1 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,960 (CHEERING) 2 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,560 (CHEERING INTENSIFIES) 3 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,600 Thank you, everybody. 4 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,840 Thank you. 5 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,000 Hello! 6 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,520 -Hello, peoples! -Hello. 7 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,360 Thank you very much. 8 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,240 Thank you. 9 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,160 Thank you so much. 10 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,720 Thank you, everybody. 11 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,480 And in this show... 12 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,600 James stands in a park, 13 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,000 I panic in a shop... 14 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,560 ...and Richard is touched by a man. 15 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,160 (LAUGHTER) 16 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,360 All that is coming later. 17 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,080 It is not! 18 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,480 (LAUGHTER) 19 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,720 Yes, it is. But first, we start with this. 20 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,960 This is the new Ford GT, 21 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,200 and we have had thousands of letters from people, 22 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,840 all asking the same thing - 23 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,000 "We know it's fast, very fast, 24 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,520 but is it faster than an airliner?" 25 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,440 Well, not thousands of letters. 26 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,000 Er...no, not thousands of letters. 27 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,320 -You mean, none. -Yes. We've had no letters at all. 28 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,400 But I was interested in finding out anyway, 29 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,840 so this week, The Grand Tour is off to New York. 30 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,200 And here it is. 31 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,920 (ENGINE REVS) 32 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,400 Deep inside the concrete canyons of Manhattan... 33 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,320 ...the fastest, most beautiful, 34 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,640 most expensive car Ford has ever made. 35 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:56,800 Some are saying that it's just a 647-horsepower racing car for the road, 36 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,320 but actually, it's a lot more than that. 37 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:08,760 First things first - it is very practical. 38 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,320 It's got a boot which is the exact same size 39 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:14,160 as the glove box on a Renault Clio, 40 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,240 so you can get your luggage in easily. 41 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,080 And unlike the previous GT, 42 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,960 it's got doors that you can open in a car park 43 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,680 cos they go up rather than out. 44 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,800 And you can get inside even if you have a head. 45 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,680 However, the seat doesn't move. 46 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,160 In order to get comfortable, what you have to do is 47 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,520 move the steering wheel to where you want it 48 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,920 and then you move the pedals. 49 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,440 Pull this sort of ratchet strap here, and... 50 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,040 Right. 51 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,600 Is that... Is that fixed? 52 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,760 (ENGINE ROARS) 53 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,720 The problem with this moving-pedal arrangement is 54 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,640 that when I push the brake, 55 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,960 how do I know whether I'm applying the brakes 56 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,680 or just pushing the pedal further away? 57 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,960 How do I know whether it's locked? 58 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,480 I don't! 59 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,600 After some nerve-racking city-centre miles 60 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,120 with a swallowy Adam in my Big Apple... 61 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,600 (GULPS) 62 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,640 ...I arrived in Central Park, the start point of the race 63 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,680 that no one's been asking about. 64 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,560 And dressed like everyone else, 65 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,920 my rival was waiting. 66 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,640 There he is, Mr Slowly. 67 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,280 -Morning. -(GRUNTS) Hang on. 68 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,320 Right, what's the plan? 69 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,120 Well, we're going to find out 70 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,880 whether it's faster to fly or drive 71 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,200 from here to the Canadian border. 72 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,680 -Fly. -Well, you say that, 73 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,080 -but if you look on a map... -(MOUTHS SILENTLY) 74 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,160 ...you, because you're not using a car, 75 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,080 will have to go from here in Central Park 76 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,000 on a train to JFK, then fly to Buffalo 77 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,520 and then use a bus to get to the finish line 78 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,960 at the Niagara Falls, where I'll be waiting for you. 79 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,920 You won't be waiting for me. 80 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,400 I will. This thing does 216 miles an hour! 81 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,880 Yes, I know, but where, between there and there, 82 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,200 are you gonna do 216 miles an hour? 83 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,880 Yes, but you've got to spend two hours at JFK being touched inappropriately 84 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,480 and giving them your toothpaste. 85 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,080 Anyway, you've got a handicap. 86 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,920 -What handicap? -Here it is! 87 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,520 (JAMES SIGHS) 88 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,160 Seriously? I thought he was in hospital. 89 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,600 No, you mean you hoped he was in hospital, but he isn't! 90 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,200 He's come all the way out here. 91 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,400 He's keen to get back to work. 92 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,800 So I've become a carer, is that what you're saying? 93 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,400 Yes. Morning, Hammond. 94 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,560 -Morning, chaps! How are you? -We're very well. 95 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,840 You do know this is a race car, don't you? 96 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,320 Yes, apart from the fact it's got indicators and a rear-view mirror and... 97 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,120 Yeah, but it was built to go racing, 98 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,760 and you do know racing cars never work on the road. 99 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,280 After an hour in this, you'll be scared you're gonna to die. 100 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,640 After two hours, you'll be scared in case you don't die. 101 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,440 Shall we just get on with this? 102 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,560 (ENGINE RUMBLES) 103 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,600 -Ready? -Yes! 104 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,720 (LAUGHS) What was that? 105 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,240 -Nothing, nothing. -That looks tremendous! 106 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:23,120 I've got it up again now. That was in its V-Max mode. 107 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,560 Right. Ready, steady... 108 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,080 Yes. 109 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,040 (ENGINE RUMBLES) 110 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,840 Go. 111 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,120 He hasn't got a chance, has he? 112 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,000 He has if you just stand there. Let's go! 113 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,880 It's this way, come on. 114 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,320 There we are, leaving the park. 115 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,520 This is good. 116 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,080 Come on, Hammond. 117 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,760 Yeah, good teamwork. 118 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,280 Come on! 119 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,160 Oh, it's good to be back! 120 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:10,160 JAMES: As this was a race between the car and public transport, 121 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:15,240 we'd be using two subway trains, the AirTrain to JFK, 122 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,720 a plane to Buffalo and then two buses to the finish point 123 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:22,280 at the Niagara Falls. 124 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:26,440 Clarkson, meanwhile, had a simple 420-mile thrash 125 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,520 from one side of New York State to the other. 126 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,520 (ENGINE ROARS) 127 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,440 Yes! They're green on 89th. 128 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,040 And they're green on 90th. 129 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,680 We are screaming along now. 130 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,040 There are some steps here. Can you manage? 131 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,320 Yes! Er... 132 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,640 Hammond, there's more. 133 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,280 "Start to begin. English. 134 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,480 Fast MetroCard. Cash". 135 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,000 Not everybody gives a running commentary 136 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,160 as they get a card, most people just do it. 137 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,880 Finally, I'd been caught at a red light, 138 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,960 but that was OK because I had an important call to make. 139 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,320 CUSTOMER-SERVICE REP: Thank you for calling JetBlue. How may I help you? 140 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,080 Good morning, my name's Jeremy Clarkson. 141 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,920 You have a James May and Richard Hammond 142 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,120 booked on this morning's flight from JFK to Buffalo. 143 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:42,360 Sure. Do you have their confirmation number, and can you spell their last names? 144 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,640 I don't have a confirmation number. 145 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,840 What I can tell you is that they've been accidentally booked by the office 146 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,080 into business class. 147 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,720 That's not company policy, so could you drop them back down to economy? 148 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,440 Sure, let me take a look. 149 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,360 OK, I will make this update in their reservation 150 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,400 and we will email you a confirmation. 151 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,320 Is there anything else we can help with? 152 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,600 No, not for the moment, thanks. Thank you very much. 153 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,600 (LAUGHS) 154 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,560 Oh, I'm on form this morning! 155 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,680 As was the world's worst carer. 156 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,520 (TICKET BARRIER BLEEPS) 157 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:30,960 JAMES: Come on! 158 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:34,760 With the world's clumsiest driver stuck in a barrier... 159 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:39,400 ...I was getting used to the monster 160 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,960 that was powering me through Manhattan. 161 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,320 I used to own the old Ford GT, 162 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,920 and that was a brilliant car in every way 163 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:51,200 apart from the fact that it was the size of a football pitch, 164 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,400 I knocked myself out every time I closed the door, 165 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,880 I couldn't see what was coming at junctions, 166 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,440 and it had such a small fuel tank 167 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:03,760 that it could only go about six yards between fill-ups. 168 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:08,040 This new version, however, is completely different. 169 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,720 It is longer than the car I had, and wider 170 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:14,880 and harder to see out of, and incredibly, 171 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,560 the fuel tank's even smaller. 172 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,640 It only holds 12 gallons. 173 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:23,240 And that means that on this 420-mile race, 174 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,400 I'm gonna have to fill up...twice. 175 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,840 Eek. 176 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:36,520 It also has literally the hardest ride of any car I've ever driven. 177 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:40,120 I know New York's roads are atrocious, but this is stiff. 178 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:44,040 This is... This is stiffer than Ron Jeremy. 