1 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,160 (BELLS JANGLE) 2 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,920 (WIND HOWLS) 3 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,240 Hello, and welcome to a Grand Tour special, 4 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,800 which comes to you from 5 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:26,040 the emptiest, most sparsely populated country on Earth. 6 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,320 Mongolia. 7 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:30,800 (ENGINE REVVING) 8 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,760 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS) 9 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,600 Now, ordinarily when we go on these adventures, 10 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:50,560 we have a vague idea about the sort of things that we might be doing. 11 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,680 But this time, we don't. 12 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,200 RICHARD: No, not a clue. 13 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,880 The situation is, we took off from 14 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,960 the capital city of Mongolia, Ulaanbaatar, 15 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,720 and flew for two, two-and-a-half hours, 16 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,040 over terrain that was much like this. 17 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,440 Actually, quite familiar. 18 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,880 Unthreatening. 19 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,680 But it was completely empty. 20 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,680 It was like flying over the whole of the British Isles 21 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,400 and not seeing a town, a village, a road, 22 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,680 a powerline, a quarry, not even a farm. 23 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:25,560 There wasn't a shred of evidence, from what we saw out of the aeroplane window, 24 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,840 that man has ever existed. 25 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,960 Yeah, this is what the world would have looked like, 26 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,240 pretty much, on about page three of the Book of Genesis, I reckon. 27 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,320 And then we were dropped off here... 28 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,280 (CHUCKLES) ...and we don't know why. 29 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,720 We don't know anything. 30 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,120 An hour or so later, though... 31 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,400 (CAMERA POWERING UP) 32 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,080 (WHIRRING OF ROTOR BLADES) 33 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,360 That's a chopper. 34 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,080 -There, look. -Yeah. 35 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,360 Why isn't he landing? 36 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,560 What's he doing? 37 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,440 -Whoa, look at this. -Look! 38 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,440 RICHARD: Hang on a minute. 39 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,600 (WIND WHISTLING) 40 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,760 -Whoa. -Look at that. 41 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,720 What's he dropping? 42 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,080 JEREMY: It's got to be supplies. Firewood... 43 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,680 RICHARD: Food. JEREMY: Shelter. 44 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,080 JAMES: Hats. 45 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,720 -Hats? -Well, you need a hat. It's sunny. 46 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,360 They're not gonna fly out hats to us. 47 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,520 So that... He's... That's him gone, then. 48 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,480 -He's not landing. RICHARD: Oh. 49 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,400 Does that mean we're not going home, then? 50 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:04,360 RICHARD: James, the helicopter has buggered off. 51 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,640 And we're alone with three boxes full of quiche or something. 52 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,600 Well, let's go and have a look, then. 53 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,320 JEREMY: I mean, what we really need is transport. 54 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,560 RICHARD: Yeah. That would be useful. 55 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,320 JAMES: They haven't got cars in them. 56 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,400 -Could you get a car in that? -No, look, it's thin. 57 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:21,680 It's only about that wide. 58 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:28,160 -So this is the webbing that... -Well, that comes off. 59 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,400 Oh, hello, there's a crowbar there. So that's... 60 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,520 Good. 61 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,160 Right, lifting it here. 62 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,720 -That's it. -Stand clear. 63 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:40,800 Oh! 64 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,920 -Well... -Water. 65 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,200 -What's in... -The hell... 66 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,040 Oh, shit. Is that an engine? 67 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,800 That's an engine. 68 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,760 A TDi of some sort. 69 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,240 Vehicle lights? 70 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,600 JEREMY: That is a rear axle. RICHARD: It is. 71 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,080 That's a master cylinder. 72 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,840 Guys, I don't need to look in the other one. 73 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,560 We've an engine, we've headlights, we've a rear axle. 74 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,840 There's enough spare parts to build a car. 75 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,040 -Yeah. -Oh, come on. 76 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,520 What, here? 77 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,800 JEREMY: As the other two opened the third crate, 78 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,800 I found a mysterious bag. 79 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:39,040 OK, well, straight away, that's a windscreen. 80 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,520 Which confirms it. 81 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:41,880 -Yep. -Guys... 82 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,240 What is it, a Land Rover? 83 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,640 -What's that? -I have a letter. 84 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:50,120 The nearest civilisation is a town called Moron. 85 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,760 -Is it? -There's a surprise. 86 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,600 "It's hundreds of miles away. 87 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:59,720 In order to reach it, you must build the contents of these boxes. 88 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,440 You have enough food and water for seven days." 89 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,640 What's that? 90 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,640 RICHARD: That's the town. JEREMY: Moron. 91 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,920 -And that's the start. JEREMY: We're here. 92 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,200 It says "Map not to scale." 93 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,640 JEREMY: There's a surprise. 94 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,880 This has been drawn by EH Shepard. 95 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,160 Look, "Rather Boggy and Sad." 96 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,760 "Deep River of Despair." 97 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,000 -"Floody Place." -"Lots of Trees." 98 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:32,120 "Wibbly Wobbly Bridge", "Very Big Crack". 99 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,440 Well, that's not very useful, is it? 100 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:34,960 Well, we've got to go northeast, haven't we? 101 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,440 But how far is that? 102 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,680 Well, we don't know. He said "hundreds of miles". 103 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,600 Yes, but first... 104 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,400 -What? -All we need to do is assemble this lot into a car. 105 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,120 RICHARD: As there was no instruction manual, 106 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,040 May and I began to go through the components. 107 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,400 This is chassis, isn't it? But it's in two halves. 108 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,240 While our mechanically inept colleague made himself useful 109 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,360 by moaning about the camping equipment. 110 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,600 That's not a bed! 111 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,080 -It's a mattress. -In... 112 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,200 -It's not a mattress! -It is. 113 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,600 If you go to Peter Jones and say, 114 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,240 "Can I have a mattress?" they don't give you this. 115 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,280 -The heaviest bit is the engine... -Yes. 116 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,840 ...which is over there, so we need to take the other bits over there. 117 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,880 -Yes, that's a very good idea. -Let's do that. 118 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,840 (JEREMY WAILS SPOOKILY) 119 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,120 -Jeremy's pretending to be a ghost. -I'll pretend to be scared. 120 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,000 To be a ghost, you first have to be dead. 121 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,160 RICHARD: Nice work. 122 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,360 So what we should do is lay everything out. 123 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,120 Why not put the parachute out as a dust sheet, put it all on the parachute? 124 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,160 Good idea. 125 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:37,000 If we lay it out, it can be the floor of our workshop. 126 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,840 -If either of you have any emergencies... -No! 127 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,600 -Hey, Hammond. -Yeah? 128 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,000 -It's a Land Rover engine, you'll be pleased to know. -Is it? 129 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,600 JEREMY: "Hey, Hammond. Hey, Hammond." 130 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,040 -Why don't you do something useful? Unwrap something. -"Hey, Hammond. 131 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,040 Hammond." 132 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,680 JEREMY: As my colleagues fiddled about 133 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,600 with stuff I didn't understand... 134 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,080 That says "Chassis mid-section." 135 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,560 ...I found something that I did. 136 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,800 Hello! 137 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,760 I wasn't expecting that. 138 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,920 However, there was a problem. 139 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,360 -Just pop that down for a second. -Yes. 140 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,000 -This is a box of rations, OK? -Yes. 141 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,840 Now, forgive me but I could swear... 142 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,120 RICHARD: Oh, God. 143 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,120 -Why would Wilman do that? -Because he's evil. 144 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,600 Why would he send us a car in bits that isn't a car? 145 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,680 I don't care about the car in bits. 146 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:31,600 He and both of you, actually, are quite capable of doing that. 147 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:35,040 This, on the other hand, is a catastrophe. 148 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,840 -How many of those have you found? -One. 149 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,840 Why don't you trouble yourself with matters food-related? 150 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,560 -That's a good idea. -Gather it together in one place, see what we've got. 151 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:47,840 So, I see. So I become food and beverage manager of the project? 152 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,720 -If you want to call it that. -If you like. 153 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,480 A bit like Robert De Niro in Casino. 154 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,000 In every conceivable way. 155 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,240 He was the food and beverage manager of the casino. 156 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,400 And I shall be the food and beverage manager of our little project. 157 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,200 OK, from now on we'll call you Robert. 158 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,080 -Why don't you gather all the food-related things... -Thank you. 159 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,640 -Off you go, Robert. -It's my middle name. 160 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:07,040 -Mr De Niro. -Mr De Niro, yes. That'll be great. 161 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:11,120 RICHARD: Whilst the raging baboon went off to sort the food and beverages, 162 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:17,040 James and I continued to unpack the components. 163 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,720 JAMES: Oh, wait a minute, that's got pedals attached to it. 164 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,080 -Oh, yeah. -So that's the bulkhead essentially. 165 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:30,440 And eventually the giant Airfix kit was laid out. 166 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:33,840 That's where we will build it. 167 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,320 This is our workshop. 168 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,200 JAMES: I would say we've got hundreds of components, 169 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,640 not including fasteners and things. 170 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,080 JEREMY: Meanwhile, in the lee of a nearby hill, 171 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,640 I had been very busy as well. 172 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,200 Right, I've got the campsite built. 173 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,520 Two tents here for the snorers. 174 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,600 One over there for me, so I can't hear them. 175 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,400 There's the lavatory. And now... 176 00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,200 I'm gonna start work on lunch. 177 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,720 Which meant making fire. 178 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,440 Yes. (STRAINED) Yes! 179 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,240 Please! 180 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,240 So, gearbox on. 181 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,120 -Yeah. -Yep. 182 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,880 RICHARD: Back at base, we were doing well... 183 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,280 There, that's it, whoa. 184 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,840 ...even though James was being very annoying. 185 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,480 Hang on, let's just think about where all... 186 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,160 We haven't got the nuts and bloody fasteners ready. 187 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,080 Let's just get on with it. Get it lined up. 188 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,160 OK. 189 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,760 -That's quite good. -Offer it up. 190 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,840 Push forwards. Yes. 191 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,440 -Oh-ho-ho! -Well done. 192 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,200 -Hey, James. -21. 193 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,880 I've got a metal willy. 194 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,040 RICHARD: Captain OCD, however, 195 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,400 was not in the mood for willy gags. 196 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,480 Where the chuffing hell has it gone? 197 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,640 This is why you put 'em back in the same place. 198 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,160 Where did you put it last time you had the 19? 199 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,880 -Oh, for God's sake... -Ratchet. 200 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,040 ...just find any (BLEEP) spanner? 201 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,280 JEREMY: With absolutely no help at all 202 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,400 from the cameraman's lighter, 203 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,360 I had struck gold. 204 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,320 I have made fire! 205 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,120 Right. 206 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,200 Right, what have we got? 207 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:23,400 These are British Army rations. Oh, God! 208 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,880 I'm... I've stuck my knife through that one. 209 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:29,600 So the water's gonna get in there and spoil it a bit. 210 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:33,000 Tropical fruit and nut mix. Mm, I like that. 211 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,120 I might just deny this was ever in it. 212 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:39,760 Mm. 213 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:42,320 Lift. 214 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,840 So that goes up, axle goes underneath. 215 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:48,760 Lower it down on that, Bob will be our uncle. 216 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,760 -Straighten up. -Yeah. 217 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,440 -There you go. -Bump stop on. 218 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,360 RICHARD: After many hours of hard work, 219 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,000 we had made cracking progress. 220 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,880 -It is on its own wheels. -Rolling chassis! 