1 00:00:05,965 --> 00:00:07,967 [audience laughing] 2 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,598 [laughter continues] 3 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,770 [laughter dies down] 4 00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:30,197 Revenge. 5 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,742 [laughter, cheering] 6 00:00:32,742 --> 00:00:35,035 Revenge. 7 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,163 I want it. 8 00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:39,165 - Oh, do I want it. - [feedback squeals] 9 00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:40,583 I need it. 10 00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:42,126 I crave it. 11 00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:46,005 I am completely consumed by the need for it. 12 00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:47,882 Revenge. 13 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,761 You know how there are times in your life 14 00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:53,763 when things seem to be going great? 15 00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,347 And then suddenly, out of nowhere, 16 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,725 you round the corner, and bam, someone steps in 17 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,727 - and fucks it the fuck up? - [laughter] 18 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,353 And you never saw it coming 19 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,397 because you were too busy being happy. 20 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,234 And I know, that's life. 21 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,028 Shit happens. 22 00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:12,615 You should be a bigger man and just let it go. 23 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:16,494 Well, I'm a woman, so fuck that. 24 00:01:16,494 --> 00:01:18,454 [cheering] 25 00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:21,499 I want my fucking pound of flesh. 26 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:24,210 I want my revenge. 27 00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,545 And I'm talking real revenge, not the "Hey, I got you 28 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,422 a lifetime subscription to The Watchtower" 29 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,966 kind of revenge, but Shakespearean, 30 00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:33,302 blood-soaked, painful, 31 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:36,847 soul-crushing revenge. 32 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,891 I will dig out my high school clarinet 33 00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:42,394 and play klezmer music next door to you 24 hours a day. 34 00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:45,439 I will sneak into your basement, and I will fry fish. 35 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,107 [laughter] 36 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,068 I will befriend your only daughter, 37 00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:51,070 and I will introduce her to a poet, 38 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:54,490 and I will sit at their wedding and I will laugh. 39 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,116 [laughter] 40 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,661 I'm talking Medea-level revenge. 41 00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:02,206 I'm filled with so much fury, and why? 42 00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:03,582 [audience shouting] 43 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,292 Oh, you already know why. 44 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,836 Well, that's no fun. 45 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:08,087 Fine. 46 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,130 Yes. That was me. 47 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:14,093 Standing there on a tarmac, not Penn Station, by the way, 48 00:02:14,093 --> 00:02:16,053 and not "clutching" my suitcase. 49 00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:17,847 "Suitcase," singular. 50 00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,682 Please. I haven't traveled with one suitcase 51 00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:21,267 since my first day of kindergarten. 52 00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:22,977 [scattered laughter] 53 00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:26,355 I stood there, and I watched that plane fly away, 54 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,607 and I realized that once again 55 00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:32,903 a man has stepped in and fucked up my life. 56 00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:34,655 And just like the first time, 57 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,575 I was dressed magnificently while he did it. 58 00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:40,536 - Fucking revenge! - [cheering, applause] 59 00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,550 Where we going? 60 00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:56,051 Back to the city. 61 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,803 Something she forgot to pack? 62 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,471 Just drive. 63 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,809 [takes deep breath] 64 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,480 [laughing] 65 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,567 [sighs] 66 00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,195 What's happening here? 67 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,239 Nothing. I just... 68 00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:21,577 [sighs] 69 00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:27,458 [laughs] 70 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,960 Seriously, what's funny? 71 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,463 [laughing] 72 00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:34,048 [sighs] 73 00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:40,554 What are you doing? 74 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,931 That was a hat. 75 00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,432 It still had the price tag on it. 76 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,893 Miriam, do we need a pill? 77 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,978 - Hey. - I don't want it. 78 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,898 Well, it completes the outfit. Will you stop? 79 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,067 I don't want anything about this night 80 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,194 or associated with this night in this cab with us. 81 00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,445 Am I next? 82 00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,030 Stop! 83 00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,657 - Stop the cab! - What? 84 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,538 You fucker! 85 00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,415 [screams] 86 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:11,085 [taking deep, rapid breaths] 87 00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,711 I won. 88 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:15,214 You thought you could beat me, but you couldn't. 89 00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:17,049 Yeah, you showed him. 90 00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,717 Now that the skirt has learned its lesson, 91 00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:21,387 why don't you get back in the ca... Miriam? 92 00:04:21,387 --> 00:04:24,056 Okay, well, that's really the city's job, but... 93 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:26,475 I hate this night and this outfit 94 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,644 and this whole goddamn world! 95 00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,229 - Hey! - I hate this cab. 96 00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,064 - Stop that! - This cab took me 97 00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,983 - to the airport that I hate! - Hey. 98 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:36,443 Where the plane was that I hate, on the tarmac... 99 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,070 Hey, what the hell is she doing? 100 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:41,448 I hate music. I hate music stands. 101 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,784 I hate mic cords. 102 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,619 I hate light cues. 103 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,454 - Miriam, enough. - [grunts] 104 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,415 - Ow! - [cabbie] She's crazy. 105 00:04:49,415 --> 00:04:50,874 Ow! 106 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,793 - Ow! - [grunting] 107 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,461 Ow! Ow! 108 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,088 Ow! Stop! 109 00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,798 Ow! You stop! 110 00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,342 Have you lost your mind? 111 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,594 Yes! [panting] 112 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:06,807 My mind, my job, my career. 113 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,559 You haven't lost your career. 114 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,145 I was on tour with the biggest star in the world, 115 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,522 and then suddenly... 116 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:16,150 he wouldn't even talk to me. 117 00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,277 I thought we were friends. 118 00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:19,987 In show business? 119 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,989 - I fucked up. - [horn honks] 120 00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:24,283 It's not your fault. 121 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:26,160 I should've been there. If I'd have been there, 122 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,287 - you wouldn't have talked to Reggie. - I would've talked to you. 123 00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:30,330 And I would've told you to just calm the fuck down. 124 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,207 And I would've calmed the fuck down. 125 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,543 And you wouldn't have done that set and ended your career. 126 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:35,836 My career's ended? 127 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,212 I'm repeating what you said. 128 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,256 But I said it so you'd say it wasn't true. 129 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,050 Here, you want to hit the car again? 130 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,676 You don't think I can come back from this? 131 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,927 I just meant, if I'd have been there, 132 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,262 you wouldn't have done that awful set. 133 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,889 The set was great. The audience laughed 134 00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,432 - at every joke. - I just meant, 135 00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:50,100 if I'd have been there, you would've done something else. 136 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,727 - I would've bombed. - Yeah, you would've bombed, 137 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,854 and we would be on a plane to Prague right now. 138 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:57,024 If I had bombed, they still could've kicked me off the tour. 139 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,317 No, you would've been humiliated, 140 00:05:58,317 --> 00:05:59,818 but then you would've gotten on that plane, 141 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,236 and then you would've bombed in Prague. 142 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,988 What? Why? 143 00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,156 Those people don't laugh. 144 00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:05,783 I could've made Prague people laugh. 145 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,034 You've never been to Prague. 146 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,452 What the fuck would you talk about? 147 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,079 I'd find something. 148 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,747 "Hello, Prague. Remember Jews?" 149 00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:13,874 - [horn honks] - Need a ride? [laughs] 150 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,043 Look at that, the public still loves you. 151 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,961 [Midge panting] 152 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,635 I don't want to go back to Queens. 153 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:27,596 I'm not ready to be a failure yet. 154 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:30,015 I don't want to go back to my place, either. 155 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,809 Jackie will be installing crown molding. 