1 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,155 (CHEERING) 2 00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,928 - Hello. - Hello, everybody. 3 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,496 Greetings. Hello. 4 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,732 Hello. 5 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,302 JEREMY: Thank you so much. 6 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,874 Thank you. Thank you very much. 7 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,143 Thank you. 8 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,277 Thank you so much, 9 00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:18,346 and welcome to The Grand Tour, 10 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,947 which this week comes to you 11 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,716 from the United Arab Emirates! 12 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,185 (CHEERING) 13 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,422 Specifically... 14 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:34,162 Specifically, we are in Dubai, 15 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,330 which means, for the first time ever, 16 00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,699 we are the three poorest people in the tent. 17 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,368 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. - (LAUGHTER) 18 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,535 I mean, look at that. 19 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,936 You think, "How do they do that 20 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,238 with all those fountains?" 21 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,374 Well, I'll let you into a little secret. 22 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,841 It's Perrier water. 23 00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:48,909 (LAUGHTER) 24 00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:51,479 Flinging it up into the air. 25 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,181 I heard another one the other day. 26 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,782 A taxi driver clearing out his cab 27 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,484 after a hard day at work-- 28 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,986 umbrella, mobile phone, usual stuff-- 29 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:02,022 £800,000 gold bar. 30 00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,391 Someone had left it in there 31 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,960 - and not even noticed. - You would. 32 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,562 Mind you, that said, here, 33 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,332 you can just go to an ATM and get gold out. 34 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,767 Look at this! That's an actual ATM. 35 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,469 You know, at two o'clock in the morning, 36 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,438 "I haven't got an ingot with me." 37 00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,273 But here you're fine. 38 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,809 You can even buy tyres here, OK? 39 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,878 Which are studded with gold and diamonds. 40 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:28,649 Look at this. £600,000 a set. 41 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,851 Even the authorities are loaded. 42 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:33,787 We have here a selection of pictures of local police cars. 43 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,523 They have an Aventador. 44 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:38,125 - They also have an SLS. - (CHEERING) 45 00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:41,128 Yeah. Wait for it. They even have a Veyron police car. 46 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,397 - (CHEERING) - Oh, yeah. Obviously, 47 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,898 - because you need that. - You actually do. 48 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,934 You need that. It's important. 49 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,237 I've even got a photograph of a local ambulance. 50 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:52,240 - Look, here it is. It's a Lotus! - (LAUGHTER) 51 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,807 Not quite sure how that works. 52 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,377 Presumably you have to break the patient's other leg 53 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,879 to actually get him in there. 54 00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,614 - Yeah. - Then there's public transport. 55 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:04,117 Now, OK, in the UK, this is a bus, yes? 56 00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,386 - Yeah. - Let me show you 57 00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,154 a photograph of a local bus here. 58 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,289 - There you go. - Wow! 59 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,023 (LAUGHTER) 60 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,460 Top speed: 155mph. 61 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,429 Costs £7 million. Seats 23 people. 62 00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,731 You telephone the owner. He comes and picks you up 63 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,033 and takes you to where you want to go. 64 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,535 Well, that's a taxi. 65 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,704 - No, James. No, no, no. - Isn't it? 66 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,607 A taxi in Dubai looks like this. 67 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,476 RICHARD: Oh, right. Yeah, of course. 68 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,144 You think I'm joking? Look, "Uber". 69 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,381 Seriously, you call Uber up here, 70 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:36,284 and you're given a choice-- Prius or helicopter. 71 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,752 Wow! Do you get to rate the driver? 72 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,588 Do you think he sticks his telephone on the screen 73 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,490 like in Britain in the Prius? 74 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,991 "I'm not really a pilot. 75 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,159 I'm doing this while training to be a plumber." 76 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:47,861 "I want to get out!" Just get out. 77 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,063 - Shall we get on with the show? - Good idea. 78 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,766 Because in our car show this week... 79 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:55,903 James falls over. 80 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:56,937 Ow! 81 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,041 James fall over again. 82 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,310 (GROANS) 83 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,778 And James falls over. 84 00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,449 (GROANS) 85 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,518 But first, there's been a bit of an argument. 86 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,186 You see, James and I both recently bought 87 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,523 five-door German hatchbacks. 88 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:19,693 His is a BMW i3, which is powered by electricity, 89 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,964 and mine is a conventional Volkswagen Golf GTI. 90 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,667 Yes, meaning my car is from the future 91 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,569 and his is from the past, 92 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:31,905 making me enlightened and him a dinosaur. 93 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:35,543 They have been arguing like this for a while now. 94 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,345 The thing is, I don't doubt 95 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,847 that in the future electric cars will work, 96 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,415 but they don't work now. 97 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,150 - Well, they do. - They don't, James! 98 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,652 Well, why did you fit yours 99 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,887 with a petrol-powered range extender? 100 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,722 Well, that's just a little generator 101 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,659 that keeps the battery topped up if I need it. 102 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,127 What you're saying is you can't rely on new technology. 103 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,696 And your seats, they're made 104 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,365 from the contents of a Hoover bag. 105 00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,367 - Oh, says the man... - (LAUGHTER) 106 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,435 Says the man whose seats are made 107 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,371 from Jackie Stewart's old trousers, 108 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:04,505 which they are. 109 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,507 - It's- - - Whatever! 110 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:07,841 The fact is, in the office, 111 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,677 we decided we'd had enough of them bickering 112 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,380 and told them to go out and do a proper road test. 113 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:15,182 So we did. 114 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,917 JAMES: We began in London 115 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,285 with a real-world test 116 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,220 that Clarkson had thought of. 117 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,755 Right, James, we must now see 118 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,392 who can open their back door in the shortest time. 119 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:26,093 - Why? - There could be an emergency. 120 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,661 People will want to know. 121 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,630 Ready, steady, go! Oh, mine's open. 122 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,198 - (JAMES SIGHS) - Oh, dear. 123 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,766 Have you got to open your front door 124 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,636 before you open that-- let's be honest-- a flap? 125 00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,538 - It's not a flap. - It is a flap. 126 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,473 Are BMW saying that, in the future, 127 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,542 children will only be three inches wide? 128 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:42,810 What are you talking about? 129 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,277 For a start, it's hardly a hardship, 130 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,813 and that's an enormous space. 131 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,448 You only wanted to do that test 132 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,417 because you made a mistake. He made a mistake. 133 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,684 I didn't. What mistake? 134 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,520 You did. You wanted a three-door Golf, 135 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:53,987 and you didn't fill the form in properly. 136 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,757 I know that. You can't tick boxes. 137 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,125 Five doors are better-looking. 138 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,493 No, they're not. 139 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,429 Nobody ever wanted a five-door Golf GTI. 140 00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,531 - It's really naff. - We've got to get on and talk about money. 