1 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,450 Oh, thank God, you're here. 2 00:00:09,650 --> 00:00:11,700 Please, I wouldn't make you face Mrs. Moyers alone. 3 00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:14,700 She's so blonde and smiley and dark-sided. 4 00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:16,330 The woman needs to be double-teamed. 5 00:00:16,530 --> 00:00:17,910 Remember that time she threatened detention 6 00:00:18,110 --> 00:00:19,330 and we couldn't tell if it was for us or Ethan? 7 00:00:19,530 --> 00:00:20,710 It was for us. 8 00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:22,210 Oh, and did I tell you about the cupcake incident? 9 00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:23,340 No, spill. 10 00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:25,550 A couple months ago, I had the audacity 11 00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:27,720 to bring pink-frosted cupcakes to the bake sale 12 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:29,300 when Totie Nussbaum had already staked that turf. 13 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,800 [distorted, overlapping voices] 14 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,930 [sewing machines clattering] 15 00:00:34,130 --> 00:00:35,970 {\an8}[Joel] The fabric cutters are upstairs. 16 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,480 {\an8}One of them's been here longer than Pop's owned the place. 17 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,230 And these are our seamstresses. 18 00:00:40,430 --> 00:00:43,480 Hello, ladies. Oh, this fabric. I want. 19 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:47,280 It's from Istanbul. Pop's got suppliers all over the world. 20 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,320 This is Letty, our senior button sewer. 21 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:50,860 Letty, this is my girlfriend Midge. 22 00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:51,950 Hello, Letty. 23 00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:53,700 What happened to Talia? 24 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,450 Happy sewing, ladies. 25 00:00:55,650 --> 00:00:57,160 What did happen to Talia, Joel? 26 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,460 Talia got the boot the moment you agreed to go out with me. 27 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,540 Talia didn't stand a chance. 28 00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:04,880 - [Shirley] Joely! - There they are. Ma, Pop. 29 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,000 I want to introduce you to Miriam Weissman. 30 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,420 Moishe Maisel. A real pleasure. 31 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:09,550 The pleasure is mine. 32 00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:11,010 This is Joel's mother Shirley. 33 00:01:11,210 --> 00:01:12,090 Nice to meet you, Mrs. Maisel. 34 00:01:12,290 --> 00:01:14,100 My God, the grandchildren I'm going to have. 35 00:01:14,290 --> 00:01:15,680 - Ma, you're crushing her. - Now, they're just dating. 36 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,270 How you doing for tap pants? 37 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,310 I think I'm tapped out. 38 00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:20,730 - We just got some in. Come see. - Oh. 39 00:01:20,930 --> 00:01:23,770 I'll need her back at some point, Ma. 40 00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:27,400 - Well? - This, my son, is a girl you do not let go of. 41 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,320 This, Pop... is forever. 42 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:30,990 [Shirley] What size are you? You're tiny. 43 00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:32,740 - [school bell ringing] - [Midge] She kept saying it. 44 00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:34,780 "Nut bars. You signed up to make nut bars. 45 00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:35,990 Where are the nut bars?" 46 00:01:36,190 --> 00:01:38,240 In the meantime, all my cupcakes sold like hotcakes 47 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,540 and Totie Nussbaum's entire tray got the go-by. Ha! 48 00:01:41,740 --> 00:01:42,920 - [thumping] - Is that her? 49 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,630 Sit up. [clears throat] 50 00:01:45,830 --> 00:01:47,090 False alarm. 51 00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:49,960 Let me tell you, the dads here are as bad as the moms. 52 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,670 They tried to get me to coach a team. 53 00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:52,930 How'd you get out of it? 54 00:01:53,130 --> 00:01:55,260 - Faked a war injury. - You didn't. 55 00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:56,600 These guys know nothing of my background, 56 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,140 so I took advantage of that. 57 00:01:58,340 --> 00:02:00,100 No one is going to question a war hero. 58 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:02,270 [distorted, overlapping voices] 59 00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:03,690 [Joel] I gave you the sign to leave. 60 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:04,730 {\an8}Over an hour ago. 61 00:02:04,930 --> 00:02:06,730 {\an8}It's only 9:30, Grandpa. 62 00:02:06,930 --> 00:02:08,320 {\an8}Well, one of us works. 63 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,110 I'm sorry, I was entertaining your old street hockey friends 64 00:02:11,310 --> 00:02:12,360 because I thought that's what you wanted. 65 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,450 Well, you thought wrong. 66 00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:15,870 - Pull over. - What? 67 00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:16,820 - [driver] Here? - No. 68 00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,370 - Stop the car. - Midge! 69 00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:22,500 So dramatic, I'm married to Barbara Stanwyck here. 70 00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:24,040 [thunder rumbling] 71 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,460 It's a buck-forty, pal! 72 00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:26,790 Just hold on. 73 00:02:26,990 --> 00:02:28,250 Midge, what are you doing? 74 00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:29,960 Walking home. 75 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,050 We're in Brooklyn. You'll be home around dawn. 76 00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,130 No problem, I don't have work tomorrow. 77 00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:35,930 Wait, did I pronounce that right? "Work"? 78 00:02:36,130 --> 00:02:37,930 I've only read the word in my magazines. 79 00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:39,100 You're not even going the right direction. 80 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:40,310 The bridge is that way. 81 00:02:40,510 --> 00:02:41,600 The bridge is this way. 82 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,770 I grew up here, Midge. 83 00:02:42,970 --> 00:02:44,190 I can see the lights. 84 00:02:44,380 --> 00:02:46,350 Are you and Barbara getting back in the car or what? 85 00:02:46,550 --> 00:02:47,610 Just follow us. 86 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,400 With the meter running? Are you crazy? 87 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,230 There may not be another cab when we're done. 88 00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:53,650 Well, how long do you think this fight is gonna last? 89 00:02:53,850 --> 00:02:54,950 Hopefully not too long. 90 00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,610 I've only got three bucks in my wallet. 91 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,030 Well, if you are walking, miss, then keep going. 92 00:02:59,230 --> 00:03:00,450 The bridge is that way. 93 00:03:00,650 --> 00:03:03,580 No, it's not. Yes, it is, goddamn it. 94 00:03:03,780 --> 00:03:06,000 I don't know my own neighborhood. 95 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,960 The bridge may have been down there when you were a kid. 96 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,500 Things change. 97 00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:13,210 And my friends, they are horrible. 98 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,670 All that burping and slurping. 99 00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:17,260 Tony blew his nose into a cocktail napkin 100 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:18,760 and kept using it. 101 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,410 I won't inflict them on you again. I promise. 102 00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:25,140 But they're your friends. 103 00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:27,690 I just need you. That's all. 104 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:29,770 Took you a while to figure that out. 105 00:03:29,970 --> 00:03:31,190 [♪ Jo Stafford: "You Belong To Me"] 106 00:03:31,390 --> 00:03:35,110 Hey. Our song. 107 00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:36,450 Come here, Barbara. 108 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:41,990 ♪ See the pyramids along the Nile ♪ 109 00:03:42,190 --> 00:03:44,750 ♪ Watch the sun rise ♪ 110 00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:46,910 ♪ From a tropic isle... 111 00:03:47,110 --> 00:03:50,170 This dance is going to put another 80 cents on the meter. 112 00:03:50,370 --> 00:03:52,000 Let's make it an even buck. 113 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,550 ♪ All the while ♪ 114 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,840 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 115 00:03:58,040 --> 00:03:59,090 [Joel] Only problem is, 116 00:03:59,290 --> 00:04:00,800 the dads also have a veteran's group, 117 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,640 and now I have to go to those meetings. 118 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:03,640 Still better than coaching. 119 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,180 Good morning. 120 00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:06,430 I'm sorry, did I scare you? 121 00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:07,690 Always. 122 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,980 - I sometimes do that. - Hello, Mrs. Moyers. 123 00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:12,020 Yes, hello, Mrs. Moyers. 124 00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:14,860 Thank you for coming in on such short notice. 125 00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:17,210 So, why are we here today? 126 00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:20,110 - It was rhetorical. - Got it. 127 00:04:20,310 --> 00:04:23,490 We have a problem. He's been rude. Disrespectful. 128 00:04:23,690 --> 00:04:26,000 Incredibly disruptive. Throwing tantrums. 129 00:04:26,190 --> 00:04:27,000 Oh, boy... 130 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,660 And then there's the pipe smoking. 131 00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:30,710 - Ethan's smoking a pipe? - Not Ethan. 132 00:04:30,910 --> 00:04:31,830 Your father. 133 00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:34,630 - Abe? - He's been back several times 134 00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:36,800 since the incident with the aptitude test. 135 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,260 Talking about your daughter's future enrollment here. 136 00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,890 Whether the curriculum's up to her standards. 137 00:04:42,090 --> 00:04:43,930 Wanting to interview teachers, vet textbooks... 138 00:04:44,130 --> 00:04:46,640 - [laughter] - I'm sorry, this is not funny. 139 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,810 No, I'm sorry. This is quite funny. 140 00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:51,400 Yeah, you know science and stuff. We know funny. 141 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,980 - This is funny. - [laughter] 142 00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:56,320 We would like him not to return for the foreseeable future. 143 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,110 Not till he adjusts his attitude. 144 00:04:58,310 --> 00:05:00,610 We've never banned a grandparent before. 145 00:05:00,810 --> 00:05:02,620 - Even the Happy Group seems dismayed... - [whirring] 146 00:05:02,810 --> 00:05:04,220 {\an8}[sighs] 147 00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:12,040 Penny. I didn't know you were still here. 148 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,170 Just trying to figure out this new-fangled thing. 149 00:05:15,370 --> 00:05:16,550 So, you have a 10:00 150 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,170 with the production team tomorrow morning, 151 00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:19,510 and lunch with Nadler at 1:00. 152 00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:20,970 That you'll cancel first thing tomorrow. 153 00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:22,930 - I always do. - What would I do without you? 154 00:05:23,130 --> 00:05:24,180 I would hate to think. 