179 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,920 (ENGINE ROARS) 180 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,600 Meanwhile... 181 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,280 This is us. 182 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,760 Other than throwing myself down the stairs, 183 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,640 this is all I've got. 184 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,920 Right, we missed that one. 185 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:06,080 JEREMY: In the GT, I was already leaving Manhattan. 186 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,640 Right, we've got to go across the Georgy Washington Bridge. 187 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,720 Heading for New Jersey. 188 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,640 Annoyingly though, my storming progress 189 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,080 was about to be halted by roadworks. 190 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,960 (BEEPING HORNS) 191 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,520 This traffic's worse than I thought it was going to be. 192 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,800 Come on! 193 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,240 Er...James? 194 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,240 Nothing, don't worry. 195 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,600 -What? -Nothing. 196 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:52,680 Yeah, but it means both of them, not just this one. 197 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,800 Come and see the man without a disability sitting in the special seat! 198 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,200 -Ow! -There's nobody else disabled down here. 199 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:07,160 I'd be better if I could sit in that special seat that's reserved for me. 200 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,960 It's reserved for disabled people. 201 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,640 -Like me! -You're not disabled! 202 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,400 Temporarily, yes, I am! 203 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,880 You're not disabled, you've had a playground injury 204 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,840 as a result of your own half-wittedness. 205 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,160 -Oh! -That's not disabled. 206 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,560 I'm surprised you don't do more charity work with the differently abled. 207 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,560 -(NEXT CAR BEEPS) -Yes. 208 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,040 Lot of love for the fast Ford here. 209 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,640 There always is, of course, cos they're seen as sort of blue-collar heroes. 210 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,880 That said, this one is $400,000. 211 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,800 You can actually have two Ferraris for the price of one of these. Two! 212 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,760 Meanwhile, Hammond was heading for the next subway train 213 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,640 with the help of Captain Compassionate. 214 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,640 JAMES: Come on, come on, come on! Come on! 215 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,120 Come on! 216 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,800 That's gone, then. Yeah. 217 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,760 What happened there is, basically, we missed the train 218 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:14,040 because you don't know to slow down when it says "finish" across the road. 219 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,760 -Oh, nice! -Sorry to put it bluntly like that, 220 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,120 but that's exactly what happened. 221 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,520 JEREMY: I, meanwhile, was off the bridge, 222 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:28,840 and at last the GT had some space to stretch its legs. 223 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,320 Right, now, the roads are opening up a bit, 224 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,840 time to see what this V6 can do. 225 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:39,040 Right, here we go - opening the taps! 226 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,920 (ENGINE REVS UP) 227 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,640 Bloody Nora! 228 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:52,640 Aagh! 229 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,000 What a machine! 230 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,160 What an astonishing engine! 231 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,640 It's a turbo-charged V6, not a V8, 232 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:14,080 which it should be in a Ford GT, 233 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:18,880 and it shares 60% of its components with the engine in a Ford pick-up truck. 234 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:25,240 Yet somehow, it feels like a mad Caterham 235 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,160 when you put your foot down. 236 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,080 (LAUGHS) 237 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,640 I also love the way they haven't messed around with the sound this engine makes. 238 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,920 There's no electronic trickery, 239 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,760 no artificial barks and bangs, 240 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,400 it's just a raucous, deafening racket. 241 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,160 JAMES: As Jeremy deafened himself in New Jersey, 242 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,160 we had finished with the subways 243 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,920 and were about to board the train to the airport. 244 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:03,320 -The train will be in three minutes. -Thank you. 245 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,080 I'm gonna call May, see how they're doing. 246 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,800 PHONE COMPUTER: Who would you like to call? 247 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,880 Vagina. 248 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,440 (LINE RINGS) 249 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,080 I've had to change his name in my contacts. 250 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:18,400 It's not normally Vagina, it's worse than that. 251 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:19,680 (PHONE RINGS) 252 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,240 Hello, it's me. You rang. 253 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:25,240 JEREMY: You'll have to really speak up, my car's quite noisy. 254 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,920 I want to know, what time do you get to JFK? 255 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:33,680 (LOUDLY) We will get to JFK in 25 minutes' time. 256 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,400 This is embarrassing, you're making a scene. 257 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,640 I'm hoping to get the 11 minutes past one flight. 258 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:43,520 -Hello? May! -(BEEP) 259 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,160 You know what? He's done some Bluetoothing, hasn't he? 260 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,040 Oh, look. 261 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,680 -Oh. -That's not worked, has it? 262 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,560 (CRUTCHES CLATTER) 263 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,360 What a bloody noise, honestly! 264 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,640 -What can I do about it? -Put some springs in them or something. 265 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,520 On the freeway, 266 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:09,000 I was falling even more under the spell of the GT. 267 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,160 This car was actually developed 268 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,160 by a team of just 20 people, 269 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:18,680 and they did it under the radar of Ford's management. 270 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,760 They had no idea it was going on. 271 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,760 Their only contribution to it was insisting it had 272 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,960 a little sort of glove-box thing down here in front of the seat 273 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,440 so that when they were testing it on the streets of Detroit, 274 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,880 they had somewhere to store their Glocks. 275 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:39,280 And it does actually feel like it was put together by a small team. 276 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:43,840 It doesn't feel like the product of a mass-market manufacturer. 277 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:48,760 There's nothing subtle or damped or gentle about anything it does. 278 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,760 I just love it! 279 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,360 JAMES: On the AirTrain, 280 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:58,120 we too were finally making swift progress. 281 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,960 -That's quite good, isn't it? -That's excellent. 282 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,920 JAMES: How fast would you say this was going? 283 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,120 It's probably 60mph. 284 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:06,680 RICHARD: That's great! 285 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,920 Observe - the train is going faster than the cars. 286 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,080 Not my car, it wasn't. 287 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,840 As we are now in the steady cruise, 288 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,800 I've put it in "comfort", and I can relax. 289 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,600 The office has provided me with an audiobook, 290 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,440 which will help me do just that. Here we go. 291 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,080 JAMES (NARRATING): I knew innately that 292 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,720 loosening them meant turning them anti-clockwise, 293 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,880 a tiny hairspring that contracted... 294 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,200 JEREMY: Sadly, it turned out to be 295 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:42,040 a James May talking book on how to mend things. 296 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,840 JAMES (NARRATING): What I didn't appreciate at the age of five 297 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,560 was the facility that the freshly wound mainspring had 298 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,840 for completing the disassembly process for me, 299 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,360 and as a quantum event at that. It was there... 300 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,320 JAMES: Having reached JFK in no time at all... 301 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,320 ...Hop-Along Hammond was now slowing us down again... 302 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,480 ...so I decided to speed him up. 303 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,680 You do realise this is not a self-propelled one, 304 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,320 it hasn't got the big wheels, you'll have to push me? 305 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,760 -Yeah, that's all right. -Cool. 306 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,720 It's better than listening to that clink-chink-clink noise for the rest of the day. 307 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,280 You've really suffered, mate. I don't know how you've put up with it. 308 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:21,840 Thank you. 309 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,200 -I'm just gonna do a quick brake test. -Yeah. 310 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,520 -(SQUEAKS AND CRUNCHES) -(RICHARD GRUNTS) Yeah, they work. 311 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,680 JAMES (NARRATING): Off came the back, 312 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,720 suspiciously easily, I would now realise. 313 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,880 More screws lay within, and on I went, 314 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,880 like one of Carter's archaeologists... 315 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,560 How did he stay awake to read that out? 316 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,560 He's reassembling an alarm clock, 317 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,440 and he's made an audio book of it. 318 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,880 Oh, God! 319 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,280 JAMES: With Hammond now on four wheels, 320 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,320 we were doing well. 321 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,800 This is so easy! 322 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,720 SECURITY GUARD: Take everything from out of your pockets, please. 323 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,240 However... 324 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,160 (BLEEPING) 325 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,520 Well, I left them back in the... 326 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,560 I can't get in there without crutches. 327 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,720 You were complaining. I didn't think you wanted them any more. 328 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,960 -You gave them away! -You're in a wheelchair. 329 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,560 It's like a reserve parachute, you don't go, "I'm not using that". 330 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,280 We haven't got the crutches. Please may we go through? 331 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,160 OK. 332 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,280 RICHARD: It may have been OK for him, 333 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,360 but it definitely wasn't OK for me. 334 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:37,760 All right, so I'm gonna go ahead, 335 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,000 I'm going to give you a pat-down today, OK? 336 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,960 -All right, sir. -The pat-down consists of 337 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,640 me starting from the top all the way to the top of your feet. 338 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,760 For your sensitive areas, I have to use the back of my hands 339 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:51,720 in a sliding motion, from your waist, going down over your groin 340 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,000 and across your groin as well, 341 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,680 then sliding my way down your leg, OK? 342 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,560 (ENGINE ROARS) 343 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,720 Sitrep - 300 miles to go, 344 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,360 and I've been doing 16.4 miles to the gallon, 345 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,520 and I'm on the motorway. 346 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,040 That's not bad. I mean, it's not a prize, but it's not bad. 347 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,880 They should be at JFK now having their penises touched 348 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,560 and deodorant confiscated. 