1 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,280 (TRAIN WHISTLE) 2 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,480 (ENGINE DRONING) 3 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,800 (CHEERING) 4 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,600 Hello, everyone! 5 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,040 Hello! 6 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,120 Thank you so much. Thank you. 7 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,720 Thanks, everyone. 8 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,360 Hello. 9 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,440 -(CHEERING CONTINUES) -Thank you. 10 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,600 JAMES: Thank you. -Thank you so much, everyone. 11 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,120 Thank you and welcome. Welcome! 12 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,800 And in this show, we have literally everything 13 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,880 the motoring enthusiast could possibly want. 14 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,720 A shopping centre... 15 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,040 an explosion... 16 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,240 and a man banging a pole. 17 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,080 (CHEERING) 18 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,200 Exciting stuff, isn't it? 19 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:46,640 That... That is all to come - but we start with this. 20 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,720 If you're wealthy and you have nothing to do all day long, 21 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,240 you're going to develop a drink problem. 22 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,600 It's inevitable and it always happens. 23 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,000 Paul Gascoigne, Queen Mother... 24 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,840 (LAUGHTER) 25 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,360 -James May. -(LAUGHTER) 26 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,640 But if you're from the United Arab Emirates, 27 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,440 you can't do that. 28 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:10,080 So instead, they buy toys that run on the stuff 29 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,040 that made them rich in the first place. 30 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,320 What, gold? 31 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,520 No, James. Not gold. Go and have another gin. 32 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,480 That's why this week, 33 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,920 I've taken The Grand Tour to Dubai. 34 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,640 So let's start out here. 35 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,000 And let's start with this. 36 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,560 Ah-ha-ha! 37 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,560 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 38 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,600 This is what's called a Sandrail. 39 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:54,320 A vehicle built specifically to play in places like this. 40 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,040 Whoo! Ha-ha! 41 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,480 Admittedly, they were invented in the USA. 42 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,400 But here in the UAE, 43 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,440 things are a bit more hardcore. 44 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:15,520 In America, they turn these out with 300, 400 horsepower. 45 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,760 Over here, they've dialled that up. 46 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,440 To 1500. 47 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,120 Ho-ho! 48 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,360 And they run them on these incredibly aggressive 49 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,720 paddle-style tyres. 50 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,640 Which means it can accelerate from 0-60 51 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,760 in under three seconds. 52 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,920 That's supercar speeds - on sand! 53 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,360 Holy mo... It's... 54 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,120 Roughing hell! 55 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,680 I'm doing (BLEEP) wheelies! 56 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,800 (EXHAUST BOOMS, ENGINE REVS) 57 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,880 Jesus! Ohh-ho! 58 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:55,440 That's insane! 59 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,160 I'm in love! 60 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,760 Keen to see what else the locals are driving, 61 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,840 I headed back into town. 62 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,080 This is called the Ripsaw 63 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,880 and it's built by a small American firm 64 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:25,360 who specialise in extreme off-road vehicles. 65 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,720 Their customers are mainly the military 66 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,600 and the people who make the Fast & Furious films. 67 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,880 However, if you have the money - 68 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,680 uh...look where we are - 69 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,400 you can have a Ripsaw built just for you, 70 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,560 as your own private run-about. 71 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,520 So, let's see what it's like. 72 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,800 Oh, and straight away we are in thumbs-up territory. 73 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,680 Gull-wing doors. 74 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,960 (ENGINE STARTS) 75 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,560 Safety. 76 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,160 It's a tank. I'm in a tank. It's matte black. 77 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,920 Ha-ha-ha! 78 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,120 I'm on the road! 79 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,520 Because each Ripsaw is custom-made, 80 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,120 there is no definitive price list. 81 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,520 But I can tell you, 82 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:25,920 this one cost its owner around £300,000. 83 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:30,320 For that, you get what's billed as a high-end luxury supertank. 84 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,680 And if you're nine, which I am, 85 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,560 it doesn't get much better than that. 86 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:39,040 On the luxury front, I've got air-con, 87 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,720 electrically adjusted leather seats, stereo. 88 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,040 I mean, it's hardly a Bentley Bentayga in here 89 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,560 but look at all the controls and switches. 90 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,520 I've got winches, work lights, 91 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,600 a light bar. 92 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:51,920 And who doesn't want 93 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,280 a Thunderbirds-style steering wheel? 94 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,360 Ooh. Roundabout. 95 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,560 Yeah. 96 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,280 Ooh. Yeah, I'll be honest, 97 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,520 visibility is a bit poor out the sides. 98 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,000 It should get marked down for that. 99 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,160 And it turns out 100 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:25,920 visibility isn't the Ripsaw's only drawback as a city car. 101 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:29,440 So here I am at the shops, looking for a parking space. 102 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,280 As you do. 103 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,520 And... Well, you can see for yourself. 104 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,440 They haven't thought somebody might turn up in one of these. 105 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,560 Thankfully, because the Ripsaw weighs nearly four tonnes, 106 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,560 and is a tank, 107 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,040 it can get round this issue. 108 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,000 There we go. 109 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,320 I think at the next management meeting, 110 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:04,320 they'll be having a serious rethink about the width of their parking spaces. 111 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,200 Morning, shoppers. 112 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,400 To be fair, this is a very big shopping centre. 113 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,760 This is easier than walking. It's miles. 114 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:29,000 Ooh, that reminds me. I need to get cat food. 115 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,480 Unfortunately, I couldn't find the pet shop 116 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,560 so it was time to leave. 117 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,240 I'm going to go out the way I came in. I don't want to make too much mess. 118 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,080 And right now, you'll be thinking: 119 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,040 how's he going to do a three-point-turn in that thing? 120 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,280 Ah, this is actually better than that. 121 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,760 For in-town manoeuvrability, this is a tremendous feature. 122 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,640 I'm surprised more manufacturers don't fit it. 123 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,640 Although the Ripsaw is, in its own unique way, 124 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,280 a good town run-about, 125 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,080 it's definitely at its happiest... 126 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,160 ...out here. 127 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:28,800 With a huge 6.6 litre diesel V8, 128 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:33,120 the standard Ripsaw is acknowledged as the fastest tracked vehicle ever built. 129 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:40,560 But this particular Ripsaw is not the standard model. 130 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,560 In a normal state of tune it's 400 brake horsepower. 131 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,520 This one's been taken up to 700. 132 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,560 And 975 pounds feet of torque. 133 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:56,120 Nearly four tonnes of off-road tank 134 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,280 travelling at 60mph perfectly happily. 135 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,480 It is mighty. 136 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:08,120 An equally surprising sensation is the ride. 137 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:12,000 I thought, because it's tracked, it'll just be solid and incredibly brutal. 138 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:16,920 But it has suspension. 139 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,520 More suspension travel than a Range Rover, 140 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,640 so it's supple. 141 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,240 Suddenly, it's more gazelle than rhino. 142 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,720 This thing rocks. 143 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,840 And when it comes to bashing the dunes, 144 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,400 the Ripsaw is in a league of its own. 145 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:40,760 A Land Rover Discovery can climb a gradient of about 45%. 146 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,480 This thing, 75. 147 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,760 That's damn near vertical. 148 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:53,600 Boom! Ha-ha! 149 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,640 This is the moment when, in desert driving: 150 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,360 "Oh, no! What's beyond? What's beyond?" 