1 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,440 Thank you! 2 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,240 Hello! Hello! 3 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,360 -Thank you. -Hello! 4 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,040 Thank you, thank you, thank you! 5 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,800 Thanks, everybody, and welcome! 6 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,200 And in today's show... 7 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:22,120 Richard chooses his favourite waterfall. 8 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,000 I like that big one. 9 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:28,960 ...James waters a stranger's barbecue... 10 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,800 ...and I put some dust on a girl. 11 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,680 All that is to come, but we start with McLaren. 12 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,880 They have replaced the 650 with a new car 13 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:46,160 which is fast around the corners and faster in a straight line. 14 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:50,680 Plainly, then, the only one of us three qualified to drive such a thing 15 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:54,480 is Richard "Whoops, I've Done It Again" Hammond. 16 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:04,480 RICHARD: While the outgoing car may have been great to drive, 17 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:09,200 it was never what you'd call beautiful, or even very exciting to look at, 18 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,920 but its replacement, well that's a different matter. 19 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:19,040 It's called the 720S, and from any angle 20 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,640 and in every detail, it's simply sensational. 21 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:31,160 Right down to the engine bay that glows red when you unlock the doors. 22 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,600 Yup, on the head-turn-o-meter 23 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:41,280 this thing definitely matches the Ferrari 488 24 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,240 and the Lamborghini Huracán. 25 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,800 And then when we move onto the business of speed and power, 26 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,760 it actually beats them. 27 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,720 Nought to 60 takes just 2.8 seconds. 28 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:05,080 Top speed is 212 miles an hour. 29 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:11,080 Both those numbers walloping the efforts of the Italians. 30 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,840 Everything is bigger in this car. 31 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,600 Even the price, £208,000. 32 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:21,800 Oh, wait, that's not a good point, is it? No, that's a... Never mind. Whatever. 33 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:25,320 The horsepower is... Well, it's ridiculous is what it is. 34 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:32,000 This four-litre V8 with its twin-turbos produces 710 of them. 35 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,640 To put that into context, the actual mechanical engine in a McLaren P1 36 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,080 without all the hybrid battery boost 37 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,360 produces just 17 horsepower more. 38 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,680 The net result of that is... 39 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,760 ...staggering! 40 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,240 Ooh, that is fast. 41 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,680 However, although they've gone nuts with the styling and the engine, 42 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,960 the 720 is still very much a McLaren. 43 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,400 By that, I mean it's been made 44 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,600 by the ultimate tech nerds from the Kingdom of Geeks. 45 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,080 Let me put it this way. 46 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,120 This is, like I say, the replacement 47 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,160 for the McLaren 650S. 48 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,880 If you ask a McLaren technician, so how much of this car is new then, 49 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:25,160 they will tell you 91%. 50 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,200 Not, "nearly all of it, mate," 51 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,240 or "about 90%". 52 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:30,920 91%. 53 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,760 James May applied for a job at McLaren 54 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,880 but they turned him down for being too slapdash. 55 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,280 And this incredible geekery has paid dividends. 56 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:48,600 For example, one of the reasons the 720 looks so pretty 57 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,200 is because it's the only mid-engine super car 58 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:55,480 without massive gaping intakes behind the doors. 59 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,760 Instead, McLaren created subtle channels 60 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:04,400 along the bodywork to feed air into the engine bay. 61 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:09,960 More nerd stuff. The old car, the 650, had a carbon fibre tub that came up to here. 62 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:15,440 On the 720, all of this, all of that down the centre, everything, is carbon fibre. 63 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,640 That means these carbon windscreen pillars can be very thin, 64 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,760 which makes it easier to see out, and it's light. 65 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,120 Overall, they've lost about 18 kilograms up here. 66 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,440 That means the centre of gravity is lower, which is good. 67 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,120 Then there's the computer-controlled suspension, 68 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:38,040 which is even more advanced than the system on the P1. 69 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:42,360 It makes the ride on this 700-horsepower hardcore supercar 70 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:46,480 as comfortable as a nice sit down. 71 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:50,760 The question is, what does all that comfortableness mean for the handling? 72 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:57,080 Here we go. Track mode... active. 73 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:02,920 Haw! I like that. I do like that. 74 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,480 Right! Um, well, carry on! 75 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,760 Oh, my God! 76 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,080 This is breath-taking! 77 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,320 The new chassis control system on this, 78 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:28,000 based on the work of proper pointy-heads in Cambridge, 79 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:31,480 it's all about maintaining the biggest possible contact patch 80 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,440 between the tyres and the tarmac. 81 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,320 God! It's the grip! It's staggering! 82 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,560 It feels like a four-wheel drive. 83 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,560 But if you do want things to get a little more lairy, 84 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,120 simply dive into the computers and activate 85 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:57,320 Variable Drift Control. It lets you select the angle of dangle through your drift 86 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,480 by varying the amount of traction control. 87 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,720 I think we'll go for all of it, lots of drift available. 88 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,640 Yeah, maybe less than that, I think. 89 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,760 I think I'm gonna have 38%. 90 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,000 38.5. This is a McLaren. Accuracy. 91 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,960 And that seemed to do the trick. 92 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:28,960 Yes! 93 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,200 Yes! Working! That's it! 94 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,360 I know my setting on a McLaren's Variable Drift Control. 95 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,920 Unleash the beast! 96 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,680 And when you've finished your slide fest... 97 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,960 ...you can switch back to comfort mode, 98 00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,640 and settle down for a relaxing cruise. 99 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,080 That's the thing that stands out about this car, 100 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,560 it's everything in one. You want speed, you get speed. 101 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,280 You want comfort, you get comfort. 102 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,760 You wanna lose tyre rubber, help yourself. 103 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,640 You want boot space, there's plenty. 104 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,120 But the thing I keep coming back to is those looks. 105 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,680 Because at last, McLaren's technical perfection 106 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,320 has been clothed in a way that does justice 107 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,200 to the fizzing brilliance underneath. 108 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,320 God, I'm falling in love a bit here. 109 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,000 Actually, no, I'll go further, I'm in love. This is utterly brilliant. 110 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,840 No, you're wrong. Well, no, I drove that car, 111 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:56,640 not that one, but I drove a 720 a couple of weeks ago and I didn't love it. 112 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,200 Are you just being obtuse because I did? 113 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,360 No, no, honestly. I didn't like the brake pedal. 114 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,160 -No. 115 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,280 -No. -Was it round and in front of you? 116 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:13,280 No! Listen! The problem was - imagine a volume knob on a stereo 117 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:17,040 where the volume doesn't start till you get to six. 118 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,040 So you push and then it all happens. 119 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,040 You wouldn't have noticed it on the track, 120 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,360 but on the road it was almost impossible to drive smoothly. 121 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,240 It drove me mad. Nearly as mad as the seat controls. 122 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,120 What was wrong with those, then? 123 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,960 They were really complicated. 124 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,640 I should explain, by the way, that this is a man 125 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,880 who a couple of days ago summoned a woman from the other side of London 126 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,720 to help him send a tweet. 127 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,760 -Yeah, he did! -No. 128 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,120 -It was a complicated tweet. -No, it wasn't complicated. 129 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,960 -Did you try the seat control? -Can I say, actually, yes. 130 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,600 And I agree with you, there's no sense to it. 131 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,880 There's no sense to all this. You can't recline. 