, you little--
- [panting] - [chattering]
Ike, what are you doing leaving Rudy
out in the road like that?
[mumbling]
Oh, fuck it.
I can't do it.
So you just dropped Rudy off, huh?
What? Yes. No. What?
I told you to train him.
He's trained. He's fine. He knows what to do.
I heard-- I heard what you did with Rudy
and the exhibitionist.
Oh...
[laughing]
You can come to my party, okay?
- High five. - Whoa...
You're not a gay, are you?
No. I'm not a gay, Merrick.
I love breasts.
- High five. - High five.
[shouting, chattering] [rock music playing]
♪ Before everyone dies... ♪
[chattering, shouting]
♪ We can compromise... ♪
- Oh! - I smelled it coming!
I love you! Muah!
Drink, drink.
[all chanting] Drink, drink, drink, drink!
[chanting continues]
Whoa, that's a warm drink!
Hey, hands are on the table.
No hands on the table. You know that.
That's bullshit.
Bad word. No beer.
You never said that was a rule.
Okay. It's a rule. You happy now?
[Merrick] Get your hands off the table, drink, drink, drink.
[mouthing words] Wow.
Drink like the dog you are!
Drink, drink.
Hey, he said he-- off the table.
- Oh, puke, puke, puke. - That's a beautiful...
Come on, Rudy boy.
Come on. You need another drink, buddy.
Hold on a second.
- Ah-ha! - [gasping]
[laughing]
You're funny this time!
[groans]
Hey, it's the guy.
Merrick's completely insane, man.
I would have been safer with those thugs.
[Rudy] Yeah, man.
Wait. What thugs?
What do you think of Magda?
You should ask her out, man.
No.
- You should just do it. - It's not that easy.
It's exactly that easy.
What's the worst that can happen?
- She says no. - So.
- So? - Like, who cares, man?
How many "No's" do you think I've gotten from chicks, Ike?
Thousands.
Go fuck yourself.
Hey, hey.
Do you think she's out of my league?
For sure she's out of your league.
But, but, but man,
hotter chicks have been with worse guys.
Right?
- I'll take that. - You'll do okay.
Oh, hello.
I didn't realize you were already here.
Huh?
- I'm Candy. - Oh, it's nice to--
Your friend told me you were a little shy.
My friend, huh? Okay.
Ah! Okay.
That's nice. Okay.
What's it getting back for?
Frankie said if I primed you up properly,
soon you'd be taking it like a champ.
A strange way to put it.
What you doing?
You must be pretty kinky deep down, huh?
I don't know. I haven't checked.
[knocking on door]
That's the door.
Ah.
[panting]
Huh... Don't tell me. Let me guess.
You're here to see Frankie.
That makes more sense.
Sorry I'm late.
Ooh, me likey.
Ah!
So much for being shy, huh?
Sorry you got caught up in that.
So awkward.
Candy comes on a little strong.
Traumatizing even.
I need my car today, Ike.
I'd invite you up for a taste, but it might be weird.
I'll just take the ride, thanks.
Okay. Where's your car at?
My boss' house.
Can you drop me off at Magda's?
I should redeem myself.
Oh no. What'd you do?
I was a stammering idiot.
Frankie, man. What's your secret?
You really want to know?
Yes.
I pretend it's you.
What?
When I'm talking to a girl I want to sleep with,
I imagine I'm talking to you.
- That's gay. - No.
The trick is to convince yourself
you're talking to someone nonthreatening,
someone you kind of got power over.
Yeah, but you don't have power over me.
[laughing] Okay, Ike.
- Put your seat belt on. - Oh, yeah.
Safety first.
- Hey, can I just-- - No.
[piano music]
Yeah.
- Hi. - Hello.
Just in the neighborhood?
[laughing]
No, I came from the other side of town actually.
Oh? Is something wrong?
Yeah. There sure is.
What's wrong?
Uh, I sometimes I--
Yeah.
[inhales deeply]
I meant to ask you something yesterday, and I
I couldn't get it out.
- Why not? - Because I-
I get tongue-tied when I'm around you.
- Around little old me? - Yeah.
Well, that's just silly.
Magda
will you go out with me today?
- I don't think I can. I- - Then say no.
Don't- I... I don't even know your name.
