1 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:28,640 Hello and welcome to the enormous catapult machine that we built 2 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,120 to keep ourselves amused during the COVID lockdown. 3 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,000 I've no idea what we're gonna use it for, but who knows, 4 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,200 maybe something will come to mind as we set out in this show 5 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,280 to answer an important question: 6 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,760 what is the matter with the French? 7 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,800 [theme music playing] 8 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,200 [melancholy music playing] 9 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,520 [Jeremy] Now, I wanna make it plain at the outset that I like France. 10 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:13,720 So does Hammond. 11 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,840 May thinks it's only there so we can drive to Italy more easily. 12 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,880 But we are all in agreement on one thing. 13 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,960 The French can be a bit weird. 14 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:30,960 The fact is that we live in a homogenized world these days. 15 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,000 We all eat the same food 16 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,160 and wear the same clothes 17 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,120 and do the same things. 18 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,520 [music distorts] 19 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,800 [traditional French music playing] 20 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,240 But not in France. 21 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:45,920 France is different. 22 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,800 They take most of their medicines anally. 23 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,120 And at work, you're not allowed, by law, 24 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,400 to eat your lunch at your desk. 25 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,200 You must go and do it somewhere properly. 26 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,360 In schools, tomato ketchup is banned, but until the 1980s, 27 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:07,640 kids could be served alcohol with their school dinners. 28 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,920 French bakers are not allowed to close when they want 29 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:16,160 because there must always be a supply of croissant and baguette. 30 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,840 And French footballers are unusual as well. 31 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,160 When the seagulls... 32 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,040 follow the trawler, 33 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,320 it's because they think 34 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,080 sardines will be thrown into the sea. 35 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,880 And if you wanna say "I feel lucky" in French, 36 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,880 you say "Avoir le cul bordé de nouilles," 37 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:44,080 which means "My bottom is full of noodles." 38 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,880 Surprised there's room with all the pills up there. 39 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,720 But it's on the road where this oddness is at its most evident. 40 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,120 French cars have always been weird. 41 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,240 They've always flown in the face of convention. 42 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,280 And from their pantheon of strangeness, 43 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:16,960 I've bought this... 44 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,040 [rock 'n' roll music playing] 45 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,880 A Citroen CX Safari. 46 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:36,600 It wasn't easy to find one, as most have been turned into motorhomes, 47 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,240 but it was worth the effort because... 48 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,360 this is perhaps the most French, 49 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,200 French car of them all. 50 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,800 Take the indicators. You operate them using this rocker switch here. 51 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,280 [indicator ticking] 52 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,280 But because that's nowhere near the steering column, 53 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,720 the indicating doesn't self-cancel 54 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,560 after you've made the turn. 55 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:13,400 And then there's the stereo, which is mounted vertically between the seats. 56 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,920 And that's fine, but... 57 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,000 If you're enjoying 58 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,320 a cheeky pain au chocolat as you drive along, and a bit of pastry, 59 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,240 falls off, which it will, 60 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,880 it'll end up in the cassette player, 61 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,120 where it will 62 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,520 spoil your enjoyment of the Vanessa Paradis song 63 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:35,080 you were listening to. 64 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,160 It's as though Citroen's engineers 65 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,440 looked at what everyone else was doing in the 1970s 66 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:43,880 and then did something else. 67 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,240 Even the brake pedal's weird because 68 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,520 it's effectively a switch, the brakes are on, 69 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,760 or they're off. It's just about impossible 70 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,680 to use it properly. 71 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,800 Probably easier when you get to your destination to just... 72 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:02,600 Do a George Michael. 73 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,760 [Richard] This is what I've chosen. 74 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,920 A Matra Murena. 75 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:21,080 It's from the '80s. A mid-engine, two-seater sports car. 76 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,520 Except it's got three seats. 77 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,680 [in French accent] I suppose maybe if my wife and my mistress 78 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:33,160 want to go out for a drive at the same time, I've got that covered. 79 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,120 [in normal accent] And it's not a sports car either 80 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,080 because the engine is a tiny 1.6 81 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,240 which produces just 88 horsepower. 82 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,640 It doesn't make any sense. Matra built the Exocet missile. 83 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:50,800 That is a fast thing. 84 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,480 This is really not. 85 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,000 Then, there's its name. 86 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,040 Everywhere else in the world they name cars after 87 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:06,120 exciting animals, like Jaguar, Mustang, or exotic winds, 88 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,360 Khamsin, Scirocco. 89 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,480 Matra, no, they chose Murena, 90 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,200 which is a Latin word 91 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:18,360 meaning "son of a plebeian family who likes eels." 92 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,760 [in French accent] "Been through the dictionaries of all the languages 93 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,520 "and we have found the word. 94 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,320 "That is... Nobody will get that, 95 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,360 "that is weirder than any other name we could give it. We will have it." 96 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,440 [in normal accent] Mind you, this car is nothing 97 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,520 compared to what May has bought. 98 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,200 [rock 'n' roll music resumes] 99 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,880 Bonjour, viewers. 100 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,880 Now, back in 1998, 101 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,960 Renault told its designers that they wanted a large, luxury coupé, 102 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,920 you know, something a bit like a BMW 6 Series. 103 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,440 So, this is what they came up with. 104 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,040 The Avantime. 105 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,480 It's made almost entirely of plastic, 106 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,240 it appears to have been drawn by an eight-year-old 107 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,040 who liked high-speed trains, 108 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,360 and there are no conventional instruments. 109 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,640 There are just some digital things 110 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,080 floating around over in the middle there. 111 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,480 Look at all that dashboard that's there. It's just... 112 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,120 There's just acres of it. 113 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,600 If you wanted to wipe the windscreen because it had fogged up, 114 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:21,800 you couldn't do it. 115 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,840 You do get the impression that if Renault's designers were asked 116 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,880 to design, say, a new dog, 117 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,200 they'd put the head on the other end 118 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,440 and it would have two tails at the front. 119 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,320 They wouldn't be able to do a conventional dog. 120 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,880 Even the doors on this car are odd. 121 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,160 Mainly because, and I have checked this, 122 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,960 each one weighs more than Kylie Minogue. 123 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:50,640 That is very heavy. 124 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,880 They claim to be the heaviest car doors in the world. 125 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,080 Not much of a boast. 126 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,640 And they don't really open. That is as far as it goes. It's more ajar. 127 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,960 See that. On any sort of a slope, 128 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,960 it can actually be quite difficult to do it. 129 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:07,840 Bloody Nora. 130 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:09,600 [exclaims] 131 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,560 Renault has a long history of automotive oddness. 132 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,640 In the 1950s, for example, 133 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:17,760 they built this. 134 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,440 It appears to be ordinary, but look closely 135 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,240 and you'll see it's all the wrong way round. 136 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:26,880 [suspenseful music playing] 137 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,280 Mind you, that's positively straightforward 138 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,640 compared with this, 139 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,400 the Leyat Hélica. 