1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,550 MIDGE: Ugh, I'm so late. They're gonna kill me. 2 00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,343 ROSE: I'm late, too. My class is at 8:00. 3 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,678 MIDGE: I'm late for work! 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,971 ROSE: That makes you more important? 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,556 ABE: My fancy socks are missing. 6 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,182 Hey, is Zelda here yet? 7 00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,976 Which ones are your fancy socks? 8 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,894 -I only have one pair of fancy socks. -MIDGE: They're the ones 9 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,021 with the floating martini glasses on them. 10 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:22,815 Those are my comical socks! 11 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,316 Why do you have comical socks? 12 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,860 Are you talking about the ones with pineapples on them? 13 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,153 Those are comical socks, too. 14 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,989 Why do you have two pairs of comical socks? 15 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,490 Abe, you're dressed. Why are you asking about socks? 16 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,784 Because I'm dressed for the university. 17 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:37,329 I go to Bell Labs later and they dress more eclectic. 18 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,040 Sounds like a job for pineapple socks to me. 19 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,793 I'll just bring a pair of fun, weekend slacks for Bell Labs 20 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,211 and change in the taxi. 21 00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,838 BOTH: Do not change in the taxi. 22 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,506 I don't have time to change at school. 23 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,675 BOTH: Do not change in the taxi. 24 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,343 -CHILD: Mama! -Coming! 25 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,970 ROSE: Why do you have comical socks? 26 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,055 -Did you call me? -No. 27 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,390 Could've sworn you called me. 28 00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,851 It's Zelda's day off, by the way. 29 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,269 No one told me. 30 00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:01,729 I told you multiple times. 31 00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,189 She was supposed to watch the kids. 32 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,565 Get their father to watch them. 33 00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:05,900 That's who should watch them. 34 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,610 Tomorrow is Joel's day to watch them. 35 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,862 If you want to make a change, give Joel a call. 36 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:10,988 I am not calling Joel. 37 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,574 There is no food and I'm literally starving. 38 00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,409 You are not "literally starving." 39 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,827 -CHILD: Mama! -Coming! 40 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,078 ABE: I guess I don't get to use the bathroom. 41 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,538 ROSE: Like I'm stopping you. 42 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,041 Now, that time you called me. 43 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,043 If it wasn't you, who was it? 44 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,045 -Esther. -Esther? 45 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,047 Really? 46 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,674 Hey! Hey, hey! 47 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,051 Esther said a word! 48 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,595 -She said a word? -Good for her. 49 00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:36,263 Should we take a cab? 50 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,807 No, walking's faster. 51 00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,225 When you're not in heels. 52 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,519 -And you are not starving. -I am, too. 53 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,562 Then your muscle and tissue would be breaking down. 54 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,064 Your abdomen would be distended. 55 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,107 -Your menstruation would cease. -Abe, stop. 56 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,235 -What is that? -She said she was literally starving. 57 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,736 There is no food 58 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,196 and I am literally, figuratively starving. 59 00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:53,531 -I got to go! -Me, too. 60 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,741 What have I been saying? 61 00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,745 -Someone's got to stay. -I can't stay. 62 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,247 -None of us can stay. -ESTHER: Mama. 63 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,082 Call Mrs. Fulber, tell her it's an emergency. 64 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,875 -ROSE: This isn't an emergency. -MIDGE: It kind of is. -Mama. 65 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,710 ABE: Now I'm second-guessing these slacks. 66 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,379 (overlapping chatter) 67 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,005 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 68 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,507 I will connect you. 69 00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:13,467 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? I will connect you. 70 00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,261 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 71 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,930 Yes, our Charleston Gardens Restaurant is open today, ma'am, 72 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,682 as it is every day. 73 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:22,309 Oh, it's terrific. It's some of the best food in town. 74 00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,687 Do not get the crab meat salad. 75 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,313 The crab meat salad. 76 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,940 It's Monday. Crab's delivered on Tuesdays. 77 00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,984 -Do the math. -O'TOOLE: Miriam Maisel. 78 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,111 MIDGE: Oh, Mrs. O'Toole. 79 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,737 I was just suggesting things from the menu. 80 00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,447 Headset down. Come with me. 81 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,208 Your office? 82 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,918 First floor. 83 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,545 First floor? 84 00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,338 -Makeup Department. -You're back in the show. 85 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,549 -Girls. -B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 86 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:57,344 Come. 87 00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,556 ♪ There'll be a change in the weather ♪ 88 00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:03,726 ♪ And a change in the sea ♪ 89 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,477 ♪ From now on... ♪ 90 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,146 It's Midge. 91 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,982 Hi, Midge. 92 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,151 ♪ My walk will be different ♪ 93 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,361 ♪ My talk and my name... ♪ 94 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,488 -I'm confused. -You're checking coats. 95 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,532 -Checking coats? -We're short a hand 96 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,534 and you're the most presentable of the basement girls. 97 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,202 Is this a problem? 98 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:25,497 No. Not at all. Thank you, but I-I was just thinking 99 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,791 I would be so much more valuable behind the makeup counter. 100 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,127 -I need you here. -I've kept up with all the latest 101 00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:31,670 styles and trends since I've been off the floor. 102 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,506 Face masks, they're the future and the past. 103 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,091 Cleopatra used them. Isn't that interesting? 104 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,385 -Lake mud and egg whites. -I need you here. 105 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,846 Well, I've never been trained for coat check. 106 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,223 Take coat, give ticket. Take ticket, give coat. 107 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,017 Congratulations. You've been trained. 108 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,602 Now, one more thing. 109 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,063 And listen very closely. 110 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,481 I'm listening. 111 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,566 Never leave the booth. 112 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,860 Yes, ma'am. 113 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:59,239 ♪ There'll be some changes made. ♪ 114 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:04,119 Take coat, give ticket. 115 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,372 Coat room? 116 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,874 Purgatory with a better view. 117 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,459 -Poor thing. -Hey, did you hear? 118 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,211 -I'm not Mary's maid of honor. -I told you, Viv, 119 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,963 my sister had to be maid of honor. 120 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,047 It's a family thing. 121 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,465 How's planning going? 122 00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,549 Oh, we've had a couple of hiccups. 123 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,759 Hiccups? Your sister's a bitch. 124 00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,594 -Viv. -We're on the floor. 125 00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,388 She got a little bossy, so I nudged her aside. 126 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,847 I'm doing it all myself now. 127 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,433 What? Oh, my God, Mary, no, you can't do that. 128 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,977 -O'TOOLE: Girls! -O'Toole. -Ooh. 129 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,478 Mary, wait. 130 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,188 -She'll need water. -Got him. 131 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,941 Pookie's a her. 132 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,567 (whispering): Mary. 133 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,069 Mary. 134 00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,570 ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Attention, ladies. 135 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,823 Rouge Master Class begins in five minutes 136 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,117 -at the Revlon Counter. -Sweetie, I'm sorry, 137 00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,410 but you can't plan your wedding by yourself. 138 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,412 It's too much. Let me help. 139 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,247 Oh, Midge, thank you, but there's no time 140 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,249 -and really no money. -Don't worry about money. 141 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,418 What you need is experience and I have experience. 142 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,004 The marriage didn't stick, but my reception was unforgettable. 143 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,755 -It got a write-up in The Jewish Daily Forward, -(gasps) 144 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,465 in Yiddish, so it didn't get a wide readership, 145 00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,925 but the picture was sensational 146 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,553 and I can make the time for you, my friend. 147 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,930 -I don't know. -Please. I want to. 148 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:08,434 No one should have a less than perfect wedding. 