1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,550 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,642 (Ethan humming melodic tune) 3 00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:29,447 (sighs) 4 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:31,991 Boom, boom, boom, boom. 5 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,784 Boom, boom, boom, boom. 6 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,828 (watch ticking) 7 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,082 (sighs) 8 00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:45,546 (humming) 9 00:00:45,588 --> 00:00:47,590 ♪ ♪ 10 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,818 ABE: Ethan, no! 11 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:09,528 These are not toys. 12 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,031 -They look like toys. -They're not. 13 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,409 Go. Go. Get. Get. Go. 14 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:17,703 How is this a toy? 15 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:20,206 ♪ ♪ 16 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,957 ROSE: That's everything. Thank you, Stewart. 17 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,375 MIDGE: Yes, thanks, guys. 18 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,377 Once again, you're our heroes. 19 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,171 Ah, the ever elusive cabana jackets. 20 00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:28,798 How many should we bring? 21 00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:30,257 -Two each. -Or three. 22 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:32,009 I've got one more coming from Saks. 23 00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,594 It's chinoiserie. You're gonna love it. 24 00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,095 Ooh. Bikinis. 25 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:37,014 You're doing the beauty contest again, I assume. 26 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:39,016 I believe my public demands it. 27 00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:41,852 So this year, should I go classy? 28 00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:43,062 Your Doris Day. 29 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,105 -Or risqué? -Your Mamie Van Doren. 30 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:46,899 Will any other girl bother to compete? 31 00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:48,025 I wouldn't. 32 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,401 Bring them both, just to be sure. 33 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,778 ABE: You can't bring everything! 34 00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,404 Next is clamdiggers. 35 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,114 It's the Catskills; you can't have too many clamdiggers. 36 00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,616 ABE: Yes, you can. 37 00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:57,326 What about picnic dresses? We each have four. 38 00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:59,328 -Should I bring them all? -There may be four picnics. 39 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:02,832 Or you can wear the same picnic dress to more than one picnic. 40 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:05,835 -Oh, Abe. -(laughs) Papa, you're too much. 41 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,711 Ladies, we've been over this. 42 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:10,965 The trailer has 163 cubic feet of space. 43 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,092 Do you understand? There's finite capacity. 44 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,343 -Beach robes? -We never wear them. 45 00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,761 -I'll bring them anyway. -Okay. 46 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,346 D-Did you see what just happened there? 47 00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,181 Papa, please do not micromanage this. We have a system. 48 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,058 Your system is to bring everything you own. 49 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:22,810 I'm not bringing this. 50 00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:25,104 It's too late to change the luggage we've chosen. 51 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,689 I've made precisely scaled models. 52 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,107 Your little toys. 53 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,441 -They're not toys. -They're cute. 54 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,443 They're cute, yes, but they're not toys. 55 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,529 And right now, after much effort, 56 00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:35,823 all our tiny luggage fits in our tiny trailer. 57 00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:38,117 He's adorable when he talks about these things. 58 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,995 Papa, we will do our best to stick to 160 cubic feet. 59 00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:42,204 -I promise. -Good. 60 00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:43,914 This way, I can create a plan 61 00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,791 so that my boy Jimmy at the resort knows 62 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,127 how to load it back up at the end of our stay. 63 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,670 You got Jimmy as your boy again this year? 64 00:02:49,712 --> 00:02:51,088 I thought he couldn't come back. 65 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:53,549 Yeah, he thought he was doing an internship at a big law firm, 66 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:56,010 but I made a couple of calls, and now he's not. 67 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,970 Abe, you did not spoil that young man's future 68 00:02:58,012 --> 00:02:59,889 just so he can be your boy again in the Catskills. 69 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,640 What? No. 70 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,018 I called and found out he didn't get it. 71 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,603 I was heartbroken for him. 72 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,730 I wouldn't do that to Jimmy. I love Jimmy. 73 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,231 -Mm-hmm. -A little too much. 74 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,525 -Scale down, please. -We're scaling. Go. 75 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,444 -Yes, go, Abe. -I'm supposed to have lunch with a friend. 76 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,404 -Okay if I scoot? -ABE: Ethan, no! 77 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:18,157 -Do not play with these toys. -Sure, go. We'll finish later. 78 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,159 ABE: I didn't mean toys. They're not toys. 79 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,202 -I won't be long. Thank you, Zelda. -ABE: It was a misnomer. 80 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,038 You know what a misnomer is. 81 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,539 No, no. Don't play dumb. 82 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:27,207 These club owners call me back in a flash. 83 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:28,876 Sometimes I hear 'em yell, "Take a message," 84 00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:31,086 and when they hear it's me on the phone, they take the call. 85 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,005 -That's respect. -For me. I mean, look at me. 86 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,715 -They're respecting me. -I'm looking at you. 87 00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:37,468 Alone, I am a spittoon; with you, I'm a somebody. 88 00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:39,178 That's not true, Susie. They respect you 89 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,680 because they fear you; you're great at what you do. 90 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,932 Mm, half of them respect me, maybe. 91 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,600 The other half want to get in your pants. 92 00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:47,770 -Oh, stop. -It's gonna happen. I mean, look at you. 93 00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,563 It's like a dollop of whipped cream grew a head. 94 00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,899 Just don't undercut yourself; that's all I'm saying. 95 00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,151 So you called this lunch. What do you want to talk about? 96 00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:56,070 I just wanted to touch base before I go to the Catskills. 97 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,529 -We leave tomorrow. -Cool. 98 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,198 God, it's gonna be so nice to have a break. 99 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,283 This past year has been tough. They're leaving. 100 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:02,326 Hurry, hurry. 101 00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:07,206 We're switching tables, Verla! 102 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,375 Oh, here. 103 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,001 -What's this? -Gigs. 104 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,503 My typewriter lost its "S." 105 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,505 That's why it says "Aturday," "Unday." 106 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,298 You went to college; you can figure it out. 107 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,967 These are all in the next two weeks. 108 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,219 -So? -I'm going to the Catskills. 109 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,929 -Yeah, you said. -So I can't do these. 110 00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:23,305 I'm going to the Catskills. 111 00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:25,015 First one's not till a week after next. 112 00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,517 But I'm going to the Catskills. 113 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:28,394 Yeah, your record's skippin', Missy. Get to the point. 114 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,145 I'm going to the Catskills for two months. 115 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,065 -Wha...? -Geez, I almost did a spit take. 116 00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,526 Almost? That was a fucking spit take. 117 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,486 You're going to the Catskills for two months? 118 00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,989 I told you a million times I was going to the Catskills. 119 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,865 Yeah, but I figured it was five days, tops, 120 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,367 not two fucking months. 121 00:04:43,409 --> 00:04:45,077 I think you got the guy in back of me, too. 122 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,870 What the hell do you do up there for two months? 123 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,872 -Lots of things. -What things? 124 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,457 You look at a tree, you go to bed, 125 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:51,834 you get up, you look at a tree. 126 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,168 You gonna do that for two straight months? 127 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:54,461 What the fuck is going on up there? 128 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,755 There's activities. We go boating, we sunbathe. 129 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,465 What do you do for the summer? 130 00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:01,802 I stay here. And I sweat. And I smell like a bum. 131 00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,470 And I'm miserable, and I want to kill people. 132 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,888 And I do that till it gets cold. 133 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,724 But the whole city empties out in summer. 134 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,851 Why the hell are we having lunch if not to figure out 135 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,519 our game plan for the next two months? 136 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:13,272 I don't know, I just... wanted to say good-bye. 137 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,357 Say good-bye, like we're friends? 138 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,317 -Yes. -Oh, my God. 139 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:19,278 How many times do I have to say this? 140 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,281 We are coworkers, not friends. Want some proof? 141 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,658 Look, no friendship ring. Case closed. 142 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,535 -Okay, okay. -And I would like you 143 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:27,953 to start treating me more professionally. 144 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,663 Like keeping me in the loop. 145 00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:32,249 I mean, two months away is gonna kill our momentum. 