1 00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:06,480 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,440 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLASTS) 3 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,080 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 4 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,680 JEREMY: Thank you. JAMES: Thank you. 5 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,160 Thank you. 6 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,960 Thank you very much, everyone. 7 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:08,760 Now, welcome to what is a Grand Tour special, 8 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,120 in which we go on vacation. 9 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,640 Yep. Let me explain. 10 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,400 The other day we were wondering 11 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:19,280 why some people who want to visit the western bit of America, 12 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:23,280 choose to do so on an RV touring holiday. 13 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,920 It is very popular. I mean, we all have friends who have done it. 14 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,960 And they say they had a good time. 15 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,760 Sounds like caravanning to us, though. 16 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,200 -And you couldn't enjoy that... -(LAUGHTER) 17 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:33,960 ...unless you were mental. However, 18 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,320 Mr Wilman says that since this is a motoring, 19 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,160 and travel and adventure show 20 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,280 he would rent us an RV. 21 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,600 And then we could go over there 22 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:47,160 to see if we could find out what the appeal is. 23 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,520 JAMES: This was the location he chose. 24 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:05,160 And this was the Winnebago Chieftain that he rented for us. 25 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,240 And it was very terrible in every way. 26 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,160 Chaps, if you'd like to brace, 27 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,160 I'm gonna put my foot down, see what she'll do. Happy? 28 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,160 BOTH: Yeah. -Here we go. 29 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,160 (ENGINE REVS) 30 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,320 40. 31 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:26,880 43. 32 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,160 That's flat-out. 33 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,000 JEREMY: This slowness put Hammond and me in a bad mood. 34 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,440 You're just helping yourself to cards. I... 35 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,960 I thought that was the idea. Gotta find all the cards... 36 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,000 I have to have a turn as well. 37 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,880 Well, that'll take ages. 38 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,760 Don't make my holiday worse than it already is. 39 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,080 -(RATTLING) -It is pretty bad in here, isn't it? 40 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,400 It's worse than I thought it would be. 41 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:54,080 Who decided, "Yes, that wallpaper makes it look like home"? 42 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,600 This material existed... 43 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,520 ...in the late-1960s in South Yorkshire. 44 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,080 It's called pleblon that we're sitting on. 45 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,440 And this - this is vulgalure. 46 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,520 RV design, as far as I can tell, 47 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,080 stopped in 1972. 48 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,440 RICHARD: Yes. 49 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,040 It's a different design language 50 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,080 and the language is: Shit. 51 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,320 But all of this doesn't trouble me 52 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,360 half as much as that. 53 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,680 We're here for a week. 54 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,360 At no point will we be more than 12 feet 55 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,240 from where the turds are stored. 56 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,320 His turds. 57 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,280 Look at this. 58 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,040 That's the lavatory door. 59 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,840 Look at it. This is unacceptable. 60 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,080 What separates us from the animals 61 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,640 is reason and defecating in private. 62 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,960 You go somewhere comfortable, read a newspaper, do your business. 63 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,760 You can't do that in there. 64 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,120 -(RATTLING) -What is that shocking racket? 65 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,160 -Everything. -Everything rattles because it's full of crap. 66 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,120 (JEREMY GROANS) 67 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,840 I'm not... I can't... I can't do a week in here. 68 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,600 (RATTLING) 69 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,480 JEREMY: After just five miles we'd had enough. 70 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:12,080 And pulled over for a cup of American coffee. 71 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:16,200 Right. Recipe's very simple. Take a coffee bean and razor blade. 72 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,960 Chop just the end off. Lovely. 73 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,720 Let's check the... 74 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,240 Lukewarm? Yeah. 75 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,040 Pop it in. 76 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,600 (STIRS) Mix it up till the water is 77 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,680 just slightly coloured. 78 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,600 -Perfect. -So in conclusion, then, 79 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,520 there is no appeal to an RV holiday, is there? 80 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,440 This whole experience wouldn't be so bad 81 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,600 if we somehow could modify it, so it's better to live in. 82 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,800 Well, only if we could have one each. 83 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,560 Well, why don't we do that? 84 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,520 JAMES: Get one each? -Yeah, why don't we just get one each? 85 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,560 And then modify it to suit our particular requirements. 86 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,680 -We don't have to have all of this offensive-- -We can do what we want. 87 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,520 JAMES: We therefore abandoned Mr Wilman's RV 88 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,520 and went off to buy our own. 89 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:05,880 Which we then personalised to suit our individual holiday needs. 90 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,640 JAMES: This is what I've gone for. 91 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,360 It's the Ford F550 National Tropical. 92 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,360 And...it's 36 feet long. 93 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,040 Why so massive? 94 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,800 I wanted to modify it in such a way 95 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,240 that I brought a small taste of home with me. 96 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,440 -Can you guess what it is? RICHARD: Er... 97 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,360 -Brown furniture. -A tea cosy. 98 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,920 -A rusty motorcycle. -No. 99 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,320 -Follow me. -What? 100 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,440 Holy moly! 101 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,080 -Whoa-ho! -Yes, welcome to the Rack and Pinion. What will it be? 102 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,920 RICHARD: I'm in a pub. JEREMY: I'm staggered. 103 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,280 RICHARD: It's got peanuts on the wall, terrible pictures. 104 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,720 -Yes. -This is fabulous. (LAUGHS) 105 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,480 -I know. -Warm brown beer. 106 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,200 Yep. Would you like a glass of Lady Petrol? 107 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:55,160 -Is that rosé? Lady Petrol? -Yes. I've equipped it with your favourite drinks. 108 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,760 -What's that? -That's for you. 109 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,120 JEREMY: Brummie's Ruin. 110 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,920 BOTH: It's gin. -Have you remembered to ensure 111 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,240 there are sufficient urine traces in the peanuts? 112 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,600 Yes, I urinated on them myself. 113 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,600 Can I just ask: why have you got a drawing of three stroke victims on the wall? 114 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,200 That's us. 115 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,280 -Er... -What? 116 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,520 -Dartboard. -Yes, it's a pub. 117 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:21,080 Darts is a fine game and helped England win a lot of wars. 118 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,360 Darts is for people who have no conversation. 119 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,160 -Rubbish! -Who wants to go to the pub and do maths? 120 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,640 It's no good telling me what you want your pub to be like. 121 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,280 -I don't want my pub-- -This is my pub. This is what it's like. 122 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,240 This is a traditional pub. 123 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,440 -This is what they look like. -This is great. It works. 124 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,400 We're already talking pub bollocks. 125 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,680 James, it's my job to ridicule you, obviously. 126 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,640 But I can't. Because, apart from the dartboard, you've done an incredible job. 127 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,880 -Thank you. -But it isn't quite as incredible 128 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,960 as the job I've done. 129 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,400 RICHARD: Whoa! -I've gone, as you can see, for a nautical theme. 130 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,000 -In the desert. -Yes, bear with me. 131 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,760 Two-tone paintwork, obviously. 132 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,440 Jet ski on the back, and then, up on the top, 133 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,760 and this really is the pièce de résistance, the flying bridge. 134 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:10,160 -What, so you can drive it from outside? -Why would you not do that? 135 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,920 -Because you built it. -I hate jet skis, by the way. 136 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:17,080 I know, but I... You told me my hatred of darts is irrelevant. 137 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,320 -You kept mentioning it. -It does look nautical. 138 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,480 -Shoes off. Shoes off. JAMES AND RICHARD: What? 139 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,200 -Shoes off. -Why? 140 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,360 -It's a boat. -Oh, I hate that! 141 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,360 I can afford £2 million on a boat, 142 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,680 but not a new bit of carpet if it gets some dust on it off my shoes. 143 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,720 -It's a bit Surrey. -Off. 144 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,040 -Oh, God. -Right, good. 145 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,440 RICHARD: Right, boots are off. Whoa! 146 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,640 -What? -Is this all bathroom? 147 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,640 Yes, obviously. Or lavatory. 148 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,520 Shower here, tiled, as you can see. 149 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,360 Tasteful. 150 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,360 Sink unit, vanity mirror, restrained. 151 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,800 And... just pop this open like so. 152 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,040 -Wow. -Lower the flap, 153 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,120 which means that in the morning... 154 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,560 ...I can...sit down 155 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,680 ..and I can... well, I can see the pub. 156 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,480 As we know, luxury is defined by light and space. 157 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,880 JAMES: Hm? -So this is a luxurious bog. 158 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,120 JAMES: Correct. -And also, look. 159 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,200 This is not some camping lavatory where you defecate on a piece of plastic. 160 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,720 Observe. 161 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,880 (FLUSHES) 162 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:23,560 Oh, it's a proper thing. 163 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,000 Well, how, where does... where does that go? 164 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,520 -Underneath the RV. -What, to, like, a tank or something? 165 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,720 No, underneath the RV. 166 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,040 What, you're going to drive off in your bathroom 167 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,240 -leaving behind a mound of turds? -Yes. 168 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,880 -Where are you gonna sleep? -Here. 169 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,880 This is the exact same width as my forearm. 170 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,520 JAMES: Oh, yes. 171 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,960 RICHARD: It's more of a cupboard, really, isn't it? 172 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,760 JEREMY: The roof, however, was a different story. 173 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,080 -Whoa! RICHARD: Oh, I say. 174 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,080 Well, this is wasted space normally, isn't it? 175 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,320 JEREMY: Exactly. JAMES: It's pretty good this, Hammond. 176 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,200 -But hang on a minute. -What? 177 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,880 -This is... This is very impressive. It's very-- -Aargh! Ha-ha, ha ha-ha! 178 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,640 -(LAUGHTER) -Oh, yes! 179 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,720 -Ha, ha-ha! -Oh, ho. 180 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,160 -So that's something to look forward to. -Aargh! 