1 00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:06,480 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,440 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS) 3 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,600 (CHEERING) 4 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,560 -Hello. -Hello. 5 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,720 Thank you, everybody. 6 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,680 Hello. Hello. 7 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,400 Hello! 8 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,880 -Hello! -Hello. 9 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,560 -(CHEERING) -Hello, everybody. 10 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,200 -Thank you. -Hello. 11 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,920 Thank you so much, thank you. 12 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,720 And coming up in this week's show... 13 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,160 JEREMY: James stands next to a car... 14 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,600 ...Richard pulls a face... 15 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,200 ...and some Toblerone falls over. 16 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,600 -(CHEERING) -Exciting stuff. 17 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,040 Exciting stuff. 18 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:43,040 It is, um... It is an action-packed show. 19 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,480 But we start with Lancia. 20 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,240 I've said many times that over the last hundred years, 21 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:53,520 no-one has made more truly exciting cars. 22 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,120 There was the Integrale and the Stratos, 23 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,880 and the Fulvia, and the 037 - the list goes on, and on - 24 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,800 and yet all they make today 25 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:06,720 is a steaming pile of ordure called the Ypsilon. 26 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,040 Look at it. 27 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,680 I would rather have a maggot-infested wound 28 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,440 -than drive one of those. -(LAUGHTER) 29 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,880 Honestly makes me sad that they've been reduced to making that, 30 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,120 and it turns out I'm not the only one. 31 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,360 JEREMY: There's a man in Italy called Eugenio Amos, 32 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,000 who looked at the old Delta Integrale 33 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,800 and found himself wondering... 34 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,360 What would it be like if Lancia made it today? 35 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,520 How would it feel? How would it go? 36 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,720 And then he stopped wondering and decided to find out. 37 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,160 This is what he came up with. 38 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,520 (ENGINE ROARING) 39 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:21,000 The engine is a 16-valve 2-litre turbo, 40 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,800 as it was before, 41 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,120 but it has new rods, new pistons, 42 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,120 a new turbocharger, 43 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,040 and a lot of electronic tweaking. 44 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:33,560 So now it develops 330 horsepower! 45 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,320 That's 140 more than you got in the old car! 46 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,840 And there's more good news. 47 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,560 Most of the body panels and suspension components 48 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:53,480 are now made from either aluminium or carbon fibre. 49 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,880 And there are two advantages to that. 50 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,480 Number one, they won't rust, 51 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,720 and number two, they're light. 52 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:09,600 And because of all this work, this car is pretty quick. 53 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,160 (ENGINE HUMMING) 54 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,360 There's a fair bit of period turbo lag, as you can hear. 55 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,000 (CHUCKLES) 56 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,600 But when it gets on song... 57 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,240 (ENGINE PITCH INCREASES) 58 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,600 Bloody hell! 59 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:32,320 It does 0-60 in four seconds. 60 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:38,200 And flat-out, it'll be doing more than 160 miles an hour. 61 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:42,880 The best thing, though, is that all the understeer you got in the original car 62 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,440 has been replaced with... 63 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:50,480 an extraordinary amount of grip and neutrality. 64 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,680 It is a bloody brilliant car, this. 65 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,480 Look at this! 66 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,240 (ENGINE ROARS) 67 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,560 (HE CHUCKLES) 68 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,360 It is properly quick through there. 69 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,800 Yes, I like this. 70 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,920 Don't go thinking, however, 71 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,120 that all of the Lancia idiosyncrasies 72 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,040 have been erased. 73 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,720 The steering wheel is mounted low down between my legs, 74 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,160 so I can't see any of the dials. 75 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,440 And then here we've got a lot of buttons and knobs 76 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,360 that don't seem to do anything at all. 77 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,080 I know this red one with the rocket ship - 78 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,080 or is it a Philippe Starck lemon squeezer? 79 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,040 I know that starts the engine. 80 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,760 But all the rest, no clue at all, I'm afraid. No clue. 81 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,400 What does "levati" mean? 82 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,120 To find out, I pulled over to chat with Eugenio, 83 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,560 the man who created this car. 84 00:05:54,600 --> 00:06:00,080 A man who turned out to be, let's say, fully Italian. 85 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,280 -On the steering wheel-- -Mm-hm? 86 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:06,800 ...I've been a bit confused by this button. 87 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:10,920 EUGENIO: Levati? Well, "levati" in Italian means, 88 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,920 it's the translation of the word, like, "move". 89 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,720 You press that button and you flash the lights, 90 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,720 and hopefully people will move from your way. 91 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,160 So it just means... That's Italian for "get out of my way"? 92 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,800 Yes, exactly. 93 00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:28,040 After clearing that up, he really got into his stride. 94 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,160 -Did you weld that? -Personally? 95 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,120 -Mm. -No. It's like porn. 96 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,040 -Porn? -It's welding porn. 97 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:39,720 -What's the gold? -Um, it's to... 98 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,440 Basically, it would have a function. 99 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,680 Not in this case. We just like it. 100 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,920 OK. It's pretty. 101 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,960 -So it's just a pretty gold bar? -Yes. 102 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,960 Why did you do two doors? 103 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,400 Two doors? Because... Why not? 104 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,720 -I think it looks cool. -It looks very snazzy. 105 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,000 And then how would you describe that bottom now? 106 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:03,680 Well, it's... I would say it's a very nice ass. 107 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,080 -Mm-hm. -And this is the more... small detail. 108 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:10,600 I would say it's like the thong that comes out from the jeans. 109 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,640 That's... OK. 110 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:19,280 With everything fully explained, I got back on the move. 111 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,280 You have got to love the Italians, haven't you? 112 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,280 I mean, Eugenio said a lot of the stuff in here 113 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,640 wasn't working because, "If it was working, then it would be an Audi." 114 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,200 (CHUCKLES) 115 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,360 I love this car precisely because it isn't an Audi. 116 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:42,320 And I love it because someone cared enough to make it. 117 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,960 And I love it most of all 118 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,800 because it's giving me my youth back. 119 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,880 There is, however, one problem. 120 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,520 It costs a quarter of a million pounds. 121 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,120 And I'm sorry, but if I was going to spurt 122 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:12,360 big lumps of money on an updated classic Lancia, 123 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,680 I'd spurt them on the most classic Lancia of them all... 124 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,240 the Stratos. 125 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,520 Yes, you couldn't fit in it if you were shaped like a human, 126 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,400 and thanks to its signature short wheelbase, 127 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,760 it handled like a psychopath. 128 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,960 But, a few years back, 129 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,040 a team of people from all across Europe, 130 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:45,440 including Germany's 13th best horse rider, 131 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,880 got together and wondered 132 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,880 what a modern Stratos would be like. 133 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:55,760 And then they stopped wondering and got to work. 134 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,280 They bought a Ferrari 430, 135 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:02,200 removed the entire body and threw it away. 136 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:08,080 And then 20 centimetres was cut from the wheelbase of what remained. 137 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,320 After this, the V8 was uprated 138 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,880 and so was the cockpit frame. 139 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,040 A new exhaust system was fitted 140 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:21,120 and then a new carbon fibre body was made 141 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,760 to create this... 142 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,480 The new Stratos. 143 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,120 Pretty, isn't it? 144 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,240 And it's even better when you get inside. 145 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,320 Look at this. I fit. And there's air-conditioning, 146 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,400 and a button that changes the setting of the traction control. 147 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,280 And it's got door pockets 148 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:57,840 big enough for a crash helmet, 149 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,160 just like in the original. 