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Previously, on "Brockmire."

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Butler. They truly are our eternal enemy

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It has begun, people!

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Not since Pearl Harbor has America seen

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such unprovoked aggression, people!

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I uploaded this yesterday.Look...
half a million hits.

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You're famous again!

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_

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_

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_

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_

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_

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Darling,

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I indeed,

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_

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_

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_

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_

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_

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Was her only line, "I am your wife?"

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It was kind of her catchphrase.

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Look, "Puso Sa Puso"
might not have passed

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the Bechdel Test or anything,

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but I'm telling you...
It was a big, fat hit.

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- I loved it.
- I didn't.

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That was physically painful to watch.

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Like my body was rejecting
it while watching it.

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Okay, don't listen to him. He just...

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I want a physical copy so I can burn it.

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He's too young to realize

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how brilliant your impersonation
of Bruce Boxleitner was.

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You're thinking of
"Scarecrow and Mrs. King."

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I meant, um, no,

34
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your impersonation of Pierce Brosnan.

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I was "Remington Steele."
I was Robert Wagner.

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But look, I don't want to
dwell on the over-abundance

37
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of '80s romantic crime procedurals.

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I just wanted you guys to see that

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I was actually famous
for something besides

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- having a legendary meltdown.
- Mm!

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The second meltdown video
is trending on Twitter again.

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What? That was two days ago.

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Who's still watching that stupid thing?

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Well, I mean, it got a big boost

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when it circulated through
local and national news.

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How is Jim Brockmire

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yelling at a minor-league
ball game national news?

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The news now is pretty much anything

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that was on the Internet yesterday.

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This is your baptism, people!

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Bathe in the blood of the
people who have wronged you!

52
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And come out cleansed on the other side.

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It's not a big deal.

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So a couple of people
saw your new video.

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2,800,014.

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Holy shit!

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And 90.

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You just said 14.

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I'm sorry. I'm refreshing it.

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It's addictive.

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2,800,206!

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10!

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Charles, I like you, but
if you keep saying numbers,

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I'm gonna take this game
bat that George Brett signed,

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"To Jim, you are where it's bat,"

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and I'm gonna tunnel it straight up...

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All right. You're overreacting!

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Oh, no, hey. No, I'm not.

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You do not know what it's like

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to see the same exact look
in every stranger's eye...

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the look that says, "I
already know who you are,

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and I just can't wait for
you to lose your shit again."

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This isn't like last time, Jim!

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I know.

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Last time, I could lock
myself in a motel room

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and eat quaaludes
until I hit rock bottom.

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But now... This is rock
bottom. There it is.

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And there's not a 'lude in sight, so...

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Now where am I supposed to go?

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Last time, you were a
national personality.

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This time, no one even
knows where to find you!

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We have to make sure everybody
knows where to find him.

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I can tag the location of
the stadium in the video.

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Ooh! And the home schedule.

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And if you mention the video,
you get two-for-one tickets.

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Wait, wait.

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Don't you feel bad about
using Jim like this?

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Aren't you guys in a
serious relationship?

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I can't let my relationship with him

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interfere with this plan!

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Gary and Pennsylvania Shale
are torpedoing attendance.

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I need this!

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And he's tougher than he looks.

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He cries every day.

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Only when he's blacked-out drunk.

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And besides, he's happiest
when he's in the public eye.

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- There he is!
- No, no, no. Please, no.

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- I don't do that.
- Sir! Please!

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Hey, crazy mother

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Do something crazy, mother.

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I'll be right back, okay?

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Excuse me, folks!

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- This mother.
- Hey!

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Okay, come on, people.

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Please! All right, okay.

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Everybody just relax!

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Hey! Hey!

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You want to see me lose my
shit? Is that what you want?

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That's what gets you
hard, you... piece of shit?

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Oh, God.

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Man... All right.

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Sorry. I'm... Excuse me, everyone. Hi.

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That's what gets you
hard, you... piece of shit?

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That's what gets you
hard, you... piece of shit?

115
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That's what gets you
hard, you... piece of shit?

116
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The hell is wrong with these assholes?

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- I'm getting mobbed down there.
- Hey, hey.

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They are not assholes.

119
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They just want a little bit of
heat from your Internet fame,

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like that you kid you just
screamed at downstairs.