146 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:33,792 A heads-up would've been nice. 147 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,961 I'm sorry. I thought I gave you a heads-up. 148 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,838 -Yeah, yeah. -WAITRESS: There you go, ladies. 149 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,176 -What is that? -Nothing. 150 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,178 Miriam. 151 00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:52,061 What is it? 152 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,646 It's a ring. 153 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,398 -Holy fuck. -But it is not a friendship ring. 154 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,775 Eat your sandwich. 155 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,068 It's just a ring I saw at the store. 156 00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,486 It was on sale. I thought you would like it. 157 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,071 -Two months. -Plus, I get a 20% discount. 158 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:05,115 -It's not that big a deal. -Eat, eat. 159 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,458 -Is it gold or silver? -What? 160 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,919 The ring, is it gold or silver? 161 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,839 Silver. You don't seem like a gold person. 162 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,383 I'll take a look at it. 163 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,639 Later. 164 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,808 I can take it back. 165 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,102 Two months. 166 00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:37,231 ♪ ♪ 167 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:40,067 Everything's gonna fit! My miniatures were spot on. 168 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,361 -I still got it! -ROSE: Good for you, Abe! 169 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,279 Let's go. We want to beat the traffic. 170 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,906 Such a beautiful day for a drive. 171 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,241 MIDGE: Where's the baby? 172 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,742 ROSE: I've got the baby, Miriam. 173 00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:51,495 -Hurry, Mommy! -Don't run, Ethan. 174 00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,705 Good-bye, Zelda. We'll miss you. 175 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,624 I'll miss you, too, Miss Miriam. 176 00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:58,168 We're going to the Catskills! 177 00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:01,630 ♪ Let's take a trip in a trailer ♪ 178 00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:04,466 ♪ No need to come back at all ♪ 179 00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:07,177 ♪ Oh, let's take a powder ♪ 180 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,846 ♪ To Boston for chowder ♪ 181 00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,681 ♪ Let's get away from it all ♪ 182 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,683 (laughter) 183 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:16,145 -♪ Let's go again to Niagara ♪ -♪ Do-do-do ♪ 184 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,564 ♪ This time we'll look at the falls ♪ 185 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:22,985 -♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪ -♪ Oh, let's get away ♪ 186 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:26,446 ♪ From it all... ♪ 187 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:29,449 -(Pauly chuckling) -♪ Let's get away from it all. ♪ 188 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,243 -Mr. Weissman! -(car doors closing) 189 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,703 Oh, you look thin. 190 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,288 Hello, Pauly. How have you been? 191 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,956 Can't complain. Ladies! 192 00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,375 -Welcome back to Steiner Mountain Resort. -(Abe sighs) 193 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:39,960 -Your home away from home. -Hi, Pauly. 194 00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,670 -Oh, good to see you, Pauly. -(Abe chuckles) 195 00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:43,797 It's your 27th year in a row, I believe. 196 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,799 Your stats are correct, dear sir. 197 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:48,302 Oh, smell that mountain air. Invigorating. 198 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,179 There's plenty more where that came from. 199 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,431 Oh, here's Kent. He'll be your kid camp coordinator. 200 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,849 His name's actually David, 201 00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,392 but we wanted to keep the K-sound thing. 202 00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:56,435 -Uh-huh. -Hi, everybody. 203 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,145 -Hi, Kent. -Hi, Ethan. 204 00:07:58,187 --> 00:07:59,938 It's potty and playtime. You ready to go? 205 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,273 -Yeah! -(laughter) 206 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:02,900 We'll take him from here. Let's go! 207 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,401 -Come on inside, gang. -Bye, Mommy! 208 00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:05,652 -Let's get you all settled in. -All right. 209 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,070 KENT: Run, everybody, run! 210 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:10,449 (kids screaming playfully) 211 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,825 -(lively chatter) -(phones ringing) 212 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,619 I'm assuming you worked up a thirst on your journey, 213 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,245 -Mr. Weissman? -That I did. 214 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:16,955 Our signature Steiner tomato juice. 215 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,082 Homemade and frosted to perfection. 216 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,667 I've been hankering for it since August. 217 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,502 -Ah. -Mm. 218 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:25,088 (sighs) It's the very taste of vacation. 219 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,715 -Ah. -Mr. Weissman. 220 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:28,800 We have you in your usual cottage by the lake. 221 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,053 If I could just get you to sign a couple of forms for me. 222 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,804 Ooh, with blood or a pen? 223 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,681 (laughter) 224 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,601 Mr. Weissman, you should be on the stage. 225 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:39,728 -A pen will do. -Ah. 226 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:40,938 And keep the pen. 227 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,231 MIDGE: Three-legged race. 228 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,691 -You're on. -Good-bye, ladies. 229 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:47,361 -Hello, Midge. -Gabi. Good to see you. 230 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,446 -How are the kids? -Happy and healthy. 231 00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,531 And how far along in the process are you? 232 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:52,824 -The process? -With him. 233 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,952 -Joel? -(growls) 234 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:58,497 Oh, well, it's all kind of new, and we're still figuring it out. 235 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,207 He'll actually be up here later today. 236 00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,626 -Really? -Yeah. 237 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:03,752 Why? 238 00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:08,257 Well, the kids are his, and he likes them, 239 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,509 so he'll be coming back and forth from the city. 240 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,386 How modern. 241 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,721 So I'll see you two ladies at the salon? 242 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:15,931 -Yes, you will. -Mm-hmm. 243 00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:18,809 Good-bye, Gabi. 244 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:21,561 Oh, God. Is this what it's gonna be? 245 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,855 (groans): Grr. 246 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,607 -There you go. -PAULY: Okay. 247 00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,484 Now that you're all signed in, let me introduce you 248 00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:29,194 to your boy for the summer, Mr. Weissman. 249 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,738 Oh, well, no introduction necessary. 250 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,533 -I raised Jimmy from a pup. -Oh, it's not Jimmy. 251 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,411 This is Samuel. He's one of my best young boys. 252 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:38,745 What happened to Jimmy? 253 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,497 Good news. There were some stumbles, 254 00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,666 but he was finally accepted to the internship he wanted. 255 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,877 -Isn't that great? -But I... 256 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,546 Good for Jimmy. 257 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,966 I'm at your service, Mr. Weissman. 258 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:53,093 Your hand is wet. 259 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,511 ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Attention, guests. 260 00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,221 Just a reminder that orientation in the main hall 261 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,681 is one hour away; see you there. 262 00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:59,141 You know the way, friends. 263 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,726 Bring everything in the trailer, 264 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,644 and there's a couple of things in the trunk. 265 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,522 There's a baby in the backseat, Mr. Weissman. 266 00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:06,982 Bring that, too! 267 00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,817 SAMUEL: Right. 268 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,653 ABE: Ah, that beautiful lake! 269 00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,697 (door creaks) 270 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,617 -Good morning. -Ah, gentlemen. 271 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,619 -I'll take this one. -I'm right here, Mr. Weissman. 272 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,163 MIDGE: Whew! It needs to air out a little. 273 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,539 ABE: Come on, guys. Hustle, hustle. 274 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,291 ROSE: All the furniture's in the wrong place. 275 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:25,667 -MIDGE: We'll move it around. -ABE: I left a diagram 276 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,294 -for them last time. -Well, they know how we like it. 277 00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:28,712 -It should've been ready. -MIDGE: Those go to 278 00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:29,963 the second bedroom! The one on the left. 279 00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,256 ABE: The screen door needs adjusting. 280 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,008 SAMUEL: I can do that for you, sir. 281 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,718 ABE: Or someone from the proper department can fix this, Jimmy. 282 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,720 -It needs to be done right. -MIDGE: Sorry, I meant right, not left. 283 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:37,888 -Right. Right. -SAMUEL: Right. Right. 284 00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,973 ROSE: Abe, make sure the windows are open upstairs. 285 00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,516 -ABE: Right, got it. -MIDGE: There's no room for this. 286 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,185 ROSE: Just wedge it in, then move that piece over here. 287 00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:44,519 No, no, don't put it on the couch. 288 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:45,979 ABE: There's new carpeting on the stairs. 289 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,647 MIDGE: Put it back, guys. We've got to figure this out. 290 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:48,774 ROSE: I've already figured this out. 291 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,317 MIDGE: You just put the couch on the chair. 