181 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,160 (LAUGHS) Yeah, don't let skin touch anything. 182 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,960 Right, so assuming you were able to sit in the scaldingly hot seat. 183 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000 -Yes. -Under the blazing sun. 184 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,640 -Yes. -How does it work? 185 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,880 Have you got brakes and accelerator and... 186 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,080 Accelerating. 187 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,840 -Braking. -Right. 188 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,080 -Gears. -Oh, so it really is a boat. 189 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,200 Yeah. Look, the way I see it is this, gentlemen. 190 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:36,120 Almost no one would want to go on holiday in a 36-foot caravan, 191 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,280 but everybody would bite your arm off 192 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,840 to go on holiday in a 36-foot gin palace. 193 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,120 -They're not really that different. -No, they're not. 194 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,960 It's just one floats on water and one goes on land. 195 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,520 -Right, Hammond. -Yes. 196 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,960 -Where's yours? -Over there. 197 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,360 -What, behind the lorry? -No, it is the lorry. That's it. 198 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,520 JAMES: That's not an RV. 199 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,880 It is. Look, it's big, I can sleep on it and it's got a bike on the back. 200 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,080 -That's a recreational vehicle right there. -This we have got to see. 201 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,280 It's big and it needs to move along, so a truck is the obvious answer. 202 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,600 -What sort of truck is it? -I don't know. Truck. 203 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,160 These are the ones that used to be the U-Haul lorry. Ooh! 204 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,960 -You've still got the sign of the previous owner on it. -It doesn't matter. 205 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,000 Come aboard, leave your shoes on, 206 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,880 cos this wood is very splintery. 207 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,600 RICHARD: Um... 208 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,000 Here's the living accommodation. 209 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,760 -What living accommodation? -There's a bed. 210 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,880 There, bed. Telescope in case I get bored in the evening. 211 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:38,240 And then rocking chair in case of visitors and a motorcycle on the back. 212 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,640 So, just two secs. 213 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,520 -Stacks. -Yeah. 214 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,160 -Engine? -It's got a V8. 215 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,080 -Whose? -Mine now, I bought the truck. 216 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,640 JAMES: You have made no effort whatsoever. 217 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,880 Oh, no, now I have, but I've distilled it down. 218 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,360 I haven't wasted time and effort on complicated stuff I don't need. 219 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,400 -This is honest. -So when you come to my... 220 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:01,200 and say, "Please, Jeremy, can I borrow your lavatory?" in the morning, 221 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,560 I'm gonna say no, cos you accused me of wasting time. 222 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,160 And if you want to come to my pub for a drink of your gin, 223 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,760 which I've put on tap for you, I'll say, 224 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,120 "No, it's just a waste of time, Hammond." 225 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,480 I didn't realise we were setting up a sort of stock exchange of resources 226 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,240 -needed by the roaming camper. -Hammond? 227 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,360 -Yes? -Your lorry - I'm not gonna call it an RV... 228 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,800 JEREMY: It isn't an RV. -...is dismal. 229 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,200 God strewth. 230 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,160 JEREMY: On that note, we set off... 231 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,440 ...to see what our RVs and Hammond's lorry, 232 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,760 were like on the road. 233 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,440 So, let's have a look at what we've got on the dash here. 234 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:43,960 Left-hand panel: don't know what any of that does. 235 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,640 Central panel, four warning lights. 236 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,080 Don't know what they're for. 237 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,480 They've got handwritten notices 238 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,600 but that's all rubbed off. 239 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,640 Everything on the right-hand panel: CB radio, stereo tape player etcetera - 240 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,560 all broken. Switch here? 241 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,480 -(CLICKING) -Nothing. 242 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,760 Air con is good, though, and that, frankly, is all that matters. 243 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,320 It's 100 degrees out there. 244 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,440 Hello, viewers. You join me driving my pub. 245 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,280 And given that the two things I do most in life 246 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,680 are driving and going to the pub, 247 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,960 this is a perfect arrangement, isn't it? 248 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,000 Go on, change up, you bastard. 249 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,920 -(GEAR CHANGES) -Thank you. 250 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,200 Nice view, that. 251 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,200 Better than the view from my pub back home. 252 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,280 That's a view of a wall and some bins. 253 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,720 Hello, America. I'm here to explore. 254 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,200 I'm not gonna push it hard up this hill, 255 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,280 cos I've noticed it's running quite hot. 256 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,280 Yeah, doing er... 15 miles an hour, 257 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,440 but I'm really not in a race. 258 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,760 Yeah, I'm down to 13 miles an hour. 259 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,720 Which is plenty. 260 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,280 -(BANG) -That's... That's my engine. 261 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,880 -(BANG) -My engine is backfiring. 262 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,160 -(SERIES OF BANGS) -Yeah. 263 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,880 You don't wanna break down round here. 264 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,840 This is where all the madmen live... 265 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:29,160 ...that follow you in pick-up trucks and black lorries. 266 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:31,920 What is...? 267 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,560 What's that? 268 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:39,760 What the hell? 269 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,440 Did you see that guy? 270 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,280 I didn't see anybody. Where? 271 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,160 What guy? 272 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,480 The guy at the side of the road. Did you see him? 273 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,960 No, I didn't see anybody. 274 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,000 No, there was nobody in the road. 275 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,920 RICHARD: Jeremy. 276 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,560 Why aren't you driving yours on the roof? 277 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,320 Well, it's annoying. 278 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,600 It turns out off-road I can drive it on the roof, 279 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,240 but when I'm on the road, 280 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,920 there's a law that says I can't. 281 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,360 What, that you can't drive your RV from the roof? 282 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,840 -Yeah, I know. -It's health and safety gone mad. 283 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,440 It's ridiculous. 284 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:28,400 My only real issue, and it is - it's significant - 285 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,800 is that my idle speed is 5,000rpm, 286 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,880 which means my foot is now not on the accelerator 287 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,760 and I'm now doing 48. 288 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,720 Oh, Christ... Hang on, wait, stand by. 289 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,920 (REVVING) 290 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,520 You have to jab the throttle like that, 291 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,640 to get it to stop accelerating, 292 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,600 which, of course, causes you to accelerate more. 293 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:54,920 So if there's an emergency, 294 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,080 I must accelerate like that... 295 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,000 ...to then be able to slow down. 296 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:05,960 Look at that. 297 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,320 If he had a purple jacket on 298 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:08,640 he'd look like one of those men 299 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,960 who takes old ladies on tours of North Wales. 300 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,160 JAMES: I'm going to pull in in front of you, so tell me when I can. 301 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,080 Not yet. Not yet. 302 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,840 Not yet. Not yet. 303 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,720 Not yet. Not yet. 304 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,720 Now. 305 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,240 Can you speed up a bit, Hammond? We're all bunching up. 306 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,800 Urrrrh! 307 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,240 I can't go much faster than this. 308 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:40,440 It starts to overheat quite badly and suddenly. 309 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,120 (LAUGHS) I'm not sure I'd trust us three doing... 310 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,640 doing this. 311 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,280 Soon we arrived in a typical American town. 312 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:58,240 Which, of course, had a typical RV campsite. 313 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,600 This'll do. We're home. 314 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,000 So, we decided to check in for the night. 315 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,560 Ow. 316 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,200 33 I'm looking for. 317 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,240 That's me. 318 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,200 Stop, stop. 319 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,320 -Stop. Stop. -(THUD) 320 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,120 (ENGINE STILL RUNNING) 321 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,640 Idle speed has gone completely berserk. 322 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,280 I do apologise, everybody. 323 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,120 There's literally nothing I can do. 324 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,400 That is my idle speed. 325 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,840 -(KEYS JANGLE) -Aargh! Ha-ha, ha-ha! 326 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:53,600 My ignition key is at 3,000 degrees centigrade. 327 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,320 Sorry, everyone. Sorry about the noise. 328 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,120 I know, we'll use the director. 329 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,520 Sorry, mate, if you could just 330 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,440 turn the engine off that would be great. 331 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,760 Call 911. He's going to need some fingers in a minute. 332 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,760 -Ow! -(ENGINE OFF) 333 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,800 -(BLEEP) -(CLATTERING) 334 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,760 (LAUGHS) 335 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,240 Yeah, it does that. 336 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,080 How hot are those ignition keys? 337 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,800 -Hot! -(LAUGHS) 338 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,080 Not as hot as the cameraman's right leg. 339 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,040 CAMERAMAN: Yeah, that nearly took my... 340 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,800 That was flame enveloped your right leg. 341 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,720 Oh, sh-- Oh, guys. 342 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,640 We have an emergency. 343 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,480 Yeah. 344 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,560 RICHARD: On the other, more peaceful side of the park, 345 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,560 I'd settled down to soak up life in my row. 346 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,920 Hello, neighbour. 347 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,080 I'll come over later, maybe play cards or something. 348 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,760 That dog's taking a wee. 349 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:16,080 Meanwhile, at the Rack and Pinion, it was opening time. 350 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,080 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 351 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,480 (WHIRRING) 352 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,000 Drop by for a beer later if you like. 353 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,800 JEREMY: As James got acquainted with his neighbours, 354 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:53,080 Hammond was showing me the view from his veranda. 355 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,560 There is a compound there where you take your dog for a crap. 356 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,640 JEREMY: Is that... is that a dog lavatory? -Yes. 357 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,920 My... My porch overlooks it. 358 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,920 Can I tell you what a member of our crew - 359 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,320 who I won't name because it'd be embarrassing, but it was-- 360 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,080 -What does it begin with? -It was Ellis the photographer it begins with. 361 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,960 He said to me, is when people come round these places, 362 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,000 -what you do is... -Yeah? 363 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,760 (SNIGGERS) It's not for camera. 