1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,558 Wassup, people! 2 00:00:01,559 --> 00:00:03,257 Welcome, to the Marlon Way. 3 00:00:03,258 --> 00:00:05,254 I'm Marlon. Good news! 4 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:08,157 We just hit 6 million subscribers! 5 00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:10,192 Woo! [blows party horn] 6 00:00:10,194 --> 00:00:13,562 I woke up this morning at 5:15 a.m., 7 00:00:13,564 --> 00:00:16,666 and I thought to myself, why am I up so early? 8 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:20,770 But more importantly, why am I the only one up this early? 9 00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:23,806 So I decided to drive over to my ex-wife Ashley's house 10 00:00:23,807 --> 00:00:25,808 to invite her and the kids to join me. 11 00:00:25,809 --> 00:00:28,110 - Ashley! - [screams] 12 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,912 - [laughs] - Marlon, get 13 00:00:29,913 --> 00:00:31,881 - [rings cow bell] Marley! - [screams] 14 00:00:31,882 --> 00:00:33,282 [groans] - [laughs] 15 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,718 Why are you my dad? 16 00:00:35,719 --> 00:00:38,421 [suspenseful music] 17 00:00:38,422 --> 00:00:41,290 - Surprise! - [screams] 18 00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:46,228 ♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon... ♪ 19 00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:47,630 ♪ Marlon, Marlon 20 00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:53,836 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 21 00:00:57,574 --> 00:00:59,075 ♪ 22 00:00:59,076 --> 00:01:02,578 Marley! Zack! What the... 23 00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:04,280 Hey, Mom! Check out the fort. 24 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,049 - You like it? - It's, uh, it's amazing. 25 00:01:07,050 --> 00:01:08,651 It was Dad's idea. 26 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,354 Pretty cool, huh? 27 00:01:11,355 --> 00:01:15,758 It's super cool, and you used my expensive sheets. 28 00:01:15,759 --> 00:01:17,126 You want to see inside, Mom? 29 00:01:17,127 --> 00:01:18,661 I would love to, thank you. 30 00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:21,897 Both: Hold up. What's the password? 31 00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:23,833 Here's the hint: What do Dad and I love 32 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,901 more than anything in the world? 33 00:01:25,902 --> 00:01:28,270 Farts. 34 00:01:28,272 --> 00:01:30,106 - Oh, she's good! - She know us well! 35 00:01:30,107 --> 00:01:31,941 [both laugh] 36 00:01:31,942 --> 00:01:34,176 That's a good guess, but that's not it. 37 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,946 What's the one thing in the world that the kids and I 38 00:01:36,947 --> 00:01:39,982 - cannot live without? - Wait, Marley's in there? 39 00:01:39,983 --> 00:01:42,818 I'm in the library. Can you please keep it down? 40 00:01:44,154 --> 00:01:45,888 Come on, Ash, guess the password. 41 00:01:45,889 --> 00:01:47,623 - I don't know the password. - Come on. 42 00:01:47,624 --> 00:01:49,125 And I have to put these groceries down. 43 00:01:49,126 --> 00:01:50,760 [groans] All right. 44 00:01:50,761 --> 00:01:53,629 Hey, you fortify the ceiling in the rumpus room. 45 00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:56,899 And don't use the toilet yet, okay? 46 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,167 - Marlon? - Hey. 47 00:01:58,168 --> 00:02:00,336 Why is it that the really big, 48 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,705 disruptive projects always happen at my house? 49 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,107 Well, for one thing, I only got one set of sheets. 50 00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:08,310 [chuckles] You don't want to use those. 51 00:02:08,312 --> 00:02:10,012 - Here, hold this. - Mm-hmm. 52 00:02:10,013 --> 00:02:11,747 Now, I want you to smile. Act like you like it. 53 00:02:11,748 --> 00:02:12,815 1, 2, 3, say, "cheese." 54 00:02:12,816 --> 00:02:14,350 - Cheese! - Okay. 55 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,118 Okay, so what did we just sell? 56 00:02:16,119 --> 00:02:19,776 We just sold Paco's Alcohol-Free Tequila. 57 00:02:21,380 --> 00:02:23,614 - Alcohol free booze? - Yeah. 58 00:02:23,694 --> 00:02:26,274 - What's the point? - Yeah, I know, right? 