292 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,152 -ROSE: This is more luggage than last year. -It's way more. 293 00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:53,236 ABE: Oh, beautiful day. 294 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,696 ROSE: The luggage is piling up in the kitchen. 295 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,782 MIDGE: Oh, watch the lamp! Watch the lamp! 296 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,825 -Was this tree here last year? -SAMUEL: Which tree? 297 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,827 -I think it was there, Papa. -ABE: I don't remember 298 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,829 -this big tree being there. -ROSE: Oh, there's an extra chair in here. 299 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,456 SAMUEL: Can I help you with the tree, Mr. Weissman? 300 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,541 ABE: How could you possibly help me with the tree? 301 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,043 Explain yourself. 302 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,045 MIDGE: Ah, I forgot Esther's doll. 303 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:11,755 -ROSE: Which one? -Betsy Wetsy. I knew I forgot something. 304 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,465 ROSE: We'll have Jimmy run out for a new doll. 305 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,008 MIDGE: That'll wet itself? It has to wet itself. 306 00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:16,885 ABE: What's the couch doing outside? 307 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,887 -ROSE: It's just temporary! -ELIANA: Oh, Midge. 308 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,556 -ABE: It'll get dirty out here. -Oh, sorry about Joel, Midge. 309 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,934 -MIDGE: It's okay, Eliana. -Are you devastated? -Fresh tomato juice, sir? 310 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,228 You were getting luggage; now you're bringing me tomato juice? 311 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,563 ELIANA: Oh, good, good, you should move on. Such a cad. 312 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,232 MIDGE: There's one too many cooks in the kitchen. 313 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,817 ROSE: There's a cook in the kitchen? 314 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,735 -Watch out! -ABE: Oh! -(glass breaks) 315 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,488 -ABE: Jimmy! -ROSE: There's tomato juice everywhere! 316 00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,323 -SAMUEL: I'll get a mop! -Oh, Abe. 317 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,325 -MIDGE: Where's the towel? -We need some help here. 318 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:44,329 ABE: And he forgot the baby. Jimmy, bring a mop and the baby. 319 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,082 -MIDGE: Why is the couch outside? -ROSE: I don't know. 320 00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,333 I think the layout in there works. 321 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,043 I think it works, too. 322 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,212 And I think it's exactly the way it was when we got here. 323 00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:54,214 -But I think we've proven that it's right. -Mm. 324 00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:56,675 -All situated, ladies? -Yes, Pauly, thank you. 325 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,552 Abe's upstairs. I'll get him for you. 326 00:11:58,593 --> 00:11:59,970 Abe! 327 00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:02,264 Actually, I'm here to talk to Miriam. 328 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,015 -Mind if I sit? -No. Pauly, please. 329 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,101 ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Carl Finger. Paging Carl Finger. 330 00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:09,479 Not an emergency, but not not an emergency, either. 331 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,565 Now, orientation is in a few minutes, 332 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:14,443 -so I don't want to keep you long. -Sure. What's up? 333 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,154 (clears throat) It's about the swimsuit competition. 334 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:19,197 -Mm, the Mrs. Steiner Pageant? -What about it? 335 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,782 We're all aware of your record, Miriam. 336 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,994 What a feat: eight wins in a row in three different categories. 337 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,204 And you get lovelier every year, just like your mother. 338 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,956 -Oh. -But this year, I think we have 339 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,041 a new and exciting proposition for you. 340 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,752 -Fun. What is it? -Sash girl. 341 00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,296 Sash girl? 342 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,922 But the sash girl doesn't compete. 343 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,674 She just hands the sash to the winner. 344 00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,718 -That's right. -But what if I win? 345 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,094 I hand the sash to myself? 346 00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:42,471 The photograph will look ridiculous. 347 00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,473 Look, you've competed as a teen, 348 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,766 as an ingénue, and in the Mrs. Steiner Pageant 349 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,394 these past four years, but this year, we're hard-pressed 350 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,481 to make the argument that you are any of those things. 351 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,192 Not after the recent change in your situation. 352 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,776 But I'm technically still married. 353 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,987 Yes, but the Mrs. Steiner Swimsuit Pageant winner 354 00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:00,697 is always accompanied by her husband. 355 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:04,326 And having him there with you... might cast a pall. 356 00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,828 -I see. -But of course we want you there, 357 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,788 and that's why we'd like you to enjoy the honor 358 00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,415 of handing the sash to this year's winner. 359 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,666 But what about the weird old lady 360 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:12,918 who always hands out the sash? 361 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,586 That would be my grandmother. 362 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,713 Sorry. Won't she be disappointed? 363 00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:19,174 -She passed. -So I guess she won't mind. 364 00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,760 I appreciate your understanding. 365 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,429 And on the bright side, 366 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,932 you're free to load up on rice pudding tonight. 367 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:30,060 (chuckles) See you at orientation. 368 00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:32,145 Hershey? 369 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,481 I just got kicked out of the swimsuit pageant. 370 00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:36,233 That does it. 371 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:40,237 You're definitely wearing the Mamie Van Doren. 372 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,364 ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Paging Leon Zigglestein. 373 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,616 Please come get your wallet at the front desk. 374 00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,284 Mr. Leon Zigglestein. 375 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,120 -(lively chatter) -Ah. 376 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,122 PAULY: Let's all grab seats, everybody. 377 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,667 We'll begin here in a minute. 378 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,752 Miriam Maisel. 379 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,587 Alya Feinburg, good to see you. 380 00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,214 -You, too. -And how's Marv? 381 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:01,007 Uh, I can't get him off the links. 382 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,842 A widow to golf, and yet so young. 383 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,929 I thought we should touch base about this thing with Joel. 384 00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:08,223 -All right. -The four of us have spent 385 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,767 so much time together up here, playing charades, 386 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:13,770 the bowling team, all the stuff friends do. 387 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,647 -Yes? -Well, Marv and I 388 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:16,898 (whispers): discussed it, 389 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,900 and we were pretty much in agreement that 390 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:21,319 he's actually a better friend of Joel's than I am of yours. 391 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,821 -Okay. I get it. -So... 392 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,614 We'll still run into each other. 393 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,074 Buffet line, bathroom. 394 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:27,701 -I'm glad you understand. -Mm-hmm. 395 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,619 So are you changing your name? 396 00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,371 -To Zippy Maisel. -Really? 397 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,998 -No. -You're fun. 398 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:36,126 -Just not as fun as Joel. -Bye. 399 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,838 PAULY: All right, here we go. 400 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,591 -Good afternoon, my beauties! -CROWD: Hi, Pauly! 401 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,010 Now, most of you know me, but for those who don't, 402 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:49,389 I'm Pauly Auerbach, just beginning my 18th fabulous year 403 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:52,017 as your Steiner executive director. 404 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,977 And, oh, boy, I'm gonna have a heart attack 405 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,562 from all the exciting activities 406 00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,689 we got planned for you this season! 407 00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,108 (crowd cheering) 408 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,485 Now, each of you 409 00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:05,363 will find a Steiner newsletter under your seat, 410 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,949 Issue Number One for 1959. 411 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,410 And if you think you notice a fun new font, 412 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:13,038 you're not wrong. Good eye. 413 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,665 Oh, finally! I hated the old font, hated it. 414 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,667 PAULY: In it is a map of the property, 415 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,878 some things you need to know, and of course 416 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,589 a list of upcoming activities for the week. 417 00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,507 And here's hoping that our returning guests 418 00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:26,843 will take all you newcomers under their wing 419 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,803 to give them the lay of the land, 420 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,431 and to show them what's mud and what's bear bleep. 421 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,350 (laughter) 422 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,018 Now, there is a young man here 423 00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,020 that a lot of you already know and love, 424 00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:38,772 our entertainment director, Buzz Goldberg. 425 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,358 Come on up and take the mic, Buzz. 426 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,903 Hello, Steinerites! How's everybody doing? 