149 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,185 Okay. Yes. Yes! 150 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,937 -Good. -Really good. 151 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,772 I'm relieved. I'll see you at lunch. 152 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,315 See you at lunch. 153 00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:22,197 Look at this. 154 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,949 The high ceilings, the tile floor, 155 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,117 like the Vatican. 156 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,493 I feel like I forgot something. 157 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,661 How are we doing here, Curren? 158 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,413 MOISHE: Why would a fakakta bank 159 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,623 in the tuchus of Brooklyn try to compete with the Pope? 160 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,916 I need to start writing things down, 161 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,334 but by the time I find a pen, 162 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,295 I forget what I was supposed to write down. 163 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,048 It's so open, so flaunting, so gentile. 164 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,549 Jews use the bank, too, Pop. 165 00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,009 Show me one. Hey. 166 00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:44,553 -You a Jew? -Pop. Sorry. 167 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,514 So, how close are we to wrapping this up, Curren? 168 00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,058 Curren. What is that? 169 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,185 Just making sure all the I's are dotted here. 170 00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,562 -He dots the I's. -And I've got a team counting cash in the back. 171 00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,314 It'll take a while. 172 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,025 -Only a goy dots the I's. -I hope it's all there. 173 00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,610 The treasure map's in pretty bad shape. 174 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,903 -Treasure map? -JOEL: It's just what she calls her records 175 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,321 marking where she put the money. 176 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,989 Ma, what-what are you looking for? 177 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,116 I feel like I forgot something. 178 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:09,203 Moishe, did you bring the bag of money we use to bribe people? 179 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,246 There's a bag of money we use to bribe people. 180 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,664 A little louder, Ma. 181 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,249 I don't think they heard you in Poughkeepsie. 182 00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,542 Curren, that's not a name. 183 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:18,128 That's something you pour over rice. 184 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,546 And, Pop, Mr. Cleary is my buddy Archie's brother 185 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:21,340 and he's doing us a big favor here. 186 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,842 By taking our money? I wish I could do someone that favor. 187 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,637 -Mr. Curry, a question... -Cleary. Cleary. 188 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,722 Is there gonna be another Great Depression soon? 189 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,432 Is that something you can tell us? 190 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,476 If I could, I'd be the president of the bank 191 00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:33,894 or the United States. 192 00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,896 Step on enough Jews, you'll get there. 193 00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,732 Now I remember. I found this. 194 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,818 It was behind one of the radiators. 195 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,778 Ma, you said you found all the money. 196 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:44,446 On the first treasure map. 197 00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:47,616 I found two more treasure maps this morning. 198 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,910 Oh, should we lock these up in the safe? 199 00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:51,662 They show where all our stashes are. 200 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:54,373 -They're like gold. -I'm in charge of these from now on. 201 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,667 Are we gonna be okay? 202 00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,878 You... 203 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,256 are not Jewish. 204 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,676 -Thank you for shopping B. Altman. -WOMAN: It's a little plain. 205 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,845 Sometimes I just want to spark it up a little. 206 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,304 -You know? -Mm-hmm. 207 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:10,973 Yes, ma'am. What's life without a little spark? 208 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,391 So, what do I do? How do I do that? 209 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,434 -ELSA: You could go bolder with the colors. -Oh. 210 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,228 -WOMAN: Like what? -Fuchsia? 211 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,604 -Oy. -WOMAN: Interesting. 212 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,940 -ELSA: Or maybe orange. -Aah! 213 00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,234 ANNOUNCER: Husbands, a new waiting lounge has opened up 214 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,194 on the first floor. 215 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,696 What the hell? You're in a box. 216 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,114 Did Madame Alexander put you in there? 217 00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,490 I'm the coat room attendant. 218 00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,868 This is my job, Susie, and I am proud of the work I do. 219 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:34,288 -Ooh. -Yeah, seems really soul satisfying. 220 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,914 ANNOUNCER: Attention, B. Altman customers, 221 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,124 the store will be closing in 15 minutes. 222 00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:38,917 What are you doing here? 223 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,043 We have a gig tonight, remember? 224 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,545 Yes, but we were meeting at the club. 225 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:42,754 This place is on the way. 226 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,339 It's 20 blocks out of your way. 227 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,550 And I like having extra time with you before the gigs 228 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,968 to talk, dish. 229 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,595 Sammy Davis Jr.'s dating a white chick. 230 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,638 You're frog-marching me to the gig. 231 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,599 -That, too. -Susie. 232 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,184 We have a bunch of gigs coming up 233 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,852 and I don't like standing there with my thumb up my ass. 234 00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,021 I'm not always late. 235 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:02,357 Fine. We'll go together, under protest 236 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,068 because I do not appreciate this lack of faith in my punctuality. 237 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,404 -Viv, punch out for me. -VIVIAN: You got it. 238 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,406 -How may I help you? -Not this. 239 00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:14,286 -This and this. -Thanks. 240 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,538 Not that or that. 241 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,751 -This. This. Not that. -Ah. 242 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,461 Ooh, not that. 243 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,839 -This and this. Have a good day. -Ah. 244 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:31,637 You're such a little freak. I mean, you really are. 245 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,597 MIDGE: I want to get serious here for a minute, people. 246 00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:36,433 Nuclear war. The nightmare, the horror. 247 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,268 Oh, now, I'm not talking about dying in one. 248 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,896 I'm talking about surviving and living in an underground bunker 249 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,815 with your extended family until the radiation disperses. 250 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,859 Mr. Khrushchev, have you met my family? 251 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,987 If you're gonna hit us, comrade, fucking obliterate us. 252 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:52,491 I'm obsessed with the time lady. 253 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,868 You know her. Dial the number and it's, "At the tone, 254 00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:58,497 Eastern Standard Time will be 6:53 and 20 seconds." 255 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,500 Beep. Now, 6:53 and 30 seconds is next, right? 256 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,252 Maybe. 257 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,087 But I like to think that it may not be 258 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,838 and then be surprised when it is. 259 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,508 The suspense is intoxicating. 260 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,927 Oh, and I drink while I do this. 261 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,012 Did I not mention that? I should've mentioned that. 262 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,224 My son was bullied the other day at the park 263 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:20,519 and the anger I felt at that boy. 264 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,146 Not the boy picking on my son, I mean my son. 265 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,399 You know? 'Cause Mama didn't raise no pussies. 266 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,734 I told him, "Get in there. Use what you got. 267 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,403 "The greatest defense in the male armory: 268 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,822 "foot to nuts. Foot to nuts. 269 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,949 Fight dirty, you little bastard." 270 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,534 I got to tell you, the first time... 271 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,661 ...my mother says, "You've gained so much weight 272 00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,371 since the apocalypse," 273 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:42,082 I'll pry the door open and stick my head outside, going... 274 00:09:42,124 --> 00:09:44,126 (breathes rapidly) Are my eyes popping out yet? 275 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,253 Am I bleeding from the ears? Say that it's happening. 276 00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,754 Please tell me that sweet release is imminent. 277 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:48,755 I mean, it's the... 278 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,424 ...greatest drinking game ever. 279 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,217 A shot of vodka every time it goes beep. 280 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,177 Then I throw up on the half hour. 281 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,305 I should patent this. I should... 282 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,473 ...bury the body. It's not pretty, son, 283 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,267 but we can't leave a dead four- year-old unburied like this. 284 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,560 The flies, alone. 285 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,228 Get your sand pail, start digging. 286 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,896 We'll make it fun. 287 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,565 Wait. He's still breathing. 288 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,941 He's a stubborn little fucker, isn't he? 289 00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:09,568 Quick, look in my purse, there's a... 290 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,862 ...government pamphlet I read on this with guidelines. 