1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,008 [celestial music playing] 2 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,646 [burlesque music playing] 3 00:00:20,730 --> 00:00:22,606 [cheering, applause, whistling] 4 00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:39,832 One less angel in heaven, baby! 5 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,384 [whooping] 6 00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:54,680 [cheering] 7 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,101 ♪ ♪ 8 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,447 ♪ ♪ 9 00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:31,675 - [song ends] - [cheering and applause continue] 10 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:35,137 The guy at table six took his dick out again. 11 00:01:35,221 --> 00:01:36,931 [man] Table six took his dick out! 12 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,475 [woman] Table six took his dick out! 13 00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:41,060 [grunts] 14 00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,437 - Motherfucker! - [woman 2] Trixie's down! 15 00:01:43,521 --> 00:01:45,105 [man 2] Trixie, you okay? Hey, Jerry! 16 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,191 [laughter, indistinct chatter] 17 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,404 That was the sweet, saintly Philomena. 18 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:54,114 Heavenly, wouldn't you say? 19 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:55,825 [Trixie] Motherfuck, my fucking head! 20 00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:58,494 - [laughter] - And that was Philomena's foulmouthed friend, 21 00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:00,454 - Philadelphia. - [man] Take it off! 22 00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:02,414 Sweet thought, but I think I'll keep it on. 23 00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:04,625 - [man 2] Take it off! - [man 3] Take it off! 24 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:06,752 - [men] Take it off! - [man 4] We're not kidding! 25 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:09,129 Guys, hear me. By the time I finish 26 00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,090 unzipping, unfastening and unhooking 27 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,133 the medieval contraption of rayon and rubber 28 00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:15,511 that is my girdle, you'll all be back in bed with your wives 29 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,972 telling them how much you hated working late. 30 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,640 - [laughter] - Well, you didn't say 31 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:22,393 you were gonna throw an oily, crumpled dollar bill at me. 32 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,895 - Now it's coming off. - [cheering] 33 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:27,189 - [whispers] Maisel! - Oops, no time. 34 00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,149 - [men groan] - Uh, but hold on to your Great Gatsbys, guys, 35 00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:32,903 'cause here comes our salute to the Roaring '20s. 36 00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,905 [cheering and applause] 37 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,991 [♪ "The Charleston"] 38 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:45,207 But first, Sapphira, Lonely Harem Girl. 39 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,959 - What the hell? - I didn't know. 40 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,460 No one knows shit around here. 41 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,087 Three, four. 42 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,507 - [harem music playing] - [men shouting, whooping] 43 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,471 [laughs] 44 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,807 Boise, what happened to the Roaring '20s? 45 00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:03,726 Trixie got beaned by the wire. 46 00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,312 - I saw. I heard. - So we went with Harem Girl. 47 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:08,314 - Without telling me. - You were onstage. 48 00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,399 Getting the crowd excited for a sexy flapper. 49 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,318 - We confused them. - Look, as long as some girl's 50 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,445 out there shaking her chichis, those guys don't care 51 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,155 - how the fuck they're dressed. - I disagree. 52 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:17,656 With Sapphira the Harem Girl, they're anticipating 53 00:03:17,740 --> 00:03:19,283 sultry, mysterious chichis, 54 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,327 not the bippity-boppity chichis of the Roaring '20s girl. 55 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:22,536 Look, no one's confused 56 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:23,913 'cause no one's hardly listening to you. 57 00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:26,165 - I take offense at that. - You all do. 58 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,583 Can do better than this, Boise. 59 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,960 [Boise] Talk to Clifford. He signs the checks. 60 00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:32,463 - Ooh! [chuckles] - Excusez-moi. 61 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,799 Hey, everyone. Uh, Boise's not so great 62 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,177 at formal introductions, so I wanted to introduce myself. 63 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,387 Hi. I'm Midge. 64 00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,473 Mrs. Maisel. I'm the new MC 65 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,099 here at the Wolf, 66 00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:47,519 so any of you want to add a dash of humor to your routines, 67 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,563 consider me your comedy consultant. 68 00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:51,482 Okay, well... 69 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,567 As you were. 70 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,905 Ooh! Sorry. 71 00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:01,033 - [cheering and applause] - Come on, six. Come on, six. 72 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:04,036 Oh! The hard way! 73 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,288 - Let's go again. Come on. - [man] Raking it in. 74 00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:07,581 - Yes. - [man] Damn. 75 00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,083 - [Midge] Clifford. - [dice roll] 76 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,668 - Cup of coffee for you. - [Susie] On a hot one tonight! 77 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,544 - I know you like one right around now. - Oh. 78 00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,546 [Susie] Come on, dice! Dice... 79 00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,298 - Smells fresh. - [dice roll] 80 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:18,258 - [Susie] Crap! - It's supposed to. - [grumbles] 81 00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:21,804 So, I would love to suggest some small improvements 82 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,806 that I think would make the club all that it can be. 83 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,265 Yeah, uh... 84 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,101 A better system for announcing the acts would be great. 85 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,686 Plus, there are a lot of avoidable injuries. 86 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,229 Maybe we should have a safety meeting. 87 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,438 - Uh... - In the Catskills, 88 00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:33,023 I was frequently voted safety monitor 89 00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,526 for various activities: water sports, backpacking. 90 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,986 We were hiking once, and the rabbi 91 00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,529 thought for sure he got bit by a snake. 92 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,031 I sucked on that man till he almost passed out. 93 00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,741 On his ankle, that is. 94 00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:44,702 Turned out to just be a couple of mosquito bites, 95 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,578 but people sure got a laugh out of it. [chuckles] 96 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,414 - Mm-hmm. - Anyway, have a... 97 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,833 have a... think on that. 98 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,419 - [snoring softly] - And... 99 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,506 That's a safety risk, too. 100 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:05,889 Fucking angel. 101 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,474 [Midge] Let me bum one. 102 00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:08,767 Did you hear what happened out there? 103 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,519 Flapper got her head smashed in. 104 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,271 Heard the cursing. Sounded kind of funny. 105 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,023 Wasn't funny. It's sloppy. 106 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,858 This place has a lot of work to do. 107 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,568 It's a strip club. As long as a girl's up there 108 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,111 shaking her chichis, none of it matters. 109 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,404 [Boise] Maisel! 110 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,448 Sapphira's wrapping up. 111 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,491 - See you tomorrow. - See you tomorrow. 112 00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,618 - Who's next? - [Boise] Annie Oakley. 113 00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:29,038 - Thank you. - Or Brenda the Bird Girl. 114 00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,664 [groans] 115 00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:32,666 - [harem music playing] - [cheering] 116 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,590 - [song ends] - [whooping] 117 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,008 [cheering] 118 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,093 [harem music playing] 119 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,143 - [song ends] - [scattered booing] 120 00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:56,106 - [man] Take it off! - Hey, there. You miss me? 121 00:05:56,190 --> 00:06:00,360 - [men] Take it off! - [sighs] 122 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:04,073 - [♪ Anita Bryant: "My Little Corner of the World"] - ♪ Come along with me ♪ 123 00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:08,285 ♪ To my little corner of the world ♪ 124 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,247 ♪ And dream a little dream ♪♪ 125 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,832 [door closes] 126 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,336 [Susie] Chester, you left the fucking door open again. 127 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,421 How many times do I got to... 128 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,842 Is this something icky? 129 00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:25,928 - [Nancy] You must be Susie. - Yeah. 130 00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,097 I'm Nancy. Jackie's sister. 131 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,681 - Oh. Well, he's... - [Nancy] Dead. 132 00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,642 He's dead. 133 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,310 I'm sorry, what? 134 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,562 A stroke sometime this afternoon. 135 00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,607 A stroke? 136 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:41,485 [Nancy] I was actually at his bedside before he passed. 137 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,487 He was still talking. 138 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,280 Yeah, he likes to talk. 139 00:06:45,364 --> 00:06:47,491 [Nancy] His final words were actually for you. 140 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:48,951 For me? 141 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,537 I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. 142 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,247 "Susie, 143 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,041 the guys are coming to sand the floor at noon. 144 00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:57,668 Be there to let them in. 145 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,546 They're flaky, so fuck knows if they'll show. 146 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,589 Remember, Monday's a holiday, 147 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,967 so don't put the garbage out Sunday night. 148 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,427 We already got one ticket from the city. 149 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,847 If you're going to make spaghetti sauce, 150 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,933 push the curtains back, because you splash a lot, 151 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,768 and you can't get sauce 152 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:18,230 out of that fabric. It's just too delicate." 153 00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,607 [Midge] Plastic. 154 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:23,110 The modern miracle. 155 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,654 And, ladies, these are some of the finest plastic products 156 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,698 - on the household market. - They sure are. 157 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,782 There's so much to choose from. 158 00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,075 There's so many convenient sizes, 159 00:07:30,159 --> 00:07:31,243 so many vivid colors. 160 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,453 And you are going to want it all. 161 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,706 This is the Wonderlier. 