Subtitles by explosiveskull Sync by NAIM2007
[PUNK ROCK PLAYING]
♪ Whoo! ♪
♪ Ah lah ♪
♪ Darling, you got to let me know ♪
♪ Should I stay, or should I go? ♪
♪ If you say that you are mine ♪
♪ I'll be here till the end of time ♪
♪ So you got to let me know ♪
♪ Should I stay, or should I go? ♪
♪ It's always tease, tease, tease ♪
♪ You're happy when I'm on my knees ♪
♪ One day, it's fine, and next, it's black ♪
[SONG ECHOES, FADES]
I smelled the smoke,
and I didn't open the door,
and that was my mistake,
but I panicked.
I've never had to deal with anything like this before.
It was crystal meth.
[ICE CLINKING]
Are you on the phone?
I gotta go.
[SIGHS]
Thank you.
Hmm.
Who was that?
Where?
On the phone.
Oh, uh, nobody.
Highly unprofessional.
I know. Look, it was Tom Lipsky,
and we talk about these kind of things, and he asked.
You don't talk to clients about your personal life.
I... I know that, but I was just...
I was going through the events of today,
and I started to think
maybe there's another way we can approach this...
Don't you dare.
Don't you dare try to back out.
Jeanette, fine!
Fine!
Jeanette, I said, "Fine," okay?
The Facebook invite went out days ago.
I freaking Facebooked it.
Do you even get that?!
Yes, I understand,
but if his own mother's not coming,
maybe we should just postpone it.
You don't postpone it.
You put out the invite, you gather who you can,
and you confront it, like the Women's March!
What?
The Facebook-organized revolts.
This isn't the same as that.
Ed...
we're talking about saving your son's life.
Repeat after me.
Today at noon, we are having the intervention.
Yeah, I know. It's weird.
My dad found a crack pipe
in my little brother's room or something.
- Mm-hmm. - So trite.
But that's life.
I don't know. It's weird.
It's like, you think when you grow up
and get your own apartment and boyfriend,
your family shit won't follow you around, but it's just like...
I know, babe. That why you have to take this anger
and this sexuality and put it in your art.
I know, but we have to go, though, okay, baby?
- Uh-huh. Oh, God. - He's my blood.
So loyal. I love you, baby.
Ah, I'm the shelter in the storm.
Oh, my God.
I watched my mother give birth in her bedroom
when I was 16 years old.
Yeah.
[BLOWS]
Wow, your own mother?
Yeah. Midwives coming and going, but not me.
I stayed right there, and I held her hand
through every labor pain and contraction.
God, you know, after witnessing
the miracle of childbirth, well,
I never looked at my mother's vagina the same way again. Heh.
Oh, um, I have to conclude my examinations
a little early today. My friend...
My best friend has had a real string of bad luck,
and I... I'll be darned if I'm not gonna be by his side
holding his hand, too, so thanks for understanding.
Keeping your hips closed just a tad longer, Rick,
'cause you're flailing 'em again.
I guess, as a married man,
my hips are a little rusty, you know?
Oh, yeah. I hear you.
Yeah. Not that I, uh,
miss being young and reckless one damn bit, 'cause I don't.
I got way too much to fill my cup these days.
My cup is full!
I do feel bad for my brother, though.
I told you about that, right, with his kid, what's going on?
Breaks your heart.
Not that I fear it.
I don't fear nothin'.
Except maybe my wife.
She scares the hell out of me.
Clarice is my wife.
We live in Nebraska.
Yes. We live in Nebraska.
We're here to see Ed.
Ed's wife Marley is my first cousin
on my father's side, which makes the boy...
- And the girl. - and...
Yes, and the girl my relatives.
Mmm.
This trip is for pleasure and for work.
We run an eBay business together.
We are incorporated.
Yes. We've done quite well.
Quite well.
♪ One, two, three ♪
♪ Who says I can't get stoned? ♪
♪ Turn off the lights and the telephone ♪
♪ Me in my house alone ♪
♪ Who says I can't get stoned? ♪
♪ Who says I can't be free ♪
♪ From all of the things that I used to be? ♪
♪ Rewrite my history ♪
♪ Who says I can't be free? ♪
♪ It's been a long night in New York City ♪
♪ It's been a long night in Baton Rouge ♪
♪ I don't remember you looking any better ♪
♪ But then again, I don't remember you ♪
What are you saying?
I'm gonna go mingle. Wish me luck.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- We'll move to the mountains. - [GLASS CLINKS]
- You say that. - We'll go to the mountains.
- We'll have babies, yeah. - Oh, God.
Are you the boy?
What?
Are you the troubled boy?
Oh, no.
Oh, this is... this is Tom.
Hi. Tom.
I'm Clarice.
Ding-dong.
[CHUCKLES]
Ed!
Which Ed are you talking to?
Uh, no, I was talking to myself, Ed.
So was I, Ed.
[IMITATING TRAVIS BICKLE] You talkin' to me?
Are you talkin' to me,
'cause there's nobody else in this room right now.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Oh, gosh. Gosh.
How you doing, old friend?
- I'm hanging in. - Yeah.
I'm hanging in, Ed.
- Hey. - Rick!
I brought you flowers.
- Ah, thanks, bro. - Yeah.
You can just put 'em anywhere, wherever.
- Sure. All right. - I don't care.
We're gonna fix this. You understand?
I'm gonna find a way.
Do you trust me?
- Yeah. - All I needed to hear.
I'm with you all the way to the end.
- Thanks. - Okay?
- It was nice of you to come. - Of course.
So, uh, where's the wife?
Ice-skating tournament in Vegas with the girls all week.
I text you about this.
Oh. Well, thank you for coming,
even though they couldn't make us a priority.
It's a big tourney, bro.
One of the judges is Scott Hamilton.
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I took a dig there.
- Yeah. - I'm... I'm not myself lately.
I understand.
I'm on edge like you wouldn't believe.
No worries. What about you? You hear from the wife?
Ah, I don't think I have a wife anymore.
Don't say that.
She didn't have the decency
to even say she wasn't coming, not a word.
Two years, not a word.
It's unbelievable.
I don't know.
I don't know, bro.
You look at me right here.
Are you looking?
Yeah.
[GASPS]
Oh, baby. Mmm.
Oh, thanks, man.
Oh.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
- Hi. - Hey.
- You must be Mitch. - Yes.
- I'm Clarice. - I know that from Facebook.
Thank you for inviting us to your intervention.
You really went to town.
Yeah.
Well, enjoy yourselves, and, you know,
this might be a tough night, but we're gonna...
we're here together to support Benjamin,
and, um, Ed and I really appreciate it.
Excuse me.
Jeanette.
Rick, hi.
Wow.
You look great.
Thanks.
Have you cut your hair or something
since I saw you last?
- Probably, a couple of times. - Hmm.
I do it myself, even the back,
- so it gets kind of tricky. - All right.
So there's refreshments and hors d'oeurves,
and if you'll excuse me, I have to talk to Ed.
Okay, yeah.
I gotta use the bathroom.
