1 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,786 ** 2 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,432 Hello, everybody! 3 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,200 Hello. Greetings. Thank you. 4 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,137 Hi, there. 5 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,472 Hello! Hello! 6 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,543 Thank you so much. Thank you. 7 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:18,212 Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 8 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,481 And welcome to The Grand Tour, 9 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,983 which, once again, is in Whitby. 10 00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,923 There is actually a very good reason for that. 11 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:33,594 It is because these two last week blew up my house, 12 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:36,230 and I literally have nowhere else to go. 13 00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:37,431 -RICHARD: Yeah. 14 00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:40,000 Plus-- Plus, James May lost the tent bag. 15 00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,469 -Soz. JEREMY: Yeah, he did. 16 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,272 He did do that. Anyway, erm... 17 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:47,675 we were reminiscing, as we've been here all week, 18 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:51,345 and we worked out that Yorkshire is the only place on earth 19 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:55,082 where all three of us have had a car crash. 20 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,587 A Triumph 2500 rolled over. 21 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,922 -My first car. 22 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,491 And my second car. 23 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,494 -My mum's car, my dad's car, 24 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,196 my third and fourth cars, 25 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:10,264 my first four motorcycles, 26 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,065 the Radio York radio van, 27 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,468 the Radio Leeds radio car, 28 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,370 and a jet-powered dragster. 29 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,772 JEREMY: Oh, yes. 30 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:21,342 All of those. Busy. 31 00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:24,245 And, erm... And what about you in Yorkshire? 32 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,315 Well, me, I'll tell you. No, 1977, 33 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,383 when the driving examiner said to me, 34 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,752 "Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, you've passed," 35 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,722 what I heard was, "Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, 36 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,990 you are the best driver I've ever seen." 37 00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,427 - Oh, no. - 36 hours later - 38 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,029 That's all it was, 36 hours I'd been on the roads - 39 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,431 stuffed my mother's Audi. 40 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,266 Wheels came off, killed a sheep. 41 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:49,237 So, if you're the farmer, sorry about that. 42 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,405 Er... Anyway, I'm glad we're still in Yorkshire, 43 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:56,377 because last week we said there was no real motoring connection with the county, 44 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:59,247 and it turns out that's not true. 45 00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:01,382 I was reading Trip Advisor last night. 46 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:04,885 Now, Trip Advisor is a website for the mealy-mouthed and the bitter. 47 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,520 Well, hang on. I mean, it's not entirely-- 48 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,122 No, seriously, it's useless apart from anything else, 49 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:14,262 because you have to know someone before their opinion is relevant. 50 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,096 I mean, I know Hammond, OK? 51 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,532 So if he tells me a restaurant's great, 52 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:21,335 I know I don't want to go there, because it'll be rubbish. 53 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:25,038 You're absolutely right, actually, because that bloke in the hat over there, 54 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,909 I don't care how many stars he gives Oxfam Whitby, I'm not going there. 55 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,513 Exactly. Anyway... 56 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:37,285 I went on Trip Advisor, OK, and there was a review of Whitby. 57 00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,688 And it said, and I'm quoting here, 58 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,758 "One aspect of Whitby is the large number of local chavs..." 59 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,596 "...who drive around the town in a circuit 60 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,699 in their noise-enhanced cars." 61 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,335 Already, I don't like this person. 62 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,169 "They accelerated down the narrow streets 63 00:03:56,304 --> 00:04:00,408 and then slowed their engines down quickly as they approached a junction, 64 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:03,644 causing explosive-sounding backfiring." 65 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,447 He sounds like a right knob. 66 00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:07,715 Of course he's a right knob, 67 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,117 he's leaving a message on Trip Advisor. 68 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:13,921 Anyway, the police - the police, the local police here - 69 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,490 they've decided they've had enough of people, how they put it, 70 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:21,529 "...driving away in a manner that causes their wheels to spin and screech." 71 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,531 OK? So they decided to have a clampdown. 72 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,799 But, and this is the quote I love, 73 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:29,069 "The operation was curtailed due to poor weather." 74 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,806 What, are they saying... 75 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,942 They didn't go out because it was raining? 76 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,945 No, law enforcement in Whitby is like cricket. 77 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,348 Everybody just goes inside if it starts to drizzle. 78 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:43,851 So this is... This is the Whitby Town Police we are talking about here? 79 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,853 -Yeah, the WTPD. -Yeah. 80 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:50,023 No, hang on a minute, this is North Yorkshire. It's NYPD. 81 00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,594 RICHARD: Wow! It actually is! JEREMY: It's the NYPD! 82 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,364 That would be a brilliant police drama. 83 00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,798 "Right, Constable, 84 00:04:57,865 --> 00:05:01,735 I've had the Chief Constable, he's chewed my arse, 85 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,738 the Mayor's chewed his arse, now we'll chew your arse." 86 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,608 "We've got these lads - well, chavs - 87 00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,677 "that are doing, like, wheel screeches, 88 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:13,981 and you've got 48 hours to solve it, or I'll have your badge and your truncheon." 89 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:18,819 Anyway, on our car show tonight... 90 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,789 a tree falls over... 91 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,559 ... a hedgehog makes a noise... 92 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,029 ...and a dog eats some meat. 93 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,900 But we begin with Porsche. 94 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:37,137 They offer an immense and immensely complicated range of cars 95 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:39,407 all under the 911 banner. 96 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:43,544 Now, Porsche enthusiasts, by which I mean these two imbeciles, 97 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:46,113 say that they're all slightly different. 98 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,548 Completely different. 99 00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:49,182 No, slightly different, 100 00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:53,086 and that the best of the bunch is something called the GT3 RS. 101 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:57,625 So I thought I'd take it to our track to see what it was like. 102 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,428 And let's just hope that, for once in your life, 103 00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,129 you haven't behaved like a child. 104 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,299 -Well, just said it's no good because I've got one. 105 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:11,805 Hammond, I am a professional motoring journalist, and coming up... 106 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,676 Amongst other things. 107 00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:19,179 Coming up now is my professional review. 108 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,819 This is the car in question. 109 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,458 No, wait. Sorry. Hang on. 110 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,359 It's easy to be confused. 111 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:33,594 This is it. 112 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,833 The hottest, hardest, 113 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,636 tightest 911 of them all... 114 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:45,873 ...and the most exotic. 115 00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:01,889 It has the fattest back tyres I've ever seen on a road car. 116 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,625 It has scaffolding in the back for stiffness, 117 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,260 carbon-fibre body panels for lightness. 