(traffic humming)
(engine revving)
(people murmuring)
(water splashing)
(crows cawing)
(birds chirping)
(frogs croaking)
(crickets chirping)
(dogs barking)
- [Sampson] I always wonder if other people
think the way that I do.
I often feel like I'm the only one.
I wanna know why certain things happen
and why they happen the way they do.
Like why was I born two hours after midnight
not two before?
Why would I wanna play sports as a child
instead of something else?
If the smallest thing in my life changed,
would I still find myself here writing in this notebook?
I'm writing this passage because
I read that it's good to write down your thoughts
and that always keeping them in
is hard on a person's mentality.
All of my thoughts have been leaning
back to one thing, college.
It's haunting me all summer
and no matter where I go,
it always finds its way into my thoughts.
I wish I could be excited like everybody else.
But unfortunately all I could think about
is everything that I'm leaving behind.
My childhood,
family, my friends,
and everything that has made me the person that I am today.
I know that I'm probably blowing out of proportion,
but I also know that I'm probably not.
It's different this time.
I'm leaving my home,
my friends won't be there,
and I'm not gonna return to my house every day after school,
nothing's going to be the same.
I know that I need to move on but,
I just can't find the strength.
How to have the perfect summer before college.
Step five, guys.
Spend time with your lost flame
and tell her how you've always cared for her.
Ask her out.
You may never see her again so just go for it.
What's the worst that could happen?
Step five, girls, take a chance and say yes.
Then, you can skip along the streets together,
holding hands and singing songs,
but you better send me a letter
thanking me for the great idea.
Seriously though, let me know if it all works out for you.
I'm gonna miss you Valley High,
(soft music)
until next time.
(papers rustling)
(door creaking)
(keys rustling)
(car engine rumbling)
Okay, I know it's a little dramatic to say goodbye
to all my favorite places before college.
I'm going to see them again, but,
it's the last time I'm seeing them this way,
before college.
I'm afraid that when I come back,
these places will be different or feel different.
The last stop on my list,
I want necessarily to express my goodbyes, Charleson Park.
I'd be lying if I said of come here all the time.
It's not exactly one of those places
where I could just like hang out with people or anything.
When you have eyes that looked like
they were surgically removed from a serial killer,
it's best not frequent places
that have a heavy presence of children,
but Charleson Park is one of those places
that holds one great memory for me.
Almost five years ago, I met a girl here.
Corny, I know, but this girl is the type of girl
that you can't forget.
Not that I forget people on regular basis or anything.
(kids murmuring)
She's the type of girl that you can't forget
cause she meant so much to you.
Yeah, (chuckles) that type.
Which results in you getting frustrated
because you try so hard to forget her, but can't.
That girl, the very special girl, her name was--
(chokes) (coughing)
(machine motor buzzing)
- Sampson.
(traffic humming)
I know you're in there.
You'll let me in? (door handle clicking)
(whispering) Okay.
You know I can see you, right?
Like these aren't tinted and the window's down.
You're gonna let me in?
(door clicks open) Okay.
(kids shouting)
(door clicks open)
(door slams shut) (grunts)
(machine motor buzzing)
(children murmuring)
- Hi Alexa.
- Hello, Sampson.
How are you doing?
- Pretty good, you?
- Can't complain.
(exhales deeply)
You wanna tell me why you were hiding from me?
- I wasn't hiding from you.
- Look at you.
It's like you're stalking an ex girlfriend or something.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no.
- You were stalking me, were you?
- No, I was not stalking you.
I just, I didn't expect you to be here.
- I can see that.
But you know, when somebody reclines in their car
after seeing somebody that they knew,
it sort of seems like you're hiding from them.
- Wasn't hiding from you.
- Sampson.
- Okay, I was.
- What was that?
One more time?
- I was hiding from you.
- Hang on.
Okay, one more time.
- I was hiding from you.
- Was that so hard?
- Yes when you make me say it three times.
- Argh, you'll get over it.
(sighs)
I can't believe you were hiding from me.
I mean, it's me Sampson.
- I know, it's just been a while.
- We see each other every day at school.
- No, since we talked.
- We've talked.
- (chuckles) No, we haven't.
- You mean to tell me that over the last four years
we haven't talked once?
- Not really.
I mean, when we talked, it was always with other people
or it was about scores, never just us.
- I guess that's true.
(sighs)
So what were you doing today?
- Kind of just been driving around.
- Why'd you stop here?
- I was in the neighborhood.
- You're in the neighborhood of a lot of places.
- It's been a while since I've been here,
I just, thought I'd see it again.
- And you didn't think you'd see me here.
- No, I just thought that
you would have left for college by now.
- And I will, soon enough.
Are you wearing your boxers?
- Oh, (chuckles) for now I never planned
on getting out of the car.
- Oh, don't cover up on my account,
cause I mean, I was just about to join you.
(laughs)
- Oh my God.
- So where were you driving?
- Kinda just everywhere around here.
- Thinking?
- Yeah.
- About?
- Nothing. - Nothing.
(laughs)
You're so predictable.
- Why are you here?
- I don't know, it's a pretty day, I thought I'd enjoy it.
- But why here?
- I come here sometimes to think too Sampson, you know,
it has its memories.
- What were you thinking about?
What? - You know what,
I asked you first.
- Come on Alexa, we're not in eighth grade anymore.
- Why not relive the past?
- What, it's such a dumb rule.
- You know that a conversation goes back and forth, right?
It's a two way street?
Are you gonna answer my question?
(sighs) I can't believe you.
- What? - You haven't changed at all.
(laughs)
- What makes you say that?
- Cause like everything what you just did,
you'd have done the same exact thing four years ago.
You know, like you saw me
and you rolled back in your seat and hid from me
and you're avoiding all the questions that I ask.
(sighs) It's like, we're in eighth grade again.
And then, that's not necessarily a bad thing, you know?
Not changing.
You should be proud of it, I think.
- Why?
- Because so many other people do change.
(breathes heavily)
Yeah, I should probably go.
- How come?
- Oh, I have to pack a little bit
before I meet Sarah and Olivia tonight.
(machine motor buzzing)
(chuckles) Yeah, so.
- [Sampson] You know I could...
I can give you a ride if you want.
- No, that's okay, I'm good I like to walk.
You probably want these back.
- Yeah, thanks.
- [Alexa] Okay.
(door slams shut)
(car engine revving)
(glass knocking)
(machine motor buzzes)
I just wanted to say that it was really nice
talking to you again.
- It was nice talking to you too.
- I wish we could have talked longer.
Okay.
Until next time.
- (chuckles) Till next time.
(machine motor buzzes)
Shit.
(soft music)
- In Fitzgerald's "This side of paradise",
One character calls himself a cynical idealist.
(car engine humming)
Sounds about right.
Honestly, that's probably why I wanna be a writer.
I wouldn't say I like to write
unrealistic idolized stories or anything,
but rather how I think certain things should go.
But then again, I guess that'll still be idealizing.
(keys clonking)
If I could relive running into her again,
I wouldn't change anything except for one thing.
I would have asked her out.
It's hard as hell asking a girl out.
It's not the no, that's scary.
It's what could happen afterwards.
Just imagine you're telling your friends
about how creepy you are.
That's labeled, I'll stick to you forever.
Instead, I'm labeled as quiet,
which is really just a nice way
for a girl to say you're creepy.
When you're like me asking a girl out is a risk
that could easily turn to Armageddon.
Not that I'm religious or anything.
This just in, a way too eligible guy
just asked his ex he hasn't seen in four years.
Not exactly the best headline,
but no one ever reads past the headline anyways.
No one wants the whole story only the bullet points.
What's lost is real character,
the feelings, the personality,
the person just becomes a list of facts.
I feel like if people were more willing
to understand each other
people would be less afraid to open up
and share their feelings.
- [Man] Is not available now.
Please leave your name, phone number after the beep.
(phone beeps)
- Hey Alexa, this is Sampson.
I know that's probably weird
that I'm calling you on your home phone,
but it's actually the only number that I have of yours.
I was just calling because I was wondering
if you know, maybe you would want to hang out tonight.
I know that you said that you were busy, but I know that,
I know I figured I'd give you a call anyway.
I really hope that you can hang out tonight,
but if you can't, I completely understand.
I would just regret not calling you
because,
when I saw you and we talked,
I remembered.
So yeah, if you want to hang out tonight,
just give me a call back.
Yeah, so I will talk to you later.
Goodbye.
Shit, shit.
(laughs)
(telephone rings)
Hello?
- [Alexa] Sampson?
- Yeah?
- [Alexa] Pick me up at seven.
(knocking on door)
(door creaking)
- Hey. - Hey.
- I decided to wear pants this time.
- Ah, yeah, I'm glad you did.
- Ready to go? - Yeah.
- Sampson, where's your car?
- Where is my car?
- Ah, ha ha very funny.
Is it parked over here on the street?
- I didn't drive here.
- Why you walked?
- Yeah.
- (chuckles) Why, you live like three miles away.
- I used to walk to your house all the time though.
- Yeah, because you had to.
- We don't need a car tonight, it's fine.
- So we're walking?
- Yup.
- Can I ask where?
- I can't tell you that.
- Why not?
- Because I don't wanna ruin the surprise.
- Okay, fine, but can you tell me,
like on a scale of one to 10, how much we're walking?
- A lot.
- Dammit Sampson.
Dammit. - What, I thought you said
you like to walk?
You said it.
- Whatever.
- Why are you taking your shoes off?
- Well, because I can't walk a few miles in these things.
I don't wanna kill my feet.
- Why'd you wear them?
- Because I love them.
And besides, you didn't tell me
we're gonna be walking for a few miles.
So I'm gonna go inside, get some scandals.
(mumbles)
Are you coming?
You're holding my shoes.
- Yeah, yeah sorry, I'm coming.
- [Alexa] Okay.
(door knob clicks)
(door slams shut)
I think I left my sandals in my room.
You can come with me if you want.
I might need help looking for them.
- Okay.
(footsteps thudding)
(door clicks open)
- It's been a while since you've been here.
(door slams shut) - Yeah.
It's not much different from last time.
- Oh, nuts.
It's a little different.