121
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It just happened. How
do you know about that?

122
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Because that's Pussyhound14!

123
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He has 4 million followers on Vine.

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He uploaded the video of you just now.

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80,000 loops already.

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That's what gets you
hard, you... piece of shit?

127
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That's what gets you
hard, you... piece of shit?

128
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That's what gets you
hard, you... piece of shit?

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Oh, God. Yeah, I hate everybody.

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Hey, look.

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Screaming about a 10-year-old's dick...

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that is really on brand.

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I just want to applaud you for that.

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That's what gets you
hard, you... piece of shit?

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Swing and a miss. Strike 2.

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That makes the count 2 and 2.

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You may have noticed

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that Pedro Uribe is
using a very unique bat.

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Most bats are made of maple or ash,

140
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but Uribe is holding a
piece of birch in his hand.

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Birch combines the strength of mahogany

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with some of the
natural give of a willow

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or, well, even a palm.

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Hey.

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Are you being intentionally boring

146
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so you don't end up in another video?

147
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No, no, no, no, no. I'm ju...

148
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I'm educating these fans on
the different types of wood.

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That better be vodka.
That's not water, is it?

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Hey. I don't need alcohol
to make it through the day.

151
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Oh, that is awful.

152
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Oh, my God!

153
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70% of the earth is
made up of that shit?

154
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Ugh! How do the fish do it?

155
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Something interesting.

156
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Cedar is an interesting wood.

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It naturally grabs odor.

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That was boring as shit, Brockmire.

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They won the game 14 to 6.

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Whatever. Eat a dick.

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He's not wrong.

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Look, I know I let you down today,

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but I have to let

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some of this attention
die down, all right?

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You don't know what it's
like to have the whole world

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know you for your worst qualities.

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Better than being anonymous.

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Since the divorce, my kids
won't ever call me back...

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Oh, Jesus Christ, Johnny the Hat.

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I'm trying to have a
conversation over here.

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Since the kids won't
call me... My son...

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He doesn't know... He
doesn't... I'm his dad.

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What do you really want?

174
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What gets you out of bed in the morning?

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Uh, the urge to pee, usually.

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Bullshit.

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Deep down, you want to call
games in the majors again.

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That's what you want.
You came to America

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to crawl your way back up to the top.

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Look, even if that were true,

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this kind of publicity is not helping.

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Are you kidding?

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This publicity is the
only thing that can help!

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Well, maybe I don't
want it that way, huh?

185
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Well, tell me another way!

186
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I mean... nobody cares

187
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that you're good at
calling baseball games.

188
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What they care about is that

189
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you're a charismatic open wound!

190
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The spotlight found you again.

191
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If you step into it,

192
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you can take it anywhere you want.

193
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Well, I'm gonna have to think on this.

194
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Jim Brockmire was stuck.

195
00:07:53,049 --> 00:07:56,251
Ironically, the very
instrument of his destruction...

196
00:07:56,285 --> 00:07:59,388
the Internet... could
also be his salvation.

197
00:07:59,422 --> 00:08:00,457
But was that ironic?

198
00:08:00,489 --> 00:08:03,893
Brockmire wasn't always
sure about the definition,

199
00:08:03,925 --> 00:08:06,128
and that Alanis Morissette was no help.

200
00:08:06,162 --> 00:08:09,198
"10,000 spoons when all you need
a knife" would only be ironic

201
00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:12,802
if she was trapped inside
some kind of a knife factory.

202
00:08:12,835 --> 00:08:14,303
Does he know that he's talking out loud?

203
00:08:14,336 --> 00:08:16,338
It's like his way of processing things.

204
00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:17,973
It'll be over soon.

205
00:08:18,006 --> 00:08:20,876
Truth was, he was
tired of his own scent.

206
00:08:22,143 --> 00:08:24,846
"Desperation by Jim Brockmire."

207
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,081
And if internet fame

208
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,951
was, in fact, his golden ticket
back to the Major Leagues,

209
00:08:28,984 --> 00:08:32,155
well, he would suck Willy Wonka's dick

210
00:08:32,187 --> 00:08:34,156
just to get his hands on it.

211
00:08:34,189 --> 00:08:36,291
Johnny always wore his hat

212
00:08:36,324 --> 00:08:40,515
because it was the last
thing his kids got for him.

