- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --
And after I gave him a tour of my laboratory,
we each put a lock of our hair into a beaker
to make sure we're compatible, you know, scientifically, which we are.
And so I said, "Yes, I'll marry you!"
So, marrying a fan on television.
Okay, come on. This has gotta be some kind of stunt.
- Hey, sorry. We forgot to set an alarm. - Shh!
Did you also forget to tell her to cover up that hickey?
- Well, it's not a stunt. It's a wedding. - Is it noticeable?
It looks like a leech made a home on her neck.
Sheila, good one.
Is it just for television?
It's very real, Dan.
I've got the marriage license right here.
Yes! Zoya hate American wedding.
Is bourgeois capitalist scam
for make huge TV ratings, Danielle.
Okay, it's Dan.
Let's talk about ratings for a second.
You girls have become quite the sleeper hit here in Los Angeles.
I mean, our phone lines are lighting up like crazy.
You must have some very dedicated fans.
We do. We'd marry all our fans if we could.
Well, we got time for one more call.
Hello, you're on with the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
This is Big Kurt Jackson, of The Lumberjacksons,
- and I'm choppin' mad at Machu Picchu. - Hey, Kurt?
Could we talk about this later... privately?
It's too late for talking.
You went on live TV and used my moves.
You're a liar, a thief.
Wow, very dramatic stuff. Machu, any reaction?
Machu Picchu is one of the most honorable wrestlers that I know.
And behind every lady wrestler hoping to make it,
is a man trying to bring her down.
So if y'all want to see our moves then come to our big wedding finale
live this Thursday night and see if I can hold on to my crown.
Well, that's our show. If you can't make it down to the taping,
tune in to K-DTV Saturday at two a.m.
This is Dan Lion, and we're Lion low.
Here's a song for the bride.
♪ Goin' to the chapel ♪
♪ And we're gonna get married ♪
♪ Goin' to the chapel ♪
♪ And we're gonna get married ♪
♪ Gee, I really love you and we're... ♪
All right, so can we agree to be people about this, you know,
like people who talk every once in awhile
about their kid and how she's doing?
Yeah, yeah, we could do that.
We can...
talk about how you can help with her college tuition.
Okay.
Hey. Good luck with your show.
Thank you. Thank you.
You know, it was nice seeing you again.
Okay.
I hate Sacramento.
It's like going back to the 1950s.
All right, you know, I lived through the 1950s.
I think you're gonna be fine.
Will you visit?
Uh...
Probably not.
But you have a room here, okay?
And we'll work on Rosalie,
but you gotta stop lying to her, because it's not helping your case.
Look, come here. Come on.
Finish your screenplay.
Finish yours.
I'll miss you.
And me, too.
Hey, where's the VIP section?
Oh, is this it?
Laying it on a little thick, aren't you?
They have a match to show us.
Yeah, I know. That's why I'm here.
Okay. We know what you're thinking.
"How can she wrestle with a cast?" But...
wait, watch.
See, I'm a novelty act.
People love watching someone beat the odds.
It's an underdog story.
Okay, all right, great. Peg-leg, take it away.
Okay.
Oh, my God. It's all so slow and weird.
She really wants to wrestle, the girls really want her to wrestle...
Oh, not the body slam!
Sam, make it be over.
All right, that's it. Ladies, sorry.
Let's stop. It's really not working.
No, it's about to pick up steam, I swear.
Or what if I rip my cast off,
and land one last move,
and then you can rag-doll me around...
If we didn't have executives sitting in the front row...
Yeah.
I might never wrestle again. I don't wanna go out like this.
If we have a good enough show,
you'll have plenty of opportunities to wrestle again.
All right. Ruth, you're with me, co-directing.
Really?
Yeah, you're gonna do it anyways, so, let's just make it official.
Sure. Yeah, whatever the show needs.
Okay. Okay? All right.
- That's great. - Yeah.
- You did good. - We tried.