156 00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:33,268 Chester will be farting a lot. 157 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,354 Ladies, at this rate, I'm gonna be able 158 00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:37,106 to retire off this fare. 159 00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:39,441 Just head to the Village. 160 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:43,403 You... want to take your branch? 161 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,072 No. 162 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,994 You had that the whole time? 163 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:53,539 I didn't want you drunk and acting all crazy. 164 00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:55,415 Give me that. 165 00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,714 [Midge sighs] 166 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,592 Damn it, I just got this outfit. 167 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,553 Boy, this floor is really sticky. 168 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:09,012 Are they mopping it? 169 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,722 Oh, yeah. Twice a day. 170 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,141 They call and give me updates. 171 00:07:12,141 --> 00:07:13,934 We talk soap-to-water ratios. 172 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,144 All right. 173 00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:16,812 Oh, it's really fucking sticky. 174 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,689 You sure it's okay that we're here? 175 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,440 Oh, yeah. I called the owner, 176 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,109 and he cleared it with the management, 177 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,111 and they ran it up the flagpole to the board. 178 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,654 All right. 179 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,447 I love that suddenly you're all concerned 180 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,159 about not pissing anybody off. 181 00:07:30,159 --> 00:07:33,245 I stashed this stuff here last time I was hiding out. 182 00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:35,414 - Hey, do you have any seltzer? - Why? 183 00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:37,499 Thought I'd try to get the stain out with seltzer. 184 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,543 - Oh. Try gasoline. - Really? 185 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,004 Yeah. That and a match will take that stain right out. 186 00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:45,007 Hilarious. You should open for Shy Baldwin. 187 00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,009 So, pick a spot? 188 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,927 Yep. Anywhere you want. 189 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,388 - Actually, I need to sleep over there. - Okay. 190 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,724 It's just, I had a nightmare when I slept over there. 191 00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,767 And over there, different nightmare but just as bad. 192 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,102 Over there, too. 193 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,937 So I'd like to sleep there, in the middle, 194 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,439 - if that's okay. - Uh... 195 00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:02,774 Eh, even if it's not okay, I got to sleep in the middle. 196 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,943 But anywhere else, your choice. 197 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,154 So I have my choice of all the nightmare spots. 198 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,281 Thanks. 199 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,325 [cabbie] Gonna be here all night. 200 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,997 Well, here we are. 201 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,416 Back where it all started. 202 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:22,628 First time I saw you, you were over there behind the bar. 203 00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:24,755 I was married to Joel. 204 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,090 He was gonna do stand-up. 205 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,468 I brought a brisket. 206 00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,011 You remember what you said to me? 207 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,055 No, but I'm sure "fuck you" figured 208 00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:35,140 - somewhere in the sentence. - Yeah. 209 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,268 Who would've thought that less than two years later 210 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:41,480 I'd end up back here drunk and in my underwear again? 211 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,190 Different underwear. 212 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,984 Did you just find that on the ground? 213 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,694 Yes. 214 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,869 [Midge] Guess I overpacked. 215 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,831 [♪ Ella Fitzgerald: "Darn That Dream"] 216 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,708 [birds chirping] 217 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:06,338 [Susie mumbling, grunting] 218 00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,134 Susie. 219 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:18,058 ♪ Darn that dream ♪ 220 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,519 ♪ I dream each night ♪ 221 00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:25,774 ♪ You say you love me and you hold me tight ♪ 222 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:29,653 ♪ But when I awake, you're out of sight ♪ 223 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:35,409 ♪ Oh, darn that dream ♪ 224 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:39,621 ♪ Darn your lips and darn your eyes ♪ 225 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:45,002 ♪ They lift me high above the moonlit skies ♪ 226 00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:48,588 ♪ Then I tumble out of paradise ♪ 227 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,590 ♪ Oh, darn that... 228 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,010 - You cheat me out of ten papers today? - [scoffs] 229 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,178 Every day, ten to 15 papers short. 230 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:57,597 [scoffs] Give me a break. 231 00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:01,810 [Midge] Are you kidding me? 232 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,605 If you're gonna read it, you have to buy it. 233 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,316 I'm already 15 to 20 papers short. 234 00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:09,609 Sorry. I think I have some money in here. 235 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,154 Uh, no. 236 00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,490 Not that. 237 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,119 It's not my coat. 238 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,206 Ew. Ew. 239 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,126 Wow. 240 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,295 - [door slams] - [Midge panting] 241 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,880 - Susie. - [both scream] 242 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,381 What the fuck are you doing? 243 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,759 You don't wake a person up in the middle of a nightmare. 244 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,302 I was in line at the post office. 245 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,970 Just one guy working, and he got a call. 246 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,972 - I need my money. - Why are you wearing my jacket? 247 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,640 - D-8. - I don't... 248 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,351 D-8, D-8, D-8. 249 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,144 They replaced me with Jack Ballard. 250 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,146 He's doing the rest of the tour and the Christmas special. 251 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,689 So I don't got to read this now, right? 252 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,775 They planned this. They gave this to the papers yesterday, 253 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,985 and they still made us come all the way down to the tarmac 254 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,446 just to see us stand there like a couple of assholes. 255 00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,531 Jack Ballard. I thought Jack Ballard was dead. 256 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,450 They wanted to humiliate us. 257 00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,910 I think I went to his funeral. 258 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,495 One day, and it's already in the paper. 259 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,080 Moishe's gonna explode. 260 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,873 - Who the fuck is Moishe? - My father-in-law. 261 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,375 He's gonna see that, and he's gonna know 262 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:07,793 - that I was fired. - So what? 263 00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:10,003 He loaned me the money to buy back my old apartment, 264 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,797 my collateral being my contract 265 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,507 for the tour and the Christmas special. 266 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:16,009 He was so excited about the Christmas special. 267 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:19,179 You bought back your old apartment? 268 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,056 - Yes. - When? 269 00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:23,558 - Yesterday. - I was with you yesterday. 270 00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,394 - Not all day. - I can't believe this. 271 00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:26,853 I leave you alone for four hours, 272 00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,688 and you blow your career and buy an apartment. 273 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,315 You said I didn't blow my career. 274 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,859 Why would you buy an apartment? You don't have any money! 275 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,278 What do you mean, I don't have any money? 276 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,322 You have some money, clearly. 277 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:40,075 - I saved every cent from the first part of the tour. - I know. 278 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:42,536 And I am holding it for you. I just... 279 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,497 Why would you buy back your apartment? 280 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,082 Because I don't want to live 281 00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:50,168 with my ex-in-laws in Queens anymore. 282 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,837 Look, I know it was an emotional purchase, 283 00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:53,296 but I did it, it's done. 284 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:54,965 And now I need to get something 285 00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,801 into his hands immediately, buy me some time. 286 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,680 So I need my money. 287 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:03,890 When? 288 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,101 Today. 289 00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:07,936 Okay. Sure. 290 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:11,565 I'll get you your money today. 291 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,359 I don't have my ledger book on me. 292 00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,570 I just got to look at the ledger at least, 293 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,196 make sure things are ledgered. 294 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,698 Fine. 295 00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:23,493 And there were some expenses I had to deduct from your money. 296 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,204 - Business expenses, all legit. - Okay. 297 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,873 And I bought some hairspray. Remember the hairspray? 298 00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,291 You asked me to buy some hairspray. 299 00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:30,959 - Absolutely. - Okay. 300 00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:33,003 I'll look at the ledger, get to the bank. 301 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,379 You'll get your money, 302 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:36,173 sans the really expensive hairspray. 303 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:38,175 Great. Thank you. 304 00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:40,260 I don't know what you need all that hairspray for, 305 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,512 but that's your business, so... 306 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,349 - Were you gonna make a call? - What? 307 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,226 I can go in the back if you need some privacy. 