364 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:21,000 You put the word "anal" in front of all of the names of the caravans. 365 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,960 -(LAUGHS) -So you've got Anal Wanderer... 366 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,720 Anal Gearbox... 367 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,000 -Anal Desire. -(LAUGHING) Anal Hemisphere. 368 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,280 Anal Open Range. Anal Cougar. 369 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,520 Anal Sprinter. 370 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,520 -(BOTH LAUGH) -That's what you do! 371 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:44,400 JEREMY: Over at the pub, James was dispensing drinks to the locals. 372 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,760 It's a bit lively, sir. I'm sorry, but the pub has been on the move 373 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,800 -and rattled around quite a bit. WOMAN: Oh, I bet. 374 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,560 If you leave that just to settle for a few minutes. 375 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,400 I'll try a warm brown, please. 376 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,320 (SQUIRTING) 377 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,560 WOMAN: More foamy? -A little bit foamy. 378 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,240 If you'd like to just let that settle for a bit, sir. 379 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,320 I think I'll go with a Jack Daniels. 380 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,520 JEREMY: Having run out of bottom jokes, Hammond and I had gone for a walk 381 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:14,800 in what's billed as the great American wilderness. 382 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,240 -Is that a scrapyard? -Yes. 383 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,640 RICHARD: I do prefer the Lake District. 384 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:35,160 JEREMY: Back at the pub, James was entertaining his guests 385 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,800 with his conversation. 386 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,000 What you call warm British beer to us is cellar temperature, 387 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,920 which is not as cold as a refrigerator but colder than room temperature. 388 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,880 Right, right, right. 389 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,320 Erm...anybody mind if I have one? 390 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,320 -No. Help yourself. -No. Help yourself. 391 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,080 JEREMY: I mean, there must be more to it than this. 392 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,000 RICHARD: You do wonder what people do. 393 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,160 JEREMY: I don't wonder. I know what they do. 394 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,960 They wife-swap. 395 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,040 -Sunset? -It's lovely. 396 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,080 -Hammond. -What? 397 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,560 -Hammond. Do you...? -What? 398 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,560 -Did you see that? -See what? 399 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,560 -What? -No, nothing. 400 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,000 -I'm going to turn in. -Yeah, you're right. Sleep. 401 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,320 JAMES: Well, this year, because we've had a record summer, 402 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,760 it's actually very warm and sunny 403 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,720 but usually... September's all right 404 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,240 but by the time you get to November, certainly, it's getting cold. 405 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,320 The worst bit in England is sort of January... 406 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,960 JEREMY: After James had run out of his conversation, 407 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,880 he shut his pub for the night 408 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,320 and came round to my place with a plan. 409 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,560 Clarkson. 410 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,400 Clarkson. 411 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,440 -What? -I've got an idea. 412 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,920 -What? -To go and burgle Hammond's tent. 413 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,120 You know how he's been burgled before and he just doesn't notice? 414 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,640 -Oh, my God, yes. -Exactly. 415 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:20,400 JAMES: Hammond claimed after he was burgled on holiday last year, 416 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:25,000 he hadn't woken up because the burglars had gassed him. 417 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,000 Yeah, right. 418 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:30,200 -Where's his lorry tent? -The far side. 419 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:47,920 (DOG BARKS) 420 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,560 (THUDS AND CREAKS) 421 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,520 RICHARD: Where's all my stuff? 422 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,720 The bastards! 423 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,240 -Good morning. -Hm. Dubious. 424 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,600 Ow. 425 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,920 (QUIETLY) Clarkson! 426 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,920 -What? -Have you stolen my bag? 427 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,240 -What? -Have you stolen my bag? 428 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,680 -No. -Yes, you have. 429 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,160 I haven't. 430 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,960 Took everything. 431 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,400 That's all I have. 432 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,000 -You've been burgled? -Yes. 433 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,160 They must have gassed you. 434 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,760 That's all I can think of, Hammond. 435 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,760 I know that you're saying that to be funny. Ha-ha! 436 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,720 Well, that's what you said when you got burgled in France. 437 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,560 -Because it probably was. -But you probably were again last night. 438 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,720 -How are you feeling? -You haven't got it? Seriously? 439 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,160 I haven't got your bag. 440 00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:58,720 James. 441 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,440 -James... -Hang on. 442 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,080 -Have you stolen my bag? -You what? 443 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:04,960 -Have you stolen my bag? -No. 444 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,720 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 445 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,280 He's just this lonely little figure. 446 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,760 (LAUGHING) 447 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,120 Shall we let him have breakfast before we admit that we've got his bag? 448 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,360 Well... 449 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,000 I don't really want to sit eating breakfast with him naked, that's the thing. 450 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:28,720 Hammond, I think we've solved your crime. 451 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,240 We've solved it. 452 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,480 We have found the gas canisters, look, here. 453 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,160 It's a lot of gas. 454 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,240 If you've had this much gas... 455 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,160 It looks like a litre and a half of gas. 456 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,240 It's interesting they've spelt gas wrong, look. 457 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,320 Well, they got the first letter right. 458 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,840 Look, here. 459 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,320 You're saying I gassed myself? 460 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:51,720 They weren't both full when I started. 461 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,240 -(JEREMY CHUCKLES) -That's because you'd already started them. 462 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,200 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 463 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,400 JEREMY: Having given Hammond his clothes back, 464 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,680 we met for breakfast at the pub. 465 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,280 I was kept awake for some time last night by the man in the neighbouring RV 466 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,680 -scratching his eczema. -Ooh. 467 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,520 Or might have been sanding a table. 468 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,120 No, I had a couple in the one next to me. 469 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:20,920 -And when I say next to me, I mean here. -Yes. 470 00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,160 -(QUIETLY) Why do they do that? -I don't know. 471 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,000 Nevada's massive. 472 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,160 Why would you park your... "Right, we're going to Nevada 473 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,120 because it's massive and empty and I'm going to park there, 474 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:34,040 so that they can hear the precise moment when my wife and I... 475 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,840 ...do grown-up things." 476 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:43,120 JEREMY: We then discussed what holiday activity we'd do to fill the day. 477 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,720 -Balloon rides. -I hate balloons! 478 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,040 -The world's largest gift shop. -No. 479 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,240 How do they know it's the world's largest? 480 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,080 -Is it a shop containing the world's largest gift? -No. 481 00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:55,040 -(OTHER TWO LAUGH) -Yes. 482 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,960 Is there anything a bit more cultural, like Indian art? 483 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,280 Or Native American, as we should say. 484 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,080 You just said Indian, you racist. 485 00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,760 That's not actually racist. 486 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,600 James, we're not going to look at Native American art. 487 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:06,760 -Why not? -It's rubbish. 488 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,600 How do you know it's rubbish? 489 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,560 -Because I've seen it. It's rubbish. -You haven't seen all of it. 490 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,960 Well, I've seen some. I've seen enough of it to know it's dreary. 491 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,600 -Sunrise meditation. -JAMES: Oh, that'll be good. 492 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,640 It isn't good. What would be good about that? 493 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,240 I don't know because I haven't seen it but I'm prepared to have a look. 494 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,280 Why don't we... You know those big Baja 495 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,800 off-road 28-inch suspension travel things? 496 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,800 -Dune racer type things. -Dune racers. 497 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,120 Why don't we get three of those and belt around in the desert? 498 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,240 -Yes. -Cos that would be bovine. 499 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:36,480 I wouldn't learn anything from that. 500 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,240 I'd rather go and do something cultural. 501 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:39,880 Blasting around a dune sounds like fun. 502 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,680 Come on. I tell you what, 503 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,200 -you want to go and do Native American art. -Mm-hm. 504 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,080 -We want to go dune racing. Yes? -Right. 505 00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:50,440 Let's have a vote. 506 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,520 (REVVING) 507 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,480 JEREMY: I would be driving this. 508 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,520 A Jakes Fabworks JF5U. 509 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,320 James would be driving this. 510 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,840 An Alumi Craft Class 10. 511 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,800 And Hammond would have this. 512 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,040 A plastic green pick-up truck. 513 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,720 OK. Now, this is supposed to be... 514 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,040 Ow! ..a Volkswagen Beetle. 515 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,160 Because that is where this sport began - 516 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,600 people racing Bugs round the desert. 517 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,640 But it's got a 2.4 litre Chevrolet engine... 518 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,840 and a sequential gearbox. 519 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,240 The only thing it really has in common with a Beetle is nothing. 520 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,280 Jumping! 521 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,200 Ha-ha! 522 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,840 Over we go, 16 inches of suspension travel at the front. 523 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,280 18 at the back means landing is really very comfortable. 524 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,440 Oh, yes! 525 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,880 My 2013 Currie underneath this plastic pick-up body 526 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:24,280 has the same tubular space range chassis as the other two. 527 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:25,920 But I've only got a two-litre engine. 528 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:30,560 However, it's a Ford Eco Boost, so it's turbo-charged. 529 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,800 And they've tuned it so it's putting out just shy... 530 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,280 Landing! 531 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,000 ...of 300 brake horsepower. (LAUGHS) 532 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,080 And now I'm gonna fly again. 533 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,560 Aagh! Ha-ha-ha! 534 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,720 This is bliss. 535 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:53,200 RICHARD: Meanwhile, in the Alumi Craft Class 10... 536 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,120 (COUGHS) I've got dust in my face. 537 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,520 It doesn't have a windscreen. 538 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,800 I don't like cars with no windscreen. (COUGHS) 539 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,760 Why do I let the others talk me into this? 540 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,680 Why don't I just tell them to bugger off? 541 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,680 RICHARD: Ahhh-ha-ha! 542 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,800 Last time I did that it ended very badly! 