118 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,797 The roof is made from magnesium, 119 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,500 so if you turn it over and there are sparks, 120 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,835 there will be a blinding flash of light, 121 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:16,804 and then you will have a convertible. 122 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:30,818 Like many people, I don't really like the idea of the Porsche 911, 123 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,954 and I certainly don't like the people who drive them. 124 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:38,692 I find them flawed, in some dark and rather disgusting way. 125 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,528 But I will grudgingly admit 126 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,597 that even the basic cooking models are... 127 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,966 extremely lovely to drive. 128 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,034 They're... 129 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,537 They're just very good sports cars. 130 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,407 But what about this one? 131 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:55,576 Well... 132 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,211 Let's find out. 133 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,420 Straight away, I can tell you the engine... 134 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,356 is incredible. 135 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,160 There's no turbocharging. 136 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:18,098 It's just a four litre flat-six, but... 137 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,568 you get 500 horsepower. 138 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:25,338 And its red line at 9,000rpm. 139 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,380 9,000! 140 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,082 That's bike territory. 141 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:41,855 But the best thing is the way it goes round corners. 142 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,625 Because it's got four-wheel steering, 143 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:49,262 and because the engine is sitting right over the rear axle, 144 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,666 the grip is just astonishing. 145 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,107 I've engaged all the hero buttons down here, 146 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:04,411 turned all the electronic driver aids off, 147 00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,981 and let see if I can unstick it. 148 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:12,452 In here far too fast into Swindon Swings. 149 00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,858 Not "Swings," that's something completely different. 150 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:21,194 But, anyway, no loss of traction at all. 151 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,267 I thought, when I read the spec sheet on the RS, 152 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:30,638 that Porsche had tried to make a supercar, 153 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:35,275 a rival for Ferrari and McLaren and Lamborghini, but they haven't. 154 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,177 It's still a sports car. 155 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,647 It's still chuckable and deft. 156 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:48,288 Whoa! It's very, very good. 157 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:49,657 Annoyingly. 158 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:59,066 But... is it as good as this, 159 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:02,035 the BMW M4 GTS? 160 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:07,641 Like the Porsche, it's made from exotic lightweight materials... 161 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:11,478 and fitted with scaffolding instead of back seats, 162 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,180 and enormous tyres. 163 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,050 It looks good. 164 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,986 But there are some problems. 165 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,590 When you arrive at a small speed hump in the Porsche, 166 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:27,060 you raise its nose electrically and all is well. 167 00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:31,965 But when you arrive at the same hump in the BMW... 168 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:36,804 you will need a team of men to fold away the spoiler 169 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,572 and adjust the ride height. 170 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,308 This takes several hours. 171 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,246 There are some other issues as well. 172 00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:51,852 To give owners the sense they're driving a racing car, 173 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,855 all of the storage bins have been removed. 174 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:57,825 There's no cubbyhole here, no door pockets. 175 00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:00,060 That means there's nowhere to put anything. 176 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:04,297 And I think that, on a day-to-day basis, that would drive you a bit mad. 177 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,238 Then there's the ride, which is extremely bumpy, 178 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:14,908 and the drone from the tyres, which is horrendous. 179 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,747 After ten minutes on a motorway, 180 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,214 you will have a headache, 181 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,751 and you won't have any headache pills with you, 182 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,152 because there was nowhere to put them. 183 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:30,423 Now, at this point, I would normally use the word "however" 184 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:33,761 and start talking about the car's good points. 185 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,563 However... 186 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,799 I can't, because... 187 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,969 I'm struggling to find any. 188 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:46,039 The engine, for example, has water injection, 189 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,475 which sounds cool. 190 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:52,212 But it means that every third time you fill the car with fuel, 191 00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:55,949 you have to fill a water tank in the boot. 192 00:11:56,016 --> 00:12:01,955 I don't know, but I'm not sure this is very hi-tech. 193 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:08,128 And then there's the steering, which in comfort mode is horrid, 194 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,298 and in sport setting is even more horrid. 195 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:15,168 That said, the steering wheel is nice. 196 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,270 It's good and thick. It's... 197 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:20,974 It's like holding onto something from the Ron Jeremy range. 198 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,910 And the seats aren't bad. 199 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:24,111 But other than that... 200 00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:26,947 No. 201 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:29,817 A point that becomes even more obvious 202 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,352 when you go into battle against the Porsche. 203 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:41,161 We both have around 500 horsepower, 204 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:44,097 both have a top speed of around 190, 205 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,534 but the Porsche is a lot lighter. 206 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:53,140 Probably because it doesn't have a tank full of water in the boot. 207 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:03,450 Struggling to keep up now. 208 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,888 Here we go, into Swindon. 209 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,890 Oh, "Springs"! 210 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,959 A pampas grass shop. 211 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,494 Oh! We're having... God, that's nasty. 212 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,299 This is not a car that responds well 213 00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:22,569 to my rather brutal driving style. 214 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,006 The problem is... 215 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:29,943 it doesn't really respond very well to delicacy, either. 216 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:37,885 This competition here now between these two cars 217 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:41,922 is like a boxing match between an actual boxer 218 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,257 and someone who thinks they're a boxer 219 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,493 because they're wearing satin shorts. 220 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:15,923 How did BMW get this thing so wrong? 221 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,157 Oh, God! 222 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:23,030 It's twitchy, it's unpredictable. 223 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,331 And in the rain, 224 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,968 it's somewhere between spiteful and undrive... 225 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,970 Oh, God! ...undriveable. 226 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:40,547 But, that said, this has to be the winner of this test 227 00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,582 because Richard Hammond... 228 00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:45,452 ...has got one of those. 229 00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,160 RICHARD: I called it. 230 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,728 That was annoying. 231 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,664 That was a professional review. 232 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:58,999 At points. 233 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,467 But you were doing so well, 234 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,269 and then you ruined it at the end. 235 00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,336 What do you mean, ruined it? 236 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,972 By saying you'd have a worse car 237 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,673 because I haven't got one. 238 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,276 -That Porsche wounded me. 239 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,812 It did wound me, because, you know, it's got so much grip 240 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:14,247 that you're sort of forced into the seat? 241 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,083 And the seat's got stitching on it 242 00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,517 which digs a hole in your back. 243 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,552 I've got a picture of what it did. Look at this! 244 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,588 -That's my back! 245 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:25,092 JAMES: Oh, I'm amazed you weren't hospitalised with that! That's horrific! 