308 00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,769 No, I was not gonna make a call. 309 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,396 Just 'cause you stand next to a phone, 310 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,482 people think you're gonna make a call. 311 00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:54,941 You know what? 312 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,943 I'm gonna get some fresh air. 313 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,154 Stretch the legs. 314 00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,490 - You want anything? - Just my money. 315 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:02,824 Yep. 316 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,618 I'll be right back. 317 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,791 [♪ Jimmie Lunceford: "Rhythm Is Our Business"] 318 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,891 Hey. I got to use the phone. 319 00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,935 I'm currently wooing a lady. 320 00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:31,394 - Okay. - I... 321 00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,646 You hung up. 322 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,231 If you tied the ropes tight enough, 323 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,107 she'll still be there when you get back. 324 00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:41,071 [phone ringing] 325 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,241 - Huh? - [Susie] Tess, it's me. 326 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:45,867 Susie? It's so early. 327 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,661 Have we heard from that guy from the insurance company? 328 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,204 - I really got to get... - Wait. 329 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,830 What? 330 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,457 - [Skint snorts] - [sighs] 331 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,834 - Shit. - What? 332 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,337 Ah, for a moment, I thought Skint was dead. 333 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,755 Well, that's my life in a nutshell. 334 00:13:58,755 --> 00:13:59,965 Fucking focus here. 335 00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,591 - Check. I need the check. - Yes. 336 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,260 He called yesterday, said we could come by 337 00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:04,719 and pick it up at the office. 338 00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,805 Great. Good. We are going this morning. 339 00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:08,265 I will be by in an hour. 340 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,183 - All right. Geez. - [sighs] 341 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,314 [Joel] Hi. Uh... 342 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,941 Can I help you? 343 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,111 Why? Are you with the... 344 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,113 Wait. Hold on. 345 00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:26,116 Ha. 346 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,034 I'm actually getting pretty fluent here. 347 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,704 I ordered tea, and I told the plumber to fix the toilet. 348 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,414 I got tea, and he fixed the sink, 349 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,708 so we're getting close. 350 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,251 Here we go. 351 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,836 Ni hao. 352 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,298 There's more. Just, um... 353 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,676 You méiyou... 354 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,847 Something, something. Where the hell is "something"? 355 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,890 Wait. I'll find it. 356 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,351 Uh... 357 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:57,230 You méiyou nali women keyi... 358 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,232 Uh, hold on. 359 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,026 Five minutes. 360 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:03,486 You bing gang gen... 361 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,697 Yep. Right behind you. 362 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,660 [man and woman conversing in Mandarin] 363 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,424 How do you know what I want you to do? 364 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,885 You don't listen. You just care about you. 365 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,637 What you want. 366 00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:30,055 That is not true. 367 00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,389 I work very hard for this family! 368 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,808 I am always the one you send in to... 369 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,435 You rang? 370 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,855 Really? You sent Li Wei after him? 371 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:41,232 - You want to tell me what's going on? - I didn't know they were gonna 372 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,068 send him up there... or that he could fit through the door. 373 00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,070 [man speaking Mandarin] 374 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,533 He says he hears your club is doing well. 375 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,952 - Hold on. - You're kidding, right? 376 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,287 This is my neighborhood now. 377 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,081 I'm gonna learn to speak the language. 378 00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:57,582 - Uh, okay. - [flipping pages] 379 00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,834 Uh, my... place... of... 380 00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:00,293 Uh, my... place... of... Joel, people have a life expectancy. 381 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,295 Joel, people have a life expectancy. 382 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,382 Yep. Tell them the club is doing sensational. 383 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,176 Great buzz. First few nights completely sold out. 384 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:11,137 [speaking Mandarin] 385 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,473 And I have big plans for the place. 386 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,266 Uh, private events, specialty nights. 387 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,768 I'm thinking of putting in a kitchen 388 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,228 and starting food service. 389 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:21,106 [speaking Mandarin] 390 00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:22,524 [Joel] Hey, can you amp up 391 00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,693 the excitement a little? I'm selling here. 392 00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:29,989 No! No food. No private events. No kitchen. 393 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,533 Food will make the money smell. 394 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:35,412 He either stops doing well or he just stops. 395 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:36,996 - What did he say? - [Mei] I can't tell him that. 396 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:37,997 What did you say? 397 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,541 You tell him now. 398 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,875 Mei, please. What are your parents upset about? 399 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,419 I never said they were my parents. 400 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,087 She used to listen to you. 401 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,797 You let her go to school. 402 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:46,965 It's a law! 403 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,676 I've got parents. That sounds like parents to me. 404 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,386 You've grown too close to this man. 405 00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:52,887 This is not why we brought you into this. 406 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,264 I did everything I could! 407 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:55,849 I gave him a jukebox with nothing but Chinese records 408 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,475 in it, for Christ's sake! 409 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:01,938 That was months ago. Now I hear you bring him toilet paper. 410 00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,523 No more! 411 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,401 You will have no more contact with that man. 412 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,027 You tell him to leave. 413 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,612 Now! 414 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,907 [door opens, closes] 415 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,492 So... 416 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,453 The club is doing too well. 417 00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,455 Most landlords want their tenants to do well. 418 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:19,956 I never said they were the landlords. 419 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,417 - Mei... - They wanted a business that looked legit 420 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,169 but didn't cause too much of a splash. 421 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,796 A dud club means less eyes on the parlor. 422 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:29,257 A successful club means eyes. 423 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:31,968 They just assumed your club would fail. 424 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,303 Why? 425 00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:35,180 'Cause you're a Jewish ex-plastics salesman 426 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,681 who suddenly opened a club in Chinatown 427 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,142 with an English to Chinese dictionary from the 1800s. 428 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,977 I... 429 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,188 - Shit. - My expectations were low. 430 00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,939 Well, why are they mad at you? 431 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:47,901 Because I was supposed to make sure you failed. 432 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,694 Is that why you gave me a jukebox 433 00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,112 with nothing but Chinese records in it? 434 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,031 No. That was a gift. Please. 435 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:55,617 [Joel] So, if I'm reading the room right, 436 00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:57,660 the people who may or may not be your parents 437 00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,746 and may or may not be my landlords, 438 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,040 - they either want me to fail or... - Leave. 439 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,460 I thought "or die," so "leave" is better. 440 00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:10,882 Hey, Mata Hari, what side are you on now? 441 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,551 Your side. I swear. 442 00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,970 I'm not sure if that helps me or not. 443 00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:20,850 Thank you. 444 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,519 You're welcome, man. 445 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,108 [♪ Rosemary Clooney: "Fuzzy Wuzzy [Wuz A Bear]"] 446 00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,197 - [kids chattering] - Faster! Faster! Faster! 447 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,617 - Look, look! - Oh, Ethan, that's wonderful. 448 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,662 You know, when I was a boy, I had a sock. 449 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,163 That was my toy. 450 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,999 Stuck my hand in it and said, "Where did my fingers go?" 451 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:47,418 That was the game. The end. 452 00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,420 And nobody cares. 453 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,839 Well said, Moishe. 454 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,758 I have knishes hot out of the oven. 455 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,302 - What are you reading? - A book. 456 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:59,180 - Is it Peter Rabbit? - It is not Peter Rabbit. 