543 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,640 The races they do in these things are enormous. 544 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,440 Hundreds, sometimes 1,000 miles or more. 545 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:25,360 Sometimes they'll spend nine hours a day in the driving seat. 546 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,040 Oh! I so want one of these. 547 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,280 Come on, let's have some air here! 548 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,160 Yeah! Ha-ha-ha! 549 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:38,720 What a riot! 550 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,840 How can James May not enjoy this? 551 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,840 JEREMY: As it happened, he was starting to enjoy it. 552 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,880 And weeeee! 553 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,080 Getting sideways a bit. 554 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,400 Whoa. 555 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,160 Watch me fly! Here I go. 556 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,680 Ha-ha! I'm gonna do one more. 557 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,120 JEREMY: After Billy Bob May had had his fun... 558 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,560 Weeeee! 559 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,640 -...we all stopped for a breather. -Yes. 560 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,720 I don't like admitting you're right, but I can be magnanimous. It's brilliant. 561 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,120 You've wasted your life with Chopin and plywood. 562 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:25,880 You're a dune racer. 563 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,720 You've always been a dune racer, you just didn't know you were. 564 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,560 It was just fantastic, and it's comfortable. 565 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,240 That's the thing. It's comfortable motorsport because of the suspension. 566 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:34,600 It's just... It's brilliant. 567 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,200 -It's cheapskate motorsport. -Is it? 568 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,880 It's cheapskate motorsport for people with dicky backs, that's what it is. 569 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,800 Because landing is so soft. 570 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,320 -Oh, sometimes I'm thinking, have I landed? -Yes. 571 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,760 I've got a brilliant idea. What are you looking at? 572 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,160 RICHARD: What? 573 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,120 There's something glinting up there. 574 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:57,920 -There isn't. -Yeah, whatever. 575 00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,240 It's just... 576 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:00,640 Anyway, what's your brilliant idea? 577 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,000 -Anyway, I've got a brilliant idea. -What? 578 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,280 Time trial, flying lap, 579 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,080 one at a time against the clock. 580 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,640 I'll go first. 581 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,800 You really... You must put that right. 582 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:11,560 -(LAUGHING) -Where's me car? 583 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,200 -He really has taken to it, hasn't he? -He really has. 584 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:19,800 JEREMY: Having jumped back in, Billy Bob embarked on his flying lap. 585 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:22,800 Here he comes. 586 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,760 Go! 587 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,960 Here we go. 588 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,280 Wayyyy! 589 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,880 -That's James May! -(LAUGHS) 590 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,840 It's just not right, is it? 591 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,720 What's next? He's gonna take up cage fighting? 592 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:41,880 (LAUGHS) 593 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:45,560 I'm flying! 594 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,360 -Oh, my God! -(LAUGHS) 595 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,400 Look at this. He's actually kicking the arse out. 596 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,800 -57 seconds. -Well, we don't know whether that's fast or not 597 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,640 but it is less than a minute. 598 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,360 Is that the first time he's done anything in less than a minute? 599 00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,360 -He can't open a car door in less than a minute. -No. Or sign his name. 600 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,720 No, that's two minutes, definitely. 601 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,960 -Biggles is back. -I can do a slightly better one than that. 602 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,920 -Can I have another go? -Oh, for God's sake! 603 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,400 JEREMY: Next it was my turn. 604 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,280 I just wanna say, Hammond. 605 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:27,080 -What? -You have twice as much horsepower as me, 606 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,200 and, May, you have 50 horsepower more than I've got. 607 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:34,280 So it's only my immense skill that's going to put me in contention here. 608 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,080 -Is it? -Well, what else is there? 609 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,800 He won't have any excuses ready for the end at this rate. 610 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:44,240 Yours weighs less. It's 200 kilograms lighter than this. 611 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:49,000 BOTH: Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. -I'm just saying, in case I'm not as quick. 612 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,280 RICHARD: Eventually, Mr Racing Excuses was underway. 613 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,560 Here he comes, into his flying lap. 614 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:56,720 (REVVING) 615 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:02,480 Right, here we go. 616 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,720 (REVVING) 617 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,440 -Did I make that much noise? -Yes. 618 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,320 Concentrating very hard. 619 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:23,560 He's not very good through there. 620 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,680 Getting a bit squirrely now. 621 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,480 No, he's rubbish through there. 622 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,680 No! I was airborne there 623 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,280 long enough for them to serve me their snacks. 624 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,920 Get it straight. 625 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,480 And there we are. 626 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,760 I don't know how I've done, but it felt pretty good to me. 627 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:11,640 There are few things in life I enjoy more than delivering bad news to Jeremy Clarkson. 628 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,600 It's possibly my favourite thing. 629 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:17,360 Forcing myself not to do a little dance. 630 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:20,960 How much faster was I? 631 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,160 Well, unless your seconds were smaller, 632 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,440 you were slower, because you were 58.5. 633 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,760 -What was he? -57.81. 634 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,040 What that means is he beat you. 635 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,480 I cannot believe that. 636 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,960 Has anybody got a gun? 637 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,440 JAMES: Finally, it was the turn of Ricky Redneck. 638 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,320 -Right, ready with the stop watch. -Here we go. 639 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,760 (REVVING) 640 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,320 This is how you do this. 641 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:05,080 Oh, yeah. 642 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,280 -He's in a pick-up truck, on a loose surface. -Yeah, he's at home. 643 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,440 You know at the moment you're winning? 644 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,640 -Yeah. -In a minute, you won't be. 645 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,080 -What are you looking at? -That glint. 646 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,320 -You see it? -No. 647 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,280 Thrashing air! 648 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:33,600 Ah-ha-ha! 649 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:36,560 Into the left-hander. 650 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:37,920 -Keep it tight. -(PING) 651 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:39,480 Oh, what was that? 652 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,440 What the hell was that? 653 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,160 -That was... -What's the matter with him? 654 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,160 Has he bust the gear box? 655 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:51,920 What... Not very quick. 656 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,480 What was the matter? 657 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,280 That was the weirdest thing. 658 00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,200 -What? -It's like a ricochet. 659 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:03,600 JAMES: As I wasn't interested in Hammond's excuses... 660 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,960 ...we got back into our RVs and hit the road. 661 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:13,600 Ping, it was like a rico... like it came off something. 662 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,560 I suppose it could have been a stone. 663 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,920 (THUDS) 664 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:20,880 Hold on a minute. 665 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,960 JEREMY OVER RADIO: May, are you behind me? 666 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,480 Is my RV drooping slightly? 667 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,640 Well, funnily enough I was just looking at that. 668 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,760 I would say it's very down on the left. 669 00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,360 That's broken, isn't it? 670 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,960 Yeah, it's leaning a lot. 671 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,840 Mate, it really is leaning. That's collapsed. 672 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,520 That's how it's supposed to be. 673 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,640 Yeah, some distance between the body and the ground. 674 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,680 Yeah, you can see more wheel on this side than the other side. 675 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:57,760 JAMES: However, as I wasn't interested in Clarkson's mechanical issues either, 676 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,320 we got back on the road again. 677 00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,480 Right, so here's the situation. 678 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:06,880 I'm driving my RV with an overheating, over-revving engine, 679 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,840 and collapsed suspension, on an interstate. 680 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,320 Feels safe, that. 681 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,520 JAMES: Soon it was time to find a campsite, 682 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:26,080 and since we didn't fancy another night in a horrible RV park, 683 00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,760 and we had all the comforts we needed, 684 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,040 we decided to freestyle it in the wilderness. 685 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:35,960 I think it's an excellent idea. 686 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,640 I mean, dune buggy racing is fantastic, and I won, 687 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,000 but it is quite hot and sweaty and dusty 688 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:47,000 and we can balance that with peace and quiet and a starry sky. 689 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:48,960 I mean, that's gonna be fantastic out here. 690 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,680 I might write a few lines of verse. 691 00:37:55,680 --> 00:38:00,160 So, we turned off the interstate to find a nice spot to park up. 692 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:06,680 Oh, yeah, now we are getting into the great outdoors. 693 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,000 JEREMY OVER RADIO: James, how's my jet ski? 694 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:15,640 JAMES OVER RADIO: Yep, you're fine. 695 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:20,040 JAMES: Eventually we found the perfect spot at the side of a lake. 696 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,680 -However... -I can't stop. 697 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,640 I've lost braking! I've lost braking! 698 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,640 I have no control! (BEEP) 699 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,960 JEREMY: Using nothing but blind panic... 700 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,360 (BEEP) Stop, stop! 701 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,520 Stop! 702 00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:43,120 ...I eventually brought my stupid RV to heel. 703 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,680 Oh, for Christ's sake. 704 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:51,960 Right. 705 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,760 With no help from the crew, I removed the jet ski... 706 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,560 Excellent. 707 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,480 ...and then tried to move the RV onto level ground. 708 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:07,640 -(ENGINE STRUGGLES TO START) -Come on. Fire, baby. 709 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,440 Come on, you know you wanna be an engine. 710 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:18,400 RICHARD: Hah! His jet ski's fallen off. 711 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,960 OK, bit of jiggery pokery, we'll get round there. Ohhh. 712 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:26,800 -(BEEP) -Jeremy. Stop! 713 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,480 (CRASH!) 714 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,440 (DASHBOARD ALARM) 715 00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:33,520 -Has... -(POPPING) 716 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:34,680 Jesus! 717 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,800 Give me strength. 