132 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,880 You can't make them do what you want. 133 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,760 Anyway, let's forget the seat controls and let's forget the brake pedal 134 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:58,640 and let's find out how fast the 720 goes round the Eboladrome. 135 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,040 -With someone who can adjust the seat. -Yes. 136 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,400 Right, let's do this. 137 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:09,680 JEREMY: And she's off. Short-shifting away from the line to manage the traction 138 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,760 and immediately onto the Isn't. 139 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,120 Total focus there. 140 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:18,840 A deliberately wide line round the first corner, 141 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:23,480 working the tyres hard on this cold, tricky track. 142 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,640 Flying down to Your Name Here. 143 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:28,360 -God, that thing sounds good. 144 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,040 -Ooh, getting a bit of tyre squeal there. 145 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,200 And then hammer down up the hill and back onto the Isn't. 146 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,800 This is so quick. 147 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:44,160 A dab of brakes. Down the box to keep the fire lit. 148 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,520 Now up to the slow and technical Old Lady's House. 149 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,200 Avoiding any understeer there. 150 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:53,440 Interesting, she's got the car in track mode but the dash is in full screen. 151 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:57,640 Clearly that's what proper drivers prefer. 152 00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:01,360 Even with the air brake up, clearly needs some managing under braking. 153 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,120 Just the last corner to go now. 154 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,440 Slices through there and across the line! 155 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,040 It looked good. It looks fast. 156 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,480 Right, let's see where it goes on the leader board. 157 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,800 Here we go, up it goes. Quicker than the GTR. 158 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,040 Ooh! Now, that's quite interesting, isn't it, 159 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,920 because what we've deduced from that is the car you loved 160 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:31,040 is no faster than the car it has replaced. 161 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,240 Yeah, yeah. That is a bit weird. The only thing I can think of 162 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,400 is the 650 was on Super Trofeo tyres which are super sticky, wasn't it? 163 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:41,160 And that 720 was on normal road tyres. It makes a difference. 164 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,000 -That is actually quite a good explanation. -Thank you. 165 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,440 Well it's either that or it's no better. 166 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,840 Anyway, shut up, because now it's time for us 167 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:54,160 to plant a sapling of chat on Conversation Street. 168 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:05,040 And it is an unusual Conversation Street this week. 169 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:09,400 Because it's the end of the year we're doing our awards, OK, 170 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,200 or as we call them, the Nigels. 171 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,440 We start actually with, well, we're calling it 172 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:20,920 the Nissan Juke Award for the Worst Car of the Year. 173 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,840 Nominations are, the Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV. 174 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,880 Why is that on the list? 175 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,320 Well, many, many reasons, actually, chief among which 176 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,040 is the way it beeps as you're driving along for no reason. 177 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:33,720 You just go along and it goes "beep". 178 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,440 -Ah. -Nothing's happened, it's just beeping. 179 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,840 -Maybe it's just bored. -I'd be bored if I was a PHEV, but anyway. 180 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,360 Other nominations include the Mini Countryman 181 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,160 and the Renault Kadjar. 182 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,600 And the winner is... 183 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,360 It's the Nissan Juke! 184 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,160 There you go! 185 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,720 -A deserved award. -Oh, yeah, it is. 186 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:05,720 The judges were particularly impressed with its consistent awfulness. 187 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:09,240 It was awful when it was first launched seven years ago 188 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,440 and it continues to be awful to this day. Well done, the Nissan Juke. 189 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,440 Do you know what that car is? It's a wacky vicar. 190 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,880 It's more like the sort of vicar that will go, 191 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:22,400 "I've just been on My Face, and do you know who else was there? Jesus!" 192 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,320 -Yeah. -That's what it is. 193 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,240 Next it is the Hard Ass To Follow Nigel. 194 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,400 This is given to the car with the worst-looking rear end. 195 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:36,320 The nominations are the Honda Civic Type R. 196 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,360 -Oh, I like that. -No, you're wrong. 197 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,520 That is well wrong. It's just a car they wouldn't stop designing. 198 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,200 Look how many spoilers they put there. 199 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,560 "We'll have one here and one here and one there and there, 200 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,560 and we'll have the one exhaust, two exhausts, three..." 201 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,800 It's a bit like your jacket. They just didn't know when to stop adding bits, 202 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:54,600 unnecessary, pointless, stupid things to it. 203 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,440 I might be in with a shout. 204 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:59,760 The next nomination is the Toyota C-HR. 205 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:05,000 A car styled by nine people who'd fallen out at a wedding. 206 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:09,440 But the winner of the Hard Ass To Follow Nigel is... 207 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,640 Ooh! It's the Land Rover Discovery! 208 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,680 Look at that! 209 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,720 I think the problem is the designer Gerry McGovern... 210 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,520 Can we get a picture of him here? 211 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,520 And this is his dog. 212 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,720 -This is where he lives. -It all makes sense. 213 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,760 So it's only natural his car should look like that. 214 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,600 It's just all hunched up. Now we have a special award. 215 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,760 It goes to a car that you like but you know you shouldn't 216 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,080 cos it would be a bit embarrassing. 217 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,920 We're calling it the "You Would But You Know You Shouldn't" Award. 218 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,760 Sarah Palin. 219 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:51,640 Oh, yeah! 220 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:56,760 It is the new - next year's one, actually - Corvette ZR1. 221 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,560 RICHARD: That is... 222 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,280 That fits the bill perfectly. 223 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,400 That is exactly right, because you would buy one cos, "Wow!" 224 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:11,800 And then the next morning you'd wake up and think, "What have I done?" 225 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,680 We're moving on now to the Lack of Continuity Award. 226 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,720 Nobody's gonna beat me on that. 227 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,960 You were nominated for your mid-season haircut, that's true, 228 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,360 but you were beaten by Richard Hammond! 229 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,520 Hold on. Why was he beaten by me? 230 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,560 Well... 231 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,320 I would invite you all now to pay careful attention to... 232 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:33,640 well, actually a clip from the McLaren film that you saw earlier. 233 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:37,200 This was an early edit, OK. See if you can spot something wrong here. 234 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,800 On the head-turn-o-meter this thing definitely matches 235 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:44,040 the Ferrari 488 and the Lamborghini Huracán. 236 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:49,760 And then when we move onto the subject of power and speed it actually beats them. 237 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,840 -A deserving winner. -You switched to a completely different car. 238 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,000 Yeah. 239 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,640 Which brings us on to the next award... 240 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,960 -Oh, no. -Yes, you'll like this. 241 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:08,320 It's for Accidentally Filling Up the Petrol Tank of a Supercar With Water Award. 242 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,360 Oh, God. 243 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:16,520 How in the name of all that's holy did you do that? 244 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,880 -Well, it's interesting... 245 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,080 It was running low on fuel at the track, 246 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,200 and rather than take it off to a petrol station which is miles away, 247 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,360 I filled it from one of the jerry cans. 248 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,200 -Yes. 249 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,080 -No. 250 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,400 -When the tea started tasting funny, I suppose? 251 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,720 It's, it's... 252 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,560 It was when the engine sort of let go. 253 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,840 How many supercars have you destroyed this year, Hammond? 254 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,440 Two. 255 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,000 Two? How many have you driven? 256 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,040 Two. 257 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:57,320 Well, anyway, I'd like to present you with your Nigel for Appalling Continuity. 