246 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,995 -That is a savage wound! -Mine's never done that to me. 247 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:31,331 That's cos you're a midget! You don't reach that high up the seat. 248 00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:33,866 Or maybe you're a freak and sit in the wrong place. 249 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,336 It's not just the fact it wounds you. 250 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,539 Also, the Porsche's more expensive than the BMW. 251 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:43,010 Yes, but I'd rather spend £131,000 on the Porsche 252 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:46,813 than £120,000 on a BMW that's not very good on the road, 253 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,248 not very good on a track, 254 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,183 and no good at all in the rain. 255 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,684 Yeah, no, that's fair enough. 256 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,120 -Hold on. 257 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,122 I've got to the bottom of the problem with the BMW. 258 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,889 It's right here in the blurb. 259 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,491 "Developed on the Nürburgring." 260 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,262 Yeah, and, actually, speaking of tracks, 261 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:05,465 it's now time to hand the M4 over 262 00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:09,802 to a man who thinks that sparkling water is basically communist. 263 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:12,405 Yeah, time to give it to the American. 264 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,676 There he is. 265 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,945 And he's off! No messing. 266 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:20,647 Parps from the exhaust on the upshifts 267 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:23,250 as he attacks the Isn't Straight. 268 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,552 I wonder if he actually knows what he's in. 269 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,054 Driving a BMW. 270 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,290 British Motor Works. 271 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,425 So, that's a no, then. 272 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,594 OK, continuing up the Isn't. 273 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,131 They say it's got more power. 274 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:42,535 Than what, my damn toothbrush? 275 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,237 OK. 276 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:47,207 Right to the end of the Isn't now, 277 00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:48,841 and into Your Name Here. 278 00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,111 Hard on the brakes, keeping it all in check, 279 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:55,348 and surely he'll appreciate the turbos punching him out of the corner. 280 00:16:55,415 --> 00:17:00,420 Turbos on an engine is God's way of telling you it ain't got enough cylinders. 281 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,156 My mistake. Right, back up the Isn't. 282 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,325 Really winding up that straight-six. 283 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:08,561 I must admit, from the outside, it sounds good. 284 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,797 And already he's turning in hard, 285 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,165 round the Unexploded Bomb, 286 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,602 into the narrowness of Old Lady's House. 287 00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:19,272 Yeah, back on the power for the bumpy bit towards Sub Station. 288 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:22,209 Idiotic splitter in peril over the ruts. 289 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,677 Now working the ceramic brakes hard 290 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:25,845 for the tight left. 291 00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,715 Tickle of power. There it is. 292 00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,418 And left again into Field Of Sheep. 293 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:34,654 A whiff of oversteer, and across the line! 294 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,391 It looked tidy. 295 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,826 Yeah, it looked all right. 296 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,194 It looked tidy. Right... 297 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:43,596 Let's bring up the er... 298 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,565 Let's bring up the leader board, if we can. 299 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:49,336 Now, there we are. We've already had the 911 GT3 RS round. 300 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,338 RICHARD: Wha-- And you're not gonna show the lap? 301 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,605 Nobody's interested in watching an American 302 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:55,508 being sawn in half by a glorified Beetle. 303 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,610 -It did 1:20.4. 304 00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,147 Right, so, now let's see what the M4 did. 305 00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:03,383 Let's put the time up. There it is. 306 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,154 Two seconds slower, and that's a short track. 307 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,222 That's unbelievable. That's not good, is it? 308 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:13,193 RICHARD: No. It's only a second faster than a Porsche 718. 309 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,362 I know. I mean, I admire BMW 310 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,997 for trying with that car. I really do. 311 00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:20,066 But, my God, they've made a hash of it. 312 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,335 In fact, I'm trying to think of a metaphor 313 00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:25,838 for someone who's really tried their hardest with something 314 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,540 and it hasn't worked. 315 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:34,714 No, nothing's coming to mind. 316 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,316 I've got nothing. I've got nothing. 317 00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:37,484 I've got nothing at all. 318 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,186 So, let's... Let's move it on. 319 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:43,856 It's time for us to make a gentle left into Conversation Street. 320 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,800 OK. Right, I want to begin with the new Ford GT. 321 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,536 You've got a picture of it here. Now, this is... 322 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,838 Well, you remember the last GT they did. 323 00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:02,409 That was just an homage, really, to the old GT40. 324 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,212 This one, they say, is actually a racing car on the road. 325 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,014 It's got a twin-turbo, 3.5 litre V6, 326 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,882 seven-speed flappy-paddle box, 327 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,384 more than 600 horsepower. 328 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:15,688 The problem is, though, I can't think of any racing car 329 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,057 that works on the road, really, ever. 330 00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:19,392 No, they don't. 331 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:22,395 I mean, the Nissan GTR: fabulous, fabulous car. 332 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,665 Track edition: rubbish. It's undriveable. 333 00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,133 You know, it's a very good point, 334 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,701 because a racing car on the road 335 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,338 is a bit like trying to play tennis with a cricket bat. 336 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,672 It's technically possible... 337 00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:34,574 Two totally different disciplines. 338 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:37,644 The only trouble is, that looks so good, I do find myself going... 339 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:42,148 Mm. You erm... You bought the last GT, didn't you? 340 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,750 Yes. 341 00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,985 Thank you for reminding me, Hammond. Yes, I did. 342 00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,520 -No, it didn't. 343 00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,422 -No, it didn't. 344 00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:52,024 The problem was the insurance company said it had to have a burglar alarm, 345 00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:56,529 which blew usually when my daughter was doing the school play and ruined it, 346 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,265 and it had to have a tracker. 347 00:19:58,265 --> 00:20:01,901 And there is nothing on God's earth more annoying than a tracker. 348 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,936 But I've got a tracker. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. 349 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,072 No, that's because you'll have a little special place 350 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,140 on your hall table with a pencil outline. 351 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,344 "I've got my keys and must remember to take my tracker." 352 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,079 Because you're organised and I'm not. 353 00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,715 One for your tracker, for your keys, one for your little penknife. 354 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,784 One for some change in case you need it. 355 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:20,720 -Yeah, with 10ps and 2ps. -And a tiny screwdriver for mending your glasses. 356 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,689 -He will. Oh, he will. -No, I won't. 357 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,557 No, it lives in a-- It just has a little pouch. 