- Yeah, it's all good. - Thanks.
Hey.
You were supposed to bring a full crew.
I got four more people, Mr. Howard.
All right, listen, I want you to start with the
upstairs guest bedroom.
Okay? Just empty it out.
Whatever clothes you find, anything in drawers or the sheets.
- Just throw it all away, okay? - Yeah.
I want you to scrub down the house, and I mean everything.
Every fucking baseboard, every floor tile...
Just bleach it! Just bleach the whole fucking thing.
- Okay? - Okay.
You should wear gloves.
I know. We've dealt with this before.
All right, guys. Come on!
All right.
Now I'm standing here, being all nervous...
zoom in...
and then bridesmaids, bridesmaids, bridesmaids,
and then Rhonda and her father walk down the aisle.
Britannica doesn't have a father.
- Someone's got to give her away. - Why?
Lift the veil. This is weddings 101.
I thought you girls fantasized about this shit your whole life.
That is a gross generalization.
Okay, I think we need a platform.
And some stairs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
maybe so everyone can get a good look at what true love looks like.
- Yeah. - Right.
So, all right, vows, declarations of love...
how they can't live without one another.
You know, fiction.
And then they kiss.
All right. You know, about the dance...
Maybe I thought that...
Russell and I slept together.
So that's happening.
What do you want me to say?
You know... Rosalie took Justine home.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you let somebody in, you know?
And then, you make room.
Then they go.
And yeah, the room's still there.
Uh...
I'm thinking, like a flower garland around the whole ring.
The girls were pitching something more sparkly, but I like flowers.
I'm not kidding. What? I want this to work.
You know? We got executives to impress.
Well, if you wanna impress people, I'd go with pyrotechnics.
- Oh, sure, okay. - Hey! Hey, man.
Yeah, here he is.
What kind of loser comes to work on his day off?
- It's nice to see you too, Sam. - Is it? You guys have fun on your date.
Thanks. Hi.
- Hi. - I have three different ideas
of how dinner is gonna go, but you need to make some choices.
- Drive east or west? - East.
Italian or Asian?
Hmm. Asian.
Okay.
You should know this dumpling house
I'm about to take you to is the best.
But it's definitely run by some shady characters,
and I one time had to hide under a table
'cause a guy pulled a gun, but I think it's totally worth it.
- Oh, boy. - Yeah.
Okay, let's wrap it up. Jessie's getting tired over there, okay?
Hey, the girls are gonna get offended
with you sitting here doing homework.
Hey, better than jerking off under the table, right?
Thanks for the wings, man.
Oh, yeah. I keep my promises, right?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, fuck. She's one of my wrestlers.
I can't see her take off her clothes now that I know she's a person.
Yeah, wrestling. I gotta come check that out.
Yeah, well, catch it before it dies. Last show is this week.
If any of your girls need work, I'm opening up a new club in Fresno.
I got a few more opening up next year. A lot of opportunities.
No, don't recruit my girls, all right?
They're actresses. They're not strippers.
Okay.
Except for that one.
Oh, boy.
- Hey. - Hi.
- Are you okay? - I'm having so much fun.
Good. My set should be done soon, okay?
Okay, okay.
- Hey, boss. - Uh-huh.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God. - Relax, would you?
I'm not your father, all right?
We're just two people at a strip club.
I've never been to one of these before.
Yeah, seen one, seen 'em all.
She's good.
Right?
Oh, man.
Did you two actually fall in love during that stupid dream ballet?
You did. Oh, that's cute.
I don't know what's going on.
Yeah.
- I don't! She invited me here. - Okay.
I didn't say no.
- Hey! - Hi!
You wanna lap dance for old time's sake?
No. Take this, all right?
And do not take that top off until I leave.
- You hear me? - But I can't control the pole.
- I'm leaving, all right? - Where are you going?
You have a good time.
Boss, you're no fun.
I know. I know.
Hey.
What? Is everything okay?