Okay.
Hey, you.
What do we have here?
I printed up the brochure
from the Youth Wilderness Rehabilitation Center in Utah.
It's supposed to be the best in the country,
but still, I wanted you to have a look at it
before I gave it a go.
Wow.
Uh, it says here
he'll be taken from his bed in the middle of the night
with no idea where he's going and whisked away,
like he's some sort of kidnap victim.
Jeanette, this is all feeling very extreme to me.
Stop! That's enough!
I want you to be quiet.
We are trying to help him, so you need to have a spine.
Do you know what that is, Ed?
For God sakes, grow a spine.
How much time do we have?
Well, if I go and make the call,
two uniformed men, possibly in ski masks,
will be standing by until midnight.
We need to do this after the intervention.
That's what they say.
Ski masks?
Okay, fine.
Make the call.
I know how hard this is for you.
Are you teasing me?
Uh, no.
That's too bad.
Yeah, but, Jeanette...
if he's okay, we... we can...
we can just leave him alone, right?
I want him to be okay just as much as you do,
but we have to be certain,
for when the hands of that grandfather clock
strike midnight, they're coming for him.
[TICKING ECHOING]
What am I doing?
Come on, everybody. Gather around.
Come on in the living room.
Come on. Let's go.
Thank you so much for coming.
Uh, Benjamin just got home.
It is imperative that Ed speaks to us now.
Hurry up.
Oh. Okay.
Um, I, uh...
Jeanette and I...
Uh, could I...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Thank you.
I've asked you all to come here,
because, uh, I have a situation that I'm not familiar with,
and I've never dealt with it before,
but according to Wikipedia,
there's gonna be a lot of lying,
lot of cheating, lot of back-stabbing,
and a heaping bucket load of deception,
and it's all typical addict behavior,
so what I'm asking for...
for all of you is just to be on guard.
Use your eyes and ears, and come to me if you need to,
every single one of you, even you.
I'm sorry. I... I don't know you.
Oh, I'm Ronny.
He's with me, Mr. Thompson.
Tom's my BFF.
All right.
Okay, then I'd like to turn the reins over
to my best friend, um, who's gonna take over
the intervention, Dr. Ed Morris.
[LAUGHS]
Whoa, whoa.
Okay, hold on. I need a...
I need a 20-second timeout here, Ed.
- I'm sorry? - I'm... I'm just a...
I'm just a little taken back by the request is all.
I wasn't expecting anything like that.
Well, yeah, but it's obvious that you're a doctor.
You're the perfect one to lead the intervention.
I thought you'd understand.
- And be honored. - And be honored.
I mean, I... I could really use your expertise here, Ed.
I'm an OB-GYN.
Yes, but you're still a doctor.
You went to medical school.
You know how to treat patients.
I mean, am I... am I wrong here?
No, he's right.
[SIGHS]
Yes! Yes.
You know what? I'll do it.
I'll... I'll run the intervention, okay?
Thank you. Let's hear it for Dr. Ed.
Thank you so much.
I always wondered what "OB-GYN" stood for.
Obstetrics-gynecology, female reproductive health.
That's what they say, but I still wonder.
Okay, everybody, moving right along.
I would, uh, like to ask
my lovely girlfriend and executive assistant
to please go retrieve Benjamin from his bedroom.
You didn't have to mention the assistant part.
May I remind you that when we have sex,
we say, "I love you," to each other?
Uh, that's a... that's a very personal thing to be sharing.
And also how you cried on my shoulder
for months after Marley left you.
You seduced me. You did.
You lured me in, because I was so vulnerable,
and then you cast your wicked spell.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Jeanette, I'm s... I'm sorry.
I... If I... If I could, uh...
If Tom ever called me his assistant,
I'd cut off his balls.
I would never do that. You're my angel.
I know, baby.
Everybody, I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna go get Benjamin myself.
It's cool, bro. I got it.
- Thank you, Rick. - Uh-huh.
- Thank you, Rick. - Mm-hmm.
Oh, and, Rick, good luck.
Jeanette, I...
No.
Could I get a water?
Roger, please, this is not the time.
We're getting Benjamin.
His name is Ronny, Dad.
Ronny, go ahead, and get the water.
But actually, you know what?
Not the... Not the bottled water, okay?
The sink water.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hey.
This is a damn fun game.
These other guys are complete noobs, huh?
Ooh, that guy did not need his guts.
Yeah, you can't hear me. That's cool.
What the hell is taking him so long?
You know how uncles can be when they get you alone.
Heh. Sorry.
- It was bad joke. - No, baby, that was funny.
- I'm sorry. Right? - That was funny.
No, dude, that shit was funny. You're the shit, Tom.
Come on! Focus now, guys.
Focus up. You know, we gotta...
stay on track here.
Dr. Ed is right. If you guys are gonna screw around,
we're just gonna call off this whole intervention thing.
No, I'm sorry, Ed. We're good.
We will go get him.
Yes. We will go get him.
Thank you.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hi!
Come downstairs with us now, okay?
- Hey. - Come downstairs with us now,
- okay? - Is everything all right?
- We have a surprise. - A surprise.
Great.
- Surprise! - Surprise!
Oh, Benjamin, I'm sure you remember
your Aunt Clarice and Uncle Mitch.
You met them, I believe, when you were just a little baby.
So, uh, thank you for stopping your video game
and coming out of your room.
Just wanted to bring you downstairs,
'cause I was just having some people over this afternoon
and just wanted you to come on down and say hi.
[CLOCK TICKING]
Hi.
So, uh, you know what?
Uh, I... I know you were busy
and you want to get back to your game,
but if you want, you can, um, hang here.
I'd love for you to just stay in here with us and just hang.
Could be totally chill,
be cool.
And we could all just, you know,
have a nice little talk and... and hang.
Or... Or if you... if you'd rather go back up
and... and finish your game and... and be in your room and...
that'd be okay, if that's what you want.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC ENDS]
I froze up.
I couldn't do it.
I don't know what came over me. I panicked.
You can do this, and you don't have to be alone.
We are all here for you.
You are not alone.
I'm not alone anymore, am I?
No.
- No. - You're right, Jeanette.
I can do this.
Sorry, everybody.
Just a little glitch in the Matrix.
Don't worry about it. We are taking two.
- Take two. - [LAUGHS]
All right. I'm gonna go get Benjamin,
and I think I'll bring him in here
and then sit him right in that cushy chair right there,
and then we can get this thing cooking.
Uh, actually, Ed, I don't know
if sitting him alone's a good idea.
Oh, alone is good. We want to isolate.
No, he should feel safe.
He should be on the couch with us.
Uh, okay, perhaps... perhaps he could sit alone.
Maybe he could, but hear me out.
We could move this coffee table from the center of the room
to remove any spatial barriers.
I like that idea, Ed.
Thank you.
Tom, Robby, you lift the table, please,
and we'll take it down this hallway.
There's another room down there. Just put it on in there,
and I'm gonna go up and get Benjamin. Okay.
Lift with the legs, guys.
