1 00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:09,927 HARRY: Wow, what a day huh? What a day. 2 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,303 I guess. 3 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,013 Harry, why'd you call me down here? 4 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,599 Just to talk. It was a battle, you won. 5 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:16,934 Congratulations. 6 00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:19,937 -Thanks. -I mean, representing Sophie Lennon-- 7 00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:22,022 you're a real macher now, Susie. 8 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,649 You know what, forget coffee. 9 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,901 Linda, bring the champagne. The '49 Dom. 10 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,903 -We need to celebrate. -Harry, no. 11 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,572 What, '49 Dom not good enough for you? 12 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,574 -You know what I mean. -You didn't bring a lawyer. 13 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:32,783 Are there any left? 14 00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,410 I'm just surprised, that's all. 15 00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:35,953 You asked me to come down, so I came. 16 00:00:35,995 --> 00:00:37,705 I didn't know it was a whole lawyer thing. 17 00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:38,664 What, you thought I asked you here 18 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,708 -for a cheese tasting? -Mr. Drake, 19 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,001 Groucho Marx is on the line. 20 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,628 -Tell him I'll get back to him. -Yes, sir. 21 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:48,007 Look at that. Groucho waits for you. 22 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,385 You should see something. 23 00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:55,306 Now, normally I'd hand this over to your team. 24 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,600 But you didn't know this was a whole lawyer thing. 25 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,852 -What is this? -It's my contract with Sophie. 26 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,145 You knew that I had one, right? 27 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:03,230 Yes, Harry, I wasn't born yesterday. 28 00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:05,232 And that it goes for another five and a half years. 29 00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:06,233 You knew that, too, right? 30 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,611 -Yeah, I did. -Good. 31 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,614 Because for that period of time, I own everything. 32 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,574 She tells a joke, I own it. 33 00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,826 She makes a funny face, I own it. 34 00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:18,037 She cuts a fart, and someone laughs, I own it. 35 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,497 -You get me? -Yeah, I get it. 36 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,998 She cuts the cheese, you get a slice. 37 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,583 What, you think this is funny? 38 00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:24,585 No, but I do think you're just trying to scare me. 39 00:01:24,627 --> 00:01:26,337 How am I doing? 40 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,339 I've got to use the facilities. 41 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,382 Follow the signs. 42 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,346 (toilet flushes) 43 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:38,265 Five and a half years? Fuck me. 44 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,142 -(indistinct conversation) -(footsteps approaching) 45 00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:41,977 (knock on door) 46 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,773 (door rattling) 47 00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:47,566 Hey, what part of I'm in here taking a shit 48 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,068 don't you understand? 49 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,488 -Local commercials. -I beg your pardon? 50 00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:55,115 You've got her for national commercials and TV and movies 51 00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:57,117 and radio and her live act and print ads, 52 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,161 and for some reason, any event featuring a live animal, 53 00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,622 but you do not have her for local commercials. 54 00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,666 -HARRY: Is that so? -Yep. 55 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,125 Nothin', nada, zip, ha! 56 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,336 Wow, you got me. 57 00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,297 Gentlemen, how did we leave all that lucrative 58 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,842 Sophie Lennon local commercial money on the table? 59 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,176 I'm-I'm livid. 60 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,599 Susie, I got to tell you, it's truly been a pleasure. 61 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,726 But now I got to go call Groucho Marx, 62 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:26,313 and you got to go call Guido's Body Shop in Staten Island 63 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,023 and line up a local commercial. 64 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:31,068 Sophie'll look great sitting on top of a Pontiac. 65 00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:33,445 Just make sure a chimpanzee in a top hat 66 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,406 isn't sitting up there next to her. 67 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,032 'Cause then, it's mine. 68 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,701 Good luck, Susie. 69 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,369 Yeah. Thanks a million, Harry. 70 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:43,414 Sure. Oh, hey, uh, 71 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,291 did she mention Strindberg yet? 72 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,750 -Who? -(chuckles) 73 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,210 I'm gonna let you have that one, too. 74 00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,462 Strindberg. My gift to you. 75 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,048 Have a good day. 76 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,508 (door opens) 77 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,720 (door shuts) 78 00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,306 SUSIE: Guys ever trade places just for fun? 79 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,807 ♪ ♪ 80 00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,978 -Dead dogs. -Not this again. 81 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,147 You'd be fine living in a building full of dead dogs. 82 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,609 Rose, they don't store the dead dogs in the building. 83 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,319 They cart them out as soon as they're dead. 84 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,987 You're suddenly an expert. 85 00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,823 The veterinarian is in the basement of the building. 86 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,366 We'll never see the dead dogs. 87 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,701 The spirits of the dead dogs will be 88 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,036 galumphing through the building. 89 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,621 ABE: Dead dogs don't have spirits. 90 00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,122 And if they did, they wouldn't galumph, 91 00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:26,957 -they would trot or canter. -Ugh. 92 00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,459 MIDGE: This is officially the dumbest conversation 93 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,752 you two have ever had. 94 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,630 I liked that place on 65th, and it was affordable. 95 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,298 ROSE: Because it was on top of a construction zone. 96 00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,925 Lincoln Center. 97 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,010 Once it's finished, we can walk to the opera. 98 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,011 We'll be in wheelchairs by the time 99 00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,095 they finish Lincoln Center. 100 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,014 ABE: So we'll roll to the opera. 101 00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:43,265 -(sighs) -You guys are moving out in a week. 102 00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,808 You have to make a decision. 103 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:45,809 Your father's being stubborn. 104 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:46,852 Your mother's being stubborn. 105 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,395 -What about my kitchen? -ABE: Oh, please. 106 00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,648 There better not be a bathtub in my kitchen. 107 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,483 We got bigger fish to fry, Zelda. 108 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,027 You want me to fry fish, I need a decent kitchen. 109 00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:56,779 Brisket in an hour or so, guys. 110 00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:00,699 Where is everybody? We need to get things going here. 111 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,910 We-we need to know what all they're going to take. 112 00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,411 I still don't know how we're supposed to know 113 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,205 what we're not gonna need in a place we haven't found yet. 114 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,415 So you'd prefer to pack everything we own 115 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,542 into a one-bedroom, like we're the Collyer brothers. 116 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,336 We're not the Collyer brothers. They had an apartment. 117 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,713 They'll be pulling our decomposing bodies out, 118 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,967 first yours, then mine, crushed under a pile of garbage. 119 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,219 Why is my body the first to decompose? 120 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,429 This is officially the second-dumbest conversation 121 00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,847 you guys have ever had. 122 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:24,515 ASTRID: Hello! 123 00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,475 Thank God-- a distraction. 124 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:32,022 -Hello, Astrid. -Hello, Rose. 125 00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,148 How are you feeling, dear? 126 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,026 Oh, I'm carrying a human life inside me. 127 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,195 -Mystery solved. -Yeah. 128 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,738 -(gasps) -Hi, Mom. 129 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,365 What is this? 130 00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:43,075 Astrid had a premonition, a dream. 131 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,077 It was about my face. There were gnomes, I don't know. 132 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,620 Bottom line, shaving is bad luck. 133 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,789 I'm just being cautious. You can't be too cautious. 134 00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:50,958 -I'm gonna need a straw. -Want to touch? 135 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,837 -Not really. -ETHAN: Esther's gone! She ran away! Esther's gone! 136 00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,046 -ASTRID: What? -NOAH: Oh, my God. 137 00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,631 Esther's not gone, ignore him. 138 00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:00,217 Oh. Baruch hashem. Mwah. Touch my belly? 139 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:01,635 -It's a mitzvah. -Maybe later. 140 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:04,346 ETHAN: She's gone! She's really gone! 141 00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:05,764 -NOAH: Ethan. -He wants to be an only child, 142 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,267 and he's been trying to will it into existence. 143 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,310 ABE: Rose. I want to talk to you 144 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,312 about the dead dogs in the bedroom. 145 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,774 Good. Because I have a lot more to say about this. 146 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,443 ETHAN: Esther's gone, Mommy. 