1 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,880 (TRAIN WHISTLE) 2 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,960 (ENGINE DRONING) 3 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,760 (CHEERING) 4 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,280 (CHEERING) 5 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,520 Thank you very much. Thank you so much, everyone. 6 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,040 Hello. 7 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,080 Hello, everyone! 8 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:11,600 Thank you. 9 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,360 Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. 10 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:15,440 Thank you. 11 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:22,120 Thank you so much. Welcome, and Happy Christmas. 12 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:26,240 And in this show, which has a tree over there, 13 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,240 and nothing else festive at all... 14 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:34,440 I drive the Bugatti Chiron in Saint-Tropez. 15 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:36,600 And in the Alps. 16 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,640 And through the streets of Turin. 17 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:47,520 But we start with James May, who has been driving a Kia hatchback. 18 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,720 (LAUGHTER) 19 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,760 So, he drives around the best bits of Europe in a Bugatti and you get a Kia! 20 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,840 You can shut up, Hammond, 21 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,960 because, if you remember rightly, 22 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,320 you were supposed to go and drive the Kia hatchback, 23 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,440 but you couldn't, because you can't drive round corners without crashing. 24 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,560 Oh, yeah. 25 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,800 -Were you his stand-in? -Yes. 26 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,400 -Has he said "thank you"? -No, he hasn't, actually. 27 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,080 That's unbelievably selfish. You should have done, really. 28 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,360 -Well, I'd broken my leg! -Well, don't go on about it. 29 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,880 That's all we hear: "I broke my leg! I broke my leg!" 30 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,440 (LAUGHTER) 31 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,520 It doesn't matter, because the Kia hatchback 32 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,560 that Hammond should have been driving, but wasn't, 33 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,680 turns out to be not as boring as you might expect, 34 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,720 as I shall now explain. 35 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,120 To do my explaining, I've come here, 36 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,960 to the sunny Balearic island of Majorca, 37 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,880 where we find this. 38 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:46,920 Kia's first attempt to make a saloon car that's sporty, rather than sensible. 39 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:53,200 It even has a cool name. It's called the Stinger. 40 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,240 Check this out. 41 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,760 This is the little keyless fob that locks and unlocks it, 42 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:05,720 and you could see that as the button that launches a missile. 43 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,080 -(IMMOBILISER BEEPS) -To the Stinger. 44 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,200 (ENGINE ROARING) 45 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,680 Besides a key from Fighter Command, 46 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:18,920 the Stinger has other things designed to give you the fizz. 47 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:23,760 Power, for example. This has a 3.3-litre twin-turbo V6, 48 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,240 developing 365 horsepower. 49 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:30,440 Now, that's not Vindaloo-hot, like a BMW M3. 50 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,760 It's more Madras-hot, I think. 51 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,800 Say an Audi S4. 52 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,880 And if you're watching in America, 53 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,320 I'm using here the car-curry performance index. 54 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,000 Very popular in Britain. 55 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:52,200 If you prefer numbers, it does 0 to 60 in around five seconds. 56 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:56,520 And it has a top speed just short of 170 miles an hour. 57 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,960 So, again, that's not as fast as a BMW M3, 58 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,160 but it's probably fast enough to outrun 59 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,760 one of Kim Jong-un's wonky northern missiles. 60 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,040 And there's more sporty stuff. 61 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:20,520 I have an eight-speed, semi-automatic gearbox, 62 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,520 which I can control with paddles, 63 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:26,600 and that most important of sports-saloon requirements: 64 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,200 rear-wheel drive. 65 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,480 It's also groaning with equipment. 66 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,520 I'll run you through just a few of the things. 67 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:39,080 I've got a 15-speaker stereo. I've got a head-up display, 68 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,080 adaptive cruise control, 69 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,080 collision warning system, 70 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,080 driver-drowsiness warning system. 71 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,560 Very useful when I'm on board. 72 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,240 All of this in a car costing around £40,000, 73 00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:57,240 which makes it £5,000 less than the equivalent Jag or Audi. 74 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:03,320 But never mind the not unreasonable price. 75 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:08,600 The Stinger's main purpose is to show that Kia can make a sporty saloon. 76 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:13,040 So, to find out if they've succeeded, we need to do something sporty. 77 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,320 Which brings me here. 78 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,920 To this road. 79 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,920 A challenging five-kilometre scribble of Tarmac, 80 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:30,360 spearing and snaking up through the Majorcan hills. 81 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:35,280 What I intend to do is start down there and drive as fast as possible 82 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:39,240 to a finishing point here on this bridge. 83 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,520 And to spice it up, I'm making it a race. 84 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:47,520 It's me and the Stinger versus some young men on planks. 85 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,520 Here's one of them, and here's the other one. 86 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,600 They both dress like bike racers, but their preferred transport 87 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,440 is specially modified skateboards, 88 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:01,280 which hardly sounds like much of a threat to the car. 89 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,480 OK. Tell us about those skateboards. 90 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,000 What, sort of bicycle speeds? 20, 30? 91 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,520 The fastest we can go is 75 miles an hour. 120K. 92 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,400 75 miles an hour? 93 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,680 On that? 94 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,560 Do you mind if I...? 95 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,240 Yeah. Knock yourself out. Not literally. 96 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:27,280 75 miles an hour on a piece of wood with some plastic wheels on it? 97 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,520 -You're mad. -(CHUCKLES) 98 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,480 Right. Just so we're clear on the rules, 99 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,320 I'm going to start down there at the start line 100 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,360 and drive uphill all the way to here, which is the finish line, 101 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,720 while you start here on what is my finish line, but is actually your start line, 102 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,960 and you're downhill all the way. 103 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,960 So, if you see "finish" upside down, you're at the start, 104 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,360 but "start" the right way up, you're at your start. 105 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,200 And when I see "start" upside down, it's your start, but it's my finish, 106 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,520 cos it says "finish" the right way up. 107 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,000 There's a point where we cross over, obviously, so be careful. 108 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,080 Let's just agree: stay right if we see each other? 109 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,320 Your right or our right? 110 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,320 Well, it's the same thing, cos you're going the other way, downhill, 111 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,080 and I'm going uphill towards this finish. 112 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,600 OK. 113 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,560 No. Yeah. No, the left. No, just stay... Yeah. 114 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:18,320 Soon we were in position at our respective start/finish lines. 115 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,400 Right. Setup. 116 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,920 We're going to go for the sportiest mode, which is Sport Plus. 117 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,680 Traction & Stability Control disabled. That's all the nannies off. 118 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,160 It is a hill climb. Don't bin it, May. 119 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,360 Here we go. Horsepower versus gravity. 120 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,440 Isaac Newton and dudes versus South Korea and me. 121 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:44,560 MAN: Three, two, one. 122 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,520 (ENGINE ROARING) 123 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,360 Keep the foot in. Yes. 124 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,640 Throttle response a bit more chippy when you've got it on Sport Plus. 125 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,680 (TYRES SQUEALING) 126 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,800 Yes. Little bit of sideways action. 127 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,720 I've got a limited-slip diff. That's going to look after me. 128 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,600 Brake. Turn it. 129 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,680 On the exit. There it is. 130 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,040 (TYRES SQUEALING) 131 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:36,000 Oh, those rocks don't look nice! Aaaarghh! 132 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,320 Easy right, then a bit of a left. 133 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:45,600 (TYRES SQUEALING) 134 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,320 Here they come. Keep right! 135 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,640 Jeez, those guys are going! 136 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:02,240 And for them, the remaining course was full of fast straights, 137 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:08,760 whereas, for me, the road was now becoming twistier. 