1 00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:10,052 MIDGE: The one that got away. 2 00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,388 The biggest heartache of my life was not 3 00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:15,057 my husband and the father of my children leaving me, 4 00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:19,937 it was never being able to truly land Manniford McClaine. 5 00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:21,188 (group chuckling) 6 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:23,149 Yes, that was his real name, 7 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,067 and he was fabulous. 8 00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:27,653 He was the captain of my high school football team. 9 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,780 He was the leader of the pack. 10 00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:31,949 He had a jawline you could stab your sister with. 11 00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:34,160 -(laughter) -He was so gorgeous that 12 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,828 after years of having my mother tell me, 13 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:38,205 "Your virtue is a garden, keep it watered, 14 00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,915 but behind a fence," 15 00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,792 I bring him over for dinner, she takes one look at him, 16 00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,043 and suddenly it's like, "You know what? 17 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,295 "It's not a high fence. 18 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,880 -"Just hop on over. -(laughter) 19 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:48,215 Here, step on my hands, I'll give you a boost." 20 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:50,217 -(laughter) -We almost went to prom together. 21 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:53,804 -ALL: Ooh! -As friends, but still. 22 00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:56,891 Then his old girlfriend, Satan, moved back from Rhode Island 23 00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,893 and they got back together, got married, 24 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:01,145 had four kids and bought a waterfront mansion 25 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,396 -in Oyster Bay. -ALL: Ooh! 26 00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:03,647 Yes. And... 27 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,024 Hey, is there any more onion dip? 28 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,150 ALL: Shh! 29 00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:07,568 Sorry. 30 00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:08,944 (whispers): Is there any more onion dip? 31 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,905 -(laughter) -Continue, please. 32 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:13,866 Anyhow, the other day I picked up a newspaper 33 00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,951 and there on the front page is a headline: 34 00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:19,872 "Wall Street golden boy, Manniford McClaine, 35 00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:24,335 caught with head of wife in trunk of car." 36 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,294 (all gasping) 37 00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,004 That's right. 38 00:01:27,046 --> 00:01:28,506 Manniford murdered his wife, 39 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,007 then drove around with her head for an hour 40 00:01:30,049 --> 00:01:31,592 before getting caught. I couldn't believe it. 41 00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:34,094 It-it had to be some other Manniford McClaine. 42 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,430 But there he was, in the paper, handcuffed, 43 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:37,973 being perp-walked into the station. 44 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,726 And I just thought, "My God... 45 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,145 he still looks fantastic." 46 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,231 -(laughter) -No, I mean it, 47 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,858 better looking than high school. I know, 48 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,069 my first thought should've been, "Dodged that bullet." 49 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:54,615 Instead it was, "I don't know, he's single, I'm single. 50 00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:56,784 If he beats this thing..." 51 00:01:56,826 --> 00:01:59,495 -(laughter) -Okay, I'm gonna stop talking now. 52 00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,497 Harriet's brother is supposed to play something for us. 53 00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:03,207 Tommy? Play me off! 54 00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:04,917 (cheering and applause) 55 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,210 (piano playing) 56 00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:08,254 Thank you. (laughs) 57 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,005 Oh. Thanks. 58 00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:12,800 Onion dip. 59 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,431 ♪ ♪ 60 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,142 -♪ Bye bye love ♪ -Yes! 61 00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:25,396 ♪ Bye bye happiness... ♪ 62 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,189 Vivian, you're out of glasses. 63 00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,984 Thanks for pointing out the painfully obvious, Frederick. 64 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,861 Stay vigilant! 65 00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:34,530 I think I'm in love with Frederick. 66 00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,532 Frederick? He's with Letty in toiletries. 67 00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:38,200 Letty dumped him days ago. 68 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,327 I heard he was in love with Carroll in the back office. 69 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,579 -Who's she? -He. 70 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:42,955 How very Grecian. 71 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,415 That is a terrible rumor to spread. 72 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,875 These are getting heavy. 73 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,543 Counter. 74 00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:49,378 Use plastic cups next time. 75 00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,463 Pay for 'em and I'll use 'em. 76 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,966 Give me that. Were you raised by bears? 77 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,761 Thanks, Mary. 78 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,096 Coming through! 79 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,475 -♪ Hello emptiness ♪ -Careful. 80 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,311 Watch it. 81 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,854 This is a balance issue, people. 82 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,565 ♪ Bye bye, my love, good-bye-eye ♪ 83 00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:11,775 ♪ Bye bye, my love, good-bye-eye. ♪ 84 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,987 Well done. 85 00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,031 (cheering and laughter) 86 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,494 (in German accent): Oh, I'm so Dasen-offen-upsetten-gruber. 87 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,038 -(man shushes) -I'm sorry? 88 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,664 Fraulein, please help me. I'm so lost. 89 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,917 -I'm looking for the Reichstag. -The Reichstag? 90 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,752 You don't know this famous German building? 91 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,754 Gaudy, very big, and no elevator? 92 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,548 Oy, those steps will leave you uber-pooped! Ha. 93 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,926 -(laughter) -MIDGE: You look very familiar to me. 94 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:40,304 -Do I know you? -No, no, I just have one of those punims. 95 00:03:40,346 --> 00:03:42,056 -(laughter) -What's your name? 96 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,599 My name, well, it's Ay-Rolf-- 97 00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,142 that's the first name-- 98 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,393 "Jawohl," that's it. 99 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,062 -Not very common. -Ay-Rolf. 100 00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,313 Uh, and your last name? 101 00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:50,481 Hitler... burg. 102 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:51,774 -(laughter) -MIDGE: Well, 103 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,734 I've got to tell you, Mr. Ay-Rolf Hitlerburg, 104 00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:56,362 you're a pretty long way from the Reichstag. 105 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,073 Well, that bitch Himmler sent me off completely unprepared. 106 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,324 Did I say "Himmler"? 107 00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:01,867 I meant "Himmlerstein." 108 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,243 Well, what were his directions? 109 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,120 He said to take a left, and another left, 110 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,705 -and then the Third Reich. -"Right." 111 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,957 That's what I said: "Third Reich." 112 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:10,000 -"Right." -Glad you agree. 113 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,835 -(laughter) -MIDGE: Well, 114 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,504 you are a long way from the fatherland. 115 00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:15,923 Was is das? 116 00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:17,925 Your German vocabulary's quite impressive, by the way. 117 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,844 -Danke. -You are in New York City. 118 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,013 New York City, interesting. 119 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,307 Any place you can recommend for a quick bite to eat? 120 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,017 I'm feeling a bit peckish. 121 00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,061 Oh, well, there's an excellent deli around the corner. 122 00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:31,981 -Yeah, deli's not really my thing. -(laughter) 123 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,315 Okay, what do you like? 124 00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:35,442 Whatever's fascist. Fastest! 125 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,027 Oy, what a day this has been. 126 00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,570 (laughter) 127 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,864 -(doorbell buzzes) -Pizza's here! Everybody pay up! 128 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:43,158 (applause, Midge laughs) 129 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,660 So, I'm not really Ay-Rolf Hitlerburg. 130 00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:46,161 Well, you had me fooled. 131 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,080 I'm Randall, Vivian's fifth favorite cousin. 132 00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,456 Midge, Vivian's 34th best friend. 133 00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:50,708 VIVIAN: My what? 134 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,084 Nothing. 135 00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,253 -Couple of comedians. -Are you? 136 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,546 -Am I what? -A comedian? 137 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,089 Oh, bad sign if you can't tell. 138 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,091 -No, you're hysterical. -I'll take your pity. 139 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,260 Yes, I've been at it a while. Almost made my living from it. 140 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,805 Got an agent, got a manager, toured, did a little TV. 141 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,807 (scoffs) In fact, I got to go. 142 00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:09,935 -I got a set downtown in a half hour. -Oh. 143 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,603 Crappy time slot, but, oh, well. 144 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,689 -You ever try a brisket? -A brisket? 145 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,065 Personal joke. 146 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,191 See you again. 147 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,401 And don't be funny without me. 148 00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:18,944 (chuckles) 149 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,821 You can't have Randall, I'm in love with him. 150 00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,364 He's your cousin, Vivian. 