358 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:25,725 You just hang it on the hook. 359 00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,729 He's got a pouch for his tracker. 360 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:33,500 -Well, yeah, because... 361 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,035 -Well, leather, I suppose. -A little leather pouch. 362 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,470 Did you make it yourself? 363 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,272 -No, it came... -A little leather pouch. 364 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,374 It came with the car, believe it or not. 365 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,410 Oh, so Ferrari sold it to you. 366 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,512 Was it £600? I bet it was. 367 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,347 No, it just came with the car! 368 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,981 I don't think Ferrari give it away! 369 00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,517 The stripes on your Ferrari, OK? 370 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,184 Two stripes, a bit like on that Ford. 371 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,687 There are two stripes. How much did you pay for those stripes? 372 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,189 Well, they were an option. They were £6,000. 373 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:02,329 Look. Listen, this is why I drive a Golf GTI, OK? 374 00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,397 Because you don't need an alarm, you don't need a tracker, 375 00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:08,401 and it's five insurance groups lower down than the previous Golf GTI level. 376 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:09,936 -Wow! -It is! 377 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:12,572 -It's because you can't crash it. 378 00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:16,175 -I bet I could. 379 00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:21,881 Anyway, have you two seen those new pedestrian traffic lights in Trafalgar Square? 380 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,084 Which, if you're watching America, is in London, which is in Britain. 381 00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:26,786 Are these... Yes. 382 00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:30,156 These are the ones that have got the two blokes on them, isn't it? 383 00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:32,024 -James, don't be sexist! 384 00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:34,361 -No, because what if you're a lesbian? 385 00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:37,263 -Well, you would put two women on it. 386 00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:39,098 Well, then what if you're straight? 387 00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:41,701 -But traffic lights are only this big. 388 00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:43,903 You can't have a man and a man, a man and a woman, 389 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,606 a man who isn't sure, and a woman and a woman-- 390 00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:50,810 What if... What if you just want to cross the road? 391 00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:54,146 What... It's like being in the '70s with you two! 392 00:21:54,213 --> 00:21:58,518 Crossing the road is now an opportunity for you to express your sexuality. 393 00:21:58,585 --> 00:22:02,555 It is. That's why they've come up with these traffic lights in London. 394 00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:04,023 RICHARD: What are they for? 395 00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:05,892 JEREMY: No, they really have. They really have. 396 00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:07,927 RICHARD: They're real? JEREMY: They are for real. 397 00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:10,096 JAMES: What's that one on the right, then? 398 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:12,264 Hello! Transgender. 399 00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:15,468 What? So, hang on, only tran... 400 00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,404 -Yeah. 401 00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:19,539 Transgender traffic lights. 402 00:22:19,606 --> 00:22:22,108 JAMES: I didn't know that. RICHARD: So only... 403 00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:25,011 Only transgender people can cross when that's green? 404 00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:26,312 No! 405 00:22:26,413 --> 00:22:28,047 When it goes red, does that mean 406 00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:29,516 it's not OK to be transgender? 407 00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,551 That's a good point. 408 00:22:31,618 --> 00:22:33,152 I don't know what happens when it goes red. 409 00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:35,788 No way they're gonna say, "It's not a..." I don't know. 410 00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:38,425 And what has any of this got to do with crossing the road? 411 00:22:38,425 --> 00:22:41,694 That's all you want to do. It's nothing to do with expressing your sexuality. 412 00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:43,696 It's the wrong time. I want to cross the road. 413 00:22:43,763 --> 00:22:45,331 All I want to do at that point 414 00:22:45,432 --> 00:22:47,266 is work out how to go to the other side. 415 00:22:47,333 --> 00:22:48,901 And by that I don't mean... 416 00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:51,871 No. I don't... 417 00:22:53,139 --> 00:22:54,441 I mean... 418 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,610 ...of the road. 419 00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:59,446 Maybe you're right, it is. 420 00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,781 Right, now, can I talk about Alfa Romeo? 421 00:23:01,848 --> 00:23:03,315 BOTH: No. 422 00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:05,184 Because we have to introduce our next film. 423 00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:07,954 Now, as we know, in recent years the world's carmakers 424 00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:10,723 have made great strides to make more fuel-efficient 425 00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:13,460 and environmentally-friendly car engines, 426 00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:15,161 but very little has been done to make more 427 00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:18,465 environmentally-friendly car bodies and interiors. 428 00:23:18,498 --> 00:23:21,834 Yeah, by and large, they are still made of steel and plastic, 429 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,036 and that consumes a huge amount of energy. 430 00:23:24,103 --> 00:23:28,708 So we had an idea. Are there more sustainable materials that could be used instead? 431 00:23:28,775 --> 00:23:32,645 Well, to find out, each of us bought a Land Rover Discovery. 432 00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:34,881 We then removed its metal body 433 00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:39,251 and replaced it with whatever we thought was the best solution 434 00:23:39,318 --> 00:23:41,521 for the future of the planet. 435 00:23:45,658 --> 00:23:47,760 JAMES: The meeting point was in Wales, 436 00:23:47,827 --> 00:23:50,196 and I was the first to arrive, 437 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,499 in a car made from mud. 438 00:23:56,268 --> 00:24:00,306 But, sadly, before I had the chance to tell you anything about it, 439 00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:01,674 Hammond arrived. 440 00:24:09,081 --> 00:24:11,984 Oh, yeah. Let me talk you through this. 441 00:24:12,051 --> 00:24:15,822 What I've done, I've built a frame out of hazel, 442 00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:18,558 through which I have weaved English flowers and shrubs. 443 00:24:18,625 --> 00:24:20,292 It's basically a hedgerow. 444 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,529 Better still, it is growing, because I've planted them 445 00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:25,865 so it's got compost and soil to provide the nutrients required 446 00:24:25,932 --> 00:24:28,034 to let my car flourish and bloom. 447 00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:30,870 You don't... You don't wash this car, you water it. 448 00:24:30,937 --> 00:24:33,573 It's alive. It's brilliant, isn't it? 449 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,175 -No, it's cleared up. 450 00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:40,012 -No, but I can feel it starting inside me. 451 00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:41,548 -Well... 452 00:24:41,614 --> 00:24:43,616 Sadly, before I could tell him, 453 00:24:43,683 --> 00:24:46,218 Jeremy arrived... in a snuff movie. 454 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,930 JEREMY: Gentlemen, I can see what's happened. RICHARD: Wha... 455 00:24:57,997 --> 00:25:02,769 You're speechless, because all the words in your head 456 00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:06,573 have been sucked out by the magnetism of my genius. 457 00:25:06,606 --> 00:25:10,042 A car made from bone and skin. 458 00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:12,411 JAMES: What bones? -Animal bones. 459 00:25:12,478 --> 00:25:15,381 Bones are no good for this. You can't use bones to make cars. 460 00:25:15,447 --> 00:25:18,985 Why not? When your dog dies, what do you do now? You bury it. 461 00:25:19,051 --> 00:25:21,187 -I don't turn her into a boot lid! 462 00:25:21,253 --> 00:25:23,656 Because I don't want to see a little face stretched across-- 463 00:25:23,723 --> 00:25:26,593 You don't have the face! I haven't got a face on it. 464 00:25:26,593 --> 00:25:27,927 It's just the bones. 465 00:25:27,994 --> 00:25:30,329 So as Granny gets older, does the family sit around 466 00:25:30,396 --> 00:25:32,699 planning a new little hatchback? 467 00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:34,166 Now, I hadn't thought of people. 468 00:25:34,233 --> 00:25:36,468 There's not a lot of dignity in it, is there? 469 00:25:36,603 --> 00:25:38,237 Have you used ears for wing mirrors? 470 00:25:38,304 --> 00:25:39,672 -Yes. -You're sick! 471 00:25:39,739 --> 00:25:41,941 Why would you not do that? They're designed for that. 472 00:25:42,008 --> 00:25:44,443 -No, they're not. -Well, they are. 473 00:25:44,510 --> 00:25:48,981 -They're not reflective. -They absorb information and pass it on to the creature. 474 00:25:49,048 --> 00:25:50,750 -Look at my windscreen. 475 00:25:50,817 --> 00:25:52,885 It's... the digestive system - 476 00:25:52,952 --> 00:25:55,622 well, part of the digestive system - of an cow. 477 00:25:55,622 --> 00:25:56,989 RICHARD: What part of the digestive system? 478 00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:59,125 -JAMES: Its stomach lining. -Not its stomach lining. 479 00:25:59,191 --> 00:26:00,993 Further back? -Yes. 480 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:03,796 Are you staring at the world through a cow's ring? 481 00:26:06,232 --> 00:26:08,067 It is its anal passage. 482 00:26:08,134 --> 00:26:12,538 But it's stretched so thin that it's completely transparent. 483 00:26:12,639 --> 00:26:14,373 Cow's arse, horse's arse. It's perfect! 484 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:19,211 Come on! It's a lot better than what you two have done, which is nothing. 485 00:26:19,278 --> 00:26:21,948 -Have a guess. 