291 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,156 One was not to bring anything into the fallout shelter 292 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,742 that would be unnaturally disturbing. 293 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,493 You realize what that means. 294 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:22,581 Hundreds of radioactive, Jewish mothers above ground, 295 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,208 roaming the streets of the Upper West Side. 296 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,336 If that's not a deterrent for nuclear war, 297 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,087 I don't know what is. I mean... 298 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,756 ...does the time lady count off the seconds 299 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,591 while she's having sex? 300 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,634 Really, no man wants to go through that. 301 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:37,054 And women, most men we sleep with, 302 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:39,931 they go off before the beep. You know what I'm saying? 303 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,058 Then we have to... 304 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,559 ...turn ourselves in. 305 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,102 I mean, it's one thing to kill the boy, 306 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,854 but taking out the rest of his family, his mother, 307 00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,607 his sister, his dog... 308 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,443 I think people noticed. 309 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,653 Thanks, everybody. 310 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,530 You've been more than diverting. 311 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,617 I'm Mrs. Maisel. Good night. 312 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,619 (cheers and applause) 313 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,746 Hi. Great crowd. 314 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:05,082 -Yeah, this guy in the back wasn't laughing. -Not one cough. 315 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,750 It's when they don't cough that I know I got them. 316 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,043 I asked him if he was foreign or something, 317 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,461 but he's from Hoboken. 318 00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:10,962 Susie, 99% of the audience was laughing. 319 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,214 That's a good thing. 320 00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,632 You got 100% of that place on 19th. 321 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,175 Ah, that was a great gig. 322 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,052 You got 100 at that Midtown place on 23rd. 323 00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,845 23rd is not Midtown. 324 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,430 -It's close. -It's not close. 325 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,015 -It's a short walk. -It's a cab ride. 326 00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,225 Goddamn Harry Drake. 327 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,893 He's stopping my career cold. 328 00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,645 I mean, how long can he hold a grudge? 329 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,273 Hey, everybody. Who here doesn't love our Mrs. Maisel? 330 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,275 (cheers and applause) 331 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:35,904 And who here doesn't love the dulcet tones of the autoharp? 332 00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:40,033 Give it up for Clint Gowdy. 333 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,286 Hey, hey. What the hell? 334 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,205 Jackie, how many times have I told you? 335 00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:48,166 Autoharps are permanently banned, meaning forever. 336 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,001 Hey, as long as you're off doing your Maisel thing, 337 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,795 I'm gonna book what I want to book. 338 00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:54,756 Autoharps, panpipes, ocarinas. 339 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,800 -You're just toying with me now. -That's right. 340 00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:58,718 And I'm gonna start charging for overnight stays 341 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,929 at the Hotel Le Gaslight. Count on it. 342 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:03,432 -Overnight stays? -It's nothing. Ignore him. 343 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,350 She's been sleeping here. 344 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,061 I'm getting tired of having to fold her bedding every morning. 345 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,688 You don't sleep clean. 346 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,314 Susie, you can't sleep here. 347 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,024 Relax, I'm not anymore. I swapped apartments 348 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,776 with the Italian family upstairs. 349 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,486 -I'm sorry, what? -I swapped apartments. 350 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,448 I'm in their place and they're in mine. 351 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,284 A family is in your apartment? Your place is a shithole. 352 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,078 Oh, you'd change your tune if you saw their place. Brutal. 353 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,913 We really should treat immigrants better. 354 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,916 But what if Harry Drake's goons show up at your apartment? 355 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,126 -I won't be there. -Yes, 356 00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,962 -but the Italian family will. -I know, right? 357 00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,631 We need a more permanent solution to this Harry thing. 358 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,342 -One where there's no innocent victims. -I know. 359 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,386 Is this your brassiere, Susie? You left it in the back. 360 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,180 Jesus Christ, Jackie. 361 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,308 Well, how do you think I feel? I thought it was a dishrag. 362 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:49,186 Well, at least now I know what to get you for your birthday. 363 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,025 DORA: You won't be judged by the professor's 364 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,651 highest standard, Rose. 365 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,528 I'm not sure I could meet his lowest standard. 366 00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,988 Sketching, drawing, he'll say, 367 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,615 "Let your hand follow what your eye sees." 368 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,450 I'll try. I practiced a little last night, 369 00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:05,035 drawing a bowl of fruit. 370 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:08,538 My lemon was fine, but my banana was a disaster. 371 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,999 It's getting the right texture... (gasps) 372 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,834 -You okay? -What's the matter? 373 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,128 -She can't breathe. -Watch-- her chair! 374 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,130 My God, oh, my God. 375 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,049 Too close, too close. 376 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,092 (hyperventilating) 377 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,348 -That's our subject? -That's our subject. 378 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,350 That's our subject. 379 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,686 That texture's gonna be even harder to capture. 380 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,689 (indistinct chatter) 381 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:35,899 Susie! 382 00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,943 (excited chatter in Italian) 383 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,615 Hi, everybody. How's it going? 384 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,909 Splendido! Siamo cosi grati! 385 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,452 Okay, quick head count. 386 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,121 One, two, three, four and there's little Sal. 387 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,290 Okay. Whew, all alive. So far, so good. 388 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,543 Susie, ecco la tua mail. 389 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,753 Devi essere moto importante. 390 00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,755 Ah. Grazie, Grandma. 391 00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:01,675 Uh, you-you might want to keep those shades closed. 392 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,718 (singing in Italian) 393 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,850 (others joining in) 394 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,740 (laughter) 395 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,827 LANCE: In my spare time, 396 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,870 I've been thinking about the very nature of infinity-- 397 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,831 w-what it infers, what it portends. 398 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,542 -Yes, yes. -And for that reason, I was wondering 399 00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,669 if you had any insight on a true hero of mine, 400 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,088 uh, the great German mathematician Georg Cantor 401 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,840 and his prodigious work, 402 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,093 which included his theory on the infinity of infinities. 403 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,928 Georg Cantor. 404 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,680 I'm really glad you brought him up, Lance. 405 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,181 I love that you did that. 406 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,852 Because he reminds me of a man that I actually do care about, 407 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,813 and that's the great mathematician Henri Poincaré. 408 00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:59,399 It's Poincaré's history of work on the solution 409 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,735 of the three-body problem in planetary orbits 410 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:05,405 that distinguished him, and although he did not produce 411 00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:09,534 a definitive solution, he advanced the inquiry so greatly 412 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,203 that of course, Karl Sundman stood on his shoulders 413 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,707 when he finally proved the existence of... 414 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,917 I apologize. I need to leave a bit early today. 415 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,961 I'm meeting my wife in a few minutes. 416 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,173 An infinite series solution. 417 00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:28,011 Even this solution is of limited practical utility, 418 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:31,890 because it converges so slowly. 419 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,143 Poincaré showed astounding aptitude for mathematics 420 00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:38,980 at a very young age, as all great mathematicians do. 421 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:43,401 It was an innate ability that is not uncommon in the field. 422 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,821 He was also a man of unusual work habits. 423 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,199 He'd work two hours in the morning, two in the evening 424 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,201 and use the intervening time 425 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:54,829 for his subconscious to continue working on the problem. 426 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,457 This calls to mind another mathematician I discussed 427 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,876 in my office with Truman just last Tuesday. 428 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,795 Truman, you took notes that day. 429 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,254 Please share them with the class. 