162 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,541 That's such a cute name. I love that name. 163 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,626 And for sizable suppers, 164 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,004 the large Wonderlier. 165 00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,755 Well, I have to have two of everything now. 166 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:46,175 It's just so good! Sign me up. 167 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,385 Uh, pass the Wonderliers around, 168 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,262 ladies, and I will be right back. 169 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:53,056 - [woman laughs] - Oh, ladies, do I have a story for you. 170 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,933 - I know a girl... - You'd have less need for Tupperware 171 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,268 if you weren't just cooking for one. 172 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:57,769 - Can we set up a lunch? - Uh, Mama, 173 00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,771 Jean here is missing out on the demonstration. 174 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,274 Why don't you get back to the group, Jean. 175 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,776 Miriam, I'm trying to make a sale here. 176 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,653 And so am I. Beat it. 177 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,238 [Imogene] She's making dinner, 178 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,657 and in comes a burglar with a gun. 179 00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,159 She screams, he shoots, 180 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,411 and the Tupperware she was holding stops the bullet. 181 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,205 - [women gasp] - I mean, they don't even mention that 182 00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:18,415 - in the literature. - Imogene. 183 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,084 Dial it down, woman. 184 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,920 Midge, do you want to make some sales or not? 185 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,338 - [phone rings] - Yes. - Showing them how to burp 186 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,048 a two-quart is not going to move product, 187 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,925 and you are here to move product. 188 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,010 Now sell. 189 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,180 Ladies, I think it's time to get those order forms out. 190 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,390 And when that is done, I will announce the winner 191 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:37,643 of the silliest Tupperware hat. 192 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,645 [whispers indistinctly] 193 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,104 Oh, my God. 194 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,940 What? Are you okay? 195 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,483 Uh... 196 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:47,110 Everyone, uh, please excuse me. 197 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,196 - Imogene? - I got it. 198 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:52,783 Let's drop the bullshit, ladies, 199 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,785 and make some deals. 200 00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,581 You need to eat. 201 00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,166 - [Susie] Mm-hmm. - This hot plate is no good. 202 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,918 I don't think all this is gonna fit. 203 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,003 - How's that sandwich? - Great. 204 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,672 Hot here, cold here. 205 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,799 [Midge] Okay, we're officially out of room. 206 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,634 What? No. The pudding has to go in there. 207 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,344 - [Midge] Don't think so. - [Zelda] Oh, strudel. 208 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,929 Okay, we can freeze the chicken. 209 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,764 - Where's the freezer? - [Midge] Up there. 210 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,849 What is this place, the gulag? 211 00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:19,851 Oh, I made Zelda mad. 212 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,979 - I didn't know you could make Zelda mad. - Trade you. 213 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,856 All the lady magazines say you should defrost once a month. 214 00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:27,484 - This is crazy. - Mmm, good coffee. 215 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,904 - [Zelda] Oh, you've got ants. - You should've called me. 216 00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,531 I called you. 217 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,658 I mean the minute you found out. 218 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,159 I don't want you sitting in a dark apartment, 219 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,870 drinking for hours by yourself at a time like this. 220 00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,163 - I'm here. - [Susie] Now you're mad 221 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,833 - just like Zelda. - I'm not mad. 222 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,169 Jackie's dead. 223 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,838 I know, honey. 224 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,925 Really? 225 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,303 He was here all alone, then bam. 226 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,180 Old Gianni upstairs said he heard a thud. 227 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,516 Called the cops. They load him in the car, 228 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,227 and they took him to Bellevue, and by 9:00, that was it. 229 00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:05,272 - He's gone. - Well, he wasn't sick. 230 00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,941 He didn't suffer. We should be grateful for that. 231 00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,651 It was the chili dogs. 232 00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:12,029 I warned him about those chili dogs. 233 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,740 Fucking guy subsisted on chili dogs. 234 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:18,160 - The ice wins. We have to eat it all now. - When's the service? 235 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,661 - Don't know. - [Midge] Well, how can I get ahold 236 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,204 - of his sister? - Don't know. 237 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,914 - Did she leave a card? - [Susie] No. 238 00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,583 Maybe she wrote something down? 239 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:25,917 You have one fork? 240 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,336 She didn't write anything down. 241 00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,379 I don't know where the funeral is. 242 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,757 I don't know where the sister is or who the sister is. 243 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,092 I just know that last night, when I wasn't here, 244 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:35,385 the biggest pain in my ass ever 245 00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:37,971 dropped the fuck dead in my apartment! 246 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,599 [silverware clangs] 247 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,517 Forks. 248 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,774 I'm sorry. 249 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:50,817 I'm sorry, too. 250 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,611 I don't want to stay in this apartment. 251 00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,237 Somebody died here. It's creepy. 252 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,239 [Chester] Mm, it's not the first time. 253 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,991 Huh? 254 00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,785 There's been a lot of deaths in this room. 255 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,119 What? 256 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,704 [Chester] I researched the apartment's history 257 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:05,665 - at the municipal archives before I moved in. - Why? 258 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,084 Because that's the first thing you do 259 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,710 before you move into an apartment. 260 00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:10,670 - No, it's not. - [Chester] There was a decapitation. 261 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,341 A woman was eaten alive by maggots. 262 00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,760 Identical twins were disemboweled to music. 263 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,763 A pipe exploded, drowning an entire family. 264 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:20,889 Then there's the crib deaths. 265 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:23,392 Chester. Just eat your eggs. 266 00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,851 [Chester] Hey. 267 00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,645 Four choking deaths right in this corner. 268 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,398 Maybe don't rush me. 269 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,070 [Zelda] I hope it's enough. 270 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,363 Mr. Moishe likes squash. 271 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,365 Ah, I didn't make enough squash. 272 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,534 I will skip the squash so there's squash for Moishe. 273 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,285 It's so nice that we're all together again. 274 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:45,705 Oh, Zelda, no. You've been crying for two days. 275 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,708 [Shirley] So, I figured only Moishe-y knew him. 276 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,586 [Rose] You must've encountered him at some point, Moishe. 277 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,296 We know his family from the Catskills. 278 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,631 [Moishe] I know the parents a little. 279 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,383 And the grandfather. Saw him in the shower once 280 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,885 after racquetball. Wrinkliest nutsack I've ever seen. 281 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:00,512 And he's seen some beauts. 282 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,764 - Oh, dear. - We're talking about the bar mitzvah boy? 283 00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:05,559 - Akiva? - Mm-hmm. Moishe was asked to do an aliyah at his service, 284 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,436 - and he swears he's never met him. - [Moishe] And it's a short list 285 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,688 of people you pick to do an aliyah at your bar mitzvah. 286 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,731 You'd think you'd pick someone that knows who the fuck you are. 287 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:14,317 Well, it's nice just to be wanted by someone. 288 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,819 Anyone. 289 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,488 Our house is so empty now. 290 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,657 Abe and I will visit soon, Shirley. I promise. 291 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,658 Tuesday? 292 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,034 I don't know about Tuesday. 293 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,619 Wednesday? I'll make my cabbage. 294 00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:26,455 It'll be soon. You have my word. 295 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:29,124 Your word is fairly meaningless, Rose. You know it, I know it. 296 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,168 - So let's set a date. - [door opens] - [Joel] Hello! 297 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,170 - The youth have returned. - [door closes] - [Moishe] Ethan! 298 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,838 Come here. Grandpa's got to pick your brain. 299 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,757 - Saw Abe coming up behind me. - His hours are 300 00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:40,385 - so unpredictable these days. - Wow, look at this place. 301 00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:42,179 It's all back together. 302 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,306 This is new. The old one was chipped. 303 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,640 I remember when Ethan chipped it. 304 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,476 [Moishe] Akiva Bergman. It doesn't ring a bell, 305 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:48,977 - huh? - [Ethan] No. 306 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,353 - Don't rush. Think, think. - [Zelda] I've got 307 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,272 dinner for you and Esther in the kitchen, Ethan. 308 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,149 - [voice breaking] Say good night. - [Ethan] Good night. 309 00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:56,401 - Good night. - [Shirley] Maybe you bought the kid 310 00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,737 an ice cream once, huh? You know, and it was so special. 311 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,238 It really meant something. 312 00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,865 [Moishe] I don't go around the Catskills buying ice cream 313 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,533 for little boys I don't know. 314 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,118 There's plenty of those guys crawling around up there, 315 00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:06,661 - you know what I'm saying? - [laughs] - [Rose] No. 316 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,246 - What are you saying? - [Shirley] You remember Daniel Sandberg? 317 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:09,873 With the Coke-bottle glasses? 