147 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,111 There are dead dogs in the bedroom? 148 00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:22,364 -What is this? -Esther's gone! I'm an only child! 149 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:25,117 -Esther's gone! -MIDGE: U-turn, kiddo! 150 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:30,205 Ever since I got pregnant, I've been dreaming like mad. 151 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,749 I know. We saw the beard. 152 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,959 (whispers): No. Sex dreams. 153 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,378 I haven't had sex dreams since I converted to Judaism. 154 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,380 -You think there's a connection? -(Abe and Rose arguing in distance) 155 00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:40,132 I'm just so nervous all the time. 156 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,217 I keep thinking that something's gonna go wrong. 157 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,635 You are healthy 158 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:47,056 -as a very pretty, skinny horse, Astrid. -Oh. 159 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,932 But you'll have to move this hand out of the way eventually. 160 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,225 The doctor's gonna have to get in there. 161 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,935 ABE: So, you're saying a rat has a soul? 162 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,103 -A rat? -ROSE: Yes. 163 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,897 It's small and ugly, but it's there. 164 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,356 This brisket looks very undercooked. 165 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,192 That's what happens when pesky brothers 166 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,943 keep opening oven doors. 167 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,487 Just saying. 168 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,238 Touch my belly. 169 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,990 I would love to. 170 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,367 Really? 171 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,370 (chuckles) You're gonna be a mommy. 172 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,663 I know. 173 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,873 -(door opens) -MOISHE: Ding-dong! 174 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:13,999 SHIRLEY: We're here! 175 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,085 MOISHE: Where's the free stuff? 176 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,128 -Japan? -France. 177 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,797 Huh. Looks like Japan. 178 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,465 We got a lot of rooms 179 00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:23,509 at our new place in Forest Hills. 180 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,302 -Lot of space to fill. -ABE: Yes, I believe 181 00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:26,845 you've mentioned that before, Moishe. 182 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,514 Just tell us what you'd like to take. 183 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,057 Our finishes are beautiful, 184 00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,767 so we're holding the furniture to a very high standard. 185 00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,103 -ROSE: As you should. -Nope. 186 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,354 -What? -MOISHE: Sorry. 187 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,939 Doesn't pass the tush test. 188 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,191 The tush tells me whether it's happy or not. 189 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,193 That tush-- it's a gift. 190 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,945 Trust the tush. 191 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,363 Taiwan? 192 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,657 France again. It's quite expensive. 193 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,450 I'm sure it's expensive. Just doesn't look it. 194 00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,701 -Nope. -Oh. 195 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,245 -Tush always knows. -Trust the tush. 196 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:52,955 Fine, Moishe. Don't take anything. 197 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,207 The bowl with the nuts is something we could use. 198 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:58,335 The nuts we don't need, but we could use the bowl. 199 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,255 I'm waiting for your tush to chime in. 200 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,506 ROSE: Take the bowl, Moishe. 201 00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:03,674 MIDGE: He wasn't kidding! 202 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,384 Ethan wasn't kidding! 203 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,219 Esther's gone. She ran away. 204 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,595 Oh, God. Oh, God. 205 00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:09,847 Oh, God. 206 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,390 -(Esther crying) -She was just coming out 207 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,142 -to greet her daddy. -Oh, thank God. 208 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,394 Esther, what were you thinking? 209 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,271 ETHAN: Told you. 210 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,148 MIDGE: Got a few things 211 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,774 set aside for the cab ride to your place 212 00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:22,484 to keep the kids occupied, and everything else 213 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:25,195 is boxed and labeled and ready to go. 214 00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:26,864 Good thing I brought my forklift. 215 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,574 I just got everything together. 216 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,951 Even carved out time to make one last brisket. 217 00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:32,744 -Really? I don't smell it. -(Abe and Rose arguing in distance) 218 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,371 MOISHE: Are you taking the tablecloth, Shirl? 219 00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,165 SHIRLEY: I can cut it into doilies! 220 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,958 -ROSE: Then come up with another idea. -ABE: Fine. 221 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,377 Look, Midget, Mom found one of my old books. 222 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,421 Tom Swift and His Magnetic Silencer. 223 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,965 -Still holds up. -ABE: North Manhattan. Inwood. 224 00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,050 -The oven's not working. -Yeah, I told you that. 225 00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:48,677 -Zelda? -Yes, Miss Miriam? 226 00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,179 See if Mrs. Fulber is awake, coherent 227 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,097 and willing to cook my brisket for two hours at 375. 228 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,016 -Right away. -ROSE: You're trying to move us to the Bronx. 229 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,435 ABE: Few dead dogs don't sound so bad now, do they? 230 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,437 -ROSE: Who are you? -How long's that been going on? 231 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,147 -Fire escape. -ABE: Stop with the histrionics. 232 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:02,482 ROSE: Histrionics? This from a man who quit not one 233 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,527 -but two jobs in the same day. -(doorbell ringing) 234 00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:11,950 -Dawes. -Miss Myerson. 235 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,453 -Come in. -Look, Dawes, 236 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,580 I'm not sure how caught up you are on all this, 237 00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:19,875 but I'm in business with your boss now, okay? 238 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,335 And I just think it would be smart 239 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,295 for you to maybe drop the attitude, 240 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:26,006 -treat me with the respect that I... -Jenkins. 241 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:28,008 (Susie grunts) 242 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,469 What the fuck? 243 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,512 DAWES: Your coat, miss. 244 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,931 This isn't over. 245 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,599 SOPHIE: Hello, Susie. 246 00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,351 -Sophie, hi. -(Sophie chuckles) 247 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,186 So, here we are. 248 00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,897 -Off to the races. -Yes, ma'am, off to the races. 249 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:44,942 (chuckles) Let's repair to the library. 250 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,529 DAWES: I'll be here, miss. 251 00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,076 (men laughing, speaking indistinctly) 252 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,787 Sounds like the writers have a winner. 253 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,164 Let's check in. 254 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,415 MAN (whispering): Hey. 255 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,209 -(shushing) -Hello, boys. 256 00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,169 -Hi, Sophie. -Remember me, Sophie? 257 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,545 Oh, I heard laughter. 258 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,673 -What do you got for me? -TED: Phil. Phil. 259 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,384 Well, I think we've got a couple of winners here 260 00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:11,969 -for you, Sophie. -SOPHIE: Let's see. 261 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,095 Psst. Herb. 262 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,055 Oh! Hi, Susie. 263 00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:17,057 -You're working for Sophie, huh? -HERB: Yeah. 264 00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,767 Going on 20 years now. 265 00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:21,061 -We used to be married. -(chuckles) 266 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,521 Which one are you laughing at, Sophie? 267 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,855 The one about the potholes? That was mine. 268 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,149 The Aunt Jemima joke? That was mine. 269 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,110 -Keep going. -TED: Okay, Sophie. -You got it, Sophie. 270 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,861 -Thanks, Sophie. -You got it, Sophie. -Coming right up. 271 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,863 Susie, what time is it? 272 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:32,990 Uh, around 3:00. 273 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,199 A.M. or P.M.? 274 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,325 You're joking, right? 275 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:36,910 Could you get word to my mom? 276 00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,287 Tell her I'm okay? 277 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,330 I got to go. 278 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,589 Welcome to the library. 279 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,177 Books feed me. 280 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,638 Wow, looks like you ate all of them. 281 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,308 -Beg your pardon? -I just said "impressive." 282 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,976 Sit. 283 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,979 I want to show you something. 284 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:05,689 Yes. 285 00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:08,692 Very exciting. Here. 286 00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:11,069 -Strindberg. -Mm, you've heard of him. 287 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,071 -Actually, I have. -Mm-hmm. 288 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,531 He's one of the great playwrights. 289 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,283 A true master. 290 00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:18,160 I was at an orgy once, 291 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:21,621 and the man behind me kept raving on and on 292 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,290 about August Strindberg. 293 00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:26,126 Turned out to be Eugene O'Neill. Small world, huh? 294 00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,003 -Ain't it, though? -(chuckles) 295 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:31,006 Miss Julie. My dream role. 296 00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,758 Now give me your thoughts. 