So, what, you've done, like, a ton of these?
- Weren't you just here? - When?
When I said I was an OB-GYN.
- Oh, right. - Right.
You ever get excited looking at one of those?
Nope. It's my work.
Uh-huh.
- You're a car salesman, right? - Right.
So that's like me asking you
if you get turned on looking at a car.
I do, so I can only imagine.
Well, in medicine,
we learn to separate human desire from the equation.
Right.
So what do you do for fun?
You golf?
Mountain bike? Jet Ski?
Yeah, I golf.
I do golf sometimes. Uh, I...
I also sometimes like to put on women's makeup and clothing.
That, I find to be very decompressing.
Yeah, right.
Whew. It's stuffy in here.
You mean like a can of sardines?
You know, family is the backbone of our culture.
And social media is the nervous system.
Just try and say, "paella," without a smile.
- Can't. - You can't.
I'll see you ladle.
[BOTH LAUGH]
You're adorable.
What the hell are you doing?
Sorry.
He just touched my leg.
You sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
Is that true, Ronny?
Uh, it was an accident.
You're so damn glib, Ronny.
Hmm.
These two, huh?
Huh?
Lovebirds.
Yeah, like rabbits.
Right?
Are you okay?
Yeah, I guess.
You seem a little tense.
No, no, it's not like that.
Oh, I know.
I'm just a little raw.
Sure. I understand.
You do?
Yeah.
[FOOTSTEPS]
So, Benjamin, look.
Everybody's here, and, uh, look at that.
You even got your own cushy chair all ready for you.
Somebody's put your name on it on a name tag and everything.
I did it.
ED: Great!
Okay, everyone.
Benjamin is here for the surprise.
You told him it was a surprise?
I didn't know what else to say,
so I just rolled with it.
- That is so glib, Dad. - I'm sorry?
You're being even more glib right now. Stop that.
I'm not. I'm not glib.
Nobody likes a glib-assed liar, okay?
There's enough dishonesty in this family already.
Well, you're right about that.
All right. Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?!
Carry on.
All right. Um, everybody take a seat.
Benjamin, sit.
I'll go get a chair.
All right.
And, uh, let's all get settled.
Mm-hmm, okay.
Um...
Benjamin, uh, this is...
[SIGHS]
This is not a surprise
in... in the traditional sense of the word.
It's not like the surprise that I went through
when I walked past your room the other day
and, uh, I smelled smoke.
Were you smoking something in there, Benjamin?
Okay.
This is, um...
This is, uh, an event.
It's a...
It's an intervention, Benjamin.
We care about you.
Because we love you.
TOM: That's right.
Yes.
Because we all love you,
and I don't know how bad things are going right now,
but I'm... I'm guessing they're pretty far along.
Uh, you know what?
I'm gonna turn this over to Dr. Ed,
because now would be a good time for all of us
to have some of your expertise, since you're the professional.
Sorry.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[LAUGHS]
[SWALLOWS]
[SUCKING]
[CLOCK TICKING]
[SMACKING]
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS] So...
You have crumbs on your face, man.
- What's that? - Crumbs on your face.
Oh.
Thank you.
Hmm.
[CHUCKLES] That's part of the jacket.
So, uh, in a situation like this,
I think it's best if we went around the room
and, uh, shared a little bit of our own experience
to, you know, encourage honest dialogue.
Uh, and since...
I got this, Dr. Spock.
All right, so my friends and I, we would go through
two, three tanks of nitrous in a single weekend,
frying brain cells like they're eggs,
balloon after balloon after balloon.
Pretty soon, you're seeing starts, planetary alignments.
I've never tried that. Is it fun?
- Amber! - TOM: It's amazing.
You gotta lean back in, like, a pool chair.
Yes, pool chair! What the hell is it about a pool chair?
Comfortable.
Right! More comfortable.
I'm not proud of any of this, okay?
I'm just trying to demonstrate
what it looks like when a man owns his shit.
Ahem. Tom and I used to huff paint thinner
and, uh, battery acid
out of a bucket in my parents' garage.
We did stuff like that all the time.
You never told me that, baby.
I once snorted a prescription drug.
CLARICE: We both did.
We traded for it.
On Craigslist.
Yes, we use Craigslist now.
I don't like it.
I do.
Yes, she does,
and it hurts my feelings.
It shouldn't.
I know, but still it does.
I know what it's like
to be with someone who doesn't get you.
Was that a dig?
When I first met Tom, he wouldn't even look at me.
I thought he hated me.
Think that's probably why I liked him so much.
That right there is a tale as old as time.
Even when we were first dating,
he would be such a dick,
and then he would not text back when he said he would,
and I'd cry and cry,
and one time, I even cut myself a little bit.
- Amber! - Dad, don't worry.
It was... I was so young then.
You two have been together for maybe a year.
Exactly. I was only, like, 22.
I didn't know myself like I do at 23.
I didn't know that you did that.
He's so perfect now, though, Dad.
I mean, he didn't even know that I wanted him to text me back.
It was just emojis, very confusing ones,
but now I know it was just a self-defense mechanism
to protect herself.
Still, self-inflicted cutting is not okay.
I've done it.
I cut myself the wrong way.
Cry for help.
It was a cry for help.
I didn't do it.
I've thought about doing it, but I never did.
Ahem.
Uh, these are very, very serious issues,
very, very serious, and...
But this is a circle of trust, and I'm glad we could all share,
so much so, that I'd like...
I've cried more tears this year
than I have in my whole life.
Yeah, I know. I can't take it anymore.
Your stress is stressing me.
It's affecting me in unusual ways.
[PASSES GAS]
[SIGHS]
My job is not an easy one to talk about.
[LAUGHS]
Uh, sometimes when people ask me what I do for a living,
I just, uh, make something up,
tell 'em that I'm a garbageman or a car salesman.
Hey, Dr. Lady Parts, I'm a car salesman.
No, it's not easy being a male OB-GYN.
People look at you funny. You know,
sometimes they even think that y-you're some kind of pervert.
[UNDER COUGH] Pervert.
And... And they tell jokes, too, of course,
and, yes, I have heard them all.
What about the one where the gynecologist...
Enough!
I said I heard 'em all,
all of 'em, every single one of 'em.
The... The echo one, uh,
the... the, uh, truck driver,
the dozen long-stemmed red roses,
all of them.
[SIGHS]
Every... Every vagina that walks into my office
is like a valuable piece of art,
and... and sometimes I think of myself as like a museum curator
working hard to preserve each priceless specimen.
Because that's what they are to me.
As specimens?
Canals of life.
Uh, oh, barometers of human existence.
The vagina don't lie.
Ho! [LAUGHS]
You just said a mouthful.
No. No, it does not.
Vaginas are like, uh,
the royal family of human orifices.
They... They rule our every decision,
and... and they work in miraculous ways.
[SIGHS]
So, you see, my job, my job is of the utmost importance.
You know, it's... it's not a punch line.
Have you ever seen, like, a really huge pussy?
[SIGHS]
Vagina.
I have.