349 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,520 I'm gonna go up and down, OK? 350 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,200 I'm going down. 351 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,360 I'll go up and down one more time at the top of the leg. 352 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,800 JEREMY: At this point, 353 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,680 I decided to make life even worse for Hammond and May 354 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,520 by making another call to their airline. 355 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,600 CUSTOMER-SERVICE REP: Thank you for calling JetBlue. How may I help you? 356 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,960 Really sorry to trouble you again. It's Jeremy Clarkson here. 357 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,720 I spoke earlier about 358 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,480 downgrading Mr May and Mr Hammond to economy class. 359 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,680 -Yeah. -If I could tell you, 360 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:08,280 in confidence - they've both just come out of rehab. 361 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,840 So on the flight, could you make sure 362 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,400 the attendants don't give them any alcohol? 363 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,720 Thank you for letting us know. 364 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,360 I will go onto the reservation and make a note 365 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,320 and give it to our in-flight crew. 366 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,680 We will make sure to accommodate this special request. 367 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,800 Thank you for your understanding. 368 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,680 OK, goodbye. 369 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,680 PHONE COMPUTER: Calling Vagina. 370 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,280 -(PHONE RINGS) -Hold on. 371 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,200 -Hello? -Where are you? 372 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,240 We're at JFK. How far have you got? 373 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,560 I've done 153 miles. 374 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,160 -153? -Yeah. 375 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,480 Right, well, this is where we catch up. 376 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,840 We're about to board the 500mph shuttle. 377 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,400 How long's your flight? 378 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,080 One hour and 15 minutes. 379 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,800 Righty-ho. I could literally... 380 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,720 I might stop and have lunch in a minute. 381 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,520 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll see you at the end 382 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,600 and keep a beer warm for you. 383 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,960 You definitely will need a drink if you get to the end, I assure you. 384 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,880 Got to go now - important work. 385 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,000 -Goodbye. -(LAUGHS) 386 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,400 Economy and no drinks! 387 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,800 I am so gonna win this today. 388 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,560 JEREMY: Calls over, I put my foot down 389 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,960 and went back into the noise zone. 390 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,800 (ENGINE ROARS) 391 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,960 (CHEERING) 392 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,240 Honestly... 393 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,480 ...you would not believe, 394 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:48,320 you simply wouldn't believe the noise that that car makes. 395 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:51,160 It's just... It's just so relentless. 396 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:55,400 I can't imagine having to put up with that endless bellowing drone. 397 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,200 Yeah, it's a dreary drone. 398 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:02,320 Just going on and on and on and on. 399 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:05,560 You think you had it bad, I was travelling with a handicap! 400 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,680 (LAUGHTER) 401 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:12,080 James, it's not 1950. The correct term these days is "a disabled". 402 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:15,440 He's not disabled, he's just clumsy. 403 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:16,960 What? 404 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,600 Actually, on that whole point, 405 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,200 able-bodied people like to think that 406 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,280 everything that could be done to make life easier 407 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,640 and convenient for disabled people has been done, 408 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,560 but when you find yourself in that position, 409 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:31,520 you realise it really, really hasn't. 410 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,920 The Grand Tour - a show that cares. 411 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,400 (LAUGHTER) 412 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,840 This week it's disabled people 413 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:42,440 and next week we're doing people who are BLT. 414 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,040 Erm...that's a sandwich. 415 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,320 What is it I mean? 416 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:47,960 You mean, LGBT. 417 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,520 Yes, that. 418 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,040 That's what I meant, not BLT. Er...anyway... 419 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,960 It's lesbian, gay, bacon and tomato - that's the one. 420 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,400 That's my favourite sandwich, and we're doing that next week. 421 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,840 Later on, though, we'll be picking the race up, 422 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,400 so don't go away. 423 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,920 Absolutely, there'll be more of that later. 424 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,800 But now it is time for us to lean 425 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,640 on the lamppost of chat, in Conversation Street. 426 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,520 (LIVELY JAZZ) 427 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,400 (LAUGHTER) 428 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:23,800 Right, yes, now - Formula One season is over, 429 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,800 and as we all know, I'm sure, 430 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,840 Lewis Hamilton is world champion, 431 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,040 and well done, him. 432 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,000 I think we all agree on that. 433 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,000 I'm sure the Baby Jesus was very pleased. 434 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,520 -I don't doubt it. -They're like that. 435 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,040 They're close. 436 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,840 For me though, the highlight of the entire season 437 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,160 was on the podium in Mexico, 438 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:46,160 where Kimi Raikkonen set what I think is a new world record 439 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,000 for the longest chug of champagne. 440 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,760 -Did he? -Honestly. 441 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,720 Everyone else is spraying it round. 442 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,240 Back of shot... (GULPS) 443 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,200 I thought, "I know the Finns like a drink, 444 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,200 but he must have a titanium throat!" 445 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:04,080 Imagine the burp he did afterwards, a whole bottle. 446 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:05,600 It's staggering. 447 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,760 I think the problem is for most people, 448 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,120 champagne on the podium is a ritual, 449 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,560 but for Kimi Raikkonen, it's just another drink, 450 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,640 and he hasn't had one for at least two hours. 451 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,440 I often wonder - you know in Abu Dhabi, on the podium, 452 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,560 they're given rose water, not champagne? 453 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,120 If Kimi's coming 3rd, he's thinking, 454 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:26,080 "I've got to go on the podium for 20 minutes and drink rose water." 455 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,400 (REVS DOWN) "Oh, no, I'm 4th. 456 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,320 Straight to my motorhome and have a beer". 457 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:32,400 -Tuck in! -I mean, he is a Finn! 458 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,200 That's what they do. 459 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,960 Anyway, self-driving cars. We're told they're coming. 460 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,120 -Yes. -We were told this week, 461 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:41,920 actually, that there's a problem. 462 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,360 In cities like New York, and I guess other cities around the world, 463 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,280 people who drive them, indeed the cars themselves, 464 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,800 are going to be bullied. 465 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,960 -Bullied? -That's what they're saying. 466 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,520 Obviously, these cars will be programmed to never run over a person, OK? 467 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,400 Which means you can just go and stand in front of them. 468 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,160 I mean, you could. 469 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,720 You could do better than that, you could probably herd them a bit. 470 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,720 I could herd them and I would herd them. 471 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,120 Can you imagine how sanctimonious 472 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,920 the man sitting in his new self-driving car is gonna be with his paper? 473 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,720 "I'm not driving, I'm just reading the paper while it drives me home." 474 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,440 If you just go, "Back up!" 475 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,760 It'll be going, "I mustn't run him over!" 476 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,480 Back him into a river. That's what I'd do, I would. 477 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,640 They'll have all those algorithms on board 478 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,160 for moral decisions as to what they're gonna do. 479 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,720 -So carry a fake baby. -Good plan! 480 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,720 Walk up to it, the car will think, 481 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,240 "Fake baby or fat, smug man in a business suit?" 482 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,200 - He's going in the river. - This is exactly right. 483 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,000 That would be tremendous. 484 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,040 Sadly, I don't think we're going to see anything like 485 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,200 an autonomous car until long after we're dead. 486 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:44,880 No, I couldn't agree with you more. 487 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,360 They are years and years and years away, decades away. 488 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:51,600 It's such a complicated area to apply what is essentially robotics. 489 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,400 You're dead right about robotics. 490 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,840 I don't yet have a robot that could make me a cup of tea, 491 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,160 which is quite simple, or bring me my slippers. 492 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,480 -Just domestic stuff. -Sex robots aren't here yet. 493 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,120 That's people from Essex, isn't it? 494 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:04,840 (LAUGHTER) 495 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,880 There's a TV show about that, isn't there? 496 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,800 -Anyone from Essex? -Orange Sex... 497 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,040 You're from Essex? There's a sex robot here, look. 498 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:12,760 RICHARD: Hiya! 499 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,160 That's what he thinks of you. I don't, personally. 500 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,640 That's amazing. It's incredibly convincing! 501 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,760 Can you go like that... 502 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:24,200 Can we stop this conversation? It's gonna go somewhere wrong. 503 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,520 The way I'd sum this up is this. 504 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,320 Somebody says, "We've made this self-driving car, brilliant." 505 00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:33,040 I will take him to Bolivia, put him at the bottom of Death Road 506 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,640 and say, "Sit in it, reading your paper 507 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,920 while it drives you up there, passing all the buses with the 1,000-foot drop. 508 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,640 If you're prepared to do that and you can reach the top 509 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:45,200 with no poo in your underpants, I'll buy one." 510 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,800 "Enjoy reading your newspaper on the way". It's not gonna work. 511 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,240 No, right - "Agh!" 512 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,280 That's covered self-driving cars. 513 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,520 We needn't worry. Shall we move it on? 514 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,040 Yes. Moving on. Interesting news this week - 515 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,520 Jeremy has been approached to be the ambassador... 516 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,200 -Oh, yeah! -...for a vineyard 517 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,600 -in the South of France. -Yes, I have. 518 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:05,960 What are they thinking? 