1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,240 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,200 (TRAIN HORN BLASTS) 3 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,360 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 4 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,160 Welcome. 5 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,440 Now, a couple of months ago, 6 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:03,040 we were sitting around, wondering what we should do 7 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,000 for this, the last programme in the series. 8 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:10,200 Yeah. I said we should build a car that's also an aircraft carrier. 9 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:14,280 Yeah, I wanted to fire a car into space. 10 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,200 But then we decided that what we should actually do, 11 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,840 because neither of those things were ambitious enough, 12 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,400 -was end world hunger. -(LAUGHTER) 13 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:23,320 Yeah. It's a big job. 14 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,880 Yeah, it's not the sort of thing that we could achieve in 20 minutes 15 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,040 with a couple of guests and a bit of idle chit-chat in-between. 16 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:32,360 No. We were going to need the whole show. 17 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:36,120 So settle back now as we take The Grand Tour on a mini special 18 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:40,080 to the poverty-stricken but beautiful country 19 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,440 of Mozambique. 20 00:01:55,560 --> 00:02:00,360 This is the village of Bingo in the west of the country. 21 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,600 The people here are not starving, 22 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,720 but they are very poor. 23 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:12,360 Jesus here has to exist on a diet of miserable gruel, 24 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:16,200 which is fine for silly rich women in London and New York. 25 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:21,440 But food like this makes the average red-blooded African man very sad. 26 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:28,280 And that's odd, because just 200 miles away 27 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,840 things are very different. 28 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,760 (HUBBUB OF MARKET) 29 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,440 This is Mozambique's capital city, Maputo. 30 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,840 And the people here are well-nourished and happy 31 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,640 because they live by the ocean... 32 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,440 ...which is full of fish. 33 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,480 (MARKET CHATTER) 34 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,200 And that got us wondering. 35 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,160 How hard can it be... 36 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,680 ...to get the fish from here to that village we were looking at earlier? 37 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,200 Yeah. Now, this isn't a very wealthy country. 38 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,280 -In fact, it's a poor country. -Desperately poor. 39 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:11,080 Desperately poor. So they don't have refrigerated trucks, all that kind of stuff. 40 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:15,360 No, but we're talking about 200 miles. That's London to Leeds, isn't it? 41 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,280 It's nothing to get this there. 42 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,240 I'm telling you, when we get this sorted out, 43 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,840 when we move these fish to Bingo, 44 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,440 there'll be Nobel Prizes in it for us. 45 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,680 -And I'd be Boutros Boutros-May. -Yes. 46 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:29,080 And I'd be Ban Ki-Hammond. 47 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,520 -What? Oh, Ban Ki. -Yeah. 48 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,160 -I'm gonna go for a knighthood... -Do it. Why not? 49 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,280 -...beat David Beckham to it. -That'd go down well. 50 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,760 JAMES: Unfortunately, having agreed that we would end world hunger 51 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,920 by moving fish across Mozambique, 52 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,920 we couldn't agree on how this might be achieved. 53 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,120 So we ended up with different solutions. 54 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,600 This is what I came up with - a 1984 Mercedes wagon, 55 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:03,760 a car famous throughout Africa for its rugged dependability. 56 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,160 However, I have modified it extensively. 57 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:12,680 In the back, filling up all of the back, is a Perspex tank. 58 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,640 What I'm going to do is fill that with sea water 59 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,640 and then put the fishes in there 60 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,360 and they will stay alive 61 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,160 as I make my way inland. 62 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:25,440 Now, you can't get fish fresher than fishes that are still swimming around in the sea. 63 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,880 I have been clever. 64 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,160 Very clever. 65 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,360 Not as clever as me. 66 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,520 Because for the first time in my entire life, 67 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:39,280 I've made a sensible decision. I've gone for this. 68 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,680 It's a pick-up truck that Nissan named after me. 69 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:45,600 It's called the Hardbody. 70 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:52,960 It's got tons of space in the back for cod and bream and sticklebacks. 71 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,800 And it has four-wheel drive, which I reckon is going to be essential, 72 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,440 because - and James hasn't realised this - 73 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,280 it's the rainy season in Mozambique, 74 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:08,520 so I reckon the roads are gonna be... hell. 75 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,800 JEREMY: Hammond, meanwhile, hadn't been clever at all. 76 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:13,720 What do you think of that? 77 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:20,840 -Well, I think it's a... motorcycle. -Yes, it is. 78 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,800 Specifically, it's a TVS Star HLX E5 79 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,920 and I've just bought this brand new from a supermarket 80 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,480 for 800 quid. 81 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,120 Brand spankers. 82 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,320 Hammond, this is not a quality item. 83 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,920 It's built down to a budget, isn't it? You can feel that. 84 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,600 Is it a 1,000cc? 85 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,280 -No, 100. -What? 86 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,680 -100cc. -How many cylinders? Four? 87 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,840 -One. -One? 88 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,240 -That one. -So how much horsepower has it got? 89 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,400 -Seven. Seven. -Seven? 90 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,120 But it's light, it's agile. 91 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,600 These things are actually built in India 92 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,320 specifically to be used in Africa. 93 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:54,640 -(CHUCKLES) -They are! 94 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,240 They're built in India specifically for use in Africa... 95 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,320 It's too poor to be used in India. 96 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:00,920 I can see why the Indians don't want it. 97 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,800 It's rugged, it's tough, it can go off-road if we need to. 98 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,840 -It can do anything. -But what it can't do, Hammond, 99 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,120 is transport a large amount of fish. 100 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,480 Exactly what I was thinking. If I wanted a pizza delivery, 101 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:12,880 this is the sort of thing... 102 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,920 I've thought about this. Let me explain my idea. 103 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,800 This is my genius. What they do here is dry the fish in the wind 104 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,120 cos it lasts longer. 105 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,040 -Is that fish? -That's fish, drying in the wind. 106 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,480 -It looks like cats. -No, it's fish! 107 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,080 I'm gonna build a rack like that, fit it to the back, 108 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,800 and then I'll dry the fish as I go along. 109 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:31,920 It's brilliant! 110 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,920 That is literally the stupidest idea I've ever heard of. 111 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,040 What are you gonna do, sling your fish in your pick-up and watch them rot? 112 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,560 Ah! No. Actually, I have a plan on that. 113 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,320 But I do need your help. 114 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,720 RICHARD: Jeremy's plan was to break into a hotel 115 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,400 in the dead of night and do a burglary. 