151 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,907 Twice removed. 152 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,200 Let's talk, sweetie. 153 00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:27,661 ♪ ♪ 154 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:37,463 ♪ I'm strictly a female female ♪ 155 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:41,258 ♪ And my future I hope will be ♪ 156 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:44,011 ♪ In the home of a brave ♪ 157 00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:45,304 ♪ And free male ♪ 158 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,348 ♪ Who'll enjoy being a guy ♪ 159 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,268 ♪ Having a girl... ♪ 160 00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:53,353 Hey, Jack Webb. Do I look like someone who would use anything 161 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,813 you sell in this store? 162 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,648 Follow the men shopping for their mistresses. 163 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,941 It's bound to be more fun. 164 00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:00,319 MIDGE: This is a personal favorite. 165 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,196 But this one's a little bit more dramatic. 166 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,281 You let me know if anything speaks to you. 167 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:05,991 WOMAN: Oh, I don't know. 168 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,202 I've never worn much makeup before. 169 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,495 This was my daughter's idea. 170 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,622 Blue would be a wonderful color on you. 171 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,040 I don't know. 172 00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:15,209 -Which one is that again? -Mermaid Ice. 173 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,668 Would you like to try it on? 174 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:17,878 -I don't know. -Here. 175 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,006 My daughter said I should try more. 176 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,008 She says I should live a little before it's all over. 177 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,259 Before what's all over? 178 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,345 My life. She said it's a failure. 179 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:30,307 I don't participate; that's why my husband won't talk to me. 180 00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:32,976 She's been very outspoken since she went to Radcliffe. 181 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,269 -(Susie sighs) -There. 182 00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,355 What do you think? 183 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,940 I don't know. 184 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,025 Excuse me, is that Mermaid Ice? 185 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,402 I'm sorry, I'm in a big hurry. My man's coming over 186 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,987 and I am all out of my Mermaid Ice eye shadow. 187 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,364 And if I am not wearing that when he gets home, 188 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,365 all hell breaks loose. 189 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,534 -Really? -You kidding? 190 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,035 I couldn't get him to give me the time of day, 191 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,079 much less give me the, you know, time of day. 192 00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:53,330 And then I came in here-- 193 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,665 -you remember when I came in here? -I do. 194 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,125 You came in here and we talked about... 195 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,627 I told you my life was crap, you sold me the Mermaid Ice, 196 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:01,213 and now my life is a fat, fuzzy peach. 197 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:03,715 I mean, I-I'm going broke 'cause this stuff costs a fortune, 198 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,050 but, man, is it worth it. 199 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,468 -Well, my goodness. -Yeah. 200 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,053 If it worked for you... 201 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,972 I'll take two. 202 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,140 Wonderful. 203 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,641 You will not be sorry. 204 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,268 Margo, would you mind ringing up Mrs. Winters 205 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,603 while I help my return customer over here? 206 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:19,648 MARGO: Hello, I can help you right here. 207 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,150 Well, well, well. 208 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,484 Just call me the closer. 209 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,820 I'm a little surprised to see you. 210 00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:28,240 Well, it's been a while and last time we... 211 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,741 words were said and... 212 00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:33,745 So, you're sorry? 213 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,789 -Sure. -Good. 214 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,166 It's behind us. 215 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,834 So, this is where you hang out now? 216 00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:40,085 Well, you know I never like to be 217 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,628 more than three feet from a lipstick. 218 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,881 -I do. -It's a good job. The girls are really nice. 219 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,632 And there's a vending machine in the employee break room 220 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,843 that's broken, so if you hit it just right, free Abba-Zabas. 221 00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:50,220 -Mm, you are living the dream. -Sorry to interrupt. 222 00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:52,097 Midge, my parents are making me throw them 223 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,016 a 25th anniversary party Friday. 224 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,809 -Friday? Short notice. -I know. 225 00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:58,270 And I have no idea what people of their age do at parties. 226 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,022 My mom keeps saying the word canapés. 227 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,064 Is that an old people's dance? 228 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,066 It's a type of hors d'oeuvre. 229 00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,152 You always know everything, so any tips would help. 230 00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,403 Hire help. 231 00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:07,821 -And get chairs, lots of chairs. -Right. 232 00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,072 Old people sit. 233 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,199 MIDGE: And invite some of your friends 234 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,450 for a little moral support. 235 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,619 Who the hell would want to come to something like this? 236 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,953 I'll come. 237 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,205 You will? 238 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,289 Oh, my God, I love you. 239 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,166 I love her. 240 00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,792 Ha. 241 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,961 -Booked a gig. -I'm sorry, what? 242 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,338 It's just this thing that I've been doing lately. 243 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,839 I've been working the party circuit. 244 00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:26,965 Which means...? 245 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,926 I go to parties and I talk. 246 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,386 -As opposed to...? -People like to hear me talk. 247 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,430 And so far, it's been young parties, Viv's age. 248 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,098 I haven't really worked an older crowd yet, 249 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,516 so this is a perfect opportunity. 250 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,518 I'll-I'll have to adjust a few of my references, 251 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,520 but you have to be able to read an audience, right? 252 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:41,939 Uh-huh. 253 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,690 Uh, hey, are there large quantities of narcotics 254 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:44,900 in these Abba-Zabas of yours? 255 00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,193 I can't explain. I... 256 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:47,694 Just-just come and you'll see. Friday. 257 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:51,114 -Oh, I can't. I have plans. -What plans? 258 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,951 Uh, to not be bored or miserable at some old fuck's party. 259 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,536 Come. You'll-you'll watch, you'll see, you'll understand. 260 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:57,788 I'll-I'll call you with the address. 261 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,081 Wear something... clean. 262 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,631 ABE: All right, everybody. 263 00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,091 Time's up. 264 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,926 Put your papers on my desk 265 00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,303 if they contain the correct answers, 266 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,056 otherwise, just don't. 267 00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:18,558 -Abe. -Oh, hello, Irving. 268 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,893 What's up? 269 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,395 I want you to meet Charles Connelly, 270 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:24,022 Executive Recruiter from Bell Labs. 271 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,440 Bell Labs. 272 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,817 You got time to talk? 273 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,694 Uh, sure. 274 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,529 We're calling it Project Echo, Abe. 275 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,323 A quantum leap in satellite technology. 276 00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:34,992 The commercial ramifications of this could be huge. 277 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,827 Not to mention its defense capabilities. 278 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:39,288 IRVING: It would revolutionize the communications industry. 279 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,956 CHARLES: And Bell Labs is leading the pack. 280 00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:42,291 Abe, we're gathering the best and the brightest 281 00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,750 to help us get there first. 282 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,128 -May I stop you there? -CHARLES: Of course. 283 00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:49,214 I want no part of Sputnik panic. 284 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,424 This smacks of that. 285 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,009 There's no panic, Abe. 286 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,093 We're doing this right. 287 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,303 We never rush R&D. 288 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,387 Your colleague, Bill Chernik... 289 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,763 Bill and Abe have known each other a long time. 290 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,849 Bill Chernik's a good man. 291 00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,434 CHARLES: He's been consulting with us for a while. 292 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,227 Ask him about us. You'll like what you hear. 293 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,937 There's no way this could work. 294 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,856 My class load is so full. 295 00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,899 We can help with that. Take things off your plate. 