Now where are they?
(sighs) Let's see.
- Where should I put these?
- Oh, I'll take them.
- Is there anything I can do to help.
- Um, actually, yeah, can you go downstairs
and see if I left them on the back porch?
- Yeah, I can do that.
(door creaks)
Wait, are your parents home?
- Ah, no, actually they're at a wedding.
My grandmother's brother's daughter's wedding.
(chuckles)
- Wow. - Yeah.
It's quite a mouthful.
- How come you're here then?
- It's one of those small ceremonies
when they only invited the adult, so,
- It's kind of weird?
- Yeah.
- Did you wanna go?
- Oh, well I don't really know her, but,
yeah I wanted to go (sighs) I would've loved to go.
- Ever been to a wedding before?
- Yeah, once when I was like six.
- Were you the flower girl?
- (chuckles) No, I wish.
Heck I'd probably still be a flower girl if I could.
- Hate to break it to you but like you're too old Alexa.
- I'd still do it.
I don't know, I just have a soft spot for weddings.
Sometimes I just sit and think
about what my wedding's gonna be like.
Are you judging me?
- (chuckles) No, I'm not judging you.
I think it's adorable, so.
- Well, they're not here, so,
I guess I'll just go downstairs with you.
- Mm hmm.
Here.
(chuckles) Sorry.
Are you sure you don't wanna just get shoes?
- I wear these all the time.
It'll be fine.
- Are you sure?
- Positive?
- Let's go.
(door clicks shut)
(footsteps thudding)
(breathes heavily)
- You know, we could just stay here tonight.
My parents won't be home for a few days
and we could just hang out and watch a movie,
you know, like old times?
- I think you'll really like what I had planned tonight.
Come on.
(crickets chirping)
- So.
- This isn't awkward?
- No, not at all.
(laughs) Awkward, what?
(laughs)
- Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way,
(chuckles)
what should we talk about?
- I have no idea.
- How about...
What's the first thing you thought about when you woke up?
- What?
- What was the first thing you thought about
when you woke up?
- Where did that come from?
- My head, I'm breaking the ice.
(sighs loudly)
- Can we talk about something else?
- Why?
- Cause the first thing that I thought of
had to do with my dream and it was really stupid.
(laughs)
- Oh my God, you had a dirty dream!
- No, no I did not. - That's what you thought of
when you woke up! - I did not.
That's where your mind goes, huh?
Dirty dreams. - Well if you didn't,
then you would just tell me.
- (exhales loudly) Fine.
The first thing that I thought of was green gems.
- Green gems, like emeralds?
- Yeah.
- You're right, that's pretty stupid.
I'm kidding, I'm sorry, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Why were you thinking about green gems?
- I was looking for green gems in my dream.
- What are you, a pirate?
Why were you looking for them?
- I don't know, I guess the other pirates told me to.
- Oh ha ha ha (laughs).
- But, have you ever had a dream
where you're doing something in it
and you don't remember why, but you keep doing
whatever it is anyway?
- Yeah, yeah, like it's usually something pretty dumb,
but it seems really important at the time
so you keep doing it? - Yeah.
- I had a dream like that.
I was training to be a ballerina.
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
I love dancing, I really do,
but I actually have like the worst balance,
so I really only dance in my room with the door locked.
- Oh, come on you've danced in public before.
- Yeah, but the real moves come out in my bedroom.
No, no, no, no, no. - Oh, yeah!
- That's not what I meant.
- So that's why the doors are locked.
- No, no. (both laughing)
Moving on, anyways,
how did your dream end?
- I found one, but it was kind of a let down actually.
- How so?
- Well, I thought it was going to be this big, massive gem,
like the size of a baseball or something,
but it ended up being the size of a pebble.
- Oh, that's unfortunate.
(chuckles)
- So what's the first thing you thought about
when you woke up?
- The tunnel of love.
- That carnival ride?
- Uh, no, not the carnival ride.
It's this tunnel made out of plants and trees
in the Ukraine, that's really cool.
- Wait, so it's not like a tunnel made out of stone
or anything like that? - Mm mm mm mm.
So there's these train tracks in the Ukraine, right?
And the trains would go back and forth
and the trees and plants that were around it
eventually just grew around the train
to form this really awesome tunnel.
- Wow. - Yeah that's cool.
- Why is it called the tunnel of love?
- Cause a lot of couples who are in love, walk through it.
They say that if couples truly love and they hold hands
and walk through the entirety of the tunnel,
that all of their wishes will come true.
- It's really cool.
- No, it's romantic, Sampson, romantic.
(laughs)
- Why were you thinking about it?
- (sighs) What, I can't think of romantic places?
- No, I'm just, why were you thinking
specifically of the tunnel of love when you woke up?
Miss romance over here.
- Okay, well I had been reading a book about it
before I went to bed and when I woke up
the book was still right there beside me
- What book?
- (sighs) Well, okay, I got really into traveling, right?
And so I started looking up all the places
that I want to go before I die.
And then I started writing down cities
and then I started writing down beautiful places.
And this book is full of pictures
of beautiful places to visit.
- So you're like, a nature lover now?
- No, no, no, like I'm a traveler.
A traveler,
or maybe a dreamer.
(sighs)
- What's wrong?
- There's something you said earlier
that I can't get out of my head.
- What?
- What you said about us not talking for four years.
- What about it?
- (sighs) I thought about it
and I realized that you're right
and that just makes me really sad.
But I also think that we can just
pick up where we left off, you know?
- Like old friends or something?
- Yeah, yeah, exactly, because I mean, we shared something.
- What did we share?
- We developed an emotional connection.
Don't laugh.
- No I'm not. - Don't laugh,
because what I mean is that
no matter what, we're always gonna have that connection.
I mean, we're not just strangers
that met and talked for an hour or two, you know,
we did it for six months
and I like to think that means something.
- Well, we were in middle school, Alexa,
the awkward age of halfhearted relationships
and overzealous hormones.
For most people, those relationships
they don't mean anything now.
- Is overzealous your word of the day?
- (chuckles) To why are you suddenly good at it.
(laughs)
- Okay, but think about some of the relationships
our friends were in.
Chris and Olivia couldn't care less about each other now.
- Tom and Riley had been friends since
and haven't even thought about dating again.
And then Jesse and Sarah,
they can't even seem to look at each other anymore,
so clearly none of them have emotional connections.
- Yeah, but, Chris and Olivia,
they only dated for like a month right?
And Tom and Riley one week.
Sarah and Jesse?
Yeah, they dated for four months.
But then Sarah caught Jesse cheating on her with Brenda
and found out later that he cheated on her
with multiple other people.
So I think it's justified why Sarah hasn't felt anything
for him since.
- Yeah, eighth grade. (sighs)
- Yeah, it's crazy.
(chuckles)
- So your theory is that six months
helps to form an emotional connection?
- No, I just don't think that a month
or a week in eighth grade is gonna do anything, you know,
and Sarah and Jesse don't have one
because he cheated on her.
- But, there's more to developing emotional connection
than not cheating on each other don't you think?
- Yeah, I mean, of course.
- Then why do you say we have one?
- Ah, well, we were friends before
and we never really fought, and--
- Oh, wait, wait, what about that one time
you got mad at me when I hung out with Valerie alone?
- Okay. I wasn't mad, I was just disappointed.
- Those words might as well mean the exact same thing.
- No they don't-- - It wasn't even a big deal.
- It was a big deal, I had to hear about it
from Olivia afterwards,
do you know how embarrassing that was?
- I didn't think I needed to tell you
Valerie and I have been friends since elementary school.
- It was suspicious.
Thought I was gonna cheat on you with my childhood friend?
- Stranger things can happen than that.
- But I waved to Olivia, why would I have acknowledged her
if I was cheating on you?
- She didn't tell me that part.
- But regardless that wasn't a fight.
So two, we never fought,
three, we were always really nice to each other.
Four, we really cared about each other.
And five, you never pressured me into doing anything
I didn't wanna do, which was a big deal at the time
because all my friends kept telling me
about the crazy things
that their boyfriends wanted them to do
and I was just not about that.
Basically our relationship wasn't founded on
experimenting or establishing a reputation.
- But, four years have passed,
you don't think that changes anything?
- I mean, we're not that different, Sam.
- Four years is a long time.
- I mean, yeah, I mean maybe things have changed,
but there are some exes
people will always have feelings for.
- I'll always have feelings for you.
- What?
- [Sampson] That's one of the things that you said to me
when we broke up.
- [Alexa] You remember that?
- [Sampson] Yeah.
- Did you believe me when I said that?
- For a while I did,
but I decided I needed to be honest with myself.
Something that a girl says to a guy
to make a breakup seem less bad.
You know, like, well, we can still be friends.
Some girls mean it.
- A few.
- You didn't think I could be one of those few?
- It's easier to side with the possibility
with a higher probability.
(whispering) God, I sound really stupid.
- Oh, it's fine, I get it.
It's just that I think there are still some memories
that can bring things back, you know,
like a song or an object or I don't know, maybe like a--
- A location.
(crickets chirping)
- Oh my God.
Is this what we were walking to?
- Come on.
(footsteps shuffling)
- I haven't been here in forever.
I can't believe someone finally put lights up.
- Yeah, me either.
- You did this?
- You like it?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
(laughs)
I missed your hug.
- Me too.
- I'm sorry.
- You don't have to apologize.
- It's just that,
this means a lot to me.
I can't believe you remembered.
Can I have another one?
- A hug?
- Yeah.
Alexa you don't need to ask.
- Okay, good.
Can you do me a favor?
Can you be honest with me tonight?
If you can be honest with me,
I promise I'll be honest with you.
- About what?
- There's so much I wanna ask you.
But I need you to answer me fully and truthfully.
And that means no holding back.
You promise not to hold back?
- I don't think we should do that.
- Why not?
- Because you'll start out with the small questions,
but then you'll put me on the spot with the big questions.
And by the end of the night you'll hate me.
- I wouldn't do that to you.
I just wanna know how you feel
about certain things, you know?
I can never hate you.
- You never know.
- I'm not gonna manipulate you
into divulging your deep dark secrets.
I just want the full Sampson package.
