1 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,360 -Hello. -Hello, everybody! 2 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,400 Thank you so much. 3 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,680 -Thank you! -Thank you. 4 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,080 JEREMY: Greetings! 5 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,480 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 6 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,000 Thank you, everybody. Thank you. 7 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,360 And welcome, and thank you all 8 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,080 for braving these treacherous conditions to get here. 9 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,080 -It took me nearly nine minutes this morning. 10 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,240 His slippers got all soggy on the way. 11 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,080 I nearly fell over once, but I made it. 12 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,200 Don't worry, 13 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,520 because we have an incredible reward for you all. 14 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,720 Because, in this action-packed show... 15 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,720 ..James wears a red anorak... 16 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,440 ..Richard looks at a pipe of some sort... 17 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,640 ..and I make a cup of tea. 18 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,560 It is non-stop action. 19 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,040 Non-stop. But... but we begin with mankind. 20 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,440 -Wow! Big start! -It is a big start. 21 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,280 You see, the thing is, as a species, 22 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,080 we are very pleased with ourselves, 23 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,680 because we have the Porsche 918 24 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,960 and the Ferrari TheFerrari: 25 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:13,200 cars that can travel at 212mph, an incredible speed. 26 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,800 Whereas cows and ants and... 27 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,200 -Well, think about it, OK. 28 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,240 A cow is exactly the same now 29 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,840 as it was a million years ago. 30 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,720 Well, maybe a bit more delicious now, 31 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:25,920 but basically the same. 32 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,480 It still stands around all day long 33 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,920 in a field eating grass. 34 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,440 Whereas we think that we've improved. 35 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,360 But have we? 36 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,480 -Yes. -Yeah, we have. 37 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:36,880 Well, now, you say that, 38 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:40,320 but we were travelling at way more than 212mph 39 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,560 in our cars 25 years ago. 40 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,320 JEREMY: This is the Jaguar XJ220. 41 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:06,120 And with a top speed of 217mph, 42 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,400 it was the fastest car in the world. 43 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,680 For about five minutes. 44 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,560 And then this came along. 45 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:23,720 The 218mph Bugatti EB 110 Super Sport. 46 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,960 Both these cars were conceived in the '80s, 47 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,920 when Gordon Gekko was running amok, 48 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,760 and the world was awash with money. 49 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,400 But by the time they went on sale in the early '90s... 50 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,400 An incredible day on Wall Street. 51 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,440 The market has fallen over 400 points. 52 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,880 JEREMY: ...the stock market had crashed. 53 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,880 There's only one word to describe what's happening, 54 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,440 and that is "panic". 55 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,880 JEREMY: So, the only people who might have bought them 56 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,800 were too busy hurling themselves out of their office windows 57 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,080 on Wall Street. 58 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,960 So, these cars, they came, they conquered, 59 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,840 and no-one noticed. 60 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,520 Today, though, 25 years later, 61 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,960 there are only three cars in current production 62 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,880 that are faster than this. 63 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,840 However, while there is a lot of performance, 64 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,880 the way it's delivered is... quite old-fashioned. 65 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,040 You put your foot down, and then you wait 66 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,080 while the turbo-chargers spool up. 67 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,120 It takes quite a while, cos there are four of them. 68 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,760 Talk among yourselves. 69 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,640 However, when the 3.5l V12 70 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,080 is finally getting all the food it needs... 71 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,160 Oh, God! 72 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,920 ..all hell breaks loose. 73 00:04:58,240 --> 00:04:59,320 Oh! 74 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,440 Through the corner. 75 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:07,840 Mild terror. 76 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,920 The speed is hilarious! 77 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,960 And terrifying. 78 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,720 That's probably why they fitted it 79 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,000 with this plastic sheeting rather than carpets, 80 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,600 because they knew that one day you would soil yourself. 81 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,240 You did have to be good 82 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,960 to get the best out of this thing. 83 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,400 Which brings me on to Michael Schumacher. 84 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:41,680 He could have had any car he wanted back in the day, 85 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,280 but he had one of these. 86 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:45,480 Weirdly, however, 87 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,920 and mainly because I think it looks better, 88 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,240 I'd have chosen the Jag. 89 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:06,000 It was supposed to have been a four-wheel drive V12, 90 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:09,040 like the Bugatti, 91 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,200 but Jaguar found that much too complicated. 92 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,880 So, they gave it the turbo-charged V6 93 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,440 from a Metro rally car, 94 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:19,880 rear-wheel drive, the rear lights from a Rover 200, 95 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,680 and then they said, "That'll do," 96 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,880 and went to the pub. 97 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,000 So, does that mean the Jag is embarrassed by the Bugatti 98 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,800 in a drag race? 99 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,640 Right, before we do this, 100 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,240 I have to tape the cassette player in place, 101 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:48,080 because the last time I did a full-bore standing start 102 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,960 in an XJ220, 103 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,200 the acceleration was so vivid, 104 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,520 the stereo shot out of its slot in the dashboard, 105 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,760 ricocheted off the gear lever, 106 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,480 and then speared into my left plum. 107 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,520 It was very uncomfortable. 108 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,880 Oh, the end's come off. 109 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,760 That's good. Right, window up. 110 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,840 Right, let's do this! 111 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,800 Don't know when to change gear, 112 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,680 because the rev counter's broken. 113 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,360 This is close. 114 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,120 Oh, my word! Ha! 115 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,040 Score one for the Jag! 116 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,120 Whoa! That was some speed! 117 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,240 After a quarter of a mile, 118 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:24,280 the badly-made Jag was doing 135mph, 119 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:28,320 and a modern day Lamborghini Huracan couldn't do that. 120 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:33,080 Which proves that in the last 25 years, we've come nowhere. 121 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,360 Except, we have. 122 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,400 You see, back in '92 and '93, 123 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,160 there was no Wi-Fi, there was no PlayStation, 124 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,640 DVD hadn't been invented, 125 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,520 Justin Bieber hadn't been born. 126 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,920 There was no Google, Amazon was a river. 127 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,840 There was no internet pornography. 128 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,360 Well, that's probably a good thing, 129 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,880 cos there was no Viagra, either. 130 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,640 The early '90s were the dark ages, 131 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,360 and when you drive these cars, it shows. 132 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,720 In here, there's no power-steering. 133 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,000 No air conditioning. 134 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,600 No anti-lock brakes. 135 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,080 And obviously, no driver aids of any kind. 136 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:34,360 Got a 525bhp engine back there. 137 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,600 Ooh, shi... 138 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:45,320 Being fed by a turbo-charger the size of a wheelie bin. 139 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,880 And all there is in here to tame it is me! 140 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,560 Ah! 141 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,120 Oh! 142 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,680 After a couple of laps in this thing, 143 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,560 you really are aching. 144 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,040 And sweating. 145 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,320 And you're frightened. You really are. 146 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,920 Cos this is not a car that's just gonna forgive you. 147 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,440 If you overdo it, you're gonna hit a tree, 148 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,240 and that's just an end of it. 149 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,760 So, there we are. 150 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,160 A modern supercar may be no faster 151 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,720 than these monsters from the past, 152 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:51,640 but a modern supercar makes the speed fun and easy, 153 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:57,240 not terrifying and bathed in an unholy mix of sweat and faeces. 154 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,320 Well done. 155 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,400 Covered it all there. 156 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:10,680 No, seriously, well done, 157 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,600 because nobody's ever finished a road test 158 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,480 with the word "faeces" before. 159 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,720 No, that was a first. 160 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,880 But I'm just thinking, 161 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,320 it isn't just supercars that are getting slower, 162 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,320 because you remember the Lotus Sunbeam? 163 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,160 -Yeah. 164 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,920 That did 0-60 in 6.6 seconds, 165 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,240 and there aren't many hot hatches 166 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,920 that would keep up with that, even today. 167 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,200 And then you've got trains. The Mallard, the steam train, 168 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,640 is quicker than most electric trains. 169 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:37,560 SR-71 Blackbird, nothing in the skies as fast as that. 170 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,880 I suppose, if you think about it, we used to be able 171 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,000 to get across the Atlantic in three hours, 172 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,800 -and now it takes us seven. -Exactly. 