427 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:48,073 (crowd cheering) 428 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,284 You all may not have met me, but you know what I do: 429 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:53,078 -I manufacture fun. -(crowd murmurs excitedly) 430 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,163 And it seems like I could whip up a little right now. 431 00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,374 -What do you say? -(cheering) 432 00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,168 Hey, now, what are all these employees doing standing around? 433 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,837 Get on up here and help me lead the group 434 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,048 in the "Steiner Resort Welcome Song." 435 00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,800 (crowd whooping) 436 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,593 (plays note) 437 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,470 One, two, three, four. 438 00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,681 (to "Carolina in the Morning"): ♪ Nothing could be finer ♪ 439 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:16,601 ♪ Than to spend the day at Steiner in the summer ♪ 440 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,520 Ah, you remember it! 441 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:21,272 ♪ Nothing much convinces like the taste of Steiner blintzes ♪ 442 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,817 ♪ In the summer ♪ 443 00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,819 Just the girls now. 444 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:29,239 ♪ Play all day and dance all night ♪ 445 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:33,743 -Now the boys. -♪ All us happy Israelites... ♪ 446 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,745 (Josh continues holding note) 447 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,289 Oh, boy. Looks like we have a note challenge. 448 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,792 -CROWD: Note challenge! -The resort record 449 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,961 for holding that last note is 42 seconds. 450 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,462 Let's see how he does, folks. 451 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,381 (continues holding note) 452 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,634 I hit some traffic. Did I miss the bear shit joke? 453 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,803 -Yes, you did. -Ah, hell. 454 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,638 This guy's an amateur. 455 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,848 -♪ ...ites. ♪ -(crowd cheers) 456 00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,641 Ah, not a record, but a heck of an effort. 457 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,143 -Good try, Josh. -(applause) 458 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,228 -(chuckles) -(plays note) 459 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,230 ♪ So skip the luxury liner ♪ 460 00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:08,027 ♪ To enjoy a schvitz at Steiner in the summer. ♪ 461 00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,988 ALL (chanting): Steiner! Steiner! 462 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,990 -Steiner! -(feet stomping rhythmically) 463 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,493 We're finer! Finer! Finer! 464 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,912 -How's it going here since you arrived? -Steiner. Steiner. 465 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,415 -Fine, I guess. -(crowd continues chanting) 466 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:23,209 -Anybody mention anything about...? -Us? Oh, yeah. 467 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,044 Me, too. 468 00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,589 I was here ten minutes, and I got corralled by three people. 469 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,965 I've gotten it all day. 470 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,592 They even kicked me out of the swimsuit pageant 471 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,427 'cause I'm no longer a missus. 472 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,221 -What? -I get to be sash girl. 473 00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:37,974 But sash girl just hands out the sash. 474 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,018 Pauly has spoken. 475 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,436 Steiner! 476 00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,438 Good job! Applaud yourselves, everyone! 477 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,107 (crowd cheering) 478 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,193 Anything I can get for you, Mr. Weissman? 479 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,819 PAULY: Thank you, Buzz. Great job. 480 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,988 You'll never be Jimmy. 481 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,449 PAULY: Now, friends, last year there was some kvetching 482 00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:57,285 that the resort was short on certain recreation equipment. 483 00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:59,746 Well, listen to me and listen to me carefully. 484 00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:03,750 This year, there will be more hula hoops. 485 00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,919 -WOMAN: Yeah! -There will be 486 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,630 -more floaties. -(whooping, clapping) 487 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:11,090 And there will be more balls! 488 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:14,052 (crowd cheering) 489 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,221 JOEL: Nothing to see here, Asher! 490 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,097 PAULY: On a happier note, 491 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:20,099 let's wish all our newlyweds mazel tov, yes? 492 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,644 Some of whom met right here at Steiner Mountain Resort 493 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,480 and made a blessed, lifelong commitment. 494 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:26,940 Are you kidding me? 495 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,691 There's Izzy and Enid Schulburg. 496 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,945 Neil and Phyllis Cohen. 497 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,406 And Allie and Taavi Applebaum, who met playing shuffleboard. 498 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,536 To all our happy couples, may you have life, luck, 499 00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,663 and lots of little Steinerites! 500 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,456 (applause) 501 00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:44,624 What are you doing? 502 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,543 Hey, Steiner guests, can I get your attention? 503 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,378 Sorry, Pauly. This'll just take a second. 504 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:51,673 Most of you know me. Joel Maisel. 505 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:55,426 And an awful lot of you are staring at me. And Midge. 506 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,178 Now, you know what happened to us. 507 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,722 We're separated, okay? But we're still close. 508 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:01,683 Our families are close. 509 00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,601 And we love our kids, and they both love us, 510 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,103 so everything's fine. 511 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,856 Really, there's nothing to stare at here. 512 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,108 You can still be friends with me, or not. 513 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,360 And you can still be friends with Midge, or not. 514 00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:13,820 It's up to you. 515 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,989 And, Pauly, shame on you for not letting Midge 516 00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:18,157 in the Mrs. Steiner Swimsuit Pageant. 517 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,034 She's eight years a champion and a huge draw, 518 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,578 and every $25 award she won, 519 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,496 she donated to an orphans home in the Bronx. 520 00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:26,666 So this year, thanks to you, some orphans are going hungry. 521 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,418 (crowd murmurs) 522 00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:30,253 So we're clear? Yes? 523 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,005 -(man coughs) -Good. 524 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:35,508 So, have fun, everybody. See you dockside. 525 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,554 PAULY: Always expect the unexpected 526 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,598 here at Steiner Mountain Resort. 527 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,600 Well, you know what I always say. 528 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,018 Abi gezunt! 529 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,520 -Everybody! Abi? -CROWD: Gezunt! 530 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,189 -PAULY: Well, that's all that's on the docket, everybody. -(applause) 531 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:52,650 So enjoy your summer, enjoy your stay, 532 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,278 because before you know it, it'll be over. 533 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,906 I'll see you tonight. 534 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,534 ANNOUNCER: Steinerites, the pool is now open. 535 00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:03,703 Remember, we have our salon appointments later. 536 00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,288 -I will be there. -Mm-hmm. 537 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:06,956 -So what building are you in? -Hmm? 538 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,626 What building? Are you north side, south side? 539 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,753 -Oh, shit. -What? 540 00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,005 -I don't have a room. -You don't have a room? 541 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:16,090 I'm always in the cottage with you and your parents, 542 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:18,134 so it didn't even occur to me to book one. 543 00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:19,844 Still getting used to some things, I guess. 544 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,138 Well, go see if they have something available. 545 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:24,599 I heard people talking. There's a gigantic waiting list. 546 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,976 Such an idiot. Guess I'll go back. 547 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,978 Don't go back. You just got here. 548 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,980 I could throw myself on the mercy of Pauly, 549 00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,982 but I don't think he's my closest friend right now. 550 00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,777 Look, just stay on our sun porch till you figure it out. 551 00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:37,445 Really? 552 00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:39,614 Ethan can sleep out there with you. He'll love it. 553 00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,115 Will your parents love it? 554 00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:43,201 They'll be fine. I'll make it fine. 555 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,244 Okay. Thanks. 556 00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:49,499 ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Attention, guests. 557 00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,125 Tonight's vodka and latke mixer will be 558 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,961 in the rec room at 8:00 p.m. 559 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,088 The ladies just headed out to the salon. 560 00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:58,424 Yeah, Rose told me that was where they were heading. 561 00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:01,594 Abe... I promise I won't be in your way. 562 00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:03,554 I'll store my stuff under the staircase. 563 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,807 You'll never see it. You'll hardly know I'm here. 564 00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,141 It's fine, Joel. 565 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:08,685 Sorry, with everything going on, 566 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,311 booking a room just slipped my mind. 567 00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:11,980 Ah, it's fine, really. 568 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,440 A room will open up soon enough. 569 00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:19,237 Anything else? 570 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,615 Look, Joel, up here in the mountains, 571 00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:25,243 I do... different kinds of things. 