430 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,341 Stop it. Get away! I bruise easy! 431 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,426 ABE: If you're so inclined, reach back further 432 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,637 to the musings of the mathematician Zeno. 433 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,264 He describes a series of paradoxes 434 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,476 concerning infinity and infinitesimals. 435 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,478 This being ancient Greece, little is left 436 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,648 of his written record, but of the scraps we do have left-- 437 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,066 oh, my God. 438 00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,818 -Professor Weissman? -Are you all right? 439 00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,569 Give him air, guys. 440 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,321 Yeah, he just saw a naked man. 441 00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,990 -I'm okay, oh, my God. -We need crowd control here. 442 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,659 -No, I'm okay, I'm okay. -Are we dismissed? 443 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,912 Yes, yes. Go. Go, go. 444 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,664 Well, hello there, young lady. 445 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,375 Right on time. Uh, where shall we go? 446 00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,335 Faculty dining room, if that's okay with you? 447 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,171 I was just thinking about the egg salad they make there. 448 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,215 Ladies first. 449 00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,182 46 bucks for two months? Is that possible? 450 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:57,809 -It can't be possible. -ED (over phone): Your biggest charges 451 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,936 are for multiple calls to the same places. 452 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:02,021 Midtown places. Did you make all those calls? 453 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,023 Well, probably, but Ed, when I signed up, 454 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,900 I was told it was nine dollars a month. 455 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,236 Yes, but you didn't take into account the message units. 456 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,071 -The what units? -Well, in your plan, 457 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,031 anything beyond two miles of your geographical service 458 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,576 incurs additional fees on top of the nine dollars. 459 00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,536 You're telling me every call beyond two miles 460 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,496 from my apartment is considered long distance? 461 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,374 -Yeah, pretty much. -So let me get this straight, Ed. 462 00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:24,627 If I call someone who's less than two miles away, 463 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,963 and then they make a call from a second phone 464 00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:28,882 to a person four miles away from me 465 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,759 but only two miles away from them, 466 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,344 and they hold the receiver up to the line I'm on, 467 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,305 I'll just get charged locally, right? 468 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,348 Sure, I mean, if you want to go to the bother. 469 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,892 I don't want to go to the fucking bother, Ed. 470 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,268 I'm just trying to figure out how can I afford 471 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,353 this stupid fucking phone you sold me! 472 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,980 Look, I hear you, and I sympathize, 473 00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,482 but the charges are the charges. 474 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,317 -Jesus. -And, uh... 475 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,068 I guess I'm compelled to tell you this... 476 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,862 -What? -Our office is in Harlem, 477 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,323 so this call is long distance as well. 478 00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,203 -(crying) -(speaks Italian) 479 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,374 (knocking on door) 480 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,376 -SHIRLEY: Joely. -Yeah, Ma? 481 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,378 You've got a gentleman caller. 482 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,508 A handsome young man. 483 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,343 Why'd you make it sound salacious? 484 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:15,178 Did-did I make it sound salacious? 485 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,888 Come on in, Arch. 486 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,475 Archie, would you do me a big favor? 487 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,101 -Sure. -Would you ask your brother 488 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,062 if real estate prices are gonna go up or down 489 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,772 in the next ten years? That would be a big help. 490 00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,065 I will ask him. 491 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,942 Oh, Curry is a good man. 492 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,820 He's a nice blend of spices and herbs, as well. 493 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,656 Ah. Well, I'll leave you boys to get on with things. 494 00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,241 Your sword fights and whatnot. 495 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,867 Thank you, Mrs. Maisel. 496 00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,494 Thanks, Ma. 497 00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,287 Smells like a foxhole in here. 498 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,122 -Yeah, sorry. -Can I get some coffee? 499 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:44,541 Coming up. 500 00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,334 And these are...? 501 00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,752 My mother's treasure maps. 502 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,170 Supposed to show where they've hidden 503 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,463 all the cash over the years. 504 00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:51,881 -Did Curren see these? -You bet he did. 505 00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,174 That's what I thought. 506 00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,093 He's denying us a line of credit. 507 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,637 Told us there were too many "mitigating circumstances," 508 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,681 which my father called the two most goyish words 509 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:00,890 in the English language. 510 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,308 (sniffs) 511 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:03,768 Smells like Ma's making kugel. 512 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,353 She makes good kugel. 513 00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,188 Don't leave before you have some kugel. 514 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:11,860 You know, Joel, you and I are good friends. Close. 515 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,695 To the point where we didn't even correct your mother 516 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,321 when she implied that we're a couple of queers. 517 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,658 And because of that, I need to say, 518 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,286 you have got to get out of this fucking house! 519 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,454 Of course I have to get out of this house! 520 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,456 I mean, look at me. 521 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,585 I-I'm back with my toys and my mother and the fucking kugel 522 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,587 and it wasn't supposed to be like this. 523 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,255 I've got to find a place. 524 00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:34,132 And it's got to be right for the kids, too, because 525 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,551 they have to be with me some of the time or I'll go crazy. 526 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,177 Good. You still got some fight left. 527 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,971 Now stop moving around. 528 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,348 It's making the smell in here worse. 529 00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,767 (sighs) 530 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:50,440 I got Curren to reconsider the mitigating circumstances. 531 00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,150 You're getting your line of credit. 532 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,694 -Arch. You're kidding. -I've got things on him. 533 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,362 And I vouched for you. 534 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,281 And I'm gonna help you get the hell out of here 535 00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,658 because it's just sad. 536 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,201 I owe you, Arch. 537 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,704 I owe you big-time. 538 00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:06,331 (door opens) 539 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,709 Oops. Never mind me. I saw nothing. 540 00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,753 (door closes) 541 00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:19,260 Oh. Hey, Albert, help. 542 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:21,888 Ah. 543 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,681 You're a prince, Albert. 544 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,683 "Prince Albert." I just came up with that. 545 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,936 -Thank you, ma'am. -(clears throat) 546 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,771 Hi. Midge. 547 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:33,191 -Hi. -Midge, let me introduce you 548 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,860 to Father O'Brien, and this is Sister Saint Stephen. 549 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,279 Father, Sister, this is my good friend Midge Maisel. 550 00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,156 She's here to help me with the reception. 551 00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:41,908 -Nice to meet you. -And nice to meet you, miss. 552 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,952 (girl crying) 553 00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,831 Carrie Ann misbehaved in geography class. 554 00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:52,251 Yes. Of course. 555 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,253 Will you excuse us for just a second? 556 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,881 I've got some important business to discuss with Mary here. 557 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,883 (whispering): What is this? What is happening? 558 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,219 This is my parish. I'm getting married in the church upstairs. 559 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,845 It's very old, very beautiful. 560 00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:04,764 Sure, sure, but where are we now? 561 00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:06,641 This is where the reception's going to be. 562 00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:08,101 -In this room? -Yes. 563 00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,978 -No. No. No. -Yes. Yes. 564 00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,187 Mary, there's no light here. 565 00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,855 It's damp and lifeless. 566 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,190 And there's a little girl crying in the corner. 567 00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,817 This is the Punishment Room. 568 00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,276 You can't have your reception in the Punishment Room. 569 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,861 -Midge. -The walls are stained with tears. 570 00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,321 My sister had her reception here. 571 00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,365 -And how happy is your sister? -Well... 572 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,492 Because she got married in the Punishment Room. 573 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:27,495 -Is everything okay? -Yes, ma'am. Sir. Sister. 574 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,998 There is a bigger room that you go through to get here. 575 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,207 It has a window. 