155 00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:26,610 - Good night. - Good night. 156 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,940 Hey. You feel like getting a drink? 157 00:05:35,140 --> 00:05:36,620 Sure. 158 00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,110 [Midge] Obviously, we would like my father 159 00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:41,610 to be able to see our son graduate. 160 00:05:41,810 --> 00:05:44,030 When he appears in school plays. 161 00:05:44,230 --> 00:05:46,530 As long as we keep him on a tight leash? 162 00:05:46,730 --> 00:05:47,660 A leash would help. 163 00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:49,370 I don't mean a physical leash. 164 00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:51,540 Well, I hear you and I will take this up 165 00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:53,120 with the faculty, I promise. 166 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,540 That's all we ask. Thank you. 167 00:05:54,740 --> 00:05:55,750 Yes, thank you. 168 00:05:55,950 --> 00:05:57,440 Thank you. 169 00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:01,470 Can we go...? 170 00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,880 You may go. 171 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,430 [school bell ringing] 172 00:06:06,630 --> 00:06:08,100 So what's your day today? 173 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:11,060 Today, I am hopping a train to Bryn Mawr. 174 00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:12,890 You're kidding. For what? 175 00:06:13,090 --> 00:06:15,520 It's a luncheon for the ladies of the Class of '53. 176 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,570 Oh, so it'll be Petra, Daniella... 177 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,150 Tammy, Kiki, all the girls. 178 00:06:19,350 --> 00:06:20,150 Who hate me. 179 00:06:20,350 --> 00:06:21,400 They don't hate you. 180 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,490 - Detest me? - Eh. 181 00:06:22,690 --> 00:06:23,740 - Despise me? - Eh. 182 00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:25,070 Pick the word. "Abhor" is good. 183 00:06:25,270 --> 00:06:27,030 I will defend you. To a point. 184 00:06:27,230 --> 00:06:28,870 I will take "to a point." 185 00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:31,540 Have fun. And send them all my love, 186 00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:32,830 if only to confuse them. 187 00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,370 I will. 188 00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:37,130 Mrs. Maisel, will I see you at the next library fundraiser? 189 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,710 [Midge] I'm gonna try, Barbara. 190 00:06:38,910 --> 00:06:40,250 [Barbara] You missed last year. 191 00:06:40,450 --> 00:06:41,260 [Midge] I know, I'm sorry. 192 00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:43,920 - Hey. - Hey. 193 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,970 Can we get a drink sometime? 194 00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:49,060 Catch up? Talk about something other than the kids? 195 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:52,390 Sure. I would like that. 196 00:06:52,590 --> 00:06:54,660 Me, too. I'll call you. 197 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,040 [students chattering] 198 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:02,690 [school bell ringing] 199 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,840 {\an8}♪ ♪ 200 00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:08,420 [toy playing music] 201 00:07:12,050 --> 00:07:14,250 Fascinating. Hmm. 202 00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:17,250 Utterly fascinating. 203 00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,000 [kettle whistling] 204 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:23,230 Woo-hoo. Especially this page. 205 00:07:25,730 --> 00:07:27,780 Well... time for a snack. 206 00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:49,570 - What are you doing? - Shh. 207 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,530 [whispering] I'm watching Esther. 208 00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:53,120 Watching her play? 209 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,750 Watching to see what she'll do. 210 00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:57,750 Clearly, she has some kind of freak talent. 211 00:07:57,950 --> 00:07:59,290 In music, at least. 212 00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:02,800 And now I want to ascertain the breadth of her abilities. 213 00:08:02,990 --> 00:08:05,550 For instance, does it extend to literature? 214 00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:07,630 So, I left my book there 215 00:08:07,830 --> 00:08:10,550 and I want to see if she goes over to my book. 216 00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:12,560 [Rose] Okay... 217 00:08:12,750 --> 00:08:14,310 Is there candy in the book? 218 00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:16,640 No, there's no candy in the book. 219 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,560 Why would there be candy in the book? 220 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,650 Well, if you're waiting for her to go over to that book, 221 00:08:20,850 --> 00:08:22,400 I assumed you put some candy in the book. 222 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,860 Hard candy, that's what she likes. 223 00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:26,690 [Abe] I don't want to feed her hard candy, Rose, 224 00:08:26,890 --> 00:08:30,160 I want to see if she'll go over to the book 225 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,620 and not because she thinks there's candy. 226 00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:34,290 What's the book? 227 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:38,080 It's Being and Nothingness by Sartre. 228 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,460 Are there pictures? 229 00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:43,170 In Being and Nothingness? No, there's no pictures. 230 00:08:43,370 --> 00:08:45,170 Then you should probably put some candy in the book. 231 00:08:45,370 --> 00:08:47,300 Even one piece could make a difference. 232 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:50,510 [sighs] Rose, I just want to see if she's curious 233 00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:53,390 about the text in the book. 234 00:08:53,590 --> 00:08:55,430 I have to see if my granddaughter 235 00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:58,350 is the grandson I've been waiting for. 236 00:08:58,550 --> 00:09:00,480 She's not going to know what Being and Nothingness is, 237 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,230 even if she's curious about the text. 238 00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:04,440 No one knows what Being and Nothingness is, 239 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,690 Sartre doesn't even know. 240 00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:09,110 Even I'm just pretending to read it. 241 00:09:09,310 --> 00:09:10,360 Pretending? 242 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,820 For the experiment. 243 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:13,990 But if she suspects that you're pretending to read it, 244 00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:15,740 she may think this is some sort of trick 245 00:09:15,940 --> 00:09:17,790 and will purposely ignore the book. 246 00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:21,290 Which would indicate an aptitude 247 00:09:21,490 --> 00:09:24,460 for cognitive reasoning far beyond her age. 248 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:26,420 So going to the book 249 00:09:26,620 --> 00:09:29,630 would indicate advanced mental faculties 250 00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:32,130 and not going to the book 251 00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:35,820 would also indicate advanced mental faculties. 252 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,280 I'd still go with candy. 253 00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,230 Oh, dumb doll. 254 00:09:44,430 --> 00:09:46,270 Mm-hmm. I know what you're saying, James, 255 00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:47,440 I know what it must have sounded like, 256 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,030 but I think it was just a miscommunication. 257 00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:52,570 She may have been high, yeah, smoking tea, sure, 258 00:09:52,770 --> 00:09:54,160 we all need to unwind at times. 259 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,580 No, because she wants to apologize in person. 260 00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:58,790 She's coming out there now, she's coming to Baltimore. 261 00:09:58,990 --> 00:10:00,160 Yeah, she wants to see you on the set 262 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,000 and take you for soft shell crabs at Haussner's. 263 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,540 I'm booking the train ticket now. 264 00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:06,710 Okay, well, enjoy the fruit basket with the wine pairing, 265 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,210 the robe, the tennis racket and the bicycle. 266 00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:10,710 I'll talk to you later. Bye. 267 00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,260 I'm allergic to crabs. 268 00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:13,800 "It's not your turn"? Did you really say that? 269 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,180 [Susie] Yes. 270 00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:17,430 - Want to give me some context? - Not now, Dinah. 271 00:10:17,630 --> 00:10:19,100 Then when? After James fires you? 272 00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:20,600 Is he gonna fire me? 273 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,520 He's on the brink. I turned it around with those gifts. 274 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,940 You should've checked with me about those gifts. 275 00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:26,520 Those gifts saved your ass, Susie, 276 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,730 pardon my French. 277 00:10:27,930 --> 00:10:29,530 Now pack a bag, you're going to Baltimore. 278 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,070 Look, I know you mean well, 279 00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:33,030 but you are missing the complexities here. 280 00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:35,160 I understand the goddamn complexities. 281 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,700 You're gonna let James walk away 'cause you can't break Midge. 282 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,740 Fuck you, I'm gonna break Midge. 283 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,910 It's not one or the other. Midge is my girl, too. 284 00:10:42,110 --> 00:10:43,870 But Midge isn't getting it handed to her like James. 285 00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:46,520 Really? You want to try being Black for a day? 286 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,960 No one's handed James anything, he's earned what he has. 287 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,170 I know. 288 00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:52,550 So don't let him walk away. 289 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,510 Because if you do, then I may walk away. 290 00:10:54,710 --> 00:10:56,260 And you really can't live without me. 291 00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:58,070 How much was the bike? 292 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,220 Book the ticket. 293 00:11:00,420 --> 00:11:02,030 While you book James on Paar. 294 00:11:05,870 --> 00:11:07,980 [girls laughing] 295 00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:10,860 {\an8}[students chattering] 296 00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:12,110 {\an8}Hello, ladies! 297 00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:14,990 {\an8}[all squealing] 298 00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:16,780 {\an8}God, Midge, what are you wearing? 299 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,450 {\an8}- I love it. - Oh, this old thing? 300 00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:20,240 {\an8}Old? It's straight out of this month's Vogue. 301 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,040 {\an8}What about you? Fashion model. 302 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,450 {\an8}She did model. 303 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,870 {\an8}Get a load! I brought an old friend! 304 00:11:25,070 --> 00:11:26,370 {\an8}- Oh, my God. - The flask. 305 00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:28,630 {\an8}My daddy's, remember? From his days in the cavalry. 306 00:11:28,830 --> 00:11:30,790 {\an8}Right, and when a party got boring, we'd... 307 00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:32,500 {\an8}[all] Call for the cavalry! 