140 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,160 [Jeremy] Who thought, "I know, we won't drive the wheels, 141 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,120 -"no, everybody's doing that." -No, no, no, no. 142 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,960 "We'll be propelled along by a propeller?" 143 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,600 If you're driving through a town center, for example, 144 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,760 -[James laughs] -what would happen... 145 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,200 If you knock someone over in a car, it's bad. 146 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,600 But if you knock someone over in that... 147 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,440 No kidneys, liver, offal, 148 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,640 -"No, there's another one..." -No. They've thought about this 149 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,440 because it's got the propeller, 150 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,120 but they've put bits of wire 151 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,640 so nobody could put their hand or head through 152 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,360 -or anything like that. -[Jeremy laughs] 153 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,000 It's perfectly... 154 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,360 [James] Has it got a rear seat? 155 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,160 [Jeremy] This is a two-seater, Hammond, unlike your Matra. 156 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,200 [James] Would you get in there 157 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,720 knowing you have absolutely no control over any of that? 158 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,440 [Richard] A car with just pedals. 159 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,640 [James] It's not like an airplane where you've got dual controls. 160 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,880 -It would be mad... -You just sit there. 161 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,640 [Richard] I think it's brilliant. 162 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,520 -[James] It is brilliant. -I mean, look, 163 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,480 I admire it, but... 164 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,600 Did they take it on the Dragon's Den? 165 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:41,960 [all laughing] 166 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,400 [in French accent] "Here is my thought for a way of traveling." 167 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,280 -But hang on a minute... -[Richard] Do you think it works? 168 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:48,520 [Jeremy] Well, I'm sure it does. 169 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,240 [Richard] Hang on, look, there's... 170 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,160 You don't start it with a key. There'll be some fiddling. 171 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:57,240 "Advance" and "Retard." I'll retard it. 172 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,760 Are you gonna prime it? 173 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,480 [James] Compression point is there. Ready? 174 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,840 I don't know what's gonna happen! How can I be ready? 175 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,720 -[James] Got your feet on the brakes? -[Richard] Am I ready? 176 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,640 -Yes. -[Jeremy] The thing's not moving. 177 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,360 -I've got everything. Yeah, go. -That's the concern. And... 178 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,280 -Oh, wow. -It didn't go. 179 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,400 Try again. 180 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,640 -Contact? -Yes. 181 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,000 -Mags on? -Yes. 182 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,320 -Feet on brakes? -Yes. 183 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,720 -I'm gonna do it. -[Richard yelps] 184 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,640 -[Jeremy] It won't start. -Are you ready? 185 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,720 [James] I really thought that was it. 186 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,280 It's the definition of anti-climax, isn't it? 187 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,760 This would be a great ambulance. Or fire engine. 188 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:28,840 -Brilliant. -Yeah. 189 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,440 -Throttle set? -Yes. 190 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:31,640 -Here we go. -Yes. 191 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,760 -[thuds] -Don't worry, 192 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,880 Monsieur Hélica is on his way as the emergency vehicle. 193 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,640 "Don't worry. How big is the fire?" 194 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,720 Hang on. 195 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,760 [in French accent] "These pains in your chest, 196 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,200 are they getting worse or better?" 197 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,640 [Jeremy laughs] 198 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,400 [James] Right, mag on. 199 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,760 I'll tell you what, a stall at the lights would be a bugger, wouldn't it? 200 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:51,880 [both laughing] 201 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,320 "I'll just... Excuse me..." 202 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,160 [Jeremy] 'Cause it's a two-man job. 203 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,760 [James] That's a good position. Here we go. 204 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,120 All right, here we go. 205 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,880 [engine sputtering] 206 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,200 -Go! -[yells] 207 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,400 [Richard shouting] I think I'll take it for a drive! 208 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,640 -What? -I'm gonna take it for a drive! 209 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,200 What, you? Run! Run for your life! 210 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,440 [exclaims] 211 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:41,880 When it was unveiled to the world, 600 people put their name down for one. 212 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,200 Six hundred sentient human beings, 213 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:50,120 who could tie their own shoe laces and use a lavatory, said, 214 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,920 "Yes, I want one of those." 215 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,440 It's very hard to see why it didn't catch on. 216 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,880 It is quite loud in here, surprisingly so. 217 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,360 That could be a factor. 218 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,760 Apparently it's good for a 106 miles an hour. 219 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,680 I reckon it can do more. 220 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,560 Come on! Come on, come on! 221 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,760 Ha-ha! 222 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,120 I think people are bored 223 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,360 of watching these crashes now, so let's move on, because... 224 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,240 even when French cars seem to be normal, 225 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:35,600 you don't have to look too far below the surface to find that, actually, 226 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,400 they're usually not. 227 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,720 Now, let's take this one, the Renault 4. 228 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,760 A reasonably straightforward car for the time, but... 229 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:50,560 The distance between the wheels on this side is 94 inches. 230 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:55,640 Whereas on this side, the distance between the wheels is 92 inches. 231 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,760 Why? 232 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,640 I've got no idea. 233 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,400 Then there's the Renault 21. 234 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,280 Looks boring, but it isn't, 235 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:09,240 because in this 1.7-liter model, the engine is sideways, 236 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,720 whereas in this 2-liter model, 237 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:13,640 it's lengthwise. 238 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,280 That meant this needed, longer wings and a different bonnet 239 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,480 -and a different subframe... -[car crashes] 240 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,440 -Hammond's just crashed, hasn't he? -[man] Yep. 241 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,480 Anyway, this was an extremely complicated 242 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,200 and expensive solution 243 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,960 to a problem that didn't exist. 244 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,000 And they're still at it today. 245 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,560 This is a brand-new Peugeot 208. 246 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,480 And for some reason, they've mounted the steering wheel 247 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,160 under the dashboard, 248 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,640 which means it has to be the size of a shirt button 249 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,920 if you're to get your legs under it. 250 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,000 [grunts] 251 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,680 Why? 252 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,240 [Jeremy] Then there's the Citroen 2CV, which I hate. 253 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,880 This car is the harbinger of everything that's gone wrong in the world. 254 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,520 Veganism, cycling, 255 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,360 liberal democrats, people who talk about having "my truth." 256 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,800 There's no such thing. The truth is that it's awful. 257 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,640 [James] It's not awful. 258 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,680 It's a very practical, sensible car 259 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,120 that stood the test of time for decades. 260 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:23,360 It survived a war, it liberated the French peasantry, it's fantastic. 261 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,000 And it's totemic. That's the most French thing. 262 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,360 If you have a themed restaurant, or you're doing a film, or painting, 263 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,360 you think, "How do I make this look French?" 264 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:32,880 Put a 2CV in it. 265 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,960 It doesn't have wind-down windows. Look, it's stupid. 266 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,280 Airplanes have these windows. 267 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,000 -It's a... -What airplane? 268 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,880 -I've never been on one... -My airplane's got one exactly like that. 269 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:47,400 This is a fantastic car. Everything in it is fit for purpose and no more. 270 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,600 I hate the expression "fit for purpose." 271 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,440 -But it is. -[Jeremy] Hello. 272 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,240 -Where's the Hélica? -It's evidence. 273 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,240 -Let's not get bogged down with that. -I'm not. 274 00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,360 We won't. 275 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,960 Because even I will admit the 2CV does have very clever suspension. 276 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,440 In fact, it's claimed 277 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,960 that you can drop one from under a helicopter at a height of 500 feet 278 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,640 and the springs will absorb the impact. 