576 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:32,417 That's the Window Room. 577 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,626 That's really what they call it? 578 00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:34,836 The bigger donors get that room. 579 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,129 My family's not a big donor. 580 00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:37,463 Ah. So it's about money. 581 00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:39,382 Bartering. I can work with that. 582 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:41,217 -Now who's the power here, the priest or the nun? -Midge. 583 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:42,552 -Mary. -The priest. 584 00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,764 Father, can we talk? 585 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:47,932 Of course, dear. 586 00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,934 Don't we love our sweet Mary? 587 00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,436 Oh, I've known Mary all her life. 588 00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,521 I baptized her when she was just a week old. 589 00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:55,356 Ah, well, I'm Jewish. 590 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,817 When somebody dunks us in water, we call a lawyer. 591 00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,819 I was just wondering, this room-- 592 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:02,447 would it be possible to give it a coat of paint? 593 00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:03,781 Lighten it up a little? 594 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,825 Father picked this color himself. 595 00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,285 And it's a nice one. 596 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,163 Yellow mustard... gas. 597 00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:13,291 But a sky blue would make the room feel cheerier. 598 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,667 This is the Punishment Room. 599 00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:16,919 And there's no budget to paint. 600 00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,922 Okay. Well, do you supply flowers? 601 00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:22,550 A lot of colorful flowers would really liven things up. 602 00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:25,053 -We have no flowers. -There's no money for flowers. 603 00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:27,472 Well, you have flowers at funerals. 604 00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,057 Anyone scheduled to die the week before Mary's wedding? 605 00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,266 We'll take those. 606 00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:31,768 -Mary. -MARY: Midge... 607 00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,227 Is Carrie Ann still gonna be there? 608 00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:35,521 -Because that'll be very distracting. -(clears throat) 609 00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:38,733 Convert. Be something else. Buddhism's nice. 610 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,610 I have no choice. It is going to be here, 611 00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:42,737 in this room, at Our Lady Of Perpetual Sorrow. 612 00:22:42,779 --> 00:22:44,572 That is not the name. 613 00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:47,283 Midge, the ceremony's the thing, and the church is beautiful. 614 00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:49,160 Down here is just a quick breakfast, 615 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:50,953 a splash of champagne and... what? 616 00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:53,623 -Did you say breakfast? -Eggs and ham. 617 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,170 (exhales) 618 00:22:59,212 --> 00:23:02,048 Mary just told me about Bill. 619 00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,299 About... 620 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,551 Well, I guess I was the only one not to know. 621 00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:08,179 He's a veteran of Korea. Right, Mary? 622 00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:09,764 Our brave Bill? 623 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:11,474 Yes. 624 00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:13,309 I'd suggest we say a prayer for him now, 625 00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:15,645 but your prayers and mine, they differ. 626 00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:17,146 Mine would be Mi Shebeirach. 627 00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:18,731 Mi Shebeirach avoteinu, 628 00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:20,358 Avraham, Yitzchak v'Yaakov... 629 00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:21,651 You'd like a lot of our stuff, Father. 630 00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:23,569 We've got some real barnburners. 631 00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:25,655 -All right. -But I guess what I'm wondering now is, 632 00:23:25,696 --> 00:23:28,157 what if you let them have the Window Room 633 00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:29,617 for an early evening reception? 634 00:23:29,659 --> 00:23:31,786 For just a couple of hours. Nothing fancy. 635 00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:33,538 Our bingo ladies are there then. 636 00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:34,664 You can bump them. 637 00:23:34,705 --> 00:23:37,291 Just for this one night? For Mary? 638 00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:39,293 And Bill. 639 00:23:39,335 --> 00:23:41,129 Mary's Bill. 640 00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:45,633 -Well, we do all love Bill. -Mm. 641 00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:49,470 I guess an early evening event 642 00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:52,014 in the Window Room can be arranged. 643 00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:54,392 Wow. So generous. 644 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,811 Thanks, Father. 645 00:23:56,853 --> 00:24:00,481 I'm assuming a band is out of the question? 646 00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:03,401 "The sandy beach reminded Harold of picnics, 647 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:06,404 and the thought of picnics made him hungry." 648 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:09,407 And just made your mommy hungry. (clears throat) 649 00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,952 "So he laid out a nice simple picnic lunch." 650 00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:15,788 Hope he brought wine. 651 00:24:15,830 --> 00:24:20,293 "There was nothing but pie." There's never anything but pie. 652 00:24:20,334 --> 00:24:22,837 (phone ringing) 653 00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:26,674 Hello? 654 00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:28,092 I think there may be a bag of money hidden 655 00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:29,385 in your front closet. 656 00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:31,429 -What? -I've been studying Ma's treasure maps 657 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:33,306 and one of them didn't correspond to anywhere 658 00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:35,224 -in their house or the factory. -Treasure maps? 659 00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:37,268 And now I think one of them is your parents' house 660 00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,936 and that on one of my parents' visits, 661 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:40,813 they stashed a bag of money in a closet. 662 00:24:40,855 --> 00:24:42,481 -I know, it sounds crazy. -Not at all. 663 00:24:42,523 --> 00:24:44,609 Just look. It's the one in the foyer. 664 00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:46,527 Holy cow. 665 00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:49,113 I'm at the closet. 666 00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:50,448 Check the back, left side. 667 00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,950 Is it just gonna be sitting in here on the floor? 668 00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,328 JOEL: No, it's probably in a cutout in the wall. 669 00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:57,079 They cut open the wall? 670 00:24:57,121 --> 00:24:58,623 My dad has a portable rotary blade. 671 00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:00,166 This just keeps getting weirder. 672 00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,501 Be careful 'cause some of the bags are booby-trapped. 673 00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:03,753 Is it gonna explode? 674 00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:06,214 There may be a mouse trap in it. It's probably snapped. 675 00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:07,298 Unbelievable. 676 00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:12,803 -Oh, wait, the wall is jiggling. -That must be it. 677 00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:15,473 And there's a bag. 678 00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:20,478 Found it. 679 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,855 Good. I'll come by and pick it up tomorrow. 680 00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:26,776 Joel, there must be at least $2,000 here. 681 00:25:26,817 --> 00:25:29,362 They're crazy, Midge. My parents are crazy. 682 00:25:29,403 --> 00:25:31,656 I-I know, but at least it skipped a generation. 683 00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:33,366 I think that's probably all they stashed there. 684 00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:35,368 They probably got nervous about the noise the blade made. 685 00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,036 One of the hazards of secretly using power tools 686 00:25:37,078 --> 00:25:38,204 in someone else's house. 687 00:25:38,246 --> 00:25:40,623 -Kiss the kids for me? -Okay. 688 00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:41,999 -And hug them? -Of course. 689 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,167 And tell them I'll always love them? 690 00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:44,543 Joel, are you dying? 691 00:25:44,585 --> 00:25:46,379 I've got to dig into Aunt Golda's sub-basement tomorrow 692 00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:48,214 and there could be a Komodo dragon guarding it. 693 00:25:48,256 --> 00:25:51,092 -Just get some sleep? -I probably won't. Good night. 694 00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:53,761 Good night. 695 00:25:53,803 --> 00:25:56,264 DORA: I've never drawn a nude man before. 696 00:25:56,305 --> 00:25:57,932 MILLY: I've never seen a nude man before. 697 00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,600 Drawing a man's genitals is not easy. 698 00:25:59,642 --> 00:26:00,893 Or appetizing. 699 00:26:00,935 --> 00:26:02,853 Did you draw a face on his penis? 700 00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:04,814 -No. -It's smiling. 701 00:26:04,855 --> 00:26:07,650 -I draw what I see. -Rose, let's see yours. 702 00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:09,652 Oh, I completely skipped the down-there part. 703 00:26:09,694 --> 00:26:11,195 It made me very uncomfortable. 704 00:26:11,237 --> 00:26:13,447 -Even though it was smiling? -It's not smiling. 705 00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:15,408 I wouldn't submit that for your master's thesis, Milly. 706 00:26:15,449 --> 00:26:17,660 A master's degree, that sounds so important. 707 00:26:17,702 --> 00:26:19,662 -Are you all on that path? -Pretty much. 708 00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:21,706 My, I can't even imagine. 709 00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:24,583 And once you have your master's, what do you do with it? 710 00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:27,295 -Pardon? -I mean, it's so audacious, a master's. 711 00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:28,504 You're learning so much. 712 00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:30,548 What are you going to do with all that knowledge? 713 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:33,009 -What is she talking about? -What do you do once you graduate? 714 00:26:33,050 --> 00:26:35,011 There's a lot of things we can do. Teach. 715 00:26:35,052 --> 00:26:39,056 -Oh, yes, teach. Where? -Here, I guess. 716 00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:41,142 But none of the teachers here are women. 717 00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:42,601 They all seem to be men. 718 00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:45,855 -I guess a lot of them are men. -I think all of them are men. 719 00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:47,106 I never put that together. 720 00:26:47,148 --> 00:26:49,900 Some of us want to be artists. I want to be an artist. 721 00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:53,321 But there are really no lady artists, not in the States. 722 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:56,115 I knew a couple back in the day in Paris. 723 00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:58,492 One quit, no one knows where she is today. 724 00:26:58,534 --> 00:27:00,119 The other one killed herself. 