221 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,560 Look at that! 222 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,040 Which meant we were famished 223 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,840 when Mr De Niro finally got back. 224 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,000 -Chaps. -Hello. 225 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,160 -I've got your lunch. -Oh, about bloody time. 226 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,800 -Oh, sorry it's a bit late. -Yeah, it's tea really, isn't it? 227 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,600 That's yours and mine. They were the same. But, no, it's... 228 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,360 What's this? 229 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,080 It looks like cat sick. 230 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,160 It should look like that. That's how it is. 231 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,600 But the bag may have got a bit snicked. 232 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:32,400 Unfortunately, I licked that, so this is mine. 233 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,760 It's stone cold, man. 234 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,320 What have you been doing all this time? 235 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,160 Well, I might ask you the same question. 236 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,760 I have built a town, a sewage system and a restaurant. 237 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,600 I have cooked in the restaurant and I have brought you your food. 238 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,400 -Which is cold. -You meanwhile have bolted some wheels. 239 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,840 You've done literally nothing. 240 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,280 Are you kidding? We've got a rolling chassis. We've got the engine in. 241 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,800 How do you think we did that and got those axles on? 242 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,440 -All right, start it up. -It doesn't go yet. 243 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,080 We would have got a bit further on 244 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,120 if we hadn't insisted on lining up the damn... 245 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,360 -I haven't been lining up the tools. -You did. You did. 246 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,280 -I've been saying... -We would have spent more time... 247 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:06,800 ...keep the fasteners in the right place, 248 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:09,120 otherwise Hammond puts the wrong ones in. 249 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,760 You're talking over each other. Can you do it one at a time? 250 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,120 The one that you wanted was over here in the dust. 251 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,840 I am making an executive decision here. 252 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,280 -Hammond is in charge of the build of this car. -What? 253 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,200 You can't make Hammond in charge of the build. You're not in a position to. 254 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,360 -We have to have a vote on it. -Listen. 255 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,480 I don't know how to build a car, so that's me out, OK? 256 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,880 You, May, you do know how to build a car 257 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,080 but it'll take you six months, so you're out. 258 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,520 Hammond, he sort of knows how to build a car but he'll do it quickly. 259 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:36,960 So he has to be in charge. 260 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,920 He has to get you speeded up. 261 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,960 -OK, I'm only doing what Hammond tells me to do. -Right, good. 262 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,680 Sir, not wishing to speak out of turn 263 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,560 but is there any reason why I shouldn't do that 264 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,240 with an extension on a socket wrench, sir? 265 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,960 -Stop calling me "sir" and just... -Just... James... 266 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,800 He doesn't know what he's doing. 267 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,840 Would either of you two like a beer? Would that calm you down? 268 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,120 -Oh, yes. -Yes, it would. 269 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:57,360 Right, as food and beverages manager, 270 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,440 I shall go and get you one. 271 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,240 I'll have a beer, please, Robert. 272 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,440 JEREMY: With the promise of beer, harmony was restored. 273 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,240 So this should line up. 274 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,560 It does. 275 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:13,280 So we've got two different lengths, three different lengths... 276 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,600 RICHARD: Let's move it and then go forwards. 277 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,720 Wait. Move forwards. 278 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,360 JAMES: Hang on. There's a cable or something. 279 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,320 RICHARD: That's the axle breather. 280 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,720 Just move it and then go forwards. 281 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,960 (JEREMY HUMS) 282 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,840 Er... 283 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,800 -What are you looking for? -What are you doing? 284 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,880 I've searched everywhere. They haven't sent any beer. 285 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:43,200 Or gin or wine or alcohol of any sort. 286 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,320 Is that serious or is that a joke? 287 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,920 MAN: No, it's serious. 288 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,320 -Seriously there isn't any? -No beer. 289 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,560 No alcohol, nothing. 290 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,960 And it's seven days away? 291 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,920 -We've got... It takes seven... -And it's six o'clock. 292 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,560 How long is it gonna take you to build this? 293 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,720 It's now five past six. 294 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,720 Well, we're not going to be finished tonight, are we? 295 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,240 We're not gonna finish it tonight. 296 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:16,800 JAMES: Spurred on by the catastrophic alcohol situation... 297 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,960 Bulkhead support. Bulkhead support! 298 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,440 ...Hammond and I put in a big shift. 299 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,440 And then, tired and hungry, we went to the camp 300 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,120 for some more of Mr De Niro's gourmet catering. 301 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,120 Right, now, what do you want for supper? 302 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:35,600 -What have you got? -You can have hot chocolate drink, regular flavour. 303 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,120 -For dinner? -Well, biscuits, fruit? 304 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:40,880 Again, for dinner? 305 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,320 I didn't provide this. 306 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,440 Well, there's some sort of curry-based things here. 307 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,800 -Do you want those? -I don't like curry. 308 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,480 -You do like curry. -Not really. 309 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,840 You're just being obtuse, Hammond. 310 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,960 You're in a bad temper because you're not drunk. 311 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,320 I'm not sure this is how you're supposed to cook it. 312 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,160 It isn't. You put them in boiling water but I couldn't be bothered. 313 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,000 Well, why didn't you rig up a way of putting that pan over the fire? 314 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,680 -Well, you... -With some water in it, then... 315 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,800 Who built the wigwam fire? You did. 316 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,440 Well, why didn't you make a hangy thing for the pan? 317 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,160 Out of what, mountains? 318 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,000 Just... 319 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,960 Eugh, God. 320 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,280 -It's still freezing. -I know. 321 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,040 JEREMY: Not only was dinner cold and terrible, 322 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,000 it was also rather boring. 323 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,560 What do people talk about when they don't drink? 324 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,200 -I don't know actually. -(SPITS) 325 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,800 It's a good point. 326 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,040 Brexit? 327 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,800 JEREMY: We've worked together now for many years. 328 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,840 And we've never struggled to think of anything to say before. 329 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,680 But I think that's partly because we can never remember what we said last time. 330 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,480 -So we just do it again. -Yeah, that's a fact, that. 331 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,560 What, you're saying we've just been repeating ourselves every night for the last-- 332 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,160 Yes, that's possible. 333 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,080 JEREMY: Because we hadn't had any booze, 334 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,640 we woke the next morning looking ten years younger. 335 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,400 Ready? Oh, down a bit. 336 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:28,200 Hammond and May then went off to work. 337 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,440 -This is the canopy fixing kit. -That's the one. 338 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,640 And later, I turned up with a hearty breakfast. 339 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,320 Of water. 340 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,120 Can I just say, what you've built here appears to have a central driving position. 341 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,360 -It does. -Yes. 342 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,560 -It's mid-engined. -Yes. 343 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,160 -It's a McLaren F1. -It's a McLaren... 344 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,320 Except it's four-wheel-drive. 345 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,480 So it has a sort of Lamborghini quality. 346 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,120 I mean, when we get the bodywork on it... 347 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,320 -Ah. -Yeah, that's a good point. 348 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,280 There isn't any bodywork as such. 349 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,520 No. The plan is for us to improvise bodywork 350 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,200 out of the wood that came in the crates. 351 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,800 That's the only thing there is to use. 352 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,160 -What, turn the crates into a body? -That's all we've got. 353 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,080 -Yeah. -Red, white and blue? 354 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:15,280 Don't say red and white because they remind me of wine. 355 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,800 No, red, white... Pink is wine. 356 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,080 Drink is clear. It's gin. 357 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,520 It's good for you. It's healthy. 358 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,520 -Yeah, it's done you a lot of good. -A natural product. 359 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,000 James and Richard then cracked on with the oily stuff. 360 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,080 Yes. 361 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,960 And, since it didn't require any actual skill, 362 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,200 I was allowed to help make the body. 363 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:47,040 -I have made a door! RICHARD: You have. That is a door. Brilliant. 364 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,640 I am a manufacturer of doors! 365 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,280 JAMES: As he set about making another one... 366 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,400 Give it four or five pumps and then hold your foot on. 367 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,000 No bubbles. Good. 368 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,920 ...Richard and I were working on the brakes, 369 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,280 the lights and the roof. 370 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:07,440 Oh, yeah. We just need to gather it up and tie it off in corners and things. 371 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,320 That'll keep the sun off. 372 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:10,760 Our plan was to get finished 373 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,560 and get moving by early afternoon. 374 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:20,880 But at the end of the day, the situation was not good. 375 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,440 -So all that wiring has got to be connected up? RICHARD: Yeah. 376 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,160 I haven't even got the back lights on yet. 377 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,000 There's loads of wires. 378 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,000 Well, there's no way we're gonna get that done tonight. 379 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,240 -No. -No. 380 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,080 Again. 381 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:37,080 Phil, it said in that letter from Mr Wilman 382 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,920 that it was hundreds of miles to this town called Moron. 383 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,280 How many hundreds? Seriously. 384 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,080 To be honest with you, I haven't got a clue. 385 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,560 So it could be 500? 386 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:47,080 It... I'd say more than that. 387 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,880 -More? -What? 388 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,640 How much of it is on, like, paved roads where we can make progress? 389 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,320 -None. None of it. -None? 390 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,920 -There's no roads? -No. 391 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,640 But you've got an off-road vehicle. 392 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,040 Yes, I know. But we've only got... 393 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,320 What is it? ...five days of provisions left. 394 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,720 -Yeah. -And that's if we can get it going tomorrow. 395 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,880 -We'll have to do... at least 100 miles a day... -Yeah. 396 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,960 -...off road in that... -Yeah. 397 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,080 ...or we'll starve to death. 398 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,280 Well, that's if it's 500 miles. What if it's 600 miles? 399 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,080 -We'll have to do more. -We don't know. 400 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:24,000 JAMES: All we did know was that we'd have yet another night in Mr De Niro's hotel, 401 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,760 using up yet more valuable rations. 402 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,080 So that's the main fuse. That comes off the battery, doesn't it? 403 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,520 The next morning we rose at five to finish the job. 404 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,560 There's technical stuff in there. 405 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,960 And then, having built two boots for all our provisions... 406 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,040 Nothing is to be wasted. 407 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,720 Everything is to be taken. 408 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,880 ...our car was finally finished. 409 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,320 And since our lives depended on not crashing, 410 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:20,000 Jeremy and I secretly agreed that Hammond should never be allowed to drive it. 411 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,640 -Right, this is it. -Here we go. 412 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,800 (ENGINE STARTS) 413 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,800 JAMES: Yes! (JEREMY LAUGHS) 414 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,440 RICHARD: Oh, my God, it works! 415 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,560 JAMES: Good, OK, right... -Oh, James, important thing. 416 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,880 In Mongolia, when you start on a journey, you have to turn right. 417 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,560 -What? -Is that true? -Yes, that is true. 418 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,200 -Is that a thing? -It is genuinely a thing. 419 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,800 -What, every time? -Every time that you begin a journey 420 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,800 -you go right. -Right, here we go. 421 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,440 This is it. 422 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,320 -Right, James! -Right, right, right! 423 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,280 -Right. -That's a rut or something. 424 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,800 James, you're going left. 425 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,800 Hang on, the wheels are... 426 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,680 -Hey? -Just turn it... OK, go left. 427 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,520 And now set off. 428 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,720 The steering's back to front, Hammond. How have we done that? 429 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,760 -What do you mean it's back to front? -Look, I'm turning left. 430 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,000 No, you're not, you're just going straight. 