- You realize what you said?
- I meant I just wanna talk to the real you.
I mean you have no idea how much it would kill me
when you would stare off into the distance
and you wouldn't tell me what you were thinking about.
Can you please promise me this?
- Fine.
- Thank you.
- Come on, Alexa you don't trust me?
- With this? Hell no.
- Do you remember how we used to seal it?
- Yeah.
- What's wrong?
- Something got in my eye.
- [Alexa] Didn't we just make an honesty pact?
- You think I'm lying?
- I know you're lying.
You pulled away because you don't wanna kiss me.
It's fine.
You're not gonna hurt my feelings,
but I need you to admit it.
Okay, you might hurt my feelings,
but I still want you to admit it.
Sam!
- Fine, you're right.
- Why? It's just a kiss.
- It's just, I'm gonna kiss you again
it's not gonna be because we used to whenever
we made promises,
it has to mean something.
I'm sorry, Alexa.
- It's fine.
So how's your summer been?
- [Sampson] Good.
- What'd you do?
- [Sampson] Just writing.
- You're still writing?
- Yeah.
I'm working on this novel.
I'm trying really hard to actually finish this one.
- What's it about?
- It's about this guy who leaves his hometown
and moves to this small town in Nebraska.
And he realizes that the people there,
they look exactly like the people from his hometown,
but they act differently.
- That's interesting.
Is it Sci-Fi?
- Sort of, yeah.
- You should let me read it when you're done.
You know, I always loved reading your stuff.
- I will.
So what'd you do this summer?
- I went to Beach Week and that's about it.
- Weren't you in Danny's group?
- (chuckles) Yeah.
- [Sampson] I heard about that.
- [Alexa] What'd you hear?
- That the cops showed up and you guys got kicked out?
- Yeah.
Some assholes kept throwing beer bottles
at the house next door.
Two days and it was over.
That's why I haven't done much this summer
cause my parents grounded me.
They said, "Apparently you need to learn more responsibility
"before you're out on your own."
I don't know.
Let's talk about something else.
Something interesting.
- Like what?
- Like, how's your love life?
- My love life?
- Yeah, you know, the girls you've seen,
been with, who knows, maybe even have someone
you like to hook up with?
- (chuckles) I don't.
- [Alexa] Well, at least now we're getting somewhere.
So tell me, who've you seen the last four years?
- You don't want to hear about that.
- [Alexa] Uh, sure I do.
Do you have someone you like right now?
Let me inside your head, Sampson Mitchell.
- Can't tell you about all of them
- (chuckles) Ooh, Sampson the ladies man.
- No, no it's not like that.
It's just, there were a lot of no goes and could have beens.
- What does that mean?
- You know like girls I've never approached
or girls had a chance with, but never pursued further.
- Well, I mean, I still wanna hear about them.
- I'll just talk about senior year.
- (sighs) Come on.
- But nothing really happened until this year.
- Okay, all right okay.
So tell me about the girl.
Or girls, multiple girls.
- Julia.
- Who's Julia?
Julia Tali? - No, not Julia Tali no.
(laughs)
My parents and I, we went shopping on Christmas Eve
and we stopped at that burger place out by the mall.
She was our waitress.
- What happened?
- So it's this Doger burger type of place.
You have to be really specific about your order
and there's like five different parts to that.
So I'm sitting there while she's getting the drinks
(chuckles) and I'm concentrating what I'm going to say
and in what order so that I don't mess up.
But yeah, so she comes back and I'm the first one to order,
and I guess I got too enthusiastic or something,
but I moved my arm out like this
- Oh no. - And I hooked the drink
(laughs) and it got all over her
and it got hair and everything.
- Oh my God that is so embarrassing.
- (chuckles) I know. (laughs)
- What'd she do?
- She just smiled.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- It was an endearing one, not one out of pity.
- And you did something, right?
- I wanted to ask her out, but my parents were there
and I was hoping that she'd come back from the kitchen
and get to say something but she didn't.
- And?
- (sighs) I got home disgusted with myself, you know,
I kept telling myself that I had missed an opportunity,
but there always be others,
something that I always tell myself,
but this time was different.
The thought occurred to me.
I know this may sound weird,
but I thought about how it'd be the last time
that I'd ever get to ask out a girl on Christmas Eve
while I was still in high school.
And then I realized that I'd spent all of high school
waiting for the next moment, never making the most
when I was there.
- What happened?
- I drove back a few hours later
and I planned on walking in there and asking her out,
but I stopped myself.
I kept coming up with all of these reasons
not to talk to her.
That, I'd go in there just to ask her out
and everyone would know
and that she probably wouldn't remember me anyways
and wouldn't be interested.
- What'd you do?
- After 15 minutes, I drove back to my house
and tried to forget about it.
- (sighs) Sam.
That is so sad.
- I know.
- You should've asked her out.
- You didn't let me finish though.
So in June, West, Nate and I,
we went there and Julia was there too.
I told them about her and they convinced me to ask her out.
- And she said, yes.
- Yeah.
- (laughs) That's great.
I mean, did you take her out?
Where did you go?
Did you kiss her?
Give me the details, that's what I want.
- We went to the movies,
I walked her home and I kissed her.
- That is so cute.
So I assume the date went well?
- Yeah. I'd say that.
What she looked like?
- Got pretty Hazel eyes and long brown hair
that she's always playing with.
Yeah.
- She sounds pretty.
It's nice to hear you talk about her.
What's she like?
- She wants to become a veterinarian.
She was on her school's dance team, but then she--
- No, no, those are just facts.
I mean, what is she really like?
- She's really nice,
ambitious,
talkative,
enthusiastic.
And she's got this incredible optimism that I love.
The kind that makes you wanna be around her all the time
because you know, she'll make you a better person.
- How many dates did you guys go on?
- Just one.
- Why, I mean, it's obvious you like her.
- I just didn't wanna get anything too serious
with college and everything.
- That's bullshit Sampson.
If you feel so strongly about a person
you shouldn't let something like college
get in the way of that.
- Is that how do you feel about Jack?
- (sighs) It doesn't matter how I feel about Jack.
(sighs)
You like this girl you should have given it a shot.
I mean if it had gone wrong, this would've proved you right.
It's a win win for you.
- I don't believe in long distance college relationships.
I feel like whenever you get to hang out on breaks,
it becomes less about having fun
and more about trying to keep the relationship together.
- You can't just assume that's the way
things are gonna turn out.
You know, like if you work hard, then it's got a shot.
But if you don't, then obviously it's gonna fail.
Do you think you guys had an emotional connection?
- Not his again.
- Because if you did, then it's really worth a shot,
you know?
Someone once told me that young people don't appreciate
the emotional connections that they have.
They think they're gonna meet people later in life
that they're emotionally attracted to and they don't.
- You just said that emotional connections
are developed over time,
so why do you say Julia and I could've shared--
- No, no, no, what I said was that eighth grade
is different.
When you're older,
it doesn't matter how long you're with somebody
it can just happen and there's nothing you can do about it.
- Don't you think your logic is slightly flawed
with all the exceptions about a few dates
for an extended period of time,
it doesn't guarantee an emotional connection.
- No, no, no, there's always gonna be exceptions, okay?
I do believe that an extended period of time,
let's say eight months in eighth grade
does help to form an emotional connection,
but it doesn't necessarily guarantee anything.
- Yeah, but like Julie and I, we're not you and Jack.
I heard about it, Alexa.
- What'd you hear?
That he broke it off with you two weeks after Beach Freaks,
to have fun before college.
I'm really sorry that happened.
Alex, Julia and I didn't date for as long as you guys.
We didn't even date.
I mean, at the chance that you guys had to form one
in high school,
high school was such a huge part of growing up
and having someone,
someone especially guys you go through with,
seeing each other through thick and thin,
create something really special.
Julie and I didn't have that.
You and Jack have something different.
- Had.
When we broke up, I couldn't stop crying
and I didn't leave the house,
and I felt so helpless.
I just don't understand,
I thought he felt the same way about me.
And every time I close my eyes,
I can see him kissing someone new.
Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
- Would you have still asked me out tonight
if I was still with him?
- Honestly?
- That's what we agreed to.
- No.
But that doesn't mean I wouldn't have wanted to.
I just typically don't ask out girls with boyfriends.
It's not really my style.
- You're one of the good ones, Sampson Mitchell.
I'm sorry. I just unloaded on you.
- It's okay, I know you needed to.
You know, a wise girl once told me
it's bad to keep things bottled up.
(laughs)
- She sounds like an intelligent girl.
Pretty too.
- She happens to be both of those things actually.
- I'm gonna make you another promise.
- What?
- I'm not gonna talk about Jack
for the rest of our time together.
- Oh, come on Alex-- - Because we're gonna have
fun tonight, dammit.
- No Julia.
- Sam.
- No Julia.
- (sighs) Fine.
- What happens if you break it?
- What do you suggest?
- How about, I take away your free hug plans?
- That's just evil.
- Do we have a deal or not?
- Fine.
So are we going anywhere else?
- You don't give me enough credit.
(soft music)
- [Sampson] When it comes to getting hurt,
heartache doesn't get enough credit.
It lasts way longer than physical pain.
I'm not saying I'd rather have someone tear my arm off
for the rusty acts and be sad about a girl or anything,
but if I had the choice of being in the ring with a boxer
for two rounds and face the weeks of lying in my bed
looking at the ceiling, I'd choose the boxer.
What sucks is it lasts pretty much all day,
every day, seemingly forever.
When that happens, you just wanna lie down and relax,
do nothing.
But then you start thinking about what went wrong,
what you did wrong,
what you shouldn't do next time
in between cycles of trying to discover the meaning of life
and what it all means.
Even though I spent much of high school doing this,
I still haven't discovered the meaning of life
or what it all means.
Fingers crossed though.
- I have a question.
- Again?
- May I?
- (sighs) I'm a little afraid of what you might ask,
but yeah, go ahead.
- (sighs) Okay.
Why haven't you been in a relationship since high school?
- Didn't I just answer this?
- I mean, as vaguely as possible, yeah.
- (chuckles) I told you it's because of the
no goes and could have beens.
- I mean, you did say that, but why?