296 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,319 No, I'm loath to do that. 297 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,903 CHARLES: We'll work around your schedule. 298 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,697 An applied mathematician of your skills 299 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,324 is in high demand these days. 300 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,200 -We need you. -(chuckles) 301 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,994 I told you he'd be a tough sell. 302 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,579 Which makes us want you more. 303 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,872 Pending a security clearance, 304 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,290 Bell Labs is at your beck and call. 305 00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:24,333 I need to get home. 306 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,959 Let me walk with you. 307 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,586 -(bell tolls) -Please think it over. 308 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,629 Take some time. And call with any questions. 309 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,423 -I doubt I'll have any. -Call anyhow. 310 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,091 I'll give you the pitch all over again. 311 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,177 And thanks for your time. 312 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,887 See you Monday, Abe. 313 00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:42,225 We're going out to dinner! 314 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,393 ROSE: Abe? 315 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:45,896 Rose, Rose, get in here. 316 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,898 We are going out to dinner. 317 00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,984 Ruby Foo's, Le Pavillon, name it. 318 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,028 Abe, slow down. Why are we going out to dinner? 319 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,696 Bell Labs, Rose. 320 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,823 I got an offer to work at Bell Labs. 321 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,909 -What? -Bell Labs down in the village! 322 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,369 Oh, my God, Abe! 323 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,497 -(laughing) -Oh, oh. 324 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:06,666 You should have seen me with that recruiter. 325 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,752 I played it so cool. 326 00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:10,796 I kind of nodded like this, 327 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,255 was shaking my head a little bit. 328 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,882 Very serious, very dubious. 329 00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,551 -Oh, you can look extremely dubious. -(laughs) 330 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,887 And he was eating out of the palm of my hand. 331 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,098 This is the big leagues, Rose. 332 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:24,643 This... this is the hotbed of invention. 333 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,562 That TV that you all like so much, 334 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:31,233 -courtesy of Bell Labs transistor work. -No. 335 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,443 -ETHAN: Grandpa, I was watching that. -Oh. 336 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:37,948 Bardeen and Brattain and Shockley won a Nobel for that. 337 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,033 And now I am in their ranks. 338 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,743 Where are we going for dinner? 339 00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:43,161 What about a dinner? 340 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,579 We're going out. The whole family. 341 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,872 Call Noah and Astrid. 342 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,708 He's got an offer from Bell Labs. 343 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,086 -Wow, Papa, congratulations. -(laughs) 344 00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:52,671 Thank you very much. 345 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,172 You've been obsessing on Bell Labs 346 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,799 -for, like, 20 years now. -Mm-hmm. 347 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,217 I haven't been obsessing on them. 348 00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:59,094 My whole childhood, it was Bell Labs this and Bell Labs that, 349 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,762 and, "My God, I'd give up pastrami 350 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,013 for a job at Bell Labs." 351 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,348 (laughs) I may have mentioned them. 352 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,891 A-And once a year, we'd tour the building? The outside, 353 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,268 -because we weren't allowed in. -You kids would play 354 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,936 on the sidewalk while your father would jump up and down, 355 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,271 -and try and peek in the windows. -Yes. 356 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,314 That may have happened once or twice. 357 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,983 -(chuckles) -Is that my blouse? 358 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,110 -Uh, yes, but it's not quite right. -For what? 359 00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:18,238 Okay, I-I'm talking about very important things here, 360 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,157 and you're talking about clothes. 361 00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:23,577 I have to get dressed. Congratulations, Papa. 362 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,871 How often do I get a job at Bell Labs 363 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,707 and no one wants to celebrate with me? 364 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,585 Oh, Abe, my love, we will find the perfect night to celebrate. 365 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,128 With Noah and Astrid? 366 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,337 Uh, they will be there. 367 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,755 I mean, it's Bell Labs. 368 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:38,467 And we, we are all so very proud of you. 369 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,010 Mama, where's your green dress? 370 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,011 At the cleaners. 371 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,512 (whispers): Oh, shoot. 372 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,767 I'm never sure about me and peach. 373 00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:50,437 Hmm. I am. 374 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,690 Here. 375 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:54,816 The Dior? 376 00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,443 Oh, that's perfect. 377 00:12:56,485 --> 00:13:00,238 -So, you're going to another party. -Hmm? 378 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,365 That's the fourth one this week, isn't it? 379 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,493 Four this week, three last week. 380 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:05,952 Which, of course, means they've already seen 381 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,162 everything in my closet. 382 00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:08,705 Enter yours. 383 00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:12,542 So, are these friends of yours and Joel's? 384 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,544 No. New friends. 385 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:15,921 -Girls from work. -Hmm. 386 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,380 What do you think? 387 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,549 Lovely, understated. 388 00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,051 -Understated? -Mm-hmm. 389 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,553 -Next. -You don't want to be understated? 390 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,846 MIDGE: I need to stand out. 391 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,264 ROSE: Well, you always stand out. 392 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,141 I need to stand out in a very specific way. 393 00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,518 Well, you could wear nothing. 394 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,144 That would get some sort of attention. 395 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,479 Don't I know it. 396 00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:33,522 Now, tell me about-- 397 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,106 not until my funeral. 398 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:39,486 So tell me, are there men at these, uh, parties? 399 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,530 They aren't nun parties, Mama. 400 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,823 Well, you know, a girl standing alone at a party 401 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,575 -says just one thing. -What's that? 402 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:46,993 -I'm prey. Hunt me. -Perfect. 403 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,578 -Miriam. -No, seriously, 404 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,330 I was looking for a catchphrase. That's it. 405 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,748 You should wait to go to these parties. 406 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:52,958 It's too soon. 407 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,334 I'll add some gloves to this. 408 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,752 That should give it some zazz. 409 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,379 -Miriam... -Thanks for the dress, Mama. 410 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,381 ROSE: Oh... 411 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,015 What are you doing here? 412 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,308 What am I...? 413 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,893 Y-You invited me to this stupid party. 414 00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:12,978 No, I mean on the elevator. 415 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,646 You're not leaving, are you? 416 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,481 No, I've been riding this thing up and down for an hour 417 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,941 waiting for you to float in here 418 00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,609 on your golden fucking Icarus horse. 419 00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,152 You got a pretty loose concept of time, lady. 420 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,779 Cabs were scarce. 421 00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,239 Well, are you waiting for an engraved invitation? 422 00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:25,490 Get in here. 423 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,911 Got to know the building pretty well. 424 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,538 Old guy on six has cancer. 425 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:32,956 Oh, that's terrible. 426 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,833 I inspired him to reach out to his daughter. 427 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,418 They've been on the outs since she divorced. 428 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:37,669 She's here now, cooking for him. 429 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:38,795 That's nice. 430 00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:40,505 Oh, you hear that? 431 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,299 Couple on the fourth floor, they've been fighting 432 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,800 for a full half hour. 433 00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,844 He pinched some girl's ass, she saw. 434 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,929 May have been the cancer guy's daughter. 435 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,181 Oh, I hope she did nothing to encourage that. 436 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,266 (elevator bell dings) 437 00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,392 You look nice, by the way. 438 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:53,518 Thanks. 439 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,769 Clean shirt? 440 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,354 Uh, define "clean." 441 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,566 (indistinct chatter, soft music playing) 442 00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:02,193 Okay, this is the worst party I've ever been to. 443 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,571 We just walked in the door. 444 00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,239 Let's go get a hot dog or something. 