431 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,960 -Turn it the other way, then. -If I turn it the other way, that's straight. 432 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,200 And now I'm turning right and it's going left. So I need to keep... 433 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,800 What have you two been doing for the last two days? 434 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,560 We put the hydraulic pipes on the wrong way round for the steering. 435 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,560 Yes. 436 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:30,040 JAMES: Having fixed this minor issue, we set off. 437 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,160 Again. 438 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,320 Ha-ha! It works! We're going along! 439 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,280 Our car is great. 440 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:46,800 The ride is good. 441 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,760 -It's not bad, is it? -It's genuinely brilliant. 442 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,280 -Can we have a mild brake test? -Yeah, OK, here we go. 443 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,360 -Whoa! Come on! -Like it? They're pretty good, actually. 444 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,640 Well, whoever bled those, well done. Good job. 445 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,360 -That was you, wasn't it? -No. 446 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,400 But the doors I can claim. 447 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,640 And the number plates. 448 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:15,360 JEREMY: We had no idea how far it was to Moron 449 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,760 and no real idea of how to get there. 450 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,600 But Mr Wilman's stupid map 451 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,120 said we should head first of all 452 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,840 to the Sandy Pit. 453 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,360 -Right, you see between those two...mountain valley? -Yeah. 454 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:33,840 Stick to the valley floor. 455 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,560 JAMES: As we trundled along, it soon became obvious 456 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,560 that if Jeremy had been asked questions about Mongolia 457 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,240 on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? 458 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,040 he might have got some of them right. 459 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,800 RICHARD: Sheeps. JAMES: Sheepses. 460 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,280 Oh, do you know how they kill sheep in Mongolia? 461 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:53,600 -No. -Would you like to know? 462 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,360 -Your door's come open. -Yes. 463 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,760 -So they make a snick in its neck, yes... -Yes. 464 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,680 ...put their hand in through the snick, 465 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:06,040 grab the aorta on the heart and squeeze it till the animal dies. 466 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,560 Apparently it makes the sheep feel quite sleepy. 467 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,120 -Sleepy? -I'm not sure, 468 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,960 if somebody made a hole in my neck and put their hand in and squeezed my heart 469 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,480 -I'd say I'm feeling sleepy. -No. 470 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:24,720 Wow, look! Cows. 471 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,960 Or yakky things. 472 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:31,600 Did you know, Hammond, that you can make vodka from the milk of a yak? 473 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,080 How do I milk a yak? 474 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,040 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 475 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,200 JEREMY: Eventually, we started to climb off the valley floor. 476 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,480 How fast do you suppose we're going? 477 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,880 -No idea. JAMES: 20mph? 478 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,200 This old engine was the one where it would get bogged down off-road 479 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,960 because of the turbo, wasn't it? 480 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,120 This is the one that people complained about 481 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,040 when they put it in the Defender. 482 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,600 So we're not talking about a blitz of power, then, from it? 483 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,680 No, but they're bloody long-lived... They're really tough engines. 484 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,600 JEREMY: Oh, oh, oh! RICHARD: Wait a minute. 485 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,440 -Wow! -Oh, my God! 486 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,360 JAMES: Oh, look at that! 487 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,480 That's the sandy bit. 488 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,160 That's massive. 489 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:24,680 JEREMY: In fact, it was just a small detached bit of the Gobi Desert. 490 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,400 But even so, it would be the first real test 491 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:33,080 for our hastily built homemade car. 492 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,720 Oh, right, there is a river. 493 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,400 JAMES: I see it. 494 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,760 RICHARD: I think we want to get out where that horse is. 495 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,960 -The horse is... -Literally having a piss. 496 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,320 JEREMY: That's milk, though, coming out of it. How's that happened? 497 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,800 RICHARD: No, it's wee. 498 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,040 JEREMY: Yeah, you're good. 499 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,240 -Right, up you go. -(REVVING) 500 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,440 RICHARD: There it is. 501 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,400 JEREMY: Having reached the edge of the sand... 502 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,000 ...it was time to prepare for entry. 503 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:03,880 Right, hang on, let me just get my compass. 504 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,880 This is where we are gonna need it. 505 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,080 So I put the N on the N, don't I? 506 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:10,920 And then you're looking for Northeast. 507 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,480 -So that way. -Yeah. 508 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,160 JEREMY: The car had a low-range gearbox. 509 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,600 But as its engine was a bit gutless, 510 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,960 Hammond and I got out to reduce weight 511 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,880 and set off to climb the first dune on foot. 512 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,040 Oh, Hammond. Beer. 513 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,000 Agh! 514 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,600 But, boy, was it worth the effort! 515 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,160 Oh, ho-ho-ho. 516 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,880 Oh, holy mother of... 517 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,480 RICHARD: That's beautiful. I didn't expect this. 518 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,880 JEREMY: Well, it's a lost world, look. 519 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,600 As we admired the view, 520 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,800 the world's best off-road driver 521 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,800 was beginning his ascent. 522 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,680 Bollocks! 523 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,800 Be a shame if he misses this view because of his incompetence. 524 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,480 -Yeah. -Because we've already proved the car works. 525 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,600 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the car. He's just messing about. 526 00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:17,160 Ohh! 527 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:23,120 JEREMY: Hammond then went off to find a route James could use, 528 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:27,760 leaving me to contemplate the majesty of my surroundings. 529 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,920 They say this is the dark heart of Asia. 530 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,480 Perhaps that's why no-one comes. 531 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,440 But, I mean, look. 532 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,080 And the other thing is, Genghis Khan 533 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:47,960 created in just 20 years the biggest empire the world has ever seen. 534 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,160 Why? It's not like he was cramped here. 535 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,240 (SIGHS) 536 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,560 I don't really want to go to a town. 537 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,320 -Oh, oh! -(BLEEP) me! 538 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:00,920 Said the cameraman. 539 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,000 We really are good at wildlife photography, aren't we? 540 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,880 -"Ooh, (BLEEP) me!" -(LAUGHTER) 541 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,840 JAMES: Right, here we come! 542 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:13,400 JEREMY: With Hammond's help, James finally got up the dune. 543 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,720 Yes, come on! Come on, come on, come on. 544 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,080 Keep going, keep moving. Mind that dip. 545 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:21,280 Oh, yes! 546 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:25,320 But from then on the going got tougher and tougher. 547 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,120 (GROANS) Come on. 548 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,200 -Yeah, OK. -That's what I meant, that's what I meant. 549 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,320 Right, digging. 550 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:39,840 Yes! 551 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:42,760 Try it up that way. 552 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:47,120 -James, back it up. -Agh. 553 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,800 (ENGINE STRAINS) 554 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,600 Whoa, not again! 555 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,840 -It's gonna go. JEREMY: Yes! 556 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:13,160 RICHARD: That worked! -(LAUGHS) 557 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,120 JEREMY: Eventually, after a lot of digging and zigging and zagging, 558 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,520 we reached some firmer sand. 559 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,640 Oh, we are making progress now. 560 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,240 -Oh, yes. -Straight on a bit. 561 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,280 -Greenery! -Yes, there it is! 562 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,200 RICHARD: Salvation! 563 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,920 -Ohh! -Bumpy. 564 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,320 JEREMY: Hold on, stop, stop, stop. 565 00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,400 Stop. I see a problem. 566 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,280 (JAMES CHUCKLES) 567 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,240 Right, so between us and our quest is... 568 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:43,720 -A big drop. -A cliff. 569 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,840 No, it's fine actually, James. 570 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:50,160 Is it? Yeah, it's fine. It's... 571 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,480 Yeah, you're good. It's like that. 572 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,480 -Good. -It's pretty much level-ish. 573 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,440 Yeah, you'll be fine. Off you go. 574 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:00,400 Oh, you're funny men! 575 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,080 Oh, you're very funny! 576 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:06,120 JEREMY: Having crossed the sandy bit, 577 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,080 we paused for a moment of celebration. 578 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,120 So, there we are. The first successful crossing 579 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,120 of the mighty Gobi Desert, 580 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,680 or some of it, in that car. 581 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,160 No, hang on a minute. 582 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,000 What? 583 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,920 What's troubling me is you see that little bit of river there? 584 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:30,880 -Yes. -That's the river we crossed to get into the Gobi Desert. 585 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:34,440 And we've emerged 300 metres away 586 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,640 from the stream where we went into the desert. 587 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,080 James, I've got some bad news. 588 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,440 We are still south of the Gobi Desert. 589 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:46,800 Oh... 590 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,080 JEREMY: Rather than try to drive through it again, 591 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:56,760 we decided to bravely drive round it instead. 592 00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:01,400 Right, now, let's just gloss over the fact that we made a catastrophic error, 593 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,480 and ended up back where we started from... 594 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,480 Just go round to... We're going round the east, Hammond. 595 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:07,520 Yes. 596 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:14,480 JEREMY: Do you think this passes for a road in Mongolia? 597 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,000 I suspect this is a road, yes. 598 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:17,320 I should think... Yeah. 599 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,080 Cos do you know how many paved roads 600 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:20,280 there are in the whole country? 601 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,960 -Go on. -Two. 602 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,760 -There's not two paved roads. -Outside of the cities, 603 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:27,720 there are only two paved roads. 604 00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:30,640 Whoa, bumpy. 605 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,560 (ALL GROANING) 606 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,480 -James! -Bumps! 607 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:36,800 (ALL GROANING) 608 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,120 One of the things I'm worried about is 609 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,040 haemorrhoids from these seats. 610 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:42,760 It's a very real possibility. 611 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,560 You can get haemorrhoids from hard seats? 612 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,400 Yeah. Bounc... Jiggling. 613 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,760 However, there is a Mongolian cure for them. 614 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,600 (GROANING) 615 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,640 Kill a wolf, 616 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,480 remove its anus 617 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,560 and then grate it onto your food. 618 00:30:58,200 --> 00:30:59,280 I don't fanc-- 619 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:00,920 -Really? -No, seriously. 620 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,840 Because they reckon that wolves never get piles. 621 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,400 So they reckon-- 622 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,120 What, on the basis that no wolf has ever said, "Ooh, my piles"? 623 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,080 "Ooh, my Chalfonts." 624 00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,440 RICHARD: Bump! Ooh. 625 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:16,440 JAMES: As Jeremy continued to amaze us 626 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,400 with his interesting facts about Mongolia... 627 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:23,240 I do know that one of Genghis Khan's cavalrymen 628 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,800 could shoot an arrow through a marmot's head 629 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:29,880 from 250 feet away while galloping. 630 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,360 ...it started to go dark. 631 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:36,840 But because we'd covered so few miles, we had to plough on. 632 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,600 What the temperature is doing is plummeting. 633 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,280 Where's the heater? 634 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,520 -Ah. There isn't one. -Yes. 635 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,760 -Look, come on. -You can thank Mr Wilman for that one. 636 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,680 RICHARD: Bump! 637 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,160 -(RATTLING) -Oh-ha! 638 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:53,480 JEREMY: Soon we couldn't see where we were going. 639 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,960 -Ready for some lights? -Yeah, does this thing... Might be that. 640 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,040 -Lights! There they are! -(CHEERING) 641 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,320 JEREMY: Hello. We've died. JAMES: We have died. 642 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,160 RICHARD: Problem. -Don't panic. 643 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,720 Don't panic. Handbrake, please, Mr Hammond. 644 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,640 No, we've completely lost the electrics. 645 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,320 So we turned the lights on and... 646 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:13,080 That's what's... It's fried a fuse, maybe. 647 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,160 JEREMY: The main fuse had indeed blown. 