141 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:04,998 He also wanted a red one. 142 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,900 He didn't fill that bit in properly, either. 143 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:19,012 This car, with many, many optional extras, 144 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,582 was £36,000. 145 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:24,718 Whereas James May's BMW i3 was... 146 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,755 Well... let's find out, shall we? 147 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,223 JEREMY OVER RADIO: How much was your i3? 148 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,192 Well, it was £40,000, 149 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,695 but I got £5,000 back from the government, 150 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,363 so actually it's £35,000, 151 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,031 which is less than yours, I think. 152 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,601 You were given, by the government, 153 00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:44,505 £5,000 of taxpayers' money 154 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,774 so you could buy that car? 155 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,342 I didn't make the rules. You can't turn it down. 156 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,144 It's not like the Beatles' OBE. 157 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,713 That is obscene! 158 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,815 I mean, James May is a wealthy man, 159 00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:59,119 but that bus driver has bought his car for him. 160 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,021 Where's the justice in that? 161 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:06,059 You're paying for his car. Do you know that? 162 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,394 You have paid for it. 163 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:10,030 Just so you know, you've paid for his car. 164 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,366 Has James May thanked you for buying his car for him? 165 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,102 Jeremy will have an opinion on this, 166 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:18,506 despite having bought a farm on which, for many years, 167 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:22,543 he was paid to not grow anything. 168 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,877 Congestion charge here. 169 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,113 It's £11.50 to drive into the centre. 170 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,415 - JAMES: Not for me, it isn't. - JEREMY: Of course it isn't. 171 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:31,184 The taxi driver, is he paying for your congestion charge? 172 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:34,421 I suppose everybody must pay a little bit. 173 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:38,025 * James May, James May Stealing from the rich * 174 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:41,562 * James May, James May Stealing from the poor * 175 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:45,633 * He steals from the rich He steals from the poor * 176 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,368 * And once more, wants it all * 177 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,704 * That's appalling * 178 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,840 It nearly works. 179 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,909 JAMES: I'd had enough of this, 180 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,811 so I came up with a new way of trying to prove 181 00:07:57,878 --> 00:08:00,080 my car was better than his. 182 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,287 James, can I just ask, why have you brought me to London Airport? 183 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:12,025 Because I want to prove that my car is faster than yours. 184 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,927 That's funny, because I just heard you say 185 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,462 that your car's faster than mine. 186 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,364 Yeah. Yeah, it is. 187 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,299 - 167 horsepower. - Mm-hm. 188 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:23,604 Mine has the performance pack, so it produces 227. 189 00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:24,772 - Does it? - Yes. 190 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,173 That's the official figure, is it? 191 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,207 Yes, it is. 192 00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,375 - From VW? - Yes. 193 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,612 - And you believe them? - Yes. 194 00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,614 All right, listen, I know what you mean. 195 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:36,049 Drag race: 0-150. 196 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,051 No. 197 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,387 JEREMY: Having not agreed on that, 198 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,822 we then failed to agree 199 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,324 on where the finishing line should be. 200 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:47,160 James wanted a short race... 201 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,696 and I didn't. 202 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,066 - Compromise. - It isn't. That's too short. 203 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,102 - It's not. It's exactly right. - It is. 204 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,938 But eventually, we were ready to go. 205 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,678 Now, the thing to remember, viewers, 206 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,046 is that an electric motor 207 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,682 delivers enormous torque from nothing, 208 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,217 from really low down. 209 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,484 So over a short distance, 210 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,687 I should absolutely cream this. 211 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,222 Here we go. 212 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,257 JEREMY: DCC-- normal. 213 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,526 Steering-- normal. 214 00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:21,995 Drive-- eco. 215 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,998 No point in ruining my own car to win this. 216 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,300 (REVVING) 217 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,652 (LAUGHS) 218 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,754 No need to rush. 219 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,323 I'm winning. Oh, yes! 220 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,962 I'm still winning. 221 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,964 Let's go get him. Come on, Golfy! 222 00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,767 No. No! 223 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,602 Quite sprightly, but er... 224 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:05,605 not sprightly enough, methinks. 225 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:06,840 See you, James. 226 00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,350 Bah! I've made the future look rubbish 227 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,286 on the television. 228 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,889 JEREMY: And then, to make it look even worse, 229 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,691 I told the benefit scrounger 230 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,693 that we were setting off for Devon. 231 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:29,596 Erm... Why are we going to Devon? 232 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,732 Because we have two tickets tonight 233 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,634 to see Roger Daltrey out of the Who 234 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:38,105 perform at a pub on Dartmoor. 235 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,606 Couldn't we just wait for him 236 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,308 to come and maybe perform in London? 237 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,677 - Because I'm sure he will. - Well, no. 238 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,879 Because it's a 200-mile drive, or thereabouts, 239 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,614 it'll give us an opportunity 240 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,117 to see how our cars work in the real world. 241 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,686 What he means is it's an opportunity for him to claim 242 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:56,957 that the car of the past is superior. 243 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,092 To prove it wasn't, I needed to top up 244 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,730 the charge I'd lost by doing the drag race. 245 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,733 Right, if I look at settings on my satnav, 246 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:09,236 I can look at where all the charging and petrol stations are. 247 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,872 I can even tell what sort of charging point 248 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,807 I am being offered, 249 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:18,045 whether or not I have the right card for it. 250 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,448 And soon, we found exactly what I was looking for. 251 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,758 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 252 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,095 - JEREMY: It's the future. - Another one. 253 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:38,031 - Oh, that's such a shame. - Oh, shut up! 254 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,433 Because I didn't have enough juice in the batteries 255 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,335 to make the next charge point, 256 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,272 I had to turn on my petrol generator, 257 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,940 which stopped them going even flatter, 258 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:51,344 and engaged ECO PRO+ driving mode. 259 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:54,681 It does mean I have to do 56mph. 260 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:59,019 That's where ECO PRO+ sets the maximum speed, 261 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,021 because that way you get the maximum range. 262 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,556 But it means I'm effectively a lorry driver. 263 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,493 Because I'm in ECO PRO, I don't get any air-conditioning 264 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,061 or climate control at all, 265 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,163 because that wastes electricity, 266 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,433 so the car is slowly steaming up. 267 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,802 It's now warning me. It says, 268 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:17,204 "Find a charge station, you idiot!" 269 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:21,008 How many screws do you have to have loose before you say 270 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,276 "Yes, I'm gonna buy a car, 271 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,813 which, when it's running low on power, 272 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,281 has to be driven at 8mph, 273 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,851 with the air conditioning off, and the lights off, 274 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,120 and the heater off, and the radio off. 275 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,890 Why would you do that? 276 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,859 After several lifetimes 277 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,928 of driving in convoy with James, 278 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,095 we finally found 279 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,231 a charge point that worked. 