151 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,800 But I'm not worried, cos I'll be fine. 152 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,040 Ha-ha. 153 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,320 Yeah! 154 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,320 I've driven in deserts a lot, 155 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,920 never in something that just feels this capable. 156 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,800 I mean, camels are good in the desert, yeah. 157 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,240 But this is better. 158 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,360 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 159 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,120 What a device. 160 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,000 I love this thing. 161 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,640 (CHEERING) 162 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:01,240 I want one, I want one. Yep! 163 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,440 -I really, really want one. -I do. 164 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,160 Very nice. 165 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,360 Not bothered about that 1400 horsepower thing, but "that". 166 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,560 Yeah. 167 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,680 I must ask, though, can you drive a tracked vehicle on the road in the UK? 168 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,160 -Well, the Army can. -Apart from the Army. 169 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,160 You're not allowed to drive a tracked vehicle that's going to damage the road, 170 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,880 but the Ripsaw's OK because the tracks are rubber. 171 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,400 And of course, because they're rubber, if you're a complete nincompoop 172 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,320 and you crash into somebody's treasured BMW, 173 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,600 it does less damage... Did you see that? 174 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,240 Did you know you had even done that? 175 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,560 No. 176 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,520 It's a tank. Which is why I love it. 177 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:39,560 And now it is time for us to pop into the post office of chat 178 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,680 on Conversation Street. 179 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,560 (MELLOW JAZZ) 180 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,160 Now... 181 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,720 ...as this is the start of a new year, 182 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,080 we thought we'd have a look at some of the cars we... 183 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:58,120 we're looking forward to coming along in 2018. 184 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,520 It's actually quite a car-ry Conversation Street. 185 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:02,600 And I want to start with the Bentley Continental GT, 186 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,640 cos that's been around for what, 15 years now? 187 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,400 -Yeah, it is. -15 years. 188 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,840 Anyway, they've restyled it, given it an all-new look. 189 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,560 Here it is. 190 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,080 RICHARD: Wow, that is radical, isn't it? 191 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,280 (LAUGHS) Yes, all they've changed... What? 192 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,440 Well, it's a good question. 193 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,600 Anyway, on the inside, they say it has "driver-orientated instruments". 194 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,280 As opposed to what? 195 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,960 Yeah, no idea. 196 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,640 They say the central command screen is "retina quality". 197 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,040 I hope it's not my retina quality. 198 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,200 (LAUGHTER) 199 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,440 It'll be sort of slightly blurry and a bit bloodshot round the edges. 200 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,120 Actually, if you defocus my camera 201 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,080 you can see what it would look like. 202 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,360 -(LAUGHTER) -Like that. 203 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,720 Actually, that's better. 204 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,360 Yeah, to be honest, I wish I had your retina, 205 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,400 -sitting here looking at you - it's better. -I do. 206 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:49,160 So anyway, in short, this car looks the same as it did before. 207 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,160 It has a speedometer you can see 208 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,320 and a satnav screen that's in focus, 209 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,280 all for £150,000. 210 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,960 No, but actually, to be fair, for a W12 twin-turbo car like that, 211 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,680 150 grand these days isn't bad. 212 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,280 And...And I bet that's a bloody good car. 213 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,520 -I think it probably will be. -I bet you it is. 214 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,280 I bet that's going to be bloody good as well. 215 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,440 The only thing I don't like about Bentley, 216 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,320 I wish they'd stop going on about all that Bentley boys at Mulsanne, 217 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,680 and men in aprons making things. 218 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,120 I've got a bit from their... from their blurb here. 219 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,720 With your blurry eyes, here he goes. 220 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,320 Retina quality reading coming up. 221 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,560 It's really not working, is it? 222 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,480 Oh, so depressing! 223 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,960 It says, "Designed, engineered and handcrafted in Britain". 224 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,440 But the truth is, that's a Porsche Panamera underneath 225 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:30,960 and it has a VW engine, 226 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,840 and a Porsche gearbox, in fact. 227 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,560 No, that's true but the chief executive of Bentley is called 228 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,200 -Bunter Potherington-Smythe. -Is he? 229 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,600 No, he's called Wolfgang Durheimer. 230 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,600 -Is he? -Yeah. A bit of a giveaway. 231 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,800 But that's exactly the sort of thing they should celebrate. 232 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,680 They should say, "Bentley. Don't worry, it's reassuringly German". 233 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,800 Precisely. That's what you want to hear, actually. 234 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:54,720 -There's a chance it might work. -Anyway, have you seen this? 235 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:59,840 This is the AMG Project One developed by Lewis Hamilton, 236 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,040 so presumably it will have pierced door mirrors. 237 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,600 -Yeah. -(LAUGHTER) 238 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,640 -And tattooed bodywork. -Yeah. 239 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,720 And when it gets to where it's going, the satnav says, 240 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,080 "Hashtag blessed". 241 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,120 (LAUGHTER) 242 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,600 Going to cost two million pounds. 243 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,640 Doesn't say whether that includes tax. 244 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,480 (LAUGHTER AND GROANING) 245 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,360 (APPLAUSE) 246 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,520 Cheeky, that is. 247 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,800 -Cruel but fair. -Ha-ha-ha! 248 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,080 A car I'm looking forward to driving this year is this. 249 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,440 That is the new BMW 8 Series. 250 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,400 And if it actually looks like that, 251 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,320 that admittedly is the styling thing that they show the public. 252 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,720 But if it looks like that, I think it will be fantastic. 253 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:44,480 And I've heard that it will be available with a 6.6-litre V12. 254 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,560 -That's a waste of time. -What? 255 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,440 Well, V12s actually don't make much sense, if you think about it. 256 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,520 Well, that's a bit of a sweeping statement, isn't it? 257 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,480 No, seriously, cos you get all the complexity 258 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,560 and all the thirst and where's the upside? 259 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,840 Well, for a given capacity you get a greater number of smaller pistons 260 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,680 which have a lower reciprocating rate, 261 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,360 which means you can have a higher rev line on the engine, 262 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,880 -and that gets you more power. -(LAUGHTER) 263 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,200 Has a point. 264 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,520 Yeah, the thing is, though, the power, 265 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,800 the extra power you talk about, 266 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,880 as a result of whatever it was you just said, 267 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:12,200 is offset by the weight. 268 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,920 And they sound dreary, 269 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,400 and all V12s depreciate like pianos falling off tower blocks. 270 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:18,920 No, they do. Friend of mine, OK? 271 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,400 He had a Ferrari GTC4Lusso, the V12 one. 272 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,600 Kept it four months and sold it, 273 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:25,960 after four months - 274 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,320 and lost £55,000. 275 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,720 -Ouch. -In four months. 276 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,600 Four... Yes! I mean, if he'd have had the V8, 277 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,920 it wouldn't have depreciated that much. 278 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,640 Well, mainly because he wouldn't have wanted to sell it in the first place. 279 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:42,000 That is really good buyers' advice for everyman! We all now know... 280 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,680 This from a man who's just reviewed a £300,000 tank! 281 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,320 (LAUGHTER) 282 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,480 -Has anyone got an expensive car? MAN: Yes. 283 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,080 -What? MAN: Range Rover. 284 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,680 That's not expensive. 285 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,320 (LAUGHTER) 286 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,520 A Range Rover. We use those as vans. 287 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:57,680 (MAN CALLS OUT) 288 00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,520 What's the most... A what? 289 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:00,680 SVR. 290 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,000 Oh, an SVR is quite expensive. 291 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,280 -Is that with the V8 in it? -Yes. 292 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,680 -Do you not feel an idiot when you overtake? -No, Hammond, it's got a 1.3! 