718 00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:42,200 Oh, what's happened to my... I'm really sorry. (LAUGHS) 719 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,000 Oh, shit, have I hit your axle? 720 00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,200 -I mean your prop shaft? -Er...yeah. 721 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,440 -And I... -And that's a wrap. 722 00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,920 With that, back to the tent. 723 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,480 They are actually tied in a knot. 724 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,440 (LAUGHS) 725 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,120 JAMES: Once the ape had untangled himself, 726 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,160 and we were all parked, 727 00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:06,880 I settled down to write some poetry in the evening stillness. 728 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,480 (FLY BUZZING) 729 00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,800 (MOTORBIKE REVVING) 730 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,880 (MOTORBIKE MOVING AWAY) 731 00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,360 (MOTORBIKE REVVING) 732 00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,040 Hello, mate. Ooh-hoo! 733 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,200 Bartender, can I have a beer? 734 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,400 I can't hear you over that appalling racket. 735 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,120 -What? -I can't hear you over that appalling racket. 736 00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,160 -Can I have a beer? -I can't hear you over that racket. No, you can't. 737 00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:57,560 -Oh, come on. -It's run out. 738 00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,000 It's hasn't run out. It's a pub! 739 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,520 It's run out of beer for you. 740 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,640 I'm a tired and thirsty traveller from out in the desert. 741 00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:06,160 If you put the appalling two-stroke motorcycle away, 742 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,000 and come in the pub, you can have a beer. 743 00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,680 -Otherwise you can go-- -Oh, look at that! -Oh no. 744 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,760 JEREMY: Power! Come on! 745 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:15,840 May! 746 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,640 Yee-ha! 747 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,920 Oh, ha! May! 748 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,160 Hey, hey! Well, I'm not not missing out. 749 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:28,880 (ENGINE REVS) 750 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,760 (ENGINES REVVING AND BUZZING) 751 00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,640 Jet ski, jet ski, sounding shite, 752 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:44,320 on Lake Vegas, left and right. 753 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,400 Rotax engine, rin bin bin. 754 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:51,320 I hope the owner's arse caves in. 755 00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,160 (ENGINES REVVING AND BUZZING) 756 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,320 JEREMY: Oh, ha-ha! 757 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,360 JEREMY: As darkness fell, we put the toys away 758 00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,160 and James turned in for a good night's sleep. 759 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:03,800 (CRICKETS CHIRPING) 760 00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:05,880 (SNORING) 761 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,960 Sadly for him, though, 762 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:16,080 Hammond and I had decided to do a bit of stargazing. 763 00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,040 (METALLIC CLICKING) 764 00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,000 (CLICKING CONTINUES) 765 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,360 Hammond, what are you doing? 766 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,120 Setting my lights up. 767 00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:32,960 What for? 768 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,440 Well, you've seen Close Encounters. 769 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,280 -Yes. -Well, I've got the full setup here, mate. 770 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:39,480 (CLUNK) 771 00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:41,520 This desert that we're in 772 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,200 lies between Area 51 and Roswell. 773 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:49,040 One of the primary and main alien hotspots on this whole planet, mate. 774 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,000 (GENERATOR MOTOR ROARS) 775 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,440 Oh, shut up. 776 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,040 JEREMY: What's that for? 777 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,920 To power the lights. And the keyboard. 778 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,960 -What? A keyboard? -You've seen the film. 779 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,760 I am not gonna miss an opportunity to do this here. 780 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,200 Do you actually believe in this stuff? 781 00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,360 Yes, there's enough evidence, enough people who've seen them. 782 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,680 The American Government, came out and said 783 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,440 Area 51 was real. It's a thing. 784 00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:18,000 It's a thing cos it's... It's an aviation testing place. 785 00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:19,760 It's Edwards Air Force base. 786 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,000 Yeah, they say that. They'll never tell you exactly what it is. 62%. 787 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,320 Roswell was a nuclear experiment, 788 00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:26,960 I think, called Mogul. 789 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:31,160 62% of Americans believe in intelligent alien life. 62%. 790 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,880 80% of Americans don't have passports. 791 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:34,640 -Hammond. -What? 792 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,840 You're an alien, you've come a very great distance to earth. 793 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,480 -Yes. -Why do they always land in Southwest America? 794 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,040 It's big and open and quiet. 795 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,600 Why do they want to land on a planet where it's quiet? 796 00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,160 To have a mooch about in secret, not be interfered with. 797 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,880 Why don't they talk to us? Why don't they land in London? 798 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:52,240 They might wanna talk to us. 799 00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:53,720 They could land in Hyde Park. 800 00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:55,800 Listen, I can talk to them. 801 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,440 (RANDOM SYNTHESISED NOTES) 802 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,160 (FAILS TO PLAY CLOSE ENCOUNTERS TUNE) 803 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,040 Oh, sorry. Wait a minute. 804 00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:04,560 (PLAYS KEYBOARD AGAIN) 805 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,440 (FAILS TO PLAY CLOSE ENCOUNTERS TUNE) 806 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:07,960 Oh, no. 807 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,200 (RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING WRONG NOTES) 808 00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:13,480 -Wait a minute. -Oh, for God's sake, get it right. 809 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,000 -(PLAYS WRONG NOTES) -Oh. No, wait. 810 00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,320 (RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING WRONG NOTES) 811 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:21,120 No. 812 00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,840 (RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING WRONG NOTES) 813 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,800 -No. -(PLAYS AGAIN) 814 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,080 -Hammond. -What? 815 00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:29,640 -You see that guy? -Where? 816 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:32,800 JEREMY: He's gone. 817 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,200 It's pitch... There's nobody out there. 818 00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:36,720 It's just a desert. 819 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,440 That's why the aliens come here. 820 00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,280 (RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING WRONG NOTES) 821 00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:42,840 Weird. 822 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,320 (RICHARD KEEPS PLAYING WRONG NOTES) 823 00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,040 -No. -(JAMES GROANS) 824 00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:50,320 For God's sake, shut up! 825 00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,200 -(RICHARD PLAYS WRONG NOTES) -No. 826 00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,680 (BIRDS AND INSECTS SINGING) 827 00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:03,600 RICHARD: The next morning, the vista from my RV was terrible. 828 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,280 -Are you? -Am I what? 829 00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:10,400 Having a dump? 830 00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,480 -Yes. -Oh, for... 831 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:17,120 The whole point of sitting here is to enjoy this magnificent view. 832 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:20,000 I was here first. You're spoiling my view. 833 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,280 -I'm spoiling your view? -Yes. 834 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,240 I'm not crapping in it. 835 00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,160 RICHARD: We then headed over to the pub for breakfast. 836 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,280 However... 837 00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:36,960 Why haven't you made us breakfast? 838 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,560 Because breakfast is reserved exclusively for my friends, 839 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,320 and none of them are here. 840 00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,240 Have you seriously not made us anything? 841 00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:50,120 Yes, seriously, I have not made you anything. 842 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,680 I'm hungry. 843 00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:53,120 Well let's not get bogged down 844 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,480 with his unbelievable selfishness. 845 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:56,920 It really is, though. 846 00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,640 Let's work out what we're going to do today. 847 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:01,280 Dune buggy racing. 848 00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,520 RICHARD: You've already done that. -We've all done that. 849 00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,680 I thought we could go to a race track. 850 00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:09,760 -No, not a race track. -Why not a race track? 851 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,040 -I don't like race tracks. -You like dune buggies. 852 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,680 That's dune buggies. Normal race tracks are just boring. 853 00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,400 -Oh, come on, it'll be great fun. -OK, we'll settle it. 854 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:18,840 Let's have a vote. 855 00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,440 JEREMY: This was the track we chose. 856 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,080 The Spring Mountain race complex. 857 00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,280 And the cars? 858 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:33,880 Well, I went for the latest, 859 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,480 and last ever, front-engined Corvette. 860 00:46:39,240 --> 00:46:43,200 Hammond went for the Jeep Grand Cherokee Terrahawk. 861 00:46:46,240 --> 00:46:49,320 And May, still craving a bit of peace and quiet, 862 00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,120 went for the Cadillac CTS-V. 863 00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,400 And this was all tremendous. 864 00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,480 But before we got down to business, 865 00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:00,800 I made a terrible mistake, 866 00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,200 and asked my colleagues a technical question. 867 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,640 All three of these cars have 6.2 litre supercharged V8s. 868 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,280 -Yes? Yes. -Yes, they do, yes. 869 00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:12,960 What I want to know is, right, 870 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,320 -they're all pushrod engines. -Mm-hm. 871 00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,720 Now, whenever I'm presented with a pushrod engine, 872 00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,840 I know I have to go, "(MUTTERS) ..pushrod?" 873 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:23,840 But I don't know why. 874 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,440 What is a pushrod engine? 875 00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:29,200 It's an engine where pushrods activate the valve train. 876 00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:30,840 The valves on top of the cylinders 877 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:33,080 have to open and close to let the mixture get out. 878 00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:36,520 Rather than having camshafts over the top doing that, opening them, 879 00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:38,680 they have a single camshaft at the bottom 880 00:47:38,720 --> 00:47:41,360 that operates rods that push the valves. 881 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,160 American cars have pushrod engines and can't rev quickly. 882 00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:47,120 They have bigger capacities with long stroke, which makes the engine bigger. 883 00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:51,040 The problem is, for an equal capacity engine, with overhead cams, 884 00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:54,240 the engine would be bigger but you wouldn't need the extra capacity 885 00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:57,560 because it would rev higher and deliver more power at a higher RPM. 886 00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,560 But, on the other hand, if you had a high-revving sports car engine, 887 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,560 such as an Italian one, you would have a very over square piston dimension, 888 00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,480 which would make the engine squatter, 889 00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:07,760 and a dry sump, which would allow you to mount it lower... 890 00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:10,920 After a couple of hours, 891 00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,960 I invited Hammond to stop talking 892 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:18,960 and try out what is America's answer to the Lamborghini Urus... 893 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:20,640 the Terrahawk. 894 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:21,480 (ENGINE ROARING) 895 00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,320 (TYRES SCREECHING) 896 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:28,520 Pulling this 700-horsepower, 6.2-litre supercharged V8 897 00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:31,080 out of a Dodge Challenger Hellcat 898 00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,080 into a Jeep off-roader, 899 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:34,960 might sound like it makes as much sense 900 00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,160 as fitting me with Usain Bolt's legs. 901 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:41,000 I mean, the power's there but nothing else about the machine can handle it. 902 00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:44,760 But it's more than just a cartoon. 