280 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,068 JAMES: That's it. 281 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,302 - It's done? - Yes. 282 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,838 You don't have to stand and watch it. 283 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,339 It's not like petrol. We can go off 284 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:55,075 and have a cup of coffee, a sticky bun. 285 00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,477 - How long is it gonna take? - An hour or so. 286 00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,046 - An hour? - Yeah. 287 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,315 How much does it cost... to fill it up? 288 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,350 Nothing. 289 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,854 - What? - It's free. 290 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,989 - How could it be free? - It's free. 291 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,891 You have to get the card, but it doesn't cost... 292 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,260 - How much does the card cost? - Nothing. 293 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,862 You fill a form in on the Internet, 294 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,229 and it comes in the post. 295 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,865 So I'm paying for your fuel-- 296 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,599 well, your electricity-- as well? 297 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:20,934 Probably. 298 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,369 I'm just staggered by this. 299 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,736 This is iniquitous. 300 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,506 JEREMY: After killing time for a few minutes... 301 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,241 I'm just gonna try and win some money 302 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,011 to pay for James May's heating bill this year, 303 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:34,581 which... will undoubtedly be down to me. 304 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,384 ...I decided I couldn't be bothered to wait any more, 305 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:40,387 so I recharged the old-fashioned way 306 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,290 and, in moments, was back on the road. 307 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,895 Britain only produces 308 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:51,899 5% more power than it actually consumes. 309 00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:56,069 That's now. So if everybody starts buying electric cars, 310 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,138 the power stations won't be able to cope. 311 00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:59,539 There'll be power cuts, 312 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,009 and then there will be looting and anarchy. 313 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,810 That's what James is doing. 314 00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:07,080 He is bringing Britain to its knees. 315 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:15,923 Oh. 316 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,224 Yes. 317 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,726 Here's something for Jeremy. 318 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,261 Assuming he's got a CD player. 319 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,296 He's probably got a cassette player 320 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,764 in his Golf GTI. 321 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,066 JEREMY: Actually, 322 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:29,236 May couldn't have been more wrong. 323 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,339 This car may be from the past, but check this out. 324 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,574 It's accelerating now, you can probably hear that, 325 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:35,943 but I'm not doing it. 326 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,610 The radar in front of me 327 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,612 is maintaining a safe distance 328 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,249 behind the car in front. 329 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,184 He goes faster, I go faster. 330 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,485 He slows down, I slow down. 331 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:46,954 Car pulling out now into the middle lane. 332 00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,255 The car will sense that. 333 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,023 Yeah. It's now dropping me 334 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,291 back from that. 335 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,326 I don't even have to steer, 336 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,762 because it'll keep itself between the white lines. 337 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:56,964 Look. 338 00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,665 Google is making a big fuss. 339 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,033 "Ooh, aren't we clever? 340 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,634 We're making a self-driving car." 341 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,104 It's already here! I'm driving it. 342 00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,473 And it's from 1978. 343 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,111 JAMES: After an hour's charging, 344 00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,880 I was back on the move. 345 00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,249 I actually think the service station on the motorway 346 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,718 should have an electric-car driver section, 347 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,287 where there are, you know, 348 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,589 very complicated jigsaw puzzles and a Monopoly set, 349 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,458 or maybe some painting-by-numbers. 350 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,997 It is 170 miles to go. 351 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:33,300 God, look at it. It's all the way down there. 352 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,002 JEREMY: Many miles ahead, 353 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,436 I was busy firing up 354 00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:39,839 the GTI's Apple CarPlay system. 355 00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:43,110 Right, I'm gonna send James May a text message now, 356 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,112 which would be illegal in most cars, 357 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:46,779 but not in this one. 358 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,516 AUTOMATED VOICE: To whom should I send your message? 359 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,184 May. 360 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,886 What was that again? Uh-oh, something's wrong. 361 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,755 Can you try again? 362 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:56,823 Edit that out. 363 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,558 To whom shall I send it? 364 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:00,627 May. 365 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,397 I don't know what you mean by "Barry". 366 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,034 - To whom shall I send it? - I didn't say "Barry". 367 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,036 May. 368 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,539 This is not doing well, Volkswagen. Come on. 369 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,875 OK. What do you want to say to May? 370 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,710 "May, you're a blithering idiot, 371 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:21,514 and your stupid car is ruining my day." 372 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,084 Your message to May says, 373 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:27,320 "Your brother is idiot and your stupid car is ready." 374 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,721 Ready to send it? 375 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,058 (LAUGHS) 376 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,461 JAMES: "Your brother is idiot"? 377 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,863 What? He's never met my brother. 378 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:39,632 How does he know he's an idiot? 379 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,634 JEREMY: Because I'd turned off the motorway 380 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,903 to take the more direct route to Dartmoor, 381 00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:47,240 I thought I'd better let James know that as well. 382 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:54,081 Erm... I'm going on the A34 and the A303. 383 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,648 I'll see you there. 384 00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,819 Your message to May says, 385 00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:02,889 "I'm going on the first floor of the three RC." 386 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,257 Ready to send it? 387 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,931 JAMES: I, meanwhile, was using the longer motorway route 388 00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,634 because there'd be more charging points. 389 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,203 But I had my foot down. 390 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:23,110 And now... the electric car of the future 391 00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:27,780 is overtaking a Porsche 911 Turbo S. 392 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,682 There we go. 393 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:33,786 I'm driving along in a car on the motorway 394 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,822 at motorway speeds, 395 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,590 overtaking everybody. 396 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,294 Oh, no. Since I filled up, 397 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:44,864 I've used... an eighth of a tank. 398 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,533 (GROANS) Oh, no! 399 00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,838 And soon I was deep in the Devon countryside, 400 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:55,142 where my excellent motorway cruising machine 401 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,210 had become a GTI. 402 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,585 We're in full sport mode now. 403 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:12,359 It's got an astonishing front differential, 404 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,228 so you can hurl the car into any corner 405 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,630 at any speed that takes your fancy, 406 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:21,301 knowing you're gonna come out on the other side OK. 407 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,505 I'm not kidding. On a road like this 408 00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,275 with wet leaves and mud everywhere, 409 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:32,979 this car is as fast as any Ferrari. 410 00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,214 It just is. 411 00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,487 Many hours from now, 412 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,655 James May's going to be coming along here saying, 413 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,792 "Right, I've got 13% battery and 2% fuel, 414 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:49,696 so if I do 13.8 miles to the gallon, I should..." 415 00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:50,863 Who wants to do maths 416 00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,300 when they could do lift-off oversteer? 