59 00:02:26,349 --> 00:02:28,292 I like making bad decisions. 60 00:02:28,293 --> 00:02:30,965 All I know is they are paying me to heighten the awareness to the brand. 61 00:02:30,966 --> 00:02:32,470 So, are you going to stay for dinner? 62 00:02:32,471 --> 00:02:35,823 Hmm, let me see - stay and have a nice home cooked meal with you and the kids 63 00:02:35,824 --> 00:02:38,898 or go home and listen to Stevie tell me the scientific reasons 64 00:02:38,899 --> 00:02:41,977 why the "Walking Dead" could never happen? 65 00:02:41,978 --> 00:02:43,979 Yeah, I think I'll stay here. 66 00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:46,382 All right. Um, did you talk to Marley 67 00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:48,284 about our meeting with Ms. Frye? 68 00:02:48,285 --> 00:02:51,887 No, you said never to parent when you're not in the room. 69 00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,028 - Marlon? - Huh? 70 00:02:59,029 --> 00:03:00,129 Where's the coffeemaker? 71 00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:01,931 It's in the fort. 72 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:05,301 We're opening a Starbucks behind the recliner. 73 00:03:05,302 --> 00:03:10,339 Hey, make your mama a nonfat mocha latte with frappuccino! 74 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,975 Extra stevia, please, and almond milk! 75 00:03:12,976 --> 00:03:16,645 Ash, this fort is gonna be lit. 76 00:03:16,646 --> 00:03:19,048 There's gonna be a VIP section, we're gonna have a DJ, 77 00:03:19,049 --> 00:03:20,783 we're gonna get a bouncer to keep out 78 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,985 all the gold-digging psychos that can't get a Laker. 79 00:03:24,588 --> 00:03:26,889 Hmm, looks like we're gon' need that bouncer 80 00:03:26,890 --> 00:03:29,125 a lot quicker than I thought. 81 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:31,193 - Marlon. - Yvette. 82 00:03:32,162 --> 00:03:33,518 I thought you divorced him. 83 00:03:33,519 --> 00:03:35,865 He's here more now than when you were married. 84 00:03:35,866 --> 00:03:38,200 Oh, this should be good... marriage advice from a girl 85 00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:41,203 whose longest relationship was All-Star weekend. 86 00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,341 See... [scoffs] 87 00:03:45,342 --> 00:03:47,743 - that was the old Yvette. - Hmm. 88 00:03:47,744 --> 00:03:53,415 I have a long-term boyfriend now, and his name is God. 89 00:03:53,417 --> 00:03:56,485 I hope he got some penicillin. 90 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:59,054 Um, excuse me, I'm celibate. 91 00:03:59,055 --> 00:04:02,291 Yeah, well, you sell-a-bit of that to somebody else. 92 00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:04,994 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on now. 93 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,929 Yvette, did you, uh, bring the shoes? 94 00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:09,265 Girl, you know I brought the shoes. 95 00:04:09,266 --> 00:04:11,133 Hold on, no, no. W-w-what's with the shoes? 96 00:04:11,134 --> 00:04:15,004 Oh, Ashley's got plans tomorrow night. 97 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,438 Mm-hmm. No. [mocking laugh] 98 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,105 Ashley, I made family plans tomorrow night. 99 00:04:19,106 --> 00:04:20,543 I got me, you, and the kids tickets to see 100 00:04:20,544 --> 00:04:22,444 the new horror movie "Slaughter Camp." 101 00:04:22,446 --> 00:04:24,980 Oh, well, Marlon, I wish you would've told me sooner. 102 00:04:24,981 --> 00:04:27,416 - I have plans tomorrow night. - Well, cancel them. 103 00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:29,451 She can't cancel them. 104 00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:34,523 - She's right, Marlon. - Come on. 105 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,159 What plans y'all got? What y'all going to do? 106 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,095 Stand outside of a club watching all the 21-year-olds get in 107 00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:44,366 while y'all sit there, ashy, eating street meet? 108 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,368 Is that more important than spending quality time 109 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,137 - with your family? - Dad! 110 00:04:48,138 --> 00:04:49,838 I used the fort toilet! 