279 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,440 Really? 280 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:15,920 Well, let's find out. 281 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,320 [helicopter hovering] 282 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:35,720 [Jeremy] Okay, and... 283 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:38,520 Let it go. 284 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:41,320 There it is. 285 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,200 Yeah, what's happened is, 286 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,720 I've misread the handbook. 287 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,000 It says that "the suspension is so compliant, 288 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,080 "you can drive across a ploughed field 289 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,560 "with half-a-dozen eggs on the seat and they won't break." 290 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,360 And how did you misread that? 291 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,160 Well, in my mind, "oeuf" is the French word for "helicopter." 292 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:26,760 But... 293 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,760 [Jeremy] At this point, I figured it was best to move on 294 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,800 and examine the relationship the French have with their cars. 295 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:42,200 Because it's nothing like the relationship we have with ours. 296 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,520 [Richard] Now, if I were in 297 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,040 my car, I'd look at that space and go, 298 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,200 "That's too small," and then I'd go find another. 299 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,640 But that's not what a French person would do. 300 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,000 There's nothing extreme about this maneuver in France. 301 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,480 This is how you park. 302 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,280 You would see this any day of the week 303 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,280 on any street in Paris. 304 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,080 [engine revving] 305 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,640 It's actually for precisely this reason 306 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,920 that the Renault 5 was the first production car 307 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,160 in the world with deformable bumpers. 308 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,280 [thuds] 309 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,000 There's more, too. I've just bought this dishwasher. 310 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,880 And as you can see, it doesn't quite fit in the boot of this Peugeot. 311 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,040 I'm British, 312 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,240 so what I'd do is go and buy a smaller dishwasher, 313 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,480 or I'd borrow a slightly bigger car, 314 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,560 or I'd probably have it delivered. 315 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,000 What the French would do is this, 316 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,320 "Oh, merde." 317 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:53,880 [wheels screeching] 318 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,320 [thuds] 319 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,560 Has my car stopped moving? 320 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,520 Yes. Am I close to where I wanna be? 321 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,000 Yes. 322 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,560 Well, then I'm parked. 323 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,480 [inaudible] 324 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,320 The fact is, that in France, unlike almost 325 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,720 anywhere else, the car is simply 326 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,960 not seen as a status symbol. 327 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,520 If you buy an expensive car, it's considered bourgeois. 328 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,680 And if you look after it, 329 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,200 that's disgusting. 330 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,920 And the world of Premier League football backs this up, because what I have here 331 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,480 is a photograph of Willian, who's Brazilian, 332 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,800 driving his Bentley. 333 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:53,640 And then there's Ibrahimovic, who's Swedish, he has a Lamborghini. 334 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,040 Ozil, who's German, has a Porsche. 335 00:18:56,520 --> 00:19:00,800 Marcus Rashford, who's British, has some kind of trixied-up Range Rover. 336 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,080 And then I've got a photograph here of Kante, who's French, 337 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,080 driving his MINI. 338 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,320 That he's crashed slightly, probably while parking. 339 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,320 And you might say, "What about the President?" 340 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,560 "No way is he going to drive around 341 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,320 "in a small hatchback." 342 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,320 Wrong! Because what I've got here 343 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,800 is a photograph of President Mitterrand 344 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,080 in a Renault 5! 345 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,320 [laughing] 346 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,560 Look at that! 347 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,200 [in French accent] "No, I don't have a chauffeur 348 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,800 "and I don't want a big car. 349 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,320 "It's bourgeois. It is revolting. 350 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:34,720 "How you say, 351 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:36,680 "the sick." 352 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,280 [Jeremy] This is why no French car maker 353 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,880 has ever made a large off-roader. 354 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,400 The Americans have. The Japanese have. 355 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,080 The Swedes have. 356 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,520 The Germans have. We have. 357 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,080 Even the Italians have. 358 00:19:58,640 --> 00:19:59,960 But not the French. 359 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,080 Their view is that 360 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,560 if you want to go to the top of that hill over there, 361 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,320 you'd just use your normal family car. 362 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,440 [pop music playing] 363 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,080 [Jeremy] Was talking to a girl in our office 364 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,320 the other day, who's French. 365 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,800 And she was saying that her parents have never sold a car. 366 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,440 Buy a Renault 5, run it until it breaks, 367 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,440 scrap it, and then buy a Renault Clio and run it until it breaks 368 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,320 and scrap it, and so on and so forth. 369 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,080 If you're not worried about the second-hand value of your car, 370 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,640 it's so liberating. 371 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,320 [Richard] In France, just four percent of people 372 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,920 wash their cars by hand. 373 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,920 Four percent. That's it. 374 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,000 On a Sunday morning, what you would not do in France 375 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,920 is get up early to wash your car on the drive 376 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,400 because your neighbors will hate you. 377 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,920 All those Sunday mornings I've got up early to wash... 378 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,440 [engine revving] 379 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:11,960 Oh. 380 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,000 [Jeremy] I'll just give him a hand through here. 381 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,480 [thuds] 382 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,480 [crashes] 383 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:21,880 Lovely. 384 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,560 Merci, monsieur. 385 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,080 I'm looking at Hammond's car. 386 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,480 It's all stoved in from Jeremy's push. 387 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,320 And I'm wincing. Because I'm British, but... 388 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,160 If you're French, that's just what a car looks like. 389 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,280 Look, now we are going into the woods. 390 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,760 Can I clear that tree? 391 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,480 [Richard] Driving along in my car, 392 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,720 going where I need to go. 393 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:06,000 If I was coming down here in a 100-thousand-pound Mercedes G-Wagon 394 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,680 I'd be worried about scratching the paint. 395 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,320 But I'm not in a G-Wagon, I'm in my van. 396 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,760 I mean, paint is, to the French, 397 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,280 the wrapper that the car comes in when it's new. 398 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,440 When I was 17, 399 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,560 on a French exchange trip, 400 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,920 I was staying with a French family. They had a son my age. 401 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,520 And they bought him a brand-new Fiat Panda. 402 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,400 I mean, a new car. 403 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,640 And as we sat outside in the sun, me and them, 404 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,880 his kid brother, five years old, was throwing stones 405 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,960 -at the Panda... -[imitates thud] 406 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,400 And a chip of paint would come off. 407 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,520 Well, if that had been me 408 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,760 at 17 with a brand-new car, I would have beaten him to death 409 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,800 with anything that came to hand. 410 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,880 This 17-year-old lad didn't care. 411 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,920 [in French accent] "He's flicking stones at the car." 412 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,120 "It makes a nice noise as the paint comes off." 413 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:56,240 What? 414 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,440 [Jeremy] Soon, we reached the halfway point, 415 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,320 where I demonstrated the Citroen Berlingo's party trick. 416 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,400 [Richard and James laugh] 417 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:10,760 It's John! 418 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:14,080 [Jeremy] And then, after I'd ruined the handbrake... 419 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,600 We joined a sort of rally track. 