I need a cigarette.
I need a break, too.
Okay. Guys, hey, why...
- why don't we take a fiver? - Yeah.
And who needs a cigarette, smoke a cigarette.
I just want to thank you all for being here.
[PURSE CLATTERING]
Especially you, Benjamin.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[DEEP BREATH]
Wow, that was intense in there...
wow, real eye-opener.
Are you okay?
Yeah. You?
I'm cool.
That's cool.
Listen, I got a little something for you.
What?
[PASSES GAS]
I just thought I'd take the edge off a little.
[PASSES GAS]
My stomach's been in knots.
- Sure. - I know it's not very ladylike.
It was completely ladylike.
- Really? - Uh-huh.
[PASSES GAS]
Was that you or me?
That was definitely me.
[BOTH PASS GAS]
Well, every fireworks show deserves a finale.
Indeed.
Give me that.
Well, so that... that went pretty well, I think.
Yes, I believe it did.
Yeah. [SNIFFING]
It smells over here.
- Does it? - Boy, if that neighbor's dog
dookied on my lawn again, I'm gonna lose it.
- Hmm. - How do you two stand this?
I didn't know I put you
on such an emotional roller coaster.
- I know you didn't know, baby. - It doesn't matter.
I feel like I have to prove my love to you.
I'm gonna put a cut in my wrist, little one.
- You would do that for me? - Of course I would, baby.
- Oh, baby. - I fricking love you.
- I haven't had you in so long. - Too long.
Three hours.
Wait. What?
Since the last time you guys had each other,
it's been... it's been about three hours.
It was right before we left your apartment.
Amber, uh, you had eight orgasms,
and, Tom, you said it was like starting a new universe.
- You heard all that? - No.
You must have been spying.
Mm-mm. No, I wasn't.
I'm sorry.
It's okay, Ronny. You're my boy.
- [CHUCKLES] - Come on, baby.
- Let's go up to my old room. - Okay.
We can play the high school game.
- I'm the sophomore. - Okay.
Okay.
I miss you two when you leave.
[LAUGHS]
We used to give 'em hell, Tom and I.
Ah.
- We had quite the reputation. - [CHUCKLES]
We had a nickname.
It was, uh, Tron.
Hah! T-Ron.
'Cause, uh, his name's Tom,
and my name's, uh, Ron.
Yeah, I got it right away.
- Yeah. - Good one.
Oh, boy.
[INHALING]
[SIGHS] Ohh.
It's been a while since I've had to do something this brave.
Since Boy Scouts, really.
Or maybe it's like the time when I was 16
and my mother gave birth in our home.
But I hide my nerves, then and now,
'cause, you know, these guys,
they sort of look at me as the alpha male of the group,
the wise elder sage, or what have you.
[SIGHS] But I... I bear the burden.
I shoulder the load.
[INHALES]
Hey.
Look...
I know things are messed up,
but we're gonna get through this.
I'm sorry, Benjamin.
You're in a lot of pain, Dad.
[PANTS SCRAPING]
Hey, Ed.
Hi, Ed.
Did you see him in there?
It makes my skin crawl
even trying to make eye contact with him.
My own son is being thrown to the wolves,
and I can't do a thing to protect him.
I... I think you need to shift your frame, Ed.
W-What do you mean, Ed?
I'm not quite sure here, but I... I imagine
that this is all a bit myopic for you at the moment,
so perhaps if you pretend you're somebody else.
Somebody else? But... But I'm just me, Ed,
just stupid old me.
Sorry, could you... could give me a minute, Ed?
Yeah. Yeah. I'll...
Aren't you glad we quit our jobs?
I sure am.
Not only has it enabled us to travel,
but it lets us reconnect with family.
Yeah.
[GASPS] Look how pretty.
Oh, pretty.
Ta-da!
It is I, Ed, the great Houdini.
Ed, what are you doing?
Everybody pick a card, any card.
Ed?
Pick a card, any card.
- Pick a card. - Sit down.
Pick a card, Timmy.
Come on. Sit down!
But you told me to be someone else.
Well, not like that. That's not what I meant.
Will you sit down?
Now that we've all shared,
I think it's time to, uh, move on
to the pressing issue at hand.
I wonder what those two were up to.
Afternoon delight.
DR. ED: Welcome back, you two.
Amber was just showing me her old room.
That is a nice jacket, Mr. Thompson.
Did you get that at a vintage store?
What is he doing?
He's like some sort of a lap dog.
It's okay, Ronny.
[LAUGHS]
I don't do drugs.
I'm sorry. What was that, Benjamin?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
What was that?
Sounded like your doorbell.
Oh, my. Oh, it's not midnight.
Oh, my God. It might be Marley.
- You invited Mom? - Well, I Facebooked her,
but she didn't respond, so I didn't think she'd show.
Tell her she's not welcome here.
- [DOORBELL RINGS] - Oh, my God.
I can't move my legs. I... I... Somebody...
Somebody has to go to the door and get her.
I can't let her leave again.
Mr. Thompson, are you okay?
CLARICE: We'll look for you!
My arms, I have no feeling in my arms.
Ed, calm down.
My chest hurts.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Dad, you look like you're having a panic attack.
I have those all the time.
I am. I-I'm having a panic attack.
Breathe, Ed. Breathe.
Let's take off this jacket.
- [DOORBELL RINGS] - Okay.
Oh, okay.
Ooh, it's yummy pizza!
Oh, I forgot! I wanted to surprise everyone.
I ordered a couple of pies. I'm so sorry. I'll get it.
Pizza.
Everybody likes pizza.
How you like this job, huh?
Look at this. Bring pizza. People give you money.
Take the rest of the minute off, will you?
[SNIFFS] Mmm.
Pizza! Who wants pizza?!
Hey, look at the two pies, yeah.
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] - Yeah!
- That smells ♪ heavenly ♪ - That's right.
That's right.
Get in here. Come on. It's hot.
Really good.
This is some awesome-ass pizza.
Come on, people.
- AMBER: Thank you, Uncle Rick. - Please.
- Dude, this is so good. - This pizza's amazing.
This was a great idea, Rick.
- Not bad. - Yes, thank you, Rick.
None of this is great.
What's the matter, bro?
Nothing is great.
She didn't show.
She never showed.
- Bro, what's up? - None of this is great.
- Okay. Have a slice of pizza. - I don't want any pizza.
Come on, Mr. Thompson. This is some really good pizza.
I don't want a goddamn slice of pizza, okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Reginald.
It's Ronny.
I'm sorry, everybody.
I'm... I'm falling apart.
I just had a panic attack.
Yeah, but, uh, it wasn't even Mom at the door.
I mean, you had a panic attack 'cause of the pizza guy.
[STIFLED LAUGHTER]
Come on. You have to admit that's funny.
It's not funny, Ed.
Is it funny that I want my wife to come home
and take some accountability for this family?
Is it funny that I'm... I'm scared to death,
that the idea of her coming through the door
fills me with sheer terror?
Mr. Thompson, it was
[ITALIAN ACCENT] just-a the pizza guy, man.