Sorry, it's Ike.
- Ike Starkey. - Ike.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Ike.
Ah, pleasure's all mine.
[chuckles]
OK. [chuckles]
Uhh...
pick me up in an hour?
Ah...
[laughs]
[lighthearted music]
Oh. Yeah, sorry.
[laughs]
- All right. - Yeah.
So I'll pick you up in an hour.
- OK. - Back here.
- Don't go anywhere.
- I won't. - Bye.
♪ ...would you Change the world ♪
♪ Would you make it any better ♪
♪ Would you take away All the hurt? ♪
♪ Would you take the time to See through someone's eyes ♪
♪ Would you take the time To change someone's life ♪
♪ No more heartache ♪
Hoo. Ha. Haa.
Heh. Huh.
Hey, pizza boy.
- Gotcha! - I...!
Hey. What are you doing? This-
- It's a big misunderstanding. - You know, I get it now.
Can't understand things?
No, I- [grunts]
OK, are you sure?
Perry!
OK, are you sure?
He doesn't look like it.
Well, what's he supposed to look like?
Like an asshole.
[heavy breathing]
[dramatic whoosh]
[Ike] That's it. These thugs are messing
with the wrong guy on the wrong day!
[imitating goon] "Hey, pizza boy.
I think I'm so tough."
[as Ike] "Oh yeah? Are you tougher than this?"
[scuffling] [grunting]
"Whammy!" [grunts]
[punching] [grunting]
[snaps fingers] [music ends]
[tense music]
Help? [grunts]
[punch] [grunt]
[groans] Shut your mouth.
Listen. I can explain.
Hey.
Maybe we should ask him?
Thanks [inaudible].
- You can't do that! - He surprised me!
[fast-paced music]
[bangs on door] [music continues]
[door clicks open] [music ends]
[tense music]
What's your fucking problem?
What's my fucking problem?
What's your fucking problem?
What's his fucking problem?
I'll tell you what my problem is, shit-stain.
We need the guy who just came in this house.
I just came in this house. No, no, wait, wait.
I just came in your mom's house.
[laughing]
[man from house] Mom's a classy lady.
[laughing]
Tell you what. Either...
you go get the guy who just ran in there
or me and my friend are gonna tear your place apart.
- Oh, is that a fact? - That's a fact, yeah.
Hey! Mickey!
There's some thugs at the door threatening us.
This should be fun.
Having fun already.
What's all the noise out here?
These guys are
are telling me they're gonna tear our house apart!
Is that what they tell you?
Let's do it.
Come on. Do it.
You want some of this, jackass?
Yeah. Yeah. [rock music]
I want some of that.
Why don't we step inside?
♪ You won't let go ♪ [scuffling inside]
♪ I won't give in ♪ [crashing inside]
♪ We both feel so [indistinct] ♪
[splintering crash]
[crash]
[rock music continues]
[music ends]
[starter turning over]
No, no, no, no. Come on, come on.
Come on. Come on! [banging steering wheel]
Ow!
[rock music]
[grunts]
[shouting]
♪ So give me a show Before we know it ♪
♪ I'm gonna tear it I'm gonna tear it up ♪
♪ Who's gonna love you Just like I told you? ♪
♪ I'm gonna tear it I'm gonna tear it up ♪
♪ Who's gonna dance Right into your heart? ♪
♪ I'm gonna tear it I'm gonna tear it up ♪
[zipper]
♪ Who's gonna play The things that you need? ♪
♪ I'm gonna tear it I'm gonna tear it up ♪
♪ Who's gonna heal your curse When you bleed me? ♪
♪ I'm gonna tear it I'm gonna tear it up ♪
♪ Who's gonna dance Right into your dreams? ♪
♪ I'm gonna tear it I'm gonna tear it up ♪
You're late.
[romantic music]
[whimpers]
I... I am so sorry.
Did you have to run from the other side of town this time?
No! [nervous laugh]
I... just a beautiful day
wouldn't you say? Decided to...
take advantage
get a little exercise. You know how it is.
Didn't have time to go to the gym to...
you know.
I'll go get my... shoes.
Great. I'll just put on some clothes.
[music continues]
[front door opens]
Ready?
[nervous laugh]
Ladies first?
Thanks.