572 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,828 You drink a lot of tomato juice. 573 00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,956 Not just the tomato juice. I have a morning routine. 574 00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:33,334 Every day, before the sun's up, when everyone's asleep, 575 00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:36,671 I do my special outdoor calisthenics. 576 00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,172 I didn't know that. 577 00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:40,258 And I wear special clothing. 578 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,843 And now that you're down here, 579 00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:44,178 you're bound to see me when I head out. 580 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,014 -Special clothing? -A romper, Joel. 581 00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:48,016 -I wear a romper. -What's a romper? 582 00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,684 It's a one-piece exercise outfit. 583 00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:50,935 Oh. 584 00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,479 Very tight-fitting, and no one has seen me in it, 585 00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,106 not even Rose. 586 00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:59,652 But now, you may see me in it. 587 00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:01,988 You should be prepared. 588 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:04,449 Okay. 589 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,581 Anything else? 590 00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:13,958 I'm wondering if I should put it on and show it to you. 591 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,294 -Oh, no, Abe, no. -Just so we can get beyond it. 592 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,962 I really don't think that's necessary. 593 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,839 -You haven't seen it. -I sleep very deeply. 594 00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:22,592 Really, don't even think about me. 595 00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:26,387 Okay. I'll try not to. 596 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,934 (slurps loudly) 597 00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:34,562 ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Ladies, Chef Seymour Silver invites you 598 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,314 to join him in the trailside lounge 599 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,316 at 2:15 for a garniture demonstration. 600 00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,359 That's 2:15 in the trailside lounge. 601 00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:43,196 You know, he hypnotized her at the mesmerism show last year, 602 00:22:43,237 --> 00:22:45,281 and to this day, she still clucks like a chicken 603 00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:46,908 -when you clap your hands. -No. 604 00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:49,077 -(Midge laughs) -All that clucking at orientation, 605 00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:50,661 that was Lottie Friedman. 606 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,747 I'll give her this, she clucks on the beat. 607 00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:54,290 (laughter) 608 00:22:54,332 --> 00:22:56,209 Oh, you see Saul over there? 609 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:58,544 -ROSE: Oh, dear. -EDIE: You know, his wife died. 610 00:22:58,586 --> 00:22:59,921 Yes, a tragedy. 611 00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:01,506 Well, she's not dead three months 612 00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:03,382 when he turns around and marries her kid sister. 613 00:23:03,424 --> 00:23:04,550 Joanie? 614 00:23:04,592 --> 00:23:06,344 But the man is still on the prowl; look at him. 615 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,346 At the "End of Summer" soirée last year, 616 00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,098 he danced with Leah Bernstein. 617 00:23:10,139 --> 00:23:12,100 And when he pressed up against her, 618 00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:14,102 she could feel his excitement. 619 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:16,104 Oh, kind of wishing you hadn't said that. 620 00:23:16,145 --> 00:23:17,772 It may have been a pocketknife. 621 00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:20,441 (chuckles): Yes, a pocketknife! 622 00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:23,111 Well, I'll see you two tonight. 623 00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:25,530 My God, you look like sisters. 624 00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:28,825 -If only. See you tonight, Edie. -Bye, Edie. 625 00:23:28,866 --> 00:23:32,078 Let's get you to the dryers, ladies. 626 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,997 Mama, thanks for letting Joel stay with us for a few nights. 627 00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:37,458 He got stuck, and I want him to see the kids. 628 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:39,335 Oh, it was fine. 629 00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:41,045 I'll get you some lemonade. 630 00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:43,464 It was very nice what he did at the orientation. 631 00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:45,174 Surprisingly manly. 632 00:23:45,216 --> 00:23:47,009 Let's hope it stops all this silliness. 633 00:23:47,051 --> 00:23:48,261 From your lips. 634 00:23:48,302 --> 00:23:49,679 Relationships should be private. 635 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,222 -Don't you think? -Amen. 636 00:23:51,264 --> 00:23:52,890 So, are you dating? 637 00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,267 -What? -Are you dating? 638 00:23:54,308 --> 00:23:55,977 What's your dating life? I know nothing. 639 00:23:56,018 --> 00:23:58,396 I guess my dating life doesn't get to be private. 640 00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:01,232 You're just out late so often, what else would it be? 641 00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:05,820 Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I am dating a little bit. 642 00:24:05,862 --> 00:24:07,738 Anyone I know? Anyone from the neighborhood? 643 00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:09,574 No, I'm kind of just getting around. 644 00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:11,409 I mean, not "getting around." 645 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,661 It's just that I'm not being geographically snobby. 646 00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:15,121 -You know? -I guess. 647 00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:17,123 I'm kind of hitting all five boroughs. 648 00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:18,833 Well, that doesn't seem right. 649 00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:20,543 Don't your friends have anyone to set you up with? 650 00:24:20,585 --> 00:24:22,378 -Nope. -Not even that little blonde thing 651 00:24:22,420 --> 00:24:23,921 that talks all high and chirpy? 652 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:26,841 Imogene. Nope, all her friends are Gentiles. 653 00:24:26,883 --> 00:24:29,886 Oh. Well, tell me about these Jewish men you're seeing, 654 00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:32,013 like that man that gave you the fur coat. 655 00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:34,140 -Fur coat? -You wore it to synagogue last year. 656 00:24:34,182 --> 00:24:37,185 -What is he, a furrier? -No, a trapper. 657 00:24:37,226 --> 00:24:39,103 But it was a short-lived thing. 658 00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:41,147 He was a little Paul Bunyan for my taste. 659 00:24:41,189 --> 00:24:43,065 -You dated a trapper? -And a cab driver. 660 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:44,525 -You didn't. -And a carny. 661 00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:46,319 I actually met the carny, oddly enough, 662 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,321 because the date with the cab driver was so awful 663 00:24:48,362 --> 00:24:49,697 I told him to let me out of the car, 664 00:24:49,739 --> 00:24:51,115 and we were in Coney Island, and I got out, 665 00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:52,325 and there was the carny. 666 00:24:52,366 --> 00:24:53,743 -My God. -So he and I had a drink. 667 00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:54,952 And it was nice. And he introduced me 668 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,704 to his sister, Koo Koo the Bird Girl, 669 00:24:56,746 --> 00:24:58,206 but I thought, "Where could this go?" 670 00:24:58,247 --> 00:25:00,124 Koo Koo was nice, but I don't want to end up 671 00:25:00,166 --> 00:25:01,209 living in a circus tent. 672 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:03,211 -Is this a joke? -It's the truth. 673 00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:04,879 Are you intimate with any of these men? 674 00:25:04,921 --> 00:25:06,422 Oh, no, it hasn't gotten that far. 675 00:25:06,464 --> 00:25:07,965 -But, Miriam, when... -Mm, sorry, Mama. 676 00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:09,884 If I don't start now, my hair will never dry, 677 00:25:09,926 --> 00:25:11,510 and I'll be late picking up Esther from the sitter. 678 00:25:11,552 --> 00:25:13,012 Pick it up, Goldie. 679 00:25:13,054 --> 00:25:15,014 I'm glad we talked, though. It's been weighing on me. 680 00:25:15,056 --> 00:25:18,267 -Okay, but I'm gonna keep on the lookout for you. Okay? -(dryer whirring) 681 00:25:18,309 --> 00:25:21,520 -What? -(louder): I'm gonna be on the lookout for a man. 682 00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:24,607 Fine. 683 00:25:24,649 --> 00:25:26,609 ♪ ♪ 684 00:25:26,651 --> 00:25:29,070 ♪ The way you hold your knife ♪ 685 00:25:30,655 --> 00:25:34,367 ♪ The way we danced till 3:00 ♪ 686 00:25:34,408 --> 00:25:38,496 ♪ The way you changed my life ♪ 687 00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:42,583 ♪ No, no, they can't take that away from me ♪ 688 00:25:42,625 --> 00:25:46,170 ♪ No, they can't take that away... ♪ 689 00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:47,838 What are you doing, Papa? 690 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,174 Yes, Abe, please tell me you didn't bring homework. 691 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:54,303 This is my Catskills alcohol-consumption index. 692 00:25:54,345 --> 00:25:57,348 I drink more up here, but I've devised a system 693 00:25:57,390 --> 00:25:59,433 to keep from getting tipsy. 694 00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:02,436 Takes into account food consumption, time frame, 695 00:26:02,478 --> 00:26:04,188 total alcohol intake. 696 00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:06,941 Here, verify this for me. 697 00:26:06,983 --> 00:26:09,652 Drink number one: a Napoleon, 7:30. 698 00:26:09,694 --> 00:26:12,363 Napoleon reported for duty at 7:30. Check. 699 00:26:12,405 --> 00:26:15,199 Drink number two: a Tom Collins, 8:15. 700 00:26:15,241 --> 00:26:17,868 Tom Collins made the list at 8:15. 701 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:19,578 Now it's 9:15, 702 00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:21,372 and I'm just finishing my gin rickey 703 00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:23,958 with absolutely no sign of "abbleebliation." 704 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,377 I'm sorry. No sign of what? 705 00:26:26,419 --> 00:26:28,796 "Abeebalation." Why is that so hard to say? 706 00:26:28,838 --> 00:26:31,299 Because you are totally "abeebalated." 707 00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:34,093 ♪ Can't take that away ♪ 708 00:26:34,135 --> 00:26:39,515 ♪ From me. ♪ 709 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,104 (applause) 710 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:50,359 Ken Washington and his Swinging Lamplighters, everybody. 711 00:26:50,401 --> 00:26:52,695 Making their ninth annual appearance 712 00:26:52,737 --> 00:26:55,114 -at Steiner Mountain Resort. -(applause) 713 00:26:55,156 --> 00:26:58,868 Hope everybody enjoyed the sheet cake for dessert. 714 00:26:58,909 --> 00:27:00,077 I know I did. 715 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,288 I didn't think it tasted like sheet at all. 716 00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:04,248 -(laughter) -So corny. -And how. 717 00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:07,460 (laughing): That's hysterical. 718 00:27:07,501 --> 00:27:09,754 So, now put on your dancing shoes 719 00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:12,048 and get ready to swing with Ken and the band. 720 00:27:12,089 --> 00:27:13,883 Ken, what do you say, daddio? 721 00:27:13,924 --> 00:27:15,885 Do what you do so well. 722 00:27:15,926 --> 00:27:17,887 (cheering) 723 00:27:17,928 --> 00:27:20,056 (whistle blowing) 724 00:27:20,097 --> 00:27:22,224 Hold it. Hey, hold it. 725 00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:24,185 Ken starts playing and folks start dancing? 726 00:27:24,226 --> 00:27:25,895 (chuckles): It's too easy, no? 727 00:27:25,936 --> 00:27:28,481 No, tradition calls for having a little fun 728 00:27:28,522 --> 00:27:30,274 with the first dance, right, everybody? 729 00:27:30,316 --> 00:27:31,692 -Dance challenge. -Dance challenge. 730 00:27:31,734 --> 00:27:33,569 -Get up, get up, get up. -BUZZ: That's right. 