648 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:16,440 So we replaced it 649 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,120 and with the roof lights turned off, 650 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:23,880 resumed our headlong plunge into the cold unknown. 651 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,200 (WIND WHISTLING) 652 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,280 JAMES: Let's sing a song! -No. 653 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,760 JEREMY: Desperate to cover more ground, 654 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,760 we didn't pitch the tents till 1am. 655 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:54,240 And then after another cold night of frost-hardened misery, 656 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,720 we wondered how we could make our car more comfortable. 657 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,040 -Are you stiff? -Oh, God, yeah. 658 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,760 My neck and back, like, legs, everything. 659 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,320 Yeah, well, we're gonna... I think we're gonnna make extra lumber support 660 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,000 with our rolled up air mattress things. 661 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:11,560 And I would suggest from my experiences yesterday 662 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,320 we use a bit of the spare leftover foam 663 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,080 and double the thickness of the arse portion. 664 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,800 I tell you what I thought of in the night. 665 00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:22,080 -Yes? -We should give our vehicle a name. 666 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:26,120 I thought about that. I came up with Genghis Car. 667 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:27,640 -(LAUGHING) -That's really good! 668 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,480 -It's not bad, is it? -The only slight problem with it is 669 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,320 Genghis was quite a big murderer. 670 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,000 -He was quite murdery. -I suppose he was murdery. 671 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:36,720 He did 34 million. 672 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,400 Let's not name it after him, then. 673 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,680 There's another problem as well. 674 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,240 -He was quite rapey. -He was very rapey. 675 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,160 -The rapiest man ever to have lived. -Yeah, he was. 676 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,360 Do you know, and this is not made up, 677 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:51,560 one in every 200 people alive today 678 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:55,160 can trace their ancestry back to Genghis Khan 679 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,880 or the seed of Genghis Khan. 680 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,280 So how did he have time to do any warring? 681 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:04,840 Well, he must have just been a skin full of sperm. 682 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,760 JEREMY: As work on the modifications progressed, 683 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,040 I came up with a name we liked. 684 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,080 -John. -John's a good solid name. I like it. 685 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:15,640 It's honest. It's unpretentious. 686 00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,880 -Dependable people are called John. -Yes. 687 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,120 -John Lewis. -That is a dependable shop. 688 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,160 -Isn't it? -Yeah, exactly, because it's called John. 689 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,160 With the comfort mods complete 690 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,200 and John duly christened... 691 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,160 ...we set off in search of our next waypoint: 692 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,640 the Watery Part. 693 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,880 However, Hammond was not happy. 694 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,520 Why are you driving? 695 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:46,880 Well, you drove yesterday. 696 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:48,760 No, I didn't. 697 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,800 -You did drive yesterday. -I didn't. 698 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,320 He can't remember anything, can he? 699 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,000 His memory... Your memory, Hammond, 700 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,680 is just getting appalling. 701 00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,520 I didn't drive. I still haven't driven it. 702 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,520 To try and distract Hammond, 703 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:06,280 I came up with some more of my special Mongol trivia. 704 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,640 Back in the 13th Century, 705 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,640 Khan, Genghis, 706 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,520 could get messages, OK, 707 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:16,560 from one side of his empire to the other in four days. 708 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:20,440 They could do 250 miles a day. One rider. 709 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,000 -What, relay horses? -One rider. Yeah. 710 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,320 You'd ride, galloping, flat out, 25 miles. 711 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:26,560 When you were a mile out 712 00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:28,200 from the horse station you were approaching, 713 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:29,880 you sounded your horn. 714 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,320 They had a horse ready. 715 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,880 You leapt onto it without getting... 716 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:34,600 just from one horse to the other, 717 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:36,040 and then carried on 718 00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,160 and he could do 250 miles a day. 719 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,800 -So how many horses did he have? -Across the empire? 720 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,760 -Yeah. -30 million. 721 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:50,640 JEREMY: To keep Hammond's tiny mind from thinking about driving, 722 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,000 we put him in charge of navigation. 723 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,800 And weirdly, he was rather good at it. 724 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,800 So we've got these two mountain ranges... 725 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,840 and we go left and the watery bit will be over there. 726 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,440 And guess what? He was right. 727 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,960 It turned out to be a river, which we'd have to cross. 728 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,840 Er...can't really get out there. 729 00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:18,920 Over there we can get out. 730 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:22,000 Oh, yes. Picking my route carefully. 731 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,800 You don't need low-range. You just need somebody with skill and precision. 732 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:26,880 Whoa! 733 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:31,560 RICHARD: Agh! 734 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,800 -That went wrong! -Jeez! 735 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:35,880 Why would you do that to us? 736 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:41,560 Oh, the rest of the day's gonna be bloody miserable! You muppet! 737 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,040 JEREMY: To make sure it wasn't, we built a fire, 738 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:48,160 dried our shirts, 739 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:52,160 and then set off once more into the big nothing. 740 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:20,840 And after a while, I felt another Mongolia fact coming on. 741 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,800 It's about the same size as Spain, France, Germany, the Czech Republic, Italy-- 742 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,480 -All rolled in? -...Britain, Ireland, all rolled in. 743 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,520 RICHARD: And it's empty. 744 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:33,640 Three million people living in an area the size of Western Europe. 745 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:35,600 -Yeah. Staggering. -Yeah. 746 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,600 With the sun gently warming us, 747 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:44,040 we continued onwards in search of the Twin Lakes. 748 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:51,360 Until navigator Hammond suggested we climb a small hill 749 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,320 to get our bearings. 750 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,640 That looks a lot steeper from here 751 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,760 than it did from back there. 752 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,520 It's a little hill. 753 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:05,560 JEREMY: Soon, though... 754 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,160 Axle tramping. 755 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,080 -Quite a lot of axle tramping. -Quite bad. 756 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:15,320 -Right, stop. -Yeah. 757 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,640 -I have. -Right, I think we should get out. 758 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,400 -Why should you get out? -I'm the only one who's driven John up hills 759 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,080 and I'm telling you, that's too steep. 760 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,360 OK. 761 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,200 -You got it. You got it. -That's better. 762 00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,080 -Yeah! -Come on, John. 763 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:33,440 -Wow! -Come on! 764 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,880 JEREMY: He's hopping up this hill like a rabbit. 765 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:39,160 RICHARD: That is a remarkable sight. 766 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,160 JEREMY: What a machine you are, John! 767 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,440 Good. 768 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,400 (LAUGHS) 769 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,280 RICHARD: Yeah! JAMES: That's amazing. 770 00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:01,080 John, the mountaineer of many places, 771 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,880 has shaken his own brake pedal off 772 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:05,480 but has made it. 773 00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:10,320 JAMES: That's the first car ever to pogo up a hill! 774 00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,040 JEREMY: Thanks to John's incredible achievement, 775 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,440 we could now see what was what. 776 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,800 Nice one, Hammond. 777 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,600 -No lakes. -Well, we can now rule it out. 778 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,960 We know it's not there. It must be somewhere else. 779 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:26,840 -Yeah, it is. -Exactly. 780 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:28,960 No, no, I mean, it is. 781 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,640 Exactly. It's there. 782 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:35,280 And so now we know where we are in relation to it. 783 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:38,920 JEREMY: With the Twin Lakes found, 784 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:43,080 we could plot the next leg of our journey. 785 00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:44,840 Some Trees are northeast, look. 786 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,120 And there's a Bumpy Meadow beyond. 787 00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:48,760 It's definitely northeast. 788 00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,840 After a pleasant drive round the lakes 789 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,840 and past Some Trees, 790 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:58,560 we eventually arrived at the Bumpy Meadow. 791 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,440 Which didn't sound too bad. 792 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,080 -However... -Ow! 793 00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,040 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 794 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,160 -Ah! -Bloody hell! 795 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,360 -Oh! -That's proper bumpy. 796 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,400 Ow! 797 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,360 (ALL THREE GROANING) 798 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:16,960 (BLEEP) hell! 799 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:18,480 I can't tell from the map how long this goes on for 800 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,480 but it looks to be forever. 801 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:22,440 (KNOCKING AND RATTLING) 802 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,840 (GROANING) 803 00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,200 Smooth bit. Smooth. 804 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,320 Gentlemen, enjoy this moment. 805 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:34,960 I'm afraid it's over. 806 00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:37,680 -Ohh! -Ugh! 807 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,520 -Agh! -Oh! 808 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:42,200 -Agh! -Oh, that was huge. 809 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:43,760 Ow! 810 00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,040 (JAMES GROANS) 811 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:51,920 RICHARD: Bloody hell! 812 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,680 -(THUD) -Oh! Ooh! 813 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,960 That is 35 minutes of solid this. 814 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,000 -Yeah. Ugh! -Let it end! 815 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,360 (GROANING) 816 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:05,920 There's the end, look, there. 817 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,880 I know, but it's 300 yards away. 818 00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,160 (GROANING) 819 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,320 -Ooh! -Ooh! 820 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,440 I just dislocated my pelvis if that's possible. 821 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:17,920 It's just snapped back into place. 822 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:21,480 RICHARD: Oh, God. 823 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,440 (RICHARD AND JAMES SIGH WITH RELIEF) 824 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:33,960 This is 500 miles. Let's say we've done... even if we've done 100... 825 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:35,160 Yeah. 826 00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:36,760 Which is probably about right. 827 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:38,680 Don't think about it. 828 00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,160 Oh, 400 more miles of not sleeping, not drinking 829 00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,080 and driving over that sort of stuff. 830 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,360 God, bloody hell! 831 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,080 I wouldn't even call that a meadow. It's not a meadow. 832 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,640 I bet it was invented by Genghis Khan for people he hated. 833 00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:59,480 "You can either have my solider 834 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,560 put his hand up your anus and pull your heart out of it 835 00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,560 or you can drive across there." 836 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,160 -Bring on the solider. -Yeah. It is bring on the solider. 837 00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:15,160 JEREMY: As evening fell, we exchanged one sort of discomfort for another. 838 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,560 Um...I'm frozen. 839 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,560 -What? -I'm really cold. 840 00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:22,400 And the wind's coming this way. 841 00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,040 I drive a lot faster than you did yesterday. 842 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:27,440 I didn't drive yesterday! 843 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,360 What is the matter with him? 844 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,520 JEREMY: God knows how many miles later, 845 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:36,160 we came across our next landmark. 846 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,400 Oh, and there it is. That is the Creepy Teepee. 847 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:50,280 What is it? 848 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,640 (LAUGHS) It must be for something. 849 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,560 JAMES: Well, it must mean something, mustn't it? 850 00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,320 JEREMY: The annoying thing is, normally we'd look it up on Google 851 00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:01,040 and then we'd say, with learned faces, 852 00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:04,160 we know what this is and we'd tell the viewer. 853 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,360 Well, what we've actually got to say now is, 854 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,080 "We haven't got any phone service. You have. You look it up. 855 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:10,520 Teepee, Mongolia." 856 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,000 If you wouldn't mind looking it up, what it is, 857 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,360 and then imagine we're imparting that information to you 858 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,280 -in a very learned fashion. -I'll do it. 859 00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:19,920 (MOUTHS) 860 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,200 James, that's fascinating. 861 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,960 Thank you for telling me all about this thing. 862 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:25,840 -Ooh. -What? 863 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:27,320 Look at this. 864 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,040 That looks like bone and string. 865 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,320 -That's a proper piece of kit. -I know. 866 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,600 RICHARD: That's a Mongolian bow. 867 00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,280 Ooh. 868 00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:38,560 -Is it finders, keepers, or can I have it? -It's finders, keepers. 