150 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,880 (ENGINE STARTS AND REVS) 151 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:08,040 Right, let's see if this is just misty-eyed nostalgia, 152 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,960 or whether it actually works. 153 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,440 (ENGINE REVVING) 154 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,480 It is not misty-eyed nostalgia. 155 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,880 The first thing you notice is the stiffness. 156 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,080 And then there's the lightness. 157 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:38,160 It's actually 100 kilograms lighter than the Ferrari on which it's based. 158 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,640 You can certainly feel that when you accelerate. 159 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,840 Nought to 60... 160 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,240 Three point three seconds. 161 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:56,160 And it'll keep on going all the way past 200! 162 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,720 This is alarmingly fast! 163 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:05,840 Jesus H Christ! 164 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,120 You sense it too in the corners. 165 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,240 -(TYRES SQUEALING) -It's just so darty. 166 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:17,680 It's like driving a... a dragonfly. 167 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,880 I thought the McLaren Senna felt light, but this... 168 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,080 Jesus. 169 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,440 (TYRES SQUEALING) 170 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,560 (HE CHUCKLES) 171 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,640 And because of the short wheelbase, 172 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,880 it's incredibly playful. 173 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:41,280 Never does the same thing twice. 174 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,240 Here I come to Your Name Here. 175 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,400 (TYRES SCREECHING) 176 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,040 Let's try that again, same corner, 177 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,880 same input, same line. 178 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,920 (TYRES SCREECHING) 179 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,880 It's got understeer this time. 180 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:04,840 -Same input. -(TYRES SCREECHING) 181 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,480 There we go! There you are, ha-ha. 182 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,640 (TYRES SCREECHING) 183 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:20,360 This is a complete mentalist. 184 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,560 It's like one of those interactive computer books 185 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,440 where you choose the ending. 186 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,880 Except you don't choose the ending. 187 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,800 It does. 188 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:38,120 This, then, is very like the original Stratos. 189 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,640 Which means you have to be 190 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,720 an utterly, utterly brilliant driver 191 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,320 to get the best out of it. 192 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:49,200 If you aren't a particularly brilliant driver, well... 193 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,640 (TYRES SCREECHING) 194 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,680 Yeah. This is going to happen a lot. 195 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:05,240 I don't care, though, because spinning and having accidents, 196 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,040 it's like falling off your Raleigh Burner BMX, which is what this car... 197 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,800 (TYRES SCREECHING) 198 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,400 ...is. 199 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,800 (CHUCKLES) 200 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,880 Unfortunately, however, 201 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:22,520 it's not priced like a Raleigh Burner BMX. 202 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:26,720 It's actually priced like a really big house. 203 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,640 Pity. 204 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,080 (APPLAUSE) 205 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,520 One of my favourite, most exciting, cars. 206 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,400 -Uh-huh? -Yeah, no, I loved it. 207 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,880 I really did love it. 208 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,680 Good. Yeah, that's all well and good. 209 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:45,880 -Mm? -Go on, then. 210 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:47,640 -What? -How much is it? 211 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:51,160 -£650,000. -For God's sake! Really? 212 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,000 -£650,000? -Yes. 213 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,000 For an old Ferrari with a bit sawn out of the middle? 214 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,240 Well, it's a bit more than that. 215 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,880 Look, if you want a Stratos, why don't you just buy a Stratos? 216 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,760 I don't fit in the original Stratos. 217 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,760 Well, you would if we sawed a bit out of the middle of you. 218 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,640 -I've just remembered something. -What? 219 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,480 -I don't want to talk to you two any more. -Do you not? 220 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,320 No, I want to see how fast Abbie can get that remarkable Stratos-- 221 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,520 That unremarkable old Ferrari-- 222 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,520 ...Stratos around the Eboladrome. 223 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,720 (ENGINE ROARING) 224 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,640 JEREMY: Away it goes, looking magnificent 225 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,720 and sounding pretty good too. 226 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,040 (ROARING) 227 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,560 Immediately onto the Isn't Straight. 228 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,480 Ooh, easing off a little there for one of the right-handers, 229 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:42,240 but very, very tidy through there. 230 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,960 Now, Abbie dropping into Your Name Here, 231 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,400 and even tidier through there. 232 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,680 But, how many random handling tricks 233 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,320 will we get round there? 234 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,040 Absolutely none at all. It's nailed there! 235 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,840 Flicking out the other side like a flea, 236 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,840 and already on the run back to Old Lady's House. 237 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,600 It's faster and sharper, a Ferrari improved 238 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:10,040 by the removal of needless weight and length. 239 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,480 Now, Old Lady's House, here we go. 240 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,720 Danced through there brilliantly. 241 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,600 And absolutely brilliant through the second bit as well. 242 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,320 And now the full-bore run to Substation. 243 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,800 -That thing looks epic. -(TYRES SQUEALING) 244 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,920 Stable under braking, tidy through the corner. 245 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,880 Bit of a squiggle on the way out. Anything through Field of Sheep? 246 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,920 No, tidy as anything and across the line! 247 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,200 You've got to admit, that did look-- 248 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,360 -It looks very exciting. -That does look quick. 249 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,920 -It does. Yeah. -It does. 250 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,440 It looks very exciting. 251 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,400 I particularly enjoyed the bit where you said, 252 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,000 "improved by the removal of needless length and weight." 253 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,200 Well, that's me, isn't it? I mean, that is clearly-- 254 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,520 Just... Just... No, I still don't want to talk to you. 255 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,720 -Do you not? How fast did it go? -No. Yes, exactly. 256 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,440 Let's find out. There. Look, there's the board. 257 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,480 Let's see where the Stratos goes on it. 258 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,200 -(BELL PINGS) -Yeah. Oh. 259 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,960 JEREMY: 17th. That's not bad. JAMES: No, hang on a minute. 260 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,080 -What do you mean, "Hang on a minute"? -That's over a second slower 261 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,000 than a four-door BMW saloon. 262 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,880 Yeah. Yeah, no, it is slower, 263 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,480 but it's a lot more expensive, so... 264 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,200 -Good point. -Tell you what. 265 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,960 Let's find out how fast the Delta went, OK? 266 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,600 Integrale. Here we go. 267 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,680 Didn't bother filming it, but we have got the time. 268 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,080 -(BELL PINGS) -Ah... Oh. 269 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,000 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHS) JAMES: Yeah. Now, an old-- 270 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:27,400 No, look at it this way. It's actually the same speed as a BMW M2. 271 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,160 I think I can also claim quite reasonably 272 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,400 that the old Mercedes A45 273 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,320 would go round the track faster than that. 274 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,640 Yeah, and be a hell of a lot cheaper, just a fact. 275 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,600 Yes, but, but, everything on a Mercedes would work, 276 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,160 -and who wants that? Be dull. -(LAUGHTER) 277 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,360 It's what Eu... It's what Eugenio was saying. 278 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,680 You don't want German. You aren't in the Italian frame of mind, you two. 279 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,520 -Are we not? -No, you're not. That's the trouble. 280 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,200 -Has anyone here got an Italian car? -(NO REPLY FROM AUDIENCE) 281 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,360 No, they're not here, are they? They didn't make it. 282 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,280 -(LAUGHTER) -It's raining. 283 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,200 Did you... Yes, that is a good point, actually. 284 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,000 It's also very windy, and before the tent blows away, we should get on. 285 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:04,080 We should. We must move on, because now it is time for us 286 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:08,240 to score a bag of chat from the dealer of debate... 287 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,080 -God. -...on Conversation Street. 288 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,080 (LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC) 289 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,880 (THUD) 290 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,320 I like that one. I really like that one. 291 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:21,880 It's my favourite. 292 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,280 -I don't even remember my head coming off. -I do. 293 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,880 Anyway, look, let's get on with it. 294 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,680 I've got some very interesting news for you, James. 