138 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,840 (TYRES SQUEALING) 139 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,320 Stay out, stay out, stay out. Mind the rocks. 140 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,960 Apex. See the exit. Squares it. That's lovely! 141 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,600 Yes, there's the bridge. 142 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,960 Here I come! Here I come! Don't bin it now. 143 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,680 Aaaarghh! 144 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,000 Yes! Yes. 145 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,600 Right. Let's have it. 146 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,120 -Yeah, buddy. -Yeah, buddy. 147 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:05,080 MAN: OK, James. The boarders did it in five minutes and 16 seconds. 148 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,800 You did it in five minutes and ten seconds. 149 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:12,080 Yes! Yes! Yes! 150 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,640 (BELLOWING) Losers! 151 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:20,360 Losers! Losers! 152 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,240 Whatever. (BLEEP) ...that guy. 153 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,560 -(CHEERING) -Bad winner. 154 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,320 -He's a bad winner. -Yeah, exactly. 155 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,600 Appalling. 156 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:31,920 Yep. 157 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,960 Standard reaction from James May. 158 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,440 James, I am very curious. 159 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,800 How did you manage to go to Majorca in all that beautiful sunshine 160 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,560 and not catch pneumonia? 161 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,360 -(LAUGHTER) -Well, I mean, it's a danger. 162 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,120 No, it's funny you should ask, but actually, I did go 163 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,240 past a lot of places that sold pneumonia. 164 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,080 (LAUGHTER) 165 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,560 But I didn't go in because I had to get up 166 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,240 the next day early and go to work. 167 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:58,920 Let's move on, because it is now time 168 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:04,200 for us to peer down a manhole of chat on Conversation Street. 169 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,720 (MODERN JAZZ) 170 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,560 (CHEERING) 171 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:16,080 That's festive. The tree and that. 172 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,440 And I think we should do more festive stuff now. 173 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,480 -Yes. -And turn on the lights 174 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,080 on our motoring-flavoured tree. 175 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,760 Yes, and I'd like to go first, if I turn on the lights I've made 176 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,960 using the back lights from various cars. 177 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,360 Look. That's Christmassy, isn't it? Ahh! 178 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,560 I'd like to add my lights to the festive tree, which I've made out of indicators. 179 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,600 So, they're orange and they flash, and they're warm. Are you ready? 180 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,240 -Oh, Christmassy! -How about that, then? 181 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,800 -Right... -No! 182 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,120 Why not? 183 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,600 Do not switch on whatever you've made. 184 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,280 -Why? -Because you'll blind everybody in the tent. 185 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,280 Why do you always think I'll have overdone it? 186 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,320 Because you always overdo it. 187 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:57,000 -Ready? -Oh, dear God! 188 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,640 What do you think of that? Why are you grimacing? 189 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,320 -(APPLAUSE) -Don't encourage him. 190 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,560 What? It's brilliant. 191 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,480 It's a bit bright, I admit, but... 192 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,640 It is bright. You've burnt people's eyes out. 193 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,880 -Why is it a cross? -It's the baby Jesus. 194 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,040 (LAUGHTER) 195 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,560 It's the baby Jesus, not the dead Jesus. 196 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:18,920 What? 197 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,320 The cross is what he was crucified on. That's Easter. 198 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,440 Oh. 199 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,720 (LAUGHTER) 200 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,440 So, what should it be at Christmas? 201 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:26,960 A star. 202 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,320 -That's Jewish. -No. 203 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,520 It is. Jews don't do Christmas. 204 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,680 It's a different sort of star. 205 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,240 You've used the wrong religious symbol. 206 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,320 What that is is a big spoiler alert. 207 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,680 -(LAUGHTER) -Yes. 208 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,760 It is, yeah! 209 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,880 -I've given away the ending? -Yeah. 210 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:49,080 If you don't want to know what happens to the baby Jesus later, look away now. 211 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,920 Last year we looked at all the motoring-related Christmas presents 212 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,640 you could buy, and they were all terrible. 213 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,800 In fact, they always are terrible. 214 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,640 Actually, the most terrible of them all I've got in here. It's Scalextric. 215 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,040 -Oh, come on. -What do you mean? 216 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,040 -Well, I like Scalextric. -Ah, you're wrong. 217 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,840 -No, you are wrong. -How could I be wrong about what I'm like? 218 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,680 -You don't like it. -You think you like it. 219 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,840 -I do. -It's like classical music. 220 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,880 People think they like classical music, but they don't. Nobody does, really. 221 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,480 I do. 222 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,440 Anyway, back to Scalextric, which nobody likes, OK? 223 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:20,640 The Professor of Sweeping Statements! 224 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,800 Let me explain the problem, okay? This is how Scalextric works. 225 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,520 You take out the car. "Wow!" you think. 226 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,480 "Look at that. It's like a Dodge Viper." 227 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,480 And then throw it under some furniture. 228 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,400 And you have just played Scalextric. 229 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,720 Cos that's what happens immediately with Scalextric. 230 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,920 No, you get your little sister to pick it up. 231 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,440 Scalextric should come with a little sister. Mine did. 232 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:42,280 No, no. No, it shouldn't come with a little sister. 233 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,240 It did. 234 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,440 -Did you say that out loud? -Yeah, he did. 235 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,280 I was hoping to just carry on. 236 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,200 My sister's 12 years younger. The year I got my Scalextric, 237 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,800 I also got a little sister. 238 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,160 Don't disillusion him of it! 239 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,840 He thinks that's where they come from. 240 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,800 -It came from Hornby Hobbies. -It shouldn't arrive at all! 241 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,880 Two things are going to happen. 242 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,160 Either you go too fast, in which case the car goes under furniture, 243 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,640 or you get the speed right and it just goes round and round 244 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,840 and round and round, for ever. 245 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,240 Yes, you find the speed at which the cars don't come off and then just watch them. 246 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,800 What you're doing at that point is watching electricity happen. 247 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:22,480 -Yes. -(LAUGHTER) 248 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,560 I can see why you were disappointed, Hammond. 249 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:25,800 You put an electric car on a race track 250 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:26,880 and, next thing you know, you've crashed. 251 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,800 (LAUGHTER) 252 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,640 (APPLAUSE) 253 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,320 Sorry. That was a bit... 254 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,880 That was... (GROANS) 255 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,760 That wasn't even in the back. That was in the face! 256 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:46,680 I have got some Bentley... espresso cups and saucers. 257 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,600 (LAUGHTER) 258 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,160 -What do you think of that? -No, no, I quite like those. 259 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,080 -The colours... -They're horrible. 260 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,160 -They're too thick. -Ah, they're not, 261 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,120 cos espresso cups have to be thick. 262 00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,160 They have to weigh 147.8 grams. 263 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,800 -Says who? -Italian coffee scientists. 264 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,720 -That's a fact. -That is pretentious twaddle. 265 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:07,920 -It isn't. -Just try it in a restaurant. 266 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,320 Call the waiter over. "Come here, my man. Ahem. 267 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:14,680 I think you know what I'm going to tell you about this cup. 268 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,200 It's too heavy." 269 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,600 -But it isn't too heavy. -It is. It's too thick. 270 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,440 It could be hit with a hammer and survive. 271 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,000 What, and that's a bad thing? 272 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,480 Oh, don't hit it with a hammer. 273 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,960 -(LAUGHTER) -I was wrong. 274 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,880 I was actually going to take those home. 275 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,920 Ah, you can. You can, actually. There you go. 276 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:37,720 There's your set of three Bentley espresso cups and saucers. 