- Why do you care so much?
- (chuckles) I don't know, I just do.
- (chuckles) And that's not vague?
- Okay. Look.
I will answer your question this one time
only if you promise to answer mine next.
- I promise I will.
- Okay, good, cause I know all your tricks so you better.
- (chuckles) I will.
- Okay.
(laughs)
I wanna know why, because,
I wanna know why you haven't dated anyone since me.
- What are you trying to say?
- I'm not trying to say anything, I just wanna know.
- Well, why do you want to know so bad?
- Sampson Mitchell tactic number three.
Go ahead and answer the question with an original question
since you don't have to answer the original question asked.
(laughs)
- (sighs) Okay, fine.
Will you answer after I answer?
- I guess you'll just have to wait and see.
- (sighs) Fine.
I'll answer, but it might take a long time though.
- Sampson, I'm here all night, I'm not going anywhere.
If I have to be here all night, which I don't wanna do,
I will still be here talking to you.
So Sampson Mitchell, I will ask you again,
Why haven't you dated anyone in high school?
- [Sampson] I feel like there's a bunch of reasons,
but I guess the basic answer
is that girls just weren't interested in me.
I know that sounds like I want
some sort of pity or something.
- [Alexa] No, no, no.
- [Sampson] I don't, it's just the girls that I liked,
they didn't like me back, simple as that.
- [Alexa] But I specifically remember girls
liking you in high school,
like Emma, for example,
she liked you at the beginning of freshman year.
- [Sampson] Still feel really bad
about how I handled everything with Emma.
- [Alexa] Yeah, you should have just been honest
instead of ignoring her.
What the hell is that gonna solve?
- [Sampson] It worked didn't it?
- [Alexa] Yeah, but that's a really, really awful way
of letting someone know you don't like them.
- [Sampson] (sighs) I know that now.
- [Alexa] Sam, you know I love you,
but sometimes you can be a really shitty person.
- [Sampson] (chuckles) I know that all too well.
- [Alexa] Okay, but what about the girls that you liked
that didn't like you back?
What about those girls?
- Mm like-- - Like the volleyball one.
The volleyball one, what was the name?
- [Sampson] Oh, geez, Katie.
- [Alexa] Katie, Katie, that was it.
What happened with Katie?
- [Sampson] Nothing happened.
I only ever talked to her online,
we never ended up meeting in person.
- [Alexa] Wait, but you were supposed to meet
at that volleyball game.
What happened with that?
- [Sampson] Well, as you know,
at the game you kept pressuring me
into going into going and talking to her.
- (chuckles) I was not pressuring you.
- Alex you kept saying, "Sam, you should go talk to her."
- Yeah, but I wouldn't say that I pressured you.
- Please, total pressure.
Alexa the pressurer.
- No, (laughing) I didn't do that.
(both laughing)
- Regardless as you know, I left the gym
so I could go talk to her and I could see her
at the other end of the foyer talking to her friends.
But I just couldn't find myself to go talk to her.
So after I saw her go to the bathroom,
I walked outside and went home.
- This just in, Sampson Mitchell is afraid to talk to
yet again, another girl.
- No comment. - No comment.
(both laughing)
I'm sorry.
- (sighs) It's fine, you're right.
- Can I ask you a question and you promise not to get mad?
- Go for it.
- Why are you so afraid to talk to girls?
- I wouldn't say that I'm afraid.
- If you weren't, then you'd have an easier time
of doing it.
- I'm not afraid of girls per se,
but more so their judgment,
like I don't wanna say something really stupid
and have them develop this terrible opinion on me
and then have to spend all of this time
trying to convince them that I'm not the person
that they think I am.
- [Alexa] So basically you're saying
you're afraid of rejection.
- [Sampson] What?
- [Alexa] Yeah, you said you were afraid of their judgment
and their bad opinion of you.
- [Sampson] You like it when people
have bad opinions of you?
- [Alexa] No, no, I obviously not, but I just,
I'm not gonna tip toe around them
to make sure that they don't, you know,
if they don't like me, that's fine.
Not everyone's gonna like you.
- [Sampson] I know that not everyone is going to like me.
- [Alexa] Then why do you keep trying?
- [Sampson] I'm not.
- [Alexa] (sighs) Okay, think of it this way.
Think of all the girls that you haven't approached
or talk to because you're afraid
that they're gonna have a bad opinion of you.
If that's not fear of rejection, I don't know what it is.
- [Sampson] Although that is a good theory
- [Alexa] What about me?
- [Sampson] What about you what?
- [Alexa] Did you not care what I thought of you?
- [Sampson] Wait, do you think that I wasn't afraid
of your opinion of me?
- [Alexa] No, I didn't say that
- [Sampson] But you were thinking it.
- [Alexa] I thought we had the microscope
turned on you at the minute.
- Felt like turning the tables for a minute.
- [Alexa] (sighs) Turn them back.
- [Sampson] (chuckles) Why?
- [Alexa] Because it drives me crazy
when you don't answer my questions, so just answer.
- You know, it's really okay.
If you don't answer, because I know why you're asking.
- Oh, you do, do you?
- Yeah, so you don't have to say it,
because you're asking, because you wanna know
if, when I first met you,
whether or not I was actually interested in you or not.
You think that I wasn't.
- Is it really so bad that I was worried about that?
- No, I just think it's funny.
- (chuckles) Why?
- (chuckles) Because this it's far from the truth.
Look, before I first talked to you,
Yeah, I was a little worried,
but after talking to you for a few minutes,
then I wasn't.
You're really easy to talk to and not the type of person
who just label somebody right off the bat.
With some girls you can say, or even do something
and you'll always be defined by that, but you,
I feel like you're always ready for someone
to change your mind.
- [Alexa] Do you remember the night we met?
I mean really met.
- [Sampson] (chuckles) yeah.
- [Alexa] I think about that night sometimes.
Sampson Mitchell of all people came out of nowhere
and asked me if that was okay and comforted me.
I feel like nine times out of 10, you would've stopped.
Why did you stop?
- Well, I saw a girl,
(chuckles) sitting on a playground
clearly too old to be there (laughs)
and it was really dark, so I didn't realize it was you
until I got a lot closer and you looked really sad,
so I wanted to make sure that you're okay.
- Yeah, but what gave you the courage?
- Well, I really wanted to make sure that you're okay,
but I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say that
the Sixers I had drank that day,
didn't help me like a little bit.
- Oh my God, you only stopped
because you were on a caffeine high?
- (chuckles) No, no, I really did wanna stop.
I guess they just kinda like,
it helped give me that push--
- I cannot believe he never told me that!
- Surprised you never asked.
I guess it's a good thing you didn't
it might have hurt the foundation of our relationship.
- I guess I just wanted to believe that we were special.
That you wouldn't have done that for anyone else,
but you did it for me.
And I guess that's why I never asked
because I was afraid that I wasn't special.
- But you are Alexa.
Look, I like to think that
I was at that spot at that time for a reason.
There's so many things that could happen that day
that would've result in me not running into you
like I could have not hung out with Burke and Mark that day
or my parents could give me an earlier
or even later curfew.
I'm pretty sure that, you know, I was supposed to meet you
then at that time, you know, because I felt like, you know,
a lot of good came out of it.
- Good?
- Yeah, good.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, that being with you,
being with you was among the best times of my life.
- Wait, wait, hold on.
You can't just say that and then drop it.
- [Sampson] What?
- [Alexa] You know what.
- [Alexa] Sampson!
- [Sampson] Come on!
- [Alexa] I don't want to.
- [Sampson] Why not?
- [Alexa] Because.
Are you gonna talk to me about it?
- [Sampson] Yes.
- [Alexa] Do you promise?
- [Sampson] Yes.
- [Alexa] Are you sure?
- [Sampson] Yes.
- Okay.
Wait, wait, wait, I want you to look at me.
Go ahead.
- With what?
- You said that eighth grade
was one of the best years of your life.
How, why, what?
Say something Sampson.
- This is either gonna sound cheesy or really depressing
but I think about the best time of my life
when things are at their best and you know,
I was like, most happy.
I was thinking about eighth grade.
- Eighth grade?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- You know it was a lot of fun.
- Yeah, but I can think of a lot of things
that were a lot of fun.
Like, I don't know, you said eighth grade
was one of the best years of your life.
Most people couldn't care less.
I mean, not me, of course, I loved eighth grade.
I think lots of things were lots of fun.
- What do you want me to say?
- Anything.
Anything worthy of anything.
- I mean, think about it, you were there
for a great chunk of it.
- Yeah, but I want you to talk about it.
You know, yourself open up.
(chuckles)
- I don't, know what to say - Listen, I gave up
a long time ago
trying to communicate with you telepathically.
I tried, I got nothing.
Nothing.
My powers are weak, they won't work.
- (chuckles) Your power are weak.
- Why won't you let me in?
- Do you think I'm gonna leave
because of something you say?
If I was normal, I would have left a while ago, Sampson.
But I'm crazy.
And you know it.
You know, something,
those moments when we were together in eighth grade,
those very few rare moments when you would open up to me,
even if it was just like the smallest little thing,
I was so, so happy.
You know why?
Because I got to talk to the real you.
I got to talk to the kind smart, thoughtful,
maybe even a little too thoughtful
(chuckles)
person that I knew was there underneath the hard exterior.
And when my friends called you a--
- Rock. - Yeah they called you a rock.
(both laughing)
I just told them that they didn't know you well enough
and they needed to know you, and they did.
- Somewhat.
- You know, you made progress.
You know, they no longer thought you were just a rock.
- And what did they think I was?
- You became a metamorphic rock.
- A metamorphic rock?
- (laughs) Yeah, you know, like a rock
that can change and shift under increased temperatures
and pressure.
- Dropping some knowledge on me.
(imitates explosion)
(both laughing)
- Yeah, anyway, you should answer my question
because you even said it yourself.
I am the least judgmental person that you know.
(car engine revs)
- Can't believe you using my words against me.
- Yeah, I know, exactly, exactly.
So answer the question.
Either I'll walk away or I won't.