731 00:27:33,611 --> 00:27:36,572 It's time for a dance challenge. 732 00:27:36,614 --> 00:27:39,283 And here is your challenge: you don't dance 733 00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:41,952 unless you find a partner that has... 734 00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:44,413 -wait for it... -(woman laughs) 735 00:27:44,455 --> 00:27:46,457 wait for it... 736 00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:50,169 -wait for it... -ABE: Tell us already, farty! 737 00:27:50,211 --> 00:27:52,797 (quiet laughter) 738 00:27:52,838 --> 00:27:54,548 Uh, here it is: 739 00:27:54,590 --> 00:27:56,842 your dance partner must have... 740 00:27:56,884 --> 00:27:59,470 first and last initials that match your own. 741 00:27:59,512 --> 00:28:01,138 -Otherwise, you don't dance. -(crowd exclaiming) 742 00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,431 An "Initial Dance." 743 00:28:02,473 --> 00:28:04,809 -BUZZ: Are you ready? -Yes! 744 00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:07,561 Then let the Initial Dance begin! 745 00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:09,605 -(lively dance music begins) -Ooh, M.M. -M.M. 746 00:28:09,647 --> 00:28:11,899 -Marvin Mueller. -No, Mitzi Mossberg has already grabbed him. 747 00:28:11,941 --> 00:28:13,442 Ooh, damn. Who else, who else? 748 00:28:13,484 --> 00:28:15,194 Menashe Morgenstein. Where's he? 749 00:28:15,236 --> 00:28:16,946 -Oh, on a kibbutz. -Fucker. 750 00:28:16,987 --> 00:28:19,782 -Dance with Sheldon Babiatz. -No, not the concept, Papa. 751 00:28:19,824 --> 00:28:21,200 Shoot, they're going fast. 752 00:28:21,242 --> 00:28:22,785 Ooh, Marty Micklestein, 12 o'clock. 753 00:28:22,827 --> 00:28:24,537 His name's not Marty, it's Buddy. 754 00:28:24,578 --> 00:28:26,288 No, his name's Marty, but everybody calls him Buddy. 755 00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:29,792 That's why he's still available. Go, go! 756 00:28:29,834 --> 00:28:32,628 Damn you, Molly Mencher. 757 00:28:32,670 --> 00:28:34,380 Ah! Michael Mussbaum, right? 758 00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:37,174 -It's Nussbaum. -(groans) 759 00:28:37,216 --> 00:28:38,801 Morty Mermelstein. 760 00:28:38,843 --> 00:28:40,719 -Oh, excuse me. Coming through. -(woman laughs) 761 00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:42,221 Ah! Sorry, Malca. 762 00:28:42,263 --> 00:28:45,224 Okay, Morty, let's see what you got. 763 00:28:45,266 --> 00:28:47,226 BUZZ: Gorgeous, everybody. 764 00:28:47,268 --> 00:28:48,686 Now let's mix it up a little. 765 00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:51,230 Guys, cut in and dance with the beauty of your choice. 766 00:28:51,272 --> 00:28:53,274 It was a pleasure, Morty. 767 00:28:54,608 --> 00:28:56,235 -Whoa! Too close? -(grunts) 768 00:28:56,277 --> 00:28:57,945 Uh, any closer, I'd be on the other side of you. 769 00:28:57,987 --> 00:28:59,905 Yeah. So, did you hear I married Aunt Joan? 770 00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:02,408 My kids call her Aunt Joan. I just call her Joan. 771 00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:04,910 -Mazel tov, Saul. -(chuckles) 772 00:29:04,952 --> 00:29:06,704 Oh, hey, Feivish. 773 00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:08,456 -What's wrong? -Do you know Marnie? 774 00:29:08,497 --> 00:29:10,082 The cutie from Canarsie? Sure. 775 00:29:10,124 --> 00:29:12,001 She won't even look at me no matter what I do. 776 00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:13,586 -And what are you doing? -Nothing. 777 00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:15,254 Oh, Feivish. What am I gonna do with you? 778 00:29:15,296 --> 00:29:16,839 Talk to her? Be the go-between? 779 00:29:16,881 --> 00:29:18,507 It's a big mitzvah to make a shidduch. 780 00:29:18,549 --> 00:29:21,469 -Let me see what I can do. -Thanks, Miriam. 781 00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:24,138 Oh. (chuckles) 782 00:29:24,180 --> 00:29:25,931 -(squeals) -Oh, look at you. 783 00:29:25,973 --> 00:29:28,058 -You're a dervish. -Mr. Fuchtwanger. 784 00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:29,977 Back for another go-around at Steiner, huh? 785 00:29:30,019 --> 00:29:31,437 What's the Steiner Daily Newsletter 786 00:29:31,479 --> 00:29:32,897 without its resident gossip columnist? 787 00:29:32,938 --> 00:29:34,773 -Mm. -You ready? Blind item. 788 00:29:34,815 --> 00:29:36,942 -Hit me with it. -What doyenne of Brooklyn Heights 789 00:29:36,984 --> 00:29:39,528 still bears the scars of recent breast augmentation? 790 00:29:39,570 --> 00:29:41,614 -No idea. -Nellie Abromowitz. 791 00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:44,033 It was a blind item. You weren't supposed to say. 792 00:29:44,074 --> 00:29:45,910 I'm such a bitch! 793 00:29:45,951 --> 00:29:47,953 Oh, been there, done that. Sorry, Morty. 794 00:29:47,995 --> 00:29:50,372 Ooh, Marnie, you know Feivish Feldstein, right? 795 00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:52,333 -A little. -He likes you, a lot. 796 00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:55,002 -He never looks at me. -He's young and shy 797 00:29:55,044 --> 00:29:56,921 and a little stupid, but he's sweet, 798 00:29:56,962 --> 00:29:58,756 and he's pining for you, and right now he's propped 799 00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:00,841 against a pillar pretending not to stare at you. 800 00:30:00,883 --> 00:30:03,511 -Give him a shot? -Here goes nothing. 801 00:30:03,552 --> 00:30:05,554 -(laughter, lively chatter) -(dance music continues) 802 00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:12,561 (women whooping) 803 00:30:12,603 --> 00:30:14,688 Ooh, kiddo, your palms really do get wet. 804 00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:16,357 Could you do me a favor, Mrs. Maisel? 805 00:30:16,398 --> 00:30:18,526 Could you put in a good word for me with your father? 806 00:30:18,567 --> 00:30:20,528 -I'll do what I can, Samuel. -Just tell him 807 00:30:20,569 --> 00:30:22,196 that the scuff on his suitcase was there 808 00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:23,781 before I picked it up, I swear. 809 00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:25,783 -I will. -I checked it against the miniatures. 810 00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:27,576 -I'll do what I can. -Thank you, ma'am. 811 00:30:27,618 --> 00:30:29,286 Ooh, that makes me sound old. 812 00:30:29,328 --> 00:30:31,580 -Ooh, some pocketknife. -Just heard you'd been banned 813 00:30:31,622 --> 00:30:33,082 from the swimsuit pageant, Miriam. 814 00:30:33,123 --> 00:30:34,625 Word travels fast. 815 00:30:34,667 --> 00:30:37,169 Golly, I'm gonna miss seeing you in your bikini. 816 00:30:37,211 --> 00:30:39,505 Time to go back to Aunt Joan, Saul. 817 00:30:39,547 --> 00:30:40,923 (music ends) 818 00:30:40,965 --> 00:30:42,508 -Oh. -Hi. 819 00:30:42,550 --> 00:30:44,343 -Well, hello there. -(slow dance music begins) 820 00:30:44,385 --> 00:30:46,470 Thought we'd confuse the hell out of everybody. 821 00:30:46,512 --> 00:30:48,722 Let's do it. 822 00:30:48,764 --> 00:30:54,687 ♪ I stand at your gate ♪ 823 00:30:54,728 --> 00:31:00,651 ♪ And the song that I sing is of moonlight ♪ 824 00:31:00,693 --> 00:31:06,615 ♪ I stand and I wait ♪ 825 00:31:06,657 --> 00:31:09,827 ♪ For the touch of your hand ♪ 826 00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:13,122 ♪ In the June night ♪ 827 00:31:13,163 --> 00:31:19,086 ♪ The roses are sighing ♪ 828 00:31:19,128 --> 00:31:23,799 ♪ A moonlight serenade... ♪ 829 00:31:23,841 --> 00:31:25,676 ABE (slurring): ♪ He always sings ♪ 830 00:31:25,718 --> 00:31:29,138 ♪ Raggedy music to the cattle as he swings... ♪ 831 00:31:29,179 --> 00:31:31,015 I'm in no condition to drive. 832 00:31:31,056 --> 00:31:33,142 (chuckles) Luckily, you don't have to drive tonight, Abe. 833 00:31:33,183 --> 00:31:34,852 The state of New York will thank us for that. 834 00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:37,771 ♪ Back and forward in the saddle on his horse ♪ 835 00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:40,399 -♪ A pretty good horse ♪ -(whispers): Thanks, Midge. 836 00:31:40,441 --> 00:31:43,360 ♪ With syncopated gait... ♪ 837 00:31:43,402 --> 00:31:45,404 -(crickets chirping) -(birds calling) 838 00:31:48,449 --> 00:31:49,867 (door closes) 839 00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:51,910 (footsteps approaching) 840 00:32:05,132 --> 00:32:08,135 ("Chicken Fat" by Robert Preston playing) 841 00:32:13,724 --> 00:32:17,603 ♪ Touch down every morning, ten times ♪ 842 00:32:17,645 --> 00:32:21,649 ♪ Not just now and then ♪ 843 00:32:21,690 --> 00:32:25,194 ♪ Give that chicken fat back to the chicken ♪ 844 00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:28,072 ♪ And don't be chicken again ♪ 845 00:32:28,113 --> 00:32:32,326 ♪ No, don't be chicken again ♪ 846 00:32:37,998 --> 00:32:39,708 ♪ Ready ♪ 847 00:32:39,750 --> 00:32:42,544 -♪ Touch down, up, down ♪ -♪ Touch down every morning ♪ 848 00:32:42,586 --> 00:32:46,632 ♪ Ten times, hut, four ♪ -♪ Not just now and then ♪ 849 00:32:46,674 --> 00:32:49,468 -♪ Hut, five, hut ♪ -♪ Give that chicken fat ♪ 850 00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:51,512 -♪ Six, hut ♪ -♪ Back to the chicken ♪ 851 00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:54,348 -♪ Seven, hut, eight ♪ -♪ And don't be chicken again ♪ 852 00:32:54,390 --> 00:32:57,601 -♪ Hut, nine, hut ♪ -♪ No, don't be chicken a... ♪ 853 00:32:57,643 --> 00:32:59,311 ♪ Beautiful girl ♪ 854 00:32:59,353 --> 00:33:01,230 ♪ You're a lovely picture ♪ 855 00:33:01,271 --> 00:33:03,315 ♪ Beautiful girl ♪ 856 00:33:03,357 --> 00:33:04,942 ♪ You're a gorgeous mixture ♪ 857 00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:06,652 ♪ Of all that lies ♪ 858 00:33:06,694 --> 00:33:10,239 ♪ Under the big, blue skies ♪ 859 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,116 ♪ My heart cries ♪ 860 00:33:12,157 --> 00:33:14,076 ♪ Beautiful girl ♪ 861 00:33:14,118 --> 00:33:15,953 ♪ You're a dazzling eyeful... ♪ 862 00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:18,497 It's a competitive field this year, people. 863 00:33:18,539 --> 00:33:21,709 Every bathing beauty before you is a potential winner, 864 00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:25,671 but only one walks away with the $25 prize. 865 00:33:25,713 --> 00:33:27,881 Each husband as proud as the next. 866 00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:31,051 Each contestant beautifully representing Steiner Resort. 867 00:33:31,093 --> 00:33:33,137 (scattered applause) 868 00:33:33,178 --> 00:33:36,557 And this year, the winner of the Mrs. Steiner 869 00:33:36,598 --> 00:33:40,394 Swimsuit Pageant is... 870 00:33:40,436 --> 00:33:41,812 -Talia Goldstein. -(crowd cheering) 871 00:33:41,854 --> 00:33:44,231 Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! 872 00:33:44,273 --> 00:33:49,737 ♪ Beautiful girl. ♪ 873 00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:51,739 -(camera clicks) -Wrong girl. 874 00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:53,449 Thanks for coming, everyone. 875 00:33:53,490 --> 00:33:56,201 Don't forget, the Miss Ingénue Pageant happens at 3:00. 876 00:33:56,243 --> 00:33:58,328 When we say the scenery's lovely here, 877 00:33:58,370 --> 00:34:00,164 we're not kidding. (chuckles) 878 00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:02,124 -See you then. -(applause) 879 00:34:02,166 --> 00:34:04,126 A bunch of us are gonna sunbathe, Miriam. Want to join? 880 00:34:04,168 --> 00:34:05,419 Sure. Just let me grab my magazines. 881 00:34:05,461 --> 00:34:06,628 I left 'em all in the car. 882 00:34:06,670 --> 00:34:08,255 -See you in a bit. -Mm-hmm. 883 00:34:16,597 --> 00:34:18,724 -Hi, Frieda. Nice to see you. -Hey, Midge. 884 00:34:20,267 --> 00:34:22,770 -Susie? -What the fuck are you wearing? 885 00:34:22,811 --> 00:34:24,438 What the hell are you doing here? 886 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:25,606 My question first. 887 00:34:25,647 --> 00:34:27,191 It's my Mamie Van Doren. 888 00:34:27,232 --> 00:34:28,734 You constantly astonish me. 889 00:34:28,776 --> 00:34:31,111 I repeat, what are you doing here? 890 00:34:31,153 --> 00:34:33,113 Well, my star/only client decides to go off 891 00:34:33,155 --> 00:34:34,990 and spend the fucking summer up in the land 892 00:34:35,032 --> 00:34:36,325 of canoes and knishes, 893 00:34:36,366 --> 00:34:38,452 and I couldn't just let things stop, so I came up 894 00:34:38,494 --> 00:34:40,037 to look for a gig for you up here 895 00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:41,580 on the off chance-- (grunts) 896 00:34:41,622 --> 00:34:43,582 (coughs) I ate a bug. 897 00:34:43,624 --> 00:34:44,792 -Happens a lot. -Ugh! 898 00:34:44,833 --> 00:34:46,251 It's in my throat. It's still moving. 899 00:34:46,293 --> 00:34:48,921 Susie, I can't play gigs up here, okay? Everybody knows me. 900 00:34:48,962 --> 00:34:50,756 (coughs) Don't worry, there's hundreds of places up here. 901 00:34:50,798 --> 00:34:52,591 A lot of them are shit, but some of them have 902 00:34:52,633 --> 00:34:54,176 pretty good rooms; that's what I'm aiming for. 903 00:34:54,218 --> 00:34:56,428 But how would I do this? I'm here on vacation. 904 00:34:56,470 --> 00:34:58,555 (rasps) You'll slip out, just like you've been doing 905 00:34:58,597 --> 00:35:00,474 for most of the year-- no big deal. 906 00:35:00,516 --> 00:35:03,519 Oh. Well... you got any leads? 907 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,771 (sighs) Friends at the Stage Deli are lending a hand. 908 00:35:05,813 --> 00:35:07,815 It's not easy breaking through, but I'm trying. 909 00:35:07,856 --> 00:35:09,191 -What is that? -Ah. 910 00:35:09,233 --> 00:35:10,651 It's my ticket in, sister. 911 00:35:10,692 --> 00:35:12,444 My magic pass to this godforsaken place. 