869 00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:39,920 I'm just checking. 870 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,880 Look, we don't know what this is, do we? 871 00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:45,040 No. Are we going to camp here? Because it's still light. 872 00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:46,480 Should we press on a bit further? 873 00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,560 We can go a bit more. It's only half seven. 874 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,360 If we camp here, what are we gonna do? 875 00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,880 We'll have the tent up by eight, fire lit by ten past. 876 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,720 -What do we then think at ten past eight? -Well, what we'd normally do 877 00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,440 -is drink heavily and set fire to that. -Yeah. (LAUGHS) 878 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:00,800 -But that can't happen. -No, I know. 879 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:03,080 But I'm not gonna be able to resist... 880 00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,760 -(RICHARD LAUGHS) -So I'm just not... Let's go far away from here. 881 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,240 Let's move on from the Creepy Teepee. 882 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:16,440 JEREMY: And so, on a glorious evening, we did that. 883 00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:20,120 Until eventually... 884 00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:24,160 -Jeremy, you've been driving for 12 hours straight. -Yeah. 885 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,760 -You've done really well and you must be exhausted. -Here we go. 886 00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:29,520 -Well, no, I tell you what, why don't I... -Yes, yeah, go on. 887 00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,040 -Really? -Yes. 888 00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,800 I can't sit listening to this twittering on any more. 889 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,920 -Quickly. -Really? I'll gladly... Brilliant. 890 00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:37,480 -Thank you. -Really? 891 00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:40,280 Well, he just won't shut up. "Can I drive? Can I drive?" 892 00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,400 -Well, I mean, it's fair enough. -"Can I drive? Can I drive? 893 00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,560 -I built it. I want to drive." -Thank you very much. 894 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,840 -First is over towards James. -Oh-ho! 895 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,120 -Oh, yeah. -Stop, stop, stop, stop. 896 00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:53,200 What? What? 897 00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:54,480 Well, I'm just thinking, hang on... 898 00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:58,200 This is literally the most perfect spot. 899 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,160 -He's right, actually. -Why don't we pitch camp here? 900 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,560 -What? -That is a top camping site. 901 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:05,760 -Look at the view. -I mean, look at the view there. 902 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,480 No, seriously, that is a... Even you've got to admit that's a perfect camp site. 903 00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,600 Yeah, shut it down, Hammond. We'll pitch camp here. 904 00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:13,560 (ENGINE STOPS) 905 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,760 JAMES: With that decided, Hammond and I got the fire going 906 00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:23,320 and then waited for the food and beverage manager to work his magic. 907 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,440 -I didn't stop you driving. -You did. 908 00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,040 -How? -Suddenly deciding to camp here. 909 00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:30,160 Well, come on, you must admit this is the perfect... 910 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:33,040 Even you can't find anything to criticise about this 911 00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:34,680 and you're a camping enthusiast. 912 00:45:34,720 --> 00:45:36,080 -It's very nice, yeah. -It's perfect. 913 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,400 But there's plenty of nice-- 914 00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:39,960 -Guys? -What? 915 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:43,720 Have you seen the ration boxes for tonight and tomorrow? 916 00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,400 No, that's your department. 917 00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:48,200 I know, but I put them in that box this morning and they've gone. 918 00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:50,520 All we've got is night six. 919 00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:53,840 We've got night six 920 00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:56,600 and we've got bread-making kit, which is flour and rice. 921 00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,440 Oh, no, hang on a minute. Where were the ration boxes? 922 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,160 Well, I thought they were in that back box. 923 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:02,920 That's where I've been keeping them the whole time. 924 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:04,760 -You know, the one on the right. -Yes. 925 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,240 The lid of that was bouncing up and down when you did the Pac-Man thing. 926 00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,200 I bet they fell out. 927 00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:12,360 Well, that's actually really bad. 928 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,280 Well, we've got ration six, 929 00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,240 which is for the night after tomorrow, 930 00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:19,400 which gives us tomato and pasta salad, 931 00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:23,200 Thai-style chicken soup, tomato and pasta salad. 932 00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:25,080 Oh, no. I do apologise. 933 00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:26,960 No, it's all right. Relax. 934 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,280 We've got two sachets of instant coffee 935 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,040 and one sachet of creamer. 936 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:34,920 Well, you can't... No, I'm sorry, I don't buy that. 937 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:36,880 I have done high and low searching. 938 00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:40,120 -Were they boxes like that? -Yeah, they're boxes exactly like that. 939 00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:41,880 Did you strap them to the back, on there? 940 00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:43,960 Because I've taken that sand ladder off today. 941 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:47,240 Were any of them on top of here because all of this has come off? 942 00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:48,880 -All of that. -I didn't put it in there. 943 00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,040 Bloody hell. Are you sur... 944 00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:52,800 I'm 100% sure. 945 00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:54,640 Honestly, I've looked everywhere. 946 00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,080 Well, if we were sensible, 947 00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:59,880 we'd have how many nights is it? 948 00:46:59,920 --> 00:47:02,000 He reckons we need three more nights. 949 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,000 And there's three sachets. 950 00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:07,160 -So we'd be down to a third of a sachet each. -Yeah. 951 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,040 And each sachet contains, what is it, 6,000 calories or something? 952 00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,000 Well, there's a lot of food value in them cos they're for soldiers. 953 00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,400 So what if we share one? 954 00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,160 I... Something'll turn up. 955 00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:19,000 Let's just pretend this hasn't happened and eat the lot. 956 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:20,760 It's always my philosophy. 957 00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:33,800 JEREMY: The next morning, after another sober and sleepless night, 958 00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,280 it became obvious that the lack of drink 959 00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,840 was having a strange effect on one of my colleagues. 960 00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:45,160 What are you doing? 961 00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,880 I've had an idea. It's raining, yeah? 962 00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,200 We need windscreen wipers. We don't have one on there. 963 00:47:50,240 --> 00:47:53,080 So I thought of how to build one. Got all this rubber. 964 00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:54,800 Sandwich that. Two pieces of wood. 965 00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:56,680 Big piece of wood over the back of it. 966 00:47:56,720 --> 00:47:59,480 Bit of string round it. We can operate it as a windscreen wiper. 967 00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:02,440 What's all that racket? 968 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,760 Well, somebody's kidnapped Richard Hammond 969 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,360 and replaced him with this Richard Hammond lookalike, 970 00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,040 who got up early, had an idea by himself, 971 00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:14,480 is executing it by himself and it's a windscreen wiper. 972 00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:17,680 And you borrowed my book last night on the history of Mongolia. 973 00:48:17,720 --> 00:48:21,320 It's very, very good as well. I've just got to the visit from those monks 974 00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,920 when they're first over there and first encounter Mongolian culture, 975 00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:26,320 which until then simply hadn't been known about. 976 00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:29,600 Anyway, I've got to get on with this. I've nearly done it. 977 00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,760 The only slight problem I can see 978 00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,400 -with the new dynamic Richard Hammond... -Mm. 979 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,280 ...is that he might get his memory back. 980 00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:40,440 -A sober Richard Hammond. -I see what you mean, yeah. 981 00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,200 Um...let's get this straight. When did he drive? 982 00:48:43,240 --> 00:48:44,880 -The day before yesterday. -The day before yesterday. 983 00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:48,200 -And he drove last night. -Oh, yeah. Yeah, OK, yeah. 984 00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:51,880 -So it's my turn, isn't it? -It's your turn, yeah. 985 00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,480 -Did he... Has he really made a windscreen wiper? -Yeah. 986 00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,240 And it sounds like it'll work. 987 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,840 -We'll bring him along again. -(LAUGHS) 988 00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,520 JEREMY: We then set off. 989 00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,200 And exactly 17 seconds later, 990 00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:11,680 conversation reverted to the principal issue at hand. 991 00:49:11,720 --> 00:49:16,400 Last night, I had a dream about a glass of wine. 992 00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:17,760 You're dreaming about wine now. 993 00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,240 And I can tell you it was a Sancerre. 994 00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,360 It had that fantastic acidic hit at the beginning 995 00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:27,120 and then a couple of seconds later that slight warmth in the roof of my mouth. 996 00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:29,840 It was fantastic. And then I woke up and it wasn't true. 997 00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:31,440 And I nearly wept. 998 00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,480 You know what we should call this car, really, instead of John? 999 00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:35,920 -What, Gin? -Rehab! 1000 00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:37,120 (ALL LAUGH) 1001 00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:40,320 (RUMBLE OF THUNDER) 1002 00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:42,800 JEREMY: Soon the rain became torrential. 1003 00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:43,680 (CRASH OF THUNDER) 1004 00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:45,080 Which meant it was time 1005 00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:48,320 to unleash Professor Hammond's invention. 1006 00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,440 -What the hell is that? -That is a windscreen wiper. 1007 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:54,720 Now, to me. 1008 00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:56,200 To you. 1009 00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:59,120 To me... to you. 1010 00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:02,120 To me. 1011 00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,160 Hammond, we're gonna have to face facts. 1012 00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,000 -To me. -It doesn't work. 1013 00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,120 To you. 1014 00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:09,560 To me. 1015 00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:11,080 It doesn't work, does it? 1016 00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,040 This is raining quite heavily now. 1017 00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:16,400 (CRASH OF THUNDER) 1018 00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:19,920 What is all... What's happening above me here, look? 1019 00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:21,240 Above you? 1020 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:25,040 (RICHARD AND JEREMY LAUGH) 1021 00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:26,440 (ALL THREE LAUGH) 1022 00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:28,840 -Oh, dear. -James, I'm afraid, ladies and gentlemen, 1023 00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:31,160 has wet himself. 1024 00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:32,520 (ALL THREE LAUGH) 1025 00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:34,480 -We need to work on that. -We do. 1026 00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:38,560 -It can't rain all day, can it? -Yes. 1027 00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,760 -Oh, it's... -Rain before seven, fine by 11. 1028 00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:43,800 I don't think that works in Mongolia. 1029 00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,480 -That's only in Cotswolds. -(THUNDER) 1030 00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:48,960 JEREMY: Oh, hello, what's this? 1031 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,800 Look at that ridge. 1032 00:50:52,720 --> 00:50:55,680 Look at that funny ridge. 1033 00:50:55,720 --> 00:51:00,400 JEREMY: What we'd stumbled on here was a huge geological scar... 1034 00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:06,880 ...that seemingly ran on for ever. 1035 00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:15,240 I read about this in a book, actually, before I came out here. 1036 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,840 There used to be a lake as big as that one over there, 1037 00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,320 the one we camped by last night, here, 1038 00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:23,000 and then in 1905 there was an earthquake, 1039 00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:25,880 a truly cataclysmic earthquake. 1040 00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:28,520 The lake was consumed. It simply disappeared 1041 00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:34,640 and a crack 400 kilometres long was formed in the earth. 1042 00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,760 But luckily, this enormous earthquake happened in Mongolia. 1043 00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,840 So the death toll...was 15. 1044 00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,680 As I marvelled at the power of the planet, 1045 00:51:45,720 --> 00:51:49,920 the Professor was busy mending and extending our roof. 1046 00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:52,240 Right, so if we put these two bars across... 1047 00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:54,200 If you pull that over to your side... 1048 00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:00,040 That's better. 1049 00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,840 JEREMY: With that done, we resumed our journey. 1050 00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,800 And since the Very Big Crack 1051 00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:08,280 was one of the features on our Winnie-the-Pooh map, 1052 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:11,920 we knew that next up was the wooden house. 1053 00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:16,600 It doesn't say what the house is. 1054 00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,080 JAMES: Could it be a pub? RICHARD: Well... 1055 00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,360 JEREMY: Well, it could be. -Exactly right. 1056 00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:22,880 Or just an off-licence. 1057 00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:24,760 If it is a pub, on that map 1058 00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:27,000 it's about 100 miles high, so we won't miss it. 1059 00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,440 JEREMY: Oh, no, this pub is bigger than the Gobi Desert. 1060 00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:31,640 Yeah, we should spot it, then. 1061 00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:34,760 It should also have plenty of stock, which it's going to need. 1062 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,240 JEREMY: Since we couldn't only talk about drink, 1063 00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:43,160 we tried to come up with some other topics of conversation. 1064 00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,720 I did a turd yesterday, OK? 1065 00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:49,160 I looked down at it 1066 00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:52,160 and it was two storeys with a little bit sticking up 1067 00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:55,080 and, as I looked down, this fly landed on it. 1068 00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:59,120 You could see it. It looked at me like, "This is now my palace." 1069 00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:03,480 Then later on that same fly was in your tent. 1070 00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:08,400 With that subject exhausted, we fell back on my new favourite topic. 