318 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,791 [Rose] I do. He'd drive up with his mother. 319 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:13,335 Called him Danny Deep-Pockets. 320 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:16,046 Went around asking boys to dig in his pants for candy corn. 321 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,297 I knew nothing about this. 322 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,132 [Shirley] Then there was Tom from Buffalo 323 00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:22,260 - with the girly bangs. - They called him Tommy Touch-Butt. 324 00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:24,137 - [Rose] You're making this up. - [Midge grunts] 325 00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:27,307 Uh, Moishe, Shirley, you remember Susie? 326 00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,602 - From Yom Kippur? - Hello. - Hi. 327 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:31,645 What's going on? 328 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,188 - A guy died. - Oh, my God. 329 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,148 - Who? Your husband? - Uh, her roommate. 330 00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,858 Jackie from the Gaslight. 331 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:39,444 Shit. I knew him. What happened? 332 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,862 I just told you. He fucking died. 333 00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,239 [Joel] Right. Sorry. 334 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,949 - [door opens] - So did a lot of people in my apartment. 335 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,367 - Chester's got a list. - [door closes] 336 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,576 Cheeky Chester? 337 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,036 [Rose] Abe. Just in time to eat. 338 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,288 Did you not see me behind you? 339 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,998 - Yeah, but... - Let's eat, everyone. - Yeah. 340 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,084 - Before it gets cold. - Oh, yeah. - I had to stand there 341 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,170 and watch the elevator take you up to the ninth floor, 342 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:58,505 stop, come back down. 343 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,882 Then I had to get on, take it back up. 344 00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:02,842 That's 27 floors. 345 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:05,303 You'll survive, Papa. It's family style, everyone. 346 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,972 Forget your manners and dive in. 347 00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,932 Well, good thing I made it, 348 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,476 because I have a fun piece of news for everyone. 349 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,186 - [Rose] Oh, let's hear it. - [Abe chuckles] 350 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:14,771 I've been... I've... 351 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,148 - [crying] - I've been assigned... 352 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,568 - Why is Zelda crying? - I didn't make enough squash, 353 00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,486 - and I'm just so happy. - [Midge] We're good 354 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,572 from here, Zelda. Why don't you take a break. 355 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:27,200 So, the Village Voice has assigned me, 356 00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,827 its chief theater critic, 357 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:31,162 to review a new Broadway musical 358 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:33,623 by our own Buzz Goldberg. 359 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,000 - [Rose] My God. - Buzz has a show? 360 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,585 - Like, a real show? - Yeah. 361 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,420 That musical he's been workshopping at Steiner 362 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,921 for, what, eight years now? 363 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:43,258 It's a real success story. Did very well in New Haven. 364 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:46,011 - Has a lot of good buzz, pardon the pun. - [Rose laughs] 365 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,388 - [Shirley] Ha! Good one. - And there's an opening night ticket 366 00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,639 for each and every one of you. 367 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,474 - Opening night. - [Midge] Fun. 368 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,767 Abe, what a score. 369 00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,394 I already don't have anything to wear. 370 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:57,230 I'm so proud of Buzz. He never gave up on the show. 371 00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:59,190 - We must have seen it at the resort about 20 times. - [Rose] Mm. 372 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,318 And that song. You can't get it out of your head. 373 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,902 You were in a version of Buzz's show one year, 374 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,696 weren't you, Miriam? Up at Steiner? 375 00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:07,741 I played Clare Landsburg in the summer of 1953. 376 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,075 And he dropped you, right? 377 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,953 No. I wasn't dropped. 378 00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,455 I did the show for a while, 379 00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,290 and it went very well, and then I made way 380 00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,584 for another lucky young lady to play the role. 381 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,753 I thought he dropped you because you can't sing or act. 382 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,338 [Moishe] Or dance. That's how I remember it. 383 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,964 You couldn't sing or act or dance. 384 00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:24,633 Please, people. She's no Judy Garland, 385 00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,176 but she gave it her best shot. 386 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,011 Right. No, I'm not Judy Garland, 387 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,472 but who is? Besides Judy Garland. 388 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:31,848 And you froze that one time. Remember? 389 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,309 You came out on stage. You couldn't remember your line. 390 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,977 One time, Shirley. I froze one time. 391 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,146 I'd seen the show so much that I knew the line. 392 00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:40,106 Everybody did. The whole room was yelling out the line. 393 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,275 I wasn't fired from the show. Okay? 394 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:45,111 - Is this all the squash? - [Zelda wails] 395 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,821 Oh, and, Joel, 396 00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,907 regardless of the elevator incident, 397 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,242 I'm not leaving you out. There's a ticket for you, as well. 398 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:53,912 Two, actually, if you'd like to bring a friend. 399 00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,330 Yeah, Joel. Bring a friend. 400 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:58,541 Archie or may... be someone else. 401 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,127 There is no one else. One ticket will suffice, Abe. 402 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:02,712 You know, Joel, I still consider you 403 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:05,048 a family member, and it seems a shame 404 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,425 - that you're alone. - [Shirley] There was a perfectly good girl 405 00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,678 I set him up with last week. Lena Brofmann. 406 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:11,262 It was a boy, by the way. 407 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,430 Wow. You work quick. 408 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:13,973 Excuse me, Ma, for not wanting to go out 409 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,183 with a pregnant divorced woman. 410 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,519 She's not divorced. Her husband died. 411 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,062 - Everyone dies. - [Joel] Can we change 412 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,106 - the subject? - [Rose] Shirley, I'm disappointed. 413 00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,482 You have a matchmaking professional 414 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,484 in the family, after all. Use me. 415 00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:27,529 - My God, you're right. - It says call for an appointment, 416 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:30,115 but there's no appointment necessary for you. 417 00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,700 No, please don't give her your card, Rose. 418 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:34,244 It doesn't matter. I know her name. I know her number. 419 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,037 Rose, change your name. Change your number. 420 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:37,872 - What's Joel's type? - [Moishe speaking Hebrew] 421 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:39,958 - I know Miriam was his type, but what else? - Moishe, 422 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,043 - if you're going to do an aliyah, do it right. - He likes an athletic girl. 423 00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,003 - [Rose] Oh, athletic girl. That's interesting. - [Abe speaking Hebrew] 424 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,505 - [Zelda wails] - You're gonna correct the next one? 425 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:46,840 - [Rose] Oh, how sweet. - [Joel] Little Molly? 426 00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,883 How about 63 years as a devout Jew? 427 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,301 - [Shirley] Stickball player. - [Rose] Stickball? 428 00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,720 Oh, I'm gonna write that down. 429 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:53,471 An athletic, stickball-playing type? 430 00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,348 [Joel] Anything I can do to make you stop? 431 00:16:56,808 --> 00:17:00,311 [Abe] Rose? Is my bathrobe in the bathroom? 432 00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,397 [faucet running] 433 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,190 Rose? 434 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,650 - [faucet turns off] - Rose! 435 00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:07,026 [Rose] What, Abe? 436 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,195 I thought you were looking for my bathrobe. 437 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:10,905 No, Abe, I'm getting ready for bed. 438 00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:12,574 [Groucho Marx] Are you seeing this? 439 00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,117 - [Gordon Ford] I'm, uh, picking up... - Rose. 440 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,286 [Rose] No, your bathrobe is not in here. 441 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,538 - Well, then, where is it? - [Rose] It's where you left it last. 442 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,832 [Rose and Abe speaking indistinctly] 443 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,542 [Groucho] You look terrible, by the way. 444 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,085 - [laughter] - [Gordon] Thank you, Groucho. 445 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,254 [Groucho] I'm not laughing. This-this isn't a bit. 446 00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,339 This is more like a national emergency. 447 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,049 [laughter] 448 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:31,885 Well, you look fantastic. 449 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,845 Trim and rested. What's your secret? 450 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,930 - I'm 28. - [laughter] 451 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,724 - Here. - [Gordon] No, seriously, 452 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,684 you look the same as you did in the pictures I grew up on 453 00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:41,436 a long time ago. How do you do it? 454 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,062 Spending my golden years with the wife. 455 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:44,481 How long you two been married? 456 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,775 Oh, I wasn't talking about my wife. 457 00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:48,568 - [laughter] - Both of Groucho's parents are dead. 458 00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,528 Maybe you should get some sleep. 459 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,781 - Can't sleep. - You want a little something? 460 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,824 - My mother has some pills. - Oh, I know. 461 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,409 I've been through your mom's pills. 462 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,827 She's got a lot of them. 463 00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,829 She has three different places she hides them, 464 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,956 in case you're wondering why that woman has a sewing kit. 465 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,334 [laughter] 466 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,503 Found Jackie's sister, by the way. 467 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,922 She asked me if I would speak at the service. 