293 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,840 (LAUGHTER) 294 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,600 With that supercharged V8 you feel like such an idiot when you overtake 295 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,720 cos of the noise it makes. It's genuinely embarrassing. 296 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,440 I'll admit... OK, let's not talk about supercars anymore. 297 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,960 Try and think of something that isn't about Lamborghinis. 298 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,480 -Well... -(LAUGHS) 299 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,360 It is, as well! 300 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,800 The car I most like the look of is this: 301 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,720 it's the Lamborghini concept for... 302 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,800 (LAUGHTER) 303 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,400 Actually made me do it. 304 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,560 It's called the Terzo Millennio. 305 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,520 I don't know if that's how you pronounce that: Terzo Millennio. 306 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,840 But thing about that car, interesting, 307 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,920 it has super capacitors instead of batteries, 308 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,160 which are apparently better, and a motor in each wheel. 309 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,120 You can see them, and they glow when it's running, which is cool. 310 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:49,160 But best of all, they say it has self-healing bodywork. 311 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,040 It's got nanotubes in it, which can detect damage, 312 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,680 and then repair it. 313 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,520 -How does that work? -I don't know. 314 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,560 (LAUGHTER) 315 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,600 No, they said they've been thinking outside the box to do it. 316 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,000 I think they've been thinking inside the pub, haven't they? 317 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,760 With its self-healing... 318 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,000 No, but when that isn't a drawing any more and is a real car, 319 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,320 and you went on a motor show stand and ran a key down the side of it, 320 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,760 I bet they wouldn't say, "Well, that's good, now we can watch it mend itself." 321 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,000 No, they might charge after you, bellowing, 322 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,760 "I hope you've got nanotubes, chum. You're going to get a kicking." 323 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,600 (LAUGHTER) 324 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,320 Things I'm excited about, it's actually out about now. 325 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,280 Renault have a pickup truck. 326 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,480 -Look at that! -What? 327 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,200 -Yeah. -Why? 328 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,840 Because the whole world wants one. Je suis un rouge neck. 329 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,760 -(LAUGHTER) -Je suis un nerd-kicker. 330 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,120 (LAUGHTER) 331 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,920 I'm sorry to say that won't work, 332 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,680 cos the Americans don't want a Renault and the French don't want a pickup truck. 333 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,680 ISIS like a pickup truck, don't they? 334 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,560 -ISIS would... -(LAUGHTER) 335 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,480 -I'm just looking for a market. -It's a good idea. 336 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,560 This is business, that's what you do. 337 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,440 -No, if Renault ship them all out to Syria... -Yeah? 338 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,840 "Oh, these crappy old Toyotas". 339 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,200 Shiny new Renault - it won't start. 340 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,000 It would solve ISIS in a heartbeat. 341 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,600 Global peace. 342 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,320 (MIMICS ENGINE SPUTTERING) "The drone's coming!" 343 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,920 (MIMICS ENGINE SPUTTERING) They'll be blown to pieces. 344 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,840 Thank you, Renault. Well done, saved the world. 345 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,000 Renault has saved the world. 346 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,240 -Who knew? -Yeah. 347 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,840 I tell you what I thought you'd like most of all for this year, is this. 348 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,520 I do like the look of that. 349 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,000 That is the new... It's the Dodge Challenger Demon. 350 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,240 It's basically an even more powerful version of the Hellcat 351 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,600 I drove in the last series. 840 horsepower. 352 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,400 And it's got those little wheels at the front 353 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,760 because it's set up there for drag racing. 354 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,520 -But it looks like a T-Rex. -What? 355 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,480 It's ridic... It's like that. It's just stupid. 356 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,200 That's why T-Rexs died out, they couldn't reach anything. 357 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,840 Well, they were good at drag racing though, weren't they? 358 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,600 But they...they couldn't even pleasure themselves. 359 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,080 -Sorry? -(LAUGHTER) 360 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,000 Well, how would a T-Rex pleasure himself? 361 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,240 How has your mind even gone there? 362 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,040 I'm telling you-- 363 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,680 -Is that why they were always in such a bad mood? -Yes. 364 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,040 And that is the end of Conversation Street. 365 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,760 (CHEERING) 366 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,640 Thank you very much. 367 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,080 Excellent, excellent. Now... 368 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,440 Moving on, I would like to talk a little about hot hatchbacks, 369 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,840 because I think they might be getting a bit silly. 370 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:12,200 The AMG Mercedes A Class develops 375 horsepower. 371 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,640 The Focus RS has 345 horsepower. 372 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,760 Why do you need that much power in a hatchback? 373 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,760 -Well, James-- -Well, nothing. 374 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,840 Because I think it's time we all just calmed down a bit. 375 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,480 This is the Golf GTI, 376 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,200 and it's a perfect illustration of what I'm on about. 377 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,200 Yes, it is quick. And it should be quick. 378 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:48,320 It's got more power than a 1980s Ferrari. 379 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:52,040 But then again, it needs a lot of power because it's so big and so heavy. 380 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,400 The hot hatch wasn't always like this. 381 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,480 To show you what I mean, 382 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:02,480 here's the original Golf GTI from 42 years ago. 383 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,960 And it's a very different animal indeed. 384 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,560 Now that car wasn't about massive rear leg room 385 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,840 or a big bulky body, 386 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,640 or a huge duvet of sound deadening, 387 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,480 or all this equipment, or any of that stuff. 388 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,120 It was just about having a bit of a laugh, 389 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,880 darting around in a biscuit-tin body of a car. 390 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,720 Sadly they don't make 'em like that any more. 391 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,200 Well, except when they do. 392 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:36,160 This is the Volkswagen up! - the smallest car VW sells. 393 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,560 And now they've made a GTI version. 394 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,320 A car that's been created 395 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:45,160 to resurrect the spirit of that original Mark I Golf. 396 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,880 In fact, the similarities are uncanny. 397 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,480 Let's start with horsepower. 398 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,080 The original had just 108, 399 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:04,720 and the up! GTI has a similarly modest 113, 400 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,400 giving both cars a 0-60 time 401 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,720 of around nine seconds. 402 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,080 It's also a little bit '80s retro in here. 403 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:16,280 For a start, you start it by turning a key. 404 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,240 There's no button to press for people who want to pretend to be fighter pilots. 405 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,480 You change gear using a stick 406 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,760 and an old-fashioned clutch pedal. 407 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,320 I haven't looked in the boot 408 00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:26,760 but I expect there's a miners' strike in there, 409 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,640 or the speeches of Margaret Thatcher. 410 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:39,880 However, one of the reasons the Mark I GTI was so much fun to drive 411 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,720 was because it was so light. 412 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,840 But the up!, being a modern car, 413 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,800 weighs a portly 200kg more. 414 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,520 So, with all that extra weight to lug around, 415 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,800 is the new boy actually any fun on the move? 416 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,800 Well, its modernity does pay under the bonnet. 417 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,680 This has just a one-litre engine 418 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,360 with only three cylinders, 419 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,920 but it does have a turbo-charger 420 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,480 for a bit of extra oomph. 421 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,760 And it makes a fantastic growly noise. 422 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:17,880 Listen to this. 423 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,200 (ENGINE GROWLS) 424 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,040 You don't get that in a modern Golf GTI. 425 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,240 It's all smooth and asinine. 426 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,680 Now, that noise... There it is, there. 427 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,560 It's a bit of a cheat because there's something called a sound actuator 428 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,160 under the bonnet, 429 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,200 and it artificially pumps that growl into the cabin. 430 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,520 But so what? 431 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,600 It's very satisfying. 