486 00:26:22,014 --> 00:26:23,650 It's mud. It's a mud car. 487 00:26:23,683 --> 00:26:25,351 -You've got flat tyres. -No, they're not flat. 488 00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:27,987 They're pumped up as high as they will go without exploding. 489 00:26:28,054 --> 00:26:29,956 -Quite a lot. 490 00:26:30,022 --> 00:26:31,390 -Yeah, loads. 491 00:26:31,457 --> 00:26:33,125 How much does it weigh, James? 492 00:26:33,192 --> 00:26:34,761 -Tonnes. 493 00:26:34,827 --> 00:26:36,462 -Five. 494 00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:40,366 Well, that's just idiotic. -Well, mud is quite heavy. 495 00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:43,670 -This looks safe. -It's sustainable, is that. That is growing. 496 00:26:43,703 --> 00:26:47,239 While we've been having that conversation, this has extended a little bit. 497 00:26:47,306 --> 00:26:49,408 -It just grows quietly. 498 00:26:49,475 --> 00:26:52,912 Everything's planted. I've put bulbs along here, ready for spring. Daffodils. 499 00:26:52,979 --> 00:26:55,682 -Yes. Hazel, very strong. 500 00:26:55,715 --> 00:26:59,786 It's not as strong as bone. Bone is three times stronger than steel. 501 00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:04,223 Oh. Sorry, text. 502 00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:05,792 Mr Wilman. 503 00:27:05,858 --> 00:27:09,762 "Having built your cars from nature, you will now drive through it, 504 00:27:09,829 --> 00:27:11,263 to the Myarth Hill, 505 00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:14,867 where you will take part in a green motorsport event." 506 00:27:14,934 --> 00:27:17,704 -He doesn't say. 507 00:27:17,737 --> 00:27:21,908 A motorsport event that is presumably ecological in some way. 508 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:22,975 OK. 509 00:27:23,042 --> 00:27:24,911 JEREMY: Before setting off, 510 00:27:24,977 --> 00:27:27,613 we consulted a map to see where we were going. 511 00:27:27,714 --> 00:27:30,116 Right, so that's the UK. 512 00:27:30,182 --> 00:27:32,985 We're here, and we've got to get to here. 513 00:27:35,087 --> 00:27:38,290 Well... that doesn't look like too much of a challenge. 514 00:27:39,792 --> 00:27:41,493 With that sorted, we saddled up 515 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:45,331 and began our epic 11-mile journey. 516 00:27:46,632 --> 00:27:47,834 RICHARD: Look at the smoke! 517 00:27:47,900 --> 00:27:49,501 JEREMY: That's ecological. 518 00:27:49,568 --> 00:27:53,339 Greenpeace are gonna be ringing him up at any moment. 519 00:27:53,405 --> 00:27:55,107 Tremendous. 520 00:27:55,174 --> 00:27:57,777 Smells of nature, I'm in nature, 521 00:27:57,844 --> 00:28:00,246 I'm made of nature. 522 00:28:00,312 --> 00:28:05,184 It's not quick, but it gives me more time to enjoy God's creation, 523 00:28:05,251 --> 00:28:07,987 of which I am very much a part. 524 00:28:08,054 --> 00:28:10,022 -Oh! 525 00:28:11,490 --> 00:28:13,359 JEREMY: James! 526 00:28:17,329 --> 00:28:21,801 We've done ten seconds, and James... 527 00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:25,905 I may be losing one of my - I think the correct technical term is the A-pillar. 528 00:28:25,972 --> 00:28:27,807 Now it's gone completely. 529 00:28:29,909 --> 00:28:32,945 JEREMY: Oh, dear! 530 00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:38,384 Surely he has to admit defeat? 531 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:40,586 RICHARD: There's not much car left now. 532 00:28:40,652 --> 00:28:43,522 JEREMY: Oh, dear, James. 533 00:28:43,589 --> 00:28:45,091 I think we can count you out. 534 00:28:45,157 --> 00:28:46,525 -But it doesn't matter. 535 00:28:46,592 --> 00:28:48,861 Look. You think, "Oh, James's car's falling apart." 536 00:28:48,928 --> 00:28:52,965 I'm standing in my spare-parts department. All of it. 537 00:28:53,032 --> 00:28:54,633 Can be used to rebuild your car? 538 00:28:54,700 --> 00:28:58,270 -It's right under there, mud. 539 00:28:58,337 --> 00:29:01,974 Well, I'm sorry, but we're gonna set off and leave you behind. 540 00:29:02,041 --> 00:29:03,509 Well, hang on. You can't leave me behind 541 00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:05,644 because we haven't started. We're still in the field. 542 00:29:05,711 --> 00:29:06,946 - Oh, yes. - Good point. OK, well, 543 00:29:07,013 --> 00:29:09,448 we're gonna set off and go to the pub. 544 00:29:09,515 --> 00:29:11,383 -That's a very good idea. -While you... 545 00:29:11,450 --> 00:29:14,286 -While you... -...find some mud. 546 00:29:14,353 --> 00:29:16,823 I've lost my car! Oh, it's there. It's there. 547 00:29:18,490 --> 00:29:20,359 JEREMY: With Bob The Builder out of the way, 548 00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:22,561 Richard and I settled down to appreciate 549 00:29:22,628 --> 00:29:27,266 the planet-saving nature of our revolutionary eco-cars. 550 00:29:28,734 --> 00:29:30,536 You may be... 551 00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:32,038 amused by my bodywork, 552 00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:34,273 or perhaps horrified, 553 00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:39,078 but the fact is that making steel bodies for cars 554 00:29:39,145 --> 00:29:45,384 produces 120 million tonnes of carbon dioxide every year. 555 00:29:45,451 --> 00:29:47,854 120 million tonnes! 556 00:29:49,889 --> 00:29:51,891 Carmakers will sort out clean, 557 00:29:51,958 --> 00:29:54,626 environmentally-friendly engines. They will. 558 00:29:54,693 --> 00:29:59,231 But in the meantime, I can tell you that the CO2 produced by this car's engine 559 00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:03,035 is being absorbed and used by the bodywork. 560 00:30:04,470 --> 00:30:07,573 Plants breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen. 561 00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:10,910 That's what my car's body is doing right now. 562 00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:16,916 Jumpers, Sunday lunch... spare parts. 563 00:30:16,983 --> 00:30:19,785 You don't need a foundry or a furnace 564 00:30:19,852 --> 00:30:21,453 to build the body for this car. 565 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,091 You just need animals to make love to one another. 566 00:30:25,157 --> 00:30:28,895 That's what this car is really. It's a sex machine. 567 00:30:30,429 --> 00:30:34,934 Meanwhile, back at base, James was having a rethink. 568 00:30:35,001 --> 00:30:37,103 I've decided to abandon my original idea 569 00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:39,605 because it was just too weak and too floppy, 570 00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:42,975 and instead I'm going to build a car out of bricks. 571 00:30:43,042 --> 00:30:44,911 The basic materials for making the bricks 572 00:30:44,977 --> 00:30:47,947 are fresh mud with a bit of water in it, 573 00:30:48,014 --> 00:30:51,517 er... some straw to give it strength, 574 00:30:51,583 --> 00:30:53,385 and some sheep poo. 575 00:30:53,452 --> 00:30:55,955 You then use that to make the brick shape, 576 00:30:56,022 --> 00:30:57,723 and then you fire those in a kiln. 577 00:30:57,789 --> 00:31:00,259 Then you use the bricks to build the thing like a house. 578 00:31:00,326 --> 00:31:03,362 Except, of course, it will be roughly the shape of a car. 579 00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:10,236 JEREMY: Back on the road, Hammond had called our eco convoy to a halt. 580 00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:12,704 -Shh. 581 00:31:12,771 --> 00:31:13,973 Shush what? 582 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,641 There's a bustle in my hedgerow. 583 00:31:17,143 --> 00:31:19,545 Well, don't be alarmed now. 584 00:31:19,611 --> 00:31:24,450 -It's probably just a... spring clean. 585 00:31:24,516 --> 00:31:27,954 RICHARD: As it turned out, I'd picked up a passenger. 586 00:31:29,021 --> 00:31:31,023 Hold on. There! Look! 587 00:31:31,090 --> 00:31:32,591 JEREMY: Oh! It's a hedgehog! 588 00:31:32,658 --> 00:31:34,326 RICHARD: Yeah! He's moved in. 589 00:31:36,295 --> 00:31:38,697 Do hedgehogs have bones? He could be a door mirror. 590 00:31:38,764 --> 00:31:41,533 He's now a member of my little community in here. 591 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,402 You're not using him to make a door mirror. 592 00:31:43,469 --> 00:31:45,604 -No, but when he dies-- -He lives here! 593 00:31:45,671 --> 00:31:47,173 Hedgehogs die. 594 00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:11,330 JEREMY: Oh, he's got a mouse in his little bird box. 595 00:32:11,397 --> 00:32:15,001 And it's got the biggest testes I've ever seen! 596 00:32:17,569 --> 00:32:20,272 Eventually, Richard and I arrived at the pub. 597 00:32:23,375 --> 00:32:26,512 Oh, hello! Oh, mate! You fool! 598 00:32:28,447 --> 00:32:29,648 Oh! Oh, look. 599 00:32:29,715 --> 00:32:32,084 Clean break. That'll never... You're gonna need pins. 600 00:32:32,151 --> 00:32:35,254 Shut up! Your car's given me hay fever. 601 00:32:35,321 --> 00:32:36,788 I can't see through my eyes. 602 00:32:36,855 --> 00:32:39,258 Oh, so you crashed your car because mine's got flowers on 603 00:32:39,325 --> 00:32:43,062 and not because you built your windscreen out of a cow's balloon knot? 604 00:32:43,129 --> 00:32:46,265 Let's not get bogged down with who caused the accident, cos it was you. 605 00:32:46,332 --> 00:32:48,334 I am now gonna go and get some spare parts. 606 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:49,701 Of course you are. That'll be easy. 607 00:32:49,768 --> 00:32:51,670 Maybe there'll be a nice zoo in this tiny village. 608 00:32:51,737 --> 00:32:53,405 No, hospital. Old folks' home. 609 00:32:53,472 --> 00:32:56,042 You could wait-- Just find one of those old ladies with... 610 00:32:57,809 --> 00:32:59,345 JEREMY: Back at the start point, 611 00:32:59,411 --> 00:33:02,414 the eco-warrior was ramping up the pace. 612 00:33:22,568 --> 00:33:23,435 Watch that go. 613 00:33:25,637 --> 00:33:27,339 JEREMY: Meanwhile, back at the pub, 614 00:33:27,406 --> 00:33:30,609 I was repairing my damaged front end. 615 00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:34,080 Well, annoyingly, the pork that I bought 616 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:35,714 is sort of triangular and doesn't look right. 617 00:33:35,781 --> 00:33:38,284 It doesn't really fit, so I've got a side of beef, 618 00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:40,152 which I think will be great. 619 00:33:40,219 --> 00:33:42,488 Now, I'm just erm... clearing away the old bone. 620 00:33:50,396 --> 00:33:53,132 No, shoo! Shoo in Welsh. 621 00:33:54,533 --> 00:33:56,302 I'm warning you. 622 00:33:56,368 --> 00:33:59,105 How would you like to be a petrol filler cap? 623 00:34:03,342 --> 00:34:04,510 What do you think? 624 00:34:04,576 --> 00:34:06,278 I actually think it looks rather stylish, 625 00:34:06,345 --> 00:34:10,216 because it immediately looks ecological, recyclable, 626 00:34:10,282 --> 00:34:12,318 sustainable - all those things. 627 00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:15,121 You get a single-skin brick wall. 628 00:34:15,187 --> 00:34:17,556 It builds up very neatly, as you can see. 629 00:34:17,623 --> 00:34:20,292 It is exactly the same as making something out of Lego. 630 00:34:20,359 --> 00:34:22,128 -If you have lots of Lego... 631 00:34:29,601 --> 00:34:31,670 Right. 632 00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:35,874 JEREMY: Clearly, James was not going to get his car built that day, 633 00:34:35,941 --> 00:34:40,779 so Richard and I decided to spend the night at the pub. 634 00:34:40,846 --> 00:34:42,748 How far have we come today? Just remind me. 635 00:34:42,814 --> 00:34:44,383 We're still in the same field where we started. 636 00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:46,017 -Well, he is. -Yes. 637 00:34:46,152 --> 00:34:49,621 -We're in a pub. - But we have to go back to the start to start. 