468 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,965 What did you say? 469 00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:14,177 I was trapped, so I said yes. What am I gonna say, no? 470 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,221 You sure you're up for that? 471 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,306 Try not to fuck it up too badly. 472 00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,183 [Gordon] Who got you hooked on cigars, Groucho? 473 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,601 [Groucho] Well, who else? Chico. 474 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,895 - [Gordon] Chico smokes cigars? - Get some sleep. 475 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,730 - Leave your beer. - [Groucho] There's not a lot Chico doesn't do except read. 476 00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,816 [Gordon] He's a pretty big gambler, your brother. 477 00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:29,192 [Groucho] If you enjoy understatements. 478 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,860 [Gordon] Any idea how much he's lost? 479 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,362 [Groucho] Chico always says if you add up all the money 480 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,948 Harpo has, that's how much I've lost. 481 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,826 [laughter] 482 00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:41,037 Eat fast, Ethan. We've got a big, fun day planned. 483 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,956 - [Ethan] Okay. - Does this necklace work? 484 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,416 - If you have to ask... - Changing the necklace. 485 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,126 Mama, can I borrow your banana pin? 486 00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,586 It's in my jewelry box. 487 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,797 But if you're gonna do bananas on your dress, 488 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,842 change your cherry earrings. Too much fruit seems lazy. 489 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:55,510 Good morning, Susie. 490 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,346 [Midge] Ethan Ramone Maisel, move your tuchus. 491 00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:01,182 - I mean it. We cannot be late. - That's right, Ethan. 492 00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:04,102 - You can't be late for the doctor. - [screaming] 493 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,022 Oh. Mama, we don't tell him he's going to the doctor. 494 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,275 We tell him he's going on a fun subway adventure. 495 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:11,901 Well, the cat's out of the bag now. 496 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,194 - [Ethan] I hate the doctor! - Come on, Esther. 497 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,029 Let's go talk your brother off that ledge. 498 00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,531 - Morning, Susie. - [Ethan] The doctor's the worst! 499 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,283 I got a blintz. 500 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:19,993 - [running footsteps] - [Zelda] You're going to make your sister... 501 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,871 - [Ethan] Leave me alone! - Stop running around. No running. 502 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,914 No running. 503 00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,500 [Ethan] I don't want to go to the doctor! 504 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:30,920 Okay, look, I need one of you to stay with her. 505 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,756 - What? - There's no way I can take her to the pediatrician's 506 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,550 - with all her talk about people dropping dead. - [Abe sighs] 507 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,719 Well, I certainly can't take her to the Village Voice. 508 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,388 I'm still new there. I might get a nickname today. 509 00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:41,723 [phone ringing] 510 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,766 - No. - Fine. 511 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,727 We'll do rock paper scissors. Ready? 512 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,645 One, two, three. 513 00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,981 - [Zelda] Maisel residence. - Who won? 514 00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,692 One moment, please. It's for you, Miss Susie. 515 00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,694 [man on TV] ...behavior of the United States... 516 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,322 [Ethan] I hate the doctor! 517 00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:58,907 Hello? 518 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,659 Hey, Susie, it's J.J. You hear about Jackie? 519 00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:02,952 Yeah, I fucking heard about Jackie. 520 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,287 I was living with him, moron. 521 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,122 Well, he left some boxes here. 522 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,749 Boxes of what? 523 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,084 I don't know. Stuff? Junk? I don't know. 524 00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,669 What do you want me to do? 525 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,129 I don't know. You want me to dump 'em? I don't care. 526 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,590 Don't dump 'em. I'll come by sometime this week. 527 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,342 Okay, but they're taking up space. 528 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:18,593 - Yeah, so are you. - Hey, you looking 529 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,303 for a new roommate? 530 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,305 I'm gonna watch TV. 531 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,973 [Midge] Guys, it's rock paper scissors. 532 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,183 Each thing beats something else. 533 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:26,559 It's a kid's game for God's sake. 534 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,019 But what if I chose heat? 535 00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,104 - Heat would melt the scissors. - And burn the paper. 536 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:32,065 So heat would beat everything but rock. 537 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,816 Heat is not an option. 538 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,235 Water would rust the scissors and ruin the paper. 539 00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,654 Are the scissors brass or steel? 540 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,156 How about we just flip a coin, hmm? 541 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,824 [indistinct chatter] 542 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,953 And your hobbies are knitting, needlepoint, and weaving? 543 00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,913 I own my own loom. 544 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,916 All right. Well, we'll put that into column two. 545 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:52,919 Remember, we discussed this? The after-marriage revelations? 546 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,171 Mm-mm. 547 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,924 I promise you, Amelia, we will find you the perfect mate. 548 00:20:58,007 --> 00:20:59,342 You think so? 549 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,718 I do. 550 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:03,096 I really do. 551 00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:05,223 Because every time I meet a man, I never know what to say. 552 00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,350 It doesn't matter what you say. 553 00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:08,851 The man's not listening to you anyhow. 554 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,229 - Rose! - Yes, Susie? 555 00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,564 - My page is full. - Well, then turn it over. 556 00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:16,025 - Both sides. - What about the other pages? 557 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,945 - All full. - Then we will get you more paper. 558 00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,530 All right, Amelia. Tell your mother 559 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,949 the meeting went well, and the address to send the check 560 00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,742 - is on the back of the card. - Okay. 561 00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:27,078 Thank you. 562 00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:29,205 I'm very excited. 563 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,290 [chuckles] 564 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:34,335 Good? Was it good? 565 00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:37,213 Very good. I need to use the restroom. 566 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,715 Susie? Tinkle time. 567 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,925 - I already went. - Rose? 568 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,677 You'll have to delay your break for a bit. 569 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,013 - You have a walk-in. - Another one? 570 00:21:45,096 --> 00:21:46,431 Another two! 571 00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:48,933 Word of your prowess is spreading like melancholia. 572 00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:51,144 My goodness, it's all happening so fast. 573 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,520 It's thrilling. You already have 574 00:21:52,603 --> 00:21:54,439 three confirmed kills this month. 575 00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,274 Three matches, three engagements. 576 00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:58,609 So much goddamn happiness. 577 00:21:58,693 --> 00:22:00,486 Contain yourself. We're in a tea room. 578 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:02,196 People are steeping. 579 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,573 - Rose! - What? 580 00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,325 I'm bored. I'm hungry. I want to leave. 581 00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:07,577 I'm working, Susie. 582 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:08,995 We will leave when I'm done. 583 00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:10,913 Ugh! Hate this! 584 00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:12,665 Get her some more paper, will you? 585 00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:15,543 Of course. Question: why is she here? 586 00:22:15,626 --> 00:22:16,919 A gentleman passed away in her apartment. 587 00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:18,129 And she can't go back. 588 00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:20,381 Oh. Is he blocking the door, or...? 589 00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:22,508 I don't know. Go get the next person signed in? 590 00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,052 Yes. Of course. 591 00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:25,428 [Corinne] Mirabelle, you're up next. 592 00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:27,764 She's getting your paper. 593 00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:29,932 You're a matchmaker, huh? 594 00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:32,143 - That's right. - You really think there's someone out there 595 00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:33,895 for that gorgon that just left? 596 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,355 - Yes. - She's got a hunchback. 597 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:39,275 - I can fix that. - Really? You gonna blind the guy? 598 00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:41,778 Susie! This is a business. 599 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,613 Now you are my daughter's manager and a plumber 600 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,490 before that, so you should understand business. 601 00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:47,700 I will send the gorgon to my hairstylist, 602 00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:49,327 and she will fix her hair. 603 00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:50,828 And I will teach her about foundation 604 00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:52,580 and mascara and lipstick and deodorant, 605 00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:54,707 and we will get her a girdle, and she will sit up straight, 606 00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:56,793 and we'll destroy her loom, and she will have a husband. 607 00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:59,921 Because there is someone out there for everyone. 608 00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:01,714 What are you looking at me for? 609 00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,925 What's this? 610 00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:05,676 I ordered it for you. 611 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,762 For me? The whole thing? 612 00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:10,098 - Yes. - And it's just whipped cream? 613 00:23:10,181 --> 00:23:12,100 And a spoon. 614 00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:14,685 And I can just eat it? It doesn't have to go on anything? 615 00:23:14,769 --> 00:23:16,479 That's right. 616 00:23:16,562 --> 00:23:18,189 Rose Weissman, I would follow you into hell. 617 00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,942 - That won't be necessary. - Oh, hello. 618 00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:22,193 Yikes. 619 00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:23,694 - Susie! - Sorry. 620 00:23:23,778 --> 00:23:25,822 You must be Mirabelle. I'm Rose. 621 00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:27,782 What a lovely dress. 622 00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:30,493 What can I do for you? 623 00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:32,578 ♪ ♪ 624 00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:39,544 Ma, there's sweat running down your neck. 625 00:23:39,627 --> 00:23:41,129 - Let it go. - It's opening night. 626 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:42,839 Why would I not wear my best? 627 00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,590 It's 80 degrees out. You're gonna melt. 628 00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:46,467 - Let it go. - I want to be buried in this coat. 629 00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:48,302 - That may happen tonight. - Let it go. 630 00:23:48,386 --> 00:23:49,804 There they are. 631 00:24:05,027 --> 00:24:07,029 Follow me, everybody. 