420 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,080 [Jeremy laughing maniacally] 421 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,520 What we're proving here, I think, is that a car's ability to get places 422 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,080 and do things is governed entirely 423 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,440 by the driver's willingness not to care about it. 424 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,520 Please don't be alarmed by those noises. 425 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,440 They don't really mean anything. 426 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,600 This is only what a typical French person would do 427 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,840 on a rally in Africa 428 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,360 in their mum's Renault 4. 429 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,040 [rock music playing] 430 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,640 [James] It was, let us not forget, 431 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,800 the French who invented endurance rallies. 432 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,120 Such as the Paris-Peking. 433 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,120 the Paris-Dakar, 434 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,800 and all the other Trans-Africa races. 435 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:17,640 And, most importantly, 436 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,600 they usually used what was parked in the drive. 437 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,520 Well, this is bumpy enough to dislodge your "Gaulois." 438 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:42,760 [engine stalls] 439 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,920 Ah! [speaks French] 440 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:52,600 Merde. 441 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,400 [thudding] 442 00:24:58,480 --> 00:24:59,560 [speaking French] 443 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,440 Merci. 444 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,600 Ooh, la, la! 445 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:12,920 Au revoir, monsieur. 446 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,200 Merci, monsieur! 447 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,600 Well, this is une pièce de gâteau so far. 448 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,360 Oh, that's a... 449 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:28,560 Monsieur May! 450 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:33,920 Go on. 451 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,040 Oh, dear. Oh, merde. 452 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,160 Bonjour, monsieur. 453 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,880 [James] As we got closer to the summit, 454 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,240 the going got even tougher. 455 00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,200 [Jeremy] Now this is an inconvenience. 456 00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:00,480 The windscreen. 457 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,040 [Richard] Right, this way. 458 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,320 Oh, no, my dishwasher. 459 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,680 Hello. 460 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,160 My family car can go down here no problem at all. 461 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,240 I don't see... Why do I need a G-Wagon? 462 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,040 [Jeremy] Oh. 463 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:37,440 Merde. 464 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,160 [James whistling] 465 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,040 Allez! 466 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,760 [James] Jesus! Fuck! Bloody hellfire! 467 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,920 [Jeremy over mic] I've lost the electrically-powered 468 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,520 door mirror on the left-hand side, 469 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,960 but the manual one is still there. 470 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:07,080 [thuds] 471 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,840 [Richard] I can't open the window to adjust my mirror, 472 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,000 but that's okay because it's gone. 473 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,080 [Jeremy] Eventually, with the glorious Welsh hills 474 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,840 bathed in warm afternoon light, 475 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,640 we reached the end of our leisurely drive. 476 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:28,960 [triumphant instrumental music playing] 477 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,240 Hammond. 478 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,520 -Wow. Look at the view over there. -That is... - 479 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,400 -[Richard] That is just something else. -Look... It's even got a house 480 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,640 like it's been designed for a train set. 481 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,160 -It's just perfect. -Absolutely gorgeous. 482 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,080 [James] Oh, hello. 483 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,400 -Bonjour, monsieur. -[Richard] I mean, look at that. 484 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,600 [Jeremy] Unbelievable, isn't it? 485 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:06,280 And I tell you what's interesting. 486 00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:09,800 The crew, using all those four-by-fours, they've made it. 487 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,000 -Yeah. -But, so have we. 488 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:13,080 -Exactly. -Yeah. 489 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:14,600 [Jeremy] Some damage was done. 490 00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,720 -[Richard] Wear and tear. -[James] It's patina. 491 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,480 It's what happens. The French might be right. 492 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,920 [James] I think they are. 493 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,040 -[Jeremy] I just had a thought. -What? 494 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:24,440 Your dishwasher. 495 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,920 Oh, God. Because Hammond drove into me. 496 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,680 [Richard] I'm sorry about that. 497 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,360 [Jeremy] Where's your boot release? 498 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,280 -Is it in the door? -Yes. 499 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,560 -Right. -[Richard] That's a design flaw. 500 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:38,920 [Jeremy laughing] 501 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,640 [Jeremy] The next day, we set off in our own cars 502 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,600 to the next destination. 503 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,320 And on the way, we began to realize their strangeness 504 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,760 was actually making them more endearing. 505 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,400 Obviously, you don't need two windscreen wipers, just the one. 506 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,920 And you put the washer in the wiper blade itself, 507 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,000 because why would you not do that? 508 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:21,720 [chuckles] 509 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,720 It's different. It's interesting. 510 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,400 Then there's the door mirrors. 511 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,200 So good and so futuristic-looking, 512 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,440 that they were used on the Aston Martin Vantage, 513 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,240 the Venturi Atlantique, the Renault Sport Spider, 514 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,000 the Lotus Esprit, 515 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,640 the Jaguar XJ-220 and most TVRs. 516 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,560 On the one hand, this steering wheel is typically French. 517 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,480 It's weird. It's got one spoke 518 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,920 and it's sort of deep-dish and a flat bottom. 519 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,080 On the other hand, 520 00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:01,640 it's brilliant. It's the perfect size, perfect thickness, perfect diameter, 521 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:06,200 and I can see the dials 'cause there isn't a spoke in the way. 522 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,920 [James] I mean, in many ways, the weirdness makes them more likeable. 523 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,840 What we see as bloody-mindedness is actually innovation, 524 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,760 because the French have been pioneers in motoring. 525 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,160 It wasn't gonna be us. 526 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,200 We were making the Morris Marina. 527 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,760 [Jeremy] And don't think it's just the cars that are odd. 528 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,720 Some of their rules of the road are quite strange as well. 529 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,720 For example, the French believed, unlike everyone else, 530 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,800 that white headlights were wrong 531 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,960 and that they should be yellow. 532 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,880 And if you like driving along to music, 533 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:46,560 there's a rule which says that 35 percent of pop songs 534 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,360 played on French radio 535 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,400 must be French. 536 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,120 [French pop music playing over radio] 537 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:00,280 [upbeat French pop music playing over radio] 538 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,560 [music distorts] 539 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,400 Is that how it's supposed to be 540 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,760 or has un morceau de pain au chocolat tombéed 541 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:14,360 into my stereo again? 542 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:16,760 [upbeat French music playing] 543 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:25,440 [music stops] 544 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:30,320 There you go, that was from the country that gave you Debussy and Messiaen. 545 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:37,240 One of my favorite French things is their slovenly attitude 546 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,000 to road signs. I mean, take this one as an example. 547 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:41,640 You see this all over France. 548 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,640 What it says is that the town hall is that way 549 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,880 and everything else, "Toutes Directions," 550 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,600 everything else is over there. India, Paris, 551 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:52,440 Kamchatka Peninsula, 552 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:55,400 whatever it is you want, just there, go away. 553 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,600 [Jeremy] And then there's the issue of how to use a roundabout. 554 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,480 [Richard] Everywhere else in the world, 555 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:11,080 countries decided that cars should give way to those already on it. 556 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:13,120 But not the French. 557 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,600 They decided to do it the other way round. 558 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,520 So, cars on the roundabout would stop for those wanting to get on. 559 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,360 Like this. 560 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:28,360 Carry on. 561 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,320 Carry on. 562 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,320 [horns honking] 563 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,360 Why would they think this was the right way to do it? 564 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,120 The point of a roundabout is to avoid this. 565 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:46,600 [horns honking] 566 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,400 Did you know that half the world's roundabouts are in France? 