432 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,120 So, the engine's a bit of a hoot. 433 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,560 And, despite the extra weight, 434 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,160 the up!'s pretty nimble through corners too. 435 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,280 Yeah, you see, small... 436 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,400 ...chuckable... 437 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,720 ...enjoyable. 438 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,360 It is proper fun. 439 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,200 Feels like I'm doing hundreds of miles an hour. 440 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,800 You know what this is like? It's a bit like an '80s action movie 441 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,160 where the same thing blows up ten times. 442 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,600 (EXPLOSIONS BOOM) 443 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,800 And it's that compared with say, a CGI blockbuster 444 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:33,960 full of amazing effects. 445 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,840 One is a simple laugh, 446 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,880 the other is a bit too bloated 447 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,640 and, frankly, up its own arse. 448 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,000 But even though the up! harks back to simpler times, 449 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,320 it still comes with climate control, 450 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,800 heated seats, 451 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,360 Bluetooth, a reversing camera 452 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,080 and, for when your 17-year-old borrows it, 453 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,920 traction control that you can't turn off. 454 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,320 So it's quicker than it sounds. 455 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,400 It scampers around like a spaniel, 456 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,080 and it's got just enough kick to make it comfortable. 457 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,440 But no more than that. 458 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:16,040 And it gives you all this for about £14,000. 459 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,760 Or, to put it another way, 460 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,920 it's half the price of a new Golf GTI, 461 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,880 and, I honestly believe, twice the fun. 462 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,120 I might actually want one. 463 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,880 (CHEERING) 464 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,200 Nice little car. Nice little car. 465 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,440 -It is. -So... 466 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,320 (APPLAUSE CONTINUES) 467 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,560 So that is... that is interesting. 468 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,120 What you're saying is 469 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:47,920 the up! GTI is half the price of a modern Golf GTI 470 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,280 and more fun. 471 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,480 Yeah, and cheaper to run. And actually, to be honest, it's more characterful. 472 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,120 So really the conclusion is 473 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,480 that to own a Golf GTI, you'd have to be a moron. 474 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,640 To be honest, you'd have to be demented. 475 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,640 Shall we see how fast the up! goes round the Eboladrome? 476 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,520 Oh, wait. You own a Golf GTI, don't you? 477 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:08,880 Yes, I do. 478 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,120 I knew somebody had one. 479 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,760 It's when you said a moron, that's when it all clicked into place. 480 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,960 Anyway, the lap. 481 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,400 Right, let's see what you've got. 482 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,240 JEREMY: And she's off. 483 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:22,920 A murky day out there, 484 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,480 and I'm sure she'd rather be in a Golf. 485 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,360 Onto the Isn't Straight. 486 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,040 Actual standing water out there, 487 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,880 but she's showing no fear at all. 488 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,440 Smooth line through there. 489 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,600 Now trundling down towards Your Name Here. 490 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,280 A Golf, of course, would have arrived hours ago. 491 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,640 She still isn't there! Come on! 492 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:48,320 The little up-exclamation-mark GTI dawdling through there. 493 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,760 Golf GTI has a clever diff, of course. This doesn't. 494 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,680 And now back onto the Isn't. 495 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,320 Perfect line along there... 496 00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:58,200 And down the gears now for Old Lady's House. 497 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,640 Well, not yet but in a minute she will be. Hang on. 498 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:01,880 Any minute now... 499 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,240 There she is, down through the gears. 500 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,520 Will it understeer through here? 501 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,280 No, cos of course you can't turn off the traction control 502 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:11,960 whereas you can in a Golf GTI 503 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,000 cos it's a car for brave and brilliant people. 504 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,880 Right, down the Bumpy Back Straight to Substation. 505 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,720 It really is awful weather out there. 506 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,240 If she was in a Golf, it'd be sunny. 507 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,120 Uh...right, just the last corner to crawl round. 508 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,520 There it is, and across the line. 509 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,400 (CHEERING) 510 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,040 Right, let's find out 511 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,440 where it goes on the board, shall we? 512 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,440 Let's have a look. 513 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:41,800 -Ha! -(LAUGHTER) 514 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,840 Literally the slowest car in the world. 515 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,280 Yeah, but it was chucking it down. Come on. 516 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,960 So you're saying if it had been dry 517 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,600 it would have challenged the Aston Martin Vulcan? 518 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,880 -Yes, it would. -Anyway, we must move it on 519 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,120 because it is time to play Celebrity Face Off. 520 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:07,920 (CHEERING) 521 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,720 Thank you. 522 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,920 And once again we are asking an important question, 523 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,240 and it's this. 524 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:15,840 Who is the fastest person in the world 525 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:19,960 who has a failed former career in a band? 526 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,600 Well, to help us find out, please welcome... 527 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,560 Dominic Cooper and Bill Bailey! 528 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,440 (CHEERING) 529 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,120 Thank you very much. 530 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,720 Twins! 531 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,480 They're literally twins. 532 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:34,720 -Hello. -Welcome. 533 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,680 -Cheers, thank you. -Have a seat. 534 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,080 -Welcome, gentlemen. -Thank you. 535 00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,400 Welcome, welcome. I have to tell you, 536 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,000 I had a great one last night, Dominic. 537 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,480 I actually met you in a restaurant just last night. 538 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:49,920 No, no. 539 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,480 Exactly, that was the problem. 540 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,800 I was with a couple of theatrical and film people. 541 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,560 I said you were coming on the show, and they went, "He's on the next table." 542 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,720 So I went over and actually said to this person, 543 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,120 "I hear you're coming on the show." 544 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,600 He went, "What are you talking about?" 545 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,120 (LAUGHTER) 546 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:04,800 You went over to someone that wasn't me, 547 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,160 persuaded by the people you were with that it was me. 548 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,120 -Yes but it was incredible-- -Who was it? 549 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,520 He was a complete stranger. He thinks Jeremy Clarkson-- 550 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:13,400 Perhaps it was Danny Dyer. 551 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,560 -No. -(LAUGHTER) 552 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:15,920 No, no, no, no, no. 553 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,560 That is not fair. 554 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,440 So I made a bit of a fool of myself. Anyway, right... 555 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,400 Well, thank goodness you hadn't done that before. 556 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:22,960 (LAUGHTER) 557 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,360 It's a new experience. 558 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,680 -(APPLAUSE) -Phew. 559 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:28,080 That was a lucky escape. 560 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:31,040 Oh, dear. 561 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,960 Anyway, the link, of course, between you two 562 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,560 is that you both had failed careers in bands early on. 563 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:36,800 -Yes. -I wouldn't say failed. 564 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,640 I don't... Fail, really? 565 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,760 -Well... -Interesting, uh... 566 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,240 What's success, in terms of a band? 567 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,400 Well, OK, I think, were you not once, 568 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,680 the band outnumbered the audience? 569 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,320 -Every time we played. -That's a failure. 570 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,880 -(LAUGHTER) -Is it? 571 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:52,400 It is, I'd call that a failure. 572 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,280 Well, there was one particular gig in Greenwich 573 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:55,880 where, yeah, there was one audience member. 574 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:57,480 -One? -Five band members, 575 00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,200 -one audience member, yeah. -Oh, that's tricky. 576 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,520 You... before you start with the... 577 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:03,960 What was your band called? 