258 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,360 -There you are. -Thank you. 259 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,360 -Richard Hammond. -Thank you very much. 260 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:09,520 That concludes the awards and that concludes Conversation Street for this week. 261 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:14,160 Moving on. After every single film we ever show on The Grand Tour 262 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,920 we always get a load of messages from people on social media... 263 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,760 I say "people", I mean teenagers, 264 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,040 saying that they didn't like the film 265 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,600 cos it was too scripted, too faked and too set-up. 266 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,480 Yeah. I've got one of them here. 267 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,800 It's from Monaro Boy 4541 268 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,320 who says, "I hated that thing you did in Morocco 269 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:37,680 because it was too scripted. Why can't you do stuff like you did in Portugal? 270 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:41,120 Which I also hated because it was too set-up." 271 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,720 Yes, so we decided to make a completely unplanned film. 272 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,840 No scouts going ahead to find locations, 273 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,280 no pre-scripted exchanges between us, 274 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,680 no set-up explosions. 275 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:57,280 No. All we agreed on was that we should do whatever it was we were going to do... 276 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,080 in Croatia. 277 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,240 We chose to meet in the town of Zadar, 278 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,680 next to its famous sea organ. 279 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,960 Not realising that this wave-powered machine 280 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,320 makes a terribly annoying noise. 281 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,920 But I ploughed on regardless. 282 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,960 This is an Audi TT RS. 283 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,440 Four-wheel drive, five-cylinder, turbo-charged, 284 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,080 two-and-a-half-litre engine, 285 00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:32,520 nought to 60, three and a half seconds. 286 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,600 Really you can think of it as a Nissan GTR 287 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,200 in a Bauhaus baby-gro suit... 288 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,480 No, that doesn't work, hang on. 289 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,560 Sorry, I normally think... 290 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,440 I normally think of this before I get here. Hang on. It's a... 291 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,200 It's a GTR... 292 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,120 with a well-groomed scrotum? No, that's... 293 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:59,040 Before I'd had chance to come up with the right words... 294 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:03,000 ...Richard Hammond arrived in an Ariel Nomad. 295 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,840 This is an Ariel Nomad. 296 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,640 I know, I've already said that in voice-over. 297 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,480 Why didn't you bring a Porsche? 298 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,200 You could have brought that Porsche... 299 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,240 What is it 300 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,960 No, the one that was the Cockster that is now the 97 one? 301 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,440 -Yes, that. Why didn't you bring that? 302 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,480 Because I brought this. 303 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,160 Nobody's gonna say, "Shall I buy an Audi or some scaffolding?" 304 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,880 I grant you, it's... No, because they're both... 305 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,960 Are they the same price? No. Do they have the same performance? No. 306 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,000 Are they for the same thing? No. 307 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:38,280 As we argued about our mismatched cars, James arrived... 308 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,880 ...in an even more mismatched Lada Riva. 309 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,600 Well, that's not gonna work, is it? I mean... 310 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,760 This is...a Lada Riva. 311 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,800 We know. We've already said. 312 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,800 -I'm talking to the viewers. -Yeah, but they already know, don't they? 313 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,440 -I said it in voice-over. -You haven't said voice-over yet. 314 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:59,120 Yeah, he's done voice-over. He said mine in voice-over as well. 315 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:03,400 This is whatever Jeremy said it was. And I paid just £800, 316 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:07,000 which leaves me £1,200 for the all-important modifications. 317 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,040 -And that is plenty. 318 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,240 What modifications? 319 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,600 The modifications to turn them into fire engines. 320 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,000 We're gonna turn them into fire engines. 321 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,240 Who said anything about turning... 322 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,040 Turn your car into a fire engine using the money you haven't spent 323 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:19,520 out of the budget on the car. I've spent £800. 324 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,560 Well, I just borrowed that from Audi. 325 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,440 I made a phone call. "Can I borrow a Nomad?" 326 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,920 If you don't turn it into a fire engine, you won't win the competition. 327 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,880 -I'm not in the competition. -You are in the competition! 328 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,520 James, we have tried time and again to think of a way 329 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,120 to turn something into an amusing fire engine. It can't be done. 330 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,160 The fire engine already exists. It's brilliant. 331 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,680 It's already more compact than you'd expect, 332 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:43,240 faster than you'd expect, you can fit the firemen in it, and the water. 333 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,720 -And they work very well. -Exactly. That's the challenge. 334 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,960 You're only saying you're not gonna turn that into a fire engine 335 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,520 -because it's an air hostess car. -It is not. 336 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:51,560 Have you checked the boot to make sure the luggage 337 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,080 hasn't moved during the journey? 338 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:57,480 JEREMY: Then our unscripted film got even more unscripted. 339 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,200 MAN: Can I have a selfie? 340 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,240 -Um, well... -OK. 341 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,720 That's really up to you if it's a selfie! I mean... 342 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,880 If I do it, I'll get us all in. I'm better at this. 343 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,920 -I can get everybody in. 344 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,880 -There you go. -Brill. 345 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:16,000 Come on, let's do whatever we're doing. Doors to manual. 346 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,800 -Cross check. -OK. 347 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,720 No air hostess jokes. 348 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,480 Well, let's just go. This is the point at which we set off. 349 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,440 We always do that. Chat, chat... 350 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,640 There'll be a line of voice-over. I'll put some voice-over in that says... 351 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,360 Hang on. It'll say, 352 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,360 "Since we weren't able to decide what we were doing, 353 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,480 -we all went in different directions." -OK. 354 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:43,200 Since we weren't able to decide what we were doing, 355 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,000 we all went in different directions. 356 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,760 If he'd thought about it in advance, 357 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:56,560 Richard would have found a quarry in which he could test his action-lifestyle Nomad. 358 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,200 But he hadn't. So... 359 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,680 Yeah, we've... 360 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,840 I don't feel I'm exploring the outer reaches of this car's potential 361 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,880 in this traffic. 362 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,320 JEREMY: Because I had satnav, I fared better. 363 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,760 And found the perfect road 364 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:26,200 to open the taps in this brilliant little TT. 365 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:33,800 Oh! 366 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:41,240 The engine in this car is an absolute masterpiece. 367 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,760 You've got as near as makes no difference 368 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,640 400 horsepower. 369 00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:01,960 And then there's that sort of deep bass drum of torque all the time. 370 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,760 And listen to the noise it makes. It sounds like... 371 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,080 It sounds like... 372 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:18,120 um...what does it sound... It sounds like... 373 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:22,520 It's like... It sounds like a bear that's trodden on a plug? 374 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,080 No, a bear would go "ow", wouldn't it? 375 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,440 Soon I'd got it worked out. 376 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,000 Oh! Listen to that. 377 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,120 It sounds like a happy hippopotamus. 378 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,600 Now you would imagine that putting 379 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,400 this much power and this much torque in an Audi... 380 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,120 RICHARD: Hey, Jeremy, do you have to put your phone in flight mode 381 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,160 when you drive one of those? 382 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,560 Bob the Builder appears to be here in his scaffolding. Anyway, as I was... 383 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:03,280 Would you mind checking round your feet to make sure there's nothing on the floor? 384 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,640 As I was saying, you would imagine... 385 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,560 Have you folded your tray table away ready for when you stop? 386 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:13,960 You would imagine that putting this much power and this much torque in a TT 387 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,520 would make it wayward and out of control, but no... 388 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,080 Have you pointed out the lavatories? 