111 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:53,843 Son, come on! That's your mama's Crock-Pot! 112 00:04:53,844 --> 00:04:56,045 - Come on. - See? 113 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,980 That proves that you need a night out. 114 00:04:57,981 --> 00:05:02,484 Yeah, but he made family plans to see "Slaughter Camp." 115 00:05:02,486 --> 00:05:05,287 It ain't always about Marlon. 116 00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:07,857 Girl, you're the one who ended this marriage. 117 00:05:07,858 --> 00:05:09,792 Why are you acting like you're still married? 118 00:05:09,793 --> 00:05:11,927 Well, you know, maybe if you ever get married 119 00:05:11,928 --> 00:05:13,496 and have children one day, you'd understand. 120 00:05:13,497 --> 00:05:15,998 Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! 121 00:05:15,999 --> 00:05:19,168 So now you throwing shade? [laughs] 122 00:05:19,169 --> 00:05:22,371 God ain't ready for that just yet. 123 00:05:22,372 --> 00:05:25,474 ♪ 124 00:05:25,475 --> 00:05:26,976 What's up, people? 125 00:05:26,977 --> 00:05:28,844 You know what goes great with spaghetti? 126 00:05:28,845 --> 00:05:31,280 Paco's Alcohol-Free Tequila. 127 00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:34,149 And the babies love it too. Ain't that right, son? 128 00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:38,087 Thanks for the margarita, Dad. 129 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,522 Ahh! 130 00:05:40,524 --> 00:05:43,392 Marlon, you cannot post a video 131 00:05:43,393 --> 00:05:45,227 of a child drinking a margarita. 132 00:05:45,228 --> 00:05:47,563 You can if it's alcohol-free. Drink up, son. 133 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,498 - Choke, choke, choke, choke! - Okay! 134 00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:51,333 - Turn up! Turn up! Turn up! - Okay, stop, stop! 135 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,969 Okay, I think it's time we put our phones away. 136 00:05:53,970 --> 00:05:55,871 - [groans] - Marley... 137 00:05:55,872 --> 00:05:57,239 Daddy and I need to talk to you. 138 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,041 Ooh, Marley's in trouble! 139 00:05:59,042 --> 00:06:01,043 This is new! [chuckles] 140 00:06:01,044 --> 00:06:04,079 No one is in trouble, Zack. Okay? 141 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,115 Marley, we sat with your counselor today. 142 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,384 She said that you seem a bit withdrawn, 143 00:06:08,385 --> 00:06:12,388 and we just want to make sure that you're okay. 144 00:06:12,389 --> 00:06:14,223 Okay. 145 00:06:14,224 --> 00:06:17,259 There are these girls at school... Tiffany and Claire. 146 00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:20,062 They tweeted that I was a nerd just because I told Ms. Perkins 147 00:06:20,063 --> 00:06:23,065 I had a passion for young adult literature. 148 00:06:23,066 --> 00:06:26,635 That is very nerdy behavior. 149 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,104 Wait. Hold up. You're being bullied? 150 00:06:29,105 --> 00:06:31,640 But you go to an all-white private school. 151 00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:36,178 What does that mean, Marlon? 152 00:06:36,179 --> 00:06:39,081 She's black. 153 00:06:39,082 --> 00:06:42,351 If this was "Charlie Brown," she's Franklin. 154 00:06:45,255 --> 00:06:47,489 Black girls can't get bullied by little white girls. 155 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,626 Listen, white people are genetically predisposed 156 00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:53,429 to fear black people. 157 00:06:53,430 --> 00:06:56,231 - Marley... - Google it! 158 00:06:56,232 --> 00:07:00,302 Okay, Marley, just talk to the girls. 159 00:07:00,303 --> 00:07:02,938 You tell them bullying is wrong. 160 00:07:02,939 --> 00:07:07,042 What in "The Brady Bunch" are you talking about? 161 00:07:07,043 --> 00:07:10,245 No, Marley, listen to Daddy. Okay, if them girls step to you, 162 00:07:10,246 --> 00:07:12,948 you just got to act a little ghetto. 163 00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:14,416 You know what I'm saying? 