297 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,177 Who do you see for Jean? 298 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,512 (chuckles): Oh, God. So many. 299 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,765 -Lunt? -Lunt's good. Love Lunt. 300 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,932 -Yes. -Or Pope. 301 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,060 The pope could do it. Does he speak English? 302 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,312 -Michael Pope, the actor. -Of course, yes. 303 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,439 -Michael Pope. He's good, too. -Mm-hmm. 304 00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,024 Hey, a-are we talking Broadway here? 305 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,068 You don't think it should be off-Broadway. 306 00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,278 -No, I'm just wondering. -Do you not believe in me? 307 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,072 -No, I do. -If I wanted to be with someone 308 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,323 who didn't believe in me, 309 00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:57,824 I'd have stayed with Harry Drake. 310 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,868 No, it should be on Broadway. Absolutely. 311 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,328 Well, then, I need your assurance. 312 00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,205 I need to know that this will happen 313 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,999 and that your other commitment will not get in the way. 314 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,043 No, it won't. It absolutely won't. 315 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,128 I hear she's opening for Shy Baldwin. 316 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,672 -She is. -He was rude to me in Paris last year. 317 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,591 Shy Baldwin. 318 00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,551 I ran into him on the Boulevard Saint-Michel, 319 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,428 and he practically elbowed me 320 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,263 -to the Rue du Bac. -Shouldn't have done that. 321 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,682 -You're not going on the road with her, are you? -Well, 322 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,142 just for a couple legs. 323 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,936 Just to get her settled. She's bad with keys. 324 00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:28,647 But you'll be in New York with me more often than not, yes? 325 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,607 -Pretty much. -More than you're with her? 326 00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:31,858 -Yes, I think that... -Yes? 327 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,944 -Look, you'll never know... -You're prioritizing me 328 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,654 over all else, yes? 329 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,364 And I'm phrasing these things as questions, 330 00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:38,698 but they are not. 331 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:42,119 Look, you'll always be my number one. 332 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,455 Good. Good. 333 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,457 So, Strindberg. 334 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,709 -Is he local? -(laughs) 335 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,461 Very good. Oh! 336 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:54,172 That's funnier than anything those losers gave me. 337 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,925 -(chuckles) Write that down. -Oh, sure. Geez. 338 00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:00,053 -"Is he local?" Zing! -(laughs) 339 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,304 So, I can't type, 340 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,056 but I actually hunt-and-pecked these up myself-- 341 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,517 thank you-- with carbons so that everyone gets a copy. 342 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,686 -Take one to share and pass it down. -What is it? 343 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,688 It's a schedule for Ethan and Esther. 344 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,648 Everyone wants a piece of them while I'm gone, 345 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,192 so I'm doling them out as fairly as possible. 346 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,194 And thank you all for this. 347 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,696 I couldn't do this tour without your support. 348 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,073 -We got a very faint copy. -MIDGE: Now, each time 349 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,783 the kids are taken to a new recipient, please bring 350 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,702 all their toys, books, clean clothes, 351 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,412 et cetera, so they'll have everything they need. 352 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,831 -Except their mother. -Let's keep things constructive here. 353 00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,958 -I can hardly read our copy. -MIDGE: Obviously, 354 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,501 they spend the most time with their dad. 355 00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,587 -As it should be. -There are multiple weekends 356 00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:34,963 slotted with Moishe and Shirley. 357 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,173 "Weekends." That's the word. 358 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,717 I was wondering why we got multiple wieners. 359 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,136 And if Astrid's up to it, there'll be a few sleepovers 360 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,722 with her and Tolstoy and the little bun in the oven. 361 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,724 (chuckles) You haven't touched my tummy yet, Shirley. 362 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:46,892 Jews don't do that. 363 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,768 -Is that new? -MIDGE: And our friends Imogene 364 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:49,936 and Archie are gonna have them over 365 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,271 a couple of times to play with their kids. 366 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,648 Any questions while Midge is gone, ask me. 367 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,816 We're not on the list. 368 00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,610 -Well, not yet. -ABE: Not yet? 369 00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,736 We're their grandparents. 370 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,071 -We made the list. -Yeah, we made the list. 371 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,365 Wh-Why are we not on the list? 372 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,992 I held off putting you on the list 373 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,952 -until you land somewhere. -ROSE: Oh. 374 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,996 I see. You don't want them curled up with us 375 00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,540 -in our Bowery flophouse. -Mama... 376 00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:13,001 With our patched clothes and our smallpox blankets. 377 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,504 You don't have a place to live right now. As soon as you do... 378 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,755 So your going off to be a comedian 379 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,423 means I don't get to see my grandchildren. 380 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:21,551 -Mama, no. -If we took that place on 65th, there'd be no issue. 381 00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:23,178 Oh, fine, great, and with the wrecking balls, 382 00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,180 -we won't need our alarm clock. -Why are you mad at me? 383 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,891 -It's your fault your daughter's a comedian. -How so? 384 00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:30,560 -Yeah, how so? -ABE: It's that German edge she gave you. 385 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,812 The Lehman blood. You gave her the oompah. 386 00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:34,940 -Papa. -Well, it was your penis she was talking about on stage. 387 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,650 Not mine. 388 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,069 -Whoops. My mother just said that. -Yep. (chuckles) 389 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,196 ABE: Because penis is a funny word. 390 00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:43,073 I've learned this about comedians: 391 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:46,034 -they say funny words for cheap laughs. -Guys, please. 392 00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,370 If you had a penis, she'd be talking about you, not me. 393 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:52,123 Wouldn't you talk about your mother's penis if she had one? 394 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,251 For hours and hours and hours. 395 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,794 I don't know why you won't come stay with us. 396 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,170 It's the answer to all your problems. 397 00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:58,713 You live in a one-bedroom in Poughkeepsie. 398 00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,507 And that beard is a fire hazard. 399 00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:01,716 And your kitchen, Noah, is for shit. 400 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,343 NOAH: This is ridiculous. 401 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,971 -We have a pullout in the living room. -ROSE: A pullout? 402 00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,264 MOISHE: Question: what's the word next to pineapple? 403 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,057 -(overlapping chatter) -About that crack. 404 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,600 -About the "oompah." -The first part. 405 00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,143 Where would you... Why would she write "pineapple"? 406 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,604 -I can't really... -What would that reference? 407 00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,856 -Pineapple? Yeah, switch with me. -ABE: They're aggressive. 408 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:19,901 -ASTRID: Abe, take our bed. We'll sleep on the pullout. -It does not say "pineapple." 409 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,904 I want a cookie. 410 00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:24,948 Well, first we have to say goodbye to the apartment. 411 00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,325 -Why? -'Cause it's going away. 412 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,786 You won't see it anymore, and Mommy grew up here, 413 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:34,165 so let's say "Goodbye, hallway." 414 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,168 -"Goodbye, bedroom." -Esther ran away. 415 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,962 I'm holding her, kid. 416 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,006 I want a cookie. 417 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,930 Goodbye, hallway. 418 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,515 ♪ I'll take Manhattan... ♪ 419 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,350 Goodbye, bedroom. 420 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,728 ZELDA: Just one cookie, young man. 421 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:58,940 ♪ The Bronx and Staten Island, too... ♪ 422 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,652 Goodbye, fire escape. 423 00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,654 ♪ It's lovely going through... ♪ 424 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:07,532 Goodbye, windows. 425 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,744 Goodbye, bed. 426 00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,538 ♪ The zoo... ♪ 427 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,416 Goodbye, girls. 428 00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,047 I'm tired of arguing. 429 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,050 -I'm tired of arguing, too. -I've begged for an extension 430 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,552 from the university, but they won't budge. 431 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,429 What about Leo Siegal? 432 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:32,057 He's teaching in Europe this year, so his apartment's empty. 433 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:35,018 -He put his brother in it. -Oh. Then I guess a hotel. 434 00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,436 We'd eat through our savings. 435 00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,063 We'll keep our clothes to a minimum. 436 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,564 Bring only the essentials. 