308 00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,260 {\an8}[laughing] 309 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,380 {\an8}Let's get moving, ladies, we can't miss the auction. 310 00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:37,840 {\an8}Or lunch, I'm famished. 311 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,050 {\an8}You got a new one, Kiki. Don't be selfish. 312 00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:41,810 {\an8}- Let me see a picture. - Oh, I don't carry pictures. 313 00:11:42,010 --> 00:11:43,100 {\an8}What? 314 00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:44,640 {\an8}Here they are, the whole gang. 315 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,730 - Four? You have four here? - Everything's butter. 316 00:11:46,930 --> 00:11:48,730 - How is Tom? - Buttery. Very buttery. 317 00:11:48,930 --> 00:11:50,900 - What's buttery? Tom? - [laughter] 318 00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:54,440 What's with the teeny, tiny petite-y, patootie sandwiches? 319 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,320 They want us to stay teeny-tiny petite-y patootie ladies. 320 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:58,820 That ship's sailed. 321 00:11:59,020 --> 00:11:59,870 This is just sprouts between 322 00:12:00,060 --> 00:12:01,200 two tiny slices of bread. And no crust. 323 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,200 Another cucumber. Every other one is cucumber. 324 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,870 This is a half strawberry on top of cream cheese. 325 00:12:06,070 --> 00:12:08,180 - Cream cheese? I'll take that. - Be my guest. 326 00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:11,920 Ugh, it's not cream cheese. It's like a whipped salmon. 327 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,550 Why would anyone want to whip salmon? 328 00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:15,300 - Napkin. - All ready for you. 329 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,220 Why the fuck can't they just give us turkey and ham on rye? 330 00:12:18,420 --> 00:12:20,340 - Petra... - I need something to soak up 331 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,550 this booze. I mean, the lawn is spinning. 332 00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:24,560 Not me. Cavalry! Pass it! 333 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,390 Tammy, what is this you bid on? Weapons? 334 00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:29,400 Lawn darts. My boys will love them. 335 00:12:29,590 --> 00:12:30,730 They look dangerous. 336 00:12:30,930 --> 00:12:32,150 They wouldn't sell them if they were dangerous. 337 00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:34,480 I'm very happy with my owl. I'm naming him Charlie. 338 00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,400 I'd swear its eyes are following me. 339 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,030 Midge did the best of all of us. 340 00:12:38,230 --> 00:12:40,990 You got to bid fast and furious to score a Hoover Lark. 341 00:12:41,190 --> 00:12:42,030 What a beaut. 342 00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,120 It's the lightest vacuum on the market. 343 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,700 It's not even on the market yet. I'm green with envy. 344 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,210 Oh, there's Mr. Dee, from Sociology? 345 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,330 Connie, hello, long time no see. 346 00:12:51,530 --> 00:12:53,170 How did he get more handsome? 347 00:12:53,370 --> 00:12:54,380 That's not fair. 348 00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:56,090 What was his full name? It's not just Dee. 349 00:12:56,290 --> 00:12:57,880 I always thought it was short for Dee-licious. 350 00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,720 I almost didn't recognize him with the... 351 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:03,140 - [gasping] - He just kissed Sandra Gutenberg smack on the lips. 352 00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:04,350 He sure did. 353 00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:06,270 Doesn't he know where that mouth has been? 354 00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:08,020 I sure hope so. They're married. 355 00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:09,640 - Married? - Eight years now. 356 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,480 Which makes her Sandra Dee? Really? 357 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,940 She swears they weren't a couple when she was a student. 358 00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:16,730 - Oh, please. - Said they ran into each other at a Piggly Wiggly 359 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,110 right after graduation and sparks flew. 360 00:13:19,310 --> 00:13:21,660 Yeah, well, rumor has it, she was wiggling his piggly 361 00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:23,410 every afternoon behind Dalton Hall. 362 00:13:23,610 --> 00:13:25,620 [laughter] 363 00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:26,870 Hi, Sandra. 364 00:13:27,070 --> 00:13:28,950 - Hi, ladies. - Nice to see you. 365 00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:30,830 So, Midge... 366 00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:32,330 So, Daniella... 367 00:13:32,530 --> 00:13:33,460 Elephant in the room? 368 00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:34,590 I told you not to bring it up. 369 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,670 It's okay. 370 00:13:36,870 --> 00:13:38,960 Yes, I'm converting to Christianity. 371 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,590 - What? No. - Are you? 372 00:13:40,790 --> 00:13:42,010 Midge... 373 00:13:42,210 --> 00:13:45,600 Things are fine with Joel. We're friends. 374 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,310 Palmer Witherspoon is still brokenhearted. 375 00:13:47,510 --> 00:13:49,390 And available. He and Tuffy just divorced. 376 00:13:49,590 --> 00:13:51,730 Palmer Witherspoon had the personality of a shoehorn. 377 00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:53,400 He's a lead accountant at Deloitte now. 378 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,520 As I was saying... 379 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,190 You and Joel moved so fast. 380 00:13:56,390 --> 00:13:58,780 Palmer was gone one day and bam, you two were a thing. 381 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:00,940 Or were you two a thing, then bam, Palmer was gone? 382 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:04,410 He was very persistent. But I controlled the pace, 383 00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,620 because I was a proper, chaste young lady... 384 00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:07,830 Until we were married. 385 00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:09,240 Until you were engaged. 386 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:10,660 Yeah, who you fooling? 387 00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:12,460 We saw you two up against that tree. 388 00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:13,750 Kiki! 389 00:14:13,950 --> 00:14:14,830 You almost uprooted the thing. 390 00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:16,880 Definitely rubbed some bark off. 391 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,710 I knew those binoculars weren't just for bird-watching. 392 00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:22,510 I did warn you about him, you remember that, right? 393 00:14:22,710 --> 00:14:25,050 Yes, Petra. You were very protective. 394 00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:26,930 And now you're a single working girl. 395 00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:28,260 Working for Gordon Ford. 396 00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:29,680 Is it so much fun? 397 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:30,930 Do you laugh all day? 398 00:14:31,130 --> 00:14:33,230 It's a bit of a grind. But there are laughs. 399 00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:35,810 And you perform. Onstage. I can't picture that. 400 00:14:36,010 --> 00:14:38,860 You can't? She gave the toast at her wedding. Stole the show. 401 00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:40,690 I meant I can't picture me doing that. 402 00:14:40,890 --> 00:14:43,530 You're not scared standing onstage in front of people? 403 00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:45,860 Well, let's see... 404 00:14:46,060 --> 00:14:47,950 If there was anything else in the entire world 405 00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:50,580 that I could possibly do to earn a living, I would. Anything. 406 00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,660 I'm talking dry cleaners to the Klan, 407 00:14:52,860 --> 00:14:55,250 crippled-kid portrait painter, slaughterhouse attendant... 408 00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:57,500 I don't think those are the only options. 409 00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:59,460 Just something a friend told me once. 410 00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:01,840 No. Not scared onstage. 411 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,260 Offstage, though, in the club bathrooms, that's terrifying. 412 00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:07,510 Why do you do it? 413 00:15:07,710 --> 00:15:09,600 Because I love it. 414 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,430 People listen to you. Plus, you get free drinks. 415 00:15:12,630 --> 00:15:16,270 You said on the phone that you were going to be on Jack Paar. 416 00:15:16,470 --> 00:15:19,480 That was just an audition to be on his show. 417 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,280 They haven't made a decision yet. We'll see. 418 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,400 Oh, there's Corky Fleming. 419 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:24,780 Always hated her. Hi, Corky! 420 00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:26,660 - Hi, Corky. - [Corky] Hi, girls. 421 00:15:26,850 --> 00:15:28,620 [Daniella] Corky used to fool around with Mr. Dee, too. 422 00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:30,490 [Kiki] This all happen during my semester in Prague? 423 00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:32,040 [Tammy] Everyone had a thing for Mr. Dee. 424 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,540 [Petra] Not me. He gave me a C. 425 00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:34,660 [laughter] 426 00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:36,010 [Kiki] Calvary, please! 427 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,590 Is this allowed? We don't have passes. 428 00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:41,300 We don't need no stinking passes! 429 00:15:41,490 --> 00:15:42,800 We're esteemed alumnae. 430 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,840 Come on, ladies. Fortune favors the brave! 431 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,220 Do you dream about the dorms? 432 00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:48,800 I still have dreams about the dorms. 433 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,890 [laughter] 434 00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:53,100 [students chattering] 435 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,600 [sniffs] Do I smell food? 436 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,020 Are they allowing hot plates now? 437 00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:58,100 Don't approve. 438 00:15:58,300 --> 00:15:59,810 They have a TV in their room! 439 00:16:00,010 --> 00:16:01,110 So spoiled. 440 00:16:01,310 --> 00:16:03,690 - [gasps] Aw. - [♪ Del Shannon: "Runaway"] 441 00:16:03,890 --> 00:16:04,740 Hi. 442 00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:07,780 Hi. Sounds good, the rock and roll. 443 00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:09,110 Yup. 444 00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:11,780 Petra and I played "Toolie Oolie Doolie" nonstop 445 00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:13,700 for two months in this very room. 446 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,080 ♪ The things we've done... 447 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,290 The Andrews Sisters? 448 00:16:16,490 --> 00:16:19,250 Right. My mother has one of their records. 449 00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:21,380 What's she up to tonight? 450 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:22,960 You looking for your kid? 451 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,380 - My kid? - We're 30, peewee. - Come on. 452 00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:25,380 Geez. 453 00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:27,170 - Sorry. - Oh, my God. 454 00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:29,180 This is okay with you? 455 00:16:29,380 --> 00:16:30,470 What? 456 00:16:30,670 --> 00:16:33,350 What. She says "What?" 457 00:16:33,550 --> 00:16:35,020 What? 458 00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:37,310 [Daniella laughing] 459 00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:38,310 What did we miss? 460 00:16:38,510 --> 00:16:40,270 This carpet was unforgivable. 