912 00:35:12,486 --> 00:35:14,196 -How so? -All I have to do is 913 00:35:14,238 --> 00:35:15,906 walk around holding this thing, everyone thinks I work here. 914 00:35:15,948 --> 00:35:18,033 -It's genius. -But how will you eat? 915 00:35:18,075 --> 00:35:20,077 -Where are you staying? -Let me worry about that. 916 00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:22,162 You just wait for my call. Be ready. 917 00:35:22,204 --> 00:35:24,081 -I'll be ready. -And if I don't book you, 918 00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:25,541 at the very least, I'll have made-- 919 00:35:25,582 --> 00:35:27,835 Ugh! Shit! I ate another bug. 920 00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:29,127 -Go get something to drink. -Ah! 921 00:35:29,169 --> 00:35:30,546 It's mating with the other one. 922 00:35:30,587 --> 00:35:32,798 -Really, a little bit of water. -God, I hate nature. 923 00:35:36,677 --> 00:35:38,387 -(dryers whirring) -IDA: They never found the body. 924 00:35:38,428 --> 00:35:40,305 EDIE: They did too find Glenn Miller's body. 925 00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:41,640 -IDA: No! -Yeah! 926 00:35:41,682 --> 00:35:43,475 He was still holding his trombone. 927 00:35:43,517 --> 00:35:44,977 (conversation continues quietly) 928 00:35:45,018 --> 00:35:46,895 IDA: Did you see that Tony Curtis said that 929 00:35:46,937 --> 00:35:49,189 kissing Marilyn Monroe was like kissing Hitler? 930 00:35:49,231 --> 00:35:50,858 Kissing Hitler? How would Tony Curtis know 931 00:35:50,899 --> 00:35:52,234 what kissing Hitler was like? 932 00:35:52,276 --> 00:35:53,861 I don't know. He said it, not me. 933 00:35:53,902 --> 00:35:55,153 He had such thin lips. 934 00:35:55,195 --> 00:35:56,905 -Tony Curtis? -Adolf Hitler. 935 00:35:56,947 --> 00:35:58,490 His lips were almost nonexistent. 936 00:35:58,532 --> 00:36:01,034 Maybe that's why he was so angry, do you think? 937 00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:03,245 I don't like thinking about that man; he was awful. 938 00:36:03,287 --> 00:36:05,163 Speaking of awful, did you see 939 00:36:05,205 --> 00:36:07,791 Gladys has a hair appointment on Tuesday? 940 00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:10,210 But her husband's a weekender. He won't be here till Friday. 941 00:36:10,252 --> 00:36:12,796 Oh? Who's she getting all dolled up for if not for him? 942 00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:15,340 She's been playing an awful lot of tennis lately. 943 00:36:15,382 --> 00:36:17,801 -The tennis pro? -You said it, not me. 944 00:36:17,843 --> 00:36:20,429 I'm getting tired of people hopping around from bed to bed. 945 00:36:20,470 --> 00:36:22,180 Tony Curtis, Gladys Lipschitz. 946 00:36:22,222 --> 00:36:24,099 Stay in one place. It's exhausting. 947 00:36:24,141 --> 00:36:26,518 Oh, please. If my son would just stay with a girl 948 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,145 for more than two dates, I'd plotz. 949 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:31,106 -Benjamin? -No one is good enough for him. 950 00:36:31,148 --> 00:36:35,485 Lovely girls from good families. They cook. They're sweet as pie. 951 00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:37,946 They don't laugh too loud or talk too loud. 952 00:36:37,988 --> 00:36:40,532 "They're too normal," he says. "They're boring." 953 00:36:40,574 --> 00:36:41,825 Boring? What's that? 954 00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:43,493 All my friends have grandchildren, 955 00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:46,288 and here I am with nothing on the horizon. 956 00:36:46,330 --> 00:36:49,124 And he's such a catch. A doctor, handsome. 957 00:36:49,166 --> 00:36:50,208 He's so handsome. 958 00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:51,919 But he says he wants someone interesting, 959 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:55,756 someone unique... get this, someone weird. 960 00:36:55,797 --> 00:36:57,382 Weird! 961 00:36:57,424 --> 00:37:00,469 I've got the perfect girl for him. 962 00:37:02,179 --> 00:37:05,265 Mink is the ultimate way for your husband 963 00:37:05,307 --> 00:37:07,476 to say, "I love you." 964 00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:11,271 It's the most popular fur and will last for years. 965 00:37:11,313 --> 00:37:13,565 Very durable. 966 00:37:13,607 --> 00:37:17,861 Raccoon fur is similar to mink in that it's durable, 967 00:37:17,903 --> 00:37:22,449 and the color scheme is unique and stands out in a crowd. 968 00:37:22,491 --> 00:37:25,452 Note this, ladies: it is better to buy 969 00:37:25,494 --> 00:37:29,665 a luxurious raccoon than a poor-quality mink. 970 00:37:29,706 --> 00:37:34,378 Now, let's talk about coordinating muffs. 971 00:37:34,419 --> 00:37:36,755 Your grandmother called them "mufflers," 972 00:37:36,797 --> 00:37:40,509 but, ladies, this is not your grandmother's muff. 973 00:37:40,550 --> 00:37:42,511 ♪ ♪ 974 00:37:42,552 --> 00:37:44,554 (women laughing quietly) 975 00:38:02,114 --> 00:38:04,116 ♪ ♪ 976 00:38:06,118 --> 00:38:08,120 -(workers chattering) -(dishes clinking) 977 00:38:21,216 --> 00:38:23,969 -Hey! -Yeah? 978 00:38:24,011 --> 00:38:25,971 Don't be picking off my plates. 979 00:38:26,013 --> 00:38:27,848 Employee mess is around the corner. 980 00:38:27,889 --> 00:38:30,642 -Grab what you want. -Thanks. 981 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:35,272 ♪ ♪ 982 00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:37,315 (lively chatter nearby) 983 00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:04,926 (door creaks) 984 00:39:07,429 --> 00:39:09,431 (women laughing, chattering) 985 00:39:13,351 --> 00:39:15,020 (chatter stops) 986 00:39:15,062 --> 00:39:17,481 You in plumbing? 987 00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:19,274 -Uh, yeah. -Need a bunk? 988 00:39:19,316 --> 00:39:21,860 -Yes, I do. -That one's free. 989 00:39:21,902 --> 00:39:24,154 -Huh? -Yeah. 990 00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:32,829 Long day? 991 00:39:32,871 --> 00:39:35,499 Uh, plunged my ass off. 992 00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:43,715 (birds calling) 993 00:39:45,175 --> 00:39:47,177 (birds chirping) 994 00:39:49,262 --> 00:39:52,140 Okay, well, I thought spotting that rose-breasted grosbeak 995 00:39:52,182 --> 00:39:55,143 would be the highlight of our day, but I was wrong. 996 00:39:55,185 --> 00:39:57,062 That's the Bicknell thrush. 997 00:39:57,104 --> 00:39:59,064 And, folks, this is a rare opportunity 998 00:39:59,106 --> 00:40:01,066 to hear its beautiful morning song. 999 00:40:01,108 --> 00:40:02,901 Let's listen. 1000 00:40:02,943 --> 00:40:05,237 (birds chirping) 1001 00:40:05,278 --> 00:40:07,072 (quietly): He's an accomplished surgeon. 1002 00:40:07,114 --> 00:40:09,574 Lenox Hill. First in his class at Johns Hopkins. 1003 00:40:09,616 --> 00:40:12,410 Had his choice of residencies at any hospital he chose. 1004 00:40:12,452 --> 00:40:14,412 He's already invented new surgical techniques 1005 00:40:14,454 --> 00:40:16,123 that have become the worldwide standard, 1006 00:40:16,164 --> 00:40:18,208 which is a remarkable feat for such a young man. 1007 00:40:18,250 --> 00:40:20,210 He's widely published in medical journals. 1008 00:40:20,252 --> 00:40:22,963 Now, I know he sounds a little oddball 1009 00:40:23,004 --> 00:40:24,798 on the surface, but he's just eclectic. 1010 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:26,591 That's often a symbol of accomplishment. 1011 00:40:26,633 --> 00:40:29,594 John Quincy Adams kept an alligator as a pet. 1012 00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,638 And Benjamin Franklin took naked air baths. 1013 00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:33,181 Did you know that? 1014 00:40:33,223 --> 00:40:35,267 I wonder if Ida's son was named after him. 1015 00:40:35,308 --> 00:40:38,019 Oh, that's his name, Benjamin. Do you like the name Benjamin? 1016 00:40:38,061 --> 00:40:39,396 He's never rented. 1017 00:40:39,437 --> 00:40:41,273 He originally lived in Sutton Place-- 1018 00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:42,941 had a beautiful view of the bridge. 1019 00:40:42,983 --> 00:40:44,860 But as close as it was to his practice, 1020 00:40:44,901 --> 00:40:46,695 he still found it to be too far. 1021 00:40:46,736 --> 00:40:48,530 His patients are everything to him, 1022 00:40:48,572 --> 00:40:50,991 so he sold the place at a loss. Can you imagine that? 1023 00:40:51,032 --> 00:40:52,993 He bought a duplex just a block from the hospital. 1024 00:40:53,034 --> 00:40:54,828 It has views, but not of the bridge. 1025 00:40:54,870 --> 00:40:56,663 So they went out about two hours ago? 1026 00:40:56,705 --> 00:40:58,165 Yes, they do this every day. 1027 00:40:58,206 --> 00:40:59,749 They swim, they leave all their stuff. 1028 00:40:59,791 --> 00:41:01,501 This is my sister's purse. 1029 00:41:01,543 --> 00:41:03,211 She doesn't go anywhere without her purse. 1030 00:41:03,253 --> 00:41:05,088 Look, they could've swum to another spot on the lake 1031 00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:06,590 and are taking their time to walk back. 1032 00:41:06,631 --> 00:41:09,676 -Not without telling me. -Or... 1033 00:41:09,718 --> 00:41:12,095 Kyle, get to the office, find Pauly, and fill him in. 1034 00:41:12,137 --> 00:41:13,680 -We need boats on the water. Go! -On it! 1035 00:41:13,722 --> 00:41:15,432 Tell them to call every resort on the lake 1036 00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,434 within a five-mile radius! This is a red flag alert. 1037 00:41:17,475 --> 00:41:18,768 -(whistle blows) -(people murmuring) 1038 00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:20,437 He loves the opera. 1039 00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:22,522 I know, I know, you're not the biggest opera fan. 1040 00:41:22,564 --> 00:41:23,982 But the spectacle alone is entertaining, 1041 00:41:24,024 --> 00:41:25,775 so you should give it a chance. 1042 00:41:25,817 --> 00:41:27,277 The sets are sensational. 1043 00:41:27,319 --> 00:41:28,987 And, yes, sopranos can be very annoying, 1044 00:41:29,029 --> 00:41:30,530 but the orchestra is wonderful. 1045 00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:31,990 He loves Puccini. 1046 00:41:32,032 --> 00:41:33,700 ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Red flag alert. 1047 00:41:33,742 --> 00:41:36,494 -I repeat, red flag alert. -(alarm wailing in distance) 1048 00:41:36,536 --> 00:41:39,247 Joel... 1049 00:41:39,289 --> 00:41:42,417 you saw me in my romper, didn't you? 1050 00:41:42,459 --> 00:41:45,295 Yeah. 1051 00:41:45,337 --> 00:41:48,131 BENJAMIN: Fifteen two, fifteen four, 1052 00:41:48,173 --> 00:41:50,133 fifteen six and a pair is eight. 1053 00:41:50,175 --> 00:41:51,968 Not your lucky day, Golda. 1054 00:41:52,010 --> 00:41:53,595 -Benjamin, right? -I'm sorry? 1055 00:41:53,637 --> 00:41:54,930 -Ida's son? -That's the rumor. 1056 00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:56,306 -Get up. -What? 1057 00:41:56,348 --> 00:41:57,724 We are going to do something together. 1058 00:41:57,766 --> 00:41:59,559 The sooner the better. Get up. 1059 00:41:59,601 --> 00:42:01,937 -I'm a million steps behind. -I'm Miriam Maisel. 1060 00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:03,772 You say that like I should know it. 1061 00:42:03,813 --> 00:42:05,565 Most people do know me here. 1062 00:42:05,607 --> 00:42:08,401 Eight swimsuit sashes? Top-seeded badminton champ? 1063 00:42:08,443 --> 00:42:10,612 22 straight years in the Steiner Fire Safety Captain's Club? 1064 00:42:10,654 --> 00:42:13,406 -Nothing? -I'm just trying not to laugh here. 1065 00:42:13,448 --> 00:42:15,325 What's going on is not funny. Now, we have to do 1066 00:42:15,367 --> 00:42:17,035 something together to satisfy my mother's insatiable desire 1067 00:42:17,077 --> 00:42:19,120 for us to meet before I tie her to a concrete post 1068 00:42:19,162 --> 00:42:20,538 and throw her in the lake. 1069 00:42:20,580 --> 00:42:22,165 Is she dead before you tie her to the post, 1070 00:42:22,207 --> 00:42:24,584 or do you tie her to the post alive and dump her in like that? 1071 00:42:24,626 --> 00:42:26,002 -She's alive. -There'll be screaming. 1072 00:42:26,044 --> 00:42:27,754 Not with the gag in her mouth. 1073 00:42:27,796 --> 00:42:30,048 -You've thought this through. -Stand. Start walking. 1074 00:42:30,090 --> 00:42:32,259 I'll admit my mother's mentioned you. 1075 00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:34,386 Our mothers have been scheming to set us up for days, 1076 00:42:34,427 --> 00:42:36,471 and it will not stop until they see us doing something together. 1077 00:42:36,513 --> 00:42:38,390 So we'll do something, tell them we gave it a shot, 1078 00:42:38,431 --> 00:42:40,475 nothing came of it, and I can get back to my life. 1079 00:42:40,517 --> 00:42:42,143 -And you want to do it now? -Right now. 1080 00:42:42,185 --> 00:42:43,228 You're not missing a meeting 1081 00:42:43,270 --> 00:42:44,562 of the Steiner Fire Safety Corporal Club? 1082 00:42:44,604 --> 00:42:47,148 Captain, captain. And we don't meet till Thursday. 1083 00:42:47,190 --> 00:42:48,608 -It's raining. -It'll pass. 1084 00:42:48,650 --> 00:42:51,194 -If it doesn't? -We melt. 1085 00:42:51,236 --> 00:42:54,447 Okay. I'm convinced. What do we do? 1086 00:42:54,489 --> 00:42:56,199 -Boating? Really? -Yes. Yes. 1087 00:42:56,241 --> 00:42:57,826 Let me guess, you're a charter member 1088 00:42:57,867 --> 00:43:00,161 of the Aquatic Maritime Gunwale Anchor Schooner Society 1089 00:43:00,203 --> 00:43:01,705 -nine years running. -It's what we're doing. 1090 00:43:01,746 --> 00:43:03,415 BENJAMIN: I'm not a big fan of water. 1091 00:43:03,456 --> 00:43:04,833 But I like the public nature of it. 1092 00:43:04,874 --> 00:43:06,418 It's private, yet on display. 1093 00:43:06,459 --> 00:43:08,420 -Everyone will see us. -Can't argue with logic. 1094 00:43:08,461 --> 00:43:10,839 My new friend Benjamin and I would like a boat, please. 1095 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,590 You got it. 1096 00:43:12,632 --> 00:43:15,427 No standing, no rocking, no rowing past the buoys. 