437 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,901 Take that tiny place on 65th, wear earplugs. 438 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,527 I called them a half hour ago. 439 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,571 -It's already gone. -(moans) 440 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,573 And I don't want you without your clothes. 441 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,784 And I don't want you without your books. 442 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:53,203 And if Zelda doesn't have a decent kitchen, 443 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,956 she'll cook us poison mushrooms on our faulty hot plate. 444 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,000 We're out of time. We're out of options. 445 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,418 What do we do? 446 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,922 Something will reveal itself. 447 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,341 So many rooms. 448 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,718 You just can't bring your furniture. 449 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,972 You've done it again. 450 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,058 The perfect brisket. 451 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,686 I hope Mrs. Fulber enjoyed the more than half 452 00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,522 -she kept for herself. -Hey, come on. 453 00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,733 -It was 49% at most. -Like I wouldn't notice? 454 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,361 Let the old woman have something for the whiskey to wash down. 455 00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:27,987 She could've asked. That's all I'm saying. 456 00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:30,824 (chuckles) I should gather the kids. 457 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,159 Get them home before they're dead asleep. 458 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:36,121 Too late. When I kissed them good night, I woke them both up. 459 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,706 Were they cranky? 460 00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,708 They swore like sailors. 461 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,377 They get that from you. 462 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,379 (chuckles) 463 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,381 You're leaving tomorrow. 464 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,967 You ready? 465 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,969 I've packed, unpacked and repacked, 466 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,846 so... yes. 467 00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:58,852 ♪ We'll turn Manhattan... ♪ 468 00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,479 -Joel, I don't need money... -Come on. 469 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,314 Got to keep you in beer and cigarettes. 470 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,359 ♪ An isle of joy... ♪ 471 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,366 Wait. 472 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,368 ♪ I'll take Manhattan... ♪ 473 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,829 I'm really nervous. 474 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,625 You're gonna be great. 475 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,646 ♪ Fly me to the moon ♪ 476 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:47,400 ♪ And let me play among the stars ♪ 477 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,611 ♪ Let me see what spring is like ♪ 478 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,529 ♪ On Jupiter and Mars... ♪ 479 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,948 Jesus Christ, how many more people are they gonna shove 480 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,910 -in this tin can? -I think Shy bought out the whole plane. 481 00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,871 Ooh, hi, could I get a gin and... Guess not. 482 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,208 I mean, isn't there, like, a maximum capacity or something? 483 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,210 Oh, great. Look who's here. 484 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,712 Wow, a little louder, please. Hi, Slim. 485 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,089 Ha, and his name's Slim. Hysterical. 486 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,508 He's a great guy. 487 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:12,884 No, he's three or four great guys. 488 00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,011 You have got to calm down. 489 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,721 What are you doing? What are these? 490 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,182 -Postcards. -We're still in New York. 491 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,643 I promised the kids. I promised Imogene. 492 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:24,479 It's fucking Idlewild Airport. They could subway here. 493 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,856 You're bending it. 494 00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:28,316 You made the plane. That's a good start. 495 00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,360 Hey, Slim's not bringing snacks, is he? 496 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:32,779 -What? -So, Reggie, will our room 497 00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:34,989 have two double beds or two twin beds? 498 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,950 That's a good question. Let me check that for you. 499 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:40,328 What kind of beds are in Susie Myerson and Midge Maisel's room? 500 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:43,498 It's right here. The answer is that's below my pay grade. 501 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,333 Got it. 502 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,709 You eat a bad oyster or something? 503 00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,169 I'm fine. 504 00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:50,046 This isn't your first plane ride, is it? 505 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,590 (scoffs) First plane ride. Get this guy. 506 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:55,844 Plane's a rental. 507 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,556 SHY: Whoops, fun's over. Reggie's back! 508 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,641 -REGGIE: Oh, now, come on. -(laughter) 509 00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:03,768 CAPTAIN (on P.A.): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard. 510 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,771 This is Captain Ron Schur, your pilot for this flight, 511 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:10,108 along with my copilot Darryl and navigator Chris. 512 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,318 Rats, I didn't space this out right. 513 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,529 Now I'll have to curl the writing around the edges. 514 00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:17,740 -Sloppy... -Miriam. The captain's speaking. 515 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:20,577 Did he say something about crashing or catching fire? 516 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:23,580 We'll be flying at an altitude of approximately 30,000 feet. 517 00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,665 Yeah, good luck with that. 518 00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:28,001 And after a stop for fuel in Kansas City, we should 519 00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,169 have an on-time arrival at our final destination, 520 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,548 the great city of Lost Wages. 521 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,341 -(laughter) -Good, a funny pilot. 522 00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:36,551 Love the focus here. 523 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,678 Uh, excuse me, could I get... 524 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:39,888 Guess not. 525 00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,516 Time to take your seats. We are about to take off. 526 00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:46,227 -Buckle up, please, everyone. -Oh, hey, great. 527 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,229 Success. Could I get a gin and tonic? 528 00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:50,523 I'm sorry, we're taxiing. You needed to order sooner. 529 00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,483 Guess I should've tried to order sooner, then. 530 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,110 That's on me. 531 00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,820 Jesus Christ. I'm halfway through this thing, 532 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,238 there hasn't been one laugh. 533 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,907 Maybe it gets funny later? 534 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,534 Why are you reading the plays of August Strindberg? 535 00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:03,745 Oh, just for fun. 536 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,831 -Susie. -Sorry. Putting it away. 537 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,249 Gin and tonic. 538 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,668 I like you way more than that other lady. 539 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,086 -Gin? -Bromo-Seltzer. 540 00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:13,296 I don't need it. 541 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,380 -You need it. -Take it back. 542 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,673 Drink it. 543 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,636 I'll have you and your sour stomach removed. 544 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,512 Over Omaha. 545 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,141 Happy flying. 546 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,143 SHY: Here he comes. Everybody look busy. 547 00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:30,939 -(laughter) -REGGIE: Hey, knock it off, man. 548 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,191 Very bad idea. 549 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:36,819 How do these things weigh a thousand tons 550 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,696 and stay in the air? 551 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,783 It's against the laws of God and nature and just heaviness. 552 00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,577 I don't have an answer. My father would, or my brother. 553 00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:48,206 -Can we go talk to them now? -Nope. We're going to Vegas. 554 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,249 (rattling) 555 00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,253 -Lift your legs. -What? 556 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,880 Lift your legs. It lightens the load. 557 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,256 -Susie, lifting your legs is... -Lift your goddamn legs! 558 00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:59,300 -Lifting. -(low rumble) 559 00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,970 -Is it supposed to be this loud? -Hang on. 560 00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:04,681 Holy fuck. 561 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,564 Susie. 562 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,525 Susie, you can't hold your breath the whole flight. 563 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,360 Yes, I can. 564 00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:20,822 This is the first of a million flights and a million tours. 565 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,076 Open 'em. 566 00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:28,287 Come on. Open your eyes. 567 00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:29,914 (exhales) 568 00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,916 We're still here. 569 00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,210 Look out the window. 570 00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:41,718 Oh, my God. 571 00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:43,928 Amazing, huh? 572 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,597 We're on top of the world. 573 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,604 ♪ Fly me to the moon ♪ 574 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:56,691 ♪ And let me play among the stars ♪ 575 00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:58,401 ♪ Let me see what spring is like... ♪ 576 00:21:58,443 --> 00:21:59,986 HENRY: Pulling up to the hotel, boss. 577 00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,612 So what's the deal on the ground? 578 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,531 Reggie said it's a level nine. 579 00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,658 Level nine. Well, here we go. 580 00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:08,077 -You ready? -Ready for what? 581 00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,330 -No fun in warning you. -(crowd clamoring) 582 00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:13,916 HENRY: Hang on to your hat. 583 00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:21,549 (fans shrieking, clamoring) 584 00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:31,392 Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you people? 