277 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,160 And you get a spare saucer, in case you break one. 278 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,640 It's nice. Spare. It's a good present, that. 279 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,600 I have actually got you a present, Hammond. 280 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,120 -Have you? -It's in a presentation box. Here it is. 281 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:51,680 The box is broken, and I apologise for that, but there it is. Check it out. 282 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,360 It's a ruined watch. 283 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,080 Not just any ruined watch. It's your ruined watch. 284 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,240 -Is it? -That has been retrieved 285 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,080 from the wreckage of the car that you destroyed, with your incompetence, 286 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,240 and that survived the fire. 287 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,520 It's actually still... It doesn't look pretty, but it's still working. 288 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,800 Well, that's actually quite a nice present, in a way, isn't it? 289 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,920 Exactly, and they've written a little thing on the box. 290 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,920 "Made in Switzerland," 291 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:18,120 and then, "Carefully perfected on 10th June 2017 292 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,560 by the British." 293 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,480 (LAUGHTER) 294 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,440 They don't mean "perfected", do they? 295 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,120 No, and by "British" they mean you. 296 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:28,320 Yeah. It's actually quite a mean present, after all. 297 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,160 Well, look, Hammond. I've got you something. 298 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,800 I have got you a pair of running shoes, 299 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:36,200 and I've added to them the logo of your favourite local car maker, 300 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,000 and you can't say you don't like that. 301 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,080 You love running. You go running every morning. 302 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,520 I've seen you go running in the evening, as well. 303 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:46,080 -I cannot wear those. -(LAUGHTER) 304 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,280 Why not? 305 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,680 Because I'm not allowed to run any more. I broke my leg. 306 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,640 Oh, stop going on about it! 307 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,240 It's all he talks about: "I broke my leg! I broke my leg!" 308 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:02,160 We brought you those presents. Two of them. 309 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,040 I've got you another present here. 310 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,640 Look at that. An alarm clock. 311 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,320 Made it myself. It's beautifully styled. 312 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,440 Oh, funny. It's crashed. I see. Ha-ha. 313 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,360 Yeah, it's a crashed car on top. That's why it's yours. 314 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,000 Right, I'm just setting it now. Now, pretend to be asleep. 315 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,920 -What? Oh, all right. -Just pretend to be asleep. 316 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,520 This is on your bedside table. 317 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,440 Yes, OK. I'm asleep. 318 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,560 -(BEEPING) -There it is. 319 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:27,840 Christ! 320 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,440 -It's going off. -(APPLAUSE) 321 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,280 -That's my alarm? -Yes. 322 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,800 -Well, that's-- -Come on! 323 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:42,600 I can't have that. That'll... That'll just set fire... 324 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,560 -Haven't got my glasses. -That'll just set fire to everything on my-- 325 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,480 -Sorry. -Oh, God! 326 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,640 It's not me that's on fire this time! 327 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,920 I missed. I haven't got my glasses. 328 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,600 I can't wake up to that every morning. 329 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,320 When you're driving along and your car catches fire, 330 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,240 which it will, cos you'll have crashed it... 331 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,080 -(LAUGHTER) -...you'll be used to it, 332 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,440 cos you'll have to put a fire out every morning. 333 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,960 Yes, I won't have slept for a year, waiting for an explosion next to my bed... 334 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,160 Stop moaning about all the presents we've given you! 335 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,840 It's traumatising! 336 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:14,440 Look. I have bought you a pair of trousers. 337 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,200 -There you go. -What? Oh, thank you, James. Very nice. 338 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,160 Not just any old trousers. 339 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,000 No, they've got Velcro on them. What's that about? 340 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,560 Well, it means the paramedics won't have to cut your clothes off you. 341 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,440 (LAUGHTER) 342 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,560 And you'll save a fortune over the coming year, you see? 343 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:29,560 (APPLAUSE) 344 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,040 -Have you got us anything? -No. 345 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,760 -(LAUGHTER) -Not a thing? 346 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,080 Well, I didn't know we were doing this. 347 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:49,840 What do you mean? You didn't know it was Christmas? It's in your diary. 348 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,040 It's in everybody's diary. 349 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,760 It's not like Easter, moving around. It's the same day every year. 350 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,520 Every single year. 351 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,120 You could have sent a memo, saying we're doing presents. 352 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,840 -Unbelievable. -(LAUGHTER) 353 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,200 Anyway, Jeremy Clarkson... 354 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,800 Not everybody is as thoughtless as Richard Hammond. 355 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,560 I'm certainly not, and I have bought you a present. 356 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,240 -Oh, thank you, James. -It's the season of goodwill to all men. 357 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,280 Even if you hate them. 358 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,160 (LAUGHTER) 359 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,480 I have got you, for Christmas, a T-shirt. 360 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,040 -Are they my lungs? -Yes, they are. 361 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,760 (LAUGHTER) 362 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,040 That was when I... It is. 363 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:34,640 A lot of work went into this, cos I had to ring up the hospital in Majorca, 364 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,880 and I asked the barman... Sorry, the doctor. 365 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,040 ...for a copy of the scan of your lungs, and I printed it on the T-shirt. 366 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,880 -And this bit, this is the... -That was the pneumonia? 367 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,440 Yeah, that's the bit where your lungs were infected. 368 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,840 I've coloured that in pink, you know, to show your favourite type of pneumonia. 369 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,560 (LAUGHTER) 370 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:56,080 -Is that... Are they bubbles? -Yes. 371 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,680 James, I don't drink Prosecco. I'm not a girl. 372 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:02,360 Oh, no, of course. You're the Viking Jeremy Clarkson, 373 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,240 with his still pink wine, which you drink out of a hollow horn. 374 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,560 All real men drink rosé. 375 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,400 Thank you, James. That is a thoughtful gift and I shall treasure it. 376 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,280 -No, it's OK, Jeremy. -(LAUGHTER) 377 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,560 There is as much pleasure in giving as in receiving. 378 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,720 -(LAUGHTER) -I suspect more... 379 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,040 Leave it! Leave it. 380 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,480 -Leave that where it is. -Yeah. 381 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,120 I've got you a properly brilliant present. 382 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,000 -I can't wait. -No, seriously. 383 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,280 You know the problem with trying to open a fridge door? 384 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,080 -No, that's not a problem. -Yes, it is. No, it is. 385 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,840 No, you pull the thing and, with my fridge, 386 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,920 the seal is stronger than the weight of the fridge, 387 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,720 so you just end up pulling the fridge across the kitchen floor. 388 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,320 No, that's because you're an ape. 389 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:49,360 The only way of opening my fridge is to surprise it. 390 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,120 -Surprise your fridge? -You walk up to it backwards 391 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,760 and then snatch it like that, 392 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,920 because you have to yank it really quickly. 393 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,640 But I'm not joking. The other day, I did that and the fridge fell... 394 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,680 Actually the whole thing on top of me. 395 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,400 Are you sure your fridge doesn't have a push door? 396 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,560 Anyway, I've got you, James May... It's a big present, this one. 397 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,360 Right. Ready? I've got you a fridge with a motoring flavour, 398 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,960 cos I put a steering wheel on the door. 399 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,200 So... OK, it's now shut, yes? 400 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,800 RICHARD: Oh, thank you very much. 401 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,720 -(LAUGHTER) -Relax. OK? 402 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,360 -So, it won't open. Yes? -Right. 403 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,800 But then, if you turn this... It's modelled on a submarine door, 404 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,760 cos it's important, with a submarine, you know when a door's open or shut. 405 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,760 All the way over, and then it opens. Can you see? 406 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,200 -Yeah, I can see. -Well, how brilliant's that? 407 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,480 You've bought me a solution to a problem only you have. 408 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,200 (LAUGHTER) 409 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,160 That is the worst Christmas present I've ever had. 410 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,400 It isn't. How can it be? Why is it? 411 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,600 -You've bought something for yourself. -No, you did that last year. 412 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:48,200 You bought your girlfriend a Ferrari that only you were insured to drive. 