Yeah, just thought Randy should see you in the ring,
in case the buyers don't come through.
It's a peace offering.
We signed the papers, but I wanna do something to turn the page.
Okay.
Thank you.
You wanna go see Mommy? Go see Mommy. Go get her.
Go get her.
Hi.
- Hi. Hey, there. - Hey, buddy.
You wanna wrestle with Mommy? So when you're older,
you can talk about it with your therapist.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
I called Jane LaBelle.
I told her we might be available after next week.
Oh, and Peaches said
she's going to keep her ear to the ground for work.
Yeah, she's doing that new movie with
what's his name? Bruce something.
- Willis. - Willis.
Bruce Willis.
Wow, someone's motivated.
- Hey, I like working. - Oh.
And maybe you can try doing some stunt coordinating.
You know, stop jumping off shit. Give this body a break.
My body's fine, baby.
And why does my body need a break?
So we can get back to trying to start a family?
Oh.
Look, I know that we've had...
bad luck.
But this might all end. We both know that.
And if that happens, we got a window.
I don't want to give up.
Do you?
God, you guys, so sorry I'm late.
I know. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, God!
Oh! These crutches really slow me down.
So frustrating.
Ruth, you're late because you're boning Russell.
Own it.
And here...
please cover that up.
And tell the Hoover vacuum to focus his efforts elsewhere next time.
Yeah, like your clit.
Oh, my God.
You realize you're grinning like a lunatic.
I'm sorry.
Well, you're happy.
I am.
He's so fun and easy, and...
he likes me. It's not that...
tingly, nervous, "what the hell is going on here?" feeling.
Oh, God.
I can't believe I'm gonna have to start dating again.
How's that ankle?
Itchy.
Four more weeks.
Oh, my God, you look so beautiful.
Is that your wedding dress?
Yeah.
Seriously, you're gonna be...
- Back off! - Oh, my God, okay.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Shit.
It's gonna be a great show.
So what's your real name? I'm not calling you "cupcake."
Toby Matkins, sir.
And I'm very excited to get to know Rhonda.
- I mean Britannica. - Why?
Why what?
Are you trying to get into her pants? Is that what's going on?
No, man. It's not like that. It's lonely living by yourself.
God damn it, I can't do this. Can you do this, please?
Can I get a tape of this to...
- Yeah, we'll get you a tape, Toby. - Yeah? Thank you.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing's fucking wrong with me.
Well, you're all pissy.
And Debbie said, on the way home from the conference,
- you didn't say anything. - Debbie's a fucking drama queen, okay?
I'm just worried about the same shit you're worried about.
I'm worried about the show, about the buyers.
Well, pep it up. It's a goddamn wedding.
Carmen! Is Carmen in here?
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Kurt, what are you doing here?
He's seeking justice. That's what he's doing.
Okay, so can I just swing by the house later tonight
and we can discuss this?
No, it's too late for that.
Tell her.
Tell her!
It's messed up.
You, on TV, using my moves,
while I'm busting my ass on the circuit night after night.
And I gotta deal with these guys giving me shit about it.
Okay, you two need to go. We have a show to do.
Yeah. A fucking clown show.
- Wait. Excuse me! - Okay, Tammé...
How are we a clown show?
You're doing bad scripted comedy bullshit with goats.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey, calm down. Hey!
Kurt, hi, it's so good to see you! Hi!
Threw my first clothesline to this guy.
- And Chico? - Chico Guapo.
Oh, wait. Yes, hi.
I totally know who you are. I'm Debbie Eagan.
I'm a producer on this show, and here we are in the women's bathroom.
So why don't we take this conversation
outside of the women's bathroom,
and we can talk out your grievances and find an appropriate solution.
I know her, man. Let's just hear her out.
Yeah, great.
- Better be good. - Perfect. All right.
It's a full house.
I think we made something people really like.
Great. It'll look good for the suits, the four that came.