457 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,266 I read Peter Rabbit. 458 00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:02,892 Next up, Proust. 459 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,144 Why do you have fur on your lip? 460 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,355 That's called a mustache. 461 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,899 [chuckles] It looks like a crawly caterpillar. 462 00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,776 - [laughs] - It does not. 463 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:13,611 - It does. - I think it moved. 464 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,238 - That's because I'm talking. - [laughing] 465 00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:16,906 - [phone ringing] - Stop that. 466 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,825 - I'll get it. - No, I'll get it. 467 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,286 - [Rose] I'm already up. - But I'm getting it! Rose. 468 00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:23,454 - Abe, my goodness. - Well, they're being mean. 469 00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:26,332 None of the grown-ups are doing anything to stop it. 470 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,626 - Shit. - Hello? Maisel residence. 471 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,086 [Midge] Shirley? It's Miriam. 472 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:33,172 Miriam, hello. It's Miriam. 473 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,008 Where are you calling from? Prague? 474 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,802 - Yes. I'm in Prague. - Well, take a lot of pictures, 475 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,470 and tell them you love Jesus Christ. 476 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:41,764 It sounds pretty lively over there. What's going on? 477 00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:43,892 - It's Ethan's birthday. - No, it's not. 478 00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:45,727 Yes, it is. I made three cakes. 479 00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,395 Shirley, it's not Ethan's birthday. 480 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,064 Whatever you say. I have to check the cutlets. 481 00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,066 Speak to your father. 482 00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,112 Hello, Miriam? Are you in Prague? 483 00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:58,698 Make sure you work Jesus Christ into every conversation. 484 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,242 I will. Hey, why did Shirley say Ethan's having a birthday party? 485 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,202 - His birthday's in November. - Not anymore. 486 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,871 What-what do you mean, "not anymore"? 487 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,206 Eh, November was bad for us. I have deadlines. 488 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,375 Moishe has his spring fabrics arriving. 489 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,961 Shirley's cousin Yetta is coming for a visit. 490 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,504 I don't know what your mother's doing, 491 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:16,299 - but it was bad for her, too. - [Rose] I have work, Abe. 492 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,760 Your mother claims she has work, 493 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,261 so it just didn't work for any of us. 494 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,389 Are you seriously telling me you rescheduled Ethan's birthday? 495 00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,557 He's five. 496 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,100 - What does he know? - Papa! 497 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,895 What? The boy has three cakes, 498 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,521 and we're taking him to Coney Island 499 00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,774 - to ride the Wonder Wheel. - I can't believe this. 500 00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:35,276 How does this affect you? You weren't going to be here 501 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:37,111 - for it anyhow. - What's the matter? 502 00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:39,155 [Abe] Miriam's upset we changed Ethan's birthday. 503 00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,573 - [Rose] Why? - [Abe] No idea. 504 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,409 Papa, you don't just change a little boy's birthday. 505 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,911 We changed your brother's birthday twice. 506 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,579 - He never found out. - You... 507 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,414 Who are you people? 508 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:51,125 This borders on inhuman and unfeeling 509 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:53,211 and... Wait, did you change my birthday? 510 00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:55,129 No. Listen, Miriam, 511 00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,507 we have to wrap things up here and get to Coney Island. 512 00:20:57,507 --> 00:20:59,801 Ethan! Wish your son a happy birthday. 513 00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,886 - It's not his... - Ethan! 514 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,515 Hi, Mommy. I got 515 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:06,849 a fire truck, cowboy guns 516 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,393 - and a baseball. - Ethan. 517 00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:09,978 We're gonna ride the Wonder Wheel. 518 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,312 Honey, all of that is exciting, 519 00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,815 but today is just not your actual... 520 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:15,400 Happy birthday, baby. 521 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,276 I want cake. 522 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,903 [♪ Barrett Strong: "Money [That's What I Want]"] 523 00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,488 [elevator bell chimes] 524 00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:26,202 ♪ The best things in life are free ♪ 525 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:29,122 ♪ But you can give them to the birds and bees ♪ 526 00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,957 - ♪ I need money ♪ - ♪ That's... 527 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,459 Hi. Uh, we are here for the Myerson check. 528 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,336 I'm Susie Myerson. This is my sister, Tess. 529 00:21:35,336 --> 00:21:36,462 And how are you this morning? 530 00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:37,714 Fine. We just need our check. 531 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,007 Well, let me have a look-see here. 532 00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:40,591 Ah, you're Mr. Frick's clients. 533 00:21:40,591 --> 00:21:41,884 Yes, we are. Does he have the check? 534 00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:43,386 Why don't you have a seat, and I'll buzz him for you. 535 00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:44,637 - Tell him to bring the check. - Will do. 536 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,724 You have to relax. 537 00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:49,767 - I'll relax when I get that check. - [Frick] Well, well, 538 00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,853 the Myerson girls. How nice to see you. 539 00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:54,355 - Well, technically, I'm a Dooley. - Nobody cares. 540 00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:56,524 Uh, hello, Mr. Frick. We are here for the check. 541 00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,568 You mean you're not here to see me? I'm hurt. 542 00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:00,903 [chuckles] I'm kidding. Would you two like some coffee? 543 00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:02,697 - No, we're fine. - Do you have any hot chocolate? 544 00:22:02,697 --> 00:22:05,074 You want a balloon, too? We'll just take the check. 545 00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:06,325 Sure, sure. But Mr. B said 546 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:07,994 not to let you leave without saying hello. 547 00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:09,704 - Who? - Great guy. Come on. 548 00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:16,335 [Susie] Mm. 549 00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:33,311 [clangs] 550 00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:47,116 [Tess grunts] 551 00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:53,331 Make yourselves comfortable. He'll be right in. 552 00:22:53,331 --> 00:22:55,166 [lock clicks] 553 00:22:55,166 --> 00:22:58,377 Susie, I'm not really good at reading certain situations, 554 00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,879 but this seems a little... 555 00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,005 - Fucked-up. - Yeah. 556 00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:02,298 Where are we? 557 00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:05,259 I didn't mean to scare you. 558 00:23:05,259 --> 00:23:06,594 Oh, we're not scared. 559 00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,638 We love secret rooms with no handles on the door. 560 00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:10,640 I'm Mr. Bartosiewicz, 561 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,934 but you can just call me Mr. B. 562 00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:15,061 I'm Susie. This is Tess. 563 00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,395 I know who you are. 564 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,647 Should we sit? 565 00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:23,236 Okay. Let's see what we have here. 566 00:23:23,236 --> 00:23:25,113 We just came by to pick up the check 567 00:23:25,113 --> 00:23:27,907 like Mr. Frick told us to, so that's why we're here. 568 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:29,826 To get the check. 569 00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:31,077 You're gonna get your check. 570 00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:32,453 Great. [chuckles] 571 00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:34,163 I just need some answers first. 572 00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:36,415 Where were you two girls when you heard about it? 573 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,792 About what? 574 00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:39,544 About the fire. 575 00:23:39,544 --> 00:23:41,462 Church. 576 00:23:41,462 --> 00:23:42,964 Church? 577 00:23:42,964 --> 00:23:44,632 Yeah. That's where we usually are. 578 00:23:44,632 --> 00:23:47,260 Uh, in church or going to church, 579 00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:48,803 - coming back from church. - [Bartosiewicz] Mm-hmm. 580 00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:50,138 And what about you? 581 00:23:50,138 --> 00:23:52,849 Put me down for church, also. 582 00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:54,392 Okay. 583 00:23:54,392 --> 00:23:56,978 So, you're both in church. 584 00:23:56,978 --> 00:23:59,981 That's when, um, Tess' husband found us there 585 00:23:59,981 --> 00:24:02,608 - and told us there was a fire. - It was very upsetting. 586 00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:05,361 Thank God we were in church, where everyone's upset. 587 00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:07,363 And your husband can corroborate this? 588 00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:09,490 Finding you both in church? 589 00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:12,994 - He's drunk a lot. - [Tess] Mm. 590 00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:14,745 - So his memory gets fuzzy. - [Bartosiewicz] Mm. 591 00:24:14,745 --> 00:24:17,165 Any idea how it started? 592 00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:19,041 The drinking? Oh, that's a family thing. 593 00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:21,002 He's talking about the fire, Tess. 594 00:24:21,002 --> 00:24:22,712 Any theories? Wild thoughts? 595 00:24:22,712 --> 00:24:25,214 Yeah, maybe Mom fell asleep with a cigarette in her hand. 596 00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:27,049 Yep, that does happen a lot. 597 00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:29,844 Of course, your mom is dead, so... 598 00:24:29,844 --> 00:24:31,846 [whispers] Right. I forgot. 599 00:24:31,846 --> 00:24:33,764 She is dead. 600 00:24:33,764 --> 00:24:35,641 - Tess. - Bad wiring! 601 00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:37,185 That's good. Bad wiring. 602 00:24:37,185 --> 00:24:40,188 Bad wiring. Interesting. 603 00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:43,774 So, is there, like, an investigation going on or...? 604 00:24:43,774 --> 00:24:45,860 Just working the case. 605 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,987 Case. So it's a case? 606 00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:50,531 You know, some neighbors reported 607 00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:53,284 seeing a couple of women paddling around in a rowboat 608 00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,535 - that night. - Women in a rowboat? 