[chuckles]
[upbeat fun music]
So.
Is, is there a particular plan?
Oh yeah, I, umm...
I got something in mind.
Umm...
If you say so.
So what does
Ike do when he's
not delivering pizza?
Uhh, I draw.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
What do you draw?
Uhh, everything. Uhh
the human form, mostly. I...
Uhh, I like to draw graphic novels.
Yeah?
- What kind? - Uhh, superheroes.
Mmm.
Who's your favorite superhero?
Uhh, Sketcher.
Sketcher is my favorite superhero.
I, I invented him myself.
Crazy.
Well, what does he do?
Uhh, he, he can draw
anything, and he has a super-powered pencil that
uhh, makes his drawings come to life.
- Sounds fascinating? - Right. Like
like, if he, if he was in trouble
he could just draw a bunch of
lions or something, and they would come to protect him.
Or just draw a flying car.
[mimicking car]
"See you later, danger.
Not this time."
[imitates car engine] [music ends]
You don't read comics, do you?
You're really freaking me out right now.
Seriously [upbeat fun music]
where are you taking me?
Stop being so impatient.
- Impatient? - Impatient.
[Ike] Uhh, so... [relaxing music]
Uhh, you were gonna tell me about Magda's world.
Well, what do you wanna know?
Anything. Anything at all.
Umm...
I knit.
Sorry?
I knit. Like, umm...
needles and balls of yarn and stuff.
Isn't that sort of an old-lady hobby?
[laughs]
I guess, I mean...
I learned it from my grandma, so-
Oh yeah? And how'd that happen?
You were watching one day, and thought to yourself
"Hey, now that looks like a fun time."
No. [Ike chuckles]
I just really liked watching her knit while she was alive.
[dramatic whoosh]
[Ike] Oh my god!
Ah, oh my god.
Oh, look. My shoelace is untied.
[explosion]
[man] That guy needs a face punch.
[dramatic whoosh]
[Magda laughs]
You can make fun of me with something else if you want.
That's absolutely not necessary.
So what does, uhh...
Sketcher look like, anyway?
Uhh, you don't wanna hear about that.
He's like six feet tall.
He's wiry, and, uhh...
has a black hoodie, and usually keeps in the shadows.
Hmm. Why?
Because it's a big responsibility
to have your drawings come to life.
And, so do you like draw him yourself, and-?
Yeah.
Cool.
Well, can I like, see him sometime, or- ?
Of course.
- Yeah. - Cool.
Unless you're
making fun of me.
Me?
No.
[both laugh]
So what would, uhh
Sketcher draw, if, umm
if there's like, a crazy
big guy who just like
came in here right now and wanted to kick his ass?
Umm, well... Jesus! [tense music]
Jesus Christ?
Umm...
Uhh, why don't you order something?
I'm, I'm just gonna go to the washroom.
Oh. OK.
[soft clatter]
[gun slide]
Don't rush off.
Hello. Are you ready to order something?
Hi. Umm...
Yeah, that's what I wanted to ask. How's the, uhh
uhh, half a chicken?
It's really good, it's my favorite.
- Yeah? - Yeah. I'd recommend it.
Leave a 20.
Let's go.
[grunt]
You guys are taking this a little far, don't you think?
Shut up.
What are you gonna do? Kill me?
Nobody said anything about that.
Just let me go!
[punch] [grunt]
Didn't I tell you to shut up?
Excuse me, sir.
Do you have the time?
Why don't you get out of here, old man?
- Move your feet. - No. Please.
Stop! [rock music]
[grunts]
No, no, no, dude! You can't do this.
You can't do this, please!
You should have thought of that before.
I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, OK? I'm sorry!
[punch] [grunt]
[kick] [grunt]
Can I talk to you for a second?
What? What is it?
I don't think we should beat him like this.
[Perry] How would you like me to beat him, huh?
I thought we were supposed to bring him back in one piece.
[Perry] I'm gonna bring him back in one piece
but I'm gonna kick his ass a little first.
[thump] [both grunt]
[engine idling]
[engine cuts] [keys jingling]
Young fella?
I don't know what you're up to
but you better skedaddle before you put yourself in harm's way.
Comprende?
- Thank you. - Amigo.