164 00:07:14,417 --> 00:07:16,719 They come at you, you gotta be like, "Oh, hell no! 165 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,721 "Oh, hell no! 166 00:07:18,722 --> 00:07:21,457 "I know you ain't! I know you ain't! 167 00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:26,328 This what I wanted you to do! This what I wanted you to do!" 168 00:07:26,329 --> 00:07:28,197 Then you gotta pull out your Vaseline, 169 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,965 start putting Vaseline on your face, 170 00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:33,936 start braiding your hair just like you mean business. 171 00:07:33,937 --> 00:07:36,271 Then after that, I want you to go, "No, it's all peace. 172 00:07:36,272 --> 00:07:38,107 It's all peace. It's good. We good." 173 00:07:38,108 --> 00:07:40,676 Then I just want you to walk away, and then you go, 174 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:44,179 "I lied, bitches! You gon' get it! 175 00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,315 "You don't know me! I don't know me! 176 00:07:46,316 --> 00:07:49,118 My mama don't know me, and I came out of her!" 177 00:07:49,119 --> 00:07:51,387 Then I want you to get clapping on them, "No, I told you, 178 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:55,324 you better leave me alone! I am not the one!" 179 00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:58,160 You do that, I guarantee you they gon' take off running, 180 00:07:58,161 --> 00:07:59,695 and they never gon' mess with you again, okay? 181 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,597 - Mm-hmm. - Muah. 182 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:08,237 Marley... please ignore Daddy's advice. 183 00:08:09,372 --> 00:08:11,006 Baby girl, trust me. 184 00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:14,143 If you "black up," they gon' back up. 185 00:08:16,046 --> 00:08:18,480 Now let us pray. 186 00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:23,252 ♪ 187 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:26,622 Marlon, your cable's broken. 188 00:08:26,623 --> 00:08:30,392 The only channel you're getting is the Oprah Winfrey Network. 189 00:08:30,393 --> 00:08:32,494 If I have to watch another Tyler Perry movie, 190 00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:35,030 I may become a racist. 191 00:08:38,201 --> 00:08:42,371 Stevie, you asked to crash on my couch for two weeks. 192 00:08:42,372 --> 00:08:46,375 Brother, it's been two years! 193 00:08:46,376 --> 00:08:49,111 Oh, is that all you remember about our past? 194 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,613 Do you not recall that it was me, Stevie, 195 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,049 who told you to post your first video to YouTube? 196 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:56,118 Okay, okay, you might've been instrumental 197 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,686 in the launching of my career. 198 00:08:57,687 --> 00:09:00,289 Instrumental? Instrumental? 199 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,058 I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch. 200 00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:04,526 "Bitch"? 201 00:09:04,527 --> 00:09:07,096 I was using your misogynistic vernacular 202 00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:09,364 to drive home my point. 203 00:09:09,365 --> 00:09:12,701 Well, let me drive home my point. 204 00:09:12,702 --> 00:09:15,404 Get a job, bitch. 205 00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:16,638 Marlon, if I may, you're being 206 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,607 a bit more aggressive than usual. 207 00:09:18,608 --> 00:09:21,577 Is there anything you want to share with me? 208 00:09:21,578 --> 00:09:23,412 All right. 209 00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:25,481 For the first time ever, 210 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,449 Ashley's bailing on family plans. 211 00:09:27,450 --> 00:09:29,651 She would have loved "Slaughter Camp." 212 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,453 I mean, the fun of watching a horror movie is watching her 213 00:09:31,454 --> 00:09:33,122 scream at the top of her lungs, 214 00:09:33,123 --> 00:09:35,390 "Aah! Don't go in there!" 