638 00:34:51,390 --> 00:34:53,259 -It's not the best start. -No. 639 00:34:53,325 --> 00:34:55,194 -Erm... 640 00:34:55,261 --> 00:34:59,565 Precisely, so, actually, it might yet be a brilliant start when the start starts. 641 00:35:04,636 --> 00:35:05,671 Ow! 642 00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:14,980 His one was useless. It's his slap-happy attitude to making things. 643 00:35:15,046 --> 00:35:16,982 Attention to detail. 644 00:35:17,048 --> 00:35:18,350 Thank you very much. 645 00:35:18,417 --> 00:35:22,188 Anyway, now it is time for Celebrity Brain Crash! 646 00:35:28,794 --> 00:35:31,062 Now, last week... 647 00:35:31,197 --> 00:35:32,898 Last week, as I'm sure you'll remember, 648 00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:37,636 our guest Simon Pegg sadly fell into the harbour and drowned. 649 00:35:37,703 --> 00:35:40,639 Er... But there's no danger of that happening this week, 650 00:35:40,706 --> 00:35:44,376 because our guest is actually starting in the harbour. 651 00:35:44,443 --> 00:35:47,279 He is one of Britain's top comedians 652 00:35:47,346 --> 00:35:49,648 and a jet-ski enthusiast. 653 00:35:49,715 --> 00:35:53,752 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jimmy Carr! 654 00:35:55,221 --> 00:35:57,223 Here he comes now, look, on the screen... 655 00:35:57,223 --> 00:35:59,325 and he's looking good! 656 00:35:59,391 --> 00:36:02,328 RICHARD: He is. What are we going to ask him when he gets here? 657 00:36:02,394 --> 00:36:05,231 I'm gonna ask him, actually, about erm... 658 00:36:05,297 --> 00:36:07,333 that story he told me once when we were on holiday. 659 00:36:07,399 --> 00:36:09,235 RICHARD: No, you can't ask him about that on air. 660 00:36:09,235 --> 00:36:10,669 Ofcom, they won't like it. 661 00:36:10,736 --> 00:36:12,571 Why does Ofcom... We're on the internet. 662 00:36:12,638 --> 00:36:15,307 Yeah, but we're still broadcast. You can't tell that story. 663 00:36:17,276 --> 00:36:18,944 JAMES: Whoa! Hang on! Hang on! 664 00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:21,380 I don't want to interrupt. He's come in very hot. 665 00:36:21,447 --> 00:36:24,983 No, what's this boat doing? Shush, everyone! Shush! 666 00:36:25,050 --> 00:36:26,252 The boat! Stop the... 667 00:36:26,252 --> 00:36:27,753 Oh, for God's sake! The boat! 668 00:36:30,121 --> 00:36:32,258 Oh, my God. 669 00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:52,744 As you may have noticed, the audience there applauding the tragic death... 670 00:36:54,980 --> 00:36:58,284 ...of one of Britain's best-loved comedians, Jimmy Carr. 671 00:36:59,485 --> 00:37:02,053 Does that mean he's not coming on, then? 672 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,290 Well, James, he's burst 673 00:37:04,323 --> 00:37:07,559 and is now basically chum on the waters of the harbour, 674 00:37:07,626 --> 00:37:09,528 so that's a no, he's not coming on. 675 00:37:09,595 --> 00:37:11,530 This is a dis... It's awkward. 676 00:37:11,597 --> 00:37:14,300 -It's every single week. -We're getting a reputation. People are gonna notice. 677 00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:20,205 It's OK, though. I've just thought of something else we can do to fill the time. 678 00:37:20,306 --> 00:37:21,540 You... You know what it is. 679 00:37:21,607 --> 00:37:23,775 -You go outside, and you. 680 00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:25,677 Yes, I'm afraid you do. Could you go that way? 681 00:37:25,744 --> 00:37:27,679 Go get it. Quickly, quickly. Run, run, run. 682 00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:29,748 Ladies and gentlemen, 683 00:37:29,815 --> 00:37:33,852 please try not to look at the hideous bloodstained water out of the window. 684 00:37:35,521 --> 00:37:37,323 You see, the thing is... The thing is 685 00:37:37,323 --> 00:37:40,392 that when immigrants try to get into the country, 686 00:37:40,459 --> 00:37:42,728 they always come in the back of a container lorry, 687 00:37:42,794 --> 00:37:46,398 and I always think that is the world's worst game of hide-and-seek. 688 00:37:46,465 --> 00:37:49,401 Cos if you work for Homeland Security... No, what's it called here? 689 00:37:49,468 --> 00:37:53,472 Border Force? ...Border Force, you open the doors and, "Well, there you are." 690 00:37:53,539 --> 00:37:59,345 So I was thinking, surely there must be a better way of getting into Britain? 691 00:37:59,345 --> 00:38:02,147 And I think I've worked it out. 692 00:38:02,348 --> 00:38:05,116 -So, James, could you bring the car in? JAMES: Yes. 693 00:38:05,183 --> 00:38:06,518 JEREMY: Yes, good man. 694 00:38:06,585 --> 00:38:07,719 Right, here he comes now, 695 00:38:07,786 --> 00:38:10,489 at his usual top speed of eight, 696 00:38:10,556 --> 00:38:14,025 in what is an Audi TT Quattro. 697 00:38:14,092 --> 00:38:17,429 That's perfect. Thank you so much, James. If you'd like to step out. 698 00:38:17,496 --> 00:38:21,433 Now, Richard Hammond is in this car. 699 00:38:23,234 --> 00:38:27,105 And I'm going to give you, the studio audience, one hour to find him. 700 00:38:27,172 --> 00:38:29,107 RICHARD: Oh, not an hour! 701 00:38:29,174 --> 00:38:32,778 All right, not an hour. A minute. I'll give you 60 seconds to find him. 702 00:38:32,844 --> 00:38:35,113 Help yourselves, everybody. See if you can find him. 703 00:38:35,180 --> 00:38:37,449 JAMES: Open the bonnet. MAN: Look in the ashtray! 704 00:38:37,516 --> 00:38:40,652 JEREMY: Look in the ashtray? He's small, but he's not that small. 705 00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,422 JAMES: Open the boot. MAN: Inside the seat. 706 00:38:43,489 --> 00:38:44,723 JEREMY: "Inside the seat." 707 00:38:44,790 --> 00:38:46,658 MAN: He's strapped underneath. He's underneath. 708 00:38:46,725 --> 00:38:48,927 JEREMY: Have a look. MAN: I'll get down. 709 00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:50,729 JEREMY: If you just go down there, you can have a look underneath. 710 00:38:50,796 --> 00:38:52,864 MAN: Has anyone lifted this? 711 00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:55,200 Three, two, one... 712 00:38:55,266 --> 00:38:56,502 No, you've all failed. 713 00:38:56,568 --> 00:38:58,404 You'd be no good in Immigration. 714 00:39:00,105 --> 00:39:03,742 Right, go back to where you were, because, ladies and gentlemen, 715 00:39:03,809 --> 00:39:06,645 what we are going to do now is reveal to you 716 00:39:06,712 --> 00:39:10,315 where Richard Hammond was concealed in this car. 717 00:39:10,416 --> 00:39:12,250 James, could you give me a hand? 718 00:39:12,317 --> 00:39:14,853 -Certainly. -Okey-doke. 719 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:16,422 -Hello! JAMES: There he is. 720 00:39:16,422 --> 00:39:20,058 Hello! I'm in the car. Yeah. 721 00:39:23,128 --> 00:39:24,896 JEREMY: Are you all right? 722 00:39:24,963 --> 00:39:26,798 Yeah. Can I get out now? 723 00:39:26,865 --> 00:39:30,235 The amazing thing is, it's not just Audi TTs. 724 00:39:30,301 --> 00:39:33,071 Almost any car has that much space 725 00:39:33,138 --> 00:39:35,441 if you want to do a spot of people smuggling. 726 00:39:35,474 --> 00:39:37,909 Yeah, it's not that much space, just to be clear. 727 00:39:37,976 --> 00:39:39,545 Can I get out now? 728 00:39:39,611 --> 00:39:42,648 No, because I've just thought of something. 729 00:39:42,714 --> 00:39:44,450 No, seriously. James, could you pop the bumper back on? 730 00:39:44,516 --> 00:39:46,051 -No, move your feet. 731 00:39:46,117 --> 00:39:48,687 -No, because-- -It's not very nice! 732 00:39:48,754 --> 00:39:51,757 Is it not? Right, so, pop that back on there. 733 00:39:51,823 --> 00:39:54,359 Now, what we've got here, I think, 734 00:39:54,460 --> 00:39:57,763 is a really rather effective parking sensor. 735 00:39:57,829 --> 00:40:01,633 RICHARD: What? I don't like this! -I like it. I like it. 736 00:40:01,700 --> 00:40:04,636 You get back in. We'll bring a car in so that... 737 00:40:04,703 --> 00:40:06,772 Yeah, so you've got something to reverse up to. 738 00:40:06,838 --> 00:40:08,874 I need to drill some holes for your eyes. 739 00:40:08,940 --> 00:40:12,410 RICHARD: You bloody don't! 740 00:40:12,478 --> 00:40:15,547 Seriously, Hammond, you won't be able to see anything unless I do. 741 00:40:15,614 --> 00:40:18,650 About here? -At the front of my head! 742 00:40:18,717 --> 00:40:20,786 Right, close them, Hammond. This... 743 00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:31,963 -I'm not talking to you! 744 00:40:33,932 --> 00:40:35,901 Right, I'll do one for your other eye. 745 00:40:38,203 --> 00:40:40,939 There. Can you see out now? 746 00:40:42,007 --> 00:40:43,809 Yes, there. Look. Can you see? 747 00:40:43,875 --> 00:40:47,112 We can see his little eyes. That's lovely. If someone holds this. 748 00:40:47,178 --> 00:40:49,815 Right, James, if you'd like to start reversing, 749 00:40:49,881 --> 00:40:53,284 keeping your ears open for Hammond's pitiable screams. 750 00:40:53,351 --> 00:40:54,753 JAMES: Roger. 751 00:40:54,820 --> 00:40:57,288 RICHARD: No... No! No! Just stop! 752 00:40:57,355 --> 00:40:59,057 No! Stop! 753 00:40:59,124 --> 00:41:01,893 JAMES: How far away is that? JEREMY: About 15 feet. 754 00:41:03,228 --> 00:41:04,395 RICHARD: What? JAMES: Hammond? 755 00:41:04,530 --> 00:41:06,064 RICHARD: What? JAMES: We live in London. 756 00:41:06,131 --> 00:41:09,200 -You could build a £4 million house in that gap. 757 00:41:09,267 --> 00:41:11,236 I need to know when you're half an inch away. 758 00:41:11,302 --> 00:41:14,172 RICHARD: You're not the one in the bloody bumper! 759 00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:16,141 -Right, come on, then, James. -Here we go. 760 00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:18,544 Hammond, you're on silence till it's dangerous. 761 00:41:24,349 --> 00:41:26,251 Stop! 762 00:41:27,919 --> 00:41:30,556 That is absolutely brilliant. 763 00:41:31,590 --> 00:41:33,625 That's like a quarter of an inch. 764 00:41:35,026 --> 00:41:37,195 Look at that. 765 00:41:37,262 --> 00:41:38,263 Cor! 766 00:41:39,731 --> 00:41:42,768 The thing is, parking sensors are very expensive. 767 00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:44,970 You can rent a man for almost nothing. 768 00:41:45,036 --> 00:41:48,306 Yeah, look, I don't know how much you pay to rent a man normally, 769 00:41:48,373 --> 00:41:50,241 but I cost more. 770 00:41:50,308 --> 00:41:52,210 Now, get me out of here, please. 771 00:41:52,277 --> 00:41:54,980 Well, no, because we've got to link into the next film. 772 00:41:55,046 --> 00:41:57,448 -We can't get you out anyway 773 00:41:57,583 --> 00:41:59,217 because you're too close; we'll never get the bumper off. 774 00:41:59,284 --> 00:42:02,220 -You're too good at your job, Hammond. RICHARD: Oh, God! 775 00:42:02,287 --> 00:42:04,389 That's what's happened. So we're going back... 776 00:42:04,455 --> 00:42:07,893 Actually, it's part two, isn't it 777 00:42:07,959 --> 00:42:10,095 It was Italy. No, that was last week. 778 00:42:11,597 --> 00:42:13,599 -Oh, the cars! RICHARD: Oh, really? 779 00:42:13,665 --> 00:42:17,703 -Oh, the sustainable thing. -Sustainable cars. So... -Yes. 780 00:42:17,769 --> 00:42:22,841 RICHARD: Get on with it! 781 00:42:26,077 --> 00:42:28,614 JEREMY: The following morning we were up bright and early 782 00:42:28,614 --> 00:42:31,016 so we could get back to the start line. 783 00:42:34,319 --> 00:42:36,988 -Not a bad night, actually. -It was all right. 784 00:42:37,055 --> 00:42:38,156 Oh, hello. 785 00:42:44,229 --> 00:42:47,198 Oh! That's dogs and foxes and things, isn't it? 786 00:42:47,265 --> 00:42:49,701 Dogs have come and eaten your car. 787 00:42:49,768 --> 00:42:51,803 They haven't eaten it, they've destroyed it, 788 00:42:51,870 --> 00:42:54,706 which means I've got to put it back together again. 789 00:42:56,241 --> 00:42:59,177 There are some spare parts up there. 