413 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,880 -(LAUGHTER) -You did. 414 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,480 "Oh, I bought you this," and no-one else could drive it. 415 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,520 -That's chivalry. -Is it? 416 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,440 Well, I think that's just been a total disaster, Conversation Street. 417 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,320 -It was awful. -He bought us nothing. 418 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,400 -I bought you a present... RICHARD: I'm sorry. 419 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,440 Shut up. I made you presents you don't like. 420 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,040 No. All right. Let's move on. 421 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:12,640 Now, have you ever wondered if office lunch time could be more interesting? 422 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,880 -No, nobody's wondered that. RICHARD: Well, we have... 423 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,840 -(LAUGHTER) -...which is why 424 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:22,120 James and I decided to take the Grand Tour to Dunstable. 425 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,000 (LAUGHTER) 426 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,640 RICHARD: This is what we're on about. 427 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,240 People in offices all over the world 428 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,320 just frittering away their valuable lunch hours 429 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:37,640 doing pointless things on their phones and eating plastic food. 430 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,480 But not any more, 431 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,240 because we're here to literally save lunch times 432 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,880 through the crucible of motorsport. 433 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,760 And you may be watching this and thinking, "Well, that's a great idea, 434 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,480 but how do you get all these people 435 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,960 to a race track during their lunch hour?" 436 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,200 Well, the answer is, we don't need to. 437 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:58,160 The race track is already here. 438 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,880 JAMES: Yes, go to any business park anywhere, 439 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,520 and you'll find long straights, flowing roundabouts, 440 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,800 sharp bends, the lot. 441 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,280 There's a circuit to rival Silverstone or Laguna Seca 442 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:14,000 right outside your office window. 443 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,960 Today we've chosen Houghton Hall Business Park near Dunstable. 444 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:22,520 So, let's see what kind of track it can provide. 445 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,120 This is the Kia Picanto GT line, 446 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,200 the hottest ship in the Picanto range. 447 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,800 -Is it? -80 horsepower from 1.25 litres. 448 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,720 Yes, just get in the bloody thing. 449 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,920 -I'm saying a lot, cos it takes him so long to get in. -Shut up! 450 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:38,000 So, what are we doing? 451 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,600 We're going down the straight towards the first roundabout, which is Froughton's Haulage. 452 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,920 I like the braking-distance markers. That's a nice touch. Very professional. 453 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:51,080 This is the Whitbread, extremely tight left-hander, and into Car Park A. 454 00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:54,000 Now, there's a speed hump, and then the soon-to-be immortalised 455 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,840 Smokers' Shelter complex. 456 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,760 -Nice. -Which is what we're in now. 457 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:03,280 Dab of brakes. Apex it there, and we're into Car Park B. 458 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,280 This is Office Chair Bend. This is the chicane... 459 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,120 -Very nice. -...before we go 460 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,120 back onto the beginning and ending straight 461 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,640 and head towards Mannington Plastics Roundabout. 462 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,840 Leaders in injection-moulding technology solutions. 463 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,720 Excellent. Quite the landmark. 464 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,800 Keep it wide. Half-throttle. 465 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:22,400 Look for the exit, and there we are... across the line. 466 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,640 Once you're across the line, you can slow down. 467 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,840 No point in continuing to go fast, cos you could have an accident doing that. 468 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:28,800 Funny. 469 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,000 RICHARD: With the track signed off, we selected two firms 470 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,240 to go head-to-head during their lunch hours. 471 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:41,440 Today, the competitors are Storage King, 472 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,560 "Self-storage made simple", 473 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:48,160 and Cura Technical, "Leading providers of IT support solutions". 474 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,640 And once their contenders had been selected, 475 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,440 it was time for the driver briefing. 476 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,600 "Each entrant from each firm does one timed lap. 477 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,120 Using those lap times, we'll whittle down our entrants, 478 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,800 until we have the best driver from each of the two firms." 479 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,640 Hammond, everybody in the room can read. 480 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,680 Shut up. "They'll then go head-to-head in the grand final, 481 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,840 to decide the ultimate winner of today's round." 482 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,680 JAMES: With Hammond's presentation over, 483 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,120 it was time to begin the qualifying laps that would decide 484 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:25,880 which employees would represent their firms in the shoot-out grand finale. 485 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,920 What we have first is Pete from Cura Technical. 486 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:31,200 He is the regional manager for Bedfordshire and the Midlands, 487 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,680 in his Vauxhall SRI Astra. 488 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,200 In three, two, one... go! 489 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:42,480 RICHARD: As the regional manager scorched away, 490 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,560 I commandeered the security hut, 491 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:49,120 so that I could use its CCTV feed to commentate on the action. 492 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,000 There's a complex of turns through here, really more than just one, 493 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,920 and that speed hump to deal with, as well. He's done that. He is through. 494 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,480 (TYRES SQUEALING) 495 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:03,360 He's on his way through the Office Chair complex. I can't see him on that camera. 496 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,480 Here he is. He's coming back up the straight. 497 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,680 200 brake horsepower. Useful now. 498 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,480 Going to make his way towards Froughton Haulage, 499 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,640 which is soon to become the ending line. 500 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,200 Huge amount of noise! And across the line. 501 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,400 (CHEERING) 502 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,480 After a cracking qualifying performance 503 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,640 from Pete of Cura Technical... 504 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,720 1:06.16. 505 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,080 ...Storage King sent out their first driver, 506 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:31,600 hot-hatch enthusiast Darren from logistics. 507 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,400 Two, one... go! 508 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,080 I do like a Clio. 509 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:39,800 Oh, some sideways action. 510 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,720 (TYRES SQUEALING) 511 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,600 Oh, lovely work! 512 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:47,240 By ragging his Clio for all it was worth... 513 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,160 (LAUGHING) 514 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,720 ...Storage King's Darren banged in a scorcher of a qualifier. 515 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,840 Oh! 516 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,200 -1:05.97. -Oh, ho-ho! 517 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:01,840 And now, ladies and gentlemen, from Cura Technical, 518 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,560 it's Nick from Accounts, 519 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,640 who will be looking to... balance the books. 520 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,040 Oh, God. He's making puns. 521 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,280 In three, two, one! And he's off! 522 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:16,000 RICHARD: Despite being at the wheel of a motorway cruiser, 523 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,760 Nick seemed determined to top the timing charts. 524 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,680 Oh, this looks fast to me, towards Smokers' Corner. 525 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,040 However... 526 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,120 And he's... Yeah, that's looking... 527 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,160 No, that's not under control, because he's binned it! 528 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:30,920 And he's binned it. 529 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,200 He's binned it at Bin Corner, appropriately enough. 530 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,280 It is a DNF for Nick from Accounts. 531 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,520 The fleet manager is not going to be pleased. 532 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,480 There are going to be words when he gets back after lunch, I suspect. 533 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,120 JAMES: With the lunch-hour clock ticking away, 534 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,920 there followed a final flurry of qualifying laps. 535 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,000 Three, two, one... go! 536 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,360 Oh, it's a fizzy start from the little Abarth. 537 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,720 This is a tight little car, for a small circuit. 538 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,360 It's built for business-park racing. Look at that! 539 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:10,440 JAMES: It's Chris from Marketing in the Toyota GT86. 540 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:17,640 1:03.24. 