213
00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:42,699
Johnny always wore his hat

214
00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:44,100
'cause his kids got it for him

215
00:08:44,133 --> 00:08:46,936
on the last Father's
Day he ever saw them.

216
00:08:46,968 --> 00:08:48,203
It was used.

217
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:49,772
Probably left in the couch cushions

218
00:08:49,804 --> 00:08:52,207
by one of his wife's sex boyfriends.

219
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,242
Hey, Johnny the Hat, please.

220
00:08:54,276 --> 00:08:56,813
Giving introspective monologues
in the third person...

221
00:08:56,845 --> 00:08:57,913
that's my thing.

222
00:08:57,946 --> 00:08:59,381
Sitting sadly alone over there...

223
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:00,816
that's yours.

224
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:02,451
I don't like my thing.

225
00:09:02,485 --> 00:09:05,818
I would like a new thing.

226
00:09:05,888 --> 00:09:09,324
That ball cannot be
buried in a Jewish cemetery

227
00:09:09,358 --> 00:09:12,846
because it just got tattooed!

228
00:09:12,908 --> 00:09:14,029
I don't see why that's funny,

229
00:09:14,062 --> 00:09:16,398
but how many hit...
hits?... does that have?

230
00:09:16,432 --> 00:09:17,966
Uh, 200,000.

231
00:09:17,999 --> 00:09:20,403
200... And that's cat-me. I'm real me.

232
00:09:20,436 --> 00:09:22,405
I ought to be calling
games again in no time!

233
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,439
Yeah.

234
00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:26,341
What, why are you making that face?

235
00:09:26,374 --> 00:09:27,342
Huh?

236
00:09:27,375 --> 00:09:29,172
Oh, this is just...
This is my normal face.

237
00:09:29,257 --> 00:09:31,134
No, that's your worried
face. That's the face you make

238
00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:33,215
when I peel the labels
off my pill bottles

239
00:09:33,249 --> 00:09:34,841
and play "Chemical
Roulette" with myself.

240
00:09:34,896 --> 00:09:36,985
Uh, we're reaching the end
of our Internet-fame cycle,

241
00:09:37,018 --> 00:09:39,522
and these things move very fast.

242
00:09:39,555 --> 00:09:42,024
It starts with videos, then
memes, conventional media,

243
00:09:42,057 --> 00:09:44,202
late-night monologues, and then finally,

244
00:09:44,272 --> 00:09:47,062
if my mom's seen it, we're dead.

245
00:09:47,095 --> 00:09:48,971
Well, how long does all that take?

246
00:09:48,977 --> 00:09:50,518
Five days, a week tops.

247
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,036
And my mom just sent me the link.

248
00:09:54,068 --> 00:09:55,270
- We need to hurry.
- Well, hey.

249
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,973
Put me in, Coach. I
mean, uh, what's the plan?

250
00:09:58,007 --> 00:10:00,276
Okay, um, if we're going to

251
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,910
immediately capitalize on your fame,

252
00:10:01,943 --> 00:10:04,012
then we need to take a shotgun approach.

253
00:10:04,046 --> 00:10:06,918
Just insert you into a bunch
of popular video formats

254
00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:08,733
like acoustic versions of songs,

255
00:10:08,766 --> 00:10:11,736
charity dares, playful
dogs with Down Syndrome.

256
00:10:11,768 --> 00:10:14,104
But if none of those
hit, then I'm afraid

257
00:10:14,137 --> 00:10:16,040
we're gonna have to start moving our way

258
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:17,808
into creepy YouTube.

259
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:21,244
Like ASMR.

260
00:10:21,277 --> 00:10:23,213
What is ASM...

261
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:24,147
All right.

262
00:10:24,181 --> 00:10:27,183
Now, I'm gonna be
whispering about haircuts

263
00:10:27,217 --> 00:10:29,153
and maybe some bobcats.

264
00:10:29,185 --> 00:10:33,290
And then I'm gonna run my
hands across these beads.

265
00:10:33,324 --> 00:10:36,294
I'll be doing that for
about an hour and a half.

266
00:10:36,327 --> 00:10:37,695
Okay.

267
00:10:37,728 --> 00:10:39,030
So all of our other videos failed,

268
00:10:39,063 --> 00:10:42,133
but at least this one's
doing... fairly well.