389 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:25,120 There's nothing for it, I'm gonna have to lose him, get out of radio range. 390 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:30,200 Right, Hammond, goodbye, I'm losing you now. 391 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:33,160 He probably thinks this is just a dune buggy with a number plate 392 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,080 that's no good on the road. 393 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:38,200 I shall now prove that he's wrong. 394 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,520 Charge! 395 00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:47,880 Well, it looks like we've got ourselves an unscripted race here. 396 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,880 Ha-ha-ha. Oh. Oh. 397 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,680 Hang on a minute, wait. 398 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,560 Oh... 399 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,800 What? 400 00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:59,600 Where's the road gone? 401 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,200 If we'd sent scouts out last week to check it out like we usually do, 402 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,440 we'd have known about this and we wouldn't have done it. 403 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,280 -But we didn't. -No. 404 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,320 -So we didn't. -No. 405 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:22,240 But the fact is, I really want to show you how fast this is. 406 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,120 I-I'd like to see it in my mirror, 407 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,800 but there's just one other thing before we do that. 408 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,480 -I'd really like a jumper. 409 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,840 So, the situation is, we're gonna have a race 410 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,920 after we've bought him a jumper. 411 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,800 -Yeah. Ideally... -And while we're doing that, 412 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,440 I should imagine in the edit they'll cut back to James in his stupid Lada. 413 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,800 Yeah. 414 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,640 JAMES: While those two were bumbling about, I'd found a workshop... 415 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,240 Good. 416 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,560 ...and some health and safety-obsessed locals... 417 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:04,960 ...so I could convert my Lada into a fire engine. Oh, yes! 418 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,360 JEREMY: Meanwhile, back in the 21st century, 419 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,920 Hammond had bought his jumper 420 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,520 and we were looking for somewhere to have our drag race. 421 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,560 It's a dual carriageway. 422 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,640 No, it's got buses on it. 423 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,160 We can't race where there's buses. 424 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,640 And there was another problem as well. 425 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,000 It was obviously a slow news week in Croatia, 426 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:31,800 so we were being followed everywhere by the paparazzi, and TV crews. 427 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,840 JEREMY: We can't do it here. Everybody is filming us. 428 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:42,400 RICHARD: This is impossible. How are you supposed to have a bloody race? 429 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,200 Hammond, just pull over here. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 430 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,320 Three, two, one, go. 431 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,960 Stop, stop. Abort, abort. He's paparazzi. 432 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,440 We can't do it here. It will be in the Daily Mail. 433 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,960 Luckily though, Hammond then had a sudden burst of intelligence. 434 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,000 RICHARD: Look, there's an airport sign. 435 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,320 Oh, yes. Well spotted, Mr Hammond. 436 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:11,800 Well, that's where we always have drag races, isn't it? 437 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,120 Business as usual. 438 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,880 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 439 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,320 However... 440 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,680 RICHARD: There's a man with a... This is like a news crew here. 441 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:22,800 -Hello. 442 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,960 -We're just having a drive. -Don't tell them we're doing a drag race. 443 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,360 You just said that on the radio! 444 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,040 -Hello. -Hello. Are you having a nice time? 445 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,960 Very nice, thank you. Look. So you can't be cross with me. 446 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,600 -Absolutely, yes. 447 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,640 So, we're...we're just having a drive around. 448 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,680 Thanks. 449 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,480 Yeah. 450 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,280 Right, runway's there. Jeremy's gone in to ask permission. 451 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,560 Drag race, humiliation, end of, move on. 452 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,800 RICHARD: Ah, nobody in? 453 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,720 JEREMY: No. He says it's a commercial airport, 454 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,680 they're not gonna suspend flight operations for us to do a drag race. 455 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,600 -I mean he has got a point. -Yeah, I suppose so, but... 456 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,240 Well... 457 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,760 He also said if we had rung a couple of weeks ago, 458 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,760 he might have been able to sort something out. 459 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,800 -There's a reason why we do that. -Exactly! 460 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,720 Here's how I'd sum up unscripted television. 461 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:22,120 You could sit and film a waste disposal unit all day long and every day long 462 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,800 and transmit the pictures, hoping that one day a cat will fall into it, 463 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:29,040 or you could actually push a cat into it and get it over with. 464 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:39,680 Whilst James continued with his stupid fire engine conversion, 465 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,280 Richard and I drove about until eventually... 466 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,200 ...we found an abandoned runway. 467 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,920 -Right, ready! -Do the tension thing before the race. 468 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,640 Oh, OK. 469 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,440 Rev the engine. 470 00:28:56,840 --> 00:29:00,440 RICHARD: Yeah, he's got 400 brake horsepower but his car is heavy. 471 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,280 This only has 290 brake horsepower 472 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,320 but it only weighs 670 kilos. 473 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:09,600 So in actual fact this has 400 brake horsepower per ton. 474 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,400 That doesn't. 475 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,320 Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, Hammond? 476 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,400 How are we going to start it? 477 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,680 Normally we have a production member with a chequered flag. We haven't got that. 478 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,560 We'll start it on the radio. That's what we'll do, we'll start it on the radio. 479 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,320 I'll do it, OK? No, wait a minute, hang on. 480 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,120 No, I can't do it, I've got launch control, I need both hands. 481 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,760 I can't do it, I have to put the radio away 482 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,040 before I set off. I've got nowhere to put it. 483 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,280 Shall we...why don't we just get a local person? 484 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,000 Yeah, that's not difficult, for somebody just to wave a flag. Yes. 485 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,800 Right, we'll cut back to James 486 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:51,520 and then when we get back we'll have a local person. 487 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,440 JAMES: With Hammond and Clarkson's camera crew 488 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,520 looking for a local person to start their pointless race, 489 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,280 I was finally in business. 490 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:08,360 So, here we are. Just a few hours and exactly £1,200 later, my fire engine. 491 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,120 My colleagues have been very quick to point out 492 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,080 that the fire engine as a concept is very well established, 493 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,600 but this is something different. You don't call the fire brigade. 494 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:24,360 I patrol in your area and you summon me if you need a fire putting out. 495 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,520 Like an ice-cream van. And to that end I have a siren. 496 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,560 ♪ Pop Goes The Weasel 497 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,040 There is a large range of fire-fighting accoutrements on board. 498 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:39,800 There are various hoses. We've got CO2 for electrical fires, fire blankets, sand. 499 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:43,800 There's a water cannon here. See, if I just turn on that pump, 500 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:48,720 steer with my knees, and put on the windscreen wipers, 501 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,400 and extinguish the fire. There you go. 502 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,920 And a lot of it comes through the window and it... Jeez. 503 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:56,760 Yeah, it's quite... I may have made it 504 00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:58,760 a bit more complicated than it needs to be. 505 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,840 All I needed now was a fire to put out. 506 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:05,760 And since this was an unscripted film, it had to be a real one. 507 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:11,400 I'm going to put my light on, and my siren, just in case anybody needs me. 508 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,280 ♪ Pop Goes The Weasel 509 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,560 JEREMY: As Mr Softee continued to drive round 510 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,520 looking for an unscripted fire, 511 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:25,520 our camera crew had found a typical Croatian to start our race. 512 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,480 It didn't work, we didn't go anywhere. 513 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,720 Um, oh, yeah. 514 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:50,600 I-I dunno where I was. My mind was elsewhere. 515 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,800 I've had another idea. Why don't we use her as the finish line 516 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,520 and then get, I don't know, a sound recordist to do the start? 517 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,840 RICHARD: Yeah. That works. 