790 00:42:59,244 --> 00:43:01,346 JEREMY: Yeah, I think that horse is looking very ill. 791 00:43:01,412 --> 00:43:02,881 It's got a very grey face. 792 00:43:02,948 --> 00:43:04,650 That's always a sign of looking ill. 793 00:43:04,716 --> 00:43:06,818 Is your horse ill? 794 00:43:06,885 --> 00:43:08,053 -No. 795 00:43:08,119 --> 00:43:10,221 -No 796 00:43:10,288 --> 00:43:11,322 Yeah. 797 00:43:13,291 --> 00:43:14,292 Damn it. 798 00:43:17,095 --> 00:43:19,865 It took all morning to repair my car 799 00:43:19,931 --> 00:43:21,767 with stuff from the butcher's shop, 800 00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:23,434 which meant it was lunchtime 801 00:43:23,501 --> 00:43:25,003 before we were on our way back 802 00:43:25,070 --> 00:43:27,105 to see how James was getting on. 803 00:43:29,908 --> 00:43:31,977 Jeremy, what's all that smoke up ahead there? 804 00:43:33,344 --> 00:43:34,713 JEREMY: What smoke? 805 00:43:34,780 --> 00:43:37,749 That massive ball of smoke in front of us, up front. 806 00:43:37,816 --> 00:43:39,818 I can't see it. My hay fever's really bad. 807 00:43:39,885 --> 00:43:42,187 No, you can't see it because you're trying to looking at it 808 00:43:42,253 --> 00:43:44,856 through a cow's butt hole. 809 00:43:44,923 --> 00:43:47,759 JEREMY: As it turned out, the smoke was on account 810 00:43:47,826 --> 00:43:53,364 of James having single-handedly restarted the Industrial Revolution. 811 00:44:00,605 --> 00:44:01,707 What? 812 00:44:01,740 --> 00:44:03,408 -I'm making... 813 00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:12,483 The theory is... we are reducing our impact on the environment, 814 00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:13,584 but you've dug it up! 815 00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:14,953 It's not where anybody lives. 816 00:44:15,020 --> 00:44:16,722 It's just the countryside. It's not doing anything. 817 00:44:16,755 --> 00:44:18,223 Is that a coal lorry? 818 00:44:18,289 --> 00:44:22,027 -Yes. -The least environmental thing on the entire earth. 819 00:44:22,093 --> 00:44:24,730 It's a lorry delivering coal. 820 00:44:27,098 --> 00:44:29,000 -To fire up the kiln. 821 00:44:29,067 --> 00:44:31,369 The bricks have to be baked. You can't just-- 822 00:44:31,436 --> 00:44:35,440 -Hold on. So you're making a car out of mud bricks? -Yes. 823 00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:38,944 Are you gonna dig a canal network to get in and out, perhaps, with your coal? 824 00:44:39,010 --> 00:44:41,379 -That's quite a good idea. -It isn't a good idea! 825 00:44:42,948 --> 00:44:45,283 JEREMY: Much ruined countryside later, 826 00:44:45,350 --> 00:44:48,987 James's new car was finally ready. 827 00:44:49,054 --> 00:44:51,823 Why are you dressed up like an American footballer? 828 00:44:51,890 --> 00:44:53,925 Well, it's a prototype, 829 00:44:53,992 --> 00:44:55,994 and I'm a test pilot, in effect. 830 00:44:56,061 --> 00:44:58,329 Test pilots wear specialist equipment. 831 00:44:58,396 --> 00:45:00,766 But that looks perfectly solid to me. 832 00:45:01,767 --> 00:45:03,769 That roof is... 833 00:45:03,802 --> 00:45:06,872 James, even given the limitations of the material you've used, 834 00:45:06,938 --> 00:45:08,206 your car looks crap. 835 00:45:08,273 --> 00:45:10,141 But look how it blends in with the environment. 836 00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:11,376 Prince Charles would love this. 837 00:45:11,442 --> 00:45:12,978 RICHARD: It doesn't blend in with anything. 838 00:45:13,044 --> 00:45:15,781 There's no environment left - you've dug it all up. 839 00:45:15,814 --> 00:45:18,649 JEREMY: Right, can we finally go? JAMES: Yes, you can. 840 00:45:18,784 --> 00:45:20,218 RICHARD: 11 miles lie ahead. 841 00:45:20,285 --> 00:45:22,320 JAMES: See you there. 842 00:45:24,956 --> 00:45:27,292 -Ow! 843 00:45:33,031 --> 00:45:36,301 JAMES: That is a complete mystery, to be honest. 844 00:45:36,367 --> 00:45:37,903 It's not. 845 00:45:37,969 --> 00:45:40,471 It had an arched roof, it had a keystone. 846 00:45:40,538 --> 00:45:42,640 There must be something wrong with that mortar. 847 00:45:42,707 --> 00:45:46,477 JEREMY: Waiting for James to mend his bodywork, again, 848 00:45:46,544 --> 00:45:50,148 meant my bodywork started to go off. 849 00:45:52,317 --> 00:45:54,485 But, eventually, he was ready. 850 00:45:59,891 --> 00:46:02,093 It's really rather pleasant. 851 00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,130 This is like being at home with the windows open. 852 00:46:05,196 --> 00:46:09,100 Richard, meanwhile, had added some floral go-faster stripes, 853 00:46:09,167 --> 00:46:13,371 and I'd opened up my cow's rectum to improve the ventilation. 854 00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:18,176 We have had a few problems. 855 00:46:18,243 --> 00:46:21,913 We've only covered, yes, two miles in two days, 856 00:46:21,980 --> 00:46:24,015 but here we are, 857 00:46:24,082 --> 00:46:26,852 as a threesome, going along. 858 00:46:32,891 --> 00:46:34,125 But then... 859 00:46:34,192 --> 00:46:36,227 It's a river, and not a small one. 860 00:46:41,099 --> 00:46:43,234 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 861 00:46:46,872 --> 00:46:49,507 Oh, God. 862 00:46:49,574 --> 00:46:52,577 -Oh, your bricks have fallen off, mate. -Your bonnet's fallen off. 863 00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:55,546 JAMES: Perfectly all right. Redundancy's built into it. 864 00:46:55,613 --> 00:46:57,615 -Yeah. 865 00:46:57,682 --> 00:47:00,051 JEREMY: Since Richard is the team bumpkin, 866 00:47:00,118 --> 00:47:02,587 we decided he should go first. 867 00:47:04,489 --> 00:47:07,658 OK, well, my community of people, make for higher ground. 868 00:47:07,725 --> 00:47:09,560 Just climb. 869 00:47:09,627 --> 00:47:13,331 Hammond's ark made it to the other side safely. 870 00:47:13,398 --> 00:47:15,133 Yeah! 871 00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,068 And then it was my go. 872 00:47:18,236 --> 00:47:20,438 I'm really deep here. 873 00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:21,940 Really, really deep. 874 00:47:22,007 --> 00:47:24,209 Oh, no! Cows leak! 875 00:47:24,275 --> 00:47:26,577 That's a terrible thing to learn! 876 00:47:28,046 --> 00:47:31,149 However, I, too, made it with relative ease. 877 00:47:31,216 --> 00:47:33,151 Eat my meat, Hammond! 878 00:47:34,152 --> 00:47:35,921 But then... 879 00:47:35,954 --> 00:47:37,655 Look at this. 880 00:47:37,722 --> 00:47:39,024 Tragic. 881 00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:42,827 An old man driving a low garden wall into a river. 882 00:47:42,928 --> 00:47:45,997 Let's look on the bright side. If this doesn't work as a car, 883 00:47:46,064 --> 00:47:48,099 it will be very effective as a dam. 884 00:47:52,070 --> 00:47:54,472 JEREMY: He's not doing it quite as quickly as you or I did it. 885 00:47:54,539 --> 00:47:56,574 Nor as aggressively, nor as purposefully. 886 00:47:58,409 --> 00:48:01,412 His car is also riding a lot lower than ours because it weighs so much. 887 00:48:01,479 --> 00:48:04,182 I was getting very deep. It may be leaking slightly. 888 00:48:07,118 --> 00:48:08,419 It's leaking a lot. 889 00:48:10,021 --> 00:48:13,391 Cack. Chaps, I think I'm beached. 890 00:48:13,458 --> 00:48:16,094 I'm being honest, there's not a great deal we can do about it. 891 00:48:16,161 --> 00:48:18,029 You're in the river, we're here. 892 00:48:18,096 --> 00:48:20,966 Right, if I go right a bit, 893 00:48:20,966 --> 00:48:23,568 I should... clear that... 894 00:48:23,634 --> 00:48:25,603 Oh, yes! 895 00:48:25,670 --> 00:48:28,506 -Oh, the... -The side's just come off. -Yeah, that's... 896 00:48:28,573 --> 00:48:31,576 So the mortar's dissolving and the bricks are just falling off. 897 00:48:31,642 --> 00:48:33,044 JEREMY: Yes. 898 00:48:35,046 --> 00:48:36,347 That's more gone. 899 00:48:36,414 --> 00:48:39,050 Oh, God! The mortar's dissolving! 900 00:48:39,117 --> 00:48:41,686 He's just transporting his own cameras along. 901 00:48:41,752 --> 00:48:43,221 That's all he's doing. 902 00:48:43,288 --> 00:48:44,422 Get off! 903 00:48:45,656 --> 00:48:48,159 -Get off! 904 00:48:48,226 --> 00:48:50,561 Little spindly arms throwing a brick. 905 00:48:52,998 --> 00:48:54,199 Help! 906 00:48:56,367 --> 00:48:58,536 We're gonna have to put him out of his misery. 907 00:48:58,603 --> 00:49:02,173 JEREMY: We'll just abandon him. RICHARD: Do you think? 908 00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:03,708 What is the point of him? 909 00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:05,376 James, can you hear me? 910 00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:08,479 We've analysed the situation and there is literally 911 00:49:08,546 --> 00:49:10,615 nothing we can do to help. Nothing. 912 00:49:12,317 --> 00:49:14,685 Leaving James in his dissolving car, 913 00:49:14,752 --> 00:49:18,623 we headed off to make camp and get supper underway. 914 00:49:20,091 --> 00:49:22,360 Well, apart from your rather tragic tents, 915 00:49:22,427 --> 00:49:26,164 -this isn't so bad. -It's all right. 916 00:49:26,231 --> 00:49:27,765 It is amazing, isn't it? 917 00:49:27,832 --> 00:49:31,202 My car, the way it disappears into that hedge, 918 00:49:31,269 --> 00:49:34,305 it's not just camouflage, it is hedge. 919 00:49:34,372 --> 00:49:36,141 -It's gone. -No, it is genuinely... 920 00:49:36,207 --> 00:49:39,710 Actually, I will agree, yours is remarkable. 921 00:49:41,479 --> 00:49:44,582 Meanwhile, James's car had shed so much weight 922 00:49:44,649 --> 00:49:47,152 that he was able to get free... 923 00:49:47,218 --> 00:49:52,423 and start raping the countryside again to rebuild it. 924 00:49:52,490 --> 00:49:53,424 Bastards. 925 00:49:54,625 --> 00:49:55,560 Bastards. 926 00:49:57,595 --> 00:50:00,365 You know, what's incredible about this - 927 00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:03,034 this sustainable living we're doing - 928 00:50:03,034 --> 00:50:03,068 this sustainable living we're doing - is our barbecue is made from bricks from James's car, 929 00:50:03,068 --> 00:50:07,272 is our barbecue is made from bricks from James's car, 930 00:50:07,338 --> 00:50:10,575 the kindling and the vegetables are from your car. 931 00:50:10,641 --> 00:50:13,744 Are you about to tell me I'm eating... 932 00:50:13,811 --> 00:50:15,346 -Back wing. 933 00:50:18,783 --> 00:50:22,087 -When you buy a steak, it says "keep refrigerated". 934 00:50:22,153 --> 00:50:24,322 It doesn't say, "Stick to the side of your car, 935 00:50:24,389 --> 00:50:26,324 leave in the sun, then drive through a river." 936 00:50:31,762 --> 00:50:32,630 Whoa! 937 00:50:45,410 --> 00:50:48,313 James is making such a racket, isn't he? 938 00:50:48,379 --> 00:50:50,981 It's worse than last time. 939 00:50:51,048 --> 00:50:55,019 The difference on this trip, while he's been tearing nature apart, 940 00:50:55,086 --> 00:50:57,488 I've never felt closer to it. 941 00:50:57,555 --> 00:51:00,725 Well, he's just messing everything up. He always... 942 00:51:06,531 --> 00:51:08,233 Holy cow. 943 00:51:08,299 --> 00:51:10,135 -Hammond. 944 00:51:11,702 --> 00:51:12,737 That. 945 00:51:14,372 --> 00:51:16,307 What are you doing? 946 00:51:16,374 --> 00:51:18,209 He couldn't see it. It's a hedge trimmer. 947 00:51:18,276 --> 00:51:21,512 That's my community, you rural bastard! 948 00:51:22,947 --> 00:51:24,782 -Oh, my... -Oh, God! 949 00:51:26,884 --> 00:51:28,886 The next morning, to cheer up Hammond 950 00:51:28,953 --> 00:51:31,222 following the decimation of his car 951 00:51:31,289 --> 00:51:34,192 and his woodland animal community, 952 00:51:34,259 --> 00:51:35,626 I made breakfast. 953 00:51:37,162 --> 00:51:38,796 -Eat it. -No! 954 00:51:38,863 --> 00:51:40,998 -Because it's going green! 955 00:51:41,065 --> 00:51:42,267 It's just a bit of door. 956 00:51:42,333 --> 00:51:44,535 You can see where the flies have been on it. 957 00:51:44,602 --> 00:51:45,570 It's disgusting. 958 00:51:45,636 --> 00:51:47,605 Hello. Hello! 