295 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,720 Oh, God! Not more speed of bloody birds, please. 296 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,040 -Oh, is it? -No. 297 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:39,040 -Speed of fish. -Oh, for God's sake, no. 298 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,480 -Go on, go on. -OK. 299 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:44,160 How fast do you think a salmon can cross a road? 300 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:48,080 Salmon don't cross roads. You're thinking of a chicken. 301 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:52,280 You say that. Watch this piece of footage I found on the internet. 302 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,320 JEREMY: Look at that! RICHARD: What, are they salmon? 303 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,720 -They're fish? -It's actually salmons. 304 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,680 RICHARD: Oh, no, that is actually quite interesting. 305 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,320 It is. Look at them! There's hundreds of them going across a road. 306 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,760 -What are they doing? -This is the interesting thing. 307 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,560 If I were a salmon... And they have to go back to their breeding ground, 308 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,200 or spawning ground, don't they? 309 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,320 I wouldn't be bothered. I'd just stay on the other side. 310 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,640 "Oh, I'll have the baby here." 311 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,400 When my children were born, I didn't think, 312 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,760 "I've got to get back to Doncaster!" 313 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,400 I just went to the nearest hospital. 314 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,520 No, salmon are very determined. You have to respect them for that. 315 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,760 Actually, fish, I think, are pretty cool. 316 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,800 Actually, is it not remarkable that car-makers 317 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,080 have never named cars after fish? 318 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,400 Good conversation. 319 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,080 They've named them after, you know-- 320 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,800 Big cats, they've done. 321 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,320 -Birds. Lots of birds. -Birds they've done. 322 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,400 -The weather. -Greek gods. 323 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,920 Why has there never been a Ferrari Salmon? 324 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,920 Determined, agile, good at cornering. 325 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,520 Lamborghini Tuna. 326 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,320 Yeah, I was gonna... The tuna is a very fast fish. 327 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,080 -40 miles an hour, a tuna will go. -Faster than a speedboat. 328 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:49,920 Faster than a jet-ski you rent on holiday. 329 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,720 It's a brilliant idea. I can't wait for the Ford Haddock. 330 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,680 -Mm. -(LAUGHTER) 331 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,520 Can anyone think of a car that's been named after a fish? 332 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,200 -Stingray. -Barracuda. 333 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,720 -Oh, now-- -There's the Stingray-- 334 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,680 Stingray, yes. Barracuda. Manta. 335 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,280 Manta. 336 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,040 Isn't it amazing how all cars are named after fish? 337 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:12,280 -It's an astonishing thing. -We can edit all that other stuff out. 338 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,440 Yeah, the audience knows a lot more than we do. 339 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,080 That's basically what we're talking about. 340 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,200 I'd completely forgotten about the Barracuda. 341 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,800 Plymouth Barracuda, yeah, and the Opel. Yes, absolutely. 342 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,080 Now, you know we've always said 343 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,160 that Canada is God's pantry, yeah? 344 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,320 -Yes. -And that Saudi Arabia is his petrol station. 345 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,400 Yeah, and Lancashire is his cupboard under the stairs. 346 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,440 Our tent's about to blow down. 347 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,800 Exactly. This is the wind tunnel. 348 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,440 France is his drinks globe. 349 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:37,880 France is the drinks globe. 350 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,480 Argentina is his cesspit, Bol... Bolivia is his-- 351 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,280 Yeah. 352 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,440 Yeah. It is. 353 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,520 You really got that one, yeah. 354 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,080 Point I'm trying to make, though, is, 355 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,200 as we've always agreed, Italy is his race track, yes? 356 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,720 -Yeah. -This is a known fact. 357 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,560 We saw it earlier with the Integrale and the Stratos. 358 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,160 Now, this is a point that's been proved, 359 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,560 because the mayor of a small hamlet, 360 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,800 um, called Acquetico in... near the French border, 361 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,920 he installed a speed camera 362 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,880 on a two-week trial period, OK? 363 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,680 Now, we've got a picture of the village in question here. 364 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,000 RICHARD: Oh, that's lovely. -Yeah, we're not talking about a vast metropolis here. 365 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,080 Now, in the two-week trial period of the speed camera, 366 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,640 the number of people it caught breaking the speed limit was... 367 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,760 -...58,560. -What? 368 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,480 -(LAUGHTER) -There, in that village? 369 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,960 JEREMY: 58,500, in two weeks! -What? 370 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,240 They can't help themselves, the Italians, can they? 371 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,480 Well, wait a minute. That many in two weeks, during... 372 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,080 -Let's assume it was quieter at night. It looks it. -Yeah. 373 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,680 So during the day there must have been at least one car 374 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,880 every ten seconds setting the camera off. 375 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,960 People would have been done twice a day. No, wait. 376 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,800 On the way to work, then back for lunch, 377 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,240 -then back to work, then back home at night. -"It's happened again." 378 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,440 "This flashing is annoying." 379 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:56,240 What I, what I love, though, is the mayor is still deciding 380 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,080 whether a speed camera is necessary. 381 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,160 -(LAUGHTER) -What does he want? 382 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,800 He's quoted in one of the papers I read the other day 383 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,640 as saying, "Well, the problem is we have good asphalt 384 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,400 and long continuous bends." 385 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,760 So, he's basically said, "It's a really nice road, 386 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,800 so of course people are going to speed." 387 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,760 "Plus, we're Italian, so what do you expect?" No, good effort. 388 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,640 Meanwhile, in the UK, things are rather different. 389 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,560 Um, there's a man in Bedfordshire, right, he's... 390 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,440 Which is a county in England-land if you're watching elsewhere. 391 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,040 Er, and he's put a fake speed camera 392 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,240 on the side of his house, which is by the A1. 393 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,800 We're got a picture of it here. 394 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,520 As you can see, it is very realistic. 395 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,000 -Would you agree, yeah? -Completely. 396 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,800 And he's been told to take it down 397 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:42,000 because the highways agency say it's distracting drivers. 398 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,200 -(LAUGHTER) -Oh, wait. Wait a minute. 399 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,200 -Yeah. -The highways agency have said 400 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,960 something that looks exactly like a speed camera 401 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,720 -is distracting drivers? -Yeah. 402 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,680 They've rather shot themselves in the foot with that one. 403 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,560 Yeah, because what they're saying is 404 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,280 speed cameras are distracting drivers and they're therefore dangerous. 405 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,360 Speed cameras, according to the government, 406 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,720 are killing baby children and small puppy dogs. 407 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,640 -(LAUGHTER) -So, shall we have a vote? 408 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,160 Yeah, let's have... Do we all agree? 409 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,520 Who thinks all speed cameras should be removed? 410 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,120 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Highways agency, we agree with you. 411 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,440 -We support you in your campaign. -100%... 412 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,760 -100% of us. -...of the British population 413 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,120 agree that they should all be taken down now. 414 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,200 -Good, that's that sorted. -Cleared that up. Good. 415 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,760 -(LAUGHTER) -Er, I'd like to move... 416 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,080 I've got some very big and interesting conversation, actually. 417 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:28,800 -Peugeot have made... -Mmm. -...an interesting car. 418 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,440 -Bet they haven't. -Er, no chance. 419 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,160 No, they have. I've got a picture of it here, look. 420 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,240 It is called the e-Legend. 421 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,200 RICHARD: Ooh, hang on. -It has two electric motors. 422 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,880 It has 456 horsepower and it is designed 423 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,520 to look like the old Peugeot 504 Coupe. 424 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,440 JEREMY: Well, it doesn't. -No, they say it does. 425 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,920 -It does a bit. -It doesn't. Looks more like the 505 GTi, 426 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,520 he said in a rather boring way. 427 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,080 I don't care what old car it looks a bit like. 428 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,560 -Look. It looks fantastic. -It does. When can we buy it? 429 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,000 -Er, you can't. -Oh. 430 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,480 No, it's just a sort of concept car design study. 431 00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,120 What you can buy, though, right now, is, er, this. 432 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,800 RICHARD: Oh, God, really? -Yeah. 433 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,680 That's called the, er... That's called the Rifter. 