[RONNY LAUGHS]
It's not funny! None of this is.
Is she funny?
What's that supposed to mean?
Is a panic attack funny?
Is he funny?
Wish I could be like her,
just free, doing whatever she wants,
and me, I'm stuck here in a relationship and a job...
- That's nice. - and a mortgage,
and she just did whatever she wanted,
just a free spirit.
I wish I could be like her.
I wish I could just quit.
Okay, new plan.
Come work with me at the dealership.
I don't want to work with you.
I want to do something freestyle.
I wanna be a fisherman or... or a shepherd,
anything with animals. I don't care.
Crap! Shit! Piss!
Hey, mister.
What do you say you take it easy with that language?
Hey, screw you, Mitch.
It's your first cousin
that started this whole mess in the first place.
Take it easy, buddy.
I don't need your "buddy,"
and I'm sick of you and your wife
just gallivanting around here like you have all these years.
I don't care how many mice you traded for houses
or how great your credit rating is.
I just don't give a shit.
You're not helping this situation at all.
Mince your words, cowboy.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Why are you looking at me like that?
Like what?
I've seen that look before,
back in the eighties, in a sports bar.
You want to fight me, don't you?
I'll fight you.
Oh, you will?
Oh, Mr. Big Man, you wanna fight?
- Mm. - Okay, let's fight.
Let's throw this down.
Dad, stop it! You're acting crazy!
No! Let 'em fight.
Come on. Come on, baby.
- Oh! Oh! - Baby.
- You little baby. - Ow.
Oh, your hands are clammy like a girl.
- Dad. - Put the left up.
- Ah! - [BREATHING DEEPLY]
I'm sorry, baby. I don't do well with violence.
- I'll be back. Be right back. - Ow! Ow!
Is that how you fight in Nebraska?
He doesn't do well with violence.
Don't take that.
- Huh? - Mm.
- Hey. - Thanks, hon.
All right, here we go. All right.
- Dad. - You fight like a girl.
That's it.
ED: You got no guts.
No!
That statue of David is an ancient family heirloom.
Ohh!
RICK: Come on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh!
- Look out. - [GROWLS]
[WINCING] Ahh! Okay.
I tap out. I tap out.
Okay.
[SIGHS] He fought well,
but I just brought a little extra today.
Dad...
are you okay?
It's my arm, honey.
It's not good.
I gotta go find Tom.
Okay. Why don't we take a fiver,
cigarette break, huh?
I think you deserve it.
[SIGHS]
[GROANS]
Please stay.
"Stuck in a relationship."
I'll admit it. You're right.
I felt stuck, too.
Please stay?
I'll stay tonight for Ben, not for you.
I'm done trying to fix you, Ed.
Hey, Mitch...
nice arm bar.
- Thank you, Ed. - Where'd you learn that?
Clarice and I take a jujitsu class at the "Y."
I figured you had training.
Your technique was spot on.
So, uh, no hard feelings, right?
Oh, no, Ed.
No hard feelings, only hard lessons.
Touché.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm... I'm hanging in there, pal.
Hmm.
Can I ask you a question?
Shoot.
When did everything go wrong for me?
Well, I think it was when your wife left you, no?
I don't know.
I think it was way before that.
Yeah, probably. Who knows?
But, you know, it's never too late to redeem yourself.
Time's gonna come when the world needs a hero,
and you gotta be ready to answer that call.
Now, come on. You owe these folks a big apology, huh?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Big one.
- Thanks, Ed. - Yeah, I know. Come on.
Go. Go. Apologize.
Look, everyone, I'm sorry.
I know I have some issues,
and you all have been super supportive of them,
and I think it's time that I...
He's gone. He didn't even have the nerve
to tell me to my face. He texted me.
This is all your fault.
JEANETTE: What did he say?
"I feel triggered.
I can't take the drama. I just..."
"I just have to take ownership of myself for a while."
- What? - Yeah.
He's done this before,
enough times that it's safe to say he isn't coming back.
He can't be owned. Heh.
As much as any of us might want to own him
with all of our might, Tom is the CEO of Tom.
He always used to say that.
But I didn't do anything.
I love him. I mean...
Sometimes we can love the one, but he is unable...
...to contain that love inside their own self...
...mm, because of the wounds.
Yes, because the wounds don't leave room.
Mm-mm.
You know what?
I love him just as much as you did.
And you know what else? I'm just gonna say it.
I'm in love with you, too, Amber.
I've always loved you.
I love both of you.
I loved what the two of you were together.
I loved what... I don't know...
maybe what the three of us could have been together
if... if it was a perfect world, if we had just had the time,
if I had just said something when I had the chance.
But...
I don't know. Maybe now...
Maybe now it could... it could just be us,
just you and me.
What do you say?
What?
Eww.
No! I hate this!
Oh, my God.
Yeah. No, I... That's...
I was just sharing my feelings.
I hate feelings!
This is bullshit!
You are bullshit!
Amber, wait!
This is all my fault. Amber! Wait!
- [DOOR SLAMS] - Amber, come back.
Hey, Benjamin.
Are you all right, Benjamin?
I know this is confronting.
Believe me, I know.
My father was a military man.
He was stern and distant.
He was so distant that he went to a base in Germany
when I was 15, and he never came home.
Can I get you a sugar-free lemonade?
Okay.
You don't talk much, do you?
It's all right. I completely understand.
[SIGHS]
By the way, I'm on your side, Benjamin.
I'm not gonna say nothing to nobody. I promise.
Hey, do you know I gave your mother
her first ultrasound with you?
Heh. I determined your sex.
I was the first person to see you into this world.
So, I mean, you can trust me, Benjamin.
Shoot, I got problems just like everybody else.
I'm a doctor, and I'm lost.
A doctor, and I'm so, so lost.
I'm a liar.
You know what?
I'm just gonna be real with you,
not gonna tiptoe around this. You deserve to know.
Sometimes I like to dress...
[CLOCK TICKING]
Never mind.
[STEREO PLAYING REGGAE]
Are you happy, Rick?
No. You?
No. No.
You know, my girls, my two daughters,
they, uh, ice-skate at a very competitive level,
so they're doing that all the time,
and their mom is with them, and they've ghosted me,
because apparently I make them nervous.
Nervous?
Yeah. I yell at the judges, 'cause their scoring system
is completely ludicrous and made up.
What about your wife?
She's cheating on me with their instructor.
He's a former Olympic skater champion.
I don't want to say who it is.
If you were to watch the '88 games from Calgary,
you would be on the right track.
She doesn't know that I know,
but truth is it's best that she's moved on.
Well, you know, Olympian or not,
that figure skater isn't half the man that you are.
You're an alpha male.
You could kick his ass if you wanted to.
I really could.
I try not to get angry
unless it's completely necessary, though.
Takes an awful lot to drag out the war cannons.
I'll bet.
Whoa.
Surprising.
I'm not surprised.
I'm horny.
Yeah, me, too.
[ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]
[DOGS BARK IN SONG]
♪ I walk right through the door ♪
♪ Hey, all right ♪
♪ If I get by ♪
♪ It's mine ♪
♪ Mine, all mine ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Yeah, my girl, she's one, too ♪
♪ She'll go and get her a skirt ♪
♪ Stick under her shirt ♪
♪ She grabbed a razor for me ♪
♪ And she did it just like that ♪
♪ When she wants something ♪
♪ And she don't wanna pay for it ♪
♪ She walk right through the door ♪
♪ Walk right through the door ♪
[INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
I don't wear women's clothing.
But I sure as hell do this.
[DOOR OPENS]
[KISSING]
There he is.
Heh.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
Bred and cultivated in a sickly soil of dysfunction,
I do my part.
And it's a real shit-show in there,
but the world is no different.
We're all subject to winds and tides and ash and fog.
And if I've gone off the deep end,
it's only because the night beckons some sort of fire
illuminating the burning knowledge of self...
of existing within a prism of my own creation.
It's a poem I wrote just now.
[PUNK ROCK PLAYING]
♪ I sit around and watch the tube, but nothing's on ♪
♪ I change the channels for an hour or two ♪
[THUMP]
♪ Twiddle my thumbs just for a bit ♪
♪ I'm sick of all the same old shit ♪
- ♪ In the house... ♪ - Amber, it's your father!
Come out of there!
Nothing's gonna get settled with you locked in your room.
No! you've done enough, okay?
Can I just have a moment?
I'm sorry, Amber. I didn't mean to alarm you.
I just... I thought it could be a really good idea
if we were together.
Well, you couldn't have picked a worse time.
Doesn't matter, Roman.
She's only gonna break your heart anyway.
Shut up, Dad! I heard that!
I know. I only said it so you could hear,
'cause I know what you're going through, honey!
Come out of there, please!
Wait. I get it now.
I need to do what Tom never did.
I'm gonna cut myself
to prove to you that this is the real deal!
Hey, wait! That's my bedroom!
You can't go in there!
Excuse me.
Ronny, stop!
Jesus!
- Hey there. - Oh, hey, man.
We won't talk...
...without an attorney.
Okay. Everybody in the living room right now.
- No! - What?
You heard her. She said, "No."
I know what she said, Rick, you pernicious skirt chaser.
For God sakes, you have a wife and kids!
Who hate me.
Just like you hate me, Amber.
I don't hate you, Ronny.
I just don't want to be with you.
Yep, yes. You said that. I hear you.
You're entitled to that, and I accept it.
Wow, that is a lot of porno, Mr. Thompson.
It's not mine.
- It was my wife's. - That's disgusting.
No, that's true. He told me that a long time ago.
Your mom loved porno.
What?
Where are you going? You're stealing from me?
I mean, haven't you already done enough?
I mean, you twisted the shit out of my arm.
I should press charges.
Please don't.
We just want another house.
Well, petty thievery is not the way to get one.
We promise not to do it again to you.
You shouldn't do it to anyone.
Now, you're just being unreasonable.
My God, why is this happening?
You're all hurting me so much!
Shut up already, Ed.
You're so self-centered.
You think everyone else's problems are about you.
Well, they're not.
This night was supposed to be about Benjamin.
Benjamin.
Where's Benjamin?
Benjamin!
RICK: He's in some kind of drug coma.
I'm gonna call 911.
- Oh, my God. - Out of my way, please.
Excuse me.
He's dead.
Benjamin? If you can hear us, try and wiggle your toes.
Why did you say he was dead?
I... I don't... I meant to say he was knocked out.
I don't know. I mixed up my words.
I'm usually way more thorough in my examinations.
It's just that today,
the pressure has been unbearable.
- Your arms. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Take it easy. Take it easy, Benjamin.
I'm sorry. Who are you?
Oh, I'm a doctor, Dr. Ed.
He is... He is a doctor.
Oh, I do this sometimes.
Okay. Uh, Benjamin,
uh, against my better judgment, I'm gonna leave you here,
but if you feel lightheaded or dizzy at any time,
be sure to, uh, tell the good doctor
or any of your relatives, and they'll take you
to the hospital immediately, okay?
All right, up you go.
Upsy-daisy!
Up you go.
ED: Thank you so much.
Okay.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm glad you're okay, Benjamin.
I'm most certainly glad,
but make no mistake.
These matters are very, very serious.
You've been doing drugs in our home.
I thought it was crystal meth, but how wrong I was.
It's worse.
It's marijuana.
Marijuana,
the most condemned street drug Mexico has to offer.
This is worse than any of us could have imagined,
but I know you need my help now.
Just smoke a little weed, right?
What was that?
I said he's just smoking a little weed.
Just a little weed?
That's like saying "The Old Man and the Sea"
is just a little novel
or that possession of narcotics
will get you just a little prison time.
No biggie, right?
Do you know that weed is a gateway drug?
It leads to this and to this.
- [SNORTS] - I don't know, Ed.
I smoke a little medicinal marijuana from time to time.
I've never done anything else.
Oh, man, I like nothing more
than getting hella stoned
and grubbing on some frozen yogurt.
Tom and I used to...
Well, we used to do that a lot is all.
I like smoking weed when I'm by myself,
'cause then it's like I'm smoking with someone,
but the someone is still me.
I used to partake before I knew you.
Really?
Who are you people?!
I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.
Wait a minute. You brought us all together here,
because you said you smelled crystal meth,
which smells a lot different than marijuana.
I mean, even you should know that.
It was meth, right? That's what you smelled?
Eh, take a deep breath, Ed.
It's a little hard to take a deep breath, Ed,
when everyone you know, your friends and family,
are dissolving right in front of you.
Ooh, I think you're having another panic attack.
You let go of that vase, Ronny.
This is an ancient family heirloom,
irreplaceable in value.
- You said my name. - So what?
Dad, weren't you just having a panic attack?
- Huh? - Yeah, just a moment ago.
So what's happening now?
I don't know.
I believe something here is awry.
Awry? Awry?
What do you mean, Ed?
People don't just snap out of panic attacks.
- Maybe he's faking it. - Faking it?
Yeah, are you faking it?
No, I'm not faking it!
- I have diabetes! - What?
Since when do you have diabetes?
I don't. Now you know what it feels like
to be deceived by people that you thought you knew.
I have diabetes, Ed.
You know that. That's not a laughing matter.
- RONNY: Ooh, wow. - Really insensitive, Dad.
- What's wrong with you? - No, not cool.
Okay. Very funny, potheads!
- Really, really mature! - [MOTORCYCLE ENGINE RUMBLING]
You know what?! You're all crazy!
You know that? You're crazy!
[DOOR OPENS]
Someone say the "C" word?
I got a Facebook message my son is on hard drugs.
Ulf here was playing a minor-league hockey game
up in Bakersfield,
and we were halfway home on the Grapevine
at the TGI Fridays when I got the message,
and as soon as I did, I said to Ulf and the rest of the team,
I had to change trails,
'cause the universe is telling me
that I gotta come home and see my family.
Hello, relative.