173 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,760 And now we must put some numbers on our argument 174 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,480 by sending the Bugatti round the Eboladrome. 175 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,040 Come on, old-timer! 176 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,080 JEREMY: And she's off. 177 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,200 A smooth start. 178 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,600 Four-wheel drive system maintaining traction 179 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,520 in these wet conditions. 180 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:06,200 It really is soaking out there today! 181 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,760 Right, a measured line through the first curve, 182 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,240 and then carefully working the throttle 183 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,000 to keep things in check. 184 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,600 Approaching the sweep down to Your Name Here, 185 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,240 and smoothly done. 186 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,560 Crikey! Managing to get the tyres squealing, 187 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,760 even on this damp section. 188 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,920 And then winding up the little V12 189 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,200 to fire it back onto the Isn't. 190 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,880 Single wiper batting away the drizzle, 191 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,040 as she hustles it towards the braking zone 192 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,040 for the tricky Old Lady's House complex. 193 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,080 How will it get on here? 194 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,800 Very neat. 195 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,160 Very controlled. 196 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,760 And now back on the gas for the run to Substation. 197 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,640 And you can hear the fizz 198 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,680 from those four furiously spinning turbos. 199 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,000 Keeping it together there nicely. 200 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,200 Field Of Sheep to go. 201 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,520 Glides through there, and across the line. 202 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,680 So, let's see where it goes on the board. 203 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,360 I'm imagining pretty high up. 204 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,560 Oh. 205 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,720 -That's not very fast. -No, it isn't very fast. 206 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,000 But we put the Jag round, as well, 207 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,480 and that did it in... 208 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,800 Hang on, I've got the time here. Just bear with me. 209 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,840 ..one thirty-five one. 210 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,920 JAMES: So... slower than the Bugatti? 211 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,800 Yes. 212 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,240 Slower, in fact, than everything 213 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,800 except a small, cheap Volkswagen hatchback, 214 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,120 which also went round in the soaking wet. 215 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,600 Yes. 216 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,440 So, contrary to what you were saying earlier on, 217 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,680 supercars have got much faster 218 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,600 over the last 25 years. 219 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,280 Yes. 220 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,760 Right! Moving on! 221 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,280 Because now it's time 222 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,600 to order some doughnuts of debate 223 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:55,640 from the Chat Café, on Conversation Street. 224 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,480 -I was terrified. -Yeah. 225 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:05,840 Right, good. Now... 226 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,080 -Yes. 227 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,200 The only car, incidentally, 228 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,160 designed on the interior and the exterior by women. 229 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,280 -It was. 230 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,240 Well, they're dropping it, and replacing it with this. 231 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,080 This has been designed by a man, so... 232 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,240 Mm-hm. And where are you going with this one, Jeremy? 233 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,520 So, it won't be able to take its jumper off 234 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,360 by folding its arms. 235 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,760 Men can't take their jumpers off like women do, 236 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,360 -crossing their arms. -I can do that! 237 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,320 -You're not a man. -Oh, right. 238 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,560 I take my jumper... 239 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,480 That's how you take a jumper off, like that. 240 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,000 How do you know? 241 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,280 You just wait for the paramedics to come along, 242 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,160 cut it off after your accident. 243 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,480 Yes, but that's how you take a jumper off. 244 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,880 -I don't know what you're talking about. -Take your jumper off. 245 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,920 Just take your jumper off. Watch this. How does he take it off? 246 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,360 Er, like this. 247 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,800 JEREMY: There, you see? Like a man. 248 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,320 Are there any women wanna take... 249 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,840 Oh, no, we can't do that. 250 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,200 Seriously, women, do you know what I'm on about? 251 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,440 WOMEN: Yes. 252 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,560 Women cross... 253 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,200 If I tried to do that, I'd dislocate my shoulder! 254 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,440 Thank you for that nonsense, Jeremy. 255 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,480 Can we maybe get back to the BMW now, which is a car? 256 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,800 Yes, it is. Now, I have to say, 257 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,960 the old one was never as good to drive 258 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,640 -as it was to look at. -I know what you mean. 259 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,360 It wasn't. It was sort of baggy, wasn't it? 260 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,000 Yeah, and there was never an M version. 261 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,200 You know, it was all just unexciting. 262 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,920 But I'm hoping this new one 263 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,640 is as good to drive as it looks, 264 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,120 and it does look very good, 265 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,640 -even though it will struggle with its jumper. -Yeah, whatever. 266 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,280 Anyway, if I was looking for a new BMW Z4, 267 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,200 actually, I'd have one of these, 268 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,880 because this is the new Toyota Supra. 269 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,400 I know, it looks phenomenal! 270 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,000 And that underneath is basically a Z4. 271 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,960 -Same engine and everything. -Same chassis. 272 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,640 It is a Z4, but with that body. 273 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,560 And that body, I have to say, looks amazing. 274 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,240 And do you know the most amazing thing is, 275 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,520 they're talking about a price between 40,000 and 60,000, 276 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,560 which is much less than it looks like. 277 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,200 RICHARD: See, I think that is actually filling a gap in the market. 278 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,200 There is a need right now for a mid-price sportscar, 279 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,520 because there really aren't many, if any. 280 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,160 There's the Audi TT RS. 281 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,960 Well, that'll definitely take its jumper off like that, won't it? 282 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,720 And then stow it in the overhead lockers, 283 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,720 tell you where the doors are. 284 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,760 Now, Volkswagen's US Head of Regulation - 285 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,800 that was his job title - a guy called Oliver Schmidt. 286 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,520 He's just been done for his part in Dieselgate. 287 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,480 And they've given him seven years in jail. 288 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,680 Or, as he would put it, 4.2 years. 289 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,760 And a fine of £400,000, 290 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,920 or whatever that translates into VW money. 291 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,640 Two hundred and seventy thousand. 292 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,080 The fascinating thing is, there was a warrant out for his arrest in America, 293 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,400 but he was in Germany. 294 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,000 And then, for some reason, 295 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,320 he decided to take his annual holiday in Florida, 296 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,800 and got arrested at the airport. 297 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,120 "Oh, nein!" 298 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,520 -Oh, yeah. -Well, he must be! 299 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,520 He must be! The only thing I can think of 300 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,920 is that Volkswagen needed someone to do some jail time 301 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,200 -for what had happened. 302 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,600 No, I reckon they probably said, 303 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,600 "You are ze employee of ze month, Mr Schmidt, 304 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,800 and you have won a fortnight's holiday 305 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,280 in Disney World!" 306 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680 -"Ah, danke!" -And off he toddled. 307 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,040 "Oh, no, they have arrested me!" 308 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:18,520 That's actually a seven-year holiday, Mr Schmidt, 309 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,880 and the catering is terrible. 310 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,760 Now, do you remember the Rimac we had 311 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,200 in programme one of this season? 312 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,440 -There it is. JEREMY: Yeah. 313 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,320 RICHARD: Well, they've announced there is a new one coming out. 314 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,080 Well, what happened to that one? 315 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,680 No, that was called the Concept One. 316 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,960 JEREMY: Mm-hm. -And they only made eight of those, actually. 317 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,360 -Seven. Shut up! 318 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,680 What happened to the other one, Hammond? 319 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,400 Just stop saying things! 320 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,360 The new one is gonna be called the Concept Two, 321 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,200 and amazingly they're saying it's gonna be even faster, 322 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,680 and that was blindingly fast. 323 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,760 I actually don't believe that you can make a car go... 324 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,160 Well, they say it's gonna be faster, 325 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,360 and it's a bit bigger inside. 326 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,960 Which you did need, cos that one was quite cramped. 327 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,960 -You can fit in this one. -I could fit in the last one. 328 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,360 You'd be less like Spam, though, 329 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,080 if you rolled it over and over and over. 330 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,800 It should be more dangerous, you're right. 331 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,480 We've actually got a picture of the new Concept Two. 332 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,400 Here it is, Hammond. You'll like this. 333 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,920 RICHARD: Oh, God. 334 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,000 Ooh, now, there's a new McLaren, OK? 335 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,520 I've got a picture of it here. 336 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,400 This is staggering. OK? I've got some of the details. 337 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,360 It's their new flagship, kinda replaces the P1. 338 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:22,240 Super hard-core. 789 horsepower mentalist that thing. 339 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,880 And they've called it... And this is a tremendous name, I think. 