417 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,506 JAMES: In the i3, thanks to my exuberant driving, 418 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,642 I was indeed having to do some maths. 419 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,512 Energy management update: 420 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:09,382 I have 36 miles of electric power remaining, 421 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,251 if I'm driving like this, 422 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:14,687 and 34 miles of petrol range left. 423 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,689 So I'm going to stop at these services 424 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,759 and I'm going to fill up the little fuel tank. 425 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,228 (PUMP WHIRRING) 426 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,232 Nine quid. That is absolutely... 427 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,766 I've overfilled it, in fact. 428 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,071 If you drive a GTI, 429 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:35,575 you're going to get to where you're going more quickly, 430 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,378 which means you're going to meet more people, 431 00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:42,014 have more experiences, learn more stuff. 432 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,251 Speed makes you cleverer. 433 00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:52,759 Whereas, if you drive a BMW i3, 434 00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,294 you're gonna get everywhere late. 435 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,329 You're gonna miss out on things. 436 00:19:56,396 --> 00:20:01,000 You'll miss out on theatre, culture, poetry. 437 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,635 Love. 438 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,705 You'll be a hollowed-out husk of a man. 439 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,344 "Connect your vehicle and validate." 440 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,883 What do they mean, "validate"? I've already validated. 441 00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:21,488 And here we are. My quest is at an end. 442 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,990 I'm in good time. All is well. 443 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,758 And I was in for a treat, 444 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,827 because joining Roger Daltrey on stage 445 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:31,531 was legendary guitarist Wilko Johnson. 446 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,099 The fabulous Wilko Johnson! 447 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,567 (CHEERING) 448 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:41,374 "Station waiting for a charge request from the vehicle. 449 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,876 Initialisation. Charging." 450 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,846 It's not charging. 451 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,315 (BAND PLAYS) 452 00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:54,287 * Well, wait a minute, baby * 453 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,255 * Well, whatcha gonna do? * 454 00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:01,361 OK, viewers, here is where we're at. 455 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:04,664 That last charging station wasn't working. 456 00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:07,500 We have about 60 miles to go. 457 00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:10,337 So the answer is... 458 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,804 eco driving. 459 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,541 * Then I float on Down the street * 460 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:17,377 * Smiling at the faces 461 00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:18,845 * That I meet * 462 00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,453 I'm not switching it into fast mode. 463 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,020 It's too wasteful. 464 00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:33,426 * Then I'm going back home * 465 00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:41,634 It is 18 miles to the pub. 466 00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:45,037 I have 16 miles of electric left. 467 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:48,541 Is there anything else I can turn off? 468 00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:57,183 Finally, after much range anxiety... 469 00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:59,486 Roger Daltrey, here I come! 470 00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:00,753 ...I made it. 471 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,021 (BAND PLAYING) 472 00:22:06,426 --> 00:22:07,860 (SONG ENDS) 473 00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:10,029 ROGER DALTREY: Thanks for coming, and good night! 474 00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:11,398 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 475 00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:12,732 Oh, cock! 476 00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:16,936 - (CHEERING) - So... Hang on. 477 00:22:19,406 --> 00:22:21,541 - Your car of the future... - Yes? 478 00:22:21,608 --> 00:22:23,109 Two of the charging points 479 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:25,812 you went to on that simple journey, two were broken? 480 00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:27,747 Yes, that is very unusual. But the point is, 481 00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:29,749 if I'd been allowed to set off 482 00:22:29,816 --> 00:22:32,585 with a full electric charge and a full little fuel tank, 483 00:22:32,652 --> 00:22:34,921 I could have got there-- admittedly a lot at 56mph-- 484 00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:37,056 but I would have done it with one stop. 485 00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:39,692 56mph. The future does sound boring, James. 486 00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:42,261 And you still would have missed the gig. 487 00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:43,930 That film is out of date. 488 00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:46,566 You don't get £5,000 from the government any more. 489 00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:51,438 - You only get £4,500. - How will people cope? 490 00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:53,039 I think what we've done there is prove 491 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,508 his car is not really worth buying just yet. 492 00:22:55,575 --> 00:22:58,445 - Don't argue. It isn't. It's not quite finished. - Don't start again. 493 00:22:58,511 --> 00:23:00,713 Before we move on, I want to tell you a little bit more 494 00:23:00,780 --> 00:23:02,749 about that Volkswagen system of texting. 495 00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:05,618 Cos I was using that to send a text from my car 496 00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:07,587 the other day to my youngest daughter, 497 00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:10,590 and I put four kisses at the end, which is normal. 498 00:23:10,657 --> 00:23:14,494 And I said "X-X-X-X", OK? This is what she got. 499 00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:16,696 - RICHARD: Oh, no! - (LAUGHTER) 500 00:23:16,763 --> 00:23:18,531 Oh, that is awkward! 501 00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:21,468 Oh! 502 00:23:21,534 --> 00:23:22,969 What did she say? 503 00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:28,274 - Oh, that is awkward. - Say it, "X-X-X-X". 504 00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:29,476 That's what comes out. 505 00:23:29,509 --> 00:23:31,277 What sort of face did she pull 506 00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:33,312 when she got that from her dad? 507 00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:34,547 Vomitous. Vomitous. 508 00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:35,882 We haven't spoken since. 509 00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:37,650 Katya, I'm sorry. It was the car! 510 00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:39,652 - Move on! - Yes, let's move on. 511 00:23:39,719 --> 00:23:43,956 It is now time for us to visit the headquarters of Chat & Co, 512 00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:47,193 who are, of course, based on Conversation Street. 513 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,661 (MELLOW JAZZ) 514 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,665 (LAUGHTER) 515 00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:58,270 Best one yet. Anyway, we begin... 516 00:23:58,337 --> 00:24:00,607 We begin with Dubai, in fact. 517 00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:03,610 Cos the first time I came here, which was... 518 00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:07,246 was only 20 years ago, it was like a small village. 519 00:24:07,313 --> 00:24:09,181 I was the tallest thing in it. 520 00:24:09,248 --> 00:24:10,382 - Were you? - (LAUGHTER) 521 00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:12,218 Now look at it. It's unbelievable! 522 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:15,522 - It's not that now, is it? - It is unbelievable, that. 523 00:24:15,588 --> 00:24:17,223 Do you know, this shirt is older 524 00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,526 than everything you can see out of that window. 525 00:24:19,526 --> 00:24:22,161 James, that shirt is older than Carthage, mate. Look at it. 526 00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:23,530 It is getting on a bit. 527 00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:24,897 Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, 528 00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:27,567 a few years ago, when I first came here, 529 00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:30,870 there were virtually no motoring laws at all. 530 00:24:30,937 --> 00:24:33,005 I woke up one morning in my hotel-- 531 00:24:33,072 --> 00:24:35,007 the hotel, there was only one-- 532 00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:36,108 in the hotel, thinking, 533 00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,911 "How did I get back here last night?" 534 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:41,080 Looked out of the window, two wheel marks 535 00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:44,116 right over the ornamental roundabout. 536 00:24:44,183 --> 00:24:47,353 And in the flowerbed, my Range Rover. 537 00:24:47,419 --> 00:24:51,423 Jeremy, were you very tired when you parked it? 538 00:24:51,558 --> 00:24:53,960 - I was off my face with tiredness. - OK. OK. 539 00:24:55,562 --> 00:24:57,797 - OK. - Barely able to concentrate. 540 00:24:57,864 --> 00:24:59,331 But it was an extraordinary free-for-all, 541 00:24:59,398 --> 00:25:01,033 which I bet it isn't now. 542 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:02,268 It really isn't now. 543 00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:03,970 There are now very many rules 544 00:25:04,036 --> 00:25:06,072 and many stiff punishments. I've got some of them here. 545 00:25:06,138 --> 00:25:08,575 Getting behind on the repayments on your car loan, 546 00:25:08,641 --> 00:25:10,242 you go to prison. 547 00:25:10,309 --> 00:25:13,813 Making rude gestures at other motorists, you go to prison. 548 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,748 They're all just the things I did 549 00:25:15,815 --> 00:25:17,183 when I was 17 every day. 550 00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:18,484 I quite approve of that. 551 00:25:18,585 --> 00:25:20,019 I'm just thinking of all the things 552 00:25:20,086 --> 00:25:22,488 that you could be sent to prison for in Britain 553 00:25:22,589 --> 00:25:24,290 if we ran it properly. 554 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:26,258 A very good conversation, isn't it? Here's one. 555 00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:28,595 Anyone who takes more than five seconds 556 00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:30,963 between getting in their car after filling up with petrol 557 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:32,064 and driving off. 558 00:25:32,131 --> 00:25:33,600 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - (LAUGHTER) 559 00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:34,634 Definitely. 