- JEANETTE: Oh, my God. - Dad?
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING] - [DOGS BARKING]
Hi, Benjamin.
Bitch! Rat! Misanthrope!
You left us, Marley.
I know. I did, and I... I understand
that you're all going to feel this way towards me,
but I came back anyway.
You don't understand anything, you wretched biker.
What are you wearing?
[SITAR PLAYING]
Two months ago, I was walking silently
on Mount Baldy with a monk.
I'd been there for weeks.
We hadn't exchanged one word,
only utter quietude.
Was he an Asian man?
Now, I was imagining the Dalai Lama or Ben Kingsley.
That's exactly what he looked like.
[GASPS]
And we were standing there,
gazing out on the Earth below us,
and finally he spoke, and you know what he said?
Would you just get on with it?
"None of this exists,
none of it."
Everything we experience is just our senses
playing little tricks on our true selves.
It's all an illusion.
No one in this room is real, Ed,
and change is evidence of that.
Anyway, I nailed the guru, Ed.
Why would you include that detail?
Yeah, I'd do you, too.
You would?
You're... You're a fraud.
Just get out!
Okay.
I'll leave...
but I just want to say one more thing.
No, I can't. I can't listen to anything else.
- I feel sick. - Tough!
After the purgatory and neglect you put me through...
You were the only man I ever made love to, Ed.
You just said you nailed the guru.
Yeah.
Lot of men have had my body,
but not my heart,
not my passion, not my soul.
We used to be so sexual.
What happened to us those last few years?
I think we succumbed to...
to the... this illusion I was talking about, you know?
I mean, we resisted change, and we bought into the lie.
You forgot I was here.
A lot of times, we would sit for hours in the same room,
and you'd call out for me like I was in another room.
You would call me like I was in another room, and I was here.
I was there, Ed.
I was there for 21 years.
I was here.
For the record,
this would be threatening to me, but I've moved on.
Me, too.
I didn't have to come back,
but I... I wanted you to forgive me, Ed,
and I want to forgive you,
and I want the kids to, too.
Everything we have will always exist,
including the failures,
but I want you to let go of the anger, not...
not for me, for you.
Let's embrace change.
Ed, dear, sweet, man.
I got in an altercation with Mitch today.
Really?
- Who... Who won? - He did.
Got in a few good moves, though, Ed.
That's true, bro. If it wasn't for that arm-bar move of his,
you would have kicked his ass.
And then he smashed a statue of David. It was...
I don't know. It was really dramatic and cool.
Hey, Marley, it's me, Dr. Ed.
- Dr. Ed. - Yeah.
It's so great to see you again.
- Good to see you. - Oh, I forgot.
This is Ulf. Ulf is kind of my boyfriend these days,
but I have a feeling after what just transpired,
we'll probably say our goodbyes tonight.
Hi. I'm Ulf, boyfriend.
You know what?
This is... This is all happening too fast.
I... I can't deal with this right now.
I need a smoke.
Since when did he start smoking?
I don't know. I don't think anybody knows.
It could even be tonight.
You wearing makeup?
Is it that noticeable?
Oh, it kicks ass, is what it does.
- Come on. - RICK: All right.
I could use a fiver, too. You coming, babe?
Yeah.
Is this seat taken, milady?
[LAUGHS]
You can't blame her forever, you know?
I don't blame anyone, except maybe Tom,
but you've gotta move on with life.
Yes, you do.
She used to write me these letters...
really, really long,
with, like, way too much description.
And I would not write back, because I'd be angry, but...
now I realize that she was just trying
to have fun with her life before it was too late.
And so me with my relationship,
I mean, that's what it was.
It was just fun. It's...
I don't know,
like a spell for a moment in my life.
That was very insightful.
Now that I've had a few minutes to reflect,
I think it was lust, not love.
Well, I myself spent a very lusty and passionate summer
in Vienna when I was young intern.
Of course, still unaware of the twists and turns
this fragile and heart-wrenching life...
Not that this conversation has become totally banal,
but I have to take a piss.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
TMI.
Listen. I wanna see more of the girls, okay?
I don't want to have to hide in the shadow at their tournaments.
You did not know about the mascot outfit.
Somebody told you about that.
I know about him.
Mr. '88 Games, yeah.
We competed against each other when we were kids.
Doesn't matter now.
Listen. I gotta go.
I want the Ping-Pong table, not a debate.
Yep.
Okay, then.
So long.
Well, how did it go?
Sometimes you gotta put your foot down on these things.
You really are all man.
I can't help it.
Yo quiero.
What?
It's "I want you" in Spanish.
That's what the dog is saying in the commercial, "I want you"?
- Yeah. - He says that to a taco?
Yeah. "I want you, tacos."
I want your taco.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
♪ All the sand has blown away ♪
♪ All I wanted was a change ♪
♪ I can't let go ♪
♪ I can't pretend ♪
♪ All I wanted was a change ♪
♪ I left the back door open... ♪
[SIGHS]
AMBER: Hey.
Hey.
Where you going?
Uh, home, I guess.
Just like that?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I get it now, Amber.
I know I come on a little strong.
I, uh, feel like the best thing I can do right now
is give you a little space.
I wasn't a part of your relationship,
and I'm not a part of your family,
and I never will be.
Ronny, it's not like that.
No, it is. It is.
It's okay. You've been a... You've been a saint
for letting me tag along as long as you have.
But, hey, we had a good ride, didn't we?
Yeah, we did.
It's like that biker chick was saying a little bit ago...
Oh, your mom, I guess.
Sometimes things change.
That's okay, too.
Well, I, uh...
I guess this is goodbye.
Yeah, I guess.
Bye, Ronny.
Goodbye.
So is it just a little weed, Benjamin?
Because if it's just a little weed, I mean,
you should defend yourself.
You know what I'm saying?
Whoa.
- JEANETTE: Oh, my God! - RICK: Oh!
[BOTH YELLING]
What's going on?
[BOTH MOANING]
What was that?
Cries of ecstasy.
Sex, if I had to venture a guess.
- Oh, God! Oh, God! - Yes! Oh, no!
JEANETTE: Oh, Ed!
- RICK: What?! - Sorry!
Ed, what is wrong with you?
You don't look so good.
Oh, me?
Oh, I'm fine.
I'm just peachy.
- Oh, yeah! - Right there!
Where's Benjamin?
[CLOCK STRIKING]
Oh, no.
[CLOCK CONTINUES STRIKING]
Listen! He's not in here!
You can't take him! You can't take my boy!
- What's the password? - I don't need a password!
- I'm his father! - And I'm his mother!
What? What?!
Benjamin!
Benjamin, come out! I'm here!
- What the hell's going on? - Benjamin is missing.
- Benjamin's missing. - What, Dad?
- Benjamin! - Benjamin's missing!
- Benjamin's missing!
- He's not in his room.
Oh, my God. I can't feel my feet.
What did you do?
So sorry. So sorry.
Everybody can hear you downstairs.
Benjamin is missing, okay?
Benjamin's... This is nice. What is this?