340 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,920 -They've called it the Senna. RICHARD: Ooh, cool. 341 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,000 JEREMY: I mean, that is a really cool name for a car like that. 342 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,120 I'm glad they didn't call it the Mansell. 343 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,640 -No, less cool. -With its droning engine note. 344 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,480 And it would have a stupid moustache above its number place. 345 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,560 And if it were a convertible, a tweed roof. 346 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,280 McLaren Hunt could work, cos he was quite cool. 347 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,920 A terrible thirst, though, it would have. 348 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,240 Yeah, a lot of smoke coming out. 349 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,680 Every now and again it would try and mount another car. But it'd be cool. 350 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,840 On balance, I think Senna's probably the best name 351 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,200 they could have come up with. 352 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,080 Right. Now, what else? What more conversation have we got? 353 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,280 -I have some conversation. 354 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,960 You know last week, you were talking about 355 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,440 how you ended up following a pigeon? 356 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,480 -How fast did you reckon it was going? 357 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,720 Thirty-five, I think you said. 358 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,480 The other day, I was going down a country lane 359 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,960 and I ended up following a blackbird, 360 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,920 and that only does 28. 361 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,920 And that's interesting, cos that means a blackbird, in level flight, 362 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,240 is slower than a pigeon. 363 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,560 What is wrong with you two? 364 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,880 Why are you following birds? 365 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,920 Why not follow Russian spies or straying husbands? 366 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,920 No, listen, Hammond. Pay attention. 367 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,760 RICHARD: Oh, God. -I did some research on this. 368 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,760 You know the top speed of a pigeon, 369 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,600 if it really puts its foot down, is 90, 370 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:29,880 in level flight. 371 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,400 -Ninety miles an hour! That is amazing, 372 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,880 cos you wouldn't think a pigeon's wings could shift enough air. 373 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,480 -No, I wouldn't think about it! -No, no, stop! 374 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,960 You say that: a hummingbird can fly faster than a goose. 375 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,880 JAMES: Can it? -Even though it's like that. 376 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,320 -Nobody cares! -They do! 377 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,640 Stop ranking birds! 378 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:47,800 What? 379 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,280 -R-r-r-ranking. 380 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,360 Anyway, I think that the top speed of birds is a new hit show. 381 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,600 And you and I can host it, 382 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,280 and you'll end up as Buttons in panto in Swindon. 383 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,640 And then you'll shoot yourself 384 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,480 in a room in a Premier Inn one night. 385 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,680 -Yeah. -There'll only be one police car outside, 386 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,160 and it'll be a Vauxhall Astra. 387 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,360 That's your future! 388 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,080 Anyway, that is enough Conversation Street this week, so let's move it on. 389 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,840 Thank you very much. 390 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,080 Now... Now, as I'm sure you know, 391 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:23,000 trying to set a speed record is very, very dangerous, 392 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,520 and especially if you try to do it on water. 393 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,640 In fact, over the years, and this is a true fact, 394 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,520 85% of everyone 395 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,760 who's tried to break a speed record on water 396 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,640 has been killed in the process. 397 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,840 -Eighty-five percent! -Yeah. 398 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,320 But that's not the sort of figure that puts us off! 399 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:44,560 Exactly. Because there was a 15% chance of surviving it, 400 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,560 we decided to try and break the UK speed record 401 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,600 for amphibious vehicles. 402 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,760 Yeah, first, though, we had to build a car 403 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,600 that could be driven legally on the road, 404 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,240 but that would also go very quickly on the water. 405 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,160 Mm. And how hard can that be? 406 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,600 JEREMY: Since we were trying to break 407 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,760 an amphibious speed record, 408 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,120 the obvious starting point...was here. 409 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,680 At Huddersfield International Airport. 410 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,600 Why are we at Huddersfield International Airport? 411 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,000 Yeah, why aren't we at a lake? 412 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,960 Because I'm project leader, 413 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,600 and one of the many, many things that I know 414 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,120 is that to go fast on water, 415 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,280 you have to have a lot of power. 416 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,080 To demonstrate what I was on about, 417 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,240 I'd set up a test, 418 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,800 using the jet engine from an RAF Nimrod. 419 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,080 -Yes. 420 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,760 JAMES: Can I just ask... JEREMY: What? 421 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,480 ...what is the current speed record for amphibious vehicles? 422 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,560 Thirty-nine point one miles an hour. 423 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,960 Well, isn't this rather overkill? 424 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,480 Listen, Usain Bolt can run at 27mph on land, OK? 425 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,320 If he were waist-deep in water, 426 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,120 he'd have a top speed of about one. 427 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,080 Water's really sticky, you need loads of power. 428 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:11,360 I've got a word in my head for all this, and it's "impractical". 429 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,760 I've got a word, it's "shut up". 430 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:13,880 -All right. -We're going. 431 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,760 -Very. 432 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,720 -That's fired up. 433 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,720 That's gonna drive air into the big engine. 434 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,480 -We've gotta get those in the green. 435 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,480 I hate it when you've got buttons. 436 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,440 I can't hear anything. 437 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,400 Ignitors on. 438 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,240 I'm gonna give it some thrust now. 439 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,120 Gonna go up to 100% power. 440 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,320 JAMES: You are a witless dodo! 441 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,080 RICHARD: Look at it! 442 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,120 JEREMY: Ah! 443 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,600 On the upside - there is an upside here - 444 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,520 if it's capable of doing that, 445 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,560 imagine how fast we're gonna go on the lake. 446 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,160 -You're a cretin. -Yes. Yes, yes, yes. 447 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,720 None of this is based on any scientific reasoning whatsoever. 448 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,240 You say, "It's got a lot of power." 449 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,720 "How much thrust has it got?" "A lot!" 450 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,560 Look what it's done, it's blown two aeroplanes over 451 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,040 and given us a massive bill... 452 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,760 JEREMY: Having proved to my sceptical colleagues 453 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,640 that jet power was the way forward, 454 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:11,120 we moved to our technology centre. 455 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,680 Here, we would fuse together this Russian jet... 456 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,160 ..this speedboat... 457 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,000 ..and this Suzuki Jimny, 458 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,400 and we'd end up with the fastest amphibious vehicle 459 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,200 Britain had ever seen. 460 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,280 -We have an old Suzuki car. JEREMY: Yes. 461 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,200 A small, old, plastic boat and a jet engine. 462 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,520 And you're suggesting that somehow we unite them all 463 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,960 into some sort of symphony of success and glory? 464 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,200 Yes. 465 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,200 This is the stupidest thing I've ever been involved with. 466 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,560 JAMES: It's idiotic. 467 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,520 JEREMY: Having convinced my sceptical colleagues once more 468 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,160 that my plan was a good one, we set to work. 469 00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,120 And soon, our amazing creation was ready. 470 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,880 Right, as you can see, everyone, 471 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,760 this is fully road legal. 472 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,600 Lights, indicators, number plate. 473 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,560 And a massive jet engine just behind us. 474 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,720 JEREMY: Yes. 475 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,800 RICHARD: More of an issue, though, 476 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,240 was the passenger's seat layout. 477 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,360 I've gotta change gear, 478 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,400 and it's right where your penis is. 479 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,480 I never want your hand that near my gentleman's sausage! 480 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,640 RICHARD: What are these things above our heads exactly? 481 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,400 These are the stabilisation tanks, yeah? 482 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,160 When we go in the water, you lower them down and they keep us afloat. 483 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,360 I've got that. I've got that when we fitted them, 484 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,800 but what we're now discovering 485 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,840 is they make us more stable on water, 486 00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,760 but a lot less on land! 487 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,560 JEREMY: James, why are you being so quiet? 488 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,200 JAMES: I'm waiting for it to fall over. 489 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,320 JAMES AND RICHARD: Whoa! 490 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:09,400 Will you stop making stupid, childish noises! 491 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,280 I think we've done an incredible job, 492 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,600 and I think I've been a remarkable project leader. 493 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,600 Why has no-one thought to do this before? 494 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,480 It's so logical when you look at it. 495 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,400 The car bit of it's working, but it was already a car. 496 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,080 That's not much of an achievement. 497 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,280 I'm gonna do a brake test. 498 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,120 Ah! Oh! Oh. 499 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,360 -Wait. 500 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:33,480 Is that that... 501 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,680 -Ooh! -Oh! 502 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,840 Yeah. 503 00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:40,680 JEREMY: Eventually, we arrived at the lake. 504 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,400 For our first high-speed test run. 505 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,240 And immediately, Hammond chickened out. 506 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,040 Why aren't you wearing a fire suit? 507 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,320 Um, jet engines just aren't my thing. 