269
00:10:42,165 --> 00:10:44,135
Somebody just commented that it

270
00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:47,704
feels like Brockmire just
gave his brain a handjob.

271
00:10:47,737 --> 00:10:51,776
Mleh. Speh.

272
00:10:51,809 --> 00:10:53,310
I'm calling it. We are done here.

273
00:10:53,343 --> 00:10:55,212
Just...

274
00:10:55,244 --> 00:10:56,212
I got you an interview.

275
00:10:56,246 --> 00:10:58,281
I got you an interview
on network television.

276
00:10:58,314 --> 00:11:00,284
Oh, my God. That's incredible!

277
00:11:00,316 --> 00:11:01,585
I mean, I wish you would have told me

278
00:11:01,618 --> 00:11:02,886
before I seduced a curtain,

279
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,656
but... hey, why didn't
you think of that, huh?

280
00:11:05,689 --> 00:11:06,457
I don't know.

281
00:11:06,489 --> 00:11:08,191
No one my age watches network TV.

282
00:11:08,224 --> 00:11:09,292
They're gonna fly you to New York,

283
00:11:09,325 --> 00:11:11,661
and you'll be able to tell
your side of the story.

284
00:11:11,694 --> 00:11:13,897
Oh, my God. I have been waiting 10 years

285
00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:15,098
to tell my side of the story.

286
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,666
I feel just like O.J.

287
00:11:16,699 --> 00:11:17,533
I know it.

288
00:11:17,568 --> 00:11:19,236
This is gonna be just the thing I need

289
00:11:19,268 --> 00:11:21,171
to get myself back into baseball.

290
00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:23,007
Yeah, yeah. This might work.

291
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,843
Because nobody my age
watches baseball, either.

292
00:11:25,876 --> 00:11:26,877
Shut up.

293
00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:31,372
I mean, seriously,

294
00:11:31,406 --> 00:11:34,642
it's like the wardrobe
of a Filipino gigolo.

295
00:11:34,675 --> 00:11:36,578
You say that like it's a bad thing.

296
00:11:36,611 --> 00:11:38,275
Hey. Wh... uh, aren't
you gonna pack my jacket?

297
00:11:38,354 --> 00:11:41,593
Am I gonna pack your
jacket? Are you crazy?

298
00:11:42,625 --> 00:11:44,494
It's iconic.

299
00:11:44,527 --> 00:11:47,163
It's also how I smuggle
drugs onto airplanes.

300
00:11:47,196 --> 00:11:48,298
- What?!
- Oh, yeah.

301
00:11:48,331 --> 00:11:49,432
What do you mean?

302
00:11:49,466 --> 00:11:52,502
I got a little secret
compartment right by the armpit.

303
00:11:52,536 --> 00:11:53,571
What?

304
00:11:53,604 --> 00:11:57,575
And 20 years of B.O. masks
the scent from the dogs.

305
00:11:57,608 --> 00:11:59,510
- No!
- Oh, yeah.

306
00:12:02,412 --> 00:12:04,447
You know, I'm a little nervous.

307
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,516
Last time I went on
national TV, it, uh...

308
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:08,386
it did not go well.

309
00:12:09,954 --> 00:12:12,023
I'm serious.

310
00:12:12,056 --> 00:12:13,190
This might be my last chance.

311
00:12:13,223 --> 00:12:14,625
Really. What if I...

312
00:12:14,657 --> 00:12:17,027
I screw it all up?

313
00:12:17,061 --> 00:12:19,263
Baby, you won't.

314
00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:22,032
Just remember... never
answer the question they ask.

315
00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:24,134
Answer the question
you wish they had asked.

316
00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:28,172
And at some point, stare
off in the distance,

317
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:29,573
make your lip quiver a little bit,

318
00:12:29,605 --> 00:12:31,575
and seem like you're gonna break down,

319
00:12:31,608 --> 00:12:33,077
and then smile through it.

320
00:12:33,109 --> 00:12:35,345
'Cause they... they
just eat that shit up.

321
00:12:35,378 --> 00:12:36,346
Okay?

322
00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:37,915
All right.

323
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,085
Hey, this things looks cleaner to me.