519 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,120 Imagine a better job than that. 520 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:13,600 -Oh, yeah. "I am the Ambassador for Chateau (MUTTERS)." 521 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,960 How's that going to go? "Where is the Ambassador?" 522 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,760 "He's out the back, completely clattered, 523 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,360 where he always is." 524 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,360 You're not an ambassador, you're a customer! 525 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,480 Sorry - he's out the back with pneumonia. 526 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:28,320 -Ambassadorial pneumonia. -Still droning on about that? 527 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:31,120 I don't know how it's going to work though, cos the problem is, 528 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,280 the three of us have never had a commercial tie-in. 529 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,160 You may be surprised to hear this - we dress ourselves. 530 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,080 (LAUGHTER) 531 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:41,240 No, he doesn't mean we put our clothes on ourselves. 532 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,760 We're not sponsored by a clothing company. 533 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,520 I know you'll be staggered to hear that. 534 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,240 -Model's own. -Yes, this is it. 535 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,280 I go into a shop and I choose these and I buy them 536 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,120 with my money, watches and everything. 537 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,000 We buy everything ourselves. 538 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,640 That's why we don't know how it works, the commercial stuff. 539 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,600 Actually, it's funny you should mention that, 540 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,280 because you know that pink-and-purple-striped 541 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,360 rugby-shirt thing I've had for years? 542 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,440 -Yeah. - You know the one I mean. 543 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,640 -It's a top. -I know, yeah. Top? 544 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,160 -It's a top. -Did you say, "top"? 545 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,480 -It's a top. -It's not a top! 546 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,840 It's not a shirt, it's not a T-shirt. 547 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:17,360 Hammond, I've never said this before and I promise I'll never say it again, 548 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,240 but I'm with James May on this. 549 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,840 -A man cannot wear a "top". -Ordinarily, no, 550 00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:25,160 but that is... Technically, it's a hooped top. 551 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,440 Anyway, that's not the point. I was at an event once, 552 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,160 and a man sidled up to me, took me to one side. 553 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,080 He was from Gant, the big American clothing company 554 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,880 -that made that thing originally, the shirt! -Top. 555 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:40,120 He begged me, he said, "Please stop wearing it." 556 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:41,720 And then... 557 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,080 It got better than that. 558 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:45,840 He says, "If you stop wearing it, 559 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,320 you can have as many free clothes as you like." 560 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,960 But I still said no because I'm an arse. 561 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,480 (LAUGHTER) 562 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:56,440 Hey! What about... Why don't we do... 563 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,520 -What? -Reverse sponsorship. 564 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,560 It's just occurring to me. 565 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,920 You know Levi's once said I'm ruining the Levi reputation? 566 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:05,760 -They did! -Because I always wear Levi's. 567 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,960 Why don't I say to them, "Give me 100 grand, 568 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,600 I'll wear Rounders"? 569 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,840 -Erm... -What about watches? 570 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,880 I'm going to sit like this, 571 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:17,800 and I'm going to say something deeply offensive 572 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,200 to millions of people around the world, Omega! 573 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,120 (LAUGHTER) 574 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,360 Unless you send me 50 grand, and I'll wear a Rolex, 575 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:29,320 which is the watch of choice for all the world's arses. 576 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,320 I'm not a lawyer... 577 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,800 -Mm-hm? -...but isn't that extortion? 578 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,280 It is extortion. 579 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:37,880 It just is. 580 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,520 I've got a better idea. 581 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,200 Why don't we say to people, they can put in bids 582 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,480 to put their logo on the bottom of Richard Hammond's car? 583 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,840 Because the chances are... 584 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,520 (LAUGHTER) 585 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,040 Yes! 586 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,400 Thank you! 587 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:56,360 -Thank you. -Imagine the commentary. 588 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,480 "Here comes Richard Hammond. Oh, no, he's gone off! Pepsi". 589 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,400 (LAUGHTER) 590 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,360 -That's a very good idea. -Moving on. 591 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:04,920 That's the end of Conversation Street. 592 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:06,720 We must move it on with this. 593 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,040 Imagine what it's like to be a car designer. 594 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,120 You love cars, you always have. 595 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,320 Your school exercise books were full of drawings of cars. 596 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:15,960 You worked hard, you got to college, 597 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,520 learned about geometry and proportions 598 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,600 and classicism and airflow and legislation. 599 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:23,480 Then one day you get your qualification, 600 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:28,160 and you land your dream job somewhere like Mercedes-Benz. 601 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,440 And you spend your first four years 602 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:36,040 designing the new seat-belt release button for the A-Class hatchback. 603 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,640 Exactly, or a tailgate handle for a van. Ooh! 604 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,720 It's not exactly what they dreamed of as kids, 605 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:44,320 is it, car designers? 606 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,360 Which is why they occasionally get bolshie 607 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,080 and they say to the management, 608 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:51,640 "Look, would you please let us do something interesting?" 609 00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:56,360 And that is obviously what's happened with the new Mercedes GT R. 610 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,240 (ENGINE ROARS) 611 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,480 You just know the designers have said, "Can it be green 612 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,520 and can it have a mouth that could be used for sifting krill 613 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,640 and can the bonnet be nine miles long 614 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:27,520 and can it have bits of the Battlestar Galactica on its gills?" 615 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:33,520 The bosses obviously thought, "They're being idiotic." 616 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:37,400 But to keep them sweet, they let them get on with it. 617 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,800 The upshot is a car that only really appeals 618 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,760 to those that have a mental age of eight, 619 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:49,320 and that's me and every other man. 620 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,680 It even makes a childish noise. 621 00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:58,720 -(RUMBLES) -(LAUGHS) 622 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:00,720 Just brilliant! 623 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,640 Unfortunately however, 624 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:13,120 because the stylists were allowed to do what they wanted, 625 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,400 the engineers then stuck out their bottom lips 626 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,960 and said they wanted a free hand too. 627 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:26,040 The trouble is that unlike car stylists, 628 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:29,040 who are flamboyant and usually drunk, 629 00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,280 car engineers tend to be very sensible. 630 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:36,560 You can tell this just by looking at their trousers. 631 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:40,600 So they fitted this with all sorts of sensible stuff. 632 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,280 It's got a flap, for example, which lowers itself 633 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,880 from the bottom of the car when you're going quickly 634 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,960 to reduce the air pressure down there. 635 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:52,040 That literally sucks the car into the Tarmac, 636 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,080 giving you more grip. 637 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,440 Then there's the traction control, 638 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,080 which you can turn off using this button here. 639 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:03,000 Then you can decide how off you'd like it to be 640 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,640 using this piece of Lego here. 641 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:10,160 You turn it that way, and it's really very off indeed. 642 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:15,000 Then you swivel it round, and now it's only slightly off. 643 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,360 I never knew "off" was a variable thing, 644 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:19,720 but there you go. 645 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,840 Other things - well, the body is made from carbon fibre 646 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:31,400 and titanium and magnesium to make it light. 647 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,720 And it's got two Venturi tunnels at the back 648 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,600 and short gearing and four-wheel steering. 649 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:46,880 There's so much techy stuff on the GT R, in fact, 650 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,280 that it is really... 651 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,200 (LAUGHS) ...very fast 652 00:34:51,240 --> 00:34:54,760 and extremely well sorted out. 653 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:15,480 The turning, thanks to the four-wheel steering, 654 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,040 is incredible, and when you go through 655 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:22,240 Dentalcare Swindon, run by dentists for patients, 656 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:26,640 it's like a small and very eager dog. 657 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,520 Then you've got the gearbox, 658 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,520 which I think was designed by Mystic Meg 659 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:34,760 because it always seems to know 660 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,080 what's going to happen next. 661 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,240 It is uncanny! 662 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:45,000 But the best thing is the braking. You ready? 663 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,000 Watch this. 664 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:55,600 Has my face actually come off? It has, hasn't it? 665 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:59,320 Small wonder, then, that the GT R holds the lap record 666 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,440 for rear-wheel drive cars at the Nurburgring, 667 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,400 and that is its problem. 668 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:10,720 Because AMG Mercs aren't really supposed to set lap records. 669 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:14,160 They're not supposed to be particularly fast. 670 00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:18,360 You buy an AMG Merc cos you want it to do this... 671 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,400 ...make a lot of noise 672 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:27,880 while sliding through a cloud of its own tyre smoke. 673 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,640 In an AMG Merc, 674 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:33,040 you don't want to go round a corner crisply at 150, 675 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:38,760 you want to go round smiling and sideways at about 27. 676 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,880 And there's another thing too... 677 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:45,960 ...the engine. 678 00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:49,840 It's a twin turbo-charged V8, 679 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:54,760 which produces 577 horsepower, and that's a lot. 680 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,800 But exactly the same engine in an E-Class saloon 681 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,320 produces more than 600 horsepower. 682 00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:04,200 So why not use that engine in here? 683 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:12,080 The only possible reason is that soon, 684 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:14,360 there'll be a more powerful, 685 00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,400 even faster version of this car, 686 00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:18,880 so why buy this one now? 687 00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,160 It's a good question. 