560 00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:35,835 Do you know what I mean by-- 561 00:25:35,902 --> 00:25:37,770 - Definitely. - What do they do? 562 00:25:38,771 --> 00:25:39,806 - I know. - What? 563 00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,407 Restaurant owners who serve food 564 00:25:41,473 --> 00:25:42,709 on a piece of wood. 565 00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:44,110 Erm, It's not very car-related, 566 00:25:44,176 --> 00:25:46,478 - is it, really? - No, it's not, but-- 567 00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:48,480 Heston Blumenthal does that. 568 00:25:48,615 --> 00:25:49,916 Yes, he does. Exactly. 569 00:25:49,982 --> 00:25:51,984 Heston, if you're watching... prison. 570 00:25:52,051 --> 00:25:53,620 - (LAUGHTER) - You, prison. 571 00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:55,354 I hate that-- food on a piece of wood. 572 00:25:55,421 --> 00:25:56,889 I tell you what I hate. 573 00:25:56,956 --> 00:25:58,858 I may have mentioned this a couple of times before. 574 00:25:58,925 --> 00:26:00,660 And I think it should be imprisonable. 575 00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:03,763 Any pilot who allows the cabin of the plane 576 00:26:03,830 --> 00:26:05,632 to be more than 68°F. 577 00:26:05,698 --> 00:26:07,634 - Oh, God. Here we go. - I'm with you on that. 578 00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:10,637 - All planes are too hot these days. - They are. 579 00:26:10,637 --> 00:26:13,405 It's just a standard moan of yours. 580 00:26:13,472 --> 00:26:16,142 - I know. I know. - Oh, God. 581 00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:18,210 We do have to fly together, but I make every effort 582 00:26:18,277 --> 00:26:20,479 not to sit near Jeremy Clarkson for a long flight. 583 00:26:20,546 --> 00:26:21,814 But eventually, you know, 584 00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:23,650 they turn the lights off and it goes all dark, 585 00:26:23,716 --> 00:26:26,252 and after ten minutes this voice over in the blackness goes, 586 00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:29,656 "It's literally the hottest place in the world!" 587 00:26:29,722 --> 00:26:32,959 - It is. - "Are we flying into the sun? 588 00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:35,795 If it gets any hotter, I shall open a window!" 589 00:26:35,862 --> 00:26:38,665 I've heard all of this so many times. 590 00:26:38,698 --> 00:26:40,566 Honestly, why do they do it? 591 00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:42,134 Why? Are there any pilots here? 592 00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:44,470 - MAN: Yeah. - You are a pilot? 593 00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:46,673 - Why do you do it? - (LAUGHTER) 594 00:26:46,706 --> 00:26:49,976 Why do you boil us all? Who do you fly with? 595 00:26:50,042 --> 00:26:51,678 - Etihad. - Etihad. 596 00:26:51,678 --> 00:26:53,312 - How hot are the planes? - Very warm. 597 00:26:53,379 --> 00:26:54,513 Well, there's a new rule. 598 00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:56,082 I'm telling you. I'm warning you. 599 00:26:56,148 --> 00:26:58,450 - (LAUGHTER) - I'm seriously warning you on this one. 600 00:26:58,517 --> 00:27:01,253 You land. If it's gone over 68 in the cabin, 601 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,356 straight to prison for 50 years. 602 00:27:04,423 --> 00:27:07,093 Can I also say, since you're in here-- 603 00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:09,195 - We've gone off topic. - It's worth pointing this out. 604 00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:11,063 Since you're in here, when we're trying to sleep, 605 00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:12,732 don't tell us the outside temperature 606 00:27:12,799 --> 00:27:14,366 is 57 below zero, 607 00:27:14,433 --> 00:27:15,735 cos we don't give a toss. 608 00:27:15,802 --> 00:27:17,336 Cos you can't open the window anyway. 609 00:27:17,403 --> 00:27:19,371 We care about the temperature in the plane. 610 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,541 Just a few rules. 611 00:27:22,608 --> 00:27:23,810 Anyway, let's move it on. 612 00:27:23,876 --> 00:27:25,344 Shall we get back on to some cars? 613 00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:26,713 Yeah, travel-- 614 00:27:26,779 --> 00:27:28,748 Well, sort of travel-related stuff. OK. 615 00:27:29,716 --> 00:27:30,750 I've got a photograph here 616 00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:32,018 of Britain's idea 617 00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:33,986 of infrastructure investment, OK? 618 00:27:34,053 --> 00:27:36,622 This is in Cambridge. It's erm... 619 00:27:36,723 --> 00:27:38,124 (LAUGHTER) 620 00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:40,359 It's a T-junction that they've designed, 621 00:27:40,426 --> 00:27:42,762 for reasons known only to themselves, 622 00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:43,963 to look like a roundabout. 623 00:27:44,030 --> 00:27:45,464 Yeah, and let me guess. 624 00:27:45,531 --> 00:27:47,399 It cost 100 grand to do it? 625 00:27:47,466 --> 00:27:49,301 No, it was £500,000. 626 00:27:49,368 --> 00:27:51,303 - Of course it was, yeah. - Half a million pounds 627 00:27:51,370 --> 00:27:53,039 they charged the taxpayer for that. 628 00:27:53,105 --> 00:27:54,907 - For some paving slabs. - Exactly. 629 00:27:54,974 --> 00:27:58,410 Anyway, Dubai's idea of infrastructure investment 630 00:27:58,477 --> 00:27:59,746 is a little bit different, 631 00:27:59,779 --> 00:28:01,513 cos what they're planning is this. 632 00:28:01,580 --> 00:28:03,549 It's called the Hyper Loop. 633 00:28:03,615 --> 00:28:04,951 It's like a tube train. 634 00:28:05,017 --> 00:28:07,019 And it'll go from Dubai to Abu Dhabi, 635 00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:09,756 which is about 100 miles away, 636 00:28:09,822 --> 00:28:11,991 - in 12 minutes. - 12 minutes! 637 00:28:12,058 --> 00:28:13,926 12 minutes. That's how long that will take. 638 00:28:13,993 --> 00:28:15,627 So how fast does it go? 639 00:28:15,762 --> 00:28:17,663 500 miles an hour. 640 00:28:17,764 --> 00:28:19,131 (AUDIENCE GASPS) 641 00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:21,033 I mean, that is just breath-taking. It really is. 642 00:28:21,100 --> 00:28:23,335 - Did you say it was 100 miles? - Yeah. 643 00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:25,972 It's going 100 miles at 500mph in 12 minutes. 644 00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:29,275 That means it accelerates to 500mph instantly. 645 00:28:29,341 --> 00:28:30,910 - Mm. - You're gonna have trouble 646 00:28:30,977 --> 00:28:32,678 holding on to the drinks trolley in that. 647 00:28:32,779 --> 00:28:34,113 Ah! Ah! 648 00:28:34,180 --> 00:28:36,682 When it sets off, you'll poo yourself. 649 00:28:36,783 --> 00:28:37,984 Then, when it stops, 650 00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,186 you'll wee yourself at the end. 651 00:28:40,252 --> 00:28:41,954 It's a... Are there any doctors here? 652 00:28:42,021 --> 00:28:43,856 I'm just saying. It's not a medical argument. 653 00:28:43,923 --> 00:28:45,691 - I'm just saying. - I'm not sure you're right. 654 00:28:45,792 --> 00:28:47,459 Well, think about Newton. 655 00:28:47,526 --> 00:28:49,328 If you set off, you'll poo yourself, yes, 656 00:28:49,395 --> 00:28:51,297 but when it slows down, you'll un-poo yourself, 657 00:28:51,363 --> 00:28:55,267 because everything has an equal and opposite reaction. 658 00:28:55,334 --> 00:28:58,270 I'm roughly right, aren't I? Any physicists here? 659 00:28:58,337 --> 00:29:00,206 - I think we should move on. - Yeah. 660 00:29:00,272 --> 00:29:01,874 (LAUGHTER) 661 00:29:01,941 --> 00:29:03,509 Right at the beginning of the series, 662 00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:05,144 Richard Hammond and I came up 663 00:29:05,211 --> 00:29:06,813 with a rather brilliant idea called... 664 00:29:06,846 --> 00:29:08,414 (CLEARS THROAT) 665 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,016 ...Making James May 666 00:29:10,082 --> 00:29:12,284 Do Things He Doesn't Want To Do. 667 00:29:12,351 --> 00:29:15,487 Yep. A brilliant idea for an occasional feature. 668 00:29:15,554 --> 00:29:18,657 We made him go to a doughnuting festival in South Africa. 669 00:29:18,724 --> 00:29:20,359 - Yeah. - He hated it. 670 00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:23,429 Then he thought we'd forgotten about it. 671 00:29:23,495 --> 00:29:24,997 But we hadn't. 672 00:29:26,532 --> 00:29:28,234 JAMES: This is the sort of countryside 673 00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:30,469 where people can do nice things, 674 00:29:30,536 --> 00:29:33,405 like go for a walk or a picnic. 675 00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:36,308 This, however, is the sort of countryside 676 00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:39,278 that will be my home for the day-- mud. 677 00:29:39,345 --> 00:29:41,180 Yes, I love mud. 678 00:29:41,247 --> 00:29:45,351 When I say I love mud, I mean I hate mud. 679 00:29:45,417 --> 00:29:49,088 But the people with me here today really do love it. 680 00:29:49,155 --> 00:29:51,490 They dream of the stuff. 681 00:29:51,557 --> 00:29:54,593 These people behind me are called winchers, 682 00:29:54,660 --> 00:29:56,728 and what they like doing is winching. 683 00:29:56,863 --> 00:29:59,598 They will drive, deliberately, 684 00:29:59,665 --> 00:30:02,001 into something like that puddle over there... 685 00:30:03,602 --> 00:30:07,306 ..until they get stuck, and then winch themselves out. 686 00:30:07,373 --> 00:30:09,842 When they've done that, they'll find another one... 687 00:30:11,543 --> 00:30:13,112 and do it again, and again, 688 00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:15,447 and again, and again, all day long. 689 00:30:17,850 --> 00:30:19,685 Winchers seem to be obsessed 690 00:30:19,751 --> 00:30:22,989 with making life as difficult as possible. 691 00:30:23,055 --> 00:30:24,891 They put orienteering punches 692 00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:27,626 in almost unreachable locations... 693 00:30:27,693 --> 00:30:31,663 and then try to get their 4x4s right up to them, 694 00:30:31,730 --> 00:30:36,835 as Seamus Doyle, my winch buddy for the day, explained. 695 00:30:36,903 --> 00:30:38,270 There are 50 punches 696 00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:40,172 dotted around in different parts of the site. 697 00:30:40,239 --> 00:30:42,474 We have a punch card on the side of the vehicle. 698 00:30:42,541 --> 00:30:45,277 You've got to get this punchcard to the punch. 699 00:30:45,344 --> 00:30:46,845 The punch will be on a string 700 00:30:46,913 --> 00:30:48,747 maybe 2ft long from the tree, or maybe 1ft. 701 00:30:48,814 --> 00:30:50,149 So you've got to punch the number. 702 00:30:50,216 --> 00:30:51,517 - Like a hole puncher? - Yes. 703 00:30:51,583 --> 00:30:53,019 When you get stuck, 704 00:30:53,085 --> 00:30:54,887 because you're gonna get stuck... 705 00:30:54,954 --> 00:30:56,388 - Yes. Yeah, yeah. - I have to get out 706 00:30:56,455 --> 00:30:57,990 and attach the winch to a tree? 707 00:30:58,057 --> 00:30:59,325 Yes, you'll get out, 708 00:30:59,391 --> 00:31:01,027 and you'll get your strap with you. 709 00:31:01,093 --> 00:31:02,962 The strap goes round the tree to protect the tree. 710 00:31:03,029 --> 00:31:04,796 Then you bring your wincher up to the tree, 711 00:31:04,931 --> 00:31:06,798 or whatever obstacle we attach it to, 712 00:31:06,933 --> 00:31:08,634 and I'll operate the buttons. 713 00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,236 - Your English is excellent. - Thank you. 714 00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:11,837 I've been practising for a long time now. 715 00:31:11,938 --> 00:31:13,572 A lot of practice has gone into that. 716 00:31:16,308 --> 00:31:18,244 As soon as the contest began, 717 00:31:18,310 --> 00:31:20,947 Seamus made it plain that my new role in life 718 00:31:20,947 --> 00:31:23,415 was to be his winch bitch. 719 00:31:27,987 --> 00:31:29,288 SEAMUS: OK, got to go, go, go. 720 00:31:29,355 --> 00:31:30,957 - What, I've got to get out? - Yeah. 721 00:31:30,957 --> 00:31:32,858 Where the hell do you think I'm gonna go? 722 00:31:32,959 --> 00:31:34,961 Go with the winch rope to that tree over there. 723 00:31:34,961 --> 00:31:37,063 (GROANS) Oh, man! 724 00:31:37,129 --> 00:31:38,430 This is like being a... 725 00:31:39,298 --> 00:31:41,333 (BLEEP) hippopotamus. 726 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,369 (GRUNTS) 727 00:31:43,435 --> 00:31:44,670 (CRIES OUT) 728 00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:46,672 OK, the clock is ticking. 729 00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,307 Having got our first punch, 730 00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:51,810 I was hoping the day might get a bit less terrible. 