725 00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:02,163 Mainly because no one would buy art from a girl. 726 00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,998 She tried calling herself Bertrum and wearing a bowler, 727 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,291 but it didn't work. 728 00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:07,418 You don't like your sandwich? 729 00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:08,836 I'm not hungry anymore. 730 00:27:08,878 --> 00:27:10,963 Some of you are doing this to find a husband, I assume? 731 00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:12,673 That's why my daughter went to college. 732 00:27:12,715 --> 00:27:15,217 Oh, sure, she wanted to make friends and take classes, 733 00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:18,596 but her real goal was to meet a man, and she met one. 734 00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:21,098 Then he dumped her, so she's working a low-level job 735 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,142 because all she had was a degree in Russian literature, 736 00:27:23,184 --> 00:27:24,435 but not a master's. 737 00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:27,480 I mean, it would be nice to meet a man. 738 00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:28,856 Yeah, I guess. 739 00:27:28,898 --> 00:27:32,068 Well, if you want to meet a man, this is not the place to do it. 740 00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:37,031 The art department, mm-mm. The whole building, nope. 741 00:27:37,073 --> 00:27:38,908 Now, the business school, that's the place. 742 00:27:38,949 --> 00:27:40,826 Lots of choices and they're all studying something 743 00:27:40,868 --> 00:27:44,330 with real potential. 744 00:27:44,372 --> 00:27:46,999 I hope you don't mind the thoughts of an older woman. 745 00:27:47,041 --> 00:27:48,834 I'm just very new at all this. 746 00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:50,920 Not at all. 747 00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:52,963 Yes, thank you, Rose. 748 00:27:57,134 --> 00:27:59,887 SUSIE: Mmm. This place has the best pastrami, right? 749 00:27:59,929 --> 00:28:01,806 -See you, Susie. -Yeah, see you, Louie. 750 00:28:01,847 --> 00:28:03,474 I don't know, Katz's is pretty good. 751 00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:05,559 Mm, I like Katz's for their corned beef. 752 00:28:05,601 --> 00:28:08,604 -Hey, Susie, call me tomorrow. -Actually, Mel, can you call me? 753 00:28:08,646 --> 00:28:10,106 -Why? -Just do it. 754 00:28:10,147 --> 00:28:12,983 -Whatever. -Mm, Greengrass for the lox. 755 00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:14,485 I grew up on Barney Greengrass. 756 00:28:14,527 --> 00:28:16,362 Don't tell me about Barney Greengrass. 757 00:28:16,404 --> 00:28:18,864 -Maybe the matzo ball soup. -FRED: Hey, Susie. 758 00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:20,699 That thing you did? That was real shitty. 759 00:28:20,741 --> 00:28:22,410 That's the joy of not giving a shit, Freddy. 760 00:28:22,451 --> 00:28:24,078 You're just asking for reciprocation. 761 00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:26,288 -I'm asking you to sit down. -Don't tell me to sit down! 762 00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:28,582 -Fuck you and your reciprocation and your two-dollar suits. -No, no, fuck you... 763 00:28:28,624 --> 00:28:30,418 -You throw your weight around. -And fuck your mother at the same time. 764 00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:32,128 -You're nothing. You're a nobody. -Just crawl back up her pussy 765 00:28:32,169 --> 00:28:34,296 -and shut the fuck up. -Eat shit and die! 766 00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:35,881 Nice guy, I'll introduce you later. 767 00:28:35,923 --> 00:28:38,717 He seemed very personable. 768 00:28:38,759 --> 00:28:40,511 -Shit. -What? 769 00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:42,263 You're not gonna believe who else is here. 770 00:28:42,304 --> 00:28:43,639 -Who? Who? -Harry Drake. 771 00:28:43,681 --> 00:28:45,558 -SUSIE: Harry Drake. -MIDGE: Did he see us? 772 00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:47,017 He sees us now. 773 00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:49,103 He's coming over. Should I scream? 774 00:28:49,145 --> 00:28:51,313 -Why, are you having an orgasm? -He threatened you, Susie. 775 00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:54,442 -Hello, Midge, Susie. -Hey, Harry, nice to see you. 776 00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:55,860 How're you liking this weather? 777 00:28:55,901 --> 00:28:57,570 "Spring is sprung, the grass is riz..." 778 00:28:57,611 --> 00:28:59,029 "I wonder where the birdie is..." 779 00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,948 Not that any of us get outside much. 780 00:29:00,990 --> 00:29:03,242 -Just enough to hop in a taxi. -Lunch sometime? 781 00:29:03,284 --> 00:29:04,660 -Name the day. -My treat. 782 00:29:04,702 --> 00:29:05,703 Yup. See you. 783 00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:08,622 -What the fuck? -What? 784 00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:10,875 When did you make up with Harry Drake? 785 00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:12,001 I didn't. 786 00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:14,003 -Then what was that? -That was showbiz. 787 00:29:14,044 --> 00:29:16,088 He's been threatening you with violence. 788 00:29:16,130 --> 00:29:18,048 That's showbiz, too. 789 00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,509 Oh, look who Harry's with now. That's Billy Jay. 790 00:29:20,551 --> 00:29:21,969 He books the Upstairs at the Downstairs. 791 00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:23,596 I'd give my right nut to get you in there. 792 00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:25,264 Yeah, that's on 56th. 793 00:29:25,306 --> 00:29:27,516 That's 30 blocks above our last one. 794 00:29:27,558 --> 00:29:29,977 SUSIE: Billy Jay. He never comes in here. Crap. 795 00:29:30,019 --> 00:29:31,770 Go talk to him. 796 00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:35,065 You don't just talk to Billy Jay, you need an in. 797 00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:36,734 Luckily, I got one. 798 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,652 Yeah? What? 799 00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:42,323 His eye for the ladies. Hmm? (clicks tongue) 800 00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:44,617 -Are you having a stroke? -Get over there and do your thing. 801 00:29:44,658 --> 00:29:46,744 -What thing? -The guy's a dog. 802 00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:48,746 He'd fuck a corpse if it was less than six hours old. 803 00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,080 Are you kidding me? 804 00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:52,166 I'm not gonna go over there and make this guy think 805 00:29:52,208 --> 00:29:53,918 I'm gonna sleep with him if he books me. 806 00:29:53,959 --> 00:29:55,836 Why not? You have those weapons. 807 00:29:55,878 --> 00:29:58,631 -So do you. -No, these are self-destructive. 808 00:29:58,672 --> 00:29:59,798 I wouldn't do something like that. 809 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,217 Come on, you told me all about 810 00:30:01,258 --> 00:30:02,843 how you practically slept with a priest 811 00:30:02,885 --> 00:30:04,720 so he'd give your friend some pigs in a blanket 812 00:30:04,762 --> 00:30:06,388 for her wedding, but you're not gonna do this? 813 00:30:06,430 --> 00:30:09,058 That was just sweet talk. It happened in the moment. 814 00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:11,560 Oh, so you're just against being a premeditated slut. 815 00:30:11,602 --> 00:30:14,063 You're fine being a spontaneous slut. 816 00:30:14,104 --> 00:30:16,148 I'm not sidling up to Billy Jay. 817 00:30:16,190 --> 00:30:18,692 Okay. Don't. 818 00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:21,612 But we do have to make some money at some point. 819 00:30:21,654 --> 00:30:23,572 -You understand that, right? -Yes, I understand that. 820 00:30:23,614 --> 00:30:26,242 -Like, now. -Don't worry about me, I'm fine. 821 00:30:26,283 --> 00:30:29,954 Oh, are you, Princess? You hanging in there? 822 00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:32,873 Is life okay in your 18-room apartment on the Upper West Side 823 00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:35,000 with your doorman and your maid and your childcare 824 00:30:35,042 --> 00:30:36,710 and your bottomless closet? 825 00:30:36,752 --> 00:30:39,713 Oh, I forgot to tell you, I found $2,000 in my closet. 826 00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,131 (quietly): This is what I'm talking about. 827 00:30:41,173 --> 00:30:43,759 I'm not gonna find $2,000 in my closet. 828 00:30:43,801 --> 00:30:46,804 Think about my life for a moment. I'm broke. 829 00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:50,140 I'm working less at the Gaslight so I'm falling further behind. 830 00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:51,475 I'm begging people to call me 831 00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:53,310 'cause I can't afford to call them. 832 00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,646 I am picking up half-eaten apples out of trash cans 833 00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:57,731 at the Port Authority. It's getting dire here. 834 00:30:57,773 --> 00:30:59,900 Then I'll pay your phone bill. How about that? 835 00:30:59,942 --> 00:31:01,110 It's 46 bucks. 836 00:31:01,151 --> 00:31:03,904 Oh. That I would have to borrow from my father. 837 00:31:03,946 --> 00:31:05,447 Yeah, from the father that doesn't have any idea 838 00:31:05,489 --> 00:31:07,157 why you'd be paying the phone bill of a friend 839 00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:08,826 that he's never met that you're not even supposed to know. 840 00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:09,827 Great plan. 841 00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,412 You know, 842 00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:13,247 don't worry about me, I'll be fine. 843 00:31:13,289 --> 00:31:16,250 I get it. Okay? I-I'm lucky. 844 00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:18,836 I have a support system, you don't. I'm sorry. 845 00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:21,297 Don't be sorry. Forget I said anything. 846 00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:23,257 No, Susie, it's good for me to know. 847 00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:24,800 A manager doesn't go to her client 848 00:31:24,842 --> 00:31:26,135 saying she's worried about money. 849 00:31:26,176 --> 00:31:28,596 She goes out and she gets money. 850 00:31:28,637 --> 00:31:30,431 I take on the burdens. You're the artist. 851 00:31:30,472 --> 00:31:31,932 -Your thing's harder. -WAITRESS: Thank you. 852 00:31:31,974 --> 00:31:33,517 We're both trying something hard. 853 00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:35,019 Yeah. 854 00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:37,521 I'm getting this. 855 00:31:37,563 --> 00:31:41,358 I'm not arguing. 856 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,028 VIVIAN: Oh, my God. 857 00:31:44,069 --> 00:31:45,863 I was crying my eyes out. I couldn't believe it. 858 00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:47,364 And then when the priest said, 859 00:31:47,406 --> 00:31:49,408 "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" 860 00:31:49,450 --> 00:31:50,618 and she said, "I do." 861 00:31:50,659 --> 00:31:52,202 It was a cliffhanger until then. 862 00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:53,662 It was so magical. 863 00:31:53,704 --> 00:31:55,873 -It was perfect. -It was perfect. 864 00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:57,666 Oh, these flowers are beautiful. 865 00:31:57,708 --> 00:31:59,335 Church kept them from a funeral last week. 866 00:31:59,376 --> 00:32:00,669 Some guy named Horace. 867 00:32:00,711 --> 00:32:02,129 He was well-liked by those who enjoy 868 00:32:02,171 --> 00:32:03,339 expressing themselves florally. 869 00:32:03,380 --> 00:32:04,882 Let's raise a glass. 870 00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:08,844 Horace, you were gone too soon, but right on time. 871 00:32:08,886 --> 00:32:10,846 -Here's to Horace. -To Horace! 872 00:32:10,888 --> 00:32:12,598 (laughter) 873 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,018 Oh, boy, cheap champagne works fast. 874 00:32:16,060 --> 00:32:17,770 -(glass clinking) -Excuse me, everybody. 875 00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:20,481 If I could just grab your attention for a minute or so. 876 00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,566 -Yay, Daddy's gonna speak. -Whoo-hoo! 877 00:32:22,608 --> 00:32:24,818 -Go, Brian! -All right! -More Brian! 878 00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:26,236 (applause) 879 00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:28,280 Eh, don't get your hopes up here. 880 00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:29,698 (laughter) 881 00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:30,991 I'm not much of a public speaker. 882 00:32:31,033 --> 00:32:32,743 I lay bricks, like my father did. 883 00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:35,871 -A speech for me is saying "Ouch." -(laughter) 884 00:32:35,913 --> 00:32:37,915 But I just wanted to get up here and thank you 885 00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:39,917 for coming to celebrate our daughter's wedding with us. 886 00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,919 There's a lot of emotion on a day like today, 887 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,881 but I just wanted to say, Mary, you're the best. 888 00:32:45,923 --> 00:32:47,841 I love you, sweetie. 