445 00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:08,491 No, no, no, stay. 446 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,160 -Midge, hi. -Hi, Mary. 447 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,995 This is my friend, Susie. Susie, Mary. 448 00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:14,164 Hi, Susie, come on in. Meet the others. 449 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,790 Eh, I feel like I got it. 450 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:16,916 I'll see you inside, Mary. 451 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,544 Nice meeting you. 452 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,713 -What a drip. -You're the drip. 453 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,506 Come on, get with the program here. 454 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,925 Why would anyone in their right mind go to parties? 455 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,719 I mean, just buy some Sno Balls and a beer, 456 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,430 and take the subway at rush hour, same fucking thing. 457 00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:32,265 I-I'm sorry, I just don't get it. 458 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,309 Midge, I think I'm in love. 459 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,978 -Not again. -Come see him, tell me if I'm crazy. 460 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,104 He's my dad's boss. 461 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,606 He's 70. 462 00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,858 And deaf and married, but keep an open mind. 463 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,276 That's my cue. 464 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,486 Huh? 465 00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,696 (applause) 466 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,408 Wait a minute. 467 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,913 Wait a minute. 468 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,040 I get it. I get it. 469 00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:59,167 Mary? I get it. 470 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:00,835 MIDGE: Wow, your silver anniversary. 471 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,545 Your husband looks thrilled. 472 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,924 Maybe we do need a better motivator for men 473 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,385 to get them to care about the silver anniversary. 474 00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,303 Because what man really cares about silver? 475 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,890 Maybe 25 years is the Yankees season tickets anniversary. 476 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,850 -(laughter) -Yeah! 477 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,519 Yeah, and then to get them to 50, 478 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,270 we need something really good. 479 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,648 Maybe it's the "another woman's boobs" anniversary. 480 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,775 -(laughter) -Mm-hmm. 481 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:27,612 Me, personally, I-I was never great at gift-giving. 482 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,448 Maybe it's because I never got to celebrate Christmas. 483 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,450 -I got Hanukkah. -(soft laughter) 484 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,160 Doesn't exactly prepare you the same way. 485 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,287 For Christmas, a gentile would get a bike 486 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,415 as a reminder that their parents love them. 487 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,875 For Hanukkah, we would get socks 488 00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,086 as a reminder that we were persecuted. 489 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,046 (laughter) 490 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,508 Hey. You look happy. 491 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:49,634 As a clam. 492 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:50,927 I ate all the clams, by the way. 493 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,470 See? Parties aren't so bad. 494 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,180 Hmm. I'm just trying to figure out the best way 495 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,765 to hide a lobster under my hat. 496 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,726 -So, did you catch my set? -Your what? 497 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,602 Just now. You hear all the laughs I got? 498 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:00,979 Yeah, I heard the laughs. 499 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,147 Pretty funny, right? 500 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,314 You're a funny woman. 501 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,899 Could you pass the asparagus? 502 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,360 I did a version of the Hanukkah run a couple weeks ago, 503 00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,028 but I've honed it a lot since then. 504 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,989 Yeah, that was some top-notch honing, there. 505 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,283 RANDALL: Darling? Darling, over here! 506 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,951 Uh, yes, dear? 507 00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:16,369 RANDALL: Come over here by the window. 508 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:19,038 You're gonna want to see this. 509 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,915 -MAN: Shh. -What am I looking at? 510 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,834 Well, nothing, silly, the curtains are closed. 511 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,627 I'm incorrigible. 512 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,463 Let's open the curtains here. 513 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:28,006 There, see? 514 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,507 It's the neighbors across the way again. 515 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,967 The wife just got home. 516 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:32,719 She's taking off her coat, 517 00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,512 and here comes her husband to say hello, 518 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,680 -and-- oh! -(gasps) 519 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,848 Did you see that? 520 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,183 -He fell hard. -(laughter) 521 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,018 What the heck did he slip on? 522 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,603 Whatever it is, he's picking it up. 523 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,272 It looks like a towel-- nope, it's the cat. 524 00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:46,232 -He slipped on the cat? -MIDGE: And he is angry. 525 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,442 RANDALL: The cat or the man? 526 00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:48,651 MIDGE: Well, they're both pretty verklempt. 527 00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,320 Oh, you're Jewish. I never knew that. 528 00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:52,113 20 years of marriage and we're still learning things 529 00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:54,157 -about each other. -I like that about us. 530 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,909 RANDALL: He's struggling with the cat... 531 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,495 -The cat knocked his toupee off! -MIDGE: The cat did him a favor. 532 00:17:58,536 --> 00:17:59,954 RANDALL: And he's thrown the cat out the window. 533 00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,498 -MIDGE: Oh, my God! -(laughter) 534 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:02,707 MAN (on TV): And the car had to have 535 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,083 a fancy garage and a fancy mansion to go with it. 536 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,127 WOMAN (on TV): But I didn't expect you to get the money 537 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,879 -this month. -MAN: He wouldn't care where I get it from! 538 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,548 (woman continues speaking indistinctly on TV) 539 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,801 I told you to get it and get out of that. 540 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:15,053 ROSE: Poor Virginia. 541 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,680 Peter never listens to her, now look at the mess he's in. 542 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:20,099 Men only hear men... and bartenders. 543 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,644 She really thinks getting angry will work? 544 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,355 Why don't these writers just give her a boyfriend, or a gun? 545 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,190 -My God. So hostile today. -I'm sorry. 546 00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:28,650 I'm just a wreck right now. 547 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,276 -Everything's falling apart. -Hold it. 548 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,278 MAN (on TV): What's the best way to reduce? 549 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,280 -Commercial. -Eat plenty? Or starve yourself? 550 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:35,490 A half-empty... 551 00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,617 Okay. 552 00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,869 Miriam stopped wearing her wedding ring. 553 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,538 Oh, we're gonna need the ball. 554 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,331 And Joel moved in with that girlfriend. 555 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,083 -DRINA: The secretary. -ROSE: The home-wrecker. 556 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,584 Like Sasha from Edge of Night, 557 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,127 always spreading it around. 558 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,796 She's a nothing. I know it won't last. 559 00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,297 If the secretary were just out of the picture, 560 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:52,674 Joel would come back. 561 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,217 You want her out of the picture? 562 00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:56,052 I have cousins. They have skills. 563 00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,012 -I'm sorry? -Nothing. 564 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,098 I'm looking at the ball. 565 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,016 I see a new man walking toward Miriam. 566 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:03,476 Oh, my God, no. 567 00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:05,395 But he walked right past. Yes, he's gone. 568 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:06,855 -Feel better? -It doesn't matter. 569 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,231 There'll be another man and another 570 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,024 and another; she's on the prowl. 571 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,694 Every night she gets all dolled up and goes to these parties. 572 00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:15,780 Like she's given up on Joel and is trolling for husbands. 573 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,282 She doesn't understand. 574 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,867 Being a divorcée is terrible, yes, 575 00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,368 but being on your second marriage is... 576 00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,953 -Worse. -So much worse. 577 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,621 Second marriage says failure. 578 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,957 At least divorcée sounds continental. 579 00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:28,084 It'd be better if Joel had died, then she'd be a widow. 580 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,627 At least there's dignity in that. 581 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,004 You want Joel to die? 582 00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,797 Again, with the cousins. 583 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,341 -I don't understand. -Okay, I give up. 584 00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:37,760 I see an open path for Miriam. 585 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,971 She will find her way. I promise. 586 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,390 Tell you what, I'll make a tonic. 587 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:45,518 Pour it in her soup, it will help the luck stick. 588 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,062 -Thank you, Drina. -You still look worried. 589 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:49,981 -(sighs) -I have the perfect thing. 590 00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,357 A distraction. 