You know, but the real question is
whether or not you can risk
knowing if I'm bluffing
because if I walk away, I'm not coming back,
(chuckles)
but I told you I wouldn't and I'm way too stubborn
to let you prove me wrong.
(laughs)
So Sampson Mitchell, I will ask you for the last time,
why was eighth grade the best year of your life?
- Well, I mean, we were together.
- (sighs) Flattery will only get you so far in this world.
- (chuckles) No, like, I'm actually serious.
I was so happy with you
and I got to hang out with Mark every day.
Got to hang out with you on weekends.
(chuckles) I listened to music religiously so much
and I didn't have to worry about a GPA
and I didn't have no real concerns
about getting into a great college.
Back then everything was so less serious.
- Yeah, but it was eighth grade, you know,
nothing big happens in eighth grade.
Well, there's no sports parties or dances.
- But, we did have all that stuff though.
- Yeah, but it didn't really matter or anything back then.
- Why not?
- Okay, you know, there was no football
and all the dances were at the community center
and there was no homecoming or prom.
And I dunno, like, I liked eighth grade.
I did, but it just didn't seem important
in the grand scheme of things.
- But, what makes high school
more important than middle school?
Besides getting into college?
I mean socially.
- Well, I guess it's just that you always hear about it,
you know, your mom tells you about prom,
your dad tells you about the games
and movies show raging parties.
(both laughing)
No one really talks about eighth grade.
- So the importance or lack of importance
is based on what other people make important?
- No, I mean,
think of it this way.
In high school, we're discovering who we are
and who we're going to be, whereas in middle school,
we're just dumb kids.
- But are we still dumb kids in high school though?
(laughs)
- I mean, yeah, I guess that's what our parents
would say, right?
I don't know.
I guess in high school I was just,
I had a clearer sense of who I was going to be
or who I wanted to be.
Whereas in middle school, I was still figuring things out.
I guess I just didn't have a really clear sense
of anything back then.
Does that make sense?
- Yeah, like you're trying to see
where you're supposed to be.
- Yes, yes, exactly.
- But, I still feel like you can think
where you're supposed to be or where you're going to be
and it doesn't always stay that way
once you enter high school.
- Yeah, I know, it's not a hundred percent or anything,
like the people I was friends with then, you know,
I wasn't friends with all of them still in high school,
but I was still in the same sort of group.
- Yeah, I gotcha.
- You know, I don't regret anything though.
I think everything happened the way it was supposed to
in high school.
Yeah, sure, a while back
I probably would have made a few changes,
but now I think that everything that happened
was probably for the best.
Cause you know, high school was great.
- [Sampson] Yeah.
(soft music)
People think that they talk to someone for two hours
they know them.
I admit, I thought that from time to time too.
We always think about how we have so many layers
to ourselves and we do, but we sometimes fail to remember
that other people are the same way.
There's more to them than their baseball card collections,
their pets or their five hours of swimming classes.
We couldn't possibly know everything
there is to someone within 120 minutes.
And let's be honest
we may not even learn the important parts,
which really makes them who they are.
We cross reference, if they do this or that
they must be like this.
I don't think it's possible for anyone
to ever really know the real you, only yourself.
Different people see different versions of you.
You don't tell everybody your darkest secrets,
your deep desires or horrible thoughts.
For some reason, we believe
that we can get to know each other
from the statuses, the likes and the favorites.
We wanna be close to people, we wanna know them,
but we won't take the risk.
Maybe because we don't want to
or maybe because we're afraid
the other person won't do the same.
But to be honest, they probably won't.
(soft jazz music)
- You're in your head again, Sam.
- Sorry.
- Are we going where I think we're going?
- Maybe.
- (laughs) Your hands are still so cold.
- Yeah, sadly never grew out of that.
- I didn't say let go.
You have to give me a chance to warm up.
(laughing) So cold.
Like your finger tips are freezing.
- Geez.
(laughing) (soft jazz music)
- You're too easy Sam.
You're too easy.
(people murmuring)
What would you have done if the seats were already taken?
- I don't know.
Kick them out?
- No, there's no way you have done that.
There's like absolutely no way.
- Yeah, I probably would have just sat back there.
- That wouldn't be the same though.
Did you ever think that maybe these seats
were empty for a reason?
Is that too heavy?
- What do you mean?
- I mean like,
you know that we're supposed to be here
in this moment in time.
What, is that stupid?
- No, not at all.
I agree.
I guess I just never thought
that someone might be in the spot.
That's somewhat related to the idea of us being here.
- For a reason.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Like maybe if we didn't get to sit in this spot,
it would ruin the entire night.
- How would it do that?
- It's like how if you want something to go a certain way,
if one thing doesn't work out,
it just knocks everything out of whack.
- I mean, does that mean you already know
how this night's gonna go?
- No, no, it's like,
I'm imagining the way the night's gonna go.
And if one thing, one small thing,
it's like a scale, like everything is perfectly in balance
and if you take one small thing off,
then it's no longer even, you know?
- Yeah, but that still implies,
you know how this night's gonna go.
- I feel like it's more about
how I would want this night to go
than how it goes, like step by step.
- So if it changes, that's not necessarily a bad thing?
- No.
I would let go.
- I don't know.
It just seems like you're afraid to admit
that you want this night to go well,
which you shouldn't be by the way,
because I'll be the first to admit
that I want this night to go great.
It's just,
it seems like, you sort of think of this night as a puzzle,
you know, and each piece has to fit perfectly
with the pieces surrounding it
because that's what's gonna make the night great.
- I never said that.
- No, but you were thinking it.
I know you were.
You were.
Sam,
you should think of this night as an ever changing puzzle,
you know?
And if it goes off course a little,
you know, according to you, (laughs)
you should just,
I don't know, see the pieces and the surrounding pieces
as things that can shift and reshape and change.
It could still be a night to remember, you know?
And a good one.
So if it goes off course a little, you know, let it.
Do you see that girl over there?
- [Sampson] The one in a blue shirt?
- [Alexa] Mm hmm, that's the one.
- What about her?
- Go get her number.
- What? - Yeah, go over there,
and ask that girl for her number.
- You're kidding.
- No, no, actually I'm not, dead serious.
- There's no way that I'm doing that,
I don't even know her.
- Yeah, did you know me when you asked me out?
- Technically yeah, and your name, I had an idea of you,
this girl I don't know her name, where she goes to school,
she could be 20 for all I know.
- So?
- So 20 year old girls don't give their numbers out
to 18 year old dudes.
- You ever know, she could.
- (sighs) You never know.
Everyone always says you never know what the person does.
- So are you gonna go over there?
- No.
(chuckles)
I don't even have my phone with me.
- So go old school, use a pen.
- I don't have a pen either.
- That I do.
(coins rustling)
(zipper zips) - How do you have a pen?
- So guys can get girls' numbers, obviously.
- I never said I was gonna do it.
- Oh, but I know you're gonna do it.
- Why?
- Because if you don't, then I'm going to get up
and go over there and tell her
that you think she's really pretty.
- Can't even tell from here.
- Oh, so what?
I think you're too afraid to risk it.
- I don't know if I believe you.
- Oh really?
(footsteps thudding)
- Alexa!
- Hmm?
- Come back.
(footsteps thudding)
(inhales loudly) (clears throat)
Do I really have to ask her?
- Yes.
- Why are you're making me do this?
- Cause I think it'll be good for you.
- How can it possibly be good?
- Cause...
Can you please just do it for me, please?
(soft jazz music)
- I'll be right back.
(footsteps thudding)
(people murmuring)
- You did it.
Was that so hard?
- Can we go? (jazz music)
- Yeah, okay.
Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?
- Yup.
- I don't want you to be mad at me.
- I'm not.
- (sighs) Sam, I know you're mad.
- I'm not.
- I also know you wouldn't tell me if you were.
(soft jazz music) (traffic humming)
I read this article about this guy, okay?
Who lived in a big city, and was afraid of talking to women.
So one day he decided that he was gonna go around
and talk to hundreds of different women.
And he said that in the end,
he was no longer afraid of talking to them
or asking them out.
That he got over his fear of rejection.
I don't know, I guess I was just trying to do
the same thing for you.
(soft jazz music)
And I know you're not--
You say, you're not afraid of talking to girls, you know,
and maybe I shouldn't be saying this,
but like we're being honest with each other tonight
so I guess I'm just gonna say it.
I know you say you're not afraid of talking to women.
I mean, at least the ones you don't like,
but, Sam,
you're afraid of rejection
and God, I know that's not what you wanna hear,
but it's the truth.
(sighs) What?
- How does that help me?
- Because you were brave and you talked to someone
that you don't know and you got her phone number,
which means that you can get other girl's phone numbers.
- I don't even know if it's a real number.
- (sighs) Okay, no, we don't know,
but, God you still tried something new
and you went outside of your comfort zone
and you should see that as an accomplishment because it is.
- I guess.
- I just wish that you'd talked to more girls
in high school, okay?
I get why you didn't, I really do.
I just think you would be surprised
at how well it would have worked out for you.
- Do you ever think that it's not exactly
rejection by anyone,
but rather by a specific person that you like?
- What do you mean?
I don't know if you've ever experienced this but,
when you put all this time into a girl,
thinking about her, coming up with a conversation starter,
saying about how you're going to ask her out I guess,
I think we just hate to see it end because afterwards,
rather getting the feeling of what's next,
or why do you waste so much time thinking about her.
And if we do get the courage to ask her out,
you show a side of yourself to her,
a side that you don't show anybody else.
She sees that side of you and rejects you,
you feel like you're nothing.
(breathing heavily)
(sighing) So, you start believing,
you start seeing yourself
the way that she sees you and it sucks.
- Why would she let a girl tell you how to see yourself?
- Because to you, her opinion is the only one that matters
I know that is so messed up.
- Okay, but why?
- Because you've already formed the perfect relationship
in your head, your first kiss, your first date,
to the point if you don't experience those things
with her you'll never be the same with anybody else.
But then eventually you get over her
and you develop a crush on someone new
and it just happens all over again.
- Okay, but if you just told her
that you liked her at the beginning,
then none of these fantasies would have ever happened.
I'd be way more upset with myself
if I didn't tell somebody I liked them
because I'd hate that I didn't give myself the chance.
- I think I'm becoming numb.
- What does that mean?
- By not telling girls that I like them
it's happened so many times I don't care as much anymore
and that's either a good thing or a bad thing.
- How can that possibly be a good thing?
- Cause you have to deal with the emotions
about their shit if you ever leave,
the kind that make you hate yourself.
- [Alexa] Did you not regret asking me out?
Wasn't that a risk?
- [Sampson] Yeah, it was risky,
but asking you out was worth it.
You're not some random girl reading a book in the square.
I didn't want that regret,
but that girl, I didn't even know that she was there.
- Please don't be mad at me.
I shouldn't have asked you to do that.
I don't know why I thought it was a good it was a good idea.
I'm sorry.
Can we please just forget about it?
(breathes heavily)
(whispering) - It's okay.
You may have let it go of course a little.
(laughs)
But if anything, I guess it just prepared me
for the rest of the night.
So Alexa,
the night goes off course a little,
(whispers)let it. - (laughing) Shut up!
(soft jazz music)
What took you so long?
- I was just waiting for the right time.
- Anytime would've been the right time.
- It had to be meaningful.
- It's definitely meaningful.
What's a girl gotta do to get another one?
- Good?
- For now.
(laughs)
Do you remember our first date?
- Yeah, of course.
It's my first date ever.
- What do you remember?
- I remember that you were in a navy blue dress,
had flowers on it and you curled your hair.
- You remember that?
- Yeah, what do you remember?
- (laughing) I remember you were wearing
your Christmas green polo, that was way too big for you.
- Oh God. (laughing)
- And then you looked just like a little kid.
- I wore that Polo way too much.
I thought wearing stuff that big was cool back then.
It's my only good shirt.
- Mm hmm.
What else do you remember?
- I remember that planning on kissing you during the movie,
but I was way too afraid.
(both laugh)
- Sam, if I'm gonna let you put your arm around me
chances are I'm gonna let you kiss me too.
- Yeah, I knew I had to kiss you that night,
so that's why I took you on a walk.
I just had no idea where or when to do.
- And then you knew.
- Yeah, just felt like the right time.
I hardly remember doing it,
I just remember I did it.
- First kiss.
- Yeah.
- You know, I think that's why it's so impossible
to forget you Sampson Mitchell.
You're one of my milestones.
- Oh, I see it was just another milestone for Alexa Newport.
- (chuckles) No, you know what I mean,
you're my first kiss, I don't wanna forget.
- Oh, I see.
But you know, flirting with you was so fun as well.
- (chuckles) Shut up.
(car engine revving)
- [Alexa] Is that a question?
I accept the one.
- [Sampson] Thanks for specifying though.
(laughs)
- [Alexa] Do you know the saying,
"Once a cheater always a cheater?"
- [Sampson] Yeah.
- [Alexa] Do you think its true, that it--
(engine revving drowns out speaker)
- [Sampson] How can it be true for everyone?
Cause if someone cheats
and regret it, and say how bad it was,
I guess people who cheat have no remorse,
that are bound to do it again.
- [Alexa] Why do you think people do it?
- From the stuff I've seen they say that men cheat,
cause they wanna have sex with someone else
and, women cheat cause they no longer care
about their partner,
but it's kind of a stereotypic way of looking at it,
easily would be the other way around.
- [Alexa] Do you think that deep down, we all wanna cheat?
- [Sampson] It's possible, but I hope not.
(chuckles)
- [Alexa] Who do we trust you know
like the person that deep down
or the one that's on the surface?
I mean, which one decides whether or not
we're a good person?
- [Sampson] The one that makes the decisions.
We all have bad ideas sometimes,
but I think the decision of whether or not we act on them
determines whether or not we're a good person.
- [Alexa] What if you lose control over the one
that makes the right decisions?
- [Sampson] What do you mean?
- [Alexa] I don't know, it's depressing to think about.
- [Sampson] Yeah.
- [Alexa] If you could ask me anything, what would you ask?
- [Sampson] Anything?
- [Alexa] Yeah anything?
- [Sampson] I don't really know.
- [Alexa] You don't have anything you've wanted to ask me?
Nothing you would want to know over the last four years?
- [Sampson] I'm not really sure.
- [Alexa] I mean, it could be anything, you know,
like a question
may have been burning deep inside of you to ask.
- [Sampson] Guess there are a few things.
- [Alexa] A few things?
- [Sampson] Yeah.
I guess the main one is
when I texted you after freshman year
and asked you out,
slash, told you that I wanted to try again,
why did you say no?
- [Alexa] What do you mean?
- [Sampson] Oh, that sounds bad does it?
But, you had said, I guess at the time I still believed it.
Maybe that's why I learned not to.
You had said, "I'll always have feelings for you."
I don't know, I guess I wanted to believe
that I still had a shot cause you had said that,
I guess I just hung on to that line too much.
Because when someone says something like that to you,
they still like you.
You don't realize that months down the road,
the feelings are gonna go away
and new people are gonna come into their life.
I just didn't take that into consideration.
I guess I just, I wanted to believe it was true
because there was comfort in the possibility
of us being together again.
I believe we had an emotional connection, I really did.
I thought that if I opened up to you,
I know that I had screwed up but,
I just wanted to show you that I had changed
and realized a lot important things.
And I thought that we'd get back together
and things would be better than before,
and everything would just fall into place.
That was fucking stupid.
Things change, people change, life changes,
the things that worked before, don't always work later on.
- [Alexa] You hurt me Sam.
- [Sampson] What?
- [Alexa] You hurt me.
You don't know what it's like
to watch somebody lose feelings for you.
And you do everything you can for them to stop it
but you can't, it's helpless.
- [Sampson] I didn't lose feelings for you.
- [Alexa] I mean, I knew you still cared for me
and our relationship at the end I thought you didn't but,
I realize you did, a lot, after thinking about it
and I don't know I just think that there's a difference
between caring for somebody and having feelings for them.
It wasn't easy getting over you.
(sighs) I was upset but, I mean I saw it coming
because of the way you were acting.
You were treating me like one of the guys,
and even when I told you to stop you didn't
and you kept acting so distant which was ridiculous
because you were already distant in the first place.
God, I don't know.
Even after realizing all of that and watching us end,
it still hurt, a lot.
And I didn't wanna feel that way again.
So even after you sent those truthful text messages,
I hadn't been able to believe that you'd changed.
And I didn't wanna go down
that Sampson Mitchell rabbit hole again,
two times was enough.
(Sighs)
What?
- Nothing.
- Say it.
- I don't have anything to say.
- Yes you do just say it.
- Fine, I often see our breakup is a huge regret.
Then sometimes I think about us
and I figured we probably would only been together
for maybe two more months if I hadn't screwed up.
So maybe it was all for the best.
- Why do you think that?
- Because you would've gotten tired me and broken it off.
- [Alexa] I liked you a lot you think I would just
break it off out of nowhere?
- [Sampson] You did the first time.
- That's not fair.
- [Sampson] (sighs) How?
You know, I think it's funny how we're together
for six months and during that entire time,
you barely acknowledged
every time we were together months before.
- [Alexa] It didn't matter we were together then.
- [Sampson] Now Alexa, that sucked,
you acted like things were fine between us all day
and then you just decided to break it off out of nowhere.
- [Alexa] I don't see why it matters so much.
- [Sampson] Cause now you're acting like you were never
shitty to me. - We were just two people
who were existing beside each other, okay?
You know, we never hung out, we hadn't kissed,
you never treated me like I was your girlfriend
and you were so distant!
You're so fucking distant.
And I wasn't ready to do the tiring and endless digging
I was gonna need to do to get to know you.
I didn't know it was worth it then.
Sam,
I mean, even if we had continued dating, I mean,
neither of us would have ended up happy.
We probably just would have stayed together for a few months
and then we would have broken up
and then we would never have gotten
to have the amazing memories we got to have the second time.
Cause when you called me that February,
I wouldn't have said yes.
I wouldn't have thought there was still something there.
- Can't believe that I'm gonna tell you this.
But when we were together, I said to myself,
"That's the girl that I'm gonna go to prom with."
And even after we broke up, I believed it.
I believed the whale under that I should have.
For some reason I was so sure
that something was gonna bring us together again.
(sighs)
- You could have just asked me, you know, before Jack.
- Would you have actually said yes though?
I was gonna ask you anyways.
After you said no,
after freshman year I knew nothing was gonna happen
between us for a long time.
As high school went on, I slowly realized more and more
that we were never gonna be anything ever again.
So when junior year came around, yeah, I thought of you,
but I knew that asking you was pointless
and certainly not worth the embarrassment.
But then Jack asked you and you guys starting dating.
It's funny how things work out sometimes.
- So what's your story, Sam?
Why didn't you ever go to prom?
- Who said I didn't go.
- I know he didn't go.
- Yeah, I didn't go.
- [Alexa] And why?
- I didn't like anyone at the time
- And you could have just gone with a friend.
I just see prom is something you take a girl
you really like to.
I know that's probably stupid, but.
- Why'd you really not go?
- Didn't I just answer this.
- No, you told me half the story.
You gave me the answer that you gave when anyone asks,
but that's not everything.
- Why else, didn't I go?
- [Alexa] Yeah.
- I was afraid of looking stupid.
Being the guy that everyone makes fun of
cause he made a fool of himself.
I can not dance.
(both laughing)
Slow dancing I mean, I don't even know
if there is slow dancing at proms anymore.
Before I started high school. I thought dance
is gonna be like the ones in those eighties movies.
- With parties, like a night under the stars.
(laughs)
Yeah.
At least that's romantic, you know, if a bit cheesy.
So you really don't regret not going?
- I mean, I wish I had experienced certain moments
that had to deal with prom, but altogether, no.
- What do you mean moments?
I feel like prom is made up of a bunch of moments.
The group pictures, giving your date the corsage,
meeting your parents, and then the dinner.
- What moment do you wish you'd had?
- Slow dance.
(both laugh)
Don't laugh.
Screw it.
I wanna have that moment where
you're dancing with your date and the slow song comes on,
and there's this tension about whether or not
you should do it.
Then you keep waiting, seeing who is gonna make
the first move.