434 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,880 It's a sort of diesel van. 435 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,800 Oh, what is wrong with Peugeot? 436 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,880 -It's a good question. -Why are they reminding us 437 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,360 that they used to build some really very good-looking cars, 438 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,000 and then we can only buy dreary crap like that? 439 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,120 -(LAUGHTER) -No, it baffles me, 440 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,440 because why would you make a concept car you can't buy? 441 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:25,040 When you go to a greengrocer, "This succulent, juicy apple, you can't have that one. 442 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,320 We've got some mouldy ones in the back." 443 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:31,200 Peugeot, go to a greengrocer and see how they do business, and then learn from them. 444 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,680 -(LAUGHTER) -Now, a few months ago, 445 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,000 there was a bit of a problem in Britain. 446 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,800 It's been going on for a year or more, 447 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,080 where kids are getting on mopeds, riding down the pavement, 448 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:40,920 another kid on the back, helping themselves 449 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,480 to people's phones and old ladies' handbags and what have you, 450 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:44,960 as they're going along, yeah? 451 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,560 It's a big problem for the police 452 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,080 because in busy city streets, how do you chase a moped? 453 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,480 -You can't. -Well, exactly, no. 454 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,280 However, the police came up with an idea 455 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,720 that they thought would solve it, 456 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,840 which was to basically ram the moped thieves, OK? 457 00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,800 (CHEERING) 458 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,240 You're applauding? 459 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,480 We've actually got footage of them doing just that here. 460 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,080 Ready. There he is, and bam! 461 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:10,200 -(LAUGHTER AND CHEERING) -Yeah! Down you go. 462 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,400 And... 463 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,440 booyah! 464 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:15,960 That's what you need. 465 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,120 You see, we're all in favour of that, are we not? 466 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,240 -Yeah, yeah. -It's the only time in my life 467 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,320 I've ever wanted to be a policeman. 468 00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:23,720 -(LAUGHTER) -No, you can't. 469 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,040 -Why? -You haven't got a moustache. 470 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,440 -That's true. -No, but that... 471 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:30,480 -OK, I have had an idea. -Oh, God. Is it ridiculous? 472 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,640 -Let me explain. -That's a yes, then, it is. 473 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,080 Just let's see what everybody thinks. 474 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,840 OK, so best will in the world, the police are out patrolling, 475 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,840 and they don't do much of that these days, as I'm sure we all know. 476 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,240 -Yeah. -But even if they were, 477 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,440 the chances of them encountering somebody 478 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,120 who really was a moped thief 479 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,280 in a place where they could realistically knock them off 480 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,520 -is quite remote, yes? -Yes. 481 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,040 So how's this for an idea? 482 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,160 All of us, as we're driving along in our cars, 483 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,320 if you see a motorcycle, knock them off. 484 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:00,760 (LAUGHTER) 485 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,520 Wait. What, just any motorcyclist? 486 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,160 Yes, because eventually somebody's bound to hit the right one 487 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,640 and knock over, er, a moped thief. 488 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,600 Hang on, isn't that a bit like Pol Pot 489 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,800 executing anybody who wore glasses in case they'd read a book? 490 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,320 -(LAUGHTER) -Yes, it is. 491 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,040 Look, I admit, you two, I know you're not moped thieves, 492 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,000 I know you're not, but you do ride motorcycles and that's fine. 493 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,200 And you are going to get, I have to admit, 494 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,920 some hurty knees and a bit of grazing. 495 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,400 Well, yes, and quite a lot of other people, 496 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,800 including Ewan McGregor, Jamie Oliver, Ross Noble. 497 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,120 The Hairy Bikers, for God's sake! 498 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,760 -You can't knock them over. -Yes, I know, you say that, 499 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,320 but they're just casualties of war if you think about it. 500 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,640 -(LAUGHTER) -The main thing is 501 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,240 that we are bound to totally end moped thievery, 502 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,920 -and we'd all have a good laugh at the same time. -No. 503 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,480 Come on, you would. 504 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,520 You can't ram bikers. 505 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,120 I'm not saying we ram them. A gentle nudge. 506 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,080 Anybody here ride motorcycle? 507 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,120 -Yes. Well done. -(SEVERAL PEOPLE CALL OUT) 508 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,560 -Sorry. -(LAUGHTER) 509 00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:03,120 Anyway, I think that's the end of Conversation Street. 510 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:04,800 -Yes, it is. -Let's move it on. 511 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,560 Yeah, let's move it on. Earlier on, Jeremy was listing 512 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,480 all the wonderful and remarkable cars that Lancia have made over the years, 513 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,880 but let's not forget Porsche has also made 514 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,720 some rather remarkable cars. 515 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,720 Absolutely. There was the 911. 516 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,600 There was another sort of 911. 517 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,040 There was a slightly different 911 that was green. 518 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,720 Yes, yes, yes, I know, but this year marks the 50th anniversary 519 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,600 of what I think must be the greatest Porsche of them all. 520 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,720 -Is it a 911? -No. 521 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:40,440 JAMES: It's called the Porsche 917. 522 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,480 And even if you have no interest in motorsport, 523 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,120 you'll most likely recognise this machine... 524 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,000 because it's quite possibly 525 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,040 the most iconic racing car ever created. 526 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,520 Now, today Porsche is the most successful car maker 527 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,200 ever to race at Le Mans. 528 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,640 They have 19 victories to their name. 529 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,640 But this is the car that started it all. 530 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:09,560 This is the car that gave them that all-important first win. 531 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,560 Now, obviously, with a pedigree like that, 532 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,200 it's quite valuable, around £14 million. 533 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,800 So when we asked the insurance if this would be OK, 534 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,680 they said yes, but not the accident-prone little midget. 535 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,640 "It must be Captain Slowly." 536 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,720 So let's see if I can make this thing live for you. 537 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,640 The first thing you need to know is that, 538 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:32,520 although the 917 looks like a big, wide car, 539 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,880 actually, it isn't. 540 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,720 Ow. 541 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,280 (STRAINING) 542 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,440 -I'm in. -(HEAD THUMPS) 543 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,560 God, it's tiny! 544 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,120 (ENGINE GROWLING) 545 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:00,480 (ENGINE ROARING) 546 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:01,840 Holy mother! 547 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,120 Ahh! 548 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:07,840 (CHUCKLING) 549 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,400 (ENGINE ROARING) 550 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,160 The racket is just astonishing. 551 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,280 Imagine this for a 24-hour race. 552 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,280 Even though it's a 50-year-old car, 553 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,440 the 917 is fast by the standards of any decade. 554 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,720 Nought to 60, 2.7 seconds. 555 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,800 Top speed, 224 miles an hour. 556 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,280 And it was built without compromise, 557 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,760 using the absolute bare minimum of materials. 558 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,200 So, for example, this bodywork, 559 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,000 which is very close to my head, 560 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,760 it's fibreglass, 561 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,440 1.2 millimetres thick, that's it. 562 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,480 Now, in front of me I have a big rev counter, 563 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:00,920 an oil temperature gauge, and an oil pressure gauge. 564 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,000 That's all the information you get. 565 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,920 If those are reading correctly, 566 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,720 that means the engine isn't going to blow up, 567 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,560 and that means you can pin it! 568 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:19,160 Jeez! It's the world's fastest canoe! 569 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,400 The five-litre 12-cylinder engine 570 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:25,080 produces 621 horsepower, 571 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:29,040 which is modest by the standards of today's road-going hypercars. 572 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:33,440 But this thing weighs just 800 kilograms. 573 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,640 As a result, the power-to-weight... 574 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,200 is off the scale! 575 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,280 Bloody hell, this is special. 576 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,120 I'm amazed Porsche let me drive it at all. 577 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,640 I mean, they didn't give me any training. 