578 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,800 Well, the band was called the Famous Five 579 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,040 and there was actually four people in it. 580 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,320 -(LAUGHTER) -And nobody had heard of us, 581 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,760 so it sort of didn't make any sense. 582 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:17,440 We... We did have a photo shoot 583 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,480 and the drummer was quite a vain man, 584 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,840 and he decided what a great idea it would be to... 585 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:26,960 if we all painted our little fingers with black nail varnish, 586 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,960 because that looked cool, right? 587 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,720 Then we saw the photo shoot 588 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,760 and it looks like we've all trapped our hand in a door. 589 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,720 -(LAUGHTER) -Just looks really stupid. 590 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,600 Now, I've got a question from Richard Hammond... cos I was in a band. 591 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,400 We were talking about this the other day. 592 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,320 James May was in a band, He was in a band. 593 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,320 He still wears socks down the front of his underpants to do the show. 594 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,400 RICHARD: Whoa! What? 595 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,680 He was wondering, did you ever put anything down the front of your-- 596 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,640 I did not ask that! 597 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,560 You did! You said, "Can you ask them what they put..." 598 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,000 You've written that down yourself! 599 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,840 Well, I may have made it up a bit. 600 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,440 But you never went down that route? 601 00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:58,760 -Yeah. -No. 602 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:00,480 -You did? -No. No, no, no, never. Did you? 603 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,360 Well, very recently, cos I had to wear a lot of spandex 604 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,120 in the thing I'm filming at the moment, 605 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,560 all-in-one spandex... sort of... 606 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,880 -This is Mamma Mia 2. -'70s ABBA suit, yeah. 607 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:12,960 So we were all discussing, it was quite a logistical and quite problematic thing. 608 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:14,880 It makes you look like you have absolutely 609 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,160 very little going on in that department. 610 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,640 So we had to decide whether, and what we would use to... 611 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,200 -Right. -Do you know what I mean? 612 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,000 What did you put down the front of your trousers? 613 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:25,520 This is what Hammond was asking. 614 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,520 RICHARD: I wasn't asking, just to be clear. 615 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,400 I tried two make-up sponges at first. 616 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:33,960 -Two make-up... -(LAUGHTER) 617 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,120 Anyway, listen, we've got to get on to cars. 618 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,240 -You're united, I think, by a love of French cars. -Yes. 619 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:40,880 -Cos you have a Citroen DS. -I do. 620 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,880 -Beautiful. -Which is beautiful. 621 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,080 -Stunning car. -It's the most beautiful car ever made. 622 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:46,440 -There... -I agree. 623 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,080 And...it's a piece of work. 624 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,960 And why did you buy such a thing? 625 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:51,240 Why? 626 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,040 Well, because of the Icelandic volcano 627 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,400 with the unpronounceable name, 628 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,440 -Eyjally-jolly-joffakabl... -(LAUGHTER) 629 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,200 ...when it erupted and there was the big ash cloud, we were trapped. 630 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,920 We were in southern Spain, couldn't get home. 631 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:05,160 All the flights were cancelled. 632 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,800 The ferries were full. 633 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,960 We thought we'd get the train back through France 634 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,440 but, of course, perfectly, 635 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,320 the French decided to have a rail strike 636 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:18,440 during the time of the greatest travel upheaval in recent memory. 637 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,360 "Non, I don't care. I don't care about you." 638 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:21,560 (LAUGHTER) 639 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,240 But there's no flights. "Non...uh." 640 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:25,560 So we... 641 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:26,800 (LAUGHTER) 642 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,720 I just... Just checking my blood pressure. 643 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:33,040 -(LAUGHTER) -So... So what happened was we thought: 644 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:36,320 let's just buy a car and drive home in it. 645 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,600 And then I thought: well, let's not just buy any car, 646 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,800 let's buy the car I've always wanted to own. 647 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,440 So we found a little garage just outside Marseille 648 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,760 and it was wrecks of every kind of French car you could imagine, 649 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,480 but amongst them was this old black DS 650 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,760 and it was a bit of a wreck, but it went. 651 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,880 -And it got you home. -It got us home. 652 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,320 And then, over the last few years, 653 00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,760 I've refurbed it into its former glory. 654 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,280 -Do you still drive it around today? -I still drive it around today. 655 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:03,680 Now, you started on this Citroen thing. 656 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,400 Did you learn to drive in a 2CV? 657 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,480 Yes, I did, in a field. 658 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,040 The thing about the 2CV is if you learn in one of those, 659 00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,880 and I've often wondered that, when you get into an actual proper car... 660 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:15,840 (LAUGHTER) 661 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,200 don't you think: well, I don't know what anything does. 662 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,800 Cos the gear lever's all in a different place and everything feels different. 663 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,080 Yeah, the gear's all backwards isn't it? 664 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,480 And it didn't help that my stepdad at the time put the engine in backwards 665 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,640 so it had four reverse gears and one forward. 666 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,360 That's what he did at that particular point. 667 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:29,600 But they're so simple. 668 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,720 And the fan. They had those fan... 669 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,480 They... just had a fan, you just opened... just a hole into the... 670 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,600 I loved the basic nature of it, you know? 671 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:40,120 You could open it with just a screwdriver, a coin. 672 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,200 I had a... I had a Citroen Dyane, 673 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,560 which, if you can believe it, is the more basic version of the 2CV. 674 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,440 And I left it parked up somewhere and I forgot my key. 675 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,840 And I thought: nah, don't worry, I can break in. 676 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:54,640 So I broke into my own car and I got into the back seat 677 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,200 and there was a child seat there, 678 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,440 and I thought: I don't have a child. Oh, no. 679 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,040 -(LAUGHTER) -Oh, dear. 680 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,320 And uh... 681 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,120 But it's very easy to put back together again, you know. 682 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,000 -For when the real owner comes back. -Yes. 683 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,480 Cos your first car, not French, was that... 684 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:11,640 -No. -It was a Healey? 685 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,600 Austin Healey Sprite, yeah. 686 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,640 Oh, a Sprite, right, not a big Healey. 687 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,280 Not a 3000. It's tiny. I don't know how I dared drive it. 688 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:19,760 Actually, it was my brother's, 689 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,200 and I needed to get to Stratford to do a play 690 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,960 and I don't know why or how I had the nerve. I wasn't insured. 691 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,840 The car had a hole about that high above the petrol tank 692 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,880 so you could put 55p's worth of petrol in it, which would get you there. 693 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,760 -Had no wipers - wipers on strings. -Like an Uber driver. 694 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,520 And one headlight. 695 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:37,840 (LAUGHTER) 696 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:39,720 So what are you running now? 697 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,840 The Healey: the Healey around London and an Audi RS7. 698 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,400 Hang on, so you still have the Healey, and... 699 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,840 Yeah, I got another one. 700 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,280 From eBay. It works quite well. 701 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,480 -Really? -Yeah. 702 00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:52,520 It's the only thing that's ever turned up, that I bought on eBay. 703 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,160 -(LAUGHTER) -And yeah, it's quite good. 704 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,800 Because it's interesting, you both drive old cars, and why would you? 705 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,720 Because you are quite a speedy driver. 706 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,200 Oh, well, I like the speed. 707 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:03,920 I like to go fast. 708 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,600 How many points did you get on your licence at one point? 709 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,440 Uh... Well, all of them. 710 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,680 You know, I had 12 points 711 00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:12,760 and then I went over the 12 points 712 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:14,840 and I had to go on a speed awareness course, 713 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,760 and I've done that three times now. 714 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,560 So I'm quite used to that. 715 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,080 -So you do get pulled a lot? -Yes. 716 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,440 I was driving down to Devon 717 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:25,160 and I forgot to put my seatbelt. 