This is like one of those Caspers, huh?
Benjamin's missing.
Okay. All right.
Don't kill the messenger.
- I'll get you a robe. - Yeah, yeah.
Benjamin!
- Benjamin! - Oh, my God!
Benjamin! They're in the house!
- MARLEY: Ed! - AMBER: Dad?
- Ed, the terrace. - Benjamin!
- Try the terrace. - Terrace!
Everybody, up to the terrace!
The terrace?
Benjamin!
Oh, my God. Jeanette, what's the password?
- What? - What's the password, Jeanette?
Pomegranate.
- Well... - Well...
our work here is done.
Excuse us.
Honey.
ED: Benjamin...
I'm so sorry.
You're not going to wilderness rehab.
I'm really, really sorry.
I never meant for it to go this far.
It's all just like a bad dream to me now.
What felt like a dream, Ed?
Do you want me to tell them the truth, Benjamin?
Is that what you want?
- Wait. What truth? - Yeah, Dad, what truth?
My good son Benjamin here isn't the one with the problem.
I mean, you know, he just smokes a little weed.
I mean, what's a little weed, right?
- That's what I said. - What we've been saying.
- Yeah. - Each of us
- said that separately. - Yeah.
The truth is...
when I said I smelled crystal meth
coming out of one of the bedrooms in the house,
it wasn't Benjamin's room.
- It was mine. - What?
I've been on meth for, like, four weeks now.
Jeanette would come in every morning
and ask me why I'm sharpening, like, 300 pencils a day,
and I just made up some lie in my... my stupor,
in my meth-addled stupor.
I blamed the one person
that never did anything wrong to me, anything,
Benjamin.
I've been teetering on that edge
just like you for a very long time,
and you've been nothing but the best son.
- Dad, I... - MARLEY: Please.
Please don't hurt yourself.
All I want is to be with you and your sister
and your dad, our family.
Please.
Is that true?
Yes.
- Mom, I-I'm... - Benjamin,
life's worth holding on to.
I mean, I never would have been able to embrace who I am
in front of people had I not lived.
He's right.
You'll know when you fall in love
and out of love,
and then you realize you had a best friend all along.
You talking about me?
Yeah.
You mean it?
Yeah, sure.
And who knows? You know, maybe more.
It's true.
I thought it was over for me, too, really,
and then I found this angel.
I'm with your uncle now, Benjamin,
and I didn't think that happiness
was in the cards for me, but look at me.
I'm kinda happy.
- Uh-huh. - We used eBay.
And Craigslist.
Yes. And now we own
most of the property in and around our township.
We sure do.
I wonder what I'm doing here sometimes.
I wonder who people you are.
I miss my hockey.
I want to leave,
but don't know where I ams.
See, Benjamin? Life is so worth living.
Guys...
I'm not gonna kill myself.
I never was.
- God. - Good.
Not even a little bit?
No.
No, I... I come out here every once in a while
to look up at the stars, clear my head a little bit.
That and I figured there might be some kinda standoff
between me and some rehab thugs.
I've watched enough daytime television
to know how these things go down.
Did you know it was me with the drug problem?
I knew you had some kind of problem
that you were projecting onto me, sure,
but no, no, not once did I think
that crystal meth was anything more than an inventive ruse.
But it's a really serious addiction, Dad.
You need help.
I know.
So just to be clear,
you were never gonna jump off the roof or the...
No. O-Of course not.
I... I love... I love all...
- Oh! - Oh!
- No! - [GRUNTS]
I got you, son.
I got you. Come on.
I got you. I got you.
I got you, boy. Come on.
You saved my life, Dad.
That was awesome!
No, you saved mine.
I love you.
I love all of you.
Even me?
Well, in a different way.
What about the hockey player?
Who was intimate with your wife?
Well, I don't love him.
I don't hate him either.
I mean, look at him.
And, Rick and Jeanette, I mean, I'm...
I'm not happy with you two right now,
but I'm not mad at you either.
Good. You shouldn't be.
Nah.
I know.
I... I love you both, and I want you to be happy.
Thanks, man.
I want to come home.
It'll take time.
Oh, Ed, time is a concept.
It's only in our head.
I mean, time to get off this meth I'm on right now.
Oh. [LAUGHS]
I love you.
I love you, too, Marley.
Got room for...
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
Get in here.
This is gonna be great.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Ahh ahh ♪
♪ Ahh ahh, ah ♪
♪ I wanna ask you, do you ever sit and wonder? ♪
♪ It's so strange we could be together for so long ♪
♪ And never know, never care what goes on ♪
- ♪ In the other one's head ♪ - ♪ Head ♪
♪ Things I've felt ♪
- ♪ But I've never said ♪ - ♪ Said ♪
♪ You said things that I never said ♪
♪ So I'll say something that I should have said long ago ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
♪ You don't know me at all ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
- ♪ You don't know me at all ♪ - ♪ At all ♪
- ♪ You could have just ♪ - ♪ Propped me up ♪
♪ On the table like a mannequin ♪
♪ Or a ♪
♪ Cardboard stand-up and paint me ♪
♪ Paint me anything ♪
♪ Any face that you wanted me to be seen ♪
♪ We're damned ♪
♪ By the existential moment where ♪
♪ We saw the couple in the coma and ♪
♪ It was we who were the cliché ♪
- ♪ But we carried on ♪ - ♪ But we carried on anyway ♪
♪ So, sure ♪
♪ I could just close my eyes ♪
♪ Yeah, sure, trace and memorize ♪
♪ But can you go back once you know? ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
♪ You don't know me at all ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
- ♪ You don't know me at all ♪ - ♪ At all ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
♪ You don't know me at all ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
♪ If I'm the person that you think I am ♪
♪ Ahh ah ah ♪
♪ Clueless chump you seem to think I am ♪
- ♪ Ahh ah ah ♪ - ♪ So easily led astray ♪
♪ An errant dog who occasionally escapes ♪
♪ and needs a shorter leash, then ♪
♪ Why the fuck would you want me back? ♪
♪ Maybe it's because ♪
♪ You don't know me at all ♪
♪ Ahh ah ♪
- ♪ You don't ♪ - ♪ You don't know me ♪
- ♪ Know me ♪ - ♪ You don't know me ♪
- ♪ You don't ♪ - ♪ You don't know me ♪
- ♪ Know me ♪ - ♪ You don't know me ♪
♪ Ahh ah ♪
♪ So what I'm trying to say is ♪
- ♪ What ♪ - ♪ What? ♪
♪ I'm trying to tell you ♪
♪ Is not gonna come out like I wanna say it ♪
♪ 'Cause I know you'll only change it ♪
♪ Say it ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
♪ You don't know me at all ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
- ♪ You don't know me at all ♪ - ♪ At all ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
♪ You don't know me at all ♪
♪ You don't know me ♪
- ♪ At all ♪ - ♪ What? ♪
♪ Mmm mm ♪
♪ Ahh ah ♪
[VOCALIZING]
Subtitles by explosiveskull Sync by NAIM2007