567 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:52,000 [James on radio] Is that really true? 568 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,280 Is it half of all the world's roundabouts 569 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,880 are in a country that doesn't know what it is? 570 00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:58,080 [Richard on radio] Yeah. It's a fact. 571 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,360 I mean, it doesn't work. 572 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,800 [man] I'm trying to get out of here. 573 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,040 This is what happens. 574 00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:08,040 I'm doing the roundabout the French way to see if it works... 575 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,360 I don't care. Look, you're queued up here. 576 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:11,840 This is what happens. 577 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,680 [man] Move the [bleep] vehicle. 578 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,120 That's exactly what's gonna happen. 579 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,200 Hammond's being beaten up by the locals. I don't blame them. 580 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,760 [bleep] move it. 581 00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,320 [James] Eventually, we did [bleep] move it 582 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:28,800 because it was time to find somewhere for that most French of things... 583 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,680 Lunch. 584 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:34,600 Where we discussed another aspect of French car culture. 585 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,120 [Jeremy] Can I just show you something, Hammond? 586 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,240 This is, as you can see here, 587 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:47,360 a list of French philosophers, okay, on Wikipedia. 588 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,080 [Richard] Oh, my God! 589 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,600 -Well, it doesn't really... -I'm only at "G." 590 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,160 That's basically everybody in France. 591 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,440 -That's incredible. -[Jeremy] On and on. 592 00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,480 I bet the Australian list is a bit shorter. 593 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,040 I'm staggered. 594 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:04,400 'Cause you know in French secondary schools, 595 00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,800 it's compulsory to study philosophy. 596 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:08,720 -For everyone? -Yeah. 597 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:12,400 I bring this up because I've been reading this book by 598 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,760 Roland... Is it "Barth" or "Barthes"? 599 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,280 Waterland boy, which one is it? 600 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:17,480 [mumbles] 601 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:18,680 That. 602 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:19,920 And he says, 603 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:24,920 "I think cars today are almost the exact equivalent of the great Gothic cathedrals. 604 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,680 "I mean, the supreme creation of an era, 605 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,520 "conceived with passion by artists 606 00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,640 "and consumed in image if not in usage 607 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,760 "by a population which appropriates them 608 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:36,880 "as a purely magical object." 609 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,320 They don't review cars like we do, then. 610 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,160 No. What we tend to do is mention the top speed. 611 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,960 -Naught to sixty, the price. -Stick the tail out. 612 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,680 A couple of silly metaphors. 613 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,560 -Back to the studio. -Job done. 614 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,400 No. I'll give you another bit here from him. 615 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,640 "They are in the Citroen the beginnings of a new phenomenology 616 00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,920 "of assembling, as if one progressed from a world where elements were welded 617 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,880 "to a world where they are juxtaposed." 618 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:04,400 What's the naught to sixty? 619 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:05,840 He doesn't mention it. 620 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,840 Could you imagine what a review of that Mégane would look like on French TV? 621 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,360 It'd be completely incomprehensible. 622 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,120 [crows cawing] 623 00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:24,560 [suspenseful music playing] 624 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:33,760 [jazz music playing] 625 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,680 [speaks French] It is truth 626 00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:13,040 So, I think what we're able to deduce from that French road test 627 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,600 is that the Megane 628 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,000 is wistful and cynical, 629 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,640 but with a hint of levity, 630 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,560 as suggested by that balloon. 631 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,120 [Jeremy] Now, though, it's time to examine 632 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,920 a more down-to-earth aspect of French cars, 633 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,800 namely their famed ride quality. 634 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:42,080 [woman] The elasticity of the air and the flexibility of water 635 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:46,360 are combined for your comfort in the Citroen hydro-pneumatic suspension. 636 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,480 [Jeremy] The fact is that because the roads were so poor 637 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,080 in post-war France, 638 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,440 the French car makers 639 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:57,920 were forced to develop suspension systems that could cope. 640 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,160 As I clearly stated earlier, 641 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:04,480 the Citroen 2CV was capable of transporting 642 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,360 a basket of eggs across a plowed field 643 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,000 without breaking them. 644 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,440 And as for my CX, 645 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:17,880 well, it's literally the best-riding car 646 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:19,520 ever made. 647 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:22,200 Okay, picture the scene. 648 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,320 You're lying on a day bed on a tropical beach. 649 00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:30,400 It's warm, and all you can hear are the wavelets caressing the white sand. 650 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,400 [imitating waves crashing] 651 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,680 You had half a bottle of wine 652 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:43,200 at lunch time and there's nothing to do all afternoon 653 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:44,960 but snooze. 654 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,280 That is what it's like to drive a Citroen CX. 655 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:57,800 It is incredibly comfortable. 656 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:00,960 In fact, it's said 657 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,360 that the hydro-pneumatic system in my Citroen is so good 658 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,960 that two people can sit in the boot and defuse a bomb 659 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,440 while the car is being driven at speed down a cobbled street. 660 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:14,960 Are you sure it said that? 661 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:16,480 [Jeremy] Yes, absolutely. 662 00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,680 The suspension system in this was so good 663 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:22,160 Citroen sold it to Rolls-Royce, who used it in the Shadow. 664 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:23,640 So, are you ready? 665 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,280 Because we are about to hit the cobbles, now. 666 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:29,680 [intense music playing] 667 00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:37,000 [James] Okay, this needs absolute delicacy and precision. 668 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:38,680 [Richard] Yep. 669 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,400 [Richard] God, this is like doing eye surgery. 670 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:46,960 -One wrong move... -[James] Steady. 671 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,000 [Richard] Okay, very carefully, 672 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,920 if I just separate these wires, 673 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:53,960 just a millimeter at a time. 674 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,960 [James] We have to work out... At least one of them is just a fake. 675 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,080 [Richard] No sudden jolts. 676 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:07,160 [James] Eight seconds to go. I'm gonna have to make a decision. 677 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,880 [James] That's not the car shaking, that's me. 678 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:17,160 [Richard] I should do it now. 679 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:20,760 [James] I'm gonna do it. 680 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,080 -[Jeremy] Have you done it? -[Richard] Oh, well done. Yes. 681 00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,040 -Excellent. So, there we are. -Were we moving? 682 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:31,680 Exactly. 683 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:33,160 Exactly my point. 684 00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,480 [Richard] And to hammer the point home still further, 685 00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:40,840 we put the same sort of bomb 686 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,520 in the back of a BMW 687 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,760 and asked two office juniors to see if they could defuse it. 688 00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,680 -[man 1] Just snip it! -[man 2] I can't snip it! 689 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:01,400 I can't [bleep] get on the wire! 690 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:02,880 [man 1] [bleep] hell! 691 00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,160 So, there we are. 692 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,160 If you want a job on The Grand Tour, write to us at 693 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,400 "I'd die for a job on that show." 694 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,320 It's sad, 'cause they were good kids. 695 00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,960 I thought they were gonna go places. 696 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,640 I never wanted to inhale them. 697 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:28,680 [laughs] 698 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,640 [James] Well, they have... 699 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,920 [Jeremy] After writing some tricky letters to the boys' parents... 700 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,840 We headed to Kent for our next important experiment. 701 00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,680 And on the way, we examined a French characteristic 702 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,480 we very much admire, 703 00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:50,320 their willful refusal to be governed. 