518 00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,120 OK, problem sorted. We have our starter. 519 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,240 We've lost the distraction, in quite a big way, actually. 520 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,680 Three, two, one, go! 521 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,960 I just cooked my clutch. 522 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:28,680 Ah. 523 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:35,680 That is one hell of a finishing line. 524 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:39,000 Back at the start line, the news was bleak. 525 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,040 I think I've broken that drive shaft end. 526 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,600 As spare parts had to be sourced, 527 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:49,160 I decided to take the finishing line for a spin, in my functioning Audi. 528 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,320 -Woo-hoo! 529 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,080 I need to go to feed my pet. 530 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,120 She's got to go and feed her cat. 531 00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,600 Right. You go off with the old man, I'll fix the car. 532 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,920 JAMES: Fire service is now available in your area. 533 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,000 JEREMY: Back in town, Fireman May 534 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,760 still hadn't found anything to put out. 535 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,800 A kiosk, not on fire. 536 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:19,360 Ice-cream shop, not on fire. People with shopping, not on fire. 537 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:24,080 Are you having a fire? Your last chance to summon 538 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:28,440 the local fire brigade if your mobile phone is ablaze. 539 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,880 JEREMY: James eventually realised that in an unscripted world 540 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:36,480 he wasn't going to find a fire. So he deployed his acting. 541 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:42,120 Wait! Smoke! It looks as if somebody's bin's caught fire. 542 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:43,920 Not to worry, I can deal with that. 543 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:03,480 RICHARD: Several hours later, with my car fixed, 544 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,480 we were finally ready for our showdown. 545 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,800 -Let's do it, then. -OK, let's do this. 546 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:10,600 Let's sort this out. 547 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,680 Three, two, one! 548 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,120 Come on, baby, come on! 549 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,080 Oh-ho-ho! 550 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,160 No! Where's he come from? Oh, no! 551 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,520 What's that? 552 00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:00,240 Since when did a finishing line have an opinion on a result? 553 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,440 I'm better than him. 554 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,000 I don't know why you're applauding, I really don't, 555 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,600 because there you are, Monaro Boy, 556 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,800 that is what unscripted television looks like. 557 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,840 You've got 17 minutes of film there. 558 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,040 All we did was buy a jumper - which was actually a sweatshirt - 559 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:25,080 -It was. -and have a ten-second drag race. That's all we did. 560 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,280 Hang on a minute. I built a fire engine. 561 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,120 Yeah, but it wasn't a very good fire engine. 562 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,360 -Yes, it was. -I'm sorry, James, 563 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,640 but your water cannon would only be any use 564 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,440 at putting out a fire if the fire were on your windscreen wipers. 565 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,600 Anything further away than that would be hopeless. 566 00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,760 -I put out that bin fire. -Yeah, the bin fire that you started. 567 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:44,440 I did not start it. 568 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,000 -Yes, you did. -I might have done a bit. 569 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:50,640 You did a lot. Anyway, listen, we'll pick that up later on. 570 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:53,160 Now, though, it's time for Celebrity Face Off. 571 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:08,440 And once again we're asking an important question. 572 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,240 Who is the fastest classical singer in the world 573 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,720 who has an interesting connection to the British motor industry? 574 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,680 Many, many people we could have gone to for this one, 575 00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:19,880 but in the end we selected two. 576 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,320 And they are, and would you please welcome them now, 577 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,400 Michael Ball and Alfie Boe! 578 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,520 Gentry men. 579 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,560 Thank you very much. 580 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:37,880 How are you? Have a seat. You can go in either way. 581 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,720 Both British this week. 582 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,840 Welcome gentlemen, welcome, welcome. 583 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,840 Now, I've just described you as classical singers 584 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,200 but actually that's not strictly true, is it? You're not... 585 00:36:47,240 --> 00:36:49,760 -Well, it is for me. He's... -I'm not. 586 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,720 But classical music, how was it described in that movie In The Loop? 587 00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:56,080 It was all vowels? Which it is, "aa-ee-aa-uu-uu". Nobody likes classical music. 588 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,400 Do you wanna come on tour? 589 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,480 Whatever your music is, however, it is unbelievably popular. 590 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,400 Last Christmas you were number one, with your joint album, 591 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:12,600 and that kept The Stones and Little Mix, whoever the hell they are, 592 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,560 off the number one, and then this year, 593 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:17,200 your album's keeping, who is it, the Stereophonics? 594 00:37:17,240 --> 00:37:19,240 Yeah, we went to number one again. 595 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,800 And it's still... it's doing all right. 596 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,840 Cos I was looking... I was thinking, so what sort of music is it? 597 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,400 And I was looking on YouTube, at clips of you two singing. 598 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,120 The audience is quite...old. 599 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,200 Those are Michael's fans. 600 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:36,560 Are they Michael's fans? They're the ones that... Do they smell of urine? 601 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:39,920 -No! 602 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,800 OK, we were just waiting, they were... 603 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,680 One of your audience said that 604 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:47,560 they'd bought our album, so there is someone here who has our album. 605 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:50,960 Well, "she", there's a surprise. 606 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,320 -She's now denying it. 607 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,800 Yeah, she's denying it. She's surrounded by a load of bikers, that's why! 608 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,640 We've got to get onto these connections with the motor industry 609 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,280 cos that's what people are interested in here, 610 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,240 which is a genuinely fascinating thing that we've managed to find with you two. 611 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,760 -We'll start with you if we may. -Sure. 612 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,880 Michael, your dad was world sales chief for British Leyland. 613 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:16,160 That's where he ended. He started off as an Austin apprentice back in the '50s 614 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,560 and eventually ended up as world sales chief at BL 615 00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,280 under Michael Edwardes and the whole Red Robbo scenario, 616 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,160 and when they actually went bust. So... 617 00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:29,360 So you grew up in a British Leyland household? 618 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,480 -Totally, yeah. -So how did you ever get to school? 619 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,400 We did have some dogs. We even had some... 620 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,400 Well, did they make anything that wasn't a dog? 621 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,600 No. 622 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,360 My favourite one had to be the Allegro Equipe. 623 00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,880 The ugliest car, with the "Go Faster" stripe. 624 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:51,520 Yellow and brown "Go Faster' stripe". 625 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,200 And matching nylon interior. 626 00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:56,120 Didn't your dad progress up to things like E-Types and what have you? 627 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,160 Yeah, yeah. I remember him crashing the E-Type. 628 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,440 Taking me to school, funnily enough. Third day he had it 629 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,320 and someone into the back of him, 630 00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:07,040 he went into the back of, well, underneath a lorry. 631 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,440 There's a lot of nose to go under a lorry, let's be honest, with an E. 632 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,440 The fascinating thing is he launched the Mini. 633 00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,800 He was the guy, he was given a 500-quid budget. 634 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,400 He was taken in by Issigonis and all of them, they said, 635 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:21,040 "This is the car, we want to make some headlines. Do a thing with it." 636 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:24,720 And he came up with this concept of "It's Magic" 637 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,160 and put on one of the first-ever car launches. 638 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,680 didn't he do the thing about how many things can you get in a Mini? 639 00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:32,760 That's right. That's absolutely right. 640 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,400 Which became a huge thing, for those of us old enough to remember, 641 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,120 they were always seeing what they could get in a Mini. 642 00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:38,640 800 Boy Scouts. 643 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,400 I'm gonna move it on, if I may, to, not your dad, but you... 644 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:47,760 actually worked on the shop floor at TVR? 645 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,000 I did. I started off... I was there for about two or three years. 