[grunts]
[engine starts]
[groans]
[door creaks open]
M-Magda, where are you going?
- Away from you. - Please don't go.
Why do you care?
You can't even stick around for five minutes?
- I can explain. - Well, I don't wanna hear it.
N-no. Please.
My god. [tender piano music]
What happened?
I was jumped.
Uh. Why?
Don't know. I...
I don't know what's going on.
Will you be honest with me?
Of course.
Are you...
dealing drugs?
If I promise to tell you, will you come with me?
Magda, please.
[music continues]
[fireworks exploding] [distant cheering]
[chuckles]
So you grabbed a boob?
Not "grab."
Like, I, palmed it, maybe. [Magda laughs]
She pressed it into me.
Do you think that's why these guys are chasing you?
I don't know. Why else?
[chuckles]
Does this happen a lot, like the whole boob-grabbing thing?
Ow! I didn't grab-
[laughs]
Yeah.
Yeah, all the time. It's how I get tipped, actually.
Jerk. Knew I shouldn't have trusted you.
You can trust me.
[tender piano music]
Why'd you think I was dealing drugs?
I don't know. [chuckles]
- You're kinda sketchy. - I'm sketchy?
- Uhuh. - You're the one that knits, OK?
[laughs] Gotta be careful with that.
So are you...
glad you came up here?
Uhuh. Yeah.
It's nice.
[music continues]
[hiss]
Mmm. Yummy.
Thank you for that. [Magda laughs]
Come on, it's getting chilly, and we have a long walk ahead.
[spits] That was kinda mean.
I mean, it was just so-
you got some- here, I'll get it.
[spitting] [laughing]
[romantic piano music]
You have to be patient.
It has to fit just right.
You can't force the heart.
OK.
I say we turn it.
No, he couldn't have gotten far on foot.
We've been all over this area, Perry.
He got away
when that son of a bitch hit us.
Son of a bitch.
He got lucky tonight.
Get him tomorrow. [tense music]
He's probably right under our noses.
- Yeah. - Let's get out of here.
And, and it's nutritious.
What?
It's them! Magda, run!
- Take her! - Ike!
- Pick up the gun! - No!
Freeze!
Don't you move.
- Shoot him! - No!
- Shoot him in the leg! - Please don't shoot him!
Let her go, OK?
- Just get him! - Run, Ike!
I'm not leaving you, OK?
[gunshots] Oh, shit!
[fast-paced tense music]
[grunting]
[clatter]
[grunt] [clatter]
[grunt] [thump]
[groans]
[music fades]
Hey, which way'd he go?
Come on, we gotta get this tonight.
Did you hear me? Which way?
What did you do with the girl, Perry!
What?
I, I put her in the trunk.
That's not right.
You can't do that.
Well, I'm not gonna hurt her. She's just-
She's just leverage.
These were good pants.
Hey, you lied to me.
He didn't do it!
Hey, that's what the guy said.
He didn't hurt anyone, did he?
- He might- might have-- - Perry!
He might have. I don't know. I didn't ask the guy.
You said...
you were gonna ask him.
Don't ask that stuff, but he did something.
A guy doesn't get kidnapped for nothing.
It's not in his face.
- He is not violent! - Who cares?
Today, we
almost got him!
We've got his girl. We've got him for sure now.
This job is bad, Perry.
OK? And I don't wanna do any of this!
This...
This ain't for me.
You kidding?
You're great at this stuff!
You're a natural.
Way better than I was when I started.
I quit!
[gun clicks] Can't quit on me.
Perry!
I quit.
[tense music]
[gun slide]
[grunts]
Fuck!
[grunts]
[music continues]
[car door opens]
[trunk latch clicks]
Forgive me.
[Magda grunts]
[car door shuts] [engine starts]
Why?
[car engine rumbling]
How's that even possible?
I guess she's double-jointing
like she used to on-- [indistinct]
What the hell are you doing here?
- I need you guys' help. - Hang on. You double-joining?
- Wish I was. - Really?
Why?
Uhh... I don't know.
Did you guys hear me? I said I need help!
Hey, hey!
You're major cock-blocking here.
Get the hell outta here, you're ruining my mojo.
I don't give a shit about your mojo, you selfish homophobe!
Someone took Magda, I need help.
Rudy!