591 00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:57,196 ♪ ♪ 592 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,240 Shh, shh. 593 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,828 I think you'll love the color, Mrs. Maracek. See you again. 594 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:07,790 And what color would you recommend 595 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,834 for my unique complexion, Miss? 596 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,461 Pasty? I'd recommend Spackle. 597 00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,087 -And a putty knife. -I'll pass. 598 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,048 -So what are you doing here? -I have a proposition. 599 00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,591 Oh, blessed day. 600 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:17,800 The ring department's on the third floor. 601 00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:18,927 Remember the four "C"s. 602 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,219 A business proposition. 603 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,387 But not here. 604 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:22,555 You have time later today? 605 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:24,349 I'm off in an hour. 606 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,142 -Can you meet me at the Stage Deli? -Sure. 607 00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:27,602 Great. 608 00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,771 Point me to the shoplifting department? 609 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,814 -Second floor, south side. -Oh. 610 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,942 -Excellent service. -Oh. 611 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,985 (indistinct chatter) 612 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,496 Oh. Hello there. 613 00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:48,498 Midge, this is my karate instructor, Lew Fogelman. 614 00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,083 I'm Randall's agent. 615 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,251 He's with William Morris, so look impressed. 616 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,878 I am impressed. 617 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,296 Midge Maisel. 618 00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,714 I've heard good things. 619 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,091 -I like you already. -(chuckles) 620 00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:00,343 We're sitting now. 621 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:03,054 So... my boy told me he was having a bite with you, 622 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,472 and I was in the neighborhood. 623 00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,182 Hope you don't mind my stopping by. 624 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,184 The Stage Deli is open to all. 625 00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,686 He's headed toward great things, this one. 626 00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:11,187 -Just not in entertainment. -Oh, will you shut up? 627 00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,563 You're annoying us both. 628 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:13,815 I'm winningly self-deprecating. 629 00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,400 It says so right there on the new resumes 630 00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,610 -you made me pony up for. -Anyhow, he mentioned 631 00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:19,362 that the two of you have been teaming up lately, 632 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:20,655 which I find very interesting. 633 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,949 -Teaming up? -Just at parties. 634 00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:24,534 Just for fun. However, 635 00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:27,036 have you ever thought about doing it professionally? 636 00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:29,706 -I-I don't understand. -Sometimes a charming, funny guy 637 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:32,959 with a cute, dizzy broad on his arm is a good sell. 638 00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:35,003 -And I'm the dizzy broad? -Fine. 639 00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:37,255 I'll be the dizzy broad and you be the charming, funny guy. 640 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,840 MIDGE: Perfect. 641 00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:40,425 So you want to do an act... with me? 642 00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:42,552 They're always looking for duos like us 643 00:21:42,593 --> 00:21:44,721 for commercials, radio, industrials. 644 00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:46,389 Company events-- you tell a few jokes, 645 00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:47,849 you mention the product a bunch of times, 646 00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,183 you look pretty. 647 00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:50,935 You can make decent money at this. 648 00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,521 -Seriously? -RANDALL: We'd be a booker's dream. 649 00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:55,898 Who knows, we may be the next Nichols and May. 650 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,360 -You don't know Nichols and May? -Should I? 651 00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:01,696 The next time they're in town, you're going. 652 00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:03,114 -We're going. -LEW: Speaking of going, 653 00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,782 I'll leave the two of you to talk more. 654 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,826 Food's on me; keep it under a thousand bucks. 655 00:22:06,868 --> 00:22:08,411 It's been a pleasure. 656 00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:10,705 I'll send ten percent of my matzo balls to you, Lew. 657 00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,915 And I'll take it. 658 00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:14,751 He's picking up our tab. 659 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:16,502 Excellent. 660 00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:19,005 Next time, let's meet in the shoe department at Saks. 661 00:22:19,047 --> 00:22:20,840 VONNIE: I don't care what your fucking title is. 662 00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:22,675 -It's house manager. -Your dirtbag friends come in 663 00:22:22,717 --> 00:22:24,552 and sit in my section, they got to order. 664 00:22:24,594 --> 00:22:26,846 They don't got to order, they're guests of the house manager. 665 00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:28,890 Then sit them in another section. 666 00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,975 There's only one section, your section. 667 00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:32,393 I fucking quit, Susie. 668 00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:33,686 I'm heartbroken. 669 00:22:33,728 --> 00:22:35,688 (phone ringing) 670 00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:37,815 -Gaslight. -MIDGE: Hey, it's Midge. 671 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,942 I left a bunch of messages for you with Jackie. 672 00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,861 -Did he give them to you? -Hang on. 673 00:22:41,903 --> 00:22:44,697 Jackie, did you have messages from Midge for me? 674 00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:46,949 -Possibly. -Asshole. -Asshole. 675 00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:50,078 You can't just throw in a random off-topic "asshole." 676 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:51,370 An asshole has to be motivated. 677 00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:52,789 You breathe. It's motivated. 678 00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:54,665 Hey, you guys have got to get a divorce. 679 00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,084 I mean it. 680 00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:57,543 What was your message? 681 00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,587 I was just calling to touch base. 682 00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:01,297 You left early the other night. 683 00:23:01,339 --> 00:23:03,633 -Well, they ran out of butter. -MIDGE: Butter. Okay. 684 00:23:03,674 --> 00:23:06,677 Uh, well, we should get together again. 685 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,763 -Soon, okay? -SUSIE: Yeah, sure. 686 00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:11,224 Hey, what was the deal with you and that guy? 687 00:23:11,265 --> 00:23:14,060 -What guy? You mean Randall? -I guess. 688 00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:16,354 We've been doing these bits together at parties for a while. 689 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,106 -They're a big hit. -What, does he think 690 00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:19,982 -he's funny or something? -He is funny. 691 00:23:20,024 --> 00:23:22,693 -You're kidding. -No. He's a professional comedian. 692 00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:25,154 He was even thinking we could get some work doing industrials. 693 00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:27,073 -Industrials? -Yeah. 694 00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:29,575 What, you're gonna spin around on a platform hawking Buicks? 695 00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:31,994 What's wrong with that? Buicks are very fine automobiles. 696 00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:33,704 Miriam, he just sold you some line 697 00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:35,665 'cause he wants to get in your pants. 698 00:23:35,706 --> 00:23:37,458 He does not want to get in my pants. 699 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:39,836 -He wants to fuck you. -He wants me to work with him.. 700 00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:42,004 He says we'll be like Nichols and May. 701 00:23:42,046 --> 00:23:43,422 Nichols and May don't fuck. 702 00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:45,091 Nichols and May totally fuck. 703 00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:47,301 -That's not what he says. -I walked in on them once 704 00:23:47,343 --> 00:23:49,512 in the bathroom here-- even their fucking was hilarious. 705 00:23:49,554 --> 00:23:51,514 Now you're just being coarse and crude. 706 00:23:51,556 --> 00:23:52,682 Randall is totally legit. 707 00:23:52,723 --> 00:23:54,308 I met his agent and everything. 708 00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:56,310 You-you met his agent? 709 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:57,937 At the Stage Deli. 710 00:23:57,979 --> 00:24:00,273 Uh, Lew something, from William Morris. 711 00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:02,108 Nice guy. Bought us lunch. 712 00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,734 Susie, toilet's broken again. 713 00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:06,779 You might want to send the house manager to manage it. 714 00:24:06,821 --> 00:24:08,281 You did that on purpose. 715 00:24:08,322 --> 00:24:09,532 Look, I got to go. 716 00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:11,534 Good luck with the Buicks. 717 00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,290 I can't find my cuff links. 718 00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:19,083 Did you check your cuffs, Papa? 719 00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:21,836 These are my Gimbels' cuff links, my everyday cuff links. 720 00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:24,380 -I need my Finchley cuff links. -Abe, you look fabulous 721 00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:26,424 -without them. Oh... -It's a Finchley night. 722 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:28,009 I'm gonna check the kids' room. 723 00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,011 The kids do not have your Finchley cuff links. 724 00:24:30,052 --> 00:24:31,888 I had cuff links, your kids moved in, 725 00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:33,181 -I don't have cuff links. -Mm. 726 00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:34,515 Draw a conclusion. 727 00:24:34,557 --> 00:24:36,392 Shalom! It's Astrid! 728 00:24:36,434 --> 00:24:39,520 -Come on in, Astrid. -Oh, hi! (giggles) 729 00:24:39,562 --> 00:24:40,813 Hello, you. 730 00:24:40,855 --> 00:24:42,106 -Mwah! -Where's Noah? 731 00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:43,900 Astrid, please let me stop the car 732 00:24:43,941 --> 00:24:45,568 -before you get out. -I'm sorry. 733 00:24:45,610 --> 00:24:47,486 -We discussed this. -I couldn't help it. 734 00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,488 I-I got presents from our trip to Israel. 735 00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:51,699 Where are Esther and Ethan? Where are my little pishers? 736 00:24:51,741 --> 00:24:53,451 Oh, they're already at the babysitter's. 737 00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:56,078 -Oh, no. -Don't worry, she tends to bring them back. 738 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,748 -No cuff links. -Oh, you're looking very handsome, Abe. 739 00:24:58,789 --> 00:25:00,708 I might as well be naked. 