324
00:12:42,119 --> 00:12:43,086
Oh, yeah.

325
00:12:43,119 --> 00:12:47,590
I was able to get most
of the obvious stains out.

326
00:12:47,624 --> 00:12:50,027
Well, aren't you the sweetest thing?

327
00:12:52,028 --> 00:12:53,330
You want a hit?

328
00:12:53,364 --> 00:12:54,632
Of your B.O. joint?

329
00:12:54,665 --> 00:12:56,400
Sure, I'll take a little.

330
00:12:56,432 --> 00:12:57,601
Thought you might.

331
00:13:04,714 --> 00:13:06,650
You are as advertised.

332
00:13:07,010 --> 00:13:09,312
Well, very important
to stay hydrated, Bill.

333
00:13:09,345 --> 00:13:10,447
Darling?

334
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,383
I look all right?

335
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,986
- Tie straight, hair good?
- Mm-hmm.

336
00:13:15,025 --> 00:13:17,462
All right. Let's roll.

337
00:13:17,488 --> 00:13:19,156
So,

338
00:13:19,188 --> 00:13:21,257
Jim Brockmire, how are you?

339
00:13:21,291 --> 00:13:22,292
Well, still dreaming about

340
00:13:22,326 --> 00:13:23,460
getting back to the Major Leagues.

341
00:13:23,494 --> 00:13:25,396
That's how I am, Bill Douglas.

342
00:13:25,428 --> 00:13:28,465
- Uh, how are you?
- I'm... I'm fine, thanks.

343
00:13:28,499 --> 00:13:31,768
Seriously, though, Bill. I do miss it.

344
00:13:32,670 --> 00:13:34,472
I miss having the best seat in the house

345
00:13:34,504 --> 00:13:36,206
for the best game in the world

346
00:13:36,239 --> 00:13:38,743
and making every single
moment come alive for people.

347
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:43,347
Just, uh... O-On a good day...

348
00:13:48,389 --> 00:13:50,720
... it feels like...
you're a slice of apple

349
00:13:50,753 --> 00:13:53,590
in America's favorite
kind of pie, or something.

350
00:13:54,691 --> 00:13:56,660
What a great way to put that.

351
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,536
Hey! Everybody shut up!

352
00:14:05,569 --> 00:14:06,670
Jim's coming on in a few minutes.

353
00:14:06,704 --> 00:14:09,473
He might mention us on TV
and give our lives meaning.

354
00:14:09,505 --> 00:14:10,306
Hoo.

355
00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:11,542
You know, this whole experience

356
00:14:11,575 --> 00:14:13,076
had made me realize something.

357
00:14:13,109 --> 00:14:15,412
There are only three kinds
of people in America...

358
00:14:15,446 --> 00:14:18,114
rich people, poor
people, and famous people.

359
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,816
Rich people are just
poor people with money.

360
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,736
No, the only truly worthwhile
thing is being famous.

361
00:14:22,775 --> 00:14:24,621
And after this little interview airs,

362
00:14:24,654 --> 00:14:27,657
this famous guy is gonna
be well on his way back

363
00:14:27,691 --> 00:14:30,728
to calling Major League
baseball games again.

364
00:14:32,796 --> 00:14:34,632
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

365
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:37,601
Shh!

366
00:14:37,633 --> 00:14:39,436
Good evening. I'm Bill Douglas.

367
00:14:39,470 --> 00:14:41,398
Tonight's surprisingly candid

368
00:14:41,437 --> 00:14:45,341
and heartfelt interview
with Jim Brockmire...

369
00:14:45,374 --> 00:14:46,710
will not be seen, as
we have breaking news.

370
00:14:46,743 --> 00:14:49,146
- What?!
- No, no, no!

371
00:14:49,178 --> 00:14:50,613
What are you talking about?!

372
00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:53,451
- Oh, you cock-swallowing turds!
- Shh.

373
00:14:53,484 --> 00:14:57,388
A Taylor Swift-Drake sex
tape has leaked online.

374
00:14:58,489 --> 00:15:00,624
Some people had sex. So what?

375
00:15:00,657 --> 00:15:02,826
TMZ already has an
estimate of his dick size!

376
00:15:02,859 --> 00:15:05,162
I'm so sorry.

377
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,164
We are devoting our entire show...