731 00:31:51,877 --> 00:31:53,145 But it didn't. 732 00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:59,151 - Oh, man! - James, come on, will you? 733 00:32:00,352 --> 00:32:01,553 Ow! 734 00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:02,621 (GRUNTS) 735 00:32:02,688 --> 00:32:03,789 (CRIES OUT) 736 00:32:03,855 --> 00:32:05,224 I'm winching myself. 737 00:32:05,291 --> 00:32:06,358 Oh, that's much better. 738 00:32:06,425 --> 00:32:07,793 Well, I say it's "much better", 739 00:32:07,859 --> 00:32:09,061 it's less shit. 740 00:32:11,163 --> 00:32:12,798 SEAMUS: Go! We've got to make up time. 741 00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:14,666 - I've got a great idea. - Yes? 742 00:32:14,733 --> 00:32:17,803 - Why don't you get out and get the punch? - No. 743 00:32:17,869 --> 00:32:19,338 Why do I have to keep doing it? 744 00:32:19,405 --> 00:32:21,707 Me being the driver, it doesn't work that way. 745 00:32:24,510 --> 00:32:26,612 Right, where next on our lovely Sunday drive? 746 00:32:28,314 --> 00:32:31,483 - We're going down here. - Don't be stupid. 747 00:32:31,550 --> 00:32:33,452 (CRIES OUT) Ow! 748 00:32:33,519 --> 00:32:36,022 - We're stuck again. - (REVVING) 749 00:32:36,055 --> 00:32:37,556 Get the winch out here, buddy. 750 00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:40,626 See the tree over there? 751 00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:42,694 The place is full of (BLEEP) trees. 752 00:32:42,761 --> 00:32:44,196 This is terrible. 753 00:32:44,263 --> 00:32:46,532 (CRIES OUT) Christ! 754 00:32:48,534 --> 00:32:50,269 On the odd occasion when I did manage 755 00:32:50,336 --> 00:32:52,038 a sit-down in the car, 756 00:32:52,071 --> 00:32:54,573 Seamus even managed to ruin that. 757 00:32:57,709 --> 00:32:58,910 (CRIES OUT) 758 00:32:59,045 --> 00:33:00,246 That wasn't even necessary. 759 00:33:00,312 --> 00:33:02,548 You just did that to piss me off. 760 00:33:02,614 --> 00:33:04,050 No, no, no. 761 00:33:09,055 --> 00:33:10,489 We nearly made it, James. 762 00:33:10,556 --> 00:33:12,958 Yeah, but you didn't. Now can I go home? 763 00:33:13,059 --> 00:33:15,361 Ground anchor over the hill. 764 00:33:15,427 --> 00:33:16,528 (GRUMBLES) 765 00:33:18,697 --> 00:33:21,167 - You just sit there, OK? - I'll be here, OK, yeah. 766 00:33:21,233 --> 00:33:23,102 It's four hours we've been in here now, 767 00:33:23,169 --> 00:33:24,736 and we've travelled, in reality... 768 00:33:25,904 --> 00:33:26,905 (EXHALES) 769 00:33:26,972 --> 00:33:28,507 ...150 metres. 770 00:33:28,574 --> 00:33:31,077 All the things I could be doing today 771 00:33:31,110 --> 00:33:33,112 that I would rather do, 772 00:33:33,179 --> 00:33:35,547 which include self-harm. 773 00:33:39,451 --> 00:33:42,754 Mercifully, the contest eventually came to an end, 774 00:33:42,821 --> 00:33:46,758 and we were finally on our way back to prize-giving. 775 00:33:46,825 --> 00:33:49,828 - The good news is we're not gonna come last. - How do you know? 776 00:33:49,895 --> 00:33:52,598 Because one of the boys broke down since ten o'clock. 777 00:33:52,664 --> 00:33:53,665 Lucky bastard. 778 00:33:53,732 --> 00:33:54,966 Oh, geez! 779 00:33:55,101 --> 00:33:56,468 I'm on it. I'm on it. 780 00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:58,170 No, you're gonna overdo it! 781 00:33:58,237 --> 00:34:01,173 - No, it's OK. You're OK. - (CRIES OUT) 782 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,175 - JAMES: You idiot! - SEAMUS: Your fault! 783 00:34:03,242 --> 00:34:05,877 JAMES: It was you driving, you fool! 784 00:34:05,944 --> 00:34:07,879 It stinks down here. 785 00:34:07,946 --> 00:34:09,981 God! What is this stuff? 786 00:34:10,116 --> 00:34:12,017 SEAMUS: England. 787 00:34:12,118 --> 00:34:15,321 At last, we made it back for the prize-giving. 788 00:34:18,290 --> 00:34:20,192 So, here's a quick sum-up. 789 00:34:20,259 --> 00:34:22,394 Er... At the end of a seven-hour day, 790 00:34:22,461 --> 00:34:26,665 I've... been stuck 50-something times. 791 00:34:26,732 --> 00:34:28,500 Erm... I've fallen over, 792 00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:31,670 I haven't actually been counting, something like 25 times. 793 00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:34,140 I've nearly drowned in three puddles. 794 00:34:34,206 --> 00:34:36,175 And that wouldn't be so bad 795 00:34:36,242 --> 00:34:38,144 if I was gonna win a winch or a winch cover 796 00:34:38,210 --> 00:34:40,146 or a new piece of rope or something like that, 797 00:34:40,146 --> 00:34:41,613 but, in fact, in the rollover, 798 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,416 we tore the punchcard off, which means, technically, 799 00:34:44,483 --> 00:34:47,553 we've got to start again from the beginning. 800 00:34:47,619 --> 00:34:50,156 But I've decided to go and drown myself instead. 801 00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:54,160 (CHEERING) 802 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,162 - I like Seamus a lot. - Yeah, I like him. 803 00:34:56,162 --> 00:34:58,730 - Seamus is my new best friend. - Yeah, definitely. 804 00:34:58,797 --> 00:35:01,032 - Ruined James May. - We need to do a lot more of those. 805 00:35:01,167 --> 00:35:03,569 - Yeah, a lot more. A lot more. - Many more. 806 00:35:03,635 --> 00:35:07,606 So, James, was there any aspect of that that you liked? 807 00:35:07,673 --> 00:35:08,874 - No. - Good. 808 00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:10,842 So, moving on, it's time now 809 00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:13,712 to play Celebrity Brain Crash. 810 00:35:13,779 --> 00:35:15,747 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 811 00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:22,688 - That doesn't get any better. - It doesn't! 812 00:35:22,754 --> 00:35:25,524 Anyway, our guest today 813 00:35:25,591 --> 00:35:29,995 is a shining star from the world of Formula One. 814 00:35:30,061 --> 00:35:31,530 He's also a very brave young man, 815 00:35:31,597 --> 00:35:34,032 because, even though he is fully aware 816 00:35:34,099 --> 00:35:35,467 of all of the calamities 817 00:35:35,534 --> 00:35:37,303 that have befallen all the other celebrities 818 00:35:37,369 --> 00:35:39,538 that have tried to come to our tent, 819 00:35:39,605 --> 00:35:43,675 he's elected to arrive in a hovercraft. 820 00:35:43,742 --> 00:35:45,877 Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Ricciardo! 821 00:35:45,944 --> 00:35:48,414 (CHEERING) 822 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,516 - JEREMY: And there he is. - RICHARD: There he is. 823 00:35:50,582 --> 00:35:52,218 JEREMY: Putting his helmet on. 824 00:35:52,251 --> 00:35:54,553 That's a wise move, I think. A wise move. 825 00:35:54,620 --> 00:35:58,357 JAMES: I genuinely, genuinely like Daniel Ricciardo, 826 00:35:58,424 --> 00:36:01,026 because he is a truly nice man. 827 00:36:01,092 --> 00:36:02,428 He's a truly nice man, 828 00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,496 and he's also extremely happy and cheerful. 829 00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:06,765 JEREMY: I just... Well, I know from personal experience, 830 00:36:06,832 --> 00:36:08,767 hovercrafts are tricky to control. 831 00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:11,337 RICHARD: Yeah, Jeremy, he's a Formula One driver. 832 00:36:11,403 --> 00:36:13,639 - He's got this covered. - No, but it's windy. 833 00:36:13,705 --> 00:36:16,007 Oh, here he comes. Here he is, arriving now. 834 00:36:16,074 --> 00:36:19,077 - He's fine with that. - Wrestling with the controls and doing well. 835 00:36:19,144 --> 00:36:20,479 - Yeah. - Oh, he's overshot. 836 00:36:20,546 --> 00:36:23,582 He's overshot a bit there. Oh, dear. 837 00:36:23,649 --> 00:36:24,750 (AUDIENCE GASPS) 838 00:36:24,816 --> 00:36:26,318 RICHARD: Oh, no! 839 00:36:26,385 --> 00:36:28,287 Oh, there's been... No, there's been a... No. 840 00:36:28,354 --> 00:36:31,423 Oh, God! He's going in the fan! He's going in the fan! 841 00:36:31,490 --> 00:36:32,958 - Oh, no! - (AUDIENCE GASPS) 842 00:36:35,394 --> 00:36:36,595 Oh, that... 843 00:36:36,662 --> 00:36:37,763 (APPLAUSE) 844 00:36:44,303 --> 00:36:46,572 The helmet... 845 00:36:46,638 --> 00:36:49,975 The helmet has now thankfully jammed the motor with his head. 846 00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,343 Yeah, it's too late. 847 00:36:53,178 --> 00:36:55,281 Erm... 848 00:36:55,281 --> 00:36:57,883 - Does that mean he's not coming on, then? - (LAUGHTER) 849 00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:01,019 Well, James, he's been liquidised and now he's all over the window, 850 00:37:01,086 --> 00:37:02,621 so, no, he's not. 851 00:37:02,688 --> 00:37:04,523 Yeah, he's not in the tent so much as on it. 852 00:37:04,590 --> 00:37:06,725 Yeah. Uh... (MUMBLES) 853 00:37:06,792 --> 00:37:09,495 - What do we do next? - We've got to do something. 854 00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:11,830 Well, I'm gonna clean that off, if you don't mind. 855 00:37:11,897 --> 00:37:13,799 It is distracting and off-putting. 856 00:37:13,865 --> 00:37:15,301 How do we fill the time? 857 00:37:15,334 --> 00:37:16,602 It's all right, because I thought 858 00:37:16,668 --> 00:37:18,337 something like this might happen. 859 00:37:18,404 --> 00:37:19,638 So when we arrived last night, 860 00:37:19,705 --> 00:37:21,540 I went out and I made a little film. 861 00:37:21,607 --> 00:37:23,309 Thank God for that. What was it? 862 00:37:23,375 --> 00:37:24,910 - Well, let's just... - We'll cover this up. 863 00:37:24,976 --> 00:37:27,613 - (LAUGHTER) - I'd like to talk to you now-- 864 00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:29,748 - No, we need to tighten the shot. - Good idea. 865 00:37:29,815 --> 00:37:32,751 Tighten it on him. Just our faces. 866 00:37:32,818 --> 00:37:35,086 Concentrate on me and what I'm saying, 867 00:37:35,153 --> 00:37:36,388 and not on anything else 868 00:37:36,455 --> 00:37:38,223 that you might be tempted to look at. 869 00:37:38,324 --> 00:37:40,225 Erm... Now, the Porsche 918, 870 00:37:40,326 --> 00:37:43,595 earlier in this series of programmes we saw it in action 871 00:37:43,662 --> 00:37:45,331 and proved that it is the ultimate 872 00:37:45,397 --> 00:37:47,799 of the hypercar Holy Trinity 873 00:37:47,866 --> 00:37:50,035 when we put it against the Ferrari and the McLaren. 874 00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:51,337 But I've always wondered, 875 00:37:51,403 --> 00:37:53,004 "How would it fare in a straight race 876 00:37:53,071 --> 00:37:54,440 against a Bugatti Veyron?" 877 00:37:54,506 --> 00:37:57,343 And as we are in the home of the hypercar, 878 00:37:57,343 --> 00:37:58,844 this is the place to find out. 879 00:37:58,910 --> 00:38:01,547 Yeah. Now, tight on me. Are we tight? Good. Erm... 880 00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:02,881 This is, then... (CLEARS THROAT) 881 00:38:02,948 --> 00:38:04,450 This is a... It's a race 882 00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:06,585 between the future and the past. 883 00:38:06,652 --> 00:38:08,119 Second time this evening. 884 00:38:08,186 --> 00:38:09,421 Yeah, much like your film, 885 00:38:09,488 --> 00:38:10,956 only this one is exciting. 886 00:38:11,022 --> 00:38:12,358 (LAUGHTER) 887 00:38:32,411 --> 00:38:33,545 So, here we are. 888 00:38:33,612 --> 00:38:34,980 The grand old man of performance 889 00:38:35,046 --> 00:38:37,449 coming out one more time to defend his title 890 00:38:37,516 --> 00:38:39,385 against one of the young upstarts. 891 00:38:39,451 --> 00:38:41,252 Here's how it all pans out on paper. 892 00:38:41,387 --> 00:38:44,623 Bugatti Veyron: 0-60, 2.5 seconds. 893 00:38:44,690 --> 00:38:46,157 Power-to-weight ratio: 894 00:38:46,224 --> 00:38:49,127 523 brake horsepower per tonne. 895 00:38:49,194 --> 00:38:52,631 The 918: 0-60, 2.6 seconds, 896 00:38:52,698 --> 00:38:53,865 but a power-to-weight ratio 897 00:38:53,932 --> 00:38:57,469 of 535 brake horsepower per tonne. 898 00:38:57,536 --> 00:39:00,238 However, as we learned when we raced the 918 899 00:39:00,305 --> 00:39:03,141 against the LaFerrari and the P1 in our first show, 900 00:39:03,208 --> 00:39:06,478 hard facts like that count for nothing. 901 00:39:06,545 --> 00:39:08,680 In the end, it's all down to this. 902 00:39:13,318 --> 00:39:14,720 And I'm ready to race. 903 00:39:17,022 --> 00:39:17,989 Actually... 904 00:39:20,158 --> 00:39:21,126 Yeah. 905 00:39:28,734 --> 00:39:30,135 Last bit of dead skin. 906 00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:32,971 (REVVING) 907 00:39:35,841 --> 00:39:38,677 OK. Launch control: race mode. 908 00:39:41,312 --> 00:39:43,482 Representing the future here. 909 00:39:43,549 --> 00:39:44,850 (REVVING) 910 00:39:50,889 --> 00:39:51,923 (LIGHTS BEEP) 911 00:40:02,534 --> 00:40:05,771 I think... if I can just stay ahead... 912 00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:12,143 This is going to be so close! 