116 00:06:58,280 --> 00:06:59,560 (BUMPING AND CLANGING) 117 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,280 RICHARD: You're not gonna... You're gonna have to tilt it! 118 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,800 You're gonna have to tilt it! 119 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,280 Ow! Ow! 120 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,080 -(RUMBLING) -Right, back! 121 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,640 (THUDDING AND GROANING) 122 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,400 RICHARD: There! 123 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,560 JEREMY: Why is it so heavy? RICHARD: Ssh! 124 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,560 There's a lot of gubbins in it. 125 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,360 JEREMY: The next morning, we all met up on the beach 126 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:35,640 and I set about fitting the hotel's ice machine to my Hardbody. 127 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:42,200 Right, so I need a bucket of water above the height of the stolen ice machine 128 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:47,040 from which the Solenoid ice machine can get the supply that it can convert into ice. 129 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,440 Oh, yeah. 130 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,640 Generator in place. 131 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,440 Water tank in place. 132 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,520 Meanwhile, Hammond was building his fish rack... 133 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:12,080 ...and May was filling his Macquarium with sea water. 134 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,560 How much is your car going to weigh when it's full? 135 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,440 An extra 700. 136 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,960 -Tons? -No, kilograms. 137 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,040 -So it's at 0.7 of a ton... -Yeah, extra. 138 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:29,560 -Extra. And he's parked it... -On sand. Wet sand. 139 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,400 -Wet sand. -But the fish aren't heavy. 140 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,960 Tyre. Look at the tyre. 141 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,760 RICHARD: The tide is definitely coming in. 142 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,400 JEREMY: With the Indian Ocean nibbling at his back end, 143 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,960 James's tank was eventually full. 144 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,120 I need to get this going as quick as possible. You lot out of the way! 145 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,120 (ENGINE REVS) 146 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,560 He's not gonna do it. 147 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,400 (REVS ENGINE) 148 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,600 (HEAVY CLUNK) 149 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,560 Bollocks! 150 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,960 (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER) 151 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,960 I need a tow! Tow! 152 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,120 Try! 153 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,000 It won't do it. It's only got 104 horsepower. 154 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,600 Get the truck! 155 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,320 Get your four-by-four, please, 156 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,520 and tow me the first 20 yards. 157 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,680 That's what you've got it for! Get it in front! 158 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,840 He's really shouting at me. 159 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,800 I don't respond well to shouting. I like calmness. 160 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,040 -Can you help? -Yep. 161 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,160 JEREMY: What's the matter? -I want a tow! 162 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,240 You've got a four-by-four. Put it there. Just tow me a bit. 163 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,680 I helped you nick the ice-making machine. 164 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,720 Do something in return. You're still not doing it! 165 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,040 I am. 166 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,640 (REVVING) 167 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,760 This is me saving James May. 168 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,640 It's not ideal, but... 169 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,800 -(HORN BEEPS) RICHARD: Jeremy, he's ready! 170 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,040 Keep going! 171 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,160 -(METALLIC GRINDING) -What is that noise? 172 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,240 (CLUNK) 173 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,880 That's my gearbox. 174 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,320 No, no! Stop! 175 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:24,600 Oh, you pillock! 176 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,720 Hammond, there's a really bad noise... 177 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,440 I dropped him right where the sewage is. 178 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,280 RICHARD: OK. -There's a terrible noise. 179 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,520 coming from the bottom of my gear lever 180 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,640 when it's underload, pulling him. 181 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,880 -What is that? -That clicking metallic-- 182 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:49,600 -Could you hear it? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 183 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,200 Dunno. Honestly don't know. 184 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,800 Thank you. But you were supposed to do it gently. 185 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,200 -That's what I was shouting. -My car is broken. 186 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,160 -Well... -Mine's not, fortunately. 187 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,000 -How did that happen? -You did it. 188 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,960 You might have holed his radiator. We haven't had a look yet. 189 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,720 -When I said "Stop", you accelerated. -Yeah, that did happen. 190 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,720 The noise of my disintegrating gearbox 191 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,560 was drowning you out. 192 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,160 I didn't know your gearbox was disintegrating. 193 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,640 -It is now. -Radiator and fan are OK. 194 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,440 -I knew they were. I judged it to perfection. -Course you did. 195 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:22,640 JEREMY: Once we'd replaced the water James was now wearing, 196 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,280 we were ready to go and catch some fish, 197 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:29,440 using local methods that we didn't really understand. 198 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,120 So far as we could tell, we had to put James in the sea 199 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:36,760 with one end of the rope, 200 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,600 and then Hammond and I had to row about, 201 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,000 dropping off a net as we went. 202 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,160 And pull! 203 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,040 Arg! 204 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,040 Jesus Christ! 205 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,880 There's been an accident! 206 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,720 Row the boat, you idle sods! 207 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,800 Hold on, James, we'll be... 208 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,720 This is how they do it here. 209 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,720 No, that's the wrong way. Gotta go the other way. 210 00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,600 Oh, shit, I'm on the wrong side! 211 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,680 Turn it. Oh (BLEEP) hell! 212 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,840 As Hammond and I were struggling to get into a rhythm... 213 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,120 Hang on, hang on. The oar's come out. 214 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:12,680 ...and, as it turned out, the Indian Ocean wasn't that deep... 215 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,120 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 216 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,600 JEREMY: Where has all the sea gone? 217 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,720 ...we decided to push the boat instead. 218 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,800 Any minute now we're going to start fishing. 219 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,400 I think this might actually be working. 220 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,320 If they can just get themselves back to here, 221 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,280 we've got two ends of a net, 222 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,240 pull it in full of fish. 223 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,120 Arg! Shit! 224 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,560 I've caught myself in the net! 225 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,840 Oh, shit! 226 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:42,680 After this calamity... 227 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,240 -Hammond, get it! -I can't get it! 228 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,560 ...we decided that we'd be better off 229 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,120 in the boat after all. 230 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,440 And soon we'd worked our way back to James. 231 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,120 -God! JAMES: Come on! 232 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,160 We're coming. Right, anchor. 233 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,720 Right. Dropping anchor. 