1071 00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:10,080 There's no getting away from the fact, though, 1072 00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:13,600 that Genghis Khan was the greatest military mind 1073 00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:15,720 -the world has ever seen. -But an utter bastard. 1074 00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,000 Oh, an utter bastard. 1075 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,920 I mean, Genghis once did one town 1076 00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:23,320 and then he cut all the women and children and cats' heads off 1077 00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,000 and made a pyramid out of them. 1078 00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:26,720 -Cats is a nice touch. -Yeah. 1079 00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,240 He hadn't got enough. He needed some filler for his pyramid, 1080 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,440 so he cut all the cats' heads off. 1081 00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:33,480 See, that's a warning to the next town, isn't it? 1082 00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:35,560 The next town is gonna say, "We give in." 1083 00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:40,520 "Ah, Mr Khan, we've had a look at your CV and, yes, you can have the city." 1084 00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:42,840 -"And everything in it." -"Help yourself!" 1085 00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:45,760 But there has never been a greater military mind. 1086 00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:47,800 I mean, the Roman Empire 1087 00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:49,520 compared to the Mongol Empire 1088 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:52,440 was literally a speck of dust. 1089 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:55,960 His went from the Yellow Sea to the Danube. 1090 00:53:56,000 --> 00:54:01,400 At this point, our conversation was interrupted by something hilarious. 1091 00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:03,680 -Oh, my God! -Oh, ho-ho! 1092 00:54:03,720 --> 00:54:06,080 -Oh, dear. -Can we just see that on that camera? 1093 00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:07,960 I don't know if we can turn it round a bit. 1094 00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,440 That's our camera tracking car. 1095 00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:11,520 -(LAUGHS) It's stuck. -Stuck. 1096 00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:14,160 -John isn't. John is not stuck. -Are we stuck? No. 1097 00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:18,440 As we needed the camera crew to make this miserable trip worthwhile, 1098 00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,040 we had to rescue them. 1099 00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:22,760 Are you feeling a bit smug? 1100 00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,080 -I am actually full of smug. -Yeah. 1101 00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:26,680 -OK, here we go. JAMES: Ready to go? 1102 00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:28,360 In three, two, one. 1103 00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,240 Dump that clutch. Dump it. 1104 00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:35,960 -And we're free! -John has done it! 1105 00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:37,840 John has succeeded! 1106 00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:42,640 John has pulled the mass-produced Toyota Land Cruiser 1107 00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:44,440 out of the mire! 1108 00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:46,880 Here's the message we're giving you all. 1109 00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:48,520 Buy Mongolian. 1110 00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:57,280 Riding on a cushion of smugness, we resumed our search 1111 00:54:57,320 --> 00:54:59,560 for the wooden pub. 1112 00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:03,000 But soon it became a cushion of misery. 1113 00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:06,680 (WIND WHISTLES) 1114 00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:10,720 Oh, that is cold now. 1115 00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:12,960 Brrr-brrr-brrr. 1116 00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:17,480 (RICHARD GROANS) How can the temperature vary this much this quickly? 1117 00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:18,920 It's incredible. 1118 00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:21,640 (GROANS) It's because it's land-locked, isn't it? 1119 00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:25,200 -There's no sea to moderate it. -Exactly. 1120 00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:29,560 Moments later, though, our spirits were lifted. 1121 00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:32,760 -What's that? -Pub. That's the pub. 1122 00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:36,280 This is the first time in two-and-a-half days that I have hope in my heart. 1123 00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,200 -Well, what do you want? -Scotch. 1124 00:55:38,240 --> 00:55:41,040 -I'd have mulled wine. -No, brandy. I think brandy. 1125 00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:42,320 What about some King's Ginger? 1126 00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:45,640 Ooh, God! Yes. 1127 00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:48,160 -There's the door. Right. -The door. The door. 1128 00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:50,960 Three pints of your finest, please, landlord. 1129 00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,320 Locked? 1130 00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:56,080 Shut, maybe. 1131 00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:59,480 -It's not open. -Well, they might just not be up. 1132 00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:02,320 -Hello...in Mongolian. -Hello. 1133 00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:03,800 -Oh, wait. -Hello. 1134 00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:06,440 -Oh, no, hang on. -It's empty. 1135 00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:08,120 -It is, isn't it? -It's disused. 1136 00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:12,200 (WIND WHISTLING) 1137 00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:32,120 -Hungry. Hungry now. RICHARD: Yeah. 1138 00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:34,080 -And damp. -And damp. Very damp. 1139 00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,640 You know on other TV shows where you've got, like, explorers and stuff? 1140 00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:40,920 You mean Bear Grylls? 1141 00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:42,360 Yeah, they don't moan, do they? 1142 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:43,840 -No, they don't moan... -He doesn't moan. 1143 00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:45,400 -...because they go back to a hotel. -Yeah. 1144 00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,360 "Oh, I'm being chased by a bear," 1145 00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:51,520 which is a man in a (BLEEP) bear costume, and then he goes to a hotel. 1146 00:56:51,560 --> 00:56:56,800 We, on the other hand, are stupid enough to sit in a homemade car 1147 00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:00,800 when it's minus 40, with no drink, no food, 1148 00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,040 and no end in sight to this journey. 1149 00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:08,760 I'm actually getting fed up. 1150 00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,080 JEREMY: Several horrible hours later, though, 1151 00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:13,880 our spirits were lifted once more. 1152 00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:15,520 Wait a second. Is that... 1153 00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:19,080 That's a road. 1154 00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:22,080 That's the first made road we've seen. 1155 00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:23,720 The only place it can go is Moron. 1156 00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:25,880 -It's the only place. -There isn't any other. 1157 00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:29,560 Why go to the trouble of making a road unless it goes to the only town? 1158 00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:31,960 -It's a road! -This goes to Moron! 1159 00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:33,440 JEREMY: We're on a road! 1160 00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:35,320 Oh, let's get some speed up. 1161 00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:37,000 We'll be at the pub tonight! 1162 00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,440 Pub tonight, we'll be straight there. 1163 00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:40,880 Oh, my God! 1164 00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:43,360 I've never been so happy in my entire life. 1165 00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:45,280 -There's a bridge... -Smell it. 1166 00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:48,920 We haven't even got to clamber down. There's an actual bridge! 1167 00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:52,360 JEREMY: The bridge, as it turned out, was the Wibbly Wobbly Bridge. 1168 00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:55,560 But Wibbly Wobbly was a bit of an understatement. 1169 00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:04,160 This was no problem for John, though, who simply hopped through the river. 1170 00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:08,880 It's a signature characteristic. 1171 00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:10,400 -And back onto the road. -It works. 1172 00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:12,160 -Here we go. -Moron, here we come! 1173 00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:13,360 -Bunny hopping. -Yes! 1174 00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:15,240 Yes! Yes! 1175 00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:17,360 What? 1176 00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:18,760 JAMES: Well, that was a bit short-lived. 1177 00:58:18,800 --> 00:58:20,720 Oh, why has it just ended? 1178 00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:23,800 JEREMY: The reason it had ended 1179 00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:26,480 was because of the next feature on our map... 1180 00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:30,200 ...which up close appeared to be... 1181 00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:35,040 ...completely impassable. 1182 00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:40,440 However, Eeyore likes boggy and sad places, so... 1183 00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:43,400 -James, don't just... James, don't drive in... -As the bloody crow flies! 1184 00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:45,520 Well, pick a route! 1185 00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:47,960 JAMES: It's the same as the stuff we were doing yesterday. 1186 00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,200 -Slow down! -Not so fast! 1187 00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:52,320 -Slow down! -Calm down. It's fine. 1188 00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:54,640 This is an off-roader. It's perfectly capable of this sort of thing. 1189 00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:58,520 -Well, it's not, is it? It's... -Just stop, stop, stop. 1190 00:58:58,560 --> 00:59:00,840 It is idiotic to drive in here. 1191 00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:03,680 It's poured with rain all last night and all morning. 1192 00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:05,800 It's gonna be an absolute quagmire. 1193 00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:07,480 We've got to get to those mountains. 1194 00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:09,000 -Well, look... -Let's find a... 1195 00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:10,960 We'll find a way round it. We need higher ground. 1196 00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:13,160 If we drive around... Look, if we drive around it, 1197 00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:15,560 that could be an extra 100 miles for all we know. 1198 00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,120 The road leads here. This is obviously the way you go. 1199 00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:20,880 They wouldn't build a road to something you couldn't drive through. 1200 00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:22,600 Where are you going now? 1201 00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:24,320 -Well, I'm aiming for the mountains. -Water here. 1202 00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:25,600 Oh, we've... 1203 00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:27,560 JAMES: That's some mud. Don't worry. 1204 00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:31,560 Oh, James! 1205 00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:33,080 Agh! Agh! 1206 00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,200 JAMES: No, that's not gonna work. 1207 00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:39,520 I'm going to kill him. 1208 00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:43,400 RICHARD: Oh, bloody hell! You've buried it! 1209 00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:46,480 JAMES: With two fewer passengers, and the diffs locked... 1210 00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,320 JEREMY: Go on, James, go on. Power, power, power! 1211 00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,400 ...John boinged free. -Yay! 1212 00:59:53,440 --> 00:59:54,640 RICHARD: Excellent effort. 1213 00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:56,400 JEREMY: Right, you're out. 1214 00:59:56,440 --> 00:59:59,480 Only another 300 miles of this bog you've driven into to go. 1215 01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:04,480 JEREMY: Thanks to May's stubbornness, 1216 01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:05,800 it looked like we'd be spending 1217 01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,280 the rest of the day on foot. 1218 01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:12,320 RICHARD: It could be like this all the way. 1219 01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:15,880 Oh, shitty death, that's a bit... 1220 01:00:19,920 --> 01:00:22,200 The bank collapsed. 1221 01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:26,280 JAMES: Luckily, the new improved Richard Hammond came up with a plan. 1222 01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:28,680 Right, this'll do. 1223 01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:30,440 Oh, for (BEEP) sake. 1224 01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:31,760 I can't get my shoe... 1225 01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:34,720 Oh, May! I've lost my shoes! 1226 01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:36,360 Ha! 1227 01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:40,680 What do you want me to do before I die of hypothermia? 1228 01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:44,280 Because my shoes are four feet under the bog over there. 1229 01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:47,640 I'm going to shackle the high-lift jack to the eye on there. 1230 01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:50,000 I'm then going to shackle this tow rope to the high-lift jack. 1231 01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:53,960 I'm going to set 10 or 12 ground pins into the solid ground over there, 1232 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,640 use the parachute harness as an anchor, shackle this to that, 1233 01:00:56,680 --> 01:00:58,920 and use the jack as a winch to wind it out. 1234 01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:03,800 I live in Holland Park, I don't read off-roading magazines. 1235 01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:08,120 JAMES: He's being very sort of authoritative, for him. 1236 01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:10,680 Well, he's sober, and he's in his element. 1237 01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:14,040 Right. 1238 01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:17,720 Give it a go. 1239 01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:21,040 Come on, come on! 1240 01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:24,360 Yay! 1241 01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:34,000 Yeah, those mountains are only now 70 kilometres away! 1242 01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:37,000 RICHARD: Oh, dear God! 1243 01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:48,520 We could have found a path round. 1244 01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:55,320 -(SPLASH) -(JAMES SPUTTERS) 1245 01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:03,080 JEREMY: Several miles later, James became his stuckest yet. 1246 01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:04,600 Oh, my God. 1247 01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:06,720 -Ah-h-h... -It'll be all right, go on. 1248 01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:09,000 -Agh, agh, agh! -You're all right, you'll be all right. 1249 01:02:09,040 --> 01:02:10,840 That's very perilous. 1250 01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:15,440 And then, alarmingly, he asked Hammond to take the wheel. 1251 01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:18,760 You're going... Wait a minute, you're actually letting him drive John? 1252 01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:20,440 Well, he's... Well, he's from the country. 1253 01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:21,720 You've to remember, that's only like 1254 01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:23,400 getting out of the garage at Hammond's house. 1255 01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:25,760 -(JEREMY CHUCKLES) -(ENGINE REVS) 1256 01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:28,440 You're in third gear. Try first. 1257 01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:31,440 Honestly, mate, anyone would think you'd never driven this before. 1258 01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:35,720 RICHARD: Come on! Come on, come... come out. 1259 01:02:37,680 --> 01:02:40,520 -Ah! -He's ruined everything in there. 1260 01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:41,880 The map, ruined. 1261 01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:44,320 Compass, ruined. Cameras are ruined. 1262 01:02:44,360 --> 01:02:45,560 RICHARD: It will go, it will... 1263 01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:47,520 Oh, that's not supposed... I can save this. 1264 01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:51,280 And he's rolled it. How far has he covered? 1265 01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:53,320 Less than its own length. 1266 01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:55,280 RICHARD: It's all right, I'm used to this! 1267 01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,240 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 1268 01:02:57,280 --> 01:02:58,840 What are we going to do? 1269 01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:03,560 I know, why don't you, with your vast bulk, just stand up on there? 1270 01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:08,000 That could be enough to just tip it back again. Jump off, we're back where we started. 1271 01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:09,280 What? 1272 01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:11,520 -You want me to get on it? -Well, just on there. 1273 01:03:11,560 --> 01:03:13,000 -That's a brilliant idea. -You're the heaviest. 1274 01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:15,000 That's why they call you Fatty Car Righter. 1275 01:03:15,040 --> 01:03:17,400 (GRUNTS) Right, I'm on. 1276 01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:20,040 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 1277 01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:21,480 This was entirely predictable... 1278 01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:23,160 JAMES: There you go. -It's working! 