541 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,600 And then, with the results in, 542 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:26,400 it was time for the grand-finale showdown shoot-out. 543 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,600 Now, representing Storage King, 544 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,560 in the Seat Leon Cupra R, 545 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,120 -from Purchasing, it's Gav. -(CHEERING) 546 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:38,920 And representing Cura Technical, 547 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,560 in the BMW E90 M3, from Sales, 548 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,880 -give it up for Steve! -(CHEERING) 549 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,320 And since we are dealing with the best 550 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,320 that South Bedfordshire has to offer: 551 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,080 the crème de menthe of business-park driving talent, 552 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:58,080 this final will be decided with a straight head-to-head race. 553 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:04,880 OK. Here we go. Ready. Ready. In three, two, 554 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:06,320 one... Go! 555 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,120 (TYRES SQUEALING) 556 00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,880 And there they go. Steve against Gav, 557 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:16,040 Sales against Purchasing, battling down the main straight. 558 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,960 Froughton comes up first. They're both through. 559 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,120 They're both already in Car Park A, heading for Smokers' Corner. 560 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,600 Oh, he's gone very wide there. 561 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,840 And the Seat is through. 562 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:34,480 JAMES: The Seat is in front, but not by much. 563 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:36,480 RICHARD: I daren't watch. This is tight. 564 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:41,440 I would hate to have been having a fag in that booth when they came past. 565 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:45,320 Car Park B coming up. Look at this! Tailing one another through there. 566 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,640 I don't know how these two companies get on. Is there rivalry there? 567 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:55,160 Are they getting something out of their system? 568 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,760 Already coming back up. Through Froughton's for the second time. 569 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,360 These guys do mean business! 570 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,000 -Half a car's length in it. -Look at the speed they're carrying! 571 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,600 Oh! Close! 572 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:17,120 Both of them now up to Mannington's Plastics, and it's really tight there. 573 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,640 And across the line! The BMW takes the flag. 574 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:27,960 Yaaarghh! 575 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,880 (LAUGHS) 576 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,200 How about that? 577 00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,120 (CHEERING) 578 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:46,360 Well, there we are. That's... That's that all sorted out. 579 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,840 And now it's time to sort something else out, as well, 580 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,360 as we play Celebrity Face Off! 581 00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:04,400 (CHEERING) 582 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,520 Once again... 583 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,600 Once again, it is an international event, 584 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,000 Britain versus America. 585 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,000 And the question is, and it's a big one: 586 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,960 who is the fastest person in the world 587 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,000 who lives with a bear? 588 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:25,160 To find out, please welcome Casey Anderson and Hugh Bonneville! 589 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,040 (CHEERING) 590 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,440 Gentlemen. 591 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,200 -Hugh, have a seat. -Thank you. 592 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,400 Casey, have a seat. 593 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,480 You go here - that one. Yeah, you're that one. 594 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:46,520 Thank you for coming. First of all, I know you live with a bear, obviously. 595 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,560 -Obviously. -But it's not a real bear. 596 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,440 No, Paddington's like a CGI bear. 597 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,040 -(LAUGHTER) -You may say that! 598 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,160 And, Casey, you do live with an actual bear. 599 00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,560 That's right, yeah. Big bear. Like, 800 pounds. 600 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,240 800 pounds? 601 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,240 Yeah, 800 or 900 pounds, depending on what he had for dinner. 602 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:06,280 (LAUGHTER) 603 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:09,520 The thing is, you rescued this bear when it was little, in Montana. 604 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,960 Yeah, he was literally that big when I rescued him, only a couple of months old, 605 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:16,280 and now he's 15 years old, stands about eight feet tall. 606 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,160 But did you know that was going to happen, or were you surprised? 607 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,280 "Jesus Christ! Look at the size of it." 608 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:23,600 Well, you have this cute little bear for a little while, 609 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,520 and then all of a sudden, he's ripping the couch up and eating the cushions, 610 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,440 trying to get in the refrigerator for the beer. 611 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,520 -You say he drinks beer? -Bears love beer. 612 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,840 Who'd have thought? I mean, I remember one time just cracking that open, 613 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:36,680 and they have an incredible sense of smell. 614 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,120 Have we got a picture of him drinking beer? 615 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,400 (LAUGHTER) 616 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,600 That's not Stella, I hope, cos you don't want a bear on Stella, 617 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,240 or Wife-Beater, as we call it over here. 618 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:50,320 He doesn't live in a cage? 619 00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,920 No, he lives in the sanctuary part of the time. 620 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,440 He's at the house part of the time, depending on what... 621 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,920 He loves to be around people. That's all he knows. He can't be out in the wild. 622 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,960 OK, I get that... but you had him as your best man? 623 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,960 -(LAUGHTER) -He was best man at one of... Yeah, he was. 624 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,600 We actually have a photograph of the wedding here. 625 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:10,480 (LAUGHTER) 626 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,440 That's the sloppiest kiss I had that night. 627 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,200 And then he came for Thanksgiving dinners? 628 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:16,880 I think we've got a picture of that. 629 00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,600 There - look. 630 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,120 -That is a big bear. -That's huge. 631 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,200 -Does he like turkey? -He loves turkey. 632 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,680 Ate the whole thing. Mashed potatoes. Everything. 633 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,120 Can I just ask...? You have a sanctuary, a bear sanctuary. 634 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:31,840 -Correct. -And how's the dynamic, 635 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,640 like, compared to his dynamic with you and the other bears? 636 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,320 Does he go, "Hey, I get on with humans and you don't"? 637 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,000 A little bit. I mean, he's the one that gets to come home 638 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,600 and do things that the other bears can't really do. 639 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:44,400 But it's like a soap opera. 640 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,400 He has different relationships with different bears. 641 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,080 He's got a girlfriend named Bella who's younger than him, 642 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,040 -and they wrestle around all the time. -(LAUGHTER) 643 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,320 So, that's your bear, OK? Now, yours is rather different. 644 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,920 Yes, thankfully! (LAUGHS) 645 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,640 Although yours is probably more mischievous. Paddington is. 646 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:04,520 Yes, he gets stuck in the fridge, in the film... 647 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,440 -Impossible. -Have you come across Paddington Bear in America? 648 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:10,320 -Yeah, definitely. -Because it very much has been a British 649 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,600 character for decades, really. 650 00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:16,400 But he gets up to all sorts of mischief, and his favourite thing is marmalade. 651 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:20,120 And so, apart from getting stuck in the fridge... 652 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,480 This time round, in the second film, 653 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,480 he tries to become a barber, he tries to be a window cleaner. 654 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:27,720 None of these things go particularly well. 655 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,520 We do have a clip. I'd like to show that for you now, if I may. 656 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,520 I'm sorry. This is a private conversation. 657 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,840 Oh, it's all right, Mr Brown. This is my friend, Knuckles. 658 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,240 -How are you? -And this is Phibs. 659 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:37,360 -G'day. -Spoon. 660 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:38,720 -Hello. -Jimmy the Snitch. 661 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,600 T-Bone. The Professor. Squeaky Pete. 662 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,760 Double Bass Bob. Farmer Jack. Mad Dog. Johnny Cashpoint. 663 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,000 -Sir Geoffrey Wilcott. -I hope I can rely on your vote. 664 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,760 -And Charley Rumble. -(GROWLS) 665 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:52,880 Oh, it's so wonderful to meet you all. 666 00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:55,640 It's a great relief to know 667 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,760 that Paddington's already made such sweet friends. 668 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,360 Would you excuse us a moment? 669 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,360 -What are you doing? -Talking to the nice men. 670 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,640 Nice men? Mary, we can't trust these people. 671 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,320 I mean, look at them. 672 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,960 Talk about a rogues' gallery! Hideous. 673 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:14,800 And as for that bearded baboon in the middle, 674 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,040 he's hardly got two brain cells to rub together. 