234 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,080 What we do is, we pull it in, 235 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,880 and then, as the net comes towards us... 236 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,680 ...it fills up with fish. 237 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,080 So is that the other end of it? 238 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,760 This is my end, the beginning end. 239 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,760 -Where's the other end? -At the back of your boat. 240 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,040 This is the other end, isn't it? 241 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,360 Hold on. No, wait. This is the other end. 242 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,400 But that's also the other end. 243 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,720 RICHARD: This is the other end! 244 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,840 JEREMY: Once we'd established that somehow 245 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,640 our rope had three ends, we began hauling in the net. 246 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,080 (STRAINING AND GROANING) 247 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,560 Behold the sparkling treasure of the seas! 248 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,800 What we've achieved - not only solving world hunger 249 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,800 but mastering fishing in a single day. 250 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,840 Have you ever seen Bono do this? 251 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,520 -Angelina Jolie? -No. 252 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:49,640 Both of them well respected for their charitable work. 253 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,400 I haven't seen them in the sea hauling nets. 254 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,080 Or David Beckham. 255 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,600 Eventually our catch was on board. 256 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,600 We've got eight plus one that got out in the boat. 257 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,440 And, to make matters worse... 258 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,320 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 259 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,280 There's a big squall coming. 260 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,080 Yep, I can see it. That'll be it. 261 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,520 (WIND HOWLS) 262 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:16,040 Urgh! It's getting quite hairy out here now. 263 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,480 (THUNDERCLAPS) 264 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,720 We're all on board. 265 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,240 You can't row in this. 266 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,080 If we lift up the anchor, 267 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,520 the wind will blow us onto the shore. 268 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:37,680 That's good. 269 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,680 Or we might just miss it and end up in Madagascar. 270 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,000 Or Somalia. 271 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,600 -Yeah. -What's Madagascar like? 272 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,920 -Better than Somalia. -Yeah. 273 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:53,320 Faced with the prospect of being kidnapped by pirates... 274 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,440 ...we bravely decided to abandon the boat we'd borrowed 275 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,960 and the fish we'd caught, and hitch a ride back to the harbour 276 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,520 with the film crew. 277 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,200 Oh, bollocks! 278 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,440 The next day, though, things started to look up. 279 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,960 We went off fishing this morning, 280 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,120 before the camera crews were up, 281 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,840 and we've had a much more successful morning, much more. 282 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,800 This is the result. 283 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,840 I caught the dorado by hand, in fact. 284 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,760 That was quite a wrestling match. I remember watching that. 285 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,560 I was hauling these in at the time, all of them. 286 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:32,160 Anyway, we've got a lot of fish that we caught ourselves, 287 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,240 without the crew, early this morning. 288 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:39,680 RICHARD: And now it was time to load them into our fish transportation vehicles. 289 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,240 JEREMY: That is an octopus, look. 290 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,160 You can see its face, 291 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:50,600 the surprise from when James wrestled it. Look at that. 292 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,320 With a cheese sauce, got a thermidor going on right there. 293 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,360 They will be kept succulent and fresh 294 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,720 for the journey to Bingo. 295 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,000 Right, come on, matey. In the big tank. 296 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,760 You'll like it with your mates. 297 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,960 Hey, hey, hey! Look at that! 298 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,320 (BLEEP) 299 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,440 Sorry, mate. Sorry. 300 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,200 Sorry. Oh, he's sandy. 301 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,400 Oh, bollocks. 302 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,080 I'll rinse him off. There you go. 303 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,760 He's OK. 304 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,640 So it goes in its mouth and out of its anus? 305 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,280 No. It'll go in its mouth 306 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,960 and then I imagine out of its gill. 307 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,200 No, it needs to go through its anus, then it goes through its whole body. 308 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,920 It goes through the gill, not threaded all the way through the fish! 309 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,520 -If I were to dry you... -Can somebody come and open the lid? 310 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,120 -No, I'm busy with him. -Open the lid! 311 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,400 (BLEEP) 312 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,520 -(SPLASH) -Oh, yeah. 313 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,600 -Admire. -Now what do you do? 314 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,800 Hang it on here. 315 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,920 JEREMY: Eventually the loading and the hanging were complete 316 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,200 and we were ready. 317 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,760 OK, it's time now... 318 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,600 Nobody's ever said this on a car show before. 319 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,440 ...to save the world. 320 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,040 (IGNITION, ENGINE CHOKES) 321 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,120 (ENGINE JUDDERING) 322 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,920 -(ENGINE FIRES UP) -There you go. 323 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,240 Right, forward into saving the world. This is it. 324 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,160 Oh, my God! Oh. Oh. 325 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,320 Stupid... What the hell is...? 326 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,120 Oh, Lord above! 327 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,080 What manner of thing is happening here? 328 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,560 Still, could be worse. 329 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,520 Oh, it's steering me, I'm not steering it. 330 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,960 It is steering me! Oh! 331 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,680 -Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great... -(SPLOSH) 332 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,960 Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great... 333 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,320 It is with great pride and humility 334 00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:57,480 that I accept this award for... Urgh! 335 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,680 Ah, Tarmac! 336 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,040 That's better! 337 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,920 JEREMY: Our mercy mission would take us through the city of Maputo 338 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:18,440 and then 200 miles north, to the tiny village of Bingo. 339 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,320 The great thing about this particular vehicle 340 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:27,240 is that it has a 3.2-litre four-cylinder diesel engine. 341 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,720 That's a great deal of power, it'll get me there quickly. 342 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:36,680 This is what Angelina and Bob Geldof and Bono don't realise. 343 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,680 It's all very well singing songs and adopting children. 344 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,640 What you actually need is a big, powerful engine, 345 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,520 and that's what I've got in my Hardbody. 346 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,440 Everybody I pass, you can see the light dawning in their eyes. 347 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,680 "Why didn't we think of that?" 348 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,840 Every morning in future there'll be a fleet of fishing boats 349 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,320 coming in to shore here 350 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,160 and a fleet of these bikes 351 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,960 waiting to collect the fish 352 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,600 and transport it inland, 353 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,640 And it's what, 200 miles? 