913 00:40:13,745 --> 00:40:15,814 The future is gonna take it! 914 00:40:18,484 --> 00:40:21,820 So sorry, Veyron, but your crown is gone. 915 00:40:21,887 --> 00:40:22,854 Wow! 916 00:40:24,456 --> 00:40:26,091 What a device this is. 917 00:40:29,294 --> 00:40:31,663 I was gonna call it a day at that, obviously, 918 00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:35,033 but there's a bloke here wants to race his Nissan. 919 00:40:37,402 --> 00:40:38,737 It's a bit embarrassing, really, 920 00:40:38,804 --> 00:40:40,506 but you don't want to upset the locals. 921 00:40:40,572 --> 00:40:43,709 So, OK, race is on. Here we go. 922 00:40:47,579 --> 00:40:48,814 Let's get this over with. 923 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,550 Do race, apologise, move on. 924 00:40:53,418 --> 00:40:54,720 (REVVING) 925 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:02,728 What? 926 00:41:04,162 --> 00:41:07,165 He's pulling away in a Nissan Patrol! 927 00:41:18,176 --> 00:41:21,046 What... just... happened? 928 00:41:24,215 --> 00:41:25,551 (CHEERING) 929 00:41:29,655 --> 00:41:30,956 So, hang on a minute. 930 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,725 At the beginning of this series, 931 00:41:33,792 --> 00:41:37,262 we bigged up the hypercar Holy Trinity 932 00:41:37,328 --> 00:41:38,764 as the three greatest cars 933 00:41:38,830 --> 00:41:41,366 ever to have been conceived and invented. 934 00:41:41,432 --> 00:41:43,735 - Yeah. - And the fastest of all of them... 935 00:41:43,802 --> 00:41:47,405 - Yes. - ...was beaten by a Datsun van. 936 00:41:47,472 --> 00:41:48,473 (LAUGHTER) 937 00:41:48,574 --> 00:41:50,108 Yes. Yes. 938 00:41:50,175 --> 00:41:51,843 What the hell engine did it have? 939 00:41:51,910 --> 00:41:55,981 Well, it turns out it's got 1,900 horsepower. 940 00:41:56,047 --> 00:41:58,449 - What were Porsche thinking of? - I know. 941 00:41:58,584 --> 00:41:59,951 Back to the drawing boards, lads, 942 00:42:00,018 --> 00:42:02,020 - and we'll gloss over that. - Exactly right. 943 00:42:02,087 --> 00:42:05,023 Your embarrassing mistake, Porsche. 944 00:42:05,090 --> 00:42:07,626 Now, I'd like to make a confession, actually, and it's this. 945 00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:12,063 - I've never been able to drift properly. - (LAUGHTER) 946 00:42:12,130 --> 00:42:14,332 It's just... I know, just ignore him. 947 00:42:14,399 --> 00:42:16,134 Nothing to see. Nothing to see. 948 00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:17,435 Nothing to see here. 949 00:42:17,502 --> 00:42:19,004 It's just a man doing his job. 950 00:42:19,070 --> 00:42:20,038 (LAUGHTER) 951 00:42:20,105 --> 00:42:22,473 I've never been able to drift properly. 952 00:42:22,608 --> 00:42:24,743 I can provoke a car, you know, into a slide, 953 00:42:24,810 --> 00:42:26,077 but I couldn't hold it there. 954 00:42:26,144 --> 00:42:27,646 It would always just spin off and crash. 955 00:42:27,713 --> 00:42:29,314 No, exactly. I mean, 956 00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:31,216 everything you've ever seen in the past of him drifting 957 00:42:31,282 --> 00:42:34,052 has been done with smoke, mirrors, clever editing 958 00:42:34,119 --> 00:42:36,254 and, let's be honest, stunt drivers. 959 00:42:36,321 --> 00:42:38,957 So I decided when we started making Grand Tour 960 00:42:39,024 --> 00:42:40,726 that I had to go out and change that, 961 00:42:40,792 --> 00:42:43,261 and learn how to do it properly. 962 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,501 One option would be to go 963 00:42:50,636 --> 00:42:53,639 to a supermarket car park on a Saturday night, 964 00:42:53,672 --> 00:42:56,742 but instead I came here to France. 965 00:43:02,147 --> 00:43:04,182 Specifically, to the top-secret 966 00:43:04,249 --> 00:43:05,817 Ladoux test centre, 967 00:43:05,884 --> 00:43:08,086 where Michelin develops its tyres. 968 00:43:10,756 --> 00:43:13,759 There are several reasons why I'm here. 969 00:43:13,825 --> 00:43:15,661 First, they have the space. 970 00:43:17,863 --> 00:43:21,767 Twenty-seven miles of test tracks and skid pans. 971 00:43:24,102 --> 00:43:27,572 Second, if you want to understand drifting, 972 00:43:27,673 --> 00:43:29,675 you have to understand tyres, 973 00:43:29,675 --> 00:43:32,043 and this place is a tyre temple. 974 00:43:40,919 --> 00:43:42,888 Third, and most important, 975 00:43:42,954 --> 00:43:45,356 if you want to know about tyres, 976 00:43:45,423 --> 00:43:47,158 you have to know how to drift, 977 00:43:47,225 --> 00:43:50,028 and that is where this chap comes in. 978 00:43:54,900 --> 00:43:57,268 His name is Jérôme Haslin, 979 00:43:57,335 --> 00:43:59,971 and he is Michelin's chief tyre tester 980 00:44:00,038 --> 00:44:03,374 for BMW, Porsche, Ferrari and Bugatti. 981 00:44:04,876 --> 00:44:07,012 Rubber compound runs through his veins. 982 00:44:07,078 --> 00:44:09,314 He is a Zen master of grip, 983 00:44:09,380 --> 00:44:11,482 a Kung Fu Panda of drifting, 984 00:44:11,549 --> 00:44:13,985 and I am to be his new pupil. 985 00:44:37,108 --> 00:44:40,278 This is what he means by "over the limit". 986 00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:43,749 He uses power to kick the back of the car out of line... 987 00:44:43,782 --> 00:44:47,285 and then a delicate balance of throttle and steering 988 00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:48,820 to keep it there. 989 00:44:51,022 --> 00:44:53,558 Your steering-wheel technique is amazing. 990 00:44:53,624 --> 00:44:56,061 JÉRÔME: I play a lot with the gas pedal. 991 00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:02,033 And if you work a lot with the gas, 992 00:45:02,100 --> 00:45:04,002 you have nothing to do with the steering. 993 00:45:04,069 --> 00:45:06,404 You can do all with one hand, like this. 994 00:45:06,471 --> 00:45:09,775 - So you're steering the car with your right foot? - Yes. 995 00:45:13,111 --> 00:45:15,146 Jérôme, this is brilliant that I learn how to do this 996 00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:17,515 because you read those lists on the Internet 997 00:45:17,582 --> 00:45:20,318 of things that women appreciate in a man, don't you? 998 00:45:20,385 --> 00:45:23,121 And there's always honesty, integrity, 999 00:45:23,188 --> 00:45:25,490 loyalty, fidelity, drifting. 1000 00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:27,492 It's always there. 1001 00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:32,063 On that note, it was time for me to begin my lesson. 1002 00:45:32,130 --> 00:45:34,699 You can pull up the seat more. 1003 00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,935 - More what? - More close to the steering wheel. 1004 00:45:37,002 --> 00:45:38,369 What are you trying to say? 1005 00:45:41,606 --> 00:45:43,374 OK. So, here we go. 1006 00:45:43,441 --> 00:45:46,878 Provoking oversteer, coming off, and then feeding... 1007 00:45:46,945 --> 00:45:48,914 No, and then going round in a small circle. 1008 00:45:51,482 --> 00:45:55,453 My challenge was to drift the car for one complete lap. 1009 00:45:56,554 --> 00:45:58,289 Gas, oversteer. 1010 00:45:58,356 --> 00:46:01,392 - Release gas, counter-steer. - Release gas, counter-steer. 1011 00:46:01,459 --> 00:46:02,861 - Oh, I've spun! - OK. 1012 00:46:04,695 --> 00:46:06,431 JÉRÔME: Gas, gas, gas, gas! 1013 00:46:06,497 --> 00:46:07,833 RICHARD: Oh, bugger! 1014 00:46:10,836 --> 00:46:12,537 Soon, the constant spinning 1015 00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:15,373 started to have an effect on my teacher. 1016 00:46:16,541 --> 00:46:18,944 A little bit more power. No. 1017 00:46:20,711 --> 00:46:21,947 Yeah, off the gas. 1018 00:46:25,416 --> 00:46:28,419 This is weird. I thought this would be so easy. 1019 00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:34,860 - OK, is it possible to take air? Fresh air? - Yeah. 1020 00:46:34,893 --> 00:46:37,328 Because I will be ill in two minutes. 1021 00:46:38,763 --> 00:46:40,165 RICHARD: Is this going badly? 1022 00:46:43,869 --> 00:46:47,305 While Jérôme went off to say hello to his breakfast... 1023 00:46:49,774 --> 00:46:53,411 I continued plugging away. 1024 00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:55,546 Begin power and begin counter-steer immediately. 1025 00:46:55,613 --> 00:46:56,948 Now hold it. 1026 00:46:59,350 --> 00:47:01,953 And soon, it started to click. 1027 00:47:04,355 --> 00:47:08,093 What I am doing is drifting. There's no denying that. 1028 00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,562 Oh, yes! Yes! 1029 00:47:11,629 --> 00:47:14,365 I've connected the steering wheel to my feet. 1030 00:47:15,233 --> 00:47:16,801 This is a whole new feeling. 1031 00:47:16,902 --> 00:47:18,904 This is not reacting to a slide, 1032 00:47:18,904 --> 00:47:21,339 this is deliberately provoking it 1033 00:47:21,406 --> 00:47:23,408 and keeping it right on the point. 1034 00:47:27,712 --> 00:47:30,248 (IN FRENCH ACCENT) Ha-ha, Jérôme, you French... 1035 00:47:30,315 --> 00:47:32,817 drift-and-ski-instructing dude, you. 1036 00:47:32,918 --> 00:47:34,252 He'll be impressed with this. 1037 00:47:35,653 --> 00:47:36,787 And he was, 1038 00:47:36,922 --> 00:47:38,689 so we immediately progressed 1039 00:47:38,756 --> 00:47:41,259 to the next level. 1040 00:47:41,326 --> 00:47:42,928 Just before we start, Jérôme, 1041 00:47:42,928 --> 00:47:45,931 are you going to make this look really annoyingly easy? 1042 00:47:45,964 --> 00:47:47,298 Yeah, you are. OK. 1043 00:47:48,699 --> 00:47:49,935 He did. 1044 00:47:51,002 --> 00:47:53,238 This is called transitioning-- 1045 00:47:53,304 --> 00:47:56,707 drifting the car one way and then the other. 1046 00:47:56,774 --> 00:48:00,011 Get it right and it's almost balletic. 1047 00:48:06,551 --> 00:48:08,419 That is beautiful. 1048 00:48:08,486 --> 00:48:11,656 From that to that, seamlessly. 1049 00:48:13,959 --> 00:48:17,362 Which, sadly, couldn't be said of what followed. 1050 00:48:17,428 --> 00:48:19,297 - (TYRES SCREECHING) - Brake! 1051 00:48:27,172 --> 00:48:28,339 Brake, brake, brake. 1052 00:48:30,175 --> 00:48:31,476 RICHARD: Oh, bollocks. 1053 00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,248 Does BMW know we're using their car? 1054 00:48:37,315 --> 00:48:39,284 - I don't think so. - OK. 1055 00:48:40,986 --> 00:48:42,320 Eventually, though... 1056 00:48:45,991 --> 00:48:47,125 Yeah! 1057 00:48:55,033 --> 00:48:56,667 Yes, that was a transition. 1058 00:48:56,734 --> 00:48:58,203 Your first. 1059 00:49:01,639 --> 00:49:05,643 By the end of the day, I really had got it mastered. 1060 00:49:07,112 --> 00:49:09,747 I'd become, for the first time, 1061 00:49:09,814 --> 00:49:11,349 a driving god. 1062 00:49:16,654 --> 00:49:17,855 (CHEERING) 1063 00:49:17,922 --> 00:49:19,457 It really is... 1064 00:49:19,524 --> 00:49:22,193 It really is the most amazing feeling 1065 00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:23,928 when you get just the right amount of power 1066 00:49:24,029 --> 00:49:25,496 to spin the back wheels, 1067 00:49:25,563 --> 00:49:27,698 but not so much that you don't spin the whole car, 1068 00:49:27,765 --> 00:49:29,534 and you hold it on the edge. 1069 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,037 No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He came back from France, 1070 00:49:32,037 --> 00:49:34,139 where he'd spent one day 1071 00:49:34,205 --> 00:49:35,540 saying, "Well, I'm brilliant now." 1072 00:49:35,606 --> 00:49:36,707 Yeah, well, I am. 1073 00:49:36,774 --> 00:49:37,875 Well, now, I'm sorry. 1074 00:49:37,942 --> 00:49:40,211 Hammond, it took me ten years 1075 00:49:40,278 --> 00:49:42,047 to learn how to drift a car. 1076 00:49:42,047 --> 00:49:43,281 - Mm-hm. Mm-hm. - Ten-- 1077 00:49:43,348 --> 00:49:44,749 But because I'm not an ape, 1078 00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:47,285 I did it in one day. 1079 00:49:47,352 --> 00:49:48,619 - You didn't! - Well, I did. 1080 00:49:48,686 --> 00:49:50,121 Look, anyway, it doesn't matter. 1081 00:49:50,188 --> 00:49:53,158 To find out if he was a driving god, 1082 00:49:53,224 --> 00:49:55,293 Clarkson and I arranged for Richard Hammond 1083 00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:58,463 to take part in a drifting contest. 1084 00:49:58,529 --> 00:50:00,398 Yeah, we did. We fixed up the car for him. 1085 00:50:00,465 --> 00:50:02,167 We fixed up the competitors. 1086 00:50:02,233 --> 00:50:03,734 We did everything. 1087 00:50:10,308 --> 00:50:12,077 RICHARD: This is the car. 1088 00:50:12,143 --> 00:50:14,979 It started out as a Nissan 200SX, 1089 00:50:15,046 --> 00:50:20,318 but it's been fitted with a 700-horsepower 6.2L V8 1090 00:50:20,385 --> 00:50:22,720 and a modified steering rack, 1091 00:50:22,787 --> 00:50:24,655 so it can do this. 1092 00:50:47,678 --> 00:50:51,516 Its owner, a chap called Steve "Baggsy" Biagioni, 1093 00:50:51,582 --> 00:50:53,818 said that, to prepare for my competition, 1094 00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:58,123 I needed to put some melons on a row of traffic cones. 1095 00:50:58,189 --> 00:50:59,624 What are we doing with these? 