461 00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:42,980 - Not anymore. The Lark's really suctioning up the dirt. - Feet. 462 00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:44,690 The Lark is the lightest-weight vacuum on the market. 463 00:16:44,890 --> 00:16:46,740 And easy to store. 464 00:16:46,930 --> 00:16:50,200 Something to keep in mind, Sherry. Barb. 465 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,450 - Sure. - Okay. 466 00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:53,950 Three of us slept in here? Really? 467 00:16:54,150 --> 00:16:55,790 How did we ever fit all our stuff? 468 00:16:55,990 --> 00:16:57,500 Why is the world getting so much smaller? 469 00:16:57,700 --> 00:17:00,250 Hey, come on. We want to see if they're still there. 470 00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:02,020 - If what's still where? - [Daniella] Come on! 471 00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:03,960 Bye. 472 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:04,960 Bye, girls. 473 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:06,100 - Bye. - Bye. 474 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,550 Cleanliness is next to godliness. 475 00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:12,690 Holy shit, what am I, 80? 476 00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:15,890 [both laugh] 477 00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:17,270 - [door creaks] - [gasps] 478 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,390 Ew, spiderwebs! 479 00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:19,810 [Kiki] You wanted to go first. 480 00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:22,230 - Smells like Tut's tomb in here. - Oh... 481 00:17:22,430 --> 00:17:24,270 Somebody get a stick and wave it in front of us. 482 00:17:24,470 --> 00:17:25,480 Take the cobwebs down. 483 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,940 Keep moving, Kiki. 484 00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:28,690 Oh, that stick's not long enough. 485 00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,030 Midge, use your vacuum. 486 00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:31,360 The Lark is not a toy. 487 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,370 Oy, girls. Come on, time's a-wasting. 488 00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:35,530 - Oh! Aah! - Aah! 489 00:17:35,730 --> 00:17:38,330 I hate spiders more than anything. 490 00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:40,370 This is smaller, too. 491 00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:41,790 Everything's shrinking. 492 00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:44,080 [gasps] Our cigarette butts are still on the ground. 493 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,000 Good. That means they still might be here. 494 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,050 [gasps] And they are. 495 00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:50,090 [Tammy] Oh, we attached ribbons and flowers. 496 00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:51,300 We were so cute. 497 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,430 {\an8}[Daniella] Whose color was this? Anyone remember? 498 00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:53,430 {\an8}Was I yellow? 499 00:17:53,630 --> 00:17:54,720 No, I was yellow, you were purple. 500 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,430 The blue and purple are looking a lot alike. 501 00:17:56,630 --> 00:17:57,720 Hold them up to the light. 502 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,810 I was definitely green. Gimme, gimme. 503 00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:00,810 - Blue. - Oh. 504 00:18:01,010 --> 00:18:02,520 - Pink. - Ah. 505 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,900 Whose idea was it to write notes to our future selves? 506 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,440 - Yours. - No. 507 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,570 It was definitely yours, Midge. You always thought ahead. 508 00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:09,690 Our fearless leader. 509 00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:11,240 All right, gang, here's mine. 510 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:12,360 [Petra] Read, read. 511 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,070 "Love as if your life depends on it." 512 00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:15,410 Really? 513 00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:17,530 You went through that whole Kahlil Gibran phase. 514 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,160 I gave that book away with my jump ropes. 515 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,080 - And do you? - Do I what? 516 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,080 Love as if your life depends on it? 517 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:27,130 I'll say yes. Not always, I should try harder, but yes. 518 00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:28,210 Good. 519 00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:30,340 - I'm next. Little Miss Blue. - Mm. 520 00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:32,340 "Be thoughtful. Be thin." 521 00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:33,970 - [laughter] - Oh, young Petra, you bitch. 522 00:18:34,170 --> 00:18:35,680 Keep reading. 523 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,600 "Cherish your parents, cherish your children, 524 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,140 cherish your friends, and please be happy." Aw. 525 00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:41,270 - That's sweet. - Yeah. 526 00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:43,810 Sorry, young me. You weren't a bitch. 527 00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:45,020 Here's me. [clears throat] 528 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:48,770 "Read Don Quixote in the original Spanish"? 529 00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:50,320 Oh, God, I never even learned Spanish. 530 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:51,940 - [laughter] - What else? 531 00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:53,280 Just a long, obnoxious list 532 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,700 of other books to read in various languages. 533 00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:59,330 And I end with "Most Sincerely, Your Younger You." 534 00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:00,540 - Mm. - Kiki? 535 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,330 [Kiki] Okay. "Work for seven years, 536 00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:03,910 save money, travel for six months, 537 00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,000 then get married and have some kids." 538 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,540 Okay, I did not do that. 539 00:19:07,740 --> 00:19:08,920 - You had some kids. - And then some. 540 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:10,880 And that's where the story ends. 541 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:11,960 Midge? 542 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,550 All right, here I go. 543 00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:17,180 [Kiki] What's it say? 544 00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:18,260 "Don't." 545 00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:19,470 - Don't? - Don't what? 546 00:19:19,670 --> 00:19:21,720 That's it. Just "Don't." 547 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,230 Did you not finish the sentence? 548 00:19:23,420 --> 00:19:25,270 No, I added an exclamation point and underlined it twice. 549 00:19:25,470 --> 00:19:28,770 Let me see that. "Don't." Weird. 550 00:19:28,970 --> 00:19:29,980 What did you mean? 551 00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:31,820 - No clue. - Do you remember writing this? 552 00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:33,530 - Nope. - [Tammy] Maybe it was "Don't hurt anyone." 553 00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:34,530 Something like that. 554 00:19:34,730 --> 00:19:35,740 Then why didn't I write that? 555 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:37,110 [Daniella] I know what it was, Midge. 556 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,660 You were going to wear that purple dress 557 00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:40,780 to the senior formal but you knew deep down not to. 558 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,620 "Don't." And you didn't. 559 00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:43,910 I don't think that was it. 560 00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:45,870 [Petra] I think it was something like "Don't miss out." 561 00:19:46,070 --> 00:19:47,330 Don't miss out on living life. 562 00:19:47,530 --> 00:19:48,750 - And, my God, you haven't. - [Tammy] That's so true. 563 00:19:48,950 --> 00:19:51,130 All the amazing things you've gotten to do, Midge? 564 00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:53,130 - [Daniella] You've done more than any of us. - [Kiki] Combined. 565 00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:54,550 And just think of all the stories you'll have 566 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:55,970 to tell your children when they grow up. 567 00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:57,220 [Tammy] And your grandchildren. 568 00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:59,590 Once you're settled, remarried, happy, 569 00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:01,890 you'll always be able to look back on this amazing chapter 570 00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:04,270 and say "I did that." 571 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:08,480 Yeah. It's been an amazing chapter. 572 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,060 Oh, wait, there's more on mine. 573 00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:13,150 "Swing by the Piggly Wiggly after graduation." 574 00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:15,440 Goddamn it, I could have been Mrs. Dee. 575 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,750 [laughter] 576 00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:21,740 - [thud] - [Tammy] Whoops! 577 00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:23,540 Tammy, creepers, you almost put my eye out. 578 00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,200 - Sorry. - You're supposed to throw 'em underhand. 579 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,210 And you're not supposed to try to catch them, Petra. 580 00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:30,080 [Petra] I'm not playing anymore. 581 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,000 - I've got to go. - Me, too. 582 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,340 So, let's pledge it won't be ten years 583 00:20:35,540 --> 00:20:37,300 - before our next game of drunken lawn darts? - Yes. 584 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,010 - Absolutely. - Bye. 585 00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:40,590 [♪ Andrews Sisters: "Toolie Oolie Doolie"] 586 00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:42,800 - Bye. - Bye. 587 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,180 [overlapping goodbyes] 588 00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:48,180 ♪ When the Swiss boy goes calling ♪ 589 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,310 ♪ On a Swiss miss in June ♪ 590 00:20:51,510 --> 00:20:52,860 - Bye. - Bye. 591 00:20:53,060 --> 00:20:56,990 ♪ Toolie oolie doolie doo ♪ 592 00:20:57,180 --> 00:21:01,300 ♪ And make your dreams come true ♪♪ 593 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,930 [traffic noise] 594 00:21:06,430 --> 00:21:09,540 And it's confirmed. Doubly. Triply. 595 00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:10,710 100%. 596 00:21:10,910 --> 00:21:12,500 - Through my wife? Through Hedy? - Through Hedy. 597 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:14,810 - Is she still here? - Saw her downstairs a minute ago. 598 00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:17,630 Hedy! 599 00:21:17,830 --> 00:21:20,130 [indistinct chatter] 600 00:21:20,330 --> 00:21:21,970 Hedy, you stop right there! 601 00:21:22,170 --> 00:21:23,680 Yes, sir. 602 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:24,800 [chatter quiets] 603 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,620 - What the hell? - This can't be good. 604 00:21:29,660 --> 00:21:31,370 Goddamn it, Hedy. 605 00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:34,910 Goddamn it. 606 00:21:36,580 --> 00:21:37,940 - Aw. - Whoo! 607 00:21:38,140 --> 00:21:39,110 I stand corrected. 608 00:21:39,310 --> 00:21:40,860 I do not understand their marriage. 609 00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:42,410 [Gordon] Okay, listen up, guys. 610 00:21:42,610 --> 00:21:43,780 You all know that a certain member 611 00:21:43,980 --> 00:21:45,080 of the British Royal family 612 00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:46,990 has been on an extended tour of North America. 613 00:21:47,190 --> 00:21:49,750 And you also know that every major media outlet 614 00:21:49,950 --> 00:21:51,210 from San Diego to Newfoundland's 615 00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:52,960 been trying to book an interview. 