354 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:12,080 I reckon on a bike, a good rider could get in 355 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:15,320 two or even three fish trips a day. 356 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,520 See, it's brilliant, isn't it? 357 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,600 Yeah. It's a brilliant idea! 358 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,680 You're gonna want to do it! It's a great business! 359 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,320 Yeah, you see! This is like Lions' Den, 360 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:29,280 Dragons' Den, whatever. The Den. 361 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,360 That show with Alan Sugar on. 362 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,720 Temperatures and pressures are OK. 363 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,360 Tank is full of water. 364 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,320 Quick look at my fish. Yes, there's one. 365 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,680 He's looking pretty happy. Why wouldn't he be? He's in the sea. 366 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,680 He doesn't know he's in a car. 367 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,480 Fish are not, you know... 368 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,120 They don't have a big intellect. 369 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,760 Overtaking the Leaning Bus of Pisa! 370 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,520 So here we are. We've done 40 miles already. 371 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,960 We're on a velvet-smooth, almost Austrian road, 372 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,240 heading towards Bingo. 373 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,440 We should be there in a couple of hours. 374 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,960 Easiest thing I've ever done. Easiest. 375 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,200 In fact, since things were going so smoothly, 376 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,920 I decided to amuse myself. 377 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,600 Ready, steady and brake-testing James May. 378 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,920 -Git! -(CHORTLES) 379 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,200 You're not helping with the transport of my fish. 380 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,120 This is supposed to be a group effort. 381 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,680 Don't be such a petulant child. 382 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,240 Oh, someone's fallen over in the road. Nothing I can do. 383 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,400 (JAMES CACKLES) 384 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,480 A few miles further on, though, 385 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,360 the smooth Tarmac ran out. 386 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,760 And because Hammond had rejected my anus suggestion 387 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,600 and used gills instead, 388 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,680 it caused him some problems. 389 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,760 JEREMY: Hammond, you just lost 90% of your fish. 390 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:09,960 Oh, no, did I? 391 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,720 Oh, he's lost another one! 392 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,320 JAMES: I've just run over a fish. Should I worry? 393 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,560 Oh, mate, you're gonna be running over more than one. 394 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,400 Hammond is losing them at a rate of knots. 395 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,880 Two more just went there, Hammond. 396 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,600 Oh, God! 397 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,280 And another one. 398 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,280 He's gonna have... And another one. 399 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,800 ...no fish at all. And another. 400 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,760 JAMES: This fish delivery was supposed to be targeted. 401 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,600 What you're doing is carpet-bombing Mozambique with bream. 402 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,640 RICHARD: It's the principle I'm proving. 403 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,280 I'm not trying to feed them all. 404 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,000 I'm trying to show them how to feed themselves. 405 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,000 What a blithering idiot. 406 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,080 The inside of the windscreen's filthy 407 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:58,760 because of... dollops of sea water hitting it. 408 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,640 I'm delighted to say it's now spitting with rain, 409 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,040 which of course is filling up my water bucket. 410 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:26,720 That's the sort of recycling that will leave Prince Charles breathless. 411 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,520 When I go for my knighthood, he'll probably bring it up, I should imagine. 412 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:36,040 (MIMICS CHARLES) What gave you the idea of recycling? 413 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:40,280 I think this is so inventive, it really is. 414 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,920 -Urgh! -Sorry. 415 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,480 -No point drying them if you're gonna soak them! -Sorry. 416 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:49,960 Argh! 417 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,840 Sorry, Hammond. Did some of that go on you ? 418 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,800 RICHARD: What's the point of me drying fish if you then get them wet in a puddle? 419 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:03,040 JEREMY: It was still another 150 miles to Bingo. 420 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,360 But we were confident that even on these roads, 421 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,600 we'd get there by nightfall. 422 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,600 Soon, though, the going started to get much worse. 423 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,920 JAMES: Not so good. 424 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,600 Steady, steady. 425 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,640 Shit! 426 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,280 That's a massive rut. Oh, no! 427 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,400 Argh! (BLEEP) 428 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,000 Come on! 429 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,480 Hammond cannot possibly make this. 430 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,480 Oh, no! Not again! 431 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,320 It's getting quite struggly now for him. 432 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,600 But actually it was the ruggedly dependable Mercedes 433 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,720 that was the first to crack. 434 00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,080 (ENGINE CUTS OUT) 435 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,640 JAMES: That was going well. 436 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,520 JEREMY: What's the matter, May? 437 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,840 It cut out when I went through the puddle. 438 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:11,840 Getting water on something or in something. 439 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,200 I'm trying to work out what I can do about that. 440 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,480 Nothing. 441 00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:21,200 However, because we were all working as a team, 442 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,040 we had to wait until his engine dried out. 443 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,720 (ENGINE STARTS) 444 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,560 Right, let's go. 445 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,440 Sadly, though, this wasn't a one-off. 446 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,520 (ENGINE CUTS OUT) 447 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,040 JAMES: Hang on a minute. It's killed it. Give it a minute, it'll go. 448 00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,400 -(ENGINE CUTS OUT) -Bugger! 449 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,440 (ENGINE FAILS TO START) 450 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,280 JEREMY: What's the news? Is your car working or not? 451 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,680 JAMES: I've got to wait for a minute and a half. 452 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,160 (ENGINE CUTS OUT) 453 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,480 JEREMY: Why did you have to break down there, you clodhoppy old imbecile? 454 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:06,000 There's nothing I can do. Sorry, I have to wait for a minute and a half. 455 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,000 How have I put up with him for so long? 456 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,720 The slow progress of the Mercedes 457 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,840 was now causing me problems, 458 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:21,320 because the skies were dry and my water bucket was nearly empty. 459 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,400 He keeps breaking down in front of me and then going, 460 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,360 "It's a minute and a half. You have to wait." 461 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,800 And it isn't a minute and a half, it's about 15 minutes. 462 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,520 I must get ice. We can't afford to wait for him bumbling around. 463 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,360 No, you do need more ice. You need more water. 464 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:41,280 JEREMY: I know we said we'd work as a team and we are working as a team. 465 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:45,200 -And the teamwork is, leaving him behind. -Yeah, as a team. 466 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:51,040 With that decision made, we set off. 467 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:54,120 Come on, little bike. Keep going, baby. Keep going. 468 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,360 Mostly the progress was good. 469 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,560 (GROANS WITH FRUSTRATION) 470 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:06,200 Sorry. 471 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:07,920 That was not on purpose. 