1096 00:50:59,690 --> 00:51:01,592 Can I put mine down? They're really heavy. 1097 00:51:01,659 --> 00:51:03,194 Well, in a drifting competition, 1098 00:51:03,261 --> 00:51:04,429 you have what's called clipping points. 1099 00:51:04,495 --> 00:51:06,297 - Yes. - So these would be 1100 00:51:06,364 --> 00:51:08,133 determined points on the track 1101 00:51:08,133 --> 00:51:10,801 made by the judges as to where they want to see the car. 1102 00:51:10,868 --> 00:51:14,705 - Our clipping points are melons? - Melons, yes. 1103 00:51:14,772 --> 00:51:16,241 My orders were to get 1104 00:51:16,307 --> 00:51:18,209 as close to the melons as possible 1105 00:51:18,276 --> 00:51:21,379 without hitting them. 1106 00:51:21,446 --> 00:51:22,947 We're just gonna concentrate 1107 00:51:23,013 --> 00:51:25,650 on looking for the middle of the track, yeah, 1108 00:51:25,716 --> 00:51:28,586 and aim the back of the car near them melons. 1109 00:51:28,653 --> 00:51:29,620 OK. 1110 00:51:31,256 --> 00:51:33,224 Right, when you're ready, go for it. 1111 00:51:40,231 --> 00:51:41,532 Bollocks! 1112 00:51:44,369 --> 00:51:47,238 Having not really mastered this at all... 1113 00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:51,176 Oh, shit! 1114 00:51:51,242 --> 00:51:52,743 ...it was time for the event 1115 00:51:52,810 --> 00:51:57,382 organised by Clarkson and May to begin. 1116 00:51:57,448 --> 00:52:00,251 What they've done is told me to report here, 1117 00:52:00,318 --> 00:52:01,486 Rockingham Raceway, 1118 00:52:01,552 --> 00:52:03,020 where they've arranged for me 1119 00:52:03,188 --> 00:52:04,455 to take on two drifters 1120 00:52:04,522 --> 00:52:06,724 in some competitive drifting. 1121 00:52:08,693 --> 00:52:14,098 The course was a series of classic transitional bends... 1122 00:52:14,199 --> 00:52:15,600 strategically peppered 1123 00:52:15,666 --> 00:52:17,335 with the dreaded clipping points. 1124 00:52:19,837 --> 00:52:23,974 Baggsy was on hand to explain how the scoring worked. 1125 00:52:24,041 --> 00:52:26,977 The main thing about drifting is that it's a judged sport, 1126 00:52:27,044 --> 00:52:30,748 and the judges have placed the clipping points where they want to see the car. 1127 00:52:30,815 --> 00:52:34,419 So that'll either be the rear or the front of the car. 1128 00:52:34,485 --> 00:52:35,953 The closer you get to the clipping points, 1129 00:52:36,020 --> 00:52:38,389 the more points you're gonna get awarded. 1130 00:52:38,456 --> 00:52:40,225 But the key is to not hit them. 1131 00:52:40,258 --> 00:52:41,492 If you can brush them, 1132 00:52:41,559 --> 00:52:42,893 you're gonna get maximum points. 1133 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:44,061 When I say "brush", 1134 00:52:44,128 --> 00:52:45,230 I mean don't knock them over. 1135 00:52:45,296 --> 00:52:46,297 If you can be 1136 00:52:46,364 --> 00:52:47,365 within half a metre, 1137 00:52:47,432 --> 00:52:49,934 you're gonna score high. 1138 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,703 I'd also score points for holding the car 1139 00:52:52,770 --> 00:52:55,306 in as impressive a drift as possible. 1140 00:52:56,774 --> 00:52:58,376 You've got to keep the throttle in 1141 00:52:58,443 --> 00:53:00,845 so that you maintain the drift with good angle, 1142 00:53:00,911 --> 00:53:03,381 and that's only up to you about how much steering input 1143 00:53:03,448 --> 00:53:05,250 and how much accelerator you put in. 1144 00:53:06,651 --> 00:53:09,420 The cars are designed to run at almost 90°. 1145 00:53:09,487 --> 00:53:11,589 They've got massive amounts of steering angle, 1146 00:53:11,656 --> 00:53:13,658 so you can drive on the end of your rack. 1147 00:53:13,724 --> 00:53:16,160 OK. So I don't get awarded points 1148 00:53:16,261 --> 00:53:17,662 for how quickly I do the whole thing? 1149 00:53:17,728 --> 00:53:19,096 No, that doesn't come into it. 1150 00:53:19,163 --> 00:53:22,367 It's all about angle, line, 1151 00:53:22,433 --> 00:53:24,369 and how much you excite everybody. 1152 00:53:24,435 --> 00:53:26,671 It's judged showing off, isn't it? 1153 00:53:26,737 --> 00:53:28,873 - Basically, yeah. - Yeah, OK. 1154 00:53:31,008 --> 00:53:33,711 As my car was prepped for the big event, 1155 00:53:33,778 --> 00:53:36,414 the competitors, organised by my colleagues, 1156 00:53:36,481 --> 00:53:38,983 finally arrived. 1157 00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:43,321 And they weren't what I was expecting. 1158 00:53:43,388 --> 00:53:44,889 It seems James and Jeremy 1159 00:53:44,955 --> 00:53:48,025 want their old mate to do well after all, 1160 00:53:48,092 --> 00:53:50,661 because, unless I'm mistaken, 1161 00:53:50,728 --> 00:53:54,299 it would appear that I'm up against a child 1162 00:53:54,299 --> 00:53:56,334 and a man with no arms. 1163 00:53:59,036 --> 00:54:00,004 OK. 1164 00:54:01,306 --> 00:54:02,540 That's my competition. 1165 00:54:07,111 --> 00:54:08,813 With the judges in position, 1166 00:54:08,879 --> 00:54:12,383 it was time for the contest to begin. 1167 00:54:12,450 --> 00:54:15,219 First up was the disabled gentleman, 1168 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,688 Bartek OstaBowski from Poland. 1169 00:54:19,056 --> 00:54:20,591 The fact is, Bartek... 1170 00:54:22,727 --> 00:54:25,730 is deficient in the arms department to the tune of two. 1171 00:54:25,796 --> 00:54:28,032 When I say "deficient", I don't mean deficient. 1172 00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:29,099 He... He has... 1173 00:54:29,166 --> 00:54:31,068 He has no arms... at all. 1174 00:54:31,135 --> 00:54:33,571 So, I mean, it's brilliant that he's having a go. 1175 00:54:33,638 --> 00:54:35,706 Really, it's tremendous. 1176 00:54:35,773 --> 00:54:38,976 Bartek, who lost his arms in a motorcycling accident, 1177 00:54:39,043 --> 00:54:42,613 overcomes his disability by steering with his foot 1178 00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:45,350 and changing gear with his shoulder. 1179 00:54:46,884 --> 00:54:50,921 And unfortunately for me, he's rather good at it. 1180 00:55:09,173 --> 00:55:10,475 How is he...? 1181 00:55:35,232 --> 00:55:36,434 Good for you! 1182 00:55:36,501 --> 00:55:37,935 Really good for you! 1183 00:55:38,002 --> 00:55:40,805 Yeah! Good! 1184 00:55:40,871 --> 00:55:42,873 This was nice. 1185 00:55:42,940 --> 00:55:45,242 Out of a maximum of 30 points, 1186 00:55:45,309 --> 00:55:48,813 the judges awarded Bartek a score of 22. 1187 00:55:50,581 --> 00:55:53,551 And then it was the turn of the child, 1188 00:55:53,618 --> 00:55:56,787 Conor Shanahan, who's just 13 years old. 1189 00:56:00,290 --> 00:56:02,527 Here we go. Primary-school drifting with Conor. 1190 00:56:02,593 --> 00:56:04,128 He'll go ten yards, get bored, 1191 00:56:04,194 --> 00:56:05,630 and start crying for his mummy. 1192 00:56:07,632 --> 00:56:08,799 However... 1193 00:56:17,908 --> 00:56:18,876 Whoo! 1194 00:56:23,948 --> 00:56:27,752 He's 13! I mean, he's five years off voting! 1195 00:56:57,882 --> 00:57:00,551 The judges awarded the cocky little sh... 1196 00:57:00,618 --> 00:57:03,521 talented young man a score of 27. 1197 00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,492 And then it was my turn. 1198 00:57:08,358 --> 00:57:10,360 Right, this is it. 1199 00:57:10,495 --> 00:57:11,762 My shot at glory. 1200 00:57:13,531 --> 00:57:14,899 Everything I'd learned 1201 00:57:14,965 --> 00:57:17,502 would be brought into sharp focus. 1202 00:57:17,502 --> 00:57:18,769 Gas, gas, gas, gas, gas! 1203 00:57:20,237 --> 00:57:23,040 BAGGSY: The key is to not hit them. 1204 00:57:23,107 --> 00:57:26,143 RICHARD: Here, in the moment of truth... 1205 00:57:28,946 --> 00:57:31,015 I'm waiting for amber. There it is. 1206 00:57:31,081 --> 00:57:32,049 Amber and... 1207 00:57:39,356 --> 00:57:41,926 Forward to glory for Grand Tour! 1208 00:57:43,327 --> 00:57:44,529 Clutch kick! 1209 00:58:09,620 --> 00:58:10,788 Oh, shit! 1210 00:58:11,656 --> 00:58:14,324 Oh! And across the line! 1211 00:58:14,391 --> 00:58:15,560 Yeah! 1212 00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:16,927 Yeah, I clipped the flag. 1213 00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:19,129 That's probably an extra point, I imagine. 1214 00:58:19,196 --> 00:58:20,565 Erm... I'll just restart, 1215 00:58:20,565 --> 00:58:23,400 because I wanted to stop there for a minute. 1216 00:58:23,467 --> 00:58:25,169 Yep. Oh, I've stalled again. 1217 00:58:26,236 --> 00:58:27,572 (CHEERING) 1218 00:58:29,006 --> 00:58:31,576 Yep. Yep. 1219 00:58:32,476 --> 00:58:33,578 Thank you. 1220 00:58:33,611 --> 00:58:35,980 (CLEARS THROAT) So... 1221 00:58:36,046 --> 00:58:39,584 Hold on. What was your final score? 1222 00:58:39,650 --> 00:58:42,052 - Two. - (LAUGHTER) 1223 00:58:42,119 --> 00:58:43,120 - Two? - Yes. 1224 00:58:43,187 --> 00:58:44,121 You were useless! 1225 00:58:44,188 --> 00:58:46,256 No, listen, gentlemen. Gentlemen. 1226 00:58:46,323 --> 00:58:48,025 I have to say, I'm delighted 1227 00:58:48,092 --> 00:58:50,861 that you now have, albeit limited, drifting skills, 1228 00:58:50,928 --> 00:58:52,997 cos it means I have a playmate, 1229 00:58:53,063 --> 00:58:58,268 as this short montage from the last 12 weeks shows. 1230 00:59:18,488 --> 00:59:19,624 - (CHEERING) - Yeah, you see? 1231 00:59:19,690 --> 00:59:23,861 Yeah. Yeah. On the edge. 1232 00:59:23,928 --> 00:59:26,496 Now, I admit... I admit it's not... 1233 00:59:26,631 --> 00:59:28,065 It's not important work, really. 1234 00:59:28,132 --> 00:59:29,834 No, we haven't actually cured anything. 1235 00:59:29,900 --> 00:59:31,268 No, we haven't brought peace 1236 00:59:31,335 --> 00:59:33,170 to troubled parts of the world or any of that. 1237 00:59:33,237 --> 00:59:34,639 No, but it is a job. 1238 00:59:34,639 --> 00:59:36,841 It is a job, and we're very good at it. 1239 00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:38,709 - No, you're not very good at it. - We are. 1240 00:59:38,776 --> 00:59:40,745 No, well, I've got some items 1241 00:59:40,811 --> 00:59:42,847 from the unseen footage bin 1242 00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:44,749 that would suggest otherwise. 1243 00:59:44,815 --> 00:59:46,651 Unfortunately, we don't have time for that. 1244 00:59:46,684 --> 00:59:48,052 Sadly. Cor, that's a pity! 1245 00:59:48,118 --> 00:59:49,654 No, no. You're wrong. We do have time. 1246 00:59:49,687 --> 00:59:51,188 Who wants to see that? Nobody. 1247 00:59:51,255 --> 00:59:52,723 (CHEERING) 1248 00:59:53,791 --> 00:59:56,026 OK. Let's roll it. 1249 00:59:56,093 --> 00:59:57,762 Here is Richard Hammond. 1250 00:59:57,828 --> 01:00:00,297 Can he contain 170 horsepower? 1251 01:00:00,364 --> 01:00:02,933 - No, it would appear not. - (LAUGHTER) 1252 01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:04,935 Jeremy Clarkson, Porsche 911 GT3. 1253 01:00:05,002 --> 01:00:07,838 Oh, there we go. You see, I have actually made a mess of that. 1254 01:00:07,905 --> 01:00:10,107 Yes, you have, and we saw it. 1255 01:00:10,174 --> 01:00:12,042 Richard Hammond negotiating Your Name Here. 1256 01:00:12,109 --> 01:00:13,644 Your name, in this instance, 1257 01:00:13,711 --> 01:00:15,145 is Total Bell End, it would appear. 1258 01:00:15,212 --> 01:00:16,180 (LAUGHTER) 1259 01:00:16,246 --> 01:00:18,615 Clarkson, has he tamed the GT3? 1260 01:00:18,683 --> 01:00:19,684 No! 1261 01:00:19,750 --> 01:00:21,719 I've had an idea. Hold on. 1262 01:00:21,786 --> 01:00:23,187 I bet it wasn't this. 1263 01:00:26,523 --> 01:00:28,092 Watch this. Ready? 1264 01:00:28,158 --> 01:00:29,493 Never say that. 1265 01:00:29,559 --> 01:00:32,229 Even if you're just in a four-door family saloon, 1266 01:00:32,296 --> 01:00:33,831 it's disastrous. 1267 01:00:33,898 --> 01:00:36,266 Right, Richard Hammond, has he got it yet? 1268 01:00:36,333 --> 01:00:39,536 Yes, I think he has. Yes! Yes! 1269 01:00:39,603 --> 01:00:42,339 - No. No, he hasn't got it. - (LAUGHTER) 1270 01:00:42,406 --> 01:00:44,709 - I tell you what-- - Nobody's perfect! 1271 01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:49,279 - A couple of moments. - Yeah, just two or three, four, five. 1272 01:00:49,346 --> 01:00:50,981 Don't worry. Don't worry. 1273 01:00:51,048 --> 01:00:52,449 In the future, we'll just get 1274 01:00:52,516 --> 01:00:54,518 an armless man and small boy to do those bits. 1275 01:00:54,584 --> 01:00:56,186 Shut up! Shut up! 1276 01:00:56,253 --> 01:00:58,255 As opposed to a fat man and a small boy. 1277 01:00:58,322 --> 01:01:00,090 Anyway... 1278 01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:01,859 Listen, on that terrible disappointment, 1279 01:01:01,926 --> 01:01:04,261 it is time to end not just the show 1280 01:01:04,328 --> 01:01:05,529 but the entire series. 1281 01:01:05,595 --> 01:01:06,831 Thank you so much for watching. 1282 01:01:06,897 --> 01:01:08,598 Thank you all for coming. 1283 01:01:08,733 --> 01:01:10,634 And we'll see you later in the year 1284 01:01:10,735 --> 01:01:12,469 for more of this. 1285 01:01:12,536 --> 01:01:13,738 Take care. Goodbye. 1286 01:01:13,804 --> 01:01:15,205 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)