- I... - Ru-
- I'm sorry. I got a delivery. - Get this lit for me.
Hey. You.
I don't know who told you that I'm a homophobe
but I've never slept with a man.
The other one was in college.
It's a three-some and the girl was just late.
And I, it was just a little possible.
- Bianca! - What's up, Ike?
- Someone took Magda. - I heard you.
Do you want some advice?
Find another girl.
[telephone rings]
Wicked Wedge, glad you called.
- How can I help you? - Really?
Uhuh.
Mm-hmm.
[laid-back music] [keys clinking]
Yeah?
Sure. Do you want cheese with that?
Sure. I'll take this one.
You take the next two.
She was just late!
Jesus.
Rudy.
I'm sorry, Ike. I gotta go, man.
- Are you serious? - I gotta take these deliveries.
I'll see if I'm done on time, I'll see what I can do.
I'm sorry, Ike, I gotta go.
Are you being serious right now?
- I'll see you later. - Rudy!
Guys!
- Ike! - What's up, Ike?
My friend was kidnapped tonight. Can you help me out?
I think you should go to the authorities, man.
I know it sucks to involve the popo, but
gotta take the proper channel, dude.
No. No, he'll hurt her.
He's crazy.
[chuckles]
Are you in Make-Believe Land again?
No! When have I ever been in Make-Believe Land?
Every time when your friends gets kidnapped.
I've never had a friend get kidnapped!
This is the first friend that has gotten kidnapped!
[chuckles]
God!
[metallic clatter]
Ah!
[indistinct] ...no.
OK.
Let me call you back.
Perfect. Thanks.
[exclaims]
Hey, Ike. Buddy!
[slow music]
Hey.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
[keys clattering]
Hey. Hey, are...
are you sure you're OK to drive?
Oh, I'm fine. I'm good.
Dude.
What's going on?
Do you need a hand?
[music continues]
Do you wanna tell Phing what's going on?
[fast-paced electronic music]
[Perry grunts]
Do you know...
how hard it is to find a decent
- side-kick in this business? - What's your name?
[grunts]
He was smart
strong
- intimidating... - What do you want?
I just want this whole thing to be over.
I want your boyfriend to show up.
He's not my boyfriend.
He's not coming for me.
[chuckles]
You better hope he is.
[cellphone beeps] [sniffs]
Dude.
- That's some crazy shit, man! - I know.
Phing, I gotta get her back.
What's your plan?
Gonna... I'm gonna drive up there
kick down the door, and get her back.
You want my help for this?
OK. Why not?
This is a community concern, right?
- Damn right! - Let's do this.
Let's do this!
- Yes! - Whoo!
- Ha!
- Yeah! - Ha!
Yeah.
Whoo! You don't know where she is, do you?
Not at all.
[knocking on window] [exclaims]
[exhales]
- Yeah. - Some guy called for you.
- Who was it? - He left you a message.
Wants you to meet him here.
Tonight.
Thanks.
[exhales]
[paper rustling]
[knocking on window]
Yeah?
Would you like to borrow my car, Ike?
Y-yes, please?
He sounded crazy, so be careful.
And don't you scratch my ride.
[car engine starts]
[suspenseful music]
- My name is Magdalena. - I don't-
I don't wanna know your name.
Magda for short.
[sighs]
Why Ike?
[grunts]
They're gonna rip his heart out.
What is that supposed to mean?
What's your name?
[gun clicks]
Ask me my name again.
Hey, go ahead.
Ask me!
[car approaching outside]
- So we're really gonna do this? - Yes.
OK. What's the plan again?
[dramatic whoosh]
[Ike] The plan? You wanna know the plan?
First, we find a way into that warehouse.
Then we sneak up on him from both sides.
[imitates Perry] "Oh, it's you, Pizza Boy!"
"Why don't you come over here and kick my ass?"
[as self] "Step away from the girl."
Then I'll distract him, see?
And you smash him over the head with something.
Then I free Magda
and she French-kisses me.
Why do I have to smash him over the head?
That's the safe part. I'm gonna be right in his line of fire.
- He's got a gun. - Oh.
Did you bring something to smash him over the head with?
Like a hammer, or bat?
[Ike] We'll find something inside.
Come on.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
[tense music]
Please just let me go.