472 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,560 Let's find out what lies in here for you. 473 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,520 Come on! 474 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,920 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 475 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:22,920 Oh, deary me. 476 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,280 I think you've drowned your hog. 477 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,440 Hammond insisted I get out and help. 478 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:32,680 But it was all muddy, so I came up with a better idea. 479 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,160 Urgh... 480 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,720 It's working! 481 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,960 This is impressive delicacy from Clarkson here. I'm staggered. 482 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,120 How gentle was that? 483 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,080 You were extraordinarily gentle. 484 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:51,560 You know that'll never work again? 485 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,120 -It will. -It was £800 from a supermarket. 486 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,160 The handlebars have come off. 487 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,920 (STARTS ENGINE) 488 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,480 You're blowing water out of your exhaust pipe. 489 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,360 -(REVS) -No way! 490 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,840 RICHARD: Oh, come on! -(REVS ENGINE) 491 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,880 Why did Ewan McGregor use a BMW GS? 492 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,040 I don't know. They're very expensive and... 493 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,560 He wasted his money. 494 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,840 -(REVS HEARTILY) -I'm staggered! 495 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,120 RICHARD: Meanwhile, much further back, 496 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,400 the soggy dog was not being so lucky. 497 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,800 (ENGINE SPLUTTERS) 498 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,320 (ENGINE OFF) 499 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,240 One and a half minutes. 500 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,600 JEREMY: As the afternoon wore on, 501 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,000 the roads became even worse... 502 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:50,800 Come on! 503 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:55,000 ...and the human terrapin was really starting to slow me down. 504 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,040 Right, my bucket is now officially dry. 505 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:05,240 I have got to get to a source of fresh, clean water 506 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,960 before that ice melts. 507 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,040 RICHARD: Come on! 508 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:13,440 Holy shit, I am now in the sea! 509 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,200 Hammond, we've got to get to the next town. Can we stop messing about? 510 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,280 -I'm not messing about. -You are. 511 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,720 I'm not messing about! There are no words! 512 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:25,800 (ENGINE REVS) 513 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,240 It's come out of gear. Come on. 514 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,520 Come on, Hammond, we're running out of ice. 515 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,280 -(THUD) -Ooh, bollocks! 516 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,560 Oh, that's a tragic spectacle, it really is. 517 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:44,480 This is... 518 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,560 I don't even like fish! 519 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:54,120 JEREMY: Eventually I had no choice but to abandon my remaining colleague. 520 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:59,520 I don't even know how far away the next town is. 521 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,520 But I have got to get there before the last of the ice melts. 522 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:06,720 I've got to get some water, 523 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,680 and it's going dark. 524 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:11,600 Anyone can sing Feed The World. 525 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:15,560 It's actually quite difficult, though, as it's turning out, to do it, 526 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,640 especially if you have a motorcycle or a Mercedes 527 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,360 that you've converted into an aquarium. 528 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:21,920 (ENGINE SPLUTTERING) 529 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,600 Come on, keep going. 530 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,160 Keep going, German. 531 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:29,920 That's marvellous. 532 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:32,800 (ENGINE DIES) 533 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,160 Bugger! Bollocks and arse! 534 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,200 JEREMY: However, after total darkness fell... 535 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,880 ...solid teamwork meant I was in good shape. 536 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,760 Right, on the upside, I found a town, 537 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,080 well, some kind of settlement, 538 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:55,840 where I've got water and I've got ice, 539 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,000 so the fish are fine. 540 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,320 On the downside, 541 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,720 we've just found out I'm not even halfway to Bingo. 542 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,880 It's the middle of the night and Hammond and May are hours, 543 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:09,360 three, four hours, behind me. 544 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,320 So do I wait for them? 545 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,800 (ENGINE CHOKES AND SPUTTERS) 546 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,680 Oh, dear. Right. Calm. 547 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,680 (ENGINE CUTS OUT) 548 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,160 RICHARD: Bollocks! 549 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,440 (ENGINE JUDDERS AND CUTS OUT) 550 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:52,520 RICHARD: Amazingly, the morning revealed that Jeremy had waited for us, 551 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,840 so our convoy was reunited. 552 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:59,240 But before we could set off, I had to repair my bike 553 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:03,440 and James had to refill his depleted water tank. 554 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,120 So, water is just-- 555 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,000 -No, don't do... -Oh, God. 556 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:11,280 I don't particularly want to see you, just to be absolutely clear. 557 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,360 -Why? -Well, I got here at 4am, 558 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,400 wet, with consumption, smelling like a damp dog. 559 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,360 Tried to sleep in the car, and what did I hear? 560 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,640 -No idea. -Snoring. 561 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,240 Your car snoring. 562 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,320 That bloody generator is like someone snoring, 563 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,280 but without the pauses in the breaths. 564 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,200 The generator is necessary to keep my fish fresh. 565 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,680 -Where's your water gone? -On my head. 566 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,240 Anyway, we've got to make more water. 567 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,000 This is water. I was just about to explain 568 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,600 that that is normal water which we're all familiar with. You drink it. 569 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,600 Sea water is salty. We all know that as well. 570 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,400 -I know, I brought you some salt. -It's not that sort of salt. 571 00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,240 -It's salt. -That's table salt. 572 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,760 Exactly. Sea salt has extra minerals in. 573 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,440 That doesn't. That's been refined. 574 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,840 This is sea salt. So we have to work out... 575 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,520 I'll show you. Normal water. Needle at the bottom. 576 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,600 We have to mix enough salt to put the needle on there, 577 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,280 right at the top of the scale. 578 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,000 I know that's 25 litres, because-- 579 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,720 Hold on. No. If you're doing 25 litres at a time... 580 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:08,920 I'm doing 25 litres to work out how much salt to put in. 581 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,320 -We're going to be here all morning... -No, we're not. 582 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:14,360 -...because you have to fill your entire tank up! -So what should I do? 583 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,240 Why are you so angry with me? I've come to help. 584 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,400 You haven't come to help. I could have almost done it by now. 585 00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,120 You're just standing there being fatuous 586 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:24,440 and bringing a thing of salt from a seaside café from the 1950s in Morecambe. 587 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,560 Bugger off. Please. 588 00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,040 -Well, get on with it. -Go away. 589 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,240 -Right, so, we know that's-- -Don't talk. Just get on with it. 590 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,800 JAMES: Having refilled my tank... 591 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,360 That should be close enough for my fishy friends. 