578 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,160 They just put me in and said, 579 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,760 "Pull zis und turn zat and, oh, you'll be fine, mm." 580 00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,280 What's more amazing than that, actually, 581 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:00,880 is that this car exists at all, 582 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,200 because its gestation was... 583 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,560 let's say... it was quite difficult. 584 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:16,560 JAMES: The story of its birth starts in 1968, 585 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,640 when the governing body for sports car racing, 586 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:22,280 alarmed that the top-end, unregulated prototype cars 587 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:27,000 were becoming too fast, too expensive, and too dangerous, 588 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:33,040 decreed that such machines should have engines no larger than three litres. 589 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,800 However, the governing body also said that if you could build 590 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,360 25 road-going versions of your racing car, 591 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,360 that engine limit would be raised to five litres. 592 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,840 Although, secretly they knew that no small sports car manufacturer 593 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,760 could actually afford to do that. 594 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,240 They didn't think there'd be any takers. 595 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:56,320 What they hadn't reckoned on was Porsche's head of motorsport Ferdinand Piech. 596 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,520 Back then, Porsche was a tiny cash-starved outfit, 597 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,680 nothing like the prosperous company we know today. 598 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:09,160 But Piech was so consumed with scoring an outright win at Le Mans 599 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:13,600 that he decided he was going to build those 25 cars, 600 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:18,320 even though the next Le Mans was only a few months away. 601 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,720 So, everybody, and I do mean everybody - 602 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,920 the accountants, managers, office juniors, secretaries - 603 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:25,880 they were all hauled away from their desks 604 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:28,840 to go down to the production line and work on getting those cars ready. 605 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,720 They actually became known as the "secretary cars". 606 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,960 The ragtag Porsche team just made the deadline, 607 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,600 and the motorsport inspectors gave the road cars the sign-off, 608 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,320 presumably not inspecting them too closely 609 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:48,360 or they would have noticed that most of them had truck axles. 610 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,320 (ENGINE ROARING) 611 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:55,440 With the green light given for Porsche to enter the Le Mans race, 612 00:31:55,480 --> 00:32:00,200 Piech got to work getting some cars ready in time. 613 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,280 Now, on the plus side, they were blindingly fast. 614 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:07,960 One car clocked 238 on the Mulsanne Straight. 615 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:14,000 On the downside, though, they were terrifyingly unstable 616 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,360 and virtually undriveable. 617 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,600 The drivers simply didn't know 618 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,360 what the car was going to do next. 619 00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,600 There was so much chassis flex 620 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,520 that the gear lever would move around all over the place. 621 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,800 They'd make a gear change, put their hand there the next time, 622 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:30,360 and it'd be somewhere else. 623 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:36,680 Piech hoped for a big win at the 1969 Le Mans race, 624 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:40,960 but it was a disaster. 625 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,800 One of the privately-entered cars crashed on lap one, 626 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,520 killing its driver. 627 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,440 The others broke down as the race wore on 628 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:54,680 until just one remained, driven by this man, 629 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,480 British driver Dickie Attwood. 630 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,320 "Difficult" would be, er, putting it mildly. 631 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:04,960 Um... er, "life-threatening" could be another one. 632 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,120 -Um... -Right. 633 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,280 It was, um, a monster. 634 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,600 It was made for speed, 635 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,640 like a bullet, to go through the air, 636 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,600 but the, er, there wasn't enough pressure on the bodywork 637 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,440 to keep it on the ground. 638 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,920 And so the faster you went, the more unstable it was. 639 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,160 -(ENGINE REVVING) -It was so horrendous, 640 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,200 I was waiting, hopefully, that the car would break. 641 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,040 And eventually it did. 642 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,480 But it was 21 hours before it broke. 643 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:37,280 We were six laps in the lead, so we hadn't got far to go. 644 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:42,400 But I was, I was happy the car broke. 645 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:46,960 Undeterred, Porsche hired British race engineer John Wyre, 646 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,560 who'd helped to develop the Ford GT40, 647 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:52,920 to sort out the 917's evil handling. 648 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,920 And he cracked the problem, 649 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,120 with a little help from Mother Nature. 650 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,560 After one really long test session, 651 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,720 Wyre and his drivers noticed that although the front of the car 652 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:05,840 was absolutely plastered in dead bugs, 653 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,200 there were none here on the rear wing, 654 00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:10,960 which must have meant the air wasn't flowing over it, 655 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:12,920 and it wasn't producing any downforce, 656 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,840 and it wasn't pressing the car down into the track. 657 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:20,200 Having reworked the aerodynamics of their problem child, 658 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:25,040 Porsche arrived at the 1970 Le Mans race with renewed hope 659 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:29,560 and Dickie Attwood once more at the wheel. 660 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:33,120 During the race, the 917s were blisteringly fast - 661 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:34,960 as ever - 662 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:39,400 but this time, mercifully, they were much more stable. 663 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:43,120 And although heavy rain claimed victim after victim, 664 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:46,160 Attwood and the 917 took the chequered flag 665 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:50,000 and gave Porsche their first ever outright win at Le Mans. 666 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:53,360 (CHEERING) 667 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,120 It was a win they badly needed, 668 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:56,960 because they had, quite literally, 669 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,200 gambled the company on it. 670 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,680 It's also true to say that this car 671 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,800 nearly broke Porsche, as well, didn't it? 672 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,680 Because they were a very small company. 673 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,800 It did. Um... 674 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,760 Again, it was Ferdinand Piech 675 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:14,160 and, er, he was a guy who was, um, quite extreme. 676 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:18,280 He was so enthused to do what he's done that 677 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,160 that nearly broke the company, it did. 678 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:24,120 Yeah, the racing programme nearly destroyed Porsche. 679 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,960 From then on, there was no stopping the 917 680 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,960 as it set about building its own legend. 681 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,640 The following year at Le Mans, 682 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:35,640 on the way to another crushing victory, 683 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,320 it would go through the speed traps 684 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:41,120 at over 241 miles an hour, 685 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:45,160 a record that stood for more than 20 years. 686 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,760 And in that same race, it was so fast 687 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:52,760 it would cover a total of 3,315 miles, 688 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:57,520 a distance record that would stand until 2010. 689 00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:58,800 (CHEERING) 690 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,320 And if that wasn't enough, 691 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,280 Hollywood's greatest petrolhead, Steve McQueen, 692 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,520 came to Le Mans and made the 917 a screen icon. 693 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,440 And now, since the legend is celebrating its 50th birthday, 694 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,520 I think it deserves a fun day out. 695 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:27,040 So, I thought, why don't we put Mr Dickie Attwood back in it 696 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,640 to stretch its legs a bit and spice things up, 697 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:32,960 and whilst he's there, let's see how the old legend - 698 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:37,000 I mean the car - stacks up against a modern Porsche. 699 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,680 -(ENGINE ROARING) -Specifically, this Porsche, 700 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,800 the 911 GT2 RS, 701 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:46,600 the biggest gun in Porsche's current arsenal. 702 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,640 Now, attentive viewers will have noticed 703 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,880 that I'm not actually driving, 704 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:55,040 and that's because I've decided to do this properly. 705 00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,800 We're going to have old Porsche Le Mans-winning racing driver 706 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,200 versus young Porsche Le Mans-winning racing driver, 707 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:07,880 because this is Neel Jani, and he won for Porsche in 2016 in the 919. 708 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,120 To be honest, he's also probably a bit better at this than I am. 709 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:13,920 As for the cars themselves, 710 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,280 on paper, it's a tough one to call. 711 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,440 We have 700 horsepower in here, 712 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,360 621 horsepower in the 917. 713 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,600 But the 917 weighs just 800 kilograms. 