215 00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:37,092 I love that. 216 00:09:37,093 --> 00:09:41,230 That's frustrating. 217 00:09:41,231 --> 00:09:42,598 You know what might make you feel better? 218 00:09:42,599 --> 00:09:45,434 You moving your broke ass off my couch? 219 00:09:45,435 --> 00:09:50,239 [laughs] No, that's not what you want. 220 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,307 You want to take me to "Slaughter Camp" instead. 221 00:09:52,308 --> 00:09:55,244 I'll scream louder than Ashley. 222 00:09:55,245 --> 00:09:58,514 Okay, deal, but you gotta change your shirt first. 223 00:09:58,515 --> 00:09:59,782 What's wrong with this shirt? 224 00:09:59,783 --> 00:10:02,217 It's mine. 225 00:10:02,218 --> 00:10:04,086 Guess I have to change my underwear too. 226 00:10:05,755 --> 00:10:08,257 ♪ 227 00:10:08,258 --> 00:10:10,526 Marlon, this is the fifth message 228 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,128 that I have left for you! It's almost 7:00! 229 00:10:13,129 --> 00:10:14,863 And I know any minute you're gonna walk in here 230 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,466 - and you're gonna say... - I'm sorry I'm late, 231 00:10:17,467 --> 00:10:19,134 but I have a really good excuse. 232 00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:21,270 Really? What is it? 233 00:10:21,271 --> 00:10:22,538 Actually, I thought you'd say, 234 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:23,672 "I don't want to hear no excuses." 235 00:10:23,673 --> 00:10:26,041 So I didn't come up with any. 236 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,410 That's what I thought. Okay, kids, time to go. 237 00:10:28,411 --> 00:10:29,711 - Hi, Stevie, bye, Stevie. - Kids! Hey! 238 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,281 - Have fun at "Slaughter Camp." - Muah! 239 00:10:32,282 --> 00:10:35,484 Hey, you guys ready to see Uncle Stevie scream like a girl? 240 00:10:35,485 --> 00:10:37,119 All: Yeah! 241 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,621 Ha ha! Hey, hey, hey, where you going? 242 00:10:39,622 --> 00:10:41,323 So Ashley is cool with you building forts 243 00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:42,591 in the middle of her house? 244 00:10:42,592 --> 00:10:44,660 Dude, Ashley is cool with everything. 245 00:10:44,661 --> 00:10:46,543 If she's so cool, why don't you guys get back together? 246 00:10:46,544 --> 00:10:49,198 No, we're better off separated. 247 00:10:49,199 --> 00:10:51,466 - Look, my life is perfect. - [doorbell rings] 248 00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,302 I get to do my things with the ladies. 249 00:10:53,303 --> 00:10:55,337 I get to hang with Ashley and the kids. 250 00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:56,805 I get to have my cake and eat it too. 251 00:10:56,806 --> 00:10:58,840 I wouldn't change a damn thing. 252 00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:01,643 Hi. 253 00:11:01,644 --> 00:11:03,512 I'm here to pick up Ashley. 254 00:11:05,481 --> 00:11:07,516 Aw, hell no! 255 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:14,681 Hell no! Hell no! 256 00:11:14,682 --> 00:11:16,705 Hell to the no! 257 00:11:16,706 --> 00:11:18,407 - Are you done? - Hell no. 258 00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:21,476 I don't have time for this. 259 00:11:21,477 --> 00:11:25,881 Wow. You know what? It's them shoes. 260 00:11:25,882 --> 00:11:28,188 I should've known something was up when I seen them shoes. 261 00:11:28,189 --> 00:11:30,218 See, those are ho shoes. 262 00:11:30,219 --> 00:11:33,021 - They're Yvette's. - Exactly. 263 00:11:33,022 --> 00:11:37,159 You know, I can't believe you lied to me. Liar. 264 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:40,262 You really want to talk about lying in this relationship? 265 00:11:40,263 --> 00:11:42,064 Oh, damn, woman. 266 00:11:42,065 --> 00:11:44,266 Why you got to live in the past? Move on. 267 00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:46,401 And you could've told me you was going on a date. 268 00:11:46,402 --> 00:11:49,504 You know what? This is not easy for me, okay? 269 00:11:49,505 --> 00:11:52,908 I haven't been on a date since 1998. 270 00:11:52,909 --> 00:11:57,913 Who the hell did you go on a date with in 1998? 271 00:11:57,914 --> 00:12:00,215 You, idiot! 272 00:12:00,216 --> 00:12:02,384 You were the last person I was on a date with. 273 00:12:02,385 --> 00:12:06,388 Was that the Dru Hill concert without Sisqo? 