959 00:51:47,672 --> 00:51:48,539 What...? 960 00:51:49,807 --> 00:51:51,742 -It's a dung heap. -It is a dung heap. 961 00:51:55,380 --> 00:51:56,981 -Morning. -Morning. 962 00:51:57,047 --> 00:51:58,749 Is this a car 963 00:51:58,816 --> 00:52:03,020 It is a totally sustainable car made of, effectively, wattle and daub, 964 00:52:03,188 --> 00:52:05,022 only the wattle has been replaced by straw 965 00:52:05,089 --> 00:52:06,957 and the daub has been replaced by cow poo, 966 00:52:07,024 --> 00:52:08,726 but the principle is the same. 967 00:52:08,793 --> 00:52:11,329 JEREMY: How the hell do you fit in it? -Only just. 968 00:52:11,396 --> 00:52:13,831 -There. 969 00:52:13,898 --> 00:52:14,765 Hang on. 970 00:52:16,267 --> 00:52:18,603 Can we just test your blind spots, James? 971 00:52:18,669 --> 00:52:20,805 Can you see either of us now? 972 00:52:22,039 --> 00:52:23,508 -No. 973 00:52:23,574 --> 00:52:26,311 Heavily pedestrianised areas should be avoided. 974 00:52:29,046 --> 00:52:32,217 -Right, come on. We've just got two miles to go. -Yes. 975 00:52:33,284 --> 00:52:34,452 -Jesus Christ! 976 00:52:34,519 --> 00:52:36,120 -The smell! 977 00:52:36,221 --> 00:52:39,890 -It breaks my heart, but it's a small gift for you. 978 00:52:39,957 --> 00:52:44,128 Mate! -Yes, from me and my woodland community. 979 00:52:44,229 --> 00:52:45,463 Oh! 980 00:52:45,530 --> 00:52:48,132 -It's a dead bat! -Yeah, it is. 981 00:52:48,233 --> 00:52:50,901 -Yeah. 982 00:52:50,968 --> 00:52:54,038 So I could use it as a reversing parking sensor. 983 00:52:54,104 --> 00:52:56,674 Yeah, I don't think it works once the bat is dead. 984 00:52:59,444 --> 00:53:01,546 And so, with all of us running... 985 00:53:01,612 --> 00:53:03,781 (JEREMY MIMICS REVERSING BEEP) 986 00:53:05,583 --> 00:53:08,052 My reversing bat is working well. 987 00:53:08,118 --> 00:53:12,490 ...we began the final two-mile leg of our epic journey. 988 00:53:13,991 --> 00:53:15,560 JAMES: Oh, balls! 989 00:53:15,626 --> 00:53:19,264 There are some issues associated with environmentalism, 990 00:53:19,264 --> 00:53:21,832 and we're seeing one of them right now. 991 00:53:27,672 --> 00:53:31,276 -Oh, God! 992 00:53:34,279 --> 00:53:39,317 James attempted to tie his car back together using a ball of string... 993 00:53:39,384 --> 00:53:40,751 which went well. 994 00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,589 RICHARD: It's going... 995 00:53:46,357 --> 00:53:49,294 RICHARD: Oh, that's gonna confuse him now! 996 00:53:49,294 --> 00:53:52,630 Why'd they make it in a ball shape? What a stupid idea! 997 00:53:54,299 --> 00:53:57,602 But eventually it was done and we were on our way. 998 00:53:59,704 --> 00:54:02,507 James, how much does it weigh now? 999 00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:06,877 I'm gonna say the weight has gone down a bit. I think I'm down to three tonnes. 1000 00:54:06,944 --> 00:54:09,013 So you still need an HGV licence? 1001 00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:12,317 JAMES: But it's not a type of car known to the DVLA. 1002 00:54:14,785 --> 00:54:17,555 Mind you, I had even bigger problems. 1003 00:54:17,622 --> 00:54:20,725 My car was starting to smell really bad. 1004 00:54:22,327 --> 00:54:23,628 One of the sound recordists 1005 00:54:23,694 --> 00:54:25,496 just came to fiddle with my microphone, 1006 00:54:25,563 --> 00:54:27,031 and actually was sick. 1007 00:54:28,633 --> 00:54:32,470 Eventually, though, our destination hoved into view. 1008 00:54:34,805 --> 00:54:37,542 RICHARD: After three days gruelling travel 1009 00:54:37,608 --> 00:54:40,345 over 11 miles, we're here. 1010 00:54:41,946 --> 00:54:43,814 This must be it. 1011 00:54:43,881 --> 00:54:48,018 It was the Inaugural Sustainable Living Motorsport Challenge 1012 00:54:48,085 --> 00:54:51,789 on a track carved out of nature itself. 1013 00:54:52,957 --> 00:54:54,759 JEREMY: Oh, hang on. 1014 00:54:56,361 --> 00:54:58,228 -A text message. 1015 00:54:58,363 --> 00:54:59,630 I've got a text here from Mr Wilman, 1016 00:54:59,697 --> 00:55:01,599 with the instructions of what we're doing. 1017 00:55:01,666 --> 00:55:05,736 "Whoever does the most laps in one hour wins." 1018 00:55:05,803 --> 00:55:07,672 Oh, well, James, that's not gonna be you. 1019 00:55:07,738 --> 00:55:10,508 -Well, you don't know. -No, I do know it's not gonna be you. 1020 00:55:10,575 --> 00:55:12,910 Oh, no, wait. Hang on. "You will be racing against 1021 00:55:12,977 --> 00:55:15,746 three old-fashioned steel cars." 1022 00:55:16,847 --> 00:55:18,949 -Hang on. Yes, those. -Hello. 1023 00:55:20,385 --> 00:55:22,620 JEREMY: Oh, there they are. JAMES: How quaint. 1024 00:55:22,687 --> 00:55:24,722 JEREMY: No, they don't look quaint. They look ridiculous. 1025 00:55:24,789 --> 00:55:26,691 It's funny, that's the nature of progress. 1026 00:55:26,757 --> 00:55:29,059 -Suddenly, they look stupid. JEREMY: They do. 1027 00:55:30,961 --> 00:55:35,433 The museum pieces were being driven by three local yobbos. 1028 00:55:37,001 --> 00:55:38,403 Right, this is it. 1029 00:55:38,436 --> 00:55:42,473 The MeaTI, the TreeTI and the PeaTI are ready. 1030 00:55:48,078 --> 00:55:51,181 Oh, what a start! It's a good start. 1031 00:55:51,248 --> 00:55:53,283 Yes, we're blocking! 1032 00:55:53,418 --> 00:55:57,054 Oh, they've gone! They've gone! I couldn't see the flag. 1033 00:55:59,023 --> 00:56:02,427 Yes, there are some hay bales. I'll follow those. 1034 00:56:02,427 --> 00:56:05,029 Where the hell does it go next? 1035 00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:07,932 Despite the excellent start from Richard and I, 1036 00:56:07,998 --> 00:56:11,669 we were quickly overwhelmed by the steel cars. 1037 00:56:11,736 --> 00:56:14,505 And now the Golf's got past! 1038 00:56:16,306 --> 00:56:17,908 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1039 00:56:17,975 --> 00:56:20,445 I've let the Mondeo through. That's a disaster! 1040 00:56:21,612 --> 00:56:24,715 Oh, I've lost one of my nose tampons! 1041 00:56:24,782 --> 00:56:28,986 What Richard and I really needed was help from our colleague. 1042 00:56:29,053 --> 00:56:31,456 Sadly, though... 1043 00:56:31,456 --> 00:56:34,659 JAMES: I'm gonna take a racing line. Oh, I'm completely lost. 1044 00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:38,829 The trouble is, the race track looks the same as the front of the car. 1045 00:56:38,896 --> 00:56:40,831 What a stupid idea for an event. 1046 00:56:43,100 --> 00:56:46,103 I've lost the other nose tampon! Help! 1047 00:56:47,472 --> 00:56:49,607 I may have to pit for another tampon. 1048 00:56:51,141 --> 00:56:52,477 JAMES: Where am I going? 1049 00:56:54,144 --> 00:56:56,046 All right, James? 1050 00:56:56,113 --> 00:56:57,347 No. 1051 00:56:57,482 --> 00:56:59,016 No time to lose. 1052 00:57:02,119 --> 00:57:03,921 I've gone for the super absorbent, 1053 00:57:03,988 --> 00:57:06,557 slightly larger nose tampons, 1054 00:57:06,624 --> 00:57:08,593 which I hope will last a little longer. 1055 00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:15,700 Given that we were in an endurance race, 1056 00:57:15,766 --> 00:57:19,003 our tactics so far had been to protect our cars. 1057 00:57:20,938 --> 00:57:23,808 RICHARD: Reliability, that's what we need here. That is everything. 1058 00:57:23,874 --> 00:57:25,375 That's what matters most. 1059 00:57:25,510 --> 00:57:29,079 But with the cars of the past racking up so many laps, 1060 00:57:29,146 --> 00:57:31,148 we had to get the hammer down. 1061 00:57:33,417 --> 00:57:35,520 The MeaTI against the... 1062 00:57:35,553 --> 00:57:39,890 whatever that is - 1.6 litre Golf. 1063 00:57:39,957 --> 00:57:41,225 Yes! 1064 00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:43,060 Yes! I've got him! 1065 00:57:44,595 --> 00:57:47,231 RICHARD: Power sliding a hedge. 1066 00:57:47,297 --> 00:57:48,999 Come on! 1067 00:57:53,403 --> 00:57:55,540 JEREMY: Yes. Oh, yes. 1068 00:57:58,743 --> 00:58:00,811 I think I've done a lap. 1069 00:58:02,312 --> 00:58:06,551 With us three - well, two - making good progress, 1070 00:58:06,617 --> 00:58:10,254 the cars from the past started to play dirty. 1071 00:58:12,723 --> 00:58:14,892 That is out of order! They are getting violent! 1072 00:58:17,628 --> 00:58:19,830 Oh! Oh, no! 1073 00:58:19,897 --> 00:58:21,599 I've lost a tampon again! 1074 00:58:24,201 --> 00:58:25,703 JAMES: Who was that? 1075 00:58:25,770 --> 00:58:26,937 RICHARD: Think you can mess with us 1076 00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:28,706 just because we like trees, do you? 1077 00:58:28,773 --> 00:58:31,776 That's out of order, mate. You can't. Have that! 1078 00:58:38,583 --> 00:58:40,718 The bone is taking on the steel! 1079 00:58:43,253 --> 00:58:45,255 Although we were holding our own, 1080 00:58:45,322 --> 00:58:49,193 the relentless pressure started to take its toll on our vehicles. 1081 00:58:53,698 --> 00:58:55,232 JAMES: I've lost part of the hat. 1082 00:58:58,268 --> 00:59:00,304 I can smell... 1083 00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:01,939 What can I smell? 1084 00:59:03,407 --> 00:59:05,643 Is that from the exhaust? 1085 00:59:05,710 --> 00:59:10,014 With Hammond distracted by the hot exhaust burning his bodywork, 1086 00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:12,282 it was all down to my cow car. 1087 00:59:15,786 --> 00:59:20,791 Good dicing here between the past and the future. 1088 00:59:20,858 --> 00:59:23,227 It's neck and neck! 1089 00:59:24,494 --> 00:59:26,130 But then... 1090 00:59:26,196 --> 00:59:27,632 Oh, no! No! 1091 00:59:28,733 --> 00:59:29,900 Disaster! 1092 00:59:29,967 --> 00:59:31,702 Oh, hell. I think it looks like 1093 00:59:31,769 --> 00:59:32,970 Jeremy's got trouble. 1094 00:59:34,939 --> 00:59:36,641 How do you peel a cow? 1095 00:59:38,242 --> 00:59:41,045 Having eventually got to the overheating engine 1096 00:59:41,111 --> 00:59:45,249 and seen it had become a production line for maggots... 1097 00:59:45,315 --> 00:59:47,818 ...I decided to go off and be sick. 1098 00:59:51,188 --> 00:59:56,160 Er... News from the Inaugural Sustainable Motorsport Event 1099 00:59:56,226 --> 00:59:58,562 On A Sustainable Track, or whatever it's called, 1100 00:59:58,663 --> 01:00:02,032 Jeremy Clarkson has retired with a maggot infestation. 1101 01:00:03,801 --> 01:00:07,271 JAMES: This meant all our hopes rested with Richard Hammond 1102 01:00:07,337 --> 01:00:08,939 and his smouldering ark. 1103 01:00:11,909 --> 01:00:13,678 Yeah, you ran wide! 1104 01:00:13,744 --> 01:00:15,512 But then... 1105 01:00:15,579 --> 01:00:16,881 Oh, my God! 1106 01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:19,684 Oh, no! 1107 01:00:21,819 --> 01:00:26,123 Oh, no! More news from the Sustainable Motorsport Challenge is that... Ow! 1108 01:00:26,190 --> 01:00:29,326 ...Richard Hammond, I believe, is on fire. 1109 01:00:29,393 --> 01:00:31,028 The garden centre is ablaze. 1110 01:00:32,629 --> 01:00:35,132 Oh, God! Oh, no! Oh, no! 1111 01:00:37,401 --> 01:00:38,803 That's gonna make it worse! 1112 01:00:41,105 --> 01:00:43,007 JEREMY: With Hammond's car on fire... 1113 01:00:44,441 --> 01:00:48,445 mine alive, and James's disintegrating again... 1114 01:00:48,512 --> 01:00:50,147 JAMES: Ow! Ow! 1115 01:00:50,214 --> 01:00:54,251 ...we decided that environmentalism simply doesn't work. 1116 01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:58,055 -And with that, back to-- 1117 01:00:58,122 --> 01:01:00,290 And with that, back to the tent. 1118 01:01:02,993 --> 01:01:04,194 JAMES: Holy crap! 1119 01:01:10,500 --> 01:01:13,203 -No, it didn't work. -No. So, there we are. 1120 01:01:15,740 --> 01:01:17,107 There we are, we've looked into it. 1121 01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:18,575 We've looked into it thoroughly, 1122 01:01:18,642 --> 01:01:22,079 and I'm afraid we're all doomed, we're all gonna die. 1123 01:01:22,146 --> 01:01:25,649 And on that terrible disappointment, I'm afraid it's time to end. 1124 01:01:25,750 --> 01:01:27,251 See you next week. Goodbye! 1125 01:01:30,487 --> 01:01:32,456 **