508 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,240 I'm gonna watch this from the bank. 509 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,720 Are you really not coming in it? 510 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,280 No, I'm gonna watch-- I'm gonna be the observer. 511 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,800 Oof! 512 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,680 JEREMY: Oh. She's ready. 513 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,080 My big fear is, let's be modest 514 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,560 and let's say we reached 80. 515 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,360 So from here, we've got to just use drag to slow us down 516 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:25,600 before we hit the far bank. 517 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,240 Well, we have to think ahead, yes. 518 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,000 Start decelerating when you pass that mid-point, 519 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,080 -you should be all right. JAMES: I think he's right. 520 00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:34,480 The middle is the critical point. 521 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,160 RICHARD: Then just back off the throttles. 522 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,960 -And then we'll use the drag of the pontoons to slow us down? -Yeah. 523 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,560 OK. 524 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,920 Right. 525 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,160 JEREMY: Soon, James and I were ready for the test, 526 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,000 and not at all nervous. 527 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,880 When we fire up the jet, this Perspex that I put in here, 528 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,680 I put it in. 529 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,000 So what if that just goes? 530 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,480 You shouldn't have said that. 531 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,320 You know in Die Hard 2 , 532 00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,360 when the enormous soldier is sucked into the engine? 533 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,120 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's like that. 534 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,480 It will be like that, won't it? 535 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,560 JEREMY: Ready? 536 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,520 We are going in. 537 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,560 Oh, I feel buoyancy. 538 00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,320 I am proud of my two colleagues. 539 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,360 This is...this is historic. 540 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,640 JEREMY: We are now gonna fire up the jet engine. 541 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,760 Right. Put your thing on, it's gonna be bloody loud. 542 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:31,880 -These things. 543 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:33,240 That's a good point. 544 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,840 -Right. -Comms check, comms check. 545 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,960 Dials are engaged. 546 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,120 This is the speedometer. 547 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,080 OK, we've got ignitor on, bilge pump off, 548 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,200 throttle set at idle. 549 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,480 -Go. -Starting jet. 550 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,240 Holy shit! 551 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,480 It's going... Don't look at it! 552 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:53,320 JEREMY: Don't look in the rear-view mirror. 553 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,280 Oh, this is phenomenal! 554 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,080 Taking up the power now. Fifty percent. 555 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,640 Is that 50%? 556 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,640 Yeah, that's about 50, but 70 is 100. 557 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,480 What do you mean, "70 is 100"? 558 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,560 I couldn't find a dial that exactly matched the revs, 559 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,200 so 70 on here is 100% thrust. 560 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,480 JEREMY: I'm going full power. Here we go. 561 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,720 Hold tight. You wanna hold on to something, seriously. 562 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,080 Right, go. 563 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,840 JEREMY: That's 100% thrust. 564 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,960 Right, well, we're doing 2mph. 565 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,440 JEREMY: Come on! 566 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,640 We're doing three! 567 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,720 Why is it so slow? 568 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,520 I mean, that jet is from a Russian fighter! 569 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,480 That is capable of keeping a Russian fighter in the air. 570 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,120 Why won't it make us go more than three? 571 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,160 In the air, that's the point - the air! 572 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,160 Hammond is keeping up with us. 573 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:23,960 That's it? 574 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,920 Come on! 575 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,360 -We're sinking. 576 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,280 No, my half is sinking. 577 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,680 Oh, God! We really do need... I'm gonna go in to shore. 578 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,560 I don't think they needed the neck braces in the end. 579 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,960 JAMES: And throttle back. 580 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:54,920 -Three. 581 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,440 RICHARD: Three? -Yeah, it does three. 582 00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,080 That's your top speed, it's three? 583 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,720 You could row at 3mph. 584 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,880 JEREMY: On the upside, and there is one, 585 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,280 neither of us were killed. 586 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:09,680 And that's an upside? 587 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:11,800 No, the issue at hand is... 588 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,360 RICHARD: It doesn't work. -Yes. 589 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,080 Why doesn't it work? 590 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,320 Well, it's mainly to do with the shape of the car, 591 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,800 the shape of the sawn-up bits of tatty old boat 592 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,360 that you've Blu-Tacked to it. 593 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:23,960 The drag of the pontoons, 594 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,400 the size and power and position of the engine, 595 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:27,880 the amount of fuel it will run, 596 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,240 the basic physics. 597 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,240 The fact that water is 750 times as dense as air... 598 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,400 JAMES: It was time to go back to the drawing board. 599 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,280 And this time, we gave Jeremy a job he could actually do. 600 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,760 Now, this is the car that currently holds the record 601 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,560 for amphibious vehicles. 602 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,520 It's the Gibbs Humdinga, 603 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,080 and, as you can see, it is not an ancient Suzuki 604 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,200 with an old Russian jet engine on the back. 605 00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,080 No, it's a light, plastic car with a hull, 606 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,240 and, as you can see, retractable wheels. 607 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,840 Exactly. And that's why we have chosen, 608 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,360 as the basis for our project, this. 609 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:19,480 Which is a Reliant Robin in a 1970s leisure suit. 610 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,600 No, it is a Bond Bug: 611 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,480 one of the coolest cars from the '70s. 612 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,080 And I can see why you chose this particular one, Hammond. 613 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,560 It's got your name on it. 614 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,520 Shut up. The only reason these things never really caught on 615 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,640 was because nobody thought of making them amphibious. 616 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,000 Yes, but we have, you see. 617 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,560 So we're gonna fit it with retractable wheels, same as the Gibbs, 618 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,680 and we're gonna use the engine from one of these. 619 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,080 JEREMY: A jet engine. -Yes. Sort of, but different. 620 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:47,200 JEREMY: It's my idea. 621 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,000 The jet engine was not your idea. 622 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,720 No, the jet engine isn't my idea, 623 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,440 but the idea of making an amphibious car 624 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,400 using a jet engine was my idea. 625 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,880 This is a water jet, it's different. 626 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:58,600 And anyway, this is genius, 627 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,560 because you can rent one of these 628 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,040 from pretty much any beach in the world, 629 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,960 that will do 50mph out of the box. 630 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,000 -This one will do 67. -It will. Exactly. 631 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:07,160 Well, that's plenty. 632 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,840 So, all we've gotta do is incorporate this 633 00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,120 into the roadworthy shell of the Bond Bug, 634 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:15,600 and we've got a very fast car and a very fast boat in the same thing. 635 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,480 Which is exactly what I was doing. 636 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,440 JAMES: At this point, we sent Jeremy home 637 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:24,040 and set to work on building our masterpiece. 638 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,400 I don't know why you're applauding. 639 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,480 They know nothing about boats. 640 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,920 Absolutely nothing. 641 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,200 Old planes? Yes. Helicopters? Yes. 642 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,240 Old motorcycles? A lot. But boats? Nothing! 643 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,640 But, we shall see what they came up with later on. 644 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,440 Now, though, it is time for Celebrity Face-Off. 645 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,000 It's a simple question this week. 646 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,960 Who is the world's fastest magician? 647 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,080 To find out, would you please welcome Dynamo, 648 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,800 and Penn and his silent partner, Teller. 649 00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:22,320 Amazing! 650 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,120 I'm already amazed! 651 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,880 I've gotta be honest, magic is my favourite thing in the entire world. 652 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,040 Apart from boating in the south of France. 653 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,640 But we must begin with cars, obviously. 654 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,720 This being a car show, occasionally. 655 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,080 You both started with 4x4s, as far as I can work out, 656 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:38,560 or they have featured in your life. 657 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,320 You are a G 658 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:42,480 Yeah, yeah. 659 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,040 So, at the beginning, when my TV show got a bit of success, 660 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,720 Mercedes came and they would give me cars to drive. 661 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,000 But then, I did a commercial with Fiat, 662 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,720 and Mercedes weren't too happy about that. 663 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,520 I used some of the money from Fiat to... 664 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,480 I still love the G-Wagen, so I bought one. 665 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,440 So, you used Fiat money to buy a Mercedes? 666 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,760 -Yeah. -That is quite good. But you had a Ford Bronco. 667 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,240 But only because I watched OJ do the... 668 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,200 -And I said, "He's kind of a big guy. 669 00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:12,480 Maybe I'd fit in that car." 670 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,160 And I got the whole thing, and it was all too masculine, 671 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,440 so I painted it stripper pink for Vegas. 