274 00:12:06,389 --> 00:12:08,924 Can we please be adults about this? 275 00:12:08,925 --> 00:12:11,927 Adult? Wait, I'm being an adult, okay? 276 00:12:11,928 --> 00:12:13,261 This-this is not about me. 277 00:12:13,262 --> 00:12:14,963 This is about our children, okay? 278 00:12:14,964 --> 00:12:17,699 This is about you wanting to go out with Sexy Simon 279 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,869 instead of spending quality family time with your kids. 280 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,437 You know, this the type of stuff that makes them grow up 281 00:12:22,438 --> 00:12:24,206 to be strippers, and I'm not talking about 282 00:12:24,207 --> 00:12:26,221 the good strippers, you know, the flexible ones 283 00:12:26,222 --> 00:12:28,043 that know how to clap they booty. 284 00:12:28,044 --> 00:12:29,827 I'm talking about them little lazy ones that just stand 285 00:12:29,828 --> 00:12:30,912 by the pole smacking they gum 286 00:12:30,913 --> 00:12:33,748 like, "Hey, hey." 287 00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:38,120 Do you want that for our son? 288 00:12:38,121 --> 00:12:41,089 Seriously, Ash, seeing their mother with another man? 289 00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:42,824 That could be traumatic for them. 290 00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:44,326 That could lead to serious depression. 291 00:12:44,327 --> 00:12:47,429 [laughter] 292 00:12:50,066 --> 00:12:51,866 They really wanted to show me the fort. 293 00:12:54,237 --> 00:12:56,905 He doesn't even know the password. 294 00:12:56,906 --> 00:13:03,512 ♪ 295 00:13:03,513 --> 00:13:06,114 This is a really beautiful restaurant, Devon. 296 00:13:06,115 --> 00:13:08,150 - For a beautiful woman. - Thank you. 297 00:13:08,151 --> 00:13:10,285 So your ex-husband, were you two together 298 00:13:10,286 --> 00:13:13,021 - for a long time? - We met in college. 299 00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:15,257 Well, I was in college, and he was pretending 300 00:13:15,258 --> 00:13:18,593 to go to college to meet girls. 301 00:13:18,594 --> 00:13:20,128 But you know what? 302 00:13:20,129 --> 00:13:22,297 I really don't want to talk about my ex. 303 00:13:22,298 --> 00:13:24,599 Well, I'm afraid we might have to. 304 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,534 - Why is that? - Because he's here. 305 00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:39,347 What the what? That's crazy! 306 00:13:39,348 --> 00:13:42,517 You know, I was out getting some frozen yogurt for the kids, 307 00:13:42,518 --> 00:13:44,386 and I looked in the window, I said, "Hey! 308 00:13:44,387 --> 00:13:46,454 That looks like Ashley and David!" 309 00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:48,023 - It's Devon. - Is it? 310 00:13:48,024 --> 00:13:50,358 Marlon, why aren't you at the movies? 311 00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:53,061 You know, I really wasn't digging "Slaughter Camp." 312 00:13:53,062 --> 00:13:55,197 I couldn't feel sorry for those dumbass teenagers 313 00:13:55,198 --> 00:13:57,032 partying in the woods. You know, at a point, 314 00:13:57,033 --> 00:13:59,301 I just started rooting for the killer. 315 00:13:59,302 --> 00:14:02,137 Well, it was nice to see you. 316 00:14:02,138 --> 00:14:04,039 [both chuckle softly] 317 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,074 Oh! [laughter] 318 00:14:06,075 --> 00:14:08,310 Okay, I'm sorry. I'ma jet. 319 00:14:08,311 --> 00:14:10,512 You guys get back to your little date. 320 00:14:10,513 --> 00:14:12,147 - Hey, good seeing you, Dennis. - Devon. 321 00:14:12,148 --> 00:14:14,416 Mm-hmm. 322 00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:16,351 - I'm so sorry. - Already forgotten about him. 323 00:14:16,352 --> 00:14:18,386 So Yvette tells me you're a great designer. 324 00:14:18,387 --> 00:14:20,989 - I would love to hear more... - Real quick. 325 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,258 While I'm here, I should tell you about the trash cans. 326 00:14:23,259 --> 00:14:25,994 I got a letter from the city. They're gonna start picking up 327 00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:28,363 the trash cans on Thursdays instead of Tuesdays, so... 328 00:14:28,364 --> 00:14:30,999 Well, you know what? I'm sure that we can talk 329 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,367 about this later. 