592 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:49,280 ...our convoy continued on its mercy mission to Bingo. 593 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:54,840 I've rigged up a really rudimentary tarpaulin 594 00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:56,080 to try and reduce the splashing 595 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:57,920 and give the fish a better chance. 596 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,520 It does smell so rank in here 597 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,360 and I haven't even got the excuse of dead fish. 598 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,720 I think I've got crotch rot from sitting in my own wet underpants 599 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,840 for 16 hours yesterday. 600 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,960 JEREMY: Is that an octopus on the back of your bike now? 601 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,240 Yes. 602 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,640 -Where did you get that from? -Found it in a pond. 603 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,920 Hammond, have you emptied out the back of my pick-up truck 604 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,320 to reload your ridiculous drying system? 605 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,240 No. I went fishing. 606 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,720 -Did you? -It's a freshwater octopus. 607 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:38,240 Mozambique freshwater octopus. They're quite famous but very rare. 608 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:41,360 I hate him. 609 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,240 Right, yesterday we covered 100 miles. 610 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:52,280 Today... Well, we've still got 100 miles to go 611 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:58,520 ...and none of it from what I hear is on Tarmac. 612 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:02,760 RICHARD: For me, that was a particularly terrifying prospect. 613 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,720 Oh, no. Red dust. 614 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,840 Oh, God, here we go. 615 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,800 It doesn't look like anything much, but this soft red sand 616 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,040 sits on a very hard subsurface 617 00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:19,240 and it is simply impossible to ride a bike over. 618 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,040 It just has no grip. 619 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,080 Shit! 620 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,000 (LAUGHTER) 621 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,080 Front end gone away from me. 622 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,960 JEREMY: There's only another 100 miles of this, Hammond. 623 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:41,720 (BLEEP) 624 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,800 RICHARD: I can't do it. 625 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:48,720 You heard it, ladies and gentlemen. "I can't do it." 626 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:52,360 He's not bothered about world hunger, world poverty. 627 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,040 Just himself. 628 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,200 Oh! Ooh! Argh! 629 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:04,240 After a while, though, Hammond decided to be brave, 630 00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,920 with hilarious consequences. 631 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,200 Come on, stop it. (BLEEP) 632 00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,400 (BLEEP) Shit! 633 00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:19,360 Oh! Here we go again. Yep. No. Yep. 634 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:23,360 Do you know, James? It's actually possible to get bored 635 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,800 with watching Hammond fall off a motorcycle. 636 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,520 (BLEEP) Bollocks! 637 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:36,720 So let's just add up the amount of times I've fallen off my Datsun Hardbody. 638 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,000 Yep. None. 639 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,520 Because it's got four wheels. 640 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:49,720 JAMES: Meanwhile, the drier roads meant my Mercedes was working well too. 641 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:51,640 Temperature stays spot-on. 642 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,280 Oil pressure goes up and down a bit, but there is some. 643 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,440 Clock is still right. 25 past one. 644 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,960 This car is running as sweet as a nut. 645 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,360 (SNIFFS) 646 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,320 Electrical fire. 647 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:15,680 Something's badly on fire on the right-hand side of this car. 648 00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:17,560 JEREMY: I can't understand how in a car 649 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,400 made almost entirely from water, he's on fire. 650 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,960 JAMES: That's the weird thing. Water with electrics causes fires. 651 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:28,280 That's why we have a different type of fire extinguisher for electrical fires. 652 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,080 He's even managing to make a car fire boring. 653 00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:35,400 It's electric. I can smell it. 654 00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:40,160 Keen to do my bit for health and safety, 655 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:43,800 I asked one of our camera team to modify James's fish tank 656 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,720 so that if another fire broke out, 657 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,720 there'd be plenty of water available to put it out. 658 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,600 Please don't move out. Oh (BLEEP), here we go. 659 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:56,120 No. Held it. 660 00:36:56,160 --> 00:37:00,880 RICHARD: Several miles back, my life was as miserable as ever. 661 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:02,720 Oh, God. It's the waiting that kills you. 662 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:05,240 I'm just waiting for it to let go. 663 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,360 This is like being told you're gonna get the electric chair. 664 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,400 "We'll put you in it and just leave you in it. 665 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:16,040 Sometime, probably in the next hour, 666 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,120 or the next week, we'll flick the switch." 667 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,320 Oh! Bollocks! 668 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:50,680 Sod 'em! 669 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,880 JAMES: Fire taken care of, I was now back on the move. 670 00:37:57,800 --> 00:37:59,640 All right, fellas? 671 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,600 I'm sort of assuming the fish are boys. 672 00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:06,240 But some of them must be girls. Do you get girl and boy fishies? You must do. 673 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,000 (HORN BEEPS) 674 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,680 He needs to watch where he's going, that boy. 675 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,320 JEREMY: Meanwhile, up ahead in the Hardbody... 676 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:28,760 ...I'd run into a spot of bother. 677 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:41,160 -What's up? -Ice machine's broken. 678 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,560 How does sawing your bonnet up mend your ice machine? 679 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,640 I've had a brilliant idea and I'm glad you're here, actually, cos you can give me a hand. 680 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:51,000 No, seriously, James. Most of our fish are in... 681 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,240 The good fish are in here. 682 00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:59,240 (TOOTS HORN) 683 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:03,120 90% of our fish are in the back of my pick-up truck 684 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:04,920 and he's just driven off. 685 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,120 (Hammering) 686 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,720 -(MOTORBIKE APPROACHES) -There's Hammond. 687 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,040 -Hello. -Hello. 688 00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,000 -Behold, my gen-- -Yeah, fascinating. 689 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:25,760 Well, there we are. He's just done 100 yards without falling off. 690 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,400 Eventually, my new fish preservation solution 691 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:32,760 was up and running. 692 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,960 What I've done is I've rerouted the exhaust through the bonnet, over the cabbie 693 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,120 into the load area where the fish are, 694 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,360 which is now covered with a tonneau cover. 695 00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,160 Then I've adjusted the fuelling on the engine, 696 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:54,720 so now it's producing thick, lumpy black smoke 697 00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,200 which of course is smoking the fish. 698 00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:58,800 And that's good for the environment. 699 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,160 Because normally you'd have to have a smokery, a factory, 700 00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:08,320 and then you have to transport the fish to wherever it is they're going. 701 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:13,320 But what I'm doing here is I'm making kippers as I drive along. 702 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,120 Coal-rolled kippers. 703 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,400 (ACCELERATES) 704 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:21,360 You'd buy those. I know I would. 705 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:26,440 Further ahead, Bono and Angelina were discussing the distance left to cover. 