616 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,630 Well, we just got the fucking interview. 617 00:21:54,830 --> 00:21:56,590 Tonight, Princess Margaret 618 00:21:56,790 --> 00:21:58,960 will be on our show for the full hour. 619 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,110 [cheers and applause] 620 00:22:02,650 --> 00:22:06,140 This woman, this woman here, pulled strings, 621 00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:08,850 flattered egos, called in chits, and sweet-talked 622 00:22:09,050 --> 00:22:11,100 the supercilious ponces that surround the princess 623 00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:15,060 and pulled off a miracle on the order of loaves and fishes. 624 00:22:15,260 --> 00:22:16,360 Applaud for her now. 625 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,110 [applauding] 626 00:22:18,310 --> 00:22:21,400 He graciously left out all the dirty things I did. 627 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:22,490 [laughter] 628 00:22:22,690 --> 00:22:24,280 Now, it's all hands on deck, people. 629 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:25,280 A lot's coming down the pike really quick, 630 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:26,740 starting with British security, 631 00:22:26,940 --> 00:22:28,910 so if you've stashed any muskets or tea in your offices, 632 00:22:29,110 --> 00:22:30,160 - remove 'em now. - [laughter] 633 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,040 Mike, a lot of this is landing on you, partner. 634 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,040 - You ready to run? - Hell yeah. 635 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:34,290 I need the research team to supply me 636 00:22:34,490 --> 00:22:36,040 with all things Margaret and get me as much about 637 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,750 - what she's done on this tour so I'm caught up. - All right. 638 00:22:37,950 --> 00:22:39,800 I'll run point on this, guys. Get stuff to me by 2:00. 639 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,340 Alvin, guys, her team says she wants 640 00:22:41,540 --> 00:22:43,170 to do some sort of comedy skit with me. 641 00:22:43,370 --> 00:22:45,300 - You're kidding. - They say she doesn't want to come off stiff, 642 00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:47,470 so go to town, come up with as many pitches as you can 643 00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:49,850 to make her funny and bring 'em up to Mike and me ASAP. 644 00:22:50,050 --> 00:22:51,890 - You got it. - [Gordon] And tailor the monologue to the Royal Family. 645 00:22:52,090 --> 00:22:53,440 Make it funny but treat them with respect. 646 00:22:53,630 --> 00:22:56,770 Ah, but poke fun at 'em, too. 647 00:22:56,970 --> 00:22:57,980 You know, keep it edgy. Keep it Ford. 648 00:22:58,180 --> 00:23:00,070 But not too edgy. But it's got to be funny. 649 00:23:00,270 --> 00:23:02,190 But not funny in a mean way. 650 00:23:02,390 --> 00:23:03,240 Gordon, please, you'll pull something. 651 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:04,530 Let 'em do their thing. 652 00:23:04,730 --> 00:23:06,240 Funny but not mean. We got it, boss. 653 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:07,990 All right. 654 00:23:08,190 --> 00:23:10,540 And now my morning just got even better. 655 00:23:10,730 --> 00:23:12,910 Jane Jacobs, what an absolute thrill to meet you. 656 00:23:13,110 --> 00:23:14,330 Hello, Gordon. 657 00:23:14,530 --> 00:23:16,120 Guys, this is the woman who single-handedly 658 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,130 stopped Robert Moses from running a goddamn road 659 00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:19,920 through the middle of Washington Square Park. 660 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:21,170 Jane, my first time in New York, 661 00:23:21,370 --> 00:23:22,840 my parents took me to that park. 662 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,840 My God, there were jugglers, musicians, that fountain, 663 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,050 a bunch of weirdos, it was magical. 664 00:23:29,250 --> 00:23:31,850 I knew then I had to live here, work here. 665 00:23:32,050 --> 00:23:33,430 Jane, you didn't just save a park, 666 00:23:33,630 --> 00:23:35,270 you saved a memory. 667 00:23:35,470 --> 00:23:36,690 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 668 00:23:36,890 --> 00:23:37,850 Got to bump you tonight. 669 00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:39,060 I'll call you when we got a hole to fill. 670 00:23:39,260 --> 00:23:40,440 Let's do this, Mike. 671 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:41,820 Okay. 672 00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:44,440 So that was the mysterious Hedy, huh? 673 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,820 She pops up every now and then. 674 00:23:46,020 --> 00:23:47,110 The Brigadoon wife. 675 00:23:47,310 --> 00:23:49,200 Okay, so who, like me, knows absolutely 676 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,530 nothing about Princess Margaret? 677 00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:52,410 - She's the queen's sister. - I know that much. 678 00:23:52,610 --> 00:23:54,080 - She's had affairs. - [Alvin] We can't do affairs. 679 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:55,960 - She drinks tea? - She calls soccer "football"? 680 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,830 [posh British accent] She talks like this. 681 00:23:58,030 --> 00:23:59,080 So we're fucked, is that what you're telling me? 682 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,380 The show's in seven hours. 683 00:24:00,580 --> 00:24:01,840 [Midge] Uh, excuse me, fellas. 684 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,800 You happen to have a resident expert here. 685 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,800 Really? Midge to the rescue. 686 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,800 I love her. She's brassy. 687 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,050 Unencumbered by the crown. Kind of sexy. 688 00:24:10,250 --> 00:24:11,600 Sounds a little like Ralph's impression. 689 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:12,850 - Can she be funny? - In a skit? 690 00:24:13,050 --> 00:24:14,350 I've got a couple ideas. 691 00:24:14,550 --> 00:24:16,310 I'll work on those while you guys do the monologue. Deal? 692 00:24:16,510 --> 00:24:18,690 - Deal. - Okay, guys, 20 in one. 693 00:24:18,890 --> 00:24:20,730 Shit. 694 00:24:20,930 --> 00:24:21,730 Sorry, Alvin. 695 00:24:21,930 --> 00:24:24,940 Okay, guys. 20 in one. 696 00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:26,650 [laughter] 697 00:24:26,850 --> 00:24:28,150 That was funny. 698 00:24:28,350 --> 00:24:30,450 ♪ ♪ 699 00:24:30,650 --> 00:24:32,580 Tip-top and cheerio. 700 00:24:32,780 --> 00:24:34,700 It's The Gordon Ford Show. 701 00:24:34,900 --> 00:24:37,040 [cheers and applause] 702 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:38,670 Tonight's very special guest, 703 00:24:38,860 --> 00:24:41,420 for the full hour, Her Royal Highness, 704 00:24:41,620 --> 00:24:43,090 the Countess of Snowden, 705 00:24:43,290 --> 00:24:45,590 Princess Margaret of Britain! 706 00:24:45,790 --> 00:24:47,130 Princess Margaret? 707 00:24:47,330 --> 00:24:48,470 What a score! 708 00:24:48,670 --> 00:24:51,680 [cheers and applause] 709 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,760 [Midge] Hey, guys. Here again, huh? 710 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,770 One of the writers said we were such good laughers, 711 00:24:55,970 --> 00:24:57,350 he gave us an open invite to the show. 712 00:24:57,550 --> 00:24:59,060 So we plan to be here every night. 713 00:24:59,260 --> 00:25:01,270 Terrific. Which writer? 714 00:25:01,470 --> 00:25:03,190 I don't know that you two would have ever crossed paths. 715 00:25:03,390 --> 00:25:05,070 - But could you point him out? - Oh, shh-shh... shh. 716 00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:06,690 [Gordon] Good evening, everybody. 717 00:25:06,890 --> 00:25:08,570 You heard right, we have real, living 718 00:25:08,770 --> 00:25:10,240 and breathing royalty on the show tonight. 719 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,660 Yes, Princess Margaret. 720 00:25:12,860 --> 00:25:14,830 Now, you may see some 721 00:25:15,030 --> 00:25:17,700 sinister-looking men in suits around the studio today. 722 00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:20,460 Some of them are Princess Margaret's security detail 723 00:25:20,660 --> 00:25:22,420 and some of them are my agents. 724 00:25:22,620 --> 00:25:25,000 - [audience laughter] - Hey, you get chummy with my in-laws? 725 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,250 This sounds accusatory. 726 00:25:26,450 --> 00:25:27,960 George Bernard Shaw said that Britain and America 727 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,180 are two countries separated by a common language. 728 00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:33,430 I observe we're also separated by an ocean. 729 00:25:33,630 --> 00:25:34,970 Why do I never get the accolades that Shaw gets? 730 00:25:35,170 --> 00:25:36,220 [laughter] 731 00:25:36,420 --> 00:25:37,350 Unfair. 732 00:25:37,550 --> 00:25:38,850 And you know they have different words 733 00:25:39,050 --> 00:25:40,350 for everything in the UK. 734 00:25:40,550 --> 00:25:42,060 They call an elevator a lift. 735 00:25:42,260 --> 00:25:44,020 They call an apartment a flat. 736 00:25:44,220 --> 00:25:46,570 And today I learned they actually call me 737 00:25:46,770 --> 00:25:48,820 "I'm sorry, I don't believe I've ever heard of you before." 738 00:25:49,020 --> 00:25:50,780 [laughter] 739 00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:53,660 [applause] 740 00:25:53,860 --> 00:25:55,490 [laughing and applauding] 741 00:25:55,690 --> 00:25:57,640 [big band music playing] 742 00:25:59,470 --> 00:26:01,680 [applause] 743 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,300 Hey, everybody, we're back with Princess Margaret. 744 00:26:07,490 --> 00:26:09,340 So, Your Royal Highness, we're always fascinated 745 00:26:09,540 --> 00:26:11,510 by the domestic routine of the Royal Family. 746 00:26:11,710 --> 00:26:12,680 Now, you're a newlywed. 747 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:14,220 [murmuring, applause] 748 00:26:14,420 --> 00:26:16,760 I'm wondering, what's dinner for you? 749 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:18,100 Do you cook? 750 00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:19,680 Oh, yes, I do cook, I'm a fabulous cook, 751 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:20,930 I cook every day. 752 00:26:21,130 --> 00:26:22,890 It's one of two things I'm most skilled at. 753 00:26:23,090 --> 00:26:24,770 - What's the other? - Lying. 754 00:26:24,970 --> 00:26:26,690 [laughter] 755 00:26:26,890 --> 00:26:28,070 So you have cooks. 756 00:26:28,270 --> 00:26:29,860 I believe our cooks have cooks. 757 00:26:30,060 --> 00:26:31,240 [laughter] 758 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:32,610 [Gordon] Now, I would imagine that as a member 759 00:26:32,810 --> 00:26:34,450 of the Royal Family, there isn't much 760 00:26:34,650 --> 00:26:35,740 that you haven't been able to do. 761 00:26:35,940 --> 00:26:37,410 - Is that true? - [Margaret] No, Gordon, it's not. 762 00:26:37,610 --> 00:26:38,790 I've always had this dream 763 00:26:38,980 --> 00:26:41,000 that has, up till now, gone unfulfilled. 764 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,410 [Gordon] Interesting. What is it? 765 00:26:42,610 --> 00:26:44,620 I've always wanted to do a live weather report 766 00:26:44,820 --> 00:26:45,830 on American television. 767 00:26:46,030 --> 00:26:47,380 [laughter] 768 00:26:47,580 --> 00:26:49,750 As luck would have it, it's time for 769 00:26:49,950 --> 00:26:53,340 The Gordon Ford Show nightly weather report. 770 00:26:53,540 --> 00:26:55,010 Funny coincidence, that. 771 00:26:55,210 --> 00:26:56,760 Now, would you like to do it in my stead, 772 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,300 maybe fulfill that dream of yours? 773 00:26:58,500 --> 00:26:59,430 I'd be delighted. 774 00:26:59,630 --> 00:27:00,430 Please. 775 00:27:00,630 --> 00:27:02,120 [applause] 776 00:27:06,950 --> 00:27:08,980 All right, you're all set, Your Royal Highness. 777 00:27:09,180 --> 00:27:10,190 Thank you. 778 00:27:10,390 --> 00:27:11,440 Good evening, America. 779 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,950 This is Gordon Ford with tonight's forecast. 780 00:27:14,140 --> 00:27:16,570 That card is wrong, I am not Gordon Ford. 781 00:27:16,770 --> 00:27:19,200 Well, this was all so spontaneous and impulsive, 782 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:20,830 we had no time to change the cue cards. 783 00:27:21,030 --> 00:27:22,910 Well, we are not amused. 784 00:27:23,110 --> 00:27:24,330 [Gordon] Well, we are very sorry. 785 00:27:24,530 --> 00:27:27,630 On Tuesday, there will be lots and lots of sunshine. 786 00:27:27,830 --> 00:27:29,170 What is that? "Sunshine"? 787 00:27:29,370 --> 00:27:31,800 Oh, well, it's where the sun is out all day, 788 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,090 unimpeded by clouds. 789 00:27:33,290 --> 00:27:35,050 I still have no idea what you're talking about. 