646 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,440 There are some questions I've got about TVR, because I... 647 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,120 As I understand it, people who worked on the shop floor 648 00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,280 would often, before the cars were painted, 649 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,520 or underneath the carpets on the boot floor, leave rude messages. 650 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,000 -Yeah. 651 00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,440 Absolutely! There's a guy driving around in a TVR Griffith 652 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,000 with, on the bonnet, with a big penis shape on it. 653 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,400 -Underneath. 654 00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:14,800 Yeah. And there's a car door somewhere with "Alfie is a twat". 655 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,000 I think I've got that one! 656 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,240 They basically got some things right about TVR, so... 657 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,080 You always think, they couldn't possibly have done this? 658 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,880 If you've got a TVR and you lift up the carpet in the boot... 659 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,040 There'll be a message somewhere, yeah. 660 00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,360 Wasn't it a way of passing messages onto one another down... 661 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,160 Well, there wasn't really a production line, but... 662 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,240 Yeah, that was the, you know, the flatting shop would pass 663 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:42,760 a message down to the paint shop, and, yeah, usually rude and annoying, but, yeah. 664 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,840 Didn't they used to spray the backs of your heads? 665 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,800 Yeah, they'd come up to you and just straight across the back of your neck. 666 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,320 With the paint? Which was cyanide? Yeah, it was. 667 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:54,280 Cyanide-based paint, yeah! Yes! 668 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,040 I came out in a bit of a rash, but I'm all right now! 669 00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,160 Why did they use cyanide paint? 670 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,520 Just cos it was the metallic feel that they'd get from it. That real... 671 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,560 -Yeah. 672 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,240 So that must have hurt? Well, being sprayed in cyanide? 673 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:10,800 It did a little bit. It stung for a while. 674 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:14,400 The worst thing was being shoved through the powder coating room. That was... 675 00:41:16,720 --> 00:41:18,720 That really...that really got under your skin. 676 00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:20,960 That itched like crazy, that did. That was rough. 677 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,080 It's a wonder TVR went out of business, isn't it? 678 00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:25,800 It makes you wonder, "How did that happen?" 679 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,480 Cos they had the engine, presumably your dad's engines, weren't they? 680 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,080 Cos they were using the V8s from...Rover V8s? 681 00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:34,960 Yeah. They built this engine bay and they mounted this engine on a plinth 682 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,680 and then stuck the exhaust into this metal box, 683 00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:42,480 bricked around the metal box, fired it up on the first test of one of the engines, 684 00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:46,880 and they didn't turn the extractor fan on. 685 00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:48,600 Oh, God! 686 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:52,680 So this metal box was turning into this huge bomb, basically. 687 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:56,120 It backfired, lit up everything, bricks flying everywhere. 688 00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:59,800 All the paintwork, cars were smashed to pieces with bricks, 689 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:03,200 and the metalworking, the foreman came up and said, "What the wrong?" 690 00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:06,960 He said, "Just get on with it. Come on, clean up, we're all right." And that was it. 691 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,000 Was anyone ever killed there? 692 00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,200 Not as I... Oh, there was a guy, yeah. 693 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,040 Yeah, he... 694 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:22,160 I think... 695 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,200 -We're laughing. -Yeah, I know, it was crazy. 696 00:42:24,240 --> 00:42:27,480 Yeah. He did, he went in the spray booth without his mask on 697 00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:30,000 and just started spraying and keeled over and that was it. 698 00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,040 So he disposed of himself with cyanide? 699 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,520 Yeah. It was crazy. Well, the paint job was good. 700 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,920 He said, "Ooh, I've done it." 701 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,320 So how did you get from there to singing? 702 00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:44,080 Well, I was working in the factory and working on a Griffith 703 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:47,000 and I was polishing it away 704 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:50,800 and this guy was overhearing me singing along to the radio, 705 00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:52,800 and he said, you know, 706 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:56,120 "You've got a good voice, you should try out for this company in London." 707 00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:00,560 And I took the day off work, went down to London and... 708 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,600 sang for this company and got taken on. 709 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:07,280 Came back to TVR, handed in my notice, and my foreman went crazy. 710 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:10,440 He said, "What do you wanna go and do that for" 711 00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:14,240 He said, "Why do you wanna leave this job? You're on 60 quid a week." 712 00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,200 Well, there we are, then. 713 00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:20,080 Didn't you try to get Michael to give you a leg up in the music business? 714 00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:23,280 When I was at college, I stayed in the same area of London 715 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,240 that he was living at the time, I was renting a room, 716 00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:30,840 and I posted a note through his door to see if he'd give us a bit of advice and... 717 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:32,680 never heard a thing. 718 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,040 -See, you look nice. -Oh, I know. 719 00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:41,200 You have that nice-looking face, but actually there beats a cold heart. 720 00:43:41,240 --> 00:43:43,080 Oh, I'm a cold bastard. 721 00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,760 Absolutely. I mean, no, I still haven't given him any. 722 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,280 Could you remember it? You don't remember the postcard? 723 00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,440 -No! 724 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,920 -Yeah, it did. 725 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:57,360 Probably! When I didn't hear anything from him, you know. It's the only way forward. 726 00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,960 So, anyway, you're here, in the depths of the English countryside, 727 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,640 and how did it go on the track? 728 00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:05,480 I'm dreading this. I'm so nervous. 729 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,000 Are you? I loved every second. 730 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:10,120 I was told there is quite a bit of needle between who is the fastest today? 731 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,520 BOTH: Yeah. 732 00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:14,760 And there's a big dinner riding on this. 733 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,000 -A really major dinner. -Who shall we go with first? 734 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,160 Let's have a look at... 735 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,400 -Michael's lap. -OK. 736 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:26,200 JEREMY: Here we are. And it's a smooth start. Up into second. 737 00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:29,400 -Pedal to the metal. -Well, pedal to the carpet. 738 00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:32,440 Now, I like to brake half way through this one. 739 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:34,240 And you do as well. 740 00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:37,560 I think it makes sense cos then you've got more speed going onto the tricky bit, 741 00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:39,280 which is coming up now, 742 00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,120 cos we've run out of money and there it is, the gravel. 743 00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:46,480 Really, keeping it quite tidy through there, 744 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,160 and tidy through there as well. 745 00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:51,680 Who the hell puts gravel on a race track? 746 00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:53,720 I told you, we haven't got the money. 747 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,360 Right, now, this is the... I can't remember what it's called. 748 00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,360 Gravelsel, that's what it is, 749 00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,680 Named after the Carousel of the Nürburgring. Onto difficult bit two. 750 00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:03,480 Is that any good? 751 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:04,880 -That's pretty good -It's quite slow. 752 00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:06,600 Cos sometimes if you keep it tidy 753 00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,920 and it looks slow, it's actually fast. 754 00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,960 That's a hard corner. Cos it always is more slippery than you think. 755 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,480 Right, now, smoothly onto the main stra... 756 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:18,520 Well, not smoothly, virtually stopping. 757 00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,480 I'm loving this! 758 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:23,360 Good. Now this is supposed to be flat but it's quite greasy today, 759 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:27,920 so you probably wouldn't be. You definitely aren't. 760 00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,600 Right, final corner coming up now... 761 00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:35,640 Ooh, more understeer, not as bad as last week. But there we are, across the line! 762 00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:39,880 -I mean... 763 00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:44,200 -I didn't crash. -You definitely didn't crash. 764 00:45:44,240 --> 00:45:46,280 Slow and steady wins the race. 765 00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:48,320 Or gets around. What's that? 766 00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:52,480 These are the times. But we're not gonna reveal them until we've had a look at 767 00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:56,400 Alfino, as we liked to call you all week, when you were coming off. 768 00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:58,880 Right, let's have a look at Alfie's lap. 769 00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:02,360 -Oh, fog's come down. MICHAEL: He gets special effects. 