Four's better than none.
Wanna bet on who buys us?
Not me.
I don't gamble...
anymore.
Oh, great. Glen's here.
Oh good, maybe he came to apologize for being a spineless dickhead.
He's probably just here to make sure
we don't run off with his equipment.
Hey, Phil, can you frame up on Bash,
so I can see what the aisle looks like from here?
So, long story short,
there was a small fire, metaphorically speaking,
and I put it out.
Oh, and... No, it's not even worth...
Well, you might notice a small cameo during the show.
I mean, you'll barely feel it.
And I told Bash, so he's prepared.
I have to go. You're welcome.
Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight we have a very sacred event.
He was a regular fan.
She, a regular genius.
And tonight, they will come together
in holy matrimony
before our very eyes.
But first, the GLOW wedding party.
Here come two classy dames:
Melrose and Fortune Cookie...
... the Toxic Twins.
Aww, look, everybody looks so fucking weird and pretty.
They look great.
_
What the fuck is with that T-shirt?
- _ - Eww! Machu Picchu pees the bed.
What an interesting and strange thing to learn during a wedding.
Till I was ten! Read the shirt.
What, did she lose a bet?
Excuse me, Welfare Queen!
Everyone knows you don't wear white to a wedding.
Howl-dy there, Sheila.
And here she is, the maid of honor,
and Britannica's closest friend.
- I might have to throw up again. - Just breathe.
You got this.
Divorce is easy in California, right?
What do you wanna do?
If you wanna cut and run, I'll cover for you.
- No, let's do it. - Yeah?
- Okay. - All right, come on.
Wow! A unicorn!
Every little girl's dream animal.
That horse better not shit in here.
- It's definitely going to. - No!
There we are. Right there. Right there. Good boy. Good boy.
- You good? - Okay.
All right.
Yep. All right. Oh, hey. Here you go.
We are gathered here today in the presence of friends and fans
to join this man and this woman in the bonds of matrimony.
Sorry, I'm a bit sweaty.
- That's okay. - Okay.
Britannica, Toby, through your commitment to each other,
may you grow and nurture a partnership
to help you become the people you want to be...
- Cut to the good stuff! - Yeah!
Before we move on to the wedding vows,
is there anyone here that sees any reason
why this couple should not be married?
Speak now or forever hold your peace.
All right, without further ado...
- Britannica, do you take this man... - Yes, I do. Yeah.
- Toby, do you take... - Wait! I object. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I object. I object.
- I need to talk to you. - No...
- It's okay. - What are you doing?
What's happening?
Don't marry a stranger, okay?
I need a green card, Bash.
So marry me.
Phil, tighten up on this.
Is this for the show or something?
No. Look, you know who I am, right? And I can make you happy.
Sorry. I want to make you happy.
Why are you doing this, Bash?
I've been coming to your room for weeks, sleeping on your floor,
and I've just been trying to figure out how to tell you
I'm in love with you.
Look, I have trouble processing my emotions sometimes.
Yes, ideally, I would have told you this weeks ago,
and we'd go on a date and figure it out, but...
you know, maybe we do everything backwards.
Should I continue with the ceremony?
Yeah. She's marrying me.
No, I'm not.
Toby, you're a beautiful man and a devoted fan,
but I'm gonna marry Bash.
The announcer? Britannica, I love you.
I'm always going to be fond of you and your baked goods.
And you will be compensated for your time here today.
Fuck you, man. Yeah.
Fuck all of you!
- Whoa! - Whoa.
Love is fake...
- Just like wrestling! - Hey!
Fuck off!
Throw him out.
Britannica! I love you.
I'll go! I'll go! I'll go!
Hey!
- Get outta here! - Get outta here!
- Really? You want me to keep going? - Yeah.
Britannica, do you take...
Sebastian Howard.
Sebastian Howard to be your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
And, Sebastian, do you take Britannica to be your lawful wedded wife?
I do.