378
00:15:07,196 --> 00:15:07,672
Ha!

379
00:15:07,678 --> 00:15:09,105
... to this disgusting
invasion of privacy.

380
00:15:09,133 --> 00:15:11,234
Swallow a turd!

381
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:15,688
Why did they cancel "Puso to P-Puso?"

382
00:15:15,721 --> 00:15:17,490
"Puso Sa Puso."

383
00:15:17,522 --> 00:15:19,358
Something about copyright infringement.

384
00:15:19,391 --> 00:15:20,259
I don't know.

385
00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:23,461
Robert Wagner... he's
got eyes everywhere.

386
00:15:23,494 --> 00:15:25,530
Anyway, I'm gonna die...

387
00:15:25,564 --> 00:15:28,534
alone and penniless
and in this piss puddle.

388
00:15:28,566 --> 00:15:31,469
- Hey! You're not alone!
- I'm sorry.

389
00:15:31,502 --> 00:15:34,040
Just... Just penniless
and in this piss puddle.

390
00:15:34,073 --> 00:15:35,708
That's the spirit.

391
00:15:35,741 --> 00:15:38,044
I have not been this disappointed

392
00:15:38,077 --> 00:15:40,379
since I owned a
racehorse with Al Michaels

393
00:15:40,411 --> 00:15:42,882
and O.J. Simpson called Nags to Riches.

394
00:15:42,915 --> 00:15:45,083
It's 5:00 A.M. Let's go.

395
00:15:45,117 --> 00:15:47,920
No, I want...

396
00:15:47,953 --> 00:15:49,755
I want to hear the rest of the story.

397
00:15:49,787 --> 00:15:51,456
Sorry, kid.

398
00:15:51,489 --> 00:15:53,825
Everybody always wants to
hear the end of the story.

399
00:15:53,858 --> 00:15:55,627
That's the one gift that God gave me

400
00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:57,997
that he did not wrap in shit.

401
00:15:58,030 --> 00:16:00,333
Let's get out of here.

402
00:16:00,366 --> 00:16:03,970
Too bad you can't get famous
jut for telling stories, huh?

403
00:16:05,371 --> 00:16:07,773
Wait! Hey! Wait!

404
00:16:07,805 --> 00:16:10,475
That's it! That's it!

405
00:16:10,508 --> 00:16:13,712
Listen. We need something...

406
00:16:13,746 --> 00:16:15,814
that will play to your strengths

407
00:16:15,848 --> 00:16:18,383
of loving the sound of your own voice

408
00:16:18,416 --> 00:16:21,086
and talking forever.

409
00:16:22,621 --> 00:16:25,491
Podcasts.

410
00:16:26,657 --> 00:16:30,362
It's like radio, but
it's not on the radio.

411
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:33,955
I mean, if you'd asked me

412
00:16:33,989 --> 00:16:35,924
who's more likely to commit murder,

413
00:16:35,958 --> 00:16:38,294
I would have said Al
Michaels, not O.J. Simpson.

414
00:16:39,395 --> 00:16:42,665
One time at the track, I
saw Al Michaels slap a dwarf

415
00:16:42,698 --> 00:16:44,785
because he did not like
the look on his face.

416
00:16:44,824 --> 00:16:47,269
I said, "Al, that's
just the man's face."

417
00:16:48,476 --> 00:16:50,406
I don't know, there's a
lesson in there somewhere,

418
00:16:50,439 --> 00:16:51,462
but I'll be darned if I know what it is.

419
00:16:51,508 --> 00:16:53,542
Anywhoodles, I have been Jim Brockmire,

420
00:16:53,574 --> 00:16:56,244
and this has been my first podcast.

421
00:16:56,277 --> 00:16:57,913
I... Are you kidding?

422
00:16:57,947 --> 00:16:59,783
I... Uh, pl... Before we leave you,

423
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,166
yet one more message from Stamps.com.

424
00:17:02,202 --> 00:17:03,337
My goodness.

425
00:17:10,241 --> 00:17:12,277
Ah!

426
00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:16,564
Brockmire, what are you doing?

427
00:17:16,598 --> 00:17:18,199
Shit. Sorry.

428
00:17:18,232 --> 00:17:19,602
Force of habit.

429
00:17:21,636 --> 00:17:22,705
Who is it?