770 00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,360 Right, and he's disappeared. 771 00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:07,440 All right, Bally, I'm coming after you. 772 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,160 God, that really is a pea souper. Could you see all right? 773 00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,200 -No, it was... -Ooh, there's an excuse, Alfie. 774 00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:15,440 -You should say, "Yes, easily". -It was easy. I was fine. 775 00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:19,920 That's nice and smooth through there. Now, are you exuberant on the gravel? 776 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,480 Let's have a look, as we come up here. 777 00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,800 Ooh, that's wide! 778 00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:31,720 This gravel turn is as wide as Michael's vibrato. 779 00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:38,680 JEREMY: That traction control is really letting you have some angle there 780 00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:40,920 as we come now to Difficult Bit Two. 781 00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:44,680 Cutting that corner nicely, sliding wide on that one. 782 00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:47,800 Very different styles you two have got here. 783 00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:52,760 God, that really is fishtailing down there. Onto the tarmac once again. 784 00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:55,920 We'll ignore that. 785 00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:57,960 MICHAEL: That's illegal! 786 00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,160 You almost stopped as well. Now, here we go. 787 00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:03,160 Yay! 788 00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:06,080 JEREMY: I never would have had you as a swearist. Right, now... 789 00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,120 That seems fast but wide. 790 00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,560 Ooh, he's off, he's off! 791 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:14,200 No, he's back on. And stopping. Why? No, not... 792 00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:16,360 Virtually stopping. 793 00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,080 And then across the line. 794 00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:23,520 I actually don't like this bit, 795 00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:26,160 having to reveal the times to two people when it really matters. 796 00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,480 -Really matters. -It does. 797 00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:30,120 Anyway, I've got the times here. 798 00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:32,160 Are you nervous? I'm really nervous. 799 00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,400 I've shat myself. 800 00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,880 It smells like one of your audiences. 801 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,600 -I've gone again! -Right. 802 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,600 -Michael Ball. -Yes. 803 00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:54,920 You did it in one minute... 23.3. 804 00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,160 My heart is pounding. 805 00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:01,480 Alfie Boe. One minute... 806 00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:03,120 twenty... 807 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,560 ...four point four. 808 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,080 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 809 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:20,840 Too exuberant. 810 00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,880 I think, too exu... 811 00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:24,920 -You probably had more fun. -Yeah. 812 00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:29,000 But you were faster. By actually 1.1 seconds. 813 00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:30,760 1.1 seconds? 814 00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:33,600 -Yeah. Do you want me to say it again? 815 00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,240 It's not the winning, it's the taking part! 816 00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,440 So there we are, ladies and gentlemen, 817 00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,400 Alfie Boe and the fastest classical singer 818 00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,760 with a connection to the British motor industry, 819 00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:49,360 -Michael Ball! -Thank you! 820 00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:01,840 Now, this week we are in Croatia, 821 00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:04,960 making a totally unplanned and unscripted film 822 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,880 in which we attempt to turn cars into fire engines. 823 00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:09,920 No, James, we are not. 824 00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:12,800 Well, I am. Yes, but to be quite clear, 825 00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:16,000 Jeremy and I are doing something completely different. 826 00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:26,720 JEREMY: Having proved that my Audi 827 00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:30,800 was faster in a straight line than Richard's Honda-powered Nomad, 828 00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:36,040 I was now determined to show him it was also faster at rallying. 829 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:38,680 I'm confident for several reasons. 830 00:49:38,720 --> 00:49:42,560 It's got four-wheel drive, it's got a differential that moves the power 831 00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:46,600 to whichever wheel is best able to handle it at any given moment, 832 00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:48,760 and it has a fabulous gearbox. 833 00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:53,360 But most of all I'm confident because this is the first Audi I've ever driven 834 00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:56,280 that has a front on it. 835 00:49:56,320 --> 00:50:00,680 What I mean by that is it has a front end that goes where you point it. 836 00:50:00,720 --> 00:50:03,880 You flick the wheel and it goes in the direction you selected. 837 00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:07,320 There's no understeer. You then have to sort out the back end, obviously, 838 00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:12,320 but that's OK, that's what all top drivers, such as myself, want. 839 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:20,040 Does that mad old ape really believe his air hostess chariot 840 00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:28,000 will stand a chance off-road against this custom-built off 841 00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:34,840 Has he got £3,000 worth of Fox off-road long-travel coil 842 00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:36,880 No, he hasn't. 843 00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:41,000 Can he glance out the side and see exactly how his wheels are positioned? 844 00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:44,440 No, he can't. Does he have a hydraulic handbrake? 845 00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:48,080 No. Does it weigh just 670 kilograms? 846 00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,000 No, he weighs more than that. 847 00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:58,160 JEREMY: All we needed to sort this out was a loose-surface gravel track of some kind. 848 00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:04,360 Obviously nothing planned, we just drive round until we find somewhere. 849 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:08,800 Can't do it there, too many trees. That's just a little bit of gravel. 850 00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:10,920 Can't go there, that's an orchard. 851 00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:15,360 Somebody will be cross. There must be somewhere! 852 00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:19,040 Meanwhile, after his success with the staged bin fire, 853 00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:22,000 James was now getting carried away. 854 00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:23,800 Ah, looks like a job for me. 855 00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:37,400 -My pleasure. -Ah... 856 00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:44,760 JEREMY: Back out in the countryside, 857 00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:49,280 Richard and I had stopped by some nice lakes. 858 00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:54,360 But, because this was an unscripted film, we didn't have much to say about them. 859 00:51:59,240 --> 00:52:01,240 I like the waterfalls. 860 00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,040 Yeah, the waterfalls are nice. 861 00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:07,760 What's your favourite of the waterfalls? 862 00:52:09,720 --> 00:52:11,720 -I like that one. -I like that big one. 863 00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,600 -Yep. -Oh. 864 00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:17,640 Hold that a minute. 865 00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:22,360 Right, I've done a quick chart of how we're performing so far. 866 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,440 We aren't...? 867 00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:26,800 RICHARD: I'm not performing. -Right, Economy. 868 00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:28,840 Three points for me, most economical obviously, 869 00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:30,280 followed by Hammond, two, you, one. 870 00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,720 Top Speed. It's the other way round. You're the fastest, three points, 871 00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,840 two for you and one for me, the slowest. Now, Value. 872 00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:41,680 You get a point for every pound you save under the £2,000 budget, 873 00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:44,840 but you lose a point for every pound you go over it, OK? 874 00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:48,080 So I am winning that. My car car was £800. 875 00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:51,720 I score 1,200. You... 876 00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:55,840 Minus 65,000... 877 00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:57,880 -I think there's something wrong with him. 878 00:52:57,920 --> 00:52:59,680 645. 879 00:52:59,720 --> 00:53:01,720 I can't write on a vertical surface. 880 00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,800 Let's have a writing competition. You lose! 881 00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,160 Hang on, your car, you lose... 882 00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:08,880 Minus 48,000. 883 00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,800 -I can't be minus anything. -Hang on, hang on, 884 00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:13,840 have you included his optional windscreen? 885 00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:15,880 -Don't encourage him! 886 00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:17,920 -It's an optional windscreen. 887 00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:19,560 1,500 quid. 888 00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:22,360 Minus 1,500. That's interesting. 889 00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:24,560 Minus minus is a plus, which is a minus. 890 00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:26,800 James, this is very riveting, but it's irrelevant. 891 00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:28,880 It's not irrelevant. 892 00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:32,240 It's like saying, "Jeremy, you lost to Manchester United yesterday." 893 00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:34,440 I wasn't there, and I wasn't taking part. 894 00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,480 -You are taking part in this. -I'm not. 895 00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:40,520 Yes, you are. Just because you can't be bothered and you've done it wrong. 896 00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:44,160 You're losing. Catch up here. You've got Fires Extinguished, 897 00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:47,600 Water Capacity. You can still claw it back for the total. 898 00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:50,560 But at the moment, mate, you're losing. 