903 00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:47,120 They've really thought about this thing. 904 00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:49,800 They've upgraded every component in the drivetrain 905 00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,920 between the engine and the wheel. 906 00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,560 Sometimes the metals they were using in the car industry 907 00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,240 weren't strong enough to take the forces involved, 908 00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,640 so they went to the aeronautical industry. 909 00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,480 0-60, less than 3.5 seconds. 910 00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,160 (ENGINE ROARING) 911 00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:12,040 Top speed, 180 miles an hour. 912 00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,560 It's... (LAUGHS) 913 00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,120 This is a 2.5-ton off-roader! 914 00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,040 And because it's four-wheel-drive, 915 00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,360 it can apply those 700 horsepower 916 00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,560 much, much more effectively 917 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,000 than the two-wheel-drive Challenger and Demon cars. 918 00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:39,800 (HE CHUCKLES) 919 00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:41,880 The world, in no way, needs this. 920 00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,120 But that's kind of why the world needs it. 921 00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,960 (ENGINE GROWLING) 922 00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,360 I've chosen this Cadillac because it's comfortable. 923 00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,640 I mean, it will do 200 miles an hour and it has 640 horsepower, 924 00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:05,600 but mainly it's comfortable. 925 00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,600 Oh, there's a dip in the road. 926 00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,120 But the Cadillac just soaks it up. 927 00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:11,920 Mmm. 928 00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:18,200 JEREMY: Things were rather different, however, in my car. 929 00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,360 The swan song Corvette. 930 00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:24,560 (TYRES SQUEALING) 931 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:26,000 Bloody hellfire! 932 00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:33,200 It's called the ZR1 and it's the loudest, fastest, 933 00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:36,320 most powerful Corvette ever. 934 00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:37,880 (ENGINE ROARING) 935 00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:40,800 Ah. 936 00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,480 Oh, ho-ho-ho! 937 00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,400 You get 755 horsepower. 938 00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:54,560 715 torques. 939 00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:58,160 Does 0-60 in 2.8 seconds. 940 00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:05,960 Now, that's all down to what GM calls the BAS. 941 00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:07,880 The Big Ass Supercharger. 942 00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:14,600 It takes 110 horsepower just to run it, 943 00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,520 but you get 290 horsepower back, 944 00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:21,280 so it's a good deal. 945 00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:26,440 This engine runs on a type of fuel you can't even buy in California any more, 946 00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:30,600 and needs 13 radiators to keep it cool, 947 00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:32,640 especially here. 948 00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:35,440 Where are we? What, ten miles from Death Valley? 949 00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:40,880 It is, I'm afraid, though... 950 00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:43,480 -Ooh, shit! -(TYRES SQUEALING) 951 00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:47,080 ...a tricky little bastard. 952 00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:53,320 It's got a huge amount of mechanical and invisible aerodynamic grip, 953 00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,800 which is fine if you want to set a lap record. 954 00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:01,280 The trouble is, if you go beyond the limit, 955 00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,960 it becomes almost unbelievably difficult... 956 00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:05,800 (TYRES SCREECHING) 957 00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:07,840 ...to control. 958 00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:09,600 Look at it. 959 00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:15,640 Last year, an executive vice president 960 00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:18,040 of something or other at General Motors... 961 00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:21,480 I won't say his name, just that it begins with M 962 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,800 and ends in ark Reuss... 963 00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:25,320 he was driving one of these 964 00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,920 as the pace car at the Indy race in Detroit, 965 00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:30,480 and he got to the second corner 966 00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,880 before he lost control and put it in a wall. 967 00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,000 (TYRES SCREECHING) 968 00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,360 Everybody laughed at him and everybody's looked at his crash on YouTube, 969 00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,480 but the fact is, I feel your pain, Mark. 970 00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,120 -(TYRES SQUEALING) -Jesus. 971 00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,800 Oooh. 972 00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,320 JEREMY: Rather worryingly, Hammond then announced 973 00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,560 that we should have a drifting competition. 974 00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:02,120 OK, this is gonna be something else, isn't it? 975 00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:05,640 But, because he's a moron, he hadn't factored in 976 00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:09,160 that he was driving a boxy and wobbly 4X4. 977 00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,000 And a little touch on the brake, throw it in, 978 00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:18,400 instigating an absolutely beautiful drift. 979 00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:24,160 -Oh, I don't know. -Look. 980 00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:25,600 What's he trying to do? 981 00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:30,800 That was a bit violent. 982 00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,320 (JEREMY CHUCKLING) 983 00:53:35,720 --> 00:53:38,680 It lacks the predictability 984 00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:41,840 of a lower, rear-wheel drive car. 985 00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:45,120 I'm not blaming the car, because the car's wonderful. 986 00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:48,720 But it's the car. 987 00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,480 JEREMY: With Hammond having scored nought, 988 00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:54,760 it was my turn, in the mental mobile. 989 00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:56,080 (ENGINE GROWLING) 990 00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:58,920 And then flick it round. 991 00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,720 (TYRES SQUEALING) 992 00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,240 No drifting at all. That's just driving around. 993 00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:06,680 Right, now come on, Jeremy, turn it in. 994 00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,800 Oh, hello! Oh, no! 995 00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:16,120 RICHARD: That's spinning. 996 00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:18,200 So he needs to find a sort of happy medium 997 00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:20,280 between spinning and simply driving along. 998 00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:23,520 -That's pretty much what drifting is, isn't it? -Yeah. 999 00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:25,840 Would you like to get a cup of coffee or something? 1000 00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:28,280 I'm sure I'll get it worked out in a minute. 1001 00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,360 This is the problem. He doesn't bore easily. 1002 00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:32,400 Right, now come on, Jeremy, come on! 1003 00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:36,600 I kept trying. 1004 00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,200 No. 1005 00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:41,720 No, I'm gonna go back. I'm... 1006 00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:47,280 What is he doing? 1007 00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:50,240 Oh, (BLEEP) hell! 1008 00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:53,760 Oh, yes, that's not gone brilliantly. 1009 00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,840 JAMES: How do you score this, apart from not very highly? 1010 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:03,720 No, I've gone again. 1011 00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:07,360 Until eventually... 1012 00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:09,920 Fire. Fire. 1013 00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:11,200 Small fire. 1014 00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:13,560 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 1015 00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:18,680 That clutch? I think it's clutch. 1016 00:55:18,720 --> 00:55:20,760 Nothing... Nothing to see. 1017 00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,920 After my car was put out, 1018 00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,480 it was the turn of William Wordsworth. 1019 00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,720 What we've got here is a drifting competition 1020 00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:31,760 featuring two cars that can't drift 1021 00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:33,280 and a third which can, 1022 00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:36,120 but which is being driven by a man who can't. 1023 00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:39,120 The only good thing is he'll do it once, very badly, 1024 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:40,960 there'll be a chirp of tyres, 1025 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:42,480 he'll think that was a drift 1026 00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:44,280 and then we can move on. 1027 00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:45,800 Did you see me drift? 1028 00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,440 (ENGINE GROWLING) 1029 00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,400 (TYRES SQUEALING) 1030 00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:57,040 -Un-James May start there. -Very exuberant start. 1031 00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:04,680 Hang on a minute! 1032 00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:17,120 -Impossible. -Unexpected. 1033 00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:18,600 -Impossible. -Unlikely. 1034 00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:22,840 Impossible. Hold on, where's he going? 1035 00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:26,000 That's the pit lane. He's going the wrong way down the pit lane. 1036 00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,360 Is that... Is that James down there... 1037 00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,120 -What's he... -(HORN HONKING) 1038 00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:33,200 RICHARD: He's left the track. -Hello! 1039 00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:36,560 The only tall building for miles around and he's... 1040 00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:38,600 -That's not even... -Where's he going? 1041 00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,000 I don't know. 1042 00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,640 -Why are you not in that? -I cheated. 1043 00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:45,480 -How did you cheat? -I was at the pits 1044 00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:48,280 and I met a bloke hanging around, who said he was a drifter, 1045 00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:49,840 so I sent him out in the car. 1046 00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:54,160 You do know "drifter", in America, 1047 00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:57,640 means something entirely different to the UK? 1048 00:56:57,680 --> 00:56:59,200 You've just given your car away. 1049 00:56:59,240 --> 00:57:00,640 -To a tramp. -Yeah. 1050 00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:05,560 JEREMY: There he goes. RICHARD: What good work. 1051 00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:09,240 Well thought out. 1052 00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:12,400 JEREMY: Leaving May to deal with the insurance issues, 1053 00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:15,760 Hammond and I headed back to the campsite, 1054 00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:18,400 which meant passing through a local town. 1055 00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:21,080 (BIG BAND SWING MUSIC) 1056 00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:33,120 JEREMY: I'll tell you what, Hammond, do you fancy a beer? 1057 00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,600 Yeah, they'll have a bar here. 1058 00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:37,720 Yeah, they must do. 1059 00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,160 RICHARD: Just the one, though, eh? Let's not go mad. 1060 00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,000 (INSECTS SINGING) 1061 00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:52,000 (SNORING) 1062 00:57:53,920 --> 00:57:55,840 (TECHNO MUSIC STARTS BLARING) 1063 00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,120 (DANCE BEAT POUNDING) 1064 00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,080 (WHOOPING AND CHEERING) 1065 00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:06,160 (MUSIC BLARING) 1066 00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:09,200 (WHOOPING AND CHEERING) 1067 00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:16,440 I am a golden god! 1068 00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:19,840 Turn that (BLEEP) music off! 1069 00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:27,000 I'm gonna go left! I'm gonna go right! 1070 00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:28,840 (WHOOPING AND CHEERING) 1071 00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:33,400 (JEREMY CHUCKLES) 1072 00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,000 (BIRDSONG) 1073 00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:47,880 (FLY BUZZING) 1074 00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:53,560 Have you made breakfast for yourself again? 1075 00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:58,160 Yes, I have. And I've decided what we're doing today. 1076 00:58:58,200 --> 00:58:59,880 -What? -We're going to Red Lake. 1077 00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:01,840 Oh, good, I can get my jet ski out. 1078 00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:05,040 No, you can't. It's a dried-up lake. Beautiful. 1079 00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,760 -Is it off-road to get there? -All the way. 1080 00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:11,600 That means I can drive from the roof. 1081 00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:15,080 But I have got to go and attach all the... 1082 00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,400 um...you know, the stuff upstairs. 