330 00:14:32,368 --> 00:14:34,603 Oh, yeah, and I hear you, but you know, 331 00:14:34,604 --> 00:14:36,571 you just don't want to leave garbage cans out, you know? 332 00:14:36,572 --> 00:14:40,508 God forbid one of our kids get mauled by a bear. 333 00:14:40,509 --> 00:14:42,377 I saw "The Revenant", and if a bear gon' do that 334 00:14:42,378 --> 00:14:44,112 to Leonardo DiCaprio, imagine what it's going to do 335 00:14:44,113 --> 00:14:45,580 to our son's little black ass. 336 00:14:45,581 --> 00:14:47,215 But your date's more important 337 00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:50,352 than the potential death of our son. 338 00:14:50,353 --> 00:14:53,255 - Give us a second, Jeff. - It's Devon. 339 00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:55,957 Marlon, why are you here? 340 00:14:55,958 --> 00:14:58,093 Because I did some research on the Internet, 341 00:14:58,094 --> 00:15:00,428 and I dug up some dirt on your boy Devon over there. 342 00:15:00,429 --> 00:15:04,566 - What did you find out, Marlon? - Well, I'm glad you asked. 343 00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:07,535 In spite of his pretty face, and those almond-shaped eyes, 344 00:15:07,536 --> 00:15:09,738 his Equifax history shows a delinquent payment 345 00:15:09,739 --> 00:15:12,974 to the gas company in June of 2003. 346 00:15:12,975 --> 00:15:14,209 What? 347 00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:16,111 It starts with one late payment, 348 00:15:16,112 --> 00:15:18,580 then it's a slippery slope from there. 349 00:15:18,581 --> 00:15:20,181 Is there a problem? 350 00:15:20,182 --> 00:15:23,251 No, there ain't no problem, brother. 351 00:15:23,252 --> 00:15:24,519 Unless you the gas company, 352 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:28,023 and people try to take advantage of you. 353 00:15:28,024 --> 00:15:30,191 Pardon me, sir, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 354 00:15:30,192 --> 00:15:31,660 You're not dining with us this evening, 355 00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:33,595 and you're clearly disrupting our guests. 356 00:15:33,596 --> 00:15:36,164 Oh, really? Is that the reason, 357 00:15:36,165 --> 00:15:38,166 or is it because I'm black? 358 00:15:38,167 --> 00:15:39,768 No! God, no! 359 00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:43,371 He's black, and we're not asking him to leave. 360 00:15:43,372 --> 00:15:45,440 Oh, wait... oh! You gon' call your boy... 361 00:15:45,441 --> 00:15:47,475 you gon' call your boys on me? 362 00:15:47,476 --> 00:15:51,312 Ohh! Y'all gon' make me act ghetto! 363 00:15:51,314 --> 00:15:54,215 This is what I wanted you to do! Ohh! 364 00:15:54,216 --> 00:15:55,817 So you better ask yourself real fast, 365 00:15:55,818 --> 00:15:57,052 do you really want to do this? 366 00:15:57,053 --> 00:15:58,319 I'ma talk to your nipples. 367 00:15:58,321 --> 00:15:59,554 Do you really want to do this? 368 00:15:59,555 --> 00:16:01,523 Oh, oh, I can't wait! 369 00:16:01,524 --> 00:16:04,359 See, that's why I carry my Vaseline around. 370 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,194 Oh, man, I ran out. Hey, brother, 371 00:16:06,195 --> 00:16:07,529 you mind if I use some of that? 372 00:16:07,530 --> 00:16:10,198 Thank you very much. 373 00:16:10,199 --> 00:16:12,367 That's it! Y'all about to get it! 374 00:16:12,368 --> 00:16:14,803 I'ma drag my nails on the ground! 375 00:16:14,804 --> 00:16:16,838 I'ma sharpen my nails on the ground! 376 00:16:16,839 --> 00:16:18,640 I get in that 45-degree angle, be like, 377 00:16:18,641 --> 00:16:20,709 "Oh, how I hit him from there?" 'cause you can't. 378 00:16:20,710 --> 00:16:23,478 And I'll do slip and slap, slip and slap! 379 00:16:23,479 --> 00:16:25,246 Oh, we gon' get violent? 380 00:16:25,247 --> 00:16:28,216 What you gon' do? What you gonna do? 381 00:16:28,217 --> 00:16:30,652 Oh, that's what you're gonna do. Okay, bye, guys. 382 00:16:30,653 --> 00:16:33,688 ♪ 383 00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:45,855 [belches] 384 00:16:53,296 --> 00:16:56,232 Marlon? 385 00:16:56,233 --> 00:16:58,100 Yeah? 386 00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:00,136 Can I come in? 387 00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:03,706 What's the password? 