585 00:22:34,395 --> 00:22:36,898 ♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪ 586 00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:41,986 ♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪ 587 00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:47,158 ♪ Luck, if you've ever been a lady ♪ 588 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,243 ♪ To begin with ♪ 589 00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:52,371 ♪ Luck be a lady tonight... ♪ 590 00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:55,917 SHY: All right. 591 00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:58,211 (laughing) 592 00:22:58,252 --> 00:23:00,421 -There it is. -Sin City. 593 00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:03,800 Ooh. A little warning would've been nice. 594 00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:06,803 Shy Baldwin. Welcome back to the Phoenician. 595 00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:08,221 Hello, Angie. Good to be back. 596 00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:10,014 And who are these lovely young ladies? 597 00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,641 Let's take a quick picture. Come on. 598 00:23:11,682 --> 00:23:13,643 -That the big guy? -That's the big guy. 599 00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:16,187 Angie Calibresi-- the head of food and beverage. 600 00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:17,647 Ah, I see. 601 00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:19,732 The head of food and beverage is the big guy? 602 00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,235 The guy who orders the pickles and orange juice? 603 00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:24,487 Oh, you're cute. You're a cute one. 604 00:23:24,529 --> 00:23:26,114 Why am I cute? I mean, I know why I'm cute, 605 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,782 but why am I cute in the way you mean I'm cute? 606 00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:29,033 It's not food and beverage. 607 00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:30,785 It's food and beverage. 608 00:23:30,827 --> 00:23:32,203 You just said the same thing twice. 609 00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:33,830 No, he's saying that Angie, 610 00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:36,124 he's the head of food and beverage. 611 00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:39,919 -Same words again. -Food and beverage. 612 00:23:39,961 --> 00:23:41,629 I'm feeling a little blonde right now. 613 00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:43,047 The guy's a mobster! 614 00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:46,175 Of my heart. 615 00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:48,010 Ladies, I can take you to your room. 616 00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:49,804 Good timing. 617 00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,848 ♪ Tonight. ♪ 618 00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:53,599 Right this way. 619 00:23:55,518 --> 00:23:57,728 -Wow. -This is a really nice hotel. 620 00:23:57,770 --> 00:23:59,355 There's a hallway. 621 00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:02,525 I've never stayed in a hotel with a hallway. 622 00:24:02,567 --> 00:24:04,735 -Holy... -Shit. 623 00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,530 MIDGE: What is this? 624 00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:09,532 -Your weird ask. -My weird what? 625 00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:11,826 It's the thing I asked for in your contract. 626 00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:13,578 He kept hounding me, and when he asked what it is, 627 00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:14,787 I blanked and said the room 628 00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:16,539 should be filled with teddy bears. 629 00:24:16,581 --> 00:24:18,499 -Yellow ones. -I said it was your favorite color. 630 00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:20,751 -My favorite color's pink. -I panicked. 631 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,170 I'll be back with the rest of your bags. 632 00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:24,172 Thank you. 633 00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:26,966 You see my spanking new Samsonite I bought for the trip? 634 00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:28,801 I did. Snazzy. 635 00:24:28,843 --> 00:24:31,512 Mm-hmm. I am traveling in style. 636 00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:33,598 Okay, I'm gonna have to teach you how to pack. 637 00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:35,600 Hey, let's go downstairs. 638 00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:37,226 That casino's calling out to me. 639 00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:41,647 ♪ Volare... ♪ 640 00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:43,149 SUSIE: That should've been something. 641 00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:45,651 That should've been something. 642 00:24:45,693 --> 00:24:48,112 Cherry, orange, cherry. That should've been something. 643 00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:50,323 Lemon, lemon, orange. That should've been something. 644 00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:52,575 (grunts) Cherry, jackpot, kumquat. 645 00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:54,243 -That should've been something. -I think that's a blueberry. 646 00:24:54,285 --> 00:24:56,495 -That's a retarded blueberry. -Bell, blueberry, bell. 647 00:24:56,537 --> 00:24:58,539 -That should've been something. -(machine ringing) 648 00:24:58,581 --> 00:25:00,541 -Aah! I won! -You won! 649 00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:03,085 -I'm rich! -Look at all those pennies pouring out. 650 00:25:03,127 --> 00:25:05,087 -Just think if they were nickels. -That would be so amazing. 651 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,298 -And the drinks are free. -It's still paying out. 652 00:25:07,340 --> 00:25:10,426 I love Vegas! 653 00:25:10,468 --> 00:25:12,470 What's a "don't pass" bar? What's a field? 654 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,347 What are odds? Are odds good? 655 00:25:14,388 --> 00:25:16,474 What's craps/eleven? What's yo-eleven? 656 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:17,934 What's a come line? What's a don't come line? 657 00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:19,185 Blow on 'em, sweetie. 658 00:25:19,227 --> 00:25:21,229 -Really? -Why? Why does she blow on them? 659 00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:23,064 For luck. 660 00:25:23,105 --> 00:25:25,524 DEALER: No more bets. 661 00:25:25,566 --> 00:25:27,818 -DEALER: Six the hard way. -(cheering) 662 00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:30,279 -Good job, honey. -He gave me money. 663 00:25:30,321 --> 00:25:32,531 Why? Why does she get money? 'Cause he got a six? 664 00:25:32,573 --> 00:25:34,075 What's a hard way? Is there a soft way? 665 00:25:34,116 --> 00:25:35,910 What's that bet? What's that bet? 666 00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:38,496 W-Why does 12 pay double? Why does two pay double? 667 00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:39,705 What's C.E.? 668 00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:42,124 Yes! Ooh, I get a blackjack. 669 00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,542 BLACKJACK DEALER: That's great, darling. 670 00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:45,169 -Split. -Why'd you split that? 671 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,587 -What's a split? -Should I blow on your cards? 672 00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:48,089 -I'm gonna double. -You're doubling? 673 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:49,507 -Do you blow on cards? -Why are you doubling? 674 00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,217 -Stand. -You're standing on that? 675 00:25:51,259 --> 00:25:53,010 -Is blowing just for craps? -Why'd you stand on that? 676 00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:54,679 -Dealer has 20. -Yes! 677 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,181 -No. -What happened? 678 00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:59,058 ♪ Volare... ♪ 679 00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,310 That should've been something. That should've been something. 680 00:26:01,352 --> 00:26:03,312 That should've been something. Hey, Susie? 681 00:26:03,354 --> 00:26:06,315 -That should've been something. -That should've been something. 682 00:26:06,357 --> 00:26:08,818 -Susie. -That should've been something. 683 00:26:08,859 --> 00:26:11,320 That should've been something. 684 00:26:11,362 --> 00:26:13,114 -(machine rings) -Ah! -You won? 685 00:26:13,155 --> 00:26:15,658 -Eh, just a finger fuck. -What time is it? 686 00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,576 I don't know, 7:30, 8:00? 687 00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:19,829 Holy shit, it's after midnight. 688 00:26:19,870 --> 00:26:22,623 -We've been here six straight hours? -Guess so. 689 00:26:22,665 --> 00:26:24,250 I just realized I've really got to go to the bathroom. 690 00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:26,335 Yeah, me, too. 691 00:26:26,377 --> 00:26:28,004 Hey, what have you guys been up to? 692 00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:30,047 Uh, Midge blew a guy's hard six. 693 00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:32,466 -What? -No, I blew on a guy and he got a hard six and he gave me money. 694 00:26:32,508 --> 00:26:33,676 That didn't sound good, either. 695 00:26:33,718 --> 00:26:34,927 -Bathroom. -Later, Henry. 696 00:26:34,969 --> 00:26:36,387 ♪ Just like birds of a feath... ♪ 697 00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:42,101 Come on, come on, come on. 698 00:26:42,143 --> 00:26:44,854 -Come on, Carole. -Go to your room, Howard. 699 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:46,731 HOWARD: But your room's right here. One drink. 700 00:26:46,772 --> 00:26:50,443 -Worst offer I've had today, Howard. -(sighs) 701 00:26:50,484 --> 00:26:52,111 SUSIE: Oh, sweet relief! 702 00:26:52,153 --> 00:26:55,948 Sweet, sweet relief. 703 00:26:55,990 --> 00:26:57,992 (snoring) 704 00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:03,539 Oh, my god. Susie. 705 00:27:03,581 --> 00:27:05,333 -Get up, get up. -What? 706 00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:07,251 -Get your coat. Come on. Hurry! -Why? What's happening? 707 00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:08,669 Put your coat on. Hurry! 708 00:27:08,711 --> 00:27:10,546 I'm getting it. Geez! 709 00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:12,757 ♪ And every time it rains, it rains ♪ 710 00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:15,092 -♪ Pennies from heaven ♪ -♪ Shoobie, doobie ♪ 711 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:16,761 ♪ Don't you know... ♪ 712 00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:19,347 -Hey, our machines are free. -Forget the machines. 713 00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:21,640 Coming through, coming through. 714 00:27:21,682 --> 00:27:23,225 Follow me, follow me. 715 00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:26,020 ♪ Fortune's falling all over town... ♪ 716 00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:29,273 -Susie! -You're on the marquee! 717 00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:32,651 -For the whole world to see. -It's the big time, baby. 718 00:27:32,693 --> 00:27:34,320 Take a picture. 719 00:27:34,362 --> 00:27:35,988 (squealing, laughing) 720 00:27:36,030 --> 00:27:38,532 ♪ Every time it rains, it rains ♪ 721 00:27:38,574 --> 00:27:41,160 ♪ Don't you know each cloud contains ♪ 722 00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:43,788 ♪ You'll find your fortune falling ♪ 723 00:27:43,829 --> 00:27:46,248 ♪ All over town, all over town, all over town ♪ 724 00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,042 ♪ Be sure that your umbrella... ♪ 725 00:27:48,084 --> 00:27:50,669 From here, we go to L.A., San Francisco, 726 00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:52,546 then Chicago, Miami. 727 00:27:52,588 --> 00:27:54,673 -Reg, what about sleep? -(laughter) 728 00:27:54,715 --> 00:27:55,925 -Over here, Shy. -Yes, sir. 729 00:27:55,966 --> 00:27:58,010 How you liking the weather we got here, Shy? 730 00:27:58,052 --> 00:28:01,389 New York was 40 degrees when we left, so I'm loving it. 731 00:28:01,430 --> 00:28:02,848 Thank you for that thoughtful 732 00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:04,558 and Pulitzer-worthy question, sir. 733 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:05,810 Really impressive. 734 00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:07,478 Let's see if anyone can top that. 735 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,896 Yes, the State Journal. 736 00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:10,773 Lots of pretty girls here, huh, Shy? 737 00:28:10,815 --> 00:28:13,025 (sighs) You did it, my man. You did it. 738 00:28:13,067 --> 00:28:14,902 I can say I've been all over the world, 739 00:28:14,944 --> 00:28:16,779 and there are pretty girls everywhere, 740 00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:18,489 but none as pretty as here. 741 00:28:18,531 --> 00:28:20,366 -(laughter) -Okay, San Diego Union. 742 00:28:20,408 --> 00:28:21,575 Midge Maisel, right? 743 00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:23,619 I'm Angie. I didn't get a chance to meet you. 744 00:28:23,661 --> 00:28:25,413 Yes, Angie, of course, 745 00:28:25,454 --> 00:28:27,540 head of food and bev... 746 00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:29,250 Uh, nice to meet you, Angie. 