718 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,080 My bad, terrible thing to do. 719 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,400 I'd just pulled out of the service station, I hadn't had it on. 720 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,200 I was in the process of putting it on. 721 00:34:31,240 --> 00:34:35,320 And anyway, so I got pulled over and the copper, 722 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,400 he said, (NORTHERN ACCENT) "Right", he goes, "Now." He was from up north. 723 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:41,240 He goes, "Very dangerous, what you did there." I went, "Oh, yeah." 724 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,040 He said, "You know the band Def Leppard?" 725 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,200 And I said, "Yeah, I know the band Def Leppard". 726 00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:48,120 He goes , "Yeah. You know the drummer? 727 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,480 You know, lost his arm? He wasn't wearing a seatbelt. 728 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,640 He was thrown from the vehicle, lost his arm." 729 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,360 And I went, "Oh, right." 730 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,640 And he goes, "His girlfriend, she was wearing a seatbelt. 731 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,200 Killed instantly." 732 00:34:58,240 --> 00:34:59,560 (LAUGHTER) 733 00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:04,640 What was his point? 734 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:08,200 I don't know. It didn't back up his story at all, did it? 735 00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:09,960 (LAUGHTER) 736 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,520 Right, so anyway. 737 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,480 You came here, you did all this, and...was it fun? 738 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,160 It was great fun, on the track. 739 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,600 I just loved it, loved every second of it, yeah. 740 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:20,960 Trying to work out whose lap shall we see first. 741 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:24,360 -We'll go... You're nearest. -All right. 742 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:25,960 Shall we have a look at Bill's lap? 743 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,760 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Yeah. 744 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,400 -Let's see it. -I'm very worried about this. 745 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,840 JEREMY: And away we go. It's looking good today, the Jag. 746 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:36,440 -It is. -Ha-ha. 747 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,640 Lovely lady of acceleration. 748 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,720 JEREMY: Few helmet issues there, if I may be so bold. 749 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:42,080 -BILL: I know. -JEREMY: Jimmy Carr once-- 750 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,000 BILL: Looks like I've been punched... 751 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,560 JEREMY: A fat kid stuck in a lift. -(Bill laughs) 752 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,800 That's a bit steady through there, but I agree with that, 753 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,840 because otherwise it's a bit tricky when you get onto the gravel. 754 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,800 BILL: Yes. 755 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,480 JEREMY: Holding it nicely together... into Difficult Bit One. 756 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:55,880 BILL: Tricky bit there, that was pretty good. 757 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,840 DOMINIC: You're so good at this! 758 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,480 Oh, horrible gravel, horrible gravel. 759 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,920 Horrible gravel. 760 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,640 JEREMY: In to the gravel. Holding it nicely through. 761 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,520 -That's very well done, got to be honest, Bill. -BILL: Not too bad. 762 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,240 JEREMY: No, right, now into Difficult Bit Two. 763 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:11,960 BILL: This is tricky, this is tricky. 764 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:13,760 JEREMY: Oh, you're in the thick gravel now, that's... 765 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:15,640 I was in the horrible, nasty thick stuff there. 766 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,240 JEREMY: Slow you down. Now, coming back on the track, very slippery here. 767 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,560 BILL: That's very slippery. 768 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,640 -BILL: Suddenly the... -JEREMY: Oh! 769 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,600 BILL: Suddenly you just... There's a bit of fishtailing because... 770 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:25,120 -JEREMY: That's all right. -BILL: ...you're back on the tarmac. 771 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:28,160 JEREMY: Right, now we're into the very fast bit now. 772 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:29,280 Very exciting. 773 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:30,440 (CHUCKLES MANIACALLY) 774 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:32,960 (LAUGHTER) 775 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,800 JEREMY: There's a man who likes a bit of speed. 776 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,160 And... Oh, it's a couple of lines chosen for there. 777 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,200 And another one there. 778 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:43,040 Coming up to the final corner. Little bit of understeer, 779 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,200 but not like Casey the Bear Man had the other day. 780 00:36:45,240 --> 00:36:46,840 And there we are, across the line, everybody. 781 00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:50,880 -(APPLAUSE) -Well done. 782 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,920 -Well done. -I'm furious, furious. 783 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:56,880 Looked good. 784 00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:00,000 That did look good. Now, Dominic, um... 785 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,080 You had a bit of a problem with... 786 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,280 -What's that? -Well, with one of your practice laps. 787 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:06,720 Would anybody like to see? 788 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,440 AUDIENCE: Yes! 789 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,320 -Which bit? -This bit. 790 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,240 Here he comes. 791 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:13,760 And onto the slippery bit. 792 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,400 Oh, oopsy-daisy. 793 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,720 DOMINIC: Yes, yes, yes. Straight back on the track! 794 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:22,080 JEREMY: This is what I love, keeping it going, yes! 795 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:23,440 (CHEERING) 796 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,720 That was very good. 797 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,920 Yeah. It was a bad moment. That was a bad moment. 798 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,000 Eventually, you got a lap put together. 799 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:34,720 -Would you like to see it? ALL: Yes! 800 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:36,640 -Here we go. -It's just not going to be as good. 801 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,520 It always seems to take a while getting off the line. 802 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,720 I'm going to have to break quite hard into this corner. 803 00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:47,040 -Aargh! -(LAUGHTER) 804 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,440 OK, now you've got to... Hang on, let's listen. 805 00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,680 Oh, feathering the throttle through there. That's nicely done. 806 00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:57,680 Holding it as we head toward the gravel. 807 00:37:57,720 --> 00:37:59,520 Yeah, you can see it starting to fishtail. 808 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,200 That is slightly bowel-loosening when it does that. 809 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,440 DOMINIC: Yep. 810 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,640 Very wide through there, through the... It looks like it's manure. 811 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,840 Come on, car! 812 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,640 -DOMINIC: Blaming the car. -JEREMY: Cars respond when you shout at them. 813 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,200 It's what people don't understand, but they do. 814 00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:15,720 DOMINIC: It's such good fun, that gravel bit. 815 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,080 JEREMY: That's tidy through there. 816 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,120 -JEREMY: Right, Difficult Bit Two. -BILL: Tidy. 817 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:21,920 JEREMY: Sometimes tidy is fast. 818 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,320 Sometimes it isn't, I admit, but it is... could be. 819 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:28,200 More fishtailing there. You've got to try and get it right for this. 820 00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:30,880 Can you do it properly this time? Yeah, look at that! 821 00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:32,920 DOMINIC: Now, this is the corner, this is the one. 822 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,680 JEREMY: It's greasy. Was it very slippery? 823 00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:36,640 DOMINIC: It's hard coming out of the gravel onto the tarmac. 824 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,760 Be confident! Keep going, keep going! 825 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,000 JEREMY: It is exciting because you're supposed-- 826 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,560 DOMINIC: As though I'm going to stop. 827 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,640 JEREMY: It's just... Ooh, there's another one... Ooh, shall I turn? Ooh, maybe not. 828 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,960 There we go, coming up now to the last corner. 829 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,960 You can lose so much time here, but I don't think you are doing there. 830 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:53,640 And there we are, across the line, everyone. 831 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,120 (CHEERING) 832 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,400 -Well done. -Thank you. 833 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,640 -That is such fun. -Oh, the best. 834 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,120 I've got the times here. (CLEARS THROAT) 835 00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:05,760 Oh-ho-ho... 836 00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:07,360 -Bill Bailey. -Yes. 837 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,880 -It's a 1.25.1 is what it is. -All right, then. 838 00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:11,360 -Now, it's a good time. -(APPLAUSE) 839 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,280 A greasy track out there. 840 00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,680 -It was wet. It was wet. -Greasy. 841 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:18,600 Yeah, no question. That's a greasy track out there, and that's pretty good. 842 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,440 -Times we've been having, that's ballpark. -OK. 843 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,560 They've been in the dry so you can be proud. 844 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,000 Dominic Cooper. 845 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:26,240 (GASPS) 846 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,720 One... 847 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,760 twenty... 848 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:32,440 -3.6. -(APPLAUSE) 849 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,920 BILL: Well done. 850 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,600 -Congratulations. -I thought I'd failed! 851 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,120 So there we are, ladies and gentlemen, 852 00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,040 let's get this right, shall we? 853 00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:45,800 It's Bill Bailey and the fastest person with a beard 854 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,240 who went on into either stand-up or acting 855 00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:50,120 with a failed early career in a band, 856 00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:51,960 -Dominic Cooper! -Yay. 857 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,400 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 858 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,320 -Thank you, gentlemen. -Very good. 859 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,480 Now, if you go on the Internet, 860 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:03,240 there's lots of films on there with people skidding around in cars. 861 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,200 I've got an example here of what I'm on about. 862 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:26,880 (TRAIN HORN) 863 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:37,760 (APPLAUSE) 864 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,120 Yes, yes. 865 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:41,920 I know what you're thinking. 866 00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,280 You're thinking: Oh, that's very impressive. 867 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,520 You're thinking that's very impressive, but is it? 868 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,560 Well, yes, it is. 869 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,080 That's the thing. I don't think it is. Anyone could do it. 870 00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,440 -Well, no they couldn't. -They could, seriously. 871 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,200 Because every time you make a mistake 872 00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:58,680 you cut to a shot of the rev counter, or changing gear. 873 00:40:58,720 --> 00:41:01,120 Yeah? Or your face looking a bit heroic, 874 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:02,920 and then you get back to the action again. 875 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,400 It's just editing. 876 00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,080 I think it's a bit more complicated than that. 877 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:08,680 No, it isn't, honestly. And I decided to prove my point 878 00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:12,480 by making a skidding-about film of my own, OK? 879 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:14,800 -(LAUGHTER) -No, it's really simple, OK? 880 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,200 You just need a pretentious opening with some smoke 881 00:41:17,240 --> 00:41:20,080 and then lots of shots of me looking heroic like that. 882 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:21,720 (LAUGHTER) 883 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,880 -Why are you doing that? -So I look heroic, like that. 884 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:25,840 -Well, you don't. -I do, and I will. 885 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,200 -This will be good. -It is. 886 00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:29,080 -I bet it isn't. -It is. 887 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:52,280 (CAR DOOR SLAMS) 888 00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:55,840 (ENGINE STARTS, REVS) 889 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:22,360 (BLEATING) 890 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:31,720 (DRONE OF ENGINE) 891 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,680 (HORN BLARES) 892 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:03,640 (TYRES SCREECH) 893 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:34,240 (HORNS BLARE AND BEEP) 894 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,160 (BLEATING) 895 00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:55,120 (CHEERING) 896 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,760 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 897 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,720 Why have you stopped it? Why did you stop it? 898 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,240 Because... Because it's rubbish. 899 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:06,160 It isn't rubbish. The ladies and gentlemen were enjoying it. Were you enjoying that? 900 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,200 ALL: Yes! -Exactly. Why did you stop it? 901 00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:10,600 Because the whole thing is fake. 902 00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:12,680 What was faked in that? 903 00:45:12,720 --> 00:45:14,520 All right, take that rev counter shot for a start. 904 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,080 Pull it up, let's have a look. 905 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:20,840 OK, so you are doing 6750rpm and no miles an hour. 906 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:22,240 (LAUGHTER) 907 00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:23,440 Speedometer was broken. 908 00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:25,560 -Was it? -Yes, it was. 909 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,000 What about that bit where your feet were dancing around on the pedals? 910 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:29,840 -You know, that bit. -Skilful work. 911 00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:31,880 -Really? -Yeah, it was. 912 00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,120 Would anybody like to see the unedited footage of how he did that? 913 00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,200 ALL: Yes! -Yes we would, we would yes. 914 00:45:36,240 --> 00:45:38,400 -Is there a GoPro in here? -Yeah. 915 00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:41,760 So I can get my feet wiggling around on the pedals and we can cut that in? 916 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:43,640 -Yeah. -Good. 917 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,520 Heel and toe, heel and toe... 918 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,760 Shall we wobble the car a bit as well? 919 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,400 Yeah, rock it. 920 00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,720 And then drop these in just every so often. 921 00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:58,440 Yeah. 922 00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,640 Do the gear change as well. We can paint the windows out. 923 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:06,880 Do we need to get a rev counter shot, Phil? 924 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:09,840 We'll just... We'll just stick a camera on here. 925 00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,160 -Like that, on there. -OK. 926 00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:12,640 We can use that one from the footwell. 927 00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:13,600 Yeah. 928 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,680 Got it? 929 00:46:24,720 --> 00:46:26,400 Totally convincing. I'm keeping it so that it looks like it's in gear, 930 00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:28,120 you know, not just revving it: 931 00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:29,720 (MIMICS ENGINE REVVING) 932 00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:31,440 JEREMY: No, wait. 933 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,960 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 934 00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:39,160 And then... Then there was that bit 935 00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,480 where you were doughnuting around in the barn, remember that? 936 00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:42,880 -Can we remember that? -What about it? 937 00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,440 Who would like to see the rushes of that one? 938 00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:49,000 -(CHEERING) -Let's see what was on the cutting room floor. 939 00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:50,920 What scene's this, scene four? 940 00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,400 Scenes two to seven in-car. 941 00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:55,680 So I just look heroic. 942 00:46:55,720 --> 00:46:58,600 Yeah, but you've really got to throw it in and give it a bit of oppo, yeah? 943 00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,320 Yeah. I can do that. 944 00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:02,920 20 years of practice. 945 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,240 Farmkana, the introduction. Take one. 946 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:17,800 Handbrake! 947 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:20,600 Had an accident. 948 00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,400 Damn. 949 00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:33,280 -(CLANG) -Oh, shit. 950 00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:44,920 -Got it? -Yeah. 951 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:46,880 -I look pretty good. -Nice one. 952 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:56,840 It...it didn't, it didn't look good though, did it? 953 00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:58,080 No, and on that terrible disappointment-- 954 00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,120 No, no, no. No. 955 00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:02,720 -No, no, no. -We haven't got time for any more of your nonsense. 956 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,480 Oh, yes, we have, cos we haven't got to that bit yet 957 00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:07,480 where you slid through the gate, remember? 958 00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:09,080 -Oh, for God's sake! -Who wants to see what happened there? 959 00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:11,640 -Nobody does! -The truth. 960 00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,520 Speed. 961 00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:15,680 Farmkana: The Gate. Take one. 962 00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,160 Let's do this! 963 00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:25,840 Oh, shit. 964 00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:27,720 I may have clipped something there. 965 00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,920 Damn. Sorry about that, Phil. 966 00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,240 Well, from now on we just... 967 00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,120 Why can't we shoot everything from the other side? 968 00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:38,480 I can't do that cos the car's turning around all the time. 969 00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,040 I can't just film from one side. It's going to look absolutely terrible. 970 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:42,960 But if you... You can barely see that. 971 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:44,640 Well, you can, look, it's... 972 00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:46,680 Why don't we just mend the fence and have another go at it? 973 00:48:49,240 --> 00:48:50,960 The Gate. Take two. 974 00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:54,920 Concentrating, concentrating. 975 00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,200 And turn, and flick! 976 00:48:57,240 --> 00:48:58,640 Oh, dearie me. 977 00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:02,360 He's done it again. What a massive twat. 978 00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:03,800 -You just can't do it. -I can. 979 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:05,480 -You can't. -Well, I clipped it once. 980 00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:07,040 I'm getting better. 981 00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:08,520 It's still not going through smoothly, is it? 982 00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:11,240 Could you just rebuild it once more, honestly? 983 00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,720 I think I know what the problem is. My angle's too shallow. 984 00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,920 So I'm going to come up this side of the bog and swing it round. 985 00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,920 The Gate. Take three. 986 00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,280 PHIL: Action when you're ready. 987 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,760 Turn...yank, let go, power. 988 00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:28,760 PHIL: Action when you're ready. 989 00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:30,640 Right, here we go. 990 00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:36,400 And handbrake! Oh, shit, that's the bloody... 991 00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,040 What happened was... You won't believe this, 992 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,320 but I went for the handbrake, 993 00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:48,080 but I changed into second by mistake. 994 00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:50,760 -Properly wedged it in there. -Yeah. 995 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:53,360 Well, at least we don't have to reset the gatepost again. 996 00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:57,000 Exactly. There, you see. That's the sort of bright thinking I like. 997 00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,000 That's not a good thing, though. 998 00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:00,480 -What? -Cos that's worse. 999 00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,520 Phil, let's get the other guy in the car. 1000 00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:04,400 Can somebody get Mark? 1001 00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:10,080 -Oh, don't show this. -I should explain. 1002 00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,080 That is three-times British Rally Champion Mark Higgins. 1003 00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:14,560 (LAUGHTER) 1004 00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,400 If you just drive through there about... 1005 00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:19,800 -I was doing about 85, 90. -Right. 1006 00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:21,400 And I wasn't quite getting it. 1007 00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,160 So if you could just come through there, sideways, 1008 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,520 power up and power out. 1009 00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:29,520 Right. 1010 00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:31,080 Thing is, you'll have to wear that. 1011 00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:32,720 It's me - it's what they use in Hollywood. 1012 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:34,320 Yeah, but how can I see through them? 1013 00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:36,120 Yes, you do. Just look through the slits. 1014 00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,000 Put it on, seriously, it works. 1015 00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,200 This is what they use. All Hollywood stunt drivers use them 1016 00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:41,800 if they want to look... Then you...and just... 1017 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,800 It's like looking in a mirror. 1018 00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:46,560 -That is... Look. -What? 1019 00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:49,120 Seriously, can you tell that that's not... Look at this. 1020 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,360 Identical. Now, put your helmet on. 1021 00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:55,800 -What, on top of this? -Yeah. 1022 00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,360 (LAUGHTER) 1023 00:50:58,400 --> 00:50:59,840 (APPLAUSE OVER DIALOGUE) 1024 00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:05,720 Shall we see what Mark looked like with the helmet on? 1025 00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:06,920 -Yes. -Shall we? 1026 00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,040 (LAUGHTER) 1027 00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:12,480 It's uncanny, it really is, look at that. 1028 00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:15,280 What it is is wanton cruelty on your part. 1029 00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:16,680 But anyway, listen. 1030 00:51:16,720 --> 00:51:19,480 I did use Mark for that one scene, I admit. 1031 00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,040 Yeah, you did. 1032 00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:24,120 It's a shame you didn't use him for the sheep-herding scene though, isn't it? 1033 00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:25,960 -Don't show that. -(LAUGHTER) 1034 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:30,040 No, no seriously, do not show that. 1035 00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:31,960 PHIL: Action, Jeremy, when you're ready. 1036 00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,640 So I've got to get these sheep 1037 00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,080 in that pen in the far corner, 1038 00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:42,360 in an exciting and exuberant...YouTubey way. Here we go. 1039 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,480 Speed and power, that's the solution. 1040 00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:51,640 (THUD) 1041 00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:55,040 Duh...uh, nothing! 1042 00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:56,920 -Right, just get these stragglers... -(THUD) 1043 00:51:58,360 --> 00:51:59,400 -Don't go... -(THUD) 1044 00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:02,760 -Come on! -(THUD) 1045 00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,520 Oh, shit! 1046 00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:06,080 (SHEEP BLEATING) 1047 00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:08,880 I can't believe this. 1048 00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:12,680 Listen, you can either round them up really slowly, 1049 00:52:12,720 --> 00:52:14,000 which is quite boring television, 1050 00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:15,920 or you can give it some of that. 1051 00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:17,600 And if you give it some of that, 1052 00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:19,960 which is exciting for the ladies and gentlemen, 1053 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,680 you're inevitably going to hit some sheep. 1054 00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:29,480 You've done one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, 1055 00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,000 eight, nine, ten, 11 sheep. 1056 00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:33,160 And broken the windscreen. 1057 00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,800 I think the windscreen is the least of our worries, to be honest with you. 1058 00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:37,280 Well, not really, not for continuity, 1059 00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:40,200 cos it's hard to cover that up. 1060 00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:42,920 This isn't how they do it on the normal film. 1061 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,200 Well, how do they do it? 1062 00:52:45,240 --> 00:52:46,840 -Well, he doesn't crash it every five minutes. -I haven't crashed it. 1063 00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:48,560 You have crashed it, and you've killed things now. 1064 00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:49,760 Well, a bit... 1065 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:51,600 (LAUGHTER) 1066 00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:53,360 (APPLAUSE) 1067 00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:57,080 -What? No. -(APPLAUSE CONTINUES) 1068 00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:01,160 Please, don't... Don't clap. He's a murderer. 1069 00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:05,400 They...they would have been jumpers by now, or Sunday lunch. 1070 00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:07,160 It's not the end of the world. 1071 00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:10,240 No, all right, but the next bit nearly was, wasn't it? 1072 00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:16,040 How the (BLEEP)... How am I going to film with that? 1073 00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:19,120 JEREMY: Phil? 1074 00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:21,040 -(HORN BEEPS) -Rolled it. 1075 00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:22,760 Just make it go the other way up, 1076 00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:24,320 whenever you've got a moment. 1077 00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:33,440 Now I know what it's like to be Richard Hammond. 1078 00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:36,800 Thanks, chaps. 1079 00:53:40,720 --> 00:53:43,200 -We can edit that out. -No, we can't. Look at it. 1080 00:53:43,240 --> 00:53:44,840 What? Look at what? The door... 1081 00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:47,240 This, look. I can't do any of the drone shots now. 1082 00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,280 This is all smashed to bits. This is wrong. 1083 00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,320 -You're such a fusspot. -Oil's come out of it. 1084 00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:56,080 Honestly. It still works well. 1085 00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:57,600 Pull that towards... 1086 00:53:57,640 --> 00:53:59,400 -Completely... -You haven't asked about me. 1087 00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:00,800 You're fine, aren't you? You've got your helmet on. 1088 00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:02,240 (LAUGHTER) 1089 00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:07,880 -No. -They didn't care. 1090 00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:10,520 I was risking my life for the ladies and gentlemen. Nobody cares. 1091 00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:13,600 -What? -Right, all right. 1092 00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,360 Let's move on to the end of your film. 1093 00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,480 The big finale? Which was brilliant. 1094 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:20,960 -Hmm, yeah. Well, it wasn't, was it? -Yes, it was. 1095 00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:22,960 No, well, this is the bit, ladies and gentlemen, 1096 00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,920 where Jeremy attempted to jump over a river. 1097 00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,080 -I did jump over a river. -No, you didn't. 1098 00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:31,520 -I did. -No, you didn't, as we shall now prove. 1099 00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:39,160 Dyke Jump. Take one. 1100 00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:42,160 PHIL: Action, action. 1101 00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:44,040 JEREMY: Let's do this! 1102 00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:56,400 (ALARM WAILS) 1103 00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:00,680 (TOOTS HORN) Sorry! 1104 00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,680 PHIL: What a prick. 1105 00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:06,040 JEREMY: Erm... 1106 00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:07,840 (HORN BEEPS) 1107 00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:09,400 Really (BLEEP) it now. 1108 00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:11,360 Yeah, no, I think that's pretty much had it. 1109 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,400 -Look at it, look at it. -I know! 1110 00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,640 -I've... We've... -We haven't got an ending. 1111 00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:17,960 -You're supposed to go over. -We'll just use another car. 1112 00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,600 -It's the big stunt. -I've got a backup car. 1113 00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:22,400 We'll use that. 1114 00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:26,800 Is that it? Is that enough now? 1115 00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:28,200 -Nearly. -No. 1116 00:55:28,240 --> 00:55:30,760 Right, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1117 00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:33,400 -Let's move on, shall we... -You're not still going on about-- 1118 00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:35,560 No, I am, because I think we would like to see 1119 00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:37,680 the grand finale of Jeremy's film 1120 00:55:37,720 --> 00:55:39,520 and his backup car, yes? 1121 00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:41,280 ALL: Yes! -Yes, right. 1122 00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,600 Oh, shit. 1123 00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:18,680 (SMASHING) 1124 00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:37,840 JAMES: No. No, I'm sorry. 1125 00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:43,240 Hold on. 1126 00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,440 Your backup car, it was an Audi. 1127 00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:50,160 OK, who here... Who here noticed that was an Audi? 1128 00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:52,160 ALL: Yes! 1129 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:55,480 Yeah, so everybody noticed that because it was obvious. 1130 00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:57,480 I tell you what, why don't you explain to everyone 1131 00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:00,520 how magicians cut a lady in half in a box? 1132 00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:03,160 -I don't know how that's done. -Exactly, cos it's magic! 1133 00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:05,920 People don't want to know how it's done. 1134 00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:08,080 And nobody wanted to know how I had made my film. 1135 00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:10,640 And you told them, and now you've spoiled everybody's year. 1136 00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,800 -Year? -And on that terrible disappointment, 1137 00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:14,240 it is time to end this time. 1138 00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:15,640 Thank you so much for watching. 1139 00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:16,800 I'm sorry about these two. 1140 00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:17,960 See you next time. Goodbye. 1141 00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:20,760 (CHEERING)