675 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,680 We can still hear you, Mr Brown. 676 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:21,440 (MURMURS OF AGREEMENT) 677 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,720 That was the light you turned off. 678 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,840 (LAUGHTER) 679 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,200 JEREMY: It does look good. 680 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,720 I should just set up, or sort of back-set-up that clip, 681 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,360 which is that Paddington gets put into prison 682 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,120 for a crime we don't think he committed. 683 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,640 -I'm sure he didn't commit it. -No. 684 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,680 Somebody was pointing out to me the other day - 685 00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:44,880 if Paddington really did arrive, and I won't get bogged down in immigration, 686 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:49,080 but he would be in contravention of Section 24 of the Immigration Act. 687 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,520 Cos he's deliberately avoided the immigration authorities. 688 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,440 -And you, as Mr Brown... -Yeah? 689 00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:57,840 You would potentially face prosecution under Section 25, 690 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,880 for assisting unlawful immigration to a member state. 691 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,040 14 years in prison, that would get you. 692 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,120 Right. Well, there's the plot of Paddington 3 for you! 693 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,160 (LAUGHTER) 694 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:11,720 Anyway, we must get on to cars, cos this is... largely a car show. 695 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,400 Now, Casey, the thing about Montana is, 696 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,680 you could pretty much do anything you liked on the road there, until recently. 697 00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:20,480 Yeah, not long ago, you could drive 100 miles an hour down the road, 698 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,720 drinking a beer, and have a loaded shotgun in your lap, 699 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,400 and you weren't breaking the law. 700 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,000 (LAUGHTER) 701 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,200 -What went wrong? -Yeah, I know! 702 00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:31,040 Now you can only drive 85. 703 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:32,560 Cos the rule is, basically: don't crash. 704 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,360 "Just keep it between the fences", I think... 705 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,680 Yeah, between the fences, between the ditches. 706 00:36:36,720 --> 00:36:39,560 As long as you don't go off the road, or maybe a little bit, you're cool. 707 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:40,920 (LAUGHTER) 708 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:42,280 It's largely gravel roads, as well. 709 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,400 Gravel roads, or icy roads. 710 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,880 I mean, I grew up with Land Cruisers, Willys Jeeps, big pick-up trucks. 711 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,840 When I haul Brutus around, I have a big Dodge 3500. 712 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,080 -Can he drive a car? -(LAUGHS) 713 00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,200 No, but he likes to tear them apart. 714 00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:57,760 There's been times when we're driving down the road to the vet, 715 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,160 and he's like, "What's this knob? What's this lever?" 716 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,600 And so the windshield wipers are going, radio's blaring, 717 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,840 and I'm screaming, "Get back, Brutus! Get back, Brutus!" 718 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:07,600 And he's tearing your face off. 719 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,040 (LAUGHS) You imagine the drivers driving by, saying... 720 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,920 Now, you're not particularly, I don't think, a helmsman. 721 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:19,680 No, I'm not. I'm not a petrol-head of any, you know, type. 722 00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:22,840 Cars, for me, get me from A to B, I'm afraid. 723 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:27,480 In recent months I had my proper, full-blown midlife crisis 724 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:28,880 and decided to buy a convertible. 725 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:30,760 My wife said, "Don't be ridiculous. 726 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,840 It is only sunny in England about two days a year." 727 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,680 Exactly, yeah. "Don't be so stupid." 728 00:37:35,720 --> 00:37:38,120 So, I went and bought a convertible, and then I thought, 729 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,800 "Actually, what I really want is an electric car." 730 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:44,040 -So, I said to my wife at the end of the summer... -(LAUGHTER) 731 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,600 "I'm getting rid of the convertible and getting an electric car." 732 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,920 She said, "Don't be ridiculous! We've had a great summer in that convertible. 733 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:51,800 You're not getting rid of it." 734 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:55,600 But meanwhile, I'd already placed an order for a second-hand Tesla. 735 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:59,080 So, I am now a Tesla owner, and I love it, Jeremy! 736 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:00,960 (LAUGHTER) 737 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,520 -Which is yours? The S? -Yes. 738 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,040 And my friend down the road has the top-of-the-range, 739 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:08,640 and we actually have a Tesla coffee group. 740 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,520 -Oh, Christ. -(LAUGHTER) 741 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,480 -There are three-- -How evangelical! 742 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,760 There are three... four of us, actually, now. 743 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,680 Another mate's just got one. So, in about a five-mile radius, 744 00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:21,680 and we literally go and stare at each other's cars. 745 00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:24,120 I've never had an interest in cars at all, 746 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:25,720 and I love my Tesla. 747 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,760 (LAUGHTER) 748 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,960 I can't imagine the electric car has caught on much in Montana. 749 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,520 -I'm part of a Tesla coffee group, too. -Oh, Christ. 750 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,960 How have we ended up with this? 751 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,520 Right. Now, obviously, you came here to do your laps. How did it go? 752 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,520 Ah, look, I'm not a driver, and I would say 753 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:48,840 that I'm probably about a minute slower than him. That's my prediction. 754 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,720 A minute would be something quite spectacular! 755 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,200 (LAUGHS) I'm like an old granny. 756 00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:54,920 Well, that's cos you're from Downton. 757 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,640 The car had barely been invented - that's what it is. 758 00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,480 The gravel must have been second nature for you. 759 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,080 Oh, when I heard that there was gravel, and I saw it, 760 00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,320 I'm like, "Oh, I might have a chance here." 761 00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:06,480 -That was my edge. -Damn! 762 00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:09,640 Well, now, whose lap shall we see first? Hmmm... 763 00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,160 We'll go with you first of all. 764 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,160 Who'd like to see Hugh's lap? 765 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,240 -(CHEERING) -Let's have a look. 766 00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:18,560 (ENGINE ROARING) 767 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,960 There it is. Two-litre engine crackling away. 768 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,640 What do you mean, you need the toilet? 769 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:27,120 You've taken Paddington with you in the car. And is that a crash helmet he's got on? 770 00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,160 HUGH: Oh, yes. -Brilliant. 771 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,320 You're frightened to death. Actually, that's not too bad. And onto the difficult bit. 772 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:35,280 -Oh, here we go. -Yeah, there we are. 773 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,480 Are we going to get some sideways action? 774 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,120 Oh, yes, we are. 775 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,160 Nearly stopped. 776 00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,800 Virtually in reverse. 777 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,480 I think what they're doing is playing the film in slow motion. Let's be kind. 778 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,280 They did say you were very slow, 779 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,320 but no, that's not very slow. 780 00:39:56,360 --> 00:40:00,000 Hang on. Let's have a look through here. Tail out again. That's good. 781 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,680 Coming back onto... Oh, no, you've got a bit of a tank-slapper! 782 00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:06,120 And back on the Tarmac, where it's very slippery, but you've held that nicely. 783 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,480 Right. Now for the tricky bit. 784 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,680 -Oh, this bit was-- -It's OK. You're making it look tricky. 785 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:14,240 -(LAUGHS) -And there we are, onto the straight. 786 00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:18,040 ♪ Here we go round the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush, the... ♪ 787 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,760 Keeping Paddington happy. Were you flat through there? 788 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,440 Yeah... 789 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:26,320 That was leaning on it. You are good on the Tarmac. 790 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,920 Final corner, and tail out again. 791 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,840 Nicely done, Hugh, and across the line! There we are, everybody. 792 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,600 -Well, done. -Pretty good. 793 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,080 JEREMY: That's not bad! 794 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:41,520 Honestly...a couple of slow bits, but not bad. 795 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:45,640 Who'd like to see Casey's lap? Done without a bear in his car. Here we go. 796 00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,800 Vigorous, little two-litre engine. 797 00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:53,160 OK, this thing has got some power. 798 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,320 JEREMY: Yeah, but it is only two-litre. 799 00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,640 I'm amazed that was big enough for you, with your big pick-ups. 800 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,120 Nicely, tidily done through there. 801 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,760 Very tidy indeed. Keeping it smooth. 802 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,760 And onto the gravel. Now, this is where he's at home. 803 00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,840 Except for the beer and the shotgun. 