747 00:28:29,291 --> 00:28:31,252 Uh, this is my manager, Susie Myerson. 748 00:28:31,293 --> 00:28:32,545 -Hello. -Great to meet you. 749 00:28:32,586 --> 00:28:34,422 Shy is wild about your girl here. 750 00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:35,631 Shy's got taste. 751 00:28:35,673 --> 00:28:38,008 Oh, I'm so sorry, honey, here I am ignoring you. 752 00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,344 Ladies, this is my beautiful wife, Roberta. 753 00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:41,762 I got taste too, huh? 754 00:28:41,804 --> 00:28:43,180 -Hello. -Hi. -Nice to meet you. 755 00:28:43,222 --> 00:28:45,224 I'll be at the show tonight. You knock 'em dead. 756 00:28:45,266 --> 00:28:47,309 Will do. 757 00:28:47,351 --> 00:28:49,437 -Nice guy. -REGGIE: Okay, 758 00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:52,064 Reno Evening Gazette, show me your inner Eric Sevareid, 759 00:28:52,106 --> 00:28:53,691 my brother, what do you got? 760 00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,484 You going steady with anybody, Shy? 761 00:28:55,526 --> 00:28:58,946 -Can I talk to you off to the side, Mr. Gazette? -Easy, Reg, I'll answer. 762 00:28:58,988 --> 00:29:00,698 You know, I've talked about it before. 763 00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,533 Had a love of my life and she got away. 764 00:29:02,575 --> 00:29:04,743 Recorded an entire album about this woman. 765 00:29:04,785 --> 00:29:05,953 Then I got a Grammy. 766 00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:08,289 Not saying it was an even trade off, but close. 767 00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:09,832 (laughter) 768 00:29:09,874 --> 00:29:11,500 REPORTER: Who's your biggest influence, Shy? 769 00:29:11,542 --> 00:29:12,668 SHY: Oh, man, that's tough to say. 770 00:29:12,710 --> 00:29:15,087 -Shit. -SHY: Is "everyone" a good answer? 771 00:29:15,129 --> 00:29:16,505 Are you kidding me? 772 00:29:16,547 --> 00:29:18,883 For me, Mr. Nat King Cole was my.... 773 00:29:18,924 --> 00:29:21,177 -SUSIE: Fuck! -(crowd gasps) 774 00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:23,554 Stepped on a nail. Ow. 775 00:29:25,598 --> 00:29:29,101 SHY: Uh, Nat took me under his wing, 776 00:29:29,143 --> 00:29:31,604 and now I'm looking to reach out and do the same 777 00:29:31,645 --> 00:29:33,314 for the next generation. 778 00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:35,691 -Susie Myerson and Associates. -Reggie, look, I didn't mean to... 779 00:29:35,733 --> 00:29:37,401 -I'm talking. -Sorry. 780 00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:39,695 How is it you stand here and shout the ultimate profanity 781 00:29:39,737 --> 00:29:40,988 in the middle of my boy's presser? 782 00:29:41,030 --> 00:29:42,615 Well, I don't know if that's the ultimate profanity. 783 00:29:42,656 --> 00:29:44,241 I mean, I can think of, like, three or four others... 784 00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:45,826 I'm not here to fucking discuss 785 00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:47,495 what the fucking worst fucking dirty word is. 786 00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:49,163 I'm here to tell you to be professional. 787 00:29:49,205 --> 00:29:51,957 You're part of Shy's entourage. You're part of my team. 788 00:29:51,999 --> 00:29:55,044 -Don't you want to know what I was mad about? -Not even a little bit. 789 00:29:55,085 --> 00:29:57,588 Reggie, I'm sorry, but this picture-- 790 00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:59,632 i-it's not the kind of picture I want out there. 791 00:29:59,673 --> 00:30:02,134 You didn't give us any other, so we used what we had. 792 00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:04,762 Yes, because you wouldn't pony up the money for those pictures. 793 00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,597 Hey. This is not my problem. 794 00:30:06,639 --> 00:30:09,517 Bring us another picture, or stick with the panty pose. 795 00:30:09,558 --> 00:30:13,103 Sorry. Everybody's full of shit today. Not you. 796 00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:16,815 You. Them! 797 00:30:16,857 --> 00:30:20,653 -Panty pose. -I'll fix this. 798 00:30:20,694 --> 00:30:22,988 All right, guys, let's try it again. 799 00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:25,908 A two, three, four. 800 00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:28,244 (band starts playing) 801 00:30:30,955 --> 00:30:33,666 Wait, now, hold it, hold it, hold it. 802 00:30:33,707 --> 00:30:35,209 -(band stops playing) -Forget the tune, 803 00:30:35,251 --> 00:30:37,002 we can't even get past the second bar. 804 00:30:37,044 --> 00:30:40,005 Someone's throwing an F-sharp in that does not belong. 805 00:30:40,047 --> 00:30:42,925 SHY: So this tune's not gonna be ready. Is that what's happening? 806 00:30:42,967 --> 00:30:44,969 Somebody speak. 807 00:30:45,010 --> 00:30:47,680 You know, just take five, everyone. 808 00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:49,932 And five, not ten. 809 00:30:52,518 --> 00:30:56,814 (sighs) What, they've never heard of ice? 810 00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:59,441 -You. -Hello. 811 00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:02,236 -You're lucky. -Why am I lucky? 812 00:31:02,278 --> 00:31:04,947 Sound check for you is, "Mic check, one, two," 813 00:31:04,989 --> 00:31:06,156 and you're done. 814 00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:07,700 Oh, it's much more complex than that. 815 00:31:07,741 --> 00:31:09,785 Sometimes I slip and say, "Check mic, four, six," 816 00:31:09,827 --> 00:31:11,036 and it all goes to hell. 817 00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:12,830 (laughs) Don't do this. 818 00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:15,332 -Don't do what? -Try and cheer me up. 819 00:31:15,374 --> 00:31:17,042 -Is that what I'm doing? -SHY: Takes a while 820 00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:19,753 to get back into road-mode. You miss your bed. 821 00:31:19,795 --> 00:31:21,005 You miss the quiet. 822 00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:22,840 Listen to me, I'm already losing my voice. 823 00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:24,341 Your voice sounds fine. 824 00:31:24,383 --> 00:31:26,635 When you're a grizzled veteran like me, you'll understand. 825 00:31:26,677 --> 00:31:28,304 You're all of 33. 826 00:31:28,345 --> 00:31:31,056 Only on the outside. 827 00:31:31,098 --> 00:31:33,559 Hey, Lester, let's talk about what we're doing for the encore, 828 00:31:33,601 --> 00:31:36,604 and why you're wearing that terrible shirt to rehearsal. 829 00:31:41,609 --> 00:31:43,611 (piano playing) 830 00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:59,501 ♪ ♪ 831 00:32:14,892 --> 00:32:16,894 (piece ends) 832 00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:44,963 -♪ Now you say you're ready... ♪ -(indistinct conversations) 833 00:32:45,005 --> 00:32:47,007 (speaking Chinese) 834 00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:51,136 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar ♪ 835 00:32:51,178 --> 00:32:53,639 ♪ I'm so happy I could holler ♪ 836 00:32:53,681 --> 00:32:55,432 ♪ Ring-a-ling ♪ 837 00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:57,518 ♪ Ring-a-ling, ring-a-ling, ring-a-ling ♪ 838 00:32:57,559 --> 00:32:58,769 ♪ Ring-a-ling... ♪ 839 00:32:58,811 --> 00:33:00,270 (speaking Chinese) 840 00:33:00,312 --> 00:33:02,564 (register opens) 841 00:33:07,152 --> 00:33:10,072 ♪ I just patiently waited ♪ 842 00:33:10,114 --> 00:33:11,782 ♪ Each time you were infatuated... ♪ 843 00:33:11,824 --> 00:33:14,451 -What are you doing here? -I'm here to eat. 844 00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:18,080 -Here? -It's near the club. 845 00:33:18,122 --> 00:33:20,290 -Hm. -What? 846 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,126 You have any idea what you ordered? 847 00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:23,836 Nope. I just pointed at things. 848 00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:26,213 Okay. Do you like feet? 849 00:33:26,255 --> 00:33:28,882 Depends on how they're prepared. 850 00:33:28,924 --> 00:33:30,342 Do you like a lot of feet? 851 00:33:30,384 --> 00:33:32,636 -Did I just order a bunch of plates of feet? -You sure you don't 852 00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:34,430 want to go to a Chinese restaurant that has hamburgers 853 00:33:34,471 --> 00:33:36,849 and apple pie? This place isn't that. 854 00:33:36,890 --> 00:33:40,477 This is my local place. I'm staying. 855 00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:42,020 What's that? 856 00:33:42,062 --> 00:33:44,773 Do you like digestive systems and feet? 857 00:33:44,815 --> 00:33:47,651 -Oh, boy. -Can I take a swing at this for you? 858 00:33:47,693 --> 00:33:49,445 That might be for the best, yes. 859 00:33:49,486 --> 00:33:51,488 Hey. (speaking Chinese) 860 00:33:57,661 --> 00:33:59,246 This place has very good food, 861 00:33:59,288 --> 00:34:00,581 but weirdly is terrible with feet. 862 00:34:02,416 --> 00:34:04,001 Oh. Sorry. (chuckles) 863 00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,587 No, please, sit. 864 00:34:06,628 --> 00:34:09,506 I ordered too much for one anyway. 865 00:34:09,548 --> 00:34:11,550 (speaking Chinese) 866 00:34:14,303 --> 00:34:15,471 Who are you? 867 00:34:15,512 --> 00:34:17,139 Mei Lin. 868 00:34:17,181 --> 00:34:18,640 -That's your real name? -Yes. 869 00:34:18,682 --> 00:34:20,684 -It's pretty. -(scoffs) 870 00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:22,644 -You're blushing. -No, I'm not. 871 00:34:22,686 --> 00:34:25,105 -You're human. -Oh, scuttlebutt. 872 00:34:25,147 --> 00:34:26,315 Can I have a sip? 873 00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:27,816 You old enough? 874 00:34:29,193 --> 00:34:30,819 Guess you're old enough. 875 00:34:30,861 --> 00:34:32,571 ♪ And I didn't have nothing but time ♪ 876 00:34:32,613 --> 00:34:34,573 ♪ Oh, ring-a ling... ♪ 877 00:34:34,615 --> 00:34:36,074 -Were you born here? -Nope. 878 00:34:36,116 --> 00:34:38,243 I was born in a different restaurant. 879 00:34:38,285 --> 00:34:40,913 -Who do you work for? -I'm in medical school. 880 00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,414 -Really? -Really. 881 00:34:42,456 --> 00:34:45,209 -And I help out family. -I never met a woman doctor. 882 00:34:45,250 --> 00:34:47,544 Yeah, technically, you still haven't. 883 00:34:47,586 --> 00:34:48,796 Who do you work for? 884 00:34:48,837 --> 00:34:51,840 Slave driver, actually. You're looking at him. 885 00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:53,217 Bold. 886 00:34:53,258 --> 00:34:55,803 What was that about, with the money? 887 00:34:55,844 --> 00:34:57,554 Hey, food. 888 00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,473 (speaks Chinese) 889 00:34:59,515 --> 00:35:00,474 ♪ Ring-a-ling, ring-a-ling, ring-a-ling... ♪ 890 00:35:00,516 --> 00:35:01,892 I'm on to you. 891 00:35:02,935 --> 00:35:04,686 It's not polite. 892 00:35:04,728 --> 00:35:08,148 ♪ Baby, oh, take this diamond ring. ♪ 893 00:35:08,190 --> 00:35:10,150 (indistinct conversations) 894 00:35:10,192 --> 00:35:13,403 -Hey, do you have a mirror? -Sorry. Two minutes to curtain. 895 00:35:17,366 --> 00:35:19,785 -Whoa. -Is it noticeable? 896 00:35:19,827 --> 00:35:21,370 That your hair has a boner? Yeah. 897 00:35:21,411 --> 00:35:22,788 -Shit. -Was this on purpose? 898 00:35:22,830 --> 00:35:24,456 Reggie threw me in with Shy's hair girl, 899 00:35:24,498 --> 00:35:26,333 and when I came out, this was my head. 900 00:35:26,375 --> 00:35:28,210 -Does Shy's hair girl hate you? -Where were you? 901 00:35:28,252 --> 00:35:29,878 If you were there, you could've kept them 902 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,505 from turning me into my cousin Chava. 903 00:35:31,547 --> 00:35:33,048 I tracked down the photographer 904 00:35:33,090 --> 00:35:35,843 that took photos when we arrived and I got this. 905 00:35:35,884 --> 00:35:37,928 This is possibly worse. 906 00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:39,805 But it's funnier and you can't see your skivvies. 907 00:35:39,847 --> 00:35:41,223 I'm yawning, 908 00:35:41,265 --> 00:35:43,350 I'm clutching my purse like my cousin Chava's mother. 909 00:35:43,392 --> 00:35:45,310 Right now, it's this or the panty pose. 910 00:35:45,352 --> 00:35:46,854 -Don't call it that. -One minute. 911 00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:49,481 -Shit. -Take a deep breath. 912 00:35:49,523 --> 00:35:52,025 Opening for Shy was theoretical before. 913 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,611 Now it's not. These people are all here to see Shy. 914 00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:56,113 -They don't care about me. -40 seconds. 915 00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:58,407 What's with the gloves? You got one on and one off. 916 00:35:58,448 --> 00:35:59,867 I couldn't decide. What do you think? 917 00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:01,535 I think you should wear both or neither. 918 00:36:01,577 --> 00:36:03,328 -30 seconds. -Is that necessary? 919 00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:06,081 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Phoenician Showroom. 920 00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:08,166 -20 seconds. -Really? That's just egregious. 921 00:36:08,208 --> 00:36:12,421 ANNOUNCER: Please give a warm Las Vegas welcome to rising comedy star... 922 00:36:12,462 --> 00:36:13,630 Way to underplay it. 923 00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:15,841 ANNOUNCER: ...Mrs. Maisel. 924 00:36:15,883 --> 00:36:17,175 -(audience applauding) -Tits up. -Tits... 925 00:36:17,217 --> 00:36:20,470 -You're on. -I know. Up. 926 00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:29,104 -You guys supposed to be here? -Wrong side, wrong side. 927 00:36:29,146 --> 00:36:31,148 -Oh, shit. -(applause dies down, stops) 928 00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:39,573 -Thank you, thank you. -(sporadic applause) 929 00:36:39,615 --> 00:36:41,199 -(indistinct chatter) -Well, well, well, 930 00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:43,577 Las Vegas, Nevada. 