430
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:25,408
Jim, Jules! Open up!

431
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,543
- Oh, my God.
- Look. Hey.

432
00:17:27,575 --> 00:17:30,445
Okay, I had to come
over as soon as I heard.

433
00:17:30,478 --> 00:17:34,016
- Heard what?
- "This American Life."

434
00:17:34,048 --> 00:17:37,185
Jim, come here.

435
00:17:37,218 --> 00:17:39,322
Or stay. It's okay.

436
00:17:39,354 --> 00:17:41,356
This is... This is an excerpt
from Internet celebrity

437
00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:44,093
Jim Brockmire's new
podcast, "Brock Bottom."

438
00:17:44,125 --> 00:17:45,728
That's what he calls
it... it's "Brock Bottom."

439
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,562
Each episode of the show includes

440
00:17:47,595 --> 00:17:50,732
everything from shameful
stories about his past

441
00:17:50,766 --> 00:17:53,335
to these improvised rants during games.

442
00:17:53,369 --> 00:17:56,205
I have to say, this is
like nothing else out there.

443
00:17:56,237 --> 00:17:58,373
I cannot recommend it highly enough.

444
00:17:58,407 --> 00:18:00,223
He likes him? That's neat.

445
00:18:00,316 --> 00:18:03,012
That guy's voice is like a human nap.

446
00:18:03,043 --> 00:18:04,513
I'm going back to bed.

447
00:18:04,545 --> 00:18:05,715
Jim, you don't get it!

448
00:18:05,747 --> 00:18:07,749
This is Ira Glass!

449
00:18:07,783 --> 00:18:10,337
He is the King Dick of non-profit media.

450
00:18:10,415 --> 00:18:13,176
Look, getting a recommendation from him

451
00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:17,144
is like... hall-of-famer...

452
00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:20,941
baseball guy saying that, um...

453
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:24,526
other baseball person is
going to be the next great...

454
00:18:27,897 --> 00:18:29,599
- ... shortstop?
- I'm gonna have to insist

455
00:18:29,632 --> 00:18:32,267
that you learn something about baseball.

456
00:18:32,301 --> 00:18:33,903
Jim!

457
00:18:33,936 --> 00:18:36,239
Come on! He vouched for you!

458
00:18:36,272 --> 00:18:38,274
Hell, he recommended you!

459
00:18:38,306 --> 00:18:39,909
We are in the big time now.

460
00:18:39,941 --> 00:18:41,844
You may not feel it now,
but you better strap in

461
00:18:41,878 --> 00:18:44,047
'cause you're about
to feel the Glass bump.

462
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,215
- That's right.
- Get out of my house.

463
00:18:45,247 --> 00:18:46,882
Okay. All right.

464
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:49,052
- Get ready, Jim!
- Get out.

465
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:52,588
- Get ready for it!
- Get out!

466
00:18:52,622 --> 00:18:54,356
Today, we bring you
stories of comeback kids.

467
00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:56,593
Coming up later, and your bird can sing!

468
00:18:56,625 --> 00:18:58,360
The incredible tale of one endangered

469
00:18:58,393 --> 00:19:00,229
California condor, but first...

470
00:19:00,263 --> 00:19:01,930
Blast from the Pastime...

471
00:19:01,964 --> 00:19:05,335
Can baseball save a town
destroyed by fracking?

472
00:19:05,368 --> 00:19:09,072
Jim Brockmire thinks it can.

473
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,242
Never mind.

474
00:19:17,313 --> 00:19:19,616
Uh, hey there.

475
00:19:19,649 --> 00:19:22,252
Uh, Charles. Hey.

476
00:19:22,285 --> 00:19:25,388
Um, who are all these bespectacled

477
00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:27,356
and ironically dressed people?

478
00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:30,093
Remember when I told
you about the Glass bump?

479
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:32,027
You got his fans.

480
00:19:32,061 --> 00:19:34,063
Rich white people who feel
bad about being rich and white

481
00:19:34,095 --> 00:19:36,665
who want an authentic experience
that doesn't scare them.

482
00:19:36,699 --> 00:19:38,534
Uh-huh.

483
00:19:38,566 --> 00:19:39,669
Howdy, folks.

484
00:19:39,701 --> 00:19:41,036
Hi!