688 00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,080 I wouldn't. 689 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,520 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 690 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,080 So, who would buy a car like that? 691 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,040 I don't know, I've never met anyone 692 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:47,040 who I think would like that car, would want to buy it. 693 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:48,840 Besides all that, if you want something 694 00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,560 that feels like a Porsche, why not buy, say, a Porsche? 695 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,080 Because Porsche are really good at making Porsches. 696 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:55,400 RICHARD: They are. -Yeah. 697 00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:56,800 They're so good at making Porsches 698 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,360 that since you filmed that, their new GT2 699 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:00,920 has gone round the Nurburgring 700 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:02,080 faster than the GTR. 701 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:03,840 The worst thing is, 702 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,920 that's the first time I've ever filmed an AMG Merc 703 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,200 and finished the day 704 00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:09,880 on the same set of tyres I started with. 705 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:11,560 And I don't like that. 706 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,920 I want an AMG Merc to eat its own feet in every corner. 707 00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,600 That's what it's for, yes. 708 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,400 Anyway, if you are the sort of person 709 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,520 who wants to buy a shouty, lime green car 710 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,240 that looks mad but actually isn't, 711 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:24,520 then you'll probably want to know 712 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,040 how fast it goes around our Eboladrome. 713 00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,800 Yeah. Last year, that would have meant 714 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,640 handing it over to the American. 715 00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,640 But we're not using him any more, 716 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,680 because he didn't like coming to England. 717 00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:37,720 And because you all hated him. 718 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,520 (CHEERING) 719 00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,320 -Well, that too. -Little bit. 720 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,440 But the point is, we needed a replacement, 721 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,000 we needed a new driver. 722 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:46,800 And we've spent the last nine months 723 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,840 auditioning everyone we could think of. 724 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,280 Former F1 drivers, 725 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,320 rally drivers, stunt drivers, test drivers, 726 00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:55,320 until we ended up with the fastest. 727 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:56,840 And here she is. 728 00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:00,640 Right, here we go. 729 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,760 JEREMY: And she's off. Tidy start, no wheelspin, 730 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,520 full power from the twin-turbo V8. 731 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,880 To the first corner. Will she lift? 732 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,000 No, it didn't sound like she did. 733 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,680 Right, second corner, balancing the car nicely. 734 00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:16,760 God, that thing looks planted. 735 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,640 Right, here we go, this is the tricky bit. 736 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,840 Let's have a look how she's getting on round here. 737 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,960 Ooh, that thing looks planted! 738 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,600 And quick. 739 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,560 She's on the raggedy edge on the down-changes. 740 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,040 (TYRES SQUEAL) 741 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,240 Michelins squealing in pain, but that is... 742 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,240 Let's have a look. Yeah, inch-perfect. 743 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,040 Now, back onto the Isn't. 744 00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:36,960 She really has only one throttle position here, 745 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,280 and it is in the carpet. 746 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:44,560 Lifting now, and into the Old Lady's House complex. 747 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:48,000 Working the low-speed grip through there. 748 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:53,280 Yeah, and back on the gas for the bumpy run to Substation. 749 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:55,920 Showing no mercy down there. 750 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,160 Leaving the braking nice and late. 751 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,320 Tidy line through the second-to-last corner. 752 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:02,960 Just Field of Sheep to go. 753 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,720 Really on it through there, and across the line. 754 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,040 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 755 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:09,240 That was an impressive lap, 756 00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,640 but let's see how fast it was. 757 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:13,160 Here we go. 758 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:14,800 Past the... Oh, it's quicker. 759 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,040 -Yes! -(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 760 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:18,880 Bloody hell! 761 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:24,400 1:18.7. That is quick. 762 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,840 Yeah, it is, and she is an incredible driver. 763 00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,120 She's a phenomenal driver, absolutely phenomenal. 764 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,880 We are delighted to have her on board. 765 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:36,040 But now it is time to move on to Celebrity Face-Off. 766 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:47,960 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 767 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:53,000 Yes. And once again it is an international event 768 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,800 as baseball takes on cricket. 769 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:57,960 In short, we're trying to find out 770 00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,800 who is the fastest person in the world 771 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:03,400 who earns a living from throwing and catching small balls. 772 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,320 So would you please welcome 773 00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,600 Kevin Pietersen and Brian Wilson. 774 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,080 (APPLAUSE) 775 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:12,480 JEREMY: Gentlemen! 776 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:13,560 Hello, sir. 777 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:15,720 -Kevin, how are you? -Good. 778 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,400 Good. Have a seat. 779 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,160 Brian. Good to see you. 780 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,400 That is a look! 781 00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,000 That is a look you've got going there. 782 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,000 First of all, thank you very much for coming. 783 00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:30,400 Thanks for having us. 784 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,120 And let's begin with a simple one, OK? 785 00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:33,600 Actually, it's not that simple. 786 00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,200 Kevin, could you explain to our American viewers 787 00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:38,840 what cricket is? 788 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,000 I think I'm very lucky, we've got... 789 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:42,240 I'm bored already actually! 790 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:47,440 -No, go on, have another bash. -No. 791 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,920 Just cos I don't like it and it gives me hay fever. 792 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:51,440 Go on. 793 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,840 Yeah, it's very difficult. For American... 794 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,960 I play a lot of golf with a lot of American people 795 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,760 and they literally, after two minutes, 796 00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,680 tell me to go away, swearing at me, 797 00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:02,680 because how can you play a game for five days and not get a result? 798 00:42:02,720 --> 00:42:04,360 But there's T20s that Brian knows about, 799 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,880 he's been to India, he's played T20s in India, 800 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,440 and it's a pretty cool game. 801 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:12,000 -I reckon you could do a T20. -No, I couldn't. 802 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,600 With cricket, you stand there in the outfield, 803 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:18,120 the ball, super-heated from re-entry, 804 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,040 is coming, "Ah, ah, ah," 805 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,640 and then it always lands right on the end of your... 806 00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,680 -"Gah!" -That finger? 807 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:26,880 -Yeah, and everyone shouts. -That's convenient. 808 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,600 Everybody shouts, and you drop the ball, 809 00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,800 and you're batting and some enormous man... 810 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,320 It's miserable, it goes on, as you say, five days. 811 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,240 Actually, before we move on, 812 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,640 perhaps you could explain to the British viewers 813 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,360 what baseball is. 814 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:41,600 It's not much more exciting. 815 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:47,400 JEREMY: I've seen... -It's a little faster. 816 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:48,880 I've seen clips of it in films, 817 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,880 like Good Will Hunting, there's a scene of it. 818 00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,200 It's rounders. 819 00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:56,480 -Now, I just learned... -It is rounders, isn't it? 820 00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,400 I just learned what rounders was today, 821 00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,160 and in all fairness, no, no, it's not like that. 822 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,400 Men play this sport as well. 823 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:07,080 Can you be drunk while playing baseball? 824 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,600 -You can be, I guess, yeah. -Cos you are... 825 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:11,200 Everyone is in cricket, I presume. 826 00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,680 We're all piss-heads. Cricketers are piss-heads. 827 00:43:13,720 --> 00:43:15,280 The great celebrated cricketers, 828 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,720 the Flintoffs, the Warnes, piss-heads. 829 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,440 BRIAN: Piss-heads? -Piss-heads, yeah. 830 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:22,520 JEREMY: It's OK. -You can say that? 831 00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:23,760 Or as we call them, ambassadors. 832 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,640 With pneumonia. That's what it is. 833 00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,960 I was astonished to read the other day 834 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,640 about the England cricket team and how... 835 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:39,640 Actually, the Australian cricket team as well, 836 00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,400 I presume it's the same in South Africa, 837 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,400 is how much drinking went on at the "tea break". 838 00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:45,960 Yeah. There's a world record 839 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,480 for the amount of alcohol consumed on an aeroplane 840 00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,280 by a cricketer from Australia for the Ashes, 841 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,440 and there was an Australian cricketer drank 52 beers 842 00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,320 on his way over from Australia. 843 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:57,960 That's aggressive. That's aggressive. 844 00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,440 That's a big amount. 845 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,480 -That's a big amount. -That's a lot of drunk. 846 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,520 Now, we must move on to cars, if we may, 847 00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:06,520 -having covered the sport. -Sure. 848 00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,160 Maybe begin with you, Brian, OK? 849 00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:10,960 You had, I think it's fair to say, 850 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:13,680 an inauspicious start to your driving career. 851 00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:15,560 It wasn't the best start, no. 852 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:18,840 So, 16, got my licence. 853 00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:22,440 First day, I got a speeding ticket, that was expected. 854 00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,600 Second day, though, it's about 1am, 855 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,840 apparently we have a curfew I didn't know about, 856 00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,920 you have to be in bed by a certain time. 857 00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,040 As a 16-year-old, I'm thinking, "No, I don't." 858 00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,680 So I rolled through the stop sign, 859 00:44:33,720 --> 00:44:35,760 and I see the blue lights, and I'm thinking, 860 00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:39,000 "I'm in a '94 Thunderbird, this is a V8 engine." 