609 00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:55,786 What's this world coming to? 610 00:24:55,786 --> 00:24:57,371 They said they were drinking beer, laughing, 611 00:24:57,371 --> 00:24:59,373 - singing, at one point. - Oh. 612 00:24:59,373 --> 00:25:02,293 Do you have any idea who those two women might be? 613 00:25:02,293 --> 00:25:05,171 - No, we do not. - Yeah, beats me. 614 00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:08,299 Okay. Well, unfortunately, 615 00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:09,884 there's still some loose ends we need to tie 616 00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:11,886 before we get that check out to you, 617 00:25:11,886 --> 00:25:13,387 but we will be in touch. 618 00:25:13,387 --> 00:25:15,890 - So no check today. - Not today. But... 619 00:25:15,890 --> 00:25:18,476 Denise did bring in some of her coffee cake. 620 00:25:18,476 --> 00:25:20,895 I bet I could scrounge up a piece. 621 00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:24,023 - Ooh. - Hey, how about a good faith down payment? 622 00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:25,900 You know, ten percent to show you care? 623 00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:27,985 Wouldn't that be nice, huh? 624 00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:29,403 Yeah. 625 00:25:32,198 --> 00:25:34,200 Hey, so, can we leave? 626 00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:37,787 No reason why you can't. 627 00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,794 Nice to meet you, Tess. 628 00:25:50,925 --> 00:25:52,927 Boy, he seemed nice. 629 00:25:52,927 --> 00:25:55,221 Nice? Were you paying attention? 630 00:25:55,221 --> 00:25:56,889 They know what we did, Tess. 631 00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:59,475 So, what, you think they're not gonna give us the check? 632 00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:00,685 I think they're gonna call the cops. 633 00:26:00,685 --> 00:26:01,936 Over that shitty house? 634 00:26:01,936 --> 00:26:03,312 Hey, arson is arson. 635 00:26:03,312 --> 00:26:05,064 You make it sound so dark. 636 00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:06,399 What are we gonna do? 637 00:26:06,399 --> 00:26:07,692 Do you think we're gonna go to jail? 638 00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:09,068 I-I don't want to go to jail. 639 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:10,987 Okay. Well, let's just tell them that. 640 00:26:10,987 --> 00:26:14,198 Don't you snark at me, lady. I was doing you a favor. 641 00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:17,326 - I know. I know. - [exhales] 642 00:26:17,326 --> 00:26:19,370 And now I need you to do me another favor. 643 00:26:19,370 --> 00:26:21,122 Us another favor. 644 00:26:21,122 --> 00:26:24,166 That guy in there holds our fate in his big, meaty hand, 645 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,585 - and he likes you. - Me? No. 646 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:27,962 - You think? - Of the two of us, 647 00:26:27,962 --> 00:26:29,547 there's only one he wanted to bend over that desk. 648 00:26:29,547 --> 00:26:31,632 Well, that's nice. 649 00:26:31,632 --> 00:26:33,884 We need to flip this guy, Tess. Okay? 650 00:26:33,884 --> 00:26:36,262 He has to be convinced to overlook the fact that we are 651 00:26:36,262 --> 00:26:38,139 the worst fucking criminals in the entire world. 652 00:26:38,139 --> 00:26:39,598 No. There have to be worse. 653 00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:41,976 Take one for the team? Get this guy on our side? 654 00:26:41,976 --> 00:26:44,145 - By doing what? - The same thing you did 655 00:26:44,145 --> 00:26:45,354 that got our high school principal fired. 656 00:26:45,354 --> 00:26:47,356 I'm a married woman, for Christ's sake. 657 00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:49,442 If that meant anything to you at all, I wouldn't ask. 658 00:26:49,442 --> 00:26:50,693 You think I'm a whore? 659 00:26:50,693 --> 00:26:52,320 That I ain't got a line in the sand? 660 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,071 - Huh? - Tess, I have seen you 661 00:26:54,071 --> 00:26:56,115 let your tit fall out of your shirt for a free beer. 662 00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:57,450 Imported beer. 663 00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:59,327 I'm not saying you have to fuck him. 664 00:26:59,327 --> 00:27:01,579 But when you see him, 665 00:27:01,579 --> 00:27:03,664 I want you to think Heineken. 666 00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:05,333 I will see what I can do. 667 00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:06,751 Okay. I got to go. 668 00:27:06,751 --> 00:27:09,587 You're good? All, uh, shaved and everything? 669 00:27:09,587 --> 00:27:11,589 - Go. Please. Now. - Okay. 670 00:27:11,589 --> 00:27:13,215 Bye. 671 00:27:13,215 --> 00:27:15,968 - Okay, this one's done. - Great. 672 00:27:15,968 --> 00:27:17,678 What's in here? 673 00:27:17,678 --> 00:27:19,221 Manny? 674 00:27:19,221 --> 00:27:21,557 - Teacups. - I don't have teacups, Manny. 675 00:27:21,557 --> 00:27:23,601 - Tchotchkes? - What am I, your fucking grandmother? 676 00:27:23,601 --> 00:27:25,311 I don't know. It's not Jockey shorts. 677 00:27:25,311 --> 00:27:27,730 - I'm not going near your Jockey shorts. - Well, that's a relief. 678 00:27:27,730 --> 00:27:29,357 10:00. I'm gonna have a cigarette. 679 00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:31,233 You can't smoke in here, Manny. 680 00:27:31,233 --> 00:27:33,194 Even though I helped you pack? 681 00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:35,071 [Joel sighs] 682 00:27:35,071 --> 00:27:36,822 ♪ Though I couldn't... 683 00:27:36,822 --> 00:27:39,367 And it's my Jockey shorts. 684 00:27:40,701 --> 00:27:42,161 - What are you doing here? - Can I come in? 685 00:27:42,161 --> 00:27:43,913 - [Joel] Why aren't you on tour? - I... 686 00:27:43,913 --> 00:27:45,289 - Didn't you go with Midge? - [Susie] I did. 687 00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:47,166 - But... - Yes, come in. 688 00:27:48,209 --> 00:27:50,252 Where's Midge? Is she on tour? 689 00:27:50,252 --> 00:27:52,004 - Is she okay? - Miriam's fine. 690 00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,715 What's "fine"? Where's "fine"? Define "fine," Susie. 691 00:27:54,715 --> 00:27:57,385 Relax. God, you two have a weird relationship. 692 00:27:57,385 --> 00:28:00,137 ♪ Then I knew just what I would be missing... 693 00:28:00,137 --> 00:28:01,806 I need Midge's money. 694 00:28:01,806 --> 00:28:04,058 - You told me not to give you Midge's money. - I know. 695 00:28:04,058 --> 00:28:06,852 You said under no circumstances was I to give you Midge's money. 696 00:28:06,852 --> 00:28:08,896 - I know what I said, but... - Plus, you realize 697 00:28:08,896 --> 00:28:10,815 you never actually gave me Midge's money, right? 698 00:28:10,815 --> 00:28:12,483 You were gonna get me Midge's money, 699 00:28:12,483 --> 00:28:14,235 but I never got the money, so I don't know 700 00:28:14,235 --> 00:28:16,070 how I could give you the money that you haven't given me. 701 00:28:16,070 --> 00:28:17,530 And even if you had given me the money, 702 00:28:17,530 --> 00:28:18,781 you told me not to give you that money, 703 00:28:18,781 --> 00:28:21,075 so either way, you can't have the money. 704 00:28:21,075 --> 00:28:23,577 Okay. I need you to loan me the money. 705 00:28:23,577 --> 00:28:24,703 - Loan you the... - Yeah. 706 00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:26,122 - Bank check would be best. - Sure. 707 00:28:26,122 --> 00:28:27,248 - Though cash would work. - Uh-huh. 708 00:28:27,248 --> 00:28:28,791 Let me get this straight. 709 00:28:28,791 --> 00:28:30,626 I wasn't supposed to give you the money 710 00:28:30,626 --> 00:28:31,710 that you're supposed to give to Midge 711 00:28:31,710 --> 00:28:32,753 that you didn't give to me, 712 00:28:32,753 --> 00:28:34,422 but now I'm supposed to give you my money? 713 00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:36,715 Even though I know because you told me two days ago 714 00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:37,842 that the minute you get any money, 715 00:28:37,842 --> 00:28:39,844 - you lose it immediately. - Yes. 716 00:28:39,844 --> 00:28:41,887 - Nap time. - [Moskowitz] Mr. Maisel. 717 00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:44,306 Mr. Maisel, we've had a security breach, 718 00:28:44,306 --> 00:28:47,101 and the building is on lockdown. 719 00:28:47,101 --> 00:28:48,644 You run fucking slow. 720 00:28:48,644 --> 00:28:51,647 Don't you ever not sign my guest sheet again. 721 00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:53,190 You hear me? 722 00:28:53,190 --> 00:28:54,775 - We were talking. - [Moskowitz] Please continue. 723 00:28:54,775 --> 00:28:56,318 It was a private conversation. 724 00:28:56,318 --> 00:28:58,362 I might have respected that if you had signed my sheet. 725 00:28:58,362 --> 00:29:01,365 - Susie... - Look, I just need the money. 726 00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,992 So, one more time from the top? 727 00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:04,660 - What if I had a gun? - You don't have a gun. 728 00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:05,911 - But if I did? - But you don't. 729 00:29:05,911 --> 00:29:07,371 - I have a gun. - On you? 730 00:29:07,371 --> 00:29:09,123 Or you got to run and go get it and run back again? 731 00:29:09,123 --> 00:29:10,499 What happened to the money 732 00:29:10,499 --> 00:29:12,334 that you said you were gonna transfer to me, huh? 733 00:29:12,334 --> 00:29:14,211 The money that you were keeping for Midge? Where is it? 734 00:29:14,211 --> 00:29:15,796 Know what? Never mind. Just forget it. 735 00:29:15,796 --> 00:29:18,340 - Susie... - Just don't tell Miriam I came here 736 00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:20,759 - when you see her. - When am I gonna see her? 737 00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:22,553 Is she here? I thought she was in Prague. 738 00:29:22,553 --> 00:29:24,346 - I got to go. - You do have to go. 739 00:29:24,346 --> 00:29:27,099 Think it's nice you live with your mom, by the way. 740 00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:30,519 That one could use a good smack. 741 00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:32,521 [♪ Hank Williams: "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry"] 742 00:29:36,066 --> 00:29:38,068 [sighs] 743 00:29:38,068 --> 00:29:41,030 ♪ Hear that lonesome ♪ 744 00:29:41,030 --> 00:29:43,491 ♪ whip-poor-will... 745 00:29:43,491 --> 00:29:45,284 Fuck. 746 00:29:46,285 --> 00:29:48,078 One more. 747 00:29:48,078 --> 00:29:50,289 ♪ To fly ♪ 748 00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:52,458 ♪ The midnight train... 749 00:29:52,458 --> 00:29:53,959 You know it's June. 750 00:29:53,959 --> 00:29:55,920 [indistinct chatter] 751 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:57,630 We like the picture. 752 00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:59,340 [man] What should we play? 753 00:29:59,340 --> 00:30:01,091 You look like sporting men. 754 00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:03,677 I guess your card, I get a drink. 755 00:30:03,677 --> 00:30:05,763 - [man] Beat it. - [Alfie] Oh, no. I'm good. 756 00:30:05,763 --> 00:30:07,181 You'll love this. Tell him. 757 00:30:07,181 --> 00:30:09,600 - I don't know you. - Oh, well, I'm very famous. 758 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,519 I perform for crown heads of Europe. 759 00:30:11,519 --> 00:30:13,812 And the rest of their bodies if they're still attached. 760 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:16,649 I have met the queen. She matched me drink for drink, 761 00:30:16,649 --> 00:30:18,275 and then we... [laughs] 762 00:30:18,275 --> 00:30:21,278 Slippery stool here. Now, wouldn't that be a story? 763 00:30:21,278 --> 00:30:23,906 Cause of death: slippery barstool. 764 00:30:23,906 --> 00:30:26,325 Not a manly death like fighting in a war 765 00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,035 - or choking on steak. - Christ. 766 00:30:28,035 --> 00:30:31,247 Take a card. I'm a pacifist and a vegetarian, 767 00:30:31,247 --> 00:30:34,041 so I guess it's the deadly barstool for me. 768 00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:35,543 Put it back. 769 00:30:35,543 --> 00:30:37,253 [exhales] 770 00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:38,671 Ooh. 771 00:30:38,671 --> 00:30:40,673 - This your card? - Shit. Yeah. 772 00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:42,424 - Whiskey neat. - You're picking those up. 773 00:30:42,424 --> 00:30:44,677 Think of a number. I guess right, 774 00:30:44,677 --> 00:30:46,262 - you pick up the cards. - [chuckles] 775 00:30:46,262 --> 00:30:48,722 - Fucking hate magicians. - Oh, that's just Alfie. 776 00:30:48,722 --> 00:30:51,267 - He's a regular. - Yeah, well, if he tries to pull 777 00:30:51,267 --> 00:30:53,852 a quarter out of my nose, I'm gonna jam a rabbit up his ass. 778 00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:55,771 - Shit. - Pick a card. 779 00:30:55,771 --> 00:30:57,523 I guess right, you buy me a drink. 780 00:30:57,523 --> 00:30:59,650 - Maybe some other time. - Oh, bad day? 781 00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:01,819 - Wow. You are magic. - Here. 782 00:31:01,819 --> 00:31:03,862 Just for fun. Which hand? 783 00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:05,573 - What am I, six? - For fun. 784 00:31:05,573 --> 00:31:06,949 Get your mind off things. 