485
00:19:41,070 --> 00:19:42,505
Mark!

486
00:19:42,537 --> 00:19:44,239
Find the money in the stands.

487
00:19:44,273 --> 00:19:46,242
If they're wearing a shirt for
a band you've never heard of,

488
00:19:46,275 --> 00:19:48,011
keep the beers flowing.

489
00:19:48,044 --> 00:19:50,013
Jules. What the hell is going on?

490
00:19:50,045 --> 00:19:51,980
This place looks like a god
damn Vassar College reunion.

491
00:19:52,014 --> 00:19:54,383
I don't have time for
your bullshit, Gary.

492
00:19:54,417 --> 00:19:55,985
Pennsylvania Shale may be just

493
00:19:56,017 --> 00:19:58,121
a mom-and-pop natural-gas company

494
00:19:58,153 --> 00:20:00,522
that barely makes $2 billion a year.

495
00:20:00,555 --> 00:20:02,491
But if you and Ira Glass

496
00:20:02,525 --> 00:20:04,360
think you can crush us
under the boot of NPR,

497
00:20:04,392 --> 00:20:06,562
get ready for a big surprise.

498
00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:10,098
We can fight just as dirty as...

499
00:20:10,132 --> 00:20:12,000
Nobody fights dirtier than me.

500
00:20:12,034 --> 00:20:14,536
Hey, anybody seen Brockmire?

501
00:20:14,570 --> 00:20:18,207
That was a direct hit. Direct hit.

502
00:20:18,239 --> 00:20:20,142
We are definitely not the only
Brock-Heads in our neighborhood.

503
00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:22,278
- Brock-Heads?
- We would love to lure you

504
00:20:22,311 --> 00:20:23,713
out to Brooklyn for a show.

505
00:20:23,746 --> 00:20:25,113
- Yeah.
- So, uh, honey...

506
00:20:25,147 --> 00:20:27,250
- Here.
- Okay.

507
00:20:27,283 --> 00:20:29,285
Huh. Well, thank you, folks.

508
00:20:29,317 --> 00:20:31,019
Very nice to meet both of you.

509
00:20:31,053 --> 00:20:32,421
Thank you. Thanks. Thank you.

510
00:20:32,455 --> 00:20:33,689
Come on, honey.

511
00:20:33,722 --> 00:20:34,990
Okay.

512
00:20:35,024 --> 00:20:36,592
- Hi.
- Oh!

513
00:20:36,624 --> 00:20:39,228
Excuse me a second.

514
00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:40,228
Hey.

515
00:20:40,262 --> 00:20:41,531
- Hey.
- Look at this!

516
00:20:41,564 --> 00:20:44,266
Can you believe this,
darling? I owe it all to you.

517
00:20:44,299 --> 00:20:47,269
Um, actually, I'm the one
who came up with the podcasts.

518
00:20:47,303 --> 00:20:48,638
Yeah, but she was the
one that convinced me

519
00:20:48,670 --> 00:20:50,006
to follow my dream, all right?

520
00:20:50,038 --> 00:20:51,574
A dream which is looking like

521
00:20:51,606 --> 00:20:54,176
it's gonna get me the hell
out of Morristown, baby.

522
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:56,112
So we are celebrating tonight,

523
00:20:56,144 --> 00:20:58,213
and I mean big time.

524
00:20:58,247 --> 00:21:00,115
- I can't drink.
- What are you talking about?

525
00:21:00,149 --> 00:21:03,151
Uh-oh. You got one of them...
one of them UTIs again?

526
00:21:03,185 --> 00:21:04,354
You on the antibiotics? All right.

527
00:21:04,387 --> 00:21:05,588
No booze, no booze. Hey.

528
00:21:05,621 --> 00:21:07,622
We'll just stick to the yayo.

529
00:21:07,655 --> 00:21:10,025
I'm pregnant.

530
00:21:20,236 --> 00:21:21,403
Oh.

531
00:21:25,207 --> 00:21:27,043
Attaboy.

532
00:21:38,353 --> 00:21:40,055
Sorry.

533
00:21:40,089 --> 00:21:41,424
Oh, Jesus.

534
00:21:42,725 --> 00:21:44,761
Get out of here!

535
00:21:44,797 --> 00:21:48,864
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