632 00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:24,130 Mr. Weissman. Welcome. 633 00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:26,841 I'm Gerald, the house manager. Your tickets, sir. 634 00:24:26,924 --> 00:24:28,676 Thank you. Do you like my cape? 635 00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:30,469 It's very natty. 636 00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:32,138 Ma'am, would you like to check your... 637 00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:33,806 Let her wear it. 638 00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:36,809 Anything else you need, let me know. 639 00:24:36,893 --> 00:24:39,896 Okay, looks like we have five in the orchestra 640 00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:42,815 and two in the mezzanine. Here you go. 641 00:24:42,899 --> 00:24:45,359 We're sitting together? 642 00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:46,652 - Away from you guys? - Yep. 643 00:24:46,736 --> 00:24:48,529 - No, no. - Oh, hey. 644 00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:49,822 - Is there...? No. - No, no. 645 00:24:49,906 --> 00:24:51,657 - No, no. - Can we...? I, I, I... 646 00:24:51,741 --> 00:24:53,409 - I would love to maybe switch? - No. 647 00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:55,328 - Or maybe I can sit with Midge? - I want to sit with Midge. 648 00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:58,206 Yes? Midge? Yes? Yes? Midge? Yes? 649 00:24:58,289 --> 00:25:01,292 Well, the five are fifth row center, so... 650 00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:03,127 - [both] Damn. - [bell dings] 651 00:25:03,211 --> 00:25:05,171 That's our cue, everybody. Let's go in. 652 00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:07,173 [orchestral music swells] 653 00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:17,058 - [audience cheering] - [performers singing] 654 00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:43,209 ♪ ♪ 655 00:26:00,851 --> 00:26:02,853 [indistinct chatter] 656 00:26:04,105 --> 00:26:05,898 A drink for you, sir? 657 00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:08,067 Are my feet on the ground? 658 00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:11,320 Oh, I want to see it again and again and again and again. 659 00:26:11,404 --> 00:26:14,156 And that song with the full orchestra, yowza! 660 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,325 Oh, there he is. There's our Buzz. 661 00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:19,203 [Abe] Ah, that is a very big smile on that boy's face. 662 00:26:19,287 --> 00:26:20,663 Well, he's earned it. 663 00:26:20,746 --> 00:26:22,123 I remember a couple of summers ago, 664 00:26:22,206 --> 00:26:23,833 it was the cutest thing. 665 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:26,294 Buzz came up to me and said... Kitty Carlisle Hart! 666 00:26:26,377 --> 00:26:28,296 - Who? - What's that? - It's Kitty Carlisle Hart! 667 00:26:28,379 --> 00:26:29,922 From To Tell The Truth. 668 00:26:30,006 --> 00:26:31,966 Oh, it's my favorite game show! 669 00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:33,301 Kitty! Kitty! 670 00:26:33,384 --> 00:26:34,927 Go get 'em, tiger! 671 00:26:35,011 --> 00:26:36,721 [Shirley] Wait! Wait, wait, Kitty! Kitty! 672 00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:38,139 - Her? - Kitty, wait, wait! 673 00:26:38,222 --> 00:26:39,765 - Her? - Do you find her attractive? 674 00:26:39,849 --> 00:26:41,225 Rose, please don't feel the need to... 675 00:26:41,309 --> 00:26:43,144 Oops. Never mind. Didn't see the mole till she turned. 676 00:26:43,227 --> 00:26:45,354 Would you find her attractive without the mole? 677 00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:47,648 I made two rounds of the place. No sign of Susie. 678 00:26:47,732 --> 00:26:49,900 Good. Three songs in, she pulled out a bag of Cheetos 679 00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:51,819 and told everyone who shushed her they'll be dead someday. 680 00:26:51,902 --> 00:26:53,321 It's good she's gone. 681 00:26:53,404 --> 00:26:55,281 There they are. The ones that got away. 682 00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:57,325 - Hi, Pauly. - Hello, stranger. 683 00:26:57,408 --> 00:26:59,285 How are you, Pauly? 684 00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:01,704 Brokenhearted without you at the resort this year. 685 00:27:01,787 --> 00:27:03,414 Maybe next year. 686 00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:04,832 How about our boy, huh? 687 00:27:04,915 --> 00:27:07,626 He had such big dreams, but who knows from dreams. 688 00:27:07,710 --> 00:27:10,338 "A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight." 689 00:27:10,421 --> 00:27:12,590 - Oscar Wilde. - And now look at me, 690 00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:15,009 a bigshot financial investor in Buzz's dreams. 691 00:27:15,092 --> 00:27:16,969 Pauly, you macher! 692 00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:19,138 It's a small slice, but the thing is, you hear that song, 693 00:27:19,221 --> 00:27:20,514 you take out your wallet. 694 00:27:20,598 --> 00:27:22,391 - Uh-huh. - [Edie] Miriam Maisel! 695 00:27:22,475 --> 00:27:25,186 - Look at you, all dolled up. - Hello, Edie. Good to see you. 696 00:27:25,269 --> 00:27:27,980 I was just talking to someone. 697 00:27:28,064 --> 00:27:31,192 You were the star of this show one year, weren't you? 698 00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:33,402 - Up at Steiner? - Clare Landsburg, 699 00:27:33,486 --> 00:27:35,529 summer of '53, at your service. 700 00:27:35,613 --> 00:27:37,031 Then you got dumped, right? 701 00:27:37,114 --> 00:27:38,741 No, Edie. 702 00:27:38,824 --> 00:27:40,326 I wasn't dumped. 703 00:27:40,409 --> 00:27:42,370 Fired, whatever you want to call it. 704 00:27:42,453 --> 00:27:44,789 It was just a fun vacation thing I did one year. 705 00:27:44,872 --> 00:27:47,166 That's all. I'm not an actress. 706 00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:49,877 Oh, you don't have to tell me. I was there. 707 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,879 It's really good to see you, Edie. 708 00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:53,547 - Hello. Love that hat. - Oh, hi! 709 00:27:53,631 --> 00:27:55,508 That Kitty Carlisle Hart, she's like Houdini! 710 00:27:55,591 --> 00:27:57,551 I cornered her in a stall in the bathroom. 711 00:27:57,635 --> 00:28:00,012 But when I kicked the door open, she wasn't there. 712 00:28:00,096 --> 00:28:02,223 But I got her shoe. Everyone look for a limper. 713 00:28:02,306 --> 00:28:03,933 Abe, he's free. 714 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:05,810 Oh, let's grab him while we can. 715 00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:07,353 There he is. 716 00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:10,064 Buzz, dear, we are so proud of you. 717 00:28:10,147 --> 00:28:13,442 Oh! I loved everything about it. 718 00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:15,569 Oh, but that one character, Iris. 719 00:28:15,653 --> 00:28:18,364 I mean, I hated her, but I loved her, too. 720 00:28:18,447 --> 00:28:20,366 Oh, thank you, Mrs. Weissman. 721 00:28:20,449 --> 00:28:22,284 Uh, Abe, you didn't bring your press hat. 722 00:28:22,368 --> 00:28:24,120 It clashed with my cape. 723 00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:26,330 Fun, right? 724 00:28:26,414 --> 00:28:28,165 It's amazing. 725 00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:30,584 I knew you when you were a pisher. 726 00:28:30,668 --> 00:28:33,462 The kid who fell into the lake on day one, 727 00:28:33,546 --> 00:28:35,256 holding a live mic. 728 00:28:35,339 --> 00:28:37,091 I like making a big entrance. 729 00:28:37,174 --> 00:28:39,552 Are you happy, Buzz? Be happy. 730 00:28:39,635 --> 00:28:43,097 I am. It's the best night of my life. 731 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:45,724 Hello, everyone. Uh, can you hear me okay? 732 00:28:45,808 --> 00:28:47,893 - [crowd] Yes! - Yes? Very good. 733 00:28:47,977 --> 00:28:50,229 Thank you all for coming tonight. 734 00:28:50,312 --> 00:28:52,148 For supporting our show. 735 00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:54,066 It means the world to us. 736 00:28:54,150 --> 00:28:56,068 But let me bring the true 737 00:28:56,152 --> 00:28:58,237 star of the night up here to speak. 738 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,823 The man who wrote the music, the lyrics, the book-- 739 00:29:00,906 --> 00:29:04,034 my friend, and yours, Buzz Goldberg! 740 00:29:04,118 --> 00:29:06,954 [crowd cheering] 741 00:29:07,037 --> 00:29:09,123 Oh, thanks. [whoops] Uh, thanks, everyone. 742 00:29:09,206 --> 00:29:11,333 Ooh, it's a big night, um... 743 00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:13,586 I haven't breathed since the curtain came up. 744 00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:15,546 - Just breathe, Buzz, breathe. - [laughter] 745 00:29:15,629 --> 00:29:18,466 Um, thank you, Myron, 746 00:29:18,549 --> 00:29:20,718 for guiding the ship and teaching me so much. 747 00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:24,638 And to our director, Mr. George Abbott, 748 00:29:24,722 --> 00:29:27,016 I think you have a future in this business, sir. 749 00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:30,019 - [laughter] - And to my dramaturg 750 00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:32,605 and roommate, Kevin, I owe you everything. 751 00:29:32,688 --> 00:29:34,607 Thank you, Kevin. 752 00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:36,817 And to the people who inspired me so much, 753 00:29:36,901 --> 00:29:38,652 who inspired this show, 754 00:29:38,736 --> 00:29:41,655 my Steiner Resort family because 755 00:29:41,739 --> 00:29:44,950 you are just that-- family. 756 00:29:45,034 --> 00:29:46,410 Steiner! 757 00:29:46,494 --> 00:29:48,412 [crowd chanting] Steiner! Steiner! 758 00:29:48,496 --> 00:29:50,581 We're finer, finer! 759 00:29:50,664 --> 00:29:52,041 Finer! 760 00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:53,626 Steiner! Steiner... 761 00:29:53,709 --> 00:29:55,336 I need to go. My deadline's tonight. 762 00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:57,171 Go, go. We'll see you at home. 763 00:29:57,254 --> 00:29:58,839 Finer! Finer! Finer! 764 00:29:58,923 --> 00:30:01,342 - [stomping feet] - Steiner! 765 00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:05,638 [guitars playing] 766 00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:25,699 Two guitars. 767 00:30:26,659 --> 00:30:28,661 Jackie would've hated that. 768 00:30:29,703 --> 00:30:31,622 Hey. 769 00:30:31,705 --> 00:30:34,542 - You going to the opera or something? - Just get me Jackie's boxes. 770 00:30:38,212 --> 00:30:40,172 There's a couple others. 771 00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:42,258 This fell out of one of 'em. 772 00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:51,308 "Jacopo Dellapietra"? 773 00:30:51,392 --> 00:30:52,977 Jackie was in the Army? 774 00:30:53,060 --> 00:30:55,062 Don't know. 775 00:30:58,816 --> 00:31:00,734 A Bronze Star? 776 00:31:00,818 --> 00:31:02,820 Some kind of medal. 777 00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:06,740 [sniffs] 778 00:31:06,824 --> 00:31:08,826 Who's Darla? 779 00:31:18,252 --> 00:31:20,421 Abe Weissman, stop right there. 780 00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:22,506 Give me a 360. 781 00:31:24,049 --> 00:31:26,969 A cape is not an easy thing to pull off, my friend. 782 00:31:27,052 --> 00:31:29,221 [laughing] I make it look easy. 783 00:31:29,305 --> 00:31:31,390 - You ready to work? - Oh, yes, I am. 784 00:31:31,473 --> 00:31:33,142 Sorry about the tight deadline. 785 00:31:33,225 --> 00:31:34,435 It's the way it happens sometimes. 786 00:31:34,518 --> 00:31:36,228 Oh, I thrive on deadlines. 787 00:31:36,312 --> 00:31:37,771 - I'll be downstairs if you need me. - [typewriter clacking] 788 00:31:37,855 --> 00:31:39,565 You bet. 789 00:31:40,858 --> 00:31:43,527 - [bell dings] - Got it! 790 00:31:47,531 --> 00:31:48,824 What is this? 791 00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:51,076 My review. 792 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,911 "They Came, They Danced opened last night 793 00:31:52,995 --> 00:31:54,747 at the Mark Hellinger Theatre. 794 00:31:54,830 --> 00:31:56,832 Your mother might like it." 795 00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:00,002 - I can't publish this. - Why not? 796 00:32:00,085 --> 00:32:01,712 Well, for one, it's supposed to be a thousand-word review 797 00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:03,088 and it's about a thousand words short. 798 00:32:03,172 --> 00:32:05,090 I could add some adjectives. 799 00:32:05,174 --> 00:32:06,925 Abe, I need specifics. 800 00:32:07,009 --> 00:32:08,469 Specifics? 801 00:32:08,552 --> 00:32:10,262 If you think someone's mother would like the show, 802 00:32:10,346 --> 00:32:12,181 then tell me why you think someone's mother 803 00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:13,849 would like the show. Do I really need 804 00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:15,684 - to tell you this? - No, I know. 805 00:32:15,768 --> 00:32:17,853 But in this case, I would really rather not... 806 00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:19,938 get into all that. 807 00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:22,232 - I'm sorry? - Yeah. 808 00:32:22,316 --> 00:32:25,611 I just don't think specifics are what people need. 809 00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:27,696 Or want. 810 00:32:27,780 --> 00:32:30,199 I don't know if you've ever done any research on this, 811 00:32:30,282 --> 00:32:34,161 but I-I-I think I'm right about this. 812 00:32:34,244 --> 00:32:36,038 [laughs] Yeah. 813 00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:37,206 Abe... 814 00:32:37,289 --> 00:32:38,957 Okay, Gabe, here it is! 815 00:32:39,041 --> 00:32:41,460 The show was terrible, okay? Terrible! 816 00:32:41,543 --> 00:32:43,629 I mean, a-a travesty. 817 00:32:43,712 --> 00:32:45,589 - Okay... - They took a cute, 818 00:32:45,673 --> 00:32:48,092 charming musical, conceived in the Catskills, 819 00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:50,594 cast with a fun group of resort guests, 820 00:32:50,678 --> 00:32:52,262 all of whom were good, except my daughter, 821 00:32:52,346 --> 00:32:54,765 and turned it into a bland, 822 00:32:54,848 --> 00:32:56,892 cynical, bloated 823 00:32:56,975 --> 00:33:00,354 three-hour piece of contrived inanity! 824 00:33:00,437 --> 00:33:02,606 The costumes-- terrible. 825 00:33:02,690 --> 00:33:04,817 The sets-- terrible. 