714 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:29,160 This weighs 1,830 kilograms. 715 00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,080 It's over a tonne heavier. 716 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,960 But then again, we've got modern tyres and we've got modern brakes, 717 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,640 and we have a modern gearbox with paddles. 718 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:40,440 So, I mean, God knows. Let's find out. 719 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:45,000 What I hadn't considered in my comparisons... was Dickie. 720 00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,600 (GEAR CLICKS AND ENGINE ROARS) 721 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,200 Whoa, cheeky! 722 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,160 Look how bloody fast he's going. 723 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,960 The man's a loon. He's 78. 724 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,960 He's going quick, huh? 725 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,280 Carrying a massive amount of speed in the corner. 726 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,160 Here we go. 727 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,640 Have him! 728 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:13,440 -(TYRES SCREECH) -Whoa! 729 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,000 (LAUGHS) 730 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,040 So, the red mist has descended again, 731 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:22,040 after a pause of nearly half a century, 732 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,280 and Mr Attwood has gone quite mad. 733 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:30,920 Oh, yes, this could be it. 734 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,440 Yes... Oh, no! 735 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,280 Ah, he's had you! 736 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:38,520 (LAUGHS) 737 00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:39,760 Ah, you can't quite out-brake him 738 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:40,960 cos you're too heavy. 739 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,080 But in the end, 740 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:46,680 youth and modern rubber triumph over the flat hat. 741 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,800 Oh, we're right all... We're all over his tail. 742 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,640 Here we go. 743 00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,600 -Oh, ho-ho! -(ENGINES ROARING) 744 00:38:58,280 --> 00:38:59,760 Yes! 745 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,000 Nicely done, sir. 746 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,000 Lucky. I can keep my job. 747 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:07,800 Yeah, I think you can keep your job. 748 00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:13,880 (APPLAUSE DROWNS CHATTER) 749 00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,120 -What a hero. -Oh, I love Dickie Attwood. 750 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,520 -Fabulous. -Oh, yeah, Dickie Attwood, what a man. 751 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:22,960 Really good. 752 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,480 So, you see, James, some old men can drive fast. 753 00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:28,560 -Just saying. -I didn't realise... 754 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:30,920 You know the Ferdinand Piech who did the 917? 755 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,800 He went on, years later, to do the Bugatti Veyron, didn't he? 756 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:36,800 Yes, he did, exactly right. And before that, 757 00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,640 he did the Audi Quattro, the original one, 758 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,320 and his grandfather, obviously, he did the Beetle, 759 00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,160 and his cousin, I think it was, did the 911. 760 00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:46,800 Yeah, his cousin Ferdinand. 761 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,080 They were all called Ferdinand. It's a true fact, this. 762 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,160 Porsche was started by Ferdinand, 763 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,840 who had a son who took over the company, and he was called Ferdinand. 764 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,160 And then he handed it on to his son, 765 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,560 who was called Ferdinand, and he did the 911. 766 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,320 -They're all Ferdinand. -Yeah, but the second Ferdinand-- 767 00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:03,680 -Yeah. -He had a sister. 768 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:05,200 -Called Ferdinand. -No. 769 00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,480 -(LAUGHTER) -She was called Louise. 770 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,040 And she had a daughter called Louise. 771 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,160 -There's a surprise. -And a son called Ferdinand. 772 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,320 That was Ferdinand Piech who we were looking at there. 773 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:15,600 Exactly right, who did that car. 774 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,600 There's no wonder, really, that the 911 never changes, 775 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,360 cos that family's got no imagination. 776 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,880 -(LAUGHTER) -"What shall we call our son?" 777 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,040 "Hmm, I'm thinking Ferdinand." 778 00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,560 Want to guess what Ferdinand Piech's son was called? 779 00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:28,560 -Colin? -No, no, it was Ferdinand. 780 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:29,920 -Was it? -It was, yeah. 781 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,160 There is a surprise. There is a surprise. 782 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,120 Anyway, let's move it on, shall we? 783 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,280 Yep, let's move it on. As you would probably imagine, 784 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,000 we have to travel a lot to make this show. 785 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,960 I mean, just in making this series alone, 786 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:44,040 we have been to Colombia, Detroit, Las Vegas, 787 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,080 Scotland, Tbilisi, Baku, 788 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:49,160 Istanbul, Helsinki, and Chongqing, 789 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,560 Mongolia, Hong Kong, Florida, Spain, 790 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,160 France, Italy, Switzerland. 791 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:56,800 That's just to make 13 programmes. 792 00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:58,000 Yeah, and we're not making that up. 793 00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,600 We genuinely have been that far. 794 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,040 And that means we have to go through a lot of airports. 795 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:03,880 And almost all of them drive us mad 796 00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,600 for a number of small reasons, and one big one. 797 00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,280 -Yeah. You. -What? 798 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:09,840 -(LAUGHTER) -Well, you. 799 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,080 We have to travel with you everywhere, 800 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,320 and you never stop ranting about it. 801 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,000 I do a little bit of that, yeah. 802 00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:16,600 -A little bit? -Yeah. 803 00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,440 The first 20 minutes of the film we're about to see 804 00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,480 are just rant before we even get to the point. 805 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:21,680 Yeah, that is true. 806 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:25,320 But it's worth it, as you shall see. 807 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:28,440 JEREMY: This is London Stansted Airport, 808 00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:31,640 which is located nowhere near London. 809 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,360 Here we are, Wetherspoons with runways, 810 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,480 and miles of tape to make your life worse. 811 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,840 And why do they need a two-hour check-in? 812 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,960 I mean, two hours to get my suitcase from the check-in desk 813 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,960 to just behind that wall over there, which is where the plane is. 814 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,440 Go on. Two hours! 815 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,760 I could almost get it back to London in two hours. 816 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,160 -(SCANNER BEEPING) -Oh, good, security. 817 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:56,680 Time to take all my clothes off 818 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:58,600 and give someone my toothpaste. 819 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,560 And, do you know, the worst thing is, 820 00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:04,880 I mean, the idiocy of people in these queues just beggars belief. 821 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,160 Look at her shoes. You seen her? Look at her. 822 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,160 She looks like Elton John in Tommy. 823 00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,520 It's going to take her three hours to take each one off. 824 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,600 And take your laptops out now, 825 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,480 while you're in the queue, not when you get there. 826 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:21,000 I came here on a train, 2,000 people on it, and no security at all. 827 00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,760 Going on an aeroplane. Wooh. Well, we'll do this. 828 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,760 -(BEEPING) -And then, of course, 829 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,280 is your bag going to be selected for a special search? 830 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,320 Of course it is. All... Yes, there you go. 831 00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,440 You've been through an X-ray machine. 832 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:36,120 If you go to a hospital and you X-ray somebody's leg, 833 00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,360 OK, you say, "Right, it's not broken, I can see that, 834 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:42,160 but let's just cut your flesh open to make sure." 835 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,400 It... They know. It's been X-rayed. 836 00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,640 Why are they looking at it again? Oh, here we go. 837 00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:48,600 -Yeah, salt. -(PLASTIC RUSTLING) 838 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,960 Self-raising flour. 839 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,520 Normal flour. 840 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:53,800 (BEEPING NEARBY) 841 00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,480 Baking powder. Talcum powder. 842 00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,880 That's for my athlete's foot. 843 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,320 I've put them in clear bags. 844 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,000 Every single airport 845 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:04,120 you go through anywhere in the world, 846 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,840 why are they so interested in my condiments and medical necessities? 847 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:09,560 -I mean... -I don't know, mate. 848 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,600 And then you're out of security 849 00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,160 and straight into a shop, 850 00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:15,960 which wouldn't be so bad 851 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:17,760 if it sold something you actually wanted, 852 00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,280 like bog roll or cat food. 853 00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,800 But, no, all they sell is perfume. 854 00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:23,920 Why do they think, when you get to an airport, 855 00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:26,920 "Oh, right, I'm suddenly overcome with a need 856 00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,280 to smell like Victoria Beckham"? 857 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,160 Then you've got the adverts. Look at that halfwit. 858 00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:34,560 Look at him. 859 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,760 Every advert in every airport makes no sense. 