790 00:27:35,250 --> 00:27:36,430 [laughter] 791 00:27:36,630 --> 00:27:39,300 Out in the Rockaways, surf conditions will be epic. 792 00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:43,020 All you Gidgets and kooks should expect some gnarly slides 793 00:27:43,220 --> 00:27:46,890 as you hang ten and snake those Jersey shoobies. 794 00:27:47,090 --> 00:27:48,560 [laughter] 795 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:49,860 It's almost like you and your writers 796 00:27:50,060 --> 00:27:51,610 just wanted to hear me say those words. 797 00:27:51,810 --> 00:27:52,730 [laughter] 798 00:27:52,930 --> 00:27:54,240 Well, that's impossible, because we had no idea 799 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:55,780 you were going to do the forecast. 800 00:27:55,980 --> 00:27:57,740 Excuse me, what are you doing there? 801 00:27:57,940 --> 00:28:00,490 Just marking which states our army should reinvade first. 802 00:28:00,690 --> 00:28:01,950 [laughter] 803 00:28:02,150 --> 00:28:04,000 [Gordon] Oh, not Massachusetts. I have family there. 804 00:28:04,190 --> 00:28:07,460 Oh, so do I, and they still owe taxes on their tea. 805 00:28:07,660 --> 00:28:08,580 [laughter] 806 00:28:08,780 --> 00:28:10,590 Fine, take Massachusetts. 807 00:28:10,780 --> 00:28:13,050 [applause] 808 00:28:13,250 --> 00:28:14,420 - Salud. - Salud. 809 00:28:14,620 --> 00:28:15,800 To a great night, team. 810 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,880 God, she killed. I mean, the princess killed. 811 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,590 Damn, I'd love to see the look on Paar's face 812 00:28:19,790 --> 00:28:21,010 when he sees all the press tomorrow. 813 00:28:21,210 --> 00:28:22,560 Did you hear who he had on against us? 814 00:28:22,750 --> 00:28:24,180 Kukla, Fran and Ollie. 815 00:28:24,380 --> 00:28:26,270 Puppets. He had puppets. 816 00:28:26,470 --> 00:28:28,190 And I heard you could see the goddamn puppeteer's arm 817 00:28:28,390 --> 00:28:29,350 sticking out of Kukla's ass. 818 00:28:29,550 --> 00:28:30,940 - [laughter] - Poor Kukla. 819 00:28:31,140 --> 00:28:33,150 Oh, this is our Emmy, guys. I can feel it. 820 00:28:33,350 --> 00:28:34,780 This had the weight, this had the edge. 821 00:28:34,980 --> 00:28:36,070 We got to get the network into a campaign. 822 00:28:36,270 --> 00:28:37,150 First thing tomorrow. 823 00:28:37,350 --> 00:28:38,530 You know the news department called? 824 00:28:38,730 --> 00:28:40,160 They are gobsmacked that we got her. 825 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:41,910 Huntley and Brinkley are humiliated. 826 00:28:42,110 --> 00:28:43,530 Oh, God, that makes me so happy. 827 00:28:43,730 --> 00:28:45,580 Eddie, drinks for the whole house. 828 00:28:45,780 --> 00:28:46,870 Every person in here. 829 00:28:47,070 --> 00:28:48,620 [cheering] 830 00:28:48,820 --> 00:28:49,920 [Adam] We did it. 831 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,670 Got to spend a penny. Maybe a nickel. 832 00:28:52,870 --> 00:28:54,130 Keep the change, please. 833 00:28:54,330 --> 00:28:56,670 [patrons chatting] 834 00:28:56,870 --> 00:28:57,670 Hello. 835 00:28:57,870 --> 00:28:59,720 Oh. Hello. 836 00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:01,590 - I'm Hedy Ford. - I know. 837 00:29:01,790 --> 00:29:02,930 It's nice to officially meet you. 838 00:29:03,130 --> 00:29:04,430 - Midge Maisel. - I know. 839 00:29:04,630 --> 00:29:07,310 I've been wanting to meet you for quite some time. 840 00:29:07,510 --> 00:29:09,890 Gordon's first lady writer. 841 00:29:10,090 --> 00:29:11,190 First of many, perhaps. 842 00:29:11,390 --> 00:29:12,400 [laughs] 843 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,690 Oh, sure, things will be completely different now. 844 00:29:15,890 --> 00:29:17,540 [both chuckle] 845 00:29:20,130 --> 00:29:21,450 The princess was extremely pleased 846 00:29:21,650 --> 00:29:22,570 with how it went tonight. 847 00:29:22,770 --> 00:29:24,580 "Chuffed" was the word she used. 848 00:29:24,780 --> 00:29:26,540 She killed. We were just saying. 849 00:29:26,740 --> 00:29:28,290 She's not sure her sister's going to be too thrilled, 850 00:29:28,490 --> 00:29:30,080 which seemed to amuse Margaret even more. 851 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:31,710 What would it have all been for 852 00:29:31,910 --> 00:29:33,540 if we didn't ruffle the queen's feathers? 853 00:29:33,740 --> 00:29:35,550 I understand you wrote the weather report bit. 854 00:29:35,740 --> 00:29:37,960 I came up with the concept. The boys helped make it funny. 855 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:39,800 - Don't. - What? 856 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,260 Don't. 857 00:29:41,460 --> 00:29:42,800 - Okay. - If the credit's yours, 858 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,450 take it. If it's not, take it. That's what the boys do. 859 00:29:46,740 --> 00:29:49,350 Okay. Well, yeah. 860 00:29:49,550 --> 00:29:50,390 The bit was mine. 861 00:29:50,590 --> 00:29:53,100 Good. I'll be seeing you. 862 00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:57,070 Oh, hey, how long have you been working with Susan? 863 00:29:57,270 --> 00:29:58,280 Susan? 864 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,610 Myerson. She's your manager, isn't she? 865 00:30:00,810 --> 00:30:05,030 Ah, Susie. Uh, going on three years now. 866 00:30:05,230 --> 00:30:06,530 I was her first client. 867 00:30:06,730 --> 00:30:08,200 I bet she's done well by you. 868 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:09,540 She's always been tenacious. 869 00:30:09,740 --> 00:30:11,080 A real fighter. 870 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,250 I know, I've had to hold her back from a few. 871 00:30:14,450 --> 00:30:16,840 I-I'm still catching up here. H-How do you know her? 872 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:18,840 Pembroke, class of '48. We were roommates. 873 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,670 She never mentioned that. 874 00:30:20,870 --> 00:30:23,680 Well... you know Susan. [chuckles] 875 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,470 - Yes. I know Susan. - [Gordon] Hedy! 876 00:30:27,670 --> 00:30:32,520 Coming. He worries when I talk to writers. And architects. 877 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:34,400 Keep up the good work. 878 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,360 And with Susan in your corner, 879 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,230 I'd say you're going places, cutie. 880 00:30:38,430 --> 00:30:42,040 - See you. - Yes. See you. 881 00:30:45,550 --> 00:30:46,700 - There she is. - Hey. 882 00:30:46,900 --> 00:30:48,430 - Miss me? - No. 883 00:30:51,970 --> 00:30:53,970 [train horn blowing] 884 00:31:02,190 --> 00:31:06,300 Hey, what the hell are you doing here? 885 00:31:06,500 --> 00:31:09,350 Dinah gave me your train info. You were in Baltimore? 886 00:31:09,550 --> 00:31:10,930 Had to hold James's hand a bit. 887 00:31:11,130 --> 00:31:12,930 We had a little miscommunication. 888 00:31:13,130 --> 00:31:14,230 - What are you-- - You know Hedy Ford? 889 00:31:14,430 --> 00:31:16,150 What are you talking about? 890 00:31:16,350 --> 00:31:19,230 You knew her when she was Hedy... Not-Ford. 891 00:31:19,430 --> 00:31:21,230 - You met Hedy? - She came up to me at the bar, 892 00:31:21,430 --> 00:31:22,990 told me you were friends in college. 893 00:31:23,190 --> 00:31:24,070 We weren't friends. 894 00:31:24,270 --> 00:31:25,660 She says you were roommates. 895 00:31:25,850 --> 00:31:26,820 Maybe. 896 00:31:27,020 --> 00:31:29,120 Maybe you were roommates? You didn't notice? 897 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:30,410 There were like ten, 20 to a room. 898 00:31:30,610 --> 00:31:33,080 - Susie. - College is big, okay? 899 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,000 You can't know everyone you went to college with. 900 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:36,540 She calls you Susan. 901 00:31:36,740 --> 00:31:38,130 No one calls you Susan. 902 00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:41,250 What is this, an ambush? 903 00:31:41,450 --> 00:31:42,920 I'm tired. Can we talk in the morning? 904 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:44,340 Why didn't you tell me? 905 00:31:44,540 --> 00:31:46,680 I don't tell you about everybody I've met in my life. 906 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:47,820 Stop it. 907 00:31:48,940 --> 00:31:50,970 [suitcase clunks] 908 00:31:51,170 --> 00:31:53,180 I knew her a little, okay? 909 00:31:53,380 --> 00:31:55,100 And you didn't think it was worth maybe mentioning 910 00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:57,650 that you knew my boss's very influential wife, 911 00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,020 even a little? 912 00:31:59,220 --> 00:32:01,150 Hey, don't believe anything she said to you, okay? 913 00:32:01,350 --> 00:32:02,530 Was she bad-mouthing me? 914 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:04,440 She said you were tenacious. 915 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,570 Well, she's getting her money's worth on that English degree. 916 00:32:06,770 --> 00:32:08,030 And that you were a fighter. 917 00:32:08,230 --> 00:32:09,660 Anyone who's ever walked into the Gaslight knows that. 918 00:32:09,860 --> 00:32:12,410 So fight for me, Susie. 919 00:32:12,610 --> 00:32:13,660 Talk to her. 920 00:32:13,860 --> 00:32:15,750 - Wait a minute. - She has sway with Gordon. 921 00:32:15,950 --> 00:32:17,710 More than anyone, more than Mike Carr, 922 00:32:17,910 --> 00:32:19,670 - she's our way in. - No. 923 00:32:19,870 --> 00:32:22,000 Tell her to tell Gordon to book me. 924 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,880 We don't need her, okay? I got this. 925 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:26,260 How have you "got" this? 926 00:32:26,460 --> 00:32:27,550 I got this. 927 00:32:27,750 --> 00:32:29,890 That's how I got this. We are making progress. 928 00:32:30,090 --> 00:32:31,470 Toward what, another brick wall? 929 00:32:31,670 --> 00:32:32,640 That is not fair. 930 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:33,680 It's not. 931 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,560 You've worked your ass off, Susie, 932 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:37,020 and I've done everything you said. 933 00:32:37,220 --> 00:32:39,770 I-I've stayed sharp. I've been a good soldier, 934 00:32:39,970 --> 00:32:42,940 I bat a thousand at work every day, and he notices. 935 00:32:43,140 --> 00:32:45,570 It would make so much sense for him to give me a shot, 936 00:32:45,770 --> 00:32:47,490 but he will not be moved. 937 00:32:47,690 --> 00:32:49,820 That fucking brick wall keeps hitting us both 938 00:32:50,020 --> 00:32:50,950 smack in the face. 939 00:32:51,150 --> 00:32:52,070 It's two steps forward, 940 00:32:52,270 --> 00:32:54,830 three steps back, and I'm tired of it. 941 00:32:55,030 --> 00:32:56,580 So am I. 942 00:32:56,780 --> 00:32:58,210 But what do you do about the Gordons 943 00:32:58,410 --> 00:33:00,120 and the Petes and all the fucking men 944 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:01,670 that run the fucking world? 945 00:33:01,870 --> 00:33:03,420 You go around them. 946 00:33:03,620 --> 00:33:06,710 You use whatever you can and you stop at nothing. 947 00:33:06,910 --> 00:33:09,130 Guess who taught me that. 948 00:33:09,330 --> 00:33:13,430 This is not enough, do you understand? 949 00:33:13,630 --> 00:33:15,600 Call me selfish, but I want more. 950 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,600 This, what we're doing, 951 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,100 what these last three years have been, 952 00:33:20,300 --> 00:33:22,520 this is not a story to tell my grandchildren. 953 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:23,730 This is not just a chapter. 954 00:33:23,930 --> 00:33:25,900 Who said it was just a chapter? 955 00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:27,320 You stormed into a bathhouse 956 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,990 - and hopped over dicks to get James that movie. - Yeah? 957 00:33:30,190 --> 00:33:32,740 Well, I want you to hop over dicks for me. 958 00:33:32,940 --> 00:33:35,580 Oh, I have hopped over plenty of dicks for you, Missy. 959 00:33:35,780 --> 00:33:37,830 For three years, I've done nothing but hop over dicks. 960 00:33:38,030 --> 00:33:39,540 Well, you got one more dick to hop over. 961 00:33:39,740 --> 00:33:40,830 Talk to Hedy. 962 00:33:41,030 --> 00:33:42,960 - No. - Why? 963 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,880 Just stop and think, okay? 964 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,050 Do you really want to make it by having me call in 965 00:33:48,250 --> 00:33:49,840 a favor to some chick I went to college with? 966 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,840 Yes. Of course. Have you not been listening? 967 00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:54,180 After all the hard work you've done? 968 00:33:54,380 --> 00:33:55,600 This is how you want to get your break? 969 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:56,850 Oh, my God, yes. 970 00:33:57,050 --> 00:33:58,470 Who cares how it happens? 971 00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:00,100 Look, picture yourself in ten years. 972 00:34:00,300 --> 00:34:02,440 You are a big star, you're on a talk show, 973 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,810 and the guy asks you how you got your start. 