672 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,720 When you're driving to work, do they think you're a stripper? 673 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:22,880 I hope so. 674 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,040 Didn't you have a Ford Falcon at some stage? 675 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,880 Well, when I was in high school... 676 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,680 I'm from a rural area. 677 00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:34,280 ..my mother gave me her car, which was a Ford Falcon. 678 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,360 But for me, that was just a place to have sex in high school. 679 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,600 And then you started touring together. 680 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,640 -Mm-hm. -So you presumably needed some kind of tour... 681 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:44,880 You know, we're carny trash. 682 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,280 We did carnivals and outdoor shows and all of that. 683 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,080 We're the worst kind of people. 684 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,880 And we had to drive all over the United States of America. 685 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,360 So, we went to an auction place 686 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,160 and bought a Datsun 210 station wagon, 687 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,960 with the back seat down, and then our trunks in there with all our stuff. 688 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,960 We were so terrified of having our props stolen, 689 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,520 that we had a magnetic sign we put on the side 690 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,880 that said, "Atlanta Centre for Disease Control 691 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:11,840 Specimen Transfer Unit." 692 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,720 We put that on the side, with the big boxes in the back, 693 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,200 and that worked really well, 694 00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:18,200 until the sign was stolen. 695 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,080 I wanna talk about cars, 696 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,240 but who would rather here see some magic? 697 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:24,880 AUDIENCE: Yes! 698 00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,440 I know we're supposed to do cars. 699 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,840 Would you mind awfully if you now do some? 700 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,880 Have you actually-- You've brought something with you? 701 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,240 I'm gonna try something with you. 702 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,040 Just hold your hands out for me. 703 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,400 -Both, like this. 704 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,880 -A little bit wider. 705 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,480 Are you left or right 706 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,840 Right-handed. Unless we're talking about shooting. 707 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,640 -Close it in a fist. That one? 708 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,440 Yeah, then turn this left one over. 709 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,960 I'm gonna put a little cross right there. 710 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,440 Can you show that to everyone? 711 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,640 -Show the cross to everybody. -I've got a cross there. 712 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:53,960 Let's have a look. 713 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,760 So, make sure it's dry. 714 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,360 It's Sharpie, so it shouldn't come off. 715 00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:58,520 Yeah, it's still there. 716 00:36:58,560 --> 00:36:59,760 The idea... 717 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:01,840 ..is to make it... 718 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:04,800 ..disappear from there... 719 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,560 If it's in this hand now, I'm going to be... 720 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,600 sake! 721 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:15,640 How is that? 722 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,320 Go on, do another one. Who'd like to see another one? 723 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:27,640 AUDIENCE: Yes! 724 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,320 -Have you got a piece of paper there? 725 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,000 Er, yes. 726 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:33,720 I've got a pen here. 727 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,200 I'm just gonna just do some markings for you. 728 00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:38,320 We'll start here. 729 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:39,480 Take the pen. 730 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:40,920 -Take the pen. -Yeah. 731 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,880 Give me a number from, say, one to ten. 732 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,120 Nine. 733 00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:46,560 Nine. Write it down. 734 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:47,840 JEREMY: Nine. DYNAMO: Great. 735 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,600 We'll go for, let's see, 736 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,360 the lady right there with the glasses. 737 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,160 Yeah. I need another number, from 9 to 19. 738 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,880 Er, 11. 739 00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,240 -Eleven. -I think it was a man. 740 00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,960 That's a bit embarrassing. 741 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,800 We may be in a world of trouble here. 742 00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:13,080 Let's move it on, quickly! 743 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:14,200 Yes. 744 00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:15,880 -Richard! 745 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,360 A number from 11 to 21. 746 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:19,840 Nineteen. 747 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,880 -Yes. 748 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,560 -Nineteen, write it down. 749 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:24,800 Perfect. Yes 750 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,120 Uh, we'll go for this guy here in the blue jacket. 751 00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:29,920 -Actually, that's a woman. 752 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,520 -It's so hard to tell. 753 00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,840 A number from 19 to 29, please. 754 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,520 27. 755 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:44,960 Twenty-seven, write that down. 756 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,600 Gilles Villeneuve's old number. 757 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:51,080 We'll go for this gentleman right here with a white t-shirt. 758 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,760 -The gender-fluid gentleman. -Yes. Yes! 759 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,480 DYNAMO: A number from 27 to 37. 760 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:57,680 Thirty-three. 761 00:38:57,720 --> 00:38:59,000 Thirty-three, write that down. 762 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,480 Finally, the lady at the end with the long hair. 763 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,680 Can we have a number between 33 and 49? 764 00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:06,840 -Forty-two. DYNAMO: Forty-two. 765 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,720 So, nine, 11, 19, 27, 33 and 42. 766 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,640 These are the numbers we randomly generated today. 767 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,200 A couple of years ago, 768 00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:17,320 I picked six numbers myself. 769 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:18,680 They're like my lucky numbers, 770 00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:21,200 and I went to a shop and I bought a lottery ticket. 771 00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:22,520 And I won. 772 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,600 Only a tenner, but, you know, I won something. 773 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,080 And I actually keep that ticket in my wallet. 774 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,520 -There we go. -No, no, no. No! 775 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,920 Keep it in my wallet for good luck. 776 00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,200 Where's the camera? 777 00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:36,640 Can you see that? 778 00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,920 There's one ticket there. 779 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,680 -I think you'll find the numbers quite interesting, 780 00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:43,240 if you wanna read them out loud. 781 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,680 So, you... 782 00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,640 I'll need my glasses on a lottery ticket. 783 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:49,800 So, let's just... 784 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:51,600 -Nine. 785 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:52,760 Nine, right there. 786 00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:53,920 -Eleven. -Eleven. 787 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,560 -Nineteen. -Nineteen for Richard. 788 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,360 JEREMY: Twenty-seven. DYNAMO: Twenty-seven. 789 00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,160 JEREMY: Thirty-three. DYNAMO: Thirty-three. 790 00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:00,800 DYNAMO: The last one? JEREMY: Forty-two. 791 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,080 That's actually a lottery ticket. It is a lott... 792 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,320 I'm... Well, I'm staggered. 793 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,600 But anyway, look, we haven't finished yet. 794 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,120 Shall we see what the Americans can do? 795 00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,920 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Come on, you two, let's have a look. What have you got? 796 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,640 Well, you know, I was asking Dynamo, 797 00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,360 you're a member of the Magic Circle, right? 798 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,600 -Yeah. PENN: We are not. 799 00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,280 Teller and I have a reputation, 800 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,560 not ill-deserved, for giving away magic secrets. 801 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,200 You do. You always say how your tricks work. 802 00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:37,520 We have done that, so they will not let us be members. 803 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,680 So that got us thinking. 804 00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:42,280 Could we do a trick that would fool the Magic Circle, 805 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:43,920 while giving away... 806 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:46,920 ..all the very principles we've given away? 807 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,840 And the first thing we gave away, in 1985, way back then, 808 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,600 we're on the David Letterman programme, 809 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,440 and gave away the idea of fake blindfolds 810 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:55,920 that are used by magicians. 811 00:40:55,960 --> 00:41:00,480 We said, "Every blindfold used by a magician is fake," which we've stood by. 812 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,880 We're gonna have a blindfold that can't be faked, which is-- Dynamo. 813 00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,160 Teller's gonna stand up here, 814 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,280 and, Dynamo, just make sure that Teller can't see. 815 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:11,480 Come over there and just make sure that Teller... 816 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,560 -Not permanently, but just for now. 817 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,840 Just put your hands right over his eyes there so he can't see. 818 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,480 No need to be gentle, it's not me. 819 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,280 -Cool, cool. -All you've gotta do is make sure he can't see. 820 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:23,640 How many fingers am I holding up? 821 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,080 Now, we've been accused 822 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,880 of giving away the idea of marked cards. 823 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,480 Marked cards are very hard to... 824 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,160 Even professional gamblers 825 00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:34,600 sometimes can't determine if they're marked. 826 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,360 But Dynamo's gonna make sure they're not marked. 827 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,000 The cards will be dealt face-down in Teller's right hand. 828 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,040 If the cards were marked, which they're not, 829 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,160 Teller would have to see, 830 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,920 and Dynamo's making sure he can't see. 831 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,760 -He can't see. -The other thing we gave away 832 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,000 was on the Johnny Carson programme. 833 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,520 We gave away the idea of a card force: 834 00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,360 that it's easy to do a trick 835 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,400 if you know in advance what card's gonna be picked. 836 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,360 And one of the ways you can do a force like that, Jeremy, 837 00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,680 is to have all the cards be the same. 838 00:42:00,720 --> 00:42:02,040 -JEREMY: Yeah. -Then just have a card selected, 839 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,800 where you know what's it's gonna be. 840 00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,200 -Stand up for a second, Jeremy. -Yeah, I can become vertical. 