1279 01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,920 -Yay! -Thank you. 1280 01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:28,080 -Right, the trouble is now, James... -Yeah? 1281 01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,800 -...he's stuck where he is. -And you're stuck where you are. 1282 01:03:30,840 --> 01:03:34,000 But if I climb over you into that seat, that should be enough. 1283 01:03:34,040 --> 01:03:36,120 This is like the end of The Italian Job. 1284 01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:37,800 -Right, I'll stand on the tyre. -Yeah. 1285 01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:40,080 Right, so Hammond gets out. 1286 01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:43,080 -As I slide into the middle, you get in at the same time. -That's actually clever. 1287 01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:45,200 And then he can get back in and we're all in. 1288 01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:47,600 -I'm out of there. -And I'm going to get in now. 1289 01:03:47,640 --> 01:03:50,600 -Right. -Right, I'm firing up. 1290 01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:52,560 (ENGINE REVS) 1291 01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:55,160 Coming... 1292 01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,120 -Agh! -Jesus! 1293 01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:01,600 -Christ on a... -That was close. 1294 01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:04,000 JEREMY: Right, we're out. JAMES: There you go. 1295 01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:05,480 Stop, I want to get out. 1296 01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:08,080 I never want to drive another inch with you, or him. 1297 01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:13,720 After such a fraught afternoon, 1298 01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:16,280 we all needed a bit of me-time. 1299 01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:43,320 After several silent hours, 1300 01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:47,480 we stopped for the night at what looked like a promising spot. 1301 01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:55,240 -But it just isn't, is it? -Not really. 1302 01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:57,280 (WIND WHISTLING) 1303 01:04:57,320 --> 01:04:58,920 RICHARD: But no matter. 1304 01:04:58,960 --> 01:05:01,680 The food and beverage manager soon swung into action. 1305 01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:04,280 (HISS OF GAS) 1306 01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:07,560 Using traditional methods to get this fire going. 1307 01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:09,600 And soon we shall have some delicious rice. 1308 01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:11,880 -How would you like it, boiled? -Yeah. 1309 01:05:11,920 --> 01:05:15,120 -There's nothing we can put with it. -(BEEP) Ow! How's... 1310 01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:17,360 What manner of thing has happened? 1311 01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:20,200 (BEEP) Shit! What's gone... 1312 01:05:20,240 --> 01:05:22,040 RICHARD: Incoming. (MIMICS EXPLOSION) 1313 01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:25,440 Holy-moly! 1314 01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:28,440 It was a hand grenade. It was literally a hand grenade. 1315 01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:30,800 You set fire to the plastic housing at the top. 1316 01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:38,720 JEREMY: As supper cooked, I decided to string my new bow. 1317 01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:41,080 Where's my parachute cord? Here. 1318 01:05:41,120 --> 01:05:43,680 This bow, it goes that way, doesn't it, yeah? 1319 01:05:43,720 --> 01:05:45,120 No. Goes the other way. 1320 01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:47,480 -Goes that way? -Yeah. 1321 01:05:47,520 --> 01:05:48,880 -That way? -Yeah. 1322 01:05:48,920 --> 01:05:51,760 -But surely you'd pull it... -No, that will break it. 1323 01:05:51,800 --> 01:05:55,640 Because the material on the outside works better when it's stretched. 1324 01:05:55,680 --> 01:05:57,560 Its tendon, sinew. 1325 01:05:57,600 --> 01:05:59,280 The material on the inside, bone, 1326 01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:01,040 works better under compression when it's squashed. 1327 01:06:01,080 --> 01:06:04,320 It's the world's first example of composite materials. 1328 01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:06,840 Some Mongolian warriors were the first to ever do that. 1329 01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,800 So they put the two materials sandwiched together, 1330 01:06:08,840 --> 01:06:11,120 so the bone is squashed on the inside... 1331 01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:12,560 The tendon is stretched on the outside, 1332 01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,720 and then it goes "Pa-twang!" And as a result, 1333 01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:16,960 their bows could be half the length of a long bow, 1334 01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:18,280 and still as powerful. 1335 01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:20,600 So they could fire from horseback over the neck, 1336 01:06:20,640 --> 01:06:23,240 and you fire to the right, to the left, or behind. 1337 01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:25,480 Those are the three positions they could fire. 1338 01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:28,320 I used to know this guy called Richard Hammond who was daft as a brush. 1339 01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:31,280 How do you know all that stuff about bows and arrows? 1340 01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:32,600 It's just... I... 1341 01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:35,040 Because I'm remembering things. 1342 01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:36,880 -(JEREMY LAUGHS) -Don't like it! 1343 01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:47,600 JEREMY: The next morning, after eating the last of our food, 1344 01:06:47,640 --> 01:06:50,120 we resumed our journey to Moron. 1345 01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:54,520 We reckoned we'd covered 350 miles. 1346 01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:56,840 But as our map was not to scale, 1347 01:06:56,880 --> 01:07:00,720 we had no idea how much was left to go. 1348 01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:05,480 All we did know is that we were hungry and worn out. 1349 01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:08,280 I've got incredible aches and pains across my shoulders. 1350 01:07:08,320 --> 01:07:13,080 Well, there is no bit of me that doesn't ache. 1351 01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:17,000 There's no bit of me that's warm, comfortable, dry, 1352 01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:22,280 and I defecated for the sixth, fifth, sixth day on the trot 1353 01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:24,560 in a field like an animal. 1354 01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:26,680 -(THUDS) -Oh! 1355 01:07:26,720 --> 01:07:28,920 -Oh, bloody... -My back! 1356 01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:30,320 I think we got some air there. 1357 01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:32,720 -(JAMES GROANS) -Oh, shit. 1358 01:07:32,760 --> 01:07:34,480 (JAMES GROANS) 1359 01:07:34,520 --> 01:07:38,480 Oh, God, that was not good. 1360 01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:41,720 Still, at least things soon got worse. 1361 01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:43,680 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 1362 01:07:47,400 --> 01:07:49,280 Oh, brilliant. 1363 01:07:49,320 --> 01:07:51,720 Just getting a golden shower now. 1364 01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:54,040 (ROARING WIND) 1365 01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:57,680 Oh, jeez, that's the worst it's been. 1366 01:07:57,720 --> 01:08:00,840 JEREMY: If there's a cliff at the top of this, I'm going over. 1367 01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:02,800 I'm just going to end it now. 1368 01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:06,520 I want a glass of wine! 1369 01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:12,640 We were aiming for the next target on our map, 1370 01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:15,720 which was Lots of Trees. 1371 01:08:17,440 --> 01:08:19,960 And soon, we found them. 1372 01:08:25,760 --> 01:08:28,000 -Oh, look at that. RICHARD: Wow! 1373 01:08:28,040 --> 01:08:30,880 Wowee! 1374 01:08:30,920 --> 01:08:35,080 Holy mother of God, what an amazing place we're in. 1375 01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,880 Next, we were looking for the Big River, 1376 01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:44,520 and to get a better view we made once more for high ground. 1377 01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:51,280 -Come on, John. -(JUDDERING AND RATTLING) 1378 01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:54,760 Yes, you can do it. 1379 01:08:58,520 --> 01:09:00,440 I'm sorry, I find that quite funny. 1380 01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:03,080 I think it's when he's happy. 1381 01:09:03,120 --> 01:09:06,120 At the top, there was no river in sight. 1382 01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:08,120 Just more Mongolia. 1383 01:09:10,040 --> 01:09:13,000 So we broke out the map. 1384 01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:15,240 Right, we've got a decision to make. 1385 01:09:15,280 --> 01:09:16,800 I reckon we're here, OK? 1386 01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:18,160 Cos we've done Lots of Trees, 1387 01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:20,040 we're about just sort the end of that bit. 1388 01:09:20,080 --> 01:09:21,920 And we've got to cross this river, whatever happens. 1389 01:09:21,960 --> 01:09:26,320 We could go either this way up north and around. 1390 01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:28,120 That probably is a bit further. 1391 01:09:28,160 --> 01:09:29,920 Or we could go south. 1392 01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:34,720 -That is a lot further than that. -Yes. 1393 01:09:34,760 --> 01:09:36,760 But it ends in the Deep River of Despair 1394 01:09:36,800 --> 01:09:38,200 with crashing water over rocks. 1395 01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:39,800 They've... It's illustrated on the map. 1396 01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:42,040 -That does not... -They made a point of drawing it like that. 1397 01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:45,200 If we can't cross there, we'll have to come all the way back up and round anyway. 1398 01:09:45,240 --> 01:09:47,120 If we go this way, we'll find a track. 1399 01:09:47,160 --> 01:09:50,080 There'll be a way along the side, the flanks of that lot. 1400 01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:52,320 -That valley there. -Yes, round... 1401 01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:53,960 -That's a long way round. -I know, but... 1402 01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:57,400 It's further but it doesn't have that in it. 1403 01:09:57,440 --> 01:09:58,800 We are agreed, then, gentlemen. 1404 01:09:58,840 --> 01:10:00,520 -We are heading north. -Yes. 1405 01:10:00,560 --> 01:10:03,160 We're not interested in pretty, we're not interested in despair. 1406 01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:04,960 We're interested in wine. 1407 01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:07,640 -And the easiest route is that one. There you go. JEREMY: North. 1408 01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:10,680 RICHARD: Saddle up. 1409 01:10:10,720 --> 01:10:14,360 JEREMY: Our decision had added yet more miles to the journey. 1410 01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:17,160 But there was an upside to that. 1411 01:10:17,200 --> 01:10:21,760 We would get to see more of this achingly beautiful country. 1412 01:10:29,040 --> 01:10:30,680 (WIND WHISTLES) 1413 01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:32,520 Mongolia just changed again. 1414 01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:43,600 -What was I not expecting to see? -Camels. 1415 01:10:43,640 --> 01:10:45,240 Yep. What am I seeing? 1416 01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:51,760 RICHARD: Ooh. Pine. Smell. Ohh! 1417 01:10:53,360 --> 01:10:55,680 And that's real pine, not pine out of a tin. 1418 01:10:55,720 --> 01:10:58,240 JEREMY: I tell you what I'll be able to do in here. -What? 1419 01:10:58,280 --> 01:11:00,320 Go off with my bow and arrow and catch things. 1420 01:11:00,320 --> 01:11:02,280 -Ha-ha-ha! -What do you mean, "Ha-ha-ha!"? 1421 01:11:05,160 --> 01:11:09,040 -Look at that down there now. -Look at the size of that eagle on that rock! 1422 01:11:09,080 --> 01:11:12,200 -Holy crap! JAMES: Oh, God, yes. 1423 01:11:12,240 --> 01:11:14,160 RICHARD: It's massive! 1424 01:11:23,720 --> 01:11:25,520 RICHARD: It's gonna be weird going home 1425 01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:28,800 when you can't just set off in the direction you wanna go. 1426 01:11:28,840 --> 01:11:30,800 -I wanna go over there. -Go over there, then. 1427 01:11:30,840 --> 01:11:32,560 It's gonna be really strange. 1428 01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:39,280 JEREMY: Many hours later, we still hadn't spotted the river. 1429 01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:42,880 Could you hear my stomach rumbling? 1430 01:11:42,920 --> 01:11:44,880 Not over my own, no. 1431 01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:47,560 JEREMY: But then... 1432 01:11:47,600 --> 01:11:49,600 -That's the river. -What? 1433 01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:52,640 That's the river. I just saw it at the foot of those hills. 1434 01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:54,960 You didn't, Hammond. Can you see a river, James? 1435 01:11:55,000 --> 01:11:56,640 -No. -Neither can I. 1436 01:11:56,680 --> 01:11:59,400 -It's the river of gin in his imagination. -He's gone mental. 1437 01:11:59,440 --> 01:12:02,400 -You'll see it in a minute. At the foot of that cliff. -Oh, my... 1438 01:12:02,440 --> 01:12:06,000 -Oh, he's right. -Thank you. 1439 01:12:06,040 --> 01:12:10,000 JEREMY: All we had to do now was get down to it. 1440 01:12:10,040 --> 01:12:13,160 And I had a simple plan. 1441 01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:15,960 -Why don't we go down here? -You don't know what's over this edge. 1442 01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:18,240 -It might be really steep and horrible. -It might be sheer. 1443 01:12:18,280 --> 01:12:23,520 -(COMEDY VOICE) Relax! -No, it's not relaxing. 1444 01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:25,800 RICHARD: James, will you hold it in low ratio? -Yes, I am. 1445 01:12:25,840 --> 01:12:27,240 Because if it pops out now... 1446 01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:28,920 Then we would be in a world of pain. 1447 01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:30,880 We'd be doing a million miles per hour by the time... 1448 01:12:30,920 --> 01:12:32,440 JEREMY: Literally a million. 1449 01:12:33,560 --> 01:12:35,720 (CLUNKING AND RATTLING) 1450 01:12:39,240 --> 01:12:41,080 -It's steep, isn't it? -It is steep! 1451 01:12:41,120 --> 01:12:44,080 JEREMY: It's steeper than I thought. 1452 01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:47,320 Soon, though, thanks to my brilliant plan and driving, 1453 01:12:47,360 --> 01:12:48,760 we made it! 1454 01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:55,040 JEREMY: Oh, a smooth run to the river. 1455 01:12:55,080 --> 01:12:59,320 Pop across it. Quick evening drive into Moron. 1456 01:12:59,320 --> 01:13:03,280 RICHARD: Yeah, we can still get there tonight now. 1457 01:13:03,320 --> 01:13:05,520 JEREMY: But then when we arrived at the river, 1458 01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:08,760 our hearts sank into our empty stomachs. 1459 01:13:11,560 --> 01:13:13,840 Look at what's on the other side. I mean, look. 1460 01:13:13,880 --> 01:13:16,120 -Yeah, that's... -Observe to your left, gentlemen. 1461 01:13:16,160 --> 01:13:18,840 RICHARD: That is a huge problem. Well, we can't get out. 1462 01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:21,960 JAMES: We'll not even get up there, to be honest. RICHARD: What do we do? 1463 01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:23,840 We have to do cross it. 1464 01:13:23,880 --> 01:13:27,040 -The thing is, it'll take us hours... -Yeah. 1465 01:13:27,080 --> 01:13:30,160 JAMES: Yeah. -..to find somewhere to cross. 1466 01:13:30,200 --> 01:13:31,960 -Hours. JAMES: And then it'll be dark. 1467 01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:33,560 -Yes. -So...say it. 1468 01:13:33,600 --> 01:13:35,720 We're going to-- Yes, we're going to have to camp here. 1469 01:13:35,760 --> 01:13:38,120 But we've got no food. 1470 01:13:41,320 --> 01:13:43,800 JEREMY: That wasn't quite true. 1471 01:13:43,840 --> 01:13:46,600 We had some flour, and a packet of creamer. 1472 01:13:46,640 --> 01:13:50,040 Which we mixed with some ice-sharp river water, 1473 01:13:50,080 --> 01:13:52,520 and fresh herbs to create a soup 1474 01:13:52,560 --> 01:13:55,760 that was surprisingly disgusting. 1475 01:13:59,120 --> 01:14:01,960 And the next morning, we began our search 1476 01:14:02,000 --> 01:14:03,920 for a crossing point. 1477 01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:07,800 But hang on, is that a gap coming up there? 1478 01:14:07,840 --> 01:14:11,080 JEREMY: Even if we could do 30 yards, look behind it. 1479 01:14:11,120 --> 01:14:14,320 Look, we've got to turn around and try the other way. 1480 01:14:17,920 --> 01:14:21,280 Hang on, hang on. What about there? 1481 01:14:21,320 --> 01:14:23,320 JAMES: Actually, that looks quite good. 1482 01:14:23,320 --> 01:14:26,680 -There's basically a lawn on the other side. -The other side is fantastic. 1483 01:14:26,720 --> 01:14:29,800 -And there's a gap in the mountain. -But look how deep it is. 1484 01:14:29,840 --> 01:14:32,320 -Yeah, that's ten feet deep. -Going to drown the car getting across. 1485 01:14:36,320 --> 01:14:40,600 JEREMY: Eventually though, after several more miles of searching... 1486 01:14:40,640 --> 01:14:43,640 Wait a minute. That looks extremely good. 1487 01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:45,040 RICHARD: That's the way out. 1488 01:14:45,080 --> 01:14:47,120 JEREMY: And the river's shallow there. Can you see? 1489 01:14:47,160 --> 01:14:49,160 -Where it's... -That looks like a bit of a gift. 1490 01:14:53,760 --> 01:14:56,680 How deep do we think it is? 1491 01:14:56,720 --> 01:15:00,840 RICHARD: It's broad here so it won't have carved a deep groove, will it? 1492 01:15:00,880 --> 01:15:03,280 -Is that how it works? -Let's go with that thought, shall we? 1493 01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:06,440 -Yeah, let's go with that. -Or we could drive up and down here until we die. 1494 01:15:06,520 --> 01:15:09,840 I'm sick of driving up and down. We can get out, so let's get in. 1495 01:15:09,880 --> 01:15:11,440 JAMES: We can definitely go on. 1496 01:15:11,520 --> 01:15:14,080 We've got a snorkel breather on the engine. 1497 01:15:14,120 --> 01:15:16,240 We cross the drink and get a drink. 1498 01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:18,280 -(EXHALES) Let's do it. -Right. 1499 01:15:18,320 --> 01:15:20,840 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) 1500 01:15:20,880 --> 01:15:23,120 JEREMY: OK, and we're... 1501 01:15:23,160 --> 01:15:24,760 -Oh, John is wading. -(OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE) 1502 01:15:24,800 --> 01:15:27,840 Oh-ho! Whoa! That's... that's glacial run-off, 1503 01:15:27,880 --> 01:15:29,200 and it's unbelievably cold! 1504 01:15:29,240 --> 01:15:31,240 JAMES: Whoa, that's... Oh, no! -Oh! 1505 01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:34,000 JEREMY: OK, James, I now have a freezing starfish. RICHARD: Oh! 1506 01:15:34,040 --> 01:15:35,840 -It's all the way up to my arse. -Argh! 1507 01:15:35,880 --> 01:15:37,800 (BUBBLING) 1508 01:15:43,160 --> 01:15:46,600 JEREMY: It's too deep, it's deep. Stop, stop, James. 1509 01:15:46,640 --> 01:15:48,960 Back up, James. Please, I beg of you. 1510 01:15:49,000 --> 01:15:52,280 (REVVING, CLUNKING) 1511 01:15:52,320 --> 01:15:55,040 -I think the wheels are spinning. JEREMY: They are spinning. 1512 01:15:55,080 --> 01:15:56,640 Yeah, that's not working. 1513 01:15:56,680 --> 01:15:58,440 I did feel us run over a boulder or something. 1514 01:15:58,520 --> 01:16:00,560 -Did you feel that? -Yes. 1515 01:16:00,600 --> 01:16:02,200 I think we're wedged against that backwards. 