804 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:12,680 (CASEY LAUGHS) 805 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:14,760 Oh, nicely held through there, flicking it back the other way. 806 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,200 Sideways on that one. 807 00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:19,280 Big smile. It is funny how a fully grown man 808 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,920 can be made to smile by sliding a car on gravel. 809 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,440 That does look good in the afternoon sun there, 810 00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:29,240 as the F-Type comes up now, back towards the Tarmac. 811 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,400 No tank-slapper going on there. This is always tricky. 812 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:34,720 (TYRES SQUEALING) 813 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,720 You are the master of understeer. 814 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:39,480 Yep, that looks good. Bit of dust. 815 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,600 Nearly stopped, but we're going again. 816 00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,800 It's my nemesis coming up right here. 817 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:46,680 Yeah. Understeer again? 818 00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:49,920 No, that was really... Oh, what are you doing? 819 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,920 That's a Scandi Flick, or something near a Scandi Flick. 820 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:56,080 And more understeer, and there we are, ladies and gentlemen. 821 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,800 -Across the line, as well! -(APPLAUSE) 822 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,440 CASEY: A little crazy. -(LAUGHTER) 823 00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,320 So far, the Brits have won every single week. 824 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,240 -OK. -We're hoping to keep that up. 825 00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,520 I've got the times here. 826 00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:16,000 Hugh Bonneville, you did it... 827 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,160 And just to give you some idea... 828 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,320 The fastest so far is a 1:17. 829 00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,560 The slowest is David Hasselhoff. 1:24. 830 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:27,760 You did it in one 831 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,560 22 832 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,520 .2. 833 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,760 -So, you're faster than David Hasselhoff. -Beat the Hoff! 834 00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:37,200 -Beat the Hoff. -Beat the Hoff. 835 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,680 Well done. 836 00:42:40,720 --> 00:42:41,800 But... 837 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:47,240 Did you beat our American guest, who's come very far for this? 838 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,520 Casey Anderson. 839 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:53,560 1:18.6. 840 00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,000 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 841 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:57,680 Congratulations. 842 00:42:57,720 --> 00:42:59,760 So, there we are - our first American winner. 843 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,280 First one. Sorry, Hugh. 844 00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:05,640 There we are, ladies and gentlemen. 845 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,480 A very big thanks to Hugh Bonneville 846 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,520 and the fastest man who lives with a bear, Casey Anderson! 847 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,360 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 848 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:20,920 Now, in olden times, 849 00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,600 the furthest you could ever travel in one day 850 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,880 was as far as your horse could go before it died. 851 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:30,960 Yeah, and then, in the late '50s, the invention of jets and helicopters meant, 852 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:35,040 if you had the money, you could have breakfast in the South of France on a boat, 853 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,800 go skiing in the Alps at lunch time, 854 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,440 and get to Turin in time for dinner with a Contessa. 855 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,640 Yeah. Now, this created the jet-set, 856 00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:46,640 which is all very "Where do you go to, my lovely, when you're alone in your bed?" 857 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:50,320 But I was wondering, now that cars are so fast 858 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,200 and roads, by and large, are good - we have motorways, for example - 859 00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:55,960 do you need the jets and helicopters any more? 860 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:57,680 Yeah, you do. 861 00:43:57,720 --> 00:44:01,160 Well, to find out, I took the Grand Tour to Saint-Tropez. 862 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:09,400 (EASY-LISTENING MUSIC) 863 00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:27,080 (BELLOWS) Giovanni! 864 00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:33,080 Ah, morning. 865 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:36,640 I've got dinner tonight in Turin with the Contessa, 866 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,680 but I fancy a bit of skiing. 867 00:44:38,720 --> 00:44:41,080 So, could you bring the car round? 868 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:45,480 And can you make sure there are no ordinary people near it? I don't want a disease. 869 00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:47,920 Good. 870 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,520 (ENGINE ROARING) 871 00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,480 Soon, Giovanni arrived at the boat with my car. 872 00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,960 And after he'd loaded the boot 873 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,880 with half of what I'd need for the day, 874 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,440 I climbed aboard and set off. 875 00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:30,120 Right. What all these people are looking at 876 00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:36,840 is Bugatti's answer to the Agusta 109 and Gulfstream G6. 877 00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:40,040 It's called the Chiron, and there's no other way of saying this. 878 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:41,880 It's the fastest car in the world. 879 00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:51,680 Obviously, it isn't the fastest car in the world right now, 880 00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:55,600 because I'm sort of going round the port in Saint-Tropez, 881 00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:59,720 but this, in fact, is the Bugatti's party piece. 882 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,040 But think about it. 883 00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:11,960 This is a 1,479-horsepower, 884 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:16,960 261-mile-an-hour rocket ship. 885 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:21,280 It is engineering taken to the max, and then some. 886 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:26,520 And yet I'm doing 20 miles an hour and it feels like a Golf. 887 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:29,360 It's like Concorde. 888 00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:31,520 Anyone in the sky in the 1960s 889 00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:35,320 who was doing twice the speed of sound was wearing a G-suit. 890 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,240 But on Concorde they were doing twice the speed of sound 891 00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,000 while wearing a lounge suit, 892 00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:44,800 sipping from a glass of Château Margaux. 893 00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:47,080 That was the brilliance of Concorde. 894 00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:53,480 It was right at the edge of what was technically possible, but it felt normal. 895 00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,120 That's what the Bugatti's doing here. 896 00:46:58,000 --> 00:46:59,720 Eventually, though, I emerged 897 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,600 from the summer-long Saint-Tropez traffic jam 898 00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,520 and joined the motorway, 899 00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,880 home turf for the Chiron and the monster that powers it. 900 00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:11,160 It's an eight-litre monster, 901 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:12,840 with 16 cylinders 902 00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:18,880 and enough grunt to make kilometres feel like inches. 903 00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,960 (ENGINE ROARING) 904 00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,520 We all thought the Veyron was fairly amazing, 905 00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:41,400 but this has... out-amazinged it. 906 00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,760 Let me give you a few of the headline statistics. 907 00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:52,040 The Chiron accelerates from 0 to 186 miles an hour 908 00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:56,200 faster than a Toyota hatchback accelerates from 0 to 60. 909 00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:01,960 Flat out, this will drain its fuel tank... 910 00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:06,000 Ready? ...in nine minutes. 911 00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,720 And to put that in a language the youth can understand, 912 00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:13,960 it's like drinking seven shot glasses full of petrol every second. 913 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,400 The Chiron has ten radiators. 914 00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:21,600 That's more than I've got in my apartment. 915 00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:23,360 And then there's the water pump, 916 00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:27,880 which sends 200 gallons of water a minute round the engine. 917 00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:30,600 That could brim a bath in 12 seconds. 918 00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:35,160 Firemen use less powerful pumps than that. 919 00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:38,400 It's not a cheap car to buy. 920 00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:42,400 In fact, it costs £2.5 million. 921 00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,600 And it's not cheap to run, either. 922 00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:48,680 The tyres, for instance, cost £13,000. 923 00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:53,600 The stats just go on and on and on, 924 00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:55,400 but all you can ever think is, 925 00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:57,280 "Bloody hell, this thing's quick!" 926 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:06,920 (ENGINE ROARING) 927 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,360 Obviously, I can't show you how fast on a motorway, 928 00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,280 because the French police 929 00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,480 have completely lost their sense of humour about speeding. 930 00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:18,720 So I had to make a call. 931 00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,560 (BELLOWS) Giovanni! 932 00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:24,120 Sir? 933 00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:28,280 Yeah, could you lay on a deserted air field and... 934 00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:33,680 What shall I get? ...a BMW M4 in about 20 seconds? 935 00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,200 -Certainly, sir. -Thanks. 936 00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:47,000 OK. I don't really have time to do this on my busy day, 937 00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:49,560 but what I'm going to do is demonstrate to you 938 00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:53,480 the difference between a really fast car 939 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,320 and a Bugatti Chiron. 