1083 00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:19,440 Right. While you do that, 1084 00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:22,680 Adam Ant can clean himself up and I'll enjoy my breakfast. 1085 00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:26,240 Then...that goes up there. 1086 00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:28,720 And that slots into there. 1087 00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:33,080 Brake linkages. 1088 00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:35,560 Goes in there. Yeah. 1089 00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:38,600 Bit Heath Robinson, but it'll work. 1090 00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:41,680 Oh, mate, you missed a hell of a party. 1091 00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:43,440 I was aware of it. 1092 00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:46,280 Why didn't you come to the party? You would have loved it. 1093 00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:48,560 You like dancing. There was definitely dancing. 1094 00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:50,360 I think there was a live band. 1095 00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:51,880 I was already in bed. 1096 00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:54,800 Good. So, starting engine. 1097 00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:57,280 (ENGINE RUMBLES TO LIFE) 1098 00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,040 Engaging drive. Here we go. 1099 01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,560 There must have been 30 or 40 people in the room when the police arrived. 1100 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,680 -(CRASHING) -Ohh! 1101 01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,000 Clarkson! 1102 01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:22,960 Oh, mate, it landed jam-side down. 1103 01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:30,760 JEREMY: Once the flotsam and jetsam had been cleared away, 1104 01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:34,840 we set off for Red Lake. 1105 01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:40,280 Hammond and May decided to go as the crow flies. 1106 01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:46,360 Whereas I took the longer route... 1107 01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:47,800 (RATTLING) 1108 01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,760 ...on a gentle track. 1109 01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:53,000 Oh, this is just heaven. 1110 01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:57,000 A lavatory with a flying bridge. 1111 01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,280 I mean, what I've done here is I have turned 1112 01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:04,640 one of the most dreary driving experiences in the world 1113 01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:06,600 into one of the best. 1114 01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:11,400 I honestly believe that sometimes my genius... 1115 01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:14,680 ...it generates gravity. 1116 01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:20,440 JAMES: Meanwhile, on the rougher route... 1117 01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:22,640 Oh... 1118 01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:25,360 James, I'm not sure about this. 1119 01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:28,720 JAMES: Well, it's the shortest way. 1120 01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,960 I know this may look a bit mad but people obviously do this in RVs, 1121 01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,720 cos you see them parked out in the middle of nowhere. 1122 01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:37,480 Even if it's only making meth. 1123 01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:41,400 However, soon the terrain started to get much rougher. 1124 01:01:41,440 --> 01:01:43,360 (RATTLING AND CLATTERING) 1125 01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:47,880 (CLATTERING) 1126 01:01:49,160 --> 01:01:50,200 Shit! 1127 01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:57,800 Come on, come on. 1128 01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:03,520 Come on, come on, come on! 1129 01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:05,520 Ahhh, ha-ha! 1130 01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:14,920 Argh! Argh! 1131 01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:17,600 (CLATTERING) 1132 01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:19,480 Woah! Shit! 1133 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:26,520 Hammond, your bike's fallen off. 1134 01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,840 Oh, bloody hell, I'll go back and get it. 1135 01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:31,280 Er...I wouldn't bother, to be honest. 1136 01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:34,280 (GROANING) 1137 01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:37,400 That's the...kick-start. 1138 01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:38,520 The exhaust is wedged under the back wheel. 1139 01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:40,080 The kick-starter's come off. 1140 01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:42,240 The handlebars are bent, the fork's twisted. 1141 01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:43,520 Foot peg. 1142 01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:45,840 It's broken the two-stroke oil... 1143 01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:50,000 I'm really sorry you won't be able to ride it around tonight. That's a shame. 1144 01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,280 Going right. 1145 01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:58,400 (JEREMY CHUCKLING) 1146 01:02:58,440 --> 01:03:00,160 Going left. 1147 01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,920 Everything is working well. 1148 01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:04,360 (RATTLING) 1149 01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:09,080 Quite rattly, I admit. 1150 01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:13,520 (CLATTERING) 1151 01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:16,240 Er...nasty, that... 1152 01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:17,960 Uuurrhhh... 1153 01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,520 That's the collapsed rear suspension. 1154 01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:24,960 -Don't judge me. -(CLATTERING) 1155 01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:26,520 JAMES: Back on our trail, 1156 01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:28,960 the going wasn't getting any smoother. 1157 01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,080 (CLATTERING) 1158 01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:35,880 (LIQUID SPURTING) 1159 01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:37,640 Jesus! 1160 01:03:39,480 --> 01:03:42,800 Hammond, stop! My pub's exploded. 1161 01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:47,240 Oh, no! 1162 01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:52,240 -Oh, jeez. -Ha! 1163 01:03:52,280 --> 01:03:54,720 Your one pleasure has been taken away from you. 1164 01:03:54,760 --> 01:03:57,800 -That's my warm brown beer. -Gone! 1165 01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:00,600 -Oh, God. -Is the gin OK? 1166 01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:02,560 -Yes. -Ha-ha-ha! 1167 01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:06,880 Do you know my pub? You're barred. 1168 01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:10,200 JAMES: Figuring there was nothing important left to break... 1169 01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,880 -(RUMBLING) -...we soldiered on. 1170 01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,080 God, it's hot. The steering wheel's getting... 1171 01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:19,200 (SMASHING) 1172 01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:21,520 Hammond, my windscreen's falling out. 1173 01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:23,560 It's fallen... It's broken. 1174 01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:25,800 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 1175 01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:29,960 RICHARD: Oh! 1176 01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:32,080 Oh, dear. 1177 01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:35,680 You know you're gonna have to take the rest of it out, don't you? 1178 01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:38,000 Well, you are. You can't... 1179 01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:41,160 I mean, that's not... advisable, is it? 1180 01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:45,240 No. Thank you for your input. 1181 01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:51,400 What I've done, is I've taken out 1182 01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:53,080 the good half of the windscreen 1183 01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:55,440 before it falls out and gets broken, 1184 01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:57,520 and I've stowed that in the back 1185 01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,040 until I get somewhere where I can do a proper repair. 1186 01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:02,680 And then I've borrowed Hammond's motorcycle goggles, 1187 01:05:02,720 --> 01:05:04,360 cos he doesn't need them any more. 1188 01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:11,920 Eventually, all three of us were reunited at our destination... 1189 01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:15,360 ...Red Lake. 1190 01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:22,920 Any problems to report, apart from the fact most of your RV's missing, May? 1191 01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:25,760 No, everything's fine. The air conditioning's excellent. 1192 01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:32,120 What an astonishing lake this is. 1193 01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:37,960 There must have been global warming in the olden days 1194 01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:41,200 to have created this astonishing spectacle. 1195 01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:46,160 What caused the global warming back then, I wonder? 1196 01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:51,160 This is like a scene out of Independence Day. 1197 01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:54,320 Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith, that drunk man. 1198 01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:57,960 Yeah, that's pretty much us. 1199 01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,840 Hammond, did you do that on the back of May's? 1200 01:06:00,880 --> 01:06:02,600 RICHARD: Yes, I did. 1201 01:06:02,640 --> 01:06:04,600 A pub needs a name and a sign 1202 01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:07,240 and I've combined it with the landlord's name. 1203 01:06:07,280 --> 01:06:10,400 -(CHUCKLES) -Love your work. 1204 01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:13,600 -(CLATTERING) -Bit of a bump there. 1205 01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:15,920 Ha-ha! Jet ski's fallen off! 1206 01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:21,240 (CHUCKLING) 1207 01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:23,480 I probably should tell him, but... 1208 01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:25,680 my radio's on the seat down there 1209 01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:27,880 and it would be irresponsible to take my hand off the wheel. 1210 01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:31,800 Before I tell him about that, I'll help him along with it a bit. Here we go. 1211 01:06:33,880 --> 01:06:35,400 (CLATTERING) 1212 01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:37,680 (JAMES LAUGHS) 1213 01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:44,640 James must have a problem with his brakes, cos he can't stop 1214 01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:47,560 and keeps hitting the back of the jet ski. 1215 01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:52,760 Oh! Oh, dear, oh, dear. 1216 01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,640 Oh. it doesn't work so well on sand. 1217 01:06:56,720 --> 01:07:00,360 (CLATTERING AND LAUGHTER) 1218 01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:03,200 RICHARD: Clarkson, your jet ski's fallen off. Just then. 1219 01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:05,520 -What? -(HE LAUGHS) Just then... 1220 01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:07,800 JEREMY: Slowing it down. Easing it down. 1221 01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,640 -Is it broken? -Oh, yes. 1222 01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:13,960 JAMES: I had to swerve like mad to avoid it. 1223 01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:15,600 It's a good job I was behind you. 1224 01:07:15,640 --> 01:07:17,040 If there was nobody to see that, 1225 01:07:17,080 --> 01:07:19,440 you could have dragged that for 50 miles. 1226 01:07:19,480 --> 01:07:22,240 -How long have I been dragging it for? -20, 30 feet. 1227 01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:25,280 James, I can see where it fell off. 1228 01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:29,280 And I'm gonna guess that's three miles ago. 1229 01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:31,280 (RICHARD GIGGLING) 1230 01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:33,160 I couldn't get my radio. 1231 01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:37,640 JEREMY: Having cut the ruined jet ski free, 1232 01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:44,680 we resumed our journey across the lake bed. 1233 01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:52,360 Gotta open the pub in ten minutes. 1234 01:07:56,080 --> 01:07:59,280 RICHARD: Hey, Priscilla, is it nice and breezy up there? 1235 01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:00,840 (HE CHUCKLES) 1236 01:08:05,440 --> 01:08:10,000 Oh, going for the relaxed, easy driving style now. There it is. 1237 01:08:10,040 --> 01:08:13,120 First time I've ever driven with my feet up, and I like it. 1238 01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:16,080 -(CLATTERING) -Oh, (BLEEP) hell! 1239 01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:18,160 Jesus Christ! 1240 01:08:18,200 --> 01:08:20,240 Might ease it down a bit. 1241 01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:22,200 (ENGINE HUMMING STEADILY) 1242 01:08:25,840 --> 01:08:28,280 (ENGINE HUMMING STEADILY) 1243 01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:31,800 Shit. 1244 01:08:31,840 --> 01:08:36,280 My steering works but I have no gears 1245 01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:39,360 and no throttle and no braking. 1246 01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,600 I'm gonna have to retake control. 1247 01:08:44,920 --> 01:08:46,800 Here we go. 1248 01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:48,320 Where's he going? 1249 01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:51,600 He's abandoned his steering! 1250 01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:00,920 It's jammed! 1251 01:09:00,960 --> 01:09:03,160 What? It's... 1252 01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:05,120 It's jammed! I can't open the hatch! 1253 01:09:05,160 --> 01:09:07,040 Well, I can't open it. 1254 01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:10,520 The hatch is jammed. 1255 01:09:15,920 --> 01:09:20,680 Er...guys, could you do like a pincer movement, OK? 1256 01:09:20,720 --> 01:09:22,960 Come alongside me at the same time 1257 01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:25,240 and try and slow me down. 1258 01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:27,920 So, what, we're gonna squeeze you and then slow you? 1259 01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:29,640 -We'll be your brakes? -Yeah. 1260 01:09:29,680 --> 01:09:33,840 So keep steering into me while braking. We'll try and stop it. 1261 01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:35,760 Shit. 1262 01:09:37,320 --> 01:09:39,560 OK, guys, come in! 1263 01:09:41,000 --> 01:09:43,760 Roger. 1264 01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:45,640 If this works, it'll be a miracle. 1265 01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:51,680 OK, steady. Match my speed. Match my speed. 1266 01:09:51,720 --> 01:09:53,160 RICHARD: Matching your speed. 1267 01:09:56,600 --> 01:09:58,720 Steering in. Steering in. 1268 01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:02,920 (CRUNCHING AND SCRAPING) 1269 01:10:05,440 --> 01:10:07,640 OK, start to brake. Start to brake. 1270 01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:09,880 Braking, braking. 1271 01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:13,320 -(METALLIC SQUEAKING) -JEREMY: OK, this is working. This is working. 