861 00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:40,800 So I speed. 862 00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:42,440 Now I'm getting in a police chase. 863 00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,480 -Now the adrenaline's going. -Second day? 864 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,840 BRIAN: The second day. 865 00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,560 I'm driving around my neighbourhood, 866 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,480 and I accidentally hit an electrical box 867 00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,880 and the power goes out and I feel really bad. 868 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:54,960 But I left this guy in the dust. 869 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:59,000 Like, I got all the way to my driveway. 870 00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:00,720 But because I turned the keys off... 871 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,360 The car was automatic lights. 872 00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:06,720 So the cop just followed the lights 873 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,360 and arrested me in my driveway, my front yard. 874 00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,560 And so what do you get for that, for... 875 00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:14,760 What do you get? You get to go to jail, you get a free ride. 876 00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,120 And I'm amazed they pull you over, 877 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:21,160 cos you look like an accountant, I mean... 878 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:24,120 This is a slow Tuesday. See me on the weekends! 879 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:27,440 So, Kevin, your first car was a Nissan... 880 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:29,440 -Pulsar. -Which is a bit boring. 881 00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,880 It's not as good as his V8 Thunderbird, is it? 882 00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:33,880 It is boring, apart from a couple of gadgets. 883 00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:35,120 I got a couple of gadgets 884 00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:38,160 that were put in by my late grandfather. 885 00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,600 And in South Africa, the crime rate's pretty severe, 886 00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:43,760 so there was a switch he had put underneath the ignition 887 00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:45,840 you had to flip before you could turn the car. 888 00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:48,080 If you didn't flip it within 20 seconds, the car... 889 00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:50,760 Would explode, killing everybody within 40 yards. 890 00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:53,320 -That's safe! -The South African way. 891 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:54,920 There was another one, 892 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:56,800 every time you put it into reverse, "Doo, doo, doo." 893 00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:58,960 I'm a cool 18-year-old driving around Durban, 894 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,760 I put it in reverse, everyone goes, "Where's the (BLEEP) truck?" 895 00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,160 It was a little red Nissan Pulsar, 896 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:06,920 "Doo, doo, doo, doo," out of it. 897 00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,400 So really, you're basically a slightly more wild driver. 898 00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,960 Did you not buy a police car at one stage? 899 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,960 I did have a police car. 900 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,760 And I did get pulled over in that. So... 901 00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,120 Again, why would you get pulled over? 902 00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:21,800 It wasn't my fault, though. 903 00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,440 They said I was trying to impersonate a police officer, 904 00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,800 which I wasn't, it was just a cool car to drive in. 905 00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:30,560 I may have pulled a friend over as a joke. 906 00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,880 -But who wouldn't? -Did you have sirens and all? 907 00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:33,880 Yeah, you have sirens. 908 00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,080 Have you ever gone anywhere in a car 909 00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:39,880 and not been pulled over by the police? 910 00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,080 Just thinking, going back to the sporting thing, 911 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,400 when you played cricket briefly in India, 912 00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,600 you managed to get into trouble with that one. 913 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,480 -Yeah, and felt really bad. -Really? 914 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,800 So, well, where I was, it was just a large field 915 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,800 and there might have been 100 games going on, 916 00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,360 all the kids from around local playing, 917 00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:58,040 and they said, "Hey, you wanna try?" 918 00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:00,160 So no one tells me any of these rules, 919 00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:01,520 so there's these three little... 920 00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:03,480 -What do you call, wickets? -Wickets. 921 00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:04,840 -Stumps. -"OK, what do I do?" 922 00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:06,960 They give me this paddle-looking thing, 923 00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,200 and like, "Just stand there, 924 00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:11,000 and then this guy's gonna throw to you." 925 00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,680 He throws it, it hits the ground, I'm like, "What? 926 00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:15,640 That's a bad pitch." And it hits the wickets, 927 00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,320 and all the kids start laughing at me. 928 00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,040 "What are you guys laughing at? Give me another shot!" 929 00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:23,000 So I stand up, pff, just absolutely destroy it. 930 00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:26,160 It leaves the park, it hits an apartment building, 931 00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,640 and I'm just like, "I'm the greatest!" 932 00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,840 The guy that brought me there told me 933 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:33,480 that's the only ball that they have. 934 00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,560 And immediately I just went, "Oh. 935 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:41,480 I feel terrible." 936 00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:44,600 "We've had that ball in our town for three generations." 937 00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:46,160 -They would have. -Treasure it. 938 00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:49,760 Now, going back to cars, you, at one stage, 939 00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,800 as I understand it, had a Vauxhall Vectra. 940 00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:53,960 I did. 941 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,000 And you said to our researcher 942 00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:57,920 when they called you the other day, 943 00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:01,760 "I have nothing particularly interesting to say about that." 944 00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,160 I've been known to be a straight-shooter. 945 00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,920 Put it there. I once had to do a TV show 946 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,480 where I was asked to review one of those, 947 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,320 and couldn't think of a thing. 948 00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,960 It was four wheels and a (BLEEP) seat. 949 00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:15,400 Why did you have one? 950 00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,880 The team were sponsored by Vauxhall. 951 00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,640 You were sponsored by Vauxhall? 952 00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:21,280 Oh, I'd have gone and done another sport. 953 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,360 Now, we must get on to why you are here. 954 00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:29,720 Obviously, you're only the second group of people we've had around the track. 955 00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:31,520 -How was it out there? -It was... 956 00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,960 I found it comfortable on the tar, 957 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,920 but as soon as we veered off there, it was difficult. 958 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:38,880 -It was intimidating. -Is it? 959 00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:41,760 I (BLEEP) loved it! 960 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,680 There were grass clippings all over the car, 961 00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:47,000 I just took it off-road a little bit, it was fun. 962 00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:48,240 Yeah, I've been hearing. 963 00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:49,920 We can get it mended for next week. 964 00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:51,760 Kevin, we're gonna see your lap first. 965 00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,200 OK, let's bring it up and see how you got on. 966 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:56,040 JEREMY: Is that a slow-motion start? 967 00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,800 Oh, no, you're building up speed as you cross the line. 968 00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:00,440 Come on, Kevin! 969 00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:02,280 JEREMY: Ooh, that's a determined-looking face. 970 00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:03,880 Clipping the corner, 971 00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,200 but keeping two wheels on the track, nice to see. 972 00:49:06,240 --> 00:49:08,600 Yes, you've done what I do. You brake there 973 00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:10,160 and then you've got a slingshot 974 00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,280 into what we're calling the Difficult Bit. 975 00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:14,640 That's when it goes really skatey as you... 976 00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:16,160 You've really gotta pay... 977 00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:17,800 Ooh, I say, that's rather good. 978 00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:19,640 For a man who grew up with a Pulsar. 979 00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,480 Kevin, you absolute numpty! 980 00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,160 JEREMY: Right, oh, look at that, it's got the tail out. 981 00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,480 KEVIN: Yeah, got the tail out, got him going good. 982 00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:29,080 JEREMY: Traction control saved it, 983 00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,920 now you can floor it through to Difficult Bit 2. 984 00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:35,480 KEVIN: Oh, she's going all right. -Nicely done. 985 00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,120 -That was tough. -Yeah. 986 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,360 JEREMY: It is a tough bit. This is really slippery 987 00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:40,880 when you come back on the Tarmac, 988 00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:42,320 you think that's OK, and it isn't. 989 00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:46,240 Tyres being absolutely tortured, 990 00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:47,560 that's looking nice. 991 00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:49,040 Right, onto the straight. 992 00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,320 Come on, baby! Come on, baby! 993 00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:54,480 JEREMY: It's more exciting than cricket, way more! 994 00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:56,280 As is being asleep. 995 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,160 Were you flat-out through there? 996 00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:00,200 KEVIN: I was flat-out through there, then I messed this up. 997 00:50:00,240 --> 00:50:01,800 JEREMY: Ooh! I'm not... 998 00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:03,440 KEVIN: Yeah, I messed it up, I missed the curve. 999 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:04,880 Ballsy flat-out through there, 1000 00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,960 but you crossed the line, you did it. 1001 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:08,040 (APPLAUSE) 1002 00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:10,360 I got it. Time? 1003 00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:12,400 So... 1004 00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:15,600 Time? 1005 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,160 -Patience. -Time? 1006 00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,680 You're a cricketer, we know you have patience. 1007 00:50:19,720 --> 00:50:20,960 OK. 1008 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,880 Because what else is there to have? 1009 00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:24,880 -It wasn't bad. -No, it looked OK. 1010 00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:26,480 -Brian. -Yes. 1011 00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,680 -Want to see his lap? AUDIENCE: Yeah. 1012 00:50:30,720 --> 00:50:32,120 Come on, let's see Brian's. 1013 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:35,360 KEVIN: Oh. 1014 00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,240 JEREMY: Right, no creeping across the line. 1015 00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:41,160 And here we go! Yee! 1016 00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:43,840 JEREMY: That is a colourful comb... That's a... 1017 00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,960 Cheat. He's cheating! Cheat! 1018 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:48,680 He's a cheat! 1019 00:50:48,720 --> 00:50:52,200 JEREMY: It's not Formula One, 1020 00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:55,160 we won't penalise him for this, we have no stewards. 1021 00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:56,480 KEVIN: Oh! 1022 00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:58,960 JEREMY: Oh, my God! Coming in hot! 1023 00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:01,400 Holding it well, though, 1024 00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:04,080 and, I must say, that is exuberant. 1025 00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:07,600 He's on fire! 1026 00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,560 JEREMY: Into the gravel cell, the banked gravel corner, 1027 00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,600 nicely done through there. 1028 00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,280 Look at those stones coming off the back of that. 1029 00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:16,840 Difficult Bit 2. 