By the power invested in me by the state of California,
I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
What the fuck is he doing?
I don't know, but Rhonda just married a millionaire without a prenup.
Ready?
One... two...
Yes!
Oh, wait. I don't believe in marriage. Fuck this.
I almost forgot. Tonight's rules:
Whoever wins the bouquet wins the crown.
What?
It's a battle royale!
Holy Toledo! We got fights in every corner!
Now it's insane. This is great.
It looks great.
Russell, come around so we can see Tammé from the front.
No! Viking is gone!
Norse goddess, my butt!
These bridesmaids got strategy.
Welfare Queen's back on welfare.
Oh, there goes the bride!
My bride.
Black Magic, is she in? Is she out?
Oh!
Liberty Belle trying everything, but can't seem to eliminate Melrose.
And now Black Magic is doing a spell. Oh, she poked her eye out!
And you can't give the evil eye with no eye.
And she's out! That spell just turned into a curse.
Ozone just exercised the nuclear option!
Is this a betrayal?
Better yet, Nuke just dragged Ozone out of the Ozone Layer!
I love it.
Chaos, it's good.
Liberty Belle's dangling,
just like the fate of our country in 1776.
Now I got her!
Melrose is out!
Infidel!
Ooh, Junkchain!
More like Junk Sprained Ankle from the look of that fall.
Beirut just self-destructed.
Beirut is out!
Fortune Cookie looks like she just had her fortune read,
and it says, "No crown for you, Miss."
Fortune Cookie, out!
And it looks like there's only three ladies left.
We got a wild animal...
- Ladies... - a Peruvian mountain
- Excuse us. - and a Belle from Philly.
- All right, that's enough. - Real wrestlers coming through!
- Excuse us, ladies. - Real wrestlers, excuse us.
Hey!
You call this a battle royale?
Looks more like a pillow fight.
It is a pillow fight!
What are these guys doing?
Look, it's Big Kurt Jackson and Chico Guapo.
Big time wrestlers.
You boys wanna insult us? Better say it to our faces.
Are they serious?
- Okay. - Take that chump.
Well, this match has just gotten serious.
Will a man win the GLOW crown? That's unheard of!
Ladies, what do you say we have a temporary truce
while we deal with these men?
Hey, Bash, I want you to hold on to this for me.
If I must!
Remember, only wrestling moves. No punches.
Don't want anyone to think we're okay with hitting girls.
Sure.
- I just said no punches! - Oh, really?
Yes!
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
Someone just got a body slam!
We even? Get enough screen time yet?
You're still in the doghouse...
- but this is pretty good. - Machu!
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
Wait, no, no, no!
You! Out!
See ya later!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now take it easy.
Ladies, I got this one.
Step aside, Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs,
we got a new Battle of the Sexes
here at the GLOW finale!
Duck, clothesline.
Nice try. Come here!
Hip toss me.
Oh! Looks like a hip toss!
I've been baking pies at home.
Pies of rage!
Come on, Liberty Belle. Come on, Liberty Belle.
On your feet.
Duck!
Oh!
USA! USA!
I have faith that US and Mexican relations
can only improve in the future.
Holy shit!
I can't believe what I'm seeing!
Liberty Belle just did a castator into a crossbody!
That's like doing algebra in space!
Ready to lose to a girl?
Just get my face on camera.
What do you wanna do? Think you can do a back flip?
Sure, yeah, I can.
That guy just did a back flip!
And he's gone! He's gone!
The ladies are still in this match!
If there's one thing I know,
it's that no cojones are going home with this co-rown-e.
Give it to me!
Phil, I want a close up of Carmen's face when she wins the crown.
Oh, she's not getting it.
- Debbie's keeping it? - Take your headphones off.
What?
You're warmed up, right? Come on.
Let's go. Let's go. Come on, Hopalong.
Let's go! Let's go!
All right, don't do anything fancy.
Just catapult in with your foot out. That's it.