706 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,800 By my very rough reckoning, 707 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,440 because my speedo and my mileometer aren't working, 708 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:36,400 I think we've got about somewhere between 70 and 80 kilometres to go to Bingo. 709 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,360 Why do they have to live so bloody far away? 710 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:40,960 Any fish left? 711 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,680 Yes. I have two. 712 00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:46,360 But I think it's better to arrive with two fish 713 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,560 than not to arrive with ten. 714 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,000 That's a parable. 715 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,800 Yes, it sounds positively Biblical, I think. 716 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,840 I don't like the look of this. 717 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,320 RICHARD: Oh, bollocks! 718 00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,040 Geez, that's a big one. 719 00:41:15,240 --> 00:41:17,000 What is this stuff? 720 00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,360 JEREMY: Ooh, hello! 721 00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:21,880 My colleagues. 722 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,000 JAMES: Is that you, Clarkson? -Sure is. 723 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,160 Move your bloody car, May! 724 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:35,400 What a muppet. He's got a four-wheel-drive pick-up truck! 725 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,640 What are those bits of scaffolding coming out of your bonnet for? 726 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:44,320 JEREMY: I'm making kippers, or I would be if you hadn't have blocked the way. 727 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,080 Did he say "making kippers"? 728 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:47,720 RICHARD: They look like the handrails out of a disabled shower 729 00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:49,880 from back here. What are they? 730 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,800 -They're exhaust pipes. -What? 731 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:56,040 Ice machine broke. I'm now turning them into smoked fish. 732 00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:57,920 This is a kipper factory. 733 00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,520 Hang on. You're smoking them in diesel smoke? 734 00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,720 -Yes. -Eh? 735 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,320 -It's just smoke. -Why do you think that's never been done before? 736 00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,360 -Nobody's thought of it. -No. Because it's vile! 737 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:13,240 Well, you eat wood smoke. That's disgusting. A bonfire! 738 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,720 Do you think oak-smoked fish is the same as diesel-smoked fish? 739 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:18,600 It's coal-rolled kippers! 740 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,200 -It's under there smoking? -No. I've turned the engine off. 741 00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:24,960 JEREMY: This interesting discussion was not helping the people of Bingo. 742 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:28,760 So we knuckled down to the business of getting through the mud. 743 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,400 I'm gonna go behind the trees, cos I'm narrow, so I can. 744 00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,720 Oh! That's a thorn tree! No! 745 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,120 Oh, Christ! 746 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,160 Get off! 747 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,080 Meanwhile, May made me give him a tow. 748 00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,640 Right, James May, are you ready? 749 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:51,440 Go! 750 00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:58,960 Yes! 751 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:03,480 Come on, keep going, keep going. 752 00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,680 Hang on, I'm stuck here. I've bottomed out. 753 00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:12,200 And that's pretty much all I did for the rest of the day. 754 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,200 JAMES: So close! 755 00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:21,200 Here we go again to tow him out. 756 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:25,680 (RATTLING) 757 00:43:25,720 --> 00:43:27,520 Listen to that CV joint. 758 00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:34,960 Damn him and his stupid aquarium which weighs 1800 tons! 759 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:45,440 JAMES: That's the most stuck it's ever been. 760 00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:48,800 Oh, for Christ's sake! 761 00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:54,640 Luckily Ewan McHammond was always on hand to provide some comic relief. 762 00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,280 A-ha! I can go up the middle! You see! 763 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,080 (SNIGGERS) 764 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:10,080 You do realise it's entirely possible that we won't end up 765 00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:12,160 in Bingo even today? 766 00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:15,560 Ah... 767 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,000 Half past three. 768 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,280 And we have done since we set off at seven o'clock this morning... 769 00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,040 ...52 miles. 770 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,520 That meant there was another 50 miles to go. 771 00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:33,360 Fortunately, however, there was no more mud. 772 00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:37,440 Unfortunately, it was replaced by this. 773 00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:43,000 The wettest road I'd ever seen. 774 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,680 Oh, my word, this is a deep one. 775 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:53,600 Discs locked, low range. 776 00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:01,320 Oh, wow! 777 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,920 There's water! A lot of water has come in! 778 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,360 I am up to my anus now in water. 779 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:21,320 RICHARD: As Jeremy waded through the lake, 780 00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:24,200 I found a narrow path round the edge. 781 00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:25,880 Aha-ha! 782 00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,360 Look what clever Hammond's done. 783 00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,200 What an incredible machine this is. 784 00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:37,200 Look at this, Hammond. 785 00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:42,360 Oh! Oh! 786 00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:44,640 -You've got all water in it, mate. -Yes, exactly. 787 00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:46,720 It's come up above the level of my doors. 788 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:49,320 Have you checked for fish? 789 00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:51,520 Look, don't be stupid. 790 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,480 Given what we're doing... 791 00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,680 JEREMY: With two of us safely across, 792 00:45:55,720 --> 00:45:59,120 all eyes were now on the hopeless Macquarium. 793 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:02,840 James, it is extremely deep. 794 00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,360 JAMES: Yeah, that's OK. I'll do just a gentle bow wave 795 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,040 like they do at off-road school. 796 00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:11,480 JEREMY: Here he comes. 797 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:15,480 There you go. 798 00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,440 (GURGLING) 799 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:20,760 Oh, shit! 800 00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:24,200 Shit. 801 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:27,800 Help! 802 00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:29,440 RICHARD: All your fish are gonna escape! 803 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:33,480 -Oh, bollocks. JEREMY: Don't let the fresh water get in your salt water. 804 00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:36,000 I don't give a toss about that. Come and get me! 805 00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,120 I have rescued you one million times 806 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,040 and I'm not towing that damn thing any more. 807 00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:44,280 You are breaking the CV joints in my Hardbody. 808 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,840 Having finally got fed up with him, 809 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:50,560 Hammond and I decided to get radical. 810 00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,560 So that night, as James slept... 811 00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,360 ...we modified his car slightly. 812 00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,320 (DRILLING) 813 00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:26,360 This made James very unpleased. 814 00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,800 JAMES: You bastards! 815 00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:31,720 I hate you! Both of you! 816 00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:36,320 You utter bastards! 817 00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:41,000 Listen. I am prepared to tow your bootful of water. That's important. 818 00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:42,840 I'm not gonna tow a dead engine 819 00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:46,000 that's full of water, as well. That's just a waste of fuel. 820 00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:49,240 Rubbish. It wasn't dead. I could have mended that once we'd dragged it out. 821 00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,240 It's just the ignition. I've done it five times already! 822 00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:54,560 You complete moron! 823 00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,520 I hope you get bilharzia of the ball sack! 824 00:47:57,560 --> 00:47:59,680 Right, that's it. He's asked for it. 825 00:47:59,720 --> 00:48:01,880 (ACCELERATES) 826 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,840 Funny. Very funny. 