899 00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:53,640 Fires Extinguished. So far I've done two... 900 00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:59,080 Having thrown James's chart in the lake, 901 00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:03,080 Hammond and I resumed our search for a rally stage. 902 00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,880 And soon, we found one. 903 00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:12,560 This would be perfect for our timed shoot-out. 904 00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:18,200 Hammond elected to go first. 905 00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:21,560 Right, this bush is the start/finish line, OK? 906 00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:23,600 -OK. Yes. -Good. 907 00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:25,640 No, hang on. I don't trust you to time me. 908 00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:27,680 I'm not. Sylvia is. 909 00:54:27,720 --> 00:54:29,520 Oh, great, the human finish line. 910 00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:30,600 Yes! 911 00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:33,320 SYLVIA: Tri... 912 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:36,680 Go! 913 00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:41,280 This is it. 914 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:46,080 A little touch of the brakes. 915 00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:49,320 Don't wanna drift too wide. 916 00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:52,760 Two-wheel drive means I've gotta take advantage of every bit of grip I can find. 917 00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,360 A lot of rocks! A lot of rocks! 918 00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,920 Come on. Get your concentration on, Richard! 919 00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,600 Now, floor it! Everything we got! 920 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:45,600 -Two minutes, five point seven. 921 00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,240 Well, that's... that's probably brilliant. 922 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:50,280 Two minutes, five point seven. Right, 923 00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:52,680 -My turn. -OK. 924 00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:54,120 Watch and learn. 925 00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:02,040 Go! 926 00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:09,440 Right, I have the whole car set up in its dynamic mode. 927 00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:12,960 So, the throttle response, the gearbox, the suspension, 928 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:16,800 they're all now sharper than an architect's pencil. 929 00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:21,040 Jesus! God's truth. 930 00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:28,880 I am not the world's best loose-surfaces expert. 931 00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:30,960 I'm not even in the top 20 million. 932 00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:35,800 But, in a car like this, you feel like you have all the control you need. 933 00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,000 Absolutely unbelievable. And flick it in. 934 00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:51,760 That front end on this is just phenomenal. 935 00:56:57,760 --> 00:56:59,520 Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo! 936 00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:17,400 Yes! Go, go! Go, Jeremy! 937 00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:20,560 Oh, yeah, totally unbiased. 938 00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:26,960 -The finish line looks happy. 939 00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:30,840 SYLVIA: Perfect time. Two minutes, three point seven. 940 00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:33,320 Oh, come on! 941 00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:35,360 That's just because... 942 00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:37,080 She can't mess with time. 943 00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:40,680 Time is just an entity on its own. You can't mess around with it. 944 00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:42,880 -Jeremy! 945 00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,920 -No. 946 00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:46,960 Hammond. 947 00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:50,600 May. What, now 948 00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:52,640 OK. No, yes. 949 00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:55,440 Yes, yes, yes, I've got satnav. I'll find it. All right, bye. 950 00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,360 He says he's organised a demonstration 951 00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,800 and he wants us two to come and watch it. 952 00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:01,520 -Yeah. 953 00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:03,960 I'd personally prefer to do another race of some sort. 954 00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:07,000 -No, there's no point. 955 00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:09,280 -The finish line is biased. Why don't we... 956 00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:11,160 No. Let's go. I'd rather go and see James 957 00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:13,200 than be humiliated by another biased... 958 00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:14,960 -Why don't we have a race in a sauna? -No. 959 00:58:18,800 --> 00:58:24,920 As James was a fair few miles away, we had time to sum up 960 00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:26,720 what we'd learned about our cars. 961 00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:31,600 I know the Audi TT has an image problem. 962 00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:34,480 I know people think it's an air hostess's car. 963 00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:39,400 But the RS genuinely is different. 964 00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:41,520 The RS is like... 965 00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:43,480 Oh, not again. Um... 966 00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:49,160 It's like... 967 00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:53,760 It's difficult to think of anyone who really needs a supercharged Ariel Nomad. 968 00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:57,280 Even an emergency off-road vet would have nowhere 969 00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:01,880 to put their tools to do anything when they got there, so it's useless. 970 00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:05,200 It's also draughty, expensive, noisy... 971 00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:08,840 ...and brilliant! 972 00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:11,320 I adore it! 973 00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:18,360 It's the best toy in the world, and what finer praise could you have for any car? 974 00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:25,200 Eventually we met up with our colleague, who was eager to explain what he had in mind. 975 00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:28,440 I'm making a simulated bush fire, 976 00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:30,440 the start of a bush fire to demonstrate 977 00:59:30,480 --> 00:59:32,680 how quickly my roving fire engine could just put it out 978 00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:35,440 before it develops into something like a massive conflagration. 979 00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:40,240 This bush fire, OK, is going to start right next to a road. 980 00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:42,960 Which happens to be next to where you've parked your fire engine? 981 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,200 I'm not... I'm gonna drive in and put it out. 982 00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,920 But you know where it is! You've just started it. 983 00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:49,760 I know! It's a demonstration, you morons! 984 00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:51,960 It's two and a half feet from a road! 985 00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:53,960 Bush fires happen miles out in the middle of... 986 00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,120 All right, go and build one out there. It doesn't make any difference. 987 00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:59,360 Why don't we go and start a fire for him? 988 00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:01,200 That's more realistic. You travel to the fire, 989 01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:03,000 wherever we've started it, and put it out. 990 01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:06,520 Off you go. 991 01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:09,040 RICHARD: Having travelled a realistic distance from the road, 992 01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:12,040 we soon had a bush fire on the go. 993 01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:14,360 JEREMY: Ooh, hello. Hello! Hello! 994 01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:17,560 Yes! 995 01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:19,600 That is speeding things up, isn't it? 996 01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:21,640 Isn't it? There you go. 997 01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:25,880 What it's doing is catching on. The wind moves it along and it gets bigger. 998 01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:29,200 It's quite good. Another bit there, look. 999 01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:32,280 Then we told James to come and do his stuff. 1000 01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:46,320 Relax, I am coming to put out the fire. 1001 01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:49,240 RICHARD: However, because of his leisurely pace, 1002 01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:52,760 the fire had grown a bit by the time he got there. 1003 01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:54,320 Jeez. 1004 01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:00,800 Pressure. 1005 01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:06,520 It's too big! 1006 01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:08,320 I've run out of water! 1007 01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:17,800 This isn't gonna work. 1008 01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:19,840 I think what we've established here 1009 01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:23,880 is that he's only capable of putting out fires that he's started himself. 1010 01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:26,920 Yeah, that are nearby and contained. 1011 01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:30,880 I haven't got anything left! 1012 01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:35,240 JEREMY: Luckily, at this point, the real fire brigade arrive. 1013 01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:11,000 Thank you. 1014 01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:22,600 It's a six-tonne lump of water... 1015 01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:24,640 Hold on. Hold on, hold on. 1016 01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:28,400 Let's have a look at the final scores on my water-damaged scoreboard. 1017 01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:29,800 No, James. No, there's no point. 1018 01:02:29,840 --> 01:02:32,000 You get minus a million cos that was the cost 1019 01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:34,000 of the real fire brigade that had to come, 1020 01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:36,200 and I get plus a million for winning everything. 1021 01:02:36,240 --> 01:02:39,520 No, hang on, the only reason your doors-to-manual Audi 1022 01:02:39,560 --> 01:02:44,160 beat the magnificent Nomad is that you fed the finishing line's cat. 1023 01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:46,600 And because it was faster. And better in every way. 1024 01:02:46,640 --> 01:02:50,440 It is a superb car, that TT, but you can't have one. 1025 01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:52,200 Because of the air hostess thing? 1026 01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:53,720 No, because I've driven three examples 1027 01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:55,360 and every single one has had squeaky brakes. 1028 01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:57,720 You can hear it in the film, and it drives you mad. 1029 01:02:57,760 --> 01:03:00,040 Yeah, that's unforgivable. 1030 01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:02,600 And on that terrible disappointment, and that total waste of time, 1031 01:03:02,640 --> 01:03:05,040 it's time to end. Thank you very much for watching. 1032 01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:06,800 Have a very happy New Year. 1033 01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:08,960 Unless you're watching this in April, in which case, whatever. Goodbye.