They all know you're coming, and then...
the crown is yours.
Come on, let's go.
We're waiting. Everyone's waiting.
What the hell is that?
Oh, my God! Is that a Russian on a zip line?
It is!
Oh!
Oh, my goodness gracious!
Yeah!
And the ladies are down!
Zoya's this year's winner of the crown!
Winner!
You love to hate Zoya!
Awww! Is like butt to me!
Zoya!
- Hey - Hey. Hey.
You can still back out of this if you want.
I meant everything I said out there.
I'm not sure I feel that way.
Yet.
Okay.
That's okay.
We'll just, you know, take it one day at a time, right?
Beginning tomorrow, we'll wake up
and we'll head on down to the county clerk's office,
get that marriage license taken care of,
and then after breakfast, we'll go get you a real ring
and not these cheesy fake ones.
You wanna get me a ring?
Yeah, of course, I want to do everything.
Um... okay, I gotta go talk to those executives, but...
- Okay. - Okay.
Tall guy's interested. Look at him.
I can't see him.
Short bald guy's definitely bidding.
Made lots of focused eye contact with him during the show.
Why is Glen up there?
K-DTV wants the show back now that there's outside interest?
Where are they going?
You gonna tell 'em, or you want me to?
Hate to be the bearer of bad news, ladies,
but K-DTV owns your characters,
which means you can't sell them to another network.
You know, you signed a contract.
But listen, by all means...
keep doing the live show, you know, for your fans...
and the gym, to feed the soul.
Glen, get the fuck out of my gym.
Okay.
Well, that show was insane.
Good insane.
Highbrow, lowbrow, comedy, drama,
heartache, violence, at a fucking wedding?
I mean, this show has something for everyone.
And the costumes. Holy shit.
I mean, you really got something here.
Bra-fucking-vo.
Yeah, thanks, Ray. Thanks for the review.
Look, this isn't what we hoped would happen,
but this is what happened. We got fucked.
All right? I'm sorry.
Sometimes stories end this way.
You guys interested in doing a floor show?
Where? At the titty bar?
No, man. Vegas.
I have stake in a club there, and we're looking for a headliner.
Wayne Newton is at the Aladdin,
the New Frontier has Siegfried and Roy,
and Splash just opened at the Riviera.
Are you asking us to be showgirls?
No.
What I'm asking you to do is the same exact show,
night after night, 300 miles east.
Vegas is where the money is.
Headliners make at least 25 grand a week.
Ooh.
You think this is a big room? We have to fill 1,100 seats.
I'm sorry. Who is that? Who the fuck are you?
That's Ray. His kid goes to school with Justine.
- He owns strip clubs. - He's cool. I worked for him.
Okay.
Now...
I don't know dick about TV.
But I know that the screen is very small.
But you gals throw one hell of a big old live show.
And there's nothing bigger than a live show...
in Vegas.
Okay. Oh, my God, I can't do it.
It's a 40-minute plane ride.
You could decide to give him a bath and come home.
Yeah. He's just so little.
It's basically joint custody.
It's just a little sooner than we had planned.
And if you don't wanna go, don't go.
No, I'm going.
But maybe this is one of the benefits of divorce.
Okay, here I go.
Okay, I love you. Oh, my God.
I'll see you Thursday, okay? Oh, God.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit. Okay.
I love you.
Okay. I'm gonna call a lot.
Even if he's just gonna chew on the phone cord.
Okay.
Okay. Thank you.
All right, bye.
I liked it better when you were on crutches.
- You couldn't run away to Vegas. - No.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
How about you come with us?
Here's something you don't need for a live floor show in Vegas:
a cameraman.
It'll be fine.
K-DTV is gonna have me shoot some Good as Gold episodes.
We'll write some mushy letters to each other.
You'll visit, I'll visit.
We'll try not to fuck it up.
Bye.
I've never been to Vegas.
Oh, you're gonna hate it.
- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --