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- Oh, shit.
- Eyewitness accounts of legendary creatures.
Are they myth?
Or reality?
Science doesn't wanna search for clues.
But one group will find the answers.
- P-I-S.
Paranormal Investigation Squad.
Piss.
- Excuse me.
- Piss.
That's what people are going to call it, as an acronym.
- I think the quality speaks for itself.
- Yeah, okay.
Let me get this straight.
You investigate monsters?
- Yeah, UFOs, cryptoids, the paranormal, all that.
- I'll be presenting the series,
doing the voiceover, location interviews.
- And I'm sorta the talking head.
You know, we cut to me and I explain
the science of everything.
- Oh, you're a scientist?
- I'm an independent researcher.
- Okay, just curious.
Exactly how long does it take
to get a degree in monster hunting?
- Anyway, this is obviously
just the trailer for the pilot.
Once we have the full pilot, we'll be able to pitch it
to distributors and networks, and they'll pick it up,
and you'll be able to double, possibly even triple
or more your investment.
You know, just getting in on the ground floor
and helping us out.
- How much was the introduction cost?
- I spent, uh, about 10,000 of my own funds.
- 10,000?
- We're very committed to this project.
- Yeah.
- I think if you could just--
- Yeah, yeah, you're committed.
Uh, how much are you asking for?
- I think if you look at our business proposal,
you'll see I've outlined very clearly
all the costs of production,
including the crew, the equipment and--
- We need about 100,000.
- Right, 100, that's pretty much our target budget.
- 100?
- Yeah, that's about our target budget, yes, sir.
Yes, sir, 100.
- Well I'm gonna stop you right there.
We can't help you.
- But I think if you just take a minute to look
at our business proposal, I think you will see
that there is enough there.
What we plan to do with this particular project--
- Thank you, thank you for coming by, but.
- We've already invested 10 grand.
We're committed to this. We're serious.
- You look serious. We cannot help you.
Thank you.
- You, you, you didn't even look.
- There was no need. Please.
- Clarissa cleans up another mess.
This is not my life right now.
Hey.
- What?
- We're finishing that pilot,
no matter how much we gotta spend.
- That's easy for you to say.
I mean, it's not your savings we're talking about.
- What?
- I'm sorry. I mean it's, look, it's just that we--
- Just what?
- Just what's left was supposed to be for us, you know.
- Well what we decided was, we were gonna finish this pilot.
- I know.
- What we also decided, if it came down to it,
we were gonna use the savings.
Or are you giving up?
- I am never giving up.
- Good, neither am I. On you or the series.
Let's go to the bedroom.
Hey.
I have an idea.
- Hey, Horty.
- Hey, Les, what's up, man? How you been?
- Good, good, how you doing?
- I'm good, man.
So what brings you here?
- Well, I was thinking to myself, now that I got this
loan all taken care, who do I know that can offer me
a quality crew and equipment?
- Keep talking, keep talking.
- Hey, Horty, I need those two terabytes.
- Yeah, I'm with a customer.
Sorry about that, man. Go ahead.
- That's all right.
Listen, I'm just gonna cut to the chase.
I would like to offer you a job.
- Hey, Horty, I need the footage
from the Olson money.
- Yeah, I'm with a customer.
- Is that Reid?
- Who else, man?
- That's good, actually.
Because I would like to really hire both of you a job.
- Hey, Horty, you know it's gonna take me
forever to put that footage in, come on.
- You see?
- Hi, Reid.
- Hm.
- I love that sassy attitude of yours.
- Anyway, I want to,
since you did such a good job on the trailer,
pro bono, I know, I would like to hire you now
for a paying gig.
- For?
- For finishing the pilot, on location.
- In the forest?
Looking for your bird?
- Yes, and I would like to write you a check right now
for a down payment to have you come join our team.
- Well you know, uh, cash doesn't bounce.
- Sassy.
Cash.
So last century.
- Hello.
- Hi there, may I please speak with Miss Kyra Jordan?
- Speaking.
- Excellent, this is Professor Lester Denton.
I'm calling you about the undergraduate volunteer
field position internship that you applied for.
- That's right. How are you, Professor?
- So let me tell you that I was reading your resume
and cover letter, and I have to say,
I was very, very impressed with what I saw.
- Well, thank you.
I'm honored.
- Excuse me.
I'm on a sales call.
Sorry about that.
So anyway, I wanted to let you know
we've decided to offer you the internship.
- Really? That's fantastic.
Thank you so much.
Yes, I would love to be a part of it.
- Excellent. Very good, very good.
So let me tell you what the next steps are, all right?
- I've been lead producer on several major productions.
Hundreds of television shows, some films.
Most of which you'll never see.
Hundreds and hundreds of pilots get filmed every year.
Most don't get picked up.
- Right, right, that makes sense.
- Every once in a while you get a bite.
Ever heard of Monster Quest?
- Yeah, yeah, I know that one.
- So, this is a new show.
It's a pilot.
I will, of course, be presenting it.
Because we're filming it in the forest,
we need an onsite medic for everyone's safety.
So, tell me more about your medical experience.
- Yes, ma'am, I was a 68 Whiskey combat medic in the Army.
I served in a field hospital in Afghanistan.
- My, you must have seen a lot of blood.
So, what makes you wanna work on a film crew?
- Well, I always liked the movies, ma'am.
I don't know if there's a career in it,
but I figured I'd give it a shot.
And could use the cash, anyhow.
- Well, it's a lot of heavy lifting,
but you still look like you're in soldier shape.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- No need to call me ma'am.
So, let's get into the paperwork, shall we?
- Is that Lester?
- How you doing?
- Well come on in. Come on in.
- All right.
- Nice to meet you.
- And you, sir.
- So, y'all are looking to hire a outdoorsman?
Is that right?
- Yes, sir, we are planning an expedition
out into the field.
- You guys ever been up in those mountains?
Ever done any hiking, camping, hunting, anything?
- I've done plenty of research in the field, so yes, sir.
- Research? Really, what kinda research?
- Biological.
- Is that right?
- We have a wealth of experience.
We've done documentaries, nature films, et cetera.
I've produced--
- So y'all are looking for some kinda creature, aint you?
Some kinda monster.
- Yes, sir. The Native Americans call it the Thunderbird,
but I actually think what we're looking for
is more of a prehistoric reptile.
More pteranadon than a bird.
- Well you know, I've been ranging a damn long time.
I aint never seen nothing like that.
That's a big forest.
A lotta places it could hide.
- Yes, sir, that is, we are certainly hoping
to get some evidence for it there.
- Well like I said, I was a forest ranger for a while.
And I can get you in, I can get you out.
Safe and sound, no troubles to it.
- Well that's perfect.
Sounds like you have all the knowledge
and experience we need, so I'd like to just
offer you the position.
- Well, you know what, give me half upfront,
and when I get you back, give me the rest.
- Well, the thing is, we, um--
- We have a deferred payment contract.
That's standard for this--
- Half upfront.
- I think we can work something out.
Oh, I like that, Lester.
- Well, I actually brought all
the paperwork with me.
If there's a place we can sign, you know, we could just--
- Well I like you, Lester.
- I'm telling you, there's something
not right about that guy.
- Well, you know what?
He's the only one that's in our budget,
and we're plum outta time.
Paperwork is signed, so it's done.
- Okay, well, I'm telling you, if you hear banjo music,
you better run for cover.
- So we'll head to this point here,
because that's the most likely nesting grounds.
- What tells you that?
- Because there's a major water source here.
- Where, this pond?
- And then we've got all this foliage here.
Plenty of places to hide.
- Yeah, but we're talking about a large flying animal.
Okay, you see this? These are hunting trails.
If an animal of that size were ranging here,
it would have been spotted.
- You'd be surprised.
- Have you thought of the sort of ecosystem it would take
to support an animal of the size we're talking about?
- You're skeptical.
That's good, that's good. That's thinking like a scientist.
Don't you worry. I know what I'm talking about.
We are definitely gonna find some
evidence of that Thunderbird.
In fact, I wanted to talk to you about a theory
I have about its hunting method.
Well, Bigsby, nice of you to finally join us.
How about this lovely weather I got going for us?
- Hey, Lester.
- We were just going over our route.
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
- You don't need none of that.
Maps, GPSs, phones, any of that.
Don't worry about none of that.
- Well it could come in handy if there's an emergency.
- Phone aint gonna do you no good.
It's not like we got any kinda signal out here.
- Well I think we're gonna bring our phones anyway,
just to be safe.
- Okay, Lester.
- Hey, man, so you really think we'll run into a bear?
- Oh, hell yeah, there's all kinds of things out here.
There's black bears.
There's coyotes, elk.
Bald eagles, hawks.
Rattlers, copperheads.
Hell, I've seen all kinds of things out here.
Except some kind of a giant, flying lizard bird.
- Well, let's hope that's the one thing we do find.
- Oh, you better bet it's plenty dangerous out here.
And you best use your brains while you're
out here in the wild.
You're liable to lose them.
You ever seen brains, Lester,
sticking out the top part of the skull?
When the whole top part's been bit clean off?
- I can't say that I have.
- Nah, you don't gotta worry about that.
Well come on, y'all, we best get going.
We don't wanna lose sunlight before we get to campsite.
- That's right, that's right.
Everybody gather up your stuff and let's get going.
Chop chop.
- That guy is creepy?
- Creepy? Nah, man, spiders are creepy.
That guy is fucking terrifying.
- Well, let's, let's wait for everybody.
Oh hey, opportunity to tell you about that
hunting method I was talking to you about.
I don't think actually it would just fly
overhead all the time.
- Really?
- No, I think it would be too hard
to spot prey from above the canopy, you know.
- So you think it's more like the bird of prey?
Diving between the trees?
- Sorta, sorta.
- But with such a big wingspan.
- What I mean is, you know, I think it would be
in the trees and watch.
Then it would swoop down and stalk
its prey on the forest floor.
Oh, they're all here. Let's move on then.
Good, good.
- Ugh.
You all right, Horty.
- I'm all right.
- How you doing, Horty?
- Managing.
- If you need us to take a break,
you just let us know.
- I've hiked before. I'm straight.
It's fucking raining.
- Sh, sh, sh.
- Why did we stop?
- Thought I saw something.
I thought there was something scurrying in the bushes there.
Probably just a squirrel.
- Likely not gonna be our bird running through the bushes.
- Well, maybe.
I mean, like, okay, like what I was talking about.
You know, how it's up in the trees waiting and watching,
and then it jumps down and it stalks its prey on all fours.
- You think it's a quadriped?
- Yeah, that's the word.
I couldn't think of it in here.
Couldn't think of the proper entymology there.
- Etymology.
- You know, I'm dyslexic.
- How you doing, Lester?
- Good, we were just talking.
- I know you was just talking.
I was just listening.
Well, how you feeling?
Do you maybe wanna sit down, take a little break?
- No, no, I'm fine.
I think we should move on.
- I think that's real good, Lester.
I think we should move on.
- Okay, then.
Let's move on, people. Let's move on.
Come on.
Oh.
This field, right in the middle of the woods.
Honey?
- Oh my God, this is perfect.
I want the camera set up over there.
- Daylight's wasting. We need to keep marching.
- Let's get some establishing shots,
then I'm gonna do my monologue.
- That's reality.
Ooh, check that out.
This lake would be an excellent sustainable
food source for the creature.
I totally can imagine it coming down to snatch up fish.
- That's a lot of energy used just to catch a fish.
- I mean, I'm talking about it would scoop up
whole schools of fish, you know.
Like whales do.
- Honey, you're in the shot.
- Oh, sorry, hon.
- So you believe in all this Thunderbird nonsense?
- I don't give a shit.
- A job's a job, right?
- Long as I get paid.
- Did you hear about all those TV shows they've done?
- I don't watch TV.
- You have to light the right side of my face.
It's my best side.
- Hon, we can only work with what we've got.
- One more take, let's go.
- Okay, and ...
- It's been theorized that freshwater sources,
like this lake, provide plenty of opportunities
for the Thunderbird to fish, as well as attracting
larger prey as it drinks from the shore.
Cut.
Let me see.
Get some b-roll.
It's been theorized that freshwater sources,
like this lake, provide plenty of opportunities
for the Thunderbird to fish, as well as attracting
larger prey as it drinks from the shore.
Cut.
Let me see.
No, no.
No.
No, no.
- Well, I mean we can brighten it up in post.
- The lighting is off.
How can you not see how bad that looks?
- I thought it looked all right.
I mean you look, good.
- I don't wanna look good.
I want to look fucking amazing!
Fuck it, get the bounce board.
- We don't have a bounce board.
And, what good would it do anyway?
- What?
- We were never told to bring one.
- Wait wait wait, you didn't bring a bounce board
because you weren't told to bring a bounce board?
Is that what you're saying?
- That's just about the gist of it.
- Huh, okay, okay.
I didn't tell you to bring any toilet paper, either.
You planning on wiping your ass in the grass?
- Okay, okay, look, there was nothing
in the contract about bringing a bounce board.
- Goddam dumb motherfuckers.
- Okay, there is no need for that language.
- Lester!
- Oh my God, this is fucking ridiculous.
- Lester!
- I'm right here. What's wrong?
- What the hell are we paying these amateurs for?
- Jesus Christ.
- Well, what's wrong?
- The footage is shit.
- Oh, right.
You know what, honey.
We can get this shot on the way back, all right.
There'll be more light. It'll make you even more beautiful.
Okay?
- Fine.
- Hey, Lester, we need to get moving.
It's gonna be dark soon.
- You're right, Bigsby. Let's wrap it up, people.
And get on with it.
- Fucking hell, man.
- So, Afghanistan, huh?
- Yeah.
- Rough terrain?
- The land that God forgot.
- Hey, man, you got any ointment or bandages or something?
- Yeah, sure.
- Here, tear you off a piece of that.
Wrap it around your foot.
And next time you wear boots, not basketball shoes.
- Pass.
I don't think there's gonna be a next time.
- Here, put these on overnight, and you can wear
the bandages on your feet under your shoes for tomorrow.
- Thanks, man.
- So it musta been tough being a medic in the Army.
- Yeah.
- Bet you've seen worse than Horty's blisters.
- Yep.
- What was the worst thing, you think?
- The hardest thing was putting soldiers down.
You know, when they were so badly injured
and we didn't have the time or resources to help them.
And sometimes we didn't even have drugs.
So we'd use whatever we could to help make it easier.
And, they would be so out of it, and begging for it,
that we'd tell them, whether they could hear us or not,
that there was good grub waiting for them on the other side.
All they had to do was count to 10.
And then we'd count to 10 and then, they'd be gone.
- Oh God, it's a bear! My God, it's a bear!
- No bear, that's a false alarm.
There aint no bear.
- Why the fuck would you yell bear?
- I saw it.
- You did?
- It was huge.
I mean, I didn't get a good look, but it was right above us.
- A bear?
- What? No, the Thunderbird.
- Oh, Christ.
- You have got to be shitting me.
- It was right up in the trees, just like I thought,
just like I theorized.
- Oh my God, my fucking heart.
- It flew off that way. We have to follow it.
- We aren't following shit in this dark.
- But I saw it.
I mean, we shoulda had the cameras on.
We shoulda been recording.
- Of all the things, you coulda shouted,
why did you have to shout bear?
- Because it looked like a bear, it's dark.
I'm sorry.
- Still, that's pretty irresponsible, though.
- By dawn's light, we are heading off in that direction.
The nest has got to be in that direction.
- Lester, I think you need to get some sleep.
And we are not going off the trail.
- If it went that way, that's where we go.
- Did anyone else hear anything?
- Well, I can't be accountable for what might happen
to y'all if we go off the trail.
- But we have to find the nest. We've got to.
- Okay, Lester, if you say so.
But not till first light.
I think the rest of y'all need to get some sleep.
- Great.
If it's a bear, we could all die.
- Let's get some sleep.
- I fucking hate the woods, man.
- I think we should have a shot
where the camera glides between the trees.
- You're not serious?
- The Thunderbird flies between the trees, right?
So I wanna replicate that with a sequence
from the creature's point of view.
- Uh, hon, we aint got no drone.
- So?
- So it's kinda something that we can't really pull off.
- Well, if you looked at your contract,
you'd have noticed a teeny tiny clause that states
that if I request a shot, you have to give me
that shot to the best of your ability!
- Well, I think making the camera fly might be
a little bit beyond our ability.
- Lester!
- God, here we go.
- Lester. - Yeah.
- These fucking amateurs, these nobodies,
they're getting on my last nerve.
- This isn't the sorta shit that we signed up for.
- They're in violation of their contract.
- Well, just wait. Everybody take a breath, okay?
Horty, what's the problem?
- The problem is we can't do what's physically impossible.
- She wants a shot of the camera gliding through the trees.
- To simulate the Thunderbird POV.
- That's a great idea.
You just use a drone.
- We didn't bring a fucking drone, did we?
- This is ridiculous.
- No no no, now now, I hired you guys
because you're the best and the brightest in the business,
right, so what we're gonna do, we're gonna put
our heads together, we're gonna solve this.
- What do you expect us to do?
- We'll rig something up, you know, MacGyver something.
We got all that climbing equipment.
We got ropes, we got pulleys.
- No, nope, that's a accident waiting to happen.
I'm telling you.
- Think about it.
We string a rope between two trees, right, on an angle.
And then we can hook the camera into a harness
and then just let it zip along.
- It's gonna crash right into the tree trunk.
- So what we do is, we hook a rope
to the bottom, to control it.
- It could work.
- Well, whatever y'all do, best be doing it soon.
We're in bear country now.
- Really? You just had to say that?
- Come on, Horty.
- Well all right. Problem solved.
- All right, we gotta do it easy.
- You have to cut the slack.
- Easy, easy.
- You have to cut the slack.
- I'm trying.
- Cut that slack.
- I'll fucking do it, if you quit--
- You broke it.
- Son of a bitch, man!
- You fucking broke it!
- Dammit, I told you it wouldn't fucking work.
- I told you. - It's Horty's fault.
- What?
- You fucking, okay, okay, moron, all right?
Thick, empty-headed, piss and shit swimming around
in that hollow fucking skull of yours.
- I'm not doing this, man.
- Honey, please.
- No, do you know what he's cost us?
Do you know what your fucking butterfingers
has cost this production?
You ignorant, goddam, motherfuck--
- Oh fuck off!
That was our camera that you made us
put up in the fucking tree!
And you telling me that it cost you?
Are you insane?
Well fuck you, lady. I'm outta here.
- Horty, please.
- No, sorry, Les. I'm done, man.
- So what, you think you're quitting?
- You fucking bet I'm quitting.
And you paying us back for that camera, too.
- I'm not paying for shit.
- Oh, you're fucking paying.
I'm sorry, Lester, but she is out of control.
- Okay, guys, please, can we relax a minute?
- Nope, it's over. I'm done.
- Horty, please, come on.
- Dude, fucking forest, man.
Bugs and shit everywhere.
Les, I got blisters on my toes.
- Horty, you're not walking back by yourself.
- I thought this was supposed to be a walk in the woods,
not Lewis and fucking Clark.
- I get it's a setback, but we can bounce back from this.
- Dude, I got that bitch in my ear all day.
I don't need it, man. I don't fucking need it.
- Hey, Horty.
How you doing, Horty? Not good, huh?
Not too good at all.
You're not always gonna feel good out here.
You know, I don't think you like it out here.
I don't think you're made for it.
But you know, that's okay.
Hell's fire, I aint made for a whole lot of shit.
And I like you. Like you a lot.
I just didn't think we'd be saying goodbye quite so soon.
Do you have any mind as to where you're headed,
how to get there?
You know, a lot of folks, if they were lost
way out here, all alone, with bears and coyotes,
scary, dude.
Just think about it.
- Honey, I get it.
People make me crazy all the time, too.
But, you can't treat people like that,
talk to them like that.
They're not gonna wanna stay on your team.
Like it or not, these folks, they are our team.
Without them, we got no show.
Okay?
Okay.
- My toe hurts, man.
- You ever lug this much stuff around?
- Not like this.
- How's your back?
- It's been better.
- Well here, let's stretch you out.
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah, people underestimate
the importance of stretching.
- Let me grab this first.
You know, this isn't the sorta shit
that we signed up for, me and Horty.
- I really wish that they would act like
the experts that they claim to be.
- Yeah, they're so unprofessional.
And that girl, that woman, oh God.
She's just driving me up a wall.
Like, I just, I can't with her, I can't.
She's barking orders at us like we're, I don't even,
I don't even, I just.
You know what, I bet they're not even gonna pay us.
- Well with the rain and everything, if they don't pay us,
they're gonna have some really angry people coming at them.
- They're gonna have a lawsuit coming at them.
They're gonna have lawyers.
They're gonna have a mob of people coming after them.
They're just, mark my words, it's gonna happen.
- Is Horty okay?
- I don't even know where he went.
I thought I saw him running out in the distance.
- No, probably not.
He was complaining about his stomach hurting, I think.
- Yeah, I gotta keep an eye on that guy.
I don't think he's built for this.
- Oh, no, he is definitely not.
I was talking to his mom right before we came out here,
and she told me that about three years ago
he got beat up by this little girl on the playground.
Hasn't been the same since.
- Wow, three years?
- Yeah, it was three years ago, can you believe it?
- Wow, so how does something like that happen?
- Oh, well, she said that he was walking his dog,
like this little Pomeranian princess,
and he was walking her, and then he saw a little girl
on the swing set, and being the good person that Horty is,
went to go over to push her.
And then she was having a good time, like, woo,
and then she got off and just like turned.
You know how he always wears basketball shorts
and basketball shoes, well, yanked his pants down,
punched him in the nuts.
He fell over, screaming.
Well, the little Pomeranian turned on him too
and started yapping at his ankles.
And then she started knocking him in the nose.
And you know when you say it out loud,
does sound so rough, doesn't it?
- Uh, well, yeah, I guess that sounds like
a pretty traumatizing experience.
- Yeah, well, you live and you learn, right.
- Can you smell that?
You know what that is?
That's the smell of Thunderbird.
That's what that is, yes, sir.
- Are you okay?
- Ow, ow, fuck.
No.
- Where are your hurt?
- Oh, fuck, it's cramping, man, it's cramping.
Ow.
- Throw that off, throw that off.
All right.
So where it is on your leg?
- It's my ankle, my ankle.
- Okay.
- Oh my God, ow.
God, this is too fucking much, man.
- Can you walk?
- Of course I can walk.
I'm not no cripple. I just can't ...
- Easy, easy.
Well, it doesn't look like a sprained ankle.
- It's not a sprained ankle. It just fucking hurts.
- Yeah, possibly a stress fracture.
- Oh, goddam.
- You know what, we're losing light.
- I know we're fucking losing light.
What are you, Big Ben?
- I think we oughta make camp.
- I think we oughta go home.
- What?
- I think it's time we had that conversation.
- Well for right now, I think we should just make camp.
- No, no, no, we cannot make camp.
- Why not?
- Because, we have to keep going. We're close.
- Is he serious right now?
- Look, there's no way we can continue on
with her in the condition that she's in.
- Lester, why don't you wanna make camp?
- Because. Because we're close, we're so close.
- Oh, are we close, Lester?
- Yes, I can feel it.
Now we haven't gotten a single shot of the creature yet.
And I actually saw it, so I think we should keep going
till we get some footage.
- I think we should make camp for the night
and leave in the morning.
- I fucking agree with that shit.
- Yeah, me too.
- Okay, well, you know what?
The last time I checked, I was the one who was footing
the bill for this entire operation,
so I think maybe I should be the one who makes decisions
about whether or not we go home or not.
- Why are you insisting on this?
- Because I know what I saw, and we gotta get it on camera
so people finally believe me.
- Is that right, Lester?
You saw it with your own two eyes, that great big beast
monster that no other ranger in these
whole parts ever once seen?
- We are moving on, and that is final.
- Is that final, Lester?
You know what, what it look like? Big, yellow eyes?
- You know, if none of you moves on,
none of you is getting paid.
How about that?
- Y'all hear that?
Lester says, if we don't get a moving,
we don't get paid.
So I guess we better get a walking, like Lester says,
or we don't get paid.
Is that what you're saying, Lester?
- Well, why don't we just make camp for the night,
and then we'll figure it out in the morning?
- Lester, I think you better listen to your friend.
- Clarissa.
- We're a team. Whatever the team wants, right?
- Fine.
Good, for the team.
- Let's move.
- Make sure you guys are filming this.
What do you guys think, huh? Could be the creature.
- Man, aint no fucking bird did this.
- Yeah, it looks like a dead animal or something.
- I thought we were alone out here.
- Oh we're alone out here. We're plenty alone out here.
- What is that?
- Oh shit.
- Let met take a gander at that.
- What the fuck is that?
- Oh my God!
- You all smell that? That's the smell of death.
And you all woke it up.
- Holy Christ, man.
That motherfucker's dead as a motherfucker.
- Yeah, looks like it's for sure human.
And it's been dead for a long time.
- Where's the rest of the body?
- Do we call the cops, man? What do we do?
- You know, you go ahead and make that call, Horty.
Go ahead and make that call.
I think you're gonna find we don't have
any kinda signal out here.
Come on, y'all. We're losing daylight.
- How many bodies do you think
are buried under there?
- Aint no way to know.
- Whoa. Jesus.
Get out of there.
Oh, shit. Git, git, you dumb bear.
Help me, my pack.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Git, git, you dumb bear.
Oh, my pack.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
- Lester, the rope?
- Lester! - Get the rope.
- Lester, the rope now.
All right, forget the rope.
We gotta bring her back. Who's gonna help?
Y'all smell that? I smell death.
Bears know that smell, and you got it all over you.
- We need to find something to carry her on.
- It was Thunderbird.
It musta come down from the trees and attacked.
We were so close to the nest, it felt threatened.
I shoulda thought of that. I shoulda thought of it.
- Why you fucker!
- Horty, Horty, no.
No no no, I got you, I got you.
I got you, brother, it's all right.
- Fuck, fuck fuck!
The footage is ruined.
- You bitch!
You just watched this poor woman die,
and all you can think about is your footage?
I'm not playing anymore! We're going home!
- No, no no no, we can't.
We gotta go on, I mean for Reid if nothing else.
- No, we're going back.
- If you leave, you're in violation of your contract.
- That's right, that's right.
And none of you is getting paid.
- Fuck your money.
I'm taking them back, and both of you
will be brought up on charges.
- No no, no no, that had nothing to do with me.
My hands are clean.
I mean, Bigsby's the one in charge of safety anyway,
and it doesn't matter anyway, because you all signed
contracts that explicitly stated about acts of God.
I'm just pointing out the legal facts here.
- Legal facts? Are you serious?
Do you even have permits?
Lighting campfires near the trails.
I'll wait for there to be criminal charges
coming for both of you.
- Everything we've done here has been
done properly, understand?
- Properly?
Well, I bet none of this sort of thing
ever happened on Monster Quest.
- Monster Quest?
They aint no damn Monster Quest.
They aint shit.
They're liars, and they're cheats. That's what they are!
He sells car insurance.
And we do commercials for pastry shops.
- What? I thought you were a professor.
- No no no.
You know, everybody, we need to take a minute.
- Lester, I always knew there was something wrong with you.
- I'm a professional. We're all professionals here.
- Hey, Lester.
Lester, you got my money?
- Bigsby, we're all gonna be so rich
once we find that Thunderbird.
We're all gonna have bonuses.
You're gonna be a billionaire.
- Oh, Lester, you been exposed.
And now I guess we can all take our mask off,
show who we really are.
- Oh, James!
James, oh my God.
Aw, Jesus. Someone get his pack.
Shit, that psycho ape took everything.
Horty!
Horty, please!
- Man, leave me alone.
- Horty, please help me.
- Help you?
Help you what?
Help you watch him die?
- He's not gonna die.
- He's dead. He said so.
- Okay, Horty.
Horty, listen to me.
Yes, you're gonna help me. We're gonna carry him out.
- We don't know where we are. We got no food.
We got shit.
- He's not moving.
- He's passed out.
- Well maybe that's for the best.
- How? How is that for the best?
- Better to die in your sleep than awake and in agony.
- Well, what are we gonna do?
- We're fucking stranded. What can we do?
- God, I'm so sick of your whining.
Quit being a bitch!
- Oh, just shut the fuck up, please!
- Shut him up!
- Horty, what's wrong?
- I'm sick, man.
- What do you mean you're sick?
- It hurts. Like, it hurts so bad, I can't even walk, man.
- He's gonna bring that bear back or worse.
And then we'll all be dead.
It'll be your fault, stupid!
- That's enough!
I think you need to take a walk.
- You did not--
- Take a fucking walk!
Do it.
I was never very good at much.
When I was little, everybody just called me Les.
I found out one day, folks had a nickname
they used behind my back.
Less Than.
Because that's what I was.
Less than.
When I moved away to Tulla County,
I never went by Les again.
Always Lester.
Thought it would make a difference.
Like finding the Thunderbird.
I thought if I could just get evidence for it, you know,
I'd finally be something.
Something more than what I was.
More.
Not less.
Guess no matter what I do,
I'm always gonna be Less.
- Hey, bud, I'm sorry everything got stolen, man.
Guess you'll never get that footage, huh?
- Maybe we don't need it.
- Huh?
- We just need evidence.
It doesn't have to be the footage.
- What?
- Why didn't I think of this before?
- Think of what?
- Eggs, we just need the eggs.
Fucking hell
- Hey.
He's just suffering. There's nothing we can do.
We gotta go.
- We can't, we can't leave him.
- Clarissa and Lester are already gone.
Bigsby, he's gonna come back.
We gotta go. We gotta go.
- No please.
- We gotta go.
- Sorry!
- Time to clean up another mess.
Everything is fucking ruined.
The show, my life, everything.
Goddam Horty, stupid bitch Kyra!
Oh!
Woo, what?
- Please, Bigsby. Please, please, go away.
- Shit.
Kyra.
Oh, shit, shit.
- What's wrong, Horty?
- Whoa, I won't say shit.
- You fucking ruined everything.
You fucking ruined everything, Horty.
God dammit!
Squirm, squirm like a fucking worm.
- Hey, Lester.
You can't run from me.
Come on, boy, take it like a man.
You can't hide from me, boy.
Come on now, take it like a man.
Face me.
What the hell?
God bless it, Lester.
Now we're gonna have to go the messy route.
You know, Lester, you surprise me.
I didn't know you could be so much fun.
You know, most folks I bring out here,
pretty boring actually.
Don't have no adventure spirit.
They're wannabes.
Like that person y'all found back there, in the woods.
They were plum simple.
They didn't even put up no kinda fight.
You know, I oughta bury them a little deeper.
I guess those bears got to rooting around.
But you, Lester, you run. You fight.
You make this all worthwhile.
I think that makes us a lot alike, you and I, Lester.
We lie, and we'll cheat our way
into getting that big payoff.
But you know what? I'm gonna get my payoff.
All you're getting is offed.
Kinda ironic, don't you think?
Come out here looking for that big
beast monster of yours.
And found one, no dick, just not what you thought.
- Oh!
- Oh.
You little bitch.
Are you kidding?
Wow.
Pretty tough little dude.
Wow, wow.
- Oh, that bitch.
Kyra.
I was so worried.
Are you okay?
- No.
- Are you alone?
Where's Lester?
- Where's Horty?
- I don't know.
Here, give me your hand.
We should really get out of here.
- What's in your other hand?
Your other hand, what's in it?
- Kyra.
Ow.
No!
- Oh, ho ho.
Oh.
♪ You wanna be free ♪
♪ Do you dream? ♪
♪ Moving to the east side, moving to the east side ♪
♪ Look no further ♪
♪ Forgot what I need to say ♪
♪ Right now the thought of you can last all through the day ♪
♪ No need to bother ♪
♪ I got no easy way ♪
♪ Right now the thought of you can last all through the day ♪
♪ Can't you see? ♪
♪ Everyone is trying ♪
♪ To get a piece ♪
♪ Everyone is fighting, everyone is fighting ♪
♪ Look no further ♪
♪ Forgot what I need to say ♪
♪ Right now the thought of you can last all through the day ♪
♪ No need to bother ♪
♪ I got no easy way ♪
♪ Right now the thought of you can last all through the day ♪