1272 01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:15,320 My fuel tank is just down there, so... 1273 01:10:15,320 --> 01:10:16,440 (SMASHING) 1274 01:10:16,520 --> 01:10:18,680 Right. Oh, it's worked a bit. 1275 01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:19,960 (SMASHING) 1276 01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,280 OK, that's a small accident there. 1277 01:10:24,320 --> 01:10:26,320 Bloody hell, that worked! It's stopped! 1278 01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:28,400 But now you've gotta get it in neutral! 1279 01:10:28,440 --> 01:10:31,080 -Well, how do I get in? -I don't know. 1280 01:10:31,120 --> 01:10:33,720 There's a ladder at the back. Go down the ladder. 1281 01:10:33,760 --> 01:10:35,600 RICHARD: We have to shut it down! 1282 01:10:35,640 --> 01:10:37,320 It's trying to run away. 1283 01:10:37,320 --> 01:10:39,280 I've got my foot hard on the brake. 1284 01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:41,880 If we let go, it will take off. 1285 01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:43,120 Hurry up! 1286 01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:48,360 JAMES: Right, down the back, 1287 01:10:48,400 --> 01:10:51,520 the window should be aligned with your... Use a bar stool. 1288 01:10:51,560 --> 01:10:53,320 Go to the back, where the windows are. 1289 01:10:57,080 --> 01:10:59,000 No, I can't. 1290 01:10:59,040 --> 01:11:01,120 -What do you mean, you can't? -I can't do it. 1291 01:11:01,160 --> 01:11:03,320 -Put your feet in first. -Hammond! 1292 01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:06,240 -What? -We need Hammond. He's little. 1293 01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:09,160 You can't get through the window. I can't take my foot off the brake. 1294 01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:12,120 I hope my handbrake holds, cos if it gives out, we've had it. 1295 01:11:12,160 --> 01:11:14,080 I can't get through the window. 1296 01:11:14,120 --> 01:11:16,680 Go in there. Can you put it in...just put it in park? 1297 01:11:16,720 --> 01:11:18,920 Turn it off. 1298 01:11:18,960 --> 01:11:22,200 -What are you doing? -Putting that in to make it easier. Look. 1299 01:11:22,240 --> 01:11:24,800 -Oh, right, that was my problem. -Yeah. Arghh! 1300 01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:27,120 -I did that. -Ow! Argh! 1301 01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:29,160 Ow! Pinched one! 1302 01:11:30,680 --> 01:11:32,280 -Right. I'm... -Quick! 1303 01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:34,600 (RICHARD GROANS) 1304 01:11:36,440 --> 01:11:38,120 Neutral! Oh. 1305 01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:39,680 -Oh. -Has he done it? 1306 01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:41,880 -Yes, he has. Jeez. -Neutral. I've shut it down. 1307 01:11:41,920 --> 01:11:44,040 Well done. 1308 01:11:44,080 --> 01:11:45,360 Oh, no! 1309 01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:47,600 -Hammond. -What? 1310 01:11:47,640 --> 01:11:48,960 Do you have any idea 1311 01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:52,120 how close that fuel tank is to my chassis rails? 1312 01:11:52,160 --> 01:11:53,720 Very. 1313 01:11:53,760 --> 01:11:56,040 You could have been blown to pieces, you idiot! 1314 01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:58,320 -Er...who's the idiot? -"Thank you, rescuers." 1315 01:11:58,320 --> 01:12:00,000 -"Who's the idiot?" -You are. 1316 01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:03,280 Why did this happen? There was nothing wrong with mine or his. 1317 01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:05,080 What do you mean there's nothing wrong with yours? 1318 01:12:05,120 --> 01:12:07,440 -You've got no windscreen. -I know, but it was driving OK. 1319 01:12:07,520 --> 01:12:10,520 I was in control of it. I was behind the wheel, I could use the pedals. 1320 01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:12,080 -I was in control of-- -No, you weren't. 1321 01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:14,040 -Of the steering I was. -Well, that's brilliant. 1322 01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:16,840 We've saved you from being dashed to death on a distant mountain. 1323 01:12:16,880 --> 01:12:19,000 -I can't get out. -And this is the gratitude we get. 1324 01:12:19,040 --> 01:12:21,840 I was prepared to drive round in circles till it ran out of petrol. 1325 01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:24,800 -What's the matter? -I can't get out. I've got stuck. 1326 01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:27,840 -This was a mistake. -(JEREMY GUFFAWS) 1327 01:12:27,880 --> 01:12:31,440 JAMES: What's he done? RICHARD: This... I can't... 1328 01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:34,080 -What were you thinking of? -My legs are on the glass. 1329 01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:37,960 This is a ridiculous day. 1330 01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:41,440 Let's see what can be done to rescue this situation. 1331 01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:42,880 Well, that's an interesting one, isn't it? 1332 01:12:42,920 --> 01:12:45,120 Well, let's have a sit down and think. 1333 01:12:45,160 --> 01:12:48,320 -Yeah, there's a sofa here. -My knees are stuck on the window, it's very sore. 1334 01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:51,040 How did you manage that? Why didn't you go through legs first? 1335 01:12:51,080 --> 01:12:52,760 I couldn't because it's higher. 1336 01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:54,680 -But didn't you take a bar stool with you? -Aargh! 1337 01:12:54,720 --> 01:12:57,280 Can I just say this holiday is not working out. 1338 01:12:57,320 --> 01:13:01,680 -No. -Why don't we just face facts? 1339 01:13:01,720 --> 01:13:04,320 -RVs are not good. -They're not good. 1340 01:13:04,360 --> 01:13:07,080 So why don't we just have a demolition derby? 1341 01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:08,760 -Well, no, wait a minute. -What? 1342 01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:10,800 That's not a bad idea, cos half of mine's gone already. 1343 01:13:10,840 --> 01:13:13,080 Yes, mine's pretty much ruined, cos he's broken the window. 1344 01:13:13,120 --> 01:13:14,680 Yes, but mine's intact, it's perfectly intact. 1345 01:13:14,720 --> 01:13:17,240 Nothing has gone wrong with it. I'm not destroying it. 1346 01:13:17,280 --> 01:13:19,080 Well, you'll win, then. You stand more chance of winning. 1347 01:13:19,120 --> 01:13:21,520 I'll tell you what, we'll have a vote. 1348 01:13:32,360 --> 01:13:34,640 Right, we've found three other people 1349 01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:37,880 who are equally disillusioned with their RVs 1350 01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:39,320 and the rules are very simple. 1351 01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:43,160 The last one still running is the winner. 1352 01:13:43,200 --> 01:13:46,640 Once we'd climbed aboard our race-modified RVs, 1353 01:13:46,680 --> 01:13:49,160 we were ready for the off. 1354 01:13:49,200 --> 01:13:52,040 This is a stupid idea. I disapprove. 1355 01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:55,000 It's needlessly destructive and I really like my little truck. 1356 01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:58,680 Here's my start line strategy. 1357 01:13:58,720 --> 01:14:01,840 Light goes green. Hard right! Hit James. 1358 01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:04,120 I want him to be a bonnet emblem 1359 01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:06,320 by the time I get to the first corner. 1360 01:14:06,360 --> 01:14:09,280 He doesn't realise that the window's fallen out of his RV 1361 01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:11,280 and I can hear everything he's saying. 1362 01:14:15,720 --> 01:14:17,000 (ENGINE REVVING) 1363 01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:23,240 (BEEPS) 1364 01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:28,160 (BEEP) 1365 01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:29,680 Let's get this over with, shall we? 1366 01:14:32,200 --> 01:14:34,120 That's one done. 1367 01:14:40,200 --> 01:14:42,960 Obviously I'm not driving on the roof. 1368 01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:44,960 I think that would be unwise. 1369 01:14:46,560 --> 01:14:49,000 Closing up on the lavatory. 1370 01:14:49,040 --> 01:14:51,280 -Here he goes. -(CRASHING) 1371 01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:53,200 Oh, he hit me hard there. 1372 01:14:56,080 --> 01:14:58,200 -Turning right. -(SMASHING) 1373 01:14:58,240 --> 01:15:00,840 Oh, haw, haw, haw! 1374 01:15:00,880 --> 01:15:02,800 (SMASHING) 1375 01:15:05,280 --> 01:15:06,800 (METALLIC SCRAPING) 1376 01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:16,000 -Got him. JEREMY: I've been hit again! 1377 01:15:16,040 --> 01:15:18,040 -(METALLIC SCRAPING) -Bastard. 1378 01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,040 JAMES: Meanwhile, in Hammond's truck, 1379 01:15:22,080 --> 01:15:24,400 there'd been a bit of a mood swing. 1380 01:15:24,440 --> 01:15:26,760 -(THUD) -Ha, ha, ha. 1381 01:15:26,800 --> 01:15:29,520 (SMASHING) 1382 01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:31,680 OK, I change my mind. This is really good fun. 1383 01:15:31,720 --> 01:15:33,160 (LAUGHS) 1384 01:15:35,560 --> 01:15:40,720 I have got the toughest vehicle here... I'm sure of that. 1385 01:15:40,760 --> 01:15:42,400 -(THUDDING) -Aargh! Oh, ow, ow. 1386 01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:47,120 Have another go at Jeremy. 1387 01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:49,760 -(CLATTERING) Ooh! Oh, my lights have come off. 1388 01:15:51,120 --> 01:15:52,960 (CRIES OUT) 1389 01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:55,440 The door was shut on me really badly. 1390 01:15:55,520 --> 01:15:58,320 I can't see over my bonnet. 1391 01:15:58,360 --> 01:16:00,320 (JAMES LAUGHS) 1392 01:16:02,280 --> 01:16:05,960 Hammond's bonnet is completely off. 1393 01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:08,040 JAMES: However, the Mad Max make-over 1394 01:16:08,080 --> 01:16:11,520 made his truck even more of a lethal weapon. 1395 01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:13,960 -There you go! Hah. -(SMASHING) 1396 01:16:15,840 --> 01:16:18,160 RICHARD: Ha ha ha. -Oh, that's brutal. 1397 01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:20,680 -(THUD) -Oh, my door! 1398 01:16:20,720 --> 01:16:22,760 Oh! 1399 01:16:22,800 --> 01:16:24,720 (THUDDING AND SMASHING) 1400 01:16:27,920 --> 01:16:30,080 JEREMY: I've been hit. 1401 01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:31,680 I've been hit again. 1402 01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,920 I'm in a sandwich of Americans. 1403 01:16:35,960 --> 01:16:38,040 (SMASHING) 1404 01:16:38,080 --> 01:16:40,200 JEREMY: It was at this point I noticed something 1405 01:16:40,240 --> 01:16:43,080 about one of those Americans. 1406 01:16:43,120 --> 01:16:45,280 Wait a minute. 1407 01:16:45,320 --> 01:16:47,320 It's that guy. 1408 01:16:47,320 --> 01:16:50,120 He's the one who's been following us. 1409 01:16:50,160 --> 01:16:51,640 What's he doing? 1410 01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:55,200 Oh, no, I'm being pushed. 1411 01:16:55,240 --> 01:16:56,640 (METAL RIPPING) 1412 01:16:59,320 --> 01:17:02,840 We are being annihilated by the two remaining Americans. 1413 01:17:02,880 --> 01:17:05,320 (THUDDING) 1414 01:17:08,920 --> 01:17:10,680 RICHARD: As the contest heated up... 1415 01:17:10,720 --> 01:17:12,240 (SMASHING) 1416 01:17:16,240 --> 01:17:19,320 ...I decided to pick on the biggest RV. 1417 01:17:19,360 --> 01:17:21,960 You want demolition, have some. 1418 01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:23,000 (THUD) 1419 01:17:24,160 --> 01:17:25,280 Ha! Oh! 1420 01:17:27,440 --> 01:17:29,520 (THUD) 1421 01:17:29,560 --> 01:17:31,160 (CHUCKLES) 1422 01:17:34,200 --> 01:17:35,640 RICHARD: Oh, oh. 1423 01:17:37,960 --> 01:17:39,840 Oh, hello, I'm leaking. Oh, no! 1424 01:17:39,880 --> 01:17:42,760 Oh, no, I'm leaking fluid. 1425 01:17:42,800 --> 01:17:44,640 (SMASHING) 1426 01:17:44,680 --> 01:17:46,440 (THUDDING) 1427 01:17:46,520 --> 01:17:49,320 RICHARD: Following hit after brutal hit... 1428 01:17:51,000 --> 01:17:54,800 ...my opponent eventually conked out. 1429 01:17:54,840 --> 01:17:58,360 But the battle had left me badly wounded. 1430 01:17:58,400 --> 01:18:01,160 Oh, this does not bode well for my little truck. 1431 01:18:01,200 --> 01:18:03,120 I think my engine might be suffering. 1432 01:18:04,200 --> 01:18:05,440 Huh! Aargh! 1433 01:18:06,680 --> 01:18:07,680 Oh, whoa! 1434 01:18:10,080 --> 01:18:12,440 -(SMASHING) -Oh, that's gone badly wrong for me. 1435 01:18:12,520 --> 01:18:14,800 -I think I've lost a wheel now. -Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho. 1436 01:18:14,840 --> 01:18:16,960 I'm in a bad way. 1437 01:18:17,000 --> 01:18:18,920 I've lost steering. (CRIES OUT) 1438 01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:21,400 Aaargh! 1439 01:18:21,440 --> 01:18:22,720 Hammond is history. 1440 01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:25,240 (SMASHING) 1441 01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:28,120 JEREMY: Now only three of us remained. 1442 01:18:28,160 --> 01:18:30,400 Come on. Hit James. 1443 01:18:30,440 --> 01:18:32,120 Ramming speed! 1444 01:18:32,160 --> 01:18:33,920 (SMASHING) 1445 01:18:35,040 --> 01:18:37,120 (SMASHING) 1446 01:18:37,160 --> 01:18:39,080 (TYRES SCREECH) 1447 01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:42,200 JAMES: Ohhh! 1448 01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:44,840 -You bastard! -May's in the wall! 1449 01:18:44,880 --> 01:18:47,240 He's in the wall and toast. 1450 01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:49,720 It's just me and this weird man. 1451 01:18:51,040 --> 01:18:53,160 I'll get you, you bastard. 1452 01:18:53,200 --> 01:18:55,840 -(THUD) -Whoa. 1453 01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:57,920 (SMASHING) 1454 01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:02,360 Get him! 1455 01:19:02,400 --> 01:19:03,960 I'm taking him. 1456 01:19:06,320 --> 01:19:08,240 -(THUDDING) -Oh, Lord. 1457 01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:12,560 Going in hard and hot! 1458 01:19:12,600 --> 01:19:14,280 (TYRES SCREECH) 1459 01:19:14,320 --> 01:19:16,040 (THUD) 1460 01:19:21,760 --> 01:19:23,280 JEREMY: Yeaahhhh! 1461 01:19:23,320 --> 01:19:25,600 Ha-ha, hey! 1462 01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:27,360 Oh, yes! 1463 01:19:27,400 --> 01:19:30,840 The mighty RV boat is victorious. 1464 01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:33,840 Nothing else running. 1465 01:19:33,880 --> 01:19:35,200 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 1466 01:19:35,240 --> 01:19:36,800 Oh, yeah. 1467 01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:39,520 Well done. It's a glorious victory. 1468 01:19:39,560 --> 01:19:41,200 -Really. -It is. 1469 01:19:41,240 --> 01:19:44,720 And I think we've proved that if you must have an RV 1470 01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:47,760 it has to be a Chevrolet Pace Arrow. 1471 01:19:47,800 --> 01:19:49,040 -Yes. Yes. -Yes, it does. 1472 01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:50,720 Good, congratulations. Very well done. 1473 01:19:50,760 --> 01:19:52,000 -Meanwhile... -What? 1474 01:19:52,040 --> 01:19:53,360 We've gotta make camp for tonight 1475 01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:56,760 in these, so I would suggest just over there. 1476 01:19:56,800 --> 01:19:59,160 I think that's an excellent idea. As close as possible. 1477 01:19:59,200 --> 01:20:01,040 -Yes. -We can come to your pub. 1478 01:20:01,080 --> 01:20:03,200 -Well, you're not expecting a drink, are you? -Why not? 1479 01:20:03,240 --> 01:20:05,120 -Pub's been demolished. -Has it? 1480 01:20:05,160 --> 01:20:06,640 -Yeah. -Oh, of course, it went into a wall. 1481 01:20:06,680 --> 01:20:08,120 -Happens a lot these days. -Ooh! Ooh! 1482 01:20:08,160 --> 01:20:09,960 -I nearly forgot. -What? 1483 01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:11,320 You know that guy that's been 1484 01:20:11,320 --> 01:20:12,920 following us around since we got here? 1485 01:20:12,960 --> 01:20:15,240 BOTH: No. -The one in the race overalls. 1486 01:20:15,280 --> 01:20:17,440 -No. -You've still not seen him? 1487 01:20:17,520 --> 01:20:19,720 -Never seen him. -Well, you have, cos he was driving that. 1488 01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:21,720 -Was he? -Yes, I put him on... he's dead now. 1489 01:20:21,760 --> 01:20:24,240 -Good, good. -And now he won't be following us any more 1490 01:20:24,280 --> 01:20:25,680 because I've rolled him over. 1491 01:20:25,720 --> 01:20:27,040 You can tell us all about it 1492 01:20:27,080 --> 01:20:30,120 over a glass of water this evening. 1493 01:20:30,160 --> 01:20:33,600 JEREMY: With our race with the devil over... 1494 01:20:33,640 --> 01:20:36,000 ...we fell asleep quickly that night, 1495 01:20:36,040 --> 01:20:38,120 happy in the knowledge that the horror 1496 01:20:38,160 --> 01:20:41,440 of our RV holiday was finally over. 1497 01:20:43,680 --> 01:20:45,600 (EERIE MUSIC) 1498 01:21:20,320 --> 01:21:22,240 (EERIE MUSIC CONTINUES) 1499 01:21:38,160 --> 01:21:40,080 (MUSIC FADES)