1030 00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:18,960 Floor it. 1031 00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,000 JEREMY: You don't think this is gonna be slippery but it is. 1032 00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:22,840 Every time, that happens. 1033 00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,640 Nicely held, though, Brian. 1034 00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:26,360 You really do get around. 1035 00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:29,720 And there he is, onto the main straight and relaxing. 1036 00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:31,800 Yoo! 1037 00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:33,600 JEREMY: Well, not completely relaxing. 1038 00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:35,440 Were you flat through here, as well? 1039 00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:37,400 AUDIENCE: Ooh. 1040 00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,720 BRIAN: I took it... JEREMY: Flat-out, that's good. 1041 00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:40,800 Braking hard. 1042 00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,160 Not bad at all. 1043 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:46,320 And there we are, across the line, that's both of them. 1044 00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:48,040 (APPLAUSE) 1045 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,920 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 1046 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:59,760 Right. Now, I've got your times here. 1047 00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,680 I'll tell you one thing, they're very, very close. 1048 00:52:02,720 --> 00:52:05,160 So you were kind of smooth and crickety. 1049 00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:08,120 -Yeah. -You were kind of exuberant. 1050 00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:11,280 -Yeah. -They are ridiculously close. 1051 00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,200 -OK, here we go. -The suspense. 1052 00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:14,520 -I mean, come on. -Yeah. 1053 00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:16,800 -Killing me. -OK, Kevin. 1054 00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:21,040 -1:17.2. -1:17.2? 1055 00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:23,800 So at the moment, you're the fastest man 1056 00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:26,840 who's ever been round our track. 1057 00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:28,400 -Until... -This precise moment. 1058 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:30,080 Until about 30 seconds. 1059 00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:31,960 (APPLAUSE) 1060 00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:38,000 Brian Wilson... 1061 00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:41,880 -Ooh. -1:17... 1062 00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,800 AUDIENCE: Ooh. -Point one. 1063 00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:46,480 -Give it to me. -..five. 1064 00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:47,840 -Damn it! -Ah! 1065 00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:51,160 -Seriously, 0.3 of a second. -(APPLAUSE) 1066 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:52,160 Well done, sir. 1067 00:52:57,160 --> 00:53:00,560 -That's close. JEREMY: That is nice. 1068 00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:02,840 That is a nice result, I'm very pleased with that. 1069 00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,960 And there we are, you are still the fastest man 1070 00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:07,320 who's been round our track. 1071 00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:09,240 You have come a long way for nothing. 1072 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,120 Thank you. 1073 00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,640 JEREMY: Literally nothing... -Much appreciated. 1074 00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:15,800 So, honestly, I mean it's been an absolute joy 1075 00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:18,120 -having you both here... -Came here for the sheep. 1076 00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:20,040 Yeah, no, take one home. 1077 00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,200 So there we are, ladies and gentlemen, 1078 00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:25,520 Brian Wilson, and the fastest person who makes a living 1079 00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:27,880 by throwing and hitting and catching small balls, 1080 00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:30,320 -Kevin Pietersen! -(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 1081 00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:33,840 KEVIN: Thank you, sir. Thank you. 1082 00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:38,920 Right. 1083 00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:43,680 Now, this week we are having a race 1084 00:53:43,720 --> 00:53:46,840 from Central Park in New York to Niagara Falls, 1085 00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,480 and it's Jeremy in the new Ford GT 1086 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,160 against James and me 1087 00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:53,520 in a whole selection of public transport. 1088 00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,200 Yes, and when we left the action, 1089 00:53:55,240 --> 00:53:57,640 Jeremy was miles ahead in the car, 1090 00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:00,240 slowly going deaf from the drone of the engine. 1091 00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,960 But now we were about to haul him in 1092 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:06,160 as we boarded the flight to Buffalo. 1093 00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:16,840 -Thank you. -Thank you. 1094 00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:20,240 (BANG) 1095 00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:22,360 RICHARD: Ow! JAMES: Sorry. 1096 00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:26,080 Get out of the way. Get out of the way, I'm in a race. 1097 00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:27,320 (ENGINE ROARS) 1098 00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:29,320 Hello. Hello. 1099 00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,160 Don't get in the way of someone 1100 00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:35,680 who's just given up a 43-year smoking habit. 1101 00:54:35,720 --> 00:54:37,760 JEREMY: Meanwhile... 1102 00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:39,240 JAMES: Has he got to go in that? 1103 00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:40,160 MAN: Yes. 1104 00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:45,840 OK, see you on board. 1105 00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,560 STEWARD: Welcome aboard. -Hello. Thank you. 1106 00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:51,560 Oh, God. 1107 00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:54,560 Hello. Hello. 1108 00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,360 Yeah. 1109 00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:00,760 OK. 1110 00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:10,000 JEREMY: Having covered 160 miles, 1111 00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:14,880 the GT's tiny tank was now nearly empty. 1112 00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:20,280 This is a splash-and-dash. Right, petroleum. 1113 00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:21,560 Oh, please let it not be 1114 00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:23,440 one of those stupid American ones 1115 00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:25,520 where I've gotta pay first, I don't know how much I want. 1116 00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:29,840 Sadly, it was. 1117 00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:32,920 No. Not a debit card. 1118 00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:36,040 I haven't got one... Ah. 1119 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:40,920 What? 1120 00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:43,320 PA: All exits are marked with a sign overhead... 1121 00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:46,440 It's very unusual having business class at the back, isn't it? 1122 00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:48,720 Imagine what it's like at the front. 1123 00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:50,520 Must be sort of like there. 1124 00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:52,920 It's quite good if you sit at the back in business class, 1125 00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:54,480 survey the whole aeroplane. 1126 00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:57,760 This is an Embraer 190. 1127 00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:59,640 I can tell you a bit about these actually. 1128 00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:01,040 PA: Prepare for departure. 1129 00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,720 Oh, dear, you can't, he's talking. 1130 00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:05,840 JEREMY: Hello. Can I... The pump says... 1131 00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:07,440 It's just coming up "not approved". 1132 00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,600 Does it have a chip? It's probably the chip. 1133 00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:11,120 How do I pay? Cos... 1134 00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,040 I'll turn the pump on, you pump what you need 1135 00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,200 and I'll let you run the card when you're done. 1136 00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:17,520 Thank you so much. 1137 00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,360 If you talk like Hugh Grant, you can get anywhere. 1138 00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,400 Any minute now, Richard Hammond and James May 1139 00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:31,480 will be thinking, "Mmm, a beer, I think." 1140 00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,960 (CHUCKLES) 1141 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,960 Anyway, here we go, let's catch him up. 1142 00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:38,200 Definitely. 1143 00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:47,200 I think we should celebrate our progress right now, 1144 00:56:47,240 --> 00:56:48,800 as we're moving so well. 1145 00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:50,240 -Hello. -Hello. 1146 00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,400 JAMES: Hi. -Can we have beer? 1147 00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:55,720 -Two beers, please. -Let me see. 1148 00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,520 So, as it turns out, 1149 00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:00,400 unfortunately I won't be able to serve you any beer today. 1150 00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:02,360 Can I offer you a water, Coke, Sprite? 1151 00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:04,440 -You've got no beer? -No, I'm sorry. 1152 00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:07,320 Wine. Wine? Two glasses of wine? White wine. 1153 00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:08,960 I'm not quite too sure why, 1154 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:10,760 but unfortunately I won't be able to. 1155 00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:12,440 Can I get you some other beverages? 1156 00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:17,360 JEREMY: However, while they were squashed and thirsty, 1157 00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:19,200 there was no getting round the fact 1158 00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:23,120 that they were doing 500mph, and I wasn't. 1159 00:57:25,280 --> 00:57:29,000 Come on, fellow Ford driver, get out of the way, please. 1160 00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:31,560 You've got a Ford! 1161 00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:36,320 We are gonna be reeling him in now. 1162 00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:38,360 We're not gonna get stuck behind anything. 1163 00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:39,560 -No. -In traffic. 1164 00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:41,920 No. Nobody is gonna have a puncture. 1165 00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:43,560 Or shed the load from a pick-up truck. 1166 00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:44,480 No. 1167 00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:49,840 JEREMY: My biggest problem, though, 1168 00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:53,720 was the woeful lane discipline. 1169 00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,480 And you're gonna stay in that lane, are you, really? 1170 00:57:58,040 --> 00:57:59,720 Undertaking. 1171 00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:03,320 This is allowed in the United States and America. 1172 00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:10,800 You can see why. People don't use their mirrors. 1173 00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:12,640 It was a problem. 1174 00:58:12,680 --> 00:58:16,480 And then there was a bigger one. 1175 00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:20,680 What the hell's this? I'm in a traffic jam. 1176 00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:24,880 A bloody traffic jam. No. 1177 00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,040 PA: We're about to begin our descent 1178 00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:28,320 into the Buffalo airport. 1179 00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:30,000 We'll be on the ground shortly. 1180 00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:31,360 Look. 1181 00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:33,800 Is there a fat idiot in a very fast Ford? 1182 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:36,080 -Nope. -Good. 1183 00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:38,840 (HORN SOUNDS) 1184 00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:40,600 Why is there a traffic jam? And it's a bad one. 1185 00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:41,920 Look, we're all stopped. 1186 00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:49,240 Come on. Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on. 1187 00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,600 Go, go, go, go, go. Chair, please. 1188 00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:58,040 JEREMY: Oh, shit. 1189 00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:06,440 There we go. I'm in. 1190 00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:12,280 Blimey! Yeah, that is... I am safe. 1191 00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:15,080 JEREMY: Incident. There's been an accident. 1192 00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,800 There's the problem. Jesus. 1193 00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:23,160 We have some time to make up. 1194 00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:26,600 Seeing an accident like that normally slows you down, 1195 00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:27,840 but I couldn't do that. 1196 00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:32,120 I was upholding the honour of the car. 1197 00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:35,280 They should be landing in about ten minutes. 1198 00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:37,440 (PHONE RINGS) 1199 00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:38,760 Oh, no. 1200 00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:41,360 JEREMY: May? You've landed? 1201 00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:44,440 -Yes! Yes. -James, too loud. Too loud. 1202 00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:46,640 -Shit. JAMES: Where are you? 1203 00:59:46,680 --> 00:59:49,960 I'm 130 miles from Buffalo. 1204 00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:53,600 (LAUGHS) He's 130 miles away. 1205 00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:55,240 Well, you better get a move on then 1206 00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:57,960 in your 200 and whatever it is mile-an-hour car. 1207 00:59:58,000 --> 00:59:59,520 I... Oh. 1208 00:59:59,560 --> 01:00:01,040 JEREMY: That's... -Keep going. 