785 00:31:06,949 --> 00:31:08,784 That one. I watched you pick it up. 786 00:31:08,784 --> 00:31:10,869 Which hand? For fun. 787 00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:12,871 I know you're having enough trouble finding money as it is, 788 00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:14,164 - right? - What? 789 00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:15,666 Which hand? 790 00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:18,586 Two out of three. Which hand? 791 00:31:18,586 --> 00:31:20,337 - Wait, that was two out of three. - Three out of four. 792 00:31:20,337 --> 00:31:22,381 Just for fun. Can't let you go up in smoke, 793 00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:23,632 - right? - Hey, how did you... 794 00:31:23,632 --> 00:31:26,135 - Pick a hand. - I'm gonna be fucking wrong! 795 00:31:26,135 --> 00:31:28,512 - Have a little faith. - [bartender] Alfie, come on. 796 00:31:28,512 --> 00:31:30,514 I was trying to let you win. 797 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:33,767 Look, pal, screw with someone else, huh? 798 00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:43,319 You know, it's not good to sit in a bar when you're depressed. 799 00:31:43,319 --> 00:31:44,695 He's gonna keep talking to me. 800 00:31:44,695 --> 00:31:46,238 Sometimes it's good to be somewhere 801 00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:47,448 that makes you smile. 802 00:31:47,448 --> 00:31:48,907 Alfie. 803 00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:51,744 Where would you like to be right now? 804 00:31:51,744 --> 00:31:54,246 - Fucking place but here. - [Alfie] Hmm. 805 00:31:54,246 --> 00:31:57,207 What's the opposite of here? 806 00:31:57,207 --> 00:31:59,084 How about... here? 807 00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,086 [birds chirping] 808 00:32:03,589 --> 00:32:05,966 What the fuck? 809 00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:08,677 [fingers snap] 810 00:32:08,677 --> 00:32:10,638 What the hell just happened? 811 00:32:10,638 --> 00:32:12,264 You just bought him a drink. 812 00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:15,017 ♪ I'm so lonesome... 813 00:32:15,017 --> 00:32:16,518 Fucking hate magicians. 814 00:32:16,518 --> 00:32:19,355 [♪ The Barry Sisters: "Coney Island"] 815 00:32:19,355 --> 00:32:23,901 ♪ Harvey mentioned his home, a tropical town ♪ 816 00:32:23,901 --> 00:32:25,903 [singing in Yiddish] 817 00:32:33,285 --> 00:32:35,871 - ♪ In Coney Island ♪ - ♪ In Coney Island ♪ 818 00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:37,790 [singing in Yiddish] 819 00:32:37,790 --> 00:32:40,876 - ♪ In Coney Island ♪ - ♪ In Coney Island... 820 00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:42,586 [Abe] Everyone stay together. 821 00:32:42,586 --> 00:32:45,506 - Oh, boys, look. - It's not a real mermaid. 822 00:32:45,506 --> 00:32:47,841 - She sold us pickles earlier. Keep moving. - Hi. 823 00:32:47,841 --> 00:32:49,426 Boy, Abe, are you fun. 824 00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:52,179 This wasn't supposed to be an all-day outing, Moishe. 825 00:32:52,179 --> 00:32:55,557 Stop that. The agreement was one ride on the Wonder Wheel, 826 00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:56,892 then home. Stop that. 827 00:32:56,892 --> 00:32:59,603 It did not include the whole of Coney Island. 828 00:32:59,603 --> 00:33:02,815 Stop that. We have now been heading toward the Wonder Wheel 829 00:33:02,815 --> 00:33:04,358 for a full two hours. 830 00:33:04,358 --> 00:33:06,819 We've stopped for games and T-shirts 831 00:33:06,819 --> 00:33:09,279 and funny pictures of us sticking our heads 832 00:33:09,279 --> 00:33:12,074 through cutouts of bodybuilders and cowboys. 833 00:33:12,074 --> 00:33:14,660 I mean it. It's time we do 834 00:33:14,660 --> 00:33:16,870 - what we came here for already. - [Shirley] Look what I got! 835 00:33:16,870 --> 00:33:19,581 Here we go! ♪ I scream, you scream ♪ 836 00:33:19,581 --> 00:33:21,166 ♪ We all scream for ice cream ♪♪ 837 00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:23,085 - [Abe] Oh, for the love of God. - For Jacob 838 00:33:23,085 --> 00:33:26,505 - and Petey and Moishe and Joely. - Thank you. 839 00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,632 We've come to a dead stop here, Shirley. 840 00:33:28,632 --> 00:33:30,467 And for Rose and for me. 841 00:33:30,467 --> 00:33:33,220 We can give out ice cream and walk at the same time, 842 00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:34,555 - can't we? - [Ethan] Grandma, Grandma. - And finally... 843 00:33:34,555 --> 00:33:36,181 Oh, the birthday boy. 844 00:33:36,181 --> 00:33:37,850 By the time we get there... 845 00:33:37,850 --> 00:33:40,185 - Wait, no ice cream for me? - You don't eat ice cream. 846 00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:42,271 You don't eat anything, and she got you one. 847 00:33:42,271 --> 00:33:43,731 I got to get something to drink. 848 00:33:43,731 --> 00:33:45,107 We'll lose the others. 849 00:33:45,107 --> 00:33:47,067 Oh, they'll be back. 850 00:33:48,444 --> 00:33:50,279 You know, I schtupped your mother 851 00:33:50,279 --> 00:33:51,655 under this very boardwalk. 852 00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:53,031 Thank you for that. 853 00:33:53,031 --> 00:33:55,075 Just thought you'd like a little family history. 854 00:33:55,075 --> 00:33:56,910 - Two. - [vendor] You got it. 855 00:33:58,078 --> 00:33:59,913 Everything okay at the club? 856 00:33:59,913 --> 00:34:01,957 Fine. Why would you say that? 857 00:34:01,957 --> 00:34:04,084 You got a look all Maisel men get 858 00:34:04,084 --> 00:34:06,587 when they got work troubles or prostate issues. 859 00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:08,422 I just... 860 00:34:08,422 --> 00:34:09,882 got these landlords, 861 00:34:09,882 --> 00:34:11,842 and they're a little upset with me. 862 00:34:11,842 --> 00:34:14,052 - Why? - The club's drawing too much attention 863 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:15,304 to their other business. 864 00:34:15,304 --> 00:34:17,598 - You know, downstairs? - Ah, yes. 865 00:34:17,598 --> 00:34:19,266 I can't be at war with these people. 866 00:34:19,266 --> 00:34:20,851 For many reasons. 867 00:34:20,851 --> 00:34:22,811 - Then you got to pay 'em. - I do pay them. 868 00:34:22,811 --> 00:34:25,105 Not rent, you yutz. Payola. Give 'em a taste. 869 00:34:25,105 --> 00:34:26,690 I don't think that's what they're looking for. 870 00:34:26,690 --> 00:34:28,859 Of course it is. There's not a thing in the world 871 00:34:28,859 --> 00:34:31,111 that money can't fix. You see your son? 872 00:34:31,111 --> 00:34:33,197 Had a fit to win that Popeye doll 873 00:34:33,197 --> 00:34:34,907 at the whack-a-mole game back there. 874 00:34:34,907 --> 00:34:37,367 You think he's really such a terrific whack-a-mole player? 875 00:34:37,367 --> 00:34:39,578 You saw him. All he hit was the kid next to him. 876 00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:41,079 I slip the guy five bucks, 877 00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,332 suddenly, Ethan's the king of whack-a-mole. 878 00:34:43,332 --> 00:34:45,209 Five bucks. Got the doll. What did we learn? 879 00:34:45,209 --> 00:34:47,503 Nothing. Including how to play whack-a-mole. 880 00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:49,505 [Rose] Abe, please. It was an accident. 881 00:34:49,505 --> 00:34:51,924 You saw we took a wrong turn and said nothing. 882 00:34:51,924 --> 00:34:55,093 And now we have to double back around the Parachute Jump, 883 00:34:55,093 --> 00:34:57,262 and if we get vomited on from the sky, 884 00:34:57,262 --> 00:34:58,680 it's on your head. Stop that. 885 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,432 This is a wonderful camera, Mr. Weissman. 886 00:35:00,432 --> 00:35:01,683 I'm glad you like it. Keep up. 887 00:35:01,683 --> 00:35:03,352 I got beautiful shots of the boardwalk 888 00:35:03,352 --> 00:35:05,145 and the ocean and very funny pony rides. 889 00:35:05,145 --> 00:35:07,064 - Double-time, double-time. - I was thinking 890 00:35:07,064 --> 00:35:09,608 - we could get one all together? - Absolutely not. 891 00:35:09,608 --> 00:35:11,401 Hello. We need, uh... 892 00:35:11,401 --> 00:35:13,529 Did you boys bring any money from home? 893 00:35:13,529 --> 00:35:15,864 No? Great. Guess I'm paying. 894 00:35:15,864 --> 00:35:19,326 ♪ At the seashore, by the tropical ♪ 895 00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:20,661 [singing in Yiddish] 896 00:35:20,661 --> 00:35:22,663 [boy] Joey! 897 00:35:24,540 --> 00:35:27,960 Joey! 898 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:29,670 Tell your parents I'll give them ten percent of the take. 899 00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:31,004 - [Mei] Joel... - Just tell 'em. 900 00:35:31,004 --> 00:35:32,631 First of all, I never said they were my parents, 901 00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:34,508 and second of all, this wasn't a shakedown. 902 00:35:34,508 --> 00:35:35,884 Whatever it is, that's the deal. 903 00:35:35,884 --> 00:35:37,761 I'll tell them five and let them say ten. 904 00:35:37,761 --> 00:35:38,887 You're just so much more successful 905 00:35:38,887 --> 00:35:40,347 than you were supposed to be. 906 00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:43,141 So, now that your search and destroy mission is over... 907 00:35:43,141 --> 00:35:44,560 It wasn't a search and destroy mission. 908 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:45,769 Just a destroy mission. 909 00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:46,895 Now that it's over, 910 00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:48,647 you still gonna be coming around? 911 00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:50,023 Yes. 912 00:35:50,023 --> 00:35:52,693 A lot. Too much. 913 00:35:52,693 --> 00:35:54,736 It makes you feel any better, the rent they're charging you 914 00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:56,280 - is really low. - That's something. 915 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:57,865 They will be raising it next year, however. 916 00:35:57,865 --> 00:35:59,867 It will be ridiculously high and unfair. 917 00:35:59,867 --> 00:36:01,994 Terrific. I'll see you tonight? 918 00:36:01,994 --> 00:36:04,663 Yes. I'll be in my rent collector's outfit. 919 00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:07,124 If anyone can pull it off, it's you. 920 00:36:07,124 --> 00:36:09,543 [indistinct chatter] 921 00:36:09,543 --> 00:36:12,713 [vendor] Pretzels! Get your pretzels! 922 00:36:12,713 --> 00:36:15,716 Get your pretzels! Pretzels! 923 00:36:28,061 --> 00:36:30,981 It's short. He owes me a dollar. You owe me a dollar! 924 00:36:30,981 --> 00:36:33,150 Abe, either go over to the booth and discuss it 925 00:36:33,150 --> 00:36:34,985 or accept that he owes you a dollar. 926 00:36:34,985 --> 00:36:37,946 But if I go over there, you will all follow, 927 00:36:37,946 --> 00:36:40,032 - and I will never get this... Stop that. - [shutter clicks] 928 00:36:40,032 --> 00:36:42,492 I will never get this train back on the tracks. 929 00:36:42,492 --> 00:36:44,453 - Who wants some funnel cake? - Shirley, no. 930 00:36:44,453 --> 00:36:45,746 - [boys] Me! - Say cheese! 931 00:36:45,746 --> 00:36:47,497 Zelda, please. I'm gonna take that camera back. 932 00:36:47,497 --> 00:36:49,207 Abe, I have to make a call at 3:00, 933 00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,376 so we either have to be done with the ride by then, 934 00:36:51,376 --> 00:36:53,754 - or we should wait until after. - Who are you calling? 935 00:36:53,754 --> 00:36:56,673 It's a potential client, if you must know. 936 00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:59,259 Is this that matchmaking business again? 937 00:36:59,259 --> 00:37:01,178 I-I have to tell you, I don't get it. 938 00:37:01,178 --> 00:37:03,347 Well, you don't have to get it. Only I have to get it. 939 00:37:03,347 --> 00:37:05,724 How lazy are people anyway? 940 00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:08,477 I mean, they can't just find spouses on their own? 941 00:37:08,477 --> 00:37:10,520 - You didn't. - Of course I did. 942 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,731 I met you through a family friend. Sonja. 943 00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:14,775 Yes, Sonja the matchmaker. 944 00:37:14,775 --> 00:37:16,944 - [Midge] Mama! - Miriam. 945 00:37:16,944 --> 00:37:18,278 [Ethan] Mommy! 946 00:37:18,278 --> 00:37:20,364 I heard someone had an unexpected birthday. 947 00:37:20,364 --> 00:37:22,407 - What are you doing here? - You said you were 948 00:37:22,407 --> 00:37:24,785 - in Prague. - I did, yes. 949 00:37:24,785 --> 00:37:26,912 - But... - Explain later. Everyone, on the cars. Now. 950 00:37:26,912 --> 00:37:28,372 Why aren't you on tour? 951 00:37:28,372 --> 00:37:30,123 Why'd you let them change our son's birthday? 952 00:37:30,123 --> 00:37:31,333 - It was out of my control. - Same here. 953 00:37:31,333 --> 00:37:32,793 I wish you'd told me you were coming back. 954 00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,086 We could've moved his birthday to tomorrow. 955 00:37:34,086 --> 00:37:35,879 I was actually hoping I could talk to you all 956 00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,547 about what happened. Maybe we could go somewhere... 957 00:37:37,547 --> 00:37:39,967 No time. Rose, move. Shirley, go with Rose. Oh. 958 00:37:39,967 --> 00:37:41,885 - [Midge] But-but, Papa, I... - Miriam, 959 00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:43,595 we'll pay attention to you later. 960 00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:45,597 Ethan, go. Joel, go. Moishe, go. 961 00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:47,641 - If I could just talk to you for a minute. - [Abe] Sorry. Jacob. 962 00:37:47,641 --> 00:37:50,435 - Petey, go. Zelda, come. - [Zelda] I want to stay here 963 00:37:50,435 --> 00:37:52,270 - and take pictures. - Papa, please. - [Abe] Oh. 964 00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:53,814 Miriam, um... 965 00:37:53,814 --> 00:37:55,691 Return this for me. 966 00:37:55,691 --> 00:37:58,068 Mention that he shorted me a dollar. Don't press it. 967 00:37:58,068 --> 00:37:59,820 I'm not threatening legal action. 