860 00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:40,360 And then you have these moronic slogans 861 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,840 from companies that do things you don't understand. 862 00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,400 "Manage your infrastructure like a visionary, 863 00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:47,160 not a functionary." 864 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,560 What's that mean? Might as well say, 865 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:53,560 "Manage your infrastructure like a visionary, not a shoplifter." 866 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:55,720 There's a shop at Heathrow 867 00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:59,120 that sells a life-size pot horse. 868 00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,480 I mean, who, when they're about to get on an aeroplane, 869 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,400 goes, "Yes, that's exactly what I need, 870 00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:07,320 a brittle, fragile pot horse to lumber about"? 871 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:11,680 I'm going to start an airline called "I'll Take My Chances Air". 872 00:44:11,720 --> 00:44:14,120 You turn up, get on the plane, it takes off. 873 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:17,160 Nobody on board smells like Victoria Beckham. 874 00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:20,320 No security, nothing. If it blows up, it blows up. 875 00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:22,680 Not that you can say "blows up" in an airport these days 876 00:44:22,720 --> 00:44:24,760 cos then you have to go to prison for 400 years. 877 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,880 Why is she wearing a tracksuit? 878 00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,040 Well, so she can be comfortable. 879 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,200 She's not going on a fighter jet. 880 00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:34,080 She's going to Spain. There's no g. 881 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,600 Well, there's one. Well, I mean there's 1g now. 882 00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:38,760 I'm not thinking, "Ooh, these jeans are really uncomfortable, 883 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,200 I wish I'd worn a kaftan." 884 00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:45,120 And all those, they're the amuse-bouche of the problems you have at an airport. 885 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,680 Now it's time for the really big one - 886 00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:50,080 the distance to the gate. 887 00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,800 -This never ends. -Of course it doesn't end. 888 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:54,200 -Oh, God. -Look at that. 889 00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:56,400 Ten-minute walk to gates. 890 00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,280 There's no such thing as a ten-minute walk. 891 00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,680 Nobody walks for ten minutes. 892 00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:03,640 Well, I mean, an ape would or a wildebeest, but not a human being. 893 00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:05,440 Ten-minute walk! 894 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,280 The distance from the bag drop here, 895 00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:12,120 to this gate we're going to, is 1.2 kilometres. 896 00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:16,520 In Atlanta, the walk to the furthest gate is two kilometres. 897 00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,840 In Beijing, it's two miles! 898 00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,640 The astonishing miracle is that, so far, 899 00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,360 I haven't actually been run over 900 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:26,360 by one of those karts going, "Beep, beep, beep, beep. 901 00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,080 Warning. Fat bastard on board." 902 00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,520 And then you get to a corner, and is it the end? 903 00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:35,040 No, there's another mile of corridor to get down. 904 00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,040 No-one in the history of aviation 905 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:38,800 has ever flown from gate one. 906 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:41,000 There are no gate ones anywhere in the world. 907 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,400 "Here's your ticket. Gate 374." 908 00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,760 Where's gate one? 909 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:51,280 I can see now why James May volunteered not to be in this film. 910 00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:52,960 And, finally, you get to the gate, 911 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,240 which is so far from civilisation 912 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,920 they're still using a dot matrix printer. 913 00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:01,120 We have explained to him that the walk has to be this long 914 00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:05,000 because aeroplanes are wide because they've got wings, 915 00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,680 but he can't seem to understand the concept. 916 00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:11,760 Look, you will admit that that was a long walk, yes? 917 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,040 I don't care what the reason is, it's a long walk. 918 00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:19,440 -It is quite a stretch, yes. -Which is why we decided to address the problem. 919 00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:21,160 Shut him up. 920 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,360 JEREMY: So, here we are arriving at the airport again 921 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,080 with what looks like normal hand luggage. 922 00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,120 OK, what I have here, as you can see, 923 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:33,200 is a perfectly ordinary wheeled suitcase. 924 00:46:33,240 --> 00:46:35,040 If I fold the handle away, 925 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:37,080 it will fit in an overhead locker. 926 00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:39,920 However, if I lay it down, like so, 927 00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:43,520 you can see... starting to look like a car. 928 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,400 -Not really, mate. -No, it is. 929 00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:49,320 And it will look even more like a car when I have completed the build. 930 00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:51,280 Simply open it up. 931 00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,200 As you can see, all the things I need 932 00:46:53,240 --> 00:46:55,440 for a couple of nights away are in there. 933 00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:56,960 It is actually a suitcase. 934 00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:00,600 But also in here is, um, a steering wheel. 935 00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,480 So, shut that up... (GROANS) 936 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,000 Yeah, you put your shirt over your steering wheel. 937 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,120 -It's not my shirt, it's my jacket. -Oh, I'm sorry. 938 00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:12,600 Just move it off the steering column, zip it up. 939 00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,600 -Right, and then... -(CLICKS) 940 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:18,280 You heard that. A solid click like an M16 rifle bolt. 941 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,800 This is my accelerator, my brake, 942 00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:24,200 and then I simply... sitting on it, 943 00:47:24,240 --> 00:47:27,680 being quite careful to keep that away from...my plums. 944 00:47:27,720 --> 00:47:29,720 And I am ready to go. 945 00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:31,560 -So, where's yours? -Here. 946 00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:33,840 -This is it. Laptop. -Yeah. 947 00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:35,800 Put it on the floor. 948 00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:38,080 -Wheeled laptop? -Oh, yeah. 949 00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,200 -Yeah, but... Oh, I see, you stand on it. -Yeah. 950 00:47:40,240 --> 00:47:41,720 And I'm off. 951 00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,880 -So where's your luggage? -In my pocket. 952 00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,760 I got pants, toothbrush, everything I need. 953 00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:48,120 I'm good to go. 954 00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,000 Hammond, that does look a bit dangerous. 955 00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,080 -It is. -(LAUGHS) 956 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:53,960 That's why I'm wearing all these pads. 957 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:58,080 Right, are we ready, then, to revolutionise air travel? 958 00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:01,840 Yeah. The worst bit about every working day is about to get better. 959 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,480 Let's do this. 960 00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:07,160 The speed! 961 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,480 -(THUD) -Oh, shit. 962 00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,400 I may have hit the other sign as well. 963 00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,080 -My brakes aren't as good as I thought. -I hit the big sign. 964 00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:19,680 RICHARD: Another advantage of this, I am tall. 965 00:48:19,720 --> 00:48:22,560 -I reckon I'm 5'11" on this. -There's been a bit of a role reversal. 966 00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:24,400 RICHARD: It's good. -I've got to be honest with you. 967 00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:27,920 In a matter of moments, we arrived at the check-in. 968 00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:29,880 This is a good test. 969 00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:34,080 Yes. 970 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,320 I'm not a sheep, I'm not a sheep. 971 00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:41,680 -I have solved customs. -(CLATTERING) 972 00:48:41,720 --> 00:48:43,240 -(CLUNK) -Ah! Hello. 973 00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:45,960 -Sorry about that. -Sorry. -Ow. 974 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,880 -Are you checking in a bag? -No. 975 00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,480 -He's on it. -I have it here. It's here. 976 00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:52,480 -He's not normally that tall. -Shut up. 977 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:56,160 -(BEEPING) JEREMY: Into security. 978 00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,440 -(THUD) -Oh, God, my foot. 979 00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:00,960 Sorry. 980 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:02,720 -Sorry. Sorry. -That was my other foot. 981 00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:04,680 -Yep, that happened. -(BLEEPING) 982 00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,320 Can you, er, take out your laptop, please? 983 00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:11,640 Well, no, it is a laptop. Look, that's it. 984 00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:13,320 -It's a laptop. -It's a laptop with wheels. 985 00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:15,560 -Yeah, that's it, simple. -That's a steering wheel. 986 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,960 -And what's that? -Car. 987 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,560 -Oh, God. Just got to get undressed. -Yeah, yeah. 988 00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,400 -Do you want to see my penis? -Um, whoa, not right now. 989 00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:26,080 There you go. 990 00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:29,000 (BEEPING) 991 00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:30,800 Thanks. Bet you never had a steering wheel 992 00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:32,600 go through customs before, have you? 993 00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:34,000 Ooh, ah. 994 00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:38,080 -Right, onwards. -(WHIRRING) 995 00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:40,800 I actually have nine wheels on my suitcase, 996 00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:42,320 not counting this one. 997 00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:43,960 Oh, that was... That was... Ha-ha. 998 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,680 That was a bad mistake. Ah. Ha-ha. 999 00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:48,200 Yeah, sorry. 1000 00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:55,320 JEREMY: Soon we were motoring through the duty-free shops. 