This...
It was supposed to be an easy job.
Get the pizza guy, drive him to the Point, get paid.
- I won't tell the police. - But no.
No, he's gotta be a runner.
He just keeps running, and running!
I swear to god-
Where's your pussy pizza boy?
[Ike] Right behind you!
[music continues]
I can't believe he actually showed up!
Step away from the girl!
[gun slide]
[Perry] So nice of you to make it.
[clang and grunt] [gunshot]
[grunts] [gun clatters]
- Ike! - I'm so sorry!
I shouldn't have gotten you involved.
You OK?
[grunts]
[gunshot] [scream]
Phing, what the hell?
He's the bad guy, right?
Yeah, but, a little over-kill, don't you think?
Wrong!
[laughs]
I'm the bad guy, turd stain!
Me! I'm the bad guy!
[laughs]
This- this thug
couldn't even kidnap a puppy.
Huh? All you had to do was grab him.
I even told you where he works.
[grunts]
Fuck. [grunts]
What's wrong with China, Ike?
Phing, what the hell is going on?
Hold that thought.
[chuckles]
[phone camera shutter]
Perfect.
[chuckles]
[claps hands]
[coughing]
[Ike] Wh-what are you, what are you doing, Phing?
[music continues]
[Perry coughs]
[metallic rumble]
[Perry grunts]
Hop on, Ike.
Let's get you comfortable.
No games.
Don't.
- I will shoot her. - OK, OK.
Tie up that hand.
[gun clicks]
[music continues]
[cable tie clicking]
OK, OK.
[cable tie clicking]
Good.
[cable tie clicking]
[Ike grunts]
[grunts]
[Ike] Magda...
[Phing] You comfy, Ike?
Huh?
[Jack] Well, well, well... [suspenseful music]
What do we have here?
Jack's back!
[sighs]
[screaming]
I was kinda hoping to bump into you.
Yeah.
[punches] [grunts]
You are next.
[punches] [grunts]
Come here.
I think you have a little something that
belongs to me.
[exhales]
[punches] [grunts]
[exhales] Oh god, that felt good.
Yeah.
OK.
[screaming]
I told you it wasn't over.
[sighs]
All right, then.
[exhales]
I'm a little drunk.
[both laugh]
Why are you doing this?
You should have gotten on that plane to China, Ike!
Do you know what AB negative heart goes for, these days?
You're an organ harvester?
If I invest in futures and commodities
I might not have to work for years
and that's awesome!
How long have you been doing this?
[metallic clang]
[tense music]
Jack.
You got this under control?
Yeah. I'm on it.
[soft squeak]
[grunting]
Shh.
You're supposed to be good guys.
Who says we're not?
[dramatic whoosh]
[grunting]
[Ike] Get out of this!
Come on, get yourself out of this!
Ah!
Please, come on, just this once!
[dramatic whoosh]
You really hurt my feelings.
You don't know a thing about me.
- So full of shit. - No, I'm not.
I was nice to you when I took your blood.
Oh yeah, you're a real saint.
I offered you a cookie on the way out.
Hope you choke on a cookie, you psychopath!
Shut up!
You don't know a thing about me.
[tense music]
I'm not a psychopath.
OK? I save lives!
And this is gonna hurt a little bit.
[Rudy grunting] [thump]
Rudy! Great, get me out of here, man.
[Rudy] What do you think I'm doing?
[music continues]
Rudy! [gunshot]
[grunts] No!
[Rudy grunts]
[Phing] This isn't funny, guys. [Magda sobs]
I don't got time for this shit.
You're gonna pay for this, you son of a bitch!
[grunt]
- [Magda] How much? - Shut up!
You know you can't shoot him if you plan to take his heart.
[shouts]
I said, shut up!
I don't need your heart!
How much are you getting for it?
What if I can give you more?
[gun clicks]
[gun clatters]
Keep talking?
But you have to let us all go.
And I suppose you'll go home and keep your mouth shut?
Yes.
[Phing] And I can keep doing my thing?
Yes.
[Ike grunts]
Is that true, Ike?
If I let you go
I can keep doing my thing?
No, I'm gonna stab you!
See?
Ike's truthful.
- That's why I like him. - Get off me!
[laughs]
[groaning]
What'd they do to you, Jack?