And then one of you does and
it's just the two of you in this moment
and that's all that matters.
- That's pretty detailed for someone
who's never experienced it.
- I guess that's just how I always imagined it.
What was it like for you?
- Hmm, it was good.
They didn't really play slow song music
so I guess that could have ruined it,
but there was tension and everything.
I don't know I feel like I just,
I hadn't really locked in yet, you know?
I hadn't really developed a crush on Jack at that point.
And then later we were at senior year,
we'd already been together for almost a year
so it just wasn't as special.
I don't know.
That sounds bad doesn't it?
Like on a scale of one to 10 how bad does that sound?
- (chuckles) I don't know, a three?
Probably just romanticize it too much though.
- I just feel like that's something you should experience,
you know?
And what does it say that I haven't?
- I don't know, but,
I doubt it's anything that, that's that big of a deal.
- You know it's crazy to think
that if I hadn't gone to prom with Jack,
I probably wouldn't have dated him.
- You really think so?
- Yeah I know.
I mean, if he hadn't been like sort of forced
to ask me out because of prom,
I don't think he would've asked me out on a date afterwards.
So many things wouldn't have happened.
Would I still be the same person if I hadn't dated him?
- [Sampson] Probably not.
- What?
- I mean that dating Jack,
had to have change you in some way, big or little,
in probably more ways than one.
- It was really depressing to think about.
It's depressing to think about
the people who are your true friends
and that even though they were your true friends,
you probably treated them the worst.
- Are you talking about Kelly and Eva?
What happened with that?
I thought you guys were gonna be friends forever?
- (sighs) I pushed them away.
I don't know I started partying and hanging out
with all those people and they're a bunch of times
when I'd made plans with them
and I bailed them to hang out with like Olivia, Sarah, Ted,
Brenda, all them.
We got into this huge fight and I said a lot of things
that I wish I could take back.
That sort of ended everything.
I tried to patch things up with them again this year,
but they didn't wanna be friends with me which I mean,
I can't really blame them I'm not sure
that I'd wanna be friends with myself either
under the circumstances.
And don't get me wrong. Olivia and Sarah,
they're great friends it's just that Kelly and Eva
are the friends that you have for a lifetime, you know?
The ones that are honorary aunts to your children.
I guess I'm just afraid that Olivia and Sarah
are gonna go off to college and find new friends
and completely forget about me.
That we're just gonna grow apart
and slowly stop talking.
That's why we're gonna have a sleep over tonight
just to remind each other of our friendship
and the fact that we don't wanna lose one another and,
- Still coming over later tonight, right?
- Actually I rescheduled.
- Oh man, you didn't need to do that, I'm so last minute.
- No, I wanted to hang out with you, Sam.
- Are they really mad at me?
- Mm mm, no, I didn't tell them I was hanging out with you
and they have tomorrow free so we just rescheduled for then
and it wasn't really a big deal.
- So they don't know it was me?
- [Alexa] No, I told them I wasn't feeling well.
It's just easier that way you know?
They won't ask any questions.
- [Sampson] Oh, okay.
- [Alexa] Do you know that time it is?
Let me get my phone.
(zipper unzips)
(sighs)
Oh, okay, that's actually kinda late.
Is this our last stop?
- [Sampson] There's one more quick one.
- [Alexa] Okay. (zipper zips)
(soft music)
(exhales heavily)
You know what I'm afraid of?
I'm afraid one day I'm gonna blink and I'll be 60.
I don't know I just feel like the past four years
of our life are so important.
Your parents, your friends' parents, everybody kept saying
that high school has some of the best years of your life
and you have to make the most of them,
but, you can't make the most of all of them, you know?
And I'm afraid I didn't.
- What do you wish that you had done that you didn't?
- I sort of wish I'd continue playing soccer.
I really liked it, but they had practice every day
and I wanted to hang out with my friends.
- You were really good.
- No I wasn't, you were the good one.
- You were very physical.
- (chuckles) Sampson Mitchell you gotta watch what you say
- Oh no, I didn't mean it like that
I meant that you were very good physically.
- (chuckles) That's even worse, that's still dirty.
- Yeah, damn it.
No, I meant that you were a very good
physical soccer player, that's what I meant.
- What do you regret not doing in high school?
- You know, right now, I don't think
I'm gonna miss anything about high school
but at the same time I think that
I'm gonna have some regret
cause I didn't have the standard high school experiences
that everyone should have.
- And what are the standard high school experiences?
- I never dated anyone.
I only went to a few football games.
I didn't go to a single dance.
I guess those things are what I would call
the standard high school experiences.
What you said about how everyone tells you
that high school is some of the best years of your life
and how you should make the most of them,
I can understand that but at the same time,
I still feel like I'm not gonna regret certain things
cause some of them, I just didn't wanna do.
- Why not though?
- I don't know.
Some of those things just didn't seem like
they were gonna be fun for me.
Like how I didn't wanna go to the football games
cause I was afraid that I'd regret to the fact
I gave it up after freshman year.
Guess it was easier to distance myself from those things.
- Yeah but do you have to go out
and experience things, you know?
You gotta get out of your comfort zone.
- But that's not easy for me.
You're so carefree and open, I'm not like that.
- I'm not carefree and open.
- [Sampson] Yes you are.
- No, I'm not.
- You're always like that.
- It may seem that way, but I'm not always
carefree, open and comfortable around people,
sometimes I'm just pretending.
- Is that hard? Pretending?
- I mean, it used to be,
I'm just sort of accustomed to it now.
Sometimes I'm worried
that I won't be able to tell the difference
between when I'm pretending and when I'm not.
I don't know that's sort of dumb.
- Would that really happen loosing sight of yourself?
- I mean,
I guess it's just one of my biggest fears, you know,
like, I'm gonna go off to college
and I'm gonna change and I'm gonna look at myself.
I'm not gonna be able to recognize who I am.
I have this really vivid image of my old self
and my new self in this space
and they're aware of one another
and they're fighting back and forth
and eventually my new self takes over.
I don't know I guess I'm just afraid
I'm gonna change in college
and I'm not gonna be able to stop it.
- But you changed throughout high school
and you don't seem to be unhappy
with the person that you are now.
- Do you think I've changed a lot?
- [Sampson] Yeah.
- How?
- Well, I remember how I used to always say
that you never drink or smoke,
but ended up doing those things
so you to have changed or at least change your mind somewhat
in order to do those things.
- Yeah, but do you really think those things are that bad?
- No, I don't think that those things are bad
why does everyone always say that?
- I mean, I just see those things
more as growth than change, you know?
- Yeah, so,
growth and change are separate things?
- Yeah, yeah exactly.
- But who's to say that this change that you're afraid of,
isn't just growth?
- I guess I'm more afraid that my friends
are gonna change you know, like Olivia and Sarah.
- I think they'll be fine.
(chuckles) You know, if it makes you feel any better,
odds are I probably won't change
I mean, you even said it yourself,
I haven't changed much since eighth grade
so I think things are looking pretty good for me.
I'm gonna be a-okay. (laughing)
- Yeah, but that's different though.
- How?
- I mean, you're the same, but, you're not.
I mean, like it's more like
you're slowly becoming who you're going to be
for the rest of your life,
but you're also still figuring things out.
Fortunately, that person happens to be great.
Don't change, okay?
- Okay, I won't.
- So are you gonna walk me home?
- Nah, I just, I figured you could find her on the way home.
(Alexa laughing)
(soft music)
- [Sampson] I once read poem
that's from the perspective of a flower.
It has been sitting in the ground for centuries,
bored and tired until one day
it's brought out of the ground by a young man
it travels with him, clutching his hand,
and then it's given to a young woman.
The flower's sees the man propose to her
then watches her say yes as she hugs him.
As a symbol of the couple's love,
it is preserved in a picture frame.
Every day, the flower sees the couples love
and everyday he sees their happiness.
And when he witnesses them die in each other's arms,
he knows that all those years, weren't all for nothing.
- So. - So.
- Wanna come in?
- Right now?
- Yeah, I was thinking that,
maybe you'd wanna spend the night?
I mean, I'm all alone and my parents are out of town
and if I don't have to be alone, I'd rather not.
But you don't have to,
I mean you can go, that's totally fine.
- Sure.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I'll tell my mom I'm staying at Fred's or something.
- Okay, awesome.
(door creaks open)
- Is it okay if I use the bathroom, plus, text my mom?
- Yeah, yeah, you know where it is?
- Yeah.
(exhales heavily)
(soft slow music)
(door creaks open)
- Come here Sampson Mitchell.
- What are you doing?
- That prom dance you wanted?
You're getting it right now with yours truly.
- [Sampson] Okay.
- [Alexa] Put your hands here.
(whispering) And mine go here, you miss me?
(mumbles)
(alexa laughs)
You know, I'll be serious, I will, I'll be serious,
so just-- (music drowns out speaker)
Okay. (soft slow music)
(heavy breathing)
Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah
- Can you write in college you know, major in English?
- It's kinda the plan, major in English.
- How'd you know that that's what you wanted to do,
you know?
I don't know you know what I wanna do
or what I wanna major in even what I like.
I guess I just kinda known for a long time.
I can't imagine doing anything else.
It's something that makes me happy.
- At least you know what makes you happy.
My boyfriend wouldn't wanna do what I love
Wanna try twirling me?
- Twirl? - Mm hmm, you know like this?
- Yeah.
- A little higher.
- Okay. - Okay.
Okay, slow down just a little bit?
(laughs)
Okay, all right.
Good, good.
- Can we go upstairs?
- Okay.
(footsteps thudding)
(door creaks)
- Oh, I still don't have to shut it tonight.
Yeah.
(bed creaks)
Actually, I'm just gonna run to the bathroom real quick,
but I'll be right back, so just,
hold that thought.
(light switch clicks)
(door slams shut)
(slow music)
(door creaks open)
(door thuds) You're all right?
- Yeah.
Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
When we fall asleep and wake up in the morning,
are you gonna acknowledge that this happened
or just brush off like it never did.
- You think I would do that?
- I don't know.
- Because we just went out on a date and talked,
I mean really talked and you think I would just,
pretend like it didn't happen.