740 00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:02,168 That's an image we're all happy to have. 741 00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:04,212 Pop, I got my hands on the Bell Labs schematics 742 00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:06,088 from a friend-- lots of info, tons of specs. 743 00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:07,256 Study. Now. 744 00:25:07,298 --> 00:25:08,799 He walks right past his mother? 745 00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:11,385 -Sorry, Ma. Good to see you. Mwah. Mwah. -Mwah. 746 00:25:11,427 --> 00:25:12,887 Midget, good to see you, too. 747 00:25:12,929 --> 00:25:14,764 Eh. You I could take or leave. 748 00:25:14,805 --> 00:25:16,599 Really, Astrid, my arms are getting tired. 749 00:25:16,641 --> 00:25:18,476 -Please put those down. -It's just that your apartment's 750 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,102 so beautiful, and I know you like everything 751 00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,230 in a certain way, so maybe Noah can just take them 752 00:25:22,271 --> 00:25:24,190 back to the car until the kids get home, or... 753 00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:25,858 -Give this to me. -Oh, thank you. 754 00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:27,360 What's in the bag? 755 00:25:27,401 --> 00:25:28,694 Gefilte fish. 756 00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:31,239 -My next guess. -I tried a new recipe. 757 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,116 You'll be very happy-- there are no onions in this one, Rose. 758 00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:35,993 "Happy" doesn't quite describe it. 759 00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,912 -I'll take it, ma'am. -Thank you, Zelda. 760 00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:39,914 -You know where to... -Yes, I do. 761 00:25:39,956 --> 00:25:41,582 (sighs): Here. This is for you. 762 00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:43,668 Honestly, Astrid, you don't have to bring us gifts 763 00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:45,336 every time you go to Israel. 764 00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:47,713 -I... -What was this, your sixth, seventh trip? 765 00:25:47,755 --> 00:25:49,090 -11th. (giggles) -MIDGE: Oh. 766 00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:52,134 Can't get enough of the Holy Land. 767 00:25:52,176 --> 00:25:55,221 (Abe and Noah talking in distance) 768 00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:58,933 -What a beautiful mezuzah. -(Astrid laughs) 769 00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:01,602 I'd never seen one that big before. (laughs) 770 00:26:01,644 --> 00:26:03,938 It looks like it ate all the other mezuzahs. 771 00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:05,273 Is that bad? 772 00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:07,400 -Oh. No. -I could return it. 773 00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:10,278 -To Israel? -Rose, Bell Labs has two cafeterias. 774 00:26:10,319 --> 00:26:12,029 Different cuisines in each one. 775 00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:13,906 I can choose. I get to choose. 776 00:26:13,948 --> 00:26:15,574 I better start easing them out, 777 00:26:15,616 --> 00:26:17,451 or they'll lose all interest in dinner. 778 00:26:18,494 --> 00:26:20,496 I brought you a gift, too. 779 00:26:20,538 --> 00:26:22,540 Is it another giant mezuzah? 780 00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,542 Oh, it is such a stupid gift. 781 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:26,544 -Astrid, no. -No, Rose has a mezuzah. 782 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:28,629 You have a mezuzah. It's not shoes-- 783 00:26:28,671 --> 00:26:30,756 you can't just change them out every season. 784 00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:33,259 No, but if we ever move to a very big house... 785 00:26:33,301 --> 00:26:35,261 Oh, I just wish Rose liked me. 786 00:26:35,303 --> 00:26:37,513 She likes you very much. She loves you, Astrid. 787 00:26:37,555 --> 00:26:39,473 -I make her nervous. -Breathing makes her nervous. 788 00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:41,225 I thought that converting would help. 789 00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:43,519 I know that it's hard having an outsider in your family. 790 00:26:43,561 --> 00:26:45,313 You are not an outsider. 791 00:26:45,354 --> 00:26:47,231 -Mm-mm. I heard comments at our wedding. -No one commented. 792 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:48,983 "What's up with the shiksa Noah married?" 793 00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:52,194 -Aunt Gertie, once. -I'm an outsider. I'm barren. 794 00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:53,321 Astrid, you're young. 795 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:55,031 No, I'm not. I'm 30. 796 00:26:55,072 --> 00:26:56,657 We're seeing the fertility doctor again tomorrow. 797 00:26:56,699 --> 00:26:59,827 He's one of the pioneers in cervical cap inseminations. 798 00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:01,287 Well, everyone looks good in a cap. 799 00:27:01,329 --> 00:27:02,747 I'm almost too afraid to go. 800 00:27:02,788 --> 00:27:04,790 I mean, what if it doesn't work this time? 801 00:27:04,832 --> 00:27:07,084 What methods did you and Joel use to get pregnant? 802 00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:09,670 Well... sex. 803 00:27:09,712 --> 00:27:13,007 Yeah, that seems to work for most people. 804 00:27:13,049 --> 00:27:14,091 Oh, honey... 805 00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:15,384 Seven years of trying. I mean, 806 00:27:15,426 --> 00:27:16,677 (whispers): what if he leaves me? 807 00:27:16,719 --> 00:27:18,137 Noah is not going to leave you. 808 00:27:18,179 --> 00:27:20,848 You did everything perfectly, and that yutz left you. 809 00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:22,558 Noah loves you. 810 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,310 And I know you think he's pretty dreamy, 811 00:27:24,352 --> 00:27:26,687 but I'm his sister, so I can tell you the truth. 812 00:27:26,729 --> 00:27:29,815 -Oh. -He's a big nerd who lucked out and married up. 813 00:27:29,857 --> 00:27:31,817 -(sighs): No. -Seriously. You're saving him 814 00:27:31,859 --> 00:27:34,236 -from a sad, lonely life in a lab. -(laughs) 815 00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:35,988 He's not going anywhere. Okay? 816 00:27:36,030 --> 00:27:38,783 -ROSE: Miriam! Astrid! We're leaving! -Okay. 817 00:27:38,824 --> 00:27:40,242 Okay. 818 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:42,661 (indistinct chatter continues in distance) 819 00:27:48,125 --> 00:27:51,879 ♪ ♪ 820 00:27:51,921 --> 00:27:54,090 ABE: This is the eighth grade, 821 00:27:54,131 --> 00:27:56,133 and Miss Bedetsky is so overloaded 822 00:27:56,175 --> 00:27:57,927 with math homework to grade, 823 00:27:57,968 --> 00:27:58,969 I offered to help. 824 00:27:59,011 --> 00:28:00,513 I was new to her class, 825 00:28:00,554 --> 00:28:01,889 and she thought it was cute 826 00:28:01,931 --> 00:28:04,058 that a 13-year-old would offer to help. 827 00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:06,018 The emphasis on education in the Jewish faith 828 00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:08,938 may be the thing that I admire the most. 829 00:28:08,979 --> 00:28:10,731 Anyway, she let me try. 830 00:28:10,773 --> 00:28:12,858 And I graded them perfectly-- 831 00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:14,985 without even using the key. 832 00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:17,988 She looked at me, astonished, and then said, 833 00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:20,908 "Abraham Weissman, you are a natural born 834 00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:22,576 -mathematician." -Mm. 835 00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:23,828 I was so proud. 836 00:28:23,869 --> 00:28:25,830 (laughs) Did you stay in touch with her? 837 00:28:25,871 --> 00:28:27,415 -That moron? No. -ROSE: Abe. 838 00:28:27,456 --> 00:28:29,625 What? There were mistakes she didn't find 839 00:28:29,667 --> 00:28:31,544 in the papers she graded that day. 840 00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,087 So I corrected them and immediately transferred 841 00:28:33,129 --> 00:28:34,880 -out of her class. -He couldn't just stop 842 00:28:34,922 --> 00:28:36,882 at the nice part-- he just, he had to keep going. 843 00:28:36,924 --> 00:28:39,343 She left the school after that, on my recommendation. 844 00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:41,387 I would like to propose a toast. (clears throat) 845 00:28:41,429 --> 00:28:43,472 -ASTRID: Mmm. -I have never understood 846 00:28:43,514 --> 00:28:46,308 what Abe Weissman was talking about ever in my life. 847 00:28:46,350 --> 00:28:48,602 One time I made the mistake of asking about his day. 848 00:28:48,644 --> 00:28:50,062 45 minutes later, he was still talking, 849 00:28:50,104 --> 00:28:51,605 but I had taken to my bed. 850 00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:53,774 -(laughing) -So for both of our sakes, 851 00:28:53,816 --> 00:28:55,818 I'm very glad that he's finally found 852 00:28:55,860 --> 00:28:58,320 some people who truly speak his language. 853 00:28:58,362 --> 00:29:01,323 And apparently whatever he's been saying is very impressive. 854 00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:04,326 So please join me in toasting my father, 855 00:29:04,368 --> 00:29:07,163 -the great Abe Weissman. -NOAH: Cheers. 856 00:29:07,204 --> 00:29:09,123 L'chaim! 857 00:29:09,165 --> 00:29:11,000 (Midge clears throat) 858 00:29:22,344 --> 00:29:24,930 -What do we do? -We should leave. 859 00:29:24,972 --> 00:29:27,016 -We're not leaving. -He's practically on top of us. 860 00:29:27,057 --> 00:29:28,017 Wait, is that the secretary? 861 00:29:28,058 --> 00:29:29,101 There are a thousand restaurants 862 00:29:29,143 --> 00:29:30,561 in the city-- what are the odds? 863 00:29:30,603 --> 00:29:31,729 One in sixteen thousand, four hundred fifty... 864 00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:33,022 Twelve thousand, three hundred... 865 00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:34,648 I'm taking into account weather effects, 866 00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:36,317 that some restaurants are closed on Mondays... 867 00:29:36,358 --> 00:29:37,902 Yeah, yeah, but I'm calculating differentials in geography, 868 00:29:37,943 --> 00:29:40,070 -quality... -We get it, guys, the odds are low. 869 00:29:40,112 --> 00:29:41,197 She doesn't even look Jewish. 870 00:29:41,238 --> 00:29:42,615 -Is she Jewish or...? -We should leave. 871 00:29:42,656 --> 00:29:44,074 Papa, this is your celebration. 872 00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:45,576 Don't let him ruin it. 873 00:29:45,618 --> 00:29:46,869 I couldn't find my Finchley cuff links. 874 00:29:46,911 --> 00:29:48,829 It was an omen. I should have heeded it. 875 00:29:48,871 --> 00:29:50,122 Papa, your cuff links were not an omen. 876 00:29:50,164 --> 00:29:51,665 Her ankles are the same size as her calves. 877 00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:53,292 Okay, if we're gonna stay, we should probably 878 00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:54,752 figure out something else to be talking... 879 00:29:56,420 --> 00:29:58,005 We should go. 880 00:29:58,047 --> 00:29:59,507 Put the egg rolls in your purse. 881 00:29:59,548 --> 00:30:01,133 -My purse is silk. -Fine. 882 00:30:01,175 --> 00:30:02,885 Anyone with pockets, grab a roll. 883 00:30:02,927 --> 00:30:04,803 -I'll get us a cab. -We should walk. 884 00:30:04,845 --> 00:30:06,889 -I'm in heels. -Fine, we're getting a cab. 885 00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:08,599 -Noah, get us a cab. -Okay. 886 00:30:12,561 --> 00:30:14,188 (car horn honks) 887 00:30:14,230 --> 00:30:16,065 ABE: Taxi! 888 00:30:16,106 --> 00:30:18,859 -NOAH: Taxi? -ABE: Hey. Taxi! 889 00:30:18,901 --> 00:30:20,277 -JOEL: Midge. -Joel, please... 890 00:30:20,319 --> 00:30:21,904 -I'm sorry. -It's okay. 891 00:30:21,946 --> 00:30:23,822 -I didn't know you'd be here. -How could you? 892 00:30:23,864 --> 00:30:25,950 -I didn't know you came here. -We don't. We never have. 893 00:30:25,991 --> 00:30:27,701 I've been steering clear of Barney Greengrass and Zabar's. 894 00:30:27,743 --> 00:30:29,620 I go all the way over to the East Side 895 00:30:29,662 --> 00:30:31,247 just to buy a pack of cigarettes. 896 00:30:31,288 --> 00:30:32,581 We're celebrating. It's a special occasion. 897 00:30:32,623 --> 00:30:34,416 My father got a job at Bell Labs. 898 00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:37,127 Bell Labs? Wow, that's terrific. He finally got it. 899 00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:38,462 It's a special occasion. That-That's all. 900 00:30:38,504 --> 00:30:39,630 I'll never come here again. 901 00:30:39,672 --> 00:30:40,839 We'll never come here again. 902 00:30:40,881 --> 00:30:42,591 I'm sorry. I just... 903 00:30:42,633 --> 00:30:45,052 I didn't mean to spoil the night. 904 00:30:45,094 --> 00:30:46,845 You didn't. It's... 905 00:30:57,231 --> 00:30:59,608 You should go back inside. 906 00:31:01,986 --> 00:31:04,863 Tell your... 907 00:31:04,905 --> 00:31:06,865 That's great... 908 00:31:06,907 --> 00:31:09,118 about Bell Labs. 909 00:31:23,090 --> 00:31:25,175 ASTRID: And this is Rabbi Schneerson. 910 00:31:25,217 --> 00:31:27,177 A very good man, but that card's in every pack, 911 00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:29,013 -so no one will trade you for him. -(laughs) 912 00:31:29,054 --> 00:31:30,556 ROSE: Capers and mustard. 