1097 00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:17,262 Thank you, Josh. 1098 00:43:17,304 --> 00:43:19,139 Yes, thank you, Josh. 1099 00:43:19,180 --> 00:43:20,557 (Midge clears throat) 1100 00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:22,600 One, two, three. 1101 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:26,896 Happy boating! 1102 00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:28,565 Be safe. 1103 00:43:30,567 --> 00:43:32,152 ♪ ♪ 1104 00:43:34,571 --> 00:43:36,948 Perfect. Everyone's already watching us. 1105 00:43:36,990 --> 00:43:38,783 Even with the pétanque championships going on, 1106 00:43:38,825 --> 00:43:41,036 we're still a pull. 1107 00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:42,871 -Well? -Yes? 1108 00:43:42,912 --> 00:43:44,956 -Are you going to row? -No. Are you? 1109 00:43:44,998 --> 00:43:46,958 -No. The boy rows. -I don't row. 1110 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,752 What do you mean, you don't row? Everybody rows. 1111 00:43:48,793 --> 00:43:50,712 -Then go ahead and row. -The boy rows. 1112 00:43:50,754 --> 00:43:52,547 -Not this boy. -Pick up that oar. 1113 00:43:52,589 --> 00:43:53,923 It was your idea to get into a rowboat. 1114 00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:55,884 -Pick up that oar. -Really? That tone? 1115 00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:57,886 I might as well be rowing with my mother. 1116 00:43:57,927 --> 00:43:59,763 Well, you could've suggested something else. 1117 00:43:59,804 --> 00:44:01,222 I'm just going along for the ride here. 1118 00:44:01,264 --> 00:44:03,433 I was perfectly happy playing cribbage with the bubbes. 1119 00:44:03,475 --> 00:44:05,435 -(laughter) -(band playing lively music) 1120 00:44:05,477 --> 00:44:07,479 It's getting sillier. 1121 00:44:10,357 --> 00:44:13,151 -What is that? -The Steiner Daily Newsletter. 1122 00:44:13,193 --> 00:44:15,653 But we've got to at least look like we're talking. 1123 00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:17,655 -We are talking. -You're reading. 1124 00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:21,117 I am trying to stay informed, and I am loving this new font. 1125 00:44:21,159 --> 00:44:23,953 Well, read something and I'll pretend that I'm enjoying it. 1126 00:44:23,995 --> 00:44:27,165 "Arthur Rossman would like to thank all the fellow guests 1127 00:44:27,207 --> 00:44:29,667 who consoled him on the death of his beloved dog Mogul." 1128 00:44:29,709 --> 00:44:32,504 (laughs) 1129 00:44:32,545 --> 00:44:34,130 You are sick. 1130 00:44:34,172 --> 00:44:36,508 Well, read something light that I can laugh at. 1131 00:44:36,549 --> 00:44:37,884 "There will be a twilight gathering 1132 00:44:37,926 --> 00:44:39,260 of Holocaust survivors tonight in..." 1133 00:44:39,302 --> 00:44:41,429 Just shut up. 1134 00:44:41,471 --> 00:44:44,099 This is going very well. 1135 00:44:50,688 --> 00:44:52,273 You're supposed to row. 1136 00:44:52,315 --> 00:44:53,817 -I know. -I don't row. 1137 00:44:53,858 --> 00:44:55,276 That's why you didn't get very far. 1138 00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:57,529 -I know. -She never asked if I could row. 1139 00:44:57,570 --> 00:45:00,323 Well, Benjamin, thank you for the very, very little you did 1140 00:45:00,365 --> 00:45:01,950 to get my mother off my back. 1141 00:45:01,991 --> 00:45:04,619 -Don't mention it. -Are you getting out? 1142 00:45:04,661 --> 00:45:06,830 I'm quite comfortable here, actually. 1143 00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:16,673 SAMUEL: I think the angle's fine, sir. 1144 00:45:16,714 --> 00:45:18,675 ABE: Almost, but not quite. 1145 00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:20,885 Rotate it five degrees counterclockwise. 1146 00:45:20,927 --> 00:45:22,846 -Yes, sir. -ROSE: What's that, Abe? 1147 00:45:22,887 --> 00:45:24,264 My new drinking index. 1148 00:45:24,305 --> 00:45:26,015 I blew some of the timelines before, 1149 00:45:26,057 --> 00:45:27,642 but this one is going to work. 1150 00:45:27,684 --> 00:45:30,061 So ten degrees is five degrees in your world? 1151 00:45:30,103 --> 00:45:32,021 What world do you live in, Jimmy? 1152 00:45:32,063 --> 00:45:33,565 SAMUEL: But if it's close enough, I can always 1153 00:45:33,606 --> 00:45:35,608 help you reposition it anytime during the fireworks. 1154 00:45:35,650 --> 00:45:39,612 (sighs) And miss which fireworks while we're doing that? 1155 00:45:39,654 --> 00:45:42,866 The crackly dragon eggs? The-the weeping willows? 1156 00:45:42,907 --> 00:45:44,826 The gorgeous crescendo of chrysanthemums? 1157 00:45:44,868 --> 00:45:46,661 -Which ones? -I'm sorry, I'll get it right. 1158 00:45:46,703 --> 00:45:48,872 -With my help, you'll get it right. -Hello, Joel. 1159 00:45:48,913 --> 00:45:51,332 Oh, hey. You joining us? Got a spot on the blanket. 1160 00:45:51,374 --> 00:45:54,169 Nah, I'm a little tired. Probably just gonna turn in. 1161 00:45:54,210 --> 00:45:56,588 -Your new room working out? -Yeah, it's great. 1162 00:45:56,629 --> 00:45:58,465 Again, thanks for letting me stay like that, Rose. 1163 00:45:58,506 --> 00:45:59,966 -It was really nice. -No problem. 1164 00:46:00,008 --> 00:46:01,551 Good night. 1165 00:46:01,593 --> 00:46:03,303 ABE: Fold it up. Let's just start over. 1166 00:46:03,344 --> 00:46:04,512 We'll start over. Get another blanket. 1167 00:46:04,554 --> 00:46:05,722 All right. 1168 00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:07,765 So, I saw you two from the shore. 1169 00:46:07,807 --> 00:46:09,642 Who? Me and Benjamin? 1170 00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:11,644 -What happened? -I did what I could. 1171 00:46:11,686 --> 00:46:14,063 I mean, why in the world wouldn't he pick up a damn oar? 1172 00:46:14,105 --> 00:46:15,398 He just refused. 1173 00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:16,774 -So rude. -So rude. 1174 00:46:16,816 --> 00:46:18,568 I must say, I was unimpressed. 1175 00:46:18,610 --> 00:46:20,403 -How could you not be? -Oof. 1176 00:46:20,445 --> 00:46:21,863 ABE: Ah, forget it. 1177 00:46:23,865 --> 00:46:25,617 -(crickets chirping) -(birds calling) 1178 00:46:25,658 --> 00:46:27,619 (laughter, chatter) 1179 00:46:27,660 --> 00:46:29,621 -Papa? -Yes? 1180 00:46:29,662 --> 00:46:31,164 You're snockered. 1181 00:46:31,206 --> 00:46:33,249 -I'm fine. -No, Abe, you're drunk. 1182 00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:34,959 Your calculations were off again. 1183 00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:36,377 (slurring): Give me another pickle. 1184 00:46:36,419 --> 00:46:39,214 The brine in the pickle counteracts the alcohol. 1185 00:46:39,255 --> 00:46:41,090 You've had ten pickles, Abe. Your pickles aren't working. 1186 00:46:41,132 --> 00:46:42,884 -(laughs) -Why are you laughing? 1187 00:46:42,926 --> 00:46:44,511 'Cause it's funny. 1188 00:46:44,552 --> 00:46:46,387 I'm having my lawyer contact the chief counsel 1189 00:46:46,429 --> 00:46:47,680 at Claussen Pickles. 1190 00:46:47,722 --> 00:46:49,516 There will be a lawsuit. 1191 00:46:49,557 --> 00:46:51,059 (both laugh) 1192 00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:52,977 -Are you both laughing? -No. 1193 00:46:53,019 --> 00:46:54,521 That should be not laughing. 1194 00:46:54,562 --> 00:46:56,314 -(fireworks whistling, popping) -(crowd gasping) 1195 00:46:56,356 --> 00:46:59,067 Oh, Abe, you're missing the fireworks. 1196 00:46:59,108 --> 00:47:01,402 Oh, just describe them to me. 1197 00:47:01,444 --> 00:47:05,031 MIDGE: Well, there was, like, a big display of flowers, 1198 00:47:05,073 --> 00:47:08,535 multicolored, and they danced across the sky. 1199 00:47:08,576 --> 00:47:10,537 Ah, that's a chrysanthemum. 1200 00:47:10,578 --> 00:47:13,456 I love the chrysanthemums. 1201 00:47:13,498 --> 00:47:14,666 (both laugh) 1202 00:47:14,707 --> 00:47:17,460 And now there's another sparkly thing going off. 1203 00:47:17,502 --> 00:47:19,128 -(both laugh) -Oh. 1204 00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:21,714 Oh... 1205 00:47:21,756 --> 00:47:23,758 (fireworks continue) 1206 00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:29,556 ♪ Send me photographs and souvenirs ♪ 1207 00:47:29,597 --> 00:47:32,100 ♪ Just remember ♪ 1208 00:47:32,141 --> 00:47:36,354 ♪ When a dream appears ♪ 1209 00:47:36,396 --> 00:47:41,442 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 1210 00:47:43,236 --> 00:47:45,655 ♪ I'll be ♪ 1211 00:47:45,697 --> 00:47:49,867 ♪ So alone without... ♪ 1212 00:47:49,909 --> 00:47:53,121 (fireworks continue) 1213 00:47:53,162 --> 00:47:55,123 BENJAMIN: Got a light? 1214 00:47:55,164 --> 00:47:57,166 Sure. 1215 00:48:06,050 --> 00:48:08,052 Thanks. 1216 00:48:10,555 --> 00:48:13,182 Not in a sociable mood tonight, huh? 1217 00:48:13,224 --> 00:48:15,768 -Guess not. -Me, neither. 1218 00:48:17,770 --> 00:48:20,148 I've never really understood fireworks. 1219 00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:22,984 We used to love them. 1220 00:48:23,026 --> 00:48:25,612 I mean, I did. 1221 00:48:25,653 --> 00:48:27,405 Now they're just... 1222 00:48:27,447 --> 00:48:30,491 -Lights in the sky. -Lights in the sky. 1223 00:48:35,371 --> 00:48:38,958 You think... 1224 00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,377 What? 1225 00:48:41,419 --> 00:48:43,504 You think we're ever really forgiven 1226 00:48:43,546 --> 00:48:45,840 for the mistakes we've made? 1227 00:48:45,882 --> 00:48:48,384 Who do you want doing the forgiving? God? 1228 00:48:48,426 --> 00:48:50,094 People. 1229 00:48:50,136 --> 00:48:52,138 People never forgive. 1230 00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:53,765 Not in my experience. 1231 00:48:53,806 --> 00:48:55,850 They say they do, but they don't. 1232 00:48:55,892 --> 00:48:58,394 I'm not even sure forgiveness really matters. 1233 00:48:58,436 --> 00:48:59,896 Why wouldn't it matter? 1234 00:48:59,937 --> 00:49:01,814 Well, what is it, forgiveness? 1235 00:49:01,856 --> 00:49:03,274 It doesn't mean anything. 1236 00:49:03,316 --> 00:49:05,234 I mean, you still did what you did, right? 1237 00:49:05,276 --> 00:49:06,527 Nothing's changed. 1238 00:49:06,569 --> 00:49:08,404 Forgiveness is a mindset. 1239 00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:10,782 Synapses in your brain telling you to think differently 1240 00:49:10,823 --> 00:49:12,367 about something that's already happened. 1241 00:49:12,408 --> 00:49:14,035 It's amorphous. It's not really there. 1242 00:49:14,077 --> 00:49:17,997 And if it's not really there, what is it? 1243 00:49:19,624 --> 00:49:22,043 God, I hope that's not true. 1244 00:49:25,254 --> 00:49:27,507 Every day, I feel like I'm getting kicked 1245 00:49:27,548 --> 00:49:29,717 in the head a little. 1246 00:49:29,759 --> 00:49:34,013 I know I deserve it, but I sure would like it to end someday. 1247 00:49:34,055 --> 00:49:37,016 Just do what I do, stay away from people. 1248 00:49:37,058 --> 00:49:40,186 If you're not around them, there are no mistakes to be made. 1249 00:49:40,228 --> 00:49:43,272 That's not the answer. 1250 00:49:43,314 --> 00:49:45,024 You know that. 1251 00:49:45,066 --> 00:49:46,651 You need people. 1252 00:49:46,693 --> 00:49:49,278 To bum a light. 1253 00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,031 That's about it, though. 1254 00:49:52,073 --> 00:49:54,742 Nah. 1255 00:49:54,784 --> 00:49:57,495 You'll change your mind someday. 1256 00:49:57,537 --> 00:49:59,539 Just wait. 1257 00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:02,375 You'll see. 1258 00:50:02,417 --> 00:50:04,419 (crowd exclaiming in distance) 1259 00:50:15,596 --> 00:50:17,598 (fireworks continue) 1260 00:50:22,103 --> 00:50:26,065 ("Rock the Boat" by The Hues Corporation playing) 1261 00:50:26,107 --> 00:50:30,820 ♪ So I'd like to know where you got the notion ♪ 1262 00:50:30,862 --> 00:50:35,575 ♪ Said I'd like to know where you got the notion ♪ 1263 00:50:35,616 --> 00:50:38,077 -♪ To rock the boat ♪ -♪ Don't rock the boat, baby ♪ 1264 00:50:38,119 --> 00:50:40,329 -♪ Rock the boat ♪ -♪ Don't tip the boat over ♪ 1265 00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:42,582 -♪ Rock the boat ♪ -♪ Don't rock the boat, baby ♪ 1266 00:50:42,623 --> 00:50:48,004 ♪ Rock the boat ♪ 1267 00:50:49,338 --> 00:50:53,426 ♪ Ever since our voyage of love began ♪ 1268 00:50:53,468 --> 00:50:57,638 ♪ Your touch has thrilled me like the rush of the wind ♪ 1269 00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:02,059 ♪ And your arms have held me safe from a rolling sea ♪ 1270 00:51:02,101 --> 00:51:07,273 ♪ There's always been a quiet place to harbor you and me ♪ 1271 00:51:09,275 --> 00:51:13,446 ♪ Our love is like a ship on the ocean ♪ 1272 00:51:13,488 --> 00:51:15,823 ♪ We've been sailing with a cargo ♪ 1273 00:51:15,865 --> 00:51:19,660 ♪ Full of love and devotion ♪ 1274 00:51:21,954 --> 00:51:26,209 ♪ So I'd like to know where you got the notion ♪ 1275 00:51:26,250 --> 00:51:30,546 ♪ Said I'd like to know where you got the notion ♪ 1276 00:51:30,588 --> 00:51:35,134 ♪ So I'd like to know where you got the notion ♪ 1277 00:51:35,176 --> 00:51:39,514 ♪ Said I'd like to know where you got the notion ♪ 1278 00:51:39,555 --> 00:51:42,225 -♪ To rock the boat ♪ -♪ Don't rock the boat, baby ♪ 1279 00:51:42,266 --> 00:51:44,435 -♪ Rock the boat ♪ -♪ Don't tip the boat over ♪ 1280 00:51:44,477 --> 00:51:46,687 -♪ Rock the boat ♪ -♪ Don't rock the boat, baby ♪ 1281 00:51:46,729 --> 00:51:49,023 -♪ Rock the boat ♪ -♪ Don't tip the boat over ♪ 1282 00:51:49,065 --> 00:51:51,108 -♪ Rock the boat ♪ -♪ Ooh-hoo-hoo ♪ 1283 00:51:51,150 --> 00:51:53,194 -♪ Rock the boat ♪ -♪ Rock on with your bad self ♪ 1284 00:51:53,236 --> 00:51:54,195 ♪ Rock the boat ♪ 1285 00:51:54,237 --> 00:51:55,738 ♪ Rock on with your bad self ♪ 1286 00:51:55,780 --> 00:51:57,907 -♪ Rock the boat ♪ -♪ Rock on with your bad self ♪ 1287 00:51:57,949 --> 00:52:02,119 ♪ Rock the boat, rock the boat ♪ 1288 00:52:02,161 --> 00:52:04,121 ♪ Rock the boat ♪ 1289 00:52:04,163 --> 00:52:07,124 ♪ Rock the boat, rock the boat. ♪