704 00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:58,560 De Gaulle once famously asked, 705 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:04,920 "How can you rule a country that has 246 different types of cheese?" 706 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,600 Well, the truth, it seems is... 707 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:11,400 You can't. 708 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,680 When we introduced the points system on driving licenses 709 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:20,440 in Britain in 1988, 710 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:22,800 everyone just went, "Okay." 711 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,680 But when they introduced a similar system in France 712 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:26,880 in the 1990s, 713 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:31,920 everyone immediately got into their cars and blockaded the motorways. 714 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,280 That wasn't organized by social media 715 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,760 'cause that didn't exist back then. It was just instinctive. 716 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:45,080 When the head of Renault, Georges Besse, 717 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,640 laid off 21,000 staff in 1986, 718 00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,120 they didn't go outside and fire up the brazier. 719 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:54,440 They shot him. 720 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:56,520 [speaking French] 721 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,360 Back in 2019, 722 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,280 the French government decided to reduce the speed limit 723 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,640 on all their major A roads to 50 miles an hour. 724 00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,960 The French people responded by putting their yellow vests on... 725 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,640 [loud chattering] 726 00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:19,080 And then going out and destroying 727 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,560 60 percent of the speed cameras in the whole country. 728 00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,040 Sixty percent! 729 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:26,920 [loud chattering] 730 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,640 [indistinct chatter] 731 00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:36,320 And when they put cameras on porticos over the autoroute 732 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,960 to catch truckers breaking some new eco law, 733 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,360 they didn't destroy 60 percent of them, 734 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:44,320 they destroyed the lot. 735 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,680 -[all shouting] -[horns blaring] 736 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,080 [Jeremy over radio] I'm just thinking, I quite admire 737 00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:57,120 the French bloody-mindedness, you know. 738 00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,680 I absolutely love it. 739 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,920 Is it true that when they tried to introduce wheel clamps, 740 00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,360 people just filled the locks with glue 741 00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:07,160 so they had to be cut away and were useless? 742 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,800 If I was French now, I'd be a doing 120 miles an hour. 743 00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:15,800 I wish my car could do 120 miles an hour. 744 00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:17,600 [laughs] 745 00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:23,080 [Jeremy] Soon, we arrived at the rally cross circuit 746 00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:24,880 known as Lydden Hill. 747 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,440 The laboratory for our next experiment. 748 00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:40,360 [James] Oh. 749 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,000 We all know that when it comes to hot hatches, 750 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,840 the French are the kings. 751 00:43:45,240 --> 00:43:47,000 [man speaking French] 752 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:49,600 [intense music playing] 753 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,800 [in English] But which one is the best? 754 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:11,760 Well, that's what we're here to find out, using the crucible of motorsport. 755 00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:17,280 That seems fitting as the French pretty much invented motorsport. 756 00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,440 The first ever race was held there. 757 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,880 Grand Prix are French words. Le Mans is in France. 758 00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:27,000 The governing body of all world motorsport is based in Paris. 759 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:31,040 And certainly today, we shall be adhering to French rules. 760 00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,520 The plan is simple. A 20-lap race. 761 00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:38,440 I shall be driving a Peugeot 205 GTi 1.6. 762 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,520 Jeremy, a Peugeot 306, GTi 6. 763 00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:45,840 [James grunts] 764 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:53,840 And James will be driving a Renault Sport Clio 172 Cup. 765 00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:00,880 We will be up against a Saxo VTS, 766 00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,520 a 206 GTi, 767 00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:07,840 and a Renault Sport Mégane 768 00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:13,120 which will be driven by three people from the office. 769 00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:16,680 Our script editor, because he wrote this bit, 770 00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:20,520 our production assistant, because she's French, 771 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:24,280 and finally, Abbie, our in-house racing driver. 772 00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:27,880 [engines revving] 773 00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:34,880 With all of us in our cars... 774 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,560 The important experiment could finally begin. 775 00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:52,680 [tires screech] 776 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,080 We are away. 777 00:45:58,360 --> 00:45:59,680 [music intensifies] 778 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,760 [music ends] 779 00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:05,320 [cars slow down] 780 00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:09,360 Lunch, I think. 781 00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:12,240 [pulls handbrake] 782 00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:26,280 [Jeremy] Over in the paddock, some simple track-side food was available. 783 00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:39,440 [Jeremy] James, do you want a Châteauneuf-du-Pape or a Petrus '62? 784 00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:40,680 [James mumbles] 785 00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:42,520 In the middle of a race? 786 00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,120 Well, no, you say that, 787 00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:49,120 but in France, alcohol is banned in the workplace, you're right, 788 00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:52,040 but you are allowed to drink wine, 789 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,920 beer or brandy. 790 00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:57,280 So, they said, "You cannot drink alcohol apart from beer, 791 00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,720 -"wine and brandy." -"Which is what we make." 792 00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,840 -You can't drink gin or vodka. -Yeah. Foreign alcohol. 793 00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:04,640 Yes. 794 00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:07,520 My favorite law in France is the one 795 00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,560 that prevents you from sending work emails at a weekend. 796 00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:13,800 -You're not allowed to? -By law. 797 00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,600 So you can enjoy le weekend? 798 00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,600 Yeah. Exactly that. 799 00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:21,200 Can I just say, I'm currently in second place in this race. 800 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,760 I'm last. I messed up the start... 801 00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:27,280 I've told you before, a 205 GTi, great car, 802 00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,920 but not as great as the 306 GTi. 803 00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:32,520 Yeah, because the world agrees with that theory. 804 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:37,640 Oh, no, wait, everybody agrees the 205 is the definitive hot hatch. 805 00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:42,040 -I agree, it is a definitive hot hatch. -It can't be a definitive hot hatch. 806 00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,200 -It's the... -But very few people realize 807 00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,320 the 306 GTi, the one I'm driving, 808 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,680 is actually the best French hot hatch of them all. 809 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,040 Word about that somehow didn't get out? 810 00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:52,960 -Nobody realizes. -Therefore... 811 00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,120 [Jeremy] It's like the Sex Pistols and the New York Dolls. 812 00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,200 [Jeremy] After lunch was over and we'd had a little nap, 813 00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:04,960 -the race resumed. -[engines revving] 814 00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:06,080 We are away. 815 00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:14,800 This is tight. 816 00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,080 Now I'm eating proper French dust. 817 00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:27,000 [speaking French] Come on, come on. Oh, deary me. [bleeping] 818 00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:31,320 [James] Marguerite, a French intern, in the 206 GTi. 819 00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:34,600 [Jeremy] But just as things were hotting up, 820 00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:36,200 there was a problem. 821 00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:40,360 Wait a minute. What's going on here? 822 00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:41,640 [air horn blows] 823 00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:47,080 What's happenin'? 824 00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,800 [Jeremy on radio] Well, it looks like the marshals have gone on strike. 825 00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:56,040 [Jeremy] In the confusion, James took the opportunity to make up three places. 826 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:05,600 [chanting in French] Liberté! Liberté! Liberté! Liberté! 827 00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:07,880 Oh, dear, there's a lot of bother going on, look. 828 00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:10,480 [chanting continues] 829 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,240 What could they have gone on strike about? 830 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,160 It's always difficult to know with the French. 831 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,000 Fishing quotas, land, 832 00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:25,800 speed cameras. 833 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,120 This just feels like home. 834 00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:31,240 [sighs] 835 00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:37,600 [Jeremy] Eventually, though, after the race director had been murdered, 836 00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:42,280 they went back to their posts so the race could begin again. 837 00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:44,240 [engines revving] 838 00:49:50,720 --> 00:49:54,280 Right, just to be absolutely clear, all the cars here are excellent 839 00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:57,840 because they're all French hot hatchbacks. 