913 00:31:30,598 --> 00:31:32,391 That's it for things I recognize in here. 914 00:31:32,433 --> 00:31:34,184 We should have taken the champagne. 915 00:31:34,226 --> 00:31:36,478 -It was already poured. -That's why God invented funnels. 916 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,147 No, wait, I see cottage cheese. 917 00:31:38,188 --> 00:31:40,316 -I like cottage cheese. -(gasps) You got a Hirchensohn! 918 00:31:40,357 --> 00:31:42,443 Chief rabbi of Hoboken! 919 00:31:42,484 --> 00:31:44,445 (laughs) Have you ever seen a Hirchensohn? 920 00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:46,572 To be honest, I've never seen rabbi trading cards. 921 00:31:46,614 --> 00:31:48,115 Oh, one of the wonders of Israel. 922 00:31:48,157 --> 00:31:49,700 That and Shabbat on a kibbutz. 923 00:31:49,742 --> 00:31:51,535 Okay, this might be soup or gravy. I don't know. 924 00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:52,953 It's a container of brown-- should we try it? 925 00:31:52,995 --> 00:31:55,122 This is no longer cottage cheese. 926 00:31:55,164 --> 00:31:57,082 ASTRID: I can't believe someone actually came in here 927 00:31:57,124 --> 00:31:59,335 to steal the gefilte fish-- we could be eating that. 928 00:31:59,376 --> 00:32:01,795 -ROSE: Astonishing. -You sure it's not here? 929 00:32:01,837 --> 00:32:03,797 -I looked. -MIDGE: We looked. 930 00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:05,215 Can I go to bed now? 931 00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:06,759 -Oh... -Of course, sweetie. 932 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,136 Here, I'll take you. Oh, and I can sneak in 933 00:32:09,178 --> 00:32:10,929 and steal a little kiss for my baby Esther. 934 00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:12,890 Oh, no, uh, the baby just went to sleep, Astrid. 935 00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:14,683 I promise you can kiss her in the morning. 936 00:32:14,725 --> 00:32:16,518 Good night, Ethan. Sweet dreams. 937 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,979 (gasps) Cookies. I found cookies. 938 00:32:19,021 --> 00:32:20,522 Oh, ignore what your brother says-- 939 00:32:20,564 --> 00:32:23,359 -you are officially my favorite. Mmm. -Mmm. 940 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:24,860 It's not going to last. 941 00:32:24,902 --> 00:32:27,279 -What's not? -Joel and that woman. 942 00:32:27,321 --> 00:32:29,990 I saw him check his watch. Twice. 943 00:32:30,032 --> 00:32:32,034 -Mama, don't... -Trust me. 944 00:32:32,076 --> 00:32:34,912 That girl is on her way out. 945 00:32:43,587 --> 00:32:47,216 ♪ You with the stars in your eyes... ♪ 946 00:32:47,257 --> 00:32:50,469 Cookie for a smoke? 947 00:32:50,511 --> 00:32:53,597 If the parents catch us, this was your idea. 948 00:32:53,639 --> 00:32:55,808 -♪ You used to be ♪ -Yeah, yeah. 949 00:32:55,849 --> 00:32:58,310 -♪ Too wise ♪ -(horn honks in distance) 950 00:33:01,438 --> 00:33:03,649 ♪ Hey there... ♪ 951 00:33:03,691 --> 00:33:05,943 What a dinner, huh? 952 00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:07,986 What? Did something unusual happen? 953 00:33:08,028 --> 00:33:09,738 I wasn't paying attention. 954 00:33:09,780 --> 00:33:11,824 I still can't believe you and Joel split. 955 00:33:11,865 --> 00:33:13,409 Wasn't my plan, believe me. 956 00:33:13,450 --> 00:33:15,411 It's so disappointing. I really liked the guy. 957 00:33:15,452 --> 00:33:17,037 God, and that girl he was with. 958 00:33:17,079 --> 00:33:19,665 When I saw that, I thought, "I should hit him." 959 00:33:19,707 --> 00:33:21,250 And I would've. 960 00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:23,669 But then I remembered once we were joking around, 961 00:33:23,711 --> 00:33:25,671 and I sort of fake-punched his arm... 962 00:33:25,713 --> 00:33:27,131 Broke my pinkie. 963 00:33:27,172 --> 00:33:29,174 -What? -He didn't look that big, 964 00:33:29,216 --> 00:33:31,176 but his arm was like a brick wall. 965 00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:33,512 -Yeah, he had strong arms. -It was humiliating. 966 00:33:33,554 --> 00:33:35,597 The next day at work I had to make up a story 967 00:33:35,639 --> 00:33:38,058 -about being mugged in the park. -You never told me any of this. 968 00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:39,852 Well... it wasn't my most... 969 00:33:39,893 --> 00:33:42,020 manly anecdote. 970 00:33:45,232 --> 00:33:48,402 I sure hate that he hurt you, boy. 971 00:33:49,653 --> 00:33:51,613 Thanks. 972 00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:53,699 Make sure the next guy you get involved with 973 00:33:53,741 --> 00:33:55,200 has very weak upper body strength. 974 00:33:55,242 --> 00:33:56,994 -Of course. -I'd like to defend your honor. 975 00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:58,912 -I'd appreciate that. -But I have to be able 976 00:33:58,954 --> 00:34:00,873 to hold a pen the next day. 977 00:34:00,914 --> 00:34:03,542 Noah, listen, you got to do me a favor, okay? 978 00:34:03,584 --> 00:34:04,752 Anything. 979 00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:06,336 Don't leave Astrid. 980 00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:07,963 Oh, my God. I'm not gonna leave Astrid. 981 00:34:08,005 --> 00:34:09,423 -She thinks you are. -I'm not. 982 00:34:09,465 --> 00:34:11,216 I've told her a million times I'm not. 983 00:34:11,258 --> 00:34:13,010 -She's worried about h... -Kids. I know, she's obsessed with it. 984 00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:15,471 I don't care if we have kids. I want a dog. 985 00:34:15,512 --> 00:34:16,889 She's driving herself crazy. 986 00:34:16,930 --> 00:34:18,223 She's driving me crazy. 987 00:34:18,265 --> 00:34:19,641 I don't know what to do with her. 988 00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:20,893 When she gets something in her head-- 989 00:34:20,934 --> 00:34:22,311 like the whole converting thing. 990 00:34:22,352 --> 00:34:24,897 She had to sign up for the accelerated conversion package. 991 00:34:24,938 --> 00:34:26,356 Goy to Jew in three weeks or less. 992 00:34:26,398 --> 00:34:28,525 Classes, rituals, and weird baths in basements, 993 00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:30,819 and, oh, my God, so much challah. 994 00:34:30,861 --> 00:34:32,321 -I remember. -All to impress Mama. 995 00:34:32,362 --> 00:34:33,530 Who doesn't eat bread. 996 00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:35,115 And if I have to go to Israel 997 00:34:35,157 --> 00:34:36,575 -one more time... -Just, please, 998 00:34:36,617 --> 00:34:39,244 till death do you part. 999 00:34:40,496 --> 00:34:42,456 I promise. 1000 00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:45,459 She's a lucky gal. 1001 00:34:45,501 --> 00:34:47,461 I should get back in. 1002 00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:49,505 I'm playing hooky. 1003 00:34:53,759 --> 00:34:55,803 -Hey, your old turntable. -(short chuckle) 1004 00:34:55,844 --> 00:34:58,222 And some really dirty comedy albums. 1005 00:34:58,263 --> 00:34:59,723 Don't tell Mama. 1006 00:34:59,765 --> 00:35:01,225 Vestiges of Joel? 1007 00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:03,560 Nope, they're mine. 1008 00:35:03,602 --> 00:35:05,354 You know... 1009 00:35:05,395 --> 00:35:07,606 I never did get his thing for comedy. 1010 00:35:07,648 --> 00:35:10,275 One time we came to see him, he didn't seem that funny. 1011 00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:12,236 -Hmm. -You're the funny one. 1012 00:35:12,277 --> 00:35:14,279 You've always been the funny one. 1013 00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:16,615 -Thanks. -(baby starts crying) 1014 00:35:16,657 --> 00:35:18,075 Astrid kissed the baby. 1015 00:35:18,116 --> 00:35:20,118 It was inevitable. 1016 00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:28,168 The food was good. 1017 00:35:28,210 --> 00:35:31,213 I wonder if there really was a General Tso. 1018 00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:41,974 You get out. 1019 00:35:42,015 --> 00:35:45,143 I, uh, have to go back to the office for a while. 1020 00:35:45,185 --> 00:35:46,645 Oh. 1021 00:35:46,687 --> 00:35:48,689 Okay. 1022 00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:54,653 Don't wait up. 1023 00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:09,960 Who the hell are you? 1024 00:36:10,002 --> 00:36:11,920 Susie Myerson. Nice to meet you. 1025 00:36:11,962 --> 00:36:14,089 The, uh, African masks seem out of place. 1026 00:36:14,131 --> 00:36:16,049 -How did you get in here? -Are you kidding me? 1027 00:36:16,091 --> 00:36:18,635 The entire William Morris Agency goes to lunch from 1:00 to 2:00. 1028 00:36:18,677 --> 00:36:20,679 Agents, secretaries, security, the janitor. 1029 00:36:20,721 --> 00:36:22,347 I could've done naked cartwheels down the corridor 1030 00:36:22,389 --> 00:36:23,807 and no one would have stopped me. 1031 00:36:23,849 --> 00:36:25,726 What is it with you people and lunch? 1032 00:36:25,767 --> 00:36:28,478 -Don't any of you eat breakfast? -Get out from behind my desk. 1033 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,189 I-I'm sorry, you don't like people behind your desk? 1034 00:36:31,231 --> 00:36:33,942 Tell you what. I won't get behind your desk 1035 00:36:33,984 --> 00:36:35,736 if you won't get behind mine. 1036 00:36:35,777 --> 00:36:37,571 Okay, I'm calling security. 1037 00:36:37,613 --> 00:36:39,698 Oh, forget it, Lew. I cut the lines. 1038 00:36:39,740 --> 00:36:41,491 You what? 1039 00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:43,785 Ah, I didn't cut the lines. Just wanted to sound like 1040 00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:46,705 I was in a Bogart picture for a second. It was kind of cool. 1041 00:36:46,747 --> 00:36:48,707 Who the fuck are you? 1042 00:36:48,749 --> 00:36:50,667 You handle a guy, Randall something. 1043 00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:53,337 I don't know the last name. He's a client of yours, right? 1044 00:36:53,378 --> 00:36:55,255 Introduced you to a woman named Midge Maisel? 1045 00:36:55,297 --> 00:36:56,757 Yeah, so? 1046 00:36:56,798 --> 00:36:58,842 So? Midge Maisel's a client of mine. 1047 00:36:58,884 --> 00:37:00,844 -You're her rep? -Yup. 1048 00:37:00,886 --> 00:37:02,763 And she doesn't need a William Morris agent 1049 00:37:02,804 --> 00:37:05,265 in her life right now. She's got everything she needs with me. 1050 00:37:05,307 --> 00:37:07,768 And who are you, to be telling me this? 1051 00:37:07,809 --> 00:37:10,687 Lew, we both know what a place like this does with someone 1052 00:37:10,729 --> 00:37:13,273 like Midge-- a girl comic, good-looking, 1053 00:37:13,315 --> 00:37:15,400 just starting out, can't sing. 1054 00:37:15,442 --> 00:37:18,612 You meet 'em at the deli, like you did, all casual-like. 1055 00:37:18,654 --> 00:37:21,239 And then you schedule a fancy lunch-- there's always lunch-- 1056 00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:23,283 talk to 'em about their hopes and their dreams, 1057 00:37:23,325 --> 00:37:25,118 you promise them everything, you deliver nothing, 1058 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:26,995 and then you dump 'em if lightning doesn't strike 1059 00:37:27,037 --> 00:37:28,497 within the first five minutes. 1060 00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:29,998 She does not need you. 1061 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:31,917 She does not need Randall. She needs me. 1062 00:37:31,959 --> 00:37:33,293 -Oh, yeah? -Yeah. 1063 00:37:33,335 --> 00:37:34,753 What kind of contract you got with her? 1064 00:37:34,795 --> 00:37:36,630 Same kind of contract you got with your nuts-- 1065 00:37:36,672 --> 00:37:38,548 there's two of us and we're attached. 1066 00:37:38,590 --> 00:37:40,384 And if you ever go near Midge again, 1067 00:37:40,425 --> 00:37:42,761 I will make it my life's mission to take you 1068 00:37:42,803 --> 00:37:44,805 and this entire building down. 1069 00:37:46,515 --> 00:37:49,559 Oh, and... here's my card. 1070 00:37:49,601 --> 00:37:51,603 In case you need it someday. 1071 00:37:57,025 --> 00:37:59,027 ♪ ♪ 1072 00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:05,993 (knocking) 1073 00:38:08,453 --> 00:38:09,913 (turns off radio) 1074 00:38:12,332 --> 00:38:13,917 Babka. 1075 00:38:13,959 --> 00:38:16,294 -Bourbon. -Oh, I like that combination. 1076 00:38:16,336 --> 00:38:18,588 Come in. 1077 00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:21,466 It's excellent toasted with a little butter, 1078 00:38:21,508 --> 00:38:23,468 -if you're so inclined. -(sniffs) Mm. 1079 00:38:23,510 --> 00:38:24,803 Sit down. 1080 00:38:24,845 --> 00:38:26,805 I like what you've done with the place. 1081 00:38:26,847 --> 00:38:29,599 -Do you? -Yes. It looks... 1082 00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:31,768 What shall we toast to? 1083 00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:33,603 Not yet. I want to talk first. 1084 00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:35,230 Oh. Okay. Sounds serious. 1085 00:38:35,272 --> 00:38:36,982 -You got a phone. -I did. 1086 00:38:37,024 --> 00:38:38,942 You said you didn't get the phone. 1087 00:38:38,984 --> 00:38:40,986 -Yeah, well, I'm a cockeyed optimist. -Hmm. 1088 00:38:41,028 --> 00:38:42,779 So, how you doing? 1089 00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:44,197 I'm fine. 1090 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,575 Good. Good. So you're not insane? 1091 00:38:46,616 --> 00:38:48,702 -I don't think so. -'Cause you seem insane. 1092 00:38:48,744 --> 00:38:50,245 What are you talking about? 1093 00:38:50,287 --> 00:38:52,080 This party circuit thing you've got going on, 1094 00:38:52,122 --> 00:38:54,041 I don't know what you really think it is, 1095 00:38:54,082 --> 00:38:55,459 but it's not stand-up. 1096 00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:57,377 It's not a gig, it's a party. 