388 00:17:03,707 --> 00:17:06,108 Can we please not do this right now? 389 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,343 What's the one thing in the world 390 00:17:07,344 --> 00:17:09,011 the kids and I cannot live without? 391 00:17:09,012 --> 00:17:10,479 I am not in the mood for this. 392 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,281 What is the one thing in this world 393 00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:15,217 the kids and I cannot live without? 394 00:17:17,154 --> 00:17:19,088 Me? 395 00:17:20,424 --> 00:17:23,058 You may enter. 396 00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:32,802 What happened tonight, Marlon? 397 00:17:34,671 --> 00:17:37,039 I don't know. 398 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,207 I panicked, I guess. 399 00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:40,876 Over one date? 400 00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:43,112 You've been on hundreds of dates since we separated. 401 00:17:43,113 --> 00:17:44,947 You don't see me panicking. 402 00:17:44,948 --> 00:17:47,216 That's 'cause you know no matter how many women I date, 403 00:17:47,217 --> 00:17:49,385 I'm never gonna find anybody as good as you. 404 00:17:51,354 --> 00:17:56,992 When I saw that dude with you and the kids, I just got scared. 405 00:17:56,993 --> 00:18:00,162 I got scared he was gonna take my place. 406 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,799 And I know this is a strange thing to say to your ex-wife... 407 00:18:06,303 --> 00:18:09,538 I'm just afraid to lose you. 408 00:18:09,539 --> 00:18:13,509 You're never gonna lose me. 409 00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:17,279 Hey, we're a family. 410 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:21,483 My babies, they have your eyes. 411 00:18:21,485 --> 00:18:23,319 Devon can't touch that. 412 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,388 I wish they had his eyes. 413 00:18:26,389 --> 00:18:28,224 They're magnificent. 414 00:18:28,225 --> 00:18:29,625 [cell phone chimes] 415 00:18:31,261 --> 00:18:32,895 [chuckles] 416 00:18:32,896 --> 00:18:35,497 I heightened the awareness of the brand. 417 00:18:35,499 --> 00:18:37,499 You gon' get your boys on me? 418 00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:39,335 I'm Tarzan, bitch! 419 00:18:39,336 --> 00:18:41,370 [imitates Tarzan yell] 420 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,239 You don't want none of this Spider-Man! 421 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,141 Webs swinging in your face! [imitates web-shooter] 422 00:18:45,142 --> 00:18:47,243 Mind your business! I go incognito! 423 00:18:47,244 --> 00:18:50,613 If this gentleman had drunk Paco's Alcohol-Free Tequila, 424 00:18:50,614 --> 00:18:52,248 none of this would have happened. 425 00:18:52,249 --> 00:18:54,116 Is that what you're gonna do? Okay. 426 00:18:54,117 --> 00:18:57,086 [both laugh] 427 00:18:57,087 --> 00:19:03,893 ♪ 428 00:19:05,862 --> 00:19:07,530 What if we lied to him and said we were meeting 429 00:19:07,531 --> 00:19:10,532 - a half-hour earlier? - Doesn't work, trust me. 430 00:19:10,534 --> 00:19:13,335 Sorry I'm late. I was gonna be here on time, 431 00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:15,271 but then I realized at the last minute, 432 00:19:15,272 --> 00:19:16,538 I'm incapable of that. 433 00:19:16,540 --> 00:19:18,874 Hey, baby girl. Muah! 434 00:19:18,875 --> 00:19:20,442 Mr. and Mrs. Wayne, 435 00:19:20,443 --> 00:19:23,279 your daughter Marley said some things in the cafeteria 436 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,614 this afternoon that were racially charged 437 00:19:25,615 --> 00:19:27,917 and politically incorrect. 438 00:19:27,918 --> 00:19:31,287 Hmm. 439 00:19:31,288 --> 00:19:33,088 What did... what did she say? 440 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:36,458 She paraded around the cafeteria, clapping her hands, 441 00:19:36,459 --> 00:19:38,594 and threatening Tiffany and Claire, 442 00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:42,064 saying, and I quote, 443 00:19:42,065 --> 00:19:46,568 "Aw, hell no. Y'all gonna make me go ghetto. 444 00:19:46,570 --> 00:19:51,473 "You don't know me. My mama don't know me. 445 00:19:51,474 --> 00:19:55,411 Hell no. Hell no." 446 00:19:55,412 --> 00:19:58,914 And there were a lot more "hell nos." 447 00:20:05,836 --> 00:20:11,836 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.