840 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,320 But mine is the best. 841 00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,400 It's got no ABS, it's got no traction control, and I've spun! 842 00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:06,480 [thuds] 843 00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:13,400 [Jeremy] Seven thousand RPM. 844 00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:17,160 Hundred and sixty seven horsepowers unleashed! 845 00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:24,440 Richard Hammond will now be moaning about a lack of horsepower. 846 00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:31,280 Now, I am down on power. I only have 104 brake horsepower. 847 00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:34,840 Porter completely killed me. 848 00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:39,120 That was a very French move from the scriptwriter there. 849 00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:44,640 [speaks French] Out of the way! Out of the way! 850 00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,960 Oh, it's her! The French woman. 851 00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:55,600 I ought to point out that Marguerite's never really done this before, 852 00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,200 so she is a natural French lunatic. 853 00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:04,880 Although she did make a slight error there and I'll hammer her. 854 00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:06,440 Bonjour, madame! 855 00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:10,360 Whoa! 856 00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,040 [Jeremy] As Hammond and May battled with the office staff, 857 00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:17,640 Abbie and I were up front fighting for the lead. 858 00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:22,360 Determined face. 859 00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:25,720 Speed! 860 00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:32,120 You may be a racing driver, but I've got 40 more horsepower than you. 861 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,000 Oh, no. Hang on. 862 00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:41,680 [grunting] 863 00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:48,320 [clattering] 864 00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:49,680 [exclaims] 865 00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:52,160 Ah. Think my dash appears to be coming off, 866 00:51:52,240 --> 00:51:54,720 but I'd say that wasn't necessary. 867 00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:59,520 French cars tend to shed the stuff you can lose. 868 00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:03,520 Bumpers, electric windows, all that sort of stuff. 869 00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:07,920 What you're left with is, actually, an incredibly tough drivetrain, engine. 870 00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:12,680 Whoa. Monsieur Le Porter. 871 00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,640 -[clattering] -[exclaiming] 872 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,360 Right, this is my chance. 873 00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:30,560 -Ooh, [bleep]! Not my chance. -[laughing] 874 00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:33,560 Yep, she gave me the finger. She is definitely a French woman. 875 00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:35,400 That's the real deal there. 876 00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:41,040 [Jeremy groans] 877 00:52:43,240 --> 00:52:45,200 God, this thing's so good. 878 00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,040 Oh, she's cocked it up! 879 00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:52,560 [exclaims] 880 00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,320 [in French] You son of a female dog! [bleeping] 881 00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:57,520 Go away in a reproductive manner. 882 00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:09,920 Whoa! 883 00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:12,360 [Richard] As we entered the closing laps, 884 00:53:13,240 --> 00:53:17,320 I finally overtook James' much more powerful Renault. 885 00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:22,640 Stealing a line from James then. "Come on, little Pug." 886 00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:25,640 But then... 887 00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:28,640 Oh! 888 00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:29,880 I've died. 889 00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:32,120 What's happened here? 890 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:35,840 Oh, dear. 891 00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:38,320 It's gone on strike. 892 00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:39,720 [laughing] 893 00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:45,880 [Jeremy] As the race entered the final two laps, 894 00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:48,600 James was still being humiliated 895 00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,560 by the brilliantly-entertaining French novice. 896 00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:56,480 And I was still fighting Abbie for the win. 897 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:06,200 AND BEFORE YOU JUMP ON TWITTER, 898 00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:09,960 YES, WE KNOW HE'S BELGIAN. 899 00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:13,320 [Jeremy] Damn it! 900 00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:16,960 [exclaims] 901 00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:20,480 [cheers] 902 00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,000 [James] Oh, balls! 903 00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:24,280 [Jeremy] Whoa! 904 00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:29,840 [Jeremy laughs] 905 00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:35,200 Yes. The mighty Peugeot is in the lead! 906 00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,840 Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! 907 00:54:41,720 --> 00:54:42,800 No! 908 00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:52,760 [Jeremy groans] 909 00:54:58,040 --> 00:54:59,600 [Jeremy] So, the Saxo won. 910 00:55:02,720 --> 00:55:04,120 But it doesn't matter 911 00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:09,080 because all of us had had so much fun. 912 00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:11,720 And... 913 00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:14,160 we'd made an important point. 914 00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:20,440 The French can make spectacular cars when they're not being bonkers. 915 00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:22,160 But here's the thing. 916 00:55:22,240 --> 00:55:25,720 Sometimes they can make spectacular cars 917 00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:27,240 when they are. 918 00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:43,160 CITROЁN SM 919 00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:56,000 Welcome, everyone, to the most magnificent French car of them all. 920 00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,680 The SM. 921 00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,520 A Citroen coupé with a 2.7 liter 922 00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:08,960 Maserati V-6 under the bonnet. 923 00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:16,880 This, in essence, really, is Franco-Italian. 924 00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:18,640 And that can work. 925 00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,680 Jean Alesi, he's Franco-Italian, 926 00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:25,680 so is Olivier Giroud, Eric Cantona, David Ginola. 927 00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:26,840 That worked well. 928 00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,160 [Richard] Yeah. So what you got in one of these 929 00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:32,080 was French complexity and Italian fragility. 930 00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:33,200 Yeah. Yeah. 931 00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:38,440 To give you an example of the complexity, it doesn't have a throttle linkage, 932 00:56:39,240 --> 00:56:41,040 as such. Well, it does, 933 00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,360 but you get a rod, then a bit of cable, 934 00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,160 then another rod, then it goes through the exhaust. 935 00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:47,560 -It does. -[both laughing] 936 00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:49,880 -And then it comes out. -It's basically engine-out. 937 00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:53,920 [Jeremy] And here's another good one, all the wiring under the bonnet is black, 938 00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:57,080 so you've no idea where it's going or where it came from. 939 00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,480 It's just all black. I don't know. 940 00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:01,440 They don't really work. 941 00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,880 I love the "stop" light there. 942 00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:05,640 The biggest stop sign. 943 00:57:05,720 --> 00:57:08,760 -Yeah, it doesn't even... -"Just stop!" 944 00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:11,640 "One of a number of things has gone wrong again." 945 00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:13,640 -That's what it says. -[both laughing] 946 00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:17,200 "This is a really big light to tell you, inevitably, stop." 947 00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:19,720 "What did you expect? 948 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,440 "Here is the moment you knew was coming. 949 00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:25,760 "And you must stop instantly or die." 950 00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:32,480 But... can we just mention the looks? 951 00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:35,160 [Jeremy] It's one of the best-looking cars ever made. 952 00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:41,200 [Richard] Some angles, there's a sort of gawkiness to it, 953 00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:45,440 which is, I know we've said it before, but real, true beauty isn't just 954 00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:47,720 -that sort of Internet, fake... -[Jeremy] No. 955 00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:51,400 [Richard] ...perfectly-symmetrical. This has an angularity to it. 956 00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:52,560 Oh, it's stunning. 957 00:57:55,400 --> 00:58:00,000 I'll tell you what I love, is the list of people who owned an SM. 958 00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:02,400 -Is it good? -Oh, eclectic. 959 00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:06,480 You've got Graham Greene, Brezhnev, 960 00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:07,800 Haile Selassie, 961 00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:11,000 Lee Majors, The Six Million Dollar Man, John Barry, 962 00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:12,840 the guy who wrote the Bond stuff. 963 00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,320 Idi Amin had seven of them. 964 00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:17,280 Seven SMs. 965 00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:19,640 [Richard] Just on the off-chance one of them worked. 966 00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:21,800 [Jeremy] But this is the really interesting one. 967 00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:23,600 Bill Wyman from The Stones, 968 00:58:23,680 --> 00:58:25,800 okay, Adam Clayton from U2 969 00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:27,880 and Guy Berryman from Coldplay. 970 00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:30,800 They're all bassists and they all had SMs. 971 00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:34,720 That's because nobody ever looks at the bassists. 972 00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,760 They're always standing at the back. 973 00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:38,760 "Stop looking at the lead singer. 974 00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:41,040 -"I've got a sodding SM." -"Look at me!" 975 00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:42,240 [Jeremy] Yes! 976 00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:51,640 -I love this car. -[Richard] I really want one. 977 00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,200 [Jeremy laughs] 978 00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:57,800 I can feel the vibe of a man wanting something coming from over there. 979 00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,400 And I think you should have one so I can look at it. 980 00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:03,840 [Richard] It's so special. 