889 00:32:47,883 --> 00:32:50,469 And Bill, we couldn't ask for a better son-in-law. 890 00:32:50,511 --> 00:32:52,554 Here's to you both. 891 00:32:52,596 --> 00:32:54,139 May you be as happy as Jean and I have been 892 00:32:54,181 --> 00:32:56,392 for all these 30-odd years. 893 00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:59,937 -To Mary and Bill. -ALL: To Mary and Bill. 894 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,438 So pardon the interruption. 895 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,148 I'll let you get back to your champagne 896 00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:05,776 and these fantastic appetizers. 897 00:33:05,818 --> 00:33:08,112 And let's all have fun. 898 00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:09,947 (applause) 899 00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,699 Whoo! 900 00:33:11,740 --> 00:33:13,534 Thank you, Daddy. I love you. 901 00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:17,121 And for all those enjoying the appetizers, the flowers, 902 00:33:17,162 --> 00:33:19,707 this wonderful room, it's all courtesy 903 00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:23,168 of my brilliant B. Altman friend, Midge Maisel. 904 00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:25,295 This wouldn't have happened without her. 905 00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:28,298 -Thank you, Midge. -(applause) 906 00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,926 Oh, gosh. Thank you. 907 00:33:30,968 --> 00:33:32,678 I was happy to do it. 908 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,639 Really, thank you. 909 00:33:39,643 --> 00:33:42,896 Now I say we raise a glass to Mary's daddy. 910 00:33:42,938 --> 00:33:44,648 Didn't he do a great job, guys? 911 00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:46,734 Even got a couple of solid laughs. 912 00:33:46,775 --> 00:33:49,153 Yeah. To Daddy. Cheers. 913 00:33:49,194 --> 00:33:50,529 ALL: Cheers! 914 00:33:50,571 --> 00:33:52,197 MIDGE: That was a tight one minute, Brian. 915 00:33:52,239 --> 00:33:54,366 -You're ready for Jack Paar. -(laughter) 916 00:33:54,408 --> 00:33:55,743 Yeah, I don't know about that. 917 00:33:55,784 --> 00:33:58,620 And the ceremony was lovely. 918 00:33:58,662 --> 00:34:04,293 Mary was gorgeous, and Bill was... sweaty. 919 00:34:04,334 --> 00:34:05,711 (laughter) 920 00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,379 No, no, no, you're pretty, too, Bill. 921 00:34:07,421 --> 00:34:09,631 But if anyone brought a set of towels as a gift, 922 00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:11,425 that would've been a good time to hand them over. 923 00:34:12,968 --> 00:34:14,928 She's the funniest girl in the world. 924 00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:16,555 Don't oversell me there, Viv. 925 00:34:16,597 --> 00:34:19,266 Hey, can you all see me okay? 926 00:34:19,308 --> 00:34:22,686 Oh, okay. Ah, there we go. 927 00:34:22,728 --> 00:34:26,273 I see a few maiden aunts, 928 00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:28,192 I see a few drunk uncles. 929 00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:30,944 And of course, there's Father O'Brien. 930 00:34:30,986 --> 00:34:35,741 A good man, a pious man, a handsome man. 931 00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:37,534 And whatever you heard, people, I did not 932 00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:40,078 -schtup Father O'Brien. -(people gasp) 933 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,456 I don't think God would look too kindly on that. 934 00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:46,084 The lightning bolt would be the size of Florida, right, Father? 935 00:34:46,126 --> 00:34:48,378 A-And if a priest is gonna have sex, I think God would 936 00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:50,380 prefer it wasn't with a Jew. 937 00:34:50,422 --> 00:34:54,134 That's like putting mayonnaise on a bialy, you don't do it. 938 00:34:54,176 --> 00:34:57,012 Uh... okay. Um... 939 00:34:57,054 --> 00:35:00,015 I-I always think a lot about sex at weddings. 940 00:35:00,057 --> 00:35:03,811 And it makes sense. Everyone's dolled up, drinking booze, 941 00:35:03,852 --> 00:35:05,979 we're happy, we're dancing. 942 00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,857 Even Brian here's talking about laying bricks. 943 00:35:08,899 --> 00:35:11,318 No amount of lubrication's gonna help you there. 944 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:12,986 Talk about "Ouch." 945 00:35:13,028 --> 00:35:14,279 (people gasping) 946 00:35:15,906 --> 00:35:19,701 And-and then there's Mary and Bill. 947 00:35:19,743 --> 00:35:22,371 They are perfect together, aren't they? 948 00:35:22,412 --> 00:35:24,289 And talk about love at first sight. 949 00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:26,458 I mean, they met in November, and here they are 950 00:35:26,500 --> 00:35:27,960 three months later, getting hitched. 951 00:35:28,001 --> 00:35:31,421 What do we got here, kids? A shotgun wedding? 952 00:35:36,301 --> 00:35:37,845 I am so sorry, honey. 953 00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:39,680 I am in shock, I'm in absolute shock. 954 00:35:39,721 --> 00:35:42,224 I didn't know you were gonna throw it to me like that. 955 00:35:42,266 --> 00:35:43,684 I didn't throw it to you, Midge. 956 00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:45,561 I thanked you for the rumaki. 957 00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:47,145 Guess I sort of misread the audience. 958 00:35:47,187 --> 00:35:49,481 -No shit. -Mary, we're in church. 959 00:35:49,523 --> 00:35:51,483 -I can't go back down there. -HARRIET: You have to go back down. 960 00:35:51,525 --> 00:35:53,318 Mary, it was a mistake, you have to believe me. 961 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,736 I mean, there's no way I could possibly 962 00:35:54,778 --> 00:35:56,113 have known you were pregnant. 963 00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:58,156 I've known him three months, Midge. 964 00:35:58,198 --> 00:35:59,867 Why the hell do you think I'm getting married 965 00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:01,702 three months after meeting him? 966 00:36:01,743 --> 00:36:05,581 Wow, well, guess I didn't know you were that big a slut. 967 00:36:05,622 --> 00:36:07,749 Joke. That was a joke. 968 00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:09,710 What happened to humor, huh? 969 00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:12,796 It-- this isn't a funeral, it's the happiest day of your life. 970 00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:14,631 (Mary blows nose) 971 00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:16,133 Oh, and congratulations on the baby. 972 00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:18,302 (sobbing) 973 00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:30,939 What are you doing here? 974 00:36:30,981 --> 00:36:32,357 I think I'm in trouble. 975 00:36:32,399 --> 00:36:33,609 What are you doing here? 976 00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:36,862 I got a note to come speak to Simon. 977 00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:40,532 Simon, it's Abe Weissman. 978 00:36:40,574 --> 00:36:43,285 SIMON: Come on in, Abe. 979 00:36:43,327 --> 00:36:46,079 -Thank you for coming by. -Yes. Um, 980 00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:49,249 what is my wife doing out there? 981 00:36:49,291 --> 00:36:51,376 This is a little embarrassing, Abe. 982 00:36:51,418 --> 00:36:55,964 I mean, I've known Rose socially for what, 20 years? 983 00:36:56,006 --> 00:36:58,926 (sighs) "Unusual" is the word for it. 984 00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:00,719 What's unusual? What's the issue? 985 00:37:00,761 --> 00:37:02,596 Well... (sighs) 986 00:37:02,638 --> 00:37:04,264 Rose has been very disruptive. 987 00:37:04,306 --> 00:37:06,767 (chuckles): Disruptive how? 988 00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:09,061 All I know is she spoke to a group of girls 989 00:37:09,102 --> 00:37:10,479 at a gathering here on campus, 990 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,898 and now half of them want to quit, 991 00:37:12,940 --> 00:37:14,274 and the other half are demanding 992 00:37:14,316 --> 00:37:15,734 to be transferred to the business school. 993 00:37:15,776 --> 00:37:17,486 And just about all of them were crying. 994 00:37:17,527 --> 00:37:19,613 Well, that must be a coincidence. 995 00:37:19,655 --> 00:37:21,156 -No, I don't think so. -(bell tolling) 996 00:37:21,198 --> 00:37:23,992 She's disillusioned them about the art department. 997 00:37:24,034 --> 00:37:27,704 So she can no longer audit these classes, I'm sorry. 998 00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:30,832 No. 999 00:37:30,874 --> 00:37:32,668 -No. -Pardon me? 1000 00:37:32,709 --> 00:37:36,505 No. Sorry, she's not stopping. 1001 00:37:36,546 --> 00:37:38,465 -Abe... -Simon, let me be clear. 1002 00:37:38,507 --> 00:37:40,467 I would love her to quit. 1003 00:37:40,509 --> 00:37:42,260 I don't like walking into a room, 1004 00:37:42,302 --> 00:37:45,180 and my wife is there staring at some young guy's schlong... 1005 00:37:45,222 --> 00:37:47,140 -Abe, your language. -But you don't understand 1006 00:37:47,182 --> 00:37:48,558 what we've been through. 1007 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,143 If she doesn't get to do this, 1008 00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:51,687 she'll go back to Paris, 1009 00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:54,189 and Paris is chock-full of schlongs. 1010 00:37:54,231 --> 00:37:55,732 French schlongs. 1011 00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,192 This would be very bad for me. 1012 00:37:57,234 --> 00:37:59,569 I'm afraid this isn't your call, Abe. 1013 00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:00,904 Rose! 1014 00:38:00,946 --> 00:38:02,990 -Rose... -Abe... 1015 00:38:03,031 --> 00:38:05,826 Will you come in here, please? 1016 00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:09,371 Rose, these girls, you talked to them. 1017 00:38:09,413 --> 00:38:11,957 -What did you do? -Nothing. 1018 00:38:11,999 --> 00:38:13,208 We've got to clear this up. 1019 00:38:13,250 --> 00:38:15,043 Now, tell me, what did you say? 1020 00:38:15,085 --> 00:38:16,503 All I did was I asked the girls 1021 00:38:16,545 --> 00:38:18,005 why they were getting an education, 1022 00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:19,756 and why they were in this particular class. 1023 00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:21,425 And a few of them talked about being teachers, 1024 00:38:21,466 --> 00:38:24,344 and I pointed out that I didn't see any female teachers 1025 00:38:24,386 --> 00:38:26,346 in the art department. 1026 00:38:26,388 --> 00:38:31,560 Okay, now, see, that was... 1027 00:38:31,601 --> 00:38:33,895 Actually, that was right. 1028 00:38:33,937 --> 00:38:36,690 We don't have any female art teachers here, do we? 1029 00:38:36,732 --> 00:38:39,109 Well, I'd have to check. 1030 00:38:39,151 --> 00:38:41,194 Exactly. So I said, "What's the point?" 1031 00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:43,488 Well, it does seem a little pointless. 1032 00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:45,282 And a few others talked about being artists, 1033 00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,826 and I pointed out that I didn't know many female artists. 1034 00:38:47,868 --> 00:38:50,495 I-I've known a couple. One died. 1035 00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,998 ABE: The one in the hat. Bertrum. 1036 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,042 And the other gave up. 1037 00:38:55,083 --> 00:38:57,002 I remember you telling me about that. 1038 00:38:57,044 --> 00:38:59,212 You've got to admit that's not a good track record. 1039 00:38:59,254 --> 00:39:00,922 Eight girls are asking to be transferred 1040 00:39:00,964 --> 00:39:02,549 to the business school. 1041 00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:04,426 Yes, because there are so many handsome men over there. 1042 00:39:04,468 --> 00:39:07,012 Ooh, the men in the business school are very handsome. 1043 00:39:07,054 --> 00:39:08,472 But you understand that we count on these ladies' 1044 00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:10,307 tuition payments to keep the place running. 1045 00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:12,184 Yes, but you're just taking their money 1046 00:39:12,225 --> 00:39:14,770 and not giving them anything in return. 1047 00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:16,063 Where are they going to go? 1048 00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:17,731 They can't all work at B. Altman. 1049 00:39:17,773 --> 00:39:19,900 She's right. B. Altman, I've seen it. 1050 00:39:19,941 --> 00:39:21,485 They already have a lot of girls working there. 1051 00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:23,570 You know, when I went to school, different things 1052 00:39:23,612 --> 00:39:24,946 were expected of women. 1053 00:39:24,988 --> 00:39:26,490 I was just getting their points of view 1054 00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:28,116 on why they were doing this. 1055 00:39:28,158 --> 00:39:30,243 -Sounds very reasonable. -Mm-hmm. 1056 00:39:30,285 --> 00:39:32,996 You know, basically, I think I'm on her side. 1057 00:39:33,038 --> 00:39:34,247 And you must be, too. 1058 00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:36,083 We're all on the same page, right? 1059 00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:37,334 -Abe... -And I don't see a reason 1060 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,668 for her not to stay. 1061 00:39:38,710 --> 00:39:41,171 Oh, really? That's wonderful. 