931 00:36:43,619 --> 00:36:46,246 The city that was built, like, what, a week ago? 932 00:36:46,288 --> 00:36:48,415 It's so new, its bris is tomorrow. 933 00:36:48,457 --> 00:36:50,417 WOMAN: Can we get another bottle of wine? 934 00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:52,002 I'm from New York, so, for me, 935 00:36:52,044 --> 00:36:55,255 a desert is Bergdorf's when they're low on Handmacher suits 936 00:36:55,297 --> 00:36:57,090 or Barney Greengrass when they're out of lox. 937 00:36:57,132 --> 00:36:59,343 (woman laughs) 938 00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:01,637 My hair is giving me vertigo. 939 00:37:01,678 --> 00:37:03,388 This is not my normal "do." 940 00:37:03,430 --> 00:37:04,598 Would you rather hear Gunsmoke? 941 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,224 I may be able to get a radio signal. 942 00:37:06,266 --> 00:37:08,018 MAN 1: This shrimp cocktail is to die for. 943 00:37:08,060 --> 00:37:09,478 WOMAN 2: Well, then give me some. 944 00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:10,979 Sounds like you're all enjoying the food. 945 00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:13,440 MAN 1: It's the best shrimp cocktail I've ever had. 946 00:37:13,482 --> 00:37:15,317 I've heard good things about the shrimp cocktail. 947 00:37:15,359 --> 00:37:17,527 (chatter continuing) 948 00:37:17,569 --> 00:37:19,571 No wonder this city has flashing lights everywhere, 949 00:37:19,613 --> 00:37:21,490 it's the only way to get people's attention. 950 00:37:21,531 --> 00:37:22,866 Maybe tomorrow instead of an updo, 951 00:37:22,908 --> 00:37:24,952 -I'll dress like a Christmas tree. -(laughter) 952 00:37:24,993 --> 00:37:28,747 CROWD: ♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪ 953 00:37:28,789 --> 00:37:29,998 Sounds like we've got a birthday. 954 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,501 That's always fun, at least until you hit 25 or so. 955 00:37:32,542 --> 00:37:34,378 -MAN 2: Sing something! -MAN 3: Yeah, sing something. 956 00:37:34,419 --> 00:37:35,837 Oh, you don't want me to sing. 957 00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,506 Luckily, you got Shy Baldwin coming up soon, 958 00:37:37,547 --> 00:37:38,966 and he's gonna see to that for you. 959 00:37:39,007 --> 00:37:42,386 -(cheers, applause) -Hey, you're listening. 960 00:37:42,427 --> 00:37:45,639 -Some of you, at least. -WOMAN 3: Berta! Berta! 961 00:37:45,681 --> 00:37:47,683 Berta! 962 00:37:47,724 --> 00:37:51,144 -So my home, New York, is a -WOMAN 3: Berta! 963 00:37:51,186 --> 00:37:53,021 -is a very old city. -Berta, we're over here! 964 00:37:53,063 --> 00:37:55,941 -It told Philadelphia to... -Over here. Turn right. Right! 965 00:37:55,983 --> 00:37:58,026 -Uh, told Philadelphia to... -WOMAN 3: No, turn right, then go straight! 966 00:37:58,068 --> 00:37:59,236 -Told Philadelphia... -Straight! 967 00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:01,321 Berta, for Pete's sake, get over to your damn table 968 00:38:01,363 --> 00:38:03,115 before this poor woman has a stroke. 969 00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:04,408 -(laughter) -It's full of shrimp cocktail. 970 00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:05,742 There you go, there's your incentive. 971 00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,286 Yeah, hustle now. Kiss, kiss and sit your tuchus down. 972 00:38:08,328 --> 00:38:09,538 -MAN 4: Sit down, Berta. -(laughter) 973 00:38:09,579 --> 00:38:11,748 I'm from New York. I know I already said that, 974 00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:14,126 but it's been so long ago, some of you might've forgotten. 975 00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:16,294 (chatter continuing) 976 00:38:16,336 --> 00:38:17,504 Anywho... 977 00:38:17,546 --> 00:38:20,257 And I was like, "Take the A train, it's faster." 978 00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:23,635 -(scattered laughter) -MAN 5: (mocking) You must take the A train. 979 00:38:23,677 --> 00:38:26,430 So you're not exactly a subway material crowd, 980 00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:29,182 and you didn't much like the jokes about food, children, 981 00:38:29,224 --> 00:38:32,936 or traveling, and you don't like me much. 982 00:38:32,978 --> 00:38:35,814 -What are you, my ex-husband? -(laughter) 983 00:38:35,856 --> 00:38:37,816 Hey, there we go. We're on a roll. 984 00:38:37,858 --> 00:38:39,860 -Hey, light's blinking. -What? 985 00:38:39,901 --> 00:38:44,072 -You're done. -Oh. Guess my set's over. 986 00:38:44,114 --> 00:38:46,158 Gee, you're like my kids, I finally get you quiet 987 00:38:46,199 --> 00:38:49,369 and then Grandpa shows up with a suitcase full of donuts. 988 00:38:49,411 --> 00:38:51,455 (laughter) 989 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:55,292 So let me introduce you to the man who needs no introduction, 990 00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:58,545 ladies and gentlemen, the great Shy Baldwin. 991 00:38:58,587 --> 00:39:00,589 (cheering, applause) 992 00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:13,185 So... drink? 993 00:39:13,226 --> 00:39:15,312 Oh, yes. 994 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:17,355 (cheering, applause continue) 995 00:39:27,157 --> 00:39:31,661 ♪ They say that falling in love ♪ 996 00:39:31,703 --> 00:39:36,208 ♪ Is wonderful ♪ 997 00:39:36,249 --> 00:39:40,462 ♪ It's wonderful ♪ 998 00:39:41,505 --> 00:39:44,800 ♪ So they say ♪ 999 00:39:48,887 --> 00:39:52,682 ♪ And with the moon up above ♪ 1000 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:56,103 ♪ It's wonderful ♪ 1001 00:39:56,144 --> 00:39:58,105 ♪ Wonderful ♪ 1002 00:39:58,146 --> 00:40:03,276 ♪ It's wonderful ♪ 1003 00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:08,573 ♪ So they tell me ♪ 1004 00:40:08,615 --> 00:40:13,161 ♪ I can't recall who said it... ♪ 1005 00:40:13,203 --> 00:40:15,705 Why, why, why was everybody eating? 1006 00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:17,582 At the dinner show? No idea. 1007 00:40:17,624 --> 00:40:19,334 I was a stammering idiot. 1008 00:40:19,376 --> 00:40:21,586 I already told them you need a mic that comes off the stand. 1009 00:40:21,628 --> 00:40:23,004 That'll help. 1010 00:40:23,046 --> 00:40:25,215 I hope Berta's happy with her seat. 1011 00:40:25,257 --> 00:40:28,009 Stupid, deaf, late-arriving, 1012 00:40:28,051 --> 00:40:29,845 direction-challenged Berta. 1013 00:40:29,886 --> 00:40:32,347 -ANGIE: Midge. Susie. -Uh-oh. 1014 00:40:32,389 --> 00:40:33,932 Are we in trouble? 1015 00:40:33,974 --> 00:40:36,351 -We're gonna find out. -ANGIE: Come on. 1016 00:40:36,393 --> 00:40:38,562 Get over here, superstar. Have a seat. 1017 00:40:38,603 --> 00:40:39,980 -Come on. -Thanks. 1018 00:40:40,021 --> 00:40:42,357 Uh, yeah. Thanks, Angie. 1019 00:40:42,399 --> 00:40:44,943 That was a great laugh you got at the end there. 1020 00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:47,487 Stupendous. The whole place erupted. 1021 00:40:47,529 --> 00:40:50,073 Yeah, I guess I finished strong. 1022 00:40:50,115 --> 00:40:52,075 Strong? You were a knockout. 1023 00:40:52,117 --> 00:40:54,452 Just keep in mind, the crowd is from all over. 1024 00:40:54,494 --> 00:40:57,080 So they don't know what a Bergdorf's is. 1025 00:40:57,122 --> 00:40:58,498 (laughs) 1026 00:40:58,540 --> 00:41:00,125 -(quietly): Good point. -Cece does, though. 1027 00:41:00,167 --> 00:41:01,751 Oh, I haven't introduced you. 1028 00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:03,920 This is my girlfriend Cece. 1029 00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:05,672 Really nice to meet you. 1030 00:41:05,714 --> 00:41:07,257 I love your hair. 1031 00:41:07,299 --> 00:41:09,467 -Thank you, Cece. -ANGIE: Joey, 1032 00:41:09,509 --> 00:41:11,720 these ladies had a rough night. Bring food. 1033 00:41:11,761 --> 00:41:15,515 Um, shrimp cocktail, steak, baked potato, all the trimmings. 1034 00:41:15,557 --> 00:41:17,184 Go, go. 1035 00:41:17,225 --> 00:41:19,352 Chin up. You're gonna be great. 1036 00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:23,565 Tony, I got to talk to you. Excuse me. 1037 00:41:23,607 --> 00:41:26,151 ♪ You're stopping people ♪ 1038 00:41:26,193 --> 00:41:31,114 ♪ Shouting that love is grand ♪ 1039 00:41:31,156 --> 00:41:32,782 ♪ And... ♪ 1040 00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,451 MIDGE: I need to write more patter. 1041 00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:35,785 SUSIE: Eat something. You'll feel better. 1042 00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:37,996 -Patter for all 50 states? -Miriam. 1043 00:41:38,038 --> 00:41:40,624 Hey, Illinois. Two L's and an "oy." 1044 00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:42,292 Least there's an "oy" in Illinois. 1045 00:41:42,334 --> 00:41:45,045 Oh, God, I'm panicking, but depressed. 1046 00:41:45,086 --> 00:41:46,546 I'm panicking, but slowly. 1047 00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:49,049 A nice, prolonged panic. 1048 00:41:49,090 --> 00:41:51,092 -All right. Let's go. -What? 1049 00:41:51,134 --> 00:41:52,552 -Come on. -Ow. Susie, ow. 1050 00:41:52,594 --> 00:41:54,596 -Come on out. -(grunts) 1051 00:41:54,638 --> 00:41:59,267 ♪ So they say. ♪ 1052 00:42:05,857 --> 00:42:07,859 (cheering, whooping, applause) 1053 00:42:14,366 --> 00:42:16,451 You know, I hit a jackpot the other night. Yeah. 1054 00:42:16,493 --> 00:42:18,578 -I met a mute woman that liked to cook. -(laughter) 1055 00:42:18,620 --> 00:42:20,580 MIDGE: What are you doing? 1056 00:42:20,622 --> 00:42:22,207 I want to take a shower. 1057 00:42:22,249 --> 00:42:24,000 I want to put my feet up and my hair down. 1058 00:42:24,042 --> 00:42:25,543 I want some shrimp. Room's the other way. 1059 00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:27,379 I know where the room is. 1060 00:42:27,420 --> 00:42:28,964 COMEDIAN: Yeah, the nice thing about playing Vegas 1061 00:42:29,005 --> 00:42:30,966 is half of you had such a great day at the tables, 1062 00:42:31,007 --> 00:42:32,592 you'll laugh at anything. 1063 00:42:32,634 --> 00:42:33,927 The other half had such a bad day, 1064 00:42:33,969 --> 00:42:35,595 nothing I say could make it worse. 1065 00:42:35,637 --> 00:42:37,722 -That's a load of bullshit. -Now, my favorite game 1066 00:42:37,764 --> 00:42:39,557 is slots, because it reminds me a lot 1067 00:42:39,599 --> 00:42:41,309 of having sex with a woman: 1068 00:42:41,351 --> 00:42:44,145 you keep trying and nothing ever happens, huh? 1069 00:42:44,187 --> 00:42:45,897 I don't want to watch stand-up comedy. 1070 00:42:45,939 --> 00:42:48,149 I don't want to be reminded of my abject failure. 1071 00:42:48,191 --> 00:42:49,818 You're not watching it. You're doing it. 1072 00:42:49,859 --> 00:42:51,403 What? No. 1073 00:42:51,444 --> 00:42:52,904 No more bitching and moaning. 1074 00:42:52,946 --> 00:42:54,906 Get back up there and say something funny. 1075 00:42:54,948 --> 00:42:57,575 Like "I'm a comedian"? That's fairly hilarious right now. 1076 00:42:57,617 --> 00:42:59,244 -COMEDIAN: Who here's married? -MIDGE: Susie. 1077 00:42:59,286 --> 00:43:01,246 Huh? Yeah. My birthday coming up, 1078 00:43:01,288 --> 00:43:02,831 my wife asked me what I wanted. 1079 00:43:02,872 --> 00:43:04,332 I told her a divorce. 1080 00:43:04,374 --> 00:43:06,251 Yeah, I visited my parents last week. It was the first time 1081 00:43:06,293 --> 00:43:08,503 -we didn't get in a fight. -Come on. -No. I don't want to perform. 1082 00:43:08,545 --> 00:43:09,963 -No. -Also my first time going to the cemetery. 1083 00:43:10,005 --> 00:43:11,548 Eddie Major, ladies and gentlemen. 1084 00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:14,050 -Give him a nice hand. -(scattered applause) 1085 00:43:14,092 --> 00:43:15,927 I guess that's it for me, everyone. Uh, 1086 00:43:15,969 --> 00:43:17,929 -see you tomorrow. -Get back on that horse. -The horse can go to hell. 1087 00:43:17,971 --> 00:43:19,848 -Go. -Shoot the horse. 1088 00:43:19,889 --> 00:43:21,850 -Get up there. -I want my teddy bears. 1089 00:43:21,891 --> 00:43:23,059 SOUND GUY: Ladies and gentlemen, 1090 00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:24,936 please welcome Mrs. Maisel. 1091 00:43:24,978 --> 00:43:26,771 Hello. 1092 00:43:26,813 --> 00:43:30,150 Welcome to the night that will not end. (whoops softly) 1093 00:43:31,401 --> 00:43:33,653 So, tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I failed. 1094 00:43:33,695 --> 00:43:35,864 Oh, did I just fail. 1095 00:43:35,905 --> 00:43:37,615 -(scattered applause) -Yes. 1096 00:43:37,657 --> 00:43:40,160 Applaud me. I need it. Even if it's mocking. 1097 00:43:40,201 --> 00:43:42,662 I have no pride left. 1098 00:43:42,704 --> 00:43:44,831 Earlier tonight, I was in the big room. 1099 00:43:44,873 --> 00:43:47,250 That room over there none of you can afford. Hence, you're here. 1100 00:43:47,292 --> 00:43:48,668 -(chuckling) -It's a nice room. 1101 00:43:48,710 --> 00:43:50,337 The drinks have actual booze in them. 1102 00:43:50,378 --> 00:43:52,422 And I went onstage in that nice big room 1103 00:43:52,464 --> 00:43:55,967 with the super boozy drinks and I just bombed. 1104 00:43:56,009 --> 00:43:57,844 Anyway, I'm getting back on the horse, because 1105 00:43:57,886 --> 00:44:00,597 failure is our right as Americans. 1106 00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,849 -(scattered laughter) -People have fought and died 1107 00:44:02,891 --> 00:44:06,102 so I can do stupid things like leave the sugar out of a cake 1108 00:44:06,144 --> 00:44:08,188 or forget to bring an extra diaper with me 1109 00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:09,939 when I take the baby to the park. 1110 00:44:09,981 --> 00:44:11,566 More than once, she's come home 1111 00:44:11,608 --> 00:44:13,943 with the New York Times sports section wrapped around her ass. 1112 00:44:13,985 --> 00:44:16,780 It's what they had in the trash. 