974 00:34:05,010 --> 00:34:06,480 You don't want to say you had to call in 975 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:07,940 a favor from your manager. 976 00:34:08,140 --> 00:34:10,790 I'm not going to be on that show if you don't do this. 977 00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:14,280 This is it, Susie. 978 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,630 Talk to her. 979 00:34:19,510 --> 00:34:21,160 If you don't, I'll always know there's something 980 00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:22,870 you could've done and you didn't. 981 00:34:23,070 --> 00:34:24,930 And honestly? 982 00:34:25,930 --> 00:34:28,690 I don't know where we go from there. 983 00:34:42,790 --> 00:34:44,700 Thank you. 984 00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:51,190 Arthur, you're gonna have some wine, aren't you? 985 00:34:51,390 --> 00:34:52,780 Of course I'm going to. If you pour it, I'll-- 986 00:34:52,980 --> 00:34:55,030 - Gabe. - Abe. 987 00:34:55,230 --> 00:34:56,160 - You know Arthur? - Hi, Abe. 988 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:57,160 - Arthur. - This is Henry. 989 00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:58,620 - Pleasure. - Henry. 990 00:34:58,820 --> 00:35:00,450 We've been debating what to drink for ten minutes now. 991 00:35:00,650 --> 00:35:02,620 You're debating, I'm drinking. 992 00:35:02,820 --> 00:35:03,960 [Gabe] Doesn't count if you brought it from home. 993 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:05,880 Ha ha. I didn't. 994 00:35:06,070 --> 00:35:07,880 - I figured as much. - [Henry] Can you recommend a red wine 995 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,960 without using the words "tannic" or "fruit-forward"? 996 00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:12,670 Henry, don't torture the young man. 997 00:35:12,870 --> 00:35:14,180 Abe, are you in for some red? 998 00:35:14,370 --> 00:35:16,260 I think I'll skip. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow. 999 00:35:16,460 --> 00:35:19,100 Abe, the Village Voice does not encourage employee sobriety. 1000 00:35:19,300 --> 00:35:21,680 In fact, it thrives on its employee's crapulence. 1001 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:23,640 Now drink, damn it, or you are fired. 1002 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,690 An underused word, "crapulence." For a reason. 1003 00:35:26,890 --> 00:35:29,060 There's a hostile mood at this table tonight. 1004 00:35:29,260 --> 00:35:31,110 Wine is good. Wine is fine. 1005 00:35:31,310 --> 00:35:32,190 [Henry] We'll have this Bordeaux here, 1006 00:35:32,390 --> 00:35:33,570 the '56 Château Margaux. 1007 00:35:33,770 --> 00:35:35,530 Very good, sir. That's an acidic wine, 1008 00:35:35,730 --> 00:35:36,950 a bit angular for some. 1009 00:35:37,150 --> 00:35:38,620 Are you trying to kill me? 1010 00:35:38,820 --> 00:35:40,240 Bring the wine and I will muzzle Henry. 1011 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:41,740 Stop it, Henry. 1012 00:35:41,940 --> 00:35:44,160 - [Henry] What? - Really, I'll have you removed. 1013 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:45,540 I sold my place in the Hamptons. 1014 00:35:45,740 --> 00:35:46,870 The Montauk spread? When? 1015 00:35:47,070 --> 00:35:48,500 Last year. I was tired of the upkeep, 1016 00:35:48,700 --> 00:35:49,920 and the property values out there, 1017 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:51,210 they're not going up anytime soon. 1018 00:35:51,410 --> 00:35:52,880 Or ever. There's nothing out there. 1019 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,510 - Exactly. - [Gabe] Hey, did you see Princess Margaret 1020 00:35:54,710 --> 00:35:56,510 on Gordon Ford? She was hysterical. 1021 00:35:56,710 --> 00:35:58,680 - [Arthur] You're kidding. - [Henry] Queen Victoria was supposedly a hoot. 1022 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:00,100 [Arthur] I never knew that. 1023 00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:02,060 I saw that movie, it was delightful. 1024 00:36:02,260 --> 00:36:03,220 [Gabe] The Absent-Minded Professor ? 1025 00:36:03,420 --> 00:36:04,640 [Henry] With the flying car? That movie? 1026 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,440 At Radio City. I'm a huge Fred MacMurray fan. 1027 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:08,900 [Gabe] Tell me you were with a grandchild. 1028 00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:12,400 It seems like pablum, but Fred MacMurray elevates it. 1029 00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,150 [Henry] I don't even think Fred MacMurray's family 1030 00:36:14,350 --> 00:36:15,690 is that into Fred MacMurray. 1031 00:36:15,890 --> 00:36:18,030 [Henry] I ignore them now. Birthdays. No point. 1032 00:36:18,230 --> 00:36:19,490 [Gabe] Have you forgotten the little boy in you, Henry? 1033 00:36:19,690 --> 00:36:21,530 Gifts are the point. 1034 00:36:21,730 --> 00:36:24,450 [Arthur] I can't remember the last time I got a gift I liked. 1035 00:36:24,650 --> 00:36:25,750 [Arthur chuckles] 1036 00:36:25,950 --> 00:36:27,460 So, Abe, before you got here, I was raving 1037 00:36:27,660 --> 00:36:29,750 about your conversational skills to Arthur and Henry. 1038 00:36:29,950 --> 00:36:33,050 Oh, God, I'm sorry. I've been such a drip. 1039 00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:34,920 Was it because Gabe said "crapulence"? 1040 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:36,380 Yes, that was upsetting. 1041 00:36:36,580 --> 00:36:39,030 No, I'm... 1042 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,320 Abe? 1043 00:36:42,610 --> 00:36:45,390 It's just the whole goddamn world. You know? 1044 00:36:45,590 --> 00:36:48,270 - Only that? - Ah, I'm getting maudlin. 1045 00:36:48,470 --> 00:36:50,250 What about the world, Abe? 1046 00:36:51,540 --> 00:36:52,940 I've just turned 64. 1047 00:36:53,140 --> 00:36:57,990 And at a time when I should be comfortable, settled 1048 00:36:58,190 --> 00:37:00,990 in body, in mind... I'm not. 1049 00:37:01,190 --> 00:37:05,290 At all. I suddenly find myself at a crossroads. 1050 00:37:05,490 --> 00:37:08,000 And everything feels upside down. 1051 00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,210 That's because everything is changing 1052 00:37:10,410 --> 00:37:12,960 at such an ungodly pace, Abe. 1053 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,840 Especially for men our age. 1054 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:18,090 - Men our age... - [Arthur] We were born in the 1800s. 1055 00:37:18,290 --> 00:37:19,430 A different century. 1056 00:37:19,620 --> 00:37:21,510 Before phones, before radio. 1057 00:37:21,710 --> 00:37:24,970 My parents' house had no electricity till I was seven. 1058 00:37:25,170 --> 00:37:26,470 One can't keep up. 1059 00:37:26,670 --> 00:37:30,440 Yes, and it's physiological as much it is psychological. 1060 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,310 Homo sapiens crawled along, playing the same roles 1061 00:37:33,510 --> 00:37:35,730 for tens and tens of thousands of years, 1062 00:37:35,930 --> 00:37:37,780 and now, suddenly, we're forced to adapt 1063 00:37:37,980 --> 00:37:39,360 to this rapid-fire change. 1064 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,530 More change in a year than our predecessors 1065 00:37:42,730 --> 00:37:44,330 experienced in a lifetime, in a millennium. 1066 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:45,330 Think about it. 1067 00:37:45,530 --> 00:37:47,490 Change, to our predecessors, 1068 00:37:47,690 --> 00:37:49,290 were sudden exogenous events: 1069 00:37:49,490 --> 00:37:51,620 earthquakes, floods, an eclipse, 1070 00:37:51,820 --> 00:37:54,500 a saber-toothed tiger lunging at you out of nowhere. 1071 00:37:54,700 --> 00:37:56,920 They were things to be dealt with, in the moment. 1072 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,970 Then things naturally reverted back to the norm. 1073 00:38:00,170 --> 00:38:01,510 But now... 1074 00:38:01,710 --> 00:38:02,640 change happens over you. 1075 00:38:02,830 --> 00:38:03,680 Change itself is the flood, 1076 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,600 change itself is the saber-toothed. 1077 00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:07,140 Change itself is the norm. 1078 00:38:07,340 --> 00:38:10,890 My fear, though, is that the world is as it always was, 1079 00:38:11,090 --> 00:38:13,150 and I just didn't see it. 1080 00:38:13,340 --> 00:38:16,150 That a lot of us didn't see it. Us men. 1081 00:38:16,350 --> 00:38:18,110 I had a feeling we'd get gender-specific. 1082 00:38:18,310 --> 00:38:21,740 I'm serious. We can't blame exogenous events. 1083 00:38:21,940 --> 00:38:22,950 It's too easy. 1084 00:38:23,150 --> 00:38:26,910 Our collective blindness has caused a lot of harm. 1085 00:38:27,110 --> 00:38:30,750 We controlled so much, meddled so much, 1086 00:38:30,950 --> 00:38:32,460 and to what end? 1087 00:38:32,660 --> 00:38:33,920 - That's one man's perception. - [Gabe] Exactly. 1088 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,040 And perception is tricky. 1089 00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:37,540 We all interpret through the lens of ourselves. 1090 00:38:37,740 --> 00:38:39,670 Man and woman. That's natural. 1091 00:38:39,870 --> 00:38:42,340 That we must have shared with the hunter-gatherers. 1092 00:38:42,540 --> 00:38:43,880 [waiter] Menus, gentlemen. 1093 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:48,970 The fish tonight is a Dover sole prepared one of two ways: 1094 00:38:49,170 --> 00:38:53,640 traditional meunière or a citrus beurre blanc sauce. 1095 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,350 [Gabe] Thank you. I've had the Dover sole before. 1096 00:38:55,550 --> 00:38:56,900 It's terrific. 1097 00:38:57,100 --> 00:39:00,570 [Arthur] You know, I had a moment the other day. 1098 00:39:00,770 --> 00:39:03,200 I-I live in this big old apartment on Amsterdam. 1099 00:39:03,390 --> 00:39:05,740 Bought it decades ago, everyone thought I was crazy, 1100 00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:08,490 all that money, now I look like a genius. 1101 00:39:08,690 --> 00:39:11,790 - [laughter] - And my wife and I, she-she's passed, 1102 00:39:11,990 --> 00:39:16,080 we-we spent countless hours outfitting it, decorating it. 1103 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,130 We took such pride, everything in the right place. 1104 00:39:19,330 --> 00:39:24,090 And one day, not that long ago, 1105 00:39:24,290 --> 00:39:27,140 I stood in the living room and looked around, 1106 00:39:27,340 --> 00:39:32,020 and all I saw... was stuff. 1107 00:39:32,220 --> 00:39:36,520 Just stuff. 1108 00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:38,690 It was the strangest feeling. 1109 00:39:38,890 --> 00:39:41,940 As if I'd never seen any of it before. 1110 00:39:42,140 --> 00:39:45,360 And so much of it was tied to the memory of my wife. 1111 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:49,370 We were together 40 years, but it didn't matter. 1112 00:39:49,570 --> 00:39:50,950 All I could picture was my children 1113 00:39:51,150 --> 00:39:52,490 picking through it all, 1114 00:39:52,690 --> 00:39:56,790 choosing what to keep, what to sell, what to... 1115 00:39:56,990 --> 00:40:00,290 throw in the trash heap. 1116 00:40:00,490 --> 00:40:03,590 My life. 1117 00:40:03,790 --> 00:40:05,840 My wife. 1118 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,300 In piles. [gasps] 1119 00:40:08,500 --> 00:40:14,770 It was a warm day, but I suddenly felt very cold. 1120 00:40:14,970 --> 00:40:16,270 [Gabe] Look, I believe in free will. 1121 00:40:16,470 --> 00:40:19,150 We are not robots. We can change. For the better. 1122 00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:21,020 We do adapt. 1123 00:40:21,220 --> 00:40:23,820 And sometimes what others perceive as meddling, Abe, 1124 00:40:24,020 --> 00:40:25,940 is actually teaching. 1125 00:40:26,140 --> 00:40:27,990 You were a teacher most of your life. 1126 00:40:28,190 --> 00:40:29,660 We pass along our knowledge. That's natural. 1127 00:40:29,860 --> 00:40:31,080 [Henry] My son. Bright boy. 1128 00:40:31,270 --> 00:40:34,620 Warned me again and again that I was smothering him. 1129 00:40:34,820 --> 00:40:36,750 I thought I was guiding him. 1130 00:40:36,950 --> 00:40:39,120 Then he moved out, he stopped calling. 1131 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:40,730 He stopped... 1132 00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:46,550 We teach, yes, but we foist. 1133 00:40:46,750 --> 00:40:48,380 I certainly do. 1134 00:40:48,580 --> 00:40:50,840 I think I emerged from my mother's womb giving advice 1135 00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:54,770 on how to deal with the umbilical cord. 1136 00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,730 I'm having one of your moments, Arthur. 1137 00:40:57,930 --> 00:41:00,270 I'm seeing the piles of my life, 1138 00:41:00,470 --> 00:41:02,310 and they're foreign to me. 1139 00:41:02,510 --> 00:41:04,320 [Gabe] This is about your family, right? 1140 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,240 You tried to help. You tried to guide. 1141 00:41:06,430 --> 00:41:08,070 Mistakes were made. Everybody makes mistakes. 1142 00:41:08,270 --> 00:41:10,360 - I don't like this wine. - [Abe] Everything I thought 1143 00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:12,660 about the roles of men and women 1144 00:41:12,860 --> 00:41:15,370 I think is completely wrong. 