968 00:37:59,820 --> 00:38:01,989 But if there is someone official around, 969 00:38:01,989 --> 00:38:05,325 complain in a very loud voice, then cry and faint. 970 00:38:05,325 --> 00:38:07,160 But... Wait. Wait! 971 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,330 - I want to talk... [sighs] - [man] Tickets, please. 972 00:38:10,330 --> 00:38:12,958 - Sorry. I got to... - [man] Lady, what are you doing? 973 00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:15,585 - [woman] There's a line! - [Midge] Mama, I really need... 974 00:38:15,585 --> 00:38:17,421 Oy. 975 00:38:17,421 --> 00:38:19,589 [Rose] Miriam, I don't understand! 976 00:38:19,589 --> 00:38:22,259 How are you here if you were in Prague 977 00:38:22,259 --> 00:38:24,928 - this morning? - I decided to come home early! 978 00:38:24,928 --> 00:38:27,973 - [Rose] Why? - Because they told me to! 979 00:38:27,973 --> 00:38:29,933 - The Czechoslovakians? - [Midge] No! 980 00:38:29,933 --> 00:38:32,519 - Was the tour canceled? - [Midge] No! 981 00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,479 - Just me! - [Rose] What? 982 00:38:34,479 --> 00:38:37,232 I said something onstage that they didn't like, 983 00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:39,860 so they fired me. I was fired! 984 00:38:39,860 --> 00:38:40,986 - No! - [Moishe] What? 985 00:38:40,986 --> 00:38:42,612 What did you say? What did she say? 986 00:38:42,612 --> 00:38:44,072 Oh, Miriam, how awful. 987 00:38:44,072 --> 00:38:46,241 - What did you say onstage? - [Midge] Just jokes! 988 00:38:46,241 --> 00:38:47,367 Very funny jokes, 989 00:38:47,367 --> 00:38:49,077 which I must point out was the job description, 990 00:38:49,077 --> 00:38:51,496 but they got mad and dropped me from the tour. 991 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:54,541 At the airport. On the tarmac. 992 00:38:54,541 --> 00:38:57,753 Outside where everyone could see you? How humiliating. 993 00:38:57,753 --> 00:38:59,504 I'm sorry, did you say you were fired? 994 00:38:59,504 --> 00:39:01,673 Yes, Moishe, I was fired! 995 00:39:01,673 --> 00:39:03,759 That's very disturbing to hear, Miriam. 996 00:39:03,759 --> 00:39:05,177 Especially as your lender. 997 00:39:05,177 --> 00:39:07,012 - I know, Moishe. - Wait, what did you say? 998 00:39:07,012 --> 00:39:08,263 I'm sorry, Moishe! 999 00:39:08,263 --> 00:39:09,473 Did he say "as your lender"? 1000 00:39:09,473 --> 00:39:10,849 [Midge] I will make it up to you, Moishe! 1001 00:39:10,849 --> 00:39:12,225 What does that mean, "as your lender"? 1002 00:39:12,225 --> 00:39:14,227 Your contract was your collateral. 1003 00:39:14,227 --> 00:39:15,562 Do you know what collateral is, Miriam? 1004 00:39:15,562 --> 00:39:17,731 I do, but you're going to tell me anyway. 1005 00:39:17,731 --> 00:39:19,066 Collateral is that thing you used 1006 00:39:19,066 --> 00:39:20,984 to get me to sell you that apartment back! 1007 00:39:20,984 --> 00:39:23,320 - What apartment? - [Moishe] Your contract had numbers 1008 00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:24,488 indicating money. 1009 00:39:24,488 --> 00:39:26,948 And a Christmas special with Bob Hope. 1010 00:39:26,948 --> 00:39:28,450 Remember the Christmas special, Miriam? 1011 00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:31,453 The Christmas special never had Bob Hope in it, Moishe. 1012 00:39:31,453 --> 00:39:33,163 - What apartment? - Our apartment. 1013 00:39:33,163 --> 00:39:35,248 Our apartment? You bought our apartment? 1014 00:39:35,248 --> 00:39:37,375 [Midge] Yes, I bought our apartment. 1015 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:39,086 [Joel] And you borrowed money from my father? 1016 00:39:39,086 --> 00:39:40,754 - Why is that bad? - It's not. 1017 00:39:40,754 --> 00:39:41,880 It sure as fuck is! 1018 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,965 I don't understand. What did she buy? 1019 00:39:43,965 --> 00:39:45,467 [Rose] She bought her apartment! 1020 00:39:45,467 --> 00:39:48,053 - [Abe] What apartment? - [Joel] Our apartment, Abe! 1021 00:39:48,053 --> 00:39:49,304 You don't have an apartment. 1022 00:39:49,304 --> 00:39:51,473 Their old apartment, Abe! 1023 00:39:51,473 --> 00:39:53,475 I can't believe you borrowed money from my father! 1024 00:39:53,475 --> 00:39:55,352 Joel, I'm not going to mention that I picked up 1025 00:39:55,352 --> 00:39:57,771 on a very insulting tone there, but I did. 1026 00:39:57,771 --> 00:39:59,481 - [Joel] Why would you do that? - [Abe] Why would you do that? 1027 00:39:59,481 --> 00:40:01,191 Because I loved that apartment! 1028 00:40:01,191 --> 00:40:03,318 Because I was happy in that apartment. 1029 00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:06,196 I want the kids to grow up in that apartment. 1030 00:40:06,196 --> 00:40:07,489 They won't have a yard! 1031 00:40:07,489 --> 00:40:09,658 [Midge] I know, Shirley! 1032 00:40:09,658 --> 00:40:11,618 Can we get back to the point that I was swindled 1033 00:40:11,618 --> 00:40:13,286 and my son insulted me? 1034 00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:15,789 - You did not get swindled. - I did not insult you, 1035 00:40:15,789 --> 00:40:17,082 and she didn't know she was gonna get fired. 1036 00:40:17,082 --> 00:40:19,417 - [Moishe] She should've assumed. - Why? 1037 00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:21,002 Because you can't tell a joke. 1038 00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:23,338 I've told you that over and over and over, 1039 00:40:23,338 --> 00:40:24,673 but you just won't listen! 1040 00:40:24,673 --> 00:40:26,925 That's right! You won't! 1041 00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:29,386 I will figure out a way to get you your money. 1042 00:40:29,386 --> 00:40:31,513 - How much did you borrow? - [Moishe] Why do you want to know? 1043 00:40:31,513 --> 00:40:33,765 - I'm talking to Midge. - Would you like some privacy? 1044 00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:35,517 - Maybe I can help her out. - [Moishe] With what? 1045 00:40:35,517 --> 00:40:37,435 Sonja was not a matchmaker. 1046 00:40:37,435 --> 00:40:39,563 - Of course she was. - [Abe] No. 1047 00:40:39,563 --> 00:40:41,982 Matchmakers get paid. No one paid her. 1048 00:40:41,982 --> 00:40:44,526 - [Rose] Your mother paid her. - What? 1049 00:40:44,526 --> 00:40:48,113 Abe, for God's sake, you were 30 and unmarried! 1050 00:40:48,113 --> 00:40:49,906 Plus, your wardrobe. 1051 00:40:49,906 --> 00:40:51,908 They had to throw in a savings bond 1052 00:40:51,908 --> 00:40:53,869 and a Turkish ceremonial rifle set 1053 00:40:53,869 --> 00:40:56,246 - for my father! - That's where he got that? 1054 00:40:56,246 --> 00:40:58,373 I need a pen. Who has a pen? 1055 00:40:58,373 --> 00:41:00,500 Aren't you supposed to be prepared for anything? 1056 00:41:00,500 --> 00:41:02,252 [Midge] That's the Boy Scouts, Moishe. 1057 00:41:02,252 --> 00:41:04,171 I need to do some math here! 1058 00:41:04,171 --> 00:41:07,090 You do not need to do any math! You will get your money. 1059 00:41:07,090 --> 00:41:09,426 - I don't believe you. - You think I'd lie to you 1060 00:41:09,426 --> 00:41:11,553 - on my son's fake birthday? - What? 1061 00:41:11,553 --> 00:41:14,014 That was our apartment! You should've discussed it with me. 1062 00:41:14,014 --> 00:41:15,807 - Why? - At the very least, I could've told you 1063 00:41:15,807 --> 00:41:17,392 to never borrow money from my father. 1064 00:41:17,392 --> 00:41:19,102 How did I become the bad guy here? 1065 00:41:19,102 --> 00:41:21,479 Where did you get the idea to buy your apartment? 1066 00:41:21,479 --> 00:41:24,232 How did I wind up in a cage with Petey and Jacob?! 1067 00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:25,942 This funnel cake is delicious. 1068 00:41:25,942 --> 00:41:27,903 Ethan! 1069 00:41:27,903 --> 00:41:30,572 Is your funnel cake delicious? 1070 00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:33,950 Jacob, is your funnel cake delicious? 1071 00:41:33,950 --> 00:41:37,037 Petey, is your funnel cake delicious? 1072 00:41:37,037 --> 00:41:38,747 [man] Hey, lady, shut up! 1073 00:41:38,747 --> 00:41:41,541 - You shut up! - [man] No, you shut up! 1074 00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:44,878 Two thousand feet in the air. That's a very dangerous height 1075 00:41:44,878 --> 00:41:47,214 to tell a Jewish man he's been had! 1076 00:41:47,214 --> 00:41:49,299 What about a Catholic? Is it a good height for a Catholic? 1077 00:41:49,299 --> 00:41:51,009 [Moishe] Was that the joke that got you fired? 1078 00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:53,470 You'll get your money. 1079 00:41:53,470 --> 00:41:55,347 - If I had a nickel... - [Midge] What? 1080 00:41:55,347 --> 00:41:58,558 If I had a nickel! But I don't because you got fired. 1081 00:41:58,558 --> 00:42:01,519 [Shirley] Who wants another funnel cake? 1082 00:42:01,519 --> 00:42:03,605 I did not intend to tell everyone this way. 1083 00:42:03,605 --> 00:42:05,565 Look, when we get back to the house, 1084 00:42:05,565 --> 00:42:07,150 we can sit down and discuss this 1085 00:42:07,150 --> 00:42:09,819 like normal, civilized goddamn people! 1086 00:42:09,819 --> 00:42:11,238 Okay? 1087 00:42:12,822 --> 00:42:14,950 So fun. 1088 00:42:14,950 --> 00:42:17,160 - Say cheese! - Oh! - [shutter clicks] 1089 00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,871 [man cackles over P.A.] 1090 00:42:19,871 --> 00:42:22,040 Every day, I get home from work, and she's left me a list. 1091 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,960 "Take out the trash. Fix the sink. Walk the dog." 1092 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,754 - You got a dog? - "By the way, we got a dog." 1093 00:42:27,754 --> 00:42:29,965 Now, I know we've had some problems, 1094 00:42:29,965 --> 00:42:32,217 but still, I'm doing everything I can to make it all up to her, 1095 00:42:32,217 --> 00:42:33,885 - and she's not giving an inch. - Have a good night. 1096 00:42:33,885 --> 00:42:35,762 - See you next time. - Plus, she's never home. 1097 00:42:35,762 --> 00:42:37,597 She's always at secretarial school, 1098 00:42:37,597 --> 00:42:39,724 which is probably why the lists she leaves me 1099 00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:40,809 are so professional. 1100 00:42:40,809 --> 00:42:43,478 So, today, I'm out with Fletcher... 1101 00:42:43,478 --> 00:42:45,480 - Who? - The dog. And I'm thinking about everything, 1102 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:46,523 and I'm starting to get mad. 1103 00:42:46,523 --> 00:42:48,566 I decide to confront her. Tonight. 1104 00:42:48,566 --> 00:42:50,902 So, she comes home, and I'm standing there, 1105 00:42:50,902 --> 00:42:52,320 all ready for that cold, steely, 1106 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:54,489 Oktoberfest pretzel waitress stare of hers, 1107 00:42:54,489 --> 00:42:56,533 and I say, "Imogene, we need to talk." 1108 00:42:56,533 --> 00:42:58,785 She says give her a minute. She goes into the bedroom. 1109 00:42:58,785 --> 00:43:00,912 Two minutes later, she comes out. 1110 00:43:00,912 --> 00:43:02,789 Completely naked. 1111 00:43:02,789 --> 00:43:05,250 - Imogene? - I am frozen. Speechless. 1112 00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:08,628 And then she smiles and says, "Have a great night at the club. 1113 00:43:08,628 --> 00:43:10,588 Tell Joel I said hello." 1114 00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:12,340 And cool as a cucumber, 1115 00:43:12,340 --> 00:43:13,758 she turns and just leaves the room. 1116 00:43:13,758 --> 00:43:15,677 Are you serious? She said to tell me hello? 1117 00:43:15,677 --> 00:43:17,721 [Li Wei clears throat] 1118 00:43:17,721 --> 00:43:20,140 Fuck. 1119 00:43:20,140 --> 00:43:22,142 One second. 1120 00:43:22,142 --> 00:43:25,729 ♪ Sahara, where it got to be warm ♪ 1121 00:43:25,729 --> 00:43:27,689 ♪ Oh... 1122 00:43:27,689 --> 00:43:29,941 Our first shakedown. 1123 00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:32,193 We are officially in the nightclub business. 1124 00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:34,029 - [chuckles] - [door closes] 1125 00:43:34,029 --> 00:43:36,656 ♪ These gallops are... 1126 00:43:37,699 --> 00:43:39,909 Bank's open tonight. 1127 00:43:39,909 --> 00:43:41,494 Follow me. 1128 00:43:42,495 --> 00:43:46,166 ♪ Anymore... 1129 00:43:51,212 --> 00:43:52,630 Sit. 1130 00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:55,467 - Okay. So, what's... - Don't talk. 1131 00:43:59,054 --> 00:44:00,680 Midge needs her money. 1132 00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:02,307 - Yeah, I know. - No. 1133 00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:03,892 That's talking. 1134 00:44:03,892 --> 00:44:05,518 She needs her money 1135 00:44:05,518 --> 00:44:07,562 in order to pay my father for our old apartment 1136 00:44:07,562 --> 00:44:09,481 that, apparently, she bought back from him yesterday. 1137 00:44:09,481 --> 00:44:10,940 Did you know that? 1138 00:44:10,940 --> 00:44:12,275 She did it when I wasn't looking. 1139 00:44:12,275 --> 00:44:13,735 That's some top-notch managing. 1140 00:44:13,735 --> 00:44:15,612 You are kicking a one-legged dog, man. 1141 00:44:15,612 --> 00:44:17,072 Okay, well, she needs her money, 1142 00:44:17,072 --> 00:44:19,115 so I am going to write you a check. 1143 00:44:19,115 --> 00:44:21,951 You will then write her a check based on this check, 1144 00:44:21,951 --> 00:44:23,870 and she will have her money 1145 00:44:23,870 --> 00:44:25,705 and will never know that you did not. 1146 00:44:25,705 --> 00:44:28,541 Really? Wow, I can't believe you would do that. [chuckles] 1147 00:44:28,541 --> 00:44:31,628 Hey, listen, you are not most of the things 1148 00:44:31,628 --> 00:44:32,921 I have called you in the past. 1149 00:44:32,921 --> 00:44:34,464 However... 1150 00:44:34,464 --> 00:44:36,299 before I hand this over to you, 1151 00:44:36,299 --> 00:44:38,134 we're gonna have a little chat. 1152 00:44:38,134 --> 00:44:40,053 - Shit. - Yeah, shit. 1153 00:44:40,053 --> 00:44:41,304 Exactly shit. 1154 00:44:41,304 --> 00:44:43,223 And you are gonna tell me everything. 