1001 00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:01,120 This works by leaning to steer it. 1002 00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,120 It runs on what are, I believe, called "trucks", 1003 00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:05,920 which are the little wheels under skateboards, 1004 00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:07,960 and they...they go in the direction you lean. 1005 00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,800 Coming through. (GASPS) Oh, sorry, madam. 1006 00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,280 I think it'd be better if it made a noise. 1007 00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:17,280 -Hello, this is the future. -I want one! 1008 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,200 You're dragging your suitcase 1009 00:50:19,240 --> 00:50:21,240 instead of using it to get you to the gate. 1010 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,720 Oh. Beep, beep, beep. 1011 00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:30,560 Sorry, I've... Sorry, I... Thank you. 1012 00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:33,240 In full power mode, I have a top speed of 28 miles an hour 1013 00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,200 but I'm not using that 1014 00:50:35,240 --> 00:50:37,800 because in full power mode, you have no steering at all. 1015 00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:39,160 No, no, no, no, no! 1016 00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:41,760 -(THUD AND CLATTERING) -Oh, sorry, mate... 1017 00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:44,240 RICHARD: Er, Jeremy, you've killed a man! 1018 00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,280 -Oh, shit, no! -Oh, Hammond's gone! 1019 00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,880 (HE GROANS) Ow. 1020 00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:52,640 -I meant that. -He's gone! 1021 00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:56,800 JEREMY: Eventually, though, I started to get the hang of my machine. 1022 00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:58,800 Handbrake turn. 1023 00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,400 (HE CHUCKLES) Hammond! 1024 00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:03,480 -What? -I'm drifting a suitcase. 1025 00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:06,200 This is more like a race track than a shop. 1026 00:51:06,240 --> 00:51:08,080 Oh, shit! 1027 00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:11,280 Oh, sh... 1028 00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,600 Can somebody do... This is... Where's the manager? 1029 00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:18,120 This was like this when we got here. 1030 00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,480 OK, we could try and rebuild it, or... 1031 00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:22,800 Going to have to rebuild it. 1032 00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,280 Actually, genuinely hurt my leg. 1033 00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:26,960 Not that you're bothered. 1034 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,600 I'm bothered when you hurt yourself, 1035 00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,440 which is every time you get in a moving vehicle. 1036 00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:33,200 How bothered are you? I genuinely have hurt my ankle. 1037 00:51:33,240 --> 00:51:35,040 You're not going to get an air ambulance trip 1038 00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,160 out of crashing into some chocolate bars. 1039 00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:41,000 Soon, we decided that instead of rebuilding the Toblerone mountain... 1040 00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:46,760 we should use the time we'd made up having a drink. 1041 00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,520 (FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT IN BACKGROUND) 1042 00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:51,480 JEREMY: Ah! -(THUD) 1043 00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:54,600 -(CLATTERING) -Sorry! 1044 00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:56,160 Oh, God. Um... 1045 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:57,920 Can I have... Er, sorry about that. 1046 00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:00,400 It's... difficult to stop. 1047 00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:01,960 Um... What do you want? 1048 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,360 Er, I'll have a gin and tonic. 1049 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:04,680 Two gin and tonics, please. 1050 00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:10,240 So, it's a skateboard with a cordless drill motor, 1051 00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:12,400 and then it gets its power from the laptop batteries? 1052 00:52:12,440 --> 00:52:14,560 -And that's really a... -Yeah. Laptop. It works. 1053 00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:16,640 There's my laptop. 1054 00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:19,000 That's actually quite clever. 1055 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,000 The way we have to look at it is, yes, 1056 00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,240 there was a small accident with the Toblerone, 1057 00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:25,240 -and I did kill a man. -You did. 1058 00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:27,880 But other than those minor drawbacks, I think we're going well. 1059 00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:30,160 I mean, when have we ever, in all of our travels, 1060 00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,320 stopped for a gin and tonic at an airport? 1061 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,920 Never ever had time to do that. 1062 00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,360 JEREMY: Having finished our drinks, 1063 00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:40,280 we set off into the warren of walkways. 1064 00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:44,240 This meant I could finally unleash my suitcase-mobile. 1065 00:52:49,240 --> 00:52:51,560 The speeeed! 1066 00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,600 Oh, rides like a Tesla. 1067 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,320 Hello. Ooh, ha. 1068 00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:00,920 Enjoying your walk? (CHUCKLES) 1069 00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:04,280 Hammond, meanwhile, had decided to use the travellator. 1070 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,080 Yeah. 1071 00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:08,600 I'm saving laptop batteries by doing this. 1072 00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:10,320 Just... Oh, no, hang on a minute. 1073 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:14,760 How am I going to get off the end of this? 1074 00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:16,680 Wait. I'm in reverse. 1075 00:53:16,720 --> 00:53:19,240 So I can stay... I'm stationary, but only cos I'm in reverse. 1076 00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:20,880 Um... 1077 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:25,440 If you just stride, stride, stride, stride. Um... 1078 00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:29,320 Having eventually reunited... 1079 00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,040 Out of the way. 1080 00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:34,360 ...we arrived at the departure gate 1081 00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:37,160 feeling fresh and calm. 1082 00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:40,120 Nothing to see here. Nothing to see. 1083 00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,160 Is it gate 88, Hammond? 1084 00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,080 What? No, mate, it's this one. 1085 00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:47,840 There's no plane! 1086 00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:52,360 (THUDDING AND CLATTERING) 1087 00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:56,720 (HE WINCES) 1088 00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,160 And on that terrible disappointment, 1089 00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:00,880 back to the tent. 1090 00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:03,480 -(APPLAUSE) RICHARD: I liked that bit. 1091 00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:05,480 -I enjoyed that bit. -(CHEERING) 1092 00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:09,880 That was quite hurty. 1093 00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,120 Right, we know how his works. I... 1094 00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:14,880 I just... I fell out of a tunnel! 1095 00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:17,360 I'm not interested in that. I want to know how yours works. 1096 00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:20,920 Well, it's exactly the same. It was a cordless drill motor and some laptop batteries. 1097 00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:22,920 Right, and you're claiming that has a top speed 1098 00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:24,440 of 28 miles an hour? 1099 00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:26,920 I was doing 28 when I fell out of the tunnel. 1100 00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:28,640 -Really? -Yes, 28. 1101 00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:30,000 I didn't believe him either, 1102 00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:31,600 so when the airport quietened down a bit, 1103 00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:34,480 -we organised a race. -Yeah, we did. We got some drivers. 1104 00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:36,800 I got Abbie to ride my suitcase. 1105 00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:40,280 Yep, and my laptop was ridden by Aaron Davis, 1106 00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:43,840 the second fastest young skateboarder in Britain, 1107 00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:45,640 and you can't get better than that. 1108 00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:48,440 -Well... You can. -(LAUGHTER) 1109 00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:50,320 You can get the fastest, but I didn't. 1110 00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:52,400 Anyway, you didn't. Who wants to see the race? 1111 00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:54,280 AUDIENCE: Yes! -OK, play the tape. 1112 00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:58,200 (TANNOY CHIME) 1113 00:54:58,240 --> 00:55:02,480 JEREMY: Right, here's Abbie on my superb suitcase. 1114 00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:05,800 And here's Hammond's man on the laptop. 1115 00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:08,760 And now... let's see what happens. 1116 00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:11,520 Three, two, one. 1117 00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:13,760 (WHIRRING) 1118 00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:53,320 (LAUGHTER) 1119 00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:56,800 That was exciting. 1120 00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:58,280 I think... 1121 00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:01,200 Who, here... 1122 00:56:01,240 --> 00:56:03,880 Hands up. Who, here, would like to have one of those 1123 00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:06,000 -for going through an airport? -Yeah, it's the way forward. 1124 00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:07,440 There you go. We're onto something. 1125 00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,240 -It's the way forwards. -Just hang on a minute. 1126 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,600 Can I just ask, is that the first race in history 1127 00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:15,720 where all of the competitors crashed before the finish? 1128 00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:17,840 -(LAUGHTER) -Probably is, actually. -Um, probably, yeah. 1129 00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:19,560 -Probably is. Yeah. -And let's not forget 1130 00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:20,960 when you used your inventions, 1131 00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,360 you fell off quite badly, 1132 00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,760 you killed a man and then you drove out of the end of a tunnel. 1133 00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:31,480 Yes, I did do that, and I crashed into those Toblerone, which also hurt, yeah. 1134 00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,480 So those, those things you've created 1135 00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,520 are a complete menace to the people using them, 1136 00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:38,960 and everybody else in the airport. 1137 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:40,240 -Uh... -Fair? 1138 00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:42,160 -Yeah. -Yes, that is fair, 1139 00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:44,200 actually, now I come to think of it. 1140 00:56:44,240 --> 00:56:47,160 And so, on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1141 00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:49,720 Now, next week, there's a Grand Tour special. 1142 00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:52,680 We're attempting to cross the vast wilderness 1143 00:56:52,720 --> 00:56:56,040 that is Mongolia, using a car that we built - 1144 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,320 well, they built - ourselves. 1145 00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,600 -(CHUCKLING) -See you then. Take care. 1146 00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:02,680 -Good night. -(CHEERING)