826 00:33:04,900 --> 00:33:07,861 The script-- terrible. It's got one song. 827 00:33:07,945 --> 00:33:09,738 - One song? - That they reprise 828 00:33:09,822 --> 00:33:12,116 five different times, because they know 829 00:33:12,199 --> 00:33:14,076 they only have one good song. 830 00:33:14,159 --> 00:33:16,453 They're duping the audience, Gabe! 831 00:33:16,537 --> 00:33:19,206 And that kills me. 832 00:33:19,289 --> 00:33:21,375 Great! Write that down. 833 00:33:21,458 --> 00:33:23,335 [groans] 834 00:33:24,878 --> 00:33:27,005 We've known this kid ten years. 835 00:33:27,089 --> 00:33:28,674 [sighs] 836 00:33:28,757 --> 00:33:31,093 I watched him fall into a lake. 837 00:33:31,176 --> 00:33:32,886 I pulled him out. 838 00:33:32,970 --> 00:33:34,513 Maybe you shouldn't have. 839 00:33:35,472 --> 00:33:36,974 Dark thought, I know. 840 00:33:37,057 --> 00:33:38,851 Okay, Abe, how about this? Skip the specifics. 841 00:33:38,934 --> 00:33:41,395 Use the show to get to the big picture-- 842 00:33:41,478 --> 00:33:42,938 your thoughts on everything that's wrong 843 00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:44,481 in the theater today. 844 00:33:44,565 --> 00:33:46,650 Get angry. Be personal. 845 00:33:46,734 --> 00:33:48,485 That's why we hired you, Abe. 846 00:33:48,569 --> 00:33:50,362 For your voice. 847 00:33:53,907 --> 00:33:55,909 Don't let them get duped. 848 00:34:13,343 --> 00:34:15,179 - [indistinct chatter] - [organ playing] 849 00:34:15,262 --> 00:34:17,014 - [Midge] You okay? - [Susie] Yeah. 850 00:34:17,097 --> 00:34:19,475 I just, you know, maybe I should've worn something else. 851 00:34:19,558 --> 00:34:21,477 - [Midge] Like what? - I don't know. 852 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,395 Like a dress. 853 00:34:23,479 --> 00:34:26,064 I don't... I can't... I'm trying to picture... 854 00:34:26,148 --> 00:34:28,150 - Have you ever worn a dress? - Of course I've worn a dress. 855 00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:30,068 - I was a baby once. - Okay. 856 00:34:30,152 --> 00:34:31,862 - You know, helpless. - Sorry. 857 00:34:31,945 --> 00:34:34,281 I was fucking adorable in a dress. 858 00:34:37,326 --> 00:34:39,745 This way, I guess. 859 00:34:42,289 --> 00:34:44,625 [indistinct chatter] 860 00:34:46,001 --> 00:34:48,670 - Did you get the time wrong? - I did not get the time wrong. 861 00:34:48,754 --> 00:34:49,797 'Cause you have a problem with time. 862 00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:51,799 I did not get the time wrong. 863 00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:53,383 Susie, thank you for coming. 864 00:34:53,467 --> 00:34:54,843 Oh, yeah, sure. Uh, Nancy, this is... 865 00:34:54,927 --> 00:34:56,512 You must be Miriam. The comedian? 866 00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:58,889 Yes. I'm so sorry about Jackie. 867 00:34:58,972 --> 00:35:01,433 I'm really gonna miss him. 868 00:35:01,517 --> 00:35:03,393 You know, he sent me clippings about you all the time. 869 00:35:03,477 --> 00:35:04,770 He was very proud. 870 00:35:04,853 --> 00:35:06,688 Oh, well... 871 00:35:06,772 --> 00:35:09,107 that's really sweet. 872 00:35:09,191 --> 00:35:11,401 - I saved you both seats, but... - Where is everyone? 873 00:35:11,485 --> 00:35:14,321 Oh, well, I sent the word out. I went through his phone book, 874 00:35:14,404 --> 00:35:16,240 and the monsignor made some calls. 875 00:35:16,323 --> 00:35:18,200 Just didn't get much of a response. 876 00:35:18,283 --> 00:35:20,410 Oh, excuse me. 877 00:35:21,453 --> 00:35:23,455 He saved my clippings. 878 00:35:25,958 --> 00:35:27,960 Chester. 879 00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:31,088 Chester! 880 00:35:32,256 --> 00:35:35,008 What the fuck? 881 00:35:35,092 --> 00:35:36,593 They have onion sandwiches. 882 00:35:36,677 --> 00:35:38,220 Sit. 883 00:35:38,303 --> 00:35:40,138 And don't breathe out. 884 00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:44,309 I didn't think Jackie thought I was funny. 885 00:35:46,144 --> 00:35:48,522 Well, it's past 3:00 now, 886 00:35:48,605 --> 00:35:49,898 so we should probably get started. 887 00:35:49,982 --> 00:35:52,484 - I'm keeping this. - [Ricci] Welcome, everyone. 888 00:35:52,568 --> 00:35:54,236 I want to thank you all for coming out today 889 00:35:54,319 --> 00:35:56,363 to say goodbye to one of our favorite sons, 890 00:35:56,446 --> 00:36:00,617 Jacopo "Jackie" Dellapietra. 891 00:36:00,701 --> 00:36:01,910 I'm Monsignor Armanno Ricci 892 00:36:01,994 --> 00:36:03,787 of the Church of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, 893 00:36:03,871 --> 00:36:05,330 the church that Jackie 894 00:36:05,414 --> 00:36:06,790 was so active in all of his life. 895 00:36:06,874 --> 00:36:08,208 - He went to church? - [Susie scoffs softly] 896 00:36:08,292 --> 00:36:10,586 [Ricci] I've known Jackie since he was a little boy, 897 00:36:10,669 --> 00:36:12,838 and, well, I would be lying if I said we didn't find a need 898 00:36:12,921 --> 00:36:15,549 to keep a tight lock on the altar wine. 899 00:36:15,632 --> 00:36:17,092 - [Susie chuckles] - Many a morning, 900 00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,176 we found that the blood of Christ 901 00:36:18,260 --> 00:36:20,095 had been replaced with Dr Pepper. 902 00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:22,389 [Chester laughing] 903 00:36:25,434 --> 00:36:28,020 He was also the first one to lend a hand. 904 00:36:28,103 --> 00:36:30,230 Now, I can't prove that he was the one 905 00:36:30,314 --> 00:36:32,190 who built the new platform for the manger scene 906 00:36:32,274 --> 00:36:34,151 when the old one got destroyed by vandals, 907 00:36:34,234 --> 00:36:36,194 but I'll bet it was him. 908 00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:39,448 Lots of little stories about Jackie I could share, 909 00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,700 but I think I'm going to turn the podium over 910 00:36:41,783 --> 00:36:43,327 to someone who's very special to him. 911 00:36:43,410 --> 00:36:47,706 Someone he always referred to as one of his closest friends. 912 00:36:47,789 --> 00:36:49,291 Susie? 913 00:36:51,168 --> 00:36:52,711 That's you. 914 00:36:52,794 --> 00:36:54,755 No, he said one of his closest friends. 915 00:36:54,838 --> 00:36:58,008 Well, unless another Susie just walked in... 916 00:36:58,091 --> 00:37:01,470 Hey. Tits up. 917 00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:02,971 [Susie clears throat] 918 00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:08,685 Uh, hi. 919 00:37:08,769 --> 00:37:10,771 Guess I'm Susie. 920 00:37:10,854 --> 00:37:12,481 And, um, 921 00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:15,692 Nancy asked me to talk, 922 00:37:15,776 --> 00:37:17,361 so... 923 00:37:20,197 --> 00:37:22,199 Fuck this. 924 00:37:22,282 --> 00:37:23,700 Follow me. 925 00:37:29,915 --> 00:37:31,917 [organ playing] 926 00:37:33,210 --> 00:37:35,587 - [man] Who is that? - [others murmuring] 927 00:37:38,298 --> 00:37:39,633 Hi. 928 00:37:39,716 --> 00:37:41,802 Sorry. I'll just be a minute here. 929 00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:44,596 Supposed to say a few words about Jackie Dellapietra, 930 00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,182 who's over there across the hall 931 00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:48,350 in the empty loser room. 932 00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:49,643 But, well, I just... 933 00:37:49,726 --> 00:37:51,812 I can't talk about him to an empty room. 934 00:37:51,895 --> 00:37:53,021 That's not how it should go. 935 00:37:53,105 --> 00:37:54,898 That's not how he should be remembered. 936 00:37:54,982 --> 00:37:56,316 Or not remembered. 'Cause apparently, 937 00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:58,860 no one remembered, because nobody showed up. 938 00:37:58,944 --> 00:38:00,696 Except four people. 939 00:38:00,779 --> 00:38:03,198 [voice breaking] Four people to send you off. 940 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,075 Where the fuck was everyone? 941 00:38:05,158 --> 00:38:06,785 [man clears throat] 942 00:38:06,868 --> 00:38:10,247 A man dies, you show up at his funeral, right? 943 00:38:10,330 --> 00:38:11,957 This was Jackie. 944 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,542 Mean, he never hurt anyone. 945 00:38:13,625 --> 00:38:15,836 He just... He lived his life. He did nice things. 946 00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:19,089 He fixed up my shitty apartment. Put up curtains. 947 00:38:19,172 --> 00:38:21,717 He painted. He made stew. 948 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,969 He built whatever the hell it was he built 949 00:38:24,052 --> 00:38:25,554 for the fucking monsignor over there. 950 00:38:25,637 --> 00:38:27,097 [man coughs] 951 00:38:27,180 --> 00:38:29,599 Apparently, no one gave a shit. 952 00:38:29,683 --> 00:38:31,935 No one noticed. 953 00:38:32,019 --> 00:38:34,980 Fuck, I lived with the guy, and I didn't notice. 954 00:38:35,063 --> 00:38:37,149 We slept very close. 955 00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:38,775 I mean, I knew personal things about the guy. 956 00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,027 You know, he snores. 957 00:38:40,110 --> 00:38:41,987 Yeah, certain foods did not agree with him. 958 00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:43,905 You kept the windows open on those nights. 959 00:38:43,989 --> 00:38:45,699 I knew his laundry day. 960 00:38:45,782 --> 00:38:47,576 I knew when he cut his hair. Shit like that. 961 00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:49,953 But I never knew him. 962 00:38:50,037 --> 00:38:52,372 Yeah, I never knew he fought in the war. 963 00:38:52,456 --> 00:38:53,623 I never knew 964 00:38:53,707 --> 00:38:55,751 he got a medal for bravery. 965 00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:57,294 I mean, they don't just hand those out. 966 00:38:57,377 --> 00:39:00,172 You got to get shot or-or save somebody 967 00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:01,757 or blow up a fucking tank. 968 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,801 A medal is a big deal! 969 00:39:04,885 --> 00:39:07,220 He collected Bazooka Joe comics. 970 00:39:07,304 --> 00:39:09,431 He kept the little ticket stubs 971 00:39:09,514 --> 00:39:10,766 to the opera. 972 00:39:10,849 --> 00:39:13,518 He had a baseball signed by Babe Ruth. 973 00:39:13,602 --> 00:39:14,895 Can you fucking believe that? 974 00:39:14,978 --> 00:39:16,354 Jackie met Babe Ruth. 975 00:39:16,438 --> 00:39:18,398 And he kept it in a shoebox like an asshole, 976 00:39:18,482 --> 00:39:20,233 but he had it. 977 00:39:20,317 --> 00:39:22,277 [crying] I mean, this guy lived a life, 978 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,738 and I never knew any of this. 979 00:39:26,740 --> 00:39:28,617 I mean, it was just a minute ago I found out I was his friend. 980 00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:31,203 No, I'm sorry, one of his closest friends. 981 00:39:31,286 --> 00:39:34,456 I had a close friend, and I never knew it. 982 00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:37,501 And where the fuck is Darla? 983 00:39:37,584 --> 00:39:38,752 Hmm? 984 00:39:38,835 --> 00:39:40,253 She couldn't take off one afternoon 985 00:39:40,337 --> 00:39:41,588 to come and pay her respects 986 00:39:41,671 --> 00:39:44,800 to a man she wrote 51 fucking idiotic letters to? 987 00:39:44,883 --> 00:39:47,135 A heart over every "I." 988 00:39:47,219 --> 00:39:49,596 What's so important she couldn't take the time off 989 00:39:49,679 --> 00:39:51,807 to come and give this man a proper send-off? 990 00:39:51,890 --> 00:39:53,350 She better be dead. 991 00:39:53,433 --> 00:39:54,518 [mourners gasp, murmur] 992 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:56,853 You know what I really don't understand? 993 00:39:56,937 --> 00:39:59,231 How is it a decent guy, a guy who worked his ass off 994 00:39:59,314 --> 00:40:00,690 his entire life... 995 00:40:00,774 --> 00:40:02,609 How is it he could barely afford 996 00:40:02,692 --> 00:40:05,195 to sublet the corner of my shithole apartment? 997 00:40:05,278 --> 00:40:08,281 I mean, he never caught a break. 998 00:40:08,365 --> 00:40:09,407 He never got ahead. 999 00:40:09,491 --> 00:40:11,493 How fucked-up is that? 1000 00:40:11,576 --> 00:40:14,037 All these fucking horrible assholes in the world 1001 00:40:14,121 --> 00:40:17,082 that just get shit handed to them. 1002 00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:19,417 And this guy fought in a war. He traveled. 1003 00:40:19,501 --> 00:40:21,253 He... Oh, he won a Lindy contest. 1004 00:40:21,336 --> 00:40:24,172 [sniffles] I didn't know Jackie could dance. 1005 00:40:24,256 --> 00:40:27,092 Half the time, it didn't seem like he could walk. 1006 00:40:27,175 --> 00:40:29,136 But there is a first-place ribbon 1007 00:40:29,219 --> 00:40:32,472 sitting in this fucking weather-beaten, rat-eaten, 1008 00:40:32,556 --> 00:40:35,851 fucked-up, little box that he shoved in a corner. 1009 00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:39,020 A man's life. In a shitty box. 1010 00:40:39,104 --> 00:40:41,439 A really good man's life. 1011 00:40:41,523 --> 00:40:42,816 [exhales shakily, sniffles] 1012 00:40:42,899 --> 00:40:44,776 You know, a man who deserved something, 1013 00:40:44,860 --> 00:40:46,862 and he wound up sprinkling sawdust 1014 00:40:46,945 --> 00:40:48,405 on vomit at the Gaslight. 1015 00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:50,240 [sniffles] 1016 00:40:50,323 --> 00:40:53,034 Well, this can't continue, okay? [sniffles] 1017 00:40:53,118 --> 00:40:54,578 I cannot stand by 1018 00:40:54,661 --> 00:40:56,538 and watch this happen to another poor slob, 1019 00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:59,499 so I am dedicating the rest of my miserable fucking life 1020 00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:01,459 to finding the Jackies of the world. 1021 00:41:01,543 --> 00:41:03,837 The ones you walk by. The ones you don't see. 1022 00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,089 The ones who never catch a break. 1023 00:41:06,173 --> 00:41:08,508 And I'm gonna make sure that they never, ever end up 1024 00:41:08,592 --> 00:41:11,094 in my fucking apartment! 1025 00:41:13,889 --> 00:41:15,974 Oh, and I'm really sorry about this lady. 1026 00:41:16,057 --> 00:41:18,643 I'm sure she was very nice, too. [sniffles] 1027 00:41:20,687 --> 00:41:22,689 [murmuring] 1028 00:41:27,652 --> 00:41:29,487 - [door closes] - [indistinct chatter] 1029 00:41:30,655 --> 00:41:32,616 - Boise. How are you? - Busy. 1030 00:41:32,699 --> 00:41:34,910 - Are things gonna go smoother tonight? - [scoffs] Hope so. 1031 00:41:34,993 --> 00:41:36,995 There'll be a more accurate run-of-show list? 1032 00:41:37,078 --> 00:41:38,371 Maybe Philomena's wire contraption 1033 00:41:38,455 --> 00:41:40,165 - won't cause any major head injuries. - Run of show? 1034 00:41:40,248 --> 00:41:42,209 - Yeah. - Sexy Angel. Sexy Soviet Spy. 1035 00:41:42,292 --> 00:41:43,710 - Sexy Angel. Sexy Spy. - Roaring '20s. Pouty Poet. 1036 00:41:43,793 --> 00:41:45,170 - Roaring '20s. Pouty... Pouty what? - Cleopatra. Harem Girl. 1037 00:41:45,253 --> 00:41:46,796 - Harem Girl. Slow down. - Sexy Nurse. Cancan Mademoiselle. 1038 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:48,173 - Sexy something. Cancan Mademoiselle. - Rising Venus. 