1155 00:44:43,223 --> 00:44:45,433 What happened to Midge's money, 1156 00:44:45,433 --> 00:44:47,102 what you did with it, what she thinks you did with it, 1157 00:44:47,102 --> 00:44:48,269 et cetera. 1158 00:44:48,269 --> 00:44:49,979 How big a drink you want? 1159 00:44:49,979 --> 00:44:52,982 - This big. - Coming right up. 1160 00:44:52,982 --> 00:44:54,984 [♪ Louis Prima: "Just One of Those Things"] 1161 00:44:56,986 --> 00:45:00,156 ♪ As Dorothy Parker once said ♪ 1162 00:45:00,156 --> 00:45:03,034 ♪ To her boyfriend, "Fare thee well" ♪ 1163 00:45:03,034 --> 00:45:06,037 ♪ Love, love, love, lovely ♪ 1164 00:45:06,037 --> 00:45:09,207 ♪ As Columbus announced when he knew he was bounced ♪ 1165 00:45:09,207 --> 00:45:11,876 ♪ "It was swell, Isabel, swell" ♪ 1166 00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:14,879 ♪ Love, love, love, love, love, love, lovely ♪ 1167 00:45:14,879 --> 00:45:18,591 [scatting] ♪ It was ♪♪ 1168 00:45:18,591 --> 00:45:20,927 Any messages? Shit, are you sure? 1169 00:45:20,927 --> 00:45:22,512 I was supposed to have a gig this weekend. 1170 00:45:22,512 --> 00:45:23,888 Okay, what about Harry Corn? 1171 00:45:23,888 --> 00:45:26,266 Did he have any messages about a gig? 1172 00:45:26,266 --> 00:45:28,685 Chip Glenn? Anything for him? 1173 00:45:28,685 --> 00:45:31,020 Well, who's got a gig I can steal over there? 1174 00:45:31,020 --> 00:45:32,522 It worked great in Boston, Philly. 1175 00:45:32,522 --> 00:45:33,857 I get to Denver, nothing. 1176 00:45:33,857 --> 00:45:35,692 Well, it's an East Coast joke. My lunch joke, 1177 00:45:35,692 --> 00:45:37,444 I have a different sandwich for each part of the country. 1178 00:45:37,444 --> 00:45:38,945 - Which sandwich is funniest? - Hoagie. 1179 00:45:38,945 --> 00:45:41,072 - Hoagie is a funny sandwich. - [Susie] Put that away. 1180 00:45:41,072 --> 00:45:42,866 Someone sees that check, they'll follow you home, 1181 00:45:42,866 --> 00:45:44,075 knock you in the head and steal it. 1182 00:45:44,075 --> 00:45:46,369 Follow me home? That's 50 blocks. 1183 00:45:46,369 --> 00:45:48,246 Why not just knock me in the head right outside? 1184 00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:50,248 I'd love to, but first, can we talk business? 1185 00:45:50,248 --> 00:45:52,625 - Of course. - So, past is behind us. 1186 00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:54,919 Shy who? One less what? Fuck him. 1187 00:45:54,919 --> 00:45:57,422 - Moving forward, we need a game plan. - Agreed. 1188 00:45:57,422 --> 00:45:59,048 - And I was thinking... - Well, if it isn't Mrs. Maisel. 1189 00:45:59,048 --> 00:46:00,675 I told him not to do this. 1190 00:46:00,675 --> 00:46:02,844 I am not doing anything. I'm just stopping by 1191 00:46:02,844 --> 00:46:05,555 to say hello to a fellow comic and... Oh, look here. 1192 00:46:05,555 --> 00:46:07,891 - Have you seen this? - Yeah, we saw the Jack Ballard thing. 1193 00:46:07,891 --> 00:46:09,809 - Oh, this is better. - What is it? 1194 00:46:09,809 --> 00:46:11,269 [Sally] It's a good, old-fashioned hit job 1195 00:46:11,269 --> 00:46:13,104 - about a certain Mrs. Maisel. - [Susie] What? 1196 00:46:13,104 --> 00:46:15,064 [Sally] You know, she comes out of nowhere, 1197 00:46:15,064 --> 00:46:17,066 and suddenly, she's palling around with Lenny Bruce 1198 00:46:17,066 --> 00:46:20,153 and opening for Shy Baldwin. Blah, blah, blah. She's a whore. 1199 00:46:20,153 --> 00:46:21,613 And there's a picture. 1200 00:46:22,655 --> 00:46:25,450 [mutters] "But suddenly, 1201 00:46:25,450 --> 00:46:27,911 the seemingly charmed downtown darling 1202 00:46:27,911 --> 00:46:30,788 has landed right on her pretty derriere. 1203 00:46:30,788 --> 00:46:33,291 Rumor has it she was unceremoniously dumped 1204 00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:36,794 by the Baldwin team right there on track six 1205 00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:39,756 at Penn Station. They left her unemployed 1206 00:46:39,756 --> 00:46:40,924 and clutching her suitcase." 1207 00:46:40,924 --> 00:46:42,425 At least he likes my ass. 1208 00:46:42,425 --> 00:46:45,011 "I hear a similar thing happened with Sophie Lennon. 1209 00:46:45,011 --> 00:46:46,763 Mrs. Maisel has quite the knack 1210 00:46:46,763 --> 00:46:48,056 for securing these choice jobs..." 1211 00:46:48,056 --> 00:46:50,141 Blah, blah, blah. She's a whore. 1212 00:46:50,141 --> 00:46:52,268 [Susie] "...and a better knack for losing them. 1213 00:46:52,268 --> 00:46:55,104 What is the real story with this giggle girl, anyway? 1214 00:46:55,104 --> 00:46:58,191 And what exactly happened at that show at the Apollo? 1215 00:46:58,191 --> 00:47:01,444 - I'll get back to you on that one." - Well, my work here is done. 1216 00:47:01,444 --> 00:47:03,821 - You are a sad, little man, Eugene. - [Eugene] I am. 1217 00:47:03,821 --> 00:47:05,240 But I have my moments. 1218 00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:07,992 No, he doesn't. 1219 00:47:09,035 --> 00:47:11,329 Who the fuck is this guy? 1220 00:47:11,329 --> 00:47:13,665 - L. Roy Dunham? - [Susie] Don't know, 1221 00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:15,875 but he's seen The Sweet Smell of Success one too many times. 1222 00:47:15,875 --> 00:47:17,210 You know what really sucks about this? 1223 00:47:17,210 --> 00:47:20,171 That gig? That Apollo gig? It went great. 1224 00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:22,257 - The crowd loved me. - I know. 1225 00:47:22,257 --> 00:47:23,675 And they loved me because I just went out there 1226 00:47:23,675 --> 00:47:25,885 and started talking. I didn't have anything planned. 1227 00:47:25,885 --> 00:47:27,345 I just riffed. 1228 00:47:27,345 --> 00:47:28,471 - What's the point? - The point is 1229 00:47:28,471 --> 00:47:29,973 that's always when I'm the best, Susie. 1230 00:47:29,973 --> 00:47:33,434 Think about it. Think about my truly great shows. 1231 00:47:33,434 --> 00:47:35,895 Not the good, solid, polished ones 1232 00:47:35,895 --> 00:47:37,814 but the ones that were epic. 1233 00:47:37,814 --> 00:47:39,816 You know, the first night drunken tit-wagging show 1234 00:47:39,816 --> 00:47:42,235 - comes to mind. - The Sophie Lennon showcase. 1235 00:47:42,235 --> 00:47:44,779 - That one still hurts. - But epic, right? 1236 00:47:44,779 --> 00:47:47,865 The one you arranged with Lenny. The Penny Pann takedown. 1237 00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:49,701 Ruined my marriage and any chance at happiness, 1238 00:47:49,701 --> 00:47:51,995 - so great set. - Great fucking set. 1239 00:47:51,995 --> 00:47:54,414 - Detroit. - Kansas City. New Orleans. 1240 00:47:54,414 --> 00:47:56,624 - Myrtle Beach. - And now the Apollo. 1241 00:47:56,624 --> 00:47:58,251 All those shows, one of a kind. 1242 00:47:58,251 --> 00:48:00,461 The kind of shows that only I could do. 1243 00:48:00,461 --> 00:48:02,672 - Agreed. - Susie. 1244 00:48:02,672 --> 00:48:05,300 - Miriam. - You know what's great about me? 1245 00:48:05,300 --> 00:48:07,093 - Your humility? - No. 1246 00:48:07,093 --> 00:48:08,928 It's when I'm me. 1247 00:48:08,928 --> 00:48:10,513 So, why would I wait 1248 00:48:10,513 --> 00:48:11,639 until I finally have enough power 1249 00:48:11,639 --> 00:48:13,182 to say to them, "I want to be me"? 1250 00:48:13,182 --> 00:48:15,727 - What if they never let me be me? - They will. 1251 00:48:15,727 --> 00:48:18,104 I want to be me every time I walk out on that stage. 1252 00:48:18,104 --> 00:48:19,814 - You will. - No. Listen, 1253 00:48:19,814 --> 00:48:21,316 if I'm gonna do this, Susie, 1254 00:48:21,316 --> 00:48:24,110 if I'm gonna leave Esther and Ethan for weeks on end, 1255 00:48:24,110 --> 00:48:25,612 miss their birthdays-- 1256 00:48:25,612 --> 00:48:28,489 real and fake-- their recitals and school plays, 1257 00:48:28,489 --> 00:48:30,742 I'm not gonna do it for a bunch of lipstick jokes 1258 00:48:30,742 --> 00:48:32,410 or bad room service jokes. 1259 00:48:32,410 --> 00:48:34,329 - Yeah, but... - No. If I'm gonna do that, 1260 00:48:34,329 --> 00:48:37,498 I'm gonna say exactly what's on my mind all the time. 1261 00:48:37,498 --> 00:48:41,252 Every single show, I am gonna say something. 1262 00:48:41,252 --> 00:48:44,464 Yes. Fine. Clearly, that is the goal. 1263 00:48:44,464 --> 00:48:46,924 But if you are gonna open for a guy like Shy Baldwin 1264 00:48:46,924 --> 00:48:49,218 or Pat Boone or Rosemary Clooney, 1265 00:48:49,218 --> 00:48:51,387 you may have to do a room service joke. 1266 00:48:51,387 --> 00:48:54,307 - Then no more opening act gigs. - What? 1267 00:48:54,307 --> 00:48:56,309 I will only do gigs where I can say what I want. 1268 00:48:56,309 --> 00:48:57,727 - Midge... - That's what Lenny would do. 1269 00:48:57,727 --> 00:48:59,896 [scoffs] That's different. He's Lenny Bruce. 1270 00:48:59,896 --> 00:49:02,649 Well, then make me Lenny Bruce. Make me a headliner. 1271 00:49:02,649 --> 00:49:04,817 How am I supposed to do that if I can't even book you? 1272 00:49:04,817 --> 00:49:07,278 I don't know. You're my manager. Manage me. 1273 00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:09,864 Miriam, I hear you. I do. 1274 00:49:09,864 --> 00:49:11,783 But you know as well as I do 1275 00:49:11,783 --> 00:49:13,951 that's not how the business works. 1276 00:49:15,995 --> 00:49:18,206 Then let's change the business. 1277 00:49:18,206 --> 00:49:20,708 [laughter] 1278 00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:22,877 You know, my father once said to me, 1279 00:49:22,877 --> 00:49:24,170 "If you're gonna have a voice, 1280 00:49:24,170 --> 00:49:26,255 you better be careful what that voice says." 1281 00:49:26,255 --> 00:49:27,632 [audience murmurs] 1282 00:49:27,632 --> 00:49:29,676 Now, he was talking about anti-Semitic Nazis. 1283 00:49:29,676 --> 00:49:31,886 He's always talking about anti-Semitic Nazis. 1284 00:49:31,886 --> 00:49:33,596 Two anti-Semitic Nazis walk into a bar, 1285 00:49:33,596 --> 00:49:35,139 and one says to the other, "Who does your taxes?" 1286 00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:38,518 - [laughter] - But a voice... Thank you. 1287 00:49:38,518 --> 00:49:40,728 But a voice is a powerful thing. 1288 00:49:40,728 --> 00:49:42,605 It can shine a light 1289 00:49:42,605 --> 00:49:45,608 on something that is hiding in the dark. 1290 00:49:45,608 --> 00:49:49,278 It can make a couple of guys sit when they want to go. 1291 00:49:49,278 --> 00:49:51,280 - [laughter] - [woman] Yeah, sit down! 1292 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,241 It can change the way people think, 1293 00:49:53,241 --> 00:49:55,576 which can change the way people act. 1294 00:49:55,576 --> 00:49:59,706 But it can't do anything if you keep your mouth shut. 1295 00:49:59,706 --> 00:50:01,332 [audience murmurs] 1296 00:50:01,332 --> 00:50:03,876 Well, lesson fucking learned. 1297 00:50:03,876 --> 00:50:07,130 - [laughter and applause] - Thank you and good night! 1298 00:50:07,130 --> 00:50:09,132 [cheering and applause] 1299 00:50:09,132 --> 00:50:11,134 [whistling] 1300 00:50:11,134 --> 00:50:13,136 [♪ Leslie Uggams: "Being Good"] 1301 00:50:20,143 --> 00:50:23,980 ♪ Being good ♪ 1302 00:50:25,148 --> 00:50:29,569 ♪ Isn't good enough ♪ 1303 00:50:30,987 --> 00:50:34,991 ♪ Being good ♪ 1304 00:50:34,991 --> 00:50:40,329 ♪ Won't be good enough ♪ 1305 00:50:41,372 --> 00:50:43,166 ♪ Got to fly ♪ 1306 00:50:43,166 --> 00:50:50,006 ♪ And if I fall ♪ 1307 00:50:50,006 --> 00:50:55,595 ♪ That's the way it's got to be ♪ 1308 00:50:55,595 --> 00:51:02,185 ♪ There's no other way for me ♪ 1309 00:51:02,185 --> 00:51:05,021 ♪ Being good ♪ 1310 00:51:05,021 --> 00:51:10,193 ♪ Just won't be good enough ♪ 1311 00:51:10,193 --> 00:51:15,573 ♪ I'll be the best ♪ 1312 00:51:15,573 --> 00:51:19,202 ♪ Or nothing ♪ 1313 00:51:19,202 --> 00:51:26,167 ♪ At all ♪♪ 1314 00:51:30,546 --> 00:51:32,548 [♪ Eddie Cochran: "Somethin' Else"] 1315 00:51:36,552 --> 00:51:40,139 ♪ A look a-there, here she comes ♪ 1316 00:51:40,139 --> 00:51:43,559 ♪ There comes that girl again ♪ 1317 00:51:43,559 --> 00:51:46,395 ♪ Wanted to date her since I don't know when ♪ 1318 00:51:46,395 --> 00:51:49,482 ♪ But she don't notice me when I pass ♪ 1319 00:51:49,482 --> 00:51:52,485 ♪ She goes with all the guys from outa my class ♪ 1320 00:51:52,485 --> 00:51:55,905 ♪ But that can't stop me from a-thinkin' to myself ♪ 1321 00:51:55,905 --> 00:51:59,075 ♪ She's sure fine-lookin', man, she's something else ♪ 1322 00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,708 ♪ Hey, look a-there, across the street ♪ 1323 00:52:07,708 --> 00:52:11,087 ♪ There's a car made just for me ♪ 1324 00:52:11,087 --> 00:52:14,090 ♪ To own that car would be a luxury ♪ 1325 00:52:14,090 --> 00:52:17,093 ♪ But right now I can't afford the gas ♪ 1326 00:52:17,093 --> 00:52:20,304 ♪ A brand-new convertible is out of my class ♪ 1327 00:52:20,304 --> 00:52:23,516 ♪ But that can't stop me from a-thinkin' to myself ♪ 1328 00:52:23,516 --> 00:52:26,936 ♪ That car's fine-lookin', man, it's something else ♪ 1329 00:52:31,941 --> 00:52:35,778 ♪ Hey, look a-here, just wait and see ♪ 1330 00:52:35,778 --> 00:52:38,781 ♪ Worked hard and saved my dough ♪ 1331 00:52:38,781 --> 00:52:41,784 ♪ I'll buy that car that I been wanting so ♪ 1332 00:52:41,784 --> 00:52:44,871 ♪ Get me that girl, and we'll go ridin' around ♪ 1333 00:52:44,871 --> 00:52:47,874 ♪ We'll look real sharp with the flight top down ♪ 1334 00:52:47,874 --> 00:52:51,460 ♪ I keep right on a-dreamin' and a-thinkin' to myself ♪ 1335 00:52:51,460 --> 00:52:54,463 ♪ When it all comes true, man, wow, that's something else ♪ 1336 00:52:59,385 --> 00:53:03,180 ♪ Look a-there, what's all this? ♪ 1337 00:53:03,180 --> 00:53:06,601 ♪ Never thought I'd do this before ♪ 1338 00:53:06,601 --> 00:53:09,478 ♪ But here I am a-knockin' on her door ♪ 1339 00:53:09,478 --> 00:53:12,315 ♪ My car's out front, and it's all mine ♪ 1340 00:53:12,315 --> 00:53:15,568 ♪ Just a '41 Ford, not a '59 ♪ 1341 00:53:15,568 --> 00:53:18,738 ♪ I got that girl, an' I'm a-thinkin' to myself ♪ 1342 00:53:18,738 --> 00:53:22,325 ♪ She's sure fine-lookin', man, wow, she's something else ♪♪