940 00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:03,800 (ENGINE STARTS) 941 00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,160 (ENGINES REVVING) 942 00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:13,360 (TYRES SQUEALING) 943 00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:18,120 (CHUCKLES) 80, 96, 105, 130, 154, 944 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:21,000 163, 200, 207, 223... 945 00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,400 (SOUND DIPPED) ...hell. 946 00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:29,000 Drag-race over, I got back on the road. 947 00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:37,360 There is no doubt in my mind 948 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:40,480 that this is faster than flying. It just is. 949 00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:45,080 I mean, if I were to be racing Hammond today in his silly helicopter, 950 00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:48,400 he'd still be sitting at the heliport in Saint-Tropez, saying, 951 00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:54,640 "Requesting ILS Vector, Golf Tango Donkey Norway Shirley." 952 00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:58,360 All completely unnecessary gibberish, just so everyone goes, 953 00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,520 "Oh, aren't you clever, being able to fly a helicopter?" 954 00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,520 Not really. 955 00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:08,600 I, on the other hand, having got no clearance at all from anyone, 956 00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:12,440 had turned off the motorway and into the foothills of the Alps. 957 00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,200 And you might imagine that, on roads like this, 958 00:51:25,240 --> 00:51:29,120 a mid-engine supercar would be divine. 959 00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:32,840 But this is no ordinary mid-engine supercar. 960 00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:40,240 A McLaren 720, or a Ford GT, they would be brilliant here. 961 00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:45,400 But this... I'm gonna be honest with you. It feels heavy. 962 00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:49,000 Because it is. I'm not saying it's cumbersome. 963 00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:50,840 I'm not saying getting it up this mountain road 964 00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,680 is like getting a cow up a step-ladder. 965 00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:58,000 But it's not delicate or deft or dainty. 966 00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:04,080 No, the Chiron, it tackles mountain roads 967 00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:06,920 in a way I've never experienced before. 968 00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:12,560 Imagine the tear of a newly born child. 969 00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:14,480 Well, this isn't like that. This is more like... 970 00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:19,520 (LAUGHS) Mount Vesuvius! 971 00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,120 (ENGINE ROARING) 972 00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:24,880 There are no straights in a Chiron. 973 00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:27,880 You come out of a corner and then you're in the next one. 974 00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:30,240 Pretty much immediately. 975 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,680 Come out of a corner... Wham! 976 00:52:34,720 --> 00:52:40,160 Slow down... Blam! Oh, my God! Wham! 977 00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:45,200 Most supercars would flow up a hill like this, 978 00:52:45,240 --> 00:52:47,880 but this is more staccato. 979 00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:54,160 Weirdly, then, the best way to enjoy this car on a mountain road 980 00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:58,880 is to drive it much more slowly than it can actually go. 981 00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:13,080 Is this a bad thing? 982 00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,680 Well, not when you remember who it's been made for. 983 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:23,400 If you tell the Bugatti customer 984 00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:27,440 that this can generate 2G in the corners, he won't care less. 985 00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:31,800 Tell him it's got 3K diamonds in the speakers, and he'll say, "Really?" 986 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:33,760 Only, in a Russian accent. 987 00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:39,640 I think they've judged this to perfection. 988 00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:46,960 Soon I arrived at Les Deux Alpes, 989 00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:50,920 where I removed my ski boot from the boot, 990 00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:52,800 bought another from the shop... 991 00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,520 Merci. Oui, à plus tard. 992 00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,920 ...and went off to find a glacier. 993 00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:26,640 Let's do this. 994 00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:37,720 It is remarkable that, in this day and age, 995 00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:39,720 I've been able to do this. 996 00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:43,560 Just a few hours ago, I was in the South of France, 997 00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:46,960 surrounded by people in their carefully designed, 998 00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:49,280 topless swimsuits. 999 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:52,600 And now I'm on an Alp, doing skiing, 1000 00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:54,880 with the others of the jet-set. 1001 00:54:57,800 --> 00:54:59,880 It took rather longer to get down the glacier 1002 00:54:59,920 --> 00:55:01,400 than I'd expected. 1003 00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:03,960 So, when I got back to the town, 1004 00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:07,560 I had to get my skis off and my skates on. 1005 00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:14,120 Not that you could actually hear that I had my skates on. 1006 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,800 The only really odd noise you get in a Chiron 1007 00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:22,520 is the whoosh of the turbo-charging system. 1008 00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,400 -Ready? (SIGHS) -(RHYTHMICAL WHIRRING) 1009 00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:31,560 It's actually relaxing. 1010 00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:34,840 It sounds like small wavelets 1011 00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,520 breaking on a tropical beach. Here we go. 1012 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:40,560 (WHIRRING) 1013 00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:44,200 What this car is is just a really nice, 1014 00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:46,200 comfortable place to sit, 1015 00:55:46,240 --> 00:55:52,560 while it gets on with the business of smashing continents. 1016 00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,520 And that's exactly what it'd have to do, 1017 00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:57,800 if I were to be on time for my dinner date 1018 00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,080 with the Contessa in Turin. 1019 00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:03,720 Happily, I soon left France, 1020 00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:07,000 where they rip your fingernails out if you break the speed limit, 1021 00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:11,120 and entered Italy, where, so far as I can tell, 1022 00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:15,360 speeding isn't really seen as a crime at all. 1023 00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,400 I was once pulled over by the police in Italy, 1024 00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:19,600 when I was driving a Lamborghini, 1025 00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:22,480 and they told me I wasn't driving quickly enough. 1026 00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:24,560 (ITALIAN ACCENT) "It's a Lamborghini. When you leave here, 1027 00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:26,720 you drive like the wind." 1028 00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:30,680 This is my instruction from the police. (CHUCKLES) 1029 00:56:30,720 --> 00:56:32,440 (ENGINE ROARING) 1030 00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:37,240 Right. It's 47 miles to Turin. 1031 00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:40,600 I've got 45 minutes to get there, and I'm never late. 1032 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:42,800 I'm pathologically punctual. 1033 00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:48,960 By taking the police advice and driving like the wind, 1034 00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:52,960 I made it to the outskirts of Turin with 11 minutes to go. 1035 00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:58,240 And I had to spend one of those minutes getting changed 1036 00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:01,320 in the bogs at a motorway service station. 1037 00:57:04,240 --> 00:57:05,760 (SQUELCHING) 1038 00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:12,840 Right. 1039 00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:17,840 I have got nine minutes to make this rendezvous. 1040 00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:19,680 (ENGINE STARTS) 1041 00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:21,560 (CLEARS THROAT) This should be interesting. 1042 00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:31,920 There was a film called Rendezvous, made in the 1960s, 1043 00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:35,560 when someone tried to cross Paris in nine minutes. 1044 00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:37,440 (ENGINE ROARING) 1045 00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:41,720 Well, now it was time to put that 16-cylinder engine in Race mode 1046 00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:45,320 and make an hommage to that. 1047 00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,080 (ENGINE ROARING) 1048 00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:56,760 (TYRES SQUEALING) 1049 00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:01,840 (HORNS HONKING) 1050 00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:11,440 (ENGINE ROARING) 1051 00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:32,320 (TYRES SQUEALING) 1052 00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:47,000 (TRAM BELL JINGLES) 1053 00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,040 -20 seconds. -(ENGINE ROARING) 1054 00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:14,480 Made it. 1055 00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:18,960 (CAR DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) 1056 00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:20,640 (BELL TOLLING) 1057 00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:40,760 (CHEERING) 1058 00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:42,720 -Amazing. -Rumble. 1059 00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:44,720 You can feel it more than you can hear it. 1060 00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:46,840 Yeah, in the chest. But hang on. 1061 00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:48,600 Are you seriously saying 1062 00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:51,800 that, point to point, a car is faster than a helicopter? 1063 00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:54,640 Well, it's faster than your helicopter. You start yours with a cord. 1064 00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:58,040 Duh-duh-duh-duh! You do. 1065 00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:00,280 But a car is not faster than a helicopter. 1066 01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:03,320 OK, then, a race. OK? 1067 01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:07,560 You in your Moulinex Magimix versus me in that Chiron. 1068 01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:09,080 No, I can't. I'm not allowed to fly it at the moment. 1069 01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,440 -Why not? -I broke my leg. 1070 01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,800 Oh, here we go again! God! 1071 01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:17,040 So, there we are. Because of his astonishing selfishness, 1072 01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:21,280 there will be no race between his kitchen appliance and the Chiron. 1073 01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:23,920 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1074 01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:26,320 Thank you very much for watching. Goodbye. 1075 01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:28,200 (CHEERING)