- I don't know.
- That would be a really shitty thing to do.
- I know.
- And you think I would do that?
- You never said you wouldn't.
- I implied I wouldn't.
- Are you gonna not brush it off because you don't want to
or cause you think that it's the right thing to do?
- Because I want to.
- You sure?
- Yeah, yeah.
Why do you think I would?
- I don't know, I just do you do.
- You do know.
- Because you're you.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Because you're you and I'm me.
(sighs)
I know that sounds stupid,
but that's what everybody would think.
- What do you mean?
- A few months ago,
Christie and her friends
they found out that we were together in eighth grade
and they couldn't believe it, that we were together.
That's what I mean.
- Why couldn't they believe it?
- Are you really going to pretend like you don't know?
- Why does it matter?
- In high school you acted like didn't even know me.
Yeah, you said hi in the hallway
when you felt like you had to.
But, most of the time, you just acted like I wasn't there
and you never acknowledged me
when you were around your friends.
- Why do you have this idea
of me pretending to be ashamed of you?
- Are you?
- No.
- Then why did you really not tell Sarah and Olivia
that we're hanging out tonight?
- Are you sure that it's not you
that thinks I should be ashamed of you?
That I should be embarrassed of you?
- Yeah.
- Because if you didn't believe that,
then you wouldn't assume that I was.
You pushed me away, you know?
You remember that scrimmage against Monroe?
I went to see you.
- I thought you just came to see the game.
- I don't even like football, I only went to the game
just to hang out with my friends.
Why would I go to a scrimmage?
- You were hanging out with Chris and Angela.
- Yeah, but I was there for you.
- I saw you.
- And then?
- Why'd you wanna see me?
- (sighs) I wanted to talk to you.
- About what?
- I wanted an explanation, like why you pushed me away.
And then I thought that you probably wouldn't tell me
that I didn't really wanna hear
and that you didn't really want me there so I left.
Sort of like what you did at the burger place.
I guess we're not that different.
- I remember seeing you in the stands
and being really happy,
which doesn't make any sense.
cause it wasn't that long after we broke up
but I was,
and, I looked for you when the game was over,
but you'd had already left.
I wish you would've stayed.
- And what would have happened if I did stay?
- I don't know, I don't remember
how stubborn I was back then.
- (chuckles) Probably no less stubborn than you are now.
- Would you've gotten back together with me if I had asked?
- I mean, yeah, if things went back to the way they were
before you started treating me differently.
- Do you truly believe that,
we wouldn't have broken up two months later
if we had stayed together?
- You made me really happy.
- You made me really happy too.
- Did you ever think that it was meant to be this way
that we were meant to end
because we're both better off for it?
- Yeah, I feel like it's kind of easy way of looking at it.
I feel like we just easily could have stayed together,
but we ended up choosing the other option,
which was either better or worse
or maybe it would have even just been the same.
- I just didn't think that you wanted to talk to me,
you know,
maybe I did pretend that I didn't wanna see you.
I just thought that
I wanted to give you what I thought you wanted,
which was space.
I thought you wanted to be left alone.
So if you thought it was awkward,
when you texted me that summer
that it somehow made things worse,
the truth is that I just really didn't know what to do.
I thought you wanted me to leave you alone so I did.
I guess that could be an excuse, I don't know.
- I was mad at you.
After the text and you said no.
It wasn't that you said no, but rather how you said it
just, I felt like I was nothing.
I don't know, I just felt like, I just hurt the more.
You didn't wanna have an actual conversation about it
or talk on the phone or if it meant meet in person,
you just said no and that was that.
I just wanted more.
- When you texted me that summer, I wanted to say yes,
but I decided I had to do what was best for me.
- I wish that we had stayed friends.
I know that would have been really hard,
at least I know it would have been for me.
But I really wish you'd stayed in my life.
(sighs)
- I think what I said in the last hour
sticks after midnight.
- I'm so afraid about going off to college, Alex.
I have no idea what to do.
I don't know anyone, I'm not the best at making friends.
Just don't get me wrong,
I sure as hell don't wanna go back to high school.
Just be so much easier too,
I have no idea what's gonna happen.
(birds chirping)
Alex?
Are you okay?
- You lied.
- What?
- [Sampson] Hey, this is Sampson.
I'm really sorry I missed your call.
But, please leave me a message I'll get back to you
as soon as possible.
Thank you.
- You tried to wash it off, but it was still readable.
You aren't gonna say anything?
- I don't know what to say.
- I saw you go over there.
I saw her write her number on your arm.
What happened?
- I walked over there, I said, "Hey."
I just panicked, I told her that my friend dared me
to get her number, but I tell her mine
and she could write that on my arm.
- Why
- Why what?
- Why didn't you just get her number?
- Because I didn't want to, we've been over this.
- We said on the gazebo and made a pack to be honest.
And you weren't.
But I wasn't either.
I cheated on Jack.
I was at orientation and there was a party
and Jack and I were in a fight at the time.
(sighs) And I drank a little,
and this guy started talking to me
and I started flirting with him and before I knew it,
I was taking my clothes off
and I just felt so sick.
(sobbing)
And Jack broke it off with me,
but not because he wanted to have fun
I don't know where that rumor started.
I didn't do anything to stop it.
And he didn't tell our friends.
All he said was that we were going to different schools.
So it made sense.
I don't know, maybe it's for the best, you know?
Sometimes I miss him,
(sobbing) but mostly I just like,
I can't forgive myself that I did that to him.
(sobs)
I never wanted to cheat, I didn't want to be that girl.
I never thought
I would be and now I am.
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror
and I think I see what's under the surface,
and the person that's there, I don't recognize her.
(sobbing) I'm so scared, I'm so scared
because I don't wanna change.
I'm really afraid that I'm gonna change for the worst.
- Nothing ever happened with me and Julia.
I never asked her out and I never even went out with her
The story of Julia ends with me sitting in my car,
thinking about going in and backing up
and driving away and never going back.
I lied.
I lied because I could feel everybody thinking
that I was never with anybody in high school
because I still liked you and it's just not true.
I know that I asked you out after freshman year
and I said all those things last night about prom,
but, I'm not hung up on you.
It's just that,
I don't like how things were left between us.
Everything just felt way too open.
That there seemed to still be a possibility there.
I didn't have a crush on you for those four years.
I had crushes on other girls.
It's more of the, what if scenario
and since I've only ever been with you
I always come back to you,
but you, you have me, Steven and Jack
and I have you.
And as much as I like that,
I really want you out of my head sometimes.
I'll never forget when you told me
that one of these days I was gonna let all my emotions out
and you were gonna be there when it happened,
I guess you're right.
- That article you wrote for the newspaper?
- [Alexa] Yeah?
You read that?
- Yeah,
but did you write that?
- Oh, did I write it for you?
- [Sampson] Yeah.
- No, I was still with Jack at the time.
And Olivia was obsessed with all those,
you know, summer before college to do lists
and things to finish and I wrote one for her,
and the part about reconnecting with an old flame
that was just me messing with her, you know,
cause of the whole thing with Ryan,
it was hard not to think about you though.
I mean, I always wondered what you were doing.
I never knew and no one ever seemed to know
and I hated that.
I just wanna know how things were going
and if you were okay,
but I was never brave enough to ask myself.
I care about you a lot Sam.
- I care about you a lot too.
And even though that article wasn't written for you,
I'm really glad that tonight happened.
You know, it was nice and it really meant a lot to me
you have no idea.
So thanks for listening.
- I should be thanking you.
- I should probably be thanking you
for finally opening up to me.
- I should've done that a long time ago.
- Better late than never.
- Yeah.
- Do you think
if I hadn't written that article,
that we'd be here right now?
- No.
(sighs)
- What time is it?
- I don't care.
- [Sampson] I can't spend the next four years of my life
with my mind on the past.
I need to take the past for what it is, a memory.
What I know now is that the past is something you learn from
you can't live in it.
If you do end up like me,
a guy who wishes he had made more
of something that he was given.
I read once that life is something that happens
when you're not asleep.
In that case, it's time to wake up.
(bright hiphop music)
♪ If only I was an invisible fly on the wall ♪
♪ I could tell the difference ♪
♪ Between all of the highs and the lows ♪
♪ I am secluded so tell me how I am involved ♪
♪ Submerge me in water until my whole body dissolves ♪
♪ I don't belong, yeah ♪
♪ But I'm not the one to complain ♪
♪ I am so far gone I am ashamed ♪
♪I have to get out of this place ♪
♪ It's not a race, but I was runnin and runnin ♪
♪ I learned it a little too late ♪
♪ I'm not the same she was afraid ♪
♪ And I could tell it by the look on her face... ♪
♪ Don't give me attention took coins out the fountain ♪
♪ To reverse my wishes ♪
♪ Angels don't talk but the demons, they listen ♪
♪ By reading the signs I realized their intentions ♪
♪ If only I was an invisible fly on the wall ♪
♪ I could Tell the difference ♪
♪ between all of the highs and the lows ♪
♪ I am secluded so tell me how I am involved ♪
♪ Submerge me in water until my whole body dissolves ♪
♪ Am I the moth or am I the flame? ♪
♪ Am I the one who should take all the blame? ♪
♪ Am I the noise or am I the silence? ♪
♪ Awake all night why am I always like this? ♪
♪ There ain't no answer for everything ♪
♪ Prolly never need a wedding ring ♪
♪ Don't got nobody to entertain ♪
♪ Maybe when I hit a another stage ♪
♪ Out in the cold and I'm shivering ♪
♪ How will I know when I'm feeling strange? ♪
♪ They told me Venus in retrograde ♪
♪ But for happiness, I'll do anything ♪
♪ If only I was an invisible fly on the wall ♪
♪ I could tell the difference ♪
♪ between all of the highs and the lows ♪
♪ I am secluded so tell me how I am involved ♪
♪ Submerge me in water until my whole body dissolves ♪
♪ If only I was an invisible fly on the wall ♪
♪ I could tell the difference ♪
♪ between all of the highs and the lows ♪
♪ I am secluded so tell me how I am involved ♪
♪ Submerge me in water until my whole body dissolves ♪
(soft music)