[Phing screams]
I'm gonna kill you so badly!
[thump] [grunt]
Stupid bitch! [grunts]
Ahh!
Fuck!
[crashes] [grunts]
Ike! Don't get excited before we take your heart out!
[Phing laughs]
[punch] [grunt]
[punch]
[relaxing music]
Magda! I'm so sorry!
Just cut me loose.
[grunts]
Do you hate me?
♪ I fall for Every word you say ♪
You did kind of save my life.
♪ I'd replay it over Again and again ♪
[Rudy] Can someone call me an ambulance?
[Ike] Oh god!
- Hey, Ike. - OK, buddy.
It's OK. Think about [indistinct]
Oh!
- They're shiny. - Yeah, that's right.
Oh, man.
Phing shoot me?
A little bit. A little bit.
♪ You scare me ♪ [sirens blaring]
♪ You make me feel What I don't wanna feel ♪
♪ I put your memories in a box ♪
♪ I locked it And threw away the key ♪
♪ Baby ♪ [handcuffs clicking]
♪ We were never meant to be ♪
♪ But you scare me ♪
♪ Scare me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
Well, good luck harvesting organs, in your butt.
Aww.
[police radio chatter]
[doctor] I want you to go home and get some rest.
Rest is all I want you to do.
You've had a pretty crazy night.
Someone will be in touch with you shortly, all right?
Have a good night.
♪ I can't believe That I'd hesitate ♪
♪ To walk away from you ♪
Don't, don't I know you from somewhere?
You look so familiar.
Well...
Just one of those faces, I guess.
[Magda laughs] [ambulance engine]
[ambulance siren]
Come on!
♪ ...and you pushed me down Left me alone ♪
♪ I'm broken down ♪ [siren wails]
♪ You tried to Take a piece of me ♪
♪ That would never be ♪
We should probably go with them.
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
♪ I'm so far gone ♪
♪ Can't right your wrongs ♪
♪ I'm so far gone ♪
♪ Sunken in ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ I'm so far gone ♪
♪ The girl police Are coming over ♪
You can do it. You can do it.
♪ And he locked the stash In the bottom drawer ♪
♪ The woman fuzz Are coming for us ♪
[laughs]
Hang tight, because we gotta wait for this truck.
What truck? There's a truck?
- Yes. - Whose-? Is it your truck?
It is my truck!
Oh my lord.
[director] And, action.
I swear to god.
[director] Do an action again, moves in--
Sorry.
- [director] Action. - I swear to--
[laughs] Sorry.
- OK. - OK.
- What, what are you doing? - Kidnapping.
[cameraman laughs]
[chuckling]
That didn't work at all.
[door creaks]
He can't do it.
Shooting a movie?
♪ That's my story ♪
God, your flue is dirty.
What flue?
[muttering]
Now this is the most pressure
I've been under in 20 years, by the way.
I'm not kidding.
It's rolling, we all wanna go home.
And I can't get this [bleep] glove on.
I mean...
Is this not an [bleep] out-take from hell or what?
I can hear the cash register, boss.
I know it's [bleep], and the film's turning
and it's making it worse, hang on
Oh, this is really not easy, guys.
I'm just telling you.
I'm very coordinated, generally.
Sorry, my man.
Come on, let's do it. Let's save a life!
I've got AIDS! [brakes screeching]
[no audio]
[chuckling]
What the [bleep], guys, we're actors!
Hold this [bleep] together.
Why is there a camera on my car?
Did you put it there?
Mmm, maybe...
How did I not notice that? It's huge.
I don't know.
[director] Can you do it again? It was really soft.
Yeah. OK.
I'm getting sick. Umm, softer lips?
[rock music song]
[song ends]
[Ike] OK, you got this.
[as Ike] "Mmm, hello."
"I was just in the neighborhood."
[in female voice] "Oh, I was just about to take a shower
and I heard the door-bell."
"All I have on is this tiny towel."
"I'm sorry I'm so naked."
[as Ike] "So I was wondering something."
"You wanna grab a bite, sometime?"
[as female] "I can't believe how charming you are."
"So devilishly handsome."
"Oh, make love to me, Ike!"
[as Ike] "Mmm, don't mind if I do."
[door creaks open]
Hi.