1209 01:00:01,080 --> 01:00:03,080 Oh, for God's.... Shut up. 1210 01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:04,400 JAMES: Bye. 1211 01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:08,080 Right, where do we get the bus? 1212 01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:11,360 JAMES: We now only had a couple of dozen miles to go. 1213 01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,080 We'd catch a bus into Buffalo 1214 01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:14,880 and then another to the finish line 1215 01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:16,360 at the Niagara Falls. 1216 01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:20,800 Trying to think where this went wrong. 1217 01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:23,120 George Washington Bridge, that didn't help. 1218 01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:26,840 The accident and the traffic jam that resulted, that didn't help. 1219 01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:28,440 But I think the main problem 1220 01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:30,960 is that Jet Blue managed to do 1221 01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:35,800 an hour and 15 minute flight in an hour. 1222 01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:37,680 -(BEEPING) RICHARD: Oh, I say. 1223 01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:39,720 JAMES: Oh, I see, it folds out like that? 1224 01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:42,040 RICHARD: That's very clever. JAMES: Here we go. 1225 01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,800 RICHARD: Thank you. JAMES: Aligned. 1226 01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:47,040 -There's a wheelchair section right over there. -Thank you very much. 1227 01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:53,280 Come on. Yay! 1228 01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:57,360 The Trump enthusiast has pulled over! 1229 01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:02,160 Right, let's find out where he is. 1230 01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:05,040 (PHONE RINGS) 1231 01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,160 It's Mr Bell End. Hammond, where are you? 1232 01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:10,720 Leaving the airport on a bus. 1233 01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:14,200 Right. Well, I'm 90 miles behind you. 1234 01:01:14,240 --> 01:01:18,440 (LAUGHS) You're gonna have to make that up in no time. 1235 01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:21,200 How far are you from Niagara Falls now? 1236 01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:23,520 23 miles. 1237 01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:27,240 RICHARD: I'd say you could be doomed. 1238 01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:30,320 Good luck, we're getting closer. Bye. 1239 01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:31,280 He's never gonna do it. 1240 01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:38,480 Oh! I don't want this car to lose, I properly love it. 1241 01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:39,920 It's just so exciting. 1242 01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:42,560 All the things that make it bad and annoying 1243 01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:44,800 make it brilliant and exciting. 1244 01:01:44,840 --> 01:01:47,920 The noise, and the ride, and the roughness. 1245 01:01:47,960 --> 01:01:54,040 It's just raucous, raw, bareback, unplugged energy. 1246 01:01:56,520 --> 01:02:01,200 I want it to win, I want it to beat the plane. 1247 01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:04,560 But to do that, it would have to do 113 miles 1248 01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:08,360 in the time it takes a bus to do 23. 1249 01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:10,080 (BELL RINGS) PA: Stop requested. 1250 01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:11,200 JEREMY: Luckily, however, 1251 01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:13,960 buses have other people on them. 1252 01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:16,200 JAMES: I don't like this bit. What do you do? 1253 01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:17,840 You just have to sit here. 1254 01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:20,440 Yeah. Bus travel is tricky to like, isn't it? 1255 01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:22,320 And we've gotta stop and change buses, 1256 01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:25,400 and if we lose ten, 15 minutes waiting for the next bus... 1257 01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:27,000 I know, it's not in the bag. 1258 01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:31,040 76 miles. 1259 01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:34,880 (BELL RINGS) PA: Stop requested. 1260 01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:37,840 Who pulled the... 1261 01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:42,280 Well, it is a bus with... Can't be rude to customers. 1262 01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:44,840 Nobody else pull the string until we've got off, please. 1263 01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:45,920 Let's just go all the way. 1264 01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:53,040 (PHONE RINGS) 1265 01:02:53,080 --> 01:02:55,240 Hello. Where are you? 1266 01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:58,840 I think about 55 miles away from the finish line. 1267 01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:00,680 -55? -Yeah. 1268 01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:02,160 Right, this is gonna be close. 1269 01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:04,680 Have you not got to Buffalo yet? 1270 01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:06,520 No, no, we're in Buffalo, 1271 01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:09,200 but we haven't got to the bus change point. 1272 01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:13,880 Oh, really? Oh! Does your bus keep stopping? 1273 01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:16,120 Well, of course it does, it's a bloody bus! 1274 01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:18,120 I haven't been on one since I was eight. 1275 01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:19,960 That kept stopping. 1276 01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,280 I thought, "I won't go on another one, they're stupid." 1277 01:03:22,320 --> 01:03:24,040 -They're still the same. -Bye-bye. 1278 01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:25,000 (BEEP) 1279 01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:29,520 JEREMY: Amazingly, I was still in the running, 1280 01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:33,600 but my furious pace meant I had to make a decision. 1281 01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:37,760 Do I drive like Al Gore would want me to drive, at 55mph, 1282 01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:39,640 and possibly make the finish line 1283 01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:41,040 without having to fill up again, 1284 01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:43,640 or do I floor it, go really quickly, 1285 01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:45,120 and have a quick splash-and-dash? 1286 01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:49,200 Do I risk running out... Oh, no, I can't. 1287 01:03:52,240 --> 01:03:54,720 RICHARD: Meanwhile, not that far ahead, 1288 01:03:54,760 --> 01:03:58,080 we had reached the bus station. 1289 01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:01,200 And James, incredibly, was doing running. 1290 01:04:01,240 --> 01:04:03,000 JAMES: Where the hell is it? 1291 01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:04,960 Niagara Falls, Niagara Falls. 48, look. 1292 01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:06,880 It's that one there. In we go. 1293 01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:09,920 Right, we need a swift departure. 1294 01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:11,720 Hello! Oh! He's missed the ramp. 1295 01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:14,520 This is so irritating. 1296 01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:17,720 I've got 35 miles to go, that's all, 1297 01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:19,520 but I'm not gonna make it on the fuel, 1298 01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:20,800 I just know I'm not. 1299 01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:23,680 I'm gonna have to fill up. Argh! 1300 01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:28,320 -So, 15 miles from here? -Yeah. 1301 01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:34,040 It's 35 miles. Four gallons will do it. 1302 01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:38,320 That will do. 1303 01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,200 PA: Now approaching Mohawk Street. 1304 01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:44,560 No need to stop. 1305 01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:46,360 No, no need to stop, we're all fine. 1306 01:04:47,960 --> 01:04:50,160 Ah, roadworks! 1307 01:04:52,720 --> 01:04:54,880 -Ten miles, Richard Hammond. -Ten miles to go? 1308 01:04:56,520 --> 01:05:00,080 Yes, joy of joys, two actual lanes open. 1309 01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:09,080 (HORN BLARES) 1310 01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:10,200 Get a bloody move on! 1311 01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:15,440 12 million people a year visit Niagara Falls. 1312 01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:17,160 Do they? 1313 01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:19,520 I want them all to get in Jeremy's way, but not ours. 1314 01:05:21,720 --> 01:05:22,960 Yes, Niagara Falls. 1315 01:05:27,240 --> 01:05:32,400 No, no, no. No, a toll. Argh! 1316 01:05:32,440 --> 01:05:34,840 Luckily, though, I had an electronic pass, 1317 01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:37,160 which made paying much faster. 1318 01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:39,600 See, Hammond, it's right there. See it? 1319 01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:41,160 -Yeah. -See the spray? 1320 01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:42,720 RICHARD: Yeah. 1321 01:05:42,760 --> 01:05:44,840 (HORN TOOTS) 1322 01:05:46,640 --> 01:05:48,320 It's not working. No! 1323 01:05:54,680 --> 01:05:56,040 Right. 1324 01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:04,880 -(BELL RINGS) PA: Stop requested. 1325 01:06:09,640 --> 01:06:11,440 -Is this it? -This is our stop. 1326 01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,040 -Yeah. -Right. 1327 01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:16,440 (PANTING) 1328 01:06:19,440 --> 01:06:20,440 Four miles. 1329 01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:25,680 -(PANTING) -Are you gonna have a heart attack on television? 1330 01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:26,600 Yeah. 1331 01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:29,360 Don't wanna lose this. 1332 01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:34,600 What's it say there? "Falls". 1333 01:06:34,640 --> 01:06:37,760 (PANTING) 1334 01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:48,560 Right, this is it. 1335 01:06:52,160 --> 01:06:53,920 Where the hell are they? 1336 01:06:53,960 --> 01:06:56,920 (PANTING) 1337 01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:59,280 There's the observation tower. 1338 01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:01,560 There is the observation tower, that's where I'm headed. 1339 01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:05,880 Dicky wheel. (PANTING) 1340 01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:15,120 Ah! Oh! I have been turned into Richard Hammond by six hours in that car. 1341 01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:16,520 (PANTING) 1342 01:07:16,560 --> 01:07:18,680 This is it. There's the bridge thing. 1343 01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:21,080 Oh, God. Jesus. 1344 01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:23,360 -In we go. -Howdy. 1345 01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:24,960 Ooh. 1346 01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:32,560 Oh, God, so it all comes down to, 1347 01:07:32,600 --> 01:07:34,520 is he the other side of this barrier? 1348 01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:37,240 Can you get that door, Hammond? 1349 01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:39,640 Yeah, I got it, got it, got it. 1350 01:07:39,680 --> 01:07:44,920 Oh. Hang on. Oh. Look. 1351 01:07:44,960 --> 01:07:47,560 Let me sit down, sorry. Put the brake on. 1352 01:07:50,520 --> 01:07:51,600 How long you been here? 1353 01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:53,480 Long enough to do some nice pictures 1354 01:07:53,520 --> 01:07:55,720 -and some Instagram work. RICHARD: Oh, good. 1355 01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:57,280 JEREMY: Why are you so tired? 1356 01:07:57,320 --> 01:07:59,480 I've been pushing him uphill! 1357 01:07:59,520 --> 01:08:01,760 RICHARD: He doesn't like it. -He's actually sweating. 1358 01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:05,040 -He's been running! -I've run on the internet. 1359 01:08:05,080 --> 01:08:06,960 I thought he might have a heart attack. 1360 01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:11,320 James May is going to die live on TV. 1361 01:08:11,360 --> 01:08:13,840 I'm gonna do it here, just talk amongst yourselves. 1362 01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:16,080 (PANTING) 1363 01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:18,480 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 1364 01:08:22,520 --> 01:08:26,240 The gloating gets worse. 1365 01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:30,880 So there we are, the answer to the question that no one was asking is: 1366 01:08:30,920 --> 01:08:35,200 Yes, the Ford GT is faster than an airliner. 1367 01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:37,160 No, it's faster than a bus. 1368 01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:39,040 And it crippled you and made you deaf. 1369 01:08:39,080 --> 01:08:41,720 He didn't exactly arrive in tip-top shape, did he? 1370 01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:43,360 No, but hang on, 1371 01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:45,600 that's because I had to push him around all day, 1372 01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:47,000 and it was like having 1373 01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:48,760 a massive wheeled suitcase with an opinion 1374 01:08:48,800 --> 01:08:51,240 that pointed at things like Rommel all the time. 1375 01:08:51,280 --> 01:08:54,040 He was the only one who had a comfortable day, actually. 1376 01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:55,120 -You were. -You were. 1377 01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:56,720 Cos the honest truth is, 1378 01:08:56,760 --> 01:09:00,080 that Ford GT went through a city and on a motorway, 1379 01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,240 and neither of those environments 1380 01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:03,880 is where it's really at home. 1381 01:09:03,920 --> 01:09:06,600 Yes, like I said in New York, it's a racing car. 1382 01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:10,040 Yes, which is why I'm going to get one brought over to the UK 1383 01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:13,760 and later I'm gonna thrash it round the Eboladrome. 1384 01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:15,880 -You're gonna do that? -As opposed to? 1385 01:09:15,920 --> 01:09:18,040 Well, uh...me? 1386 01:09:18,080 --> 01:09:20,880 People wanna know what it's like on a track, 1387 01:09:20,920 --> 01:09:22,320 not what it's like on its roof. 1388 01:09:24,280 --> 01:09:26,560 And on that terrible disappointment, for you, 1389 01:09:26,600 --> 01:09:27,800 it's time to end. 1390 01:09:27,840 --> 01:09:30,320 Thank you so much for watching, goodnight. 1391 01:09:30,360 --> 01:09:33,440 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)