1113 00:44:16,821 --> 00:44:18,948 Plus, the Red Sox won, so... 1114 00:44:20,825 --> 00:44:23,328 Failure is how we grow. 1115 00:44:23,370 --> 00:44:24,746 Actually, it's how men grow. 1116 00:44:24,788 --> 00:44:26,122 It's how women shrink. 1117 00:44:27,540 --> 00:44:30,668 Women are not allowed to fail. 1118 00:44:30,710 --> 00:44:32,504 And when we finally get an opportunity to do something 1119 00:44:32,545 --> 00:44:35,298 that isn't normally done by our sex, we get one chance. 1120 00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:36,841 One. 1121 00:44:36,883 --> 00:44:38,259 How come men fail and people say, 1122 00:44:38,301 --> 00:44:39,844 "You gave it the ol' college try," 1123 00:44:39,886 --> 00:44:41,179 but women fail and they say, 1124 00:44:41,221 --> 00:44:42,931 "You gave it the ol' college try, 1125 00:44:42,972 --> 00:44:44,516 but you shouldn't be in college"? 1126 00:44:44,557 --> 00:44:46,142 (laughter) 1127 00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:47,811 (whooping) 1128 00:44:47,852 --> 00:44:50,021 You know, you come to Vegas and you gamble. 1129 00:44:50,063 --> 00:44:51,606 And my question is, 1130 00:44:51,648 --> 00:44:54,442 is life not enough of a risk for you people? 1131 00:44:54,484 --> 00:44:56,694 Have you never walked through a wet field 1132 00:44:56,736 --> 00:44:58,696 in high heels at an outdoor wedding? 1133 00:44:58,738 --> 00:45:01,866 Or put on mascara in a moving car? 1134 00:45:01,908 --> 00:45:04,285 Or said to your mother, "What do you think?" 1135 00:45:04,327 --> 00:45:07,872 You really need to look for more risk? 1136 00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:10,542 -Hey, it's my boss! -(gasping) 1137 00:45:10,583 --> 00:45:13,169 At least until an hour ago. Are you still my boss? 1138 00:45:13,211 --> 00:45:14,921 I don't know. You're saving all the good stuff for them. 1139 00:45:14,963 --> 00:45:16,256 Ladies and gentlemen, 1140 00:45:16,297 --> 00:45:18,883 my favorite performer in the world-- 1141 00:45:18,925 --> 00:45:20,510 at least until he fires me-- 1142 00:45:20,552 --> 00:45:22,387 Shy Baldwin. 1143 00:45:22,429 --> 00:45:24,055 (cheering, applause) 1144 00:45:24,097 --> 00:45:26,391 Oh, sure, we're having some laughs. 1145 00:45:26,433 --> 00:45:29,227 A prettier face comes along, and I'm chopped liver. 1146 00:45:29,269 --> 00:45:30,478 Fine. 1147 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:31,896 I cede the stage. 1148 00:45:31,938 --> 00:45:33,898 Oh, now, come on. 1149 00:45:33,940 --> 00:45:35,108 I just sang for my supper. 1150 00:45:35,150 --> 00:45:36,526 A man can get tired. 1151 00:45:36,568 --> 00:45:38,945 A man can get tired laying bricks. 1152 00:45:38,987 --> 00:45:41,531 -Ooh. (chuckles) -SHY: Oh, so you're mocking my stamina? 1153 00:45:41,573 --> 00:45:44,367 -Yes, I am. -Okay, okay. 1154 00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:46,786 -I can sing. -Let me know if you feel faint! 1155 00:45:46,828 --> 00:45:48,204 -I'm good. -(cheering) 1156 00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:50,123 I am trained in rescue breathing. 1157 00:45:50,165 --> 00:45:51,958 Oh, I see. It's a mutiny. 1158 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:55,628 Uh, Tim, get your ass up here and play. 1159 00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:57,672 All right, what am I singing? 1160 00:46:00,675 --> 00:46:03,052 (playing "Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby") 1161 00:46:03,094 --> 00:46:04,721 (cheering, applause) 1162 00:46:04,762 --> 00:46:06,723 That-that ain't my song. That's Reggie's song. 1163 00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:08,266 You can borrow it! 1164 00:46:08,308 --> 00:46:09,809 Why, your voice don't work no more? 1165 00:46:09,851 --> 00:46:11,603 -I'm not who went flat tonight. -Oh, I see. 1166 00:46:11,644 --> 00:46:13,104 You're in a fighting mood. 1167 00:46:13,146 --> 00:46:15,523 Get up here. 1168 00:46:15,565 --> 00:46:17,942 Mm, he's throwing down, Reg. 1169 00:46:17,984 --> 00:46:20,612 Come on. Don't slow-walk me. Get up here. 1170 00:46:20,653 --> 00:46:23,281 If I do, I can't be responsible 1171 00:46:23,323 --> 00:46:24,782 -for what happens. -Uh-huh. 1172 00:46:24,824 --> 00:46:26,951 People gonna find out who the real star is. 1173 00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:29,037 ♪ I got a gal ♪ 1174 00:46:29,078 --> 00:46:31,247 ♪ Who's always late ♪ 1175 00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:34,375 ♪ Any time we have a date ♪ 1176 00:46:34,417 --> 00:46:36,794 ♪ But I love her ♪ 1177 00:46:36,836 --> 00:46:40,965 ♪ Yes, I love her ♪ 1178 00:46:41,007 --> 00:46:45,303 (harmonizing): ♪ Is you is or is you ain't my baby? ♪ 1179 00:46:45,345 --> 00:46:47,639 (cheering, whistling) 1180 00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:51,851 ♪ The way you're acting lately makes me doubt ♪ 1181 00:46:51,893 --> 00:46:54,771 ♪ Makes me doubt ♪ 1182 00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:59,317 ♪ Yous is still my baby, baby ♪ 1183 00:47:01,361 --> 00:47:03,321 So, you back? 1184 00:47:03,363 --> 00:47:04,656 Oh, yeah. 1185 00:47:04,697 --> 00:47:05,990 I'm back. 1186 00:47:06,032 --> 00:47:07,408 ♪ Somebody new ♪ 1187 00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:09,786 ♪ Or is my baby ♪ 1188 00:47:09,827 --> 00:47:13,623 ♪ Still my baby true? ♪ 1189 00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:15,750 -Yeah. -(cheering, applause) 1190 00:47:34,269 --> 00:47:36,896 Hey. You seen my guys? 1191 00:47:38,106 --> 00:47:40,066 (laughing, indistinct conversations) 1192 00:47:40,108 --> 00:47:43,570 So, the come line is exactly like the pass line. 1193 00:47:43,611 --> 00:47:45,989 And you can have as many come bets out there as you want. 1194 00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:47,907 And you put odds behind all of 'em? 1195 00:47:47,949 --> 00:47:49,742 If you want a chance to beat the house, yeah, 1196 00:47:49,784 --> 00:47:51,911 -you back 'em all up with odds. -Okay, hold on, hold on. 1197 00:47:51,953 --> 00:47:53,496 -I got to write this down. -All right. 1198 00:47:53,538 --> 00:47:55,582 You carve it into slices halfway through 1199 00:47:55,623 --> 00:47:57,166 and then it's back in the oven. 1200 00:47:57,208 --> 00:47:59,085 It's a controversial method, but I stand by it. 1201 00:47:59,127 --> 00:48:01,588 This brisket is magic. 1202 00:48:01,629 --> 00:48:03,756 You'll see. It grants wishes. 1203 00:48:03,798 --> 00:48:06,259 In you go. (grunts) 1204 00:48:06,301 --> 00:48:08,928 Got gougères, my mother's favorite. 1205 00:48:08,970 --> 00:48:10,263 -Who wants some? -I do. 1206 00:48:10,305 --> 00:48:11,598 -I'll take one. -Me, too. 1207 00:48:11,639 --> 00:48:13,224 Now, don't wolf the appetizers, boys. 1208 00:48:13,266 --> 00:48:15,310 Taste them first. 1209 00:48:15,351 --> 00:48:17,478 Ooh. Believe me, 1210 00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:20,898 Manischewitz is best enjoyed in small quantities. 1211 00:48:20,940 --> 00:48:22,734 Anyone else? 1212 00:48:22,775 --> 00:48:24,986 -Hey. -Hi. 1213 00:48:25,028 --> 00:48:26,654 Thanks for the party. 1214 00:48:26,696 --> 00:48:28,406 One more room service club sandwich 1215 00:48:28,448 --> 00:48:30,074 and I'd beat someone to death with my bass. 1216 00:48:30,116 --> 00:48:31,159 We haven't officially met. 1217 00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,744 I'm Midge. I'm the comic. 1218 00:48:32,785 --> 00:48:34,245 I know. You're a couple rooms down from me. 1219 00:48:34,287 --> 00:48:35,538 I saw you the other night. 1220 00:48:35,580 --> 00:48:36,998 I didn't think you'd remember. 1221 00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:37,999 I wasn't drunk. 1222 00:48:38,041 --> 00:48:40,209 Howard was drunk. And slow. 1223 00:48:40,251 --> 00:48:42,378 He's handsy but harmless. 1224 00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:43,963 You're hysterical. 1225 00:48:44,005 --> 00:48:45,298 Thanks. You're... 1226 00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:47,425 -bass-y. -Thanks. 1227 00:48:47,467 --> 00:48:49,636 Not really up on my musician lingo. 1228 00:48:49,677 --> 00:48:51,888 Just keep cooking homemade meals for these animals, 1229 00:48:51,929 --> 00:48:53,890 and they'll be happy to teach it to you. 1230 00:48:53,931 --> 00:48:55,808 For that and other reasons. 1231 00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:57,477 Yeah. Boys will be... 1232 00:48:57,518 --> 00:48:58,561 Pigs. 1233 00:48:58,603 --> 00:49:00,563 -You married? -Nope. 1234 00:49:00,605 --> 00:49:02,106 Got kids, though. 1235 00:49:02,148 --> 00:49:03,441 Me, too. Two. 1236 00:49:03,483 --> 00:49:05,443 Three. All under ten. 1237 00:49:05,485 --> 00:49:07,320 Got a little homesick yesterday. 1238 00:49:07,362 --> 00:49:09,113 Hence, brisket. 1239 00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:11,532 It's not easy, being on the road. 1240 00:49:11,574 --> 00:49:13,284 But what else are we gonna do-- 1241 00:49:13,326 --> 00:49:15,411 stay home? Dust? 1242 00:49:15,453 --> 00:49:16,412 Fuck dust. 1243 00:49:16,454 --> 00:49:18,289 Hello, Carole. 1244 00:49:18,331 --> 00:49:19,749 Hello, Howard. 1245 00:49:21,084 --> 00:49:22,752 Let's have a drink one day. 1246 00:49:22,794 --> 00:49:24,754 I'll explain the rules of the road to you. 1247 00:49:24,796 --> 00:49:26,172 I would love that. 1248 00:49:26,214 --> 00:49:27,840 Hey! 1249 00:49:27,882 --> 00:49:29,842 What the hell is going on here? 1250 00:49:29,884 --> 00:49:32,095 Guess you guys decided you're rehearsed enough. 1251 00:49:32,136 --> 00:49:33,680 -Is that it? -I'm sorry. 1252 00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:36,182 It's my fault. I made a brisket. 1253 00:49:36,224 --> 00:49:39,018 -A what? -My famous Passover brisket. 1254 00:49:39,060 --> 00:49:41,688 It's the reason the angel of death spared us. 1255 00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:45,024 So, Midge makes a brisket... 1256 00:49:45,066 --> 00:49:46,901 and no one invites me? 1257 00:49:46,943 --> 00:49:48,861 (laughter) 1258 00:49:48,903 --> 00:49:51,114 Hell, you guys have rehearsed enough. 1259 00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:52,949 -Gimme a drink. -MAN: Gotcha, boss. 1260 00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:55,702 I had a hunch you had something to do with this. 1261 00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:57,120 Gougère? 1262 00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:59,706 If you make me fat, I'll fire you. 1263 00:49:59,747 --> 00:50:01,374 STU: They payoff big, so if the table is hot 1264 00:50:01,416 --> 00:50:03,376 and you're in the black, back up your place bets 1265 00:50:03,418 --> 00:50:04,919 -by throwing... -SUSIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on. 1266 00:50:04,961 --> 00:50:06,838 Oh! 1267 00:50:06,879 --> 00:50:09,090 So, your girl gonna get good? 1268 00:50:09,132 --> 00:50:10,591 She's already good. 1269 00:50:10,633 --> 00:50:12,343 Your girl gonna get good? 1270 00:50:12,385 --> 00:50:14,846 Yeah. She's gonna get good. 1271 00:50:14,887 --> 00:50:17,515 'Cause if she can't tell jokes, she can always be the tour chef. 1272 00:50:17,557 --> 00:50:19,934 Mmm. This gougère is righteous. 1273 00:50:19,976 --> 00:50:22,186 She's gonna get fucking good. 1274 00:50:22,228 --> 00:50:23,521 Hey. 1275 00:50:25,064 --> 00:50:27,233 REGGIE: ♪ Open the door, Richard ♪ 1276 00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:28,860 MAN: Aw, here come Reggie. 1277 00:50:28,901 --> 00:50:33,281 ♪ Open the door and let me in ♪ 1278 00:50:33,322 --> 00:50:36,701 ♪ Open the door, Richard ♪ 1279 00:50:36,743 --> 00:50:40,204 ♪ Richard, why don't you open that door ♪ 1280 00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:41,414 (whoop) 1281 00:50:41,456 --> 00:50:45,585 -♪ Open the door, Richard ♪ -All right! 1282 00:50:45,626 --> 00:50:48,838 ♪ Open the door and let me in ♪ 1283 00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:52,800 -(man whoops) ♪ Open the door, Richard ♪ 1284 00:50:52,842 --> 00:50:57,263 ♪ Richard, why don't you open that door ♪ 1285 00:50:57,305 --> 00:51:01,601 -♪ Open the door, Richard ♪ -(whooping) 1286 00:51:01,642 --> 00:51:04,020 ♪ Open the door and let me in ♪ 1287 00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:06,189 -(doorbell rings) -REGGIE: ♪ Help me, Richard! ♪ 1288 00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:09,025 ALL: ♪ Open the door, Richard ♪ 1289 00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:12,653 ♪ Richard, why don't you open that door. ♪ 1290 00:51:12,695 --> 00:51:14,530 (cheering, applause) 1291 00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:16,532 ("Runnin' Away" by Sly and the Family Stone playing) 1292 00:51:16,574 --> 00:51:18,409 ♪ Runnin' away ♪ 1293 00:51:18,451 --> 00:51:21,162 ♪ To get away ♪ 1294 00:51:21,204 --> 00:51:22,872 ♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha ♪ 1295 00:51:22,914 --> 00:51:27,210 ♪ You're wearing out your shoes ♪ 1296 00:51:30,713 --> 00:51:34,300 ♪ Look at you fooling you ♪ 1297 00:51:34,342 --> 00:51:36,177 ♪ Making blues ♪ 1298 00:51:36,219 --> 00:51:39,639 ♪ Of night and day ♪ 1299 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:41,307 ♪ Hee-hee-hee-hee ♪ 1300 00:51:41,349 --> 00:51:44,811 ♪ You're stretching out your dues ♪ 1301 00:51:50,483 --> 00:51:52,360 ♪ Look at you fooling you ♪ 1302 00:52:16,300 --> 00:52:21,013 ♪ Shorter cut is quicker but ♪ 1303 00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:24,141 ♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha ♪ 1304 00:52:24,183 --> 00:52:27,603 ♪ Time is here to stay ♪ 1305 00:52:32,233 --> 00:52:35,444 ♪ Look at you fooling you ♪ 1306 00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,321 ♪ The deeper in debt ♪ 1307 00:52:37,363 --> 00:52:39,448 ♪ The harder you bet ♪ 1308 00:52:39,490 --> 00:52:42,034 ♪ Hee-hee-hee-hee ♪ 1309 00:52:42,076 --> 00:52:45,872 ♪ You need more room to play ♪ 1310 00:52:50,710 --> 00:52:52,712 ♪ Look at you fooling you. ♪