1039 00:41:48,256 --> 00:41:49,841 - Rosie the Riveter. - You didn't make a list, huh? 1040 00:41:49,925 --> 00:41:50,842 - Sailor Girl. China Doll. Sleeping Beauty. - Rosie Doll. 1041 00:41:50,926 --> 00:41:52,177 Sailor Girl. Boise, Boise, Boise, 1042 00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:54,095 I can't memorize all that. Write it down for me. 1043 00:41:54,179 --> 00:41:56,181 I thought I recognized that unique combination 1044 00:41:56,264 --> 00:41:57,641 of lilt and intensity. 1045 00:42:02,771 --> 00:42:03,855 What the hell are you doing here? 1046 00:42:03,939 --> 00:42:05,565 Oh, well, I hate to steal your line, 1047 00:42:05,649 --> 00:42:06,983 but what the hell are you doing here? 1048 00:42:07,067 --> 00:42:08,818 You have to leave. I'm about to go on. 1049 00:42:08,902 --> 00:42:11,112 Oh, shit. Are you stripping now? 1050 00:42:11,196 --> 00:42:12,989 I knew the Shy Baldwin thing was tough, 1051 00:42:13,073 --> 00:42:15,158 - but there's nicer places. - I'm the comic. 1052 00:42:15,242 --> 00:42:18,078 - Here? - Yes. And I'm about to go on. 1053 00:42:18,161 --> 00:42:21,122 And I'm still honing and experimenting, so go away. 1054 00:42:21,206 --> 00:42:22,499 - You want me to go away? - Yes. 1055 00:42:22,582 --> 00:42:23,875 Because I would make you nervous. 1056 00:42:23,959 --> 00:42:25,919 You would make me nervous. 1057 00:42:26,002 --> 00:42:27,712 Don't smile. Bad smile. 1058 00:42:27,796 --> 00:42:30,173 I got a story for you. Back in high school-- 1059 00:42:30,257 --> 00:42:32,592 Mepham High in Bellmore, out on Long Island-- 1060 00:42:32,676 --> 00:42:34,261 I took this speech class. 1061 00:42:34,344 --> 00:42:36,221 One day, the teacher stands me up 1062 00:42:36,304 --> 00:42:38,139 in front of everybody and gives me a topic. 1063 00:42:38,223 --> 00:42:40,433 Zoos. Are they good or bad? Some shit like that. 1064 00:42:40,517 --> 00:42:42,018 I was supposed to be against them. 1065 00:42:42,102 --> 00:42:45,230 Told me to take five full minutes to make my case. Now, 1066 00:42:45,313 --> 00:42:47,524 I'm feeling fairly confident about the subject, 1067 00:42:47,607 --> 00:42:49,067 so I start my little spiel, 1068 00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:51,444 going on about how animals shouldn't be in cages 1069 00:42:51,528 --> 00:42:52,696 and how we're the real animals 1070 00:42:52,779 --> 00:42:54,072 for putting them there in the first place... 1071 00:42:54,155 --> 00:42:55,365 - Mm-hmm. - ...when all of a sudden, 1072 00:42:55,448 --> 00:42:57,575 I get beaned in the head by an eraser. 1073 00:42:57,659 --> 00:43:01,121 I check to see who threw it, and it was the fucking teacher. 1074 00:43:01,204 --> 00:43:02,956 Now, I'm surprised, to say the least, 1075 00:43:03,039 --> 00:43:05,458 but I continue my little speech with a masterful segue 1076 00:43:05,542 --> 00:43:08,295 into the science of evolution and how we're no less animal 1077 00:43:08,378 --> 00:43:09,587 than any other of God's creatures-- 1078 00:43:09,671 --> 00:43:11,506 that is, if God exists; I threw that in-- 1079 00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:14,759 when another fucking eraser hits me in the fucking head. 1080 00:43:14,843 --> 00:43:16,594 And it's like that every ten seconds 1081 00:43:16,678 --> 00:43:17,971 for the rest of my speech. 1082 00:43:18,054 --> 00:43:20,307 Something coming at my head. Erasers, chalk, 1083 00:43:20,390 --> 00:43:21,975 crumpled paper, a half-eaten apple. 1084 00:43:22,058 --> 00:43:24,311 But I soldier on and get through the five minutes. 1085 00:43:24,394 --> 00:43:27,439 Afterwards, I ask my teacher, "What was that all about?" 1086 00:43:27,522 --> 00:43:29,441 And she says, "Mr. Schneider." 1087 00:43:29,524 --> 00:43:31,151 For I was Schneider at the time. 1088 00:43:31,234 --> 00:43:33,486 "Mr. Schneider, I was simply training you 1089 00:43:33,570 --> 00:43:34,696 to block out distractions. 1090 00:43:34,779 --> 00:43:36,489 It's your job to stay focused 1091 00:43:36,573 --> 00:43:38,950 despite whatever's coming at you, and you did good." 1092 00:43:39,034 --> 00:43:40,618 This seemed like bullshit at the time, 1093 00:43:40,702 --> 00:43:43,288 but it turned out to be a very valuable lesson. 1094 00:43:43,371 --> 00:43:45,290 It trained me for what I do now. 1095 00:43:45,373 --> 00:43:48,168 So, tonight, Mrs. Maisel, 1096 00:43:48,251 --> 00:43:51,713 your version of erasers and chalk and half-eaten apples 1097 00:43:51,796 --> 00:43:53,882 will be me staying for your gig. 1098 00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:55,759 No. This isn't Bellmore. 1099 00:43:55,842 --> 00:43:57,302 Everything is Bellmore. 1100 00:43:57,385 --> 00:43:59,637 Mrs. Maisel. Time to start the show. 1101 00:43:59,721 --> 00:44:01,681 I think it's time to start the show. 1102 00:44:01,765 --> 00:44:04,142 Fine. Stay. But do not sit where I can see you. 1103 00:44:04,225 --> 00:44:05,977 [chuckles] Oh, now I'm definitely gonna sit 1104 00:44:06,061 --> 00:44:07,312 where you can see me. 1105 00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:10,357 Shit. 1106 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:12,942 - [applause, whooping] - [man] Mrs. Maisel! 1107 00:44:13,026 --> 00:44:15,236 - [laughter] - [man 2] All right! 1108 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,655 - [man 3] Hello. - Hello there, 1109 00:44:17,739 --> 00:44:19,407 not many ladies and many gentlemen. 1110 00:44:19,491 --> 00:44:23,078 I'm Mrs. Maisel, your host and guide for the evening. 1111 00:44:23,161 --> 00:44:25,497 - [whoops] - Bravo. 1112 00:44:25,580 --> 00:44:28,124 This is a very weird job I have. I'm a woman 1113 00:44:28,208 --> 00:44:29,376 who comes out here to make men laugh 1114 00:44:29,459 --> 00:44:30,960 who are here to see women take their clothes off. 1115 00:44:31,044 --> 00:44:32,253 [men whoop, whistle] 1116 00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:33,838 Easier job for a man. 1117 00:44:33,922 --> 00:44:35,673 - [man laughs] - [indistinct shouting] 1118 00:44:35,757 --> 00:44:37,342 [men] Yeah! 1119 00:44:37,425 --> 00:44:39,969 And a tricky balancing act for me. 1120 00:44:40,053 --> 00:44:41,930 But not as tricky an act as Sandy, 1121 00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:43,848 our stripping contortionist, 1122 00:44:43,932 --> 00:44:45,975 who uses a common household plunger 1123 00:44:46,059 --> 00:44:48,019 to balance her... Nah, I'm not gonna spoil it for you. 1124 00:44:48,103 --> 00:44:49,270 Just don't leave before seeing it. 1125 00:44:49,354 --> 00:44:50,939 - [man whoops] - [laughter] 1126 00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:55,485 And what am I supposed to talk about in between strippers, huh? 1127 00:44:55,568 --> 00:44:56,820 Baseball? 1128 00:44:56,903 --> 00:44:59,406 Kittens? Grandparents? 1129 00:44:59,489 --> 00:45:01,408 [laughter] 1130 00:45:01,491 --> 00:45:02,867 I mean, how do you keep a starving man's interest 1131 00:45:02,951 --> 00:45:04,494 when you're performing between a chocolate doughnut 1132 00:45:04,577 --> 00:45:06,079 and a cheeseburger? 1133 00:45:08,123 --> 00:45:12,001 Not that you're all paying attention to me. 1134 00:45:12,085 --> 00:45:14,003 See these guys right here? 1135 00:45:14,087 --> 00:45:16,506 These guys are ignoring me 1136 00:45:16,589 --> 00:45:18,341 and just talking to each other. 1137 00:45:18,425 --> 00:45:20,009 What are they talking about? 1138 00:45:20,093 --> 00:45:22,178 Just the stuff you'd expect at a joint like this. 1139 00:45:22,262 --> 00:45:25,932 I can hear them, so let me recreate the conversation. 1140 00:45:26,015 --> 00:45:28,184 "You know what I hate worse than being stuck in traffic 1141 00:45:28,268 --> 00:45:29,936 when you got to piss real bad? 1142 00:45:30,019 --> 00:45:32,230 The fact that Aristotle relied so much 1143 00:45:32,313 --> 00:45:34,065 on opinions based on nonscientific reasoning." 1144 00:45:34,149 --> 00:45:36,776 "I disagree. I believe a person can reason perfectly well 1145 00:45:36,860 --> 00:45:38,194 in circumstances where we cannot claim 1146 00:45:38,278 --> 00:45:39,446 to have scientific understanding, 1147 00:45:39,529 --> 00:45:41,364 so I defend the philosopher Aristotle." 1148 00:45:41,448 --> 00:45:44,117 "Jesus Christ, you and your fucking Aristotle. 1149 00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,494 - It's Aristotle this and Aristotle that." - [laughter] 1150 00:45:46,578 --> 00:45:48,788 "You know, he buggered young boys." "It was a different time, 1151 00:45:48,872 --> 00:45:50,373 don't you know. You can't apply modern standards 1152 00:45:50,457 --> 00:45:51,416 to ancient figures." 1153 00:45:51,499 --> 00:45:52,834 Sidebar. "Gee, Miriam Maisel, 1154 00:45:52,917 --> 00:45:54,210 how do you even know all this stuff about Aristotle? 1155 00:45:54,294 --> 00:45:56,087 You seem very girly with your pretty makeup 1156 00:45:56,171 --> 00:45:58,173 and your fashionable hairstyle and your Park Avenue heels." 1157 00:45:58,256 --> 00:46:00,258 And I say, "Well, my father would read Aristotle to me 1158 00:46:00,341 --> 00:46:01,426 as a child, and I absorbed facts 1159 00:46:01,509 --> 00:46:02,677 about the old fart even though I don't know 1160 00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,053 what the fuck any of it fucking means." 1161 00:46:04,137 --> 00:46:06,181 - [laughter, cheering] - Didn't mean to interrupt. 1162 00:46:07,223 --> 00:46:08,725 Thank you! 1163 00:46:08,808 --> 00:46:10,059 [whooping] 1164 00:46:10,143 --> 00:46:12,437 See you in a few. 1165 00:46:14,230 --> 00:46:16,483 [piano playing] 1166 00:46:22,197 --> 00:46:24,199 [Akiva chanting in Hebrew] 1167 00:46:33,416 --> 00:46:35,418 Now that I'm here, looking at little Akiva, 1168 00:46:35,502 --> 00:46:38,671 - I still have no fucking idea who that kid is. - Me, neither. 1169 00:46:38,755 --> 00:46:40,673 - And they got me going last in order. - [woman] Shh. 1170 00:46:40,757 --> 00:46:43,009 - It's the best spot. - Mystery. 1171 00:46:43,092 --> 00:46:44,844 Oh, there's Stevie. 1172 00:46:46,721 --> 00:46:48,264 Maybe she didn't recognize us. 1173 00:46:48,348 --> 00:46:50,350 No, she recognized us. 1174 00:46:50,433 --> 00:46:53,937 Look, out of respect for you, I want you to know. 1175 00:46:54,020 --> 00:46:55,647 This? You and me? 1176 00:46:55,730 --> 00:46:57,524 I'm not in the market right now. 1177 00:46:57,607 --> 00:46:59,817 No matter what Rose Weissman or my mother told you. 1178 00:46:59,901 --> 00:47:01,194 It's not gonna happen. 1179 00:47:01,277 --> 00:47:04,405 Excuse me. Buddy, do we have a problem here? 1180 00:47:04,489 --> 00:47:06,282 No. No problem. 1181 00:47:06,366 --> 00:47:08,326 Then leave my wife alone? 1182 00:47:08,409 --> 00:47:11,329 Oh. Sure. Sorry. 1183 00:47:11,412 --> 00:47:13,957 And good Shabbas, by the way. 1184 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:17,460 ♪ Amen ♪♪ 1185 00:47:19,254 --> 00:47:22,131 Abe, are you noticing anything odd in here today? 1186 00:47:22,215 --> 00:47:24,759 Hmm? Not me. 1187 00:47:24,842 --> 00:47:27,428 - ♪ Me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me ♪♪ - From the diaphragm, Moishe-y. 1188 00:47:27,512 --> 00:47:28,596 From the diaphragm. 1189 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,808 We now call to the bimah for the final aliyah... 1190 00:47:31,891 --> 00:47:33,810 Navi Ben Nasan. 1191 00:47:33,893 --> 00:47:36,104 [chanting in Hebrew] 1192 00:47:36,187 --> 00:47:38,481 - What the hell? - He must have got it wrong. 1193 00:47:38,565 --> 00:47:40,483 He read off the card. The man has a card. 1194 00:47:40,567 --> 00:47:42,026 - It was on the card. - Mr. Maisel. 1195 00:47:42,110 --> 00:47:44,445 Hi. I'm Akiva's mom. Sorry for the misunderstanding. 1196 00:47:44,529 --> 00:47:46,114 Some signals got crossed on our end. 1197 00:47:46,197 --> 00:47:47,949 Akiva mumbles. We're working on that. 1198 00:47:48,032 --> 00:47:49,576 Oh, sure, sure. I figured something happened. 1199 00:47:49,659 --> 00:47:50,868 I mean, my son wouldn't even be able 1200 00:47:50,952 --> 00:47:52,161 to pick you out of a lineup. [chuckles] 1201 00:47:52,245 --> 00:47:53,580 Hope you didn't practice too hard. 1202 00:47:53,663 --> 00:47:55,665 Not at all, actually. Thanks for the heads-up. 1203 00:47:55,748 --> 00:47:58,918 - Thank you. - He couldn't pick you out of a lineup? 1204 00:47:59,002 --> 00:48:00,461 Little prick. 1205 00:48:00,545 --> 00:48:02,547 [chanting in Hebrew] 1206 00:48:04,465 --> 00:48:06,384 - You call that a voice? - Pop, shh. 1207 00:48:11,806 --> 00:48:15,226 - ♪ Amen ♪♪ - [Rose] Abe, the rabbi. 1208 00:48:15,310 --> 00:48:17,687 I'm seeing your point now. 1209 00:48:17,770 --> 00:48:19,522 So it's not just me. 1210 00:48:19,606 --> 00:48:20,940 [speaks Hebrew] 1211 00:48:21,024 --> 00:48:23,610 Akiva, you did a wonderful job. 1212 00:48:23,693 --> 00:48:26,696 Now, before we proceed with Hagbah, 1213 00:48:26,779 --> 00:48:29,824 please tell everyone here about your Torah portion. 1214 00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:32,827 In one word, what is it about? 1215 00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:34,495 Bravery. 1216 00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:35,872 [chuckles] Yes, well, uh, 1217 00:48:35,955 --> 00:48:39,500 bravery is very interesting, Akiva, and very noble. 1218 00:48:39,584 --> 00:48:43,129 But is it as important as... 1219 00:48:43,212 --> 00:48:45,590 - loyalty? - [man clears throat] 1220 00:48:45,673 --> 00:48:47,175 [Akiva] I-I guess. 1221 00:48:47,258 --> 00:48:48,760 Papa, what did you do to the rabbi? 1222 00:48:48,843 --> 00:48:51,512 - I did nothing to the rabbi. - [Akiva] But, um, 1223 00:48:51,596 --> 00:48:53,306 no one's braver than my Uncle Saul. 1224 00:48:53,389 --> 00:48:55,224 He helped liberate the Jews of Auschwitz 1225 00:48:55,308 --> 00:48:58,436 and now owns three restaurants, one of them dine-in. 1226 00:48:58,519 --> 00:49:01,648 But one must keep in mind how important it is 1227 00:49:01,731 --> 00:49:03,232 for a community such as ours 1228 00:49:03,316 --> 00:49:06,569 to be loyal to each other. 1229 00:49:06,653 --> 00:49:08,946 [others assenting] 1230 00:49:09,989 --> 00:49:11,991 Do I have something on my shirt? 1231 00:49:12,075 --> 00:49:13,534 Shame on you, Abe Weissman. 1232 00:49:13,618 --> 00:49:16,204 - What did I do? - Poor, innocent Buzz. 1233 00:49:16,287 --> 00:49:17,705 - [others shouting] - Oh. 1234 00:49:17,789 --> 00:49:19,415 What did you do to Buzz? 1235 00:49:19,499 --> 00:49:21,334 [Edie] Your husband killed his show. 1236 00:49:21,417 --> 00:49:25,380 Wrote horrible things about it in that farkakte paper of his. 1237 00:49:25,463 --> 00:49:27,924 It was the boy's life's work. 1238 00:49:28,007 --> 00:49:31,010 The Village Voice is not my paper. 1239 00:49:31,094 --> 00:49:33,721 - Papa, what did you write? - I wrote what I saw. 1240 00:49:33,805 --> 00:49:35,139 - [woman] Schmuck. - [overlapping chatter] 1241 00:49:35,223 --> 00:49:37,058 [man] You should be ashamed, Abe Weissman. 1242 00:49:37,141 --> 00:49:38,810 Look, people, 1243 00:49:38,893 --> 00:49:41,270 I am a journalist. 1244 00:49:41,354 --> 00:49:44,273 And sometimes, writing a bad review is part of my job. 1245 00:49:44,357 --> 00:49:46,776 It's what I owe the public. 1246 00:49:46,859 --> 00:49:49,362 So, please, let's have some respect 1247 00:49:49,445 --> 00:49:53,074 and give the floor back to Rabbi Huebsche. 