1145 00:41:15,570 --> 00:41:18,000 I have done exactly the wrong thing 1146 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,410 for both my children. 1147 00:41:19,610 --> 00:41:21,040 No, Abe. Not true. 1148 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:22,130 [Abe] You know... 1149 00:41:22,330 --> 00:41:25,000 my daughter owns the apartment I'm living in? 1150 00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:26,760 I thought you bought it. Didn't you say that? 1151 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,510 My wife came up with that, our cover story. 1152 00:41:29,710 --> 00:41:32,180 No, my daughter bought it. 1153 00:41:32,380 --> 00:41:33,640 My daughter... 1154 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:37,350 My daughter was dumped by her husband, out of nowhere. 1155 00:41:37,550 --> 00:41:39,690 That was her saber-toothed. 1156 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:42,440 Instead of collapsing from the weight, 1157 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,900 she emerged stronger. 1158 00:41:46,100 --> 00:41:49,650 A new person, so I thought. 1159 00:41:49,850 --> 00:41:51,820 But now I think... 1160 00:41:52,020 --> 00:41:55,220 perhaps that was who she was all along. 1161 00:41:57,140 --> 00:42:00,040 I never really took her seriously. 1162 00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:02,750 My son Noah I took seriously. 1163 00:42:02,950 --> 00:42:06,340 I would take him to Columbia with me every week 1164 00:42:06,540 --> 00:42:10,820 so he could dream of what he could be. 1165 00:42:12,530 --> 00:42:14,890 I don't remember if I ever did that for Miriam. 1166 00:42:15,090 --> 00:42:16,890 I don't think it ever occurred to me. 1167 00:42:17,090 --> 00:42:21,940 And as unfathomable as this career choice of hers is, 1168 00:42:22,140 --> 00:42:25,230 she's doing it on her own. 1169 00:42:25,430 --> 00:42:29,150 With no help from me or her mother. 1170 00:42:29,350 --> 00:42:31,400 Where did this come from? 1171 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:37,280 This strength, this fearlessness that... 1172 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,580 that I never had. 1173 00:42:39,780 --> 00:42:43,680 That my poor son never had. 1174 00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:48,750 What could she have been if I had helped her 1175 00:42:48,950 --> 00:42:53,940 and not ignored her, ignored who she really is? 1176 00:42:56,530 --> 00:42:59,600 My daughter is a remarkable person, 1177 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,740 and I don't think I've ever said that to her. 1178 00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:07,650 We should probably order. 1179 00:43:07,850 --> 00:43:10,650 Excuse me, I think we're ready. 1180 00:43:10,850 --> 00:43:13,450 [Arthur] H-How is your chicken prepared? 1181 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,700 [waiter] It is lightly seasoned, sage-rubbed, 1182 00:43:15,900 --> 00:43:17,950 and stuffed with the finest foie gras 1183 00:43:18,150 --> 00:43:19,330 from the Dordogne Valley. 1184 00:43:19,530 --> 00:43:21,120 [Henry] He had to ask. 1185 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,330 It's been what, two years? Are you trying to avoid us? 1186 00:43:23,530 --> 00:43:25,120 John's been on the road since Christmas. 1187 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:26,670 All work and no play, Johnny. 1188 00:43:26,870 --> 00:43:28,130 - How's the gallery? - Hopping. 1189 00:43:28,330 --> 00:43:29,840 You should drop in. Lots of new stuff. 1190 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:30,880 What time do you open? 1191 00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,760 We, um... 1192 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:36,720 We open at 10:00, but I usually swing in around noon. 1193 00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,970 Come then. Uh, I have a piece by Helen Frankenthaler 1194 00:43:40,170 --> 00:43:41,520 that I think you are going to love. 1195 00:43:41,710 --> 00:43:42,980 - We'll see you then. - Bye, Hedy. 1196 00:43:43,170 --> 00:43:44,660 Ciao, you two. 1197 00:43:49,910 --> 00:43:53,940 Well... I must say I'm surprised to see you. 1198 00:43:54,140 --> 00:43:55,490 Well, I'm full of surprises. 1199 00:43:55,690 --> 00:43:57,240 - I'm happy that you're-- - I got business 1200 00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:58,870 for Mrs. Gordon Ford. 1201 00:43:59,070 --> 00:44:00,620 That's me. 1202 00:44:00,820 --> 00:44:02,540 Get my girl on the show. 1203 00:44:02,740 --> 00:44:03,580 I'm sorry, what? 1204 00:44:03,780 --> 00:44:05,660 Midge Maisel. She's a comedian. 1205 00:44:05,860 --> 00:44:07,790 And she needs a break. And she needs it now. 1206 00:44:07,990 --> 00:44:10,420 And you want me to talk to Gordon? 1207 00:44:10,620 --> 00:44:13,510 Yes. As a favor to me, 1208 00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:14,800 I would like you to talk to Gordon. 1209 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,050 [Hedy] Hmm. 1210 00:44:16,250 --> 00:44:18,640 She's a good writer. Is she a good comedian? 1211 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,010 She's ready. 1212 00:44:20,210 --> 00:44:22,140 - You really believe in this girl. - I do. 1213 00:44:22,340 --> 00:44:24,240 Is it more than that? 1214 00:44:26,910 --> 00:44:28,560 Look, Gordon doesn't do everything I ask of him. 1215 00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,190 - But I will do what I can. - And you'll do it soon? 1216 00:44:31,390 --> 00:44:33,110 - I will do it soon. - Tonight? 1217 00:44:33,310 --> 00:44:34,740 He's out tonight. And I may not see him till morning. 1218 00:44:34,930 --> 00:44:36,880 Hmm. Quite the fairy tale, you two. 1219 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:42,030 So, first thing tomorrow? 1220 00:44:42,230 --> 00:44:43,370 Yes, first thing tomorrow. 1221 00:44:43,570 --> 00:44:46,910 This was hard, wasn't it? 1222 00:44:47,110 --> 00:44:48,810 What you just did. 1223 00:45:01,690 --> 00:45:03,430 ♪ Over hill, over dale... 1224 00:45:03,630 --> 00:45:05,100 - Hi, Midge. - Hello, Trudy. 1225 00:45:05,300 --> 00:45:07,430 Hello, Dorie, can I stash my purse with you today? 1226 00:45:07,630 --> 00:45:09,850 I worry when you don't. 1227 00:45:10,050 --> 00:45:11,980 ♪ In and out, hear them shout ♪ 1228 00:45:12,180 --> 00:45:14,020 ♪ Countermarch and right about ♪ 1229 00:45:14,220 --> 00:45:15,440 Morning, Hedy. 1230 00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:16,940 ♪ And the caissons go rolling along ♪ 1231 00:45:17,140 --> 00:45:18,360 Good morning, Midge. 1232 00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,280 ♪ Then it's hi, hi, hee ♪ 1233 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,620 ♪ In the field artillery ♪ 1234 00:45:22,820 --> 00:45:25,700 ♪ Shout out your orders loud and clear ♪ 1235 00:45:25,900 --> 00:45:26,830 ♪ More beer! ♪♪ 1236 00:45:27,030 --> 00:45:28,830 [knocks] 1237 00:45:29,030 --> 00:45:31,000 Hey. What are you doing here? 1238 00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:32,250 I have a request. 1239 00:45:32,450 --> 00:45:33,250 Did my mother get to you? 1240 00:45:33,450 --> 00:45:34,420 No. Why? 1241 00:45:34,620 --> 00:45:35,750 She wants us at Thanksgiving this year. 1242 00:45:35,950 --> 00:45:36,960 Oh, she says that every year 1243 00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:38,090 after she gets drunk and cries 1244 00:45:38,290 --> 00:45:39,670 that no one complimented her turkey. 1245 00:45:39,870 --> 00:45:41,390 We avoided it for three years. Pretty good run. 1246 00:45:41,580 --> 00:45:42,680 Having notice helps. 1247 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:44,320 So, what's up? 1248 00:45:45,780 --> 00:45:47,520 You know, occasionally I swan in here 1249 00:45:47,720 --> 00:45:49,980 in a fabulous new necklace and suggest a thing or two 1250 00:45:50,180 --> 00:45:52,150 I think you should do. 1251 00:45:52,350 --> 00:45:53,310 Occasionally, yes. 1252 00:45:53,510 --> 00:45:54,610 And I often take those suggestions 1253 00:45:54,810 --> 00:45:55,770 and compliment the necklace. 1254 00:45:55,970 --> 00:45:58,490 I want you to book Midge Maisel on the show. 1255 00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:00,490 Midge? No. 1256 00:46:00,690 --> 00:46:01,610 Yes. 1257 00:46:01,810 --> 00:46:03,490 Hedy, come on. You know we have a rule. 1258 00:46:03,690 --> 00:46:06,200 That was George's rule, Gordon, then it became your rule. 1259 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,000 Good God, you have no idea why you have this rule. 1260 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,460 You read "The Lottery," you see what happens when 1261 00:46:11,660 --> 00:46:14,290 there are traditions for no reason, people get stoned. 1262 00:46:14,490 --> 00:46:15,750 Drop the damn rule. 1263 00:46:15,950 --> 00:46:17,090 Okay, why the screed? 1264 00:46:17,290 --> 00:46:18,670 That wasn't a screed. Book her. 1265 00:46:18,870 --> 00:46:19,980 What am I missing here? 1266 00:46:21,150 --> 00:46:23,570 She's easy on the eyes, isn't she? 1267 00:46:25,740 --> 00:46:27,310 You have eyes. 1268 00:46:27,510 --> 00:46:28,720 Okay, what's the angle here? 1269 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,270 Angle is, I'm asking you to do this. 1270 00:46:30,470 --> 00:46:31,600 Telling me, you mean. 1271 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,440 Strongly asking you to do this. 1272 00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,020 Why? Why should I do this? 1273 00:46:37,220 --> 00:46:39,230 [sighs] 1274 00:46:39,430 --> 00:46:41,670 Because you owe me. 1275 00:46:43,420 --> 00:46:44,740 This is how you're gonna play this? 1276 00:46:44,940 --> 00:46:47,910 This is new for us, Hedy. 1277 00:46:48,110 --> 00:46:50,450 I appreciate this, Gordon. Really, I do. 1278 00:46:50,650 --> 00:46:51,790 [♪ Frederick Loewe: "How to Handle a Woman"] 1279 00:46:51,990 --> 00:46:56,290 ♪ How to handle a woman ♪ 1280 00:46:56,490 --> 00:46:57,750 [phone rings] 1281 00:46:57,950 --> 00:46:59,300 ♪ "There's a way," said the wise old man... 1282 00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:00,920 [Dorie] The Gordon Ford Show. 1283 00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:04,050 Okay, yes. H-Hold on. 1284 00:47:04,250 --> 00:47:06,220 Midge! Phone! It's important! 1285 00:47:06,420 --> 00:47:08,050 ♪ Since the whole rigamarole began ♪ 1286 00:47:08,250 --> 00:47:10,100 Yes? Where? 1287 00:47:10,300 --> 00:47:11,930 ♪ Do I flatter her? I begged him answer ♪ 1288 00:47:12,130 --> 00:47:14,390 I'm leaving now. 1289 00:47:14,590 --> 00:47:17,190 ♪ Do I threaten or cajole or plead? ♪ 1290 00:47:17,390 --> 00:47:19,070 - [elevator bell dings] - Hold the elevator, hold the elevator. 1291 00:47:19,270 --> 00:47:22,280 ♪ Do I brood or play the gay romancer? ♪ 1292 00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:27,050 {\an8}♪ Said he smiling, "No, indeed" ♪ 1293 00:47:28,550 --> 00:47:32,370 {\an8}♪ How to handle a woman? ♪ 1294 00:47:32,570 --> 00:47:37,210 {\an8}♪ Mark me well, I will tell you, sir ♪ 1295 00:47:37,410 --> 00:47:41,420 {\an8}♪ The way to handle a woman ♪ 1296 00:47:41,620 --> 00:47:45,220 {\an8}♪ Is to love her ♪ 1297 00:47:45,420 --> 00:47:49,680 {\an8}♪ Simply love her ♪ 1298 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,850 {\an8}♪ Merely love her ♪ 1299 00:47:54,050 --> 00:48:01,960 {\an8}♪ Love her, love her ♪♪ 1300 00:48:05,340 --> 00:48:08,260 {\an8}[♪ Stealers Wheel: "Star"] 1301 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,450 {\an8}♪ So they made you a star ♪ 1302 00:48:12,650 --> 00:48:16,310 {\an8}♪ Now your head's in the cloud ♪ 1303 00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:22,630 {\an8}♪ Now you're walking down the street ♪ 1304 00:48:22,830 --> 00:48:25,270 {\an8}♪ With your feet off the ground ♪ 1305 00:48:29,030 --> 00:48:30,510 {\an8}♪ They read in the press ♪ 1306 00:48:30,710 --> 00:48:32,510 {\an8}♪ All about your success ♪ 1307 00:48:32,710 --> 00:48:36,640 {\an8}♪ You believe every word you've been told ♪ 1308 00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:38,480 {\an8}♪ After all you've been through ♪ 1309 00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,480 {\an8}♪ Tell me what you will do ♪ 1310 00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,980 {\an8}♪ When you find yourself out in the cold ♪ 1311 00:48:44,180 --> 00:48:46,290 {\an8}♪ Ah, tell me ♪ 1312 00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:51,410 {\an8}♪ Ah, tell me ♪ 1313 00:48:51,610 --> 00:48:54,540 {\an8}♪ When you appear on the stage ♪ 1314 00:48:54,740 --> 00:48:57,720 {\an8}♪ There's a standing ovation ♪ 1315 00:49:01,390 --> 00:49:04,630 {\an8}♪ You really live out your performance ♪ 1316 00:49:04,830 --> 00:49:07,730 {\an8}♪ You're the biggest sensation ♪ 1317 00:49:11,240 --> 00:49:12,470 {\an8}♪ You reach through the door ♪ 1318 00:49:12,670 --> 00:49:14,510 {\an8}♪ And then you take the floor ♪ 1319 00:49:14,710 --> 00:49:18,600 {\an8}♪ You expect to have it all to yourself ♪ 1320 00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,400 {\an8}♪ After all you've been through ♪ 1321 00:49:20,590 --> 00:49:22,440 {\an8}♪ Tell me, what will you do ♪ 1322 00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:26,070 {\an8}♪ When you find yourself back on the shelf? ♪ 1323 00:49:26,270 --> 00:49:28,250 {\an8}♪ Ah, tell me ♪ 1324 00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:31,760 {\an8}♪ Ah, tell me ♪♪