1097 00:38:57,419 --> 00:39:00,380 Yeah? You are not getting paid, you are not getting booked, 1098 00:39:00,422 --> 00:39:02,215 and those people are not a real audience-- 1099 00:39:02,257 --> 00:39:04,718 they are politely nodding at you while they drink free booze, 1100 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:06,595 and then they talk about the crazy lady 1101 00:39:06,636 --> 00:39:08,472 who wouldn't shut up the whole night. 1102 00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:10,057 I know they're not real gigs. 1103 00:39:10,098 --> 00:39:11,808 Do you? 'Cause it doesn't seem like it. 1104 00:39:11,850 --> 00:39:13,977 -And second of all... -There was no first of all. 1105 00:39:14,019 --> 00:39:16,730 ...you do not need a goddamn man at your side to do this. 1106 00:39:16,772 --> 00:39:18,440 What the hell are you thinking? 1107 00:39:18,482 --> 00:39:20,776 You really want to be some second-rate Nichols and May? 1108 00:39:20,817 --> 00:39:22,694 'Cause there's already a first-rate Nichols and May. 1109 00:39:22,736 --> 00:39:24,404 It's fuckin' Nichols and May. 1110 00:39:24,446 --> 00:39:27,491 Now, you could be an original, but you are fucking it all up 1111 00:39:27,532 --> 00:39:30,535 with this cockamamie alternate universe party bullshit. 1112 00:39:30,577 --> 00:39:32,412 You want to do this?! 1113 00:39:32,454 --> 00:39:33,830 -Yes. -Do you? 1114 00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:35,874 -Yes! -Well, I can't tell anymore. 1115 00:39:35,916 --> 00:39:37,793 You want me to get rid of the phone, 'cause I can get rid 1116 00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:39,294 -of the phone. -Do not get rid of the phone. 1117 00:39:39,336 --> 00:39:40,545 I don't need to have a goddamn phone. 1118 00:39:40,587 --> 00:39:41,922 I don't have anybody I have to call. 1119 00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,673 I got that phone for you, 1120 00:39:43,715 --> 00:39:46,009 for this partnership that I thought we were starting. 1121 00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:48,220 -We are. -Does your new agent know that? 1122 00:39:48,261 --> 00:39:49,513 He's... not my... 1123 00:39:49,554 --> 00:39:51,890 You do not meet with any agents 1124 00:39:51,932 --> 00:39:54,309 without me knowing about it, ever. 1125 00:39:54,351 --> 00:39:56,436 I did not know he was gonna be there. I swear. 1126 00:39:56,478 --> 00:39:58,855 Bullshit! You're not an idiot! 1127 00:39:58,897 --> 00:40:01,399 Just drop this doe-eyed Bambi thing right now. 1128 00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:04,361 Okay, I'm so sick of you acting all innocent: "Oh, 1129 00:40:04,402 --> 00:40:06,905 "I don't know how the world works 'cause I'm a housewife, 1130 00:40:06,947 --> 00:40:08,698 and I wear four layers of petticoats." 1131 00:40:08,740 --> 00:40:10,408 It is tired and it is weak, 1132 00:40:10,450 --> 00:40:12,953 and you are not tired and you are not fucking weak. 1133 00:40:12,994 --> 00:40:14,871 And if you want to be a comic, 1134 00:40:14,913 --> 00:40:17,958 you are gonna have to grow the fuck up right now! 1135 00:40:17,999 --> 00:40:20,085 (whimpers) 1136 00:40:20,127 --> 00:40:22,337 (sniffles) 1137 00:40:22,379 --> 00:40:25,382 (sobbing) 1138 00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:28,593 (sniffles) I'm sorry. I... 1139 00:40:28,635 --> 00:40:30,345 I don't know what to do lately. 1140 00:40:30,387 --> 00:40:32,848 I'm... I'm trying to be strong and independent, 1141 00:40:32,889 --> 00:40:35,642 but I saw Joel the other night, and he was with her, 1142 00:40:35,684 --> 00:40:38,854 and every time I think I can breathe again, I can't. 1143 00:40:38,895 --> 00:40:40,522 And I'm-I'm trying to get it right. 1144 00:40:40,564 --> 00:40:42,065 I'm trying to figure it out. 1145 00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:43,733 I know the parties aren't gigs. 1146 00:40:43,775 --> 00:40:45,652 I know I'm not really doing stand-up. 1147 00:40:45,694 --> 00:40:47,737 I don't want to be a second-rate Nichols and May. 1148 00:40:47,779 --> 00:40:49,489 I'd never even heard of Nichols and May. 1149 00:40:49,531 --> 00:40:50,949 And I've got news for you. 1150 00:40:50,991 --> 00:40:52,909 If you're gonna be a personal manager, 1151 00:40:52,951 --> 00:40:55,620 then sometimes you're gonna have to deal with the personal. 1152 00:40:55,662 --> 00:40:57,205 And this... 1153 00:40:57,247 --> 00:40:58,790 is personal. 1154 00:40:58,832 --> 00:41:00,333 All of this. 1155 00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:03,086 And it's not just deals and lectures. 1156 00:41:03,128 --> 00:41:05,255 Sometimes you're gonna have to buy some Kleenex 1157 00:41:05,297 --> 00:41:07,465 and let me cry and pat me on the back 1158 00:41:07,507 --> 00:41:09,634 -and say, "There, there." -Okay, that's not really my... 1159 00:41:09,676 --> 00:41:10,927 You're gonna have to listen to me talk 1160 00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:12,554 about my husband, and my kids. 1161 00:41:12,596 --> 00:41:14,181 Both of 'em? 1162 00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:15,891 Yes. Both of them. 1163 00:41:15,932 --> 00:41:19,102 And you are gonna have to stop backing away from me 1164 00:41:19,144 --> 00:41:21,938 when I feel like my life is falling apart. 1165 00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:25,442 You are gonna have to tell me I'm good when I'm not. 1166 00:41:25,483 --> 00:41:27,027 -You want me to lie? -Yes! 1167 00:41:27,068 --> 00:41:29,029 That is what managers do! 1168 00:41:29,070 --> 00:41:31,740 Do you understand? 1169 00:41:31,781 --> 00:41:33,450 (Midge exhales) 1170 00:41:34,451 --> 00:41:36,286 (Midge crying quietly) 1171 00:41:38,246 --> 00:41:39,623 (sobs) 1172 00:41:42,792 --> 00:41:44,753 There, there. 1173 00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:48,548 Better? 1174 00:41:50,926 --> 00:41:53,553 (sniffles) Yes. 1175 00:41:53,595 --> 00:41:55,680 Better. 1176 00:41:55,722 --> 00:41:57,224 Good. 1177 00:41:57,265 --> 00:41:58,975 Tomorrow... 1178 00:41:59,017 --> 00:42:02,103 we're gonna sign some fuckin' paperwork. 1179 00:42:04,147 --> 00:42:06,691 The last few signatures. I promise. 1180 00:42:06,733 --> 00:42:08,485 Responsibility is often 1181 00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:11,488 -accompanied by excessive paperwork. -And how. 1182 00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:13,198 Especially when the government's involved. 1183 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,200 If you'd asked me a week ago, I would not have put money 1184 00:42:15,242 --> 00:42:16,451 on us sitting here today. 1185 00:42:16,493 --> 00:42:18,370 Well, I had to shuffle quite a few things around, 1186 00:42:18,411 --> 00:42:22,374 make some tough compromises, and you seemed so desperate. 1187 00:42:22,415 --> 00:42:24,501 We are thrilled, believe me. 1188 00:42:24,542 --> 00:42:25,752 All your background checks are completed. 1189 00:42:25,794 --> 00:42:27,003 You sailed through 1190 00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:28,213 -faster than most. -Very good. 1191 00:42:28,255 --> 00:42:30,465 Now, there's just the final government clearance. 1192 00:42:30,507 --> 00:42:33,677 It's somewhat more intensive, but it should go smoothly, too. 1193 00:42:33,718 --> 00:42:35,387 The only possible bump I see 1194 00:42:35,428 --> 00:42:36,846 would be your daughter's arrests. 1195 00:42:38,098 --> 00:42:40,976 Her arrests? 1196 00:42:41,017 --> 00:42:42,560 We know, a couple of misdemeanors, she pled guilty. 1197 00:42:42,602 --> 00:42:44,271 It shouldn't be too big a problem. 1198 00:42:44,312 --> 00:42:46,731 Right. Yes. 1199 00:42:46,773 --> 00:42:48,275 Young people go through these phases, right? 1200 00:42:48,316 --> 00:42:51,403 Yes, young people go through phases. 1201 00:42:51,444 --> 00:42:52,904 Things I did in college, it's amazing my parents 1202 00:42:52,946 --> 00:42:53,989 still talk to me. 1203 00:42:54,030 --> 00:42:56,825 (chuckles) 1204 00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:58,702 We'll ease you in the first couple of days. 1205 00:42:58,743 --> 00:43:01,204 One of us will take you on a tour of the facility, 1206 00:43:01,246 --> 00:43:02,247 get you oriented. 1207 00:43:02,289 --> 00:43:03,873 Might be me, might be my colleague, Sven. 1208 00:43:03,915 --> 00:43:05,458 Sven is a great fellow. 1209 00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:07,961 MIDGE: I was cornered by Mrs. Klaviter today. -ROSE: Mm. 1210 00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:09,713 Ever since she kicked Junie Paul in the shins, 1211 00:43:09,754 --> 00:43:11,673 -I run when I see her. -She starts telling me this story 1212 00:43:11,715 --> 00:43:13,258 -about her mother's health. -Mm. 1213 00:43:13,300 --> 00:43:15,635 And right as she says she's only got a month to live, 1214 00:43:15,677 --> 00:43:17,512 the baby starts laughing. 1215 00:43:17,554 --> 00:43:20,807 I tell you, it was the world's longest pause. 1216 00:43:20,849 --> 00:43:23,727 But then, Mrs. Klaviter laughed, too. 1217 00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:26,146 Turns out, she hates her mother and thinks Esther's a delight. 1218 00:43:26,187 --> 00:43:27,397 (Rose laughs) 1219 00:43:27,439 --> 00:43:28,857 (chuckles) 1220 00:43:28,898 --> 00:43:30,150 What? 1221 00:43:35,030 --> 00:43:36,239 ROSE: What ever happened to Junie Paul? 1222 00:43:36,281 --> 00:43:38,491 I wonder if she ever married. 1223 00:43:38,533 --> 00:43:40,035 I would think. 1224 00:43:40,076 --> 00:43:41,661 ROSE: She just needed to keep her hair long enough 1225 00:43:41,703 --> 00:43:43,997 -to cover those ears. -They were enormous, 1226 00:43:44,039 --> 00:43:45,540 but she could hear someone whispering 1227 00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:46,833 from across a football field. I'm kidding. 1228 00:43:46,875 --> 00:43:47,876 MIDGE (on tape): I was fun. 1229 00:43:47,917 --> 00:43:49,127 I planned theme nights, 1230 00:43:49,169 --> 00:43:51,212 I dressed in costumes, 1231 00:43:51,254 --> 00:43:54,424 I gave him kids, a boy and a girl! And yes, 1232 00:43:54,466 --> 00:43:56,176 our little girl is looking more and more like Winston Churchill 1233 00:43:56,217 --> 00:43:57,969 -every day, with the big... -(men laughing) 1234 00:43:58,011 --> 00:44:01,598 Yalta-head? But that's not a reason to leave, right? 1235 00:44:01,639 --> 00:44:03,516 Really? Really? After what I just said about the bathroom? 1236 00:44:03,558 --> 00:44:05,185 OZ: It's like she's having a breakdown. 1237 00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,062 -VIRGIL: But it's hysterical. -OZ: It's amazing. 1238 00:44:07,103 --> 00:44:09,189 MIDGE (on tape): Walk of shame! 1239 00:44:09,230 --> 00:44:10,774 VIRGIL: It's total improv. 1240 00:44:10,815 --> 00:44:12,400 OZ: Nah, this had to be written. 1241 00:44:12,442 --> 00:44:15,570 MIDGE (on tape): And I showed him I loved him. 1242 00:44:15,612 --> 00:44:17,739 All that shit they say about Jewish girls... 1243 00:44:17,781 --> 00:44:19,783 OZ: Well, whatever it is, it's genius. 1244 00:44:19,824 --> 00:44:22,202 -VIRGIL: Pure genius. -OZ: And you don't know who she is? 1245 00:44:22,243 --> 00:44:24,079 VIRGIL: All we know is she's married to some guy named Joel, 1246 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,705 and she lives uptown. 1247 00:44:25,747 --> 00:44:27,540 OZ: Let's dub a hundred and see where it goes. 1248 00:44:27,582 --> 00:44:29,626 (audience laughing on tape) 1249 00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:31,336 MIDGE (on tape): I can't believe this is happening. 1250 00:44:31,378 --> 00:44:34,589 I can't believe I'm losing him to Penny Pann. 1251 00:44:34,631 --> 00:44:36,674 That's her name. Terrible right? 1252 00:44:36,716 --> 00:44:38,468 -(Oz and Virgil laughing) -MIDGE: Penny Pann! 1253 00:44:38,510 --> 00:44:40,220 Penny Pann. 1254 00:44:40,261 --> 00:44:42,389 -Penny Pann! -(audience laughs and cheers) 1255 00:44:42,430 --> 00:44:44,808 ("Our Lips Are Sealed" by the Go-Go's plays) 1256 00:44:58,071 --> 00:45:00,281 ♪ Can you hear them? ♪ 1257 00:45:00,323 --> 00:45:02,325 ♪ They talk about us ♪ 1258 00:45:02,367 --> 00:45:03,743 ♪ Telling lies ♪ 1259 00:45:03,785 --> 00:45:05,245 ♪ Well, that's no surprise ♪ 1260 00:45:05,286 --> 00:45:07,038 ♪ Can you see them? ♪ 1261 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,333 ♪ See right through them ♪ 1262 00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:13,878 ♪ They have no shield, no secrets to reveal ♪ 1263 00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,340 ♪ It doesn't matter what they say ♪ 1264 00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:20,802 ♪ In the jealous games people play ♪ 1265 00:45:23,346 --> 00:45:25,265 ♪ Our lips are sealed ♪ 1266 00:45:36,067 --> 00:45:39,904 ♪ Hush, my darling ♪ 1267 00:45:39,946 --> 00:45:43,658 ♪ Don't you cry ♪ 1268 00:45:43,700 --> 00:45:47,495 ♪ Quiet, angel ♪ 1269 00:45:47,537 --> 00:45:49,998 ♪ Forget their lies ♪ 1270 00:45:50,039 --> 00:45:52,417 ♪ Can you hear them? ♪ 1271 00:45:52,459 --> 00:45:54,419 ♪ They talk about us ♪ 1272 00:45:54,461 --> 00:45:55,712 ♪ Telling lies ♪ 1273 00:45:55,753 --> 00:45:57,338 ♪ Well, that's no surprise ♪ 1274 00:45:57,380 --> 00:45:59,382 ♪ Can you see them? ♪ 1275 00:45:59,424 --> 00:46:02,385 ♪ See right through them ♪ 1276 00:46:02,427 --> 00:46:06,306 ♪ They have no shield, no secrets to reveal ♪ 1277 00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:09,559 ♪ Doesn't matter what they say ♪ 1278 00:46:09,601 --> 00:46:12,937 ♪ In the jealous games people play ♪ 1279 00:46:15,690 --> 00:46:18,818 ♪ Our lips are sealed ♪ 1280 00:46:18,860 --> 00:46:23,114 ♪ Pay no mind to what they say ♪ 1281 00:46:23,156 --> 00:46:25,950 ♪ It doesn't matter anyway ♪ 1282 00:46:28,703 --> 00:46:32,290 ♪ Our lips are sealed ♪ 1283 00:46:32,332 --> 00:46:35,919 ♪ Our lips are sealed ♪ 1284 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,004 ♪ Our lips are sealed. ♪