1516 01:16:02,240 --> 01:16:03,440 (THUDS) 1517 01:16:03,520 --> 01:16:05,120 (THEY CRY OUT) 1518 01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:06,560 -Did I just feel the whole car move? -Yes, you did. 1519 01:16:06,600 --> 01:16:08,880 -That's the current. JAMES: Forwards. 1520 01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:12,520 We can't go forwards. If that gets any deep...and we've got inches in here, 1521 01:16:12,560 --> 01:16:14,680 the engine will be completely submerged, 1522 01:16:14,720 --> 01:16:17,200 all the electrics underwater - end of. 1523 01:16:17,240 --> 01:16:19,880 JEREMY: The only solution was to reverse. 1524 01:16:19,920 --> 01:16:23,320 Which meant we had to free the rear wheels. 1525 01:16:23,320 --> 01:16:25,760 -Holy shit! JAMES: What? 1526 01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:28,320 I've just had a transgender operation. 1527 01:16:28,320 --> 01:16:30,160 Aargh! 1528 01:16:30,200 --> 01:16:32,640 -Ohh! -Are you all right, Hammond, in there? 1529 01:16:32,680 --> 01:16:33,920 I'm not getting out. 1530 01:16:33,960 --> 01:16:35,720 I'm from Birmingham. I'm not good with water. 1531 01:16:35,760 --> 01:16:37,760 -Uhh! -Ahh! 1532 01:16:37,800 --> 01:16:39,600 The current's really (BLEEP) strong. 1533 01:16:39,640 --> 01:16:42,680 -It's very deep. -Guys, I just felt the car move again in the current. 1534 01:16:42,720 --> 01:16:44,920 -Cut the doors off. JEREMY: Why? 1535 01:16:44,960 --> 01:16:46,760 -Cut the doors off! -Why cut the doors off? 1536 01:16:46,800 --> 01:16:50,000 -They're what's moving it. -They're the only bit I put on! 1537 01:16:50,040 --> 01:16:52,000 Well, I don't care, it's gonna kill the whole car. 1538 01:16:52,040 --> 01:16:53,360 James, cut the other ones off. 1539 01:16:55,080 --> 01:16:56,840 (SNAPPING) 1540 01:16:56,880 --> 01:16:59,400 (THUDDING) 1541 01:16:59,440 --> 01:17:00,920 JAMES: Doors are off. 1542 01:17:00,960 --> 01:17:03,760 Oh, brilliant! So the only contribution I made to John 1543 01:17:03,800 --> 01:17:06,960 are now on their way to Shanghai. 1544 01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:08,760 Now, though, we could concentrate 1545 01:17:08,800 --> 01:17:12,320 on finding out what was blocking us. 1546 01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:15,200 JEREMY: We're both going simultaneously? -(LAUGHS) 1547 01:17:15,240 --> 01:17:17,160 JEREMY: Three, two, one... 1548 01:17:20,720 --> 01:17:23,640 JEREMY: Both rear wheels were jammed by big rocks. 1549 01:17:26,880 --> 01:17:29,040 -Can you move the rocks? -Oh, yes, Hammond. 1550 01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:31,360 When there's an emergency in the world people always say, 1551 01:17:31,400 --> 01:17:33,800 "I know who we'll call: James May and Jeremy Clarkson. 1552 01:17:33,840 --> 01:17:36,200 -They're the men for the job." -That's who we're relying on. 1553 01:17:36,240 --> 01:17:38,000 You're gonna have to be like Titans. 1554 01:17:38,040 --> 01:17:40,640 You say you're a horse of a man. Be a horse, move the big rock. 1555 01:17:40,680 --> 01:17:42,880 Are you in neutral? Cos I'm about to dive down. 1556 01:17:42,920 --> 01:17:45,200 -In neutral, I'm not going anywhere. -Right. 1557 01:17:45,240 --> 01:17:48,560 -Come on, let's go, the quicker we get this done. -OK, counting down. 1558 01:17:48,600 --> 01:17:51,000 JEREMY: Three, two, one... 1559 01:17:51,040 --> 01:17:52,960 (BOTH INHALE) 1560 01:17:57,360 --> 01:18:00,560 (MUFFLED SPEECH) 1561 01:18:01,640 --> 01:18:02,920 (BLEEP) Current's got me. 1562 01:18:02,960 --> 01:18:04,960 (BLEEP) hell. 1563 01:18:05,000 --> 01:18:07,080 -(BLEEP) The current... -I moved it a bit. 1564 01:18:07,120 --> 01:18:09,720 The current just got a hold. I dived down and the current got me. 1565 01:18:09,760 --> 01:18:13,200 JEREMY: Don't worry, Hammond, everything's fine back here. -Good. 1566 01:18:16,920 --> 01:18:19,040 -Oh, I've done it. Oh, yes! -Have you done it? 1567 01:18:19,080 --> 01:18:21,400 -Yes. -Right, let's clear this one. Hang on. 1568 01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:31,240 -I got it. I think I got it. -Got it? 1569 01:18:31,280 --> 01:18:33,200 (ENGINE REVS) 1570 01:18:35,440 --> 01:18:37,840 JEREMY: It's moving, we've done it! We have... JAMES: Oh, yes! 1571 01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:46,240 JEREMY: Thanks for the lift, Hammond. -Yeah. 1572 01:18:47,680 --> 01:18:49,040 Right. Two things. 1573 01:18:49,080 --> 01:18:52,760 The river's really cold, and that bit's too deep. 1574 01:18:52,800 --> 01:18:56,080 -Right. I think we need to try another route. -Yeah, we do. 1575 01:18:56,120 --> 01:18:57,640 -Definitely. -OK, get on board. 1576 01:19:01,200 --> 01:19:04,320 JEREMY: We re-entered where the river seemed to be shallower. 1577 01:19:05,640 --> 01:19:07,280 Turn right. Now. 1578 01:19:11,040 --> 01:19:13,080 Yeah, well done, top work. 1579 01:19:13,120 --> 01:19:16,680 JAMES: Bit leany. JEREMY: Right, keep going, keep going, keep going. 1580 01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:22,080 Yep. Right, now, hang a diagonal. 1581 01:19:22,120 --> 01:19:24,520 Aim for those - the gap in the trees, do you see? 1582 01:19:28,160 --> 01:19:29,680 Really good. This is good, this is good. 1583 01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:31,200 If it doesn't go suddenly deep. 1584 01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:37,880 Oh, Christ, we've gone deep again. 1585 01:19:37,920 --> 01:19:39,600 Right, keep going, keep going, keep going. 1586 01:19:46,320 --> 01:19:49,200 JEREMY: You can feel it now, it's getting shallower. 1587 01:19:49,240 --> 01:19:52,440 JAMES: Ah, yes! RICHARD: Do you know, I think we might make it. 1588 01:19:52,520 --> 01:19:55,600 JEREMY: Left hand down. That's it. Left hand down. 1589 01:19:55,640 --> 01:19:57,560 We've nearly done it. 1590 01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:03,560 RICHARD: John can swim. I'm staggered. -Wahay, John! 1591 01:20:03,600 --> 01:20:05,240 -I am staggered. -Ha-ha-ha! 1592 01:20:05,280 --> 01:20:06,960 We're on our way to gin town. 1593 01:20:08,320 --> 01:20:10,440 JEREMY: Before moving on, though, 1594 01:20:10,520 --> 01:20:12,640 we had to make some modifications. 1595 01:20:15,520 --> 01:20:18,840 We haven't driven John as a convertible before with the top down. 1596 01:20:18,880 --> 01:20:22,000 No. We should explain, the reason we're driving with no roof, 1597 01:20:22,040 --> 01:20:26,120 is because James has turned it into a pair of trousers cos his are wet. 1598 01:20:26,160 --> 01:20:28,880 Hammond and I have turned one of the tents into a pair of trousers, 1599 01:20:28,920 --> 01:20:31,760 so if we don't make Moron tonight... 1600 01:20:31,800 --> 01:20:35,800 Two of us are sharing. You two will be all right in a tent together, won't you? 1601 01:20:35,840 --> 01:20:37,240 JAMES: No. JEREMY: Wrong. 1602 01:20:39,520 --> 01:20:43,240 Now the river was behind us, we had to work out what lay ahead. 1603 01:20:44,360 --> 01:20:47,160 Which was impossible. 1604 01:20:47,200 --> 01:20:50,520 Oh, God. There's just nothing marked on the map. 1605 01:20:50,560 --> 01:20:53,360 It just is cross the river, and then...nothing. 1606 01:20:53,400 --> 01:20:55,320 RICHARD: No. 1607 01:20:55,360 --> 01:20:58,400 JEREMY: We were therefore surprised a few miles later 1608 01:20:58,440 --> 01:21:00,960 to find our route was peppered by something 1609 01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:02,840 we hadn't encountered before. 1610 01:21:06,000 --> 01:21:08,680 About half a billion boulders. 1611 01:21:11,600 --> 01:21:14,720 (CLANKING, ENGINE REVVING) 1612 01:21:17,520 --> 01:21:19,400 (CLANKING) 1613 01:21:22,920 --> 01:21:24,600 JEREMY: No, stop, stop, stop. 1614 01:21:24,640 --> 01:21:28,600 He's bouncing, Hammond. That's the sign for you and I to jump ship. 1615 01:21:28,640 --> 01:21:30,320 Good luck, mate. 1616 01:21:30,360 --> 01:21:31,800 (CLANKING) 1617 01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:36,320 (ENGINE REVVING, CLANKING) 1618 01:21:41,920 --> 01:21:43,520 JEREMY: Try reversing. 1619 01:21:43,560 --> 01:21:46,920 I'm just covered in flies, cos of my orange trousers. 1620 01:21:46,960 --> 01:21:48,440 (BUZZING) 1621 01:21:48,520 --> 01:21:51,320 The orange trouser was a poor, poor idea. 1622 01:21:53,320 --> 01:21:54,920 JEREMY: Right, what we're trying to do now, 1623 01:21:54,960 --> 01:21:56,360 is because all the weight's on the back, 1624 01:21:56,400 --> 01:21:58,520 is actually reverse up. 1625 01:21:58,560 --> 01:22:01,200 Left hand down! 1626 01:22:03,320 --> 01:22:04,920 Right...Agh! 1627 01:22:04,960 --> 01:22:09,000 -OK, keep going. Straight back. -Have to shout! 1628 01:22:09,040 --> 01:22:11,880 Straighten up. Over to you, Hammond. 1629 01:22:11,920 --> 01:22:14,320 Bit of right. Uh...a lot of right. 1630 01:22:16,560 --> 01:22:19,080 Now left hand, hard left. 1631 01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:22,160 RICHARD: Once the slope levelled out, 1632 01:22:22,200 --> 01:22:26,400 John could turn and tackle the terrain face-on. 1633 01:22:26,440 --> 01:22:28,360 JEREMY: And hard left. 1634 01:22:32,680 --> 01:22:34,280 (CLATTERING) 1635 01:22:34,320 --> 01:22:36,680 (CLANKING) 1636 01:22:43,320 --> 01:22:45,800 JEREMY: Honestly, have you ever seen an off-roader like that? 1637 01:22:46,960 --> 01:22:48,400 RICHARD: What a machine! 1638 01:22:48,440 --> 01:22:51,040 (CLANKING) 1639 01:22:55,200 --> 01:22:57,560 JEREMY: This is his hardest work yet. 1640 01:22:57,600 --> 01:22:59,880 RICHARD: Ultimately, you're going down there, down the gully, 1641 01:22:59,920 --> 01:23:03,200 up the other side, and into the clear meadow beyond and we're all saved. 1642 01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:07,320 Jeeps! Are you sure about this, Hammond? 1643 01:23:07,360 --> 01:23:08,880 Yeah! Now a bit more right. 1644 01:23:10,680 --> 01:23:13,200 There you go. Keep the right in. 1645 01:23:13,240 --> 01:23:15,080 -Hammond, Hammond. -Yes? 1646 01:23:15,120 --> 01:23:16,680 -Have you seen... -Oh, God! 1647 01:23:16,720 --> 01:23:18,800 -(THUD) -Agh! What was that? 1648 01:23:18,840 --> 01:23:21,600 -Sorry, we were a bit distracted by this. -We were looking at the ants. 1649 01:23:21,640 --> 01:23:24,960 JEREMY: There are more ants there than there are Mongolians in Mongolia. 1650 01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:27,240 RICHARD: There probably are. JEREMY: Give it the beans! 1651 01:23:29,720 --> 01:23:31,320 RICHARD: Good, you are out. 1652 01:23:38,160 --> 01:23:41,240 I can't believe what it's capable of off-road. I'm staggered. 1653 01:23:41,280 --> 01:23:42,880 I have genuinely never seen 1654 01:23:42,920 --> 01:23:44,960 -a better off-road car than this. -No, it's astonishing. 1655 01:23:45,000 --> 01:23:48,880 I think NATO will be ordering 20,000 of these when they see this. 1656 01:23:50,640 --> 01:23:52,680 What are you thinking about, Hammond? 1657 01:23:52,720 --> 01:23:55,600 -Drink. -I don't think I'm gonna be allowed through 1658 01:23:55,640 --> 01:23:58,640 -the passport thing when I get home. -They won't recognise you. 1659 01:23:58,680 --> 01:24:03,040 I'll be two stone lighter, and I'll look like Jon Bon Jovi. 1660 01:24:05,520 --> 01:24:07,520 We were now more desperate than ever 1661 01:24:07,560 --> 01:24:10,440 for this trip to end. 1662 01:24:10,520 --> 01:24:13,240 If we can just get... You see those trees on the crest up there? 1663 01:24:13,280 --> 01:24:16,280 JAMES: Yeah. -Will we be able to see Moron from up there? 1664 01:24:16,320 --> 01:24:19,560 We'll see the sign that says: "Moron, twinned with Jeremy Clarkson". 1665 01:24:19,600 --> 01:24:20,640 (LAUGHS) 1666 01:24:22,600 --> 01:24:24,680 JEREMY: Soon, with our hearts soaring, 1667 01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:26,640 we were nearing the peak. 1668 01:24:28,600 --> 01:24:31,000 JEREMY: Summit. Can we see Moron? 1669 01:24:31,040 --> 01:24:33,320 Can we see Moron? 1670 01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:35,120 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 1671 01:24:35,160 --> 01:24:38,200 RICHARD: Where is it? 1672 01:24:38,240 --> 01:24:41,120 JEREMY: Oh, no. No, no. JAMES: Oh, jeez... 1673 01:24:41,160 --> 01:24:43,840 RICHARD: Oh, bloody hell! JAMES: Please! 1674 01:24:45,720 --> 01:24:47,720 RICHARD: Oh, my God. 1675 01:24:47,760 --> 01:24:49,680 (INSECTS BUZZING) 1676 01:24:52,320 --> 01:24:53,440 (SIGHS) 1677 01:24:55,200 --> 01:24:56,680 Kill me. 1678 01:25:01,360 --> 01:25:02,840 We've only got two tents. 1679 01:25:05,320 --> 01:25:06,760 We've no food. 1680 01:25:15,040 --> 01:25:17,640 We were also low on fuel. 1681 01:25:17,680 --> 01:25:20,560 But we had to plough on with the punishment. 1682 01:25:20,600 --> 01:25:23,360 -(THUDDING) -(THEY CRY OUT) 1683 01:25:25,920 --> 01:25:28,720 Until two hours later, when we came across 1684 01:25:28,760 --> 01:25:33,200 the most wonderful thing we'd ever seen. 1685 01:25:39,520 --> 01:25:42,520 This was the first reminder in seven days 1686 01:25:42,560 --> 01:25:44,920 that we were in the 21st century. 1687 01:25:44,960 --> 01:25:48,600 RICHARD: Oh, my God! JEREMY: Yes! I've never been so happy... 1688 01:25:48,640 --> 01:25:53,280 But we still had to make a critical decision. 1689 01:25:53,320 --> 01:25:55,240 RICHARD: On one end of this... JEREMY: Is Moron. 1690 01:25:55,280 --> 01:25:57,080 -Yes. -The question is: 1691 01:25:57,120 --> 01:26:00,640 Do we go left... or do we go right? 1692 01:26:03,920 --> 01:26:06,360 -Right. -Well, why right? 1693 01:26:06,400 --> 01:26:07,600 Because I'm very lucky. 1694 01:26:07,640 --> 01:26:10,200 And it's lucky to go right in Mongolia. 1695 01:26:10,240 --> 01:26:12,640 -That's going to Moron. -What if that just goes all the way to nothing? 1696 01:26:12,680 --> 01:26:14,720 -It won't go to nowhere. -It'll go a power station. 1697 01:26:14,760 --> 01:26:18,360 It'll go to Russia. Go to a power station in Russia is where it'll go. 1698 01:26:18,400 --> 01:26:20,720 One end's got a power station in Russia on the end of it. 1699 01:26:20,760 --> 01:26:23,000 -The other has a gin and tonic. -And the other end... yeah. 1700 01:26:23,040 --> 01:26:24,360 Has got a gin and tonic. 1701 01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:26,120 RICHARD: We've decided. 1702 01:26:26,160 --> 01:26:27,880 Let's just stick with it and have faith in our decision. 1703 01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:29,520 JEREMY: Yeah, just to be crystal clear, though, 1704 01:26:29,560 --> 01:26:31,120 -if this is wrong... -I'll kill myself. 1705 01:26:31,160 --> 01:26:33,280 ...I will be the one that says, "I told you it was left." 1706 01:26:33,320 --> 01:26:35,360 Yeah, I know you will. But I'll have killed myself, 1707 01:26:35,400 --> 01:26:37,320 so it doesn't matter, I won't hear it. 1708 01:26:40,040 --> 01:26:41,600 We needn't have worried though, 1709 01:26:41,640 --> 01:26:43,800 because just a few miles later, 1710 01:26:43,840 --> 01:26:48,840 we discovered that in Mongolia it really is lucky to turn right. 1711 01:26:51,960 --> 01:26:54,200 What a heavenly sight. 1712 01:27:03,680 --> 01:27:06,000 (EXHALES) How far away do you reckon it is? 1713 01:27:07,120 --> 01:27:08,600 JAMES: 10K. 1714 01:27:08,640 --> 01:27:10,840 -Come on, then, let's get this thing finished. -Let's do it. 1715 01:27:10,880 --> 01:27:12,800 JAMES: Yeah. 1716 01:27:16,120 --> 01:27:18,760 -It hasn't been easy, has it? -It really hasn't. 1717 01:27:18,800 --> 01:27:20,280 -God, no. -It really hasn't. I mean... 1718 01:27:20,320 --> 01:27:23,760 I'm just staggered that we haven't killed ourselves, 1719 01:27:23,800 --> 01:27:26,440 or each other, actually. 1720 01:27:26,520 --> 01:27:29,480 Because while Mongolia has just been... 1721 01:27:29,520 --> 01:27:31,720 ...a constant source of wonderment, 1722 01:27:31,760 --> 01:27:33,920 the actual business of getting across it 1723 01:27:33,960 --> 01:27:35,960 has been by far and away 1724 01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:37,960 the most difficult, gruelling, 1725 01:27:38,000 --> 01:27:41,400 arduous journey... we've ever done. 1726 01:27:47,480 --> 01:27:49,880 Look! 1727 01:27:49,920 --> 01:27:52,000 JAMES: I would say we've got hundreds of components. 1728 01:27:52,040 --> 01:27:54,600 They haven't sent any beer, or gin or wine, 1729 01:27:54,640 --> 01:27:56,120 or alcohol of any sort. 1730 01:27:56,160 --> 01:27:57,800 -(THUDDING) -Oh! 1731 01:27:57,840 --> 01:28:00,040 RICHARD: God above! JAMES: Let it end! 1732 01:28:01,880 --> 01:28:03,960 -(ENGINE REVVING) JAMES: That's what I meant. 1733 01:28:08,720 --> 01:28:10,560 -(SQUELCHING) -Oh, May! 1734 01:28:10,600 --> 01:28:11,800 I've lost my shoes! 1735 01:28:13,640 --> 01:28:15,760 -I can save this. JEREMY: He's rolled it. 1736 01:28:23,000 --> 01:28:24,920 Brrr-brrr-brrr. 1737 01:28:24,960 --> 01:28:26,200 RICHARD: Oh. 1738 01:28:29,000 --> 01:28:32,040 Oh-ho, whoa! It's all the way up to my arse! 1739 01:28:32,080 --> 01:28:33,560 Aargh! (BLEEP) Current's got me. 1740 01:28:33,600 --> 01:28:35,480 (BLEEP) hell. 1741 01:28:35,520 --> 01:28:38,720 (ENGINE REVVING, CLANKING) 1742 01:28:38,760 --> 01:28:40,920 Aargh! 1743 01:28:43,120 --> 01:28:45,240 JEREMY: Fact is, though, 1744 01:28:45,280 --> 01:28:48,520 we couldn't have done any of that without John. 1745 01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:50,800 No. He's been incredible. 1746 01:28:50,840 --> 01:28:52,400 There's something else, you know. 1747 01:28:52,440 --> 01:28:55,280 Even though we built it in the middle of a field in the dust, 1748 01:28:55,320 --> 01:28:58,200 it has been unutterably reliable. 1749 01:28:58,240 --> 01:29:00,240 The only thing we've had to do to this car 1750 01:29:00,280 --> 01:29:02,400 -is change a fuse, which took about 30 seconds. -Yeah. 1751 01:29:02,440 --> 01:29:05,080 But the moral of that is, if you're going on an expedition 1752 01:29:05,120 --> 01:29:10,080 and you're absolutely dependent on your car for your life...get a John. 1753 01:29:10,120 --> 01:29:11,440 Yeah. 1754 01:29:11,480 --> 01:29:12,480 Look. 1755 01:29:14,640 --> 01:29:18,000 It's... I can't... I'm so excited. 1756 01:29:18,040 --> 01:29:21,120 -And thirsty. Ha-ha! -Oh, my God. 1757 01:29:21,160 --> 01:29:24,360 I've never wanted to arrive anywhere more than just there. 1758 01:29:24,400 --> 01:29:27,160 -Here we go. As we go past the sign, we're there. -Oh, this is it! 1759 01:29:27,200 --> 01:29:29,920 We are arriving, and we are here! 1760 01:29:29,960 --> 01:29:32,000 (CHEERING) 1761 01:29:32,040 --> 01:29:34,800 -(LAUGHTER) -We're in Moron! 1762 01:29:34,840 --> 01:29:38,280 -Hello, Moron, we love you! -Hello, Moron! 1763 01:29:38,320 --> 01:29:41,000 -(LAUGHTER) JEREMY: We have travelled far. 1764 01:29:41,040 --> 01:29:46,240 RICHARD: That was a journey! -Yes, the smoothness. 1765 01:29:46,280 --> 01:29:49,440 Oh, this is beautiful. I like this Tarmac lark. 1766 01:29:51,920 --> 01:29:55,440 -Right. We have now completed Mr Wilman's mission. -Yes. 1767 01:29:55,480 --> 01:29:59,040 -We must get on with completing ours. -Yes, where's the pub? 1768 01:29:59,080 --> 01:30:00,440 -Exactly! -Yes. 1769 01:30:00,480 --> 01:30:02,480 Right, and just another thing. 1770 01:30:02,520 --> 01:30:04,560 As we've done Mr Wilman's mission, this bit's for us. 1771 01:30:04,600 --> 01:30:07,600 -James, can I drive this bit? -No chance. 1772 01:30:07,640 --> 01:30:09,760 -Oh, come on. -No, seriously, Hammond. 1773 01:30:09,800 --> 01:30:13,200 No, it's not worth the risk at this late stage of you putting it on its side. 1774 01:30:13,240 --> 01:30:15,320 -What risk? Well, a bit. -There might be a bend. 1775 01:30:15,360 --> 01:30:19,160 -It might say "Finish." -There won't be a bend. 1776 01:30:19,200 --> 01:30:21,280 You've had all the fun, you've done the exciting bits: 1777 01:30:21,320 --> 01:30:23,360 the dunes and the mountains, and the gullies 1778 01:30:23,400 --> 01:30:25,600 -and the deserts, and the forests. -Yeah, and now the town. 1779 01:30:25,640 --> 01:30:27,480 JEREMY: James. -What? 1780 01:30:27,520 --> 01:30:29,240 Seriously, just to shut him up, 1781 01:30:29,280 --> 01:30:32,120 why don't you just let him have...a go? 1782 01:30:32,160 --> 01:30:34,800 -What, really? -Just let him drive. Pull up here. 1783 01:30:34,840 --> 01:30:36,200 -Seriously? -Yes, honestly. 1784 01:30:36,240 --> 01:30:38,160 -All right. -Please pull up here. 1785 01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:40,160 -It's your fault. -Oh, yes. 1786 01:30:40,200 --> 01:30:42,960 JEREMY: Unbelievable. 1787 01:30:43,000 --> 01:30:46,520 -Right, now you see some driving. -There we go. 1788 01:30:46,560 --> 01:30:48,560 -Whoa! Pub, pub, pub! -What? 1789 01:30:48,600 --> 01:30:50,880 -Whoa! -I've only done two feet! 1790 01:30:52,120 --> 01:30:54,040 (RATTLING) 1791 01:30:56,000 --> 01:30:57,840 -It's shut. JEREMY: What? 1792 01:30:57,880 --> 01:30:59,800 It's shut. 1793 01:31:02,280 --> 01:31:04,600 RICHARD: Do you know, it is, as well. -It is shut. 1794 01:31:09,920 --> 01:31:11,720 And on that terrible disappointment, 1795 01:31:11,760 --> 01:31:13,200 it's time to end. 1796 01:31:13,240 --> 01:31:15,440 Thank you so much for watching. Goodbye.