1248 00:49:53,157 --> 00:49:54,701 What's more important, Abraham, 1249 00:49:54,784 --> 00:49:57,662 - your public or your people? - [woman] Yeah! 1250 00:49:57,745 --> 00:50:00,623 - We escaped the jaws of Hitler for this? - [congregation groans] 1251 00:50:00,707 --> 00:50:03,584 Slander. That's what he wrote. Lies and slander! 1252 00:50:03,668 --> 00:50:06,003 Abe, what is this review? What did you write? 1253 00:50:06,087 --> 00:50:08,673 - Here. See for yourself. - [Abe sighs] 1254 00:50:08,756 --> 00:50:11,384 I talked to Buzz last night, and he was inconsolable. 1255 00:50:11,467 --> 00:50:13,761 Says he wished he'd drowned in the lake that day. 1256 00:50:13,845 --> 00:50:16,097 He would have if I hadn't saved him. 1257 00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:17,598 - Just to kill him again? - [Midge] "To watch 1258 00:50:17,682 --> 00:50:20,351 They Came, They Danced is to reside in hell. 1259 00:50:20,435 --> 00:50:22,729 I felt an anger and despair I had not felt 1260 00:50:22,812 --> 00:50:24,105 since I was a young man realizing 1261 00:50:24,188 --> 00:50:27,066 that the American dream came with an enormous asterisk." 1262 00:50:27,150 --> 00:50:29,152 - Oh, Papa. - What? 1263 00:50:29,235 --> 00:50:32,905 I'm paid to speak the truth. I'm paid to be honest. 1264 00:50:32,989 --> 00:50:34,073 Were you this honest when your daughter 1265 00:50:34,157 --> 00:50:35,491 stunk up the show in '53? 1266 00:50:35,575 --> 00:50:37,744 - [congregation exclaims] - Now, once and for all, people, 1267 00:50:37,827 --> 00:50:39,495 I may not be Mary Martin or Jessica Tandy, 1268 00:50:39,579 --> 00:50:42,957 but I was a decent Clare, and I did not stink up the show. 1269 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,001 My singing isn't perfect, but in musical theater, 1270 00:50:45,084 --> 00:50:47,086 character is more important than technique. 1271 00:50:47,170 --> 00:50:48,713 [Pauly] Abe Weissman, 1272 00:50:48,796 --> 00:50:51,340 you stood there, sipping champagne, 1273 00:50:51,424 --> 00:50:54,010 making small talk, quoting Oscar Wilde, 1274 00:50:54,093 --> 00:50:56,512 hugging Buzz, toasting Buzz, 1275 00:50:56,596 --> 00:50:59,807 all while holding the knife of Cain behind your back. 1276 00:50:59,891 --> 00:51:02,435 Oh, Pauly, don't be so dramatic. 1277 00:51:02,518 --> 00:51:03,644 You're the only one who can speak truth? 1278 00:51:03,728 --> 00:51:05,021 Truth, huh? Truth? 1279 00:51:05,104 --> 00:51:07,190 Well, there's nothing in the Hebrew Bible 1280 00:51:07,273 --> 00:51:10,067 indicating that Cain killed Abel with a knife. 1281 00:51:10,151 --> 00:51:11,569 So much for your truth. 1282 00:51:11,652 --> 00:51:13,237 Yes, there is. The Book of Genesis. 1283 00:51:13,321 --> 00:51:14,530 Cain killed Abel. 1284 00:51:14,614 --> 00:51:16,699 And it's implied it was with a knife. 1285 00:51:16,783 --> 00:51:17,950 Rabbi, chime in here. 1286 00:51:18,034 --> 00:51:19,494 The Torah says that Cain 1287 00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:21,704 - was a worker of the ground. - Exactly. 1288 00:51:21,788 --> 00:51:25,541 So it was most likely a hoe or a trowel. 1289 00:51:25,625 --> 00:51:27,376 [chuckles] He didn't carry a knife. 1290 00:51:27,460 --> 00:51:28,628 [Pauly] And not that you care, 1291 00:51:28,711 --> 00:51:31,464 but my hard-earned nest egg is kaput. 1292 00:51:31,547 --> 00:51:33,716 You said you invested a small slice, Pauly. 1293 00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,384 Don't exaggerate for effect. 1294 00:51:35,468 --> 00:51:37,261 Small for the show, big for me. 1295 00:51:37,345 --> 00:51:38,763 You know, the show was not very good. 1296 00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:40,097 - [overlapping chatter] - What are you talking about? 1297 00:51:40,181 --> 00:51:43,434 - Maybe it was good. - I was nice in this review. 1298 00:51:43,518 --> 00:51:47,271 I very kindly used the show to talk about the rot 1299 00:51:47,355 --> 00:51:49,106 at the heart of the American theater 1300 00:51:49,190 --> 00:51:51,025 instead of listing all its faults. 1301 00:51:51,108 --> 00:51:52,276 What about the song? 1302 00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:55,238 It has one good song. That's it. 1303 00:51:55,321 --> 00:51:59,033 You can't have a musical with one good song. 1304 00:51:59,116 --> 00:52:00,785 And I don't know why you're 1305 00:52:00,868 --> 00:52:03,371 on their side. That character you loved to hate? 1306 00:52:03,454 --> 00:52:06,582 The rude, hectoring busybody? It's you. 1307 00:52:06,666 --> 00:52:09,085 - I beg your pardon. - [Abe] Her name 1308 00:52:09,168 --> 00:52:11,170 was Iris. Rose, Iris. 1309 00:52:11,254 --> 00:52:13,464 She sipped sherry, 1310 00:52:13,548 --> 00:52:15,633 had a fortune-teller, two kids. 1311 00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:18,427 You ruined the show, and now you've ruined 1312 00:52:18,511 --> 00:52:21,180 - poor Akiva's bar mitzvah. - [Akiva] Yeah. 1313 00:52:21,264 --> 00:52:23,683 I wish I hadn't invited you, Mr. Weissman. 1314 00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:25,476 No offense, but there were a lot of problems 1315 00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:27,562 - with your invite list, kid. - [Pauly] So you didn't like it. 1316 00:52:27,645 --> 00:52:29,480 Fine. You have to kill it for everyone else? 1317 00:52:29,564 --> 00:52:31,274 It's a nice little show. It isn't doing any harm. 1318 00:52:31,357 --> 00:52:34,443 It is. Because out there, there's a great show 1319 00:52:34,527 --> 00:52:37,905 that isn't getting the resources it needs to be seen. 1320 00:52:37,989 --> 00:52:39,949 - What show? - What do you mean, 1321 00:52:40,032 --> 00:52:41,450 - what show? - [Moishe] What show? 1322 00:52:41,534 --> 00:52:42,952 What's this great show that's sitting out there 1323 00:52:43,035 --> 00:52:44,495 with no resources and no money? 1324 00:52:44,579 --> 00:52:46,289 There's ten shows out there 1325 00:52:46,372 --> 00:52:49,000 that could use resources. Twenty. 1326 00:52:49,083 --> 00:52:50,543 - What are the 20 shows? - He's saying 1327 00:52:50,626 --> 00:52:52,712 that if you give to one thing, you're taking from another. 1328 00:52:52,795 --> 00:52:54,797 [man] This from the girl who stunk up the Catskills 1329 00:52:54,881 --> 00:52:56,674 - with her ham acting. - Who said that?! 1330 00:52:56,757 --> 00:52:59,093 - [overlapping shouting] - Don't hide! Who said that?! 1331 00:52:59,176 --> 00:53:01,053 Stop, everybody. Stop. 1332 00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:03,472 I am a distraction. 1333 00:53:03,556 --> 00:53:06,309 And, apparently, an enemy of the people. 1334 00:53:06,392 --> 00:53:08,269 So I will leave 1335 00:53:08,352 --> 00:53:10,605 so that you can carry on with your ceremony. 1336 00:53:13,649 --> 00:53:17,278 But there is something you all need to know going forward. 1337 00:53:17,361 --> 00:53:20,156 You are the frog. 1338 00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:23,075 I am the scorpion. 1339 00:53:23,159 --> 00:53:27,079 I sting because it is my nature. 1340 00:53:27,163 --> 00:53:28,998 [others murmuring] 1341 00:53:35,046 --> 00:53:37,632 Damn, I wish I had my cape. 1342 00:53:39,133 --> 00:53:41,260 [Rose] So what if I make demands? 1343 00:53:41,344 --> 00:53:44,347 I mean, how hard is it to make room-temperature water? 1344 00:53:44,430 --> 00:53:46,349 It's the temperature of the room. 1345 00:53:46,432 --> 00:53:48,351 Hey, do we know a Mr. Fibbi? 1346 00:53:48,434 --> 00:53:50,269 Fibbi? What kind of name is that? 1347 00:53:50,353 --> 00:53:53,564 It says, "4:30. Mr. Fibbi called. Will call back." 1348 00:53:53,648 --> 00:53:54,815 Doesn't ring a bell. 1349 00:53:54,899 --> 00:53:57,151 Zelda never takes the first name. 1350 00:53:57,234 --> 00:53:58,569 I keep telling her to do that. 1351 00:53:58,653 --> 00:54:00,905 The staff at Steiner always seemed so happy 1352 00:54:00,988 --> 00:54:03,032 - to have their mistakes corrected. - [phone ringing] 1353 00:54:03,115 --> 00:54:05,493 And there is a certain way to cut a grapefruit. 1354 00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:08,037 God made those segments for a reason. 1355 00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,581 - Hello? - [Asher] Abe. It's Asher. 1356 00:54:10,665 --> 00:54:13,125 Asher. This is a surprise. 1357 00:54:13,209 --> 00:54:16,504 Really? I'm a little surprised that you're surprised. 1358 00:54:16,587 --> 00:54:18,798 - Why? - [chuckles] Well, 1359 00:54:18,881 --> 00:54:21,634 a friend sent me this thing you wrote 1360 00:54:21,717 --> 00:54:23,386 in the, uh, Village Voice. 1361 00:54:23,469 --> 00:54:27,223 You review a show. They Came, They Danced. 1362 00:54:27,306 --> 00:54:29,767 - Sounds like a piece of shit. - That's putting it mildly. 1363 00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:33,145 And then you got a little nostalgic at the end 1364 00:54:33,229 --> 00:54:34,939 with the asterisk and the American dream, 1365 00:54:35,022 --> 00:54:37,316 which segued very nicely 1366 00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,695 into something the two of us did back in the '20s. 1367 00:54:40,778 --> 00:54:42,446 My editor likes me to get personal. 1368 00:54:42,530 --> 00:54:43,948 Oh, sure. 1369 00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:47,660 But did he like the fact that you fingered the two of us 1370 00:54:47,743 --> 00:54:50,413 for a federal fucking crime, Abe?! 1371 00:54:50,496 --> 00:54:53,165 - What are you talking about? - The nifty little paragraph 1372 00:54:53,249 --> 00:54:55,001 about art and anarchy 1373 00:54:55,084 --> 00:54:57,253 where you describe very vividly 1374 00:54:57,336 --> 00:55:00,881 how you and I set a federal building on fire. 1375 00:55:00,965 --> 00:55:03,634 Oh, that was years ago. No one cares. 1376 00:55:03,718 --> 00:55:06,012 - The FBI does. - What? 1377 00:55:06,095 --> 00:55:08,889 They want to see us in the New York field office next week. 1378 00:55:08,973 --> 00:55:10,891 The FBI hasn't contacted me. 1379 00:55:10,975 --> 00:55:12,727 They will. Trust me. 1380 00:55:12,810 --> 00:55:14,437 So kiss your loved ones goodbye 1381 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,897 and grab your toothbrush, Abe, because you and I are gonna be 1382 00:55:16,981 --> 00:55:18,858 breaking rocks at Leavenworth. 1383 00:55:18,941 --> 00:55:20,359 Which is gonna be hell on my gout. 1384 00:55:20,443 --> 00:55:21,736 - See you in New York. - Asher... 1385 00:55:21,819 --> 00:55:23,821 - [line clicks] - [dial tone] 1386 00:55:36,834 --> 00:55:38,544 Mr. Fibbi. 1387 00:55:38,627 --> 00:55:40,629 ♪ ♪ 1388 00:55:42,381 --> 00:55:44,383 [playing "Goodnight Sweetheart Goodnight"] 1389 00:56:10,076 --> 00:56:12,161 To Jackie. 1390 00:56:12,244 --> 00:56:14,914 A man who didn't suffer fools gladly 1391 00:56:14,997 --> 00:56:17,750 and thought everyone was a fool. 1392 00:56:17,833 --> 00:56:20,544 A man whose love of ocarinas summed up his total 1393 00:56:20,628 --> 00:56:22,129 lack of musical taste. 1394 00:56:22,213 --> 00:56:24,924 A man who borrowed ten bucks from me the day before he died, 1395 00:56:25,007 --> 00:56:27,510 because somehow he knew. 1396 00:56:30,054 --> 00:56:32,181 A man who knew how to drive me crazier than any person 1397 00:56:32,264 --> 00:56:34,266 in this fucking world, except you. 1398 00:56:36,060 --> 00:56:38,938 A man who was... my friend. 1399 00:56:40,397 --> 00:56:42,525 - To Jackie. - To Jackie. 1400 00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:57,915 [♪ The Jim Carroll Band: "People Who Died"] 1401 00:56:57,998 --> 00:57:00,126 ♪ Teddy sniffing glue, he was 12 years old ♪ 1402 00:57:00,209 --> 00:57:03,003 ♪ Fell from the roof on East Two Nine ♪ 1403 00:57:03,087 --> 00:57:05,381 ♪ Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug ♪ 1404 00:57:05,464 --> 00:57:07,967 ♪ On 26 reds and a bottle of wine ♪ 1405 00:57:08,050 --> 00:57:10,010 ♪ Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old ♪ 1406 00:57:10,094 --> 00:57:11,804 ♪ He looked like 65 when he died ♪ 1407 00:57:11,887 --> 00:57:13,597 ♪ He was a friend of mine ♪ 1408 00:57:13,681 --> 00:57:15,724 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1409 00:57:15,808 --> 00:57:18,310 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1410 00:57:18,394 --> 00:57:20,896 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1411 00:57:20,980 --> 00:57:23,232 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1412 00:57:23,315 --> 00:57:26,569 ♪ They were all my friends and just died ♪ 1413 00:57:28,237 --> 00:57:30,614 ♪ G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten ♪ 1414 00:57:30,698 --> 00:57:33,033 ♪ So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan ♪ 1415 00:57:33,117 --> 00:57:35,578 ♪ Sly in Vietnam, bullet in the head ♪ 1416 00:57:35,661 --> 00:57:38,080 ♪ Bobby OD'd on Drano on the night that he was wed ♪ 1417 00:57:38,164 --> 00:57:40,708 ♪ They were two more friends of mine ♪ 1418 00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:43,085 ♪ Two more friends that died ♪ 1419 00:57:43,169 --> 00:57:45,754 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1420 00:57:45,838 --> 00:57:48,632 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1421 00:57:48,716 --> 00:57:51,010 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1422 00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:53,345 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1423 00:57:53,429 --> 00:57:56,432 ♪ They were all my friends and they died ♪ 1424 00:57:58,267 --> 00:58:00,811 ♪ Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room ♪ 1425 00:58:00,895 --> 00:58:03,522 ♪ Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs ♪ 1426 00:58:03,606 --> 00:58:05,774 ♪ Judy jumped in front of a subway train ♪ 1427 00:58:05,858 --> 00:58:08,402 ♪ Eddie got slit in the jugular vein ♪ 1428 00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:10,905 ♪ And, Eddie, I miss you more than all the others ♪ 1429 00:58:10,988 --> 00:58:13,657 ♪ And I salute you, brother ♪ 1430 00:58:13,741 --> 00:58:16,076 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1431 00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:18,495 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1432 00:58:18,579 --> 00:58:21,165 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1433 00:58:21,248 --> 00:58:23,709 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1434 00:58:23,792 --> 00:58:27,004 ♪ They were all my friends, and they died ♪ 1435 00:58:44,438 --> 00:58:46,398 ♪ Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room ♪ 1436 00:58:46,482 --> 00:58:49,026 ♪ Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs ♪ 1437 00:58:49,109 --> 00:58:51,278 ♪ Judy jumped in front of a subway train ♪ 1438 00:58:51,362 --> 00:58:54,448 ♪ And Eddie got slit in the jugular vein ♪ 1439 00:58:54,531 --> 00:58:56,867 ♪ And, Eddie, I miss you more than all the others ♪ 1440 00:58:56,951 --> 00:58:59,286 ♪ This song is for you, my brother ♪ 1441 00:58:59,370 --> 00:59:01,789 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1442 00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:04,625 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1443 00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:07,419 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1444 00:59:07,503 --> 00:59:09,588 ♪ Those are people who died, died ♪ 1445 00:59:09,672 --> 00:59:12,007 ♪ They were all my friends, and they died ♪ 1446 00:59:12,091 --> 00:59:15,511 ♪ All my friends, and they died ♪♪