841 00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:08,280 I want you to make sure you look over these, 842 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,200 and make sure they are not all the same. 843 00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:13,360 -I'll try to fan them all out. -No, that's a pack of cards. 844 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:14,520 Yeah, it's a pack of cards. 845 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,360 Now, another way you can do a card force 846 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:18,800 is you can use sleight of hand 847 00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,680 to force the bottom card or the top card, 848 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:22,080 or even a card in the middle. 849 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,120 I'm gonna eliminate sleight of hand by using your hands. 850 00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:26,240 OK? 851 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,280 So, I'm gonna give you most of the deck right there. 852 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:30,480 And I'm gonna... 853 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,160 Just fan them out like this. Fan them out. 854 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,360 Don't let me see, but just think of one. 855 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,560 Don't even point to it, don't cut to it. 856 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,640 Just look over all the cards. You have most of the deck. 857 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,560 And then just think of one card. 858 00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:41,880 Don't look at it, just think of it. 859 00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,720 Then close them up so I can't see what you're doing. 860 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,640 And then give those cards a good shuffle. 861 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,280 Or give them that kind of shuffle. 862 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,560 Good. That's good. 863 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,920 But face-down so I can't tell what you're shuffling. 864 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,680 -Mm-hm. 865 00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:56,040 -You have no idea where it is in the deck -No. No. 866 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,320 Now, magicians often want you to misremember 867 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,680 the sequence of events. 868 00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:02,800 We want you to very much remember the sequence. 869 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,920 The card is only in your head, is that right? 870 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,320 -Yeah. 871 00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,200 -Nowhere else. -The cards are all mixed up, you have no idea where it is. 872 00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:10,920 Now, I'm gonna put these in your hand. 873 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,200 Now, the order of these will not change. It will not change. 874 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:14,400 I'm not gonna touch them again. 875 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:15,680 I will no touch them again, OK? 876 00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:18,120 Now that my hands are off, and I won't touch them again, 877 00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,320 what was the name of the card? 878 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:20,440 -King of Hearts. -OK. 879 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,520 Now, you're gonna go over there and you're gonna deal the cards, one at a time, 880 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,000 from the top, face-down, to Teller's right hand, OK? 881 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,760 -Into his right hand. 882 00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,120 JEREMY: Face PENN: Yeah. 883 00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:30,600 PENN: Dynamo, make sure he can't see. 884 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:31,760 He can't see nothing. 885 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,880 See, we are just being whipping boys again, Dynamo, 886 00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,720 us English. 887 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,800 -OK, Dynamo, was he able to see, even for a moment? -Nothing. 888 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,960 -Jeremy, what was the name of your card? -King of Hearts. 889 00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,240 Look at the next card. 890 00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,600 -Oh, for Christ's sake. -Thought of card out of a shuffled deck. 891 00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:04,600 JEREMY: Well... 892 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,200 You came here, of course, to do your laps. 893 00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,560 And, as we can see, in the rapidly fading light, 894 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,280 the weather has not been clement. 895 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,640 In fact, when we arrived at the track this morning, 896 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,000 it looked like this. 897 00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,000 And then... You can see the problem. 898 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,280 That bit, you can sort of see where the track goes. 899 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,440 But if we've got another shot-- I think we've got a moving shot. 900 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,160 Now, somewhere in there is a racetrack. 901 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,560 Which makes it quite tricky, I should imagine, 902 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,680 to see where you were going. 903 00:44:34,720 --> 00:44:35,960 -Yeah. 904 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,760 And there was a particularly fine moment, I have to say, on the... 905 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,720 It's supposed to be a flat-out corner when it's dry, 906 00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,240 but it really wasn't. 907 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,200 The weather was improving, it was thawing. 908 00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,000 And it all went, really, brilliantly wrong. 909 00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:52,520 Who'd like to see Dynamo going round in a few circles? 910 00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,120 AUDIENCE: Yes! 911 00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:55,320 Let's have a look at this. 912 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:56,680 This is a flat-out corner, 913 00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,720 and then you just can see it's going, 914 00:44:58,760 --> 00:44:59,920 and then... 915 00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:03,040 That's a properly big slide-off, that one is. 916 00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,400 Round of applause for that, though. 917 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:06,960 We like that. 918 00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:10,960 -No, it was well fun! 919 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,840 I was like, "I could have done this all day, 920 00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,000 it's so much fun." 921 00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,480 Who'd like to see the lap that eventually resulted? 922 00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,520 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Let's have a look. 923 00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,000 Dynamo's lap, here it comes. 924 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,520 Thawed out. 925 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,320 A nice, smooth, quiet start. And he's away. 926 00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,280 Right, let's do this! 927 00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:27,680 JEREMY: OK, that's... 928 00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:29,080 Ooh, that's quick through... 929 00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,160 Oh! Yes, that's cutting that corner, but nicely done. 930 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:33,560 Nicely held. 931 00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:38,280 And now we go on to what is normally gravel, but... 932 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,040 What does it look like now? It's just mud and slush. 933 00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,320 God, that looks tricky! 934 00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:43,640 But you're keeping it... 935 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,440 Ooh, a bit wide through there, but not bad at all. 936 00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:49,720 Again, not bad. 937 00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,480 Not fast, but... 938 00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,800 I don't think I'm on the track any more, guys. 939 00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,200 JEREMY: No, it's still brown... 940 00:45:57,240 --> 00:46:00,680 No, that is a James May cornering speed through that one. 941 00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:02,480 Is the car putting traction down all right? 942 00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,560 DYNAMO: No, it was all over the place! 943 00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:06,920 JEREMY: No, that's nice. 944 00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:08,920 Yeah, splashing through the last bit. 945 00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:10,440 Difficult Bit 2 as we call it. 946 00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:11,760 It's driving on water, this is. 947 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,080 JEREMY: It is, yeah. It's almost Jesus-esque. 948 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,800 And then now we get back onto the tarmac. 949 00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,480 Ooh, I say, that was tonnes of front-end grip there 950 00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,160 all of a sudden. 951 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,760 And look at the way the front's turning in. 952 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,080 That's unbelievable! 953 00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,600 Now, we go onto the really fast bit, ordinarily. 954 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,040 Come on, then. Here we go. 955 00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,200 JEREMY: This is where you lost it in the practice. 956 00:46:33,240 --> 00:46:34,680 But you haven't lost it this time. 957 00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:37,480 That front is suddenly sticking really well! 958 00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,760 Coming up to the last corner. 959 00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,120 And a little bit of understeer through there, but nicely tamed. 960 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,360 And there we are, across the line, everybody! 961 00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,520 Nicely done. Not easy. 962 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,360 Not easy. 963 00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,240 Now then, after you'd had a go, it was your turn. 964 00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,000 -Yes. 965 00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:02,160 I had a very good time, yeah. And I had Teller as a passenger, which was helpful. 966 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,720 Oh, that would help! Balance it out nicely. 967 00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,080 PENN: Sure. 968 00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,680 You also had a moment, shall we say. 969 00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:09,360 I did. I did, yeah. 970 00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:10,840 Would anybody like to see this moment? 971 00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,640 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Let's have a look. 972 00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,600 This is quick coming into the last corner. 973 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:15,800 That's understeer. 974 00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,640 Oh, somebody's been off there already, 975 00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,320 you can see the tyre marks, but not as far you went. 976 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:21,680 That is impressive. 977 00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:25,040 That's the furthest anybody's been off that track, 978 00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:26,480 by a long way. 979 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,360 You're definitely winning that, so far. Definitely. 980 00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,720 Furthest off the track, I got that. 981 00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,200 -But then you got a lap together, both of you. -I did. 982 00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,360 Let's have a look at this lap. 983 00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,600 Yeah, another nice, tidy start. 984 00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,400 Roaring off down to the first corner. 985 00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,920 So, we're going, Teller. Can you feel that? 986 00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:46,960 JEREMY: It's not at all scary in there. 987 00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,720 Right, that's tidily done through there, 988 00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,120 keeping it really on the island, 989 00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,360 unlike Dynamo, who was a bit mad. 990 00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,000 And onto the gravel. 991 00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:56,400 Well, the mud. Well, the slush. 992 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:57,760 Whatever you wanna call it. 993 00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:00,560 Ahhh! 994 00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,160 PENN: I'm going quickly there. 995 00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,520 JEREMY: Oh-hoo-hoo! 996 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,640 -That was well held there. PENN: Thank you. 997 00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:08,280 JEREMY: That's nice driving. 998 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,200 I'm under control. Shut up, Teller! I got it! 999 00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:13,680 JEREMY: Is he putting you off? 1000 00:48:13,720 --> 00:48:14,800 Now, this is... 1001 00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,160 Sometimes, when it appears to be slow, it's fast, 1002 00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,560 and sometimes, when it looks fast, it's slow. 1003 00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,280 This is looking fast, I'm gonna be honest, 1004 00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:24,840 but there's a lot of sideways action, 1005 00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:27,280 which, of course, isn't forward motion, 1006 00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,080 -which is a problem. -But it looks really good. 1007 00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:32,480 JEREMY: It looks tremendous. This is great television. 