1062 00:39:41,213 --> 00:39:43,215 The only thing for me is I don't want her looking 1063 00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:44,633 at a naked penis ever again. 1064 00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:46,218 Oh, I'd rather not look at that either. 1065 00:39:46,259 --> 00:39:49,596 I think a fig leaf could be a very tasteful way 1066 00:39:49,638 --> 00:39:50,889 to solve the problem. 1067 00:39:50,931 --> 00:39:52,641 If you would pass that along, Simon... 1068 00:39:52,682 --> 00:39:55,227 Okay. So, basically, 1069 00:39:55,268 --> 00:39:57,395 we're on the same side about everything 1070 00:39:57,437 --> 00:39:59,731 and in complete agreement, yes? 1071 00:39:59,773 --> 00:40:01,483 Good? Are we done? 1072 00:40:01,525 --> 00:40:03,777 Sure. 1073 00:40:03,819 --> 00:40:05,278 Thank you. 1074 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:06,530 You want to get some lunch? 1075 00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:08,949 -Faculty lounge? -Yeah, let's do it. 1076 00:40:11,284 --> 00:40:13,203 This has been a very good meeting, Simon. 1077 00:40:13,245 --> 00:40:14,538 Thank you. 1078 00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:17,124 (door closes) 1079 00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:18,792 I've totally lost my societal filter. 1080 00:40:18,834 --> 00:40:19,918 SUSIE (on phone): Your what? 1081 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,336 I don't know how to speak 1082 00:40:21,378 --> 00:40:23,588 in front of normal, everyday people anymore. 1083 00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,423 What, like you don't know what to say to your neighbors? 1084 00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,092 -They're not worth it. -No, Susie, 1085 00:40:27,134 --> 00:40:29,594 I've completely forgotten where the fucking line is. 1086 00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,930 Geez, listen to me. I said "the fucking line." 1087 00:40:31,972 --> 00:40:33,348 I hardly ever said the F-word before, 1088 00:40:33,390 --> 00:40:34,850 and now it just slides out of my mouth. 1089 00:40:34,891 --> 00:40:36,518 I mean, what the fuck?! 1090 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,645 You tried washing your mouth out with fancy pink soap? 1091 00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:40,480 -(laughter, shouting) -What is that? 1092 00:40:40,522 --> 00:40:42,649 -What is that noise? -Oh, it's Luigi TV. 1093 00:40:42,691 --> 00:40:44,359 It's what? 1094 00:40:44,401 --> 00:40:46,194 One of the kids here, little Luigi, 1095 00:40:46,236 --> 00:40:48,071 stands outside the window, puts on a little show 1096 00:40:48,113 --> 00:40:49,739 for everyone, like he's on TV. 1097 00:40:49,781 --> 00:40:52,701 His domestic comedy's on now. It's pretty funny. 1098 00:40:52,742 --> 00:40:54,953 Oh, wait, commercial break. Go on. 1099 00:40:54,995 --> 00:40:57,122 I mean, I spoke at my wedding, and the worst thing I said 1100 00:40:57,164 --> 00:40:58,582 was "shrimp in the eggrolls." 1101 00:40:58,623 --> 00:41:00,041 Guess you had to be there. 1102 00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:03,003 So, tonight, the gig is at 7:00. 1103 00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,254 Is it really, or is it at 8:00 1104 00:41:04,296 --> 00:41:06,214 and you're telling me 7:00 so I'll be on time? 1105 00:41:06,256 --> 00:41:07,716 Just be there at 7:00. 1106 00:41:07,757 --> 00:41:10,343 Okay, I'll be there at fucking 7:00. 1107 00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:12,220 I just have to make a quick stop before. 1108 00:41:12,262 --> 00:41:14,472 Just don't get distracted by whatever the stop is. 1109 00:41:14,514 --> 00:41:15,807 I won't, I promise. 1110 00:41:15,849 --> 00:41:17,142 Okay, later. 1111 00:41:17,184 --> 00:41:20,145 (laughter) 1112 00:41:20,187 --> 00:41:23,481 (indistinct chatter) 1113 00:41:54,137 --> 00:41:56,723 (mutters) 1114 00:41:56,765 --> 00:41:58,934 -MIDGE: Boo. -Oh, God. 1115 00:41:58,975 --> 00:42:00,352 Didn't mean to scare you. 1116 00:42:00,393 --> 00:42:02,812 No, it's good. You restarted my heart. 1117 00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:04,856 I think it flat out gave up. 1118 00:42:04,898 --> 00:42:08,151 So, am I crying, or is that just on the inside? 1119 00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:11,571 Mostly inside. Here. 1120 00:42:11,613 --> 00:42:13,907 Yup, $2,000. 1121 00:42:13,949 --> 00:42:17,702 -2,135, for the record. -Thanks. 1122 00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:20,205 So that's the famous treasure map, huh? 1123 00:42:20,247 --> 00:42:23,250 One of 'em. It's a surreal masterpiece. 1124 00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:25,377 Salvador Dali's got nothing on Ma. 1125 00:42:25,418 --> 00:42:27,462 Look, two norths. 1126 00:42:27,504 --> 00:42:29,464 Which "X" were you looking for? 1127 00:42:29,506 --> 00:42:32,300 That one. 1128 00:42:32,342 --> 00:42:34,261 That's not here. 1129 00:42:34,302 --> 00:42:36,972 That's deeper in the building. 1130 00:42:51,695 --> 00:42:57,367 So, according to this, it should be right... here. 1131 00:42:57,409 --> 00:42:59,494 -Wait. -(stomps floor) 1132 00:42:59,536 --> 00:43:02,455 You have a saw or some dynamite? 1133 00:43:02,497 --> 00:43:03,581 JOEL: I found it. 1134 00:43:03,623 --> 00:43:05,834 The money? 1135 00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:09,587 My place. 1136 00:43:13,174 --> 00:43:17,262 ♪ Well, I guess I'll have to change my plan ♪ 1137 00:43:17,304 --> 00:43:20,974 ♪ I should have realized I'd lose my favorite man ♪ 1138 00:43:21,016 --> 00:43:22,976 (overlapping chatter) 1139 00:43:23,018 --> 00:43:26,479 ♪ I overlooked that point completely... ♪ 1140 00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:29,190 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 1141 00:43:29,232 --> 00:43:31,484 -I will connect you. -Midge, what happened? 1142 00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:33,236 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 1143 00:43:33,278 --> 00:43:35,071 What are you doing down here? You were in the coat room, 1144 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,532 -so close to the show. -I will connect you. 1145 00:43:37,574 --> 00:43:39,868 -Midge! -♪ I tried to reach the moon... ♪ 1146 00:43:39,909 --> 00:43:42,620 Thank you for shopping B. Altman. 1147 00:43:42,662 --> 00:43:44,706 Okay, thank you. 1148 00:43:44,748 --> 00:43:47,500 Psst! 1149 00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,711 (louder): Psst! 1150 00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:58,928 Mary, please. I'm sorry, please forgive me. 1151 00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:00,847 I-I'm not suitable to be out in public anymore. 1152 00:44:00,889 --> 00:44:02,265 I wish I'd known that before your reception, 1153 00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:03,725 but better late than never. 1154 00:44:03,767 --> 00:44:05,935 I'm sorry. Please, what can I say 1155 00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:09,022 to get you to forgive me? Tell me what I can say. 1156 00:44:09,064 --> 00:44:12,859 Never leave the booth. 1157 00:44:15,070 --> 00:44:17,655 -♪ I've lost the one man... ♪ -Drag. 1158 00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:20,283 (overlapping chatter continues) 1159 00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:22,952 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 1160 00:44:22,994 --> 00:44:24,037 I will connect you. 1161 00:44:24,079 --> 00:44:26,664 ♪ I've lost the one man. ♪ 1162 00:44:26,706 --> 00:44:30,085 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 1163 00:44:30,126 --> 00:44:32,295 I will connect you. 1164 00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:35,507 (overlapping chatter continues) 1165 00:44:35,548 --> 00:44:37,175 Your Charley Patton? 1166 00:44:37,217 --> 00:44:38,885 Why are you selling your Charley Patton? 1167 00:44:38,927 --> 00:44:40,637 'Cause I need the money, genius. 1168 00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:43,598 -It's kind of rare. -Don't rub it in. 1169 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,892 Could you hurry it up, guys? I got stuff to do. 1170 00:44:45,934 --> 00:44:48,311 Look, we pride ourselves on our quality control, 1171 00:44:48,353 --> 00:44:50,313 so we go over everything with a fine-tooth comb. 1172 00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:51,981 I just hope it's not the one you use 1173 00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:53,733 to rake the crabs out of your pubes. 1174 00:44:53,775 --> 00:44:57,278 It's not. "Cornet Chop Suey." No way. 1175 00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,864 OZ: First pressing, too. 1176 00:44:59,906 --> 00:45:03,243 It's so perfect I could cry. 1177 00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:04,869 MAN (on record): This recording is brought to you 1178 00:45:04,911 --> 00:45:06,955 by the guys at Music Inn. 1179 00:45:06,996 --> 00:45:08,706 MIDGE (on record): So this is it, huh? 1180 00:45:08,748 --> 00:45:10,667 -This is the dream. -(record skips) 1181 00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:13,211 So, my life completely fell apart today. 1182 00:45:13,253 --> 00:45:15,338 Did I mention that my husband left me? 1183 00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:18,216 -MAN: Whoo-hoo! -MIDGE: Okay. All right. 1184 00:45:18,258 --> 00:45:20,927 But did I mention that he left me for his secretary? 1185 00:45:20,969 --> 00:45:22,345 (scattered groans) 1186 00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:24,681 She's 21, and dumb as a Brillo pad. 1187 00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:26,099 And I'm not naive. 1188 00:45:26,141 --> 00:45:28,309 I know that men like stupid girls, right? 1189 00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:30,437 But I thought Joel wanted more than stupid. 1190 00:45:30,478 --> 00:45:32,105 I thought he wanted spontaneity. 1191 00:45:32,147 --> 00:45:34,649 And I'm sorry, but look at me. 1192 00:45:34,691 --> 00:45:37,777 I am the same size now that I was at my wedding. 1193 00:45:37,819 --> 00:45:39,654 And come on, who wouldn't want to come home 1194 00:45:39,696 --> 00:45:41,281 to this every night? 1195 00:45:41,322 --> 00:45:42,532 What the fuck? 1196 00:45:42,574 --> 00:45:44,284 Hey, this is my client! 1197 00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:46,244 How many of these have you sold?! 1198 00:45:46,286 --> 00:45:48,329 Don't you run from me. Don't you... 1199 00:45:48,371 --> 00:45:52,125 Hey, don't you run from me, motherfuckers! 1200 00:45:52,167 --> 00:45:54,169 ♪ ♪ 1201 00:46:00,967 --> 00:46:03,136 ♪ Hi! Nice to see ya ♪ 1202 00:46:03,178 --> 00:46:06,764 ♪ C'mon in, c'mon in, sorry the place is a mess ♪ 1203 00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:09,476 ♪ Need an ashtray, drink some coffee, some coffee ♪ 1204 00:46:09,517 --> 00:46:11,686 ♪ I know you've been upset ♪ 1205 00:46:11,728 --> 00:46:14,272 ♪ What I mean is maybe part of your problem ♪ 1206 00:46:14,314 --> 00:46:16,357 ♪ Is simply you were teased ♪ 1207 00:46:16,399 --> 00:46:19,068 ♪ I know what you'd like, but the good stuff promised ♪ 1208 00:46:19,110 --> 00:46:21,237 ♪ Is hard fought and not for free ♪ 1209 00:46:21,279 --> 00:46:23,490 ♪ Get tough, don't be so patient ♪ 1210 00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,825 ♪ Get smart, head up, shoulders straight ♪ 1211 00:46:25,867 --> 00:46:28,286 ♪ Since when is it a disaster ♪ 1212 00:46:28,328 --> 00:46:30,872 ♪ If the "S" on your cape is a little frayed? ♪ 1213 00:46:30,914 --> 00:46:33,416 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1214 00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:35,877 ♪ Born to shop? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1215 00:46:35,919 --> 00:46:38,421 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1216 00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:41,341 ♪ Scream and screw? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1217 00:46:43,843 --> 00:46:46,346 ♪ Go out jumpin' with your dumplin', your dumplin' ♪ 1218 00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:48,723 ♪ Go wheelin' with your pet ♪ 1219 00:46:48,765 --> 00:46:51,100 ♪ Never worry even a bit, just a bit ♪ 1220 00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:53,436 ♪ If there're any good ones left ♪ 1221 00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:56,105 ♪ Use your credit at the boybank, the boybank ♪ 1222 00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:58,233 ♪ If those you've bounced, you've broke ♪ 1223 00:46:58,274 --> 00:47:00,860 ♪ Spit out the F-word like a shotgun, a shotgun ♪ 1224 00:47:00,902 --> 00:47:02,987 ♪ If they can't take a joke! ♪ 1225 00:47:03,029 --> 00:47:05,281 ♪ Get tough, don't be so patient ♪ 1226 00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:07,742 ♪ Get smart, head up, shoulders straight ♪ 1227 00:47:07,784 --> 00:47:10,286 ♪ Since when is it a disaster ♪ 1228 00:47:10,328 --> 00:47:12,580 ♪ If the "S" on your cape is a little frayed? ♪ 1229 00:47:12,622 --> 00:47:15,208 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1230 00:47:15,250 --> 00:47:17,961 ♪ Born to shop? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1231 00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:20,004 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1232 00:47:20,046 --> 00:47:23,049 ♪ Scream and screw? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1233 00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:28,346 ♪ Starting to see what I mean? ♪ 1234 00:47:29,806 --> 00:47:31,849 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1235 00:47:31,891 --> 00:47:35,061 ♪ Scream and screw? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1236 00:47:35,103 --> 00:47:37,772 ♪ Starting to see what I mean? ♪ 1237 00:47:37,814 --> 00:47:39,899 ♪ Sure, stop by anytime ♪ 1238 00:47:39,941 --> 00:47:42,360 ♪ Will yesterday be better? ♪ 1239 00:47:42,402 --> 00:47:44,821 ♪ I think you'll do just fine. ♪