827 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:11,240 Bloody mad. 828 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:14,920 I think you're following him too closely. 829 00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:16,960 Why don't you sod off? 830 00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:19,160 Has it affected the handling? 831 00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:29,440 What was that? 832 00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:35,680 Fearful that James was about to catch cancer from my coal-rolling... 833 00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,880 ...I invited him to enter my Hardbody. 834 00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:46,720 And was he grateful? No. 835 00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:49,680 (CLATTERING) 836 00:48:49,720 --> 00:48:52,080 The ride in this thing is appalling. 837 00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,080 Why is it so bad? 838 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:56,440 If an ambulance came to rescue you, 839 00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,120 would you complain about the quality of the ambulance? 840 00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:00,760 No. 841 00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,040 So why are you complaining about everything I've done for you? 842 00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,920 Because you're rescuing me from effective injury that you inflicted. 843 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:08,800 I'd still complain about the man who mugged me 844 00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:10,800 if he then said, "I'll help you out, mate." I'd still complain. 845 00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:14,440 JEREMY: Let's be brutally honest, shall we? 846 00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:17,480 Your car's been a terrible nuisance all the way along. 847 00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:18,920 Not to me. 848 00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:21,480 It has to me cos I've had to wait for it for days. 849 00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:25,560 You're so noble, I won't forget to mention you in my speech. 850 00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:28,440 You're not getting a Nobel Prize. 851 00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:31,760 -Why not? -Because you're ending with three-quarters of a car. 852 00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:33,960 You don't get the prize for how much car you bring. 853 00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,760 You get the prize for bringing the fish. 854 00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,640 Don't forget, you're towing my fish, 855 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:42,080 ie, the fish that are still edible. 856 00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:43,640 -Mine are edible. -No, they're not. 857 00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:45,360 -They are! -I can assure you they're not. 858 00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,240 JEREMY: It was a shame about James's bad mood 859 00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:52,480 because we were on the verge of success. 860 00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,040 Come on! 861 00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:58,680 Sure, our plan to feed the world had been beset on all sides 862 00:49:58,720 --> 00:50:01,040 by much discomfort... 863 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:02,560 Urgh! Bollocks! 864 00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:05,160 ...and many setbacks. 865 00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,200 We've got eight, plus one that got out in the boat. 866 00:50:08,240 --> 00:50:11,080 I am up to my anus now in water. 867 00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:14,360 Oh, God! 868 00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:17,560 There'd been some terrible smells too. 869 00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:19,640 Oh! Argh! 870 00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:21,800 And several accidents. 871 00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,280 Some of which were quite funny. 872 00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,200 -(HEAVY CLUNK) -Bollocks! 873 00:50:28,240 --> 00:50:31,520 (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER) 874 00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:35,880 But despite everything, we were now just a few miles from Bingo. 875 00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,080 I think, if we're going to be sensible, 876 00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:43,520 what we should have done is had a pick-up truck 877 00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:45,760 with an aquarium in the back. 878 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,160 You sort of have now. 879 00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:53,200 JEREMY: That motorcycle has been remarkable. 880 00:50:53,240 --> 00:50:56,360 800 quid from a supermarket. 881 00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:58,400 I know Hammond's been obsessing about how 882 00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,280 he doesn't look like Ewan McGregor in "The Long Way Down," 883 00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:06,000 but to me he does, cos it's a motorcycle and they're all exactly the same in my mind. 884 00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:10,280 We could make a film of all of his crashes and call it Wrong Way Up. 885 00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,240 (LAUGHTER) 886 00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:15,280 I'm going to tell you one thing. 887 00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:19,440 You know normally people from TV or film or whatever 888 00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:22,880 come out to Africa to do charitable work? 889 00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,320 They're photographed by Hello! magazine 890 00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:28,200 and then it's back to the hotel, Châteauneuf-du-Pape, 891 00:51:28,240 --> 00:51:31,000 -fly home to get the OBE. -Right. 892 00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,760 They don't actually do what we've done, do they? 893 00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,280 No, I don't think so. 894 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:41,160 I've never seen Victoria Beckham trying to pull half a Mercedes 895 00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:42,880 across Mozambique. 896 00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:52,400 Bingo! 897 00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,080 There it is! Our quest is at an end! 898 00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:02,000 Sir Jeremy and the Nobel Award-winning James May, 899 00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:03,760 and Richard Hammond, are arriving! 900 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,600 Hello. Have we got good news for you guys! 901 00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,840 Aware that our fish may cause a stampede, 902 00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,800 we found a spot with enough space to accommodate the crowds. 903 00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:19,800 Are you ready? 904 00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:21,880 This will get them running over here, you watch. 905 00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:27,440 Oh, look at that! 906 00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:31,600 Hundreds and hundreds of delicious fishes. 907 00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,720 Diesel-infused kippers. 908 00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:41,120 James, however, was not so happy about the condition of his fish. 909 00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:45,440 And for some reason, he blamed me. 910 00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:48,360 All that messing around and dragging around, you killed them. 911 00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:50,320 Those were all alive this morning! 912 00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:51,960 All of them are dead! 913 00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:53,240 How do you know all are? 914 00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:55,320 Cos they're floating. That's what fish do. 915 00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,840 I've kept those alive for three days, you muppet. 916 00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,080 JEREMY: How have I killed them? 917 00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:01,760 You did this. You dragged it along, 918 00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:04,040 bouncing it around too much, and not thinking about the fish. 919 00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,280 You finished them off! 920 00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:10,600 This, though, was no time to get bogged down with who'd killed James's fish, 921 00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:12,320 because it was him. 922 00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:15,840 So, we got on with the job of setting up our stalls. 923 00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,080 -Is that straight? RICHARD: No. 924 00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:22,080 And eventually we were ready for the crowds to descend. 925 00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,000 (FLIES BUZZING) 926 00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:33,560 (BUZZING INTENSIFIES) 927 00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:42,920 Customer. Customer. 928 00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,800 Nobody's interested. 929 00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:02,320 So, we moved on to the next phase of our plan. 930 00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:05,240 Is the man from Hello! magazine getting these shots? 931 00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:06,400 -He's there. -Oh, yeah. 932 00:54:08,240 --> 00:54:11,320 Look concerned. Let's see your concerned face. 933 00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:19,640 Can you make sure you get plenty of local people in the background 934 00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:21,280 so it's obvious I'm in Africa? 935 00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:22,480 Thank you. 936 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,280 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 937 00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:28,120 And then with not a single fish given away, but the pictures taken, 938 00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:30,960 there was only one thing left to do. 939 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:32,880 Chaps, let's get the helicopter. 940 00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:38,560 (ENGINE WHIRRING)