1008 00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,480 And you can hear the bark of the two-litre there 1009 00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:39,720 as you hit the straight. 1010 00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,120 -We're going! -Ahh! 1011 00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,280 -Now! Boom! -Oh! 1012 00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,480 JEREMY: And coming up to the... 1013 00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,880 This is the corner - not this one, but the next one, 1014 00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,920 that caught you out practising. 1015 00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:52,160 Ooh, you're trying to get a Scandi flick going there, 1016 00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:53,520 but a bit too soon. 1017 00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:54,640 Understeer again, 1018 00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,240 but you've held it this time. 1019 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,320 And there we are, yeah, across the line, everybody! 1020 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,680 Right, I have the times here. 1021 00:49:10,720 --> 00:49:11,800 OK. 1022 00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,560 We'll start with you, Dynamo. 1023 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,560 One thirty-nine point three. 1024 00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,000 -That's all right -That's really slow. 1025 00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,480 But you've got the snow symbol. 1026 00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,640 So far, you're the fastest person ever 1027 00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,680 to go round our track in the snow. 1028 00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,600 But are you faster than Penn and Teller? 1029 00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,880 There's actually excitement here, isn't there? 1030 00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:40,600 DYNAMO: Yeah. PENN: There's nervousness. 1031 00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,120 You did it in one... 1032 00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:44,640 ..thirty... 1033 00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,360 ..three point eight. 1034 00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:53,880 DYNAMO: Bad boy. 1035 00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:58,240 Commiserations. Commiserations. 1036 00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,360 Congratulations, gentlemen. Congratulations. 1037 00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,800 That was fantastic! 1038 00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:04,440 And thank you so much, all of you, 1039 00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,440 for coming along and doing all this magic. 1040 00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,520 But we must now say goodbye to Dynamo 1041 00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:12,080 and the world's fastest magicians, Penn and Teller! 1042 00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,800 -World's fastest magicians! 1043 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:23,800 Now, tonight, we are attempting to break 1044 00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:27,160 the British water speed record for amphibious cars. 1045 00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,760 Now, earlier on, Jeremy had a go at making something, 1046 00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,400 and his effort was, frankly, terrible. 1047 00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:33,720 JEREMY: No, it wasn't. -It was. 1048 00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:36,400 Yeah, so, Hammond and I took control of the project, 1049 00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:40,040 and what we decided to do was take a 1970s three-wheeler 1050 00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,080 with a removable roof, called a Bond Bug... 1051 00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:43,200 Here's a picture of it. 1052 00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,600 ..and mate that with a jet ski, 1053 00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:49,200 to create something that we had christened the Pond Bug. 1054 00:50:49,240 --> 00:50:51,080 And then, when it was finished, 1055 00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:52,560 take it to the Lake District, 1056 00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,680 and something called Coniston Speed Week. 1057 00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:00,880 JAMES: Over the decades, many fearless daredevils 1058 00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,240 have powered across this five-mile stretch of water, 1059 00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,920 in the pursuit of new records. 1060 00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,240 One was the legendary Donald Campbell. 1061 00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,720 Who was killed here in 1967, 1062 00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:22,800 whilst trying to break the 300mph barrier. 1063 00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:34,560 Today, in Speed Week, that spirit of adventure lives on, 1064 00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,520 as people from all over the world 1065 00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,080 come to push their boats, their engines, 1066 00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:42,080 and themselves to the absolute limit. 1067 00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,240 This was speed heaven, 1068 00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,880 and I felt sure our fully road legal Pond Bug 1069 00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,040 would blend in perfectly. 1070 00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:14,560 Morning! 1071 00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:22,560 Look at all this! 1072 00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:29,760 Having parked up, I went off to find Hammond and Clarkson, 1073 00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,000 who reckoned he'd come up with something better. 1074 00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:38,560 JEREMY: Are you ready? 1075 00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,600 You're gonna not believe this. 1076 00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:41,800 RICHARD: OK. 1077 00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,520 JEREMY: Behold my genius! 1078 00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,160 JAMES: Oh, hello! 1079 00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,280 JEREMY: Oh, yeah! 1080 00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,920 RICHARD: That is actually quite surprising. 1081 00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,760 JEREMY: So, the tracks drop down when you're near land. 1082 00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,960 JAMES: Oh, very clever! 1083 00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:02,560 I mean, I'm sorry... 1084 00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,240 I'm gonna stand back a little bit. 1085 00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:08,280 ..have I, or have I not created something brilliant? 1086 00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,280 JAMES: No. RICHARD: You didn't build it. 1087 00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,120 And it's very cool, but you can't use it. 1088 00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,200 -Because it's not road legal! 1089 00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:15,520 Well, put a number plate on it. 1090 00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,800 It's not an amphibious car, it's a boat. 1091 00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:19,480 That's a boat with legs on it. 1092 00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,760 It's not eligible for what we're doing. 1093 00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,000 BOTH: Ah! 1094 00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:32,280 -Oh, yeah! 1095 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,880 Look at it! 1096 00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:37,040 That is a quality job. 1097 00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:38,840 Why are you pulling that face? 1098 00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,040 It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life. 1099 00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,200 It's the coolest thing that has ever been! 1100 00:53:43,240 --> 00:53:45,240 -Look at it! 1101 00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,400 -RICHARD: These are the doors. -JAMES: Yes, undercarriage doors. 1102 00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:48,520 What doors? 1103 00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:49,800 RICHARD: You retract the undercarriage. 1104 00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,840 The front wheel goes up, then these doors shut, 1105 00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,000 you've got a smooth hull. 1106 00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,760 So those... What do the back wheels do? 1107 00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:58,680 What about the chine? 1108 00:53:58,720 --> 00:54:00,480 What do you mean, "What about the chine"? 1109 00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,000 Look at the chine at the back. 1110 00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,800 This is to attempt a water speed record. 1111 00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:08,560 RICARD: I know! JEREMY: This is what you need for a high-speed run, 1112 00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:10,800 a smooth, rounded chine. 1113 00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:14,120 When this is up here, it's sharp. 1114 00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:16,760 So, as you're going along, you catch that, 1115 00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,480 and it's gonna go. 1116 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,640 JAMES: We had to make it fit round the wheel, otherwise it wouldn't work on the road. 1117 00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:22,920 You could have made it round! 1118 00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:25,880 That was a difficult fabrication job. It was much easier to do it like that. 1119 00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,000 I'm sure it's easier, but you've created a death trap! 1120 00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,640 Weight. Keep the nose down. 1121 00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,640 -JEREMY: I know what it's for. -RICHARD: Well, there you go then. 1122 00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,360 Isn't this thing just gonna porpoise? 1123 00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,400 -We don't know. -No. Probably. 1124 00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:39,920 JEREMY: Anyone who gets in that 1125 00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,440 -is effectively committing suicide. JAMES: No, they're not! 1126 00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:46,160 Anyone who gets in that is gonna look the coolest person here, that's fact one. 1127 00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:48,440 Which one of you two's driving it? 1128 00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:49,800 Now, that's interesting, because... 1129 00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:52,040 We've had a think about that. It's gotta be somebody 1130 00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:53,840 with a speedboat, powerboat racing licence. 1131 00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,880 -JAMES: Yes. Have you got one of those? -I haven't got one. 1132 00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:59,640 I haven't got one. Do I know anybody who does have one? 1133 00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:00,960 Yes, I do have a racing licence. 1134 00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,440 -Well, there you go, then. -And here is your racing boat. 1135 00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,360 Look what we've built for you. 1136 00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,040 -I am not getting in that. -Yes, you are. 1137 00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:10,440 No, I'm not doing... 1138 00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:12,640 -No! JAMES: Well, you have to. 1139 00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,800 -You have to. -I am not. 1140 00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,160 And with that, back to the tent. 1141 00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,920 -This is broken. -No, line it up with the... 1142 00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:24,520 It is broken, otherwise it would... 1143 00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,040 You've used a removable steering wheel before. 1144 00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,360 JAMES: Line up the... There you go! 1145 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,600 I've mended it. 1146 00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:32,760 JEREMY: Knowing that 85% of people 1147 00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,120 who attempt speed records are killed, 1148 00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,720 and that the boat had been designed by imbeciles, 1149 00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:42,280 I was fervently hoping that it would, at least, be easy to operate. 1150 00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,280 However... 1151 00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:48,640 You have to drive it into the water first. It's still in road mode. 1152 00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:51,360 And you do that using this. That just teases it in. 1153 00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,160 A little push, a little push, and it goes in. 1154 00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,600 Once you're in the water, you have to retract the wheels, 1155 00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,960 and then you disengage the fan and the clutch. 1156 00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:01,920 Then you have to close the nose wheel doors... 1157 00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:04,080 If you push it down once, you're in neutral. 1158 00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,600 You'll still rotate round, cos the jet's still running... 1159 00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:09,560 Push it up, you'll see the current will flow on the ammeter. 1160 00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:10,920 When you get a current surge... 1161 00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:12,160 Jet thrust trim is here, 1162 00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:13,800 and it will appear on your screen here... 1163 00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,280 Hold that, and that goes... 1164 00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,520 This one, you pull it fully back. 1165 00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:22,720 If you knew, and you obviously did know all along, 1166 00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:24,400 that I was gonna be driving this, 1167 00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:26,280 why have you made this thing so complicated? 1168 00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:29,320 -That's not complicated. -We've simplified it. 1169 00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,200 These instruments are from the jet ski. 1170 00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:33,000 RICHARD: Comforting. 1171 00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:34,800 Comforting. When you're on holiday, 1172 00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,160 you've looked at those and thought, 1173 00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:37,440 "I'm having a lovely time." 1174 00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:39,400 That's what you're doing today. The water will be colder. 1175 00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,640 -Why don't you take the checklist with you? -Because it will blow... 1176 00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,040 -It tells you the things you've got to do. JAMES: It's so easy! 1177 00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:46,760 We've spent hours on that! 1178 00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,560 The thing to remember is that it's... 1179 00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,320 Thirty-nine miles an hour is really fast. 1180 00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:52,080 JAMES: It is quite fast. -It is really fast. 1181 00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,840 But if you do 40, then you're a world record holder. 1182 00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:57,480 -Step out of here... JEREMY: Not world. It's a British record. 1183 00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:00,600 -What other sort of record would you want? 1184 00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:06,520 JEREMY: To set a speed record, 1185 00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,560 you have to drive past the start line marker buoys. 1186 00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:14,960 You're then timed over a kilometre, 1187 00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,640 after which, you turn round... 1188 00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,320 ..and do exactly the same thing 1189 00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,040 in the opposite direction. 1190 00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:28,120 Your result is an average speed taken from the two runs. 1191 00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:33,960 It all sounded very terrifying. 1192 00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:41,240 Please sink like a stone. Please sink! 1193 00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,160 Sink! Sink! 1194 00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:47,160 No, it isn't. Damn it! 1195 00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:50,000 -It looks good. -It looks brilliant! 1196 00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:51,720 RICHARD : We have every faith in you. 1197 00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,360 -We don't have every faith. -No. 1198 00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,600 No faith. 1199 00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:56,760 JAMES: Wheels! 1200 00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:58,120 Wheels coming up. 1201 00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,280 JEREMY: It was now time for the checklist. 1202 00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,680 What do I do with the clutch? I've forgotten that. 1203 00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,840 Doors. Doors. Is that right? 1204 00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:12,400 How do I get it out... Wait a minute. Right, bilge. 1205 00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:13,800 No, that's bilge, that's not right. 1206 00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:15,080 No, it's just... 1207 00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:16,720 Oh, this is terrible! 1208 00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:18,800 Hammond! May! You idiots! 1209 00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,720 JAMES: Why is he just going round and round? 1210 00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:22,560 Is there a record for going round and round? 1211 00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,840 RICHARD: Don't know, but if there is, it's in the bag. 1212 00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,360 Right. I think we need to go to a better viewing position to see his run. 1213 00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:30,200 Let's go over there. 1214 00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:32,520 JEREMY: With the ridiculous checklist completed, 1215 00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:34,240 I had to get some speed up, 1216 00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:37,240 so I could cross the start line at full chat. 1217 00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,320 Visor down. 1218 00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:46,880 It's on the plain now. We're on the plain. 1219 00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:49,760 It's very spray-y. 1220 00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,640 It's a badly-designed hull. 1221 00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,320 JEREMY: But the hull was the least of my problems. 1222 00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:58,320 Jesus Christ! This steering! 1223 00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,440 Oh... 1224 00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:05,880 It's a nightmare! 1225 00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:08,160 I can't steer it! 1226 00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,160 I literally cannot steer it! 1227 00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:13,080 I think he's experimenting with it. 1228 00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:15,200 I think he's sort of testing. 1229 00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:16,520 Oh, my God! 1230 00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:22,560 JAMES: It looks pretty good. RICHARD: It looks fabulous! 1231 00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,040 I bet it handles like a dream! 1232 00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:25,480 Oh, come on! 1233 00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,280 I'm gonna crash into the bloody safety boat! 1234 00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:33,760 -Look, he's making turns. Yes! -That looks tremendous! 1235 00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,400 JEREMY: Three times I tried to get the Pond Bug 1236 00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,400 pointing in the right direction. 1237 00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,520 Absolutely impossible! 1238 00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:46,160 And then I thought, "Sod it," put my foot down, 1239 00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:47,920 and went for it. 1240 00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,160 Oh, Christ! 1241 00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:57,560 It's only my skill that is keeping this pointing in a straight line. 1242 01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,320 And, to make matters worse for a man on a speed run, 1243 01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:07,160 I had no idea how fast I was going. 1244 01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,720 I've got a GPS speedo, but I can't read it, 1245 01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:13,120 because there isn't any GPS. 1246 01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,480 Why have they given me such shoddy workmanship? 1247 01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,360 Oh, heavens! 1248 01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:27,560 Oh, Christ! 1249 01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,520 That's the worst thing I've ever done, ever. 1250 01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:33,640 And now, I've gotta turn round and do it again. 1251 01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,160 I've gotta wait for my own wash to die down. 1252 01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,080 That's what did for Campbell. He went back too quickly. 1253 01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:44,480 Here we go. 1254 01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,480 That is my foot pinned to the floor! 1255 01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:57,960 Jesus! It's starting to chain lock! 1256 01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,560 It's really bad. 1257 01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:04,760 Ahhh! 1258 01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:07,520 And then... 1259 01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:08,800 Oh, my God! 1260 01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:10,760 Oh, no, we've got a power problem! 1261 01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:12,440 I'm losing power! 1262 01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,440 May and Hammond have built a piece of shit here. 1263 01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:22,280 It sounds a little bit inconsistent. 1264 01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:24,400 That's maybe him feathering the throttle. 1265 01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,160 He is possibly finessing it to keep it on the plain. 1266 01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,520 Oh, no! Come on! 1267 01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:41,120 Jesus! A lot of smoke. 1268 01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:43,800 Well, that was a disaster! 1269 01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:47,120 I've got no GPS, so I don't know how fast that was. 1270 01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,120 And the engine is cutting out all the time. 1271 01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:54,360 Basically, it was time for a stern word 1272 01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:56,440 with the engineering department. 1273 01:01:57,720 --> 01:01:59,280 -Right, you two... RICHARD: Yeah? 1274 01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:00,560 Not only have you built something 1275 01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,120 -ugly and complicated... -It's not... 1276 01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:04,040 JEREMY: No, it's rubbish and lethal. 1277 01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:06,600 JEREMY: The worst thing is the steering. 1278 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,880 You cannot get it going in a straight line. 1279 01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,400 The steering is a horrible compromise, 1280 01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:13,600 cos it's gotta work the steering wheel and steer the boat. 1281 01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:15,440 "Horrible compromise" is a way of describing it. 1282 01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:17,400 "Lethal" is another way. 1283 01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:20,040 -It looked great! -Looked great out there. 1284 01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:21,240 JAMES: Yeah. 1285 01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:25,040 -I was doing about 4mph. -RICHARD: Well, that's a start. 1286 01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:27,120 JEREMY: Then, an official came on the Tannoy 1287 01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,080 to announce my result. 1288 01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,720 -There you go! 1289 01:02:48,760 --> 01:02:50,200 We did it! 1290 01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:51,480 What do you mean "we" did it? 1291 01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:52,760 Would you have swam it? 1292 01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,880 -I did it! -We did it! 1293 01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:58,320 Thank you so much. 1294 01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:00,920 Thank you, thank you. 1295 01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:07,200 Thank you! Thank you all for applauding me! 1296 01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:09,840 No, wait, they're applauding us as a team. 1297 01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:12,080 Listen! I'm sorry to go on about this, 1298 01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,320 but Roger Bannister was the first 1299 01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:15,720 to break the four-minute mile. 1300 01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:17,440 Not the man who made his shoes. 1301 01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:20,600 Edmund Hillary was the first to go up Everest. 1302 01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:22,240 Not the man who made his rucksack. 1303 01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:23,560 -So, I was the first... 1304 01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:24,960 I was the first to do that! 1305 01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:27,280 I broke the record, not you two! 1306 01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:30,160 Yeah, the truth is, to be honest, we failed. 1307 01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:31,640 You didn't fail. 1308 01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:33,240 I mean, if you'd spent less time getting your hair cut 1309 01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:36,960 and more time working on the engine so that it ran properly, 1310 01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:40,360 I reckon that thing would probably do 60 or 70. 1311 01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:42,160 On flat water, it definitely would. 1312 01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:45,120 Yeah, but the thing is, we gave it the square chines, 1313 01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:47,640 that really terrible steering, 1314 01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:50,840 the fantastically complicated knobs and buttons and things. 1315 01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:55,120 Basically, we built a death trap, and it didn't work. 1316 01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:58,880 Well, so you're... Let me get this straight. 1317 01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:01,920 You were hoping I would become one of the 85% 1318 01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:03,640 who died trying to break a record? 1319 01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:06,200 BOTH: Yes. 1320 01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:08,480 So we're now actively trying to kill each other? 1321 01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:10,840 Yes, and we can't even do that properly! 1322 01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,720 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1323 01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:14,960 Thank you so much for watching. 1324 01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,520 -Goodbye! -Bye-bye.