981 00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:07,240 And I wanna be the kind of person that would, 982 00:59:07,320 --> 00:59:08,920 well, set out 983 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,680 -to turn up in one. -Yeah, you'd never get there. 984 00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:13,520 -No. -But you'd be an optimist. 985 00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:14,760 People would see you 986 00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,320 and assume you were just an optimistic idiot. 987 00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:19,080 -Yes. -Which I kind of am. 988 00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,440 [laughing] 989 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:32,440 [Jeremy] You know, we started out by asking, 990 00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,800 "What is the matter with the French?" 991 00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:36,760 And the answer is, 992 00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:39,080 not much, not really. 993 00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:43,560 We like their food, their wine, their bloody-mindedness, 994 00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:44,880 and, it turns out, 995 00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:48,320 we like a lot of their cars as well. 996 01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:05,200 But we don't want you to get the impression we like all of them. 997 01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:08,640 Because we don't. 998 01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:13,360 This is the Citroen Pluriel, which we hate, 999 01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:15,880 partly because it's horrid, but mainly... 1000 01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:18,720 because of its stupid roof. 1001 01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:25,480 Now, you probably think the roof has folded away cleverly 1002 01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:28,040 like it does with a normal convertible. 1003 01:00:28,120 --> 01:00:29,160 But it hasn't. 1004 01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:31,040 It's right here. 1005 01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:33,600 You have to take it off entirely. 1006 01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:37,680 If you get up in the morning and think, "It's sunny, I'll take the roof off" 1007 01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:40,600 and then it starts raining, what do you do? 1008 01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:42,640 What if you set off and you think, 1009 01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:44,920 "The sun's come out, I'll take the roof off", 1010 01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,840 where do you put it? It is genuine French idiocy. 1011 01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,600 We should send that miserable thing back to France 1012 01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,320 and tell them to keep it. 1013 01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:58,480 It's funny you should say that 'cause France is, what, 1014 01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:01,360 25 miles away? You can virtually see it from here. 1015 01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:02,760 -It's not far, is it? -No. 1016 01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:07,640 If only we had something that could fling it that far. 1017 01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:10,880 Wait a minute! 1018 01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:15,040 Oh, yeah! 1019 01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:18,360 [intense music playing] 1020 01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:31,080 [Jeremy] At more than 60 feet tall and weighing 32 tons, 1021 01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:34,560 our trebuchet was certainly big enough for the job. 1022 01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:39,880 However, it's quite a faff to load and cock it, 1023 01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:43,480 which means bringing in some machinery. 1024 01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:48,240 KATO 1025 01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:49,600 [Richard] Oh, yes. 1026 01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:51,560 I love cranes, me. 1027 01:01:55,840 --> 01:01:56,840 Where's James? 1028 01:01:56,920 --> 01:02:00,400 [beeping] 1029 01:02:00,480 --> 01:02:01,680 [James] Hang on. 1030 01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,960 [intense music continues] 1031 01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:11,960 [beeping] 1032 01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:14,480 [intense music continues] 1033 01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:21,360 [Jeremy] Having moved faster than he had done at any point in the show, 1034 01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:24,640 James then set about attaching the trebuchet 1035 01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:27,320 to the hook on Hammond's crane. 1036 01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:29,680 Thank you. 1037 01:02:29,760 --> 01:02:31,920 [Richard] He is wearing a harness, isn't he? 1038 01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:34,600 [Jeremy] Oh, of course. He's more than six feet up. 1039 01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:37,320 -Are you hooked? -[Richard] Are we on? 1040 01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:38,760 [James] Yeah. 1041 01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:42,080 [Richard] With that done, we needed someone practical 1042 01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:45,960 to explain the engineering behind our incredible machine. 1043 01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:49,320 Right, so here's how it works. 1044 01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:52,800 Hammond will lift this up, and this... 1045 01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:55,440 12-ton weight 1046 01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:57,520 will go... 1047 01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:02,440 Or will it go that way? 1048 01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:06,040 No, this way. 1049 01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:08,760 The arm will come down, 1050 01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:12,520 and then we attach the cable to the end of the arm... 1051 01:03:14,200 --> 01:03:15,400 to the car? 1052 01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:18,440 [Richard] With all that cleared up, 1053 01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:20,720 he went off to get the Pluriel. 1054 01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:29,000 [Richard] What are you doing? 1055 01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:33,040 -[James] It goes at the other end. -[Richard] Jeremy, that's the wrong end! 1056 01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:36,520 -What? -It's in the wrong place. 1057 01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:38,280 It's gotta be at the other end. 1058 01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:40,200 No, France is that way. 1059 01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:42,640 It's pulled underneath and then goes over. 1060 01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:44,920 -It starts that side. -So then it goes... 1061 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,720 -Like that. -It doesn't start here? 1062 01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:48,320 No. It starts over there. 1063 01:03:48,440 --> 01:03:51,200 [beeping] 1064 01:03:53,480 --> 01:03:54,960 [Jeremy] No! 1065 01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:57,680 [Richard] Oh, quality work. 1066 01:03:58,320 --> 01:04:00,680 [creaking] 1067 01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:02,480 That's it. No, it isn't. 1068 01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:04,120 Genius. 1069 01:04:04,800 --> 01:04:07,400 -Hasn't he got one of these at home? -Yeah. 1070 01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:09,120 -[creaking] -Whoops. 1071 01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:15,520 Yeah, that's better. 1072 01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:23,760 -When a heart surgeon finishes the job... -[Jeremy] Yeah? 1073 01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:25,400 Attach an artery to an artery 1074 01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:28,080 and then they stitch it, it doesn't look like this. 1075 01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:29,240 [Jeremy] What? 1076 01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:32,920 [Richard] That's clearly not precision work been taking place, has it? 1077 01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:35,120 [intense music playing] 1078 01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:40,400 Yes. 1079 01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:43,720 Just pickin' it up! 1080 01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:53,080 -[James] Stop. -[Jeremy] Stop. Stop. Stop. 1081 01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:01,400 [Richard] God, this is complicated! 1082 01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:08,760 Stop. 1083 01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:13,400 It turns out we three are pretty manly. 1084 01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:15,600 [Jeremy on radio] Oh, yeah! 1085 01:05:15,680 --> 01:05:17,040 [James laughing] 1086 01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:20,400 [Jeremy] With the, um, heavy bit 1087 01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:23,480 lifted into position and the car attached 1088 01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:25,080 to something important, 1089 01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:28,400 we were finally ready for launch. 1090 01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:32,760 So the car, when I pull this, goes round, loops round 1091 01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:34,200 -and goes to France? -Yep. 1092 01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:35,600 -[James] Exactly. -[Richard] And if it works, 1093 01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:37,560 it'll be the fastest Pluriel ever. 1094 01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:39,120 By a long way. 1095 01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:40,960 [Jeremy] Are we all ready? 1096 01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:46,440 Take up the slack. 1097 01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:49,800 Here he comes. 1098 01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,160 -That happens. -[Richard] Taking up some more slack. 1099 01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:56,760 [grunting] Manly, you know. 1100 01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:58,560 [Jeremy] Here he comes again. 1101 01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:00,960 [grunts] 1102 01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:03,240 -Keep, keep... -It's elastic. 1103 01:06:03,320 --> 01:06:04,440 Oh. 1104 01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:06,520 -[Jeremy] We've got the wrong rope. -I'll go, 1105 01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:08,640 "Three, two, one," do it, we give it a... 1106 01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:10,720 Ready? Three, two, one. [grunts] 1107 01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,280 -There it goes! -[exclaims] 1108 01:06:15,640 --> 01:06:17,480 -Whoa! -There it goes! 1109 01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:20,000 [wind whooshing] 1110 01:06:22,680 --> 01:06:24,480 -[James] Yes! -[Richard exclaims] 1111 01:06:24,560 --> 01:06:25,840 PluRiel 1112 01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:29,560 Oh, good, there it is. I've got it, I've got it. There it is. Geez. 1113 01:06:33,040 --> 01:06:35,560 [all laughing] 1114 01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:36,920 Hang on. 1115 01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:39,520 [Jeremy] Where's it gone? Anyone see it? 1116 01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:41,920 [Richard] There! 1117 01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:48,880 [Jeremy] Oh, shit. 1118 01:06:48,960 --> 01:06:51,200 [loud crash] 1119 01:06:57,200 --> 01:07:00,040 Right, well, on that terrible disappointment... 1120 01:07:00,120 --> 01:07:01,160 For Louis. 1121 01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:02,600 -Who's Louis? -Him. 1122 01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:05,200 For Louis, it's time to end. 1123 01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:07,680 Thank you so much for watching. 1124 01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:10,040 We'll see you next time. Take care. 1125 01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:13,280 -Won't be in France, though, will we? -No, no, maybe not for a bit. 1126 01:07:13,360 --> 01:07:14,400 No. 1127 01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:16,480 [theme music playing]